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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,338 [plaintive guitar playing] 2 00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:14,175 It's hotter than Satan's asshole. I'm building a water park. 3 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:17,600 As much as I love soaking in the soup of my fellow men, 4 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:21,811 I'm afraid there's no room in the budget for a water park, King Merriman. 5 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,733 Water parks pay for themselves! 6 00:00:23,734 --> 00:00:24,857 You hear that? 7 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,398 It'd be irresponsible not to build a water park, Blinkerquartz! 8 00:00:28,403 --> 00:00:31,113 With what money? We'd have to mortgage the castle! 9 00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:34,121 When it comes to mortgages, I know the term "castle default swap" 10 00:00:34,122 --> 00:00:35,326 sounds misleading, but... 11 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:38,407 Sold! Your haircut makes me trust you. 12 00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:41,711 You defaulted on the mortgage, and now the bank owns the castle. 13 00:00:41,712 --> 00:00:43,998 We'll have to slash the military budget. 14 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:47,758 Thank you for selling me all your military surplus. 15 00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:50,586 This better not come back to bite me in the ass. 16 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:54,812 Bandits just stole all the cattle with a shitload of military surplus. 17 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,769 Sorry. This is just a thing I do when I'm nervous. 18 00:00:57,770 --> 00:00:59,806 Okay, no steaks for a while, 19 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,310 but we can use the grazing land to plant grain. 20 00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:05,481 Nobody's gonna starve. I've got this under control. 21 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:11,152 I'll trade you all your grain for these magic beans. 22 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:13,074 - Done. - Holy fucking hell. 23 00:01:13,075 --> 00:01:14,991 Finally. Problem solved. 24 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,201 Now, I've got a date with a lazy river. 25 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:19,245 - [thwacking] - [groans] 26 00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,996 - [groaning continues] - [squeaking] 27 00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:24,208 - Oh, come on! - [Blinkerquartz sighs] 28 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:25,999 I've got you. 29 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:30,549 And that's why I burned down the water park for the insurance money. 30 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:34,507 Was the water park insured? 31 00:01:36,138 --> 00:01:38,468 Fuckin' beans! [groans] 32 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,233 [shattering] 33 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:46,226 [theme music plays] 34 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:51,395 [crowd shouting] 35 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,282 Oh. There you are, beans! 36 00:01:54,283 --> 00:01:56,331 ANGRY VILLAGER FRAN: Oi! You, boy! 37 00:01:56,332 --> 00:01:59,575 Tell the king to suck me balls! 38 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,828 We're starving out here! 39 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,497 Okay. Will do. 40 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,498 Great. Cheers, mate! 41 00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:08,044 Ah, those poor people. 42 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,754 Maybe you're not magic beans, 43 00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:12,255 but at this point we could use some regular beans, too. 44 00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:15,507 I bet all you need is a helping hand to get started. 45 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,638 I believe in you, beans. 46 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,640 SLOANE [whispering] I believe in you, too. 47 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,730 - Beans, is that you? - [Sloane giggling] 48 00:02:23,731 --> 00:02:26,977 - [chicken clucking] - Do you always talk to dirt? 49 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,565 [romantic saxophone music] 50 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,526 [speaking gibbering] 51 00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:33,897 [Sloane giggles] 52 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,816 Chicken soup for dinner again. 53 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,324 - Ah! - [thuds] 54 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,575 Wish the bandits hadn't stolen all our cows. 55 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,495 [romantic music continues] 56 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,496 - [blood gushing] - [splattering] 57 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:48,589 [voice breaking] Hi, I'm Patrick. I'm a squire. 58 00:02:48,590 --> 00:02:50,995 I'm Sloane. I work in the kitchen. 59 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,594 Oh, let me grab that for you. [grunts] 60 00:02:53,595 --> 00:02:55,590 - [spraying] - [sputtering] 61 00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,092 [Patrick groaning] 62 00:02:57,094 --> 00:03:00,054 [spits] So, uh, ah, 63 00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:02,715 do you, uh, behead chickens here often? 64 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,433 Actually, this was my last one. 65 00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:07,022 With the budget cuts, kitchen staff's getting laid off. 66 00:03:07,023 --> 00:03:08,399 I was gonna stay with my aunt, 67 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,977 but her condo burned in that mysterious water park fire. 68 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:15,403 [sucks air through teeth] Oh, no. That's terrible. 69 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,451 Well, maybe now I'll finish my novel. 70 00:03:17,452 --> 00:03:20,326 It's about a depressed kitchen maid who can't feed her family. 71 00:03:20,327 --> 00:03:22,485 Wow. Things are worse than I thought. 72 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:26,622 Oh, yeah. It's a shitshow. I hear squires might be next. 73 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:30,253 But don't listen to me. I'm just a depressed kitchen maid 74 00:03:30,254 --> 00:03:31,802 who can't feed her family. 75 00:03:31,803 --> 00:03:35,915 Oh! The novel's about you. 76 00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,014 ANGRY VILLAGER FRAN: Oi! Haircut! 77 00:03:38,015 --> 00:03:40,636 Stop talking that girl's tits off, 78 00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:43,767 and get busy telling the king to suck me balls! 79 00:03:44,141 --> 00:03:45,979 Sounds like you have a lot to do. 80 00:03:45,980 --> 00:03:47,386 Anyways, too bad I'm leaving. 81 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,774 Would've been nice to get to know you, Patrick. 82 00:03:49,775 --> 00:03:52,356 B-bye, Sloane! 83 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:56,027 Did you hear that, beans? She wishes she could get to know me. 84 00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:59,778 You're right. Maybe I can save her job. I'll talk to the king. 85 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,991 I love you, little buddies. 86 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:04,492 [makes kissing noises, then coughs] 87 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,124 - [sword clanks] - [shimmering] 88 00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:12,129 Your highness, we're late for the morning briefing! 89 00:04:12,130 --> 00:04:14,756 We have much to discuss, and it's all bad. 90 00:04:14,757 --> 00:04:17,005 KING MERRIMAN: Is there cake at the meeting? 91 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,547 We had to cut the cake budget, 92 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,550 which you would know, if you came to the briefing. 93 00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:21,852 KING MERRIMAN: No cake, no king. 94 00:04:21,853 --> 00:04:24,925 You can't hide in there, forever, sire. The people are angry. 95 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,412 - KING MERRIMAN: Wha... What are they saying? - [glass shattering] 96 00:04:27,436 --> 00:04:28,896 [clattering] 97 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:35,149 She's the most beautiful girl I've ever met, Broth. 98 00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:39,487 Who knew someone could look so sexy slitting a chicken's throat? 99 00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:43,368 Oh, boy. A castle smokeshow. I can't wait to lay eyes on this broad. 100 00:04:43,369 --> 00:04:44,867 PATRICK: She's right there. Look! 101 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:49,832 Where? That extremely average potato maid is in the way. 102 00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:52,834 - Hey, lady! Quit blocking the view! - What? 103 00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:56,165 S-shut up. That's her! Isn't she gorgeous? 104 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:59,421 BROTH: Two eyes, a mouth, a nose. I mean, 105 00:04:59,424 --> 00:05:00,804 her face has all the parts. 106 00:05:00,805 --> 00:05:02,677 Aah. I know. 107 00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:05,508 - I can't let her get fired. - BLINKERQUARTZ: Patrick. 108 00:05:05,514 --> 00:05:07,934 Get the king out of his room. He can't hide all day. 109 00:05:07,935 --> 00:05:10,142 Here's some cheese and crackers if you need backup. 110 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,441 Sometimes you have to make a cheese trail and hide around the corner. 111 00:05:13,442 --> 00:05:15,608 KING MERRIMAN: And then I told Blinkerquartz, 112 00:05:15,609 --> 00:05:17,477 "No cake, no king." 113 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,653 [as female doll] You're the cleverest king in all the land. Kiss me! 114 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,870 [as male doll] Now, now, you little starfucker. 115 00:05:22,871 --> 00:05:25,195 [as female doll] Kiss me, or I'll kill myself! 116 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,788 [as male doll] Let's not be hasty. 117 00:05:26,789 --> 00:05:29,705 [as female doll] I'm throwing myself out the window. For love. 118 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:32,496 What the hell? 119 00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:36,957 Merlin's merkin! My beans! 120 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,629 My magic beans! 121 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:42,180 My sustained verbal abuse and plant-shaming worked! 122 00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:49,015 Oh, that's weird. Someone left a trail of snacky food. 123 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,136 Who will eat it? 124 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:53,819 Sire? 125 00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:58,065 What? The beans! [laughs] 126 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:01,236 I... I knew they just needed a little love. 127 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,281 Your maj... Sire! 128 00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:08,868 Be back never, motherfuckers! 129 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,579 Jesus Christ, he's free-soloing the stock. 130 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:14,080 He doesn't have the upper body strength for that. 131 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,626 I've gotta go after him. Or do I? 132 00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:20,417 If he's running away from his problems, maybe I should, too. 133 00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:24,642 But if the king dies, the kingdom's problems might only get worse. 134 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,142 [groans] 135 00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:31,482 [grunting] 136 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,647 - [crowd yelling] - [panting] 137 00:06:35,648 --> 00:06:38,396 - [crowd yelling] - [flames roaring] 138 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:42,398 Oh, God. Come back! The kingdom needs you! 139 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:46,989 Fuck the kingdom. I'm free! My new life starts today! 140 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,830 Where do you think this goes? 141 00:06:48,831 --> 00:06:51,325 I'll climb this baby to the moon! 142 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,158 - [grunts] - [leaf vibrates] 143 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:55,423 - [whooshing] - Whoa! 144 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,299 [grunts] 145 00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,460 - [whooshing] - [thuds] 146 00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:06,175 - [chickens clucking] - CORAL: Meh. 147 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,926 Mom, Dad, we're here for Sunday dinner. 148 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,975 They're at a jigsaw puzzle convention? 149 00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:16,394 Ugh. God, Dad is so whipped. 150 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:19,355 They left us twenty bucks for pizza. Fuck, yeah! 151 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:20,606 - [knocking] - BLARNEY: Hey, man! 152 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:23,607 - Somebody get the door! Ha ha ha ha! - Blarney, what the fuck? 153 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,070 Look what I found on the street! 154 00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,864 A big-ass bean! 155 00:07:27,865 --> 00:07:30,735 Please don't bring your filthy street bean in here. 156 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,792 Aah. Eh, you think it's worth something? 157 00:07:32,793 --> 00:07:34,196 Absolutely not. 158 00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,504 Why is your bean moving? 159 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,291 - [tapping] - [cracking] 160 00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:44,505 - [Beanie squealing] - [all yelling] 161 00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,546 [Patrick huffing and puffing] 162 00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,926 There's nothing up here but clouds. 163 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:51,345 Exactly. No meetings. No debt. 164 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:54,306 No uninsured water parks. [grunts] 165 00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:58,058 - Holy shit! - Sire? Sire! 166 00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:02,232 Are you okay? What... 167 00:08:04,276 --> 00:08:05,736 [Patrick sighs] 168 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,947 It's better than any Blanket Kingdom. 169 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:13,238 Where... Where are we? 170 00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,369 Home. 171 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,370 [ethereal music playing] 172 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,003 ♪ 173 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,464 That rainbow city looks far away. 174 00:08:26,465 --> 00:08:28,125 Patrick, carry me there. 175 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,843 - [thuds] - [Patrick grunts] 176 00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:32,261 Oh. Wait. 177 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,502 - [Wispies chattering] - WISPIE: Look out! Big, big people! 178 00:08:34,526 --> 00:08:37,811 Aah! Big people are attacking! Help! 179 00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:42,772 Easy now, Wispies. Let's not fear the unknown. 180 00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:46,192 Let's welcome these strangers with compassion! 181 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:50,696 Greetings! I am Mayor McCloud of the Wispies. 182 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:54,027 Welcome to the People's Republic of Nimbus! 183 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,914 Well, I'm Patrick, and this is King Merriman. 184 00:08:56,915 --> 00:08:58,662 [all laughing] 185 00:08:58,664 --> 00:09:00,331 Did he say he's a king? 186 00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:04,042 [laughs] We haven't had one of those in centuries! 187 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,634 No king? Then how do you know which one of you is the best? 188 00:09:07,635 --> 00:09:09,549 Well, we're all the best. 189 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,885 I know! We'll explain it in a song! 190 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,646 - No. No, that's, that's... - No, you're good. 191 00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:17,217 - Hit it, Gert! - [upbeat show tune starts] 192 00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:20,476 ♪ This is Nimbus, guys, our town is perfect ♪ 193 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:23,307 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 194 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:26,858 ♪ This is Nimbus, guys, where everything's fair ♪ 195 00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:29,735 ♪ Fair and square ♪ 196 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:32,655 ♪ You get sick and don't pay a dime ♪ 197 00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:35,406 ♪ Trains are clean and run right on time ♪ 198 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:38,579 ♪ Choo choo, Nimbus! ♪ 199 00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,456 [playing horn solo] 200 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,839 ♪ Guaranteed income and fair pay for teachers ♪ 201 00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,721 ♪ Unhappy Wispies are mythical creatures ♪ 202 00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:58,764 ♪ Nimbus ♪ 203 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:02,765 ♪ Oh, gender's a construct which makes us all equals ♪ 204 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,979 ♪ We all pay our taxes and no one's deceitful ♪ 205 00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:11,194 ♪ Nimbus is the happiest place, so put a smile on your face ♪ 206 00:10:11,195 --> 00:10:14,775 [fireworks whistling and popping] 207 00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:19,449 Your town is amazing. You have so many good ideas. 208 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:20,453 I'm not sold. 209 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:24,634 ♪ All we eat is caaaaa... aaaake! ♪ 210 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,916 [munching] 211 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,170 Oh, fuck. Mm. That's good. Mm. 212 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:33,007 We are never leaving. 213 00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:34,928 Seriously, Patrick. Try this. 214 00:10:34,929 --> 00:10:37,507 Our cake scene back home is seriously subpar. 215 00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:40,932 I'm like a blind man seeing color for the first time. 216 00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:43,559 [Beanie wailing] 217 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,480 For the love of God, make it stop! 218 00:10:45,481 --> 00:10:47,396 Coral, go do your thing! 219 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:50,227 - My "thing"? - Your maternal instincts. 220 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,744 I think they're located in the boob area. 221 00:10:52,745 --> 00:10:55,946 Are you kidding me? I hate babies. 222 00:10:55,948 --> 00:10:59,198 Do you know how hard it is to not get pregnant in this day and age? 223 00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:01,911 My high school nickname was "The Comeback Kid." 224 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:04,332 Why don't we just throw it in the river and get some pizza? 225 00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:05,540 - Good plan. - Agreed. 226 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,881 [loud wailing] 227 00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,915 [sighs, then coos] 228 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,261 Damn, that's cute. 229 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:18,094 [stomach growling] 230 00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:20,555 Ah, Beanie's hungry. 231 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:23,099 [all munching] 232 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:26,850 - Wow, we're actually great parents! - [chomping] 233 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:29,484 - [Beanie cooing] - Nah, nah, nah. This is Ruben's pizza. 234 00:11:29,485 --> 00:11:31,899 [Ruben yelling] Get off! 235 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,580 - [pooping loudly] - The fuck... Get... off... 236 00:11:33,604 --> 00:11:35,359 - Get the fuck off of me! - Holy shit! 237 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,071 - [pooping continues] - [both yelling] 238 00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:39,322 - [chomping] - [Patrick chuckling] 239 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,743 Have you taken the tour? 240 00:11:40,744 --> 00:11:44,412 They've got an ethically sourced food co-op, a-a windmill power grid, 241 00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:47,373 free childcare center, and don't even have a word for unemployment. 242 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,667 And they have a vending machine just for cake. 243 00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:50,458 Mm. [chomps] 244 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:54,005 Okay. Sire, this place is a utopia. 245 00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:57,046 These ideas could help us out of our financial crisis back home. 246 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,430 Home? This is my home now, Patrick. 247 00:11:59,431 --> 00:12:01,508 The home with unlimited cake. 248 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,222 I love Nimbus, too. 249 00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:06,980 But we have responsibilities at home. The people need you. 250 00:12:06,981 --> 00:12:09,937 You go be responsible. I'll be right here. 251 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,355 - Cakin'. - Hello! 252 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:15,396 I'm not trying to embarrass anybody, but I must ask. 253 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:19,071 Did one of you have explosive diarrhea in the rainbow river? 254 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,574 - That's not the toilet? - Oh, no. 255 00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:23,865 That's the source of all of our drinking water. 256 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:26,829 Sucks for you. How about topping me off on this cake? 257 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:29,000 And there's another thing, my friend. 258 00:12:29,001 --> 00:12:31,419 You've already eaten a month's worth of cake. 259 00:12:31,420 --> 00:12:32,918 It's meant to be shared. 260 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,379 Shared? [chuckles] But I'm the king. 261 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:39,010 Weren't you listening during the elaborate musical number? 262 00:12:39,011 --> 00:12:42,678 This is a republic. Leaders are elected, and there are strict term limits! 263 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,515 Not anymore. I'm the king now. 264 00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:49,766 - Your king demands cake! - ["cake" echoing] 265 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,320 Rah! 266 00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:55,900 [sighs] This always happens when big people show up. 267 00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,781 Gert! Get the harpoons! 268 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,700 - Woo! - BOTH: Go, go, go! 269 00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:02,657 Come on, you've got this! You can do it! 270 00:13:02,658 --> 00:13:03,448 - Yay! - Yeah! 271 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,950 They grow up so fast. 272 00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:06,622 [Beanie giggling and babbling] 273 00:13:06,623 --> 00:13:09,789 - You're doing it, Beanie! - [Beanie laughing] 274 00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:11,790 - [bike bell dings] - RUBEN: There's our little star! 275 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,710 - Yeah, Beanie! - Holy shit! 276 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,052 - Oh, fuckin' awesome! - [whirling] 277 00:13:18,053 --> 00:13:20,174 [both grunting and groaning] 278 00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:21,795 Untie your king! 279 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:24,472 No, no, no, no. Destruction of property. 280 00:13:24,473 --> 00:13:27,306 Poisoning the water. Excessive frowning. 281 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,177 These are serious crimes. 282 00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:32,814 But why am I under arrest? I was an innocent bystander. 283 00:13:32,815 --> 00:13:35,693 Were you? Bystanding is a felony here. 284 00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:46,405 - This place sucks. Let's go home. - Now you want to go? 285 00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:49,370 You ran away from your problems like a child, 286 00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:54,081 and then when we had the chance to leave, you chose cake, and threw a tantrum. 287 00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:57,253 Destroyed their non-denominational faith space, 288 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,213 and shat in their drinking water. 289 00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:02,762 Hey, maybe I'm not their king, but I'm still your king, 290 00:14:02,763 --> 00:14:04,549 and I command you to get us out of here. 291 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:08,264 I have been trying to help you all day, 292 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:09,805 and you keep ignoring me. 293 00:14:09,808 --> 00:14:12,098 Mm. Who said that? 294 00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:14,312 - [thunder crashes] - Hear that? 295 00:14:14,313 --> 00:14:17,523 You were mean to your king, and now God's gonna kill you. 296 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,483 [thunder crashes] 297 00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:22,114 Look. The beanstalk! It kept growing. 298 00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:25,114 [thunder booming] 299 00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:27,365 No song is gonna fix this. 300 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,577 What is it? What's up there? 301 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,787 Giants! 302 00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:37,126 [laughing] 303 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:40,257 You, there! This monstrosity's blocking my light! 304 00:14:40,258 --> 00:14:41,715 Chop it down! 305 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:46,224 This isn't over. One day I'll get your precious butter. 306 00:14:46,225 --> 00:14:50,348 - [sword clanking] - [chopping] 307 00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:53,229 - [muffled music through headphones] - Beanie, did you clean your room? 308 00:14:53,230 --> 00:14:54,644 [babbling angrily] 309 00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:57,015 Don't talk back to me, you fuckin' gremlin! 310 00:14:57,022 --> 00:14:59,774 - [whimpering] - Oh. I didn't mean it. 311 00:14:59,775 --> 00:15:02,685 [frustrated crying] 312 00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,904 Beanie, I'm sorry! 313 00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,565 It's from Kingstown U. Ready? 314 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:11,911 Beanie... did... not get in! Fuck! 315 00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,412 He takes after you. 316 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,003 [thunder crashes] 317 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:19,634 TYLER THE GIANT: Fee-fi-fo-fum, bitches! 318 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,625 [yelling] 319 00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:25,174 - [thuds] - Ha ha! 320 00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:28,755 [Wispies yelling and chattering] 321 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,346 Spring break! 322 00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:33,097 - [pounding] - [grunting] 323 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:37,270 Uh. I'm done. Let's do some shots! 324 00:15:37,271 --> 00:15:39,689 [gulps] Aah! 325 00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:42,316 Why did you never mention the giants? 326 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,737 TYLER THE GIANT: Show me them Wispie titties! 327 00:15:44,738 --> 00:15:46,816 They've been gone for generations. 328 00:15:46,822 --> 00:15:50,449 In olden times, they enslaved us, but even worse, 329 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,868 they're assholes! 330 00:15:51,869 --> 00:15:55,538 Check out the bling! Wassupppp? 331 00:15:55,539 --> 00:15:58,289 Who wants to get fuckin' faded? 332 00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:00,962 They're always bringing their guitars to parties 333 00:16:00,963 --> 00:16:03,008 and talking about slammin' puss! 334 00:16:03,009 --> 00:16:05,005 And they all seem to be named Tyler. 335 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:07,127 We banished them to the clouds above, 336 00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:10,182 but now your beanstalk has given them a way to return! 337 00:16:10,183 --> 00:16:11,259 [guitar strumming] 338 00:16:11,263 --> 00:16:13,973 Oh, he's got his guitar out! 339 00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:17,693 Oh, great. You got an earring to go with that shitty tattoo. [glass shattering] 340 00:16:17,694 --> 00:16:20,186 Is this midlife crisis ever gonna end, Beanie? 341 00:16:20,189 --> 00:16:22,356 [babbling, hiccupping] 342 00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,607 [gulping] 343 00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:25,069 Are you drunk? 344 00:16:25,569 --> 00:16:28,239 - [chickens clucking] - You stole a boat? 345 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,698 What's wrong with you? Where'd you learn to be a boat thief? 346 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,370 How'd you turn into such a pathetic attention whore? 347 00:16:34,371 --> 00:16:37,119 And how did you become such a lush? 348 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:39,122 [gulping, grunting] 349 00:16:39,625 --> 00:16:40,955 [Beanie roars] 350 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:44,378 I learned it from watching you. 351 00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,379 - [spits] - Is this... 352 00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,549 all our fault? 353 00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,718 We made Beanie this way. 354 00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:53,429 No, we've been terrible parents. 355 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,765 [distant siren blaring] 356 00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:58,436 - [horn honking] - The cops! We've gotta hide Beanie! 357 00:16:58,437 --> 00:17:00,895 You distract them. I'll sneak Beanie out the back. 358 00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:02,936 Goodbye. 359 00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:04,899 No, no, no, no, no! No, Beanie! 360 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,400 Beanie, no! 361 00:17:06,401 --> 00:17:08,651 [Beanie babbling] 362 00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:10,414 - [thudding] - [arrows firing] 363 00:17:10,415 --> 00:17:12,025 [Beanie squealing] 364 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,616 - [thuds] - [yells] 365 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:14,907 ALL: [yelling] No! 366 00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:16,910 - My firstborn! - [all yelling] 367 00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:17,752 Shit! 368 00:17:17,753 --> 00:17:21,706 - [chopping] - [grunting] 369 00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:25,503 Ha ha ha ha. 370 00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:27,046 - [smashes] - [chomps] 371 00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:28,047 Mm. 372 00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,048 But we didn't vote for this! 373 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,264 Trick shot! [grunts] 374 00:17:36,265 --> 00:17:38,474 - [thwacking] - [grunts] 375 00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:40,265 Ha ha! Meant to do that! 376 00:17:40,269 --> 00:17:42,436 [Wispie giggling] 377 00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:44,437 Ha ha ha ha! Watch this! 378 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,229 [yelling] 379 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,067 - [thuds] - Crushed it! 380 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:50,858 Mayor McCloud, cut the ropes! We can help you! 381 00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:54,120 Freeing you would require a two-thirds majority! 382 00:17:54,121 --> 00:17:56,696 And the speaker of the house just got trick-shotted! 383 00:17:56,702 --> 00:18:00,042 Okay. The hell with this. We're playing by king rules now. 384 00:18:00,043 --> 00:18:03,374 Humph. Untie us or I eat the mayor. 385 00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:04,915 [snapping] 386 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,092 - MAYOR McCLOUD: Oh! - See, Patrick? 387 00:18:07,093 --> 00:18:09,337 Democracy is a failed experiment. 388 00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:11,859 - Now, let's get the fuck out of here. - [Tyler the Giant yelling] 389 00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:14,427 We can't just let them get slaughtered. We're responsible. 390 00:18:14,428 --> 00:18:16,598 Actually, it's the beans' fault. 391 00:18:16,599 --> 00:18:18,767 [Tyler the Giant grunting] 392 00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:24,857 How about this? If we take down that giant, 393 00:18:24,858 --> 00:18:28,065 you can take that big-ass nipple ring. 394 00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:30,146 Ah, I had one of those in high school, 395 00:18:30,152 --> 00:18:32,572 but my girlfriend's headgear got stuck on it. 396 00:18:32,573 --> 00:18:33,821 Not to wear! 397 00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:35,572 - It's solid gold. - [gasps] 398 00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:37,744 PATRICK: It'll pay your bills for months! 399 00:18:37,745 --> 00:18:40,293 Fine. We'll do it your way. 400 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,081 - [Patrick yelling] - [snaps] 401 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,917 Here! Run through his legs. 402 00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:48,208 [both panting] 403 00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:51,964 [Tyler the Giant grunting] 404 00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:54,255 Party foul! Whoa! 405 00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:55,009 - [thuds] - [squishing] 406 00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,135 [splats] 407 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:59,346 That might be the worst thing I've ever seen. 408 00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:01,098 Now gimme that gold. 409 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,017 - Yoink! - [squishing] 410 00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:04,727 Nope. That's worse. Ugh. 411 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,058 Uh, I think I'm okay. 412 00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,981 I'm getting my second wind. 413 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,274 Boot and rally. 414 00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,984 - [sawing] - [grunting] 415 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,315 [all cheering] 416 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,158 The good news is we'll feast on giant meat for weeks, 417 00:19:16,159 --> 00:19:20,286 and the bad news is that beanstalk still bridges our world to theirs! 418 00:19:20,287 --> 00:19:22,405 [ground rumbling] 419 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:25,251 Not for much longer. They're chopping down the beanstalk. 420 00:19:25,252 --> 00:19:27,329 Come on, sire. It's now or never. 421 00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,548 [sword hacking] 422 00:19:33,549 --> 00:19:35,799 Broth, wait! Stop chopping! 423 00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:37,801 - [cracks] - [Patrick yelling] 424 00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,641 Sire, get on! 425 00:19:41,098 --> 00:19:42,718 [both grunting] 426 00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:47,478 [Wispies yelling] 427 00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:50,314 - Whoa! - Bazingaaaa! 428 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,565 [all yelling] 429 00:19:52,568 --> 00:19:54,438 Oh, gentlemen. 430 00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:56,904 It has been an honor... Aah! 431 00:19:56,905 --> 00:20:00,155 [all screaming] 432 00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,698 - [grunting] - [chopping] 433 00:20:01,702 --> 00:20:03,002 [beanstalk groaning] 434 00:20:03,003 --> 00:20:05,245 [both yelling] 435 00:20:06,582 --> 00:20:08,082 [yelling continues] 436 00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:10,293 - [thuds] - [both yelling] 437 00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:14,505 - Oh, hey, Patrick. - Sloane! 438 00:20:14,506 --> 00:20:15,916 You're leaving? 439 00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:18,801 What the fuck just happened? 440 00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:20,392 I've saved the kingdom. 441 00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:21,887 [crumbling] 442 00:20:21,889 --> 00:20:24,599 Look at this loot. It's still got a little nipple on it. 443 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,559 But we're rich. 444 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:27,727 [clinks] 445 00:20:27,728 --> 00:20:30,188 Once we pay for the catastrophic damage to the castle, 446 00:20:30,189 --> 00:20:32,019 this should keep us afloat for a few weeks. 447 00:20:32,024 --> 00:20:34,901 So, the kitchen staff keeps their jobs? 448 00:20:34,902 --> 00:20:38,162 That's a random question, but sure. 449 00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:42,739 [Broth laughing] 450 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:44,121 - [splats] - Oh, shit. 451 00:20:44,122 --> 00:20:45,247 - What? - Oh, no. 452 00:20:45,248 --> 00:20:46,785 - Who was that? - [splats] 453 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,108 - PATRICK and SLOANE: Oh. - [splats] 454 00:20:48,113 --> 00:20:49,572 - [gasps] Oh, my God. - [splats] 455 00:20:49,573 --> 00:20:51,792 [splatting continues] 456 00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:55,588 I hope at least their modern art museum survived. 457 00:20:55,589 --> 00:20:57,129 - [crashing] - [crumbling] 458 00:20:57,841 --> 00:20:59,300 - [splatting] - Never mind. 459 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:03,011 Patrick, quit lollygagging. You've got a nipple ring to melt down. 460 00:21:03,013 --> 00:21:06,516 - And you? Make me a cake. - Yes, sire. 461 00:21:06,517 --> 00:21:09,647 - [splatting continues] - [romantic saxophone music] 462 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,734 [all sobbing] 463 00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:19,195 - Oh! It's not fair! - [sobbing] 464 00:21:19,863 --> 00:21:24,200 Goodbye, sweet Beanie. [sobs] We did the best we could. 465 00:21:24,201 --> 00:21:27,411 Wow. Who knew parenting was so hard? 466 00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:29,791 You know, nobody ever talks about that. 467 00:21:29,792 --> 00:21:33,290 We should apologize to Mom and Dad for all we put them through. 468 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:36,587 Seriously. I once pawned Mom's wedding ring 469 00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:39,378 to get into an underground pirate fight club. 470 00:21:39,383 --> 00:21:42,139 I mean, I won, of course. Totally worth it. 471 00:21:42,140 --> 00:21:46,555 Do you guys think Beanie was sent here to force us to examine ourselves 472 00:21:46,557 --> 00:21:49,137 and become better people? 473 00:21:51,228 --> 00:21:53,688 DOREEN: Kids, we're home! 474 00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:55,606 Jeez, where'd the day go? 475 00:21:55,607 --> 00:21:57,937 Hey, let's tell Mom she forgot to leave us pizza money. 476 00:21:57,943 --> 00:22:00,236 - Good idea. - [laughs] Classic. 477 00:22:00,237 --> 00:22:03,697 Hey, Mom! I'm all your fault! 478 00:22:04,950 --> 00:22:08,950 [soft orchestral music] 479 00:22:36,732 --> 00:22:38,941 CHILD: That was amazing! 480 00:22:38,942 --> 00:22:40,234 [ball beeping] 481 00:22:40,235 --> 00:22:41,565 [loser sound effect plays] 35922

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