Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Mr. Gus: [ GRUNTS ]

AAAH!

OOOOOOOOOH!

THAT NEVER GETS ANY EASIER.

BUT YOU'RE WORTH IT.

NOW, THE PERFECT OUTFIT FOR THE

PERFECT OCCASION.

[ FAX MACHINE BEEPS ]

HMM.

OH-HO-HO-HO, YES. IT'S TIME!

>> Pizza Steve: THIS IS SO

EXTRE-E-E-E-MELY BORING.

>> Uncle Grandpa: UHHHHH.

I KNOW. THIS IS TERRIBLE!

>> Mr. Gus: [ WHISTLING

CHEERFULLY ]

>> Pizza Steve: AND WHERE ARE

YOU GOING IN SUCH A GOOD MOOD,

MR. GUS?

AND DID YOU TRIM YOUR NOSE HAIR?

>> Mr. Gus: YOU SEE THAT?

THAT NARROW-MINDED ATTITUDE IS

THE REASON I'M GOING TO THE

DOCUMENTARY WITHOUT YOU GUYS.

[ BOTH GASP ]

>> Both: MO-O-O-VI-E-E-E!

>> Pizza Steve: CHECK IT OUT,

UNCLE G!

>> Uncle Grandpa: "EXPLOSION

MAN"!

>> Pizza Steve: AND YOU KNOW

WHAT THAT MEANS.

>> Both: EXPLOSIONS!

EXPLOSIONS, EXPLOSIONS,

EXPLOSIONS, EXPLOSIONS!

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

[ BOOM! WHISTLE! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU SHOULD

COME SEE "EXPLOSION MAN" WITH US

MR. GUS!

>> Pizza Steve: YEAH, INSTEAD OF

WHATEVER SNOOZE-O-FAILURE-RAMA

YOU'RE PLANNING ON SEEING.

>> HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

AND WHERE DO WE THINK WE'RE

GOING?

>> Mr. Gus: "VARANUS."

>> OH, MY!

"VARANUS" IS PLAYING --

>> Mr. Gus: THEATER 5, BACK AND

TO THE LEFT.

I KNOW.

>> TICKETS?

>> Pizza Steve: HERE'S MY

TICKET.

HYAH!

OHH.

>> TICKETS FOR "EXPLOSION MAN"

ARE OVER THERE.

>> Mr. Gus: WHAT LUCK -- A

MOSTLY EMPTY THEATER, WITH SO

MANY SEATS TO CHOOSE FROM!

>> WELCOME TO

MOVIE THEATER CINEMAS!

PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR MOBILE

DEVICE.

>> Mr. Gus: MM-HMM.

>> NO LOUD TALKING OR NOISES

DURING THE MOVIE.

[ CREAK! ]

AND LASTLY, IF YOU MUST TALK AT

ALL, KEEP IT TO A WHISPER.

>> Mr. Gus: You don't have to

worry about me.

[ TING! ]

AND NOW FOR OUR FEATURE

PRESENTATION.

>> THE VARANUS IS KNOWN FOR ITS

POWERFUL TAILS, LONG NECKS, AND

VICIOUS JAWS AND CLAWS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, MR. GUS!

>> Mr. Gus: AAH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: "EXPLOSION

MAN" WAS SOLD OUT, SO WE GOT

TICKETS TO SEE THIS ONE WITH

YOU!

>> Pizza Steve: YEAH, BRO!

HOPE IT'S NOT A TOTAL STINKER!

>> Uncle Grandpa: I'M SURE IT'S

PRETTY GOOD, PIZZA STEVE!

MR. GUS HAS GOOD TASTE!

>> Mr. Gus: Would you guys keep

it down?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHAT'S THE BIG

DEAL, MR. GUS?!

WE'RE, LIKE, THE ONLY PEOPLE IN

THIS THEATER, EXCEPT FOR THAT

GUY SLEEPING IN THE CORNER.

>> [ SNORING ]

>> Pizza Steve: SO, MR. G-MAN,

WHAT'S THIS MOVIE ABOUT ANYWAY?

LOOKED LAME FROM THE POSTER.

[ MUNCHING ]

>> Mr. Gus: It is not lame!

>> Pizza Steve: WHAT'D YOU SAY?!

I CAN'T HEAR YOU WHEN YOU'RE

TALKING SO SOFT, DUDE BRO!

>> Mr. Gus: I said it is not

lame, and, also, keep your voice

down and stop disrupting the

movie.

>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS,

YOU'RE MISSING THE MOVIE!

CHECK IT OUT!

IT'S A WEIRD LIZARD GUY!

>> BUT WITH ALL THESE POTENT

EXAMPLES OF STRENGTH, IT IS A

MOSTLY PEACEFUL CREATURE THAT

ENJOYS QUIET SOLITUDE.

[ BEEPING ]

VARANUS TEND TO BE LONERS IN THE

WILD.

>> Mr. Gus: [ GRUMBLES ]

[ BEEPING CONTINUES ]

[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]

>> Pizza Steve: HEY, UNCLE G,

DID YOU GET MY TEXT?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HOLD ON.

LET ME CHECK.

[ BEEPING ]

WAS IT THE ONE ABOUT --

>> Mr. Gus: WOULD YOU PLEASE

STOP USING YOUR CELLPHONES?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WAS IT THE ONE

ABOUT "EXPLOSION MAN"?

>> Pizza Steve: NO, DUDE!

IT WAS ABOUT THIS LAME MOVIE

WE'RE WATCHING RIGHT NOW.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HOLD ON.

LET ME CHECK.

[ BEEPING ]

NOPE, NOTHING.

>> Pizza Steve: DUDE BRO, THAT

IS MAD CRAY, BECAUSE I TOTALLY

SENT IT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HMM.

LET ME SEE. YEAH, YOU DID.

SEE? LOOK -- THE LAST TEXT I GOT

FROM YOU WAS "I WISH WE WERE

WATCHING 'EXPLOSION MAN.'"

I THINK I'M GETTING BAD SERVICE.

LET ME SEE IF I CAN GET A BETTER

SIGNAL.

NO.

LET ME SEE HERE. NO.

>> Pizza Steve: ANYTHING YET?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: STILL NOTHING.

WAIT A SECOND.

I'M GETTING SOME BARS.

[ CELLPHONE CHIMES ]

OH-OH! I GOT IT!

"THIS MOVIE IS MAD LAME," RIGHT?

>> Pizza Steve: YUP.

>> Mr. Gus: ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

ARE YOU DONE?

CAN YOU PUT AWAY THE CELLPHONES

AND LET ME WATCH MY MOVIE?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, MR. GUS,

THAT LIZARD GUY MOVED!

>> WHILE SOME ARE FRUGIVORES,

SUSTAINING ON A PURE DIET OF

FRUIT, MANY ARE CARNIVOROUS IN

NATURE.

THEY ENJOY EGGS...

[ SQUEAKING ]

...SMALLER RODENTS, HAMBURGERS,

MILKSHAKES.

SOME SPECIES HAVE PROBLEMS

DIGESTING DAIRY DUE TO A LACK OF

MICROBIOME PROVIDED IN THE WOMB.

[ SQUEAKING CONTINUES ]

>> Mr. Gus: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

>> Pizza Steve: [ Lisping ] I

GOT A POPCORN-KERNEL SHELL STUCK

IN MY TOOTH.

>> Uncle Grandpa: I AM GREAT AT

REMOVING THOSE!

LET'S SEE HERE.

JUST HOLD ON THERE, BUDDY.

[ CREAK! ]

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROWLING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: DARN THING!

JUST A LITTLE, AND -- UGH!

DID I GET IT?

>> Pizza Steve: I THINK SO.

[ WARBLE! WARBLE! WARBLE! ]

[ CREAK! POP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, MR. GUS

FOUND IT!

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANS ]

WOULD YOU TWO JUST CUT IT OUT?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY!

THAT'S MINE!

>> Pizza Steve: WHAT GIVES,

DUDE?!

>> Mr. Gus: ENOUGH!

JUST SHUT YOUR CANHOLES AND

WATCH THE MOVIE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: BUT, MR. GUS,

YOU CAN'T WATCH A MOVIE WITHOUT

POPCORN.

IT'S LIKE THE WHOLE POINT OF

GOING TO THE MOVIES IN THE FIRST

PLACE.

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROWLING ]

>> Pizza Steve: REAL SMOOTH,

BIG G.

WAY TO RUIN OUR MOVIE

EXPERIENCE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: COME ON,

PIZZA STEVE.

LET'S JUST GO GET SOME OTHER

SNACKS.

>> Pizza Steve: YEAH.

GOOD CALL, UNCLE G.

I COULD USE A BREAK FROM THIS

SLEEPER.

>> Mr. Gus: GOOD RIDDANCE!

>> IT HAS BEEN 15 DAYS OF

FILMING, AND THE VARANUS LIZARD

HAS YET TO MOVE FROM THIS ROCK.

LET'S KEEP WATCHING TO SEE IF HE

DOES ANYTHING.

>> Pizza Steve: LOOKS LIKE WE

DIDN'T MISS ANY EXPLOSIONS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, I GOT

SOME NACHOS!

WANT TO TRY 'EM?

THEY GOT EXTRA JALAPEÑOS, JUST

THE WAY YOU LIKE THEM!

>> Mr. Gus: [ ROARS ]

[ WHIP! ]

[ SPLAT! ]

[ WHIP! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: MMM.

[ WHISTLE! ]

HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT!

[ SLURPING ]

>> Mr. Gus: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WITH MY SODA, UNCLE GRANDPA?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HMM?

[ MUMBLING ]

THERE YOU GO, BUDDY.

>> Mr. Gus: THAT'S IT!

EITHER WATCH THE MOVIE OR

GE-E-E-E-T

[Echoing] OU-U-U-U-U-U-U-T!

HMM. NOW, WHERE WAS I?

>> THE COGNITION OF THIS ANIMAL

IS ON PAR WITH OTHERS IN THE

UPPER BELL CURVE OF ANIMAL

INTELLIGENCE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: MAN, IS THIS

GUY BORING.

I THINK WE BOTH KNOW WHAT THIS

MOVIE NEEDS.

>> Both: EXPLOSIONS!

>> Mr. Gus: WHAT THE...?

HOW DID YOU GUYS GET IN THERE?

>> Uncle Grandpa: THERE'S A

ZIPPER IN THE CORNER.

[ SQUEAK! SQUEAK! BLINK! ]

>> Mr. Gus: THAT DOES IT!

I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU TWO!

I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU RUIN THIS

FOR ME ANYMORE!

WHAT? HUH? WHERE'D THEY GO?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GIGGLING ]

>> Mr. Gus: [ GASPS ]

[ EXPLOSION ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

THAT IS NOT FUNNY!

[ ZIP! ]

YOU GUYS COME OUT FROM THERE!

[ CLANK! ]

AAAH!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!

[ VACUUM CLEANER WHIRRING ]

ALL RIGHT, GUYS!

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

[ WHIP! WHIP! ]

AAH!

[ BOOM! CRASH! ]

THIS IS THE LAST STRAW.

CAN'T EVEN WATCH A MOVIE IN

PEACE.

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

[ COUGHING ]

MAN. I'M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO

WATCH MY MOVIE WITH ALL THESE...

[ EXPLOSION ]

...EXPLOSIONS.

WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S IT!

[ BOTH LAUGHING ]

>> Mr. Gus: HEY, GUYS!

YOU LIKE EXPLOSIONS?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA WANT TO MISS

THIS!

>> Both: HUH? AWESOME!

>> Mr. Gus: DON'T FORGET YOUR

POPCORN.

>> Uncle Grandpa: DEFINITELY.

>> Pizza Steve: NOW WE'RE

TALKING.

>> Uncle Grandpa: MAN, THIS IS

GONNA BE ONE SERIOUSLY AWESOME

TOWN EXPLOSION!

>> Mr. Gus: THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, MAN!

OH, MAN! OH, MAN!

>> Pizza Steve: WHAT ARE YOU

WAITING FOR?!

DETONATE THIS BAD BOY!

>> Mr. Gus: YOU ASKED FOR IT.

[ BEEP ]

>> Both: WHOO-HOO!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

UGH!

>> Pizza Steve: THAT WAS

AMAZING.

>> Uncle Grandpa: I KNOW.

I CAN'T MOVE, BUT IT WAS WORTH

IT.

>> Mr. Gus: PLAY IT FROM THE

TOP, EDDIE.

>> YOU GOT IT, BIG G.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHAT? OH, NO!

>> Pizza Steve: NO! NOT AGAIN!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ MUTTERING ]

>> Mr. Gus: [ CHUCKLES ]

[ HORN HONKS ]

>> AND NOW...

>> Mr. Gus: GOOD EVENING, FOLKS.

TONIGHT ON "MOMENTS IN HISTORY,"

WE ARE GOING TO EXPLORE THE LIFE

OF THE FAMOUS RENAISSANCE MAN

LEONARDO da VINCI.

A JACK AND MASTER OF ALL TRADES,

HE IS PERHAPS MOST WELL KNOWN

FOR HIS PAINTING OF THE

MONA LISA.

BUT LITTLE DOES THE LAYMAN KNOW

THAT HIS CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT OF

HIS LEGACY CAME AT A PRICE, THAT

PRICE BEING A TROUBLED MIND.

>> [ GRUNTS ]

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,

NO, NO!

LEO, YOU ARE NO GOOD!

YOU -- OUT OF HERE!

HOW AM I EVER GONNA FIND THE

INSPIRATION I NEED -- THE SPARK,

THE CATALYST, THE -- THE MUSE?

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

OH-HO-HO-HO-HO! THAT'S IT!

THERE -- THE PERFECT SUBJECT,

WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SMILE I

HAVE EVER SEEN!

I MUST PAINT IT, FOR SURELY THIS

WILL EARN ME THE FAME I'VE BEEN

LOOKING FOR!

SINCE NO ONE CARED ABOUT MY

HELICOPTER.

HMM!

HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA!

YES, LEO, YES! HA HA!

SHE IS COMPLETE --

THE MONA LISA!

THAT IS ONE FOR THE HISTORY

BOOKS!

TAKE THAT, RAPHAEL!

I AM NO LONGER SELF-LOATHING!

>> Mr. Gus: AND THAT'S HOW

MONA LISA GOT HER FAMOUS SMILE.

ALL IT TOOK WAS A LITTLE

PERSISTENCE AND THE RIGHT

INSPIRATION.

IF IT IS ONE THING WE CAN LEARN

FROM LEONARDO'S EXPERIENCE,

PERHAPS IT IS THE FACT THAT A

LITTLE SMILE CAN GO A LONG WAY.

NOT BAD IF I DON'T SAY SO

MYSELF.