Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

[ ROARS ]

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

Announcer: AND NOW BACK TO THE NUMBER-ONE REALITY SERIES

ON TV, "THE SINGLE MAN."

LET'S SEE WHO JONATHAN CHOSE TO BE HIS WIFE.

WELL, DUKE, I'VE BEEN GIVING IT A LOT OF THOUGHT,

AND I THINK I'M GONNA GO WITH...

JESSICA.

Together: AWWWW!

[ JESSICA MOOS]

I LOVE YOU, BABE.

[ SMOOCHES]

MAN, THIS SHOW IS HORRIBLE.

I WONDER WHAT ELSE IS ON.

HMM. WHERE DID I PUT THE REMOTE?

MAYBE UNDER THIS COUCH CUSHION.

OH, NO WAY!

AN OLD ISSUE OF "WEIRD MAN."

AWESOME. I HAVEN'T READ THIS CLASSIC IN YEARS.

"WEIRD MAN IS AT THE FBI HEADQUARTERS."

COOL! I LIKE THE FBI.

WEIRD MAN, WE NEED YOUR HELP

TO APPREHEND THIS ELUSIVE FOREIGN TERRORIST.

I SERVE AMERICA!

RIGHT. WELL, ME AND THE BOYS

HAVE PULLED UP THIS EXTENSIVE, THOROUGH DOSSIER

ON A MAN KNOWN AS PIERRE CAMAMBERT.

THIS FRENCHMAN HAS BEEN IMPORTING

ALL DIFFERENT TYPES OF CHEESE

INTO THE STATES VIA THE BLACK MARKET.

MM-HMM. MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

THE PROFITS OF HIS ILLEGAL CHEESE RING ARE IN THE BILLIONS.

AS IF THAT WASN'T BAD ENOUGH,

HE HASN'T PAID TAXES IN AMERICA FOR OVER 10 YEARS!

PIERRE'S EXPECTING A LARGE SHIPMENT THIS EVENING.

WHAT WE NEED YOU TO DO IS SNEAK IN AND CATCH HIM IN THE ACT.

AND WITH THAT EVIDENCE,

WE CAN PUT THIS SLEAZEBALL AWAY FOR ETERNITY!

HIS SECURITY IS SOME OF THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS.

BUT WE'RE CONFIDENT THAT SOMEONE OF YOUR EXPERTISE

CAN SNEAK THROUGH.

I MUST WARN YOU THAT PIERRE IS WELL-VERSED IN THE MARTIAL ARTS.

SO BE PREPARED TO USE LETHAL FORCE IF YOU DEEM NECESSARY.

AMERICA IS COUNTING ON YOU, WEIRD MAN.

DON'T WORRY, AGENT THORNHAWKE.

I WON'T LET AMERICA DOWN!

I'M GONNA CATCH ME A TERRORIST!

Pierre: [ French accent ] CAREFUL, YOU FOOL!

THAT CHEESE HAS BEEN AGING LONGER THAN YOU HAVE BEEN ALIVE.

AH-HAHAHAHA!

WITH THIS LATEST SHIPMENT,

WE WILL BE BREAKING RECORD PROFITS.

SOON, FRANCE WILL REIGN KING OF THE ECONOMIC GIANTS OF HISTORY!

ALL THANKS TO YOU, SWEET, SWEET MORSELS OF GOLD.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ] [ DOOR OPENS ]

[ GASPS ]

BONJOUR, MONSIEUR!

WEIRD MAN.

BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE TAKING A VACATION.

I DON'T TAKE VACATIONS.

I TAKE ORDERS.

MM. [ TINK! ]

SECURITY!

STOP THAT WEIRDO!

[ SLAP! WHOOSH! ]

[ MEN GROANING ]

AND YOUR NEXT TRIP WILL BE BACK TO FRANCE.

TRèS BIEN, WEIRD MAN.

BUT LET'S SEE IF YOU'RE A MATCH FOR MY TWO FRIENDS --

"KICK" AND "DERRIERE"!

AWESOME WEIRD MAN POSE!

HA-CHA!

[ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT

IF YOU WANT TO STOP AMERICA.

DO NOT TAUNT ME, YOU WEIRDO.

YOU WILL BE SORRY YOU EVER MESSED

WITH THE LIKES OF PIERRE, INTERNATIONAL CHEESE KING!

HO! HA! HE-HO!

[ GRUNTING ]

THAT DOES IT.

NOW YOU HAVE REALLY GOT MY CHEESE BOILING.

PREPARE TO BOW TO THE KING!

[ GRUNTING ]

BUT WHAT?! HOW?!

IT'S QUITE SIMPLE, REALLY --

AMERICA IS BETTER THAN FRANCE.

LOOK! IT'S A WHEEL OF AGED WHITE CHEDDAR!

WHERE?! [ POP! ]

THERE WAS NO SUCH -- HUH?!

SAY "CHEESE"!

[ GASPS ] AMERICAN PROCESSED CHEESE!

DISGUSTING!

♪ JUST LIKE A PHILLY CHEESESTEAK SANDWICH ♪

♪ SPRAY CHEESE IS MY BIZ ♪

OKAY! OKAY!

I SURRENDER TO YOU!

PIERRE, YOU MADE THE WRONG DECISION TO MESS WITH AMERICA,

AND NOW WE'VE CAUGHT YOU RED-HANDED.

YOU'RE GOING AWAY A LONG TIME FOR THIS, PUNK.

OH, WE SHALL SEE ABOUT THAT, AGENT THORNHAWKE.

I RETAIN DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY,

AND I'LL BE BACK ON THE STREETS IN A MATTER OF WEEKS

WITH EVEN BETTER SECURITY NOT EVEN THAT WEIRDO CAN PENETRATE.

MM-HMM-HMM.

TELL IT TO THE JUDGE, PIERRE.

TAKE HIM AWAY, BOYS.

YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE LAST OF ME!

FRANCE WILL REIGN SUPREME!

YOU SHALL SEE!

[ WHOOSH! THUD! ]

WEIRD MAN, I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR ALL THAT YOU'VE DONE

IN SERVICE OF THIS GREAT COUNTRY.

WELL, AGENT THORNHAWKE, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY --

MAKE CHEESE WHILE THE SUN SHINES.

OR IS IT "NEVER BITE THE CHEESE THAT FEEDS YOU"?

NO MATTER.

TO A TERRORIST-FREE AMERICA!

[ CRASH! ]

STAY WEIRD!

HEY, BELLY BAG, I FOUND THE REMOTE.

NOW WE CAN SEE WHAT'S ON THE OTHER CHANNELS.

YEAH, BUT WHERE'S THE TV NOW?

GOOD QUESTION.

BUT WHO NEEDS A TV WHEN WE COULD WATCH THE REMOTE INSTEAD?

[ CAT MEOWS ]

DID YOU HEAR THAT, UNCLE GRANDPA?

IT SOUNDED LIKE MEOWING.

YEAH. BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL?

[ CAT MEOWS ]

NO, IT'S NOT THAT.

IT CAME FROM THAT TREE.

[ MEOWS ]

[ GASPS ] YOU'RE RIGHT, BELLY BAG!

THERE'S A CAT STUCK IN OUR TREE!

WE GOT TO GET IT DOWN FROM THERE.

I'LL CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT RIGHT NOW.

NO. THE FIRE DEPARTMENT IS FOR A LAST-RESORT EMERGENCY.

BESIDES, WE CAN RESCUE THIS LITTLE KITTY OURSELVES.

HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!

I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU.

[ MEOWS ]

BLAH!

I CAN TRY USING A LASER POINTER TO LURE THE CAT OUT.

OH, KITTY! LOOK OVER HERE!

[ MEOWS ]

SO MUCH FOR THAT IDEA.

[ LAUGHS ] GOTCHA!

HEY, WHERE'D THE RED DOT GO?

FOCUS, UNCLE GRANDPA!

OH, RIGHT.

WAIT! I GOT IT!

WHAT CAT CAN RESIST CATCHING A GIANT MOUSE?

HERE, KITTY! BETTER COME AND GET ME!

KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!

[ MEOWS ]

OH, RATS!

IT'S LIKE WE'RE FISHING WITH THE WRONG BAIT.

HEY, THAT'S IT! WHAT'S IT?

FISH! HMM-YAH!

[ SPIN! ]

[ SLURP! ]

HERE, KITTY!

WE HAVE SOME YUMMY FRESH FISH FOR YOU!

[ MEOWS ]

I THINK IT'S TIME WE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.

BLAH!

HELLO? FIRE DEPARTMENT?

CAN YOU RECOMMEND A CLEANING COMPANY

THAT WILL TAKE CARE OF WATER DAMAGE AND A FISHY SMELL?

[ Muffled talking ]

NO? THANKS ANYWAY.

WELL... GLOMP!

...I GUESS THAT CAT

IS JUST GONNA STAY STUCK IN THAT TREE FOREVER.

WE COULD ALWAYS CLIMB UP THE TREE.

OH, YEAH!

HANG ON, KITTY!

WE'RE COMING!

HERE, KITTY, KI-- OH!

SORRY, TIGER. I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU HAD COMPANY.

[ ROARS ]

I GUESS WE KNOW WHERE THE TV WENT NOW.

OH, YEAH.

WOULD YOU GUYS CARE IF WE JOIN YOU?

[ MEOWS ]

I LOVE THIS SHOW.

Uncle Grandpa: AHH.

MARS. SATURN.

THE MILKY WAY.

SO MUCH STUFF UP THERE.

BUT THE UNIVERSE IS MORE THAN JUST A BUNCH OF CANDY BARS

AND FAILED CAR COMPANIES.

THE UNIVERSE ALSO HAS BILLIONS

OF TWINKLY, SHINY SHIMMIES CALLED STARS.

ONE OF THEM IS SO CLOSE TO EARTH

THAT IT GIVES US TWO SCOOPS OF RAISINS EVERY MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

BUT WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS, WHERE DO THESE STARS COME FROM,

AND WHY ARE MOST OF THEM SO BORING?

COME WITH ME, AND WE'LL EXPLORE THE COSMOS TOGETHER.

BUT TRY TO KEEP UP, 'CAUSE THE GALAXY IS SO BIG.

LIKE, REALLY BIG.

[ WHOOSH! ]

SO, WHERE DO THESE CRAZY STARS COME FROM?

MY SCIENTIFIC HYPOTOMUS IS, THERE'S A BIG GIANT STAR

THAT GIVES BIRTH TO ALL THE BABY STARS...

WHICH MEANS WE GOT TO LOOK FOR THE BIG MAMA STAR.

OUR JOURNEY BEGINS AT THE MOON.

[ ROARS ] HA HA!

I KNOW THE MOON ISN'T A STAR, TIGER.

I'M JUST GETTING SOME FOOD.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT -- THE MOON

IS THE VERY FIRST PLANETARY FAST-FOOD DRIVE-THROUGH.

AND SINCE THE MOON IS ALWAYS FULL,

IT'S EMPLOYED ENTIRELY BY 24-HOUR WEREWOLVES.

[ SNARLING ]

THANK YOU, KIND SIR.

[ HOWLS ]

[ CHOKES ] [ WHOOSH! ]

[ WHIMPERING ] AW, MAN.

THEY TOTALLY FORGOT MY FRIES.

THAT'S THE LAST TIME I GIVE THEM MY BUSINESS.

FOR OUR SEARCH OF THE BIG MAMA STAR,

WE'LL NEED A SPECIALIZED GUIDE...

WHICH IS WHY I PICKED UP THIS MAP OF THE STARS

FROM A TOURIST SHOP IN HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA.

THIS THING IS VERY USELESS.

HUH? WHA!

A BLACK HOLE!

SOME SCIENCE-Y GUYS SAY THAT IF YOU GO THROUGH A BLACK HOLE,

YOU COME OUT OF THE OTHER END COMPLETELY BACKWARDS.

BUT I'LL BELIEVE IT WHEN I SEE IT.

LET'S TAKE A CLOSER LOOK.

[ WHOOSH! ]

AGAIN, IT'S JUST A THEORY.

[ BEEPING ] WHEE!

[ ROARS ]

GETTING RESTLESS, GIRL?

YOU KNOW, THE STARS WEREN'T ALWAYS THIS BORING.

BEFORE TELEVISION WAS INVENTED,

PEOPLE WOULD LOOK UP TO THE CONSTELLATIONS

FOR ENTERTAINMENT.

BUT BEFORE YOU ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME,

LET'S SEE WHAT'S ON THE INTERGALACTIC BOOB TUBE.

[ WARBLE! ]

LAME.

[ WARBLE! ]

TOO VIOLENT.

[ WARBLE! ]

I'M NOT REALLY JOHN.

I'M HIS TWIN BROTHER, JAMES.

[ GASPS ]

MMMM.

I MISSED LAST WEEK'S EPISODE.

SO, IS DEBORAH IN LOVE WITH JOHN,

OR DID SHE KNOW JAMES WAS --

Shh! SOR-RY.

[ MUNCHING ]

I DON'T GET IT.

WE'VE SEARCHED THE ENTIRE GALAXY

AND STILL HAVEN'T FOUND THE CREATOR OF ALL THE STARS.

I GUESS THIS MEANS THAT STARS ARE JUST A COLLECTION

OF HYDROGEN AND HELIUM DRAWN TOGETHER BY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS,

AND NOT SOME MYTHICAL CHARACT--

[ THUD! ] OOH!

HUH? IT'S HER!

MAMA STAR! EXERCISING ON THAT STAR MASTER!

THANK GOODNESS!

THINGS WERE GETTING A BIT HEAVY-HANDED THERE FOR A MINUTE.

EXCUSE ME, MAMA STAR, COULD I ASK YOU A QUICK QUESTION?

YEAH, YEAH. GO FOR IT.

IS IT TRUE THAT YOU MAKE ALL THE STARS IN THE GALAXY?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

UH, I'M SORRY.

UH, IS THAT NOT A REASONABLE QUESTION?

I ALREADY TOLD HIM THE ANSWER IS NO.

WE FILLED THIS WEEK'S QUOTA,

BUT NOW HE WANTS TO RENEGOTIATE OUR ORIGINAL CONTRACT?

HA! OVER MY DEAD BODY!

OH, I SEE.

SHE'S ON HER PHONE.

UGH. HANG ON A SEC, FELIPé.

WHO ARE YOU, AND WHY ARE YOU INTERRUPTING MY WORKOUT?

HI, MRS. MAMA STAR!

I'D JUST LIKE TO KNOW WHERE STARS COME FROM.

YOU INTERRUPT MY WORKOUT

'CAUSE YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE STARS COME FROM?

OH, HONEY, I'LL SHOW YOU EXACTLY WHERE STARS COME FROM!

OH, GOODY!

[ CLANG! ] OOOH!

WHOA.

THANKS, MAMA STAR.

HEH. THERE YOU HAVE IT, KIDS.

FACTUAL EVIDENCE.

JOIN US NEXT WEEK, WHEN WE'LL BE PLAYING BASKETBALL

WITH A BUNCH OF ALIENS ON A DIFFERENT PLANET.

I CAN'T WAIT.