Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Jane McDonald. Did someone mention cruise?

I caught the cruising bug more than 20 years ago

when I was working as a singer on a ship.

See, when I were on the ships, I had no window.

I used to have to put the television on to see what type of day it was.

It's not just us Brits who are crazy about cruising.

Last year, 25.8 million holidaymakers worldwide

choose to cruise.

There's a cruise for everyone.

There's quiet cruises, there's party cruises,

there's island cruises, there's river cruises...

And I'm just gonna carry on cruising

til I've found you your perfect cruise.

Try stopping me!

There's a cocktail bar over there. SHE LAUGHS

I'm calling this my Eurovision cruise.

Five countries in seven days -

Italy, Malta, Spain, France.

and back to Italy,

and that's five if I'm counting.

I'm so lucky to have this job.

This time, I'm cruising on the latest addition

to the MSC fleet - the Meraviglia.

WHOOPING

In Malta, things start with a bang...

CANNON FIRES

Ooh!

..I'm overwhelmed in Barcelona...

This has completely taken my breath away.

..dance in the streets of Marseille...

Stepped off the ship into a musical!

..and if all that isn't enough...

Welcome to heaven on earth.

Benvenuto in Italia!

Ciao, baby! Oh, yeah.

We're here in Italy. I've just had a cup of coffee so strong

that I'm not gonna blink for the next ten minutes.

Do you know, that ship that holds more than 5,000 passengers?

5,000 passengers!

It's... SHE LAUGHS

..massive!

It's time to go party. Hasta la pasta, baby!

My journey this time is a trip around the western Mediterranean.

This ship does a circuit every week and you can get on at

any stop you fancy. I'm joining it in Sicily,

then on to Valetta in Malta,

Barcelona in Spain,

Marseille in France,

Genoa in Italy,

and finally, Naples.

Look at the size of that! It starts over here...

..and you can't even see where it finishes!

It's that big.

It's huge.

Made with over 35,000 tons of steel,

stretching nearly a third of a kilometre,

and 19 decks tall and with 2,250 cabins,

She really is a behemoth,

and Meraviglia, it's time to get to know you.

Oh, my...!

SHE LAUGHS

It's like being in Las Vegas.

This is not a ship.

This is a mall!

It's a... it's a chocolate restaurant.

There's even a pub.

There's an English pub up there.

The Brass Anchor.

Oh, my goodness me.

Oh! Look at this.

It's everything you want on here.

It's sparkle, glamour.

crystals, grand piano, new.

It's very high-tech.

This will be your cruise card, Mrs McDonald. Thank you very much.

This will be your wristband. Your cabin will be on deck 14.

Thank you veyr much. Thank you. Nice to meet you.

I'm blown away by what I've seen already.

This is fantastic!

Oh, it's not that way, it's this way.

Look at that.

Oh!

Oh, this is really nice, isn't it?

Look.

Oh! Voila.

Oh!

Oh...

Oh!

I love a good bed.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, this is nice.

Ohhh.

I love this bit. I love finding my own little space on a cruise ship.

Look at that view.

On this vast, big ship,

this is my little bit, and it's new and the bed's comfy.

Oh! I've got a bath. I'm going to get in it.

Shall we?

Well, you've been on me bed. You might as well get in me bath.

Oh, wow!

This is something you don't get,

a bath in a normal-sized cabin with a balcony.

This is wonderful.

Hello!

This ship's on a schedule, and no sooner have I got on

than we're already under way to Valetta in Malta.

Let's be honest, I spend more time getting lost on here

than doing my job and showing you the ship

so I'm waiting to have a chat with Rob, one of the officers.

Oh, look at that view.

Goodbye, Italy.

Farewell.

And so what if I'm having a cocktail as well?

Multi-tasking McDonald. That's me.

There's just something I never, ever will get fed up of.

Seeing the sunset, and...

..and the view that you get from the sea. I just love it.

And drinking cocktails.

How are you doing? All right! I'm fantastic, thank you.

How are you enjoying your first day? I'm just having the best time. Yeah.

I've had a cocktail now, the sun's out...

Professor sailaway. Oh, it is. Yeah. Where are you from? Manchester.

Oh, eh! THEY LAUGH

How many bars are there, actually?

In total, there's 20 bars.

20? 20 bars on the ship, yeah. Oh, wow.

I mean, it doesn't really matter which end of the ship you start.

You can do a pub crawl from front to back, from top to bottom.

Yeah? There's bars all over, yeah.

This is the biggest thing I've ever been on.

And...leave it! And...

And I must admit, I'm like...

It's really high tech to me, this, so... Yeah. i'm so sorry, RObert,

but those things with the thing, I can't work it.

I'll show you. They're easy. Will you? Easy, yeah.

What are you looking forward to now?

I'm looking forward to every single bit of it.

I'm looking forward to doing the pub crawl

to 20 bars. I'm looking forward to beautiful sunsets like this

every night. I'm looking forward to party-party,

and I'm looking forward to seeing Robert again.

He's going to show me round a bit.

A lot to do on here,

so I don't think I'm gonna be bored at all.

I'm so lucky to have this job!

Coming up... I reach new heights.

SHE WHOOPS

..and it's all going off.

Whoo!

It's the second day of my Mediterranean cruise

aboard the Meraviglia.

We've sailed south from Sicily to the magical island of Malta

and its capital Valetta.

It was absolutely beautiful sailing into Valetta this morning.

It were like being in a scene from Game of Thrones.

I actually felt I was Khaleesi, the Queen of Dragons.

All that rugged look,

and any minute should be a dragon coming over the cliff and landing

in the swimming pool for a little drink.

One didn't, obviously, but it felt as if it could do. You know.

Apparently, Malta's population is only 450,000,

and that's just slightly bigger than Wakefield's.

Oh, I feel right at home here.

So I'm just going to find out now... which one do I go into, that?

That one for me?

Do I press that? No.

"Things to do..."

Give me a slate and a piece of chalk and I'll be fine.

"Top things to see."

Hang on a minute. Shall we do that?

Welcome to Valetta, the capital of Malta.

It was built in the second half of the 16th century

by the French knight of St John Jean de Valette.

The city has an important historical and artistic heritage

with over 300 monuments.

So I bet there's some nice walks here.

Because of its strategic position close to Africa,

Malta played a vital part in helping Britain win the Second World War.

Under constant bombardment for two years, it held out against

the Germans and the Italians. To recognise their heroism,

the island was awarded the George Cross,

which is now part of its flag.

This is the thing about being on a ship.

You're very tempted to just stay where you are,

because one, you can't be bothered, two, you're quite comfortable,

three, you're used to working to a routine every day

and you're on your holidays, you can do what you like.

So this is why you should really make an effort,

because look at this.

History is everywhere you look.

There's buildings, monuments, churches and tradition.

What's going on?

I don't actually know what I'm looking at yet.

There's some guns down here.

There's a man in uniform.

There is a man in uniform lighting something down there.

Whoo!

By God, that were loud!

Well, that was certainly worth waiting for, wasn't it?

This ceremony dates back to 1800.

Originally, the guns were fired three times a day

and marked the opening and closing of the city gates.

And lunch time. It's just once a day now,

and do you know, it's us tourists who keep traditions like this alive.

See, Malta is very, very pro-British because of what happened in the war.

And also, the Queen even lived here after she'd just got married.

So she's got a very big connection with Malta.

She said that living here was the only time she had a normal life.

Malta is still part of the British Commonwealth

and there are reminders of home everywhere you look.

Oh!

There's actually a telephone box.

Do you think it works?

Yeah, it does! It's actually working!

A love a bit of tradition.

It's Queen Victoria! COCKNEY ACCENT: Get out my pub!

It is very British, isn't it?

Something quite reassuring about it, isn't it?

Just like, that's really nice.

Got it?

How do you like Malta? Is it...? Yeah, it's good, yeah.

We got engaged in Valletta 30 years ago.

So it's a nostalgic trip for you? Yeah. Yeah.

We're from Wales, anyway. No! I couldn't tell at all!

Just off Africa, obviously.

And then there's loads of little English touches,

but it looks Egyptian with all these colours.

You're getting a little bit of everything.

And it's really working well.

I'd love to see more of Malta, but I've got to get back to the ship,

as I've got something very special lined up.

What's going on, Jane?

I've got some access to Cirque du Soleil,

which is massive all over the world,

and they've got their own bespoke theatre actually on MSC,

and it's the only ship that has that contract with Cirque du Soleil.

Can you imagine if he came to clean your windows?

It'd be a right laugh watching him out your bedroom window!

Hello, I'm Jane.

Thank you so much for letting me come and see you.

So you're obviously one of the main performers in Cirque.

Yes, I'm the female dancer of this cast. Yes.

And Tim is the other dancer.

Oh, oh! Oh, I say. Tim's...

He try to be an acrobat.

He's trying to be an acrobat?

Can you show me something, then?

Yes. So, this is from my first part of my life.

OK. Th rhythmic gymnastics.

But then I start to move more in a dancing way of life. Yeah.

And I use this... Yeah.

You can do it.

Maybe not! We were most impresssed.

Stop it! You're so not. I can tell by your face.

I was impressed. Were you? I like you!

So this is a cheerleading team.

Yeah. This is just their warm-up for the show.

This is the warm-up? Mm-hm. OK. Right.

Oi!

That's a warm-up.

Wahey!

Ooh!

If you want me to do that, it's a no.

Oh!

Whoa!

You going to...? Yeah? Oh!

You... you're going to do that with me? Yes!

Huh!

All right.

OK? Good?

SHE SHRIEKS

SHE LAUGHS Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoo!

Then what do I do?

Whooo!

Lay b...aargh!

Oooh!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, gentlemen!

Oh, that was fantastic.

That's probably the scariest thing I've done in an awful long time.

I'm actually shaking with that.

But thank you very much for that experience. OK.

That's something I will take to my grave.

I think I'm going to have a heart attack!

I didn't expect that to happen.

After that, I really do need to go and have a lie down and calm down,

but the party just continues everywhere on this ship.

Night-night.

See you in the morning.

Now, where are my earplugs?

Morning!

Ooh, I do feel better for a good night's sleep.

From Valetta, we're heading to Barcelona.

We've got a whole day at sea. Fab.

This is my chance to really check out the ship

and show you what it's got.

Look at that!

Hola!

THEY CHEER

Ah, they're lovely, aren't they?

Everybody's so friendly.

Lazing round the pool, grabbing a bite to eat,

fun and games -

this ship's got it all.

There's even a water slide park.

I know! There are some things I won't do.

Come with me. I'm off to meet my mate, Rob.

Hello! Hiya, Jane. How are you? You OK? Good to see you. Yeah!

You said you were somewhere fabulous.

I brought you to our Blackpool-at-sea.

Blackpool-at-sea! A virtual amusement park.

So right now... Yeah. I'm going to put you on the roller-coaster,

so you don't have to take control.

Oh, my God, here we go. Huh?!

Have you been in one of these before? No.

No? The roller-coaster, it's so realistic! Yeah.

LAUGHING AND SQUEALING

JANE SQUEALS

Oh, my God!

SQUEALING INTENSIFIES

That is the worst thing I've ever done in my life!

JANE LAUGHS

It was awesome!

You versus me. All right.

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

I'm really rubbish!

CHEERING

Oh, he's a bit good, in't he?

It's absolutely brilliant. I tell you what, when I first came up here

I thought, "Ooh, I don't want to be up here", but it's the best time.

I'm a lover, not a fighter!

SHRIEKING

Oh, my God!

SQUEALING

Take that, sucker!

That is just unbelievable!

Is there anything more that we haven't done?

I'll take you to do something a little bit more, er...

A bit more in my pace? A bit more in your pace, yeah. Good.

MUSIC: Cultura Brasileira by Drumagick

Oh, this is better.

Take it back!

If I'm honest, I'm not really one for spontaneous dancing,

but the whole atmosphere here is have fun, have a go.

And it's infectious. So why not?

This is a little bit of tranquillity in this massive chaos of this ship!

There's absolutely everything. Shops, kids' areas, theme parks.

You can even meet the captain and have your photo taken.

And it is... So overwhelming.

But there's 5,000 people here that you've got to entertain

and that's why there is absolutely everything on here.

I'm pleasantly tired.

And that's what you want to feel on your holidays.

You want to feel worn out so that when you get into that bed,

it's the best thing in the world and then you just wake up

in the morning ready to go again. It's perfect.

Oh, hiya, love, that's nice. Have you just got on today? I have, yes.

Oh, that's nice. Pleased to meet you. I'm Jane.

Rachel. We're going to have a ball.

You're gonna have the best time ever on here!

That's the uniqueness of this - it's like a bus.

So there's new people getting on all the time

and that lovely family there have just got on today,

so we've just met today.

So there's a constant stream of loads of people always getting

on and off the ship, which I think is quite cool. I like that.

Where are we now? We are in Barcelona!

Where Manuel comes from, off Fawlty Towers.

What else do I know about Barcelona?

Well, it's a fabulous song by Freddie Mercury

and Montserrat Caballe.

It's the capital of Catalonia

and it's got a very famous football team.

But apparently there's one must-see thing here.

And I'm on my way now.

Hola!

Flippin' eck! Look at that!

Oh, my God! The Sagrada Familia.

Apparently the Sagrada Familia is Antoni Gaudi's greatest

and most famous creation.

He was quite eccentric.

You don't say!

There's like loads of fruit - raspberries, bananas.

Work began on this in 1882, and is expected to finish in 2041.

That's hell of a contract, innit?

That is real passion there because of the hand behind the head.

Which means so much more.

Do you know what it is, that couple?

There is the kiss, represents the kiss of Judas.

Oh, the kiss of Judas? I thought that was pure passion!

Well, the whole thing is... Is passion.

Yes, the whole facade is God.

Passion facade. Wow.

Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it.

Thank you.

Wow, gosh, wow!

I get really...I get

really emotional with things like this. It's...

This is completely taking my breath away. Completely again.

Everyone's going to think I'm soft.

I didn't expect to feel overwhelmed.

I didn't... I didn't expect to feel overwhelmed.

Every single part of it is...meticulous.

You just feel the energy coming through.

Gone from the reds and the beautiful golds here,

straight over here to the blues and the greens.

It, it's breathtaking.

Do yourself a favour and just come and stand in this place

if you get a chance.

It'll take your breath away like it's done mine.

After all the emotion of the Sagrada Familia

I need to unwind a little.

I'm ready for a bar crawl on a stick.

And I'm off.

Oh, wow! Look at this at night.

I'm starting at the top of the ship.

I'm planning to drink my way across and down -

a bit like doing a crossword.

Can I have a pina colada, please? Cheers!

Ooh!

Ooh, blimey, that's got a kick!

Hitting all these bars is a fab way to meet some other guests.

Hello. Hola! Hola!

Hiya, love! You look gorgeous. So do you. Mwah!

That's for me! OK! Thank you very, very much.

Two down, only 18 more to go.

It's really exciting, innit? I love being on cruises. Just love it.

How are you?

I'm really good. How are you?

I'm a big, big fan.

There you go. Really lovely to meet you. You too!

You are an actress?

Well... SHE LAUGHS

OK, OK!

TIPSILY: Having a brilliant time.

To be honest, I've lost count of the number of bars I've been to,

but I've given it a proper go and once I start dancing,

I'm gonna dance till I drop! See ya!

What's the plan today, Jane?

Well, I've got a day off. I can do what I like.

I'm in Marseilles and I'm having a lovely...

It's a beautiful day.

So I'm just gonna go and have a little wander.

Marseille is the oldest city in France, founded about 600BC.

Definitely older than Wakefield! Bonjour, Monsieur!

IN FRENCH ACCENT: Would you like an ice cream?

Je voudrais un, er...

..your speciality. Noir?

You like vanilla? Please. Yeah.

What makes it black?

It's a salty vanilla. Salty vanilla?

Yeah, it's a secret.

We don't tell the recipe.

I see!

Mm!

Oh, that's nice.

I would like to know what the special ingredient is,

if you know what I mean.

Have I got a black tongue? No, it looks fine.

Can we go down here?

# I've never felt this amazing before... #

We've just...stepped off the ship and walked into a musical!

# Cos I've never felt this good before

# I've never felt this good before

No, I've never felt this good before. #

Welcome to Marseilles!

APPLAUSE

What's this? Why are all these people at railings?

Hi!

Bonjour!

You look like you know what you're doing.

Oh, thank you. What is this?

The Tour de France is here.

Tour de France?! Yeah!

Even I know the Tour de France is a bike race.

Not just any bike race, though.

French blokes are obsessed by three things -

wine, cheese and the Tour de France.

MUSIC: THE CANCAN SONG

Whoo!

Ha-ha! Can you believe that?!

We just turned up at the Tour de France!

Hurray!

We should encourage every racers, you know? OK.

Yeah, and a lot, give energy. Energy? Yeah.

Pass your energy on. Yes!

Heyyy! Whoo!

Thank you. Your name? Frederick.

Frederick, hello. Je m'appelle Jane.

Hello. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

Whoo!

I'm here giving my encouragement with Frederick.

See? I've even got the French way now.

Wow. Merci. Goodbye. We didn't expect this at all, did we?

We just came out for a look round Marseilles, off the ship,

and I think I've had the best day ever.

And that's because I'm on a cruise

around this beautiful part of the world and I wouldn't

have been able to do this if I hadn't have got on this cruise.

Marvellous as Marseilles was,

we're now heading to Genoa,

which will allow me to visit somewhere

I have always dreamed of.

I'm excited to go into Portofino.

Portofino is fabulous, apparently.

And I've never been to Portofino, but I've heard such lovely things about Portofino.

Have I mentioned I'm going to Portofino?!

Well, it's one of this cruise's excursions

so I've booked myself on it.

Portofino means "Bay of Dolphins"

and is the jewel of the Italian Riviera.

Once a humble fishing village, since the 1950s,

it has been a magnet for celebrities.

Everyone from Princess Grace to Elizabeth Taylor

to the Kardashians have been here.

This is probably one of the most beautiful places I'll ever visit.

If there's one excursion you've got to do on this cruise,

it's this one, because it's just stunning.

It looks like a movie set.

Just think what it must be like owning that house up there.

Delfino's is one of the most famous restaurants in the world, do you know that?

Where Elton John sat!

How fab is that?!

Look, they've even got red carpet out for us all.

These, I thought, would work today, but they're pumps

and they're really painful

because I've got all the cobbles.

Ow! See what I mean?

There's only one thing for it. I'll have to buy some different shoes.

Plenty of wedge on there, so the cobbles won't get me.

And a bit of a wide fit - to accommodate me bunions!

Italy is the home of Gucci, Prada, Dolce & Gabbana.

So, really, any excuse!

Ah?

Possible try the two. Can I try both? Of course.

I do look a bit like Frankenstein in these, don't I?

They're very nice

but I think they're more for someone with very dainty feet.

How much?

This is 210.

210?!

Also Italian. Ah, I know.

You cannot put a price on comfort.

Sure.

The people come, it is no sale, no matter.

The sale is the quality...

It is. ..in this shop.

This is my father. Really? Yeah.

This was your father's shop? Yes, yes.

Oh, wow. My mother, my father.

Have you lived here all your life. All days.

You wouldn't want to live anywhere else, would you?

Ah, no, I think no.

My son say me, no live in Portofino. The wind carries too... But for me, is good.

Yeah! You don't need to go anywhere else. Yes.

I would love to live here.

These are lovely.

I think I've found my dream pair of shoes.

And thank you for saving my life.

Thanking you. Bye-bye. Bye.

It's just a beautiful, beautiful place.

It's classy.

It's romantic.

It's Italy.

See, a cruise is like a little tasting menu

of all these places that you can visit.

I've just fallen in love with Portofino, where I will return

and bring my partner here and have a beautiful romantic time.

I'm just going to... I'm going to sit right there in the sunshine

and watch the world go by with a cup of coffee.

Can you lend me some euros? Cos I just spent all mine!

We'll get you coffee. Take a seat. Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to heaven on Earth.

Good morning, Naples.

Now, this should be the end of my cruise, but over there is Capri

and I've just found out that they do a trip to Capri.

I've always wanted to go to Capri,

to see Gracie Fields' house, really.

And I fancy doing it.

Gracie Fields was one of the biggest stars in the world in the 1930s.

Basically the Adele of her day, she was born above a chip shop

in Rochdale, and I grew up listening to her extraordinary voice.

This without a doubt is the icing on the cake to this cruise.

I'm on a pilgrimage.

Yes! We can see our Gracie!

I'm on a cruise around the western Mediterranean

and I've been to all sorts of wonderful places,

but I've come to my final port of call.

I've always wanted to go to Capri,

to see Gracie Fields' house, really.

Gracie fell out of favour with the British public during the Second World War.

She'd fallen in love with and married Monty Banks, who,

despite his very English name, was an Italian citizen.

If they had stayed in the UK, he would have been interned.

So they went to the US and Gracie raised millions

for the war effort, entertaining troops.

After the war she received a thank-you letter from Churchill

who'd encouraged her to go to America.

This is Capri.

I'm here in Capri, after all these years.

The public never forgave her for abandoning Britain

in its hour of need, so she left the UK

and made her home here on Capri.

In't it pretty?

Ah, look at this place. I didn't expect this.

I don't know what I expected in Capri, but it weren't this.

To get the most out of my visit

I've enlisted the help of Seb Lassandro, a major Gracie fan.

He's going to show me around.

Hello! Jane, hi. Welcome to Capri. Mwah!

So how come you're the keeper of the flame?

Well, I kind of fell upon that.

I first heard Gracie when I was at high school, on a compilation CD.

I thought, the lady singing Ave Maria and Sing As We Go, it can't be the same voice.

Yeah. I looked into it, found out that she's from Rochdale,

11 miles away from where I live. I thought, interesting life story.

And it just kind of spiralled uncontrollably from there, really.

I bet she fell in love with this place, though.

Well, in her book, she says her marriage had broken down completely to her first husband,

said that she felt a failure.

So she gave up the idea of falling in love with some-ONE and she fell

in love with some-WHERE.

Gracie said that I belong in Capri, which is why she's buried here.

Gracie was responsible for putting Capri on the map.

Her fame attracted the celebrities of the day

to the club and restaurant she built here.

Marilyn Monroe came here, Greta Garbo came here.

Richard Burton and Liz Taylor, their affair broke while they were here.

That's all because of Gracie Fields.

And that's all cos she set up this club - right here, yeah.

So this was the place that she fell in love with, this bit here.

This is the Marina Piccola.

This is where Gracie first came round the corner on a horse and cart and said, "That's it."

She saw this before it was modernised, as it is today -

a little fishing village - and she fell in love with the place.

And she knew then that, "I want to live in Capri."

This is where she set up home, she set up her restaurant.

The thing that she hated about Capri was that the fish and chips

were terrible! And she couldn't get bacon!

That's true, because you can't...

What she would do is, when a cruise ship would come into the harbour like that,

she'd send one of her restaurant staff over in a little dinghy

and say, look, Gracie will come on and do a song if you give us a leg of bacon, and they would do it!

Literally singing for her supper! Literally singing for her supper!

Listen, when you're gagging for a bacon sandwich, that's the only way to do it.

That's what she did! Love her! JANE LAUGHS

This is where Gracie lived.

This was the gates to her house, and we can walk along the driveway here.

So she would have the restaurant down there

and every morning at 11 o'clock she'd go down from the main house

down there to sing to the fans that had come to visit her from Rochdale or around England.

She'd let them have five minutes with every person that came to see her.

She'd sign autographs, she'd sing a song if they wanted it,

and she'd just be Our Gracie.

Who owns this now?

This is owned by the Swarovski Crystal family. Swarovski? Yeah.

So they bought this.

That's where Gracie used to live.

Aww!

Gracie. Hadn't you done well, girl?

I'm shocked at how little everybody knows about Gracie Fields,

especially here, when she built all this.

Nothing. Nothing here.

So this was all built by Gracie Fields.

That's quite sad, isn't it?

Gracie died in September, 1979,

and the waiters from her restaurant carried the coffin here.

That's where she's buried. Aww!

Oh!

Aww, bless.

Bless her.

SHE TUTS

SHE HUFFS

Gracie's been woven in and out of my life for quite some time,

and to actually be here and pay my respects...

..I feel very close to her right now.

What a trip this has been.

5,000 people on a ship this big, touring round

Italy, Malta, Spain and France.

This is a cruise that really comes together with old and new.

It's been a blast and I probably will need to lie down

in a darkened room for two days to get over the parties!

But it's been amazing.

# A girl went back to Napoli

# Because she missed the scenery

# The native dancers and the charming songs

# But wait a minute, something's wrong

# Hey Mambo, Mambo Italiano

# Go, go, go

# You mixed up Sigiliano

# All you Calabrese do the Mambo like a-crazy

# With a hey Mambo, don't wanna tarantella

# Hey Mambo, no more-a mozzarella

# Hey Mambo, Mambo Italiano

# Try an enchilada with a fish-a baccala

# Hey gumpa, I love-a how you dance a rumba

# But take-a some advice paisano

# Learn how to Mambo

# If you gonna be a square you ain't-a gonna go nowhere-a

# Hey, Mambo

# Mambo Italiano

# Hey Mambo

# Mambo Italiano

# Ho, ho, Joe, you mixed up Siciliano

# It's a so delish-a, everybody gon' capishe

# How to Mambo

# Italiano! #

That's nice! Ooh!

What?!

This time, a seven-day sail round the Mediterranean

taking in ravishing Rome...

Oh, my gosh, the Colosseum! That is a wow moment, isn't it?

..picturesque Pisa...

Guide me, guide me.

..moneybags Monte Carlo...

Something like that, you can always dream of, can't you?

..and somewhere sure to make a girl blush.

Welcome to Florence!

This promises to be a week in foodie heaven, from classic French...

Beautiful. Oh, look at that.

..to the most authentic Spanish.

That is just dancing across my tongue!

It's the Med like you've never seen it before.

Yay!

No wonder we're all so excited!

Buongiorno and welcome to Rome,

one of the world's most breathtaking cities.

It's beautiful, it's noisy, it's passionate, it's vibrant.

It's La Dolce Vita, which is the good life, sweet life.

And getting here is really easy.

I flew in from Manchester,

but there are direct flights from most UK airports.

It'll only take around three hours

but once you arrive, you'll feel like you're in a different world.

Sadly, my Roman holiday will be a short one

as I'm due on my ship at lunchtime.

It's late spring, but even the early morning heat can be unbearable.

So I've passed up all the walking tours on offer

and booked myself a car tour instead.

Hello? Hello. Oh, hello. Are you Alessandro?

Yes, I am. Oh, I'm Jane. Nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you.

Mwah! Oh, hello. Oh, the welcome is lovely. Thank you.

Zipping round on four wheels means I'll get to see

more of the top sights.

I'm all for a bit of quantity over quality.

Oh, you're folding.

Now, if you've ever driven in Rome,

you'll know the roads can be a bit...hairy.

But that's OK because Alessandro's got the wheel...

And the horn! HORNS TOOT

This gorgeous old Fiat 500

is just one of many cars you can choose from.

But remember, the more exclusive, the more expensive.

So I can't believe that this car is 53 years old.

53, and still, still working.

Yeah? The girls like the Fiat more than the big cars.

Do they really? Ah, yeah! So they love the...

Oh, it's a bit of a babe magnet, this, then. Yeah.

Ha-ha!

Now, you know what I said about the roads being hairy?

Oh! Ohhh! JANE LAUGHS

The driving is very frenetic over here, isn't it?

Italian driving is...

The road is a...is a jungle.

With a local behind the wheel,

you not only save on stress and time,

you have a lot more fun.

And that wind in your hair doesn't half help me cool down.

So, this is St Peter's, here.

It is St Peter's. Oh, it's lovely, isn't it?

From there, from the square is not Rome, starts the Vatican state.

At just 100 acres,

The Vatican is the world's smallest country.

But it has to be one of the most stunning.

As well as being home to the Pope,

it's packed with priceless artworks like Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel.

I always associate Michelangelo with painting,

but actually it's architecture.

Yeah, yeah.

He did also the architecture of the dome...

Allesandro's driving to the highest point to show me someone

with a familiar name.

This is a Garibaldi

Yeah. Garibaldi. Good biscuits.

It's not the biscuits because all the English the Dutch...

He's like the national hero... Really?

..that made the unification of the country.

This is Fountain of Paola.

Oh, look. Oh, that's absolutely gorgeous.

Oh, wow.

From this 400-year-old fountain, you get unrivalled views of the city.

I can see why you do tours of this, though,

because it's a passion, isn't it?

For me, I don't feel like working... No. ..like in the office, you know.

With other tourists, we stop in a bar sometime, an ice cream bar

or a glass of wine.

Yeah.

Now he's talking.

Uff, blimey.

So, I'm getting a feel for real Italy here.

Allesandro's going to take me to a typical local bar,

but I'm only going to have a coffee

because it's very early in the morning,

even for me.

So, this is a weak macchiato.

A macchiato, yeah.

That's weak? Yeah, that is weak.

Never ask a big coffee like dirty water.

God, that's...

If I drink this, I won't be able to blink for three days.

Oh, my God, that is strong.

How do you drink that?

And we drink, like, four or five every day.

You drink four or five of these? Yeah.

I'm a wimp where coffee is concerned.

Still, that caffeine hit's brought out the Roman in me.

It's amazing what you can remember from a pocket translation book.

Non capisco italiano perche sono Inglese.

Is that good? It's very good, it's very good.

Which means, "I don't speak Italian cos I'm English".

Cos I'm English, yeah.

And vorrei sei francobolli de cinque-cento, per favore.

Vorrei? Ah, OK. Due francobolli.

Yeah, I need some stamps for England.

That is my... that's it.

That's all I know.

And that's it.

Ah, warm sunshine and a hot, handsome and knowledgeable guide.

What more could I want when in Rome?

Well, seeing as you asked.

Oh, my gosh, the Colosseum.

Oh, wow.

That is a wow moment, isn't it? Yeah.

Completed nearly 2,000 years ago,

the Colosseum was Rome's equivalent of Wembley Stadium.

Although the games they played there were a little bit more deadly.

Russell Crowe used to strut his stuff in here too.

Oh, wait, that was a movie, wasn't it?

So, Jane it was really nice to meet you.

Oh, it nice to meet you too.

I feel like I've been on a date.

Thank you, Allesandro.

Thank you for a lovely trip.

What a great end to a great morning.

Only drawback,

there's no time for a tour inside.

But there's a good reason for that.

And there it is, the Oceania Marina

waiting for me in Civitavecchia,

40 minutes away.

This is premium quality cruising spread across 16 decks.

And I'm just one of 1,200 guests boarding for seven whole days.

I'm just going to go into check in, got my passport ready.

I'm off.

Good morning. Good morning.

Just fill it in before you go on board. Thank you very much.

Enjoy your trip.

A lot of cruise lines do themed cruises now.

And this one is all about cuisine.

As well as an onboard cookery school,

the ship also offers foodie excursions.

A really quite fancy one of them.

Hello. How are you? I'm really well.

How were you? Thank you.

Very nice to see you.

Lovely to meet you.

Oh, it looks like Lalique. Is that Lalique crystal?

Look at this.

That's Lalique crystal.

This is not your chee...

Yeah, that's real.

Wow.

It's very...

..very Art Deco, isn't it?

When you first board a ship this size,

it takes a while to get your bearings.

Deck 11.

I've done this before, you know.

LAUGHS: Where the heck are we?

I got lost before as well.

Uh, let's have a look.

Ah, we're here.

let's have a look.

Oh, come in here.

I love this bit.

Here we go.

Oh, it is fab.

Oh, look, balcony, look, balcony.

Champagne. That's always handy.

Cos you never know who you're going to invite in, do you?

Fabulous walk-in... Oh, shoes.

I've not seen that before.

You've got shoe...shoe rails there.

Ooh, that look at this.

Oh, my gosh. This is really grand.

A bath is something that you don't often get on a cruise ship.

So, it's a very, very luxurious thing to have in your cabin.

And if you're going to have a posh bath,

you might as well have posh toiletries.

Oh, what's these?

Bath salts, are these bath salts?

"Dead Sea salt contains ten times more minerals

"than ordinary sea salt."

So, you don't want to put this on your chips.

You actually put it in your bath.

Right, we've a hectic week ahead.

We'll be cruising along the northern Mediterranean Riviera.

First stop's Livorno, from where we'll pop into Pisa and Florence.

will race down to Monte Carlo...

..then Toulon...

..before visiting Barcelona.

Next, there's Cartagena...

..before we end our Mediterranean meanderings in Malaga.

Now that were a mouthful.

OK. It's six pm and it's sail away.

HORN BLOWS

I've lost count on how many I've been on,

but this one's definitely designed to put you in the holiday mood.

A band with great tunes and passengers with great moves.

Should I join in?

Oh, go on, then.

JANE LAUGHS Cheers, love.

Well, you know what they say,

when in Rome?

It's day two of my cruise along the Med

onboard the Oceania Marina.

We've left Rome and sailed 150 miles north to Livorno.

Morning.

I'm up early for a day trip to Florence and Pisa.

Sadly, not the best, weather-wise,

but we shall not be beaten.

It's absolutely throwing it down.

It don't matter.

We're on us holidays, I've got a brolly.

I've got a coat. I've got my vest on.

I we're off on bus.

Buon giorno.

Oh. It's raining. It is. Nice to meet you.

Oh, sorry, darling. Nice to meet you too. Julia.

Julia, nice to meet you, Julia.

Livorno is the closest port to the sights,

but it's still a three-hour round trip.

Morning.

But who cares?

We can keep dry and listen to the soothing tones

of our tour guide.

So, how are you today?

Everything OK? Ready for Florence?

TOURISTS: Yes. Yes?

Florence is my hometown. I was born in Florence. I grew up there.

So, I know the town like the back of my hand.

And what a town,

or city, to be exact, it is.

Established by the wealthy Medici family,

it became a powerhouse of art and culture in the Middle Ages.

The ancient streets are so atmospheric.

No wonder they attract the crowds and the statues.

Well.

Welcome to Florence.

I mean, they've ERECTED them all over the place.

Sometimes you just don't know where to look.

Have you ever seen a man look like that?

Fortunately not.

I mean, every muscle.

It's absolutely beautiful, isn't it?

This magnificent specimen is a copy of Michelangelo's David.

If you want to see the real one,

head to the city's Galleria dell'Accademia.

It's £15 to get in and you'll need to book in advance

as tickets sell out fast.

I have another wow.

You like the wow, eh? Come with me.

The great thing about having a local guide, you learn loads

and don't waste a minute.

Julia's taken us on the short cut to another jewel in the city's crown.

They put the first stone in in 1296.

And they finished in 1436.

It's quite interesting, actually, listening to her, isn't it?

Yeah, she's great? It's good, she's full of facts.

The Santa Maria del Fiore Cathedral dominates the Florence skyline.

It's got the largest masonry dome in the world,

with more than four million bricks.

Just a spectacular is the colourful marble exterior.

This looks absolutely stunning in the sunshine.

But you know what?

It looks absolutely stunning in the pouring rain as well.

It is a masterpiece, isn't it?

Florence really is a feast for the eyes

and well-worth the journey.

But all too soon, our visit's over.

We're heading back to the bus for the next stop on our excursion

60 miles west.

Pisa sits on the Arno River,

with historic bridges, churches and medieval palaces.

But let's be honest, most tourists, and that includes me,

come here to see only one site.

It's really on a cant, that.

It really does lean.

Back in the 12th century, the Pisonians,

try saying that when you've had a few,

built the Square of Miracles, housing a cathedral

with a freestanding bell tower.

Miracle is it still standing, if you ask me?

It says here on me interweb that the slant of the towers started

while they were building it.

So, I'm not one to cause trouble,

but why don't we just stop

and think, "Hang on, we've done summat wrong here."?

But no, they carried on...

..they carried on building it and the lean happened

because the ground is too soft.

By the mid-nineties, the line was five degrees,

and the tower was close to collapse.

British scientists and Italian engineers then took ten years

and 30 million Euros fixing it.

So, let me have a look on me handy app to see how much it is now.

It's now 3.97 degrees.

The leaning tower's just over 180 feet high.

And you can climb to 300 steps to the top.

Personally, I'd rather keep my feet on the ground.

It's a force of nature,

cos you think it's going to fall down and it doesn't...

..we hope.

But it's really spectacular.

Everywhere you look, someone's doing

that classic holding-up-the-tower thing for their holiday snaps.

Well, if you can't beat them.

You couldn't take this photograph of me like this,

pushing the tower up, could you? Yeah. Will you? Right.

That's my phone. OK. All right.

Oh, get rid of the case there. So, guide me.

What's your name, sorry? Katherine.

Katherine and...? Alec. Alec, right. Katherine and Alec.

Can I just get...? Is it...? Just guide me. Guide me.

Up a bit. Up a bit?

Up. Up. And... And... Up, up. No, back. Wee bit back.

Back, back, up.

Just a bit, yeah.

CLICK

Think that's it. Way-hey.

I think that one. Oh, bless you.

Thank you so much.

Oh, it's great.

That's absolutely brilliant. Give us a hug on that.

Really lovely to meet you both.

Nice to meet you. Have a lovely holiday. Thank you.

Ta-ra. See you later. See you later.

That's certainly wouldn't have had as much attention,

if it were straight, let's be honest.

I think sometimes the best, biggest mistakes can turn out

to be the most perfect thing.

It's a perfect imperfection.

After a full day sightseeing,

it's good to get back on board.

The Marina's noted for its food,

but you can't spend all day stuffing your face.

Much as I'd like to.

So, while we set sail west, I'm choosing culture over kitchen

and joining the art classes.

Always one of my favourite cruising activities.

Hi, I'm Jane. Hello, and I'm Jean.

Hello, Jean, how are you?

So, what we got to paint, then?

It's going to be the David.

You can emphasise whatever but you want.

Oh, OK.

Thank you very much.

I might not even get down to that bit.

There is no right or wrong to this.

Everybody is going to do something different.

Our teacher is the ship's artist in residence, Geri.

I think that's brilliant.

What do you think of mine?

Yours is fabulous. Yours is a lot more dynamic, isn't it?

Yours looks like a man. On skates.

Mine looks like a witch on a surfboard.

Sorry, it's all over my trousers.

Well, despite my wardrobe disaster, I don't think I've done too badly.

But then it's not my opinion that counts, is it?

Look how nicely the reds and the yellows are blended together.

Oh, bless you, Geri.

If the voice ever packs up, I might have found a new way

of making a living.

OK, we bid buona sera to Italy,

and after heading 225 miles along the coast,

we're saying bon jour to Monaco,

whose port's name is synonymous with glamour.

There are various guided tours you can sign up for.

But it's only a small place and I fancy a bit of an adventure.

So, I've decided to go it alone.

Hello, hello, Monte Carlo.

We're here in the land of the rich and famous.

The streets aren't exactly paved with gold,

but property per square foot is four times more expensive

than central London,

and nearly a third of the people are millionaires.

Something like that, you can only sort of dream of, can't you?

I mean, a cruise, we can all you know, if we really save up hard,

we can we can afford it.

But it brings us to places like this, where, you know,

this is just dreamland.

Hello, I'm Jane MacDonald.

Hi, Jane. How are you doing?

Talking of dream boats, meet Martin.

I'm the second officer on here. Oh, wow.

So, we've got just under 50 employed crew in total.

Cos it's not just the buying of it, is it?

It's the maintaining it. Yeah, the maintenance.

They say roughly, in the yachting industry,

the maintenance for a yacht is roughly 10% of buying cost for a year.

So you're looking at, I don't know,

20...20 million a year or something to run.

20 million a year?

Yeah, with maintenance and things like that, yeah.

It's a different world, isn't it?

It is, yeah, a completely different world.

It's amazing to see how the 1% of the 1% live. That's for sure.

Yeah. Thank you so much and enjoy your time here.

No, not a problem, pleasure to meet you. And you too.

They're a lot of money, aren't they, yachts?

I think that one's more my...

Yeah, that one's more in my range, really.

When the visiting super-rich aren't on their super yachts,

you'll find them in one of the exclusive hotels.

This beautiful building is the Hotel Metropole.

Oh. They even push the door for you.

Hello. Hello there. Welcome to the Metropole Monte Carlo.

How are you? Thank you very much. I'm very, very well. Thank you.

Thank you very much. You do need to take...?

With pleasure. Oh, thank you.

Thanks. Cos I don't want to get the floor wet. That's perfect.

Fantastic. Thank you.

Thank you. Hello, Jane. How are you?

So nice to meet you. Welcome to the Metropole.

Staying here is definitely out of my price range,

but I've been a bit cheeky and asked for a tour

and Lauren, one of their lovely staff, has kindly agreed.

See, don't ask, don't get.

I'll show you the suite Carre D'Or. Oh, fabulous.

And we're going to go to see the view.

Because that's the real advantage of the suites,

is the beautiful view you have of the casino and the opera.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, gosh, it's amazing.

Now, this is a sea view.

In high season, this one bedroom suite will cost you

over £8,000 a night.

I mean, this is beyond...

It's just fantastic, isn't it?

I'm a bit taken aback, actually.

I'm a bit taken aback.

But this is just...

Can I go out? Yes, of course. I'll just open that.

Oh, this is gorgeous.

Oh, wow.

You can just imagine sat here with your champagne,

obviously on ice,

chilled to perfection.

Take the whole world in.

You just feel like you're on top of the world here.

It's a different...it's just a different world.

As we're moored in port for the day,

there's plenty of time to explore.

I did fancy a walk around the legendary casino,

but the James Bonds of this world value their privacy too much.

But never mind.

The place I really want to see is right out in the open.

Wow.

The Cathedral of Our Lady Immaculate stands on the site of the original

parish church of Monaco, dating back nearly 800 years.

But it was a 20th century wedding that put it on the world's front pages.

This is a very, very special cathedral

because this, of course, is where Grace Kelly married her prince.

The Prince of Monaco.

And then she became the Princess of Monaco.

Grace was one of the biggest Hollywood stars of her time,

an Oscar winner who epitomised on-screen beauty and elegance.

She met Prince Rainier at the Cannes film festival in 1955

and married him a year later.

The guest list -

700 guests were invited to this amazing wedding.

Cary Grant.

David Niven.

Gloria Swanson.

Ava Gardner.

Ooh, that's just like the Who's Who

of Hollywood, really, isn't it?

You can just imagine all those years ago...

The Prince of Monaco

with his new bride,

the beautiful Grace Kelly.

Monte Carlo, what a glorious place.

I've only spent a day here, but I've really seen

how the other half live.

I think I could get used to it, at a push.

Not now, though, as I've got to get on.

The Med's most delicious delights await.

That is just dancing across my tongue.

That is just dancing

I'm midway through my Mediterranean Riviera cruise.

We left glitzy and glammy Monaco yesterday

and sailed just over 100 miles south

to our next port of call.

Out into the beautiful day that we have.

That is Toulon in France.

Now, I don't want to sound lazy or anything, but all that walking

round fabulous Monte Carlo

really took it out of me.

So today I'm staying firmly on board.

That's the great thing about a cruise.

You can just please yourself.

I'm sure it's lovely out there...

..but it's lovely on here as well.

And it looks like a lot of my fellow passengers have had the same idea.

Oh, hello.

Are you all right?

Can I sit?

You done any of the restaurants here yet? We done Jacques.

What did you think? Lovely.

Was it fabulous?

Any recommendations that I should have?

Dover sole. Dover sole.

Do you like Dover sole?

I love Dover sole.

It's always good to get some pointers about where to eat,

especially on a ship with the choice of nine restaurants.

Personally I also like to have a bit of a nosey round

before deciding.

Look at this. I mean, how beautifully set out it all is.

And these plates...

..are Versace.

The attention to detail on here

is quite something,

but it's not stuffy in any way.

It's very homely.

So this is the grand dining room.

Oh!

Oh, my goodness,

look at the chandelier.

Now, that, ladies and gentlemen,

is a chandelier.

I'm guessing this dishy chef must be Jacques.

This is the big posh one.

And it's pull not push.

WHISPERS: Oh, gosh, look at this.

I mean, it just feels...it feels special.

I'm going to eat in here tonight.

All meals are included in the cruise,

even in the speciality restaurants,

but you do have to book them

and to be sure of a table

do it online before you board.

A little tip - if you're a solo traveller,

you've got more chance of getting into a restaurant than anybody

because they can fit a solo traveller

on to somebody else's table quite easily,

which is also a great way of getting to know people

and making new friends.

If you fancy a day on board,

you could relax by the pool,

or have a treatment at the spa,

but all that snooping around the restaurants has made me hungry.

So I've booked myself into a cookery class.

I'm going to learn how to cook crepes Suzette today.

It's one of my favourite dishes.

My partner is fellow passenger Ollie.

What do we do, Ollie?

How are you doing? I'm really good.

Lots of cruises have kitchen demos,

but the Marina was one of the first

to have a full-blown cookery school at sea.

Good afternoon.

My name is Chef Carlos Elms and I'll be your chef instructor today.

The classes are hosted by top chefs,

all providing step-by-step guidance.

First rule is this.

Everybody breathe.

Relax.

Chill out, smile.

We're here to learn, cook,

have a good time.

Chef Carlos starts by showing us

how to make the perfect crepe.

I'm going to fold this into half.

and fold that into a quarter.

Oh, it's the boozy orange sauce.

Me mouth's watering.

And voila.

Our turn now,

and as the batter's been made for us, it should be easy.

That's steaming now, that's good.

So we can see the edges there.

Is it wanting to separate for me?

Well, I did say it should be easy.

So it's still well, chef.

Let's give it another go.

There you go.

Fill it in. Brilliant.

Beautiful. Wow. Look at that.

That's...

Oh, oh, oh.

We're back on track.

Just need to make the sauce now and we'll be onto a winner.

I'll be your sous chef.

OK.

Straight in. Straight in? Yeah.

Ooh, it's smoking.

Smoking.

Mix it around a bit.

Butter goes. Yeah.

Shake it around. Keep it moving.

Keep it moving. Good.

Use the spatula as well.

Beautiful. Oh, this is like...

..really weird. OK, and hit with the booze.

Woo.

Come around.

Now squeeze the orange and drop them.

Squeeze one and drop.

Now, in with the crepes.

Give them a little bubble bath and they're good. Yeah.

LAUGHTER

OK.

We've got that one. Wow.

It's a quick sauce, right? It's a pan sauce.

So we don't need to cook it. Like a natural.

Really nice. Looks really good. No.

I don't... I'm not a natural.

It may look good, but the proof of the pudding...

Not bad, eh?

Good.

Well, you know what?

They call these crepes,

but I think they're all right.

Very nicely done.

Thank you very much.

A lot of fun.

As we leave the French Riviera behind, it's time to let

the professionals take over in the kitchen.

And I'm off to Jack's to meet a few new cruise friends.

Hello. Hello. Good evening.

Hello, lovely people. How are we?

All the French classics are here, from Coq au vin to creme brulee.

This is some menu.

But as we're surrounded by sea, I know what I fancy.

Could I have the...

That one. The sea bass, madam?

Yeah, the sea bass.

That looks good.

That is so good, isn't it?

Fetch you a few bobby at Wakefield, wouldn't it? It would, that.

So I've noticed a little bit of local lingo banter here.

JANE CHUCKLES

When northerners get together, it's a different language.

Ah. Good food, great company and the magnificent Mediterranean.

What a perfect end to my day on board.

Thank you so much for such a great night.

That's so nice to meet you all.

Bless you. Cheers. Cheers.

Right. We've done Italy and Monaco and France.

During the night,

we've headed west to Spain and the capital

of its Catalan region, Barcelona.

The Romans founded it at the end of the first century.

Today, it's renowned for its architecture, its love of football

and passion for food.

So I'm seeing what's cooking by joining an excursion

led by the crepes suzette king himself, Chef Carlos.

Have you done a food tour here before? Never.

Never? Never done a food tour.

So this is exciting.

So are you squeamish?

Is there something you don't like to eat?

Snails, I'm not great on. Great. We'll get you some snails. No!

Dont... No, no, no!

HE LAUGHS

Me and my cruising pal, Anita, are rumbling down Las Ramblas,

Barcelona's most famous street.

This stretches nearly half a mile and includes one of Europe's

biggest food markets, La Boqueria.

I'm taking you guys to show you some of the local goodies. Oh, great.

All right? Yeah. Vamanos.

Fabulous.

When it started around 700 years ago, peasants would come from nearby

towns and villages to sell their produce.

You can still buy loads of local delicacies today, like this

Pimento de la Vera spice blend.

What would you exactly use this for?

So, it's typically... OK.

You'll find it used in paella,

but you can use it in a lot of other bases, like a base of a soup,

in a marinade, on the dry rubs.

So you can do it on a steak? Yeah. You can do it on a steak.

You can even put it on to fish if you wanted to, a little bit.

Or you could even make an aioli, which is a typical dish here,

where you take garlic, extra virgin olive oil, grind it together with

egg yolk and dip fries in there.

You can do whatever the heck you want.

Oh, you've got me sold on that one. good.

So, I'll take one of those. OK.

Thank you.

Isn't it great having a chef with you?

LAUGHTER Me too, actually.

It means we get to see and taste everything.

We'll get you some bacalao. It's salt cod.

OK, they take the salt cod and they soak it,

and then they mix it with potatoes and herbs,

and then make them these beautiful little balls and they fry it,

and we sprinkle just a little bit of lemon on there. So you can make

these bacalao and you can make you're aioli with your new

Pimento de la Vera, and you can dip that in these.

Oh, that's got in the mood for lunch, which is handy as La Boqueria

also has some of the best tapas bars in Spain.

Now, I've googled this place, and it's called Quim de la Boqueria,

and it's a fella called Quim who has his own stall

and he fries everything from the local market here and cooks

it for you.

We're in search of Quim. Where is he? There we are.

Hello, I'm Jane. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. I'm Quim.

"Kim"? Ah, sorry. I've been calling you a different name.

No problem. So it's "Kim"?

Yes. His name's not "Qu-im". It's "Kim".

OK. Moving on.

In centuries gone by,

drinker's would use a cover, or tapa, to keep the flies

out of the wine glasses.

Mmm. Attractive.

Innkeepers started serving bite-sized snacks on top

of the tapa. Probably to save on the washing up.

And that, my friends, is how tapas was born.

OK, the first tapa. Yeah. Sprouts, shrimps, with garlic.

With garlic.

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

Oh, my God.

Oh, wow.

How do they make it taste like that?

That is just dancing across my tongue.

When in Spain, forget the sausage and chips.

Have a go at the traditional tapas.

This is the speciality of the house. Right.

The fried egg with baby squid. Right.

I recommend everything mixed. Mix it all up.

Wow.

That is really good as well.

The last tapa.

OK. What is this? This is oxtail risotto.

Oh, I love that sticky look.

Ooh. Oh, my God.

Spanish paella.

I absolutely love risotto.

It's one of my favourite things.

But I don't think I've ever tasted one as good as that.

It's amazing, really...

..that I've come to Barcelona,

I'm in the middle of a market in the middle of the day,

so somewhere where I would never normally have come,

and I've probably had the best meal,

probably one of the top three best meals of my life.

Cheers, Quim.

OK. I think we can say I'm well and truly stuffed, but I still

haven't had my fill of the Med, so I can't wait to get to the

Costa del Sol for the last leg of my trip

up the King's Passage.

It's quite spectacular.

Yay! Wee!

SHE LAUGHS

After seven days in the Med, I've travelled 600 miles and taken

in four countries.

After a brief stop at Cartagena yesterday, we finally arrived

in Malaga on Spain's Costa del Sol, which is where I have to get off.

What a shame.

Hello. Good afternoon. I'm checking out.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye.

Never mind, though. My plane doesn't leave till tonight,

so I've got another full day to myself. That could mean exploring

anything from castles to beaches,

or this thing. Looks like a giant Rubik's Cube.

But instead, I'm heading into the Andalusian countryside.

I'm going to burn off all that food I've been eating

and hike Caminito del Rey, or The King's Passage.

Hello. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. I'm Marcello. Marcello.

Great to see you. Shall I get on? Yes, please. Thank you.

Good morning.

Marcello's my guide for the trip, which is one of many

you can book online.

Prices start from around £20.

This one includes the hour bus ride from Malaga itself.

I did go on a hike once.

It wasn't even a hike. It was a walk.

And I walked with a rambling team round Wakefield.

And I dropped my phone.

I had to go back and do the whole thing again to find my phone.

And I ended up doing ten miles and I got two ingrown

toenails from that.

LAUGHTER

Right. Some good news.

Gerri, my art teacher from the ship,

is also booked along with her husband, Mark.

I'm so glad you are seeing it with me today.

Just look at the reflections. I know.

That's what you'll paint in watercolours.

I'm going to be a right artist, I can feel it coming on. That's right.

You have to show me your work. E-mail me.

This walk's nearly five miles long and takes roughly four hours

to complete.

So take sensible shoes, a bottle of water, and as there's no loos

past the entrance, make sure you've BEEN beforehand.

Please, careful with those steps.

They're very thin. Yeah.

Hang on.

Ooh. These are a bit precarious.

The walkway is only three-feet wide, but over 300-feet high

in some places.

But if you do pluck up the courage, the rewards are worth it.

The one thing that I'm really enjoying is the air.

You don't realise just how polluted everywhere

is until you breathe fresh air.

And it's just the most beautiful...smell and

it's gorgeous.

You just feel as if this is doing you good because it is so pure

up here, and the breath is just breathtaking.

A lot of carbon... What is it?

Carbon dioxide, isn't it?

No.

Oxygen.

OK. Quick history lesson.

They built the original walkway to transport material and workers

between two power stations on either side of the ravine.

When the stations were demolished, the workers left and it

fell into disrepair.

It finally closed to the public in 2000.

You can see how precarious that was.

In 2015, a new path opened, costing five and a half million euros.

Worth it, because it's now a top tourist attraction.

Gosh.

Look at the vertical straits.

I know, it's just like a straight line. Exactly.

But look at the depth.

At the centre of the ravine stands the suspension bridge linking

the two mountains of the El Chorro Gorge,

30-feet higher than Big Ben!

Right. Let's do this bridge, then.

Yes, here we go. OK.

I can't believe something like this exists. I know.

It's amazing.

JANE SQUEALS

Oh, my God.

Word of advice - don't look down!

Unbelievable, isn't it?

It's just amazing.

To stand on this bridge

like this in the middle of these amazing mountains...

..is quite spectacular.

Yay!

I actually did it!

I can't think of a more fitting end to an unforgettable adventure.

What a trip! This has been amazing.

I've been to all these places so many times. I've been to Italy,

France, Spain, but the Mediterranean Riviera has been a trip

of a lifetime. I've seen places that I never even knew existed.

It's been phenomenal.

And what's more,

I've been able to brush up on my foreign languages.

SINGING IN SPANISH

# Oh, oh, oh, oh

# Let's fly way up to the clouds

# Away from the maddening crowds

# We can sing in the glow of a star that I know of

# Where lovers enjoy peace of mind

# Let us leave the confusion and all the delusion behind

# Just like birds of a feather A rainbow together we'll find

SINGS IN SPANISH

# Oh, oh, oh, oh

# No wonder my happy heart sings

# Your love has given me wings... #

SINGS IN SPANISH

Don't forget - a stranger is just a friend you haven't made yet...

No, a friend is just a stranger you haven't met... Oh.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media