Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

[ VACUUM CLEANER RUNNING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, BOY!

COMICS!

[ LAUGHING ]

[ LAUGHING CONTINUES ]

HEY!

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!

I WAS READING THAT!

>> Mr. Gus: UNCLE GRANDPA, YOU

NEED TO STOP GETTING DISTRACTED

WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO COMPLETE A

TASK!

YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR HEAD ON

YOUR SHOULDERS AND OUT OF THE

CLOUDS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: I DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I'M AN EXPERT AT MULTI-SNACKING.

>> Mr. Gus: DON' YOU MEAN

"MULTITASKING"?

>> Uncle Grandpa: MULTI-WHATing?

AHHH!

WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT

AGAIN?

>> Mr. Gus: YOU'RE ALWAYS LOSING

FOCUS.

[ STAMMERING ]

SEE?!

YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME

RIGHT NOW, ARE YOU?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: I'M SORRY,

MR. GUS, BUT MY "KID-ASSIST"

ALARM WENT OFF!

IT LOOKS LIKE LITTLE PHILIP

NEEDS OUR HELP.

>> DARN IT!

MOM!

WHY IS CHANNEL 56 BLOCKED?!

I WANT TO WATCH "ATTACK OF THE

UNDEAD BLOOD SPIDERS" NOW!

>> I'M SORRY, DEAR, BUT YOU'RE

TOO YOUNG TO WATCH THAT KIND OF

GARBAGE.

WHY DON'T YOU WATCH THAT CUTE

LITTLE SHOW ABOUT THE PINK AND

PURPLE HORSIES?

>> BUT, MOM, THAT SHOW'S FOR

LITTLE GIRLS AND TWISTED

WEIRDOS!

I'D RATHER SIT HERE AND STARE AT

NOTHIN' THAN WATCH THAT

KIDDIE CRUD!

HUMPH!

>> FINE. SUIT YOURSELF.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HIYA, PHILIP!

WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM,

LITTLE FELLA?

>> [ GRUMBLES ]

THAT'S THE PROBLEM!

I DON'T WANT TO BE A LITTLE KID

ANYMORE!

IF I WAS OLDER, I COULD WATCH

ANY MOVIE I WANT, I COULD STAY

OUT LATE, I COULD EVEN DRIVE A

CAR IF I WANTED TO.

I HATE BEING A KID!

I WANT TO BE OLDER!

>> Uncle Grandpa: NO PROBLEM.

I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT.

JUST A SPRITZ OF THIS AND YOU'LL

BE FIXED RIGHT UP.

VOILà!

>> Mr. Gus: UH, I THINK HE SAID

HE WANTED TO BE OLDER, NOT A

BOULDER.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, YEAH!

THAT MAKES SENSE.

YOU WANT THE "OLDER" SPRAY.

THIS SHOULD WORK.

[ CHUCKLES ]

THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY, TURNING

HIM INTO A BOULDER.

HOW'S A BOULDER GONNA DRIVE A

CAR OR WATCH A MOVIE?

I MEAN, WHAT WAS I THINKING?

BOULDER?

HEH! YEAH.

THAT IS ONE CLASSIC

UNCLE GRANDPA FAUX PAS.

>> Mr. Gus: UNCLE GRANDPA, YOU

NEED TO FOCUS ON THE TASK AT

HAND!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, YEAH!

YAAH!

>> WOW!

YOU DID IT!

I'M OLD!

REALLY OLD.

I WANT TO GO DO SOME OLD-GUY

STUFF!

>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS HERE

IS PRETTY OLD.

MAYBE HE CAN SHOW YOU SOME

STUFF.

>> Mr. Gus: HEY!

>> PHILIP...I FOUND YOU SOME

AGE-APPROPRIATE MOVIES YOU CAN

WATCH WHILE --

AAH!

UNCLE GRANDPA, WHY DOES MY

8-YEAR-OLD SON LOOK LIKE A

300-YEAR-OLD MAN?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HE AGES

TERRIBLY?

>> WHATEVER YOU DID TO MAKE HIM

OLD, YOU NEED TO REVERSE IT NOW!

>> Uncle Grandpa: NOT TO WORRY,

PHILIP'S MOM.

HE JUST NEEDS TO DRINK FROM MY

SODA FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH!

OPEN WIDE, BELLY BAG.

>> Belly Bag: WAAHHH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: BE RIGHT BACK.

HEY, ERNIE!

>> HEY, UNCLE GRANDPA!

HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE.

HOW YOU BEEN?

>> Uncle Grandpa: EH, KEEPIN'

BUSY.

>> RIGHT ON.

WHAT'LL IT BE FOR YOU TODAY?

>> Uncle Grandpa: ACTUALLY, I

JUST NEED TO BORROW YOUR SODA

GUN.

>> SURE THING.

HERE YA GO.

>> Uncle Grandpa: THANKS!

GOT IT.

NOW JUST TAKE A SIP FROM THIS

STREAM OF FIZZY FANTASY, AND

YOU'LL BE YOUNG AGAIN.

>> B-B-BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE

YOUNG AGAIN.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHAT WAS THAT?

>> I SAID, LOOK OUT!

THERE'S A DINOSAUR!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHERE?!

WHOOPSIE!

>> Mr. Gus: AW, DANG IT,

UNCLE GRANDPA!

YOU GOT DISTRACTED AND TURNED ME

INTO MY AWKWARD TEENAGE SELF!

>> Uncle Grandpa: ARE YOU TRYING

TO GROW A MUSTACHE?

>> [ GASPS ] PHILIP!

>> SEE YA LATER, KIDDIES!

I'M GOIN' FOR A DRIVE!

YIPPEE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: DON'T TOUCH MY

RADIO PRESETS!

AND DON'T LOOK IN THE GLOVE BOX!

ACTUALLY, I GUESS YOU'RE OLD

ENOUGH.

>> UNCLE GRANDPA, GO AFTER HIM!

>> Uncle Grandpa: RIGHT.

CAN I BORROW YOUR CAR KEYS?

[ TING! ]

[ HORNS HONKING ]

>> [ LAUGHING ]

I'M PRETTY GOOD AT THIS!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OKAY, PHILIP!

SLOW DOWN SO I CAN "YOUTH-ENIZE"

YOU WITH THIS SODA.

>> UH...LOOK OUT!

A COP!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHERE?

[ SIREN CHIRPS ]

>> VWOOM VWOOM.

>> [ LAUGHING ]

NOW WHERE'S THE RADIO IN THIS

THING?

PROBABLY THIS BIG RED BUTTON.

[ BUZZER ]

WHOOOOOO!

FLYING IS EVEN COOLER THAN

DRIVING!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HOW ABOUT A

COLD SOFT DRINK?

>> LOOK OUT! A BIRD!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHERE?!

>> AAAAAAAAH!

ALL RIGHT!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASPS ]

PHILIP!

>> WHOOO! HOT DOG!

I'M IN THE ARMY NOW!

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, YEAH?

STAND AT ATTENTION FOR ME REALLY

STILL.

>> HUH?

WHY DON'T YOU CHEW BAZOOKA,

GRANDPA?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: SOUNDS YUMMY!

>> Belly Bag: UNCLE GRANDPA, ARE

YOU WACKY?!

YOU DON'T WANT TO TASTE THAT!

HULP!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEY, I WAS

SUPPOSED TO TASTE BAZOOKA!

>> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

WHEW!

BEING OLD SURE TAKES IT OUT OF

YOU.

>> Uncle Grandpa: MAYBE YOU JUST

NEED TO HYDRATE WITH SOME SODA.

>> [ PANTING ]

[ WHEEZING ]

[ GASPS ]

[ GRUNTS ]

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

[ GASPS ]

NO WAY!

"ATTACK OF THE UNDEAD BLOOD

SPIDERS II"?!

AND I'M ACTUALLY OLD ENOUGH TO

SEE IT!

ONE CHILD -- UH, SENIOR TICKET

PLEASE!

>> CAN I SEE YOUR I.D.?

>>I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO UPDATE

MY PHOTO.

>> UH, ENJOY THE MOVIE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: PHILLIP!

WHERE'D YOU --

[ GASPS ]

NO WAY!

CONCESSION COMBO IN THE LOBBY?!

I GUESS I HAVE TIME FOR A MOVIE

AND SOME SNACKS.

>> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

EXCUSE ME, PARDON ME.

THIS IS GREAT!

I'M OUT PAST CURFEW, I GOT TO

DRIVE, AND I EVEN GET TO WATCH

WHATEVER MOVIE I WANT.

I JUST WISH I WASN'T SO TIRED...

[ SNORING ]

>> OH, NO, HONEY!

THERE'S A SPIDER IN THE SHOWER!

>> I'LL HANDLE IT.

OH, MY -- AAAAAAH!

[ SCREAMING ]

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, GOOD.

IT'S OVER.

OH, HEY, PHILIP.

DIDN'T FANCY SEEING YOU HERE.

>> HUH?!

WHAT THE --

AW, MAN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I SLEPT THROUGH

THE WHOLE MOVIE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHY'D YOU DO

THAT?

>> I GUESS 300-YEAR-OLDS NEED

MORE REST THAN I THOUGHT.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF BEING OLDER

IF I CAN'T EVEN STAY AWAKE TO

WATCH COOL MOVIES?

PLUS, MY OLD BEARD IS STARTING

TO ATTRACT MOTHS.

YEAH, I'M READY TO DRINK YOUR

STREAM OF FIZZY FANTASY AND BE

YOUNG AGAIN, UNCLE GRANDPA.

UNCLE GRANDPA?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WH-O-O-OA!

MOTHS ARE COOL.

I WONDER WHAT YOUNG MOTHS LOOK

LIKE.

NEAT.

>> HEY, UNCLE GRANDPA, JUST A

HEADS-UP BUT THE SODA TANK IS

ALMOST GONE.

YOU'RE DOWN TO YOUR VERY LAST

SPRAY.

>> Uncle Grandpa: LAST SPRAY?!

I GOT TO MAKE THE NEXT ONE

COUNT.

>> UM, UNCLE GRANDPA?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHERE?!

WHOOPSIE.

>> OH, NO!

I'M GONNA BE OLD FOREVER!

HUH?

>> Uncle Grandpa: NOT IF THIS

GRANDPA CAN HELP IT!

[ GRUNTS ]

>> AAAAH!

UNH!

MMM, CHERRY-FLAVORED.

>> Uncle Grandpa: NOW LET'S GET

YOU BACK HOME.

I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER

HERE.

>> OKAY.

I THINK I GOT YOUR WALL ALL

PATCHED UP --

[ CRASHING ]

>> THANKS FOR THE LIFT AND THE

FUN TIME, UNCLE GRANDPA.

I'M GONNA GO TRY AND ENJOY BEING

A KID NOW.

>> OH, PHILIP, YOU'RE A KID

AGAIN!

WANT ME TO PUT SOME CARTOONS ON

FOR YOU?

>> YEAH, SURE.

JUST NONE OF THAT PURPLE HORSEY

JUNK.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELP, THERE

GOES ANOTHER SATISFIED CUSTOMER.

SEE, PUBESCENT GUS?

EVEN BEING DISTRACTED, THINGS

ALWAYS WORK OUT.

>> EXCEPT YOU STILL NEED TO

CHANGE ME BACK TO MY NORMAL AGE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, YEAH.

HERE YOU GO.

HEY! MY BUBBLE GUM!

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THAT.

I WONDER WHAT ELSE IS IN THERE.

>> AND NOW "SCIENCE TIME WITH

UNCLE GRANDPA."

>> Uncle Grandpa: HIYA, FOLKS!

WELCOME TO THE SHOW.

HELPING ME TODAY WILL BE MY

SPECIAL GUEST ASSISTANT, KIMMM!

HOW YOU DOING, KIMMY?

>> WELL, I'M DOING FINE.

I'M REALLY EXCITED T--

>> Uncle Grandpa: THAT'S RIGHT,

KIMMM!

TODAY'S SUBJECT IS DISSECTION.

DISSECTION IS THE PROCESS OF

CUTTING CRITTERS OPEN TO FIND

OUT WHAT'S INSIDE, TO SEE WHAT

MAKES 'EM TICK.

THE FIRST THING WE NEED IS

SOMETHING TO DISSECT.

FOLLOW ME, KIMMM!

Shh! WE'RE GETTING CLOSER.

BASKETBALLS IN THEIR NATURAL

HABITAT.

GOT ONE!

NOW WE HAVE TO PREPARE THE

SPECIMEN.

HOLD YOUR NOSE.

THIS STUFF IS REALLY STRONG.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SWEET DREAMS, YOU POOR DUMB

CREATURE.

[ WHIMPERS ]

THERE WE GO!

READY FOR DISSECTION.

>> DO WE USE THIS?

>> Uncle Grandpa: HEAVENS, NO!

THAT'S MUCH TOO DANGEROUS.

NO, KIM, WE'LL USE THIS!

[ MOTOR REVS ]

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK'S INSIDE

THE BASKETBALL, KIMMM?

>> UM...AIR?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WRONG!

IT'S COTTON CANDY.

HERE YOU GO, HONEY.

SHE'S GOT A REAL SWEET TOOTH.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK IS IN

THERE?

>> UM, AT THIS POINT, I'M NOT

REALLY SURE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: NOPE!

IT'S A GRASSHOPPER.

THIS MUST BE WHY BASKETBALLS ARE

SO JUMPY.

FOR YOU, MR. GUS.

>> Mr. Gus: OH, BOY!

A HOP DOG!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU'RE 0 FOR

2, KIM.

BETTER UP YOUR GAME.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK WE'LL

FIND IN HERE?

>> I DON'T KNOW.

SOME KIND OF KILLER ROBOT OR

SOMETHING EQUALLY WEIRD.

>> Uncle Grandpa: NOPE AGAIN.

IT'S THIS STUFF!

>> EW! GROSS!

IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHY, YES, IT

IS, KIM.

IT'S A HEAPING PLATEFUL OF

MOUTHWATERING SPAGHETTI AND

MEATBALLS.

>> Pizza Steve: WHAT?! NO BREAD?

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, YEAH!

[ MUMBLING ]

HERE IT IS!

BON APPETITE.

>> Pizza Steve: THAT'S WHAT I'M

TALKIN' BOUT.

>> UNCLE GRANDPA!

WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS HAVE TO DO

WITH SCIENCE?

>> Uncle Grandpa: SCIENCE?!

I THOUGHT THIS WAS A COOKING

SHOW.

>> HA! JOIN US NEXT WEEK FOR

MORE SCIENCE -- I MEAN, COOKING

WITH UNCLE GRANDPA.