Original subtitles

GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

[ ROARS ]

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

[ SHOUTS ]

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

OH! UGH.

I'LL GET IT.

HELLO? JUST A SECOND.

IT'S FOR YOU, PIZZA STEVE.

WELL, IT BETTER BE SOMEONE CALLING TO APOLOGIZE

FOR INTERFERING WITH MY MARTIAL-ARTS DEMONSTRATION.

YELLO.

OH, UH, I...I...I DON'T KNOW, DAD.

YOU'RE WHERE?

OKAY, SEE YOU SOON.

WHO WAS THAT, PIZZA STEVE?

OH, IT WAS JUST MY DAD.

WHOA. HE MUST BE SO COOL.

WELL, HE THINKS HE IS.

HE'S ALWAYS BRAGGING ABOUT HOW HE'S SO GREAT AT EVERYTHING.

I MEAN, WHO WANTS TO BE AROUND THAT?

[ SLOOP! ]

I'M JUST SAYING,

HE'S NOT ALL THAT SPECTACULAR.

[ GUITAR WAILS ] Nacho Cheese: DID SOMEBODY SAY

SPECTACULAAAAAAAAR?

YOW!

LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I AM NACHO CHEESE!

DAD! YOU TOTALLY JACKED MY STYLE.

WHOA, THAT'S YOUR DAD?!

I WAS ABOUT TO THROW DOWN AN AWESOME DISPLAY

OF ITALIAN KAR-AH-TAAAAAY!

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND HERE'S THE TIME PIZZA STEVE LOST THE SOAPBOX DERBY

IN SPECTACULAR FASHION.

OOH, I GOT TO HEAR THIS STORY.

OH, COME ON, DAD.

NOT THAT STORY.

YO, LITTLE SLICE, NO FEET ON THE DINNER TABLE.

MIND YOUR MANNERS.

WHAT? BUT YOU --

AH-AH-AH-AH.

NOT A WORD. HMPH!

WHATEVER.

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

IT WAS A PERFECT DAY FOR A RACE.

[ ENGINES REVVING ]

GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, YEAH!

COME ON, LITTLE SLICE. DON'T MAKE YOUR DAD LOOK BAD.

WHAT?

[ GUITAR WAILS ]

DAD?!

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE HEALTHY COMPETITION, THERE?

[ COUGHING ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE NUMBER ONE.

BOO-YAH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

REAL COOL STORY, DAD.

PIZZA STEVE NEEDS A LITTLE PIZZA STEVE TIME.

JUST LOOK AROUND YOU, PIZZA STEVE.

WALL-TO-WALL WONDERFUL.

[ GUITAR WAILS ] Nacho Cheese: DID SOMEBODY SAY, "WONDERFUL"?

DAD?

HEY, KID, THIS IS YOUR BEDROOM?

THIS PLACE NEEDS A LOT OF WORK.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, OLD MAN?

THIS IS THE SWEETEST ROOM IN THE RV.

TAKE THIS MONSTROSITY FOR EXAMPLE.

ALL IT NEEDS IS A DASH OF NACHO CHEESE.

[ GUITAR WAILS ]

SEE WHAT I MEAN?

HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I'M JUST GETTING STARTED?

COULD YOU HAND ME THAT WRENCH, PIZZA STEVE?

SURE THING, UNCLE G.

[ GUITAR WAILS ] DID SOMEBODY SAY, "SURE THING"?

OH, HI, MR. NACHO CHEESE.

SO, UH, WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS HULLABALOO?

DAD, ME AND UNCLE G HELP KIDS SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS.

I DON'T REMEMBER ASKING YOU.

SEE, SOME KIDS ARE BEYOND HELP.

AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT, UNCLE GRANDPA?

WELL, I THINK --

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

PIZZA STEVE AND I ARE HELPING RICHIE...

HELLO. ...FIX HIS JUKEBOX.

WELL, YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG.

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU DON'T NEED ALL THOSE TOOLS.

THIS IS HOW IT'S DONE.

CHEE-ZAM!

[ TINK! ]

[ UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ] WHOA!

[ HAIR CREAKING ]

THIS GUY!

OW!

WAY NOT COOL, DAD.

WOW, HE'S AMAZING.

WHAT'S THE HAPS, BIG G?

PLAYING CHESS AGAINST A BALL?

I'M SURE HE'S WELL-ROUNDED AND ALL,

BUT WHY DON'T YOU TAKE ON SOMEONE A LITTLE MORE

ISOSCELES? [ GUITAR WAILS ]

I'D PROBABLY GET A BETTER GAME FROM THE BALL.

[ CLUCKS ]

AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION,

WHEN YOU CAME IN, I WAS ANALYZING MOVE 25

OF FISCHER'S FAMOUS MATCH AGAINST DONALD BYRNE FROM 1956.

YEAH, SITTING IN YOUR CASTLE PLAYING WITH YOUR TOYS.

THAT IS A ROOK, YOU NUMSKULL!

OW! WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?

MR. CHEESE, DO YOU PLAY?

DO I?! I'M NACHO CHEESE!

[ GUITAR WAILS ] WELL, HOW ABOUT A GAME?

WAIT A MINUTE, I WAS ABOUT TO SCHOOL THIS FOOL, DAD.

OH, YOU'RE ON, TALL, GREEN, AND JURASSIC.

I'LL SET UP THE BOARD.

AFTER YOU, MR. CHEESE.

GIDDYUP, LITTLE HORSEY.

EXCUSE ME. COMING THROUGH.

CHECKMATE.

AND NOW -- CHECKMATE?!

CHECKMATE.

WHAT? HOW DID YOU...?

IT'S NOT...

IT'S TRUE.

THAT WAS THE MOST DYNAMIC DISPLAY OF POST-HYPERMODERN PLAY

I HAVE EVER WITNESSED.

PSHAW, THAT WAS NOTHING.

FIRST HE STEALS MY THUNDER, THEN HE STEALS MY FRIENDS?

IT'S TIME TO PUT AN END TO THIS.

THINK, PIZZA STEVE, THINK.

THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING YOU CAN BEAT YOUR DAD AT.

SOMETHING WHERE PIZZA STEVE HAS THE UPPER EDGE.

BUT WHAT COULD IT BE?

THAT'S IT.

OOH, IT IS ON, DAD.

[ GUITAR WAILING ]

THANK YOU.

THAT WAS OFF MY 10th ALBUM CALLED

"NACHO CHEESE, CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HIM."

HOW ABOUT ANOTHER?

[ ROARS ] YEAH! YEAH!

A ONE AND A TWO

AND A -- [ ENGINE REVS ]

BORING MY FRIENDS WITH YOUR LAME SONGS AGAIN, DAD?

WHY DON'T YOU GO OUTSIDE

AND PLAY WITH YOUR BABY TRICYCLE

WHILE US BIG BOYS FINISH THE JAM SESSION?

YEAH, WELL, I BET ME AND THIS [COUGHS] AWESOME SPEED CYCLE

CAN BEAT YOU IN A DOWNHILL RACE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

A DERBY REMATCH -- SON VERSUS DAD?

REMATCH? [ LAUGHS ]

YOU NEVER LEARN, DO YOU SON?

YOU WILL ALWAYS COME IN LAST PLACE

AS LONG AS I'M AROUND,

BUT IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS,

THEN LET'S DO IT.

Pizza Steve: SO, IT'S JUST YOUR BASIC DOWNHILL RACE

WITH SOME ADDED OBSTACLES

TO MAKE IT A LITTLE MORE INTERESTING.

FIRST, SOME MOGUL-STYLE HILLS,

THEN A PACK OF MAN-EATING GIANT GOPHERS,

DOWN THE LOOP OF DEATH, INTO THE LAVA DOME,

OVER THE THREE HILLS OF PAIN,

AND FINALLY, THE BIG JUMP OVER SHARK-INFESTED WATERS.

THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT, DAD?

HUH? [ SNORING ]

OH, WH-WH-WHAT? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. WHATEVER.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] HEY, LET'S START THIS THING ALREADY.

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU WHO THE REAL LOSER IN THIS FAMILY IS.

PIZZA STEVE, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO

GO THROUGH WITH THIS?

YOUR DAD IS, LIKE, THE BEST AT EVERYTHING.

SHUSH IT, UNCLE G.

JUST WAVE US DOWN TO START TO RACE.

RACERS, READY?

YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY YOU EVER CHALLENGED ME, SON.

THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.

3...37...48...

GO, GO, GO, GO!

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

HEY, DAD, ANYONE EVER TELL YOU

YOU'RE A LITTLE TOO OLD FOR RACING?

HEY, I'M NOT OVER THE HILL YET, SON.

DON'T BE SO SURE ABOUT THAT.

NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS, IS IT, OLD MAN?

I CAN DO THIS IN MY SLEEP BECAUSE I'M NACHO...CHEESE.

WHO'S WINNING THIS RACE?

WHAT THE...

I AM.

THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING A SHOWOFF.

I WAS GOING EASY ON YOU, SON, TO TOUGHEN YOU UP.

YOU GOT TO BE THE BEST,

OR ELSE THE WORLD IS GONNA EAT YOU ALIVE.

THE ONLY THING THAT'S GONNA EAT YOU

ARE THOSE MAN-EATING GOPHERS, YOU DOLT.

[ CHOMP! CHOMP! CHOMP! ]

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

YOU GOT TO STEP ON WHOEVER IT TAKES TO GET AHEAD IN THIS LIFE.

NOT EVERYONE PLAYS BY YOUR RULES, DAD.

OH!

YOU TRIED TO LEAVE ME BEHIND,

BUT IT'S CAUGHT UP TO YOU.

LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN HANDLE THE HEAT...

OF THIS LAVA DOME.

PIZZA STEVE! HUH?

I NEED HELP, SERIOUSLY.

HELP ME, SON. I'M TRAPPED. I'M STUCK.

OH, PLEASE, SON, PLEASE!

[ Thinking ] PIZZA STEVE, YOU CAN WIN THE RACE RIGHT NOW --

NO CONTEST -- AND PUT YOUR DAD TO SHAME.

BUT HE'S IN TROUBLE. HE NEEDS YOU.

BUT HE RUINS YOUR LIFE.

STEVEN, CAN YOU HEAR ME?!

DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING!

I'M FALLING! STEVE, PLEASE!

DAD, ARE YOU OKAY?

SON, MY BIKE, IT'S BARELY HANGING ON.

I COULDN'T MAKE THE JUMP LIKE YOU.

YOU OUTDID ME ON THAT ONE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, BUT YOU BEAT ME SON.

NO TIME FOR THAT, DAD.

GRAB MY HAND.

ALMOST. JUST A LITTLE FURTHER.

COME ON, DAD! REACH, REACH!

[ PLOP! PLOP! ]

OH, MY GOSH, STEVEN, I'M REALLY, REALLY SLIPPING.

DO SOMETHING, STEVEN, PLEASE!

DAD! OH, MAN!

THINK, PIZZA STEVE, THINK.

[ GASPS ]

THAT'S IT.

DAD, GRAB MY PIZZA FLAG,

AND I'LL PULL YOU UP.

COME ON, JUST A LITTLE MORE.

ALMOST. I GOT IT!

GREAT! HOLD ON, POPS.

[ ENGINE REVS ]

EASY, NOW, STEVE, EASY.

ALMOST. EASY NOW.

DAD, I DID IT!

I MEAN WEDID IT.

YEAH, WE DID,

BUT YOU FORGOT ONE IMPORTANT THING, SON.

[ TIRES SQUEAL ] HUH?

NEVER PASS UP A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY...

WHAT THE... ...TO WIN!

SUCKER! [ LAUGHS ]

OH, NACHO CHEESE, YOU ARE ONE SLY DOG.

Pizza Steve: HEY, DAD, YOU FORGOT ONE THING --

NEVER PASS UP AN OPPORTUNITY TO PASS UP YOUR OLD MAN.

WELL, THIS OLD DOG HAS SOME OLD TRICKS, SON.

OW-OOOOH! [ COUGHS ]

BRINGS BACK SWEET MEMORIES...

OF YOU LOSING.

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

NACHO CHEEEEEEESE!

OH, MAN, HE DID IT AGAIN.

I'M JUST A BIG LOSER.

[ PBHT! ]

PIZZA STEVE, THAT WAS AMAZING.

YOU TOTALLY PSYCHED OUT YOUR DAD AT THE LAST MINUTE.

WAIT, WHAT? NOW, THAT WAS A REALLY GREAT STRATEGY

USING THAT JUMP AT THE END OF THE RACE

TO GET RID OF HIM. [ ROARS ]

WAIT, SO YOU GUYS ARE GLAD HE'S GONE?

BUT I THOUGHT YOU THOUGHT HE WAS SUPER AWESOME.

YEAH, TO BE HONEST, HE WAS GETTING ANNOYING.

WHO LIKES A GUY THAT'S A TOTALLY BRAGGADOCIOS BLOWHARD

THAT BOASTS ABOUT HOW AWESOME HE IS ALL THE TIME?

AM I RIGHT, MR. GUS?

WHILE I DID ADMIRE

MR. CHEESE'S WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERTISE,

HE COULD HAVE USED A LITTLE HUMILITY.

I BELIEVE A LITTLE MODESTY CAN KEEP A MAN'S EGO IN CHECK.

OH, YEAH. YOU SAID IT, MR. GUS.

AND IF THERE'S ONE PERSON WHO'S THE KING OF MODESTY...

[ GUITAR WAILS ] ...IT'S PIZZA STEVE!

THAT WAS QUITE DELICIOUS.