All language subtitles for Crossing Swords - 01x08 - The Snow Job.WEBRip.x264-ION10.English.HI.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,550 [crow cawing] 2 00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:12,178 Those two died in a 69 position. Ho ho ho! 3 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,929 Tulip, look. 4 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,641 Ooh! That's hilarious. 5 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:19,689 Blinkerquartz, why is the plague so much worse this year? 6 00:00:19,690 --> 00:00:23,856 Perhaps it was those mysterious bodies that fell from the sky last week. 7 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:26,817 How many times must I apologize for that? 8 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,654 - Once. Once would be good. - Never. 9 00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:31,565 PATRICK: King Merriman! 10 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:33,407 [screams] Angel of Death! 11 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:34,708 [grunts] 12 00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:38,246 Squire, what's the report? How bad is it? 13 00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:42,166 So many people who've had the best years of their lives 14 00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:46,295 ripped away from them, who never got the chance to love, 15 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,005 to start a family. 16 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,046 Oh. At least the plague's not inside the castle. 17 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,391 [man coughing, gagging] 18 00:00:57,850 --> 00:01:02,770 On that note, everyone pack your shit. We're getting the hell out of town. 19 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,941 [spirited theme song playing] 20 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:14,620 You know, Broth, seeing that bigamist die right in front of me 21 00:01:14,621 --> 00:01:15,986 really made me think. 22 00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:19,622 He has two families, and I've never even been in love. 23 00:01:19,623 --> 00:01:21,709 It's because you're afraid to take risks, man. 24 00:01:21,710 --> 00:01:23,957 Throw caution to the wind, no fear. 25 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,289 Huh. You're right. 26 00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:27,554 I should ask Sloane to the Squire Formal. 27 00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,626 What? No. Eww! 28 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,881 I meant we should jump off a castle into a bonfire. 29 00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:34,510 You and me, man: Stunt Budz! 30 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,431 [dramatic fanfare plays] 31 00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,561 Hey, there she is now. 32 00:01:38,562 --> 00:01:42,557 Wow-wow-woo-wee-wa! Check out the pails on Sloane. 33 00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:44,807 Hi, Sloane. 34 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:45,897 [Sloan groans] 35 00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:48,107 Oh. Hi, Patrick. Hi, Broth. 36 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,317 'Sup? 37 00:01:49,318 --> 00:01:52,028 Uh... I won't see you for a while. 38 00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:53,948 I'm headed out of town with the royal family 39 00:01:53,949 --> 00:01:55,487 until the plague dies down. 40 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:56,580 [Sloane groans] 41 00:01:56,581 --> 00:01:59,075 Oh. That's cool. 42 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:03,827 Yeah. Yeah, so, I, uh, wanted to ask you, um, uh... 43 00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:08,127 - Uh-huh. [straining] - Uh, if you... like... 44 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,128 pails? 45 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,959 Ah! No, I do not like pails. 46 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,715 Oh. Okay. 47 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,016 Uggh! 48 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,180 Was that as bad as I think it was? 49 00:02:16,181 --> 00:02:19,847 That was the flirting equivalent of a papercut on my sunburned dick. 50 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,428 Never do your taxes at the beach. 51 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,599 The other kings have refused to take us in. 52 00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:26,983 They're mad that you ruined Chill Society. 53 00:02:26,984 --> 00:02:28,439 Jeez. Still? 54 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,819 Yes, kings love to hold a grudge. You know. 55 00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:34,607 I'll never forgive them for that. Where are we supposed to go now? 56 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,908 Well, at least my parents are safe. They're on their annual ski trip. 57 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:41,247 Without you? Did you get banned from family vacation 58 00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:43,785 for head-butting the activities director into a pool, too? 59 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,540 No. No, me-me either. 60 00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:49,342 Anyway, the plague can't survive up in the mountains, it's too cold. 61 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:52,876 Hmm. Patrick, tell the driver how to get to that lodge. 62 00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,631 Blinkerquartz, pack my skis. 63 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,717 - Oh, God, no. - Hell, yeah! 64 00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:59,048 ANNOUNCER: Stunt Budz, Winter Edition! 65 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,064 ♪ 66 00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:08,646 [Blossom whining] 67 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:11,437 Now, Blossom, think of it as a family vacation. 68 00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,150 It's fun! 69 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,320 I can't believe you pulled me out of school. 70 00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,781 We've been catfishing Principal Tatum for weeks 71 00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:22,492 and she's so close to thinking her ex-husband wants her back. 72 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:25,001 I wish you put as much effort into your grades 73 00:03:25,002 --> 00:03:27,537 as you do gaslighting sad adult women. 74 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:31,210 [screeches] I learned it from watching you! 75 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,211 [grunting indignantly] 76 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,970 Come back, darling. You'll freeze to death! 77 00:03:35,971 --> 00:03:40,176 I'd rather die than be stuck on top of the mountain with you! 78 00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,179 Don't worry, Your Majesty, I'll go get her. 79 00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:44,101 [grunts] 80 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,346 [whispering] Princess Blossom. 81 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,058 [whispering] I can fucking read. 82 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,323 Please, go back to your parents. 83 00:03:52,324 --> 00:03:55,776 No. My mom is a huge bitch. 84 00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:58,154 Fine. Don't go back, then. 85 00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:01,824 I know what reverse fucking psychology is, Patrick. 86 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:02,985 Goddamn it, let's go. 87 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:06,253 Come and get me, then, you little pussy-assed bitch. 88 00:04:06,254 --> 00:04:07,554 [Blossom snickers] 89 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:09,923 [still whispering] Come on, get back here. 90 00:04:09,924 --> 00:04:11,167 Please! Stop it! 91 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:12,468 Uggh! 92 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:19,925 [shouting] Fuck you, Patrickkkkk! 93 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,217 [snow rumbling] 94 00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:22,386 Oh, shit. 95 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,687 Waaaaah! 96 00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:26,273 [door slams] 97 00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:32,225 God, are we going or what? 98 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:35,105 Has anyone seen Patrick? 99 00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,648 Eh, he's got the squirts and said we should go on without him. 100 00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:40,323 Yeah. Sounds like Patrick. So selfless. 101 00:04:40,324 --> 00:04:42,572 [whip cracks, horse whinnies] 102 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,487 [whinnies] 103 00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:47,964 [romantic music playing] 104 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,044 Oh, Glenn, I love our annual ski retreat. 105 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,545 Me too, Doreen. 106 00:04:56,547 --> 00:05:00,087 Here's to fresh powder, fine wine... 107 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,762 And free mustache rides. 108 00:05:01,763 --> 00:05:03,063 Saddle up! 109 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,846 BOTH: Mwah! 110 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,007 [door opens] 111 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:10,354 In the name of the king, I declare this ski lodge party central. 112 00:05:10,355 --> 00:05:12,186 [crowd cheering] 113 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:16,397 - Oh, hell no, not this blowhard. - Now, honey, give it a chance. 114 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,440 This could be fun. 115 00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,192 He shouldn't take any ski trips 116 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,824 until he fixes the big pothole in front of our house. 117 00:05:21,825 --> 00:05:25,082 I saw a horse drown in it the other day. 118 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,626 Oh. 119 00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:30,333 [upbeat jazz playing] 120 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:32,286 [laughing] 121 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,210 Mom, I'm bored! 122 00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:38,337 Can I have wine? 123 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,464 No. Read a book! 124 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,545 - [Blossom scoffs] - Fuck! 125 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:46,719 - Stunt Budz! - [dramatic fanfare plays] 126 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:48,929 Uggh! 127 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,141 [gasping] 128 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,434 Pfft! 129 00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:52,555 Agggh. 130 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:55,730 Yeah. You can't kill me, snow. 131 00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,648 I refuse to die. 132 00:05:57,649 --> 00:06:00,234 Yaa! Yaa! Yaaaa! 133 00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,355 [wolves snarling] 134 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,702 [gasps] Oh. 135 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:10,156 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck... 136 00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:13,088 [screams] 137 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,167 [wolves howling] 138 00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:18,668 You can't take a bite out of my ass, 139 00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:21,420 but you can suck on these balls! 140 00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:22,883 [relieved sigh] 141 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,893 [gasps] 142 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:27,595 [sighs] 143 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:28,896 [strains] 144 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:33,559 Wow! 145 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:37,020 I bet a beautiful ice princess lives here. 146 00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:39,022 [sniffs] Uggh! 147 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:42,235 And she keeps cat shit in a pizza box? 148 00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:43,606 Uggh! 149 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,612 [dramatic music playing] 150 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,168 [groans] 151 00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,122 "Norah Small." 152 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:58,383 Looks like somebody turned your castle into a dump. 153 00:06:58,384 --> 00:07:01,207 NORAH: Ah, get away from my treasures! 154 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:02,255 Oooh! 155 00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:06,296 [grunts] Who just burns other people's stuff? 156 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:07,718 You're a psycho! 157 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:10,304 Your stuff? You're Norah Small? 158 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,345 Yes. You ruined this. 159 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:16,018 How will I remember if the high school production of "Midsummer" 160 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,479 got a good review? 161 00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,770 It did. Ugh! Who are you? 162 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:24,151 Did my mother send you? 'Cause I'm totally fine. 163 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:26,612 No. No one sent me. My name's Patrick. 164 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,030 Please don't eat me! 165 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:31,031 I'm not eating you, I'm keeping you. 166 00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,201 No, no, wait. 167 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:35,542 We could just hang out, like friends. 168 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:38,457 - Uggh! - They can be your friends. 169 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:41,377 That's Darnell and that's Rita. 170 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,296 [door slams] 171 00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,047 [party music playing] 172 00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,966 [groans] 173 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,308 Grown-up parties are so cringe-y. 174 00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:59,019 Hey, check it out. I'm lampshade-on-head party guy. 175 00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,321 I'm fun now. 176 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,152 I found the pantry. 177 00:08:03,153 --> 00:08:04,900 First one to eat all the food wins. 178 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,319 - Haaaaa! - Uggh! 179 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,860 Great plan: eat all our fuckin' food. 180 00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,704 Before you know it, we'll be eating each other. 181 00:08:10,705 --> 00:08:13,199 Lighten up, it's a plague party! 182 00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:14,242 [door opens] 183 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,294 I have news from the kingdom. 184 00:08:16,295 --> 00:08:19,038 - Is the plague over? - No, mean girl. 185 00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:22,501 Our plague-ologist just upgraded the threat level 186 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,129 from spicy to en fuego! 187 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,420 - [all screaming] - GUEST: We're trapped! 188 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:29,554 My lampshade is stuck. What's happening? 189 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:33,846 We must rise from the ashes and start a new society. 190 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:37,597 As long as I'm king, everything will be great. 191 00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,387 [wind whistling] 192 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,729 [guests shivering] 193 00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:45,149 Did anyone bring their fire servant? I left mine at my manor. 194 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,278 We didn't bring ours. 195 00:08:46,279 --> 00:08:48,776 Well we caught ours stealing and put him down! 196 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:50,859 That's fine, I'll fix it. 197 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,374 I'm your king, after all. [clears throat] 198 00:08:53,375 --> 00:08:56,285 [humming] 199 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,406 And... fire! 200 00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,164 [wind howling] 201 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,915 The king can't make fire? 202 00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:04,335 - It's so cold! - I have frostbite. 203 00:09:04,336 --> 00:09:05,666 The king is powerless! 204 00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:08,261 I'm freezing my little titties off, Dad! 205 00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:09,837 [sighs] 206 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,848 - [guests cheering] - GUEST: Yes! You're amazing. 207 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,640 - You rock! - Why, I feel warmer already. 208 00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:22,313 - Jesus, people, it's just a fire. - He got lucky. 209 00:09:22,314 --> 00:09:23,941 Three cheers for Glenn. 210 00:09:23,942 --> 00:09:26,979 I'm going to name my first-born child Glenn. 211 00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:28,534 Thank you, Glenn. 212 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,532 [straining] 213 00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:36,993 Why didn't I ask out Sloane when I had the chance? 214 00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:39,453 Sorry about borrowing your rib, Rita. 215 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,454 Uggh! [rib rattles] 216 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,455 Damn it! 217 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,626 Fifty garlic presses and only one worth a shit... 218 00:09:43,627 --> 00:09:46,915 Oww! Ow, ow, ow, not again. 219 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:47,920 [Norah sighs] 220 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:52,591 Oh, if that gets infected, you could lose the whole foot. 221 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,135 I could help you. 222 00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:57,256 But you'd have to open this cage. 223 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,474 Uh... fine. 224 00:10:00,726 --> 00:10:02,476 But don't get any ideas. 225 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:05,646 You'll get lost and freeze to death without a map. 226 00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,107 And that's if the wolves don't get you first. 227 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,408 Fine. 228 00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:12,275 - Ready? One, two... - W-Wait! Wait, oh, oh, oh, wait. 229 00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,069 - I'm not ready! [roars] - ...three! 230 00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:16,282 Ohhhh... [sighs] Thank you. 231 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,491 You're welcome. 232 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,662 Now, any chance you can help me get home? 233 00:10:19,663 --> 00:10:24,081 Nope. Any time I get rid of something, bad stuff happens. 234 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,000 You're staying right here. 235 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,301 Hmmm! 236 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,458 Hey, here's your garlic press. 237 00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:31,672 [Norah snarls] 238 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:34,052 Well, maybe it would be easier to find things 239 00:10:34,053 --> 00:10:35,510 if you didn't have so much clutter. 240 00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:37,929 No, no! I need it! I need it all! 241 00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:41,890 Whatever you're afraid of, trust me, you can't let fear hold you back 242 00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,022 or you'll regret it. 243 00:10:43,023 --> 00:10:47,188 But my irrational fear actually makes sense. 244 00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:50,319 You see, the last time I threw something out, I lost Craig. 245 00:10:52,361 --> 00:10:55,154 It was a perfect life. 246 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,275 And I kept a perfect house. 247 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,242 Cleaning was my love language. 248 00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:00,618 That and butt stuff. 249 00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:04,959 You see, Craig had a jean jacket from high school, a ratty old thing. 250 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:09,627 He never even wore it, so one day, into the trash it went. 251 00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:13,219 Then, the morning of the great blizzard, 252 00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:15,465 you know, the one that killed all those Sherpas, 253 00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:18,636 Craig says, "Hey, baby, you seen my old jean jacket?" 254 00:11:18,637 --> 00:11:21,717 And I tell him, "I threw it out weeks ago." 255 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,809 Craig's eyes went black as coal. 256 00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:27,560 He says, "That jacket wasn't just a jacket, 257 00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:31,065 "it was a symbol of the last time I was happy. 258 00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,316 "Beast Feast, my senior year. 259 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:35,236 "The night I met you. 260 00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,567 "Before you turned into a woman 261 00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:39,413 "who'd rather dust than dance, 262 00:11:39,414 --> 00:11:42,326 "who'd rather sweep than see a sunset, 263 00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:45,117 who'd rather mop than make love." 264 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,372 And with that, he threw open the door. 265 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,924 "No, Craig," I said, "the blizzard! At least take a jacket." 266 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,424 I found him the next day, 267 00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:58,425 frozen solid. 268 00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:00,467 Ten feet from the door. 269 00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:02,597 - Ahh! - Throwing things out 270 00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:05,474 is how you die alone. 271 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:08,805 - That feels like a stretch. - I killed Craig! [sobbing] 272 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,232 [Patrick sighs] 273 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,484 Norah, don't make the same mistake I did. 274 00:12:13,485 --> 00:12:17,403 I'm supposed to be this brave squire, but I'm too scared 275 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,620 to even ask out the girl I'm crushing on to the Squire Formal. 276 00:12:20,621 --> 00:12:23,446 Now she could be dead of the plague, for all I know. 277 00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:26,454 But there's still hope for you. 278 00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:30,035 You could conquer your fears and start living your life again. 279 00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:31,292 But how? 280 00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:35,963 Maybe keep one garlic press and throw out the others. 281 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:38,382 But what if the good one breaks 282 00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:42,512 and I'm over there trying to make garlic knots?! 283 00:12:42,513 --> 00:12:44,893 Then you will buy another. 284 00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:46,887 [sizzling] 285 00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:49,192 LAMPSHADE LADY: Glenn, these ribs are delicious! 286 00:12:49,193 --> 00:12:53,566 If it hadn't been for you, we would have starved to death! Yes! 287 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,024 Ahem! 288 00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:58,355 Eh-eh-eh! We all agreed, if you didn't go on the elk hunt, 289 00:12:58,362 --> 00:12:59,904 you don't get any ribs. 290 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,365 Even Tulip helped. 291 00:13:02,533 --> 00:13:06,043 There's something soothing about ripping flesh away from bone. 292 00:13:06,044 --> 00:13:09,826 [King grumbles] I'm your king and I demand ribs! 293 00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:13,342 LAMPSHADE LADY: Actually, we've been talking and... 294 00:13:13,343 --> 00:13:15,745 we think Glenn should be king. 295 00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,130 [suspenseful fanfare playing] 296 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,131 [gagging] 297 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,513 [chuckles] Okay, look. 298 00:13:21,514 --> 00:13:23,386 I'm very flattered, but... 299 00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:25,346 LAMPSHADE LADY: Oh, the new king is so humble. 300 00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:26,927 Merriman, do something! 301 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:30,270 There's only one way to settle this. 302 00:13:30,271 --> 00:13:34,814 Glenn, I challenge you to a battle of the blades. 303 00:13:34,815 --> 00:13:35,855 En garde! 304 00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:37,478 [guests gasp] 305 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,026 [Broth straining] 306 00:13:39,027 --> 00:13:42,196 Patrick's gonna feel so stupid he missed out on this. 307 00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:44,824 ♪ Stunt Budz, Stunt Budz ♪ 308 00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,865 ♪ We're doin' stunts! ♪ 309 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,119 ♪ But it's just me ♪ 310 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,790 ♪ There's no other budz... yet ♪ 311 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,036 Maybe they just need a little love. 312 00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:57,593 - Norah. - You're breakin' my heart. 313 00:13:58,380 --> 00:13:59,460 [circuit breakers clang] 314 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,174 ♪ Oh... ♪ 315 00:14:01,175 --> 00:14:03,295 ♪ Clean your mess, clean your mess ♪ 316 00:14:03,302 --> 00:14:05,722 ♪ You don't need those used blood tests ♪ 317 00:14:05,723 --> 00:14:07,640 ♪ You'll never use that toothbrush ♪ 318 00:14:07,641 --> 00:14:09,679 ♪ Or that rusty old bench press ♪ 319 00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:11,563 - ♪ Tiny hats, clumps of hair ♪ - [Patrick laughs] 320 00:14:11,587 --> 00:14:13,895 ♪ You were living in despair ♪ 321 00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:16,186 ♪ It's amazing, so assurin' ♪ 322 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:18,570 ♪ When you've poured out jars of urine ♪ 323 00:14:18,571 --> 00:14:20,897 ♪ Oh, clean your... ♪ 324 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,703 No! There was gonna be a kick line! 325 00:14:22,704 --> 00:14:23,776 Haah! 326 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:26,199 Norah... [sighs] you did it. 327 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,490 No. We did it. 328 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,123 Huh? [chuckles] 329 00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:33,289 [romantic music playing] 330 00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:38,713 PATRICK: Mmmmm... 331 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,722 [romantic music playing] 332 00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,347 - [Norah shrieks] - [Patrick groans] 333 00:14:46,348 --> 00:14:47,845 What the hell was that? 334 00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,515 Oh, God, I am sorry. I thought you liked me. 335 00:14:50,516 --> 00:14:52,225 I... I just... 336 00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:54,726 I want to experience love. 337 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,270 Like what you had with Craig. 338 00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:02,187 Hey, hey, it's cool. It happens. 339 00:15:02,194 --> 00:15:05,204 You know, after Craig left, I'm not ashamed to admit 340 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:07,447 I made out with that dresser. 341 00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:08,779 It was Craig's. 342 00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:11,160 It still had his musky scent. 343 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,161 I haven't touched it since he died. 344 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,253 [Patrick sighs] 345 00:15:14,254 --> 00:15:15,958 It's the last step. 346 00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:20,962 Huh. What's this? 347 00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:24,882 He... must have been planning to surprise me. 348 00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:26,183 Are those crotchless? 349 00:15:26,184 --> 00:15:29,716 Oh, Craig, I'll treasure it always. 350 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,467 "To... Carla"? 351 00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:36,644 "Can't wait to rip this off you with my teeth"? 352 00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:38,435 "Love, Craig"? 353 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,564 Carla? 354 00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:43,815 That skank from the bank! That bank skank! 355 00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:45,149 [roaring] 356 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,654 Norah! Stop! 357 00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:49,195 [sighs] I can't believe he was cheating on me. 358 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,199 It makes me feel... 359 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,577 Way less guilty? 360 00:15:52,578 --> 00:15:53,786 Yeah. 361 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:56,914 Yeah! It wasn't my fault Craig died. 362 00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,665 He was a cheating asshole who ran into the middle of a blizzard 363 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:03,508 without a jacket, and I'm not gonna let him hold me back anymore. 364 00:16:03,509 --> 00:16:05,585 And since you helped me, 365 00:16:05,591 --> 00:16:09,181 I'm gonna help you ask that girl to the dance. 366 00:16:13,182 --> 00:16:14,482 [both snarl] 367 00:16:15,893 --> 00:16:17,768 [cheering] 368 00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:19,979 LAMPSHADE LADY: This battle of the blades 369 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:23,399 will determine the leader of our new civilization. 370 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,650 - [crowd cheering] - We hope it's Glenn! 371 00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:27,861 [sighs] 372 00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:31,027 [hard rock music playing] 373 00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:40,578 [cheering] 374 00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:42,422 LAMPSHADE LADY: Well, Merriman's superb! 375 00:16:42,423 --> 00:16:44,089 Glenn will have to be flawless. 376 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,757 Good luck beating that. 377 00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:51,549 FYI, Dad: If you don't win, I'm asking King Glenn to adopt me. 378 00:16:53,472 --> 00:16:55,472 [dramatic choral fugue playing] 379 00:16:55,474 --> 00:16:57,394 [Glenn straining] 380 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,397 [crowd screaming ecstatically] 381 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,743 GLENN: Holy fuckballs, I'm gonna be king! 382 00:17:14,117 --> 00:17:15,737 But do I even wanna be king? 383 00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,332 Now I'm gonna be the father of a whole nation? 384 00:17:18,333 --> 00:17:20,830 What am I thinking? That's my worst nightmare. 385 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,749 Fuck it! 386 00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:24,922 - Ugggh! - CROWD: Ohh! 387 00:17:24,923 --> 00:17:27,260 - Oh, he blew it! - Glenn lost! 388 00:17:27,965 --> 00:17:29,125 Whoops. 389 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,722 LAMPSHADE LADY: Because Glenn ate shit so hard, 390 00:17:31,723 --> 00:17:36,178 I now pronounce Merriman the winner and still king! 391 00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:38,558 Me? I get to stay king? 392 00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:41,727 Oh, God, it's happening! 393 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,396 [Blossom whines] 394 00:17:43,397 --> 00:17:46,437 King Glenn was gonna let me get my nose pierced. 395 00:17:48,235 --> 00:17:50,145 I'm sorry if I let you down. 396 00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:53,623 You've never missed a quintuple axel in your life. 397 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,660 Aha! I bring news from the kingdom. 398 00:17:57,661 --> 00:17:59,829 The plague is over! 399 00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:02,080 [cheering] 400 00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:04,629 Turns out, it was just a 24-hour thing. 401 00:18:04,630 --> 00:18:06,746 It is safe to return to your homes! 402 00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:09,672 You heard him. Let's get the fuck out of here. 403 00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:12,183 I hope you saved that little black outfit. 404 00:18:12,184 --> 00:18:13,426 Oh. [chuckles] 405 00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:16,217 Oh, no, I definitely threw out my back. 406 00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:20,725 Okay, one more time. Now, deep breaths. Be brave. 407 00:18:20,726 --> 00:18:22,636 [inhales, exhales] 408 00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:23,686 Hi, Sloane. 409 00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:25,146 Hi, Patrick. 410 00:18:25,147 --> 00:18:26,227 [inhales sharply] 411 00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:28,481 Would you like to go to the dance with me? 412 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:30,651 Oh, my fucking God. 413 00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:33,572 I'd rather eat glass, you walking abortion. 414 00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,120 [coughing] Wha... Why would you... 415 00:18:36,121 --> 00:18:38,786 And that's the worst that could happen. 416 00:18:38,787 --> 00:18:40,405 Oh. Ha ha. 417 00:18:40,412 --> 00:18:41,787 Right. Thanks. 418 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,958 Look, you're a great guy, Patrick. 419 00:18:43,959 --> 00:18:46,876 She's gonna say yes, I just know it. 420 00:18:46,877 --> 00:18:49,045 Now, let's get you to that ski lodge. 421 00:18:49,046 --> 00:18:50,755 I just got one stop... [cracking knuckles] 422 00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:53,126 ...I need to make on the way. 423 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:57,386 - [Carla screeching] - This is for fucking my man, Carla! 424 00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:59,927 Here's your gift, homewrecker! 425 00:18:59,932 --> 00:19:01,057 Oh, God! 426 00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:02,808 Okay. Run, run! 427 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,389 [gasping] Ooh! 428 00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:06,404 [jaunty music playing] 429 00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:12,985 Well, this is it, Patrick. 430 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,316 Thanks for everything. 431 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:16,371 I'll never forget you, Norah. 432 00:19:16,949 --> 00:19:19,949 BROTH: Stunt Budz! 433 00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,411 Oh, hey, what was that? 434 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:23,538 Broth? Ugggh! 435 00:19:23,539 --> 00:19:27,625 - Bye, Norah! Aaaaah... - Bye-bye, Patrick! 436 00:19:27,626 --> 00:19:29,666 [both groaning] 437 00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:33,586 - Aaah... - Stunt Budz are reunited! 438 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,230 - [dramatic fanfare plays] - BROTH: Ha ha! 439 00:19:35,254 --> 00:19:37,547 Ugggh... My fuckin' ribs! 440 00:19:37,553 --> 00:19:39,393 - [horse whinnies] - Hey, Patrick. 441 00:19:39,394 --> 00:19:42,138 All diarrhea'd out? Let's roll. 442 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:44,308 ♪ 443 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:45,768 [Sloane straining] 444 00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:47,769 Patrick, you're back. 445 00:19:47,771 --> 00:19:49,105 And you're alive! 446 00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,816 Yeah... Guilty as charged. 447 00:19:51,817 --> 00:19:54,235 How was the royal plague getaway? 448 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:55,945 Oddly inspiring. 449 00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:59,115 It made me realize there's something I wanna ask you. 450 00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:00,196 And I've been thinking... 451 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,579 Are you trying to ask me to the dance? 452 00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:05,498 Because this is really heavy and my answer is... 453 00:20:05,499 --> 00:20:08,875 ♪ Back to school, back to school ♪ 454 00:20:08,876 --> 00:20:11,294 ♪ Back to emotionally terrorize ♪ 455 00:20:11,295 --> 00:20:13,455 ♪ Another teacher! ♪ 456 00:20:14,256 --> 00:20:16,126 [sighs] Sure. 457 00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:18,384 - Cool. [laughs] - Cool. 458 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:21,845 Well, I gotta finish packing Blossom's carriage. 459 00:20:21,847 --> 00:20:22,967 See ya. 460 00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:24,307 Huh. 461 00:20:24,308 --> 00:20:26,598 This is the best day of my life. 462 00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:27,772 BLOSSOM: Everybody look. 463 00:20:27,773 --> 00:20:30,229 Patrick's got a boner! 464 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,564 Awwww! 465 00:20:31,565 --> 00:20:34,145 Ha ha! Freak! 466 00:20:34,151 --> 00:20:35,451 Fuck! 467 00:20:36,737 --> 00:20:37,904 Bye, Daddy. 468 00:20:37,905 --> 00:20:39,065 Mother. 469 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:42,032 Thanks for the worst plague-cation of my fucking life! 470 00:20:42,034 --> 00:20:44,535 Same here. Bye, sweet-pea. 471 00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,616 See you at Christmas. Ta-ta. 472 00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:48,462 [passengers whooping] 473 00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:50,329 [carriage rattles] 474 00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:53,174 Uh, driver, can you take it easy on the bumps? 475 00:20:53,175 --> 00:20:55,710 I'm fucking precious cargo, bitch! 476 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:58,663 - [dramatic flourish plays] - ECHOING VOICES: Assassin! 477 00:20:58,687 --> 00:21:00,697 ♪ 478 00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:33,876 CHILD: That was amazing. 479 00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:34,917 [ball beeping] 480 00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,460 [loser sound effect plays] 33990

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