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Woo. Woo.

Woo, woo.

Yeah.

Listen up,
are you ready?

Yeah.

Listen, this is bigger
than Monday night football,

the Oscars,
the Superbowl.

You are all about to be
Bukkake boys tonight.

All right, so bring it
in and let me hear it,

let me hear it loud.

Ready?

Bukkake.

Bukkake, Bukkake,
Bukkake, Bukkake,

Bukkake, Bukkake,
Bukkake, Bukkake,

Bukkake, Bukkake,
Bukkake, Bukkake,

Bukkake, Bukkake,
Bukkake, Bukkake,

Bukkake, Bukkake,
Bukkake, Bukkake,

Bukkake, Bukkake,
Bukkake, Bukkake,

Bukkake, Bukkake,
Bukkake, Bukkake,

Bukkake, Bukkake,
Bukkake, Bukkake,

Bukkake, Bukkake,
Bukkake, Bukkake,

Bukkake.

Bukkake.

Everybody, I want to
introduce you to Treasure.

The world
famous Treasure.

You will be cumming
on her face today.

Treasure, meet
the Bukkake boys.

I want you to
cover Treasure's entire face

with your jiz.

I don't want to
see her eyes,

I don't want to
see her nose,

I don't want to see her
mouth by the time this

thing's over.

She's gonna be glistening
like a glazed donut.

Are we clear on that?

Yeah.

We shoot
for the forehead.

All right, let's get this thing
set up and let's go for it.

Come on, Driver,
if you can't cum,

go in the
corner and beat off.

Forget about him.

Relax, dude.

Massage your
shaft at the base,

then clear your mind.

She loves it.

She needs it.

Explode on her.

Driven.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good job.

Good job.

Now go to
the showers.

Take them to
the shower, Eric.

Eric, take
somebody to the showers.

All right, tomorrow, so,
we're back in action.

Back in action.

About time.

Nice work in
there, boys.

Oh, thank you.

Thanks.

Eric Long, director,
owner of Ultima DVD.

Yeah.

Down here doing a
little chicken hawking,

you know, checking
out the talent.

Do I know you?

Have we met?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm, um, I'm Tom.

Tom Dong.

It's... I'm honored
you remembered.

I, uh, I helped hook
up some of your

computer stuff
last year.

Right, yeah, Tom Dong.

I, I'm Steve Driver.

That's, that's
the name I use.

Okay.

Is that smell you?

So, uh, Tom, we're
looking for a little help

over at Ultima.

Uh, no talent
stuff, but, um,

web management,
some site building.

So, uh, think about
it. Sure.

Would you?

You got another
one of those?

Yeah, I think I do.

There you go.

Hey baby, do
you have a towel?

Oh, you look perfect
just the way you are.

We'll wipe you down,
talk a little business,

how about it?

So hey, uh,
thanks for, for your,

you, you know.

Oh no.
You know.

We all need help relaxing
at a Bukkake sometimes.

Uh, do you
need a ride?

Um...

Uh, that's, that's me,
that's me over there.

Uh, you know what, I yelled
Driven 'cause of my name, right?

- Y... yeah, I got it.
- Huh?

It's Japanese
for I love pussy.

Uh, I'm Chinese.

But I can't speak it.

Ah, shit man.

Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry, I sh... fuck,

I should have
known that, you know.

I love Asians.
Asian culture.

You know, I come from a long
line of warriors myself.

Oh, let me just
get that for you.

Oh, it's, it's good.

Uh, I...

Let me... I just s...

S... you know, some
space for your leg.

There.

You in?

Thank you.

Ah shit, oh sorry.

No, it's, it's all good.

What is this?

It's porno.

Pornography.

I, I, I know,
where did you get it?

All right, I found it in
a bin at a convention.

I, I got the first
six in here somewhere.

The, the
director, Stony Deep,

did a bunch of different
series of anal videos and he

called them his...

His butt cycle.

You
know the cycle?

I love the cycle.

You know, I've never met
anyone else who knew about it.

What else you got?

Oh , man.

Caught from Behind Three,
one of my favorites ever.

Holy shit.

Such an awesome video.
Three and four.

Yeah.
Such a good series.

Especially for anal.
Especially for anal, right?

It's like artful anal, but
like shot on VHS.

Okay, okay.

Moment of truth.

Do you like
the Hedgehog?

Ron Jeremy?

Ah, actor, no.

Director, yes.

Yes, yes,
yes.

Hell yes.

Do you like
video games?

I could tell
you some things,

man, and I've
done my research.

There aren't good roles
for Asian-American men.

Just stereotypes,
lazy shit.

I don't know,
maybe I was crazy,

but I thought I got
to fix that.

You dipshits
been up all night?

This is my
roommate, Doug.

If by roommate you mean I
let you rent my couch for

275 a month, then
yeah, hey, roomie.

Are you in the adult
film industry too, huh?

Yeah.
Yeah?

Little Tom here tell you he
quit his IT gig making 100

grand a year to do porn?

That's what you want
to call it, right?

Getting paid 40
bucks to gang bang some

Herpes-riddled slut.

I'm okay.

It's gonna pay off
when my big chance comes.

I just got to be patient.

Okay.

All right, uh, what do
you call your stinky friend

here, huh?

Me?

Yeah.

I can smell you
from here, man.

I'm Steve Driver.

Steve, all
right, uh, so listen,

smelly Steve, let me ask
you a question, huh?

How many scrawny,
small-dick-having Asian porn

stars are there out
there? Huh?

You know what, you know,
you hate on guys like me.

Guys like Tom.

Because we have
a fucking dream.

A big fucking wet dream.

You don't have shit.

Oh come on, man.

Fucking come on.

You're basically extras.

Right, you, you broom up
other people's jiz and they

let you squeeze off a load on
camera every once in a while?

That's not a fucking
life, that's not a dream.

What are you... and
they call you guys what,

what do they call you
guys? Mopes?

You're a bunch of
fucking Mopes.

What did you just call
me? A Mope.

You just called me a Mope?

Yeah.

Would you ever
call me a nigger?

He... hey.

What you ever
call him a chink.

Have you ever called
him a fucking chink?

Uh...
Fuck you, man.

Fuck you...

Hey, hey. Fucking call
me I'm a what?

What the fuck, man, whoa.
That's my cock, man.

Whoa.

That's my dick, man,
where's yours, huh?

I'm not... my dick?

I'm not, I'm not
taking out my.

Mine's out, man.
Dick, man.

Here's mine, huh?
Okay.

Yeah.

It's right here, it's the
difference between you and me.

You and us.

Fucking Mope.

So, I just, you know, I chilled
at my beach pad at

The Keys for a
while and just,

just kept a
little A in the pipe.

That's all true?

Yeah.

Girls kept telling me I did
it so good I should

fuck for a living.

You know, I knew
it was my path.

I was born to be seen.

So, I came to Mecca.

And it begins.

John Holmes of
African descent.

I'm gonna have a big
trailer and a vacation home,

a speed boat.

My dick's gonna be on Good
Morning America and shit.

You know, everyone
will know my name.

Posters of me on
chick's walls.

Um, watching myself, jacking
off to my own fucking

scenes, man.

Banging every girl
who crosses my path.

All holes, both
holes, all three,

just plugging them
with my fuck stick.

Uh, that does...

I'm gonna be on
every DVD cover.

But they don't put
guys on DVD covers.

Just girls.

Nah, they'll
put me on them.

Hell, hell, you
could be on them.

Nah. You know, why
not, why not?

You could be, you could be the
Chinese Bruce Lee of porn.

Well you want to
be a star with me?

S... look at me, man.

I can't be a star.

Why not?

You know, you could just
visualize it and you can and

will be a
motherfucking star.

Psh.

You know, I even got my mansion
picked out right there.

This whole valley is just a
giant butt hole

waiting to be fucked.

You know, you and me,
we were meant to meet.

Think what you and I could
do if we teamed up.

We could be on those
DVD covers together.

We could get motorcycles,
a trampoline,

and you know what
the best part is?

Being a star is a
great way to meet girls.

You know, they won't give
a mope the time of day but

every woman wants what a
porn star can give them.

Stability, a good listener,
and the greatest lay on Earth.

They'll all want
relationships with us.

And when we find the one we
can be monogamous and only

shoot scenes with her.

Sorry.

Sorry, I get a
little, you know,

I get a little carried away when
I'm talking about my destiny.

No.

No, actually, that
was really beautiful.

It's just you can't just
hope to get discovered.

How do you get
yourself out there?

Driven.

Driven.
Hear that?

Dong.
Dong.

A-ooh. A-ooh.
A-ooh.

Hey, yo, I've
seen that set.

The bathroom set.

Oh yeah, yeah,
yeah, that was from,

uh...
Um.

Anal.
A...

Did someone
say bathroom?

You got to piss,
unload on her,

all right, we shoot
porn here, guys.

Fuck off, Chris.

Fuck off, Chris,
look at this bitch.

Relax, babe, it's
a fucking joke.

You Tom?

Eric said you were Asian.

You good with computers?

That's right,
that's right.

And this is, uh,
this is Steve.

Hey.

Steve.

How you doing?

I'm Chris Rochelle, Eric's
right hand man.

You like that, huh?

Looking for a gig?

I mean her head game is
off the charts, man.

All right,
yeah, I'll call ya.

All right, love to the kids.
All right, bye-bye.

They're here.
All right.

Come in.

Here we are, we got Jackie
Chan and Chris Tucker.

What'd I tell you?

You, you're spot on.

Hey, hey do that impression
of the two of them?

That thing?

Oh yeah, you're
gonna love this.

Don't be touching
black man's radio.

Oh ,
that's perfection there.

It's great, right?
Have a seat, boys, come on.

Yeah.
Here, here.

Have a seat, guys.

So, uh, you called me, so
I assume that you

are looking for work.

Um, Tom, I do have some web
design I may need

a little help with.

Uh, Steve, uh, there's a
hygiene issue with you and

frankly you don't
have a big cock.

So, I, I, I
don't know what...

We want to audition.
We want to perform.

Yeah.
Yeah.

But that's sort
of my point, um,

we're not in a position to
take on new actors

right now.

But let us
change your mind.

You know, we, we'll do
whatever it takes to get in

this business.

W... whatever.

Anything.

Well, okay.

Okay, I like
your enthusiasm.

Uh, Ultima is
doing something pretty

experimental.

No one else
is doing this.

And we're looking for some
actors who are pretty ballsy.

The question is,
are you those actors?

We are those actors.

Jackie, Chris,
we'll see what you got.

All right, this
is gonna be fun.

It's a lot of fun.
Take them out there.

All right, Kayla.

Kayla, wake up, we
got something to shoot.

Kayla, wake the fuck up.

I'm ready.

All right, Kayla, we're
gonna do the sleeping

cheerleader.

So, just lay your
head back down.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Okay, let's see.

Tom.

You walk in to
find the hottest,

bitchiest cheerleader
in high school.

Okay, ready?
Action.

Stop looking
in the lens.

Look at her.

You're in the scene.

You can't believe
this is happening.

So, you, uh, can't
help yourself, right?

Just go over there and you
start sniffing on her hair.

And then why not?

Go ahead, take a
sniff of that armpit.

Nobody's looking.

Keep sniffing and you
look, you look down,

you look down.

Boo-ya, check
out those shoes.

Stop looking
in the camera.

Okay, get those
shoes off.

Maybe, maybe look
around, like oh shit,

I hope nobody comes in.

It's so wrong,
what I'm doing.

So wrong.

Get those shoes off.

Yeah.

Look at those pumps.

All right,
take a sniff.

Take a big old
sniff of that shoe.

Oh, that
smells so good.

Oh it smells so good.

This is so
fucking hot for you,

you can't stand it.

Pull out your dick, keep
your pants on, though.

Start jerking it.

Yeah.

You can't stand it,
just keep... that's it.

Get that shoe on
it, that's good.

I like your improv.

All right, Steve,
come around here.

I want you to walk
into the classroom,

and you're like what
the hell am I looking at?

Whoa, this is so hot.

Start touching
yourself.

Yeah.

Tom, who's this?

Oh.

Who's this guy?

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, hey.

This guy's
jerking off too.

He must be pretty cool.

He can join in, why not?

Yeah, I would, yeah,
that's good, see?

Yeah.

Instinctually went
over to her shoulder,

start rubbing up
on that thing.

You guys, start...
rub your dicks on her.

On her shoulder,
back of her neck.

Yeah.

Just rub all over...
stop looking in the lens.

You, you guys are
breaking the fourth wall.

That's the first rule.

Stay in the scene.

All right, okay.

Kayla, you're
asleep, you're asleep,

and then all of a
sudden, whoa, whoa.

What the f...

Oh my god.

You're rubbing
your dicks on me.

That is so
fucking disgusting.

Start working it.

I'm a fucking
cheerleader.

You think I'm
hot, don't you?

Yeah.

Put your
hands behind your head.

Come on.

Put your hands
behind your head.

You ready?

Are you ready?

I have something
for you.

Okay.

All right, Tom, Kayla is
gonna kick you in the balls.

Wait, what?

Kayla's gonna kick
you in the balls.

Uh...

Get ready.

Uh...

Uh...

I thought, I thought
you shot sex scenes.

Have they not
done this before?

Just hold on, sweetheart,
they're auditioning.

I do shoot sex scenes,
man, this is a sex scene.

It's a very
sexual situation.

This is called
ball busting.

It's gonna be the next
big thing in the adult

entertainment industry.

You guys said
you were the guys.

Let's find out.

All right, cut.

The looks on your
face is not hot.

Yeah, they don't
want to do it.

All right,
Kayla, l... let me.

Step aside,
guys, I'll show you.

All right.

So.

The trick is tense up your
thigh muscles, right.

You want to go
completely rigid.

Your impulse is
gonna be to collapse.

You got to resist
that, all right.

Just let it all
happen, okay.

And what you want to do is
take the hit and exhale.

Breath goes out.

Pain comes in.

Okay.

Ah.

Okay, okay,
that was cute.

All right, uh, this time like
a thousand times harder.

Oh... okay.
Okay?

Okay.
Watch this.

Oh.

Okay,
Tom, you're up.

Get naked.

Guys, this is
not titillating.

Let's go, come on.

Take it off.

Okay.

Here we go.

Uh, yeah,
it's, it's just, um.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I'm sorry.

I don't have time
for this bullshit.

We're trying to
do something here.

I'm trying to fulfill
a need in the market.

If you guys don't want to
be part of that, get out.

Ah, don't.

That's a nice one.

Ah, all right,
now Steve.

Okay.

Was, was it bad?

Should, should I do
it? Stop it.

Oh.
Oh.

Mm.
Oh.

Uh...
That was hot.

Oh.
Thank you.

Yeah.

All right, that was
good, that was good.

Now, moment of truth.

You can take a
second, kids.

No.

Come on, get up.

Get up.

Here they go.

There they go.

Oh my god.

Fantastic.

Balls hurt, huh?

Yeah, I've been kicked
like a thousand times.

You get used to it.

I'm really happy
with that scene.

So, here's the deal I
offer to all my male talent.

You can live here for free,
if you work with me, only.

All right.

And we don't
have a lot to pay,

but we do want
to work with you.

So, we want you
to join the team.

But, uh, you know, the
economy being what it is,

uh, I can only
offer one of you a job.

Okay?

And, uh, Tom, with
your background in web

management, I'm
offering it to you.

Hey, Steve,
don't be upset.

I mean you got to be with
a beautiful woman, right?

What if...
It's just...

We really are a team.

So, what if you just pay
the both of us as one actor?

Like split what you
normally give one guy.

I'll build you
a new website,

the one you
got's shit.

We could even stay
in the same room.

We'd take that deal.

Tell you what, one
mope in two bodies,

saves us a lot
of money.

Mm-hmm.

All right, what's the
deal with you guys?

I mean are
you his pimp?

You boyfriends?

Is, is it something
weird, 'cause I,

I can't afford to have
anything weird here.

We're partners.

We bring out the
best in each other.

If you want me, you
got to take Steve too.

Okay.

You'll do
anything I ask?

Anything for my scenes?

An... anything.

Anything.

All right.

You guys are in.

Sorry, sorry.

Hey, but you.

Please take a shower.

Huh?

Ah, ah.

Give you a little
tour of the kingdom.

All right, now this is a
vending machine full of

anything your
heart desires.

You got some
condoms, douches.

I'm gonna go with a
little tuna salad sandwich.

Oh yeah.

This is the
fucking money.

Over here we got a lube
room slash gear room.

Tons of great
scented lubes.

Cherry vanilla, mango.

Girls love it when they
smell like a vacation.

Shitter, shower.

Pay close
attention to that one,

huh, pal?

Right?

Check this out.

Glory hole.

Little too small for me,
but it works for some.

In here, we have
a blow bang room.

You guys know
what a blow bang is?

Huh?

A bunch of dicks, one
chick on her fucking knees,

everyone gets
off inside of her.

Or in her belly button.

Here's a
hallway, also a set.

We shoot a
bimonthly kaiju here.

Some clown fetish porn.

I like to dress as Bozo
and have a fat girl shoot

ping-pong balls
right into my mouth.

This window here, we got a
voyeuristic POV into the

blow bang, it's
a lot of fun.

Green scream.

This is some high-tech
complicated shit, boys.

You want to
fuck on Venus?

Guess what, you
can.

Treetop, my mini Lenny
Kravitz up there chilling,

smoking, blazing.

Fuck you, Chris.
Fuck you.

You owe me ten bucks.
Bullshit I do.

You owe me weed.

Here's Eric's room.

This is off
limits, all right,

do not go in there
until he grants you access.

Okay, follow me.

This right here
is a computer lab.

It's not where
the magic happens,

but this helps
the magic happen.

Now, this is the
business of the porn.

We have a lot of data
gathering and casting and

scouting happen here.

Yeah, you like that?

Fuck you, Chris.

Shut the fuck up,
I'm giving a tour,

turn around and
shut your mouth.

Don't look at her.

There'll be plenty more
and they're a lot hotter.

You got...

Bullshit, cunt.

Shut...

I'll deal with
her later.

This is the directory in
case you guys get lost,

all right.

Here's a calendar.

Look at this.

Fucking Treetop.

He always does this.

Don't fucking laugh.

You like that, huh?

Listen, Sandy
Vagina's memorial picnic.

Show up to that if they
let you, all right.

You eat a little bit more
than hot dogs at that one

Interrogation room.

Hospital set.

All right, now follow
me here, boys.

Now this, this right here is
the biggest set we

have at Ultima.
All right.

Check this out,
take it in.

These are your
fellow woodsmen.

Ready to slay some fucking
bush right next to you.

All right, let me
introduce you around here.

We got Jerry Brokheim,
and he wants to produce.

Now this guy reading
the magazine here,

he's a deaf one.

His name is
Fisting Bill.

Took one too many cum
shots to the eardrum.

We got Johnny Panties.

Dick Tracy.

Dirty Dick Bob.

He's like Yoda,
except he jizzes a lot.

There's Wiz.

What up, Wiz?

Little Mexican gangster
there is Poo -casso.

Now he shoots anal
prolapse scenes,

quite an artist.

But do not, do not
Google anal prolapse,

all right, there is
nothing natural about that.

Last but not least we
got my pal from the joint,

Dick Tucker, a.k.a.

Peach Fuzz.

Now he, uh,
he's an old soul.

He spends all his
money on booze.

He's also a
convicted sex offender,

so we pay him
under the table.

Don't fucking
touch me, Peach Fuzz.

Oh.

Classic Peach Fuzz.

Whoa, they're going for it.

Ooh.

Ah, shit.

Sh... shit, why shit?

I want to be the cuck.

Let me be the cuck.

Let... you, you
want to be the cuck?

Yeah, I mean he's her
husband and she chose

a relationship
with him.

He's the one in an enviable
situation if you really

think about it.

Oh my god.

No.

No.

You are....

What the hell is
wrong with you, man?

God.

What?

Steve, why don't you think
about how all these guys

actually get to fuck
her in real life, okay.

The cuck's just a
fucking story for a movie.

Okay, Wes can
be the cuck.

Yeah, I drew
the short straw.

Okay, Eric,
what's the scenario?

All right, it is a
faux-castration,

so poor Wiz is gonna be
emasculated by all of you.

And then Nora's gonna step
in and pretend to snip you.

With this.
With this.

Okay.
Ooh.

Look at that.
Oh shit.

It's a katana.

Curved, slender,
single edged blade.

Long grip to
accommodate both hands.

I wonder how many men
this is penetrated.

Whoa, zero,
it's a prop.

No, no, no, no, it's an exact
replica of a 16th century

samurai sword.

The kind of
weapon that can slice.

Whoa.
A man's enemies.

Whoa.
In half.

Hey.
Okay.

Hey, hey, hey, spaz academy,
calm down, all right.

I got this at
a yard sale.

Don't touch this.

Nobody touches
this but me.

You see that.
Yeah.

Mm.

How do you feel about
us feeling up your wife?

Oh man, she's so tight.

You must be tiny, bro.

What does your wife and
the Bermuda Triangle

have in common?

They both swallow
seamen.

I'm gonna fuck
your wife.

Your pathetic
excuse of a dick isn't even

worthy of my holes.

These guys are about to show
you how a real man should fuck.

Yeah.

Okay hey, Steve,
Steve, get in there.

Say something.

Uh, you know want, want to
know the best part about

fucking your wife?

Yeah.

Cuddling with
her afterwards.

What the fuck... no,
man, you got... something

emasculating.

Come on.

Uh...

Uh, your wife, she
likes, she likes chocolate.

Yeah.
She's gone, she likes it.

Yeah.
She likes it long and hard.

That's good,
man, that's good.

More of that,
come on, guys.

Yeah, now she's having me,
she's never gonna

want you again.
She's ruined.

Keep, keep
going, that's great.

Okay.
Okay, that's great.

Look, look fucking...
Fuck.

Damn it.
Oh, god damn it.

Fuck. Fuck, man, I can't
afford this.

It's busted.

Oh.
Don't worry, I got this.

The important thing with
electronics is being calm.

The important thing about
electronics is keeping calm?

Yeah, I think
Ben Franklin...

Uh...
Said that once.

Let's see what he does.

This is why we
brought him in.

Here you go, boom.

Tom
fucking Dong.

Welcome to the game.

All right, back
to the titties.

All right, let's
get back to it.

Nice work.

Dad, I'm not coming back
home like I said I was.

I know you're probably
still mad and everything,

but I think I've got some
news for you that will turn

that frown upside down.

All right guys,
helmets off, go down on her.

I found a position in
the field we talked about.

You're gonna be
so fucking proud.

All right, enough.

Enough, get
out of there.

Come on.

Back up.

Let me show you
how to eat pussy.

I'm learning all about this
wonderful business

from the ground up.

I'm developing skills that will
help me in all areas of life.

It's entry level, but there's
tremendous room for growth.

It's artistic,
creative, yeah,

but there's a lot of
technical detailed work.

Like your job at NASA.

I'm shooting four,
five days a week,

just like a full-time
job.

We do things no other men
in this business will do,

uh, hard shit.

Tom, you are
gonna be a legend.

Action.

Uh, uh...

A Chinese superman.

Uh, ah, it's
burning my eyes.

Other guys think
it's beneath them.

But in reality, no one else is
strong enough to handle it.

Me and Tom are the last
of straight porn stars.

We're so alike it, it
frightens me deep inside.

Our interests and
passions are identical,

only his are shrouded in
the mysteries of the Orient.

He's all the
good parts of me.

You're gonna love him.

And me and him, we're
real people, interacting.

We're already
innovating.

Together, we're responsible
for a whole new wave of

sexual energy in
women down here.

You can see it
on their faces.

Girls are
recognizing us in public,

they tell us they
jack off to our scenes.

It's only a matter of time
until they want to

be our girlfriends.

And who knows.

Maybe one of these lucky
ladies could be carrying

your grandson.

We're part of
something here.

You can be yourselves,
your, your true persona.

Everything is allowed.

And, and me and Tom,
we're the keystone.

I wish you
could see me.

Your little boy is really
making something of himself.

Bye, Dad.

Hey.

Hey.

You cut the
shit, all right.

Don't you got
chores to do, bro?

No.

Give me this
fucking sword.

What the f... You're
out here playing games.

Tom, you know better.

Grow up.

Where the hell are they?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Hey, hey.

Yeah.

Where do you put the
DVDs for Ultima Video?

The what?

Ultima Video,
come on, dude.

There's like 5,000
porno companies, dude.

What kind of videos?

You know,
ball-busting, face-sitting,

armpit sniffing.

We don't carry any
of that perv shit.

Never have, never will.

How are we gonna become
stars if no one's even

seeing our shit?

Come on.

Fucking Poo-casso.

Holy shit.

Nah, they keep sending me
these invites to AVN

Award Parties.

No, fuck them.

I'm not gonna go.

They don't recognize
ball-busting as a legitimate

erotic art form.

Now with the butt plug, keep
it in for a few more days.

No, I don't care if
you have jury duty,

you need to loosen up.

Fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck,

fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck,

fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck,

fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck,

fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck.

Holy shit, I knew
I recognized him.

That's Rocket Carboni,
huge porn director,

that's a fucking auteur.

2002, 2005 and 2009 AVN
Director of The Year.

Oh no, no, no, don't,
don't, don't do that.

Let's, let's play cool.

Not too desperate.

The biz just
isn't the same.

I mean girls just
used to love to fuck.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, don't, don't
listen to anything this

slack jaw purse
got to say, yeah.

Yeah, they talk
about fucking.

They say they're
reliable woodsmen.

But and how do
you really know?

Oh yeah, playboy, what do
you know about fucking?

I wrote the
book on fucking.

You
wrote the book.

Is that the book?

Oh, it's just, it's, this
is my work, see.

Look.

Oh.

You like anal, huh?

Oh, well, anal's my
favorite thing in the world.

With, with women, that is.

Well that's a
great, great quality.

Who have you
shot with?

Uh, Ultima DVD.

We're in-house talent.

Ultima?

You mean ball
-kick studios?

You work with
Eric Long?

He's like the king of
the mopes.

You guys like do the
dirty, pervy shit.

Tell me something, how do
you like getting kicked in

the taint?

Well I, I'm
a professional,

so, uh.

Yeah ,
professional mope.

Career mope, by
the look of it.

Ultima's like six seconds
away from going under.

Read the trades,
all right.

Uh, act... actually we've got
a decent web presence now.

And, uh, you know, online
profits for Ultima are,

are going up, so.

Look at this nerd, talking to
me about accounting and shit.

Look, dummy, I direct
real movies.

I know, look,
please, please.

You, you got to book
us, I promise you,

we, we won't disappoint.

Give me one reason
why I should book you.

I'll give you a
million different reasons.

Do you like karate?

Okay, get away
from me, mope,

you're creeping me out.

You like karate?

Hold this.

Hey.

Oh hey.

Hey, Rocket.

Whoa, turn, turn, turn.

Steve, what the fuck?

Get the bottles.

What?

Just get the bottles.

Get the, get the bottles.

Stroke.

Oh shit.

Sh... look at
this shit.

And again, come on.

Woo.

Woo.

Driven, driven.

Yeah, that's cool.

That's cool.

Yeah?

Cocksucker's
got some skills.

I'm surprised you haven't
heard of us.

We're, we're huge,
they, they call us the,

the Chris Tucker and,
and Jackie Chan of porn.

Yeah?

Do you do like
tricks and shit?

Uh, sort of.

Pretty much.

Well, wait, he
does his c... stuff,

you should switch it up.

It should be
like Blackie Chan.

Or
like Chris Punker,

Christ Tucker.

You know, we're, we're,
we're actually thinking

about, you know,
doing bigger stuff,

you know, me, me and
my brother, you know.

Thinking about it,
for the right director.

Yeah.

You guys are brothers.

Shoot, it's incredible.

Well, this is confidential
of course but I'm directing

this, uh, adult film,
action comedy in Hollywood.

We got a 30,000-dollar
fucking budget.

Not like Ultima, where they
shoot their shit for peanuts.

I might be able to find
something for you guys in that.

But you got
to be honest.

Can you give it to a girl
hard for 30 fucking minutes?

I'm hard right now.

You better be.

Yeah, I'm hard too.

This is some
of my work.

A little bit, I got, got
a lot more,

here I am, she
did ATM, actually.

All right, come on,
boys, time to giddy-up.

Yee-haw.

You ready?

Yeah.

All right, so in this scene,
you're a famous rapper.

And you found this
Japanese tourist.

You're bringing him home
to your wife, Angela.

Show her a good time.

Got it?

All right.

Let's do this.

You're
over there.

Okay.
And action.

So, uh, how you want
to do this, baby?

Tokyo style?

What, woo, cut, cut.

You read the script, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're a Japanese
tourist from Japan.

Yeah, well, you know, just
I thought he didn't really

need it, like an accent.
Like an ac...

Well, he does.
He needs.

This is a comedy, all
right, so chink it up.

Man.

All right, okay
pull the pants up.

Tuck them in.

Do you get it?

Hey, hey, eh.

Eh, just take it
easy man, come on.

Listen, you're even worse.

You... I need you to
be blacker and you to be

Chinese-ier,
or Japanese.

Oh, come on, guys,
this is a comedy.

Stereotypes are funny.

Do you understand a word
that's coming out of my

mouth, Chris Tucker, huh?

Stereotype.

Oh.

Make it gangster,
all right?

And action.

So, how you want
to do this baby?

Tokyo style?

Rocket.

You're not getting any
Academy Awards either.

So, try it
one more time.

Just how you want
to do this, baby?

Tokyo style?

And action.

So, how you want
to do this, baby?

Tokyo style?

What the fuck?

Uh.
Oh yeah.

Damn, girl, damn,
girl. Yeah, girl.

Oh yeah, take it girl.

You like that?

Oh, yeah.

Fuck, yeah, girl.

Damn, girl, oh.

Cut.

Huh?

Cut, cut, cut.

This isn't working.

Dirk, Dirk,
do something.

What are you doing?

What?

Why are you
talking so white?

What, w... well, what
the fuck do you want?

I need more than
just some black nerd.

I... channel
your inner Mandingo.

All right.

I need this to be an
outrageous moment.

I need them to be
shocked, all right.

Your ancestors
were enslaved,

doesn't that
make you mad?

Yeah.

Let's see that domination,
that oppression.

I...
Do you get it?

Uh, y... yeah.
You fucking guys.

Look at Dirk.

Look, his bulging
muscles, his fly ass pants.

He's got swagger.

What have you got?

You know.

Hey...
What have you got?

Well, I got, I got, I got
something for you.

You.
Okay.

You're gonna be
grateful that you,

I'm showing you
first. Got it.

You keep rolling.
I got it, I got it.

Don't talk to
the camera crew.

Shit.

You got this.

Sorry, fucking amateur.

Oh.

Why'd you kick
over my chair?

Sorry, boss.

Come on, bro.

Fuck.

Okay, you're
a lucky man.

You're gonna
love this.

Ready. Oh,

Monster hands,
owoo, owoo.

Fuck yeah.

What the fuck is
this? Yeah.

Huh? What the fuck are
you doing?

I, uh... it,
it's monster hands.

Okay, well that
samurai shit was cool,

but what the fuck
are these hands?

It's fucking
monster hands, man.

Oh.

But why?

W...

Well, well why not?

It makes me stand out.

You're fucking
with me, right?

Are
you serious?

You guys said you were the
Jackie Chan and Chris

Tucker of porn.

You are the most
unprofessional,

ugly, stupid mopes I have
ever fucking worked with.

No, you need to
show some respect.

Look, we're stars.

You're a
fucking bukkake boy.

Do you get that?

Stars?

You're fucking losers.

Did you guys think this
was your big fucking break?

Do you know
how I know you're a mope?

Because you don't know
you're a fucking mope.

Jesus.

Take off the
fucking gloves.

I can't really...

Come on, take off the.

Fuck off, man.
Did you just touch me?

Huh?

What?

Yeah, that's
what I thought.

Fucking pussy mope.

What are you?

Are you white,
are you black,

are you straight, are
you gay?

Never call me that.

Oh.

Never fucking
call me a queer.

Really?
Yeah.

You sure?
Yeah.

You sure you're not a fag?
Yeah, I'm not a fag.

I think you're a
cock-sucking mope.

You hear me?

I think you
like sucking dick.

'Cause you talk
like a fag.

And you act
like a fag.

And you fuck
like a fag.

Fuck you.

Ah.
I'm not scared of you.

Are you a fag?

Don't call me a fag.

I fuck hot chicks
every fucking day.

Oh, Jesus.

Get off me.

I'm not paying you.

Damn gay, fucking...

You're blacklisted.

You fucking mopes.

I don't get it.

That was supposed
to be it.

Well, is there
a phase three?

It's a two-phase plan.

Maybe Rocket's
right about us.

No.

No, we're on the
come-up, dude.

Girls across the world
jack off to our scenes.

Huh?

We're adult actors.

That's huge.

When chicks hear
what we do, they,

they'll know.
We screw for money.

Tom, we're never, ever gonna
be as horny as we are right

here, right now.

I'm Steve Driver.

The following video contains
footage of me and my boy,

Tom Dong, the greatest Asian
stunt cock ever having hot

sex with beautiful women who
love taking loads all over

their faces,
tits, ass cheeks.

And even inside their
butt holes.

Check it out.

It's actually not bad.

No, I could definitely
give you some pointers,

but you have an eye for
composition and a good sense

of mise-en-scene.

Yeah, I do.

And so do you.

'Cause we know
this stuff.

We, we know it
better than anyone.

That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.

I think we could
do this on our own.

W... what are
you saying?

I'm saying we should
start our own company,

Driver Dong films.

Now think about it, we,
we shoot some scenes,

we've got the intro.

We create a package
to attract investors.

We've already got the tools for
the job we need right here.

And what about the
plans to become stars?

Now you want to
be producers?

This is how we
become stars.

This is phase three.

I thought there
was no phase three.

There is now.

Shit.

Oh. Oh god.

Oh, god.

You're
really boring me,

let's just chill out.

Oh god.

Are you done
yet already?

Oh that's all in it.

Um, it'll be porn from
the chick perspective.

What else you got?

Fast-forward it.

Oh god.

Ah.
What the fuck?

What?

I mean w...
what do you think?

What do I think?

I think this is shit.

I mean this
isn't even sexy.

It's, in fact, it's
downright fucking

disgusting.

Okay, okay.

Well, maybe we didn't get
the execution we wanted this

time around,
but, but the ideas,

the id... the ideas
are there, right?

And, you know, with your
investment we'd have more

incentive to
offer the girls.

Your ideas are shit.

Pure shit.

No, I'm not interested.

Take the garbage, get
the fuck out of my office.

Both of you guys.

Out.

We're done.

Don't let the door hit you
in the ass on the way out.

Oh hey, Dong,
one last thing,

don't ever put a three-inch dick
in a eight-inch hot dog bun.

Come on, what
the fuck?

I will not
tolerate this shit.

You, you told me you were
getting rid of the disc.

Well, I, I mean what if
we need it for later?

I hid it.

In the camera?

Yeah, and now the
camera's not working again.

No, no, no, I fixed
it. It's fine.

Well, what if
you hadn't?

I mean what the hell is
going on with you guys?

It... you're both acting
like rebellious teenagers

and now you're making me
act like an angry father.

I hate that shit.

I expect this
from you, Steve.

But Tom, uh...
I'm disappointed.

You know, I, I thought
you were better than this.

Now, don't think I haven't
heard about Chris's plans.

I hear the whispers.

And, and when that happens,
I'm gonna need a new partner.

And Tom, you've, uh,
turned my finances around.

You've lowered
my overhead.

Hell, you're making
me money.

So, I want that
partner to be you.

But this kind of shit.

Stealing my equipment,
going around behind my back.

I will not
tolerate that.

I don't want
to be harsh.

But, from now on you guys
are suspended indefinitely.

What? What?
Suspended?

There has to be
consequences, guys.

I'm sorry.

This is how society is run and
this is how I run my family.

Eric, Eric, you
have to let me shoot.

If, if I don't
fuck, I go crazy.

You have to let me
shoot, I need to.

You know what, I don't
got to do shit.

Okay.

I took a chance
on you idiots.

I mean seriously, an
eight-inch hot dog bun?

Yeah.

Want some
Driver juice?

Like that.

Like that.

Well, man, you take that
many you're gonna

become immune.

Uh-uh.

My multivitamins.

Steve, you're on deck.

Look, um, I've
been thinking.

No one's gonna
invest in our company.

No.

No, my dad will.

He knows a smart investment
when he sees one.

He, he won't
let me down.

Then why isn't he
calling you back?

Uh, he's a busy guy.

Maybe he doesn't want to
invest in a porn company?

Everyone wants to
invest in porn.

We have to assume
there's no money.

If we just maintain things
here and bank up enough

cash, we'll be able to start
Driver Dong films in

a few years.

That's, that's a
good goal, right?

Dude, we make 40
bucks a scene.

Okay, so it might take
more than a few years.

Fuck that.

I'm not a mope.

I'm tired of pretending
this is all I am.

We weren't trying
hard enough before,

we didn't want
it bad enough.

But that's all
changing right here,

right now.

I'm gonna show them who the
real Steve Driver is and he

ain't no pussy.

This is phase four, Tom.

Stop making up new phases.

Whatever the fuck it
takes.

We need to just do our jobs
and be professionals until,

until your dad comes
through with the money.

Can you do that?

Can you do that?

Yes, I can.

Yes, I can.

Thank you.

Dad, very
important question.

Are you into anal?

'Cause I'm really
fucking good at it.

Watch my scenes
for proof.

There's an intensity in my
work that you won't find in

the pretenders.

Driven!. Ooh!

Steve, if I
can hear you over the girl,

you're doing it wrong.

Oh.

Just fuck the
girl, Steve.

Anyway, I, I just wanted
to give you an idea of what

your return on
investment could be.

There's a lot
of moving parts,

but with my skill and, and
the talent I have lined up

to work with, I'd say you'd
be looking at six figures

a year,
conservatively.

Probably seven.

I'm gonna fuck
you in the ass.

Let me fuck you in
the ass, come on.

You want to get
some Del Taco?

You ever been driven?

Driven.
Driven.

That's what I yell
when I fuck people.

Tom and I are hot names on
the lips of the tastemakers

and everyone knows
that Eric can't lose us.

Just give me
one good frame.

Steve, that's
all we need.

Just s... stand.

All right.

Oh my god.

You fucking nutted me?
No.

I'm not even on fucking
curtain call, you dick.

I didn't do it.
I didn't do it.

I... what?

Eric, he fucking popped
in me during stills,

you ass wipe.

That's, I can't, you better pay
my fucking kill fee, Eric.

Baby, I'm so s -
- I'm so sorry.

What the fuck, man?

You couldn't hope to find
two cocksmen like us again

in a million years.

Not who will do the
things we do for this craft.

So, they're gonna bite on
your dicks and I want you to

bite really hard.

You're gonna enjoy this more
than getting kicked in the

balls, boys.

Get in there.

They broke the mold with
us, and it scares the money

around here.

It scares them
half to death.

But with your backing, we'll
scare them all the way to death.

That scene we shot the
other day is unusable,

all right, so stop
winking at the girls.

You are not flirting, you
are already fucking them.

Okay, got it.

Yeah,
chicken hands.

Fuck.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
what the fuck are you doing?

What, you...
they're chicken hands.

Just fuck the
chicks, all right.

I don't need your
creative input.

I'm the auteur here.

It's chicken hands.

What the fuck
are chicken hands?

It's a theme, Eric.

What is the theme?

What is the theme?

You're in a locker
room with chicken hands.

I don't understand what
the fuck I'm watching.

It's hot.

They're not hot.

They're
dishwashing gloves.

Those are for
dishes with.

Take those fucking dishwashing
gloves off right now.

You are fucking me up.

Let's go again.

You need to take a
fucking shower, Driver.

Oh, fuck you.
Hey, hey.

It's not me. Don't talk
to her that way.

What?
You need to take a shower.

No.
Everyone...

Her pussy fucking
stinks, fucking shower.

Shut the fuck up.

If you don't get the
hygiene thing under control,

I'm not gonna shoot you.
Oh, fuck you, Eric.

Fuck me?
It's my scene, man.

Get the fuck off my set.
Get the fuck off my set.

Where's Treetop?
What, Treetop?

You're gonna have him...
Get the fuck off my set.

Fuck you both.
Go take a fucking shower.

Christ.
I'm it.

And when we go public,
who the fuck knows,

maybe Fortune
500 numbers.

Eight figure
fucking IPO.

Tom is running
numbers, he's,

he's the math guy.

But this is buy a basketball
team money we're talking.

Slavery money.

And it's due.

I'm due.

I've done more for this industry
than any man before me.

It's all happening, Dad.

Just like in my dreams.

You're gonna be so
proud of your fucking son.

Dad, please call back.
Please.

This is, this is a smart
investment,

it's, it's the best one.

I just need you to call me
back and we can talk about it.

You'll love it.

It's, it's so good.

Dad, please.

Oh, mother...
What the fuck?

Motherfucker.
What the fuck?

What's going on?
You motherfucker.

What's going on?
You're a motherfucker.

Get away from me.
Get the fuck away from me.

What the fuck are you
doing? Stop.

That was...
Fuck you, man.

All right, what, what,
what. Fuck you.

What is it now?
I mean...

Wiz is hogging all
the girls' attention.

They're here for all of
us, not just for him.

Hey, man, you're not
even in the scene.

I was just...
Fucking loser.

I was just... fuck
you, man. Stop.

Loser.

Fucking hands, you
fucking son of a bitch..

Man, just relax.
Steve, come on.

Fuck off, what,
stay out of this.

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey. Relax.

I need you
to calm down.

No, I would be relaxed if it
wasn't for the fucking...

Stop.
Stop.

Put up your hand you small
dick having motherfucker.

Stop.
Come on, back.

What, what, what,
what. Dude.

And all of a sudden you're
backing Eric up now, huh?

Spending all
your time with him,

being his
fucking lap dog?

Fucking secretary is
what you fucking are.

It's about all of us.

No.

The family.

That doesn't
work for me.

Okay, hey,
hey, hey, hey.

I am sick of you
being on my dime.

Out.

What the fuck do
you know about porn,

huh, Eric?

I am porn.

Armpit sniffer
16, that's me.

Cheerlead... Ball
Busting Cheerleaders Seven,

that's on me.

Me, me, fucking me.

Jesus Christ.

Fuck you all,
man, fuck you all.

Don't fucking
laugh at me.

I demand respect.

Fuck you.

You got to earn
our respect, bro.

Fuck off.

Fuck the... fuck off.

I'm fucking Steve
Driver, you don't fucking,

fucking know.

God.
Pack up his shit, Chris.

Oh Eric, he didn't
mean what he said.

Yes, he did.

I'll talk to him.

I'll make sure
he's cool.

Uh, if the girls don't
want to shoot with him,

I can't shoot him.

All right, don't talk
to me, talk to them.

Seriously, how do you
offend a gang bang queen?

No offense,
sweetheart.

One more chance,
that's all I'm asking for.

No.

If he leaves, I leave.

Bye, see you in hell.

Eric, look we have that, uh,
interracial cuckold site

launching next week.

Yeah?

Well, man, look, the design's
only half finished, all right.

We'll just hire
somebody else.

No, no, that cost
like 5,000 dollars.

All right, Tom is
here, Tom is good.

Ah, fuck.
Fuck.

Fuck, fu... okay.

Oh.

Steve can stay but
he only does chores.

I will not shoot him.

Okay?

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You won't regret this.

Oh, fuck me.

What's up, Tom?

You know, he
can't do this.

Guys like me, guys who,
guys who can pop on command,

we're like fucking diamonds
in a sea of ordinary men.

You know, I'm gonna go
straight to the union.

I stuck my neck
out for you, man.

Now I find out
you're a psycho criminal.

Huh.

What?

Why didn't you tell me you
got kicked out of college?

It's, it's not
what you think.

All that stuff about
being a jet pilot,

you made that up?

No, it's mostly true.

I'm supposed to be
your best friend.

In school, a TA, he... he
said I had to suck his dick

for a passing grade.

I, I was defending myself.
No.

I looked it up, man.

It says you put an unloaded
gun to his balls

and pulled the trigger.

That's...
That's fucked up.

It wasn't like that.
You got time for it.

House arrest.
Tom.

Please, please don't.

Please don't tell
anyone about this.

Steve.

Maybe Eric's right
about some of this stuff.

We should sit back and
survey the

landscape a little.

What are you saying?

What.

Quit the plan?

What about phase five?

It's not in the cards for
us to be the guys on video

covers, girls
hanging on us.

I mean look,
we're in porn, right?

We're just not
the guys, you know.

Isn't that okay?

We still get to
fuck girls, uh,

this, this is an
okay life, right?

No.

No, that's defeatist.

All it takes to succeed at
anything is perseverance.

What, what you
don't love what you do?

You don't, you don't want
to fucking share

that with the world?

I suck at the
thing I love to do.

But Eric, he
lets me do it.

And he might be the
only one who will.

I have nowhere
else to go, Steve.

Look, uh, the guys cleaned
up one of the rooms for me.

We got a lot of
stuff in ours, and...

I need a little
space right now.

You got any uppers?

Uh, no.

That's cool.

I got a lot.

I just don't
like to use my own,

unless somebody
else has some.

You know.

Nobody ever got rich
spending their own money.

That's what I heard.

And it's the frugal people
that have all the money.

And like that's the
paradox of it all.

Like Scrooge McDuck,
never spent any money.

Look, I...

You know, I, I don't, I know
we don't know each other

well but would it be cool
if I took a picture of you

where it looked like
you were sucking me off?

Yeah, that's cool.

Dad?

Did he actually say
anything about investing?

He'll invest.

You know, he's obviously had
a change of heart since we

acquired a
marquee talent.

She's gonna be Driver
Dong's first contract girl.

Okay, fine, fine.

Dong Driver's
first contract girl.

You good?

All right.

Dad.

Oh, here they are.

Dad.

Son.

Um, guys, this
is, this is my dad.

Oh, okay.

And that's, uh, that's
my stepmom, Melissa.

Hi.

My real mom is
black, I'm adopted.

Well, uh, I think we're...

Oh, oh.

Short a chair here.

Here we go.

Well.

This place is,
uh, unique.

Yeah.

Incredible, right?
Tampa chose it.

Tom, can I just say Dave and
I are so happy that Stephen

has someone he calls his
best friend.

Oh, and much,
much more than that.

More than a best
friend.

My life partner.

Um, Tampa, you're
Stephen's girlfriend?

Well, the only relationship
I count is I'm a mother.

I have two little boys.

Really?
Mm.

Where are your kids?

Currently, I don't know.

Uh, well, Stephen tells
us you're an actress.

She's gonna be a legend.

Actually, I got,
I brought some,

um, some DVDs, guys,
I want you to see.

You're gonna love
this, um, that one...

Um, I'm...
I got that one.

No, no, no, n... no.
Just stop.

Well.
No.

Dad, Dad, it's part
of my presentation.

You're gonna
want to hear this.

It's great.

I, I, I'm not listening
to any presentation.

Why not?
I...

You got my, my e-mails, did,
did you watch my pitch video?

Yeah.

I read your e-mails,
I watched your video.

I heard your messages.

But I'm trying not to
hear what you're saying.

Mm, you understand,
Stephen?

We did not invite
you here for a pitch.

We want you
to come home.

We want you home.
Home.

But I have my own home.
I have fans.

Are you trying
to humiliate me?

Huh?

I, I have always
supported you.

Even your goth phase,
when you were obsessed

with Columbine.

It's my dream.

Well what about
your other dreams?

What about college?

Being an
astronaut, a rapper?

The jet pilot
stunt man?

Porn is all those
things combined.

And Dad, I, I'm a high-risk
professional athlete.

What I do requires
stamina, endurance.

No.
Determination.

No, no.
Stop.

What you do
requires a pulse.

And what are you
doing with this girl?

Really, you bring a, a
woman dressed like this to

a goddamn
family dinner.

Dad, she loves me.

She, she's not your
girlfriend, Stephen.

She doesn't love you.
What you...

She doesn't even
want to be here.

What do you know about love?
No.

You...

Dad. I just wanted to show
you I, that I wasn't gay.

No one thought you were.
You, you're sick.

No.

Stephen, no, he
does, he has...

No, I'm not, I,
I'm not sick.

A mental illness.
I, I don't have anything.

He has, he does.
Don't listen to him, Tom.

He has...
I don't have anything.

He has a mental illness.
I don't have anything.

Yes, you do.

You are coming
with us.

This is going home,
don't need it anymore.

Fucking dinner.

Fine.

You're a big
porn star now.

Big star.

Right?

Everybody wants to know you,
everybody wants to be you.

I would think,
Stephen, that a,

a porn star would have more
pride in his appearance.

You know, and in his hygiene and
in the company that he keeps.

I watched your videos.

And from what I can tell you
just get kicked in the balls.

You're a porn star who gets
paid next to fucking nothing

to not have sex.

I do have sex.

I do.

Stephen, why porn?

You're not, you're
not even

well-endowed.

David.

That's enough.

Enough.

Psh...

Normally I don't like to
talk shop on the Sabbath.

But I am glad you told
me about the meth whore.

Still, I'm gonna need
both of you guys to leave.

I'm gonna miss your loads
hitting those pretty faces,

though.

We don't have
anywhere to go.

Yeah.

So?

Eric, please.

This is a volatile business.

Steve is a wild card, and
I can't afford to have any

wild cards.

So, as long as
you're with Steve,

you're a wild card too.

Please, Eric.

Whatever I need to
do to stay here.

To be a part of
this company.

Permanently.

I'll do it.

With or without Steve.

You're part of
this family now.

Okay?

And I'm gonna
take care of you.

You beautiful boy.

And you and I, we're
gonna fuck chicks,

together.

And our fucking hard cocks
are gonna go inside them,

and they're
gonna touch.

And then you are gonna
know the true meaning of

brotherhood.

So, I can still perform?

You can still perform.
All right?

All right.
Right.

So, you people are good
with this new little shit.

Have a seat, Steve.

So, uh, Tom tells me you
have a girl staying here in

the building.

No.

No, it's n... it's
not, it's not just a girl.

She's an amateur,
she's gonna be...

Okay, no, she's a tweaker
and I don't want that

in my building.

No, she's clean.

She's not clean.

I saw her smoking
shit yesterday.

Fuck you, man.
Get him out of here.

Hey, eh, eh.
Fuck you, get out of here.

Hey, hey.
Follow the fucking rules.

Okay, look.

I think it's best that
we just cut ties now.

You know, uh, uh, I, I
would like you to go.

Thank you.

But...

But I, but I've been
doing what you asked.

Uh, you, no,
no, you haven't.

You can't clean for shit.

You don't know
how to edit.

The only thing you use the
computer for is to look up

porn all the time.

Uh, you, you're,
you're no good to me.

We... we've got
nowhere else to go.

So.
Right.

Um...

Tom is staying.

Find an old roommate,
go back to your parents.

It's over.

You haven't
figured this out.

And honestly, do you want to
be 92 out of 100 on the call

sheet for a big
fucking mope gang bang?

At best.

It's a tough
business, man.

I'm sorry.

What about Tampa?

Yeah, Florida's got
a great porn scene.

No.
If you want to try and...

No, ta...
She's called Tampa.

I don't know.
What about her?

Well, well I, I was
gonna save her for my own

production company,
but I'll do you a favor.

You know, you're always
saying you're looking for

new angles, right?

What, what about, what
about the meth whore angle?

There's got to be
a market for that.

I get her, I get
her to shoot cheap.

You let me stay?

Come on, come
on, just right.

Right, right in here.

I, all right, just,
just sit right there.

How you doing
there, honey?

Fill this out
for me, all right?

Just the top part there.

You look beautiful.

What's going on, what's,
what's their premise?

Uh, it's a cuckold
gang bang thing.

No, no, no, no, I, I, I
thought it was

a boy girl scene.

Just, just me and her.

Well, you thought wrong,
it's a cuckold

gang bang thing.

Eric.

Eric, I don't, I don't want
her banging those goons.

She only shoots with me.

No, she doesn't,
you're the cuck.

But I haven't
even banged her yet.

Well, it'll add some
realism to your performance.

Okay?

But no, come on, man.

Hey, do you want to
sleep in your car tonight?

Congratulations, Steve.
You're now a pimp.

Take that cock.
Oh.

Oh, yeah.
Ooh.

Ar... okay.

All right, uh,
open up to camera.

Or move your
eyes, or just act.

Can you act
a little bit?

Ooh.
Will you please act?

I need another beer.
It's just, I'm sorry.

I know.
I'm a lame person.

And sorry.
I'm losing wood.

Okay.
Let's go.

Okay, al... all right.
I'm fucking rolling here.

Um, hold her down.
Yeah.

Yeah, hold her down.
That, that's hot, yeah.

Huh.
Ooh.

It hurts when you
do it like that.

Anal is like a
very emotional thing.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Just, um, do
regular first.

That will turn me on and then
we can do like slow anal.

I'm sorry, guys.

Do you have some Xanax?

Or like s...
maybe some Soma?

Percs?

How about another
beer, hon?

Will that do it for you?

Yeah, all right.

Picked a real
winner here, Steve.

Ah, you reek.

I can smell your ass all
the way from over here.

Your wife's got to like be
in with guys who don't smell

like shit.

And he looks like
he's retarded too.

Why would she
want to be with you,

Stinky Steve?

Why don't you go and crawl
back into whatever deep,

dark hole you
crawled out of?

Ooh, oh, mm.

Ah, this is
getting me hot.

Chris.
Yeah.

Do me a favor.
Yeah.

Take the camera.
All right.

I'm gonna get in there.
Hell yeah, get on in there.

Oh, oh sh...

Tweak her
nipples a little bit.

Chris, man, you
got to get in here.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Who's gonna hold the camera?
Yeah.

I bet you never suck your
husband's

fucking cock like that.

Oh, I bet his little fucking
inadequate dick never fills

your mouth like mine.
Huh?

What do you think, Driver?

Look at us all fucking
your girlfriend, huh?

Everybody's fucking fingers
in every fucking part of her

and you can't do
shit.

You can't do shit, man.

She said you don't have
a cock that even touches

her
front teeth, man.

Shriveled up little
pathetic fucking loser.

All right, Tom, Tom.
Tom.

Get in here, man.

Come on, man,
it's a cuck scene.

It's what we do.

It's just pretend.

Come on, man.

I'm not gonna ask
you again, do it.

Okay, hey, sweet... stop.
Fuck.

Tom.

Tom.

You can do this.

Okay.

I believe in you.

Sweetheart.

Get her in, get
her in Tom, come on.

It feels good
to be with her.

You.

Loser.

Why can't you do
anything right?

Why can't you be better?

I believed you.

You do smell bad.

Like shit.

You're all about being a
porn star and you can't even

take a shower.

How fucking
stupid are you, huh?

She doesn't want
to be with you,

she's not your
girlfriend.

You'll never
have a girlfriend.

No girl will ever
want you, ever love you.

You disgusting
piece of shit.

No girl will
ever love you.

My life will be so
much easier without you.

I spend all my time telling
you how to do things and you

just keep fucking up.

All you've done
is hold me back.

You and your
stupid, pathetic dreams.

I, I knew from
the very beginning,

I knew we'd never be stars,
but I used to hear about it

so much I got to
thinking maybe we would.

Look at yourself.

You'll never
be a porn star.

How did you ever think you
could become a star, huh?

You're not even a mope.

There's no word
for how low you are.

F...
I fucking hate you.

Oh god.

Steve? Steve?

Steve, I'm...
I'm sorry.

Look, you know what I said
was for the scene, right?

Please forgive me.

And I want to help you.

Let me help you.

Ya.

He-ya.

Ya.

Ah.

Steve.

Steve.

Out.
Tonight.

You hear me?

Steve.

Do you hear me?

It's time to go, dude.

Hey, shut the
fuck up, man.

I am doing this.

Hey.

Hello.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Get him out of
here, please?

Come on, man.

Look, I don't want
to be an asshole,

okay, you've been good
to me over the years,

all right.

But I'm not wrangling
these guys anymore.

I'm not good
at this, man.

And you are.

And you owe me.

Okay, you
fucking, you owe me.

I mean you owe me.

Right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Okay.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Steve, get your
shit and get out.

Steve.

Come here, man.

I'm not gonna
come there, man,

I don't want to see
any of your bullshit.

I want you out of
the fucking building.

Steve.

Pack up your shit,
I'm not fucking around.

Man, you should
see this.

I've told you 15
fucking times, get out.

Dude, you need to see this.

Quit stalling, come on.

No, man.

Look you fucking mopes,
I'm through with this shit.

Ah.
Ah, ha-ho.

God.

Oh my god.

Oh God.
Please.

Steve, no.
Ow.

Oh.
Oh my god.

God, ow.
Get him, get him.

Jesus fucking Christ.
Put it down.

Oh god.

Put it down, come on.
Steve, please, please.

Please don't do this.
Put it... put it down.

I love you, brother.
I love you.

Ah.
Shit, shit.

Hey, hey.
Just don't die.

Hey.
Don't die, Chris.

Hey, call 9-1-1.
Shit.

Oh.
Oh g...

Eric.
No, god, no.

Eric.

Eric.

Fuck, Eric.

T... Tom.

Fuck.
Fuck.

Fuck.
Shit.

Yo, yo, you've
reached Tom Dong,

porn star and CFO of Driver
Dong Films.

Uh, I'm probably balls deep
right now so please leave

a message and
I'll call back.

Tom.

Please.

Please, please
call back.

I need to speak
to you really bad.

I'm pissed, I know it.

Tom, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, I,
I would never,

ever hurt you.

Help me, Tom.

I just can't see it.

I searched and
I searched.

And I searched and just -
- I can't understand it.

I tried, Tom.

I almost had it all.

We, we almost
had it together,

but, but we could,
we could get it back.

If Eric will
forgive me, it...

Everything will be fine.

All we need to do is
catch our big break.

Then we'll have trampolines,
and motorcycles,

and waterslides
and every videogame.

We, we'll have it all.

And we'll have
girlfriends who spend the

night every night.

Everyone will love us.

Everyone will
know our names.

We're gonna
be stars, Tom.

We're gonna be stars.

We're gonna be stars.

We're gonna be stars, Tom.

We're gonna be stars.

Tragic end for a porn
star wanted for killing

a colleague with a
samurai sword.

He falls off a cliff
to the ground and dies.

Police say the suspect went
on a rampage Tuesday at

a Van Nuys porn studio
and killed a coworker.

His name's Steve Driver
in terms of porn circles,

and no, it wasn't
a household name.

He's charged with killing fellow
adult film actor Tom Dong.

The pair was described in
one report as the Jackie Chan

and Chris
Tucker of porn.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Woo.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Woo.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Woo.

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