Original subtitles

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[phone rings]

[answering machine] Hey, this is Jack.

- [Elise] And Elise! - Yeah.

We did it! I'm finally moving in!

Because we're getting married in a few weeks!

[man] Okay, just leave me, us-- a message

[woman] Bye! [answering machine beeps]

Hey, it's Mike, your friendly neighborhood travel agent.

Yep, summer's here, so just a few last minute details.

[speaking French]

Freezer.

[speaking French]

[repeats in French]

[recording continues in French]

Armoire.

Plaque.

Plaque.

EÉvier.

[recording continues in French]

Excusé... baguette.

[speaks French]

Wake up.

Wake up, I'm pregnant.

[groans] What?

[laughing]

How do you still fall for that?

Babe, I made a breakfast burrito.

Mmm.

What time is it?7:30 AM.

Why are you up so early?

Is it still considered early if you never went to sleep?

How are you functioning?

I don't know, bodies are weird, right?

Science, et cetera.

Caffeine? So much of it.

But the good news...

I finally finished.

Oh, no way! Yeah.

At 6:30-7:00 AM. I finally type the words,

"The End."

That's incredible.

Yeah.So, uh...

how do we celebrate?

Sex!Okay.

With you!Yeah. Okay.

Right now? Mmm-hmm.

Come on, come on. I have to get ready for work, so do you.

You're such a tease.

So now that you're finished.

Mmm-hmm.

When do I actually, uh, get to read it?

Soon...

Ish.

Babe, come on, this is what I do.

Why you so afraid to let me read it?

Well I... I don't want you to think that I'm using you

for your grammatical prowess.

Well, clearly I'm using you for your HBO.

[phone buzzes]

Oh, that's probably Celia.

Making sure I got her a soy latte.

Like I haven't been getting her soy latte for three years.

You gonna get her skim?Obviously.

Yeah. [chuckles]

Hey, just... careful.

Come on, this is Brooks Brothers.

Mmm-hmm.

It's expensive.

Will you go by my place today and grab the rest of my things?

I can't, I have a meeting at 10:00 with Vanessa.

And then I got to get my pages to the editor by 6:00.

"Ass like Rihanna" Vanessa?

[sighs]

It's a joke!

I'll pick them up on the way home.

I love you.

I love you.

Here you go, two lattes.

Thanks.

Elise? Elise Miller!

Oh, look at you, all grown up!

Sally Meister?

It says so on my driver's license.

What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at camp?

Oh, just doing some last minute recruiting.

I'm still two counselors and a lifeguard shy of a full staff--

Do you want to come aboard?

That is very tempting but I think my summers of armpit bug bites are over.

Actually, I work in publishing now.

Oh, do you?Yeah. Lou Bell Press.

I do a lot of young adult fantasy stuff.

Have you, uh, heard of the "Midnight Moonlight" series?

Maybe...

What do we got here?

I'm getting married in two weeks.

Oh, congratulations.

Where are you honeymooning?

Paris.[gasps] Ooh, la, la.

Before you know it,

you'll be driving your little ones up to Takota for the summer yourself.

Oh, man. I think my ovaries just winced.

Uh, I'm not really the offspring type.

But if I was...

They would be Takota girls.

I'm sorry, Sally, I really got to go.

Oh, I got to get a move on myself.

I'm meeting Jared for breakfast.

You remember my son, don't you?

He taped a walkie-talkie to his head and called it a Bluetooth.

Who could forget?

He always loved his technology.

He actually made a fortune off one of those...

App thingies.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, it's called Hot Crotch.

It can take your temperature if you point your phone at your...

Well... crotch.

Unique.It's ridiculous.

[both laugh]

Oh, I know you got to go but you should consider coming up

for visitors' weekend. Lots of familiar faces.

I'll think about it.

Okay, sweetie.Bye, Sally.

Oh! [laughs]Careful.

Good morning,... Lou Bell Press, Gill speaking.

Morning, Celia.You listen to me.

I have a vacancy on "My Fault Publishing" schedule.

Well, she needs to be prepared to return her advance in full, which...

based on the new nose she's been sporting, appears to already be spent.

Has his highness arrived yet?

Uh, his agent called from the car and said they're on their way.

Is everything ready?Yes.

Food?Delivered.

- Contest winners? - Conference room.

- Releases? - Signed,

and sent to legal.

You'll be taking pictures at the meet and greet.

In addition to live Tweeting the event and moderating the Reddit Q&A?

No problem.

Elise, please return your sarcasm along with that parody of a jacket.

I have enough to deal with.

Gillian Rob is too busy sniffing her book advance up her new nose,

to actually write new pages.

Well actually, Celia.

This might be totally inappropriate but...

I actually finished my book last night.

And I only bring this up because it's also YA fantasy, um.

It deals with. [clears throat]

Unrequited love and Loch Ness Monsters.

It's called, "Unlock My Heart," tentatively.

Um, and I actually have it here on a thumb drive if you--

That was...

totally inappropriate.

And lucky for you, I am totally desperate.

By all means, take your time digging through old receipts and Doritos wrappers.

I have all day.

[clears throat]

Thank you, Celia.

Well, I'll see if I have time to read it based on how smoothly today goes.

I don't need to remind you how important Walker Paige's support,

and the support of his fans is to Lou Bell.

Absolutely.

Everything will be perfect.

[upbeat music playing]

[girls screaming]

He's real! He's real!

Look at his hair!

[girls continue screaming]

[girls scream]

What just happened?

It's like they're being murdered by their own happiness.

I saw a 13-year-old throw her panties.

Oh, gross.

Oh, vomit.

[gasps]

[laughs] Who is eating Walker Paige's face?

[both gasps]

Oh, my God!

Isn't he supposed to be dating his co-star?

The one that went to rehab for the self-tanning addiction.

How do you know that?

How do you not know that?

[camera clicks]Manda!

[camera clicks]Manda!

[chuckles]

Elise! Yes?

What is the point of having a social media manager

who doesn't manage any social media?

Oh, it's uploading right now. Should be any second.

Done.

[computer beeps]

[continues beeping]

What the?

No.

[clicking keyboard] No, no, no!

No, no, no!

What the f--!

[elevator dings]

[door closes]

[sighs]

Elise, uh, what are you doing home?

Well, I just got fired.

What do you mean?

[sniffs] It's pretty self-explanatory.

What happened?

I don't know, the technology it just...

it turned on me and I couldn't control it.

I'm not following.

[exhales]

Hey, hey.

[sniffs]

Hey. Hey, look at me.

You're going to be okay.

Yeah?Yes.

Okay?

Hey, why don't we, um...

Why don't we go down to Henry-O's and drink way more than we should,

for 11:00 AM on a Thursday, and you can tell me everything that happened.

Can we get nachos?

Absolutely.

Okay, cool.

Why don't you head down there and then just get us a booth.

I'll get dressed and I'll just-- I'll meet you over there.

Why did you have two glasses?

I'm sorry, what?

When I walked in you had two glasses, why?

Is there somebody here?

[woman] Hey, have you read this nonsense?

Another teen werewolf novel?

[sighs] I have seen less clichéd writing

in my 12-year-old niece's fan fict--

Elise, I can explain this.Don't!

And it's not about werewolves...

it's about Loch Ness Monsters.

Elise, wait.

You wait!

I am grossed out and sad about this.

[door slams closed]

[door opens]

Suck me!

[door slams shut]

[music playing on computer]

[sighs]

God, you are so terrible.

And so, so beautiful.

[beep]

"Great bumping into you today, good luck with the lucky man.

Found this when I got home."

Ugh.

[dialing phone]

[ringing]

Hi, you've reached Sally, leave me a message.

[beep]

Sally!

It's Elise Miller!

Hey, girl, hey!

[dialing phone]

[phone rings]

Sally! It's Elise!

Miller!

It was so good to see you this morning.

God, your face was on point this morning.

What face cream are you using?

Awesome, cool.

[phone ringing]

Hi, you've reached Sally, leave me a message. [beep]

[exhales] Sally.

I was thinking about your offer to come up to camp.

At first, [sighs]

I was like, Elise, say what?

That shit cray!

And then I was thinking about it more.

[phone ringing]

[stutters] I still know all the camp songs.

Like this one.

♪ Classic Kate, you might remember ♪

♪ From 1993

♪ Let's camp it up

♪ Camp, camp, camp it up

♪ Hey, ladies...

Suck me? What?

Who says that?

I would love to come to camp.

Okay, stop asking me.

I'm going to do it.

Sally, I'm coming to camp!

Whoop, hey friend!

[sighs]

[car horn blares]

[woman] Bruce! Bruce! 412!

Oh, no.

[horn beeps]

Sally said 412.

[Sally] Elise! I got your message.

Or should I say messages?

And I can't tell you how happy I am to hear you'll be joining us this summer.

Now, luckily the Fefferman family

will be passing through your neck of the woods

on their way to drop off their daughter Penny.

And they have graciously offered to give you a lift.

So, grab your swim suit and slap on some sunscreen because you're going to camp.

[Jeff] Elise, look uh...

It is not what it looked like.

[horn beeps]

Okay--

[rings]

[Manda] Oh, my God, Elise, you must be devastated.

Understatement of the century.

I mean, the gifs on Tumblr alone are insane!

Wanna get breakfast and talk? I can't.

I, um...

I'm going to camp.

Oh! I haven't tried that place. What street is it on?

Oh, no, act...

[exhales] Actual camp. Manda, I got to go.

What?

[doorbell buzzes]

[sighs] Hello?

Elise?

It's Kathy Fefferman.

We're here to give you a ride to camp.

Uh, I overslept.

Can you give me five minutes?

[Kathy sighs] No problem.

Okay, I'll be right down.

[sniffs] Ooh, bad.

Ooh, bad.

Hi, there!

Holy "Real Housewife."

You need a hand?

Uh, no, I think I'll be fine.

Honey!

Bruce.

Bruce!

Honey, can you help her?

I am Kathy Fefferman.

It is so wonderful to meet you.

This is my husband Bruce.Hi.

Right. And back here, this little nugget,

this is our Penny.

Hi.

If we're going to stay on schedule,

we better hit the road ASAP.

Come on, missy.

Everybody buckled up?

Elise, do you like jazz?

Oh, not at all.

We have been listening to a lot of French jazz lately,

to get us into the Parisian mood.

We're going while Penny's at camp.

Have you ever been to France, Elise?

Ow.

Sorry, just making sure this is all really happening right now.

We went on our honeymoon.

[exclaims] And I've been dying.

Just dying to go back. It's so romantic and...

has the little cafés and, oh, the Champs-EÉlysées and the wine--

Bruce!

Signal!

Did I mention how romantic it is? You really should try to go sometime, Elise.

[Kathy continues] Paris!

Oh, the Champs-EÉlysées, the wine...

We're dying to get back.

It's so romantic. It has all these cute little cafés.

And street lamps! Oh, the Champs-EÉlysées

and oh, the butter and the cheese, and the baguettes.

Oh, my God, it's fabulous.

If you ever get a chance, I'm telling you.

Paris!

[screams]

Oh, Bruce.

Come on.

Well?

No, don't touch that! First the lantern, then the case...

It happens.

Are we late?

Not at all.

I just remember drop-off day being a little more intense.

Oh, it will be. Tomorrow.

Penny is a little younger than the other campers.

I mean, not that she can't handle it.

She is an incredibly mature six-year-old.

Six?We just thought

she might acclimate better if she had a day here without all that chaos.

Plus, between you and me,

I have no desire to be here on drop-off day with all those neurotic moms.

Bruce!

Can you be a little louder?

I still have my hearing!

[Bruce] Got it!

Anyway, I checked with Maxine and it's totally fine.

Maxine?

As in Maxine Reynolds?Kathy!

If she's telling you stories about me,

only half of them are true.

Hello!

Hi!

Oh, when Sally told me you were coming,

I slapped her.

I straight up slapped an elderly woman

because I cannot believe you're here!

Wow, Elise, you have not changed a bit in eight years.

And you...

literally have not changed a bit in eight years.

Well.Not true!

She's finally lost her virginity.

Barely.

Allison!Hey.

I saw you on my way to the mess.

The mess. Oh, God.

Please don't tell me your mom is still up there making grilled cheese?

No. no.Thank God.

She's no longer with us.

Allison, I'm so sorry.

She's no longer with us because she retired to Boca Raton.

Elise, don't believe anything that comes out of her mouth.

I took over for her, like, six years ago.

Cool.I don't mean to interrupt

but I couldn't help but overhear.

Are you the Allison that I've been emailing with?

That depends. Who might you be?

Where are my manners?

Kathy Fefferman.

Oh, Mrs. Fefferman.

It is so nice to put a face to dozens and dozens of detailed emails.

[chuckles] Do you have a minute?

I'd like to go over Penny's dietary restrictions.

I would love nothing more.

Welcome back.

Business casual.

Yeah, what is this look you got going on?

Max, do you have a place I can charge this?

Oh, there's no need.

This is a 100% cell-free zone.

Say what now?

Yeah. There is zero service up here.

I made sure of it.

So let's go to your cabin! Grab your bags.

Grab your trash bags.

Only one of them is a trash bag.

Luggage by Hefty. [laughs]

Were these Christmas gifts?

How does it feel to be back?

Um, very surreal.

I had no idea that you and Allison would be here.

What, have you just like, not left since we were 19?

I wish.

But during the school year,

I teach fourth grade in the South Loop.

Hey, you live in Chicago?

Uh huh.I live in Chicago.

I'm surprised I haven't run into you.

Weird.

But I only hang out at, like, one bar, so.

Oh, which one?It's called, my couch.

Oh!Yeah,

they have really good box wine specials.

Yeah, I love that place.It's really exclusive.

Anyways, when I take over as camp director,

I'll move up here full time.

Wait, is Sally retiring?

She says it's her last year.

I mean, nothing's actually been officially announced but...

Look at me.

Yeah, you're a shoo-in.

Hope so, or there's going to be a shoe in someone's ass.

Cabin number six!

Your home sweet home for the summer.

Wow!

Just like you remembered it?

Uh, a little smaller.

So...

what are you doing here?

Not that I'm not completely thrilled to see you, because I am, but,

Sally said you're in publishing

or you're a writer or something?

Yeah, I am.

I, um...

I got a book deal.

Seriously?Yeah.

That is awesome, Elise. Congratulations!

Thanks. Wow.

Yeah. I-- I thought I would get out of Chicago...

get some peace and quiet.

For writing.

Not that that will in any way,

keep me from providing care for your campers.

Hmm. Yeah.

I don't care what you do on your free periods.

Just don't slack on the clock.

Oh, it's a code of honor.

What is that?

[laughs] That's going to be an honor?

No, that's heavy metal rock or something like that.

Oh, I remember now. This, right?

Okay, that is not honorable.

How dare you?

Okay. Get it out of your system before the kids get here.

[making shooting sounds]

[rip]

[girl] Two, three, fish.

That's not. Oh, it's a fish!

We see a fish!

We see tons of them.

Come on!

- I'll meet you there! - Elise, wait up!

[indistinct chatter]

[bull horn screeches]

Good morning, campers!

[all] Good morning, Sally!

On behalf of the entire Takota staff,

welcome to camp!

[cheering]

[hooting]

I can't tell you how excited we are to be spending our

57th summer on the lake with you.

Takota girls know how special this place is.

That when you drive down that camp road,

you know you're about to spend the summer growing

and learning and best of all,

making life-long friendships.

It's so important to treasure these months away from school,

and boys.

So, please girls,

keep the crushes on our handyman Chet to a minimum this year.

Well, I can't wait to get started

and I know you can't either, so,

let's sign up for some activities!

As soon as we're done talking about restrictions.

All right, girls.

We all know that camp rules.

But, let's talk about some camp rules.

Hit it, Allison!

[Rap music playing]

♪ Oh, yeah, Takota

♪ This ain't your boring camp rules break down ♪

♪ This is me

♪ Breaking down camp rules

♪ Rule number one

♪ Make your bunk, make your bunk ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, Takota!

♪ Rule number two...

Thank you very much, ladies.

Hold the phone.

I only got five bucks and everyone else got ten.

Let that be a lesson to you, Sarah.

There is a time and a place for improvisation.

And my stage is neither the time nor the place, okay?

And, Sarah.

If you're going to sneak cigarettes into camp,

have the decency to slap on some Bath and Body Works

vanilla body spray, okay?

Amateurs!

Let me guess, Cabin Robin's Egg?

Yeah, when they get to Robin's Egg, there like,

"tote supes" mature.

They talk like that now.

Hey, Robin's Egg is where I met my two best friends.

Elise.

I'm talking about my boobs.

I grew two cup sizes that summer.

How could I forget?

Well,

meet your new best friend.

Just a little something I whipped up to get you back in the Takota saddle.

Oh, it's color coded.

Isn't it great?

There's a detailed arts and crafts lesson plan,

a chapter on Takota folklore,

and then sheet music for all the camp songs.

Thanks, Max, uh...

You know, I think I'm just going to wing it.

Oh, no.

We don't just wing stuff here at Takota, Elise.

Max, it's camp.

How hard can it be?

Nope.

You take that.

Study up!

Amateur.

[bugle plays]

[Sally over PA] Good Morning, campers!

[bugle plays]

No!

[buzzing]

No!

[bugle plays]

[grunts]

No!

Girls, wait![girls laughing]

I'm the trail leader, girls!

Wait!

We take our shirt and drop it in.

[screams] No, I'm not playing water balloons!

And you pull it out and...

Ahh!

[laughing]

Go ahead and try it.

[screams]

[buzzing]

- [blow whistle] - [girls laughing]

Can I hide in here for a while?

Yeah, how long you need?

Uh, till August.

[chuckles] All right, well,

if you're here you've got to work and sometimes it's not very...

appealing.

Oh, my God.

Get ready for a lot of that.

Can you just crush up a bunch of Adderall

and put it in whatever you're making for dinner?

Because these kids are maniacs.

Oh, come on.

We were way worse.That is not true.

Elise, we exchanged our counselor's toothpaste for Vagisil.

That is true. [laughs]

Anyway, if the stuff ever gets too rough out there,

just come in here and grab yourself a bowl of Fiber Nuts.

Okay, I'm all for being regular

but I think I need something a little stronger than fiber, Al.

Just go grab the box.

Okay, weirdo.

Just stick your hand in.

[chuckles]

You must be really good at dirty talk.

Incidentally, yes.

[gasps]

That's Max's secret stash.

Do you think a kid's gonna come in here for a healthy snack?

[chopping]

So, um...

Who's the guy in the truck?

Oh, Eli?

Oh, he's great.

Heads up, he does spend nine months of the year as Eloise,

but he comes up here in the summer

to un-tuck his ding-a-ling and grow some fresh vegetables.

I can't believe you bought that.

I said the word "Ding-a-ling."

Why do you keep messing with me?

Because I'm bored.

I'm in the kitchen all day, every day,

making 200 pounds of tater tots.

Which were delicious, by the way.

Thanks.

Anyway, Eli's great.

He's got a local farm across the lake

and he brings us fresh produce when he can.

God knows our food budget only allows for stuff that's frozen.

Or in a box.

So he's a farmer.

Somebody's interested.

[scoffs] Oh, please.

No, thank you.

I am using this summer as a welcome break from penis.

Story of my life.

I knew you and Lindsay Johnson weren't just practicing Frenching.

Yeah, but I got really good at it.

[laughs] Yeah, you got really good at being a stereotype.

What are you talking about?

This is cool!

[laughs]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, gosh.

I got to go.

Bye.

[radio] Help, help. Can you hear me? Over.

Yep, I'm here.

Have you seen the Penny Fefferman kid?

She's the only kid from her cabin that isn't at the Lady Gaga ice cream social.

Over.

Uh, no but I can go check on her cabin.

That would be great, thank you!

Then get your ass down here, over.

Think I'm gonna pass.

Uh, you're suppose to say "over."

Over.

Over it.

That was rude but clever.

Over.

McKenzie!

That is your third cone!

[Allison] Madison, you're lactose intolerant! Come on!

Ah ha!

Caught you red-handed.

I've been waiting four days to make that joke

and I wasted it on a six-year-old.

Elise, are you going to tell on me?

Oh, that depends.

[whispers] Did you bring the other one?

Are you having fun at camp?

Hmm.

Yeah.

My thoughts exactly.

[Allison] Okay girls.

We all know that part of being a Takota girl means

making the best out of a bad situation.

So, even though it's going to storm tonight,

and some jacked-up raccoons ruined our s'mores station,

that doesn't mean that we can't have a campout.

And what's the best part about a campout?

[girls] Sleeping.That's right,

ghost stories.

Is this the Takota campout ghost story?

Might be.

Unless you're too scared.

It's not scary at all.

Oh, really?

A hiker pushes his best friend off a mountain ledge.

And now that friend's ghost roams these very woods.

Seeking revenge.

That's not scary to you?

Okay.

What if I told you that...

the Takota ghost is lured to campfires?

Just like the campfires we have back at camp.

That's never happened.

Yes, it has.

In fact...

there is someone at camp right now

who has seen the ghost with her own eyes.

Prove it.

Okay.

Do you know that new counselor, Elise?

Well, back when she was a camper,

probably about your age,

the ghost showed up at her campout.

In fact, last night,

she said she saw the ghost roaming the woods,

moaning,

in pain.

[spooky voice] Elise.

Elise.

[whispers] Elise.

Good night, girls.

Sleep tight.

[thunder rumbles]

Oh, dear God.

But like an actual tater tot.

[Elise over radio] Are you there?

Hold on.

This is Max, over.

Can you come by the cabin? It's an emergency.

Yeah, we'll be right there.

What is this all about?

She probably got a tater tot in her butt.

Shut up.

I just needed to get a second opinion.

Well, my opinion,

is that it is great to have you back.

[laughs]

Seriously, what is going on down there?

Okay.

Initial thoughts,

you clearly take a lot of pride in grooming.

[chuckles]

Wow, Elise.

Um, also...

watch where you squat, dumb dumb.

You've got poison ivy...

[laughs] all up in your hoohaw.

And it's bad.

It's really bad.It's really bad.

[both laughing]

Wait, that's it?

Yeah.Are you positive?

I'm positive.

I'm positive, Elise.

[exhales]

My brain goes to the worst case scenario, you know?

I thought it was like the herp or something.

[both] Did you just call it "the herp"?

Elise.

You may make a STD sound like a 60s dance craze.

♪ Come on everybody, let's do the Herp ♪

♪ I said, doing the Herp ♪

♪ Doing the Herp...

This is not...

This is not funny!

All right.Okay.

I can go get some oatmeal and make an oatmeal bath.

You can run to the infirmary, grab some Calamine lotion.

And then, Elise, if you could start

putting all of your underwear in the freezer.

[laughing]

Seriously, how often do you wax?

Because it looks like a Barbie down there.

Yeah, seriously. And the underwear will help,

because it's, like, hot like a campfire.

Oh, yeah. It's generating some heat, girl.

Thank you!You can be a campfire with that crotch.

We're done!

[campers screaming]

[girls scream]

All right, girls!

[screaming]

Calm down.

Calm down, you little maniacs!

[screams]

Girls.

Girls, I'm pregnant!

[screaming stops]

Works on all ages, very cool.

Today we are going to take the flowers that we picked yesterday

and we're going to press them and turn them into some cool bookmarks.

Did everyone bring a book like I asked them to?

Wonderful.

Okay, let's start picking our flowers.

Elise, can I get your role?

Everyone's here.

I still need it for the office.

This is a Slim Jim wrapper.

Yeah.

Roll with it, Cassidy.

[sniffs]

Okay. Uh, by the way,

the office wanted me to bring you these phone messages.

Somebody's popular.

Oh, look!

Elise got some love notes.

[laughs]

Stop.

Put those back.

Girls.

Girls!

Give me that.

♪ Jeff and Elise Give me that.

[girls sing] ♪ Sitting in a tree

♪ K-I-S-S-I-N-G

♪ First comes love...

Oh, my God, shut up!

There was no tree.

Yeah, there was K-I-S-S-I-N-G-ing.

But guess what?

It wasn't with me!

And that's okay, because you know what, girls?

I'm here to tell you the truth.

And the truth is that love doesn't exist.

It is a concept that's been created by jewelry stores

and all-inclusive cruise ships.

[sniffs]

Because when you think that you found love,

you find out that your guy's seeing...

Vanessa, who has really beautiful hair

and somehow always looks good in boy shorts.

[door opens] Hey, Elise!

Can I speak to you for a second?

And that...

is why I love daisies.

I'll be right back.

What the hell is the matter with you?

Nothing, I'm just--

It's PMS.

Okay, well then eat a cookie.

Don't have a meltdown in front of a bunch of little kids.

[crying]

Okay, Elise.

Here is what we're going to do, okay?

I'm going to go finish the Katy Perry Kayak Jam.

Uh huh.You are going to finish class.

And then me, you and Al will go up to the cabin, okay?

We'll get our grown-up time on.

Okay.And then we're going to figure all this out.

Okay?Yeah.

Elise, you're not a robot after all.

Don't rust your little robot parts.

Okay.

It will be okay.Okay.

Can you finish class?Yes.

Are you okay?Yeah.

Go finish class.

Do you want a lollipop?No.

Okay.

Okay!

Oh, God.

I just don't get why you wouldn't tell us the truth about why you came to camp.

Uh, well A.

I was trying to forget about it.

And B.

It's embarrassing.

No. The fact that you peed your bunk until your were 11,

that's embarrassing.

That was a rough summer to be bottom bunk.

But you shouldn't be embarrassed about this.

You might want to rethink the company you keep, though.

It's just a thought.

You know, I should have known he was cheating on me.

There was never any problems.

When there is no problem,

uh, that's a problem.

I just can't believe you were the one

that leaked the Walker Paige photos.

I mean, I always thought he would make such a beautiful lesbian.

Oh, speaking of, did I tell you that I finally re-read my book?

Oh, it's bad.

It's like, epically awful.

Well I'm sure it's not that bad.

It's about a Loch Ness Monster...

that gets turned into a teenage boy

and has to keep his mythical secret from his girlfriend,

who turns out to be a centaur.

Okay, that sounds like a hot mess.

More like a hot "ness."

Nice!

That book sounds, "cen-tarded"?

Okay.Judges?

Yo, we're going to take it.

But the most frustrating thing is that...

I don't even like that YA fantasy romance crap.

But it's like, that's what's popular so I'll write it.

Hot guy, good job. I'll marry it.

Even if we're not right for each other.

He was too good for me.

Elise,

this guy cheated on you,

two weeks before your wedding.

Yeah, uh, I know.

The image of Vanessa is burned into my brain forever.

But it's like, I put on this,

"I have my shit together" facade

just to be good enough for him.

Good enough for him?

He was Ivy League.

He wrote for "Fortune Magazine."

He had five percent body fat!

Sounds boring.

Look, El, stop.

Stop it!

El, look, all that's done now.

So, you can act however you want.

You can write whatever you want.

You can be whatever you want.

I just want to be me.

But like, a happy version.

Oh.

Yum.

Oh, um, that's just like a local goat cheese.

Uh, some fresh arugula from Eli's garden.

Some thinly sliced pickled beets

that I did last week but it's basically a grilled cheese.

[mumbles] And my mouth is basically pregnant.

Oh, please.

When did you become such an "iron chef"?

Oh, speaking of...

I would totally do that Bobby Flay one.

Okay, you have officially been in an all-girls camp too long.

No, I have a weakness for the Irish.

And a weakness for weird faces?

And for the second course.

Ooh, grandma's recipe?

[laughing]

[upbeat music plays]

Oh, please don't, please don't.

Ow!

[laughs]

I'm flying, I'm flying!

You're not even trying!

[screams] Try!

Max, why didn't you tell me my face looked like that?

You were always so mean.

You wouldn't hang out with me.

Because you were so good making stuff up, man.

Remember the dance?

I still do them dances.

[Al] No, you don't.

Yes I do! Totally. It went...

[sings] ♪ I hate it when the summer ends ♪

♪ I got to say good-bye to

♪ My best friends

♪ Camp Takota, I love you so

♪ And I don't know how the rest goes ♪

How did it go?

Uh, I just remember you end it in splits.

Obviously, signature move.

Allison?Hmm.

Where's the thing for the thing?

To the sink by the kitchen.

Mm-hmm.

Here, will you help me move this?

I want more room for my dance moves.

You got it. Here, girl.

Beep, beep, beep.

[crashes]

What the hell are you doing?

I don't know. He scared me!

So I did the "break a beer bottle as a weapon" thing.

Jesus, Elise! This is a mountain,

it's not a 1980's street fight.

I never knew you were so ride or die.

I'm sorry.

You scared me and I guess this

is how I react when someone scares the onions out of me.

What?

What?

I just knocked and said, "Is anyone home?"

You looked menacing.

Your friend is crazy.

Yeah, she is.Crazy, this is Eli.

Eli, this is Crazy, sometimes known as Elise.

I'm going to clean this up.

[British accent] It's a pleasure to meet you.

No!

Oh!

Oh, no!

Ew, that looks pretty bad. Here, put some pressure on it.

Don't freak out!

Okay, no!

Okay, you know what?

We should take her to the infirmary.

All right, I'm going to drive because you two are blasted.

Debatable.

Elise, hold down the fort and we'll pick you up in the morning.

Sure.Eli, be a man!

What do you want me to do?

Grab her feet, she's choking me!

Come on.Don't break anything else.

[Max] You are heavy for your size!

Good night.

Ow!

[wind bell chiming]

Wake up.

Please don't punch me in the face.

Good morning.

Told Max I would take you back to camp.

What's wrong?

Well,

based on the first impression I gave you last night,

I guess there's no need trying to be cool now.

[clears throat]

You are a vision.

And that is a lot of pee.

You're a lot of pee.

Get off me!

Yup, still there.

[sighs]

I'll get your clothes back to you soon.

Not worried about it.

[exhales]

Only I could manage to look like the walk of shame at an all-girls camp.

[laughing]

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, go for it.

Aren't you a little old to be a camp counselor?

[laughs] Oh!

Wow!

You are quite the panty dropper.

Would you like to know my weight, too?

I'm just saying.

The campers probably think you're a narc.

Well, yeah.

It's how I get them to give up their weed.

[laughs]

[clears throat]

Do you want to know the truth?

Yeah.

Okay. [clears throat]

[exhales]

Well...

I...

caught my fiancé cheating on me.

And I got fired from my job.

So, I just...

wanted to get away from my life for a few months.

I'm really sorry.

But that makes two of us.

What do you mean?

I built my farm with my now ex-wife.

Ooh.Yeah.

She wanted it as a getaway.

But apparently she just really wanted to get away.

With my best friend, actually.

Ooh. Ouch.

Yeah.Okay, you win.

You know what? I did. Actually kind of win.

You know, she hated it here.

She tried to like it but she was just more of uh, cover girl.

In coveralls, you know?Mm-hmm.

And I got out of the divorce with a really rad farm.

And some...

amazing trust issues.

[chuckles]

I'm sorry, that was so stupid.

No, no it was funny.

Does this laundry room come with a two-drink minimum?

[laughing]

Yeah, I actually don't know what I am saying at all right now.

Um, just no idea.

I think I'm...

I think you make me a little nervous.

Well, being threatened with shards of glass will do that to a person.

Yeah.

No, um, not, "I'm scared of you" nervous.

But you are intimidating.

Intimidating.

[laughing]

You found me asleep in my own urine.

But you did it with such confidence.

It was beautiful.Yeah, I did.

[chuckles]

Well, if it'll make you feel any little less nervous,

how about this? I have poison ivy all over my crotch.

Oh, uh, wow!

A lot.

Now I officially pity you.

I am so sorry.

[laughs]

Exactly!

I am a mess.

I like it.

um...

Look if uh...

If you ever want someone to talk to,

I uh...

do a lot of night fishing.

Um, maybe you could give me a couple flashes off the dock

and I will row over.

[laughs]

What?

What's so funny?

Do you always ask girls to flash you across the lake?

A flash is with a flash light.

Oh!Perv. Yeah.

Right, right.

[laughing]

Okay, well...

I'm going to leave now, because you ruined the moment.

What?

Were we having a moment?

I thought so.

Well, warn me next time, why don't ya.

[laughs]

I will um...

I will see you later,

Nark.

Good-bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Hello, Eli.

Hey, Max.

I peed all over your blankets.

[laughs] Oh, look at you!

Finally acting like your old self again.

Did you apologize to Eli for almost shivving him last night?

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

Eli's cute, huh?

Okay, Max, stop.

The last thing I need is to invite someone else into this crazy town.

Well, actually, you guys have a lot in common.

Oh, obviously.

You know how interested I am in farming.

What did you come in here for?

Well, I definitely didn't come in to look at Chet

through the window and crank this baby to spin cycle.

And that's my queue.

It's my favorite sport.Okay.

[laughs] I'm really lonely!

[exhales]

Hey there, my favorite sweat machine.

[exhales]

See girls,

isn't it great to get out of the craft hut and get some fresh air?

No, fresh air is "totes" overrated.

Okay, well you picked the wrong place to be this summer.

Un, duh. Next summer I am staying home and hanging by the pool.

Oh, Sarah.

This is part of the conversation where I ignore you and continue being in a good mood.

I can respect that.

Girls look.

That's where I had my first ever campout at Takota.

[click tongue] Aw.

Keep going!Sweet life, Sarah. Ugh.

I bet that's where she saw the ghost.

Hey, Chet.

Max, we have a problem.

Are raccoons stealing your sleeves again?

No.

Okay.

Just, okay.

The roof of the far east cabin is in really rough shape,

to the point it's falling in.

Can we call it a sky light?

Okay.What is that?

I'll just have them camp out tonight.

Would you...

get whatever you need from the hardware store?

I caught it.I know.

Does momma need some Fiber Nuts?

[horn honks]

Come on, Chet!

Oh, no.

We'll rip everything out and have brand new tables.

[Jared] Absolutely everything will be state of the art.

Wait, what's Jared doing here?

Everyone will have a camp-issued tablet to ensure that everyone is in constant contact.

What's he saying.Hush.

Kyle, come here.

What, are we looking for a contact?

What?

[sneezes]

Oh, this is gross.

Kyle.

The cabins have to be demo'd.

Obvi.

And we'll put up the dormitories instead.

Where's the dormitory?

It's right here, Kyle.

Now... [scoffs]

This modern architecture along the waterfront.

I can't.

I can't even. I won't.

Now this entire wall will be plasma screens displaying

Twitter feeds, Reddit discussions, etcetera.

It will need a total gut renovation.

I bet you the food in here would give you a gut renovation.

[laughing]

Kyle, will you not?

Now let's go to the craft hut.

AKA, the new gaming nucleus brought to you by Jared.

Oh.

Okay.

And before anybody freaks out--

All the dirt must go and kill all the squirrels.

And over there, will be a 4G tower, right there.

[Kyle] Oh, wow!

How would that look?

Right there.It will work perfect, yes.

Maxipad!

Actually, it's Maxine now.

People haven't called me Maxipad in weeks.

So.So...

nice to see you.

Well I wish I could say the same, Jared.

What the hell are you doing here?

Didn't Mom tell you?

After this year, your Kumbaya crap...

is over.

What do you mean, over?

Over like that hair do honey.

[laughs]

It's a side pony and it's a classic, thank you.

This hole...

will be turned into a place for social media gurus.

Camp Takota is going to be a specialized digital...

and interactive camp.

What.

So you're going to specialize in dick?

Mm-hmm.

And it's going to be super hard.

So I doubt you can handle it.

Ha! I would never handle your dick!

I wouldn't go anywhere near your dick.

Sounds like someone needs to get laid.

oh!

No, I do just fine in that department, thank you.

- [beeping] - What are you doing?

What is that? A picture?

Ice cold.

You can hang meat in that thing.

Burr. Pork chops.

[screams]

Maxipad. What?

Just one more thing.

What is that? That's not even the middle finger.

You're not worth the middle finger.

[screams]

Kyle.

Ally-oop to the coop.

Here we are.

Kyle!

Let me guess.

You talked to my son.

Is this for real?I'm afraid it is.

Well, will you please explain it to me while I fight off a panic attack?

Oh, look, Max.

As much as we don't like to think of it as such,

Takota is a business and unfortunately,

that business hasn't been doing well for a long time now.

How not well?

Every year, less and less campers come back to camp.

Once these girls get a cell phone,

they would rather sit in their rooms in the dark

all summer and Twitter at each other than come back to camp.

Okay, well fine. We'll do a big...

sign-up tour during the school year and we'll get some fresh blood in here.

I wish it were that simple, Max.

Look, we operate in the off season

off the money we acquire at the end of the summer

from pre-registration for the next year,

and lord knows those numbers have dropped completely off the charts.

I've already taken out a second mortgage on the land.

And we're behind on that.

How behind are we?

I'm pretty sure the only person we don't owe money to right now is you.

Yeah but, Sally, come on.

Jared is walking around this place like

he's going to turn it into the Starbucks of summer camps.

Sweetie, as much as I don't like his methods or his means,

or even his general personality,

he's my son.

I've seen the numbers, it will work.

At least it'll still be a camp and not condos.

It might as well be condos.

How many pre-registrations would it take to keep us afloat until next summer?

Oh, Maxine, I know this is tough.

If my mother knew I was closing her camp doors--

Sally, how many?

To cover the current mortgage,

all of our creditors--

Sally, just "ball park it."

Please.

Half.

Half the camp would have to pre-register.

Done.

Max, we never had those numbers, not even in the glory days.

Sally.

Is it a deal?

Back to work.

I love you, sweetie.

[indistinct chatter]

[ringing]

[sighs]

[Kathy] Hi, you've reached Kathy and... [whispers] Speak Bruce.

[Bruce] Bruce!

[Kathy] We're out of the country with extremely

limited access to phone or email because... we're in Paris!

[slams phone]

It worked.

[screeches] Be cool!

Be cool.

[Elise laughing]

Hey.Hi.

So that took along time.

Yeah, I uh,

kind of underestimated the whole thing.

[chuckles]

So, where is everybody at?

Um, they're in their bunks.

It's eight-o-clock though.

Isn't it great?

[laughs] Um...

I-I have a favor that I need to ask.

Can we go somewhere else because the mosquitos have literally taken a pint of my blood.

Because...

[whispers] that took along time.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Uh-huh.I thought it would be romantic.

Ah, not really.

I came over on a boat.

Yeah, but I've seen "The Notebook."

[Eli laughs]

So don't be surprised if you do see any campers down here.

This is where all the older girls like to come smoke cigarettes.

Ah.Because they think it makes them so cool.

I see the poison ivy is clearing up.

Oh, no.

This is just how I walk.

It's pretty sexy, huh?

Yeah.

[chuckles]

Um...

Would you mail these for me?

There's a camper who's not getting any mail and

she's a little homesick, so I'm going to pretend these are from her parents.

What? She's like our little camp underdog.

No it's, uh...

It's just really sweet.

Well surprise!

I'm not all broken bottles and hangovers.

This might be a weird note to get from your parent.

Yeah, sorry.

So have you ever thought about investing in a speed boat?

You need to let it go.[laughs]

I know it took awhile.

So, did you call him?

Oh, no, no.

That ship has sailed.

I could probably call him and tell him that.

But I think it's more fun to torture him.

Hmm, well remind me not to cross you.

No, I'm a great girlfriend.

Really?

Oh, yeah. The best.

I will change like a chameleon, just to make my boyfriend happy.

Yeah.

I'm pretty great.

Well, you can definitely knock that off.

Because I think you're...

I think you're pretty awesome as is.

Really?

Yeah, really.

And you're pretty hilarious.

And you're pretty.

Well, you're not...

that too bad either.

What?

[laughs] Okay, that wasn't even a sentence.

I tried a sentence.Slow down.

on the compliments and...I made an attempt at a sentence.

Hey, Elise. Sorry guys.

Max needs us in the mess hall.

Okay.

Thank you for ruining a moment.

We were having a moment.

That was a moment.

Stop.That was a moment.

Don't forget the letters.

Don't forget your manners.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Good night.

It was definitely a moment.

So, that's the situation.

We need to secure a 50% return rate by the end of camp,

or the Takota we know and love will cease to exist.

Yes.

How much is 50%?

112.

And how many did we have last year?

Twenty seven.

Guys, I know that doesn't sound good but,

I'm not going to let Jared come in here and destroy this place.

And then what?

Next summer instead of campfires and archery,

our campers are at home experimenting with drugs.

And back alley abortions.

Okay, these girls are from the suburbs.

Exactly.

I'm not going to let that happen.

I want every camper back here next summer.

Well...

I don't mean to be a downer but this camp is in rough shape.

Most of the cabins are just a sack of splinters.

Chet,

please shut your beautiful,

beautiful face.

Look.

I know that Takota isn't the prettiest girl at the dance.

But she's our girl.

And I don't want Jared getting his creepy hands on her.

So what can we do?

Okay, visitors day is in two weeks,

and that is our best shot at getting parents to fork over the cash.

I know we don't have a lot of time.

And I spent way too much time on those graphs.

But I really think we can get this place looking and feeling like a million bucks.

So... who's in?

That was supposed to be more of a rousing speech.

Let's do it!

[cheering]

Chet, your hands are too large.

And too slow.

Well, I didn't want to do it anyway.

Okay, that's a lie.

Team work!

Wow.[laughs]

Yeah!

[laughing]

[music playing]

Anybody need the glue?

I need the glue!

There.

These are new recipes. Squash, chicken and the new tots.

Oh.

[slaps hand]

They're so good!

[laughing]

[drill whirring]

[laughing]

And then when we're done,

we're going to have some really cool friendship bracelets

that we can give to our moms tomorrow at visitors day.

[Max on radio] Elise, there's a phone call in the office for you.

Can you just take a message? There's only a couple minutes left of this class.

Already tried, she is not having it.

Her name is Celia something...

I'm...

on my way.

Melinda, can I put you in charge for the last couple of minutes?

Sure.

Hello.

Elise!

How are you? It's Celia.

Good.

Let me get right to the point.

You're obviously aware of the media frenzy,

your little "oops" unleashed.

Uh, actually, no I've, um....

kind of unplugged this summer.

Well allow me to catch you up.

Since that photo leaked,

sales for the "Midnight Moonlight" series

have more than quadrupled.

Wait, what?

Two words: cougar appeal.

It's not just preteen girls buying the books.

Now housewives across the nation are lusting after Walker too.

Well, congratulations.

I still don't know what this has to do with me?

Walker is writing a memoir.

Isn't he like, 16?

No, he's completely legal!

I'm calling because,

I would like you to come back and take point on this.

In fact, Walker insists.

So, hop on the earliest flight back tonight

so I can have you here tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow, um. I'm...

kind of in the middle of something right now. Uh.

Elise, I read "Unlock My Heart."

Looks like we can have a serious franchise on our hands.

I'll see you at 9:00 AM sharp.

[dial tone]

Hey.

Do you have any paint pens in here?

Um, yeah, they're on the shelf.

Thank God.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm just tired.

Elise, can you do a, uh...

quick spot check of the mess hall tonight?

Yeah.And then, if you go to the older campers' bunk

and just make sure it's not a mess.

That would be awesome. And if there are any down---

Max could you just stop?

Just for a second.

What's the matter?

Um, [sniffs]

I don't think I'm gonna be able to do all of that.

I know, I know.

I'm asking you guys to do so much.

There's just like, there is so much left to do.

And meanwhile, the 13-year-olds now,

their sticking tater tots down each other's butt cracks

and calling it "Tater Slots".

Like, is that what people do for fun now?

No, Max, I don't think...

I'm going to be able to do all that stuff because, um...

I won't be here.

I'm going to leave camp tonight.

Okay, seriously, Elise.

Your lying is getting like Allison-level good.

Um, I'm serious.

Okay, guys, um, let's all pack it up.

We'll take it down to the mess hall and hang it.

What the hell are you talking about?

My old boss, Celia,

she offered me my job back.

So I have to be in Chicago tomorrow.

Look, she read my book and she liked it.

What? The book that you don't even like?

That one?

Okay, Max, I--

I don't expect you to understand.

But I have been waiting for...

working for this for literally years.

No, Elise, I understand.

I understand that all that,

"I just wanted to be me" talk

was bull shit.

Max.

Nope, seriously.

Have fun pretending to be perfect.

Maybe when you're back in Chicago,

you could babysit for Jeff and Vanessa.

Oh! That's a little harsh.

You know, I don't really care, Allison.

Because I've never seen someone act so selfish in my entire life.

Oh, wait. I'm selfish?

Yeah, you are.

I'm being selfish?

Thank you for admitting that, Elise.

Hey, guys. Let's take a deep breath.

This entire thing that we're doing,

is so that you can get your promotion.

So don't you dare call me selfish!

Wow!

Wow! That is really low, Elise!

Because, you know, if I remember correctly,

two months ago when you didn't have anything,

where did you go? Hmm?

Oh, right, you came here!

And now I'm selfish because I'm working my ass off

to make sure that this place still exists?

So that when you screw up,

in a couple of years you'll actually have a place to turn to.

Thank you for the vote of confidence.

And this isn't just for me, Elise.

This is for Sally and for the kids.

And for Allison.Oh.

The best thing that could happen to Allison

is if this place gets shut down.

What are you talking about?

What is she talking about, Allison?

I don't know.

She is taking about the fact that,

she got excepted to a culinary school in Chicago.

And she's never going to go.

Because she's scared of you.

She always has been.

Because, Maxine, you're a control freak.

Is that true?

All right, you can get your shit form the office.

I'm done.

Max.

[door slams shut]

Elise, what the hell?

I read the letters.

[laughs] So what?

That gives you the right to start making decisions on my behalf?

Where have you been for the last eight years?

Allison, don't do this.Stop.

You're the last person I need life advice from.

Eli!

Eli!

Hey, nark.

Hey, can I borrow your phone? I need to call a cab.

It might take awhile.

There's cabs like uh, 100 miles away.

Okay, well then will you drive me

to the closest train station or bus station?

Or anything that will take me away from here?

What's going on? Are you all right?

Yeah, I uh,

I got my old job back.

I'm going back to Chicago.

[laughs] Okay.

You're joking?

Right?

You're not, um...

Okay, well, what about saving Takota?

You're just going to bail on Max?

Look, Eli.

This has been really fun.

But let's not kid ourselves.

Sooner or later I was going to have to go back to the real world.

Right.

It's weird because...

this is the real world to me.

And everything about this...

is real to me, too.

Get another ride, Elise.

Chet!

I need a ride.

Okay.

[sniffs]

Is it true?

That you don't want to be here?

No, no.

I mean...

I don't know.

This is my home.

Everything I know is here but, yeah.

Sometimes I do wonder.

Then, Allison, why wouldn't you just...

say something to me about it?

Oh, come on, Maxine.

I know exactly what you would say.

You'd say that I would hate the city,

because God knows you do.

Every summer you just bolt right out of there.

That is so not true.

Yes, it is.

Okay, let me explain something to you.

I'm not running away from somewhere.

I'm running to somewhere.

To camp.

Because this is what I love.

And this is what makes me happy.

So if culinary school is going to make you feel the

same way that this place makes me feel,

then, Allison,

get the hell out of here.

Okay, but what if I hate it there?

What if I suck?

Please.

You're like the "Good Will Hunting" of culinary arts.

[laughing]

Please, make my cookies.Okay.

I'm going to eat all of them,

and you're not going to eat shit.

I don't know what the circumstances are that brought you back to us but,

I'm sure glad you're here.

[music playing]

[Penny] Dear Elise,

thank you for being my friend.

I had so much fun this summer.

I don't want to go home yet.

Love, Penny.

[PA announcer] Now boarding bus 57 to Chicago.

[bus engine revving]

[music playing]

Hey.

Way to go girl.

It's pretty great, isn't it?

It sure is.

Look, whatever happens today,

you are going to be an amazing Camp Director.

I was just hoping it would be here.

Thank you, Sally.

I'm still holding out hope.

[laughs]

Oh, I need some Kleenex.Go.

Get out of here.

Jared!

Didn't know that you'd be joining us today.

Oh, hell to the yes.

Kyle.

Sorry. Sorry.

I want to see this maxipad replaced with a tampon.

So I take it you're referring to yourself as a tampon now?

I'm slim.

And I'm out for blood.

Okay, that's gross.

Look, as much as I'd like to stand here

and listen to your prepared insults,

I actually have a camp to run.

Oh, but wait.

I deserve the middle finger.

I'm worth the middle finger!

Okay. It's hot.Whew.

And my pedicure is completely ruined.

Places.

Hey, everybody.

Welcome to visitors day!

We are super excited to have you all here.

In the sprit of old and new,

we're going to be performing a song

that I wrote with my two best friends

back when I was a camper here.

Hope you enjoy.

Five, six, seven, eight.

♪ I hate it when the summer ends ♪

♪ Got to say good-bye to

♪ Our best friends

♪ Camp Takota, I love you so

♪ I don't know where the summers go ♪

♪ I love Camp Takota

♪ T-A-K-O-T-A

♪ Gonna miss Camp Takota

♪ But I'll be back next summer ♪

Yay!

♪ Wake up in the morning

♪ In my bunk

♪ My hair looks kooky...

What are you doing here?I am so sorry.

I honestly have no idea what I was thinking.

Elise, I am so sorry about all that stuff I said.

I'm so glad you're back.

♪ Into the mess

♪ Grab some grub

♪ And I'm on my way

♪ To my activities

♪ For the day

♪ Arts and Crafts

♪ We tie dye

♪ Archery

♪ Hit bulls eyes

♪ Canoeing

♪ And pillow fights around the clock ♪

♪ In the mess

♪ Eat tater tots ♪ Basketball!

♪ Making all the shots

♪ And when the day comes to an end ♪

♪ Go to sleep and do it again ♪

♪ I love Camp Takota

♪ Gonna miss Camp Takota

♪ But I'll be back next summer ♪

Yay!

[cheering]

[applause]

Bravo! Bravo!

[cheering continues]

[indistinct chatter]

Hard to believe it's closing campfire, huh?

Are summers getting shorter?

[laughs]

Why don't you lead this one?

Are you sure?

Thanks.

[clapping]

Every year we close out the summer with one final campfire.

It's a chance to reflect on what an amazing summer it's been,

and all the memories you'll hold on to

until you're back here next summer for opening campfire.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

There will be no opening campfire next year.

A Yule log DVD at best.

Because...

Drum roll, Kyle.

[drum sounds]

I'm taking over camp!

[chuckles]

Yep, I'm finally giving this place a long-overdue makeover.

I'm bringing this,

"hole"

into the 21st Century.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

[crickets chirping]

Okay, yep, nope.

It's true.

Jared might be taking over next summer.

And...

you'll be updating your statuses from the mess hall,

and live-Tweeting the campfires.

And all your friends back home will know how awesome this place is.

But who wants that?

Since I was eight years old,

this place has been like,

like an old friend to me.

We have all our inside jokes.

And the songs that only...

we know.

And you go back home and you try to tell people about...

camp and you end up just saying,

"You had to be there."

Well, I really hope...

that there is still going to be at place you have to be.

Because I'm not ready to say good-bye to this friend yet.

[crying]

Okay.

Sorry.

Tonight we are so honored to have with us

a very special guest at Takota.

To read our Takota campfire ghost story.

He is the "New York Times" best-selling author...

of such thrillers as...

Hey.

Elise.

Eli, I just...

I really wanted to say that,

I am so sorry.

I was just really mean to you yesterday.

I mean like,

I was straight up a bitch.

Okay, well I wouldn't say that.

No, I was.

Maybe a little.

Look, I thought about what you said.

And you were right.

This has been fun.

But, Elise...

I want it to keep being fun.

[Max] Eli Morgan!

Eli!

That smell. What is that?

I-I slept in a bus station last night.

[Max] He's not the most punctual man... Gross.

... but he's going to be great at this if he ever--

Eli,

Max just intro'd you.

[Max] Give him a round of applause everybody.

Excuse me. Um, thank you.

Break a leg.

He's a writer?

Yeah.

And a local farmer.

Look, technically I didn't lie to you.

[Eli] So,

to this day,

Takota campers can still see the ghost.

You see,

he's attracted to the fire.

He's drawn to the smoke.

Much like the campfire we have going on right now.

[tree branches breaking]

So, when you Takota girls build your campfires for s'mores,

and stories...

[branches breaking]

Just remember,

you might have an extra visitor and your campout that night.

[man] What was that?

[trees rustle]

Somebody call 911!

I'm not getting any service.

[campers scream]

Get me out of here!

Elise.

Oh, no.

[Jared] This place sucks!

Jeff, what are you doing here?

Elise, you did not return any of my calls.

I have nothing to say to you.

I'm sorry, okay?

I messed up, I know that.

I am so sorry.

But you can not...

You have to give me another chance.

I don't have to do anything.

El, everything all right?

Who the hell is this guy?

This is my boy--

[crowd] Awe.

Eli.

This is my Eli.

[gasps]

This guy! This--

[Elise] Stop! Stop!

Jeff, you're ruining visitors day!

Stop!

That's gonna leave a mark.

Jeff, we are done!

It's over!

Stop embarrassing yourself.

Go home!

What are you looking at?

Huh?

And you...

That was incredibly hot

and I'm very turned on right now!

I loved him so much.

I should go.Yeah.

Me, too.Do that.

Yup.

Sorry, everyone.

Uh...

Just dealing with a ghost from my past.

[applauding]

Well,

that was quite the closing campfire.

Thank you to Eli

for the ghost story.

[applause]

[cheering]

What do you say we reconvene in the morning

for a delicious breakfast spread prepared by Allison.

How you doing?

I might had a few bowls of Fiber Nuts, but...

I'm holding up.

Max, I had no idea

that Jeff was going to show up tonight.

I'm so sorry if this ruined--

Unh-uh.

It's fine.

You know, we did all we could do.

And I am...

really glad you came back.

Shall we?

[laughs] Well, duh.

To best friends.

What about me?

[laughing]

Quick, get in here.

Do you have supersonic hearing or something?

I got some supersonic dishes I gotta do so I'll just take one.

Best friends.Cheers, guys.

Max.

Channing Tatum.

Oh, my God. You guys overslept.

Whoa!

And you reek of Scotch.

Now, come on.

Put an Altoid in your mouth and come help me out.

The line in the mess is insane!

What?

Allison. Everything looks under control. What're you talking about?

Oh, I'm not talking about this line. Come on.

I'm talking about that line.

Yeah, no one can shut up about last night's ghost.

Apparently it reminded campers and ex-campers--

AKA moms with check books--

how magical camp can be.

Plus I think they genuinely don't want Jared

in charge of their children.

Hi.Hey.

Guess what?

What?

We officially did it.

Over 60% of the camp is pre-registered.

Hey, Chet. Guess what?

Um, Chet please.

I don't get it.

Wood shed.

Chet, wood shed.

So like, how old do you have to be to be a counselor?

Because "obvi" I'm super mature for my age.

Okay, smoker's cough doesn't make you mature.

Give it five more summers as a camper.

[coughs] Okay.

Well, can you put all the Robin's Eggs

in the same cabin next year?

It's a deal.

Are you serious?Yeah.

Whoa!

All right.

I'll see you next summer, girls.

You guys, we did it!

[screams]

So exciting!

I know!

Wow! This is crazy.

Maxine.Hi.

I hear you are about to take over the Takota throne.

The rumors are "true-mers," Mrs. Fefferman.

Call me Kathy.

And then...

Just call me.

Let's talk sponsorship!Okay.

Elise, I just want to thank you for everything

you did for Penny this summer.

It was my pleasure.

Everything.

Did you get a deal on Avon?

"Kathy Fefferman.

President of Fefferman Sporting Goods."

I smell an equestrian center.

Oh, no, that's just me.

Oh.

Guys.

Is that Lindsey Johnson?

The practicing Frenching Lindsey Johnson?

Excuse me, ladies.

♪ This is my moment

I'm going to go help with pre-registrations.

In the wood shed.

Oh.

Can I get in on this?

Yeah.Bring it over, lady.

[sighs]

So, Max.Yes.

Now that you're officially Camp Director,

and there's actually a camp to direct,

what is your first order of business?

Allison.Yep.

You're fired.

[gasps] Oh, man!

Don't worry, girl.

We can be unemployed together!

Girls.

Seriously.

Thank you.

Like all jokes and sarcasm aside, thank you.

I'm pretty lucky to have two friends who will put up with all my crazy ideas.

You know, like saving a camp.

[chuckles]

I think it was worth saving.

Yep.

Agreed.

Unlike that fanny pack.

I'm sorry, what's that?

Uh, okay,

I haven't said a thing all summer but that has got to go.

Uh, this is a classic, Elise.

[laughs] It makes me "clas-sick."

[gasps]

I did one!

That was good.Thank you.

I'm proud of you for that joke,

but I still don't believe you on that.

No, you really got to fanny "pack it up."

Raise that end a little higher.

It's perfect.

[girl] Thank you very much.You're welcome.

What's your name?

Eli.

What are you doing here?

Well, I think you're really pretty,

and I wanted your autograph, so...

You know you get these for free.

Quit holding up my line.

All right, I'll be at the bar.

Security!

Hi, what's your name?

Madison.

Hi, Madison.

Thank you.

Hi, what's your name?

♪ Hey, Ladies

♪ Camp

♪ Camp, camp it up

♪ Camp, camp, camp it up

♪ Camp

♪ Camp it up

♪ Camp, camp, camp it up...

[fast beat music playing]