All language subtitles for Driven.en

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Yeah, I'm headed
there right now.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, I see.

Bye.

So I don't have a rescue dog.

I mean, I have a dog and
it came from the shelter

but I don't call
it a rescue dog.

I feel like rescue is
kind of a grandiose term

for going and getting something
that I already wanted.

Rescuing should involve

swinging on vines
and defusing bombs.

Okay, three,

two, one.

Oh, that's really cute.

And, look, I'm happy
to take another one

but just so you know,
the meter is running.

- Aw, look at you!
- That's so cute.

I look fabulous.

Oh no.

- I love it.
- Delete it.

Your skin is perfect.

- It makes me want to kill you.
- What?

No, I should've just
warn my hair down.

I mean, it looks horrible.

Look at my breakouts.

At least one of
us can pull updos.

Have you ever
noticed that some girls

don't really compliment
each other unless

it sounds really threatening?

Your body is so fit,

I wish you that you would
power walk right off a cliff.

Your smile is so beautiful

I want to take a
baseball bat to it.

Your hair's so beautiful
I want to rip it out

and then it wouldn't
be your hair anymore.

It would be my hair.

No, that's not good,
that one needs work.

Sir?

Sir?

Huh?

Yeah, I just wanted to
know if you needed to go

to Brookside Apartments
or Brookwood Apartments.

Terry's!

Take me to Terry's,
mm-hmm, yeah.

Okay, so does Terry
live at Brookwood Apart...

Terry's!

Boom, boom, boom, ba-boom.

Terry's, yeah.

Strip, nap.

Okay, that sounds
like Brookside.

I mean, I tell other people
that he's a rescue dog

and I definitely use the
hashtag on Instagram.

Right here, buddy!

My lane.

Because, otherwise,
how would people know

that I was a good person?

Well, I'm sure you
son is really excited

that you're gonna be visiting

and you're gonna have fun too.

There's a lot to do
here, it's a nice town.

The body
discovered in Philips Park

has been identified as 24
year old Gabriel Payne.

Authorities are asking
for any information.

So what part of town
does your son live in?

Honey, no!

Every time we go there
we get terrible service

and you expect me to
talk to the manager?

I'm sorry, ma'am, we
want to go to the Cellar.

Don't talk over me!

It is my birthday
and I get to choose!

We went out for your
birthday last night.

That was the agreement.

Pffft.

What, did you make
it with yourself

because I don't remember
signing anything.

Okay.

Happy birthday.

I don't really know
how to react to people

who celebrate birthday months.

Like what if my birthday
falls during the same month?

Do I have to cancel mine?

If I have a party and
I invite that person,

does it then become their party?

Because I'm not
about sharing cake.

This is a nice car.

What kind of warranty
does it have on it?

Thanks, I'm actually not sure.

It's on loan from my sister.

Mine, someone smashed
all the windows out...

Does it get pretty
good gas mileage?

Again, I'm not really sure

because I'm just
borrowing it for awhile.

How much was the down payment,

if you don't mind my asking?

I can, I can text my sister.

Well not while you're driving,

I'm scared to death back here.

Okay, sorry, sorry.

See, here's the
thing about women.

Here's the thing
about Millennials.

So here's the thing
about "Game of Thrones."

Oh!

Thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot.

Thank you for
riding with Ferry.

We welcome feedback
to help improve

your customer experience.

Back.

You doing all right tonight?

Fine, thanks.

And where are we heading?

22 Elmwood Drive.

Then I need you to...

Oh, multiple stops?

Yes.

Okay, you in town for
business or pleasure?

Visiting old friends.

Oh, you're from
here originally?

No.

Cool.

A bunch of night owls, I guess.

You guessed right.

So, are we picking
a few people up

and then heading to one location

because I can suggest some
places that stay open.

What is your name?

Emerson.

Is that a first
name or a last name?

It can be both.

What does it say on
your driver's license?

Suspended.

I assume that's a joke.

Yes.

Sorry, it's Emerson Graham.

Okay, Miss Graham,

I very much appreciate
your trying to help.

However,

I have a very specific plan
and I intend to stick to it.

Also, I have to keep
an eye on the time.

So...

My apologies, Mister...

Sorry, what was your name?

Unimportant.

22 Elmwood Lane.

Mm-hmm.

I can put on some
music if you want.

This is fine.

There are actually
a lot of fun places

that stay open late here.

When I'm done with this,

I'm probably hitting
up a few open mics.

You're a singer?

As a service to the
general public, I'm not.

I do standup.

You're a comedian?

Not judging by your reactions.

I imagine you're funny
in a different setting.

Thanks, that's what I
put on my business cards.

Here we are.

So I see.

Are you going to be
visiting for awhile?

Should I do a few more
stops and come back

- or do you want me to...
- Wait.

I'll be out shortly.

Feel free to listen
to some music.

Appreciate it.

Super cool of you, guy.

Hello?

No, this isn't
Jim, I actually...

My name's Emerson Graham,
I'm not with him though.

I found his bag outside
of my apartments.

Yeah, I would've called earlier

but the phone was
locked, so I...

I hate to hear that.

Yeah, I know how things
get at night here.

But I do live in a
college neighborhood,

people drop things all the time.

Listen, if he shows up
in the next few minutes

just call this phone back,

I'll be happy to drop it
wherever you guys are.

Otherwise, I'll take it
to the police station

and you can let him know.

Yeah, I hope you
hear something soon.

Good luck.

Have you ever met the person
who's so up their own ass

that they give you permission
to do your own stuff?

Like, you'll invite
them out for the weekend

and they'll say, eh, I
don't really feel like it

but you can go.

Oh, well thank you so much
for giving me the go ahead.

You know, I was just
gonna sit on my hands...

Done.

On to the next address.

Great.

You can turn that back down now.

How many more
stops did you say?

What's that smell?

It's an essential oil mix
for calming, tranquil thoughts.

Nice, huh?

It's really strong for
use inside a vehicle.

This one might take
a little longer.

You're fine waiting?

I can.

If you're gonna be
visiting for awhile,

you're free to flag down...

It would be better
if you stayed nearby.

Okay, well just so you know,

there is an additional
fee on any waits over...

The fee isn't an issue.

In fact, I'm willing to add
a generous tip on completion.

Willing, wow.

Well, I guess it is necessary.

Just depends on how much
you like getting money.

Hey, what's up, Grace?

Yeah, I'm on a job
right now, actually.

No, I can grab some
on the way home.

In good news,

we might not have to wait
until the last minute

to pay the utility
bill this month.

No, not a good night, exactly.

The guy's kind of an ass
but a profitable one.

Okay.

Yep, I'm writing it down now.

Bye.

We need to go!

That didn't take very long.

No, it didn't.

On to the next spot, please.

Sure.

Listen, I'm sorry if
earlier I was being...

It's fine!

What're you doing?

Um.

What're you doing?

Listen, I hate to
bail on this ride

but I've just had an
emergency come up.

I need to make a
phone call real quick.

Is it okay if I
drop you off some...

I don't care where you
drop me, just start driving.

Sure, the thing is...

Now!

Please.

I've got an address for
you to put in the phone,

if you don't mind.

Really need to make
this phone call, guy.

And I really don't need
to be stranded out here.

Well, I know the
city pretty well,

so I can probably find the place

without putting the
address in my phone.

What the hell?

If you don't need to
put it in your phone

then get me to 34 Maplewood.

You need to get out of my car.

34 Maplewood!

I said I'm in a hurry!

You can say
whatever you want to

but you are not saying
it in my car anymore.

What the hell?

Get off of me!

I need you to drive!

Okay.

34.

- Maplewood.
- Maple.

Lane or street?

Um...

It's street.

Please don't hurt me.

I'm not going to.

Please don't hurt anybody.

I'm not, really.

I can take you to
the airport right now.

You can leave town and I will
never tell anyone about this.

I promise.

I can't do that.

Please, I don't wanna
be a part of this.

Can you just let me
drop you off somewhere?

Let me explain.

Don't stop!

I have to.

I have a knife.

Well if I don't, they're
just gonna call for backup.

All right.

Just...

Act natural.

Okay.

Nobody gets hurt.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

It's gonna be okay.

Evening.

You were doing a lot
of weaving back there.

Officer, I need your
help, this man is dangerous!

What're you doing?

He has a weapon, I think
he hurt someone back there!

No.

Sir, step out of the vehicle

with your hands
where I can see them!

I can explain.

Whoa!

Oh no.

Oh

no.

Go!

Drive!

What're you doing?

I'm getting my phone.

We need to call
help for that guy.

We are not gonna be
able to help that guy.

You don't know that.

I do, sorry.

What was that?

That really wasn't
supposed to happen.

I messed up at the last stop.

That doesn't tell
me what it was.

It was a demon.

No.

Yeah, no.

For the lack of a better term.

And now I lost my talisman

and I'm just really playing
everything by ear here.

No.

See, what I need you to do now

is you gotta take
me to the cemetery.

I gotta get a
sample of the soil.

Then I need silver,
any kind of silver.

Silver plating,
anything that will work.

Why are you stopping?

Get out of the car.

Didn't want to do
this, I got a knife.

Now!

Listen,

I need your help, okay?

We can defeat this together.

But I got a limited
amount of time here, okay?

Because they know I'm here
now, they can track me.

There isn't a we.

You wouldn't even give
me your name earlier.

This isn't a team effort.

Roger, I'm Roger.

You're a dick and I should've
thrown you out of my car

as soon as you got
rude about the radio.

But you didn't.

What?

You didn't bail on me

because there's
something inside of you

that is called to help me.

You sensed a need to
serve a greater good

and you answered it.

No, I wanted to
make a big enough tip

that my roommate and I
could afford plumbing

that doesn't necessitate
the use of a turd spoon.

I don't care about you and
I definitely didn't sign up

to watch someone die.

Get out of my car!

There are things like
that out there, more things,

and they can catch me.

Please.

Oh, my bag.

My bag!

You got my bag!

Hold up!

Shit.

Are you letting
me get my supplies?

Get in.

You have made
the right choice.

People are going to
remember your name

for the heroics you do tonight.

I wanna play my
radio if I want to

and you're still
giving me a big tip.

Well, if we live through this,

you won't care about any
of those things anymore.

Yes I will.

Fine.

Will you give me my phone?

Wow.

You have a lot of "Word
War" notifications.

Well, I know a lot of words.

I don't think I have
that many friends.

No kidding.

What is a turd spoon?

It's exactly what
it sounds like.

I have no idea
what it sounds like.

Did that officer
die back there?

I don't think so.

Oh, thank...

I think he's probably
getting possessed as we speak.

Jesus.

That is very strong.

Well, it's lavender.

It's good for lengthening
the brainwaves

and calming me down.

We have so much to do

if we're gonna pull
this off tonight.

Oh!

That, what is that?

It's mint, it's
good for energy.

It smells like Satan's anus.

Significantly worse
than the first one.

Well, then pick a favorite.

I've got mint,
I've got lavender,

I've got rosemary, I've
got sandalwood, cedarwood,

thyme and eucalyptus.

But, you know,
even if I poured it

directly into the upholstery,
that still wouldn't be

as heinous as not
telling me that

I was tagging along
for a demon hunt.

So just chill about
the oils, okay?

What are you, my ex?

Are you hungry by any chance?

You know, maybe if we're
fortifying ourselves,

we should be eating something,
not just smelling it.

Fine.

What are they?

You said for lack
of a better word.

If they aren't demons,
then what are they?

I don't think there's
a word for what they are.

They're evil spirits,

dark entities from
another plane.

What do they do?

They take over
the body of a host.

And what, feed on the flesh
of the living, kill people?

No.

They spread to score at
a much smaller level.

Eventually, housing one
of them will kill the host

sooner rather than later,

but the main part
is loss of agency.

Imagine being a passenger
in your own body

but tonight, tonight, I can
get rid of them for good!

How do you know
so much about this?

It is my curse.

It is my family's fault.

There is a window between
their world and ours.

What do you mean?

You probably wonder
why I'm traveling alone.

Why I have no companion.

No, I feel pretty
rock solid on that.

It is because those
entities roam freely

as long as my
family still lives.

Every time someone is
born into my family,

another batch of those things

is given free
reign in our world.

I can not take a
wife or have a child

until I take of this,
once and for all.

Can I crack the
window just an inch?

Do you wanna pay
with cash or card?

I thought you paid for
your own gas in this service.

In the driving service
that I work for, yes.

In the service of demon hunting,

we're figuring it out as we go.

I'm assuming money
is not an issue?

I have money.

It's part of the deal.

The deal?

My great, great grandfather
summoned an entity

in exchange passage to this
world for power and wealth.

The generations that
followed enjoyed the benefits

while ignoring the havoc

that those things
wreaked in our world.

Well then you should
definitely pay for gas.

Divest yourself of any money

that you got through evil means.

I feel like you just
want me to buy the gas.

You're also buying snacks.

That's fine.

All right, help me out.

How did you great, great
grandfather summon a demon

and why is tonight the
night to end it all?

It all started with a book

that's been in my
family for generations.

My great, great grandfather...

Hey, officer?

Are you...

Are you all right?

Never been better.

All right.

So that applied in a
limited amount of time

will close it up forever.

Okay, I guess that makes sense

but what if somebody
else opens it?

I'm not even entertaining
that possibility.

I'm burning that book
when you and I are done.

So this curse dies
with your family

and you don't have
any kids, right?

That's right.

Well,

not to be insensitive
but if you die,

this all goes away, yeah?

Try harder.

No, I'm not saying to
off yourself or anything.

It's just, if
something went wrong

and you ended up getting killed,

it wouldn't be a complete waste.

Uh...

Possibly.

But my grandfather was
a very wealthy man.

Yeah?

He traveled a lot.

Okay.

Now my father,
my aunt, my uncle,

they're his only legal heirs but

word has it he got around a lot.

Oh.

So, him being
quite promiscuous,

and the possibility
of any of those kids

inheriting that
particular trait,

there's no guarantee that
the family ends with me.

So what can I do to help?

Obviously if there's demons,

for lack of a better
word, in my town,

I wanna help you
get rid of them.

Okay, I need the
blood of a host.

I've already go that.

Then I need the branches
from very specific trees.

Oh, how do we keep
from getting waylaid

by another one of those things?

That's a good question.

Okay, keep your eyes pealed
for people of authority,

people with power.

If you know what to look for,

they won't be able to
take us by surprise.

Help!

I don't know how yet!

Oh no.

Can't that wait?

Sorry!

Give me some silver!

Oh!

Here!

Ugh!

It's not the turd
spoon, you jackwagon!

Should we take him with us?

Yeah, kidnapping a
policeman is a great way

to keep a low profile!

Hey!

Hey, what the hell
did you guys do?

Help!

I'm calling the cops!

You said kidnapping,
so he's alive?

What?

You said kidnapping,
not murder.

Does that mean that
officer's still alive?

Yes, he's alive.

A little worse for the
wear but he's alive.

So what happened
to that thing?

He probably fled
back to his original host.

So when you kill these things,

the people that they
were in, they're okay?

More or less.

Well what does that mean?

If they fight
me, I'm gonna fight back.

I think you would
understand that.

Have you ever killed someone

trying to get a
demon out of them?

Tonight, no.

Why here?

The gateway exists
on hollow ground

in the grove of the five trees.

Back when my great
grandfather lived here,

that was a cemetery that
was deep in the woods.

Now I figured after all this
time the gate would be closed

or I would have to
find it somewhere else.

But it turns out that
the cemetery has expanded

and is now enclosed
by these give streets.

Oh, Elmwood, Maplewood, Cedar,
Oak and Pine, the streets.

Bingo, it fits.

Should've worked perfectly.

Should have?

Can you not still pull this off?

There's no more
surprise attack.

They know I'm here,
they're on to me.

I mean, listen, yes, we could
very well still pull this off

but we'd be insane to think
to think those entities

aren't gonna try to stop us.

They're not gonna wanna
go back down there

and have us close
it behind them.

We got over on this guy
fairly easily because

he's not used to
his new body yet.

And, thankfully, that
officer lost his gun

somewhere in the struggle.

What we need is the hero.

Are you not a hero?

Thank you but no.

I was going to summon a hero.

Boy, your family, they
just look at a problem

and immediately leap
to summoning something.

It's part of the ancient text.

From the mists of
time emerges a hero

to subdue the entities.

My theory was it was a spirit

that was stronger than they were

that could hold them at bay.

Possibly, it's another human
who's well versed in magic

and can vanquish them.

So why don't we?

Why don't we what?

Summon him, or her.

I told you, I
lost my talisman.

I needed blood of
a host, grave dust

and a very specific
talisman for that task.

So we go get it.

The talisman?

Yes, you dropped it at
the second house, right?

Yes I did, I dropped
it at the second house.

I lost it.

So let's go back for it.

But the demon.

For lack of a better term.

It's either looking
for its old body

or if it's already there,

she's on the side of the
road, not at the house.

That's true.

That's very, very true.

Okay.

Hmmm.

There's one thing though.

What's that?

What is a turd spoon?

It's not important.

We do not need to have
another miscommunication

like we had back there!

I need to know.

Dude, assume that I don't
keep the turd spoon in my car.

I was just...

Very distracting to have
that in the back of my brain.

You know, if you're rich
enough to have a family curse,

then you're rich enough for
me to be kind of embarrassed

about explaining the finer
points of being a little poor.

More embarrassing than having
a great, great grandfather

summon demons in
exchange for wealth?

Or a grandfather who's
a pretty epic slut?

My roommate, Grace, and I
live in a really old apartment.

Not cool, historic,
well maintained, old,

just old.

Okay.

Well the plumbing is dire.

We've talked to the
landlord about it

but they're not
gonna do anything

because what're we gonna do?

Move somewhere with equally
low rent that's nicer?

Okay.

Anyway, if we or a guest have

a significant bathroom incident,

we keep a big plastic
spoon next to the toilet

that we use to...

We break things up into
more manageable sizes

so that the toilet
can actually flush.

I cannot stress enough that
that's all that we use it for.

We don't cook with it

and I definitely don't
carry it around with me.

Call it the turd spoon.

Well, that's...

That certainly puts
things into perspective.

Yeah.

Evil entities is a family
curse but, you know,

knock on wood, I've never
had to use a turd spoon.

It's not funny.

At least my granddad
wasn't a big skank.

Hey, how much of your
birthday and Christmas money

do you think he
spent on his various

boyfriends and girlfriends

and prostitutes.

Emerson,

oh, that's good!

Oh, thank you.

Oh, wow.

Mmmm.

Whoa, whoa, this
is my sister's.

Oh, I'm so glad we can
finally talk about this.

You know, you could've told me

all this from the beginning.

No.

I had a responsibility.

To vanquish demons
and summon a hero

but I have a responsibility to
get you where you need to go.

Would you have believed me?

Maybe not, I don't know,

but I have to vanquish demons.

For lack of a better term.

I get it.

It's not the weirdest thing
anyone's ever said in my car.

What is?

I don't know.

Your average Saturday night,

you get all kinds of drunks
and weirdos and assholes.

Do you think some of
them are possessed?

Probably not.

People are just assholes.

In my experience, demons,
for lack of a better term,

try to keep a low profile.

So what do you need
to protect yourself

when we go back to the house?

Okay, more silver.

Always good to have
plenty of silver.

I definitely need more sage.

I used a lot on
that last gentleman.

And...

Maybe another weapon.

Something less
lethal than a knife.

Well.

Well, that's one down.

Okay.

And the rest we can
probably get at my apartment.

I mean, silver's
gonna be limited

but sage I can do.

Really?

Oh yeah, it's great for
clearing out negative energy.

No matter what anybody says.

I'll have Grace bring it down.

This is perfect.

Now aren't you glad
that you got the driver

with all the aroma
therapy sprays?

Because I go in for
all that hippy crap.

I could still do
without the smell.

Is Grace gonna wonder who I am?

Driving's one of my jobs.

She's used to strangers
being in my car.

Should we come up with
some kind of cover story?

Sure, let's say
that I'm working.

And I'm a customer.

Good, right.

I mean, unless you think

we need to rehearse
it a few times.

Should we?

Hey, Em.

I got your stuff.

Is everything okay?

It's fine, she's driving me.

Yeah, everything's good.

My mom's doing a dinner
thing this weekend

and she needed some
extra silverware, so.

She's still up?

I'll drop it in the mailbox.

Cool.

What about your jewelry?

Just feeling fancy.

And the sage?

You know me.

That I do.

That I do.

Well, listen, I better
get back inside.

Yes, tonight is a good
night to stay inside, do that.

Okay, spaz.

Is everything okay with you?

I feel like I'm
interrupting a drug deal.

Everything's fine but...

Jess is visiting.

Oh.

And I figured you'd be out
driving all night and you know.

Yeah, yeah, you guys are
friends, you should hang out.

Look, Grace?

What's up?

Is that real sliver?

Yeah.

Can I borrow it?

Sure, whenever you want.

Like, tonight?

Oh,

okay.

Em,

did you wanna come
in and say hi?

No, we need to get
him to his next stop.

Yes, I'm a customer and I
need to get to my next stop.

I could at least
say hi for you.

No.

Okay.

Bye.

Have fun.

Hmm.

I think a lot of your
jewelry is fake silver.

Hmmm.

Do you wanna put on some music?

So who's Jess?

My ex.

Oh, the one who
doesn't like your sprays?

Oh.

Maybe I should introduce myself.

We have a lot in common.

Sure, you've both
treated me like garbage

at various points.

Maybe you could compare notes.

Sorry, that's not fair.

Jess didn't treat
me like garbage.

We had a stupid breakup,
it's just fresh.

Well, that can be very hard.

What sucks is that she's
still on really good terms

with most of my friends.

I'm trying to be cool about it

but a hideous part of me just
wants them to take my side.

Is this okay or should I...

Oh, good lord,
you can touch me.

Although, if Jess and
I were still together,

this would be an issue.

Jealous person, huh?

Very.

It's not all her fault.

I wasn't respectful of it.

I made fun of her about it.

But only because
it was ridiculous.

I would never have
cheated on her, ever.

Well, that makes sense.

Although, I do understand
why she might have been

a little offended.

It got to a point
where every guy or girl

that I talked to was a
personal insult to her.

I didn't want to go out with
her because she might get mad.

I didn't want to
go out without her

because she would
definitely get suspicious.

Honestly, I think part of the
reason I started doing this

is so that I just
had a quiet place

where I wasn't constantly
arguing with someone.

Until tonight, I guess.

Maybe I am the problem.

Well, you are the
common denominator.

For what it's worth,
in my opinion,

I think you are a dedicated,

non-demanding, kind person.

I mean that.

Well,

I believe you.

Because you are terrible
at playing it cool.

What was that back there?

I was afraid she was gonna
start digging too deep?

All you had to do
was tell the truth.

I was the one that was lying.

What if she had
demanded to come with us?

Then I would've told her no.

Honestly, that is a much
lower risk situation

than maybe anything else
that you've done tonight.

Oh, unless you think Grace
could snatch your body

or take down a police officer.

Full disclosure.

I get nervous around women.

More so than around demons,
for lack of a better word.

Considerably.

Well,

I guess you don't have a
ton of experience with them.

You probably had to cut yourself
off to hunt evil entities.

Sadly, my nerves predate
my decision to end the curse.

By a lot.

Please tell me
that the only reason

you wanna break the
curse isn't just because

you can reap the full benefits.

The only reason
why you're helping me

is because you
want a new toilet.

Maybe to break a lease.

Well, for the record,

if you had been this
nice when we first met,

I would have tried
to help you anyway.

But you have to pay now.

It would be churlish not to.

That's fine.

Mainly salt and sage.

I always keep plenty in the bag

and a few fist
fulls in my pockets.

This temporarily
immobilizes them.

I think it has
something to do with

the purifying properties.

Sure.

Or maybe because
it burns their eyes.

I once had a similar result

with a fist full of cayenne
pepper in an emergency.

Huh.

Either way, aim
for the peepers.

It's hard to reach.

And I'm not sure it has
to be a maple branch

from Maple Street but...

Why take chances?

I get it.

No point in
taking unnecessary risks.

Shit!

Oh, wow.

You okay?

Got it.

This one.

No.

It's definitely fake.

No, that was an
anniversary gift

from my first serious boyfriend.

He worked a lot of
double shifts to buy it.

That's real.

Silver doesn't
stick to magnet.

Screw you, Jason.

And I've got some
bad news for your mom

about some of the
silver she's borrowing.

That's part of a ruse.

We're the ones using the silver.

Oh, right.

I'm amazing that you've kept
this a secret for this long

because you are a terrible liar.

Well, if you're trying
to be a force for good,

it's probably better
to be a bad liar, yes?

Probably so.

- Shit.
- Whoa.

Are you hurt?

Oh, shit.

No, no, I'm fine.

Roger, we cannot
call the police.

No, no, we can not.

Oh my God, there is a witness
and maybe security footage

of us assaulting an officer.

Wait, hold on, I have money.

Maybe we can just pay him off.

Maybe there's no damage.

I feel like jumping straight
to a bribe may seem suspicious.

Just let me talk to him.

Should I say something?

Oh, please don't.

Oh, boy.

Hey.

So sorry about this.

I was changing
stations on the radio,

wasn't paying attention.

I feel so stupid.

You know, I'm glad
that you're not hurt

and honestly, this
doesn't look that bad.

I guess we should contact
insurance companies.

You know, I don't
even know if we need to.

I think that will
buff right out.

You can't buff out a dent.

Oh no, but I can hit it
with a plunger and hot water.

I don't want you to have to
go through all that trouble.

Oh no, it's no trouble.

I just grab it from next to
the old turd spoon and...

What?

Don't worry about it.

And this.

Don't worry about this either.

I was actually about to say,

and this is going to
sound like a total lie,

but earlier tonight I
lost my I.D. and my phone,

so I don't really have it.

Oh no, I'm sorry...

Wait, in a bag?

Sorry?

Did you lost a bag too?

Yeah, I did.

What's your name?

Jim, Jim Walters.

This is amazing.

I found your bag earlier.

Imagine that.

Yeah.

Wait here, I'll go grab
it for you real quick.

How much does he want?

No, it's gonna be fine.

I accidentally mentioned
the turd spoon again

but other than that...

So what's the game plan?

Will you hand me that
bag in the floorboards?

There is?

How?

Yeah, that
belongs to this guy.

I found it earlier tonight.

It's his.

Wait, you found that guy's bag

and then he hits
you with his car?

Ha, small world.

Yeah, turns out doing a
good deed never hurt anybody.

Emerson!

Oh!

Oh no.

You awake?

Kind of.

Good.

Keep it that way.

You're way susceptible
to possession

in a weakened mental state.

Then get us out of here.

That's what I'm doing.

What's happening?

We're getting the
hell out of dodge.

Okay, put the car in park.

No.

We need distance.

That's my concern too.

Just stop and move over, okay?

You sure you're okay to drive?

I can get us out
of here fast enough

that he can't catch
us on foot, come on!

Okay.

Oh.

Why didn't you use the door?

Because we're in a hurry!

Seatbelt!

Wow, this is faster.

Thanks, man.

Cedar?

No, juniper.

So you can't drive.

We had drivers.

My dad owned a lot
of very flashy cars

that he liked to drive
but he wouldn't let me

anywhere near them.

Hmmm.

If we survive this,
maybe I'll teach you.

Well that's a lovely gesture

but I bet will never happen
because we don't have time.

Bye the way, are you
sure you feel okay?

I absolutely do not feel okay.

But I'm good to drive,
I'm a great driver.

Oh, yeah, you really are.

Just wish you were a
better judge of character.

I should've stayed in the
car, that's what I'm best at.

Oh, you're really
good at that too.

I know.

Is that a cedar tree?

No, that's pretty
clearly an oak.

Clearly.

Did I strike a nerve?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Are...

Are you apologizing or
are you mimicking me?

No, I'm apologizing.

There is no reason for
me to get snippy with you

just because I'm mad at myself.

Listen, that was a completely
understandable error.

In a normal situation,
you did the right thing.

Usually when I mess up,

I'm not risking demon
infestation on a massive scale.

I was really just trying
to compliment your driving.

I'm not a big fan of comedy but,

hey, if you're as good at
that as you are with this,

you're gonna be a
massive success.

I'm not a comedian.

You said you were.

No, I want to be.

I have a set, I practice it.

And when I finish a shift,
I go to a comedy club

and I chicken out

and I sit in the car
and practice some more.

Well, there's no shame
in wanting to be polished.

No, that's not it.

I'm good at driving
without trying.

I don't have to work on it.

Anything other than
that scares me.

You know, even when I was
fighting my ex girlfriend

and I knew that she was at home

waiting to finish an argument,

I'd drive.

And then I'd sit out in the car

and wait for the
lights to go out.

That's natural to
want to avoid conflict.

And then when I do
get out of the car,

I nearly get us
killed by a demon,

for lack of a better term.

That's a pretty clear
indicator to stay in my lane,

so to speak.

I'm a driver.

Cedar.

I've always been rich.

All my investments
are always right.

My financial gambles
always pay off.

Congratulations, that
sounds really nice.

To a certain extent,
it's pretty great.

I mean, the perks are,
they're kinda fabulous, but,

you know, there's not a
lot of satisfaction in it.

In fact, figuring
out and researching

how to banish these things
is the first real challenge

I've ever encountered.

I'm sorry.

No, no, don't be, I
mean, that's the thing.

It feels like nothing
I've ever experienced

when I have my victories.

I think that's why I
stuck with it for so long.

I mean,

yeah, it's safer
to stay in the car

but really the
purpose of the car

is to transport you to the
next place where you wanna go.

And where's that?

I need to go to Oak Lane.

We're going back to Oak Lane.

Okay?

Okay.

What's the worst
case scenario here?

They found the talisman, they
destroyed it, they kill me.

Possibly you as well.

Okay, that's a bad one.

What's the best case?

I dropped it in the grass,
nobody's been back here since.

I find it, I easily
summon the hero.

From the mists of time.

Do we think this guy is actually
gonna travel through time?

That is not the
most unlikely thing

to happen in this world.

True.

Hey.

What should I do?

I know it's gonna
sound hypocritical

considering out
earlier conversation

but I need you to
stay in the car.

And that's it?

That's it.

Be ready to get out
of here quickly.

Don't trust anyone.

Okay, but how long should
I wait before I check?

Emerson,

I will be fine.

Wait.

Maybe we should work
out some kind of signal

in case things go wrong.

Okay, that is silly
and superfluous.

Aw, well that takes me
back to earlier tonight.

Work on your comedy.

Shit.

Start the car!

No!

Not really.

Go!

Run!

Silly and superfluous?

Don't you wish that
we had worked out

some kind of signal now?

I can't believe I've hit
two people with a tire iron.

No, no, no, no, no.

No!

What is it, are you okay?

Shit, how do we test to see
if someone is possessed?

We need to figure out a way
to test that on each other

just in case.

Emerson, stop.

What is it, are you hurt?

No, I'm, it doesn't matter.

Of course it matters.

No, Miss Graham, it
doesn't matter if I'm fine

because this isn't.

What is that?

This was a talisman
forged to protect the earth

from invading evil.

But now, it isn't anything.

It's absolutely nothing!

What happened?

My driver hit it
with a tire iron!

I can't believe I
spent all this time

worrying about demons,
for lack of a better term,

when it turns out that you

are the biggest
threat to my mission!

Whoa, wait a second.

Wait!

Hey!

That's a novel idea.

I wish somebody had
thought of that beforehand.

Roger.

Oh, hold on, somebody did.

Me.

I asked you to wait in the car!

Yeah but I had
to do something.

I mean, they
could've killed you.

They could've possessed you.

Which, to be honest, I
haven't ruled out right now.

I was doing fine!

I was sneaking out the back door

when you thought it would
be a great idea to honk!

They had spotted you.

I thought I needed to...

Don't you think I had
planned for that inevitability?

I changed my entire plan
so you would be safe!

That has got to be
the stupidest thing

anyone in my family
has ever done

since opening this portal
to this stupid hell world!

Okay.

I was just trying to help.

I know you said to wait.

I thought that you meant...

Then let me be clearer.

I am on a mission.

You work for me.

Yeah, yeah, I know but...

So,

when I ask you to
sit in the car,

pretend like we're sitting
in front of a comedy club.

Hey.

Or in front of a house of
somebody you owe an apology to

but you're too lazy
or scared to face.

You sit behind the wheel

and you do nothing.

I thought the purpose
of a car was to get us

where we needed to be.

Emerson,

your purpose is to get
me where I need to be.

And I need to find a pine tree

on Pine Drive.

Passengers need to
ride in the back, sir.

Would you please roll
down the back window?

I'm getting a headache.

Yeah, must be going around.

I need to get to
North Gate Cemetery.

Then we'll be done.

At least you will be.

Great.

It isn't clear whether
I'm supposed to be

at the site of the old cemetery

or the center of
the current one but

maybe it isn't specific.

Always good to
keep things open.

Listen, about what I said.

Oh, message received.

What I meant was I...

You know, for someone who
wants to break the curse

that brought them
wealth and power,

you are really good at
being the guy with money

talking down to somebody.

Emerson?

I get it.

I work for you, I'm a driver.

You're as important
of this as I am.

Yeah, because you
happened to get in my car.

No.

Listen, I lashed out at
you and that's not fair but

you're almost as important
to this as the talisman.

You're an essential
part of this.

So what're you saying?

You couldn't have
done this without me?

Someone was always
meant to ferry me home.

"The farrier will show the way."

It's right there, in the book.

I'm sorry, what?

"The farrier
will show the way."

It's part of the instructions
on how to break the curse.

A or an E?

I don't understand.

Farrier, with an A or an E.

Uh, A.

Does it matter?

Uh.

I don't wanna come across
like I'm talking down to you

but we have a time limit.

Sure.

Did you want me to
swing by a stable?

You lost me.

A stable?

So that I can put
some shoes on horses

because that's what a
farrier with an A does.

No, farrier, like a ferryman.

I know that's not
exactly what you are

but I don't expect the
language of the book

to change the names
of the occupations.

No, trust me, a farrier
puts shoes on horses.

It's not a common occupation
but it's definitely a thing

and it is worth several
points in "Word Wars."

Didn't you grow up wealthy?

Did you have horses?

Who put the shoes on them?

Our groom scheduled that.

Oh my God.

Look, the important
thing here is...

You're wrong.

You are so wrong that
I don't even know

what we're doing anymore.

This whole thing was sunk
before I ever smashed

your stupid amulet.

Talisman.

Trying to help you

and all because you
couldn't look up a word?

Oh, you have no idea
how many words I looked up

to make sure I got
this thing right

and that's after I translated
it from Middle English.

I have spent years of my life

trying to rid the
world of these things.

Yeah.

About that.

Go on.

You're great grandfather...

Great, great.

Unleashed who knows
how many demons.

For lack of a better term.

You know what, let's
leave the better terms to me

from here on out, okay?

And until tonight, they have
never been a problem for me.

What're you suggesting?

Maybe they just wanna
live and let live.

Maybe the only reason that
they keep attacking us

is because you keep
attacking them.

You just back right off.

What evidence do you have?

Even you say they're
not really demons.

Have you never wondered
why there are so many

unsolved murders in
such a small town?

Hmmm, all the discord,
all the ill will.

What do you think is
generating all that?

And if it's not that,

then do you think it's fair

to all these people
they're inhabiting?

These people had lives.

These people have loved ones

who don't even
know they're gone.

People suck, Roger.

That's something that
you learn really quickly

on this side of the
service industry.

People are mean
and they are pushy

and judgmental and wrong.

You are wrong.

You are wrong about
your instructions,

you were definitely
wrong about me.

Maybe you were wrong about them.

Well if you are willing
to jeopardize this quest

because I bruised your ego,

then I think this might be
the end of the line for me.

Sounds reasonable.

Would you turn off
the damn safety locks?

Thank you for
riding with Ferry.

We encourage feedback

to help improve your
customer experience.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Good luck.

Of course.

Of course.

Hey, Em.

Jess.

I was just visiting with
Grace while I was in town.

Yeah, she said.

You okay?

Oh, you know, just getting
used to the new city.

You wouldn't believe
the singles scene there.

Okay.

I just meant are
you okay to drive.

You seem a little wobbly.

Oh, Grace and I just
got into some whiskey.

I hope you aren't
needing a drink tonight.

God, should I get a
replacement bottle?

No, no, it's fine.

Anyway, I was just
gonna get a taxi.

I normally do Ferry

but, you know, I wouldn't want
to risk an awkward encounter.

Yeah, that'd be a shame.

Well, cool, get to
your mom's place safe.

No, Jess, cancel the
cab I can drive you.

Come on.

It smells like a
hippy's attic in here.

Do customers never
complain about it?

You have no idea.

So.

So?

Gracie said you were with
a really nervous man earlier.

Kept insisting he was a customer

but was being weird about it.

Thanks, Grace.

No, it's fine.

You don't have to be
sneaky if you're on a date.

We aren't together anymore.

No, we're not.

So you can stop needling me
like I'm doing something wrong.

Wow, okay.

I'm just saying it's great
that you moved on so quickly.

No you're not, Jess.

You're trying to
make me feel bad

about not even being on a date.

He was a passenger
that was nice enough

to let me run an errand
while he was in the car.

There isn't a man,
there never was.

But you know what?

You broke up with me.

So, even if there is a man,

you don't get to
be mad about it.

I'm sorry.

It's fine.

It's obviously not, Em.

Are you seriously
arguing with me

about whether or not
we're having an argument?

I guess I'm just
making up for lost time.

I feel like I saw you
for about two hours

for the whole last month
that we were dating.

Yeah, I was spending a
lot of time in the car then

because I wanted to be with
you, not fight with you.

Well that's not
what it felt like.

What are you talking about?

Do we need to get you a coffee?

It felt like you didn't
want to fight to be with me.

What the fuck, Em?

Shit.

I am so sorry.

I thought that maybe.

I, it's...

Sorry, you were saying?

Did you suffer a
blow to the head?

Well, actually, it's
not important, I'm fine.

Sorry.

I was saying...

Look, I know I'm not the
most secure in a relationship

but sometimes it
felt like you would

sit in your car all night
instead of deal with your issues.

My issues?

Our issues.

Ours.

Both of ours.

I don't think you know how
passive you can be sometimes

but eventually I figured
out that our relationship

was like your comedy.

It was something you were
just going to try to wait out

and hope it turned out okay.

I know I initiated the breakup

but I'm not the
only one responsible

for the end of our relationship.

You need a partner
that you're willing

to get out of the car
and have the fight for.

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

This was a new blouse.

No.

Well, I'm sorry about
that too, I just...

I'm really sorry if I
didn't make you feel valued.

I appreciate it.

So are you settling
into the new place okay?

You don't miss glamorous
small town life?

Small town inconvenienced
in city sized crime rates?

No, not really.

Besides, I got to visit my
Uncle Sean's farm last weekend

for the first time in forever

and I am set on rural
life for awhile.

Not a country girl, huh?

I don't see how anyone is.

It's like 14 full-time
jobs worth of work.

And have you ever helped
put a shoe on a horse?

I have.

It's awful.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

Just so you know, they
will try to kick you

and poop on you.

Well, I mean they
don't try to do that.

It's just something
that happens.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

I know, so gross.

Listen, this is
gonna sound insane

but I need to try something.

Can you tell me how to get to
North Gate Cemetery from here?

The new one or the one
that they paved over?

The old one.

Em, you know where it is.

You've lived here
longer than I have.

Just humor me.

Well, if we're near Mom's,

then it's straight
back that way.

Thank you.

So this is gonna seem like I'm
being really mean and petty

but is it okay if I
drop you off here?

Are you joking?

We're like a block away.

Exactly, so it's
not a very long walk.

You are unbelievable.

Please trust me that it's
really, really important.

I thought we were finally
getting to a good place

and now you're just being...

Jess.

We were not a great fit

and we were probably
always doomed to fail

but just so you know,

I loved you and you were
a huge part of my life

and I am sorry if I let you down

by making you feel otherwise
while we were together.

Okay?

But I have to go.

I don't know what to say.

Well, Ferry welcomes
feedback so we can

continue to improve your
customer experience.

Okay, come on.

Roger!

I'm really glad you came.

I had to get directions
from a farrier.

What?

Sort of, I'm hoping
between the two of us

it counts for something.

Let's get you to your cemetery.

We're in a cemetery.

Maybe not the
one that you need.

Oh.

All right, what do we
need to pull these things

back through the
portal and seal it off?

We need the branches
of the five trees.

Right, right, right.

Blood of a host.

Pardon?

Blood from one of the
bodies that housed them.

I got that at one
of the first stops.

Hey, you said
that you didn't...

I didn't kill anybody.

The instructions don't give

a certain amount
of blood you need.

I didn't see any need
to apply lethal force.

Okay, and?

Summoner's finger.

Ew!

Yeah, tell me about it.

It's not pleasant work.

Trust me, grave robbing
the family crypt,

not my idea of a good time.

So that's your great,
great grandfather's...

Finger, right.

I hope they don't
need a specific one.

Okay, anything else?

Well,

in a perfect world
we'd use the talisman

to summon a hero through
the mists of time

to keep the demons at bay.

I'm sorry!

But since we don't,

speed is our ally.

I really appreciate you
coming back to get me.

I can't imagine anybody
else being my farrier.

Ferryman.

And you're welcome.

Though I did consider
stealing the big bag of cash

you left in my back.

Oh crap.

Thanks for not doing that.

In the spirit of honesty,

I think I should
apologize to you

for the scathing
review I left you.

Really?

I will try to delete it.

I made it in a moment of anger.

You are easily a
four star driver.

Four?

Well, your vehicle still
does have an overpowering odor.

Oh, for...

This is the original site.

Are you sure?

Oh, trust me.

It was a huge ordeal

when they first started
clearing it out.

Bodies for days.

Now, some people got
really up in arms about

erasing town history

but some people were really
insistent about relocating.

Oh, I bet they were.

It was demons trying
to cover their tracks.

For lack of a better term.

Okay.

Now, listen.

A lot of those demons,
for lack of a better term,

caught up with me at
the last graveyard.

However, there's a
strong possibility

that some of them
are waiting for me.

So I need you to be safe
and stay in the car.

But what if they get to you?

Well, then we better hope
the rest of my bastard cousins

all died in some tragic,
yet unavoidable accidents

prior to today and the
curse dies with me.

I don't think these demons

are being all that
careful right now.

If that happens, you take the
bag and all the money in it

and you get out of town.

If you happen to live
for another 110 years,

then you come back here and
you try to finish this off.

I know, that's a long
time to live with

my great, great
grandfather's finger bone

but, all things considered.

Oh, and about the
bag, you gotta...

No!

Shit!

No, no, no!

Get out!

Open this!

Now!

Open up!

You can stop.

The talisman in
pieces is useless.

As is this.

Helping him was a fool's errand.

He's an ineffective little
man who was doomed to fail.

And why not?

We held up our end
of the bargain!

You said it yourself.

We don't disturb much.

You said that your life

has been more disrupted
by him than by us.

So why don't you open the door,

I'll get rid of that
silly little circle

and you head on home with
all the money in that bag?

Hmm?

You've earned it,
don't you think?

You're worried about people
getting hurt if you help us?

You need to be worried

about people getting
hurt if you don't.

No, don't touch her.

Her?

Her?

I'm gonna kill this man

unless you want to
help prevent it.

See?

We aren't unreasonable.

Through the mists of thyme!

Sorry in advance, Roger!

So fucking gross!

Gross.

Ugh.

Gross, gross, gross.

My blood can't be the nastiest
thing you've touched today.

Remember, I know
about the spoon.

I'm so
glad you're okay.

Okay's a relative term.

Took a pretty nasty
blow to the head.

And my nose.

Well you did leave me
a pretty nasty review

on my company page.

I'm not sure slugging me was
the best way to address it.

Ugh.

So what happens now?

Well, I burned the book.

I go home and I wait to
see if I lose everything.

If I do,

I'll figure out what to do now.

I'm kinda making
this up as I go.

All right, where to?

The hotel.

I only have one friend in
town and from what I've heard,

her place isn't the nicest.

Well.

Thanks for everything.

Sincerely.

I don't even think a talisman

could've brought me a
better hero than you.

I'm glad you knew when
to get out of the car.

You know, you should
do it more often.

If a horde of demons
doesn't scare you,

nothing should.

I have a hard time
relating to people

that want to show me the
cool, historic things

that are unique to their home

because I don't really
have anything like that.

I mean, I do, but
it's not something

I feel like I can brag about.

I can't lead people to
my bathroom and say,

this is where I keep my
authentic mid-aughts turd spoon.

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