Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

[ ROARS ]

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

[ UNCLE GRANDPA LAUGHING ]

AND WHEN LIL' DUCKY FINISHED WATERING THE TOMATOES,

HE WENT, "QUACK, QUACK!"

[ LAUGHS ]

[ SIGHS ]

AND THE PIGGY WENT, "OINK, OINK!"

[ LAUGHS ]

[ SNORTS ]

[ LAUGHING, SNORTING ]

AND MAMA COW WAS ALL, "MOO!"

[ LAUGHS ]

[ BUZZES LIPS ]

AND THEN ALL THE ANIMALS ON THE FARM LIVED FOREVER.

THE END.

"LIL' DUCKY'S FARM" GETS BETTER EVERY TIME.

DON'T IT, MR. GUS?

UNCLE GRANDPA, I THINK IT'S TIME

YOU RETURNED THAT BOOK TO THE LIBRARY.

RETURN "LIL' DUCKY'S FARM?!"

HA. GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON.

YOU JUST READ IT 300 TIMES IN A ROW.

ALSO, I'M SURE THERE ARE PLENTY OF CHILDREN IN THE COMMUNITY

WHO WOULD LOVE TO READ THAT STORY.

OH, WELL, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD REASON.

[ WHOMP! ]

[ THUD! ]

[ SCREECH! ]

CAN I HELP YOU, SIR?

HEY, YEAH.

I'M JUST RETURNING THIS BOOK.

SIR, THIS BOOK IS A WEEK OVERDUE.

YEAH. SO, WHAT?

[ SLURP! ]

SO, THE LATE FEE IS...

12 CENTS.

12 CENTS?!

12 CENTS?!

12 CENTS.

AW, GEEZ, LOUISE.

EXCUSE ME FOR ONE MOMENT.

[ PANTING ]

OH, MAN, OH, MAN, OH, MAN.

WHERE THE HECK AM I GONNA GET MY HANDS ON 12 CENTS?

THEY'LL THROW ME IN JAIL.

IF ONLY I COULD TRAVEL BACK IN TIME

AND TELL MYSELF TO RETURN THAT BOOK A WEEK EARLIER.

WAIT. I CAN!

WITH MY TRUSTY TIME MACHINE WATCH.

I GOT IT AS A GIFT NEXT CHRISTMAS.

DESTINATION -- TWO WEEKS AGO.

[ WHOMP! ]

[ LAUGHING ]

AND THEN THE TRACTOR WENT,

"CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA, CHUGGA!"

UNCLE GRANDPA, WE GOT TO GET THAT BOOK

BACK TO THE LIBRARY RIGHT NOW!

NO WAY! I'M NOT DONE WITH IT YET.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ANYWAY?

I'M YOU FROM THE FUTURE, AND IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO ME,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A LATE FEE ON OUR HANDS.

THANKS, BUT THE DUE DATE'S STILL A WHOLE WEEK AWAY.

OH, WELL, IN THAT CASE,

WE SHOULD READ "LIL' DUCKY" TOGETHER. OKAY.

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

AH, "LIL' DUCKY" GETS BETTER EVERY TIME.

I KNOW. RIGHT?

WELL, WE BETTER GET THIS THING BACK TO THE LIBRARY NOW.

OH, RIGHT. I FORGOT ABOUT THAT.

SORRY, BUT THIS BOOK IS A WEEK OVERDUE.

THE LATE FEE IS 12 CENTS.

12 CENTS?!

SEE? I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

AW, MAN. I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU.

[ SIGHS ]

HEY, YOU GOT 12 CENTS I CAN BORROW?

NO! I'M YOU FROM THE FUTURE, REMEMBER?

OH, RIGHT.

BUT LISTEN -- WE CAN STILL FIX THIS.

ALLS WE GOT TO DO IS TRAVEL BACK TO THE PAST

AND CONVINCE OURSELF TO TURN IN THAT BOOK ON TIME.

UNCLE GRANDPA, I'M A GENIUS.

THANKS.

NOW, LET'S GO!

[ WHOMP! ]

[ LAUGHING ]

AND THE LIL' BARNYARD TURKEY GOES, "TURKEY, TURKEY, TURKEY!"

[ SIGHS ] [ LAUGHS ]

[ WHOMP! ] Both: UNCLE GRANDPA!

NO TIME TO EXPLAIN.

HAND ME THAT BOOK NOW!

OH, YEAH? YOU AND WHAT ARMY?

THIS ARMY.

HEY! GIVE IT TO US!

HELP, MR. GUS!

THEY'RE TAKING AWAY "LIL' DUCKY'S FARM."

OH, UH, I WOULD HELP, BUT I'M DRIVING.

STOP!

FINE! TAKE IT, NOW THAT IT'S RUINED!

AT LEAST IT'S STILL ON TIME.

NOW, LET'S GO BACK TO THE LIBRARY.

AAH!

[ BOTH PANTING ]

I GOT TO SEE THIS.

RETURN! RETURN! RETURN! RETURN!

RETUUUUUUURN!

[ PANTING ]

WE'D LIKE TO RETURN THIS.

UNCLE GRANDPAS, OUR LATE-FEE PROBLEM IS SOLVED.

I'M AFRAID THIS BOOK IS DAMAGED.

THAT'LL BE $12.

$12?!

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN 12 CENTS IF YOU HADN'T RIPPED IT.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE TURNED IT IN ON TIME

IN THE FIRST PLACE. YEAH!

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, HUH?

OH, YEAH?

AND YOU NEVER TAKE OUT THE TRASH!

OH, YEAH?

HEY!

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M YOU THREE FROM THE FUTURE.

HOLD ON A SEC.

IF YOU'RE ME AND HE'S ME,

WHO THE HECK IS THIS GUY?

YOU. OH, OKAY.

LISTEN, THE ONLY WAY WE CAN SOLVE THIS PROBLEM

IS IF WE GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP OURSELVES

FROM EVER CHECKING THAT BOOK OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

OKAY.

[ WHOMP! ]

HUH.

"LIL' DUCKY'S FARM."

[ LAUGHS ]

I'M SO GONNA CHECK THIS ONE OUT.

[ WHOMP! ] OH, NO, YOU AIN'T!

GET HIM!

[ BLINK! ]

UNCLE GRANDPAS, SPLIT!

[ PANTING ]

[ SCREECH! ]

HAND OVER THAT BOOK!

[ GRUNTS ]

GIVE ME THAT BOOK!

NO!

OUCH!

AAAH!

[ THUD! ]

[ GROANS ]

SORRY.

[ GRUNTS ]

HUH?

GIVE US THAT BOOK!

[ PANTING ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

AAAAH!

[ GASPS ] NO!

LIL' DUCKY!

[ GASPS ]

AAAAH!

WHERE ARE YOU, LIL' DUCKY?

OH, COOL. LASER BEAMS.

OH, NO! LASER BEAMS!

GIVE US THE BOOK!

NOPE.

DANG.

LIL' DUCKY.

GOOD THING WE'RE WEARING HELMETS.

[ GROANS ]

NOPE. NOPE.

NOPE. [ GRUNTS ]

AAAAH!

THERE YOU ARE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ CLANK! ]

I'D LIKE TO CHECK OUT THIS B--

NOT SO FAST.

[ WHAP! ]

UNGH!

GIVE IT BACK!

NO!

[ LATIN BEAT PLAYS ]

[ SHING! ]

[ HAWAIIAN MUSIC PLAYS ]

OOPS.

[ DING! DING! ]

UNGH!

[ BOTH CHUCKLING ]

JUST TRUST ME. DON'T CHECK OUT THAT BOOK.

NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO...

AAH!

...ESPECIALLY ME.

DUH! [ GROANS ]

[ WARBLE! ]

UNGH!

[ CRASH! ]

I'D LIKE TO CHECK THIS OUT.

UNCLE GRANDPA!

THE OTHER UNCLE GRANDPAS WERE RIGHT,

AND I CAN PROVE IT.

THIS IS VIDEO FROM THE FUTURE,

SHOWING WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CHECK OUT THAT BOOK

AND DON'T RETURN IT ON TIME.

THIS BOOK IS A WEEK OVERDUE.

THE LATE FEE IS 12 CENTS.

[ GASPS ] 12 CENTS!

[ GROANS ]

THANKS FOR WARNING ME, GUYS.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THAT BOOK BELONGS...

IN THE TRASH.

[ SLURP! ]

[ CHOMP! ]

[ SQUISH! ]

[ SIGHS ]

WELL, THERE'S ONE THING WE CAN ALL AGREE ON.

WE ARE NEVER SETTING FOOT IN THAT LIBRARY.

EVER AGAIN.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN, UNCLE GRANDPA.

WELL, THERE'S ONE THING WE CAN ALL AGREE ON.

WE ARE NEVER SETTING FOOT IN THAT LIBRARY, EVER AGAIN!

HEY, Y'ALL.

I'M-A HEAD OVER TO THE LIBRARY TO CHECK OUT A BOOK.

YOU GUYS WANT TO COME?

All: OKAY!

[ BOTH SLURPING ]

DID SOMEBODY SAY, "TINY MIRACLE"?

NOPE.

NAH, WE'RE GOOD.

[ BZZT! ZAP! ]

Announcer: THIS SATURDAY NIGHT, AT THE CIVIC ARENA,

IT'S THE OUTRAGEOUS COMEDY SPECIAL

THE WORLD HAS BEEN WAITING FOR.

HEY, Y'ALL. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON WITH HOMO SAPIENS?

[ LAUGHTER ]

Announcer: IT'S MR. GUS LIVE!

WHEN DINOSAURS RAN THE PLANET, WE HAD REAL PROBLEMS --

FALLING IN TAR PITS, MOSQUITOES THE SIZE OF REFRIGERATORS,

FIGHTING EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF EXPLODING VOLCANOES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW YOU GOT HOMO SAPIENS RUNNING AROUND,

FLIPPING THEIR DANG FLIP-PHONES.

BEEP-BEEP-BE-DA BE-DEEP-DO-BE-DOOP.

[ Nasally ] UM, HEY, MARVIN, DID YOU GET MY TEXT MESSAGE?

IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE IT'S TRUE!

[ LAUGHS ]

HEY, WHERE MY 'DACTYLS AT?

[ HOOTING ]

HEY, HEY! [ LAUGHS ]

Announcer: IT'S THE OUTRAGEOUS, SOLD-OUT SHOW YOU WON'T WANT TO MISS.

AND I WAS ALL, "DANG, GIRL!

I HAVEN'T SEEN A HAIRSTYLE LIKE THAT

SINCE THE CRETACEOUS PERIOD."

[ CHUCKLES ] NO OFFENSE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I MEAN, THIS GIRL WAS LIKE --

Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS!

MR. GUS! [ POUNDING ON DOOR ]

MR. GUS! MR. GUS!

I GOT TO GO POTTY.

[ PANTING ]

[ SIGHS ]

Announcer: AND NOW, LIVE FROM THE HOLLYWEIRD BOWL,

IT'S AN EVENING WITH UNCLE GRANDPA.

MR. GUS! WE'RE ALL OUT OF TOILET PAPER!

[ LAUGHTER ]