All language subtitles for Cruising the Med with Jane McDonald 1080p Ch5_ENG_Subtitles01

Hi, I'm Jane McDonald.
Did someone mention cruise?

I caught the cruising bug
more than 20 years ago

when I was working as
a singer on a ship.

See, when I were on the ships,
I had no window.

I used to have to put the television
on to see what type of day it was.

It's not just us Brits
who are crazy about cruising.

Last year, 25.8 million
holidaymakers worldwide

choose to cruise.

There's a cruise for everyone.

There's quiet cruises,
there's party cruises,

there's island cruises,
there's river cruises...

And I'm just gonna carry on cruising

til I've found you
your perfect cruise.

Try stopping me!

There's a cocktail bar over there.
SHE LAUGHS

I'm calling this
my Eurovision cruise.

Five countries in seven days -

Italy, Malta, Spain, France.

and back to Italy,

and that's five if I'm counting.

I'm so lucky to have this job.

This time, I'm cruising on
the latest addition

to the MSC fleet - the Meraviglia.

WHOOPING

In Malta,
things start with a bang...

CANNON FIRES

Ooh!

..I'm overwhelmed in Barcelona...

This has completely
taken my breath away.

..dance in the streets
of Marseille...

Stepped off the ship
into a musical!

..and if all that isn't enough...

Welcome to heaven on earth.

Benvenuto in Italia!

Ciao, baby! Oh, yeah.

We're here in Italy. I've just had
a cup of coffee so strong

that I'm not gonna blink
for the next ten minutes.

Do you know, that ship that holds
more than 5,000 passengers?

5,000 passengers!

It's...
SHE LAUGHS

..massive!

It's time to go party.
Hasta la pasta, baby!

My journey this time is a trip
around the western Mediterranean.

This ship does a circuit every week
and you can get on at

any stop you fancy.
I'm joining it in Sicily,

then on to Valetta in Malta,

Barcelona in Spain,

Marseille in France,

Genoa in Italy,

and finally, Naples.

Look at the size of that!
It starts over here...

..and you can't even see
where it finishes!

It's that big.

It's huge.

Made with over 35,000 tons of steel,

stretching nearly
a third of a kilometre,

and 19 decks tall
and with 2,250 cabins,

She really is a behemoth,

and Meraviglia,
it's time to get to know you.

Oh, my...!

SHE LAUGHS

It's like being in Las Vegas.

This is not a ship.

This is a mall!

It's a...
it's a chocolate restaurant.

There's even a pub.

There's an English pub up there.

The Brass Anchor.

Oh, my goodness me.

Oh! Look at this.

It's everything you want on here.

It's sparkle, glamour.

crystals, grand piano, new.

It's very high-tech.

This will be your cruise card,
Mrs McDonald. Thank you very much.

This will be your wristband.
Your cabin will be on deck 14.

Thank you veyr much. Thank you. Nice
to meet you.

I'm blown away
by what I've seen already.

This is fantastic!

Oh, it's not that way,
it's this way.

Look at that.

Oh!

Oh, this is really nice, isn't it?

Look.

Oh! Voila.

Oh!

Oh...

Oh!

I love a good bed.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, this is nice.

Ohhh.

I love this bit. I love finding my
own little space on a cruise ship.

Look at that view.

On this vast, big ship,

this is my little bit,
and it's new and the bed's comfy.

Oh! I've got a bath.
I'm going to get in it.

Shall we?

Well, you've been on me bed.
You might as well get in me bath.

Oh, wow!

This is something you don't get,

a bath in a normal-sized cabin
with a balcony.

This is wonderful.

Hello!

This ship's on a schedule,
and no sooner have I got on

than we're already under way
to Valetta in Malta.

Let's be honest, I spend more time
getting lost on here

than doing my job and
showing you the ship

so I'm waiting to have a chat
with Rob, one of the officers.

Oh, look at that view.

Goodbye, Italy.

Farewell.

And so what if I'm having
a cocktail as well?

Multi-tasking McDonald. That's me.

There's just something I never,
ever will get fed up of.

Seeing the sunset, and...

..and the view that you get
from the sea. I just love it.

And drinking cocktails.

How are you doing? All right!
I'm fantastic, thank you.

How are you enjoying your first day?
I'm just having the best time. Yeah.

I've had a cocktail now,
the sun's out...

Professor sailaway. Oh, it is. Yeah.
Where are you from? Manchester.

Oh, eh!
THEY LAUGH

How many bars are there, actually?

In total, there's 20 bars.

20? 20 bars on the ship, yeah.
Oh, wow.

I mean, it doesn't really matter
which end of the ship you start.

You can do a pub crawl from
front to back, from top to bottom.

Yeah? There's bars all over, yeah.

This is the biggest thing
I've ever been on.

And...leave it! And...

And I must admit, I'm like...

It's really high tech to me, this,
so... Yeah. i'm so sorry, RObert,

but those things with the thing,
I can't work it.

I'll show you. They're easy.
Will you? Easy, yeah.

What are you looking forward to now?

I'm looking forward to
every single bit of it.

I'm looking forward to
doing the pub crawl

to 20 bars. I'm looking forward
to beautiful sunsets like this

every night.
I'm looking forward to party-party,

and I'm looking forward
to seeing Robert again.

He's going to show me round a bit.

A lot to do on here,

so I don't think
I'm gonna be bored at all.

I'm so lucky to have this job!

Coming up...
I reach new heights.

SHE WHOOPS

..and it's all going off.

Whoo!

It's the second day of
my Mediterranean cruise

aboard the Meraviglia.

We've sailed south from Sicily
to the magical island of Malta

and its capital Valetta.

It was absolutely beautiful sailing
into Valetta this morning.

It were like being in a scene
from Game of Thrones.

I actually felt I was Khaleesi,
the Queen of Dragons.

All that rugged look,

and any minute should be a dragon
coming over the cliff and landing

in the swimming pool
for a little drink.

One didn't, obviously, but it felt
as if it could do. You know.

Apparently, Malta's population
is only 450,000,

and that's just slightly
bigger than Wakefield's.

Oh, I feel right at home here.

So I'm just going to find out now...
which one do I go into, that?

That one for me?

Do I press that? No.

"Things to do..."

Give me a slate and a piece of chalk
and I'll be fine.

"Top things to see."

Hang on a minute.
Shall we do that?

Welcome to Valetta,
the capital of Malta.

It was built in the second half of
the 16th century

by the French knight of St John
Jean de Valette.

The city has an important
historical and artistic heritage

with over 300 monuments.

So I bet
there's some nice walks here.

Because of its strategic position
close to Africa,

Malta played a vital part in helping
Britain win the Second World War.

Under constant bombardment
for two years, it held out against

the Germans and the Italians.
To recognise their heroism,

the island was awarded
the George Cross,

which is now part of its flag.

This is the thing about
being on a ship.

You're very tempted to just
stay where you are,

because one, you can't be bothered,
two, you're quite comfortable,

three, you're used to working
to a routine every day

and you're on your holidays,
you can do what you like.

So this is why you should
really make an effort,

because look at this.

History is everywhere you look.

There's buildings, monuments,
churches and tradition.

What's going on?

I don't actually know
what I'm looking at yet.

There's some guns down here.

There's a man in uniform.

There is a man in uniform
lighting something down there.

Whoo!

By God, that were loud!

Well, that was certainly
worth waiting for, wasn't it?

This ceremony dates back to 1800.

Originally, the guns were fired
three times a day

and marked the opening
and closing of the city gates.

And lunch time.
It's just once a day now,

and do you know, it's us tourists
who keep traditions like this alive.

See, Malta is very, very pro-British
because of what happened in the war.

And also, the Queen even lived here
after she'd just got married.

So she's got a very big connection
with Malta.

She said that living here was
the only time she had a normal life.

Malta is still part of
the British Commonwealth

and there are reminders of home
everywhere you look.

Oh!

There's actually a telephone box.

Do you think it works?

Yeah, it does!
It's actually working!

A love a bit of tradition.

It's Queen Victoria!
COCKNEY ACCENT: Get out my pub!

It is very British, isn't it?

Something quite reassuring
about it, isn't it?

Just like, that's really nice.

Got it?

How do you like Malta? Is it...?
Yeah, it's good, yeah.

We got engaged in Valletta
30 years ago.

So it's a nostalgic trip for you?
Yeah. Yeah.

We're from Wales, anyway.
No! I couldn't tell at all!

Just off Africa, obviously.

And then there's loads of
little English touches,

but it looks Egyptian
with all these colours.

You're getting
a little bit of everything.

And it's really working well.

I'd love to see more of Malta, but
I've got to get back to the ship,

as I've got something
very special lined up.

What's going on, Jane?

I've got some access
to Cirque du Soleil,

which is massive all over the world,

and they've got their own bespoke
theatre actually on MSC,

and it's the only ship that has
that contract with Cirque du Soleil.

Can you imagine if he came
to clean your windows?

It'd be a right laugh watching him
out your bedroom window!

Hello, I'm Jane.

Thank you so much
for letting me come and see you.

So you're obviously one of
the main performers in Cirque.

Yes, I'm the female dancer
of this cast. Yes.

And Tim is the other dancer.

Oh, oh! Oh, I say. Tim's...

He try to be an acrobat.

He's trying to be an acrobat?

Can you show me something, then?

Yes. So, this is
from my first part of my life.

OK. Th rhythmic gymnastics.

But then I start to move
more in a dancing way of life. Yeah.

And I use this...
Yeah.

You can do it.

Maybe not! We were most impresssed.

Stop it! You're so not.
I can tell by your face.

I was impressed.
Were you? I like you!

So this is a cheerleading team.

Yeah. This is just
their warm-up for the show.

This is the warm-up? Mm-hm.
OK. Right.

Oi!

That's a warm-up.

Wahey!

Ooh!

If you want me to do that,
it's a no.

Oh!

Whoa!

You going to...? Yeah? Oh!

You... you're going
to do that with me? Yes!

Huh!

All right.

OK? Good?

SHE SHRIEKS

SHE LAUGHS
Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoo!

Then what do I do?

Whooo!

Lay b...aargh!

Oooh!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, gentlemen!

Oh, that was fantastic.

That's probably the scariest thing
I've done in an awful long time.

I'm actually shaking with that.

But thank you very much
for that experience. OK.

That's something I will
take to my grave.

I think I'm going to have
a heart attack!

I didn't expect that to happen.

After that, I really do need to go
and have a lie down and calm down,

but the party just continues
everywhere on this ship.

Night-night.

See you in the morning.

Now, where are my earplugs?

Morning!

Ooh, I do feel better
for a good night's sleep.

From Valetta,
we're heading to Barcelona.

We've got a whole day at sea. Fab.

This is my chance to really
check out the ship

and show you what it's got.

Look at that!

Hola!

THEY CHEER

Ah, they're lovely, aren't they?

Everybody's so friendly.

Lazing round the pool,
grabbing a bite to eat,

fun and games -

this ship's got it all.

There's even a water slide park.

I know! There are some things
I won't do.

Come with me.
I'm off to meet my mate, Rob.

Hello! Hiya, Jane. How are you?
You OK? Good to see you. Yeah!

You said you were somewhere
fabulous.

I brought you to our
Blackpool-at-sea.

Blackpool-at-sea!
A virtual amusement park.

So right now... Yeah. I'm going to
put you on the roller-coaster,

so you don't have to take control.

Oh, my God, here we go. Huh?!

Have you been in one of
these before? No.

No? The roller-coaster,
it's so realistic! Yeah.

LAUGHING AND SQUEALING

JANE SQUEALS

Oh, my God!

SQUEALING INTENSIFIES

That is the worst thing I've ever
done in my life!

JANE LAUGHS

It was awesome!

You versus me. All right.

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

I'm really rubbish!

CHEERING

Oh, he's a bit good, in't he?

It's absolutely brilliant. I tell
you what, when I first came up here

I thought, "Ooh, I don't want to be
up here", but it's the best time.

I'm a lover, not a fighter!

SHRIEKING

Oh, my God!

SQUEALING

Take that, sucker!

That is just unbelievable!

Is there anything more
that we haven't done?

I'll take you to do something
a little bit more, er...

A bit more in my pace?
A bit more in your pace, yeah. Good.

MUSIC: Cultura Brasileira
by Drumagick

Oh, this is better.

Take it back!

If I'm honest, I'm not really
one for spontaneous dancing,

but the whole atmosphere
here is have fun, have a go.

And it's infectious. So why not?

This is a little bit of tranquillity
in this massive chaos of this ship!

There's absolutely everything.
Shops, kids' areas, theme parks.

You can even meet the captain
and have your photo taken.

And it is... So overwhelming.

But there's 5,000 people
here that you've got to entertain

and that's why there is absolutely
everything on here.

I'm pleasantly tired.

And that's what you want
to feel on your holidays.

You want to feel worn out
so that when you get into that bed,

it's the best thing in the world
and then you just wake up

in the morning ready to go again.
It's perfect.

Oh, hiya, love, that's nice. Have
you just got on today? I have, yes.

Oh, that's nice.
Pleased to meet you. I'm Jane.

Rachel. We're going to have a ball.

You're gonna have the best
time ever on here!

That's the uniqueness of
this - it's like a bus.

So there's new people getting
on all the time

and that lovely
family there have just got on today,

so we've just met today.

So there's a constant stream
of loads of people always getting

on and off the ship, which I think
is quite cool. I like that.

Where are we now?
We are in Barcelona!

Where Manuel comes from,
off Fawlty Towers.

What else do I know about Barcelona?

Well, it's a fabulous song
by Freddie Mercury

and Montserrat Caballe.

It's the capital of Catalonia

and it's got a very famous
football team.

But apparently there's
one must-see thing here.

And I'm on my way now.

Hola!

Flippin' eck! Look at that!

Oh, my God! The
Sagrada Familia.

Apparently the Sagrada Familia
is Antoni Gaudi's greatest

and most famous creation.

He was quite eccentric.

You don't say!

There's like loads of fruit -
raspberries, bananas.

Work began on this in 1882, and
is expected to finish in 2041.

That's hell of a contract, innit?

That is real passion there
because of the hand behind the head.

Which means so much more.

Do you know what it is, that couple?

There is the kiss,
represents the kiss of Judas.

Oh, the kiss of Judas?
I thought that was pure passion!

Well, the whole thing
is... Is passion.

Yes, the whole facade is God.

Passion facade. Wow.

Thank you so much for your help.
I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

Wow, gosh, wow!

I get really...I get

really emotional with things
like this. It's...

This is completely taking my
breath away. Completely again.

Everyone's going to think I'm soft.

I didn't expect to feel overwhelmed.

I didn't...
I didn't expect to feel overwhelmed.

Every single part of it
is...meticulous.

You just feel the energy
coming through.

Gone from the reds and
the beautiful golds here,

straight over here
to the blues and the greens.

It, it's breathtaking.

Do yourself a favour and just come
and stand in this place

if you get a chance.

It'll take your breath away
like it's done mine.

After all the emotion
of the Sagrada Familia

I need to unwind a little.

I'm ready for a bar crawl
on a stick.

And I'm off.

Oh, wow! Look at this at night.

I'm starting at the top of the ship.

I'm planning to drink my way across
and down -

a bit like doing a crossword.

Can I have a pina colada, please?
Cheers!

Ooh!

Ooh, blimey, that's got a kick!

Hitting all these bars is a fab way
to meet some other guests.

Hello. Hola! Hola!

Hiya, love! You look gorgeous.
So do you. Mwah!

That's for me! OK!
Thank you very, very much.

Two down, only 18 more to go.

It's really exciting, innit? I love
being on cruises. Just love it.

How are you?

I'm really good. How are you?

I'm a big, big fan.

There you go. Really lovely to meet
you. You too!

You are an actress?

Well...
SHE LAUGHS

OK, OK!

TIPSILY: Having a brilliant time.

To be honest, I've lost count
of the number of bars I've been to,

but I've given it a proper go
and once I start dancing,

I'm gonna dance till I drop!
See ya!

What's the plan today, Jane?

Well, I've got a day off.
I can do what I like.

I'm in Marseilles
and I'm having a lovely...

It's a beautiful day.

So I'm just gonna go
and have a little wander.

Marseille is the oldest city
in France, founded about 600BC.

Definitely older than Wakefield!
Bonjour, Monsieur!

IN FRENCH ACCENT: Would you like
an ice cream?

Je voudrais un, er...

..your speciality. Noir?

You like vanilla? Please. Yeah.

What makes it black?

It's a salty vanilla. Salty vanilla?

Yeah, it's a secret.

We don't tell the recipe.

I see!

Mm!

Oh, that's nice.

I would like to know what
the special ingredient is,

if you know what I mean.

Have I got a black tongue?
No, it looks fine.

Can we go down here?

# I've never felt
this amazing before... #

We've just...stepped off the ship
and walked into a musical!

# Cos I've never felt
this good before

# I've never felt this good before

No, I've never felt
this good before. #

Welcome to Marseilles!

APPLAUSE

What's this? Why are all these
people at railings?

Hi!

Bonjour!

You look like you know
what you're doing.

Oh, thank you. What is this?

The Tour de France is here.

Tour de France?! Yeah!

Even I know the Tour de
France is a bike race.

Not just any bike race, though.

French blokes are obsessed
by three things -

wine, cheese
and the Tour de France.

MUSIC: THE CANCAN SONG

Whoo!

Ha-ha! Can you believe that?!

We just turned up at
the Tour de France!

Hurray!

We should encourage every racers,
you know? OK.

Yeah, and a lot, give energy.
Energy? Yeah.

Pass your energy on. Yes!

Heyyy! Whoo!

Thank you. Your name?
Frederick.

Frederick, hello.
Je m'appelle Jane.

Hello. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.

Whoo!

I'm here giving my encouragement
with Frederick.

See? I've even got
the French way now.

Wow. Merci. Goodbye. We didn't
expect this at all, did we?

We just came out for a look round
Marseilles, off the ship,

and I think
I've had the best day ever.

And that's because I'm on a cruise

around this beautiful part
of the world and I wouldn't

have been able to do this if I
hadn't have got on this cruise.

Marvellous as Marseilles was,

we're now heading to Genoa,

which will allow me to visit
somewhere

I have always dreamed of.

I'm excited to go into Portofino.

Portofino is fabulous, apparently.

And I've never been to Portofino,
but I've heard such lovely things
about Portofino.

Have I mentioned I'm going to
Portofino?!

Well, it's one of this cruise's
excursions

so I've booked myself on it.

Portofino means "Bay of Dolphins"

and is the jewel
of the Italian Riviera.

Once a humble fishing village,
since the 1950s,

it has been a magnet
for celebrities.

Everyone from Princess Grace
to Elizabeth Taylor

to the Kardashians have been here.

This is probably one of the most
beautiful places I'll ever visit.

If there's one excursion you've
got to do on this cruise,

it's this one,
because it's just stunning.

It looks like a movie set.

Just think what it must be like
owning that house up there.

Delfino's is one of the most famous
restaurants in the world,
do you know that?

Where Elton John sat!

How fab is that?!

Look, they've even got
red carpet out for us all.

These, I thought, would work
today, but they're pumps

and they're really painful

because I've got all the cobbles.

Ow! See what I mean?

There's only one thing for it. I'll
have to buy some different shoes.

Plenty of wedge on there,
so the cobbles won't get me.

And a bit of a wide fit -
to accommodate me bunions!

Italy is the home of Gucci,
Prada, Dolce & Gabbana.

So, really, any excuse!

Ah?

Possible try the two.
Can I try both? Of course.

I do look a bit like Frankenstein
in these, don't I?

They're very nice

but I think they're more for
someone with very dainty feet.

How much?

This is 210.

210?!

Also Italian. Ah, I know.

You cannot put a price on comfort.

Sure.

The people come, it is no sale,
no matter.

The sale is the quality...

It is. ..in this shop.

This is my father. Really? Yeah.

This was your father's shop?
Yes, yes.

Oh, wow. My mother, my father.

Have you lived here all your life.
All days.

You wouldn't want to live
anywhere else, would you?

Ah, no, I think no.

My son say me, no live in Portofino.
The wind carries too...
But for me, is good.

Yeah! You don't need to go anywhere
else. Yes.

I would love to live here.

These are lovely.

I think I've found
my dream pair of shoes.

And thank you for saving my life.

Thanking you. Bye-bye. Bye.

It's just a beautiful,
beautiful place.

It's classy.

It's romantic.

It's Italy.

See, a cruise is like
a little tasting menu

of all these places
that you can visit.

I've just fallen in love
with Portofino, where I will return

and bring my partner here and
have a beautiful romantic time.

I'm just going to... I'm going to
sit right there in the sunshine

and watch the world go by
with a cup of coffee.

Can you lend me some euros?
Cos I just spent all mine!

We'll get you coffee.
Take a seat. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to heaven on Earth.

Good morning, Naples.

Now, this should be the end of my
cruise, but over there is Capri

and I've just found out
that they do a trip to Capri.

I've always wanted to go
to Capri,

to see Gracie Fields' house, really.

And I fancy doing it.

Gracie Fields was one of the biggest
stars in the world in the 1930s.

Basically the Adele of her day,
she was born above a chip shop

in Rochdale, and I grew up listening
to her extraordinary voice.

This without a doubt is the icing
on the cake to this cruise.

I'm on a pilgrimage.

Yes! We can see our Gracie!

I'm on a cruise around
the western Mediterranean

and I've been to all
sorts of wonderful places,

but I've come to my final
port of call.

I've always wanted to go
to Capri,

to see Gracie Fields'
house, really.

Gracie fell out of favour
with the British public
during the Second World War.

She'd fallen in love with
and married Monty Banks, who,

despite his very English name,
was an Italian citizen.

If they had stayed in the UK,
he would have been interned.

So they went to the US
and Gracie raised millions

for the war effort,
entertaining troops.

After the war she received a
thank-you letter from Churchill

who'd encouraged her
to go to America.

This is Capri.

I'm here in Capri,
after all these years.

The public never forgave
her for abandoning Britain

in its hour of need,
so she left the UK

and made her home here on Capri.

In't it pretty?

Ah, look at this place.
I didn't expect this.

I don't know what I expected
in Capri, but it weren't this.

To get the most out of my visit

I've enlisted the help of Seb
Lassandro, a major Gracie fan.

He's going to show me around.

Hello! Jane, hi. Welcome to Capri.
Mwah!

So how come you're the keeper
of the flame?

Well, I kind of fell upon that.

I first heard Gracie when I was at
high school, on a compilation CD.

I thought, the lady singing Ave
Maria and Sing As We Go,
it can't be the same voice.

Yeah. I looked into it,
found out that she's from Rochdale,

11 miles away from where I live.
I thought, interesting life story.

And it just kind of spiralled
uncontrollably from there, really.

I bet she fell in love
with this place, though.

Well, in her book, she says her
marriage had broken down completely
to her first husband,

said that she felt a failure.

So she gave up the idea of falling
in love with some-ONE and she fell

in love with some-WHERE.

Gracie said that I belong in Capri,
which is why she's buried here.

Gracie was responsible for putting
Capri on the map.

Her fame attracted the celebrities
of the day

to the club and restaurant
she built here.

Marilyn Monroe came here,
Greta Garbo came here.

Richard Burton and Liz Taylor, their
affair broke while they were here.

That's all because of Gracie Fields.

And that's all cos she set up
this club - right here, yeah.

So this was the place that she fell
in love with, this bit here.

This is the Marina Piccola.

This is where Gracie first came
round the corner on a horse and cart
and said, "That's it."

She saw this before it was
modernised, as it is today -

a little fishing village - and she
fell in love with the place.

And she knew then that,
"I want to live in Capri."

This is where she set up home,
she set up her restaurant.

The thing that she hated about Capri
was that the fish and chips

were terrible!
And she couldn't get bacon!

That's true, because you can't...

What she would do is, when a cruise
ship would come into the harbour
like that,

she'd send one of her restaurant
staff over in a little dinghy

and say, look, Gracie will come on
and do a song if you give us a leg
of bacon, and they would do it!

Literally singing for her supper!
Literally singing for her supper!

Listen, when you're gagging for
a bacon sandwich, that's the only
way to do it.

That's what she did! Love her!
JANE LAUGHS

This is where Gracie lived.

This was the gates to her house, and
we can walk along the driveway here.

So she would have the restaurant
down there

and every morning at 11 o'clock
she'd go down from the main house

down there to sing to the fans that
had come to visit her from Rochdale
or around England.

She'd let them have five minutes
with every person
that came to see her.

She'd sign autographs, she'd
sing a song if they wanted it,

and she'd just be Our Gracie.

Who owns this now?

This is owned by the Swarovski
Crystal family. Swarovski? Yeah.

So they bought this.

That's where Gracie used to live.

Aww!

Gracie. Hadn't you done well, girl?

I'm shocked at how little everybody
knows about Gracie Fields,

especially here, when she
built all this.

Nothing. Nothing here.

So this was all built
by Gracie Fields.

That's quite sad, isn't it?

Gracie died in September, 1979,

and the waiters from her restaurant
carried the coffin here.

That's where she's buried.
Aww!

Oh!

Aww, bless.

Bless her.

SHE TUTS

SHE HUFFS

Gracie's been woven in and out
of my life for quite some time,

and to actually be here
and pay my respects...

..I feel very close
to her right now.

What a trip this has been.

5,000 people on a ship
this big, touring round

Italy, Malta, Spain and France.

This is a cruise that really comes
together with old and new.

It's been a blast and I probably
will need to lie down

in a darkened room for two days
to get over the parties!

But it's been amazing.

# A girl went back to Napoli

# Because she missed the scenery

# The native dancers
and the charming songs

# But wait a minute,
something's wrong

# Hey Mambo, Mambo Italiano

# Go, go, go

# You mixed up Sigiliano

# All you Calabrese do the Mambo
like a-crazy

# With a hey Mambo,
don't wanna tarantella

# Hey Mambo, no more-a mozzarella

# Hey Mambo, Mambo Italiano

# Try an enchilada
with a fish-a baccala

# Hey gumpa, I love-a
how you dance a rumba

# But take-a some advice paisano

# Learn how to Mambo

# If you gonna be a square you
ain't-a gonna go nowhere-a

# Hey, Mambo

# Mambo Italiano

# Hey Mambo

# Mambo Italiano

# Ho, ho, Joe,
you mixed up Siciliano

# It's a so delish-a,
everybody gon' capishe

# How to Mambo

# Italiano! #

That's nice!
Ooh!

What?!

This time, a seven-day sail
round the Mediterranean

taking in ravishing Rome...

Oh, my gosh, the Colosseum!
That is a wow moment, isn't it?

..picturesque Pisa...

Guide me, guide me.

..moneybags Monte Carlo...

Something like that,
you can always dream of, can't you?

..and somewhere sure
to make a girl blush.

Welcome to Florence!

This promises to be a week in foodie
heaven, from classic French...

Beautiful. Oh, look at that.

..to the most authentic Spanish.

That is just dancing
across my tongue!

It's the Med like
you've never seen it before.

Yay!

No wonder we're all so excited!

Buongiorno and welcome to Rome,

one of the world's
most breathtaking cities.

It's beautiful, it's noisy,
it's passionate, it's vibrant.

It's La Dolce Vita, which is
the good life, sweet life.

And getting here is really easy.

I flew in from Manchester,

but there are direct flights
from most UK airports.

It'll only take around three hours

but once you arrive, you'll feel
like you're in a different world.

Sadly, my Roman holiday
will be a short one

as I'm due on my ship at lunchtime.

It's late spring, but even the early
morning heat can be unbearable.

So I've passed up all
the walking tours on offer

and booked myself
a car tour instead.

Hello? Hello.
Oh, hello. Are you Alessandro?

Yes, I am. Oh, I'm Jane. Nice to
meet you. Very nice to meet you.

Mwah! Oh, hello. Oh, the welcome
is lovely. Thank you.

Zipping round on four wheels
means I'll get to see

more of the top sights.

I'm all for a bit of quantity
over quality.

Oh, you're folding.

Now, if you've ever driven
in Rome,

you'll know the roads
can be a bit...hairy.

But that's OK because Alessandro's
got the wheel...

And the horn!
HORNS TOOT

This gorgeous old Fiat 500

is just one of many cars
you can choose from.

But remember, the more exclusive,
the more expensive.

So I can't believe that this car
is 53 years old.

53, and still, still working.

Yeah? The girls like the Fiat
more than the big cars.

Do they really? Ah, yeah!
So they love the...

Oh, it's a bit of a babe magnet,
this, then. Yeah.

Ha-ha!

Now, you know what I said
about the roads being hairy?

Oh! Ohhh!
JANE LAUGHS

The driving is very frenetic
over here, isn't it?

Italian driving is...

The road is a...is a jungle.

With a local behind the wheel,

you not only save on
stress and time,

you have a lot more fun.

And that wind in your hair
doesn't half help me cool down.

So, this is St Peter's, here.

It is St Peter's.
Oh, it's lovely, isn't it?

From there, from the square is not
Rome, starts the Vatican state.

At just 100 acres,

The Vatican is the
world's smallest country.

But it has to be one of the most
stunning.

As well as being home to the Pope,

it's packed with priceless artworks
like Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel.

I always associate
Michelangelo with painting,

but actually it's architecture.

Yeah, yeah.

He did also the architecture
of the dome...

Allesandro's driving to the highest
point to show me someone

with a familiar name.

This is a Garibaldi

Yeah. Garibaldi. Good biscuits.

It's not the biscuits because all
the English the Dutch...

He's like the national hero...
Really?

..that made the
unification of the country.

This is Fountain of Paola.

Oh, look. Oh,
that's absolutely gorgeous.

Oh, wow.

From this 400-year-old fountain,
you get unrivalled views of the
city.

I can see why you do
tours of this, though,

because it's a passion, isn't it?

For me, I don't feel like working...
No. ..like in the office, you know.

With other tourists, we stop in a
bar sometime, an ice cream bar

or a glass of wine.

Yeah.

Now he's talking.

Uff, blimey.

So, I'm getting a feel for
real Italy here.

Allesandro's going to take
me to a typical local bar,

but I'm only going to have a coffee

because it's very early
in the morning,

even for me.

So, this is a weak macchiato.

A macchiato, yeah.

That's weak? Yeah, that is weak.

Never ask a big coffee
like dirty water.

God, that's...

If I drink this, I won't be able
to blink for three days.

Oh, my God, that is strong.

How do you drink that?

And we drink, like, four
or five every day.

You drink four or five of these?
Yeah.

I'm a wimp where coffee is
concerned.

Still, that caffeine hit's
brought out the Roman in me.

It's amazing what you can remember
from a pocket translation book.

Non capisco italiano
perche sono Inglese.

Is that good? It's very good,
it's very good.

Which means, "I don't speak
Italian cos I'm English".

Cos I'm English, yeah.

And vorrei sei francobolli de
cinque-cento, per favore.

Vorrei? Ah, OK. Due francobolli.

Yeah, I need some stamps
for England.

That is my... that's it.

That's all I know.

And that's it.

Ah, warm sunshine and a hot,
handsome and knowledgeable guide.

What more could I want
when in Rome?

Well, seeing as you asked.

Oh, my gosh, the Colosseum.

Oh, wow.

That is a wow moment, isn't it?
Yeah.

Completed nearly 2,000 years ago,

the Colosseum was Rome's equivalent
of Wembley Stadium.

Although the games they played
there were a little bit more deadly.

Russell Crowe used to strut
his stuff in here too.

Oh, wait, that was a
movie, wasn't it?

So, Jane it was really nice
to meet you.

Oh, it nice to meet you too.

I feel like I've been on a date.

Thank you, Allesandro.

Thank you for a lovely trip.

What a great end to a
great morning.

Only drawback,

there's no time for a tour inside.

But there's a good reason for that.

And there it is, the Oceania Marina

waiting for me in Civitavecchia,

40 minutes away.

This is premium quality
cruising spread across 16 decks.

And I'm just one of 1,200 guests
boarding for seven whole days.

I'm just going to go into
check in, got my passport ready.

I'm off.

Good morning. Good morning.

Just fill it in before you go on
board. Thank you very much.

Enjoy your trip.

A lot of cruise lines
do themed cruises now.

And this one is all about cuisine.

As well as an
onboard cookery school,

the ship also offers
foodie excursions.

A really quite fancy one of them.

Hello. How are you? I'm really well.

How were you? Thank you.

Very nice to see you.

Lovely to meet you.

Oh, it looks like Lalique.
Is that Lalique crystal?

Look at this.

That's Lalique crystal.

This is not your chee...

Yeah, that's real.

Wow.

It's very...

..very Art Deco, isn't it?

When you first board a
ship this size,

it takes a while to get
your bearings.

Deck 11.

I've done this before, you know.

LAUGHS: Where the heck are we?

I got lost before as well.

Uh, let's have a look.

Ah, we're here.

let's have a look.

Oh, come in here.

I love this bit.

Here we go.

Oh, it is fab.

Oh, look, balcony, look, balcony.

Champagne. That's always handy.

Cos you never know who you're
going to invite in, do you?

Fabulous walk-in... Oh, shoes.

I've not seen that before.

You've got shoe...shoe rails there.

Ooh, that look at this.

Oh, my gosh. This is really grand.

A bath is something that you don't
often get on a cruise ship.

So, it's a very, very luxurious
thing to have in your cabin.

And if you're going to
have a posh bath,

you might as well
have posh toiletries.

Oh, what's these?

Bath salts, are these bath salts?

"Dead Sea salt contains ten
times more minerals

"than ordinary sea salt."

So, you don't want to put
this on your chips.

You actually put it in your bath.

Right, we've a hectic week ahead.

We'll be cruising along the northern
Mediterranean Riviera.

First stop's Livorno, from where
we'll pop into Pisa and Florence.

will race down to Monte Carlo...

..then Toulon...

..before visiting Barcelona.

Next, there's Cartagena...

..before we end our Mediterranean
meanderings in Malaga.

Now that were a mouthful.

OK. It's six pm and
it's sail away.

HORN BLOWS

I've lost count on how many
I've been on,

but this one's definitely designed
to put you in the holiday mood.

A band with great tunes and
passengers with great moves.

Should I join in?

Oh, go on, then.

JANE LAUGHS
Cheers, love.

Well, you know what they say,

when in Rome?

It's day two of my cruise
along the Med

onboard the Oceania Marina.

We've left Rome and sailed
150 miles north to Livorno.

Morning.

I'm up early for a day trip
to Florence and Pisa.

Sadly, not the best, weather-wise,

but we shall not be beaten.

It's absolutely throwing it down.

It don't matter.

We're on us holidays,
I've got a brolly.

I've got a coat.
I've got my vest on.

I we're off on bus.

Buon giorno.

Oh. It's raining. It is.
Nice to meet you.

Oh, sorry, darling.
Nice to meet you too. Julia.

Julia, nice to meet you, Julia.

Livorno is the closest
port to the sights,

but it's still a
three-hour round trip.

Morning.

But who cares?

We can keep dry and listen
to the soothing tones

of our tour guide.

So, how are you today?

Everything OK? Ready for Florence?

TOURISTS: Yes. Yes?

Florence is my hometown. I was born
in Florence. I grew up there.

So, I know the town like
the back of my hand.

And what a town,

or city, to be exact, it is.

Established by the
wealthy Medici family,

it became a powerhouse of art
and culture in the Middle Ages.

The ancient streets are
so atmospheric.

No wonder they attract the
crowds and the statues.

Well.

Welcome to Florence.

I mean, they've ERECTED them
all over the place.

Sometimes you just don't
know where to look.

Have you ever seen a man
look like that?

Fortunately not.

I mean, every muscle.

It's absolutely beautiful, isn't it?

This magnificent specimen is a
copy of Michelangelo's David.

If you want to see the real one,

head to the city's
Galleria dell'Accademia.

It's £15 to get in and you'll need
to book in advance

as tickets sell out fast.

I have another wow.

You like the wow, eh? Come with me.

The great thing about having a
local guide, you learn loads

and don't waste a minute.

Julia's taken us on the short cut to
another jewel in the city's crown.

They put the first stone in in 1296.

And they finished in 1436.

It's quite interesting, actually,
listening to her, isn't it?

Yeah, she's great? It's good,
she's full of facts.

The Santa Maria del Fiore Cathedral
dominates the Florence skyline.

It's got the largest masonry
dome in the world,

with more than four million bricks.

Just a spectacular is the
colourful marble exterior.

This looks absolutely stunning
in the sunshine.

But you know what?

It looks absolutely stunning
in the pouring rain as well.

It is a masterpiece, isn't it?

Florence really is a feast
for the eyes

and well-worth the journey.

But all too soon,
our visit's over.

We're heading back to the bus for
the next stop on our excursion

60 miles west.

Pisa sits on the Arno River,

with historic bridges, churches
and medieval palaces.

But let's be honest, most tourists,
and that includes me,

come here to see only one site.

It's really on a cant, that.

It really does lean.

Back in the 12th century,
the Pisonians,

try saying that when
you've had a few,

built the Square of Miracles,
housing a cathedral

with a freestanding bell tower.

Miracle is it still standing,
if you ask me?

It says here on me interweb that
the slant of the towers started

while they were building it.

So, I'm not one to cause trouble,

but why don't we just stop

and think, "Hang on, we've done
summat wrong here."?

But no, they carried on...

..they carried on building it
and the lean happened

because the ground is too soft.

By the mid-nineties, the
line was five degrees,

and the tower
was close to collapse.

British scientists and Italian
engineers then took ten years

and 30 million Euros fixing it.

So, let me have a look on me handy
app to see how much it is now.

It's now 3.97 degrees.

The leaning tower's just over
180 feet high.

And you can climb to 300
steps to the top.

Personally, I'd rather keep
my feet on the ground.

It's a force of nature,

cos you think it's going
to fall down and it doesn't...

..we hope.

But it's really spectacular.

Everywhere you look, someone's doing

that classic holding-up-the-tower
thing for their holiday snaps.

Well, if you can't beat them.

You couldn't take this photograph
of me like this,

pushing the tower up, could you?
Yeah. Will you? Right.

That's my phone. OK. All right.

Oh, get rid of the case there.
So, guide me.

What's your name, sorry? Katherine.

Katherine and...? Alec. Alec, right.
Katherine and Alec.

Can I just get...? Is it...?
Just guide me. Guide me.

Up a bit. Up a bit?

Up. Up. And... And... Up, up.
No, back. Wee bit back.

Back, back, up.

Just a bit, yeah.

CLICK

Think that's it. Way-hey.

I think that one. Oh, bless you.

Thank you so much.

Oh, it's great.

That's absolutely brilliant.
Give us a hug on that.

Really lovely to meet you both.

Nice to meet you.
Have a lovely holiday. Thank you.

Ta-ra. See you later. See you later.

That's certainly wouldn't have had
as much attention,

if it were straight,
let's be honest.

I think sometimes the best,
biggest mistakes can turn out

to be the most perfect thing.

It's a perfect imperfection.

After a full day sightseeing,

it's good to get back on board.

The Marina's noted for its food,

but you can't spend all day
stuffing your face.

Much as I'd like to.

So, while we set sail west,
I'm choosing culture over kitchen

and joining the art classes.

Always one of my favourite
cruising activities.

Hi, I'm Jane. Hello, and I'm Jean.

Hello, Jean, how are you?

So, what we got to paint, then?

It's going to be the David.

You can emphasise whatever
but you want.

Oh, OK.

Thank you very much.

I might not even get
down to that bit.

There is no right
or wrong to this.

Everybody is going to
do something different.

Our teacher is the ship's
artist in residence, Geri.

I think that's brilliant.

What do you think of mine?

Yours is fabulous. Yours
is a lot more dynamic, isn't it?

Yours looks like a man. On skates.

Mine looks like
a witch on a surfboard.

Sorry, it's all over my trousers.

Well, despite my wardrobe disaster,
I don't think I've done too badly.

But then it's not my opinion
that counts, is it?

Look how nicely the reds and the
yellows are blended together.

Oh, bless you, Geri.

If the voice ever packs up,
I might have found a new way

of making a living.

OK, we bid buona sera to Italy,

and after heading 225 miles
along the coast,

we're saying bon jour to Monaco,

whose port's name is
synonymous with glamour.

There are various guided tours
you can sign up for.

But it's only a small place and I
fancy a bit of an adventure.

So, I've decided to go it alone.

Hello, hello, Monte Carlo.

We're here in the land of
the rich and famous.

The streets aren't exactly
paved with gold,

but property per square
foot is four times more expensive

than central London,

and nearly a third of the
people are millionaires.

Something like that, you can only
sort of dream of, can't you?

I mean, a cruise, we can all you
know, if we really save up hard,

we can we can afford it.

But it brings us to places
like this, where, you know,

this is just dreamland.

Hello, I'm Jane MacDonald.

Hi, Jane. How are you doing?

Talking of dream boats, meet Martin.

I'm the second officer on here.
Oh, wow.

So, we've got just under
50 employed crew in total.

Cos it's not just the buying
of it, is it?

It's the maintaining it.
Yeah, the maintenance.

They say roughly, in
the yachting industry,

the maintenance for a yacht is
roughly 10% of buying cost for a
year.

So you're looking at, I don't know,

20...20 million a year
or something to run.

20 million a year?

Yeah, with maintenance and
things like that, yeah.

It's a different world, isn't it?

It is, yeah, a completely
different world.

It's amazing to see how the 1%
of the 1% live. That's for sure.

Yeah. Thank you so much
and enjoy your time here.

No, not a problem, pleasure to
meet you. And you too.

They're a lot of money,
aren't they, yachts?

I think that one's more my...

Yeah, that one's more in my range,
really.

When the visiting super-rich aren't
on their super yachts,

you'll find them in one of
the exclusive hotels.

This beautiful building
is the Hotel Metropole.

Oh. They even push the
door for you.

Hello. Hello there. Welcome to the
Metropole Monte Carlo.

How are you? Thank you very much.
I'm very, very well. Thank you.

Thank you very much.
You do need to take...?

With pleasure. Oh, thank you.

Thanks. Cos I don't want to
get the floor wet. That's perfect.

Fantastic. Thank you.

Thank you. Hello, Jane. How are you?

So nice to meet you.
Welcome to the Metropole.

Staying here is definitely
out of my price range,

but I've been a bit cheeky
and asked for a tour

and Lauren, one of their lovely
staff, has kindly agreed.

See, don't ask, don't get.

I'll show you the suite Carre D'Or.
Oh, fabulous.

And we're going to go to
see the view.

Because that's the real
advantage of the suites,

is the beautiful view you have of
the casino and the opera.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, gosh, it's amazing.

Now, this is a sea view.

In high season, this one bedroom
suite will cost you

over £8,000 a night.

I mean, this is beyond...

It's just fantastic, isn't it?

I'm a bit taken aback, actually.

I'm a bit taken aback.

But this is just...

Can I go out? Yes, of course. I'll
just open that.

Oh, this is gorgeous.

Oh, wow.

You can just imagine sat
here with your champagne,

obviously on ice,

chilled to perfection.

Take the whole world in.

You just feel like you're on top
of the world here.

It's a different...it's just a
different world.

As we're moored in port for the day,

there's plenty of time to explore.

I did fancy a walk around
the legendary casino,

but the James Bonds of this world
value their privacy too much.

But never mind.

The place I really want to see
is right out in the open.

Wow.

The Cathedral of Our Lady Immaculate
stands on the site of the original

parish church of Monaco,
dating back nearly 800 years.

But it was a 20th century wedding
that put it on the world's front
pages.

This is a very, very
special cathedral

because this, of course, is where
Grace Kelly married her prince.

The Prince of Monaco.

And then she became the
Princess of Monaco.

Grace was one of the biggest
Hollywood stars of her time,

an Oscar winner who epitomised
on-screen beauty and elegance.

She met Prince Rainier at the
Cannes film festival in 1955

and married him a year later.

The guest list -

700 guests were
invited to this amazing wedding.

Cary Grant.

David Niven.

Gloria Swanson.

Ava Gardner.

Ooh, that's just like the Who's Who

of Hollywood, really, isn't it?

You can just imagine
all those years ago...

The Prince of Monaco

with his new bride,

the beautiful Grace Kelly.

Monte Carlo, what a glorious place.

I've only spent a day here,
but I've really seen

how the other half live.

I think I could get used
to it, at a push.

Not now, though,
as I've got to get on.

The Med's most
delicious delights await.

That is just dancing
across my tongue.

That is just dancing

I'm midway through my Mediterranean
Riviera cruise.

We left glitzy and glammy Monaco
yesterday

and sailed just over 100 miles south

to our next port of call.

Out into the beautiful day
that we have.

That is Toulon in France.

Now, I don't want to sound lazy
or anything, but all that walking

round fabulous Monte Carlo

really took it out of me.

So today I'm staying firmly
on board.

That's the great thing
about a cruise.

You can just please yourself.

I'm sure it's lovely out there...

..but it's lovely on here as well.

And it looks like a lot of my fellow
passengers have had the same idea.

Oh, hello.

Are you all right?

Can I sit?

You done any of the restaurants here
yet? We done Jacques.

What did you think? Lovely.

Was it fabulous?

Any recommendations
that I should have?

Dover sole. Dover sole.

Do you like Dover sole?

I love Dover sole.

It's always good to get some
pointers about where to eat,

especially on a ship with the
choice of nine restaurants.

Personally I also like to have a bit
of a nosey round

before deciding.

Look at this. I mean, how
beautifully set out it all is.

And these plates...

..are Versace.

The attention to detail on here

is quite something,

but it's not stuffy in any way.

It's very homely.

So this is the grand dining room.

Oh!

Oh, my goodness,

look at the chandelier.

Now, that, ladies and gentlemen,

is a chandelier.

I'm guessing this dishy
chef must be Jacques.

This is the big posh one.

And it's pull not push.

WHISPERS: Oh, gosh, look at this.

I mean, it just
feels...it feels special.

I'm going to eat in here tonight.

All meals are included
in the cruise,

even in the speciality restaurants,

but you do have to book them

and to be sure of a table

do it online before you board.

A little tip - if you're a solo
traveller,

you've got more chance of getting
into a restaurant than anybody

because they can fit a solo
traveller

on to somebody else's table
quite easily,

which is also a great way
of getting to know people

and making new friends.

If you fancy a day on board,

you could relax by the pool,

or have a treatment at the spa,

but all that snooping around
the restaurants has made me hungry.

So I've booked myself into
a cookery class.

I'm going to learn how to cook
crepes Suzette today.

It's one of my favourite dishes.

My partner is fellow passenger
Ollie.

What do we do, Ollie?

How are you doing?
I'm really good.

Lots of
cruises have kitchen demos,

but the Marina was one of the first

to have a full-blown cookery
school at sea.

Good afternoon.

My name is Chef Carlos Elms and I'll
be your chef instructor today.

The classes are hosted by top chefs,

all providing step-by-step
guidance.

First rule is this.

Everybody breathe.

Relax.

Chill out, smile.

We're here to learn, cook,

have a good time.

Chef Carlos starts by showing us

how to make the perfect crepe.

I'm going to fold this into half.

and fold that into a quarter.

Oh, it's the boozy orange sauce.

Me mouth's watering.

And voila.

Our turn now,

and as the batter's been
made for us, it should be easy.

That's steaming now, that's good.

So we can see the edges there.

Is it wanting to separate for me?

Well, I did say it should be easy.

So it's still well, chef.

Let's give it another go.

There you go.

Fill it in. Brilliant.

Beautiful. Wow. Look at that.

That's...

Oh, oh, oh.

We're back on track.

Just need to make the sauce now
and we'll be onto a winner.

I'll be your sous chef.

OK.

Straight in. Straight in? Yeah.

Ooh, it's smoking.

Smoking.

Mix it around a bit.

Butter goes. Yeah.

Shake it around. Keep it moving.

Keep it moving. Good.

Use the spatula as well.

Beautiful. Oh, this is like...

..really weird. OK, and hit
with the booze.

Woo.

Come around.

Now squeeze the
orange and drop them.

Squeeze one and drop.

Now, in with the crepes.

Give them a little bubble bath
and they're good. Yeah.

LAUGHTER

OK.

We've got that one. Wow.

It's a quick sauce, right?
It's a pan sauce.

So we don't need to cook it.
Like a natural.

Really nice. Looks really good. No.

I don't... I'm not a natural.

It may look good, but the
proof of the pudding...

Not bad, eh?

Good.

Well, you know what?

They call these crepes,

but I think they're all right.

Very nicely done.

Thank you very much.

A lot of fun.

As we leave the French Riviera
behind, it's time to let

the professionals
take over in the kitchen.

And I'm off to Jack's to meet a
few new cruise friends.

Hello. Hello. Good evening.

Hello, lovely people. How are we?

All the French classics are here,
from Coq au vin to creme brulee.

This is some menu.

But as we're surrounded by sea,
I know what I fancy.

Could I have the...

That one. The sea bass, madam?

Yeah, the sea bass.

That looks good.

That is so good, isn't it?

Fetch you a few bobby at Wakefield,
wouldn't it? It would, that.

So I've noticed a little bit of
local lingo banter here.

JANE CHUCKLES

When northerners get together,
it's a different language.

Ah. Good food, great company
and the magnificent Mediterranean.

What a perfect end to
my day on board.

Thank you so much for
such a great night.

That's so nice to meet you all.

Bless you. Cheers. Cheers.

Right. We've done Italy and
Monaco and France.

During the night,

we've headed west to
Spain and the capital

of its Catalan region, Barcelona.

The Romans founded it at the
end of the first century.

Today, it's renowned for its
architecture, its love of football

and passion for food.

So I'm seeing what's cooking
by joining an excursion

led by the crepes suzette
king himself, Chef Carlos.

Have you done a food tour
here before? Never.

Never? Never done a food tour.

So this is exciting.

So are you squeamish?

Is there something
you don't like to eat?

Snails, I'm not great on. Great.
We'll get you some snails. No!

Dont... No, no, no!

HE LAUGHS

Me and my cruising pal, Anita,
are rumbling down Las Ramblas,

Barcelona's most famous street.

This stretches nearly half a mile
and includes one of Europe's

biggest food markets, La Boqueria.

I'm taking you guys to show you some
of the local goodies. Oh, great.

All right? Yeah. Vamanos.

Fabulous.

When it started around 700 years
ago, peasants would come from nearby

towns and villages to
sell their produce.

You can still buy loads of local
delicacies today, like this

Pimento de la Vera spice blend.

What would you exactly use this for?

So, it's typically... OK.

You'll find it used in paella,

but you can use it in a lot of other
bases, like a base of a soup,

in a marinade, on the dry rubs.

So you can do it on a steak?
Yeah. You can do it on a steak.

You can even put it on to fish
if you wanted to, a little bit.

Or you could even make an aioli,
which is a typical dish here,

where you take garlic, extra virgin
olive oil, grind it together with

egg yolk and dip fries in there.

You can do whatever the
heck you want.

Oh, you've got me sold
on that one. good.

So, I'll take one of those. OK.

Thank you.

Isn't it great having
a chef with you?

LAUGHTER
Me too, actually.

It means we get to see
and taste everything.

We'll get you some bacalao.
It's salt cod.

OK, they take the salt cod
and they soak it,

and then they mix it
with potatoes and herbs,

and then make them these beautiful
little balls and they fry it,

and we sprinkle just a little bit
of lemon on there. So you can make

these bacalao and you can make
you're aioli with your new

Pimento de la Vera,
and you can dip that in these.

Oh, that's got in the mood for
lunch, which is handy as La Boqueria

also has some of the best
tapas bars in Spain.

Now, I've googled this place,
and it's called Quim de la Boqueria,

and it's a fella called
Quim who has his own stall

and he fries everything from the
local market here and cooks

it for you.

We're in search of Quim.
Where is he? There we are.

Hello, I'm Jane. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too. I'm Quim.

"Kim"? Ah, sorry. I've been calling
you a different name.

No problem. So it's "Kim"?

Yes. His name's not "Qu-im".
It's "Kim".

OK. Moving on.

In centuries gone by,

drinker's would use a cover,
or tapa, to keep the flies

out of the wine glasses.

Mmm. Attractive.

Innkeepers started serving
bite-sized snacks on top

of the tapa. Probably to
save on the washing up.

And that, my friends,
is how tapas was born.

OK, the first tapa. Yeah.
Sprouts, shrimps, with garlic.

With garlic.

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

Oh, my God.

Oh, wow.

How do they make it taste like that?

That is just dancing
across my tongue.

When in Spain, forget the
sausage and chips.

Have a go at the traditional tapas.

This is the speciality of
the house. Right.

The fried egg with
baby squid. Right.

I recommend everything mixed.
Mix it all up.

Wow.

That is really good as well.

The last tapa.

OK. What is this?
This is oxtail risotto.

Oh, I love that sticky look.

Ooh. Oh, my God.

Spanish paella.

I absolutely love risotto.

It's one of my favourite things.

But I don't think I've ever
tasted one as good as that.

It's amazing, really...

..that I've come to Barcelona,

I'm in the middle of a market
in the middle of the day,

so somewhere where I would
never normally have come,

and I've probably had the best meal,

probably one of the top
three best meals of my life.

Cheers, Quim.

OK. I think we can say I'm well
and truly stuffed, but I still

haven't had my fill of the Med,
so I can't wait to get to the

Costa del Sol for the
last leg of my trip

up the King's Passage.

It's quite spectacular.

Yay! Wee!

SHE LAUGHS

After seven days in the Med,
I've travelled 600 miles and taken

in four countries.

After a brief stop at Cartagena
yesterday, we finally arrived

in Malaga on Spain's Costa del Sol,
which is where I have to get off.

What a shame.

Hello. Good afternoon.
I'm checking out.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye.

Never mind, though. My plane
doesn't leave till tonight,

so I've got another full day to
myself. That could mean exploring

anything from castles to beaches,

or this thing. Looks like
a giant Rubik's Cube.

But instead, I'm heading into the
Andalusian countryside.

I'm going to burn off all that
food I've been eating

and hike Caminito del Rey,
or The King's Passage.

Hello. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.
I'm Marcello. Marcello.

Great to see you. Shall I get on?
Yes, please. Thank you.

Good morning.

Marcello's my guide for the trip,
which is one of many

you can book online.

Prices start from around £20.

This one includes the hour bus
ride from Malaga itself.

I did go on a hike once.

It wasn't even a hike.
It was a walk.

And I walked with a rambling
team round Wakefield.

And I dropped my phone.

I had to go back and do the whole
thing again to find my phone.

And I ended up doing ten
miles and I got two ingrown

toenails from that.

LAUGHTER

Right. Some good news.

Gerri, my art teacher from the ship,

is also booked along with
her husband, Mark.

I'm so glad you are
seeing it with me today.

Just look at the
reflections. I know.

That's what you'll paint
in watercolours.

I'm going to be a right artist, I
can feel it coming on. That's right.

You have to show me your work.
E-mail me.

This walk's nearly five miles long
and takes roughly four hours

to complete.

So take sensible shoes, a bottle
of water, and as there's no loos

past the entrance, make sure
you've BEEN beforehand.

Please, careful with those steps.

They're very thin. Yeah.

Hang on.

Ooh. These are a bit precarious.

The walkway is only three-feet wide,
but over 300-feet high

in some places.

But if you do pluck up the courage,
the rewards are worth it.

The one thing that I'm
really enjoying is the air.

You don't realise just how
polluted everywhere

is until you breathe fresh air.

And it's just the most
beautiful...smell and

it's gorgeous.

You just feel as if this is doing
you good because it is so pure

up here, and the breath is
just breathtaking.

A lot of carbon... What is it?

Carbon dioxide, isn't it?

No.

Oxygen.

OK. Quick history lesson.

They built the original walkway
to transport material and workers

between two power stations
on either side of the ravine.

When the stations were demolished,
the workers left and it

fell into disrepair.

It finally closed to
the public in 2000.

You can see how precarious that was.

In 2015, a new path opened, costing
five and a half million euros.

Worth it, because it's now a
top tourist attraction.

Gosh.

Look at the vertical straits.

I know, it's just like
a straight line. Exactly.

But look at the depth.

At the centre of the ravine stands
the suspension bridge linking

the two mountains of the
El Chorro Gorge,

30-feet higher than Big Ben!

Right. Let's do this bridge, then.

Yes, here we go. OK.

I can't believe something
like this exists. I know.

It's amazing.

JANE SQUEALS

Oh, my God.

Word of advice -
don't look down!

Unbelievable, isn't it?

It's just amazing.

To stand on this bridge

like this in the middle
of these amazing mountains...

..is quite spectacular.

Yay!

I actually did it!

I can't think of a more fitting end
to an unforgettable adventure.

What a trip! This has been amazing.

I've been to all these places
so many times. I've been to Italy,

France, Spain, but the Mediterranean
Riviera has been a trip

of a lifetime. I've seen places
that I never even knew existed.

It's been phenomenal.

And what's more,

I've been able to brush
up on my foreign languages.

SINGING IN SPANISH

# Oh, oh, oh, oh

# Let's fly way up to the clouds

# Away from the maddening crowds

# We can sing in the glow of
a star that I know of

# Where lovers enjoy peace of mind

# Let us leave the confusion and
all the delusion behind

# Just like birds of a feather
A rainbow together we'll find

SINGS IN SPANISH

# Oh, oh, oh, oh

# No wonder my happy heart sings

# Your love has given me wings... #

SINGS IN SPANISH

Don't forget - a stranger is just
a friend you haven't made yet...

No, a friend is just a stranger
you haven't met... Oh.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media