All language subtitles for Black Mirror - White Christmas.RiVER.CHI

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(WIND HOWLS)

(MUFFLED NOISES)

MUSIC: I Wish It Could Be
Christmas Everyday by Wizzard

♪ When the snowman brings the snow

♪ Well, he just might like to know

♪ He's put a great, big smile
on somebody's face

♪ If you jump into your bed

♪ Quickly cover up your head

♪ Don't you lock the doors

♪ You know that sweet
Santa Claus is on the way

♪ Well, I wish it could
be Christmas every day... ♪

(CLANGING)

♪.. When the kids start singing
and the band begins to play

♪ Oh, I wish it could be
Christmas every day. ♪

(MUSIC STOPS)

I was just getting into that.

What are you doing?

Roast potatoes.

We're doing Christmas.

Christmas.

Christmas Day, December 25th.
You've heard of it?

No work today,
so the bottle's on the table.

I know we didn't have
decorations last year. But, er...

I couldn't find them last year.

They're only supposed to have
stored essentials here.

I think it's kind of adorable
someone thinks tinsel is essential.

I figured it'd be good for us
to have a meal, a drink, talk...

Good for you or me?

Come on.
What has it been, five years?

How many sentences
have you said to me? Three?

(SIGHS)

I mean, I'm exaggerating...
a little.

But, come on, there
is a little bit of

a conversational
drought happening here.

My ears need water.

I'm not big on conversation.

- Practice makes perfect.
- Maybe I'll bore you.

Buddy, look, at this point, being
bored by anything other than snow

would be a relief.

So come on.

Chitchat.

Conversate...

Something.

Come on, for me.

For Christmas.

What do you want to talk about?

Why are you here?

No-one ends up here

without things going to total shit
for them back out there.

It's a job, not a jail.

Often one and the same thing.

So...

.. what went wrong for you out there?

Nothing.

Bullshit.

It's not an interrogation!

What about you?

An icebreaker. You're learning.

What went to shit for you?

- Sure you don't want that drink?
- Did you talk your way into trouble?

In a roundabout way.

I talked to people.
Made money from it.

Why? What were you?

Some sort of
a Los Angeles drive-time DJ?

I was not a DJ.

More like a guru.

Oh, don't say you were
a spiritual guru.

I was decidedly not
a spiritual guru.

(DEVICE CHIMES)

'Hello, Harry. I'm patched
through now. How are you doing?'

Sorry, I'm not quite dressed yet.

'Don't worry that's why I'm here.

'Just show me what
you're planning on wearing

'and we'll take things from there.'

- How about this?
- 'Doesn't work.

'It's boring blue and you're
not boring blue. Not tonight.'

Right. Which one of these is good?

Like I said, white shirt
with a black tie

with a slim-cut grey jacket.

Classic, timeless. Smart.

I don't usually do jackets.

You don't usually do anything.

And sort out that hair, because...

OK.

(EXHALES)

Remember those breathing
techniques we talked about, OK?

You're going to do fine.

It's going to be fine.

(MUSIC PLAYS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

She's cute.

Yes.

Not out loud.

Absolutely.

You need to pick your spots
when you want to talk out loud. OK?

OK. The function room
is in the back.

Trust me, if you walk
in there like you belong,

no-one's going to say anything.

OK.

So what were you running,
some corporate espionage outfit?

Romantic services.

Boy meets girl thanks to...

"in-the-field assistance".

You coached dorks whilst
they cruised singles bars.

Singles bars are depressing.
We'd do regular bars and clubs.

But at Christmas time...
we'd gate-crash office parties.

See, there's this dynamic
to Christmas work parties.

All the attractive women
have been surrounded by

regulation office ass-clowns
for the whole year,

and now they want to
let their hair down.

According to the pop psychologist.

So I know how the mind works.

'Now, don't stand
around like a lamppost.'

Walk over to the bar.

'Remember. Always
move with purpose.'

< Yeah, who's next?

Yeah. Can I have a...?

Three pints, a vodka Diet Coke
and a shot of tequila.

Yeah. Don't worry about him,
all right?

Just grab one of those
empty bottles off the bar

while Captain Douchebag
orders his piss-water.

We're just going to need it
for a prop anyway.

Have a look around.

'See anything you like?'

What? The blonde?

The dark-haired girl?

Interesting choice.

Go straight over,
but focus on the blonde.

'Now. Come on.

'Confidence. You can do this.'

Hold on, just finding
out who they are.

OK, bullshit opener.

Try the horse story.
At the blonde girl.

Hey, so, did anyone see that
guy outside riding the horse?

- Did you see him?
- What? A guy on a horse?

Yeah, like, 20 minutes ago,
this guy, shirtless,

~ riding a horse down
the high street. - Really?

Yeah, honestly. He, er...

The weirdest part was that he
had a bow and arrow, right?

What? A real bow and arrow?

I swear to God.
He probably did it for a bet

but he looked like something
out of Tolkien, you know?

Sorry, who are you?

Stall until I...
until I find something.

I'm pretty sure I'm me.

(LAUGHS)

Just you're not from the office.
Who do you know from here?

Say, "I know you." Friendly.

I know you, for one.

Dawson.

Dawson, isn't it?

You met at Kath's barbecue.

Yeah. We met at
Kath's barbecue back in...

- June.
- .. June or so. Yeah.

He had a pork pie hat.

You had a poor guy's hat.

A PORK PIE hat.

A pork pie hat that
you wore on your head.

He'll pretend he remembers,
even though

he won't actually know if he does.

Right.

Yeah?

Yeah, sorry.

No. No, no worries. No worries.

Crazy night.

You're doing fine.
Don't neglect the blonde.

You, I don't know.

- Amy.
- Amy. Hi.

Get her to introduce you
to the dark-haired girl.

So, are all of your friends
this suspicious?

'Nice.'

I don't think so.

This is Jennifer.

- Hi, Jennifer.
- Hi.

Now focus on Amy and we'll do that
funny material that we worked on.

Anyway, this guy gets off the horse
and he's got a backpack, right?

The tactic, generally,
was to deliberately

freeze out the one you were
actually interested in.

For one thing you
wouldn't seem needy but...

also they would, most times,
sort of lean in naturally.

People want to be noticed.

They don't like to be shut out.
It makes them feel invisible.

But this girl...

This girl seemed content
with being ignored.

Maybe she could smell a loser.

No.

No. She was an outsider.

An attractive outsider.

There's nothing more
tantalising than that.

Huh. Well, she's off. OK.

Gonna be a challenge. Don't quit.

Let's let our friend Amy here yadder
on for a little while and then, uh,

find an excuse to slip away.

They will sit outside on the balcony
till, like, four in the morning...

Listen, I've just go
to the little boys' room.

So just keep the party going
and I'll, you know...

Sure.

Do you actually have to go?

'Yeah, but it's not
easy with you watching.'

I promise. I won't peek.

So you streamed everything he saw,
and he trusted you with that?

Well... it was only me watching.

'Jesus, how much urine?
He's pissing like a harpooned cow.'

'It's making me want to go.

'Well, it is!'

OK, there's our girl.
All right, Harry.

Your best bet is to just go over
and start talking to her.

'You just want to establish
a rapport.

'OK. Don't be scared of her.'

OK, guys, any observations
so far, helping our man out here?

'Here's what's interesting, she's
pretty but no-one's hitting on her.'

'Probably means they've given up.'

'She always gives them
the brush-off cos...'

'They're regular types, she's
an outsider with zero in common.'

OK that's a possible 'in'.

Harry, engage in conversation,
but be cynical. Right? Cutting.

'Like Bonnie and Clyde, huh?
You two against the world.'

Confidence. Confidence.
Just talk to her.

I don't really get parties. You know?

You just kind of turn up and it's...
it's enforced fun, all night.

Talk about what TV shows
you've fallen behind on.

Pretend to be happy.

Maybe everyone else enjoys it,
maybe it's just me?

It's definitely not just you.

Good start, now do
some more outsider small talk.

And keep looking at her.
I need to gauge her reactions.

So I noticed you sitting
alone on the edge

and I thought, "Hey, kindred spirit."

I really hate when people say
"kindred spirit", you know.

And people that do that.

Me too.

Yeah, I guess you don't
really like parties either.

The noise wrecks it for me.

All the talking and talking,
it never fucking stops.

OK, she curses, so should you.

Shit, fucking,

I fucking always totally think
that it's fucking shit. You know?

I can't think through
all the babble.

I only got through it last year
because I was on drugs.

I'm sorry, what's that? What's that?

Just, like, pills, but

'they must've been pretty strong
because I actually enjoyed myself.'

That's cool.

Don't say cool.

I wish I had some drugs right now.

No, you don't.

I'm just... I'm joking.

I don't take them any more.

Say, "That's good."

Well, that's good,
because you don't...

You don't need that
shit in your system, no.

'I'd say she's
a level four rock chick.'

'Semi-reformed. Probably respond
well to spiritual conversation.'

'I don't think I can face fucking
weeks of that. I might bail, boys.'

OK, look, it's too public here.

Ask if you can move someplace
quieter, where you can really talk.

People just want to be heard.

That's why 90% of seduction
is just listening.

Or at least pulling
a face like you're listening.

That works, too. The important thing
is to make them feel important.

Like they can make you
want to extinguish

the rest of the world
and focus on them.

Full attention.

Like you're not giving me now.
What's wrong?

- That clock.
- What about it?

I just... I just never
noticed it before.

In five years? Jesus.

Anyway, the point is
to stay locked in on them

long enough to build a rapport.

So, well, I would guess that
either every guy in there has

already tried to hit on you or maybe
they find you too intimidating.

Am I intimidating?

No, no, no, no, no. I'm just er...

No, I just imagine that they all
kind of want to get in inside your...

Head.

Head.

Some of them have tried.

Not directly. They send messages,

or they make it so you
know what they're thinking.

Yeah. That can't be fun.

It's just tiring, you know.

It just doesn't end, ever.

- I wouldn't know, I never
hit on anyone.
- Really?

OK, er...

ask her how long she's worked there.

- 'So, how long you worked for...'
- Magson Frank.

.. Magson Frank.

Three years.

Oh, wow.
So three Christmas parties...

This will be my last.

Oh, really? Are you leaving?

I've been planning it forever,
but you know what it's like.

You know you have to do it,
but when it comes right down to it,

it's hard to work up the courage.

You can empathize with that.

Yeah. It's like when you want
to jump into a pool,

and you're worried that the
water's going to be cold.

But you know moments after you
jump in that it'll be fine.

It's the fear of the
shock that holds you back.

Ultimately the only thing
you're worried about is

the transition from one state to
another, and that can't hurt you

because it's...
it's just a state change.

Great stuff, kid.
Almost word-for-word.

That's exactly right,
it's just a state change.

Right. And it's frustrating cos
you've always got these ten

voices in your head saying,

"Don't do it" and another
ten in your head saying, "Do it".

Which one do you listen to?

The "do it"s.

Really?

Yeah. If you don't like it,
you can just cut and run.

You know, get it over and done with.

You're right. I will.

Well.

To changing states.

To changing states.

(GLASSES CHIME)

Sorry.

'She touched his knee.'

'She touched his fucking knee!'

Gentlemen, gentlemen,
please, please.

Harry, you're doing great. Ask her
if she would like another drink.

Listen. Let me get you another drink.

Let me think.

I just need the loo a sec.

So thanks to you some gawko
finally meets a girl.

It's not much of a Christmas story.

I haven't finished yet.

Maybe he comes down her chimney.

- I just don't feel
comfortable doing this.
- What?

I mean she... I like her.

She likes you.

It's cheating. I'd never have even
had the nerve to talk to her.

Aren't you glad you did?

Yeah, I... Yes. Yes.
But I just...

It's just a bit of a nightmare
having you, you know,

all of you in my head,
watching us...

Telling me what to do.

I just want to talk to her myself.

And it's... it's
a bit of a head-fuck.

I kind of want you all to go away...

Hey.

- Come back to mine.
- Sorry?

I want you to come back to mine.

I thought about asking you,
and a little voice said, "Do it".

So I'm doing it.

Um... uh...

Say yes!

I want to do this.

It's my way of saying thanks.

Sorry.

No.

'Hole-in-one!'

'On his first run!
His first bloody run!'

- Just say yes.
- Yes. Yes. Yes.

I don't usually bring
people back here.

Well, I'm honoured.

Come in.

Did you watch?

When they went back to hers and got
up to whatever they got up to...

did you carry on watching
through his eyes?

What do you think I am?

Clearly, I don't know.

Maybe if you spoke to me
more, you'd know.

No. My job was done.

Of course I didn't watch.

- 'Here?
- Mm-hm.
- OK.'

Nice place.
I like the mantelpiece...

and that bird.

Kooky decor...

'Indicating sexual adventurousness.'

I'll get the drinks.

- Yeah, OK. I'll just sit...
- The bedroom's that way.

- Yeah, OK.
- I'll meet you in there.

OK, Harry.

You're going to the moon.

Just sooner than expected.

- I can't... I can't do it.
- This is first-time nerves.

It's all happening so suddenly.
I didn't expect this, this quickly.

You just got to roll with it.

I don't want you
all to see, all right?

- 'Oh, now he's Mr Fucking Ethics.'
- Wait. You were happy to take a window
seat while others did it.

- That was different!
- 'I didn't hear any objections when
he watched me getting sucked off

'by that German girl.
That was a first date.'

- 'Refund.'
- Look, she's too real. This is too real.

Nothing is too real.

Yeah, but...

You're standing.

Yeah, I... I just didn't want
to be too presumptuous.

I need you on the bed.

'Jesus!'

WHISPERS: They can't fucking wait.

'Is she going to take that top off?

'If there's no tits.
I want a discount.

'They're going to have sex.
You're getting the season
finale in episode one.

'Yeah, but if I don't see
her tits...'

Will you please be patient?
Jesus... have some respect.

(GAGS)

(COUGHS)

'Hey. Are you OK in there?'

(COUGHS)
- Wow. What is that?

"Fuck them" is what it is.
A big glass of "fuck them".

Fuck who?

Always saying what to do,
half saying one thing,

half saying another.

The talk, the constant talk.

'This isn't good.
I'm not getting tits, am I?'

'I stopped taking the pills
they said I should take,

'because they dulled the sound.'

'Always, they've spoken to me,
always there, and I've had it.'

Harry, I think we should
think about wrapping this up.

I was planning on drinking
this tonight to make them stop,
but I was wavering.

Coward, fucking coward,

and then I met you, and it was fate.

(GAGS)

You knew what it was like
and you said do it.

So now, we're saying "fuck it"
together.

- What's in the drink?
- It doesn't matter. Wrap it up.

I know you hear them too.
I saw you talking to them.

No. They're real people,
these are real people.

There's no such thing
as real people.

Harry, get out of there now!

It's like a club, it's a club,
where we meet girls

and they talk us through...

- No-one understands me, either.
- No.

All night, they've been watching us
and there's this one guy,

he's the leader.
He's the leader.

We're the same.

They are watching us.
All night, they've been watching.

They can see you. They can see me.

No-one understands what that's like.

There are a hundred
who see through me,

standing at their government depots,
shouting what to think.

(COUGHS)

Not any more.

(CHOKES)

- You too.
- I don't want it.

- It's a state change.
- I don't want it.

It's just a transition

and soon, they won't be there
and we'll be free.

Please... Please... I don't want it.

You do.

You do. Sh...

(MUFFLED CRIES)

You do.

She murdered him?

A mercy killing, she'd say.

So, when did you find out
about this?

I mean, when did you know
that this had happened?

I saw it on a newscast, I think.

(HARRY SCREAMS)

(MUFFLED SCREAMING CONTINUES)

Wipe and destroy everything. OK?
Everything.

Now go.

(TOY SQUEAKS)

(BABBLE OF ELECTRONIC SOUNDS)

Matthew?

What's going on?

What are you doing?

BABBLE OF SOUNDS CONTINUES

So Claire... she was my wife.

She's British, you'd like her.

And I'm your wife, in fact.

'Claire found out I was involved

'and took what you might call
a dim view.'

She blocked me.

You ever been blocked?

I've had enough. Matthew, it's done.

- Stop it. Stop.
- Not this time.

'It drives you crazy.

'Once they hit that button,
that's it, you're locked out.'

End of conversation.
You can't hear or speak to them.

They can't hear or speak to you.

Every time you look at them,
there's just this... anonymous shape.

It usually only lasts
for about, like, an hour.

But when they leave it going,

oh, shit.

Price of progress, I suppose.

We all got...
We all got Zed-Eyes put in, right.

Which is all fine and dandy
until something like this happens

and then it's bullshit.

You can't even take them out.

Packet gravy. How British.

Merry Christmas.

Now we're festive. Huh?

To Christmas!

Anyway, she left me, took custody
of Mel - that's our daughter.

Hence stranding me
in this lovely place.

I didn't want to be
surrounded by reminders.

(LOUD JANGLING CRASH)

What?

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

Well, anyway, I'm glad we're talking.
Silence can be oppressive.

You think weird shit in a vacuum,
huh?

I mean, you feel better, right?
Communicating?

Talking to me, finally?

A little bit, maybe. Yeah.

You're a locked box.

I mean, that's a good thing.

Most people are too easy to read,
especially if you know minds.

Using party tricks to pick up girls
isn't knowing minds.

The picking up girls thing
was a hobby.

My job was completely different.

You'll never guess what that was.

Marketing person?

No.

- Door-to-door salesman?
- Please.

Proctologist?

You're never going to get it.

I'm not going to try.

All right. Let's make it a game.

I'll describe to you...

.. my day at work, and you stop me
when you've guessed it.

TV: 'The extreme weather has hit
sales hard this Christmas.

'Five inches of snow...'

'That's going to wreck my portfolio
just when I need it.'

(SIGHS)

'Don't know what I'm going to do
about that. Oh, God, more messages.

'I'll never clear this inbox.'

Sorry. Constant bloody admin.

Just time for a little snack.

I can eat before an operation?

Wonders of modern science.

Oh, thank God. I'm starving.

'That toast looks burnt.

'Should I say something?

'Yeah, I think I'll say
something.'

All good?

To be honest, it's not quite how
I like it.

It's a bit overdone.

Sorry.

I'll make some more.

'She hates me now.

'How long is this going to take?'

Hi, I'm Madge.
I'm your anaesthetist today.

Hi.

'God, she's young.
Hope she's qualified.

'OK, stop thinking about things
that could go wrong.

'They said it's straightforward and
painless. I'm just going to relax.

'OK, just relax. Here we go.'

Now, just count backwards
from ten.

Ten, nine, eight, seven...

six, five...

.. four, three, two, one.

'I can't... I can't see.

'Where am I?'

(DRILL WHINES)

'What's that noise?'

(MONITOR BEEPS)

'Why can't I see?!'

Preparing to extract cookie.

'What? No! Wait! I'm still awake!

'Oh, my God!

'Oh, my God! What's happening?
Excuse me? Oh, my God!'

(WHIMPERS)

'That's me!

'That's me! Oh, my God! Where am I?

'I don't know what's happening!

'I don't know what's happening to me!

'Hello?

'Is... is anyone there?

'Hello?'

Ow!

Sorry.

You're probably pretty weirded out
right now, I'm guessing.

It's OK, you can talk.
I can hear you through this.

- Hello.
- Hi.

I'm Matthew,
I'm from Smartelligence.

My job is to explain what's
happening to you as best I can.

- Oh, my God! Am I dead?
- No, no. You're not dead.

No-one's dead here.

How old did you say you we're, 30?

29.

29, right. So you won't remember
Xerox machines?

- Do you know what a photocopier is?
- What?

Do you know what a copy is?

As in a copy of something?
Of course I know what that is.

Well, that's what you are.

A copy of?

A copy of you.

- But I am me.
- OK.

Try to blow on my face.

You can't, because you don't have
a body.

Where are your fingers?

Your arms, your face? Nowhere.

Because you're code.

You're a simulated brain
full of code,

stored in this little widget
we call a cookie.

Why have you done this to me?

Ah, well...
Actually you did this to you.

Real you is paying for this.

I don't understand.

You see, what this is, is a service.

We take a blank cookie

and we surgically implant it
into a client's brain.

It sits there just under the skin
for about a week, shadowing.

Soaking up the way
this particular mind works.

That's why you think you're you.
You are you.

But also not.

Right. Well, it is a lot to process.
Even from inside a processor.

Put me back in my body!

Hm. That's where real you lives.

But...

What we will do though is
we will give you a simulated body.

We find that sometimes that helps.
Are you ready?

- What? I don't understand!
- Three, and two, one.

Hey.

Better?

This is my body.

Let's not get into that again.
Look around you.

You've got a control room.

What's this for?

That console,
that's for you to control the house.

I mean, real you's house.

Look. How do you like your toast?

- What?
- How do you like your toast?

- Underdone. Slightly underdone.
- OK, perfect.

Think about how you like it,

then just press the button.

Which one?

It doesn't matter. You already know
you're making toast.

The buttons are symbolic mostly
anyway.

See, this is your job now.

You're in charge of everything here.

The temperature, the lighting,

what time the alarm clock
goes off in the morning.

If there's
no food in the refrigerator.

You...
You're in charge of ordering it.

- For who?
- For real you. She's paying.

Where is real me?

Taking a nap. In the bedroom.
Top right.

(GASPS)

I don't want to be in here.

I don't want to be in here.

I don't want to be in here!

TOASTER SOUNDS

Hey! Just how you like it.

(SCREAMS)

OK. Please stop screaming.

Are you going to stop screaming?

Are you going to stop screaming?
No. OK.

I'm sorry. I had to mute you.

Oh, sorry.

Look. It'll be much easier
if you just comply.

I'm not doing this.

I'm not some sort of
push-button toaster monkey.

- Would you prefer to do nothing?
- Well, I'm not doing this!

Right. Well, nothing it is then.
Let me show you what that is like.

Three weeks sound good?
That should give you a taste.

What do you mean, three weeks?

If you just wait for a...
Just...

What about now?

Please.

Don't do that again.

Please. There's nothing to do here.
There's nothing. There's just...

I mean, there's nothing.

- I did warn you.
- I couldn't even sleep.

You don't need sleep.

Ready to go to work?

Oh, no, no. No, I'm not.
Definitely not doing that.

- OK. Well, have six months.
- No. Wait, wait!

See, the trick of it
lay in breaking them

without letting them snap
completely, if you get me.

Too much time in solitary
and they'd just wig out.

No use to anyone,
then you'd just sell them cheap

to the games industry,
they'd become...

cannon fodder for some war thing.

How are we feeling now?

Please.

Give me something to do.

Ready to work?

Yes, please. I'll do anything.

Just give me something to do, please.

OK.

Great toast, by the way.

Hey.

Is it set up?

You are all set and ready to go.

You know, as I was coming here,
I saw this guy with his shirt off,

riding a horse
in the middle of the street.

How weird.

I swear to God.

MUSIC: The Thieving Magpie
by Rossini

COMPUTER: Good morning, Greta.

Here are today's appointments.

11am - hair with Stelios.

12.30 - Lunch at Barney's Brassiere
with Annabel.

3pm - Jackanape Gallery
private view, Shoreditch.

6.30 - Christmas drinks with Paolo.

7.30 - The Nutcracker,
Royal Opera House.

That's slavery.

A little melodramatic, isn't it?

But she thought she was real.

- But she wasn't.
- It's barbaric.

It wasn't really real,
so it wasn't really barbaric.

Again, you are not who I expected.

Most people would say,

"She's only made of code,
she's not real. Fuck her."

But you're empathetic.

- You care about people.
- Don't you?

You're a good man.

Am I?

Based on how you've reacted
to what I've said, yeah.

I can tell you're kind...

I'm not a good man.

A good man who's done bad things?

You can tell me about it.

I've done stuff in my life
I'm not proud of.

I can't pretend I haven't.

Was it something to do
with your family?

Wife?

Girlfriend?

It's just us here.

Her dad never liked me.

He never liked me.

It's cold, isn't it? Come on.

- Beth. Bethany.
- Dad, what now?

- It gets dark about six.
- We won't be that long!

Hold on. Let me put my glove on.

I think he disapproves.

He's just protective.

He thinks I'm not good enough
for you.

Well, I mean, he's got a point.

Let me take a photo of you.
Stand there.

I feel so awkward posing.

Come on. Be a supermodel.

- This awkward enough for you?
- It's perfect.

Right. Ready?
That's nice. Hold it there.

You're such a dick.

MUSIC: Black Is Black
by Los Bravos

♪ Black is black

♪ I want my baby back

♪ It's grey, it's grey

♪ Since you went away
Oh, oh... ♪

We were good together, you know.
We were really good together.

Whoo!

♪ You can blame me

♪ Try to shame me

♪ And still I'll care for you

♪ You can run around

♪ Even put me down

♪ And still I'll be there for you. ♪

Yeah!

What you doing round there?
Why are you all around there?

- No. No, we're going home. Come on.
- Don't manhandle me.

I'm not going to get up
if you all touch me.

I'm not going to get up.
I'm not going to get up.

It's cool. It's cool.

- Come on, Joe.
- Come on.

Cheers, mate.

Things weren't perfection.
These things never are, but...

.. we were really happy.

I'll let Gita tell the story.

She loves boring people
with our personal details.

I'd been working there
for about a fortnight

when Beth introduced the two of us,
and ta-da!

So it's all Beth's doing.

She's the puppet-master.

(LAUGHTER)

What was her tip
for winning me over again?

Not to let you hear me snore.

We all went on this work trip once,
before Gita's time.

I fell asleep on the coach back
and snored so loud

they all thought there was
something wrong with me.

He snores like a bison.

Wow.

Really, you're telling him that?

Oh, another one bites the dust.

I think she's more into him
than he's into her.

Don't you think?

- Is that one finished?
- Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah?

You all right?

- I'm tired.
- You've been a bit quiet.

Just wasn't in the mood, you know?

I see them all the time at work.

I think I'm going to go to bed.
Do you mind?

No, that's fine.

(Shit.)

Beth?

What?

Is this yours?

I just found it in the bin.
That means pregnant.

Is it yours?

Yes.

I mean, that...

Christ.

That's amazing, I mean...
It's just...

Joe, I can't.

A baby, a pregnancy... not now.

Not right now, I can't.

Of course you can.
My God, you'll be an amazing mum.

- No. I'm 27, I'm not ready.
- Who's ever ready?

It's not... it's just too quick, OK?
It's all too quick.

We'll manage. I'll surprise you.

You're not listening.

- I can be pretty responsible
when pushed.
- Joe.

You can put your feet up,
I'll do shoulder rubs,

- I'll paint the house...
- Joe, please.

- We'll be like a couple
in a DIY ad...
- Joe.

- We'll be like a family.
- I don't want it.

- But it's a baby.
- Joe.

I mean, it's our baby.

I know, and it's not easy for me.

- Well, let's at least discuss this.
- No. I've made up my mind.

Well, I haven't.

God, look at you.

You're pissed.

You drank all night, Beth.

You drank all night.

Jesus Christ, you're pregnant.

Yeah, well, I don't want to be.

And I'm not going to be.

- You're being a bitch.
- Stop it.

- You're being a cold bitch who would kill a kid.
- That's not fair.

Who'd get it torn out
because it doesn't suit her plans.

Stop or I'll block you.

Don't you dare.

No. We can talk tomorrow,
just please stop.

Don't you fucking dare.

MUFFLED: Beth!

Turn it off.

Turn it off, you...

Turn it off, Beth!

Listen to me, Beth.

Turn it off.

You turn it off!

Turn it off.

You turn it off, Beth!

Beth?

Turn it... (MUFFLED).. off! Please.

Turn it off.

Beth?

Wait!

I'm sorry, I was pissed.

Can we just talk about this
properly, please?

I've said some really awful shit.
Beth, I love you.

Listen, we can work this out.

(MUFFLED) No, Beth...

Beth, please!

Beth!

That day, I didn't go to work.

I just stayed at home and...

.. tried to work out
how to make amends.

But she just didn't come back.

And thanks to the block,
I couldn't...

I couldn't message her.
I couldn't call her.

After a week, I was pretty desperate.

So I just hung around
outside her work, like a stalker.

Tim! Gita!

Have you seen Beth?

She left.

Left. What, like...?

Handed in her notice.

No-one knows where she is.

Joe?

- Joe!
- No, leave him.

I was still hopeful
that she would get in touch,

or at least remove the block
so that I could contact her.

But no.

When there's a block,
you can't even wallow properly.

You can't switch it off.

You can't take the Zed-Eyes out.

And it doesn't just block them,
it blocks every image of them.

So every memory
I had of her was vandalised.

And then one day
I'm out in town and...

.. it was her.

She was pregnant.

She'd kept it.

Well, I just sort of lost it.

I just ran over and started
pleading with her. Just pleading.

(MUFFLED VOICE)

Turn it off. Turn it off.
Just turn it off.

Turn it off. Beth, turn it off.

Help. Get off me!

Some passer-by called the police.
They took me down the station.

And that was that.

So, by now, the block's
got legal backing.

And there's a GPS so that if I go
within ten metres of her,

bang - I get arrested.

Harsh.

Yeah, and I've got no idea
where she is.

If...
Whether she's had the baby or not.

Whether it's a boy or a girl.

If it's OK.

I've got absolutely no way
of getting in touch with her.

Except I knew where her dad lived.

So I write her a letter,
this begging letter.

Laying it all out, you know,
and I get no response.

So I write again...

.. and again...

.. and again.

No response.

She cut you out good.

But there was one thing I could do.

I knew she spent every Christmas
with him at his place,

so I knew that she would
definitely be there.

So, the day before,
Christmas Eve, I headed up.

And where her dad lived
was this isolated place

in the back of beyond.

I'd never been up there without her.

It was weird being on the outside.

I waited there all day. Until...

(CAR DOORS SLAM)

Well, I had to take a closer look.

And there's her dad with our baby,

but I can't even see its face
because...

Legal blocks cover offspring too.

Been there.

That hurts.

I couldn't even tell
if it was a boy or a girl.

I know this sounds stupid...

.. but seeing something...

.. was better than nothing.

So I kept going back.

It became an annual pilgrimage.

Once a year I'd head up there
and watch them from a distance.

Watching the kid grow up, you know?

MUFFLED VOICES

More than anything I just wanted
to make some sort of contact.

Anything.

So, one Christmas, kid must have
been about four by now,

I headed up there
and I took a little present with me.

Just a small, stupid thing.

For the first time,
I could see she was a girl.

I had a daughter.

So, Santa Claus...

.. did you try it again next year?

Something happened before then.

'It had been a few months since

'I'd been up there
to look at my daughter.

'I was just sat at home watching TV,
flipping through the channels.'

TV: '.. which claimed the lives of 26
people on a quiet Wednesday morning.

'Passengers like Palab Ghatak,

'just 18, on his way
to his first job interview,

'and Bethany Grey, a young mother
who'd only recently started...'

It had been so long since
I'd seen her, it was hard to imagine

anything but that shadow
in her place.

But now that the block
had died with her...

.. there she was.

She was gone.

(SOBS)

Sorry.

But there was one silver lining...

With the block gone.

You'd get to see your daughter.

'It was almost Christmas,
so I bought her this snow globe -

'Just a present to give her.

'And I headed up to Beth's dad's.'

'And there she was.'

Not a silhouette.

Real.

Hello, darling.

(MUSIC ECHOES QUIETLY)

♪ The world

♪ May think I'm foolish

♪ They can't see you

♪ Like I can

♪ Oh, but anyone

♪ Who knows what love is

♪ Will understand. ♪

What is it, May?
Would you like a drink?

(RADIO QUIETLY PLAYS)
"O Come All Ye Faithful"

What are you doing here?

Beth's dead.

Do you understand?

She's dead.

There's nothing for you here.

Where's my daughter?

What daughter?

This is Beth's daughter.

I want to see my daughter.

May, go upstairs.

If this is about those letters...

.. I threw them out
before she saw them.

She was a mess,

she'd had to leave
everything behind.

I want to see my daughter.

I think you should go.

Get out of this house.

I want to see my daughter.

You have no daughter here!

(RADIO PLAYS QUIETLY)

♪.. a great big smile
on somebody's face

♪ If you jump into your bed

♪ Quickly cover up your head

♪ Don't you lock the doors

♪ You know that sweet Santa Claus
is on the way

♪ Well, I wish it could be
Christmas every day... ♪

(BIRD WHISTLES)

It was that clock.

It was that clock.

Then what happened?

Tell me.

'I just left.'

♪ When you're skating in the park

♪ If the snow cloud makes it dark

♪ Then your rosy cheeks are gonna
light my merry way

♪ Now the frosty paws appear... ♪

'I got in the car

'and I just drove.'

'Anywhere. I don't know where.'

'I walked into the nearest town
and I...

'I slept on the street and I drank.'

'And then after a while,
I don't know how long,

'a couple of months,
they picked me up.'

They wanted me to talk
but I couldn't talk...

'.. because if I said it,
it would be real.'

So I didn't say anything,
I didn't tell them.

And what about the girl?

What happened to the girl?

I only know what they said.

What did they say?

- What did they say?
- What is this place?

- What did they say?
- What do we do here?

Our job. The job.

Joe, stay with me.
What did they say?

What did they say, Joe?

That she just...
she just stayed in the house.

It was, um...

It was Christmas Eve, so she just...

.. she just stayed hidden.
She didn't move.

Then on Boxing Day she realised
that no-one was going to help.

And she gave her grandad
a present that she'd made.

And she went out to go and get help.

How far did she get?

Oh, may God forgive me.
God forgive me.

So you confess?

Joe?

Just say it.

Just let it out.

I confess.

I confess.

(SOBS)

Whoo! I knew I could do it.

Boom! I told you I'd get it.

All right, I'm coming out.

Sorry, Joe.

Well? That had to be enough...

Full confession. Clear conviction.

Well done.

Two days we pressed him
and he said piss all,

this bastard cracks him
in 70 minutes.

He knows he's guilty,
he needed to unload.

It wasn't really 70 minutes,
not to him.

When he was first ingested,
I tweaked the time preferences,

made it seam like five years
from his perspective.

Some might say that five years
with me is punishment enough.

Wait here.

Mr Potter.

Congratulations on your confession.

That cookie we took out of your head
just gave us the full story.

So you can keep the silent act up
as long as you want.

Makes no difference -
you've already talked.

Also, Merry Christmas.

So...

The deal?

Break a confession from him
and I go free, right?

I'm the expert, you needed me...

That's one for the Home Office.

We'll make good on the offer.
You're free to go, Mr Trent.

With some caveats.

- Caveats?
- You'll be on the register.

What register?

The one for Peeping Tom pervs.

All I did was help some lonely guys
by providing a service.

An illegal service.

You also failed to report a murder -

fatal poisoning,
in case you've forgotten.

Kept that information from your
Cookie Monster mate, didn't you?

What does it mean, this register?

- It means you're blocked.
- By who?

By everyone.

(DISTANT CHOIR SINGS "Silent Night”)

(SOUND BLURS)

Hot chestnuts!

(SOUND BLURS)

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

MUSIC: "I Wish It Could Be Christmas
Every Day" by Wizzard

♪ Are you ready, children?

♪ When the.... ♪

Hey, come on.

Just changing the time settings.

Cranked him up
to 1,000 years a minute.

There's a proper sentence.

Or do you want me to switch him off?

No. Leave him on for Christmas.

(MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY)

♪ Oh, I wish
it could be Christmas every day

(VOLUME INCREASES)
♪ Let the bells ring out

♪ For Christmas... ♪

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(MUSIC GETS LOUDER)

(MUSIC GETS LOUDER)

- ♪ When the snowman brings the snow
- When the snowman brings the snow

- ♪ Well, he just might like to know
- He just might like to know

♪ He's put a great big smile... ♪

Aaaarrrgh!

♪ So if Santa brings
that sleigh... ♪

Argh! Aaaargh!

- ♪ Along the milky way
- Along the milky way

♪ I'll sign my name on
the rooftop in the snow

♪ Then he may decide to stay

♪ Well, I wish it could be
Christmas every day

♪ When the kids start singing
and the band begins to play

♪ Oh-oh-oh, I wish it could be
Christmas every day

♪ So let the bells ring out
for Christmas. ♪

OK, you lot, take it!

♪ Oh, I wish it could be
Christmas every day

♪ Christmas bells

♪ When the kids start singing
and the band begins to play

♪ Oh-oh-oh

♪ I wish it could be
Christmas every day

♪ Let the bells ring out
for Christmas

♪ Why don't you give your love

♪ For Christmas? ♪