Original subtitles

Stan, are you entering the names?

Usually you need me to do that.

Actually, I watched a tutorial on my phone,

so I can do it now.

Player one... Stan.

Oh, little typo, not going to beat myself up.

Want me to find you a 6-pound ball in the kids' section?

No need. That's my pink baby on ball island over there.

Well, I'll go talk to the DJ then

and have him play your bowling song, "Disco Duck."

It's not my bowling song.

It's my get-loose song, and I've already texted the DJ.

This goes out to Stam, who sent me a text

asking for that Dusk-o Dick

and sent me a picture of his shoes.

Well, you're doing everything wrong,

but you're getting everything you want.

It's the Stam Smith way, baby.

♪ Mama, I said, "Send me a plumber" ♪

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

♪ Disco, disco duck ♪

You want to feel old?

I'm the kid from "The Sixth Sense."

♪ Disco duck ♪

♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪

♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪

♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪

♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪

♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪

- ♪ Good... ♪ - ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪

Aah!

♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪

Ready to turn in?

Your Sleepytime Long Island iced tea is ready.

Nah, that's a little heavy before bed.

I'll just SodaStream some Fireball.

When did my husband become such a big boy?

Seems like he needs me less and less these days.

Ooh, shooting star. Make a wish.

I wish Stan still needed me.

I wish I had a closer relationship with the family

and they were made out of candy.

Sorry for blocking the TV.

This whole house is massive dead zone.

I mean, we can send a man to the Moon,

but I can't look up the lyrics to "Cotton Eye Joe"

with just eight porns running in the background?

Oh, wait. I've got five bars.

Seven bars?

10 bars?!

Sorry, mute that.

26 bars?!

It's like I'm linked directly to the satellite.

Dad!

A shooting star just hit the house.

Everybody, make a wish.

Is everybody candy?

Ohh.

_

With several months of physical therapy,

your body should fully return to normal.

Of course, you'll never walk again.

- What? - Of course he'll walk again.

Big maybe, but if you're dead set on walking,

your insurance does pay for a physical therapist

to come to your house.

Oh. Oh, no, no. My husband needs me.

This is what I wished for.

Ah, yes. I forgot.

This was the result of a wish.

Well, you've got a long road ahead of you,

but you know what they say.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Louie Anderson tickets!

Wait. These are for last month.

That's the joke. Get it?

Old tickets.

I sincerely want you to get better.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this bird's got to fly.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay!

Okay, I messed up. Help!

I thought this would be funny, but it's not.

I don't want to die. I can't hold on.

I'm slipping. I'm... Aaaah!

We're on the first floor.

That's the joke.

Ew, tough crowd. You know what?

I think I left the cure for paralysis down in the cellar.

Get me out of here.

Something's got to work.

Rubber chicken, nah.

Whoopee cushion, nah.

Ooh, a doctor could be funny.

It's not a satellite.

I think it's a robot swan.

It says "satellite" on it.

Wow. Ever since this swan crushed your dad,

- you've been a real grump. - What's up?

This man is here to pick up his satellite.

I guessed that he was Korean, and I was right.

- Tuttle? - Tuttle?

The satellite belongs to a Korean TV station

that monitors Tuttle.

He doesn't know that he's the star of Korea's

most popular reality show.

It's called "Sad Fatso," like "The Truman Show"

but with a sad fatso.

Our viewers are very cruel.

Well, that's the end of that adventure.

Or is it actually just beginning?

Oh, my God. There you go again.

Could you agree with me once?

I feel like you're always standing behind me

waiting to say, "Actually, it's the opposite.

Actually, it's the opposite."

I just think we could go to Tuttle's house

and steal the spotlight.

If they like Tuttle, wait till they see us.

I'm in. This will show Snot that I do have star power.

Yeah, I got to prove it to Snot, too.

So it's decided.

It was a swan.

Here it comes.

Open wide.

Shouldn't I be feeding myself?

My left arm is completely healed.

- No. - You're right.

Don't look so down.

If you finish your yogurt, you'll get a trophy.

Trophy? I'm a grown man.

Goo-goo-ga-ga. Baby wants. What's the deal?

I just have to finish the yogurt?

And your grapes.

Aw, no! No grapes.

- Yes, grapes. - No yogurt either.

Trophy for nothing.

That's not how it works, Stan.

I hate it.

Put the grapes in the yogurt so I don't see 'em.

_

Must walk.

Obtain item.

Good job, Stan.

- Where'd you come from? - I was right behind you.

Wait, did you think the trophy was moving by itself?

I don't know, Francine. Maybe you didn't notice,

but I only recently got really into trophies.

I don't know everything they can do yet.

Wow, Stan.

You're 100%.

I couldn't have done any of this without you.

We're a team. I love helping you.

I think you're ready to go back to work.

Absolutely...

not without my baby.

Smith, what a rando thing to say.

Also, what is your wife doing here?

You can't have a civilian in the briefing room.

But she nursed me back to health.

My body is whole again,

but my soul still craves her desperately.

I need her emotionally, spiritually, physically.

Ever since regaining sensation in my extremities,

I've become highly orgasmic.

Yes, yes, I know.

I was CC'd on all your e-mails to HR.

Smith, escort your wife to the parking lot,

and don't come back unless you're alone.

I won't...

be back, that is, because I quit.

Yeah! Wait, you're quitting?

I don't need this job.

I just need you.

- You're right. - Plus what are they going to do?

Stop paying me? Take away my company car?

We totally showed him.

We sure did.

Do you think it was a first place showing him?

Stan, are you angling for a trophy?

All right.

But you're out a job now,

so let's not go crazy buying trophies.

Oh, no, no. Of course.

Buying the whole trophy store was the right move.

Plus now we both have jobs.

And every time we buy a trophy,

we're the ones getting paid for it.

Oh, Stan.

You even taste like trophy.

I know what my man likes.

_

Opening this shop together was so smart.

Now we can be together all the time.

True. But you don't know this about me,

and I've never admitted it to anyone,

but I've never run a trophy shop before.

That's fine. We'll lean on each other.

And especially you can lean on me.

Like it did in the back room?

Oh, Stan.

You're making me want to give you the small business.

Then I better call the Better Business Bur-oh,

oh, oh!

And I'll liquidate your assets.

- Excuse me. - What?

You've been here for an hour. Can't you just pick one?

I have.

Smart choice.

That one figured heavily in our most recent lovemakings.

Let me just give it a, uh...

Ready for Wimbledon.

What's with all these wishy-washy customers?

- Who needs them? - Actually, we kind of do.

We need the money.

We paid all your medical bills out of pocket.

Out of pocket?

I got something coming out of my pocket.

Remember, gang, Tuttle can't...

Shut up, Klaus. I'm in charge now.

Remember, gang, Tuttle can't... believe...

it's not... butter. Klaus?

He can't find out he's on a show,

or it'll end, and we won't get famous.

Famous Amos little cookies. Yes, back in charge.

The Smiths, what a nice surprise!

Come in.

Excuse the mess.

After filling out a depression survey at Kimchi Hut,

I started getting free stuff in the mail,

like this new security system.

I wasn't expecting company.

Let me see if I have any sweet potatoes left.

Quick, now is our chance to finally be Korean famous.

What do we do?

Uh...

Say something, anything.

Korea diarrhea.

- Oh, God! - Not that!

We need to regroup and think of what to do.

Don't go.

I just found a tiny mouse in my bed,

and I need help naming him.

Where are you, baby? I need you.

There's a guy here looking at the trophies.

- What if he tries to talk to me? - This one's nice.

Oh, God! It's happening!

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I-I-I love that one, uh, a car mechanic

holding an axle over his head.

I think it's actually a weight lifting trophy.

Okay, look, I don't know if I can do this right now, man.

You don't get what the trophy is,

and I'm getting agitated trying to explain it to you.

Dude, I just want to pay for the trophy.

You know what? We're closed right now.

This is weird.

Oh, yeah? Your face looks like a... a cookie.

Not my best line, but results speak for themselves.

Ah.

Stan, I pop out for a quick pickle,

and you're chasing customers away?

I know. I just freaked out.

You weren't here, and I panicked.

Oh, don't you ever leave me alone again. I love you.

Well, it feels good to be needed,

but we also need to run a business.

Okay, new plan... I live under your dress

where everything's is perfect forever.

What are we going to do with you,

you sweet little potato?

Mash ya, fry ya, grill ya, bake ya, twice bake ya?

What's that? You think I should kill myself?

Not so sweet after all, are ya, potato?

- Hyah! - Hut, hut, hut, hey-ah!

- Hyah! - Hut, hut, hey-ah!

Tuttle loves it. Hear that, Korea?

Korea?

Uh, that's hip slang.

Hear that, Korea.

Like when people yell, "Brooklyn!"

It just sounds good.

Brooklyn!

Ew.

Memphis Stormfront here

with "Stormfront at Your Storefront,"

where I, Stormfront, visit a local business' storefront.

Although we're already inside. Never mind.

Let's get on with it.

What's the most exciting thing

about owning your own business?

Interacting with the local community.

I mean, we've met most of little league coaches.

Sorry, Memphis. The most exciting part...

these parts.

Stan, can you please cool it for 2 seconds?

If we don't get some customers, we're going to go under,

and I want to stay in business.

And this is what I want.

I'm serious, Stan.

You were saying?

This shop is a special place for us.

For just us.

And we'd love to share it with you.

- But we can't. - Of course we can.

But it's very expensive and very far from where you live.

And who needs a trophy anyway? Grow up.

That's it, Stan! You're fired!

Fired? You can't fire me.

Yes, I can. I'm the boss.

Well, I'm the boss, too. I'll just rehire me.

Sure, that could have worked before you got fired,

but now you have no authority here.

God, you're so good at business.

Bright side... now that we're not coworkers,

we can date in the open. We don't have to tiptoe around.

Get out, Stan!

You two are really cute together.

I know, right?

No.

For the last time, this is a trophy shop.

I don't sell pickles.

The sign outside clearly says "Stan's Trophies."

_

But you didn't cover up "Pickle House."

That's the only part the lights up.

It's called an eye-grabber, and it got you in here, right?

- Yeah, to buy pickles! - Oh, my God.

I-I can't explain business

to a pickle-sucking idiot.

You're the idiot.

There's already a trophy shop across the street.

I know. It's my wife's.

That's why I turned this pickle shop into a trophy store.

I'm putting her out of business

so she'll have to come crawling back to me like a worm.

It's all very healthy.

You know what?

If it'll help you two get back together,

I will take a trophy.

I don't know where to get those. My wife did all the ordering.

Sorry, I have to ask.

How did this all start?

A satellite landed on me.

Dang, she's got a lot of business.

And it's about to become mine.

Oh, I guess it does kind of look like a pickle.

Don't pay these sky-high prices for a trophy.

Why? You want us to save our money for pickles?

I like pickles. You selling pickles?

No, just listen to my rap. ♪ I'm the pickle king ♪

♪ Of course, trophies are my thing ♪

♪ When I get 'em in stock ♪

♪ There'll be a line around the block ♪

♪ So don't miss a beat, head across the street ♪

♪ And show me how to fill out a trophy order sheet ♪

Pickle mania.

Stan, what are you doing?

You trying to steal my customers?

I'm simply trying to spread the word about my

Pickle Days sells event where all trophies are half off.

Okay, I don't love that you're trying to hurt my business,

but it's nice that you didn't need me to do it with you.

But I do need you.

Everyone looks at me and sees a highly successful

trophy salesman, but inside this pickle costume

is a helpless man who doesn't even have any trophies to sell.

Stan, I think you should go home.

Yes, let's go home.

That's not what I said.

I can't go home.

I have to stay here and make a living for both of us.

Until when?

Until I turn this trophy shop into a success.

A smashing success?

Yes, that would be nice.

You might just get your wish, Francine...

about the smashing, that is.

Good, I'm glad you're finally listening.

Oh, I hear you.

Smash, smash, smash.

Francine's always going to be too busy for me

as long as her trophy shop's in business.

No pickles here, just us shadows.

It's time to smash, smash, smash the competition.

_

Looks simple enough.

Ow, my hands.

Oh, plus it loud.

I need my wife.

Francine.

Pickle man's real?

I don't want to die!

My plan's working.

Yes, yes.

I never measured the pickle. My one mistake.

What are you doing?

I'm sending you back to hell, pickle man!

Are you crazy?

There's pressurized brine tanks in there.

Aah!

I got a newspaper from Korea.

We can finally read reviews of our appearance on Tuttle's show.

Now, who can read Korean?

I can try.

The review's online. We read it already.

They hate us.

"'Sad Fatso' tanks in the ratings.

New characters suck."

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

They didn't even mention me.

I baked us all a friendship cake.

It's rainbow inside.

We don't care about you anymore.

Don't look at me.

No, Al.

Yes, Al.

_

_

_

_

Honey, you're awake.

Oh, good. I'm in the hospital.

Oh, this is great news.

You can nurse me back to health again.

Actually, Stan, I won't be doing that.

What? But... But I need you.

No, Stan, you only think you do,

and I'm sorry I made you completely reliant on me.

So this time, let's leave it to the professionals.

A professional window washer?

You're in good hands. I'm going to take off.

- Please stop. - I'm done squeegeeing.

Now I just got to get these little stubborn bugs off.

Plink, plink, plink, plink, plink.

_

No, I killed you.

I killed you!

Bye-bye! See you soon.

- synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com