Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

[ ROARS ]

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

THIS IS THE GREATEST CRISIS OF MY ENTIRE PRESIDENCY.

THERE ISN'T A SINGLE STRAWBERRY JELLY BEAN IN HERE.

HELLO? CONGRESS?

I WANT EMERGENCY LEGISLATION ON MY DESK BY THE END OF THE DAY.

MR. PRESIDENT! [ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

THE GREATEST CRISIS OF YOUR PRESIDENCY IS AT HAND.

NO STRAWBERRY JELLY BEANS -- ALREADY ON IT, BOYS.

NOT THAT. IT'S MUCH WORSE.

HE'S AT IT AGAIN, SIR.

[ GASPS ] [ GASPS ]

FOREIGN MADMAN!

THAT'S RIGHT.

HE'S GOT HIS HANDS ON A MISSILE,

AND IT'S POINTED STRAIGHT AT US.

AND IF HIS DEMANDS AREN'T MET...

[ GASPS ]

[ IMITATES EXPLOSIONS, GUNFIRE ]

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

THE MISSILE'S LOCATED IN THE MADMAN'S BASE

IN FOREIGNLANDISTAN.

WE'RE GONNA NEED OUR TOP MEN ON THIS ONE, SIR.

I'LL CALL THE MARINES AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

NO! CALL THE GREEN BERETS!

NO! SEAL TEAM 6!

NO.

I KNOW JUST THE TEAM TO HANDLE THIS.

[ BEEPING ]

GA-GA-GOO-GOO.

GOOD MORNING!

♪ UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES ♪

♪ UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES ♪

♪ UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES ♪

♪ UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES ♪

♪ LITTLE BITTY BABIES ARE SAVIN' THE DAY ♪

♪ THEY'RE POOPIN' IN THEIR PANTS, AND IT'S CHILD'S PLAY ♪

♪ UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES ♪

YOUR COUNTRY HAS NEVER NEEDED YOU MORE, BABIES.

WITH YOUR SKILLS AND EXPERTISE,

AMERICA WILL BE IN GOOD HANDS.

[ CRYING ]

BABY LOST BOTTLE!

OOPS. [ CHUCKLES ] OH, WELL.

THERE -- THERE WE GO. THAT'S A GOOD BABY.

NOW, HAVE YOU ALL READ OVER FOREIGN MADMAN'S FILE?

OH, UH...

[ MUNCHING ]

WELL, WE CAN'T ACTUALLY READ,

BUT, UH, I THINK WE GOT THE GIST OF IT FROM THE PICTURES.

GOOD. GOOD.

NOW, YOUR MISSION IS TO ENTER MADMAN'S COMPOUND UNNOTICED

AND LOCATE THE MISSI--

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

HOLD UP, BRO.

LET ME SEE THAT HELICOPTER.

OF COURSE. [ CHUCKLES ]

MM-HMM.

[ IMITATES FLYING SOUNDS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

ME NEXT, PIZZA DOUGH STEVE.

NO. LITTLE GUSSY WANTS TO PLAY.

[ MEOWS ] BABIES. BABIES!

NOW, YOU'LL ALL GET A TURN.

ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?

YEAH, I GOT ONE.

UH, CAN SOMEBODY BURP LITTLE GUS?

[ HICCUPS ]

I'LL DO IT.

UPSY-DAISY, LITTLE GUS.

[ CHUCKLES ] THERE WE GO.

[ BELCHES ]

[ SMACKS LIPS ]

THANKS, MR. PRESIDENT.

SURE. SURE.

NOW, THE HELICOPTER IS WAITING OUTSIDE.

IS EVERYBODY READY TO GO?

UH, NOT EXACTLY. UH... OH?

I'M POOPING MY PANTS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I KNOW THE WORDS TO THATSONG.

ALL RIGHT, BABIES.

WE JUST CROSSED INTO ENEMY TERRITORY.

THE COMPOUND IS STRAIGHT AHEAD.

THIS IS IT.

BABIES, HOLD ON TO YOUR DIAPERS --

IN THE LITERAL SENSE,

'CAUSE IT'S TIME TO PARACHUTE-DROP.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO, GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!

SEE YOU DOWN BELOW, BRO.

YEEEEEEAH!

[ SIGHS ] THEY GROW UP SO FAST.

[ SNIFFLES ]

WHEE!

Shh! This is a stealth mission, remember?

OH, RIGHT. SORRY.

PIZZA DOUGH STEVE!

Shh, Li'l Cheese.

Come on. Not so loud.

CHILL OUT, BRO.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT DO WE GOT HERE, LITTLE GUS?

FOREIGN MADMAN'S FORTRESS STRAIGHT AHEAD.

[ MUFFLED SPEAKING ]

SAY THAT AGAIN.

[ Echoing ] I SAID,

"HOPEFULLY, THEY WON'T NOTICE THAT WE'RE HERE"!

OOPS.

WAY TO GO, BROS.

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

AAH! AAH!

RUN!

BABY BELLY BAG, I NEED MY LASER RATTLE -- STAT.

YAH, BLEH, PBBBT!

[ GIGGLES ]

BLAH! THANKS.

IT'S TIME TO SHAKE, RATTLE, AND ROLL.

[ RATTLING ]

AAAAAH!

[ RATTLING ]

AAAAH!

COME OUT, BABIES! OUR RIDE IS HERE!

[ MEOWS ] ALL RIGHT!

THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

NICE!

WANT ME TO DRIVE?

NAH, DON'T WORRY. I GOT THIS.

AAH! MY BAD.

YOU'VE GOT THIS, HUH?

YOU CAN TAKE THE NEXT ONE.

[ GRUMBLES ]

[ RATTLING ]

Man: AAH!

READY WHEN YOU ARE, LITTLE GUS.

GENTLEMEN, WITH THIS MISSILE,

THE WORLD WILL BE OURS!

BORIS! BEGIN THE FUELING!

YES, BOSS.

NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW.

[ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

WE'RE ALMOST IN,

BUT THAT SPOTLIGHT'S GONNA BLOW OUR COVER.

[ RATTLING ] NOT ANYMORE.

WE'RE IN.

[ ALL PANTING ]

THAT'S WHERE THE MISSILE IS.

YEAH, BUT EVEN WITH THE LASER RATTLE,

WE CAN'T TAKE ON ALL THE GUARDS CRAWLING AROUND HERE.

WE'RE BABIES -- THEY'D CATCH US

BEFORE WE GOT ANYWHERE NEAR THAT MISSILE.

YEAH, BUT NOT IF THEY THINK WE'RE ONE OF THEM.

ALL RIGHT, GANG, LISTEN UP.

WE GOT TO BORROW ONE OF THOSE FANCY SNOW SOLDIER OUTFITS

AND THEN INFILTRATE THE MISSILE HANGAR.

ALL WE NEED IS A DIAPER BOMB.

THAT MEANS I'M GONNA NEED ONE OF YOU TO LOAD UP YOUR PANTS.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, BABY UNCLE G.

PIZZA DOUGH STEVE IS WAY AHEAD OF YOU.

LI'L CHEESE, I'LL SEE TO IT

THAT YOU GET A MEDAL OF HONOR FOR THIS.

[ GUARD SPEAKING RUSSIAN ]

WHAT THE --

[ BOTH COUGHING ]

ALL RIGHT, TIME TO PLAY DRESS-UP.

[ GRUNTS ]

[ COUGHING CONTINUES ]

[ POW! POW! DING! ]

YOU OKAY, BARTEK?

NEVER BEEN BETTER, BROSKI.

ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER GAS GRENADE.

[ LAUGHS ] AM I RIGHT?

ANYHOO, I'M GONNA HEAD INSIDE

AND SEE IF THE BOSS NEEDS ANYTHING.

CATCH YA LATER, BRO.

[ LAUGHS ]

CLASSIC BARTEK.

MISSILE IS ALL FUELED, BOSS.

EXCELLENT!

IT IS TIME FOR THE LAUNCH SEQUENCE!

[ GRUNTS ]

PIZZA DOUGH STEVE, WHAT YOU GOT OUT THERE?

MAIN SECURITY DOOR STRAIGHT AHEAD, BRO.

ALL RIGHT!

UH-OH.

THIS IS ONE HIGH-TECH SECURITY KEYPAD, BROS.

THIS IS NOT GONNA BE EASY.

BUT...

IT'S "GO" TIME.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

NOW, WITH THE TURN OF THIS KEY,

AMERICA WILL BE DESTROYED FOREVER!

[ BEEPING ]

[ LAUGHING EVILLY ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ GROANS ]

IT'S NO USE!

I GUESS AMERICA'S JUST GONNA HAVE TO GET NUKED.

OR...MAYBE ICOULD GIVE IT A SHOT.

OKAY.

DOOR UNLOCKED.

LITTLE GUS, I'LL SEE TO IT

THAT YOU GET A MEDAL OF HONOR FOR THIS.

[ BEEPING ]

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

JUST MINUTES AWAY.

NOTHING CAN STOP FOREIGN MADMAN NOW.

I DON'T KNOW, BOSS.

WHAT ABOUT THE UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES?

UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES?

YEAH, BRO. YOU HEARD ME.

UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES.

BARTEK, WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ME --

THE UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES!

IMPOSSIBLE!

IT'S ALL OVER, FOREIGN MADMAN.

ABORT THE MISSILE NOW!

NEVER!

GUARDS, DESTROY THEM!

LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT SOME NEW PLAYMATES,

BUT IT'S NOT PLAYTIME.

IT'S NAPTIME.

[ LULLABY PLAYS]

[ ALL SNORING ]

AAH!

[ POP! ]

[ LULLABY, SNORING CONTINUE ]

[ PANTING ]

[ TIRES SQUEAL ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

HE'S GETTING AWAY!

BABY UNCLE GRANDPA! WAKE UP!

YUHH...

FOREIGN MADMAN IS GETTING AWAY!

[ GASPS ] FOREIGN MADMAN!

NOT ON MYWATCH!

[ PANTING ]

[ PBBBBBBT! ]

GOT TO CANCEL THAT MISSILE LAUNCH.

[ GASPS ]

[ BEEPING ]

BABY UNCLE GRANDPA! COME IN! COME IN!

Baby Uncle Grandpa!

WHAT'S UP, LITTLE GUS?

I DON'T MEAN TO BE A DIAPER RASH,

BUT YOU ONLY GOT ONE MINUTE

TO GET THOSE LAUNCH KEYS BACK HERE.

THEN IT'S TIME TO KICK IT INTO HIGH GEAR!

GOODBYE, AMERICA!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

HUH?!

YEOW!

WHAT THE --

"BABY IN CAR"?

THAT'S RIGHT. AAH!

HI. I BROUGHT YOU SOME MOO JUICE.

AAH! I CAN'T SEE!

YAAH! AAH!

WELL, GOTTA GO.

SAY HI TO THAT PINE TREE FOR ME, OKAY?

[ SPROING! ]

[ LAUGHING ]

[ TIRES SCREECHING ] AAAAAH!

[ CRASH ]

TINY REALISTIC FLYING BABY TIGER,

I'LL SEE TO IT THAT YOU GET A MEDAL OF HONOR FOR THIS.

[ MEOWS ]

WE'RE ALMOST OUT OF TIME!

THINK I'M GONNA NEED A FRESH DIAPER, BRO!

HUH-HA! ALL RIGHT!

TIME TO SAVE AMERICA.

UH-OH! WRONG KEY!

LET'S TRY ANOTHER ONE, SHALL WE?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? ANOTHER DUD.

HURRY IT UP!

'KAY, DON'T WORRY.

WE CAN'T LOSE WITH THIS...LAST...KEEEEEY...

BR-BR-BR-BR-BR!

BABY UNCLE GRANDPA!

AAH!

THE MISSILE! SORRY.

COME ON!

JUST ONE TURN OF THE KEY.

AND THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO AMERICA

IF FOREIGN MADMAN HAD NOT BEEN DEFEATED.

AND SO TODAY, WE HONOR THE UNCLE GRANDPA BABIES

FOR THEIR MONUMENTAL COURAGE AND BRAVERY.

THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD IS WATCHING RIGHT NOW.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY?

YEAH!

I'M POOPING MY PANTS!