Original subtitles

Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah- blah-blah.

[ Kaboom! ]

[ Cow moos ]

[ Organ music plays ]

[ Slurps ]

Hand me a 19mm socket, would you, Zeke?

Oh, okay.

[ Slurping ]

Is this the one?

Ah, that's it.

I knew Papa didn't raise no fool.

[ Wrench cranks ]

[ Gasp ] I think it's someone's 12th birthday!

Ooh! Who's ready for cupcakes, huh?

Freshly baked!

Ooh, did someone say cupcakes?

I've really worked up an appetite

roller skating all morning.

I thought you said you were cutting back on cake, Kate.

Can it, birthday boy.

You're just jealous because I got the brains and beauty.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

[ Slurp ]

[ Hiccups, belches ]

Hey, what's with all the commotion out here?!

Does anyone know how hard it is

changing the differential on a positraction --

[ Hiccups ] Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh! [ Hiccups ]

[ Hiccups ]

Kate!

Someone stop that candle!

Got it!

[ Hiccups ]

[ Hiccuping continuously ]

[ Kaboom! ]

[ Fire crackling ]

Darn it, Zeke, you and your hiccups!

Why does this keep happening to me?!

Whoa, talk about a party!

What seems to be the problem, Zeke?

Oh, it's just my stupid hiccups, Uncle Grandpa.

Don't despair, young man.

Your Uncle Grandpa is the best in the business

when it comes to helping kids and their problems.

I know just the thing to take care of this.

Oh, yeah? What's tha--

Good morning!!

[ Hiccups ]

Sorry, still there.

Whoa, you sure are a tough kid to scare, Zeke.

Lucky for you, there's more than one way to cure hiccups.

For I promise, as my civic duty as a law-abiding citizen,

under oath of the Constitution,

to help any and all children of the world --

Even someone like you.

Come on, Zeke, we've got some work to do.

This may look like an ordinary old glass of water,

but in reality, it's the perfect cure for the common hiccup.

The key is not drinking from here,

but from the opposite side.

[ Creak! ]

[ Tink! ]

[ Slurping ]

And presto chacho -- no more hiccups.

Now you try.

Okay.

Yep, that's it.

[ Belches ]

[ Hiccups ]

All right. I guess we didn't use enough water.

[ Hiccups ] Let's try this.

Don't forget to drink from the opposite side, Zeke!

[ Elevator dings ] Hey, Uncle G, have you seen my other --

Come on! Get in there!

I'll...come back later.

Ah. That should put a bear's hiccups to sleep.

How you feeling, Zeke?

[ Groans ]

[ Hiccups ]

[ Glass vibrates, shatters ]

This is a classic hiccup remedy

and a favorite among latchkey kids.

First stick your tongue out.

Ahhhh.

[ Muffled ] Like this.

Then grab hold with your fingertips...

...and pull.

Ahhhhh.

Ahhhhh.

And keep pulling and pulling and keep pulling...

until you get to the end.

[ Hiccups ]

This is a method as old as Father Time himself.

You simply hold your breath as long as you can.

Let's see if you can keep up with

old Uncle Iron Lungs over here.

[ Inhales sharply ]

Okay.

[ Inhales sharply ]

[ Gagging ]

[ Spitting ]

[ Gurgling ]

[ Rip! ]

[ Kaboom! ]

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Panting ]

[ Hiccups ]

Maybe some blind-folded gentle guitar playing

will soothe your hiccups.

Sure, I guess it couldn't hurt.

[ Guitar plays ]

[ Hair dryer whirs ]

[ Shouting ] And maybe the hot wind from this

industrial strength hair dryer

will blow the hiccups out of you!

[ Guitar twangs ]

[ Crash! ]

Doing better?

[ Hiccups ]

Doing...great.

[ Teeth shatter ]

Stand on your head.

[ Grunts ]

Aah! Aah!

[ Hiccups ]

Ugh!

Juggle spaghetti.

-Looking good. -[ Hiccups ]

I should have known that was going to happen.

-[ Hiccups ] -Try this.

[ Trumpet plays ] -[ Hiccups ]

Or this.

[ Hiccups ] -Whoo!

-[ Panting ] -[ Hiccups ]

Aah! [ Smack! ]

Ow! [ Bell dings ]

-[ Hiccups ] -[ Snoring ]

[ Hiccups ]

[ Hiccups ]

This doesn't make any sense!

I've tried every possible combination I can think of,

and still nothing's working.

What must I do?

[ Hiccups ] Sorry, Uncle Grandpa.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I allowed myself to fail in helping you.

I'm sorry to make promises I can't keep.

[ Sniffs ]

I've failed you, I failed myself,

I failed Belly Bag.

How? I'm just an object.

I don't have expectations.

Although, sometimes I wish I did.

[ Purring ] I failed Giant Realistic Flying Tiger.

[ Farts ]

I even failed Manlamp.

Talk about dramatic.

[ Sobs ] Hey, it's okay.

No, it's not!

As much as I hate to admit it, Zeke,

I'm going to need help to help you.

And there's only one person I can think of

gracious enough to take this problem on --

Doctor Helmut Bratwurst.

Lucky for you, he's the best around.

Nice guy, too.

[ Engine revs ]

[ Tires screech ]

[ Thunder crashes ]

Are you sure about this, Uncle Grandpa? [ Hiccups ]

Have I ever been wrong before?

Oh, wait, yeah, I have --

About me being able to help you.

Don't you think you're being a little...

[ Hiccups ] ...tough on yourself?

If I was a little tough on myself,

maybe we wouldn't have to be here right now.

Stay put and wait for the doctor.

There's no point in me being here.

Uncle Grandpa, where are you going?

[ Hiccups ]

[ German accent ] What seems to be the trouble?

I've been expecting you.

[ Thunder crashes ]

At long last, a new patient to the ward.

I understand you have an advanced case of the hiccups.

I can certainly exterminate the symptom.

Uh...excuse me. [ Hiccups ]

I-I'm just gonna go find Uncle Grandpa.

[ Laughs maniacally ] Nonsense!

You're with me now.

Oh, yes. Excellent cheekbones.

A nicely shaped cranium.

Wonderful bicuspids.

[ Muffled ] What are you doing?

Just making sure you're fit enough

to withstand the operation.

Operation?!

Of course!

How else do you expect to get rid of your hiccups?

Now, what would be the appropriate tool

for such a procedure?

Ooh! Obviously the butcher's hook!

This tool hasn't been used since the last boy

who came here with the hiccups.

But his hiccups were only half as strong as yours.

It took me three days to finally

yank out the obstruction!

[ Hiccups ]

Don't be foolish.

You're only prolonging the inevitable.

U-U-Uncle Grandpa!

[ Door slams ] [ Hiccups ]

Uncle Grandpa has proven he cannot help you.

No one can except me.

[ Hiccups ]

Now, if you're done fiddling about,

let us get down to business, shall we?

[ Straps stretching ]

[ Hiccups ]

Hold very, very, still.

[ Hiccups ]

[ Grunts ]

It will only be more painful if you struggle.

Now please prepare yourself...

[ Thunder crashes ] ...for the hook!

Aaaaaah!

Hey, I think...

Yeah!

My hiccups are finally gone!

Well, of course they are.

I told you I was gonna stop your hiccups.

Uncle Grandpa?

It was you the whole time?

But, why?

My plan was twofold, Zeke --

scare the living daylights out of you

like you've never been scared before

and make you lose those nasty hiccups.

Yep. That's right. Old Uncle G does it again.

Catch you later, Zeke.

I'm out of this dump.

Hey, what about undoing these straps?

Uncle Grandpa?

[ Grunts ]

Uncle Grandpa?!

[ Tires screech ]

Uncle Grandpa?!

[ Thunder crashes ]

♪♪

Hi. I'm Uncle Grandpa.

Every year, millions of Americans suffer

from an extremely debilitating case of the hiccups.

If you or someone you know does, make fun of the way they sound.

Then they'll be sure to never do it again

for fear of embarrassment.

Oh, yeah, one last thing --

Don't steal my potato chips.

[ Munches ]

[ Groaning ]

[ Slurping ]

Oh, no!

I spilled!

You need a hankie?

No, Mr. Gus. I need an emergency bath!

[ Alarm blares ]

Hold this.

[ Panting ]

[ Groans ]

[ Pop! ]

[ Faucet squeaks ]

[ Bubbles popping ]

[ Electricity buzzing ]

[ Thunder crashes ]

[ Warbles ]

[ Bell dings! ] ALL: Good Morning!

[ Mechanical whirring ]

[ Pop! ]

Good as new!

[ Crash! ]

[ Subway engine shuts off ]

[ Alarm blares ] Ahhhh.

[ Alarm stops ]

Not again!

[ Panting ]

Ugh!

[ Panting continues ]

♪♪

That was quite delicious.