Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

>> Pizza Steve: WHO NEEDS

OVERPRICED TANNING SALONS WHEN

I'VE GOT A SKY FULL OF NATURAL

SUNLIGHT AND MY GOOD OLD

MICROWAVE KING-BRAND SATELLITE

DISH?

GOLDEN BROWN, HERE I COME!

>> Mr. Gus: LET'S SEE WHAT'S ON

THE OLD SATELLITE TV TODAY.

>> SO, THEN, YOU TAKE YOUR RUMP

ROAST AND PLACE IT IN THE OVEN

AT 480 DEGREES.

>> Mr. Gus: AAH!

PIZZA STEVE, GET YOUR BUTT OFF

THE SATELLITE DISH!

GET DOWN FROM THERE!

[ CLANK! ]

[ WHOOSH! ]

[ CLANK! ]

>> AAH!

>> Uncle Grandpa: UGH!

[ POP! ]

HEY, WHO PUT THIS BOX HERE?

HMM.

IT DOESN'T SAY WHO IT'S FROM OR

WHO IT'S TO.

HEY, GUYS, COME OUT HERE!

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU!

[ POINK! POINK! ]

AAAH!

OH, THERE YOU ARE.

DOES THIS PACKAGE BELONG TO YOU?

>> Mr. Gus: I'VE NEVER SEEN IT

BEFORE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HOW ABOUT YOU,

MR. PIZZA STEVE?

>> Pizza Steve: IT'S PROBABLY

JUST A GIFT FROM ONE OF MY MANY

FANS.

I'LL JUST POP IT OPEN AND SEE

WHAT THEY GOT ME.

>> Mr. Gus: WHOA, THERE!

IT COULD JUST AS EASILY BE FROM

ONE OF MYMANY FANS.

>> Both: [ LAUGHING ]

>> Mr. Gus: WELL, IT COULD!

THE POINT IS, WE DON'T KNOW WHO

IT'S FOR.

WE SHOULD JUST LEAVE IT WHERE WE

FOUND IT.

SOMEONE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR IT.

>> Pizza Steve: I SAY FINDERS,

KEEPERS, LOSERS, ET CETERA.

>> Mr. Gus: GIVE ME THAT!

YOU KNOW IT DOESN'T BELONG TO

YOU!

>> Uncle Grandpa: COME ON,

MR. GUS.

AREN'T YOU EVEN A LITTLE CURIOUS

ABOUT WHAT'S INSIDE?

IT'S PROBABLY A COW WHO LIKES TO

RACE CARS AND GO BOWLING.

>> Mr. Gus: SOMEHOW, I DOUBT IT.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, THEN,

WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS?

>> Mr. Gus: I CAN'T SAY FOR

SURE, BUT IT IS ABOUT THE RIGHT

SIZE FOR A BOX FULL OF VINTAGE

EASY-LISTENING RECORDS.

"A HUNDRED AND ONE

HARMONICAS" -- I LOVE THIS

RECORD!

>> Mr. Gus: [ CRUNCHING ]

MMM!

>> Pizza Steve: I SURE HOPE IT'S

NOT FULL OF ANYTHING LAME LIKE

THAT.

IF YOU'RE GONNA IMAGINE WHAT'S

INSIDE, IMAGINE SOMETHING GOOD,

LIKE DIAMONDS -- DIAMONDS ON A

HIGH-DEFINITION TELEVISION.

OH, YES!

CLASSIC PIZZA STEVE.

OHH!

>> Belly Bag: YES, OF COURSE,

THAT IS A POSSIBILITY.

BUT IT COULD JUST AS EASILY BE

FULL OF FOREIGN KNOCK-OFF PURSES

WHO'LL DO ANYTHING FOR AN

AMERICAN VISA.

>> [ GIGGLING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GEEZ,

BELLY BAG, YOU NEED TO GET OUT

MORE OFTEN.

NOW IT'S MY TURN TO MAKE A

THOUGHT BALLOON AND IMAGINE

WHAT'S INSIDE THE BOX.

OH, BOY -- LOOKIT THAT!

IT'S THAT CARDBOARD BOX I'VE

ALWAYS WANTED!

[ SNIFFING ]

AH-AH-AH-CHOO!

I VOTE WE OPEN IT AND FIND OUT

WHAT'S REALLY INSIDE.

>> Pizza Steve: THAT'S WHAT I'VE

BEEN SAYING.

LET'S POP THIS MAMA JAMA OPEN.

>> Mr. Gus: WHOA!

COOL YOUR JETS THERE, BUDDY.

I STILL DON'T THINK WE SHOULD

OPEN SOMETHING THAT POTENTIALLY

DOESN'T BELONG TO US.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HMM.

HEY, I KNOW.

LET'S FLIP FOR IT.

HEADS -- WE OPEN IT.

TAILS -- WE DON'T.

[ POP! CREAK! ]

[ WHIFFLE! ]

[ THUD! ]

OHH!

>> Mr. Gus: OH, WELL.

I GUESS THAT'S --

>> Pizza Steve: HEY, MR. GUS,

WHAT'S THAT THING OVER THERE?!

>> Mr. Gus: WHAT'S WHAT?

>> Pizza Steve: [ GRUNTS ]

NEVER MIND.

LOOK -- HEADS!

>> Mr. Gus: WHAT THE...

[ SIGHS ]

WHATEVER.

>> Pizza Steve: I'LL GO AHEAD

AND TAKE THE LIBERTY OF OPENING

IT UP FOR US.

OF COURSE, THAT MEANS I GET

FIRST DIBS.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ GRUNTING ]

ALL RIGHT, ALMOST GOT IT.

[ GROANS ]

JUST GOT TO GET UNDER THIS TAPE.

WHAT A STUBBORN LITTLE THANG.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

ON SECOND THOUGHT, I'LL LET YOU

OPEN IT, UNCLE G.

JUST WANTED TO LOOSEN IT UP FOR

YA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: THANKS,

PIZZA STEVE.

>> Mr. Gus: UNCLE GRANDPA, YOU

CAN'T USE A DANGEROUS BUTTER

KNIFE LIKE THAT.

THIS IS A KIDS' SHOW.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, YEAH.

BETTER GO GET MY SWORD, THEN.

[ SHING! WHOOSH! ]

HIYAH!

MAN, THAT'S THE LAST GLASS SWORD

I EVER BUY.

[ WHOOSH! CLANG! ]

>> Mr. Gus: HERE.

I'LL GET THIS THING OPEN.

IT JUST NEEDS A GENTLE TOUCH.

HMM.

[ GRUNTING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: WOW.

EVEN MR. GUS' SUPERSTRONG HANDS

CAN'T GET THIS BOX OPEN.

>> Mr. Gus: [ GRUNTS ]

I GUESS I NEED TO HIT THE GYM

MORE OFTEN, Y'ALL.

>> Uncle Grandpa: BELLY BAG,

ANY IDEAS TO GET THIS BOX OPEN?

>> Belly Bag: MAYBE MY SHARP

ZIPPER TEETH CAN CUT THROUGH

SOME OF THAT TAPE.

NOM! NOM, NOM, NOM!

NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM!

NOPE. THIS IS SOME TOUGH TAPE.

[ SHATTER! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: NICE TRY,

BUDDY.

LET ME GIVE IT A SHOT.

NYUH!

WELL, GIVING IT A SHOT DIDN'T

WORK.

>> Mr. Gus: PERHAPS

GREAT REALISTIC FLYING TIGER CAN

HELP US WITH THIS DILEMMA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: GREAT IDEA,

MR. GUS.

[ WHISTLES ]

>> GRFT: [ GROWLS SOFTLY ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: SORRY, GIRL.

DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOUR

CATNAP, BUT WE REALLY NEED YOUR

HELP OPENING UP THIS PACKAGE.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S TRY SOME OF YOUR RAINBOW

POWER.

[ WHOOSH! ]

[ CLATTER! ]

[ WHOOSH! ]

DARN IT!

UH-OH. SORRY ABOUT USING UP ALL

YOUR COLOR.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

[ WHOOSH! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: I GUESS WE'RE

GONNA HAVE TO START THINKING

OUTSIDE THE BOX, OUTSIDE THE

BOX.

[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

OKAY, LASER HAMMER.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU AND YOUR

HIGH-POWERED, LONG-RANGE,

ACCURACY SCOPE CAN DO.

[ WHOOSH! ]

>> Mr. Gus: I HEARD THE PIRANHAS

AT THIS LAKE WILL TEAR THROUGH

ANYTHING.

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, LET'S

SEE THEM TEAR THROUGH THIS.

>> ANY OF YOU GUYS EXPECTING A

PACKAGE?

>> Together: NAH.

>> HEY, LOOK. A BOAT.

[ BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ! ]

>> WELL, DOCTOR, IT SEEMS LIKE

YOU'LL HAVE TO OPEN THE PATIENT

UP TO REMOVE THE OBSTRUCTION.

>> GOOD THING MY TRUSTY SCALPEL

AND I CAN OPEN UP ANYTHING.

>> Uncle Grandpa: CAN YOU OPEN

UP THIS?

>> DOES IT HAVE INSURANCE?

>> Uncle Grandpa: UHHHHHH.

OUCH!

>> Mr. Gus: [ GRUNTS ]

>> Both: [ GRUNTING ]

>> Pizza Steve: [ SHOUTING ]

[ GRUNTS ]

>> MM-HMM.

SO, TELL ME, UNCLE GRANDPA, WHY

ARE WE HERE TODAY?

>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, I JUST

CAN'T GET HIM TO OPEN UP.

>> I SEE.

PERHAPS SOME THINGS ARE BETTER

LEFT UNOPENED.

>> Uncle Grandpa: SO, CAN YOU

OPEN HIM UP OR NOT?

>> I THINK OUR TIME IS UP.

>> Uncle Grandpa: DO I STILL

HAVE TO PAY FOR THIS?

>> DO YOU HAVE INSURANCE?

>> Uncle Grandpa: UHHH.

OUCH!

>> Mr. Gus: [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ WHOOSH! ]

>> Belly Bag: AAAH!

[ GROANING ]

[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ CREAK! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: ALL RIGHT!

THIS JAGGED SHARK'S TOOTH I

ORDERED SHOULD CUT THROUGH THAT

BOX -- NO PROBLEM.

[ GRIND! ]

[ SIZZLE! ]

[ TWITCH! TWITCH! ]

[ THUMP! WHIR! ]

[ CLANK! GRIND! ]

[ WHOOSH! ]

[ W-W-W-WHOOSH! ]

[ SIZZLE! ]

[ WHOOSH! ]

[ Z-Z-Z-ZIP! ]

[ SIZZLE! ]

[ WHMMMM! ]

[ TWINKLE! TWINKLE! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ EXHALES

DEEPLY ]

[ RATTLE! ]

[ AIR WHOOSHING ]

[ CLINK! ]

[ BOOM! ]

WHY IS NOTHING WORKING?!

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?!

WHY? WHY?!

>> Belly Bag: I CAN'T TAKE IT

ANYMORE!

[ GRUNTING ]

>> Mr. Gus: NO-GOOD BOX TESTIN'

MY PATIENCE, MAKING ME LOSE MY

COOL!

>> Pizza Steve: I GOT TO GET

INSIDE.

I GOT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE!

>> All: [ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: I'M STARTING

TO FEEL KIND OF WEIRD, KIND OF

LIKE BLIND RAGE IS TAKING OVER!

>> Belly Bag: M-M-M-ME, TOO!

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROWLING ]

[ WHOOSH! ]

>> Pizza Steve: NOTHING IS GONNA

KEEP ME OUT OF THAT BOX --

NOTHING!

>> All: [ GRUNTING ]

[ BLOWS LANDING ]

>> HEY, GUYS.

DOES ANYBODY HAVE ANY TAPE I CAN

BORROW?

NEVER MIND.

I'LL JUST USE SOME TAPE FROM

THIS BOX.

THERE'S A NICE, LOOSE PIECE.

[ CREAK! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASPS ]

THE BOX -- IT'S OPEN!

>> DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

>> Pizza Steve: THE TIME HAS

COME!

>> YOU GUYS ARE STARTING TO

FREAK ME OUT.

I'M OUT OF HERE.

[ WHOOSH! ZWIP! ]

>> Pizza Steve: [ LAUGHS

MANIACALLY ]

IT'S MINE! ME FIRST!

>> Belly Bag: BACK OFF,

SAUCE FACE!

>> Mr. Gus: IT'S MINE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU'LL HAVE TO

PRY IT FROM MY COLD, GLOVED

HANDS FIRST!

>> All: AAAAAH!

[ GRUNTING ]

[ BLOWS LANDING ]

[ RUMBLE! ]

[ TWINKLE! ]

[ GASP ]

[ WHOOSH! WHOOSH! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD

MORNING.

>> Mr. Gus: WHAT THE HECK?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: WHAT'S GOING

ON?!

>> Pizza Steve: THAT'S IT --

US?!

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

WHERE'S ALL THE DIAMONDS?!

>> Uncle Grandpa: IT'S JUST A

BUNCH OF DARKNESS!

>> Belly Bag: ALL THAT WORK FOR

NOTHING?!

>> Mr. Gus: THIS DOESN'T MAKE

ANY SENSE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: LOOKS LIKE

YOU GUYS NEED A TURN IN THE BOX.

[ SLAP! WHOOSH! ]

>> Mr. Gus: YEAH, Y'ALL NEED

TO CHILL OUT FOR A WHILE.

>> Pizza Steve: JUST RELAX

IN THERE, DUDES.

>> Belly Bag: NOW THAT THAT'S

OVER, ANYBODY WANT TO SEE IF THE

24-HOUR ICE-CREAM SHOP IS STILL

OPEN?

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH, LET'S

GO.

>> Pizza Steve: I'M ALL OVER

THAT IDEA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HANG ON, GUYS.

I FORGOT MY WALLET.

HEY, WHAT'S THIS BOX DOING HERE?

[ CREAK ]

>> Uncle Grandpas: BULL'S-EYE!

>> NEW EXPERIENCES,

WITH BEARY NICE...

>> THAT'S ME.

>> ...AND HOT DOG PERSON.

>> THAT'S ME.

>> WOW!

I'VE NEVER USED A COMPUTER

BEFORE.

[ CREAK! ]

HAVE YOU, HOT DOG PERSON?

>> WHAT'S A COMPUTER?

>> COMPUTERS ARE AMAZING

MACHINES -- WHEE! -- THAT CAN DO

ALMOST ANYTHING.

>> REALLY?

>> I'M BEARY EXCITED TO USE A

COMPUTER FOR THE BEARY FIRST

TIME.

I'M BEARY NICE.

AND I'M GONNA USE THIS COMPUTER

TO HELP ME GET INTO THAT JAR OF

COOKIES.

[ MASH! ]

[ BEEPING ]

>> WELCOME TO FLUFFYLAND.

>> [ CHUCKLES ]

>> WANT TO PLAY?

>> WOW. COMPUTERS REALLY ARE

AMAZING MACHINES.

>> YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHIN' YET.

JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY CLAWS ON

THOSE COOKIES.

[ BEEPING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ BEEPING STOPS ]

COMPUTER COOKIES ARE MY

FAVORITE.

[ BEEPS ]

>> REDIRECT.

>> HUH?

>> WELCOME TO NORMAD

MISSILE DEFENSE LAUNCH NETWORK.

WARNING. THIS IS A RESTRICTED

GOVERNMENT WEBSITE.

TOP-LEVEL CLEARANCE PASSWORD

REQUIRED.

>> [ Monotone ] BEEP, BOOP,

BEEP.

COMPUTER COOKIE.

BEEP, BOOP, BEEP.

>> PASSWORD VERIFIED.

WELCOME, MR. PRESIDENT.

>> [ GASPS ]

>> WHAT ARE THE TARGET

COORDINATES, MR. PRESIDENT?

>> UH-OH, THIS ISN'T GOOD.

>> FIDDLESTICKS.

THIS COOKIE IS DELICIOUS!

NOM, NOM.

MMM, NOM, NOM.

NOM, NOM.

OH, MY.

THERE'S COOKIE CRUMBS ALL OVER

THE KEYBOARD.

>> YOU HAVE CHOSEN ALL OF THE

TARGETS.

>> [ GASPING ]

>> PLEASE ENTER THE LAUNCH CODE,

MR. PRESIDENT.

>> OH, NO!

>> GET OFF OF THERE, CRUMBS.

>> UGH! [ COUGHS ]

>> LAUNCH CODES ACCEPTED.

>> OHH!

>> ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO

PROCEED, MR. PRESIDENT?

>> JUST A FEW CRUMBS LEFT.

THERE'S ONE BY THE "Y" KEY.

NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM.

OH. THERE'S ONE BY THE "E."

>> [ WHIMPERING ]

>> AND THERE'S ONE LAST CRUMB BY

THE "S" KEY.

>> THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.

>> OH, NO!

>> THE MISSILES ARE IN THE AIR.

GOODBYE.

>> [ WHIMPERING ]

[ BEEPING ]

AAAAH!

AAAAAAAAH!

[ MID-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> WOW!

I HAD NO IDEA A COMPUTER COULD

MAKE MY COOKIE TOASTY WARM, TOO.