Original subtitles

I'm Jane McDonald and I'm cruising the world. Do you want to come?

After half a lifetime at sea,

I've lost count of the number of ships I've been on.

Cooee!

But I'm definitely in good company.

With two million Brits setting sail each year, this type of break

is more popular than ever.

CORK POPS

Do you know, I love that sound, don't you?

Fancy a cruise yourself?

In this series, I am sampling just a few of those on offer.

We're going on us holidays!

I'll be exploring the magic of Oz...

Ow!

..where they know how to welcome us Poms.

It's a love bite, I promise. No, it's not.

It is.

I'll visit the terrific South Pacific,

with its smoky water and one very uneasy rider...

Argh!

..and tour the Monte Carlo of South America.

I'm in a millionaires' playground. Let me play!

Argh!

You can never get tired of cruising.

There's just so many things to see...

That's pretty special, isn't it? That's pretty special.

How are you doing?

..so many people to meet...

Wait till I tell my mam. Yeah, ring your mum.

..so much to eat...

I like me meat. So, I'm going for it.

..and even more to drink.

Fantastic.

This time, I'm journeying to the bottom of the world...

Oh, my God, look at this. Look at this.

Oh, wow!

..living la vida loca down in South America.

Fantastic.

This super ship will be taking me round 7,000 miles

of stunning coastline.

I'll drink to that.

Whisky glacier. Cheers.

On the way, I'll pick up a penguin...

..practise me hottest moves...

It is a little bit, sort of, you know...sexy.

..and me best chat-up lines.

Oh, that's a big piece of meat.

Let's go and be naughty.

I take in the sights and sounds of Buenos Aires.

Why is he naked? The general is the one who is on the horse, yes?

Easy mistake!

..marvel at the Welsh wonder of Gaiman...

Oh, wow. Look at this!

..taste some barbecue delights, gaucho-style...

This is our beef. I love Uruguay!

..and move like a Montevideo girl.

19 days of Hispanic heaven.

Woohoo! Come on!

Well, hello, hello, Valparaiso,

sixth-largest city in Chile, and so-called Jewel of the Pacific.

It is one of the country's architectural gems.

A riot of colour, cobbled streets and clifftop homes.

I'd love to explore them all, but my ship is setting sail

in about two hours, so with just one city tour to choose,

I've gone and booked Street Art.

I mean, it just sounded so, you know, street.

Al? Jane?

Ah, hello, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Can I call you Al? Of course. Marvellous.

Well, come with me. OK.

Now, I know what you're probably thinking.

"Jane, why have you spent money to go and see a load of old graffiti?"

But trust me, the street art here is something else.

Do you want me to go on this? I mean, that is really steep.

To find the very best of it, you need to head for the hills.

And the easiest way to get there

is in one of the city's famous funiculars.

OK, oh! Oh, my God.

This boneshaker is around 100 years old.

So, no wonder it's a bit slow getting up.

But the views at the top of the hill are spectacular.

Just don't forget your jumper.

Can I just get one thing straight?

Yeah. This is supposed to be the height of summer. Yes.

It's chilly in Chile. Yes. What's going on?

I don't know. Very, very different summer.

It doesn't matter, though. We're still having a good time, Al.

Come on, show me your sights.

When the Spanish settled here 500 years ago,

they named it Valparaiso, meaning Valley of Paradise.

Today, it is a paradise for anyone with a pot of paint, a brush

or a spray can.

So, people actually make a trip here to paint on the walls?

Many do, yeah.

They come from all over the world, because they know

Valparaiso has this thing where, if you knock on somebody's door,

they will give you permission to paint the place.

So, as long as you get permission, you are allowed to spray...?

Yes. It feels naughty to go..."Zhhh!"

But I might feel like I want to be naughty, Al.

Let's go, then. Yeah. Let's do it.

Let's go and be naughty.

This is Al's mate, Pablo, the Picasso of street art.

And a man who is full of surprises.

Oh, my God, that's me. Wow.

Get me roots done, that's good, yeah. I can't believe that.

All of a sudden, I'm really liking it.

I'm really liking this art stuff now. This is great.

That's pretty good, that's pretty good. Look at that, that's me!

The best thing about this tour is that you get to be hands-on.

First, you got to shake the can.

OK, I'm shaking. Shake the can.

Move over, Banksy.

This bit, yeah?

I can't see the likeness yet.

We've got a coach trip. We are a tourist attraction.

OK, this is where magic happens.

Magic is going to happen, magic is going to happen.

It has to.

I'm very nervous about this because we're just covering it all in black paint.

Woohoo!

Tell me when. All right, ready for the big reveal?

We are revealing. Woohoo!

APPLAUSE

I'm telling you what an honour it is to have myself immortalised

on this wall, thank you.

It's been my pleasure to meet you. Thank you and thank you. Gracias.

Thank you once again. Right, I'm on the run, I'm off, Bye!

I see no ships.

Actually, there's one with my name on it.

Oh, OK, not literally, but whatever!

I can't wait to get on board.

Now, deep breath...

By heck, that's good for your thighs!

We're on, we're on.

That's a lot of steps!

Luckily, I've got plenty of time to get my breath back.

From Valparaiso, we're going to be sailing south

along the coast of Chile to the glacier of San Rafael

before reaching the outback town of Punta Arenas.

From there, it's on to a home from home - the Falklands.

And finally, I will be stopping off in Argentina,

home of the T-bone and the tango.

Oh, I'm here!

Look.

Look...

Are you ready?

Come in. I'm too excited.

Oh, my God, I've got a corridor!

I've got a corridor, I've got a corridor.

Come on.

That's a classy net curtain.

I like a classy net.

There are only suites on board. Every suite has an ocean view,

and, let's face it, that's what it's all about - the sea.

Oh, Jacuzzi, I've got a Jacuzzi.

Wow.

Look, walk-in closets. Look, look...

..walk-in closets.

His and hers, but for this trip, hers, hers, mine.

SHE LAUGHS

Pillow menu?

Oh, gosh.

Body pillow. So, if you're missing someone at home,

you can get a big...

..pillow...

..to cuddle.

Which is not a bad thing, is it?

19 days on board ahead of me, eh?

I think I'll manage!

I can't believe the sun has come out on the sail away.

Finally, we're leaving port.

I've been able to peel my jacket off and take me vest off.

I'm very excited about that.

So, it's adios, Valparaiso. I've loved every minute.

But I'll be glad to see the rest of Chile.

Bon voyage!

Coming up, the icewoman cometh...

Oh, my God, look at this. Look at this!

Oh, wow!

Whisky glacier.

Cheers.

If you like, we can take the whole glacier back to the ship for you.

Perfect!

I want to live here. This is nice.

Wow.

And birds of a feather baffle me together.

I can see that is a couple of swans. Or is it ducks? I don't know.

Oh, good morning!

The sun is shining. There's blue skies.

I've still got me vest, though, cos you just never know

when it's going to get chilly in Chile again.

Welcome back on board my Latin America cruise adventure.

We've left Valparaiso behind and are now sailing south along

the Chilean coast towards Castro.

Do you know, it's day three and I haven't even had a proper look round yet.

So, I'm gonna take you with me, on this camera on a stick,

and we're going to explore. Here we go.

Nice little spiral number. Where does this take us?

I haven't seen this bit before.

This seems to be the hub, where everybody meets,

at the back of the ship.

Hello, can I join you? Yeah.

Hello, love.

I always catch your programme. Thank you.

It's usually quite funny. It doesn't mean to be funny, Philip,

it's just the way...

..it's filmed.

So, what are you going to look for in Castro?

Well, do you know, I don't know.

But I'm really interested to see these gaily painted houses

that stick out over the sea. Yeah.

There's lots of quirky architecture..

There is, isn't there? Everything is built from wood, apparently.

So, have a lovely day in Castro.

I don't really fancy a tour today,

so I'm going to let Philip crack on

while I continue looking round the ship.

I mean, just look at this.

Go up on top deck.

Apparently, a lot of people walk around the decks

just to get fit a little bit.

Hello. Hi, how are you doing? Good to see you.

How many laps have you done so far?

Three and a half. Three and a half? How many...?

I've got to do ten. Seven and a half to go.

No, six and a half. Six and a half,

and then I can sit on the sunbed and relax. Have a drink? Yeah!

LAUGHTER Another one.

Thanks ever so much. See you later. Bye.

Aw...

You see, that's really what I should be doing - ten times round,

morning and night.

I'd rather lie.

While I have been sunning myself, Philip has had a lovely time

in Castro, by all accounts.

These are the famous palafitos,

or painted houses on stilts, to you and Philip.

They are perfect for fishermen,

who sit by the back door dangling their rods.

And if the tide gets too high, they call for a "minger"...

Leave it!

That's where they round up the neighbours,

who help shift the cabins to somewhere a little drier.

THEY SHOUT

As the sun sets, we continue our journey south.

And while the sun is away, the passengers come out to play.

OK, it's not exactly Club 18-30 crowd but we still know how to move.

For an hour or two, at least!

Oh, by the way, I know what you are thinking.

I haven't got a new boyfriend or anything. I was missing Ed,

so I've ordered a body pillow, so...

Goodnight, everyone.

Oh, goodnight, Ed, darling.

OK, the weather has been a bit parky so far,

but now, as we venture into Patagonia,

on South America's southernmost tip,

it is getting really cold.

The winds here can cut you in two.

But the sights are incredible.

Look at that, there's a shipwreck just there.

My biggest worry right now

is that this ship is getting very close

to where that one has sank.

Wow, look at that, though.

We steam on to our next stop,

where I have to change vessels

in order to see

another spectacular sight.

So, we are on the catamaran.

And this is one of the highlights of Patagonia.

So we are off to see San Rafael glacier this morning.

This is the only way to see the glacier -

unless you fancy a very cold swim.

Oh, hiya!

Are you all right? Great. Good.

Look at that ice, look at that.

I mean, that's a big chunk, isn't it?

Hello, Jane. I've always wanted to meet you. Have you? Yes.

You've cost my husband lots of money.

Oh, dear. Why have I cost you so much money, then?

It's your fault we're on this cruise.

LAUGHTER Never cruised before. Wow.

30th wedding anniversary, and we just thought, "This is it."

This is it. Congratulations. Thank you very much.

Are you having a good time? Wonderful time. Oh, I'm so pleased.

Fabulous. And now you've met me.

Well, this is it. That's the highlight. The icing on the cake.

LAUGHTER

Just an hour after boarding the catamaran, the sight we have

all been waiting for.

Oh, my God, look at this, look at this!

Oh, wow!

San Rafael glacier is part

of the Northern Patagonian Icefield,

which covers 1,620 square miles.

Much more excitingly, it's blue!

That's caused by compression of the older, lower layers

by the newer, upper layers.

You're welcome!

This was worth the trip, wasn't it?

Just for this alone!

Just look...

..at the view.

I've just got one question really.

How old are we talking for the blue ice?

Approximately, the blue ice is around 20,000 years.

20,000 years? Yes.

So, you don't want any of that in your gin and tonic,

I'm telling you that.

But in a glass with whisky, you would. Really?

It is a tradition to have whisky with that ice.

Really? But is it...taste not good?

If you're lucky, it will taste nothing but whisky,

but sometimes you can get a little bit of salt...

Salty whisky. Salty whisky.

Well, I'm up for it.

You know, I had a feeling this would be my kind of place.

Woohoo!

They're catching ice.

Can I give you that ice?

OK.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh, that's lovely.

If you like, we can take the whole glacier back to the ship

for you! Perfect!

Whisky glacier. Cheers!

That's amazing.

We've now come to the end of our first week

and are travelling through the Strait of Magellan.

This is often used as a gateway to Antarctica.

But we're stopping off in Punta Arenas.

This is the fourth-windiest city in the world,

so to keep my feet on the ground, the ship has helped me book a guide.

Oh, sunshine! Hello!

Ah, Lorenzo! Nice to meet you, welcome.

Nice to see you. Welcome to Punta Arenas.

"Araynas"? Yes.

Is it not "Areenas"?

"Araynas."

That will explain the wind. Take me on your big white van. Yeah.

Come on. Thank you. Hola. Hola!

You can take in the sights with a group, or pay a bit more,

as I have, and splash out on a private tour.

Punta Arenas is one of the southernmost cities in Chile.

Gusts can reach speeds of up to 40mph here.

Jane...

Yeah...?

Welcome to my city. Oh!

See this?

Blown away.

Yes, Patagonian wind.

If I make it there in one piece, I'm gonna get to wander around

one of the most popular tourist attractions here.

Museo Del Recuerdo tells the story of the first settlers to arrive

in Punta Arenas.

When they established this in 1848,

they said, "OK, we need more people."

And the people from Chile didn't want to come here. It was too cold.

Uh-huh.

But people in Europe are used to it. Yes.

You see, we get everywhere, us Europeans. And we're still coming.

Yes!

The promise of finding a fortune in sheep-rearing and gold

attracted the first European settlers. here.

This museum is packed with European machinery they brought with them.

Well, when I say European... I really mean...British -

as my fellow passengers Jill and Mark have pointed out to me.

Got stuff from Bedford, England.

Can you...l? Oh, my...

That's amazing, isn't it, really?

It's absolutely fantastic.

Come to the bottom end of the world,

the furthest south you can ever get,

and all the steel was made where I come from.

Amazing. Amazing.

I'm so proud of our industry. Absolutely.

If only we'd got it now!

LAUGHTER

See you later! See you later! Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Always learning new things. Yeah.

You can start being a tourist guide.

No, I couldn't. I haven't got your charisma, darling.

Oh, I do like Lorenzo.

It hasn't taken him long to get the measure of me.

I'm going to take you to the palace

of one of the richest people that lived here.

Really? Yeah, want to see it? Yeah!

Let's check it out!

I want to live here. Yeah?

This is nice.

I could live here.

Fantasy world. We love fantasy.

The house once belonged

to the biggest sheep farmer in all of Patagonia.

And judging by the furnishings and art works, that certainly paid well.

Oh, look at this.

This belonged to the father of Pablo Picasso.

Now, listen, I'm not one to cause trouble...

I prefer his dad's painting. I can tell what that is.

In a normal Picasso, I can't work it out.

His dad, I can see that is a couple of swans.

Or is it ducks? I don't know.

Is it swans or ducks?

Well, I've only been here a couple of hours,

but Punta Arenas has made a big impression.

So it's only fair I make one back.

Ahh!

Oh, this is great...

Silicon Valley...

You've got the Netherlands...

I think you know what is coming here, don't you?

There's a very important place to me...

..called Wakefield. Oh.

And it's 13,405km...

Wow!

There you go.

So I'll put it there, right after Silicon Valley.

Just after Silicon Valley.

Great.

Thank you for being so wonderful. You're welcome.

Hello!

Coming up, I spent some quality time with the locals...

HE SPEAKS SPANISH He wants me to drink it.

LAUGHTER

..and the Falkland Island penguins warm my heart.

Teenagers waiting to be fed and they won't leave home.

LAUGHTER

I think that's the world over, isn't it?

Hey up. Hey up.

SHE LAUGHS

I'm ten days into me South American adventure.

I'm still down in Punta Arenas,

and I'm still finding it tough to stay on my feet.

Whoo! Ho-ho-ho!

I've always heard... I've always been told that Chile gives you wind.

I think it's true. It's windy in Chile!

It's my last full day in this country,

and I've got a bit of holiday cash to burn,

so I've asked about one unusual excursion before sailing off.

One of the trips onboard the ship

is to have lunch with a family that you've never met

and find out about the culture

and why they moved here, and, to be honest,

this is so out of my comfort zone because

- I know it's hard to believe this - because I'm quite shy.

But it's a trip, and it's a very popular one

and I thought, "Why not give it a go?"

Oh, it's a nice house.

As they say, nothing ventured and all that.

KNOCKING

I'm halfway round the world, so why not experience some proper culture?

Hello. Hello, Jane! Hello. How are you? Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Welcome home. Thank you. Please, come on in. What a lovely welcome!

This is our kitchen, our nannies.

This is certainly going to be a unique experience. If not unusual.

But as those best fridge magnets say,

"A stranger's just a friend you haven't met yet."

And I'm in good hands,

cos my host Maria does this sort of entertaining all the time.

This is my father. Papi. Alejandro.

This is Jane. Ha-ha! He doesn't speak English at all. That's OK.

I will translate. Alejandro. Hello. Mucho gusto.

Nice to meet you. HE SPEAKS SPANISH

A very nice lady. Good-looking lady. Thank you.

He's very happy. Thank you.

THEY LAUGH We love him.

So, would you like to have a pisco sour? Home-made.

What's a pisco sour? White alcohol... OK.

..with lemon, some sugar.

Bring it on. Pisco sour. Pisco sour.

Si, si. Good, good. OK.

So, salud. Salud. My pleasure to have you here.

Great to see you. Cheers, everyone.

Hoo-hoo! Whoo!

Good? Yeah, that's good. It's strong? Or good?

No, that's good. You can sit, no? Papi gets tired. I bet.

85, love. I would be.

THEY SPEAK SPANISH

Oh, he wants me to drink. THEY LAUGH

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

Right, OK.

He says that the pisco sour is very good to avoid getting sick. Oh.

With the cold. I'll drink to that. THEY LAUGH

I'm not sure that's entirely true, but you know me, any excuse.

Monica, Papi.

SHE SPEAKS SPANISH We're ready to eat.

SHE SPEAKS SPANISH

Oh! Oh!

Oh, wow! Are you OK?

I suppose I should offer some help here.

But after three very large pisco sours and wine,

I'm rooted to my seat.

Terrible, aren't I? Excellent!

Perfect. THEY SPEAK SPANISH

Sit down. Si. Come on! Do you want a drink?

SHE SPEAKS SPANISH

Do you want some wine? Bless you. You're busy.

SHE SPEAKS SPANISH Oh, OK.

He will feed you. OK. Oh, my God, the man's got a knife.

I don't care any more. I'm having a brilliant time.

Oh, that's a big piece of meat. He says you have to try this.

Open, open the... The mouth. Mouth.

Mm! Delicious, isn't it? Mm!

I'm not leaving. I'm staying. Cheers again. Oh, 'ey up.

Now with pisco sour. Pisco sour and wine, pisco sour and wine. OK.

Three different drinks. Salud.

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

He says you should stay, so you can sing for us. Oh.

I don't know where he got that information from. No idea.

He knows. Another one of these, you won't stop me.

Cheers. Cheers. Salud. Salud. Thank you.

Just had the best time in that house with those lovely people.

What an incredible way to end my time in Chile.

I'll never forget the warm hospitality. Or the hangover.

Anyway, a few hours later we're cruising off

and I've been given permission to meet the main man on board...

Captain. How are you, Jane? Very nice to meet you.

Welcome to the bridge.

..and to inspect his equipment.

This is the wheel.

And you can touch it if you want, because it's...

Can I touch your wheel? It's on autopilot so nothing's happening.

You can even turn it. You'll hear a beep.

BEEPS

You see? But nothing's actually happening.

It's just saying you're not controlling it.

But I feel as if I am. It's only a little wheel for such a big ship.

Yeah, it is.

Controlling the wheel really is a job for the professionals -

because we're now on our way to the Falklands

and there's 500 miles of treacherous sea to get through.

I know it's really difficult to dock or visit the Falklands.

Yeah, unfortunately

it's an area that's really affected by the wind,

and strong winds quite often.

So that's the challenge in the Falklands.

I guess that 50% of the time it gets cancelled.

If it's 50/50 normally, what's it going to be tomorrow?

I would stick to 50/50.

No, I will probably say 60/40 that we do it.

OK. I might even push to 65/35. OK. I love a positive captain.

I'm a bit nervous now.

I don't want to come all this way

without seeing the UK's furthest-flung outpost.

Time for bed.

And time to leave the captain and his crew

to do their stuff

across the freezing South Atlantic.

We're here.

We finally got to the Falklands.

It's been choppy, it's been a ride

and it's so near but yet so far.

I wonder if we're going to be able to get on them.

It all depends on the current,

the tide, the weather

and whether the tender will get us across OK.

The weather here can change in minutes,

and winds can reach speeds of 100mph,

making the water too rough to cross.

But this morning there's a window of opportunity,

so the captain has given the all-clear.

Hello, good morning. Whoo!

It's not like that, as everybody predicted it would be.

Saying that, this is only one way.

It might be like that on the way back.

SHE RETCHES

I've always dreamt of visiting the Falklands.

But I never thought I'd actually do it.

I mean, I know it's British and everything,

but it's 8,000 miles away.

Thank you.

I'm on the Falklands! Oh, my goodness me!

I can't even tell you how exciting it is,

because there were so many things against us getting here.

Not many people actually make it onto the Falklands,

so the fact that we have actually done it is amazing!

Come on!

It's like we're in St Ives or somewhere.

I mean, they could be any seaside houses,

except they've got corrugated roofs.

Yeah, corrugated roofs we don't really have. No.

A red telephone box. Oh, gosh! Yeah, there's a telephone box there.

And round the corner there's a double-decker red bus.

You're joking? No. Amazing. Amazing.

JANE SQUEALS I'm excited, Sheila.

I've got to get out more, I know. That's right, go for a walk.

Come on, let's go and explore. Come on. Let's explore. Whoo!

Port Stanley is the capital of the Falkland Islands

and home to just 1,500 people.

It's mind-blowing - so far away from home,

and it just looks like, well, home.

Look, the lupins and everything.

It's just like an English garden, look.

Cos I'll tell you something - my grass needs cutting and all!

SHE LAUGHS

OK, not everything here's like it is at home. Take the local wildlife.

There's over 200 species of birds

and the sort of sea mammals you'll never meet in Skeggy.

Then there's the penguins,

which outnumber the people by 50 to 1.

Nearly 2,000 of them live in the wildlife sanctuary

that I'm visiting today, Bluff Cove.

Right, we're here with t'penguins. It's cold, it's windy.

And if you've got a sense of smell...

..it doesn't smell great.

There's a reason these penguins are so pungent - poop.

Plenty of poop.

Honestly, you come all this way to visit them

and that's how they thank you!

Yep, they definitely stink. It's...

Apparently you can just wander up.

So, don't go past the flags but there's penguins, look.

I'm that close to a penguin.

Look, even they look cold.

Even they're like, "I'm miserable."

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, look at them ones with the yellow bit there.

Wow, they're good-looking penguins, aren't they?

Hello. Hello, Mr Penguin.

They don't speak our language maybe.

Anybody speak Penguin?

That's what I love about this show.

Ask for something and you get it given.

Ah! Hello. Hello, Jane. Kevin.

It's good to meet you. Good to meet you. Good to meet you too.

Thanks for letting us come and... It's absolutely wonderful.

..explore your wonderful place here.

So, why... I have got a question straightaway. No! Yeah.

These penguins don't look as well turned out as these.

These look like they've been in the bathroom an hour this morning, getting ready.

Yes. Well, these are the king penguins. Yeah.

And they are completely different to the gentoo penguins.

And not only that, but the king penguins are mainly the adults.

The chicks belonging to the kings are these very small little bundles.

Underneath. Underneath them.

Whereas most of these penguins here are the gentoo chicks

because the parent birds are at sea, getting the food.

So it's a sort of kindergarten.

Ah. They're teenagers waiting to be fed. I see.

And they won't leave home!

I think that's the world over, isn't it? Yes.

Oh. Hey up. Hey up.

SHE LAUGHS

Seeing how peaceful the Falklands is now,

it's hard to imagine what's gone on here in the past.

Since British immigrants settled on the island 250 years ago,

there's been a dispute over who owns them

- the UK or Argentina,

whose coast is just 212 miles away.

In 1982, the Argentines invaded,

causing a war in which nearly 1,000 people were killed.

Today I'm meeting a few of the men who fought successfully

to keep British culture alive here.

And where better to sample the culture than the pub?

Hello, lads. Hello, Jane.

So, are you back on a bit of a pilgrimage, then?

Yes, all three of us. There's nine of us here altogether. Yeah.

So tell us how you all met. Were you all working together?

I was on HMS Coventry. She was sunk May 25th.

And Kev, sitting here, last time he saw me

was 35 and a half years ago, and I was naked. Really?

I stripped him off and showered him. Cos he was in the sea? Yeah. Wow.

So basically saved your life? Yep, pretty much. Wow.

So you're a bit of a hero, aren't you? Not really, no. Yeah.

No, you don't feel like one? No, no. Not at all.

You know when you hear of the locals talk about how grateful

they are to you guys... Very humbling.

But actually, when I set foot on here today, I was so proud.

I was so proud to be from the UK,

and everybody just speaks so very highly of you.

And if I were you, I'd be back every year.

Well, I salute you. Absolutely salute you. Thank you, Jane.

Thank you. It's just a joy to meet you. It really is. Great guys.

As the sun goes down, I've just

had the best time on the first half of my cruise

around South America.

This continent has blown me away so far.

Woohoo!

I've discovered my wild side on the streets...

Oh, my God! Look at this!

..got goose bumps from a glacier...

Hello! Hello!

..and was incredibly honoured

to share a meal with my new Chilean family.

Thanks to the loud and proud people,

Latin fever has well and truly got a hold of me.

Fantastic!

# Ya, Jane Hey, hey, hey, hey

# Presente! Ha-ha-ha! Hey, hey, hey, hey

# Hey, hey, hey, hey

Here we go!

# Let's get loud

# Turn the music up to hear that sound

# Let's get loud

# Ain't nobody gotta tell you What you gotta do

# If you wanna live your life

# Live it all the way and don't you waste it

# Every feeling, every beat Can be so very sweet

# You gotta taste it

# You gotta do it You gotta do it

# You gotta do it your way

# You gotta prove it You gotta prove it

# You gotta mean what you say You know what you're here for

# You gotta do it Do it

# You gotta do it your way

# You gotta prove it You gotta prove it

# You've got to mean what you say

# Life's a party, make it hot Dance, don't ever stop

# Whatever rhythm

# Every minute, every day Take them all the way

# You gotta live 'em Hey, hey, hey, hey

# Cos I'm gonna live my life

# You gotta do it You gotta do it

# You gotta do it your way

# You gotta prove it You gotta prove it

# You gotta mean what you say You know what you're here for!

# You gotta do it your way

# You gotta prove it You gotta prove it

# You gotta mean what you say

# Let's get loud

# Turn the music up to hear that sound

# Let's get loud

# Ain't nobody gotta tell ya What you gotta do

# No, no. #

Coming up...

Oh, wow, look at this.

I get a Welsh welcome in the hillsides...

Iechyd da. Iechyd da!

Oh, I know that one! Iechyd da!

..and I'll pick up a penguin.

PENGUIN BRAYS

Oh, 'ey up. That's a donkey.

I'm sorry, but that sounds like a donkey to me.

It's now nearly two weeks since I boarded this ship,

but do you know what's even more exciting?

I've got another six days left!

Every room on this ship is a suite.

So, I can have any of these?

Certainly you may have. Yeah?

So, it's been prepared for you.

Oh, thank you! OK.

All right, may I...? Oh, just a...

What are you doing here?

We're going to Puerto Madryn!

It's my day off, innit?

No...

Ah...

What's all this for?

I'm having a bath. A bath?

Oh, it's not just any bath! Come and have a look at this.

SHE GASPS Thank you.

Look! Petals.

I've got petals on the floor.

I've got petals round the bath.

See ya later.

Bye! Bye.

THUMP Oh...!

THEY LAUGH

Don't begrudge me havin' a soak.

It'll give you time to study the schedule.

Now, it's day 14 and we're sailing north

to Puerto Madryn in Argentina,

before reaching the nation's

largest city, Buenos Aires.

From there, it's a short trip east

to Puente Del Este in Uruguay,

before wrapping it all up

in its capital, Montevideo.

OK, no hanging about.

Time to tick off the first place on that list.

Eeeh!

I'm in Argentina!

Ooooh, look at this weather!

Blue skies, beautiful weather.

Gorgeous ship.

Where do we go? What do we do?

Let's go and do summat!

We're only here for one day,

so the ship's found someone to help me make the most of it.

Hi, you must be my guide.

Yes, hello. Hello! Nice to meet you.

How are you?

Really nice to meet you too. I'm Jane.

I'm Paula. Paula.

Yes. Lovely. Come with me! OK, let's go.

There's a lot to cram into this two-part guided tour.

Always a good idea. It saves you the stress of getting lost.

Our first stop is Punto Tombo.

Apparently, its flatlands and nature reserves are stunning.

Oh, I can't wait!

Come on, put your foot down, driver!

Put your foot down.

Mustn't have heard me. Oh, well...

Better settle in for the duration.

We've been on the bus over an hour now,

and we've another 60km to go.

The scenery is...

Well, let's basically say it's the same, wherever we've been.

So, um...

I don't think I'm missing much if I just shut my eyes

for a couple of minutes. I think...

..if you've seen one bush, you've seen 'em all.

Looks a bit like Thelma And Louise, don't it?

Only with Jane and Paula.

Anyway, one more hour gone, and we've arrived!

Punto Tombo's famous for its incredible wildlife,

like whales, dolphins and sea lions.

And then there's these little fellas,

whose relatives I met back in the Falklands.

These are called Megellanic penguins,

and this is the world's largest colony.

They're everywhere along this two-mile stretch of coast,

particularly between September and April,

when it gets especially lively.

Well, come on,

what else is there to do?

Look at this!

Here we are - this is my favourite place.

I can see why.

Look at that penguin! I know, he's like, "Whey, I'm in,"

"I'm in, that's it... I'm in."

And they are funny, the way they walk - look at them!

They have short legs

so when they walk, they waddle.

I've seen myself walk like that a few times.

Yeah, me too! Me too.

SHE LAUGHS

More than a million penguins

arrive here each year.

There aren't quite as many here right now,

but they don't half make a racket.

Hang on, that's not a penguin.

Llamas are really beautiful, they're guanacos.

I came here many times,

and this is the first time that I see guanacos on this beach.

Wow! So, it's a special day for you.

It is a special day!

That's cause the llama's here...

..not me.

Hello, what's up? PENGUIN BRAYS

Oh, 'ey up!

That's a donkey. PENGUIN BRAYS LIKE A DONKEY

I'm sorry, but that sounds like a donkey to me!

What's that?

Is it you making all t'noise?

PENGUIN BRAYS

I love you, too, darling.

But I've got to run.

I'm really, really, pleased I came because it's breathtaking.

The beaches, the views,

all the animals that we've seen here today -

it's just been extraordinary, it really has.

Also, the fact that I saw llamas stood with penguins today.

Phew! Apparently, that never happens!

So, sometimes you just turn up on a day

and you see something extra special.

And today was one of those days,

and I feel very lucky.

I could murder a chocolate biscuit, though.

Believe it or not,

the largest Welsh settlement outside of...

..well, Wales, is right here -

in the Patagonian region of Argentina,

and it's called Gaiman.

OK, Jane. Yeah?

This is a little bit of Wales in Patagonia, Argentina. Oh!

It's exact!

Oh, wow, look at this!

This is the first house that was built in Gaiman by David Roberts.

And here, we will find some of the things that the Welsh

brought into the Mimosa -

that was the first boat trip that came to Patagonia.

It's really weird to see a Welsh house in Argentina.

It just is... It doesn't fit.

This community was built from the ground up,

when a small group of Welsh immigrants settled here

over 150 ago.

But it wasn't easy for them.

Instead of the fertile land they were expecting,

they were faced with a desolate, windswept place.

Still didn't stop 'em, though.

They're not daft, you know, the Welsh.

They were very clever. They were very clever.

Yeah, find fresh water and you can live forever.

What a good idea!

As well as irrigating land,

fresh water has a much more important function.

I think Paula's read me mind...

Tell me, would you like to have a nice tea? A nice Welsh tea?

Oh, I would, love.

I would absolutely.

Oooh, can smell it already.

It does smell very nice. Yeah!

Come here. Oh, wow, look at this!

Look at this...

All this Welsh cake.

Do you want some tea? So, do you like it?

Love it, yeah. SHE LAUGHS

We're going to listen to a nice choir. They sing in Welsh...

Welsh choir? ..and in Spanish. Welsh and in Spanish. OK!

# Mae hiraeth arna' i am y wlad... #

I can tell that they're all from Welsh descendants,

because they're all amazing singers.

And the Welsh are probably the best singers in the world,

let's be honest.

# Lle mae torfeydd di-ri... #

What a lovely thing, to come over here in the middle of Argentina...

# Yn canu'r... #

..and I'm in a Welsh teahouse,

listening to a Welsh choir.

# Anthem ddyddiau'u hoes

# Am angau Calfari. #

APPLAUSE Whoo!

The communities kept the Welsh language alive.

Around 5,000 of them speak in their native tongue,

including our waitress.

Croeso, in Welsh, to our teahouse.

Oh, say that again! Croeso. Croeso.

Croeso, yeah. Croeso.

The name of teahouse is Ty Gwyn. Ty Gwyn.

It's "white house".

Everything is home-made by my grandmother.

I've got to try the Welsh cake. Welsh cake.

In Wales, they call it bara brith.

Ooh, that's good. You like it? That is good.

Mmm. Thank you!

Iechyd da!

Iechyd da. Oh, I know that one!

Iechyd da! Da iawn! Yeah!

Da iawn is "very good".

OK, ta-ra! Ta-ra, love! SHE LAUGHS

Ta-ra! I love that.

Coming up...

It's a big one.

I take in Buenos Aires' most impressive sights.

It's lovely, innit?

Ooh, sorry.

And I get myself tied up in knots.

I've lost it. I've got my legs too crossed!

I'm on the other side of the world.

continuing my 7,000-mile South American adventure.

The sun's setting on our second week.

Overnight, we're travelling 650 miles north

towards the bustling Argentine capital, Buenos Aires.

It'll take us a full day and night to actually get there,

but it's all right, I'm in no rush.

Morning.

Well, there's all sorts to do on here.

"Morning..."

Is that right, drinking a martini?!

THEY LAUGH

I'm taking a bit of an onboard tour, and I know just the place to start.

Well, Jane, welcome to the main galley.

Whoa! Here, my crew of about 62 chefs

prepare about 4,500 plates of food a day. Oh!

I think I'm eating half of them. HE LAUGHS

I really do.

Well, you know what we say,

you join as passenger, you leave as cargo.

You're damn right there. So, that's the idea.

Now, everything is made fresh on here, isn't it?

There's nothing pre-done? We make everything,

handmade, on this ship, on the day, fresh.

Wow. Yes, absolutely.

So, that's why it tastes so good!

All the bread, all the cheese straws, everything. Indeed.

Let me introduce you to Chef Merson. He's our pastry chef on board.

Merson, this is Jane. Hi!

She would like to know about these... Nice to meet you!

..Patagonian Welsh cakes. Enjoy, have fun.

I will! Oh, are you leaving us? Yes, indeed!

OK, Philip. Bye! Bye-bye!

So, Welsh cakes...

Yes.

Inspired by my trip to Gaiman,

I'm going to see how traditional Welsh cakes are made.

Ready?

Mix together egg,

flour, baking powder,

butter, sugar, currants,

and a drop of milk.

Domestic goddess, eh?

I can't even put a bowl... SHE LAUGHS

I can't even get the bowl into the mixer!

But I am handy with a rolling pin.

Ah, yeah. I can do this bit.

So, you can start. Start to cook.

Yes.

At home, I do no cooking.

Nothing. Why?

You just can't be good at everything, you know?

That's OK - let me cook for you at home!

OK! SHE LAUGHS

All right.

Well, that's the icing on the Welsh cake.

I love... You go camping? Camping?

Yes. You have a hot rock, you can do that.

Darling, I don't camp.

There's only five stars,

and they're not the ones I'm looking at.

Is it done? Oh!

Go from that angle, then it looks like it hasn't broken.

Mmm! It's good?

That's not bad!

Bet Mary Berry's shaking with fear now.

THEY LAUGH

Right, evening's approaching, and a very special evening at that.

I've been invited on to the captain's table for dinner.

So, I'd better make an effort!

So, this is your little home, is it? It is indeed.

Yeah! This is where they keep you all the time, locked up.

Yep, this is where the magic happens. Yeah...

Trust me, you'll need more than a magic wand.

THEY LAUGH

I don't know why he's laughing...

Poor lad's got his work cut out today.

Ooh, captain's table, James!

Lucky you. I know!

Feeling right...right posh.

You want to look your very best,

so you can never get into the salon, can you, on, uh...?

It's always busy. Always. Always busy.

In fact, most people now do it online

before they actually even get on the ship,

about a month before - to guarantee that you get, when you want,

a hairdresser or, you know, a spa treatment,

or a restaurant that you want to do.

Then book it online before you come on.

Well, that was worth it. He really is a magician!

I like a bit of a zhuzh.

HE LAUGHS

Aw, cheers, love. Can I have a hug?

Course you can. Aw, bless ya.

That's a little hug from the UK for ya.

HE LAUGHS Thank you!

I don't scrub up too bad...

..for a 32-year-old.

SHE LAUGHS

Quite nervous.

There are just two formal evenings on this cruise

where you can really dress to impress.

There's not a flip-flop in sight.

Oh, look at this lovely table!

Hello! Oh, bless you, you didn't need to stand! Thank you.

I'm not used to gentlemen. THEY LAUGH

Hello! Good evening. Please, please, please.

Don't get up, don't get up!

Very, very nice to see you. Likewise.

You're my date tonight.

I am, I am. Fantastic!

Don't tell my wife! No, I won't. THEY LAUGH

Don't tell my husband!

What happens at sea... ALL: Stays at sea!

All right. Salute. Cheers. Salute. Salute.

Very excellent, absolutely perfect wine.

You like Italian wine? I do.

That's why I always like to come on the captain's table, I'll be honest.

Because the wines are exceptional.

Thank you. Oh, wow!

Oh, look at this.

Has anybody been to Buenos Aires? No. No.

So we're all virgin Buenos Aires people.

I've been there, but many years ago. It was great.

We're only docking in the Argentine capital for a couple of days,

and I want to make the most of it.

So, as nice as the meal and the company is,

I am getting tucked up for the night.

I know there's an awful lot to see in Buenos Aires.

Apparently it's very passionate, very colourful, very busy,

and, because of that, I've hired a guide tomorrow

to sort of whiz me round the city.

And thanks to the guide, I should see everything I want to see.

It's day 16, and I've got two days' exploring ahead of me here.

A huge, vibrant city,

it's home to nearly three million people,

renowned for passion, for food, football and fancy footwork.

Recognise this fella?

He was a nightclub bouncer right here

before moving on to better things.

Not everyone is as well behaved, though, which is why

it's best to leave your valuables on board once you've docked.

I've beat the pickpockets by leaving my room key in the safe.

Hang on, I might have made a mistake there.

Hi, Jane! Hi.

Nice to meet you! A pleasure.

Yes, to meet you. Oh, good to meet you.

Welcome to the city of Buenos Aires. Thank you!

This monument is our national hero

who fought in the battle of independence

and he got independence in Argentina, in Chile and in Peru.

Why is he naked? Erm, well...

In fact, the general is the one who is on the horse.

Oh, he's on the top. I see.

This is an allegory. Easy mistake.

Can you show me some more? Yeah, yeah, let's go.

As we head south towards the historic neighbourhood of La Boca,

I'm really getting a sense of the city's incredible energy.

So this is really vibrant, this place, isn't it?

Yes, really it's amazing

and it's one of the most important places in Buenos Aires.

Because the tango was born in this area. Really? Yes.

If you look at this building on the first floor,

here was the first brothel of the city.

Brothel? The brothel.

Some customers were with the ladies, yes, in the rooms,

and there were some other customers in a room waiting,

so the madam used to play the music

and as the men didn't have ladies to dance with, because the ladies

were busy working, they used to dance among each other.

That's where it all began. It was a prelude to sex. Yes. Yes. The tango.

Fan... Fantastic!

Now we are heading to Caminito street.

It's the most important street in the city of Buenos Aires. Ah-ha.

Just hang on. Can you hear the music? Oh, yes.

That is tango music, yeah. Makes you want to dance. That's great.

One of the most famous tangos are called Caminito. Caminito.

And this is Caminito street.

I would say it is the most famous street in Buenos Aires. Really?

And it's tiny.

And here you breathe an air of tango, which is

the passion of most of the Argentinians.

So passion is a big thing in this part of Buenos Aires. Yeah.

People are really passionate.

Clearly!

THEY CLAP Whoo! Bravo! Bravo, bravo!

Yeah, it is a little bit sort of, you know...

..sexy.

I don't know what's come over me.

Maybe it's Latin fever.

But I really fancy a go now. Watch out, here I come.

Somebody right in the door! SHE LAUGHS

In Buenos Aires you can't move

without tripping over a tango school,

especially with my two left feet,

so I'm hoping this dance class can help me out.

WOMAN COUNTS IN SPANISH

Oh. Sorry. Sorry.

Forward, forward, collect...

Good start, that, wasn't it? Are you ready to do it? Partners?

We could give it a try? Oh, yeah, please. Yeah.

What's your name? Tim. Tim, I'm Jane.

Right, so you've done this before, yeah? No? A little bit. Oops, sorry.

Steady. I'm terrible at this.

One, two, three, four... Three, four...

Hm, not exactly bringing sexy back, am I?

Cross.

I've lost it. I've got my legs too crossed.

THEY LAUGH

I think it's safe to say you won't be seeing me on Strictly any time soon.

Bueno. Muy bien.

I don't think I'll be seeing Tim again, no.

I think he's gone off in disgust, to be honest.

Um, but I tried my best.

Hello. You all right? I could hear an English accent. Yes.

You're looking a bit lost. Where are you trying to find?

Oh, this is Andrea, the guide. Hi, nice to see you.

Where are you trying to find?

You are looking for a place to go? Yeah.

It always comes in handy when you've got somebody who knows.

Down the street, go across the street

and this is the monument of tower.

Where are you from? Yorkshire. We're from Yorkshire.

Yorkshire!

Just arrived today. I hope you have a lovely time.

Really nice to meet you.

We usually see you on stage.

Oh, bless you for that. These people know who I am.

Did you get that? They've seen me in concert.

See, I told you I were famous. THEY LAUGH

See you later, boys. Bye. Bye, love.

There is music everywhere you go in this fantastic city...

..but nowhere more so than my next stop.

We have one of the nicest architectural buildings in the city,

which is this one - look at this.

This is our opera house.

Teatro Colon is one of the finest opera houses in the world,

with acoustics to match.

I'm not surprised with a name like that.

When Pavarotti was singing here, some reporters asked him

what was his opinion about the theatre, and he said,

"Well, I don't like it at all because the acoustic is so perfect,

"that if I made any single mistake, everybody will notice that."

I'd best not play here, then.

Before I head back to the ship, I've got just enough time

to wander down the widest street in the world -

Avenida Nueve de Julio.

Now there's a mouthful!

This is the landmark of the city, this is our obelisk, yeah?

Obelisk? Obelisk.

Erected in 1936,

this Modernist giant

has become Buenos Aires' most famous monument.

It's lovely, innit?

Really, the landmark of the city.

And, at over 220 feet tall,

it towers proudly above its smaller neighbours.

It's a big one.

Do you know, looking up at that's given me a stiff neck.

I wonder if my butler does massage.

Hello. I want to be in the movies.

You are in the movies, my darling. How are you? Oh, I'm good.

How are you? Oh, lovely to meet you.

What kind of a movie is this? It's not a dirty movie, is it?

No. Well, not yet. THEY LAUGH

Well, we could...

If I had the energy, love. If I had the energy.

Oh, if you did, yes.

Oh, I've got enough for both of us.

Have you really?!

Are you here on your own?

Oh, no, no, my wife is with me. Oh, really?

All right. All the best, my lovely. You too.

Bye.

See? He brought his wife.

Could've been my next husband.

Coming up...

The woman who inspired one of the world's greatest musicals.

I feel as if I need to just...

And I feel flush in Uruguay.

I'm in a millionaires' playground - let me play!

It's day 17, and my second day in Buenos Aires,

the final stop in Argentina before I continue on

my epic journey around South America.

Hi, Jane. Hi. How are you?

Now, I love musicals,

so you wouldn't expect me to come here

without referring to one of THE greatest musicals ever -

Cats.

Only kidding! It is, of course, Evita,

based on the life of Argentina's one-time First Lady, Eva Peron.

Great story and all, but what was the reality, Andrea?

Lots of things written about Peron.

Yeah.

About Eva, we have a film, we have a musical comedy.

Is it true?

No! No, no. Nothing?

Nothing is true, everything is fiction.

Even... She had never sang.

You're joking! No, no. It's true.

Eva Peron never sang! It's all lies!

Blimey, Madonna will be gutted.

Still love the movie, though, as well as the stage show.

Tell us about her early years.

Well, Evita was born in a place called Los Toldos.

It was a small town, very poor place.

But then when she became adolescent,

she was about 14 years old, she wanted to be an actress.

Really? An actress.

It was not easy to be an actress in the 1930s, yes?

From an early age, ambitious, knew where she wanted to be.

She had a target in life, she wanted to be known,

she wanted to have her career,

and she has great determination, and she got it, really. Yeah.

Young Eva Duarte did achieve her dream of becoming an actress,

but after her debut in 1937

her movie career was hardly a rip-roaring success.

But then she met Juan Peron, a politician who was twice her age.

Because of her background, the rich called her a gold digger,

but Argentina's poor adored her...

..so much so, she helped her husband win the election.

And it was here, from the Presidential Palace,

that she delivered some of her most powerful speeches.

That's the original balcony?

Yeah, if you see, it's the one that has the grey shutters.

Yes? Yeah.

All people were gathered in this square.

So she appeared there, giving wonderful speeches.

She was very charismatic.

So everybody preferred her to speak, rather than him,

and obviously he always accepted that she gave the speech

because he was much more powerful.

So when the film, you know, the film of Evita,

with Madonna, did they film it here?

Yeah, they used this balcony,

which is the authentic balcony of the house.

I just want to say,

when Madonna did the film they had all the traffic stopped.

Obviously, you can see, I'm not Madonna.

At the height of her popularity, Eva was diagnosed with cancer,

and later passed away at just 33 years old.

Still such a young woman.

So there's nowhere more appropriate to finish my tour

than at her final resting place, Recoleta Cemetery.

Oh, it's like a street.

Yeah, really, it's a unique place

and there are about 4,000 mausoleums.

4,000? 4,000.

Known as the City of the Dead, the cemetery spans over 14 acres.

It's free entry

and one of the top ten tourist attractions in Buenos Aires.

Ah, this is Familia Duarte, yeah?

I've noticed there's flowers on this one.

Well, in fact, flowers are not allowed in the cemetery, but...

Really? Yeah, but it is the tourists who put some flowers,

poems and rosaries.

It's strange. I don't know how I feel. It's...

Moving?

Yeah, it's moving. It's very, very moving to learn about Evita

and know a bit more about her.

The idea is just to learn about her life, and you will understand

why she became so popular all over the world.

This is very important, yes?

I feel as if I need to just...

Rest in peace, little Eva.

Aw.

You know, when we say the word cemetery and graveyards,

we all think of scary things and ghosts.

But this hasn't got that feel at all.

It's peaceful and it's respectful...

..and it's beautiful.

What a way to end my time in Buenos Aires,

at the resting place of a legend.

And now it's over, we're saying adios to Argentina

and travelling just under 200 miles east.

Our destination - Uruguay,

the country with the world's longest national anthem -

there's one for the pub quiz.

Our first port of call is Punta Del Este,

a very glitzy resort on the south coast.

Now, it's known as the Monte Carlo of South America,

so I might just pick something up on board to help me fit in.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

On here, they sell very expensive jewellery.

Very expensive jewellery.

Hi.

Oh, you're here, honey. SHE LAUGHS

Get that for her. For me? Yes.

Oh, darling, thank you.

I'm so glad you got here.

Yeah? Yeah.

So for a mere $50,000 I can put that baby on your finger.

I wouldn't mind at all, my lovely.

Well, OK.

Let me check with my wife first.

Yeah, I think you should maybe do that.

OK. Yeah.

But thank you for the...even thought of it. Well, it was a thought.

All right. OK, well, I think I'm just going to go have a sandwich.

Yeah, that's a bit cheaper. Oh, my God.

SHE LAUGHS

Thank you.

Oh, bless. 50,000 quid for a ring!

Mind you, it's great.

Are these all, like, really expensive pieces? Yes.

So this is definitely for people with a lot of money.

I can't say that, you never know. Yeah, yeah.

I have no idea why I'm here!

And we have a special ring called the sugarloaf cabochon.

Sugarloaf cab... Cabbage what?

Cabochon.

Oh, the cabochon. Not a cabbage.

Yeah, that's the emerald, that's one of the best,

my favourite pieces, I can say. Wow.

Can I try it on? Yeah, that's fine.

I can't believe you're going to let me try it on.

It probably won't fit anyway.

No, thankfully it doesn't.

Aw, yes, it does!

Oh, my gosh, it won't come off.

It just won't come off.

I think it will.

That is stunning.

Ed, you know when I buy something every cruise

and I sort of admit it to you,

this could be the purchase of the cruise.

How much is that? $126,000.

$126,000.

WHISPERS: Maybe not that.

Don't worry, darling, the house is safe.

It's day 18, and I'm off the ship, on my way to Punta Del Este.

The dock's too small for our ship,

so we've had to board a smaller vessel.

Well, you can see why

this is one of the most popular resorts in South America.

And after all that cold weather earlier in the trip, I'm happy!

Ah, look at this place!

I'm in the most amazing place I've ever seen on this trip!

It's sun shining, I'm in a millionaires' playground.

Let me play!

I've only got one day here, and there's loads you can do -

eat and drink,

swim and sunbathe.

Is it that way?

There's even bike tours,

but of course I've forgotten my training wheels.

No, it's not happening. Just get me a taxi.

It's a lot easier.

Oh, come on, I like riding as much as the next girl,

but never with a high-vis on.

So let's go somewhere else instead.

And to show me the best of Uruguayan cuisine, I'm meeting Mersa,

a local lady who's in the know.

Hi! How are you? Good to see you, darling.

Great to see you.

Uruguay is known for producing some of the best steak in the world.

Today I order something special for you. Oh, fantastic.

Local, really local way of beef, and it's called asado.

Asado is the traditional method of cooking meat over hot coals.

In Uruguay, they use eucalyptus wood to give it a unique flavour.

My mouth's watering already.

Well, I don't have to do anything, just put my...

I'll just put my napkin on and eat.

I love my life.

Now, to show off my wine-tasting skills with a local vino tinto.

That smells good.

That's red wine, to those not in the know.

OK.

Good legs.

Ooh, that smells good.

It is.

Ooh!

Where's this been hiding!

Uruguay wine... Very good.

..is sensational. Can I get this in the United Kingdom?

Yes. Yes?

Tannat is really good and healthy.

Oh, healthy! Of course.

One glass of wine is perfect. Is it?

Perfect. Yeah. Just the one?

It depends on the company.

You can share. Oh.

This is our beef. OK.

And this is the classic of the cow - short ribs.

Now, that is a lot of meat.

And I like my meat, so I'm going for it.

Sorry, I'm going in for fries as well.

You shouldn't be filming this!

This is the speciality of Uruguay, with the fantastic wine.

You're not going to eat this every day,

and if you do, stop it.

But once in a lifetime,

you know, come and have a try. It's what you're on holiday for.

Cheers.

I love Uruguay!

Well, that was a carnivore-fest I'll never forget.

Just as well I've had something to wash it down with.

SHE LAUGHS

The beaches on Uruguay's south-eastern peninsula

are breathtaking.

But, as ever, it's the culture I'm here for.

Here in Punto Del Este, there is an artwork of a hand coming out...

I know. Coming out of the hand...

It's the hand...

Should I do that again? Yeah, yeah.

THEY LAUGH

Nothing to do with that last glass of wine,

it's just nerves, that's all.

Anyway, La Mano, or The Hand,

was created to warn swimmers about going in rough seas.

La Mano.

It needs a mano-cure, if you ask me.

Looks a bit, sort of, tacky.

Still, any opportunity for a selfie.

It's blowing a gale here!

It's not the best look I've ever had.

You can't get all the fingers in at the same time, it just doesn't work.

You can only get three fingers at a time,

without a doubt.

You cannot get all five fingers in at the same time.

SHE LAUGHS That's wrong! That's wrong!

Hang on a minute.

I think it's time I got back on the ship.

As for tomorrow,

it's the final day of this incredible cruise.

Last stop, Montevideo.

Let's hope it brightens up by morning.

I'm in Uruguay, about to explore Montevideo,

on the final day of my South American adventure.

This vibrant, colourful capital city

is home to nearly half of the country's population.

Stretching over 12 miles wide,

there's loads of things to see here -

incredible architecture,

theatre and food markets,

all providing an authentic taste of Latin America.

THUNDER RUMBLES LIGHTNING CRACKS

But, as amazing as it sounds,

I'm not going to be experiencing any of that -

the weather has made sure of it.

But you know me - any drink in a storm.

I tasted some gorgeous wine yesterday,

and I thought I'm going to come and see how it's made today.

I've just joined a tour that just so happens to be right up my street.

Come and have a look with me, come and have a drink of wine.

We're on us holidays! Come on.

Bodegas Binoglio is one of the oldest wineries in Uruguay.

It offers tours showing how the wine's made. Interesting.

An all-day tasting - very interesting!

KLAXON BLARES

Sorry! LAUGHTER

That's it! Megaphone...

Welcome to Bodegas Binoglio. I am Alejandra.

You hear Tannat?

Mm. Yes? Very good wine.

Well... Well...

You see?

This is the old machinery for make the wine.

The grapes fall down here.

This is a crushing machine from Padova, Italy. Very, very, old.

This pump brings...the...

..the must for start the fermentation.

Fascinating stuff.

That's the great thing about city stops -

even when the weather's against you,

there's always something interesting to see...

..and taste.

Argentina may be the birthplace of the tango,

but Uruguay has developed its own version

that you can see as part of this tour.

Well, you can't watch something like this and not join in, now, can you?

You been to Uruguay before?

No. No, we've never...either of us been to South America before.

This is only Simon and Janey's second cruise,

but, like me, they're hooked.

So, you love cruising.

We do, rather, actually. Yeah!

I've seen so many people make such great friends on cruises...

Absolutely. ..which is really, really nice.

Lifelong friends.

I tell you the thing I like the most -

not having to keep unpacking and packing and seeing all the places.

It's the travelling bit of travelling that I don't like.

I hear you, I hear you.

Hey up -

she'll catch a chill if she's not careful.

Oh, one for the grandkids!

You come to Uruguay, - sometimes its throwing it down

with rain, like it is today, but when you join something like this,

it's just perfect,

cos everybody's still on holiday,

everybody still making friends,

and everybody's slightly inebriated.

Just as my 19-day cruise comes to an end,

the storm clears,

and I can see now what a beautiful city Montevideo really is.

I didn't know what to expect from this voyage of South America,

and it's been surprise after surprise.

This was worth the trip, wasn't it?

Just for this alone.

I think you can sum it up in one word -

passion.

Everyone I've met has a passion for life,

for culture....

..and for sharing all they have with you.

Iechyd da. Da iawn!

Plus, they make a grand cup of tea - and you can't do better than that.

Ta-ra. Ta-ra, love.

Ta-ra! I love that.

I would never have seen all that if I hadn't have been on this cruise.

So what are you waiting for?

Get those bags of yours packed!

# I don't expect my love affairs

# To last for long

# Never fool myself

# That my dreams will come true

# Being used to trouble

# I anticipate it

# But all the same I hate it

# Wouldn't you?

# So what happens now? Another suitcase in another hall

# So what happens now? Take your picture off another wall

# Where am I going to? You'll get by

# You always have before

# Where am I going to?

# Call in three months' time

# And I'll be fine, I know

# Well, maybe not that fine

# But I'll survive anyhow

# I won't recall the names and places

# Of each sad occasion

# But that's no consolation

# Here and now

# So what happens now? Another suitcase in another hall

# So what happens now? Take your picture off another wall

# Where am I going to? You'll get by

# You always have before

# Where am I going to?

# Don't ask any more. #

What?

Subtitles by Red Bee Media