Original subtitles

Every day is hot dog day!

[ Cow moos ]

Come on, Curt!

Hit us a home run!

Now's your chance, big guy!

-Whoo! Mama's baby! -You can do it, buddy!

Yeah, big guy.

Now's your chance to hit a home run

and take away our tiny lead.

Yeesh.

Well, maybe I can at least get on base.

I call this pitch the Pipsqueak Slider.

-[ Grunts ] -[ Grunts ]

You're out!

Oh, man!

Hey, it looks like you got on base after all.

[ Snorts, laughs ]

Great win, everyone.

Now go shake the losers' hands,

and then we'll go out for some victory pizza.

Aw, coach, do we have to?

I don't want to get their loser stank all over our hands.

[ Grumbles ] You're right.

We can't risk it if their pitifulness is contagious.

[ Laughter ]

Just quit, losers!

Aw, don't worry about them.

We just got to practice harder.

Good thing we got the most loyal coach

in the whole league to help us.

-Ain't that right, coach? -Sorry, gang.

This uniform brings me too much shame.

You guys are on your own.

O...kay.

Well, at least we still have this beautiful, well-lit field

to practice on all night.

O...kay.

Well, at least our parents can still take us out for ice cream.

Actually, we're just gonna try and make new kids.

Sorry. Good luck!

O...kay.

Well, at least we've got our dignity.

What dignity? [ Laughs ]

Okay. Maybe we should just quit.

[ Rustling ]

[ Muffled ] Good morning!

[ Chewing ]

Uncle Grandpa coming out of a corn patch?

Well, that came out of left field.

Actually, that came out of rightfield.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, wait a minute.

Why do you guys all look so glum?

Well, we're thinking about quitting this little league.

We just lost another game to our rival team.

Yeah, and they trash-talked us pretty hard.

Aw, they just trash-talk to make themselves feel better.

It's a common technique used by people with low self-esteem

to mask their insecurities.

♪♪

So, why don't you let me be your new coach,

and I'll put you on the path to victory?

Sure. Why not?

Great! My first order of business as your coach

is to set you guys up with some new uniforms.

New uniforms?

Say hello to this!

-Cool! -Lasers!

Lasers?

Oh. Little masking-tape issue.

Here we go.

-The Losers? -That's right.

I don't want to inflate your egos with a powerful team name,

so we're staying humble.

Okay. Well, now that we have a new team name,

are you gonna teach us anything about baseball?

No.

I don't know much about baseball,

but I know some people that do.

Man: If you call them, they will come.

Yeah, I know.

[ Telephone ringing ]

Okay, send in the fellas.

Introducing Major League Baseball

All Star pitcher Chris Archer!

What's up, team?

All Star center fielder Adam Jones!

How y'all doing?

All Star second baseman Jose Altuve!

Happy to be here.

Cy Young Award winner David Price.

Good morning, Coach Grandpa.

And the powerhouse pitcher that his fans call "Thor,"

Noah Syndergaard!

I'm guessing you want me to sign that for you?

Yes, please.

No way!

These pros are gonna help us?!

That's right. These big leaguers will train you

to beat those trash-talking trouble makers.

I can't wait to get big and strong like my baseball heroes.

Actually, Jake, baseball is a game that's only 10% physical.

The other 90% -- It's all mental.

That's right, which is why we use an Eastern-style approach

-to this sport. -A nice balance of inner chi

and discipline are the key ingredients to success.

It's a little unconventional,

but it's helped all of us in our careers.

We'd be happy to teach you guys

how we do things in the big leagues.

-Awesome! -Oh, yeah!

Okay, guys, but in an effort to save time,

can I suggest using a montage?

-You got it. -You got it.

♪♪

[ Straining ]

[ Grunting ]

Okay, okay, enough montage.

These pros got to get going.

-Aw, man! -Aw, man!

We thought they were gonna stay for the game.

On this show? Yeah, yeah, right.

We don't have the budget to have them for the whole episode.

We taught you everything you need to know about baseball.

It's just hitting the ball with a stick. How hard could it be?

It's easy now that you've helped us find our Zen.

Remember to keep those chakras aligned at the plate.

You guys are gonna be great. I know it.

We'll be at your game in spirit.

Whoa! What nice guys

who are in it for the passion and definitely not the money.

Let's all just get together for a nice picture

before they have to -- Uh, guys?

Welp, guess we ran out of budget.

Anyhoo, we got plenty of time before game day,

so we can just take it easy.

[ Stadium organ plays ]

Where did the time go?!

Hey, Losers, your new uniforms look dumb!

Yeah, at least now their team name is accurate!

[ Laughter ]

Just remember --

They pick on other people to make themselves feel better.

Don't listen to them.

Play ball!

Crowd: ♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪

Om...

♪ Take me out to the crowd ♪

-[ Grunts ] -Strike one!

-Strike two! -[ Grunting ]

Strike three! You're out!

[ Groans ]

♪ I don't care if I ever get back ♪

♪ And it's root, root, root ♪

You're out! ♪ For the home team ♪

♪ If they don't win, it's a shame ♪

♪ For it's one, two ♪

Safe! ♪ Three strikes you're out ♪

Come on, boys! ♪ At the old ball game ♪

Umpire: Ball.

Ball. Ball.

Come on. She's got no strike zone.

Ball. Better take your base.

♪♪

Stee-rike!

[ Middle-Eastern sitar music playing ]

Time out!

Bring it in, boys.

You guys are looking confident out there,

but you got to be cocky if you're ever gonna win.

Now, let me see those cocky eyebrows, son.

[ Poink! ]

Perfect! You got to be cocky and talky

if you want to win!

Now, get out there and get those lips flapping!

Let's show them who the realwinners are!

Hey, batter, batter.

Looks like you've been eating cake batter.

Strike!

Hey, batter. [ Sniffs ]

You smell something stinky?

What? No. [ Grunts ]

Then why'd you take such a big whiff?

But -- But I...

Strike three! You're out!

We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!

It's just a non-chronic rash!

[ Ka-pow! ]

You want some fries with that shake?

You're out!

I'm the best!

We'll never lose!

Cut, cut!

I mean, pause, pause.

That ain't right.

Time out! Time out!

Bring it in for a chat.

We're losing. This is our last chance.

Honestly, I just called a chat

because it seemed to work for them.

Maybe just remember what you heard from the pros?

We'll be at your game in spirit, I promise,

from the spirit plane.

[ Ting! ]

Remember, 10% physical, 90% mental.

♪♪

Well, I got nothing.

Let's do this!

Strike three!

Aw, yeah!

Welp, this decides if we win or lose.

No pressure.

I've got some help. I'm not worried.

Hey, loser, promise not to cry when you lose?

Sticks and stones can break my bones,

but words can never hurt me.

Ohh! Ow!

My shoulder feels broken.

Take your base.

[ Whimpering ]

Hey!

Big baby. We're up by one. They'll never get a hit,

especially with this next batter,

who swings like a girl!

I ama girl!

Ooh!

Eat this!

What?!

I got it!

No way!

I'm making the game-winning play!

No, I'm the MVP!

Safe! They just tied it up!

Quit being so cocky and catch the ball!

What if we both caught it and shared the MVP title?

Great idea!

No!

What's happening?!

It feels like whatever the opposite of confident is.

Home run!

[ All cheering ]

I hate this game!

You're not winners. You're just whiners!

-[ Laughing ] -[ Crying ]

No, don't stoop to their level.

You're better than that.

Winning comes with responsibility.

You're not big, jiggly oafs like them.

Led by a stinky, bird-brained coach!

[ Both crying ]

Kids, we want you back. We're sorry.

And I want to be your coach again.

I'll take you all out for pizza.

I don't know.

I'll make it two toppings.

[ All cheering ] Two toppings!

-Whoo-hoo! -Yay!

Now, that's what being a major leaguer is all about --

-helping kids. -Yeah.

Now, how do we get off this scoreboard?

[ Creak! Pop! ]

Play ball!

Wait, don't swing!

[ Creak! Pop! ]

That was quite delicious.