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1
00:00:00,248 --> 00:00:03,248
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
2
00:00:04,249 --> 00:00:06,939
This is terrible.
3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,308
Not the beer, you nobsicle, this!
4
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:10,777
Bad news out of Wullerton.
5
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,779
Their weekly newspaper
is shutting down.
6
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,048
Poor Wullerton.
7
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:18,417
Yup, papers are either
going digital
8
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,085
or they're dying.
It's all the rage.
9
00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:23,356
What are you doing,
conducting an invisible choir?
10
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,223
Waving down a tiny waitress?
11
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:28,428
- A third thing that's funnier?
- Well, by my air calculations,
12
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,796
our paper must be
on the chopping block too.
13
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,899
What? That paper is the
lifeblood of this town!
14
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:37,169
We need to save it.
Who's with me?
15
00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:41,440
I said, who's with me?!
16
00:00:43,476 --> 00:00:47,312
I say let it die.
Kill the paper, kill the paperboy!
17
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:50,415
Hmm, murdering a child
seems a tad harsh,
18
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:53,677
- even for you.
- Oh, please, that boy is a monster.
19
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:56,488
Top of the morning, Mr. Leroy!
20
00:00:57,590 --> 00:00:58,791
Ooh!
21
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,759
That was no accident.
22
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:04,796
Oh, uh, yes, dear.
Save the Howler!
23
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:09,368
I'll kill that
paper if it's the last thing I do.
24
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,670
You're going against Mom,
so it probably will be.
25
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:15,307
♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪
26
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:18,577
♪ Look closer, baby
You're so wrong ♪
27
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,980
2x05 - Paper Sashay
28
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,386
- How was breakfast?
- Well, I don't mean to complain,
29
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,954
but I ordered bacon and eggs,
you gave me eggs and bacon.
30
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,622
Yeah, I turned the plate around.
31
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,758
It's like having
breakfast in Australia.
32
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,061
Ooh, exotic.
Can I get a coffee to go?
33
00:01:35,062 --> 00:01:36,795
Oh. I'm swamped.
How about I bring it by later?
34
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,798
- Whatever you say, City Walk.
- "City Walk"?
35
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,301
- Wh-what does that mean?
- Nothin'.
36
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:43,935
Don't go all Lacey on me.
37
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:47,551
"Go all Lacey"?
What does that mean? Wha...?
38
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,575
If we're gonna save the Howler,
39
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:51,543
we need to help it generate revenue.
40
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,312
Okay, but why do you care
about the paper so much?
41
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,114
I have my reasons.
42
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,384
- Why do you care?
- Crossword.
43
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:00,485
You do the Howler crossword?
44
00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:03,121
It's my 30-second warm-up
for the Times crossword.
45
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,490
You've got to crawl
before you perambulate.
46
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:10,863
Aah!
47
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,364
Not again!
48
00:02:13,365 --> 00:02:16,868
Officer under attack.
Officer under attack!
49
00:02:16,869 --> 00:02:20,739
What is it with that crow?
That is the third time this week.
50
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:21,974
Maybe you smell like a worm.
51
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,544
- Ever think of that?
- Not even once.
52
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:29,147
Oh, hey,
more homemade muffins.
53
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,283
Is this the orgasmic gluttony kind?
54
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,318
Organic and gluten free?
Yes.
55
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,021
Oh.
All right.
56
00:02:38,257 --> 00:02:40,158
I've got a plan to kill the paperboy.
57
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,394
Okay, step one, count me out.
58
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,496
You can't be out.
It was your idea.
59
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,899
My idea?
I've always been very against murder.
60
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:48,901
It's kind of my thing.
61
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:52,371
I just mean kill the paper.
You're going to help me do
62
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,706
one of those digital
in-line news things.
63
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,275
Step two, no, I'm not.
64
00:02:56,276 --> 00:03:00,045
- I'll pay you. Five bucks.
- Tempting offer, but sadly,
65
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,582
I've sent my computer to
the Internet for repairs,
66
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,984
- so... no.
- I'll take that as a yes.
67
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,053
Oh, and step three,
don't tell your mother.
68
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:13,592
Step four, continue searching
for biological father.
69
00:03:16,395 --> 00:03:18,497
Buy whipped cream, ketchup, eggs.
70
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,298
Whipped cream, ketchup, eggs.
71
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,101
"Going all Lacey"?
What does that even mean?
72
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,870
Is he saying
I get inside my own head?
73
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:28,273
I don't get inside my own...
Dammit, Lacey!
74
00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:31,943
City Walk?
I mean, I don't have a city walk.
75
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,247
Wait, what is a city walk?
Brent's just so...
76
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:35,548
Oh. Dammit, Lacey!
77
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,242
Well, at least I don't walk like that.
78
00:03:42,488 --> 00:03:45,657
- You okay?
- A crow keeps dive-bombing me.
79
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:48,060
That wasn't a crow.
It's just my ringtone.
80
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:52,932
- That's like nails on a chalkboard.
- Oh, I have that one too!
81
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:56,268
Oh, I must've changed that.
82
00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:58,837
Anyway, if you're
having crow trouble,
83
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,507
- I'm an expert.
- I find that hard to believe.
84
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,075
Nah, I've got the whole kit.
85
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,912
Nerf gun and, uh...
other stuff.
86
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,847
Fine, you can help,
but only because I'm desperate.
87
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:12,918
- Oh, I specialize in desperate.
- Now, that I believe.
88
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:16,355
Oh, hey, Mom.
89
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,989
Dad told me not
to tell you something.
90
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,186
- What is it?
- He wants me to help him
91
00:04:20,229 --> 00:04:22,160
kill the Howler
by setting up an online version.
92
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:26,032
I should have married Wilbur
Watson when I had the chance.
93
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,534
- Who's he?
- A guy who died years ago
94
00:04:28,535 --> 00:04:30,201
and isn't causing me any problems.
95
00:04:30,203 --> 00:04:32,371
Well, don't worry,
Dad's not going to pull this off,
96
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,839
- because I'm not going to help him.
- Yes, you will.
97
00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:38,176
The best way to make anything fail
is to put your dad in charge.
98
00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:41,681
Oh, and Corner Gas needs
to buy an ad in the Howler.
99
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:45,150
Why would I advertise in a paper
people come here to buy?
100
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,118
Because your mother
would like you to.
101
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,821
Full page ad, done.
Love you, Mommy.
102
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:57,429
Hank's got a loose
definition of "expert."
103
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,364
I don't see this ending well.
104
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:01,968
Gotcha!
105
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:05,136
Uh-oh.
106
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,540
- Ooh...
- Not the eyes!
107
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,075
Oh, right in the eyes!
108
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:14,512
That's three businesses who've
bought ads in the Howler.
109
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,183
I asked at the liquor store.
They kicked me out.
110
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,517
Maybe you didn't ask nicely enough.
111
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:25,457
- Now's your chance.
- And a good day to you, Won,
112
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:28,526
valued local business owner.
113
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:31,027
- What's wrong with your mouth?
- How'd you like
114
00:05:31,028 --> 00:05:34,799
to increase foot traffic
in your fine establishment
115
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:39,070
by purchasing an
advertisement in the Howler?
116
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,307
No, thanks.
We're plenty busy.
117
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,443
Just sold some whipped cream,
ketchup, and eggs, as a matter of fact.
118
00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:48,380
Nice dairy cooler.
Is that new?
119
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,982
You know, I think I will buy an ad.
120
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,252
Half page, maybe?
Full?
121
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:56,554
- Okay, done.
- You're a peach.
122
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,758
See?
You catch more flies with honey.
123
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,259
Sure, if the honey is terrifying.
124
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:02,662
Got any tape?
125
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:05,096
I read that sticking eyes
on the back of your head
126
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:07,132
will stop a crow from attacking you.
127
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:10,635
Smart. Make it think you're
a giant mutant spider.
128
00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:13,071
No. Crows attack from the rear.
129
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:16,042
- Four eyes? No rear.
- Always been my motto.
130
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,110
- Your tape in here?
- No!
131
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:21,246
Hey...
aren't you eating my muffins?
132
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:24,750
I'm... saving them.
To binge eat.
133
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,752
Really?
Why not binge-eat one now?
134
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,155
O...kay.
135
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,624
Mmm... can't wait.
136
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,225
Karen!
Look over there!
137
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,768
- Really?
- That was your fault.
138
00:06:35,803 --> 00:06:38,103
You supposed to look over there.
139
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,933
Hey!
He likes my muffins!
140
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,502
Great!
Share the wealth.
141
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:46,071
Come on.
142
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,110
I brought our computer from home.
143
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,279
Now we can get down to business.
144
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,314
No, you just brought the monitor.
145
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:58,450
You need to get the
actual computer,
146
00:06:58,452 --> 00:07:00,052
and the keyboard, and the mouse.
147
00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:03,856
There.
Now can we start?
148
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,557
Fine, but let's use this one.
149
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:08,359
- I thought you didn't...
- Yeah, yeah, the Internet sent it back.
150
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,962
Wow, that Internet is fast.
151
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,131
Well, they use lasers
and what-have-you...
152
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:16,201
Anyway, first step to
getting the Howler online
153
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,569
is you retyping all the articles.
154
00:07:21,173 --> 00:07:24,710
Why are you walking like that?
Ooh, did you get a horse?
155
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:27,679
No, I'm just feeling
a little self-conscious.
156
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,082
Brent said that I have a...
city walk.
157
00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,150
Uh-huh, and...?
158
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,719
So it's true?
I have a city walk?
159
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,353
Well, it ain't a country walk.
160
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:39,023
- There's a difference?
- Ho-hokay, yeah.
161
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,326
There is a difference.
162
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,495
- I can teach you if you want.
- Okay.
163
00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:45,731
So what do I do that
makes mine a city walk?
164
00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:46,865
Too much bounce!
165
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:48,067
Got a stick up yer butt!
166
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,568
Quit hip-wagglin', ya floozy!
167
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:53,572
I was asking Davis.
Geez...
168
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,876
They're not wrong.
169
00:07:58,894 --> 00:08:02,162
Okay, I want to watch you walk.
170
00:08:02,164 --> 00:08:05,800
And I want you to find a less
creepy way to phrase that.
171
00:08:05,801 --> 00:08:08,236
I'm just analyzing your bio-motion.
172
00:08:10,405 --> 00:08:13,308
Uh-huh... interesting.
173
00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:15,477
Rapid pace.
Rolled shoulders.
174
00:08:15,478 --> 00:08:19,313
- And... squat.
- And we're back to creepy.
175
00:08:19,315 --> 00:08:23,350
- I'm not squatting in public.
- It's for science.
176
00:08:24,452 --> 00:08:26,688
You look like a dog pooping.
177
00:08:26,689 --> 00:08:28,256
And creepy becomes gross!
178
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,424
- Can I walk country now?
- Patience!
179
00:08:30,425 --> 00:08:33,594
To truly walk country,
you must learn them all...
180
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,997
the Backwoods Boxstep,
the Jealous Jaunt,
181
00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:38,733
the Hayseed Hip Thrust,
the Poky Yokel.
182
00:08:38,734 --> 00:08:41,001
I'll never be able to do all that.
183
00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:46,240
Believe in yourself, Lacey-san.
Walk on, walk off...
184
00:08:46,242 --> 00:08:48,675
Now, there's one thing left to do...
185
00:08:48,677 --> 00:08:51,045
I've seen that movie,
and I'm not washing your car.
186
00:08:51,046 --> 00:08:53,046
Then there are
no things left to do.
187
00:08:53,048 --> 00:08:55,338
Unless you want to paint my fence?
188
00:08:57,619 --> 00:09:02,055
Hang back a little.
I'm doing this one Emma-style.
189
00:09:02,057 --> 00:09:04,391
By "Emma-style,"
you mean sweetly?
190
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,630
Hey, Wanda.
What's up?
191
00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,499
Howler subscription,
that's what's up.
192
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:14,002
Maybe you'll play this smart
and buy one.
193
00:09:14,003 --> 00:09:15,636
That's a nice doorbell.
194
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,638
Shame if you should
wake up one day
195
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,240
and it don't
"bing-bong" no more.
196
00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,378
Hey, whoa, do I amuse you?
197
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:25,980
Am I your circus clown?
198
00:09:25,981 --> 00:09:27,648
Should I twist up
a funny balloon poodle
199
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:30,919
- for your entertainment?
- Hey, Emma,
200
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,487
have you heard Wanda's
Joe Pesci impression?
201
00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:36,723
Sounds more like Phyllis Diller
doing Joe Piscopo.
202
00:09:36,725 --> 00:09:40,795
But seriously, Rheena.
Rheens...
203
00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:43,331
- About the Howler...
- A subscription?
204
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,466
Sign me up.
Okay, bye!
205
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:50,604
- See?
- You really don't hear it?
206
00:09:50,606 --> 00:09:53,774
...and then I was like "If you
don't value my authentic self,
207
00:09:53,776 --> 00:09:57,273
you don't deserve a third date."
208
00:09:57,712 --> 00:10:01,754
Stay perfectly still if you
think I did the right thing.
209
00:10:01,916 --> 00:10:04,651
You're so supportive.
210
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:08,221
Get your filthy wings off her!
211
00:10:09,858 --> 00:10:12,393
- You scared Edgar away!
- Edgar?
212
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:15,129
Edgar Allen Crow?
We're friends now.
213
00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:17,764
So... you don't want me
to get rid of him?
214
00:10:17,766 --> 00:10:19,466
No, he's a great listener.
215
00:10:19,468 --> 00:10:23,264
Okay.
Weird, but okay.
216
00:10:24,105 --> 00:10:25,206
You know what's weirder?
217
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:27,474
You never thought of "Russell Crow."
218
00:10:27,476 --> 00:10:30,877
I did!
It was too obvious!
219
00:10:33,014 --> 00:10:37,417
There, that should do it.
May I present the Online Howler.
220
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:39,720
"Insert headline here"?
221
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:43,057
- That's not a very catchy lead story.
- It's just a template.
222
00:10:43,058 --> 00:10:44,691
You need to paste in
the stories you typed up.
223
00:10:44,693 --> 00:10:47,562
Here?
Oop! Where'd it go?
224
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:50,564
You just deleted everything I did
over the last two hours.
225
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:53,501
...and template's finished.
Again.
226
00:10:53,502 --> 00:10:55,202
Whoa, whoa, you touch nothing.
227
00:10:55,204 --> 00:10:56,903
I'll do the cutting and pasting.
228
00:10:56,905 --> 00:10:58,406
Which one do you want to do first?
229
00:10:58,407 --> 00:11:02,109
"Ragweed on the Rise,
Homegrown Terror!"
230
00:11:02,111 --> 00:11:04,144
Bah, that's a little bland.
231
00:11:04,146 --> 00:11:06,080
Bland?
It's got the word "terror" in it.
232
00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:08,916
Needs some spice.
"Agro-Armageddon!
233
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:12,253
- Death in the Dirt."
- Yeah, that's some pepper.
234
00:11:13,856 --> 00:11:16,923
- Should be a "y" in that.
- It's not "army-geddon."
235
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:19,027
...then my eczema flared up.
236
00:11:19,028 --> 00:11:21,795
You're right,
it probably was the dairy.
237
00:11:21,797 --> 00:11:23,997
- Whenever I have...
- Hey, guys!
238
00:11:23,998 --> 00:11:25,533
...I'll tell you later.
239
00:11:25,534 --> 00:11:28,903
Peace offering. I figured all
three of us could hang out.
240
00:11:28,904 --> 00:11:30,304
Hank, we're having
a conversation.
241
00:11:30,305 --> 00:11:32,172
Great, what are we talking about?
242
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:34,041
Girl stuff?
Bird stuff?
243
00:11:34,043 --> 00:11:35,942
You know, in England,
it's the same thing.
244
00:11:35,944 --> 00:11:38,445
It's a private conversation
between me and Cameron.
245
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:41,948
Cameron?
Oh! I get it.
246
00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:47,318
Okay, then. Uh, guess I'll
just, uh, leave you to it.
247
00:11:47,755 --> 00:11:51,658
Where were we?
Oh, right, skin conditions.
248
00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:54,861
And shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.
249
00:11:54,863 --> 00:11:59,032
- Slower, shufflier...
- Can I have my soup?
250
00:11:59,034 --> 00:12:02,036
We've covered shuffling, slouching,
and the scratch 'n' walk.
251
00:12:02,037 --> 00:12:05,039
- I'm ready to put 'em all together.
- Are you mad?
252
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,973
That's too much to concentrate on,
253
00:12:06,975 --> 00:12:09,543
and we all know you're not
a great multitasker.
254
00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:11,411
Not a great multitasker?
255
00:12:11,413 --> 00:12:13,915
What does that mean?
And why am I holding soup?
256
00:12:14,983 --> 00:12:18,819
- Lacey? Hello?
- Oh, sorry, here you go.
257
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,487
Hey, Nate, what can I get you?
258
00:12:24,926 --> 00:12:27,828
Oh, well, if it isn't Mr. Popular.
259
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,530
Thought you were hanging out
with your best friend, Karen.
260
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:33,767
Hmm?
Oh, you like this?
261
00:12:33,769 --> 00:12:36,537
Swedish army knife.
It's like a Swiss army knife,
262
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:39,556
but instead of a nail file,
it has a "nagelfile."
263
00:12:39,941 --> 00:12:43,110
You know, you are
a good listener, little fågel.
264
00:12:43,112 --> 00:12:45,445
That's "bird" in Swedish.
265
00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:47,949
Hey! Stop!
Thief!
266
00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:50,050
Why, you little
gärningsmannen...
267
00:12:50,052 --> 00:12:51,619
Geez, I know a lot of Swedish.
268
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:55,622
...and that's how the Nazis
invented recycling!
269
00:12:55,624 --> 00:13:00,026
I'm Oscar Leroy,
and that's my Digital Two Cents.
270
00:13:00,028 --> 00:13:01,261
You get all that?
271
00:13:01,262 --> 00:13:04,097
I wouldn't say I get it,
but I wrote it all down.
272
00:13:04,099 --> 00:13:06,428
Enough dithering.
It's time to share this
273
00:13:06,429 --> 00:13:08,693
on-the-line newspaper
with the world!
274
00:13:08,694 --> 00:13:11,057
Sure. You wanna do
a quick spell-check or...
275
00:13:11,092 --> 00:13:14,207
- Publish.
- I admire your passion.
276
00:13:14,209 --> 00:13:16,176
I'd like to report a robbery
277
00:13:16,178 --> 00:13:19,213
- perpetrated by your CFF.
- CFF?
278
00:13:19,214 --> 00:13:24,017
- Your Crow Friend Forever is a thief!
- CFF... clever.
279
00:13:24,019 --> 00:13:26,721
Calm down, Hank.
You're just jealous
280
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:28,890
because I'm friends with Chad,
and you're not.
281
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,526
I'm not jealous, I...
Chad?
282
00:13:31,527 --> 00:13:34,061
- Chad Crowger.
- Oh-ho-ho, good one.
283
00:13:34,062 --> 00:13:35,896
But I'm serious, he robbed me.
284
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,331
My prints are all over that knife.
285
00:13:37,332 --> 00:13:39,533
What if he kills someone
and frames me?
286
00:13:39,535 --> 00:13:41,902
They don't call it
a "murder of crows" for nothing.
287
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,906
Whatever.
I don't appreciate you
288
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,040
spreading rumours about my friend.
289
00:13:47,042 --> 00:13:50,011
Your friend is a thief,
and I'm gonna prove it.
290
00:13:51,446 --> 00:13:53,780
Have you read the online Howler?
291
00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:56,184
It's a riot.
Hey!
292
00:13:56,185 --> 00:13:59,019
"Save your heating bill,
Support Global Warming."
293
00:13:59,021 --> 00:14:01,721
"Brexit is the most important
meal of the day."
294
00:14:01,723 --> 00:14:04,925
- That's my lunatic.
- Wow, this trash is even worse
295
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:06,327
than the original Howler.
296
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:09,229
But for some reason, people love it.
297
00:14:09,231 --> 00:14:12,099
Oh right.
People love trash.
298
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,427
This is all Brent's fault.
299
00:14:15,469 --> 00:14:18,039
Hey, Davis!
I've been doing a little practicing,
300
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,607
and I've got a surprise for you.
301
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:22,944
- Is it cake?
- Just watch.
302
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,178
Foot drag, slouch,
303
00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:28,582
lazy turn, shuffle, and...
304
00:14:28,616 --> 00:14:30,985
- Oh!
- Not the Hayseed Hip Thrust!
305
00:14:30,986 --> 00:14:32,019
Ooh...
306
00:14:33,188 --> 00:14:36,017
Floozy down!
307
00:14:39,897 --> 00:14:42,298
I can't believe you'd
help your own father.
308
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,700
You told me to.
How was I supposed to know
309
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:46,702
the digital Howler
would be a runaway hit?
310
00:14:46,704 --> 00:14:48,071
It's a hit?
311
00:14:48,072 --> 00:14:51,975
My free paper-free paper's a hit!
Rot in hell, Jeff!
312
00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,211
- Who's Jeff?
- The paperboy, I'm assuming.
313
00:14:54,212 --> 00:14:56,379
Oscar, you're interfering
with our mission
314
00:14:56,381 --> 00:15:00,216
to save the newspaper.
Shut. It. Down.
315
00:15:00,218 --> 00:15:03,287
- Dream. On. Woman.
- Please?
316
00:15:03,288 --> 00:15:06,289
Fine.
Dream. On. Please.
317
00:15:06,291 --> 00:15:08,291
This isn't over.
318
00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:11,627
Well, well, well.
319
00:15:11,629 --> 00:15:14,597
It appears intimidation
doesn't always work.
320
00:15:14,599 --> 00:15:16,832
Maybe it's time we shift gears
321
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:20,036
and use a little of the old
Wanda Dollard intellect.
322
00:15:20,038 --> 00:15:22,005
- Get the door.
- Right away.
323
00:15:22,907 --> 00:15:27,176
Wow...
that chiropractor was a-mazing.
324
00:15:27,178 --> 00:15:29,780
- So you're all better now?
- Yep.
325
00:15:29,781 --> 00:15:33,082
- Great.
- Oh, look at these beautiful walks.
326
00:15:33,084 --> 00:15:35,384
Upright, paced for success.
327
00:15:35,386 --> 00:15:38,408
These are my people.
Merging!
328
00:15:38,443 --> 00:15:41,291
Lacey, slow down!
Have I taught you nothing?
329
00:15:41,292 --> 00:15:44,226
- Oh!
- On your left, Hayseed!
330
00:15:44,228 --> 00:15:45,696
So how about this?
331
00:15:45,697 --> 00:15:49,131
"Laser Eye Surgery Gives
Local Man Laser Vision,
332
00:15:49,133 --> 00:15:51,635
- says unnamed source."
- What are you talking about?
333
00:15:51,636 --> 00:15:54,338
Headline for the next Digital Howler.
We've got to start now.
334
00:15:54,339 --> 00:15:56,773
Another one?
We just did one!
335
00:15:56,774 --> 00:15:58,407
And we have to do one every week
336
00:15:58,409 --> 00:16:01,243
- until the end of time.
- Oh. To hell with that.
337
00:16:01,245 --> 00:16:04,513
There's got to be a more
efficient way to kill the paperboy.
338
00:16:04,515 --> 00:16:06,182
You could put poison in his...
339
00:16:06,184 --> 00:16:08,517
H-Hang on, I'm not
helping you with that.
340
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:10,954
Look, for the last time,
the paperboy is not your enemy.
341
00:16:10,955 --> 00:16:12,732
Says you.
There's something shifty
342
00:16:12,733 --> 00:16:15,185
about that knot-knockin'
news-slinger.
343
00:16:15,192 --> 00:16:16,593
So what, we're not
doing this anymore?
344
00:16:16,594 --> 00:16:20,396
Nope. The Online Howler
is officially dead.
345
00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:23,599
This is a cease and desist letter.
346
00:16:23,601 --> 00:16:26,469
If you publish one more word
in the Online Howler,
347
00:16:26,471 --> 00:16:28,571
the real Howler will sue you
348
00:16:28,572 --> 00:16:31,574
- for misrepresentation.
- Okay.
349
00:16:32,476 --> 00:16:33,543
We won!
350
00:16:33,544 --> 00:16:36,913
How did you get the cease
and desist so quickly?
351
00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:39,049
I didn't.
This is my phone bill.
352
00:16:39,050 --> 00:16:42,718
See?
Intellect over intimidation.
353
00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:45,154
Threatening a lawsuit
isn't intimidation?
354
00:16:45,156 --> 00:16:49,024
Okay...
but it's intellectual intimidation.
355
00:16:49,026 --> 00:16:51,293
Okay... city walk.
356
00:16:51,294 --> 00:16:54,330
Shoulders back, chest out,
heel-toe, heel-toe,
357
00:16:54,332 --> 00:16:55,732
eyes forward, stick up butt.
358
00:16:55,733 --> 00:16:58,000
Hey, I think
I'm getting the hang...
359
00:16:58,002 --> 00:16:58,935
Ah!
360
00:17:00,004 --> 00:17:02,104
My back.
361
00:17:04,254 --> 00:17:05,681
What are you doing?
362
00:17:05,716 --> 00:17:08,111
Catching a thief,
claw-handed,
363
00:17:08,112 --> 00:17:11,213
- with this GoPro.
- You mean CrowPro?
364
00:17:11,215 --> 00:17:13,015
Geez, you're
obsessed with puns.
365
00:17:13,017 --> 00:17:14,884
Here's the plan...
crow approaches,
366
00:17:14,885 --> 00:17:16,752
lured by sexy decoy girl crow,
367
00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:18,854
flies into certified
crow-catching net,
368
00:17:18,856 --> 00:17:21,290
where I attach the GoPro
to said criminal.
369
00:17:21,292 --> 00:17:22,692
Crow flies back to nest,
370
00:17:22,693 --> 00:17:25,528
providing video evidence
of the location of my knife.
371
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:27,063
All you're missing is an anvil,
372
00:17:27,064 --> 00:17:29,231
and a tunnel painted
on the side of a cliff.
373
00:17:29,233 --> 00:17:31,333
How are you going to attach
the GoPro to the crow?
374
00:17:31,335 --> 00:17:32,903
ACME bird glue?
375
00:17:32,904 --> 00:17:35,932
I've created a custom harness that...
376
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,907
Hey, he took my GoPro!
377
00:17:37,909 --> 00:17:40,876
Oh.
Awesome, he took my GoPro!
378
00:17:40,878 --> 00:17:45,048
- Hey, Nick! Good news.
- Suitcase?
379
00:17:45,049 --> 00:17:46,650
Don't tell me the Howler's shutting down
380
00:17:46,651 --> 00:17:48,051
and you're moving away.
381
00:17:48,052 --> 00:17:50,085
Shutting down?
Hardly.
382
00:17:50,086 --> 00:17:51,787
We just had the best
week of our lives!
383
00:17:51,789 --> 00:17:53,155
Really?
384
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:55,458
There was a huge surge
in out-of-town subscriptions
385
00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:57,760
because of Oscar's
trashy online Howler.
386
00:17:57,762 --> 00:18:00,529
It's got readers in high places.
387
00:18:00,531 --> 00:18:02,565
Now some online rag is saying
388
00:18:02,567 --> 00:18:05,935
I'm responsible for sea
monsters on the prairie.
389
00:18:05,937 --> 00:18:07,237
Sea monsters?
390
00:18:07,238 --> 00:18:09,638
I mean, do people just
make up whatever they want
391
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,175
- and call it "news"?
- Pretty much, yeah.
392
00:18:12,176 --> 00:18:15,778
Unbelievable.
What a time to be Prime Minister.
393
00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:18,080
It's been a real boon
to the business,
394
00:18:18,082 --> 00:18:20,916
so we're going
on a vacation to Greece.
395
00:18:20,918 --> 00:18:24,920
But one good week
wouldn't cover your annual losses.
396
00:18:24,922 --> 00:18:26,288
What losses?
397
00:18:26,289 --> 00:18:27,757
We own the building,
we've got plenty of supplies,
398
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,592
and the paper only costs
pennies to print.
399
00:18:29,594 --> 00:18:32,217
Plus, we've always sold corn
liquor out the back door.
400
00:18:32,251 --> 00:18:34,864
- That... that's off the record.
- Bah...
401
00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:36,932
I forgot to factor moonshine
into my calculations.
402
00:18:36,934 --> 00:18:38,701
Hey, Emma, thank Oscar for me.
403
00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:42,872
I hope his digital paper
goes on forever.
404
00:18:42,874 --> 00:18:46,775
Wow!
That chiropractor was amazing.
405
00:18:46,777 --> 00:18:49,144
Oh. Let's get out of here and go home.
406
00:18:49,146 --> 00:18:51,815
Sure, but maybe,
to get safely to the car,
407
00:18:51,816 --> 00:18:54,985
we split the difference between
a country walk and a city walk.
408
00:18:54,986 --> 00:18:59,355
- Suburban stroll?
- All right!
409
00:19:01,726 --> 00:19:04,626
So that's what you've been up to...
410
00:19:05,695 --> 00:19:09,198
- Told ya it stole my knife.
- Yeah, but look at all my muffins!
411
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,701
- He loves them.
- He's not a he, he's a she,
412
00:19:12,703 --> 00:19:14,603
and she is using your muffins
413
00:19:14,605 --> 00:19:16,505
to build a nest
for her babies.
414
00:19:16,507 --> 00:19:19,909
Aw...
So no one likes my muffins?
415
00:19:19,911 --> 00:19:23,613
- A true friend would eat your muffin.
- Amen, sister.
416
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,451
Ugh!
Oh, god, not worth it.
417
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:35,057
I like my city walk,
thank you very much.
418
00:19:35,059 --> 00:19:37,394
Yeah, I like it too.
It has a good pace.
419
00:19:37,395 --> 00:19:38,828
It means I get my food faster.
420
00:19:38,829 --> 00:19:40,297
Well, then, why were you
making fun of it?
421
00:19:40,298 --> 00:19:43,432
Pointing something out doesn't
necessarily make it an insult.
422
00:19:43,434 --> 00:19:47,002
Oh. Wow.
I really went full Lacey on that.
423
00:19:47,004 --> 00:19:50,240
Now that, I was making fun of.
So, how about some lunch?
424
00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:52,876
Back in a minute...
Pickle Lips.
425
00:19:52,877 --> 00:19:55,946
Pickle Lips?
What does that mean?
426
00:19:55,947 --> 00:19:59,507
And why is my voice all
echo-y and inside my head?
427
00:20:04,540 --> 00:20:09,977
- And... time.
- 20 seconds. Nice.
428
00:20:09,978 --> 00:20:11,579
Want my Howler?
I'm done with it.
429
00:20:11,581 --> 00:20:15,150
- Oh, I don't read that drivel.
- You... wait, what?
430
00:20:15,151 --> 00:20:17,852
Then why did we put in
all that effort to save it?
431
00:20:17,854 --> 00:20:21,155
I use the paper
to make my thera-piñatas.
432
00:20:21,157 --> 00:20:22,757
Your thera... what?
433
00:20:22,791 --> 00:20:24,692
Where are my pants?
434
00:20:24,694 --> 00:20:27,061
On your legs, dear!
435
00:20:30,365 --> 00:20:32,868
Oh...
therapy Piñatas.
436
00:20:32,869 --> 00:20:34,769
So you basically
whack Oscar with a stick.
437
00:20:34,771 --> 00:20:36,771
And then eat candy.
438
00:20:36,773 --> 00:20:38,706
Well, Dad really is losing it.
439
00:20:38,708 --> 00:20:40,875
He thinks the paperboy
is out to get him.
440
00:20:40,877 --> 00:20:43,010
Hey, there is evil in this world.
441
00:20:43,012 --> 00:20:45,379
I know a crow that's
a criminal mastermind.
442
00:20:45,381 --> 00:20:48,016
A crow took your knife.
That doesn't mean it's evil.
443
00:20:53,488 --> 00:20:56,090
No!
Not the guy in the black hat.
444
00:20:56,092 --> 00:20:57,992
I said the old man
in the green hat!
445
00:20:57,994 --> 00:21:01,436
Get it together, Sheryl!
446
00:21:07,386 --> 00:21:08,887
♪ I don't know ♪
447
00:21:08,888 --> 00:21:11,823
♪ The same things
you don't know ♪
448
00:21:15,127 --> 00:21:17,161
♪ I don't know ♪
449
00:21:17,163 --> 00:21:20,331
♪ I just... don't know ♪
450
00:21:22,201 --> 00:21:26,104
- ♪ Ooh
- It's a great big place ♪
451
00:21:26,105 --> 00:21:29,641
- ♪ Ooh
- Full of nothin' but space ♪
452
00:21:29,642 --> 00:21:33,711
- ♪ Ooh
- And it's my happy place ♪
453
00:21:33,713 --> 00:21:36,314
♪ I don't know ♪
454
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:40,266
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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