Original subtitles

Anthony: Welcome to "To Tell the Truth,"

where fact is stranger than fiction

and our celebrity guests are just strange.

Spoilers! What?!

[ Laughs ]

I'm your host, Anthony Anderson.

And tonight's celebrity panel ‐‐

Kevin Nealon.

Is it true after being in space for over 600 days,

you lose your hair?

[ Laughter ]

Patti LaBelle.

You can curse on this show?

Yes, you can curse, Patti. Haven't you heard my mama?

[Bleep] [ Laughter ]

Mark Duplass.

So, uh, I only have one question.

It is in 29 parts.

[ Laughter ]

And Constance Zimmer.

How old were you when you started swallowing?

[ Laughter ]

Swords. Swords.

Yes. Okay.

And the lady who puts the "mom" in "awkward moment,"

my mama, Doris.

It's time to find out who's lying...

‐I spent... ‐665...

...days in space.

Anthony: ...and who is sworn to tell the truth.

Aah! [ Laughter ]

[ Cheering ]

This is "To Tell the Truth."

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Welcome to "To Tell the Truth." I'm your host, Anthony Anderson.

Mama, you feeling good tonight?

You ready to get into somebody's business?

‐Yes, I can't wait. ‐Alright.

Patti, Patti!

Hey, girl.

[ Laughter ]

Panel, your job throughout the show is to guess

who is telling the truth.

And if you guess all five rounds correctly,

you'll leave here with a mother figure.

I give to you...the Doris.

[ Angelic music plays ]

[ Cheers and applause ] Whoa!

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Is that solid gold, that bust?

Solid gold‐plated.

[ Laughter ]

But my mama is worth her weight in gold.

‐Hey! ‐I believe it. I believe it.

Yes, yes!

Let's get things started with our first guests.

♪♪

Hmm.

Okay.

Please introduce yourselves.

I spent 665 days in space.

[ Audience murmuring ] I spent 665 days in space.

I spent 665 days in space.

Here's this person's story in their own words.

"If you got frequent flyer miles for going to space,

I'd probably have a few hundred million by now.

As a NASA astronaut, your work often takes you

to the International Space Station,

but it's taken me there more often than the others,

because I hold the American record for time spent in space,

an accomplishment that I'd say is pretty out of this world.

I've spent 665 days in orbit ‐‐ that's nearly two years ‐‐

during which, I performed 10 space walks.

NASA has honored me with 10 awards and commendations.

But despite my stellar résumé,

I like to think I'm pretty down to Earth."

[ Cheers and applause ] Hmm. All right.

Now, one of these Americans clocked the most time in space

and is the only one who has been sworn to tell the truth.

Please, take a seat.

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Well, I've got a couple questions, Anthony, if I might.

Oh, sure.

Number 3, is it true after being in space

for over 600 days, you lose your hair?

[ Laughter ] So far, no.

Okay, my follow‐up question to that is,

what kind of shots do you need

before you go into space, Number 3?

We don't really have any standard shots we have to get.

No shots at all? Is that true, Number 2?

Well, more importantly for space is we're quarantined

for two weeks before we travel so that we can eliminate

any possibility of any illness while we're traveling in space.

Number 1, why is he lying?

[ Laughter ]

Number 1: Actually, he's pretty accurate.

We do quarantine for 14 days before launch

to make sure there are no viruses on board.

Constance: Is there a punch card?

Do you have to punch in and punch out?

How many steps you've taken, you know?

Oh, a time card.

How do you keep track, is what I'm trying to say.

Actually, no, we log in and out.

How does that work, exactly?

It counts from time aloft till the time we return.

Okay.

Number 1, please, how's the bathroom work up there?

We actually have toilets on the Space Station,

but when we're outside of the Space Station,

we have to wear a diaper.

Mm. Number 2? [ Laughter ]

The toilet inside the ship basically works with a principle

of a vacuum that sucks in the waste products.

Number 3?

Nothing to add. They got it.

Okay, good.

[ Laughter ]

What do you do about food, Number 2?

Well, primarily, we have meals ready to eat.

There are foods that are prepared,

high‐calorie meals, but also there's dehydrated foods

that we'll add water to and eat those.

Do you miss pizza?

[ Laughter ] I do miss pizza.

When I fly in a plane, there's something in my family

that we call the alti‐toots, which is we get

a little gassy in the altitude. [ Laughter ]

Do you experience anything similar?

Um, this is for all of you.

Anthony: Number 1.

Actually, we keep the pressure constant,

which is not what happens in an airplane.

Okay. So there's not much gas.

Anthony: Number 2?

I would add to that the same inside the space suits.

So, we maintain C‐level pressure.

‐Okay. ‐Number 3?

Yes, we maintain C‐level pressure inside the cabin.

[ Laughter ] Kevin: Number 3,

when you space walk, is there a safer time

to go during the day, or do you go at night,

and is there any, like, dangerous places

in space that you shouldn't be walking?

[ Laughter ]

We go around the planet once every 90 minutes,

so half of that time is in daylight

and half of that is in the darkness.

Most space walks last around six to eight hours.

Number 1? Yes, most space walks last six to eight hours.

So same question and same answer, okay.

Same answer, yeah. [ Laughter ]

What do you miss most about Earth?

Freedom to move around.

It's pretty spacious up there, but I like walking

in the woods and that kind of stuff.

Anthony: Number 2? I miss my family.

Patti: Aww.

I figured somebody would say that.

Number 3? Number 3?

‐Nothing. ‐Nothing?

♪♪

Okay.

Alright. We're gonna end it right there.

Let's see who our panel thinks spent 665 days in space ‐‐

1, 2, or 3.

Mama, who do you think it is?

I'm going with my girl, 3.

You're going with 3. [ Applause ]

Audience, who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

2?

3?

Alright.

Constance, we're going to start with you.

It's Number 1.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Because you don't seem like you have anything to prove.

You already know that you are the person,

whereas I felt sometimes...

I don't know. ‐Okay, okay, Andy, move on.

She's a talker.

[ Laughter ]

Kevin, who do you think it is and why?

Well, initially, I thought it was Number 3.

And then I started thinking maybe they just threw a woman

in the group just to throw us off a little bit.

So I'm going to go with hashtag 2.

[ Applause ]

Mark.

There's a theory that

your first instinct can be just as trustworthy

as thinking for a whole week on something.

So I went with Number 2.

Number 2.

[ Applause ]

[ Laughs ]

Patti?

I picked the lady. You picked the lady?

It's Number 3.

‐Patti picked Number 3. ‐Alright.

Alright, we're locked in.

It's a split vote.

Will the real person who spent 665 days in space

please stand up?

♪♪

I think it's 2.

Aah! [ Laughs ]

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Yes! ‐Aah!

Alright, Patti!

Yes!

‐Yeah! ‐Yay!

Yes! Good one.

Please, introduce yourself to our panel.

I'm Peggy Whitson. I've spent 665 days in space.

I commanded the International Space Station

a couple of times.

I was the chief astronaut,

first female First Commander of the Station.

[ Cheers and applause ]

There she is right there.

‐Yeah! ‐Bravo!

Aww!

When you're in space that long, really,

you didn't miss anything when you were up there that long?

I really like to live in the moment.

It felt very comfortable to be there,

and so I just was living in the moment of being there.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Impostor Number 1, please introduce yourself to our panel.

My name is Tim Powell, and I've never been to space,

and I have two daughters at home to keep me grounded.

[ Laughter ] Alright.

Impostor Number 2, please introduce yourself to the panel.

My name's John Hannen, and while I've never been to space,

I am a retired United States Air Force officer and pilot.

Alright! [ Cheers and applause ]

We're gonna take a quick break so our record‐setting astronaut

can explain to my mama why the Earth isn't flat.

‐[ Laughs ] ‐We'll be right back.

Kevin: You're off to a good start, Patti.

You're off to a good start. ‐Patti!

Congratulations to you.

You really are a hero.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to "To Tell the Truth."

It's time to meet our next guests.

♪♪

Contestants, please introduce yourselves.

I'm an English Channel record swimmer.

I am an English Channel record swimmer.

I'm an English Channel record swimmer.

Here is this person's story in their own words.

"Doing it once is exhausting.

Doing it four times in a row?

Well, that's a world record.

I'm talking about swimming the English Channel.

And yes, I did it a world‐record four times without stopping.

[ Audience gasps ]

That's an 84‐mile double round trip

between England and France.

When life put an unexpected hurdle in front of me,

I decided I wouldn't let it stop me from achieving my goals.

The previous world record was a three‐way trip

across the English Channel.

I floated the idea to go four times,

and people said it didn't hold water,

but I did it with hard work

and by channeling my best self."

Wow. [ Applause ]

One of these people is the English Channel record swimmer

and is the only one who has been sworn to tell the truth.

Please, take a seat.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Amazing.

Time to start the questioning,

and, Kevin, we're gonna start with you.

Okay. What was the life hurdle that you faced, Number 1?

I lost my central vision in two months

when I was 19 years old.

Central vision is what?

It's everything in the middle.

I have complete peripheral vision.

I lost everything in the center due to a rare genetic disorder.

Number 2, same question ‐‐ what was your life hurdle?

I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 35.

And, Number 3?

I lost my eyesight when in college.

‐In college? ‐Mm‐hmm.

How did that happen?

It was a complication between epilepsy and Lyme disease.

I want to ask Number 2,

did you have to get your breasts removed?

Just one. I had a right‐sided mastectomy.

How soon after the surgery did you do the Channel swim?

Um, just about a little bit over a year.

How do you prepare for this?

I had to build up my training and try to do six hours a day,

eight hours a day, up to 12 hours a day for training.

Anthony: Number 1, same question. How did you prepare?

I did it as a pace swimmer for a friend

the year before I did it, and then there's a swim

from California to Catalina, which is similar distance,

so I did that back and forth to prepare.

What's your support system like

as you're swimming across the Channel?

We have a boat follow alongside on the right for me.

What kind of boat was it?

It's a fisherman's boat that's been transferred over

to be able to help me on the swim.

A fisherman's boat? Number 2, same question.

Yeah, they convert old fishing boats to help escort people

across the English Channel.

And, Number 3?

I'm not sure what kind of boat it was.

It was a big boat.

[ Laughter ]

How long does it take to swim the Channel four times?

Like, over how many years or days?

Years? I'm just saying ‐‐

Did you hear me in the affidavit?

I said he did it without stopping.

If he's swimming with his dog and doing the doggy paddle,

that's gonna take a long time.

‐Okay. ‐Thanks, Kevin.

Thank you. How long did it take?

[ Chuckles ]

It took me 55 hours and 43 minutes.

Number 1?

52 hours and 21 minutes.

How long did it take, Number 2?

54 hours and 10 minutes.

Question for Number 2 ‐‐ are you able to somehow

listen to music when you're ‐‐

I like to listen to music when I work out.

Patti LaBelle has this great song, "On My Own," you know?

[ Laughter ] You know, you're out there on your own a lot.

Can you listen to music?

No, it's against the rules.

What if a boat's coming by and they're playing music?

You gotta hold your ears like that?

Yeah, definitely. [ Laughs ]

‐Number 1? ‐Yeah, it has to be unassisted.

Question for Number 3 ‐‐ directionality for you,

how much of a challenge is that,

and how much assistance do you need to make sure

you're swimming in the right direction?

The people on the boat have whistles.

Okay. And I have a pace swimmer.

So directionality isn't that hard.

Pace swimmers in front of you?

No, no, the pace swimmer has to be behind you.

Okay. You're not allowed to have anyone

in front of you to create a draft.

Did you see any sharks?

No, no, I didn't see anything.

Well ‐‐ [ Laughs ]

♪♪

That was a good one, Kev.

[ Applause ]

This round is coming to an end. You're bad.

Let's find out who you think is telling the truth.

Is it 1, 2, or 3?

Mama, who do you think it is?

It's girl power today.

Number 2. [ Applause ]

Audience, who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

Okay.

Kevin, we're going to start with you.

Who do you think is the English Channel record swimmer

and why?

Number 1... [ Sighs ]

The peripheral vision thing ‐‐

I mean, how can you see the shore?

You know, you're just seeing to the left and the right.

You know?

I mean, if he said he bumped into the shore,

I'd say, "Yeah, that's the guy," you know?

Anyway, I think Number 2 has what it takes

to go back and forth four times.

If she was strong enough to beat her breast cancer... Breast cancer.

...yeah, I think she has a lot of determination.

Number 2.

Patti.

Well, I'm very impressed with Number 3.

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐He's cool like that.

I'mma get to the chase ‐‐ Number 3.

Number 3.

[ Applause ]

Mark, who do you think it is and why?

When this gentleman said that he did not know

what kind of boat it was but it was a big boat,

that resonated to me as someone who was focused

on their swimming, who didn't need to come up

with a lie to prove something that wasn't true.

So I'm going with Number 3.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Constance.

I also thought it was 3,

but then, I know a lot of female swimmers.

They're incredibly strong and can overcome anything.

But then I ‐‐

Number 1...

[ Laughter ]

I don't know, there was something about

the peripheral vision that got me to ‐‐

Mama Doris: Okay, enough is enough.

Alright! I picked 1!

[ Laughter ]

That was just too long, girl.

That's right.

Anthony: Alright, we're locked in.

Will the real English Channel record swimmer please stand up?

...when we come back after this commercial break.

[ Audience groans ]

It's Number 2.

Patti: You think so? I don't.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to "To Tell the Truth."

Now, before the break, our panel decided

who they thought is the real English Channel record swimmer.

It's time to find out who's been telling the truth.

Will the real English Channel record swimmer please stand up?

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Yes! ‐Yes.

You and I are in last place!

God bless you, girl.

Thank you. Take care.

Thank you.

Whoo! Oh, my God!

Number 2, please introduce yourself to our panel.

My name is Sarah Thomas, and this past summer,

I was the first person to swim the English Channel

four times in a row without stopping.

[ Cheers and applause ] Think we got some footage.

Oh, my God. Wow.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Anthony: Alright, as you can see, we've still got two people with us.

And although neither of them does the breaststroke,

one of them does have a mean brushstroke.

It's time to play "Before You Go."

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Here's this person's story in their own words.

"To be a great visual artist,

you need to see the world in a unique way.

And even though I'm blind, I guarantee

I see the world in a way that no one else does.

How do I work when my vision is impaired?

Through touch, texture, technology,

and, believe it or not, color.

And the best thing is,

I don't even have to watch paint dry."

[ Laughter ]

It's so beautiful, whoever did it.

One of these people is the real visual artist

and is the only one who has been sworn to tell the truth.

Patti LaBelle, you go first.

Okay, how do you know which color is which, Number 2?

Well, with acrylic paints, you can add different types

of mediums to change the texture of them.

And so I do that for the different colors.

Okay, Number 3?

I put Braille labels on the tubes

so I can read the labels.

And then I change the way the paint feels.

Have you always been artistic, Number 3?

I've drawn ever since I could walk.

Number 2?

I've always loved painting, and I found it as something

to be very therapeutic post losing my sight.

How much did you change the way you painted

when you were diagnosed with the eye...thing?

Yeah, since the eye thing. I...

[ Laughter ]

I added a lot more color to my pieces

because of my lack of sight.

Having something pop like that was really beneficial.

Number 3, do you still paint the same way you did

when you had your sight?

Whenever I was sighted, it didn't matter

how thick the paint was.

But after the eyesight, my hands had to do all the work,

so I had to use much thicker paint.

We've talked about touch and texture.

How do you use technology?

2, let's start with you.

Yeah, I use a CCTV, a closed‐circuit television.

It's a large screen to be able to put something small

underneath it, zoom in, and make it larger on the screen.

Number 3?

I have a 3D printer in my studio,

and I have a Brailler that can print out raised‐line drawings.

Oh, okay. Alright.

Number 2, favorite Impressionist painter?

I'm a Rembrandt fan myself.

Okay. Number 3?

Van Gogh, 'cause of the epilepsy.

Number 3, if I were to say "vermilion,"

what color would that be?

Oh, my word. Um, green, I think.

[ Laughs ] Number 2?

Yeah, green.

[ Laughter ] Oh, boy.

So, what's the true answer, Kevin?

Vermilion is a rich red with a little bit of orange in it.

Okay.

He can't see.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm not who I say I am.

[ Laughter ]

Alright, what do you add to the acrylics ‐‐

acrylic paint to make it a little thinner?

Number 2.

I use a type of gel.

Number 3, what's that gel called?

It's just called gel thinner.

Is it a thick kind of a gel, or is it watery?

It's a little watery. It's a little loose.

Number 2, same question.

Yeah, and that's what makes it thinner.

[ Laughter ]

So it's a loose gel?

It's not like alcohol or something? It's a gel?

What are you getting at, Kevin?

I'm an acrylic painter!

‐Oh! ‐Really?

Share that with us!

I shared it right now!

‐Okay. ‐Are you serious?

He definitely doesn't paint acrylics.

How do you spell "acrylics"?

♪♪

We're gonna end it right there, Kevin.

[ Applause ]

It's time to see who our panel thinks is telling the truth.

‐I'm going Number 1. ‐Alright.

Mama, who do you think is telling the truth?

This time, I'mma go with 2.

Number 2. Audience, who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

[ Laughs ] You're so tortured.

It really is. I love it.

Alright, Patti, we're going to start with you.

Who do you think is telling the truth and why?

Do I have to tell you why?

No, you're Patti LaBelle. You ain't got to do nothing.

One night only.

‐Alright. ‐[ Laughs ]

I think Number 2.

She chose Number 2.

Don't mess me up, Number 2.

You have to be you.

Mark.

The first question sold me

when he said "Braille" and he said "tubes."

It came out quick, it came out unconsidered.

Number 3.

Alright.

[ Applause ]

Constance?

I chose this person because I would like it to be true.

Number 3. Number 3.

[ Applause ]

Kevin.

Number 3 is telling the truth because,

from here, I can see paint on his dog.

So I'm gonna go with Number 3.

‐You're gonna go with Number 3. ‐Whoa! Is that true?

Hang on a second, Anthony.

That paint I saw is now a yellow collar.

I'm sorry. I thought that was paint.

[ Laughter ]

But I'm staying with Number 3.

Alright, it's time to find out who's been telling the truth.

Will the real visual artist please stand up?

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Daggone it!

I'm mad. I'm mad.

We're gonna come over and touch, 'cause you can't see us

all standing up and hollering for you.

Aww, you're so sweet. Thank you. Thank you so much.

How are you, brother? It's Anthony.

Alright. Please, introduce yourself to our panel.

I'm John Bramblitt, and I'm an un‐visual visual artist.

‐Alright. ‐Yes!

We have some photos up here.

‐Love it! ‐Whoo!

‐Beautiful. ‐Beautiful, man. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Impostor Number 2,

please introduce yourself to our panel here.

My name's Jeremy Poincenot.

Although I'm not a swimmer or an artist,

I'm an inspirational speaker,

and I'm the world blind golf champion.

‐Wow! ‐Really?

[ Cheers and applause ]

And we're going to take a quick break. Be right back.

We got one right. We got one right!

Sweetheart, you did great.

That was so much fun.

You're so great.

That was awesome.

♪♪

♪♪

Yoo‐hoo!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to "To Tell the Truth."

Let's see how tonight's leaderboard is looking.

Kevin!

I didn't know you were on top

of the leaderboard ‐‐ with 20 points.

Mark, Constance, and Patti ‐‐

Patti, you went from first to last.

I don't care. I'm still having fun.

‐Okay. ‐That's right, Patti!

Alright, it's time to meet our next guests.

♪♪

‐Oh. ‐Okay.

Patti: Huh.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Ladies, please introduce yourselves.

I am a professional sword swallower.

‐Mm. ‐Ooh!

I am a professional sword swallower.

Okay.

I am a professional sword swallower.

Here is this person's story in their own words.

"I feel blessed that I get to say this ‐‐

I stick a giant blade down my throat for a living.

It takes guts to steel yourself and swallow a sword,

but I've done it so many times, it feels like second nature.

Now I am an internationally recognized sword swallower,

and I tour with a group of sideshow performers.

For me, sword swallowing isn't just a career ‐‐

it's an all‐consuming passion.

Life without it would be hard to swallow."

[ Laughter ] Oh!

One of these people is a professional sword swallower

and the only one who has been sworn to tell the truth.

Ladies, please take a seat.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright.

♪♪

Alright, Constance, you go first.

Number 1, how old were you when...

you started swallowing?

[ Laughter ]

Is that a pause or is that it?

Swords. Swallowing...swords.

Yes. Okay.

I started training at 17.

I didn't get proficient enough

to do it professionally until I was 19, 20.

Number 3, how old were you when you started?

22.

Number 2, how old were you when you started?

24.

Anthony: Patti.

Patti: Okay, ladies, I'm a singer, right?

So my throat and my voice is insured.

Number 1?

No, I have my own health insurance,

but nothing special for sword swallowing.

Oh. Okay. Number 2?

I do drink a specific tea and a shot of whiskey.

Okay. [ Laughter ]

Alright. And, Number 3?

I don't have insured my throat,

but I try to take care of it. Okay.

What is the oddest scenario

in which you have found yourself performing?

Starting with Number 2.

A child's birthday party.

A child's birthday party?

What about you, Number 3?

‐A church. ‐A church?

Okay. Number 1?

I got booked for a low‐budget burlesque performance

in small‐town Bible Belt America.

Okay.

Didn't go that well. [ Chuckles ]

Number 3, what's the shortest to longest of your swords

that you swallow?

17 inches.

Mm‐hmm. And where did you start?

Butter‐knife size.

Okay, Number 2, same question to you.

I started off with a glow stick, so about 5 inches.

And the longest sword you've swallowed?

‐16. ‐Number 1?

I also started off with a butter knife

and worked my way up through a dowel rod,

and now I swallow 14‐ to 16‐inch blades.

Anthony: Kevin?

Um, I started off with a, um...

[ Laughter ]

...five‐inch pen.

A pen.

Number 2, when you have the sword all the way down,

what if you have to sneeze?

Ohh!

I pull it out real quick.

[ Laughs ] Alright, Number 3,

you ever pull the sword out and have an organ on the end?

[ Laughter ]

I had dreams about that.

Number 1, did you ever accidentally swallow

the whole sword, where it disappeared?

No. I mean ‐‐ And how would you get that out?

Well, you can't do that.

You don't swallow the whole hilt of the sword.

Just all the way up to it, so...

So it's not really swallowing a sword.

It's dipping it in, like an oil dipstick.

You swallow the whole blade of the sword.

[ Chuckles ]

Which one of you have died from this?

♪♪

Alright, let's see who the panel thinks

is the real professional "swword" swallower.

Swword swallower. Swword swallower.

I don't know. I don't know. Panelists, write down your answers ‐‐

1, 2, or 3.

Mama, who do you think it is?

I'mma go with 2.

You're gonna go with 2.

Alright.

Audience, who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

Okay. ‐See?

Mark. Mark: Number 2.

I heard you say something that I thought was really interesting,

which is that you had practiced with a glow stick

instead of a butter knife.

Glow stick felt too unique.

Okay.

‐Number 2. ‐Number 2.

[ Applause ]

Constance?

My first instinct was Number 1,

and I always overthink and I second‐guess myself,

so then I went to Number 3 because ‐‐

You overthink and second‐guess yourself.

Exactly.

So then, instead, I just said, "Ah, [bleep],"

and I went with 2.

[ Laughter ]

You can curse on this show?

Anthony: Yes, you can curse, Patti.

Haven't you heard my mama? Have you heard me?

I heard her, but it's real, huh?

‐Yes, it's real. ‐Okay.

Just curse. Just say a curse word real loud right now, Patti.

Heck.

[ Laughter ]

I don't curse, darling.

Kevin, who do you think it is?

Initially, like Mark, I thought Number 2,

um...or possibly Number 3, 'cause, you know...

whatever.

[ Laughter ] And...

I'm gonna go with Number 1,

and I know it's Number 1.

Okay.

[ Applause ]

Patti, who do you think is telling the truth and why?

I sort of think the same way that Kevin thinks.

That's kind of weird to hear you say

you think like Kevin Nealon, but okay. Just with the choice.

No. No! Shut up. Just with the ‐‐

[ Laughter ]

Number 1.

Number 1?

Number 1.

[ Applause ] Alright.

The guesses are locked in.

Will the real professional sword swallower please stand up?

No!

♪♪

[ Panelists murmuring ]

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐We did it! ‐Alright!

Number 2, please introduce yourself to our panel.

I am Veronica Heaps,

and I am a burlesque performer, fire eater, and sword swallower.

Yes!

Impostor Number 1, please introduce yourself to our panel.

My name is Victoria Strange,

and while I've never swallowed a sword,

I do hula‐hoop and once did so for four hours straight.

‐Ah! ‐Great actor. Nailed it.

Number 3, please introduce yourself to our panel.

I am Geisha Montes.

I am not a sword swallower,

but I did get my tonsils cut off,

and I'm Miss World Dominican Republic.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright, Veronica, we didn't bring you here

to not swallow a sword.

Let's see what you got.

Oh, she's gonna use that one.

Oh, no!

Alright.

Would you like to assist me?

Of course!

Alright. Alright.

So, whenever I swallow, I'm going to bend over...

Okay. ...and I'm gonna wink at you...

Okay. ...and I want you to pull it out

very slowly and very steady. [ Audience groans ]

‐Alright. ‐You got it?

I got it.

Please don't try this at home!

♪♪

[ Audience groans ]

Oh, no!

Oh, I can't do it!

♪♪

Pull it out!

‐Oh! ‐[ Screaming ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Mark: Crazy.

Wow!

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up

for our sword swallower, Veronica!

We're gonna take a quick break. Oh, my God.

Stick around.

Constance: I did not like that.

‐Anthony, Anthony! ‐No!

Give it back! Okay, my mama said give it back.

Why I ended up choosing 2 ‐‐

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to "To Tell the Truth,"

the show where celebrities read people

and I read a teleprompter.

[ Laughter ]

Let's take a look at the leaderboard

before we enter the final round.

Mark, Constance, Kevin ‐‐ 20 points.

Patti. What?

You started out gangbusters.

I know. No, no, you're losing.

And this is why I say that.

Why? The final round is worth double points.

Ohh!

Yay! [ Applause ]

So this how this game works. This is fun.

Let's meet our final guests.

♪♪

Constance: Uh‐huh.

Please introduce yourselves.

I am a psychic detective.

I am a psychic detective.

I am a psychic detective.

Alright, here is this person's story in their own words.

"I see dead people."

Okay. I'm leaving.

"My résumé doesn't say that, but it could.

I'm a psychic detective.

The cases I work on are huge.

When there's a mystery in the making,

I assist law enforcement by channeling the dead

to identify killers, locate missing persons,

and shed new light on cold cases.

I can't use my abilities to help you solve this mystery,

but I will answer your questions truthfully.

It's deceased I can do." [the least]

[ Laughter ] Oh!

One of these people is the real psychic detective

and is the only one who has been sworn to tell the truth.

Please ‐‐ take a seat.

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright. Constance, go first.

Uh...

What am I thinking? No, I'm just kidding.

Okay, Number 1, how old were you

when you first realized you could talk to the dead?

5.

Number 2, same question.

I was about 11 or 12.

Number 3?

I was in my late 30s.

Who's the first person you spoke to, Number 2?

Well, I grew up next to a graveyard.

It was a woman who had recently passed away.

Someone left a scarf at her grave, and I picked it up.

It was a bright‐green scarf.

I touched it, and I was transported.

What did she say to you?

Well, it wasn't really saying.

I kind of became her at the moment of her death.

So, when you channel someone that's not alive,

you become that person?

That's correct.

Number 1, when you channel somebody,

how do they speak to you?

I usually have an object that they owned,

and I hold on to that object for quite some time,

and then I go into a meditative state,

and then I'm able to communicate with the person.

Number 3, do you have to have an item to channel the dead?

Yes, I do.

What if you don't have an item?

I don't talk to anyone.

[ Laughter ]

How important is it for you, Number 2,

to be in this sort of conduit state,

or can you just turn it on and turn it off?

Oh, it's very important.

It takes a while to prepare ‐‐ at least 30 minutes.

I like to meditate.

Mm‐hmm. Can't just turn it on.

Number 3, what was the biggest case that you solved?

I found an airplane.

Uh...

Anthony: Nobody else could find a big‐ass airplane?

[ Laughter ]

I mean, they're huge, Number 3.

Where was it?

It was in New York area when I ‐‐

What street?

Not a street.

Number 1, what's your biggest case?

I worked on the Casey Anthony case.

[ Audience murmuring ]

Oh, and you found the murderer?

I didn't find the murderer.

I found the location of the body.

‐Oh. ‐Where was that?

It was in Florida in a forest.

Mm. You're right. You're right.

[ Laughter ]

Number 3, how did you know that you had this ability

to do what you do?

I was meditating, and something happened,

and I ‐‐ words came out of my mouth

that I didn't seem to be speaking,

and it sort of scared me, so I started doing research,

and trying to figure out if it was true or not.

Oh. Number 1?

My mom had the actual same ability.

She did? Yes.

Number 1, where you from and where your mama from?

I'm from Los Angeles, but my mother is from Louisiana.

‐Thank you. ‐Uh‐huh.

Number 1, if I were to give you Mark's sweater...

could you tell me where to find that in my size?

'Cause I like it.

♪♪

Anthony: Alright.

Let's see who the panel thinks is the real psychic detective.

Panelists, please write down your answers.

It's 1, 2, or 3.

Mama, who do you think it is?

I'mma go with black ‐‐ Number 1.

Alright. [ Laughter ]

Audience, who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

Okay.

Constance, we're going to start with you.

Who do you think is our psychic detective and why?

Because I believe that we're all born with psychic abilities

and it's how we nurture them, I found it a little hard

to believe that you wouldn't have it until you were 30,

but I'm trying not to judge.

Oh, you're judging. [ Laughs ]

The handing it down from mom to daughter,

I also do believe it's in the aura.

So, anyways, I went with 1.

Good choice.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Kevin, who do you think is our psychic detective and why?

Well, I know it's not Number 2.

[ Laughter ]

Why not? Let's talk about that.

Because I think Number 2 was assuming a character

when he came out, being very mysterious

and intense and...whatever.

But I got to tell you, Number 3 was so convincing to me.

I mean, everything she said really hit home for me.

So I voted for Number 1.

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

Patti, who do you think is our psychic detective and why?

I believe in black power.

Mm‐hmm. In Louisiana, where?

‐Baton Rouge. ‐Yeah.

That's it.

And it better be you, 'cause I'm losing.

[ Laughter ]

‐Number 1. ‐It has to be you.

Right?

[ Applause ]

Mark, who do you think it is and why?

Number 2, I felt like

the over‐selling of the bright‐green scarf

felt like something that someone who's putting on a lie does ‐‐

they go with details.

So that put you out for me.

I am from Louisiana, I felt your energy deeply.

I'm going with Number 1.

Alright. Patti: Oh, please!

[ Laughs ]

Please be Number 1!

Everybody is locked in.

Will the real psychic detective please stand up?

...when we come back after this commercial break.

[ Panelists groan ]

Y'all didn't see that coming?

I'm not a psychic!

[ Applause ]

‐How are you? ‐How are you, dear?

‐Nice to meet you. ‐Nice to meet you.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Welcome back to "To Tell the Truth."

Now, before the break,

our celebrities locked in their guesses

as they tried to identify the real psychic detective.

Alright, will the real psychic detective please stand up?

‐Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God. ‐Oh, no!

No!

Is it? No. It better not be.

Kevin: It's Number 3.

Oh, my God. Is it not 1?

Yeah!

No!

Yes!

No!

[ Laughing ] Yeah!

Got to read my book, "Mind for Murder."

Alright.

Well, please introduce yourself.

First of all, my name is Noreen Renier,

and I really am a psychic detective.

The airplane I found, I gave longitude and latitude

and lots more information, and I'm pretty good.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright, there you go. I think we have a photo of you.

Mark: Yes!

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Laughs ]

Liar Number 1.

[ Laughter ]

I mean...

Bravo, bravo!

You did good.

Continue with the lies, ma'am!

You better be from Louisiana.

Hi, I'm Lashan Anderson, and I had a sneaky suspicion

that none of you knew that I was not a psychic detective.

[ Laughter ]

And my mother really is from Louisiana.

Liar!

[ Laughter ]

What does she do, Anthony?

My mother wants to know what is it that you actually do.

I'm a jewelry designer and a crystal consultant.

‐Oh! ‐Okay.

‐That's some energy. ‐Okay.

Liar Number 2, please introduce yourself to the panel.

I'm Alex Pudlin.

I'm not a psychic detective, but I'm psyched to be here.

‐Alright. ‐There it is.

[ Laughter ]

Let's take a look

and see how that round affects our final leaderboard.

Constance: Man, we all got screwed.

Well, we know how it affects it.

Patti is in last place.

[ Audience groans ] Aww!

Oh, Patti!

Patti, I can confirm

that you are officially tonight's worst player.

[ Laughter ] Good!

You've displayed great sportsmanship tonight,

which is another way of saying you tanked out there.

Walk over and go see my mama, Patti, please.

[ Cheers and applause ] Okay.

You walk over to my mom. Mark: Watch your step.

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Okay. Mm‐hmm.

For Patti, I'm not gonna call her dumb.

Thank you.

She just was a little dizzy.

[ Laughter ]

‐This is large. ‐Yeah!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Patti, come join me so everybody can see you.

Patti, is there anything you'd like to say

to anybody at home watching?

I would love to say ‐‐ I'm sorry, Patti. We're out of time.

Oh! Bye! I'd like to thank all our guests tonight ‐‐

our record breaking astronaut,

the English Channel swimmer, the visual artist,

the professional sword swallower,

and the psychic detective,

and all of our lying impostors.

I'd also like to thank my celebrity panel ‐‐

tonight's big loser, Patti LaBelle,

Constance, Kevin, and Mark,

and most importantly, my beautiful mama, Doris.

We'll see you next time on "To Tell the Truth."

Hi, Jordan High School, L. A.!

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪