Original subtitles

Where's my wig?!

[ Cow moos ]

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Bee buzzing ]

Nobody's kissing.

Isn't today St. Valentine's Day,

the day of kissing and uh...kisses?

Of course it is, Uncle Grandpa.

Look, I got you a Saint Valentine's Day gift.

Aw, you shouldn't have!

[ Knocking ]

There's someone at the door!

♪ There's someone at the door ♪

♪ There's someone at the door ♪

♪ Yo, someone at the door, Yo, yo, yeah ♪

♪ That's right, there's so -- ♪

It's Cupid.

Hey, Uncle Grandpa.

Mind if I come in?

Sure come right in, take up all my time.

I'm not busy.

What seems to be the problem there, friend?

I can't do it anymore, man.

Do what?

Shoot people with my arrow

to make them, you know, kiss!

Oh, ho-ho-ho, yeah.

Kissing is cool.

Well, I wouldn't know about that.

I've... I've never been kissed.

Not even by your mama?

That doesn't count, man.

[ Gasps ]

Oh, who gives a care?!

No one's gonna kiss me.

Let's face it -- I'm a chubby little baby!

Hey, that's only mostly true!

Plus, girls like babies --

according to the documentaries I've seen.

Do you think you can help me, Uncle Grandpa?

Do you think you can help me find "true love"?

With your deep knowledge of women,

you can help me, right?

Of course I can help you!

If there's one thing I know about,

it's fully grown women.

Now, let's go make romantic history.

[ Farts ]

No, I -- [ Screams ]

Hmm.

Let's get you out of that diaper

and into some people clothes.

I've got a wardrobe full of cool outfits/ensembles

from my dating days.

[ Coughing ]

It's been a while!

Let's see what we got here.

Collar's too small.

Collar's too small.

Perfect!

Hmm.

You'll need some pants to tuck that shirt into.

Oh, boy!

Not only did I find a pants-boots combo for you,

but I also found my old demon wings!

So now I can be your wingman.

[ Device beeping ]

You know I can fly, too, Uncle Grandpa.

And ruin my wonderful shirt?

I don't think so!

Now, let's see here.

Female life-forms detected 30 klicks due east.

We're closing in.

Deploying package.

Aah!

So anyway, I said --

Ow!

You okay?

-[ Screams ] -Uh, sorry.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Please calm down. I can explain.

Hey, will you kiss my friend?!

Will you kiss him?! He looks like a little baby.

Just kiss him!

He needs kisses!

He's shy!

Women.

So, clearly you messed up just then.

I think I could sense what was wrong.

You stink, son.

Those women were very sensitive to stinky stinkers,

so they ran away.

I really don't think tha--

No need to get upset, Cupid, son of Mars.

I got what you need right here.

It's col-log-knee -- my own special scent.

[ Ding ]

It smells like sardines.

That's because it issardines.

Whoa!

[ Coughing ]

[ Inhales deeply ]

So, you come here often?

[ Sniff sniff, gasps ]

[ Retching ]

[ Screams ]

This is unbelievable.

Not enough fish in the sea, eh, Cupey?

I hate to say it but...

we may have to use your supernatural archery powers

to trick women into kissing you.

But I can't!

The archer can't be the object of affection!

I do it.

Huh?

I shoot arrows. Gimme!

[ Sighs ] Okay.

Oh, boy!

Who wore it better?

So, uh, I-I-I guess I'd like her to be tall, but not too tall,

but, you know, a bit taller than me.

Whoa, whoa, wait. What're you doing?!

I'm gonna hit that beauty over there for you, buddy.

That's a duck!

Not your type, huh?

I get it, I get it.

Whoopsy!

Look out! -[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

Pizza Steve, did you just shoot me with an arrow?

Nope.

[ Cooing ]

Uh-oh.

[ Pizza Steve screaming ]

That was a practice shot.

[ Munches ]

I've got a good feeling about this one.

Whoa, whoa.

Ow! What gives?!

An arrow? Come on!

It's 2016 and I get shot with an arrow?!

Come on!

I'm gonna find out who shot me.

Telescope, up!

That's a big collar.

Well, I guess I'll have to fly down there

and give him a piece of my...

love!

Ooh!

I love you, please marry me, squishy little pink person!

You're welcome.

Hey!

Now, give me a kiss!

Save me, Uncle Grandpa! Save me!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa there, friend.

Where do you think you're going?

I'm going to kiss that little man!

You'll have to go through me first.

[ Screams ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Gasps ]

Ooh!

Uncle Grandpa, do something!

Anything!

Okay.

Whoopsy!

Hey, I'm sorry.

I'm not normally like this!

[ Screaming gleefully ]

Got to wait for the perfect shot.

Just got to wait for the perfect shot.

I know!

There we go!

Oh, hiya!

I'm afraid.

Ooh!

You got to get out of there, Cupey.

This shall truly be the perfect shot.

[ Stammering ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Gasps ]

Cupid! [ Farts ]

[ Coughing ]

Huh? You saved me.

I'd do anything for you, Cupid.

It's pretty cool you have wings like me.

Yeah.

I think we probably have a lot in common.

I also like to shoot people.

[ Giggles ]

Ow.

Get out of here, ya grub!

Why, I ought to!

Set my phaser to spaghettify!

Whoa, whoa, wait!

If it wasn't for Uncle Grandpa, we never would have met.

Don't you see? If it wasn't for his terrible, terrible ideas,

I never would have found true love.

[ Gasps ] True love?!

Hey, Uncle Grandpa!

Yeah?

I can't thank you enough.

You're really good at helping people.

I know!

Keep on trucking.

[ Panting ]

Uncle G, Uncle G!

You got -- You got to help me!

Mr. Gus is in love with me!

Here we go again!

[ Beeping ]

Announcer: New Experiences with Beary Nice.

That's me!

And Hot Dog Person.

That's me.

I sure am excited to eat at a fancy French restaurant...

for the beary first time!

Ooh, I don't understand any of this.

It's okay, Hot Dog Person.

I took French lessons back in college.

I believe I can order for the both of us.

Bonjour,Mr. Waiter!

Glasses.

Ahem.

Je voudrais la plaque de jour,

et pour lui, la chien-chaud personne special.

Vous avez commande un excellent repas.

Mmm, mwah!

Merci!

What did you order for me, Beary Nice?

Oh, Hot Dog Person, you talk too much.

Voilà!

Ooh la la!

Mmm.

Et for monsieur.

Bon appétit!

Ahh! W-w-w-wha...

I can't eat this!

Mmm!

This food is so yummy!

Aah.

[ Laughs ] Looks like you need a hand.

Aah!

[ Gags ]

Waiter, I'll have what he's having!

Me too!

[ Grunting ]

[ Crying ]

Oh!

Huh?

Oh, no!

[ Munching ]

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

Was monsieursatisfied with his meal?

It was magnifique!

[ Chuckles ]

What did you think, Hot Dog Person?

I think I need a doggie bag.

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

That was quite delicious.