Original subtitles

[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING!

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

LIVE AND DIRECT FROM OUR OVEN,

PLEASE WELCOME THE MASTER OF

OBSERVATIONAL COMEDY...

>> Uncle Grandpa: THIS IS GONNA

BE GOOD.

>> Pizza Steve: PIZZA STEVE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASPS ]

>> Pizza Steve: YO, EVERYBODY.

[ WHIP! WHIP! WHIP! ]

GREAT TO BE HERE.

HEY, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THESE

FREE PIZZA TABLES THEY GIVE YOU

EVERY TIME YOU ORDER A PIZZA?

I LIKE FREE FURNITURE JUST AS

MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY, BUT COULD

YOU THROW IN A SET OF CHAIRS

NEXT TIME?

[ RIMSHOT ]

[ LAUGHS ]

AM I RIGHT?

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

>> Pizza Steve: OOH!

HERE'S A CLASSIC.

WHAT'S TALL, GREEN, BORING, AND

IS MAKING A SANDWICH RIGHT NOW?

[ SQUISH! ]

YOU GOT IT. IT'S MR. GUS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

THAT IS SO TRUE.

>> Mr. Gus: OH, YEAH?

I HAVE A JOKE.

PIZZA STEVE IS SO ANNOYING THAT

SPORE-FORMING BACTERIA REFUSE TO

GROW ON HIM, EVEN THOUGH HE

DOESN'T STAY REFRIGERATED!

YOU DO KNOW PIZZA'S SUPPOSED TO

BE REFRIGERATED, RIGHT?

>> Uncle Grandpa: UH, SAY,

MR. GUS, UH, I THINK IT'S BEST

IF WE LEAVE ALL THE FUNNY

BUSINESS TO THIS HILARIOUS SLICE

RIGHT HERE.

>> Pizza Steve: YEAH.

LET PIZZA STEVE SHOW YOU HOW

IT'S DONE.

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS COUCH?

IS IT MADE FOR GIANTS OR

SOMETHING?

I MEAN, I NEED A LADDER EVERY

TIME I WANT TO WATCH TV.

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

>> Pizza Steve: WHAT'S THE DEAL

WITH THIS OLD ENGLISH PHONE

BOOTH?

THIS THING WOULD BE USEFUL...

IF THE QUEEN WASN'T HOGGIN' IT

24/7!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

>> Pizza Steve: AND WHAT'S THE

DEAL WITH THIS GIANT MEDIEVAL

CATAPULT?

WHO EVEN USES THESE THINGS

ANYMORE?

[ ROPE CREAKING ]

[ WHOOSH! ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

>> Mr. Gus: [ GRUNTS ]

MY HEAD.

[ CRASHING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASPS ]

>> Mr. Gus: UH...

>> Uncle Grandpa: ARE YOU OKAY,

MR. GUS?

>> Mr. Gus: UH...UH-HUH.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, YEAH?

HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING

UP?

>> Mr. Gus: UH, 19 3/4.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HMM.

[ CASH REGISTER DINGS ]

CORRECT!

HE'S TOTALLY FINE.

IN FACT, HE SEEMS MUCH HAPPIER

THAN USUAL.

>> Mr. Gus: [ CHUCKLES ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

THAT'S A GOOD ONE, MR. GUS.

I GUESS YOU'RE PRETTY FUNNY

AFTER ALL.

>> Pizza Steve: WHOA, UNCLE G!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEAVING THE

FUNNY TO PIZZA STEVE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: DON'T WORRY.

THERE'S PLENTY OF FUNNY TO GO

AROUND.

>> Mr. Gus: SAY, ANY OF YOU

FELLERS WANT TO GO TO THE COUNTY

FAIR?

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> Pizza Steve: [ CHUCKLES ]

THE COUNTY FAIR?

[ Southern accent ] COUNTY FAIRS

ARE FOR COUNTRY BUMPKINS WITH NO

PURPOSE IN LIFE.

[ Normal voice ] AM I RIGHT,

UNCLE G?

>> Uncle Grandpa: I'LL GO!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> Mr. Gus: COUNTY FAIR!

COUNTY FAIR!

[ LAUGHS ]

COME ON, Y'ALL!

[ LAUGHS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

>> Pizza Steve: OH, UH, UNCLE G?

>> Uncle Grandpa: THIS BETTER

BE GOOD, PIZZA STEVE.

MR. GUS IS ON FIRE RIGHT NOW.

>> Pizza Steve: W-WHAT'S THE

DEAL WITH BANANAS?

I MEAN, JUST LOOK AT THESE

THINGS.

LOOK AT 'EM.

UH, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THESE

THINGS?

AM I RIGHT?

>> Mr. Gus: [ LAUGHS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: NOW THE PIE'S

DRIPPING ALL OVER HIS FACE!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> Pizza Steve: YO, UNCLE G!

>> Uncle Grandpa: HUH?

>> Pizza Steve: WHA-WHAT'S THE

DEAL WITH THIS STUPID BALLOON

GAME?

THEY WANT ME TO DROP 10 BUCKS TO

POP A FEW BALLOONS?

WHY DON'T I JUST FLUSH MY WALLET

DOWN THE TOILET INSTEAD?

>> Mr. Gus: AHH...

AHHH...

AHHH...CHOO!

[ WHOOSHING ]

>> Pizza Steve: AM I RIGHT?

WHOA!

>> WE'VE GOT A WINNER!

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

YOU'RE THE MASTER OF CORN-DOG

COMEDY, MR. GUS.

>> Mr. Gus: OH, SHUCKS.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> Pizza Steve: [ SIGHS ]

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

UNCLE G THINKS MR. GUS IS THE

FUNNIEST THING ON THE PLANET.

PIZZA STEVE MIGHT AS WELL BE

INVISIBLE.

AND NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER

HAVE HAPPENED IF PIZZA STEVE

HADN'T HIT MR. GUS IN THE HEAD

WITH THAT CATAPULT.

WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S IT!

IF I WHACK MR. GUS HARD ENOUGH

ON THE HEAD AGAIN, MR. GUS MIGHT

GO BACK TO HIS NORMAL, BORING

SELF.

AND THEN, PIZZA STEVE WOULD BE

BACK ON THE TOP OF THE FUNNY

FOOD CHAIN.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY BALL.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

>> Mr. Gus: [ LAUGHS ]

[ MUFFLED LAUGHTER ]

>> Pizza Steve: YO, BROS!

TIME FOR THE BONUS ROUND.

>> All: HUH?

[ WHISTLE BLOWS ]

HOLD UP!

BACK TO NORMAL, MR. GUS.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!

>> Mr. Gus: [ CLEARS THROAT ]

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

>> Pizza Steve: IT WORKED!

NORMAL MR. GUS IS BACK.

>> Mr. Gus: [ LAUGHS ]

COTTON-CANDY BEARD, Y'ALL!

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

HEY!

>> Uncle Grandpa: COTTON-CANDY

BEARD.

MR. GUS, YOU ARE, WITHOUT A

DOUBT, A COMEDY GENIUS!

>> Pizza Steve: OKAY, MAYBE IT

DIDN'T WORK.

BETTER KICK IT UP A NOTCH.

>> Mr. Gus: BUMP, BUMP, BUMPER

CARS!

>> Pizza Steve: THAT'S RIGHT,

MR. GUS.

OKAY, NOW GET READY.

HERE COMES UNCLE G!

>> Uncle Grandpa: BUMP, BUMP,

BUMP, BUMPER CARS.

>> Pizza Steve: WE GOT TO

STREAMLINE FOR MAXIMUM IMPACT.

PUT YOUR HEAD FORWARD AND DOWN!

>> Mr. Gus: [ LAUGHS ]

OKAY.

>> Pizza Steve: A LITTLE LOWER!

PERFECT.

>> Mr. Gus: BUMP, BUMP, BUMP.

>> Uncle Grandpa: BUMP, BUMP,

BUMP.

>> Mr. Gus: BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!

>> Uncle Grandpa: BUMP, BUMP,

BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!

[ BELL DINGS ]

>> Pizza Steve: OH, MR. GUS?

>> Mr. Gus: [ LAUGHS ]

>> Pizza Steve: [ SIGHS ]

ALL RIGHT, IT'S GO TIME.

[ BELL DINGS ]

>> Mr. Gus: DO IT AGAIN.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ RINGING ]

>> Mr. Gus: HI, PIZZA MAN.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

[ CREAK! ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ DING! ]

[ LAUGHS ]

[ HORN HONKS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

YOU'RE THE KING OF COMEDY,

MR. GUS.

>> Pizza Steve: IT'S NO USE.

MR. GUS IS GOING TO STEAL THE

SHOW FOREVER.

WELL, I GUESS THIS IS IT.

NO POINT STICKING AROUND THE

R.V. ANYMORE IF UNCLE G DOESN'T

THINK PIZZA STEVE IS THE

FUNNIEST.

[ SIGHS ]

I'M LEAVING FOREVER, UNCLE G.

>> Uncle Grandpa: HANG ON,

PIZZA STEVE.

MR. GUS IS ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING

FUNNY.

>> Mr. Gus: [ LAUGHS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND!

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANS ]

HOW LONG WAS I OUT FOR?

>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS!

YOU'RE TWOOF A KIND!

>> Mr. Gus: NAH.

THERE'S ONLY ONE MR. GUS.

THIS IS MY COUSIN, NATHAN, FROM

FLORIDA.

HE'S A PROFESSIONAL CARTOON

COMEDIAN.

>> Uncle Grandpa: OH!

NO WONDER HE'S SO FUNNY.

>> Mr. Gus: ANYWAY, HE WAS JUST

VISITING FOR THE AFTERNOON.

I GOT TO TAKE HIM BACK TO THE

BUS STATION NOW.

I HOPE YOU GUYS SHOWED HIM A

GOOD TIME WHILE I WAS IN THAT

COMA.

>> Pizza Steve: MM...

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

[ VACUUM CLEANER RUNNING ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASPS ]

AW, NUTS.

GOOD MORNING AND WELCOME TO

EPISODE 6 OF "FIX THAT R.V."

I'M YOUR HOST, UNCLE GRANDPA.

NOW, TODAY, WE'RE GONNA DO

SOMETHING WE'VE NEVER DONE ON

THE SHOW BEFORE -- FIX THE R.V.!

[ DING! ]

LET'S GO!

HMM. A NAIL IN THE TIRE.

DON'T LET THAT GET YOUR SPIRITS

DOWN, BUILDERS.

TO ACHIEVE GREATNESS, WE MUST

ALLOW OURSELVES TO START OVER.

NOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP IN

R.V. REPAIR IS STARTING WITH A

STRONG FOUNDATION.

BELLY BAG, WOULD YOU KINDLY DO

THE HONORS?

SPECTACULAR!

AFTER WE'VE POWDERED OUR NOSES,

WE'RE GONNA BUILD THE STRUCTURE.

LET'S GO CHECK OUT WHAT THE BOYS

HAVE BEEN WORKING ON OVER HERE.

PIZZA STEVE, WHATCHA WORKING ON

DOWN HERE, BUDDY?

>> Pizza Steve: MY TAN, DUDE!

>> Uncle Grandpa: IS THAT A 2x4

YOU GOT THERE?

>> Pizza Steve: NO IDEA, MAN.

ASK MR. GUS.

>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS, IS

THAT A 2x4 YOU'RE WORKING WITH?

>> Mr. Gus: SURE.

>> Uncle Grandpa: NICE!

KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK, BOYS.

THE WALLS ARE GOING UP ON THE

R.V. RIGHT NOW, BUT WE NEED A

GOOD SEALANT TO MAKE SURE WE

DON'T GET ANY WATER DAMAGE.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND BIG JUNIOR'S

DELUXE BABY SEAL COAT TO DO THE

TRICK.

[ SPLAT! ]

>> [ BARKS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: LOOKS LIKE A

PRETTY TIGHT SEAL,IF YOU ASK

ME.

MR. GUS, WOULD YOU BE A DOLL AND

GRAB THAT 2x4?

>> Mr. Gus: YOU MEAN THIS

WRENCH?

>> Uncle Grandpa: YEAH, THAT'S

GREAT.

HEY MR. GUS, CAN YOU HAND ME

THAT 2x4 THAT'S RIGHT NEXT TO

YOU?

>> Mr. Gus: THIS IS A SAW,

UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: EVEN BETTER,

MR. GUS.

>> Mr. Gus: MMM!

>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS, WILL

YOU PASS THE 2x4?

>> Mr. Gus: MM-HMM.

>> Mr. Gus: HMM.

UH, HERE'S THAT 2x4 YOU ASKED

FOR, UNCLE GRANDPA.

>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS, YOU

ARE AN ANGEL.

[ CREAK! WHIP! ]

[ RATCHETING ]

>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANS ]

[ CREAKING ]

[ COW MOOS ]

>> Uncle Grandpa: [ LAUGHS ]

ALL FIXED!

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE THE R.V. IS

IN TIP-TOP SHAPE.

THANKS FOR WATCHING AND HELPING

ME FIX THAT R.V.

NOW LET'S TAKE THIS BABY FOR A

SPIN.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ TIRES SQUEAL ]

>> THAT WAS QUITE DELICIOUS.