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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Watch free HD Movies and TV Shows at
StreamingSites.com
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00:00:46,257 --> 00:00:51,257
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
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00:00:53,161 --> 00:00:54,929
Good
evening, my fellow Americans.
4
00:00:54,963 --> 00:00:57,832
It's me,
your last semblance of a decent,
5
00:00:57,865 --> 00:01:00,469
law-abiding, qualified
president, Barack Obama...
6
00:01:00,502 --> 00:01:03,838
here to introduce to you
the trailer...
7
00:01:03,871 --> 00:01:05,807
for Marques Black's
new film...
8
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,509
Uh...
Secret Service Man.
9
00:01:09,043 --> 00:01:12,348
Now, although
I am highly disappointed
10
00:01:12,381 --> 00:01:14,115
with our current president,
11
00:01:14,148 --> 00:01:15,917
I gotta say...
12
00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:18,019
Marques Black's career
choices of late
13
00:01:18,052 --> 00:01:20,222
have disappointed me far more.
14
00:01:20,256 --> 00:01:21,457
That's right, Marques.
15
00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:25,361
You are single-handedly
responsible for disappointing
16
00:01:25,394 --> 00:01:27,529
the world's most
beloved black man.
17
00:01:29,163 --> 00:01:31,165
I'm just kidding!
What's up with y'all, baby?
18
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,569
It's Deandre McDonald.
19
00:01:33,602 --> 00:01:35,304
Okay, here talking shit
20
00:01:35,337 --> 00:01:37,939
about Marques Black's
latest piece of shit.
21
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,007
Okay, that's wrong of me.
22
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:40,908
See, I think
it's a piece of shit.
23
00:01:40,942 --> 00:01:44,246
But here, watch this
shitty new trailer
24
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,516
and just show me and tell me
how shitty you think it is.
25
00:01:47,549 --> 00:01:49,184
Roll that beautiful
bean footage.
26
00:01:53,589 --> 00:01:55,457
I don't need more
protection.
27
00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:57,892
Sir, we have it on good
authority that an attempt
28
00:01:57,925 --> 00:02:00,028
will definitely be made
on your life.
29
00:02:00,061 --> 00:02:02,564
But why?
What have I ever done to anybody?
30
00:02:04,065 --> 00:02:05,334
Yeah.
31
00:02:07,035 --> 00:02:08,337
At some point...
32
00:02:08,370 --> 00:02:10,406
That's better than Tiger.
33
00:02:10,439 --> 00:02:12,374
...in every man's life...
34
00:02:12,408 --> 00:02:14,976
Go, go, go! Make him run,
make him run.
35
00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:16,412
...he gets a chance...
36
00:02:16,445 --> 00:02:18,280
I already have enough blacks.
37
00:02:18,314 --> 00:02:19,914
What do I need
with this black?
38
00:02:19,947 --> 00:02:23,252
Sir, he is the best black
for the job.
39
00:02:24,486 --> 00:02:26,488
...to be great.
40
00:02:26,921 --> 00:02:27,989
So close.
41
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:31,327
Now, I know that being late
is your people's thang...
42
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,262
but I can't risk
losing my life
43
00:02:33,295 --> 00:02:35,197
because you're on CP time.
Does that make sense?
44
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:37,333
Yes, sir. My baby mama's
been tripping.
45
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,901
Who, Shanika?
She was tripping?
46
00:02:39,934 --> 00:02:41,035
He's got a gun!
47
00:02:41,069 --> 00:02:43,272
Marques Black is...
48
00:02:46,542 --> 00:02:48,577
Did good by you, sir,
didn't I?
49
00:02:48,610 --> 00:02:50,646
Eh. You were just okay.
50
00:02:50,679 --> 00:02:52,214
Come on, let's get
the hell out of here.
51
00:02:52,247 --> 00:02:54,516
...Secret Service Man.
52
00:02:58,454 --> 00:03:00,422
Marques, Marques,
Marques. Um...
53
00:03:00,456 --> 00:03:02,257
Marques, I can only imagine
54
00:03:02,291 --> 00:03:04,259
what you were thinking
when you took this film.
55
00:03:04,293 --> 00:03:06,462
You were probably just sitting
there, just being like...
56
00:03:06,495 --> 00:03:08,397
"Um, excuse me, hold on.
57
00:03:08,430 --> 00:03:11,099
"Now, how can I make
the most amount of money
58
00:03:11,132 --> 00:03:13,302
"while selling out the
most amount of people
59
00:03:13,335 --> 00:03:15,237
"while being
dead-ass terrible?
60
00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:16,904
"How to be terrible?
61
00:03:16,938 --> 00:03:19,241
"How to be terrible?
How to be terrible?"
62
00:03:21,377 --> 00:03:23,512
This motherfucker
need to be checked.
63
00:03:23,545 --> 00:03:24,480
Now, my question is
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00:03:24,513 --> 00:03:26,482
are you gonna step up
to the challenge
65
00:03:26,515 --> 00:03:28,183
and be who you used to be
66
00:03:28,217 --> 00:03:32,221
that authentic comedian
that we all fell in love with?
67
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,088
That's all I got to say.
68
00:03:34,122 --> 00:03:35,591
This is Deandre McDonald.
69
00:03:35,624 --> 00:03:36,991
And, oh, yeah, baby!
70
00:03:37,024 --> 00:03:41,028
We got millions!
We got millions!
71
00:03:41,062 --> 00:03:43,632
So you think I should
have him killed?
72
00:03:43,665 --> 00:03:47,034
Motherfucker got
over a million followers.
73
00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:50,037
Wouldn't let that nigga
stay alive like that.
74
00:03:51,306 --> 00:03:53,475
Man, if you don't
knock it off...
75
00:03:53,509 --> 00:03:54,976
I'm just
saying.
76
00:03:55,009 --> 00:03:57,646
Black licorice
and peanut butter-mayonnaise
77
00:03:57,679 --> 00:03:59,314
probably got
a million followers.
78
00:03:59,348 --> 00:04:01,483
I got 30 million fans.
79
00:04:01,517 --> 00:04:04,620
Relax. We can't
kill everybody, man.
80
00:04:04,653 --> 00:04:06,622
This tired nigga's
just gotta have cake.
81
00:04:07,423 --> 00:04:08,457
All right.
82
00:04:12,059 --> 00:04:14,028
Yeah, this is
gonna be great. Yeah.
83
00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:40,456
Don't worry.
84
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:43,592
I'm too tired
to make a move anyway.
85
00:04:44,426 --> 00:04:45,427
Oh.
86
00:04:46,228 --> 00:04:48,630
Don't look at me
like that, okay?
87
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:50,666
I had to work double
shifts at the hospital...
88
00:04:50,699 --> 00:04:52,201
helped Jaylin
with his homework,
89
00:04:52,234 --> 00:04:54,670
and I studied three hours
for my exam. Yup.
90
00:04:54,703 --> 00:04:57,206
Oh, babe,
you must be exhausted!
91
00:04:57,239 --> 00:04:58,373
- Yes.
- Here.
92
00:05:00,409 --> 00:05:02,344
Let me rub your shoulders.
93
00:05:02,377 --> 00:05:04,111
Okay, that's nice.
94
00:05:04,145 --> 00:05:05,547
It is.
95
00:05:05,581 --> 00:05:09,284
You know, I could get deeper
if you take your shirt off.
96
00:05:09,318 --> 00:05:10,786
- I bet you can.
- Mmm-hmm.
97
00:05:10,819 --> 00:05:13,120
I mean, not that I'm
trying to get you naked...
98
00:05:13,154 --> 00:05:14,656
because you know,
you're exhausted
99
00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:16,391
and that's the last
thing that I want.
100
00:05:16,425 --> 00:05:18,059
- I don't wanna do it.
- Oh, you don't?
101
00:05:18,092 --> 00:05:19,495
Mmm-mmm. Sex?
102
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,463
No! Hell no.
103
00:05:21,497 --> 00:05:22,698
Girl, ew!
104
00:05:22,731 --> 00:05:26,301
Girl, I'm a Christian.
I don't do that.
105
00:05:27,469 --> 00:05:29,136
Now hurry up
and take that shirt off.
106
00:05:29,170 --> 00:05:31,038
So, uh, I can rub down
107
00:05:31,072 --> 00:05:34,776
your soft naked body with this
oil with no ulterior motive.
108
00:05:34,810 --> 00:05:36,378
Dre, this is lube.
109
00:05:36,411 --> 00:05:37,813
Is it?
110
00:05:37,846 --> 00:05:39,414
Oh, my God!
111
00:05:39,448 --> 00:05:41,783
I'm so embarrassed!
Is it the lube?
112
00:05:41,817 --> 00:05:43,452
I'm sorry.
But you know what?
113
00:05:43,485 --> 00:05:44,386
You're crazy.
114
00:05:44,419 --> 00:05:46,321
We might as well
not let it go to waste.
115
00:05:46,355 --> 00:05:48,290
Right? Hmm?
116
00:06:12,614 --> 00:06:14,416
Babe. Babe, wake up.
117
00:06:14,449 --> 00:06:15,517
What?
118
00:06:15,551 --> 00:06:18,220
Babe, wake up. My last video
got over 100,000 hits!
119
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,655
That's so good, babe.
120
00:06:19,688 --> 00:06:21,490
- Don't you wanna see it?
- Yeah.
121
00:06:21,523 --> 00:06:22,791
I'll see it later.
122
00:06:22,824 --> 00:06:26,127
Gotta get up and get Jaylin up
or else we're gonna be late.
123
00:06:28,230 --> 00:06:29,731
Speaking of late...
124
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,533
our rent is late
125
00:06:31,567 --> 00:06:33,067
and very short.
126
00:06:34,168 --> 00:06:35,304
How much?
127
00:06:35,337 --> 00:06:38,206
- Your half.
- Oh.
128
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,375
I'll get that to you today.
129
00:06:40,409 --> 00:06:41,376
Thank you.
130
00:06:41,410 --> 00:06:43,478
Because I cannot cover you
again this month.
131
00:06:43,512 --> 00:06:45,581
I still have to pay
for my nursing exam
132
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,783
and my entire savings is gone.
133
00:06:47,816 --> 00:06:50,352
That's because you're not as
good with money as I am, baby.
134
00:06:50,385 --> 00:06:51,486
Very funny.
135
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,489
- Love you, cutie.
- Love you, too.
136
00:06:56,391 --> 00:06:57,526
Mmm.
137
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,203
$22? Dre, you a loser, man.
138
00:07:08,236 --> 00:07:09,805
What the fuck do you do
with your money?
139
00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:10,872
Well, let's see here.
140
00:07:10,906 --> 00:07:13,775
Food, take care of our
kid, and, oh, yeah...
141
00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,344
- eat crack.
- You eat crack?
142
00:07:15,377 --> 00:07:16,378
That's what it is then.
143
00:07:16,411 --> 00:07:18,747
Man, you can't eat crack.
That shit is expensive.
144
00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:21,483
Oh, our rent is expensive
as shit, and it's due ASAP.
145
00:07:21,516 --> 00:07:23,285
Won't even get paid
till next week.
146
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:25,487
Get an advance.
I do it all the time.
147
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:26,855
I will say it helps
148
00:07:26,888 --> 00:07:28,757
that Zena don't hate me
as much as she hates you.
149
00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:30,325
Wait, wait, wait.
Zena hates me?
150
00:07:30,359 --> 00:07:31,360
Yeah.
151
00:07:35,364 --> 00:07:36,832
Yeah, she ain't gonna
hook me up with shit.
152
00:07:36,865 --> 00:07:38,734
The worst she can do
is say no, man.
153
00:07:38,767 --> 00:07:40,402
No ain't never hurt
anybody.
154
00:07:43,205 --> 00:07:44,673
Hey, Zena!
155
00:07:44,706 --> 00:07:46,942
Is it possible
if I get a, uh...
156
00:07:46,975 --> 00:07:49,244
Can I get an advance
on my check?
157
00:07:49,277 --> 00:07:50,479
- Maybe...
- Advance?
158
00:07:50,512 --> 00:07:51,546
Boy, hell no.
159
00:07:51,580 --> 00:07:55,217
Your lazy ass, too long of
a lunch break taking,
160
00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:56,885
backwards-ass food stocking,
161
00:07:56,918 --> 00:07:59,588
motherfucker who stepped
on my goddamn toe last week,
162
00:07:59,621 --> 00:08:01,757
and you didn't even say
sorry about that shit!
163
00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:03,725
You know what?
I hope your mother regrets
164
00:08:03,759 --> 00:08:05,427
even having
your monkey ass
165
00:08:05,460 --> 00:08:06,795
and anything
that you put your mind to,
166
00:08:06,828 --> 00:08:08,764
I hope
you fail at it miserably.
167
00:08:08,797 --> 00:08:10,465
Don't ask me for shit.
168
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:11,533
Move!
169
00:08:11,566 --> 00:08:12,868
Clean up in aisle three.
170
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:14,336
There's a lot of hurt
in her past.
171
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,304
I thought
that went well. I really did.
172
00:08:16,338 --> 00:08:17,472
Good afternoon, ma'am!
How you doing?
173
00:08:17,506 --> 00:08:18,640
Hey, ma'am!
174
00:08:18,674 --> 00:08:20,242
Would you like
some Port Salut?
175
00:08:20,275 --> 00:08:21,376
Oh, no.
176
00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:23,245
Oh! Wait, I'm sorry.
Do it again.
177
00:08:23,278 --> 00:08:25,313
I wanna get it on the camera,
uh, for his reel.
178
00:08:25,347 --> 00:08:26,448
- Okay, cool.
- Yeah, ask her again.
179
00:08:26,481 --> 00:08:27,749
Do your...
180
00:08:27,783 --> 00:08:30,252
Would you like some cheese?
181
00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:32,954
Cheese, cheese,
cheese plate!
182
00:08:32,988 --> 00:08:35,323
Crackers, we gonna make it
rain crackers
183
00:08:35,357 --> 00:08:37,492
like blessings
from the Lord up in here!
184
00:08:37,526 --> 00:08:38,660
Crackers...
185
00:08:38,694 --> 00:08:39,761
I'm not talking
about white people.
186
00:08:39,795 --> 00:08:40,729
I'm talking about crackers!
187
00:08:40,762 --> 00:08:43,398
That's what we do.
Let's mess up some cheeses.
188
00:08:43,432 --> 00:08:44,666
Let's mess up
some cheeses, yeah.
189
00:08:46,535 --> 00:08:48,003
♪ Gorgonzola, Pepper Jack
190
00:08:48,036 --> 00:08:49,304
♪ Gouda cheese
Yeah, all of that ♪
191
00:08:49,337 --> 00:08:51,573
Uh... Mmm.
192
00:08:51,606 --> 00:08:53,608
No, no, no.
Come here.
193
00:08:53,642 --> 00:08:55,610
Cut out the comedy show
194
00:08:55,644 --> 00:08:57,813
and just sell them cheese,
Deandre.
195
00:08:57,846 --> 00:08:58,947
The problem is,
196
00:08:58,980 --> 00:08:59,948
they don't just
want cheese, huh?
197
00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:02,651
She don't want cheese.
He don't want cheese.
198
00:09:02,684 --> 00:09:04,553
I don't want cheese.
We want respect.
199
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,588
And until I find it,
I ain't gonna stop.
200
00:09:06,621 --> 00:09:07,923
- Oh, Denzel Washington!
- That's right.
201
00:09:07,956 --> 00:09:09,491
- Hey, do something else.
- No, no, no, no!
202
00:09:09,524 --> 00:09:11,393
Go cover my express line.
203
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:12,994
I don't
wanna cover the express line!
204
00:09:13,028 --> 00:09:14,496
- Oh, Tracy Morgan!
- That's right.
205
00:09:14,529 --> 00:09:17,399
Deandre, go over there now.
206
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,601
Listen, last time I covered
the express line,
207
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:21,903
ladies came with
100 cans of cat food!
208
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,739
Little lady talking
about some...
209
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,741
"Since it's the same brand,
it only counts as one."
210
00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:27,042
But I was like,
"You know what?
211
00:09:27,075 --> 00:09:29,778
"Fuck that! It doesn't
count as one."
212
00:09:29,811 --> 00:09:31,613
Deandre, you are
pushing it now, okay?
213
00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:32,748
I'm pushing it?
You know what's pushing?
214
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:33,949
Your hairline!
215
00:09:33,982 --> 00:09:35,517
That's pushing
all the way back!
216
00:09:35,550 --> 00:09:37,319
It's one, two, way back!
217
00:09:37,352 --> 00:09:39,321
- That's what it is.
- Zena's got mad forehead!
218
00:09:39,354 --> 00:09:41,523
You need to stop talking
like Tracy Morgan
219
00:09:41,556 --> 00:09:44,292
and go over there
and do your damn job now.
220
00:09:44,326 --> 00:09:45,927
If I don't
talk like Tracy Morgan,
221
00:09:45,961 --> 00:09:47,395
I'mma talk like Kevin Hart.
222
00:09:47,429 --> 00:09:48,663
Tell you why,
tell you what you did.
223
00:09:48,697 --> 00:09:51,399
It's terrible, disrespectful.
Listen, I'm a human being.
224
00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:53,368
Just because you're a more
handsome man than I am,
225
00:09:53,401 --> 00:09:54,669
strong-ass jawline
and a mustache...
226
00:09:54,703 --> 00:09:55,904
Excuse me.
227
00:09:55,937 --> 00:09:56,972
...that doesn't mean
anything.
228
00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:58,039
Okay, I got you.
229
00:09:58,073 --> 00:09:59,374
You got a mustache.
What you doing?
230
00:09:59,407 --> 00:10:00,842
Say it again.
Say all that shit again.
231
00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:02,644
No, no, no.
I can't even remember now.
232
00:10:02,677 --> 00:10:03,979
The part about
me being a man.
233
00:10:04,012 --> 00:10:05,413
- I said you was a man?
- Yeah.
234
00:10:05,447 --> 00:10:06,782
I might've said that
in character.
235
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:09,351
It's kind of like I get
possessed by the spirit.
236
00:10:09,384 --> 00:10:10,685
You know what I'm saying?
Like the spirit.
237
00:10:10,719 --> 00:10:12,320
I've been touched by God
238
00:10:12,354 --> 00:10:14,523
and redeemed
by the blood of Jesus!
239
00:10:14,556 --> 00:10:17,859
Hallelujah!
240
00:10:17,893 --> 00:10:19,694
- Lord Jesus!
- Yeah, come here.
241
00:10:19,728 --> 00:10:21,429
You hit like a girl.
That's one redeeming thing.
242
00:10:21,463 --> 00:10:23,431
Yeah, straight up.
243
00:10:27,936 --> 00:10:30,605
Yeah. Need a postcard
for that trip?
244
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,942
- You are so fucking fired!
- I'm fired?
245
00:10:33,975 --> 00:10:35,610
- Yes!
- I'm fired? Thank you!
246
00:10:35,644 --> 00:10:36,978
Who's fired? We're fired?
247
00:10:37,012 --> 00:10:39,648
Fine! Give me the vegetables!
I want this cauliflower.
248
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,749
I'mma take some
squash, take these bananas.
249
00:10:40,782 --> 00:10:42,450
Give me this
God dang apple! Give me it!
250
00:10:42,484 --> 00:10:45,086
We gotta go,
we gotta go, we gotta go!
251
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,321
We out!
252
00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:48,523
Right.
253
00:10:53,795 --> 00:10:55,397
Nice job, Thomas.
254
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:57,399
Okay, please practice
your sheet music
255
00:10:57,432 --> 00:10:59,501
on your pianos at home. Okay?
256
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:01,603
What if you
don't have a piano?
257
00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:03,772
Thomas, stop it.
258
00:11:03,805 --> 00:11:06,441
I'm just asking what
Jaylin's supposed to do,
259
00:11:06,474 --> 00:11:07,909
since his family is
too poor to buy one.
260
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:11,780
That's enough!
261
00:11:11,813 --> 00:11:13,114
Please, be kind.
262
00:11:13,148 --> 00:11:14,716
I will see you all next week.
263
00:11:26,094 --> 00:11:27,362
- Dad!
- Come on.
264
00:11:28,430 --> 00:11:29,464
Oh. Mr. McDonald!
265
00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:35,570
Um, have you made any progress
in getting Jaylin a piano?
266
00:11:35,604 --> 00:11:36,972
- So he could practice?
- Absolutely.
267
00:11:37,005 --> 00:11:38,139
Oh, great!
268
00:11:38,173 --> 00:11:39,541
Yup!
269
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:40,709
Well, kind of.
270
00:11:41,310 --> 00:11:43,945
I'll figure something out.
271
00:11:43,979 --> 00:11:46,581
You know, you've been
saying that for six months.
272
00:11:46,615 --> 00:11:48,850
Jaylin is starting
to fall behind.
273
00:11:48,884 --> 00:11:51,119
Our lessons are advancing,
274
00:11:51,152 --> 00:11:52,721
and I'm afraid
he's gonna have to
275
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:54,190
drop the class
until he gets one.
276
00:11:54,223 --> 00:11:57,592
Dad, no! I can't quit piano.
277
00:11:57,626 --> 00:11:59,828
Look, if it's
about the money...
278
00:11:59,861 --> 00:12:01,529
Ain't about
the money, girl.
279
00:12:01,563 --> 00:12:03,565
What you talking about, girl?
We balling around here.
280
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:06,101
Drip-drop, make it rain
everywhere. Precipitation.
281
00:12:06,134 --> 00:12:07,602
That's right, that's right.
282
00:12:07,636 --> 00:12:09,471
But what if it is
about the money?
283
00:12:09,504 --> 00:12:10,772
I'm sure there's
some music stores
284
00:12:10,805 --> 00:12:12,974
that can extend you credit.
285
00:12:13,008 --> 00:12:15,777
Ain't nobody gonna extend
me no damn credit.
286
00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:17,545
- Credit!
- Crazy!
287
00:12:20,216 --> 00:12:22,117
I just want Jaylin to be able
288
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,119
to better participate
in class.
289
00:12:24,152 --> 00:12:25,887
He just has a lot
of potential.
290
00:12:25,921 --> 00:12:27,822
I agree.
291
00:12:27,856 --> 00:12:30,458
I don't mean
to sound harsh here
292
00:12:30,492 --> 00:12:32,761
but I just would hate
if your life circumstances
293
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,496
would stand in his way.
294
00:12:34,996 --> 00:12:36,531
What?
295
00:12:36,898 --> 00:12:37,899
Lady...
296
00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:40,202
I do for my son.
297
00:12:40,236 --> 00:12:41,102
You feel me?
298
00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:44,639
Oh. No, no, I'm sorry.
I know you can.
299
00:12:44,673 --> 00:12:46,141
- I'm just trying to help.
- Oh, you're trying to help.
300
00:12:46,174 --> 00:12:47,976
Uh, well, you need to
help them bangs
301
00:12:48,009 --> 00:12:49,711
in the front of your face.
That's what you need to do.
302
00:12:49,744 --> 00:12:51,746
- What's wrong with my bang?
- What's wrong with your bang?
303
00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:54,015
It looks like a French horn.
304
00:12:54,049 --> 00:12:55,483
Looking like a broke-ass
Rosie Perez.
305
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:56,484
Okay.
306
00:12:56,518 --> 00:12:57,852
Looking like
a Puerto Rican version
307
00:12:57,886 --> 00:12:59,854
of Janelle Monae.
308
00:13:01,656 --> 00:13:04,693
Man, fuck Zena,
and fuck that punk-ass job.
309
00:13:04,726 --> 00:13:07,028
I wasn't gonna blow up
working at no grocery store.
310
00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:09,664
Now I got more time to devote
to my comedy. Yes!
311
00:13:09,698 --> 00:13:12,100
Okay. Dre, this shit is about
to crack for the both of us.
312
00:13:12,133 --> 00:13:14,002
I want you to see this.
313
00:13:14,035 --> 00:13:15,837
I just submitted
your audition tape
314
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:18,274
and Instagram videos
to this showcase.
315
00:13:18,307 --> 00:13:19,774
Boom. Come on!
316
00:13:19,808 --> 00:13:20,909
Good shit, my G.
317
00:13:20,942 --> 00:13:22,043
It is your time, man.
318
00:13:22,077 --> 00:13:24,180
I got a feeling
about this, Dre!
319
00:13:24,213 --> 00:13:26,614
You gonna win this thing, man.
You hear me?
320
00:13:26,648 --> 00:13:28,850
You are going to win this
and when you do,
321
00:13:28,883 --> 00:13:29,918
you gonna go on tour.
322
00:13:29,951 --> 00:13:32,087
Then your stand-up, that's
gonna lead to acting.
323
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,689
Then we gonna parlay that
into an action movie career.
324
00:13:34,723 --> 00:13:36,024
I'mma represent you,
325
00:13:36,057 --> 00:13:37,726
and then I'mma open up
a big-ass management firm.
326
00:13:37,759 --> 00:13:39,195
Guess who I'm gonna sign?
327
00:13:39,228 --> 00:13:41,730
Sarah Silverman. Make her have
my little black baby.
328
00:13:41,763 --> 00:13:43,098
Boom.
329
00:13:43,131 --> 00:13:45,734
Dre, you are exactly
what they're looking for.
330
00:13:45,767 --> 00:13:47,535
You exactly
what I'm looking for, too.
331
00:13:47,569 --> 00:13:48,603
- Hey!
- Oh, hey!
332
00:13:49,637 --> 00:13:51,006
Oh, wow! Okay.
333
00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,141
Look at this. This right here,
you know what this is?
334
00:13:53,174 --> 00:13:55,710
This is black love.
I love that.
335
00:13:55,744 --> 00:13:58,013
Feel like I shouldn't
even be here. Goddamn.
336
00:13:58,414 --> 00:13:59,714
You shouldn't.
337
00:13:59,748 --> 00:14:01,217
You just gonna do me
like that?
338
00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:02,684
Eddie just submitted me
for this
339
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,953
Laugh Out Loud
comedy showcase.
340
00:14:04,986 --> 00:14:07,189
So, uh, they're looking
for the next big thing...
341
00:14:07,223 --> 00:14:08,623
and it's me.
342
00:14:08,656 --> 00:14:10,058
Shit, it better be you.
343
00:14:10,091 --> 00:14:11,626
You know
you ain't got no job.
344
00:14:12,093 --> 00:14:13,928
What?
345
00:14:13,962 --> 00:14:15,697
- What is he talking about?
- Oh, shit!
346
00:14:16,031 --> 00:14:17,299
Huh?
347
00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:19,768
That's on me.
That is my bad.
348
00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:21,870
- You lost your job?
- I'm sorry, dawg.
349
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:24,973
Yeah, but look, babe.
Come on, you know me, babe.
350
00:14:25,006 --> 00:14:27,243
I'll figure something out.
It's all good.
351
00:14:27,276 --> 00:14:29,211
Listen, that job was
for suckers anyway.
352
00:14:29,245 --> 00:14:31,012
I need to be focused
on my comedy,
353
00:14:31,046 --> 00:14:32,614
building all my numbers
on the socials.
354
00:14:32,647 --> 00:14:35,650
We need rent money, okay?
355
00:14:35,683 --> 00:14:38,019
And followers don't pay!
You sound crazy.
356
00:14:38,053 --> 00:14:40,622
Sometimes, they do.
Not to cut you off.
357
00:14:40,655 --> 00:14:42,090
But you just gotta get
brand sponsorship.
358
00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:43,225
Like the Kardashians, right?
359
00:14:43,259 --> 00:14:44,326
- They make six...
- Okay!
360
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,928
But does he have
a brand sponsorship?
361
00:14:46,961 --> 00:14:48,330
Mmm, no, he does not.
362
00:14:48,364 --> 00:14:49,864
Because you didn't
get him one.
363
00:14:49,898 --> 00:14:51,733
You been managing him
for what?
364
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,335
- Three years now?
- Like two and a half.
365
00:14:53,369 --> 00:14:55,136
And you really
ain't did shit.
366
00:14:55,170 --> 00:14:56,738
But then again,
why would you be able to get
367
00:14:56,771 --> 00:14:58,240
his career cracking
when you...
368
00:14:58,274 --> 00:15:00,108
Whoa, wait, don't say anything
that you can't take back, Sky.
369
00:15:00,141 --> 00:15:01,310
...live with your mama!
370
00:15:01,343 --> 00:15:02,977
Oh, shit. You just went there.
371
00:15:03,011 --> 00:15:04,045
- Yeah.
- You just went there
372
00:15:04,079 --> 00:15:05,214
- like that, huh?
- Yeah.
373
00:15:05,247 --> 00:15:07,082
You said you would never
bring that up, Sky.
374
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:07,982
I lied.
375
00:15:08,016 --> 00:15:09,684
Sky, listen,
stop tripping.
376
00:15:09,717 --> 00:15:10,952
I'll figure something out.
377
00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:12,954
A few months ago, you figured
out you were gonna make money
378
00:15:12,987 --> 00:15:14,823
by putting ads
on your website.
379
00:15:14,856 --> 00:15:16,091
- Yup.
- Did that pay?
380
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,193
Yes, it did.
381
00:15:17,226 --> 00:15:18,726
Google AdSense
is a great way
382
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:20,829
to monetize
your online content.
383
00:15:20,862 --> 00:15:21,896
So, yeah.
384
00:15:21,930 --> 00:15:23,399
How much did you make?
385
00:15:23,432 --> 00:15:26,734
- Uh... In the last 30 days?
- Sure.
386
00:15:26,768 --> 00:15:28,736
If you carry over the one,
387
00:15:28,770 --> 00:15:29,904
carry over the twos,
30 days...
388
00:15:29,938 --> 00:15:31,940
That's gonna be,
for the April...
389
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:34,310
- How much, Dre?
- Okay, up to...
390
00:15:35,844 --> 00:15:37,313
Six dollars.
391
00:15:37,346 --> 00:15:39,948
And a little extra.
Babe, babe, it's all good.
392
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:42,218
I can't keep doing this.
393
00:15:42,251 --> 00:15:44,652
I work hard
and I hold us down.
394
00:15:44,686 --> 00:15:46,754
But you, you just do
whatever you want.
395
00:15:46,788 --> 00:15:48,424
I'm not doing
whatever I want.
396
00:15:48,457 --> 00:15:49,958
I'm following my dreams.
397
00:15:49,991 --> 00:15:51,159
You have a family.
398
00:15:51,193 --> 00:15:54,662
No job, no money,
and you rent a house.
399
00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:56,798
At a certain point,
following your dreams
400
00:15:56,831 --> 00:15:58,367
is irresponsible, Dre.
401
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,135
And I have to be honest...
402
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,736
I'm tired.
403
00:16:03,372 --> 00:16:04,973
- Ooh.
- Sky.
404
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:09,378
Now, maybe, just maybe,
405
00:16:09,411 --> 00:16:11,012
when she says she's tired,
406
00:16:11,045 --> 00:16:12,881
she means it
in a different way.
407
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:16,851
Nope.
408
00:16:16,885 --> 00:16:18,820
You got a big
fucking mouth, Eddie.
409
00:16:18,853 --> 00:16:20,722
I know. It just slipped out
'cause I was...
410
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,028
Hey, you up last, baby.
411
00:16:27,061 --> 00:16:28,163
I bet.
412
00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:32,434
- Can I ask you a question?
- What's up?
413
00:16:32,468 --> 00:16:34,702
Why you always writing
in this?
414
00:16:34,736 --> 00:16:36,871
Like, what is this book?
415
00:16:36,905 --> 00:16:38,207
I'm journaling, fool.
416
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:39,707
- You're journaling?
- Yeah!
417
00:16:39,741 --> 00:16:40,875
- You're journaling?
- It helps me process
418
00:16:40,909 --> 00:16:42,110
what I feel about life.
419
00:16:42,143 --> 00:16:44,145
My shit is so fucked up
right now,
420
00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:45,713
I need to channel it
somewhere.
421
00:16:45,747 --> 00:16:47,982
So until I can pay
an uptight white lady
422
00:16:48,016 --> 00:16:49,218
to listen to my problems,
423
00:16:49,251 --> 00:16:51,152
I'mma put it all down
right here.
424
00:16:51,187 --> 00:16:52,221
Okay.
425
00:16:52,254 --> 00:16:53,322
You should try it.
426
00:16:53,355 --> 00:16:55,123
Me? I should try journaling?
427
00:16:55,156 --> 00:16:57,792
Yeah, everybody has something
they need to work out.
428
00:16:57,825 --> 00:16:59,461
Get the fuck out! I ain't
got shit I need to work out.
429
00:16:59,495 --> 00:17:00,862
You wanna know why?
430
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:02,163
I keep all my
shit up top, Dre.
431
00:17:02,198 --> 00:17:04,300
I let everybody know
how I feel.
432
00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:06,167
- Uh-huh.
- Everybody.
433
00:17:06,202 --> 00:17:08,069
Except maybe my daddy.
434
00:17:08,102 --> 00:17:09,405
'Cause I never really
could talk to the man.
435
00:17:09,438 --> 00:17:10,573
And you know what's funny?
436
00:17:10,606 --> 00:17:13,775
No matter how curious I was
to learn things about him,
437
00:17:13,808 --> 00:17:15,311
he was never comfortable
sharing with me.
438
00:17:15,344 --> 00:17:16,978
So, then I'm like,
"What is it about me?"
439
00:17:17,413 --> 00:17:19,147
Like I said.
440
00:17:20,982 --> 00:17:22,150
Fuck you.
441
00:17:24,253 --> 00:17:26,154
This cop has never
seen shit like this.
442
00:17:26,188 --> 00:17:28,424
Not a .08, not a .10.
443
00:17:28,457 --> 00:17:30,825
Ladies and gentlemen,
I blew a 3.7!
444
00:17:31,493 --> 00:17:33,094
That's a goddamn GPA.
445
00:17:33,127 --> 00:17:34,796
You understand that?
446
00:17:34,829 --> 00:17:36,965
I got a DUI
and a scholarship!
447
00:17:37,865 --> 00:17:39,067
I'm killing in this bitch!
448
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,302
I'm killing in this bitch!
449
00:17:41,803 --> 00:17:43,472
Y'all ready
to get this show rolling?
450
00:17:47,909 --> 00:17:49,345
Last up for the night...
451
00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:51,247
Dre, just get up here.
452
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,014
Yeah!
453
00:17:53,047 --> 00:17:54,350
Go kill it. Go do you.
454
00:17:54,383 --> 00:17:56,918
- I will, I will. I got you.
- Kill it, baby.
455
00:17:56,951 --> 00:17:58,886
Listen, it's 1:00 a.m.
456
00:17:59,388 --> 00:18:01,190
It's tomorrow.
457
00:18:01,223 --> 00:18:03,325
- Get this shit over with.
- Yeah.
458
00:18:06,828 --> 00:18:08,230
What up?
459
00:18:08,264 --> 00:18:09,431
Get 'em, Dre!
460
00:18:09,465 --> 00:18:11,500
Give it up for the ladies.
461
00:18:11,533 --> 00:18:13,167
You know what I'm saying?
462
00:18:13,202 --> 00:18:15,304
That's... Yeah!
463
00:18:15,337 --> 00:18:17,038
You know what's crazy?
You know what would be crazy?
464
00:18:17,071 --> 00:18:19,408
Fucking Jay-Z at a
motherfucking McDonald's.
465
00:18:19,441 --> 00:18:20,609
That shit would
be crazy as shit.
466
00:18:20,643 --> 00:18:22,578
Hey, yo, can I
please get an apple pie?
467
00:18:22,611 --> 00:18:24,313
Yeah.
468
00:18:24,346 --> 00:18:26,382
I want an apple pie
and a large fry.
469
00:18:26,415 --> 00:18:27,982
Yeah.
470
00:18:28,016 --> 00:18:29,251
Shyeah.
471
00:18:29,285 --> 00:18:32,020
I love Oreos, yeah.
472
00:18:32,053 --> 00:18:33,121
It's a flurry.
473
00:19:02,618 --> 00:19:04,018
Yeah.
474
00:19:04,052 --> 00:19:06,154
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
475
00:19:30,945 --> 00:19:31,946
Dad?
476
00:19:35,417 --> 00:19:37,118
Go back to sleep, buddy.
477
00:19:39,188 --> 00:19:40,389
What is that?
478
00:19:41,523 --> 00:19:42,924
A piano?
479
00:19:42,957 --> 00:19:44,259
Yeah.
480
00:19:44,293 --> 00:19:47,629
Well, you know,
it's not the real thing.
481
00:19:47,663 --> 00:19:49,665
Duh, Dad. It says
Charmin on the side.
482
00:19:49,698 --> 00:19:52,434
This is so dope.
483
00:19:54,503 --> 00:19:55,937
Look, it's temporary,
you know.
484
00:19:55,970 --> 00:19:57,473
I know you've been
falling behind in class
485
00:19:57,506 --> 00:19:59,173
'cause you haven't
been able to practice.
486
00:20:00,409 --> 00:20:02,910
I figure at least
you can practice
487
00:20:02,944 --> 00:20:05,247
finger positioning
and building chords.
488
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:07,014
This is perfect.
489
00:20:08,015 --> 00:20:09,518
Hey. Hey.
490
00:20:09,551 --> 00:20:10,918
Don't get used to it,
all right?
491
00:20:10,952 --> 00:20:12,053
All right.
492
00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:14,490
Look, I'mma get you
something dope.
493
00:20:14,523 --> 00:20:16,023
Believe that.
494
00:20:16,057 --> 00:20:18,059
- I just gotta...
- I know.
495
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:19,228
Figure something out.
496
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:21,263
I say that a lot, don't I?
497
00:20:21,296 --> 00:20:22,464
- Yeah.
- Okay.
498
00:20:22,498 --> 00:20:23,965
Well, I mean it.
499
00:20:25,066 --> 00:20:26,368
- All right now?
- All right.
500
00:20:26,402 --> 00:20:27,469
You're gonna be
like a little Mozart,
501
00:20:27,503 --> 00:20:28,570
a little Amadeus.
502
00:20:28,604 --> 00:20:29,705
That's what
they gonna call you.
503
00:20:29,738 --> 00:20:31,306
Get excited, all right?
504
00:20:31,340 --> 00:20:33,174
- Game time. Say "Game time!"
- Game time.
505
00:20:33,208 --> 00:20:34,041
- Game time.
- Game time.
506
00:20:34,075 --> 00:20:35,344
That's right.
Stick your chest out!
507
00:20:35,377 --> 00:20:36,712
Stick your chest out
like this.
508
00:20:36,745 --> 00:20:38,514
- Game time.
- There you go! There you go!
509
00:20:38,547 --> 00:20:39,681
All right.
510
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,294
Morning, family!
511
00:20:52,327 --> 00:20:54,196
What up, boy?
512
00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:56,030
You good, baby?
513
00:20:56,063 --> 00:20:57,098
I'm fine.
514
00:20:57,131 --> 00:20:58,166
Good. Me, too.
515
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,034
Ooh, we got pancakes, huh?
516
00:21:00,067 --> 00:21:01,303
Special occasion?
517
00:21:01,336 --> 00:21:04,071
Well, my little guy here's
been working so hard in school.
518
00:21:04,105 --> 00:21:07,975
And when people work hard,
they deserve pancakes.
519
00:21:08,009 --> 00:21:10,044
So cute!
520
00:21:10,077 --> 00:21:11,180
Great!
521
00:21:11,213 --> 00:21:12,314
Can I have a pancake?
522
00:21:12,347 --> 00:21:13,981
There's none left.
523
00:21:14,015 --> 00:21:15,384
But there's
a stack right...
524
00:21:16,552 --> 00:21:18,119
These are mine.
525
00:21:20,054 --> 00:21:21,757
You know, uh...
526
00:21:21,790 --> 00:21:23,625
I'm starting to feel like
you just made pancakes
527
00:21:23,659 --> 00:21:25,594
to make it a point to
not give me pancakes.
528
00:21:25,627 --> 00:21:27,196
Is that what's happening?
529
00:21:31,667 --> 00:21:33,469
Got a lot of malice
in your walk there.
530
00:21:34,403 --> 00:21:36,103
Boy...
531
00:21:36,137 --> 00:21:38,540
if I don't teach you anything
else, you just remember...
532
00:21:38,574 --> 00:21:42,009
when a woman says she's
fine, don't believe it.
533
00:21:42,043 --> 00:21:43,745
All right. What'd you do?
534
00:21:43,779 --> 00:21:45,380
Come on, Jaylin,
so I can get you to school,
535
00:21:45,414 --> 00:21:48,550
before I go to work
at the job that I have.
536
00:21:50,752 --> 00:21:53,655
Looks like it has something
to do with the job.
537
00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:55,457
What?
Just get your book bag.
538
00:21:55,491 --> 00:21:57,493
All right. Just saying.
539
00:21:59,126 --> 00:22:00,127
Enjoy.
540
00:22:01,763 --> 00:22:03,532
You ain't even gonna
crack it though?
541
00:22:05,099 --> 00:22:08,035
So, while I'm at
my occupation...
542
00:22:08,069 --> 00:22:09,505
what will you
be doing all day?
543
00:22:09,538 --> 00:22:11,273
Oh, well, writing jokes.
544
00:22:11,306 --> 00:22:12,808
Oh, I got this new idea
for a comedy video,
545
00:22:12,841 --> 00:22:14,610
so I'mma go ahead
and produce that.
546
00:22:14,643 --> 00:22:16,211
So, you just gonna
be sitting at home,
547
00:22:16,245 --> 00:22:17,679
writing jokes...
548
00:22:17,713 --> 00:22:19,248
doing comedy all day?
549
00:22:19,281 --> 00:22:20,616
That's nice. That's good.
550
00:22:22,751 --> 00:22:25,152
- Sky, why you gotta...
- Dre, Dre, Dre!
551
00:22:25,187 --> 00:22:27,054
You got into
the LOL showcase.
552
00:22:27,088 --> 00:22:29,224
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Just slow down. Get it out.
553
00:22:29,258 --> 00:22:30,392
You got into the LOL showcase.
554
00:22:30,425 --> 00:22:31,660
What?
555
00:22:31,693 --> 00:22:33,662
Hey, hey, takeoff,
I can't understand what you're saying.
556
00:22:33,695 --> 00:22:37,299
I said, Dre, you got into
the Laugh Out Loud showcase.
557
00:22:37,332 --> 00:22:38,400
- What?
- Yes!
558
00:22:38,433 --> 00:22:39,401
I'm going to LA?
559
00:22:39,434 --> 00:22:41,737
Well, we going to LA, man.
All expenses paid!
560
00:22:41,770 --> 00:22:43,372
Air, hotel, rental car.
561
00:22:43,405 --> 00:22:44,773
And I ain't talking about,
like, the little economy.
562
00:22:44,806 --> 00:22:47,442
I'm talking about the SUV,
minivan, 4x4 category...
563
00:22:47,476 --> 00:22:48,577
'cause they classy, Dre!
564
00:22:48,610 --> 00:22:49,745
The seat's first class?
They gonna recline
565
00:22:49,778 --> 00:22:51,179
all the way back
like this here?
566
00:22:51,213 --> 00:22:52,681
Recline, dawg, like that!
567
00:22:52,714 --> 00:22:53,749
Baby!
568
00:22:53,782 --> 00:22:55,317
That's great.
569
00:22:55,350 --> 00:22:56,785
That's great.
570
00:22:56,818 --> 00:23:00,087
Just lost my appetite,
but that's great.
571
00:23:01,823 --> 00:23:05,227
Hold on. Hey.
572
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:06,261
Ooh, pancakes!
573
00:23:07,896 --> 00:23:09,431
Sky, why you hating?
574
00:23:09,464 --> 00:23:11,333
I'm not.
I'm happy for you.
575
00:23:11,366 --> 00:23:13,167
Well, it doesn't
seem like it.
576
00:23:13,201 --> 00:23:14,570
Dre.
577
00:23:14,603 --> 00:23:16,438
You always do
some big audition
578
00:23:16,471 --> 00:23:17,839
or get props
on social media
579
00:23:17,873 --> 00:23:19,106
and think it'
your big break.
580
00:23:19,140 --> 00:23:21,577
We get all worked up thinking
it's gonna change our lives
581
00:23:21,610 --> 00:23:22,511
and then nothing.
582
00:23:22,544 --> 00:23:25,213
But it's different this
time. It's Cali.
583
00:23:25,247 --> 00:23:28,183
- Cali, Sky. Cali.
- Maybe.
584
00:23:29,651 --> 00:23:32,187
Or maybe the time spent
there chasing your dreams
585
00:23:32,220 --> 00:23:34,690
is better off spent here
chasing a paycheck.
586
00:23:34,723 --> 00:23:36,892
So what am I supposed to do?
I'm supposed to just stay here
587
00:23:36,925 --> 00:23:40,161
and be a regular-ass guy
with a regular-ass job?
588
00:23:40,195 --> 00:23:41,530
Not regular.
589
00:23:42,397 --> 00:23:43,699
Reliable.
590
00:23:45,233 --> 00:23:46,335
- See you tonight.
- Sky.
591
00:23:46,368 --> 00:23:47,469
- Come on, Jaylin.
- Baby.
592
00:23:54,409 --> 00:23:55,777
I'm proud of you, Dad.
593
00:23:56,745 --> 00:23:58,112
Thanks, bud.
594
00:24:01,316 --> 00:24:02,718
I can't go.
595
00:24:02,751 --> 00:24:04,720
Bullshit! You gotta go.
596
00:24:04,753 --> 00:24:06,355
- I can't, man.
- You gotta go, Dre.
597
00:24:06,388 --> 00:24:08,857
No, no, no. I'm on thin ice
with her right now, man.
598
00:24:08,890 --> 00:24:10,626
- I can't leave.
- I get it, man.
599
00:24:10,659 --> 00:24:12,227
You are afraid that somebody
600
00:24:12,260 --> 00:24:13,562
gonna hit that
while you gone.
601
00:24:13,595 --> 00:24:14,763
Because, yes, tired women,
602
00:24:14,796 --> 00:24:17,332
they are very vulnerable to
random dick. This is true.
603
00:24:17,366 --> 00:24:18,834
Well, I wasn't thinking
about that,
604
00:24:18,867 --> 00:24:20,302
but thanks for
putting it in my head.
605
00:24:20,335 --> 00:24:21,803
Dre, you know
why you gotta go?
606
00:24:21,837 --> 00:24:22,771
Because if you don't,
607
00:24:22,804 --> 00:24:24,740
you will resent Sky
for holding you back.
608
00:24:24,773 --> 00:24:26,742
Next thing you know,
you a old-ass man,
609
00:24:26,775 --> 00:24:29,277
a janitor at a fucking
elementary school,
610
00:24:29,311 --> 00:24:30,545
doing jokes for kids.
611
00:24:30,579 --> 00:24:31,680
Or worse.
612
00:24:31,713 --> 00:24:33,815
Or worse, I could be
security at the rec center.
613
00:24:33,849 --> 00:24:34,816
Oh, my God!
Dre, that's even...
614
00:24:34,850 --> 00:24:35,951
Oh, my God!
I'd be talking about some...
615
00:24:35,984 --> 00:24:37,853
Putting the basketballs away.
616
00:24:37,886 --> 00:24:39,421
Put the basketballs away!
617
00:24:39,454 --> 00:24:41,423
And for what?
We ain't gonna do nothing but take
618
00:24:41,456 --> 00:24:43,225
the balls back out
and play ball with them.
619
00:24:43,258 --> 00:24:44,559
- That's right.
- It's fucking bullshit!
620
00:24:44,593 --> 00:24:46,194
It will be bad for me.
621
00:24:46,228 --> 00:24:47,763
Hey, you know what?
622
00:24:47,796 --> 00:24:49,931
And Sky wouldn't want me
to live being unhappy.
623
00:24:49,965 --> 00:24:51,199
Come on,
you are saving her
624
00:24:51,233 --> 00:24:52,434
from a lifetime
with a bitter man
625
00:24:52,467 --> 00:24:53,935
who blames her
for his failures.
626
00:24:53,969 --> 00:24:55,237
I can't let her
live like that.
627
00:24:55,270 --> 00:24:56,304
Hell no, you can't.
628
00:24:56,338 --> 00:24:58,340
You gotta do what the fuck
you wanna do for her.
629
00:24:58,373 --> 00:24:59,741
You know what? Forget it!
630
00:24:59,775 --> 00:25:01,343
- We going to Cali!
- Hell yeah, we going to Cali!
631
00:25:01,376 --> 00:25:03,412
- We going to Cali! We going!
- We going to LA, baby!
632
00:25:03,445 --> 00:25:05,280
- We going to the west side!
- We going to the west side!
633
00:25:05,313 --> 00:25:06,715
The west side is the best
side, motherfucker!
634
00:25:06,748 --> 00:25:10,252
Yes! Maybe we'll tone down some of that.
You know what I'm saying?
635
00:25:10,285 --> 00:25:11,653
'Cause we don't wanna scare
'em when we get on the plane
636
00:25:11,687 --> 00:25:13,355
with the Tupac, right?
637
00:25:13,388 --> 00:25:14,423
- Give me that goddamn pancake.
- Just gonna take the pancake?
638
00:25:14,456 --> 00:25:15,957
Here, you take this
right here. Yes.
639
00:25:15,991 --> 00:25:17,459
- Give me the fucking egg?
- Yes!
640
00:25:18,527 --> 00:25:20,262
Oh! God!
641
00:25:25,467 --> 00:25:27,769
Well, this is it.
642
00:25:27,803 --> 00:25:28,870
Wish me luck.
643
00:25:28,904 --> 00:25:30,238
Go win, Dad!
644
00:25:31,707 --> 00:25:33,208
Yeah. Oh!
645
00:25:34,710 --> 00:25:36,411
Got you something.
646
00:25:36,445 --> 00:25:37,546
What's this?
647
00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:39,247
That's my half of the rent.
648
00:25:39,281 --> 00:25:40,549
You know, plus a little more.
649
00:25:41,016 --> 00:25:42,217
Thanks.
650
00:25:44,486 --> 00:25:46,488
Sky, come on.
651
00:25:46,521 --> 00:25:47,956
I gotta do this.
652
00:25:47,989 --> 00:25:50,425
I wouldn't be the man you
love if I stayed.
653
00:25:51,727 --> 00:25:53,528
I don't know if the
man I love would leave.
654
00:26:11,446 --> 00:26:13,048
It's Cali, bitch!
655
00:26:13,081 --> 00:26:15,283
We in Cali, bitch!
656
00:26:16,651 --> 00:26:18,053
Whoo!
657
00:26:18,086 --> 00:26:19,921
What's up?
You feel me?
658
00:26:24,693 --> 00:26:25,794
We in there, baby. Hold on.
659
00:26:25,827 --> 00:26:27,896
Can I get in there?
660
00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:30,665
Boom! Kill it!
661
00:26:35,971 --> 00:26:37,072
What up, Sky?
662
00:26:39,374 --> 00:26:40,209
Fuck we at?
663
00:26:40,243 --> 00:26:41,476
Man, don't cuss, man!
It's my mama!
664
00:26:41,510 --> 00:26:42,811
- Oh, my bad!
- This is my mama.
665
00:26:48,683 --> 00:26:49,818
Welcome to the hotel, sir.
666
00:27:04,699 --> 00:27:06,968
- Oh, okay! You know what?
- God dang!
667
00:27:07,002 --> 00:27:09,704
We ain't even gonna trip.
We ain't even out here for that.
668
00:27:09,738 --> 00:27:11,506
- Hello. How you doing?
- Hi. Good.
669
00:27:11,540 --> 00:27:12,607
Checking in.
670
00:27:12,641 --> 00:27:13,675
Name on the reservation,
please.
671
00:27:13,708 --> 00:27:15,577
Sure, it's Deandre McDonald.
672
00:27:17,712 --> 00:27:18,613
My boy.
673
00:27:18,647 --> 00:27:19,915
It's not showing your name
in our system.
674
00:27:19,948 --> 00:27:20,816
Really?
675
00:27:20,849 --> 00:27:22,450
That's so weird.
It's totally in there.
676
00:27:22,484 --> 00:27:23,585
Why don't you just
check again for me, okay?
677
00:27:23,618 --> 00:27:24,653
Thank you.
678
00:27:24,686 --> 00:27:25,787
Dre, you know what I hope?
679
00:27:25,821 --> 00:27:26,955
I hope there's
a spa credit, man.
680
00:27:26,988 --> 00:27:28,023
I want a massage.
681
00:27:28,056 --> 00:27:29,457
I never had
a real massage, man.
682
00:27:29,491 --> 00:27:30,792
- Yeah.
- I wanna get a Swedish...
683
00:27:30,826 --> 00:27:32,127
I'm sorry,
it's not in our computer.
684
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,096
Maybe your reservation's
at another hotel.
685
00:27:35,130 --> 00:27:37,866
Why would the reservation
be at another hotel?
686
00:27:38,767 --> 00:27:40,035
Oh...
687
00:27:40,068 --> 00:27:42,103
- Okay, I see what's going on.
- Ed, I...
688
00:27:42,137 --> 00:27:43,505
No, I see what's going on.
It's all good.
689
00:27:43,538 --> 00:27:44,940
I'm sorry,
I don't understand.
690
00:27:44,973 --> 00:27:46,775
Yeah, this right here, this is,
like, classic racial discrimination.
691
00:27:46,808 --> 00:27:47,742
Hey, hey, hey!
Hold on, man!
692
00:27:47,776 --> 00:27:48,610
You see me and my boy.
Hold on, I got this.
693
00:27:48,643 --> 00:27:50,045
You see me and my boy
come in here.
694
00:27:50,078 --> 00:27:51,012
We got a little melanin
in our skin.
695
00:27:51,046 --> 00:27:52,614
Now, all of a sudden,
y'all wanna lose...
696
00:27:52,647 --> 00:27:54,382
Hi. Reservation for
Carl Johnson.
697
00:27:54,416 --> 00:27:55,717
Welcome back, Mr. Johnson.
698
00:27:55,750 --> 00:27:58,954
Yes, I have your room
right here
699
00:27:58,987 --> 00:28:01,389
and it's a pleasure
having you stay with us.
700
00:28:01,423 --> 00:28:02,424
Thank you.
701
00:28:04,426 --> 00:28:05,560
But he's mixed.
702
00:28:05,594 --> 00:28:07,629
Are you mixed?
Excuse me, are you mixed?
703
00:28:07,662 --> 00:28:09,464
Sir? A little?
704
00:28:09,497 --> 00:28:12,434
A quarter Cherokee
or something?
705
00:28:12,467 --> 00:28:14,069
Mixed at all? No? Really?
706
00:28:14,102 --> 00:28:15,637
He's mixed.
He's totally mixed. What?
707
00:28:15,670 --> 00:28:16,938
He's black as shit.
Come on.
708
00:28:16,972 --> 00:28:18,274
Come here.
I need to talk to you.
709
00:28:18,307 --> 00:28:19,908
Can you give me just one second?
Thank you. I appreciate it.
710
00:28:19,941 --> 00:28:20,976
What?
711
00:28:21,009 --> 00:28:22,677
I'm trying to
work this out.
712
00:28:22,711 --> 00:28:24,145
Yeah, but we don't have
a reservation.
713
00:28:24,180 --> 00:28:25,847
- Who don't have a reservation?
- We don't!
714
00:28:25,881 --> 00:28:27,082
- Yes, we do!
- No, we don't!
715
00:28:27,115 --> 00:28:28,450
Why don't we have
a reservation, Dre?
716
00:28:28,483 --> 00:28:29,985
- 'Cause I sold it.
- You sold...
717
00:28:30,018 --> 00:28:31,453
Shh!
718
00:28:31,486 --> 00:28:33,455
Sorry, just real quick.
719
00:28:33,488 --> 00:28:34,723
Why would you sell
our reservation?
720
00:28:34,756 --> 00:28:36,458
- For rent money, man.
- Okay.
721
00:28:36,491 --> 00:28:39,027
Okay. Okay. So this isn't
racial discrimination?
722
00:28:39,060 --> 00:28:40,762
No, no, no. It ain't
racial discrimination.
723
00:28:40,795 --> 00:28:42,564
This is just a total fuck-up.
We ain't even staying here.
724
00:28:42,597 --> 00:28:43,665
Okay, all right.
725
00:28:43,698 --> 00:28:44,699
Hey!
726
00:28:45,634 --> 00:28:47,068
Um...
727
00:28:47,102 --> 00:28:48,970
- You having a good day?
- Great.
728
00:28:49,004 --> 00:28:50,438
Great. Good, good.
What's your name?
729
00:28:50,472 --> 00:28:52,440
- Tiffany.
- Tiffany!
730
00:28:52,474 --> 00:28:53,608
Um, here's the thing, Tiffany.
731
00:28:53,642 --> 00:28:56,077
As a black man in America,
732
00:28:56,111 --> 00:28:59,447
I tend to experience
racial discrimination
733
00:28:59,481 --> 00:29:00,383
at, say,
a higher rate than, say,
734
00:29:00,415 --> 00:29:01,483
someone like you.
You know what I mean?
735
00:29:01,516 --> 00:29:02,751
You got your blue eyes,
you got your blonde hair.
736
00:29:02,784 --> 00:29:05,921
When's the last time you was,
like, discriminated against?
737
00:29:06,855 --> 00:29:09,057
Besides right now?
738
00:29:09,090 --> 00:29:10,892
You think I'm
discriminating?
739
00:29:13,828 --> 00:29:14,863
God!
740
00:29:14,896 --> 00:29:17,632
Dre, you had so many
opportunities to tell me!
741
00:29:17,666 --> 00:29:18,833
You could've told me
at the airport.
742
00:29:18,867 --> 00:29:20,168
You could've told me
on the plane.
743
00:29:20,202 --> 00:29:21,569
You could've told me
when I was planning
744
00:29:21,603 --> 00:29:22,804
my little bubble bath
and Jacuzzi!
745
00:29:22,837 --> 00:29:24,539
Hey, I'm sorry!
746
00:29:24,572 --> 00:29:26,741
Where we gonna stay, Dre? Hmm?
747
00:29:26,775 --> 00:29:28,076
Man, look.
I don't know, man.
748
00:29:28,109 --> 00:29:30,545
I gave the rest
of the money to Sky.
749
00:29:30,578 --> 00:29:31,913
Well, I spent all my money
on these Jordans.
750
00:29:33,249 --> 00:29:34,383
Don't look at me
like that, Dre.
751
00:29:34,417 --> 00:29:37,585
How am I gonna pull a fancy
client wearing some ASICS?
752
00:29:37,619 --> 00:29:39,154
I can't wear no ASICS!
753
00:29:39,188 --> 00:29:41,957
That's when you go online, and you go
to one of those Chinese online things,
754
00:29:41,990 --> 00:29:43,925
and you get yourself
some knockoff Jordans!
755
00:29:43,959 --> 00:29:45,126
- You know what I'm saying?
- No, I don't.
756
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,729
With one of the little fat
niggas on the side like this.
757
00:29:47,762 --> 00:29:48,763
That's what you get.
758
00:29:49,731 --> 00:29:51,499
Don't make me
laugh right now.
759
00:29:51,533 --> 00:29:53,568
- But you wanna laugh though.
- No, I wanna sleep right now.
760
00:29:53,601 --> 00:29:55,503
I wanna get a massage right now.
That's what I wanna do.
761
00:29:55,537 --> 00:29:56,604
But that's hilarious.
762
00:29:57,839 --> 00:29:59,674
- That's so funny.
- Ah, uh, ah!
763
00:29:59,708 --> 00:30:01,142
You smiling, you smiling!
764
00:30:01,177 --> 00:30:02,844
No, no, no. Don't dap me.
765
00:30:02,877 --> 00:30:05,013
This is not
a dap moment, at all.
766
00:30:08,783 --> 00:30:11,987
Technically, all we need
is a roof over our heads.
767
00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:14,022
Dre, you gonna make me
live in a car?
768
00:30:14,055 --> 00:30:16,091
It's free.
769
00:30:16,124 --> 00:30:17,959
"It's free! It's free, man!"
770
00:30:25,201 --> 00:30:27,168
Marq, you ain't
gonna believe this.
771
00:30:27,203 --> 00:30:28,536
Deandre McDonald is out here
772
00:30:28,570 --> 00:30:29,771
for that
Laugh Out Loud showcase.
773
00:30:29,804 --> 00:30:31,606
And who is Deandre McDonald?
774
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:33,608
Nobody.
775
00:30:33,641 --> 00:30:35,643
Nah, he's the influencer
that made that video
776
00:30:35,677 --> 00:30:38,280
dissing you and
The Secret Service Man.
777
00:30:38,314 --> 00:30:40,081
Uncle Nico,
I'm just trying to remind him...
778
00:30:40,115 --> 00:30:42,117
about the dude that was
talking shit about his movies.
779
00:30:42,150 --> 00:30:43,219
You remember.
780
00:30:43,252 --> 00:30:45,687
He said they was trash,
they was ass.
781
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:46,921
I was watching it
this morning.
782
00:30:46,955 --> 00:30:48,056
What's your email?
I'mma send it to you.
783
00:30:48,089 --> 00:30:49,024
Let me send it to you.
784
00:30:49,057 --> 00:30:51,726
Jethro, get your ratchet
away from my feathers.
785
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:53,061
These are real feathers.
786
00:30:53,094 --> 00:30:55,563
And why is your name
Jethro, anyway?
787
00:30:55,597 --> 00:30:56,798
You're not a slave.
788
00:30:56,831 --> 00:30:58,033
It was my granddaddy name.
789
00:30:58,066 --> 00:30:59,567
He was gonna give it
to my uncle,
790
00:30:59,601 --> 00:31:01,836
but he gave it to my
auntie, and then she...
791
00:31:01,870 --> 00:31:03,171
Y'all want something
from craft service?
792
00:31:03,205 --> 00:31:04,340
We want you
to get out of here.
793
00:31:04,373 --> 00:31:06,674
I'mma get him some sunflower
seeds since he a bird.
794
00:31:10,912 --> 00:31:12,714
Like I give a fuck about
795
00:31:12,747 --> 00:31:16,084
what some internet
motherfucker say about me!
796
00:31:16,117 --> 00:31:17,520
Sitting back there, judging.
797
00:31:17,552 --> 00:31:20,655
How many views he got on that
Secret Service Man thing anyway?
798
00:31:20,688 --> 00:31:22,624
Like barely any.
799
00:31:22,657 --> 00:31:23,758
Mmm-hmm.
800
00:31:23,792 --> 00:31:25,894
That's what I thought.
How many?
801
00:31:28,029 --> 00:31:29,798
Like one...
802
00:31:31,267 --> 00:31:33,034
million...
803
00:31:33,068 --> 00:31:34,769
two hundred and forty...
804
00:31:35,337 --> 00:31:36,671
and five...
805
00:31:37,705 --> 00:31:38,807
thousand.
806
00:31:39,341 --> 00:31:40,376
That's a lot.
807
00:31:40,409 --> 00:31:42,143
- Is it?
- Mmm-hmm.
808
00:31:42,178 --> 00:31:43,611
Really?
809
00:31:44,879 --> 00:31:46,981
Look, I don't
care about him.
810
00:31:47,015 --> 00:31:49,050
I'm sure my fans
don't care about him.
811
00:31:49,084 --> 00:31:51,152
They don't.
They never have.
812
00:31:51,187 --> 00:31:53,121
He does a good impression
of you, though.
813
00:31:53,154 --> 00:31:55,056
Does he really?
814
00:31:55,090 --> 00:31:57,959
Good. I'mma do a good impression of him.
Here it goes.
815
00:31:57,992 --> 00:31:59,295
Deandre McDonald.
816
00:32:00,929 --> 00:32:03,232
See that?
817
00:32:03,265 --> 00:32:05,733
Wasn't shit.
'Cause he ain't shit.
818
00:32:05,767 --> 00:32:07,135
He's a nobody.
819
00:32:07,168 --> 00:32:08,636
Can't do an
impression of him.
820
00:32:08,670 --> 00:32:11,106
You do an almost impression.
821
00:32:11,139 --> 00:32:12,841
That was almost him
right there.
822
00:32:14,310 --> 00:32:16,878
There he almost go again.
823
00:32:16,911 --> 00:32:18,079
Nothing after nothing.
824
00:32:18,113 --> 00:32:20,216
Do it one more time.
825
00:32:20,249 --> 00:32:22,251
There he is again.
You see him?
826
00:32:24,719 --> 00:32:27,389
Wish I could make a living
doing Deandre McDonald.
827
00:32:29,023 --> 00:32:30,058
Again!
828
00:32:31,693 --> 00:32:33,161
He's a weak-ass...
829
00:32:33,195 --> 00:32:35,830
- fake-ass wannabe comedian.
- Yes, sir.
830
00:32:35,864 --> 00:32:37,665
- And I'm the real thing.
- Yes, you are.
831
00:32:37,699 --> 00:32:39,134
Original.
832
00:32:39,167 --> 00:32:42,003
You understand the words
coming out of my beak?
833
00:32:42,036 --> 00:32:44,340
Deandre McDonald is nothing.
834
00:32:44,373 --> 00:32:45,740
Ghetto bird.
835
00:32:45,773 --> 00:32:46,975
Ain't got no time
to be worried about him.
836
00:32:47,008 --> 00:32:49,378
He'll never be the big bird
on the block, ya underdig me?
837
00:32:50,179 --> 00:32:51,646
- Never.
- Never.
838
00:32:57,018 --> 00:32:59,188
They say black people don't snitch.
Shit, I snitched!
839
00:32:59,221 --> 00:33:02,123
I've been a snitch since
I've been 12 years old.
840
00:33:02,157 --> 00:33:04,792
I remember my mother came
home from work one day...
841
00:33:04,826 --> 00:33:06,295
and she told me and my
brother and my sister,
842
00:33:06,328 --> 00:33:08,029
"I'mma whoop
everybody ass in here
843
00:33:08,062 --> 00:33:10,399
"till somebody tell me
who broke my lamp!"
844
00:33:10,432 --> 00:33:11,900
I looked her
straight in her face,
845
00:33:11,933 --> 00:33:13,302
"Then no need to hit me.
846
00:33:15,404 --> 00:33:17,872
"Matter of fact, grab that belt
and meet me in the kitchen."
847
00:33:19,073 --> 00:33:20,476
I go, "Shit, I'm about
to tell you!
848
00:33:20,509 --> 00:33:22,143
"You gonna cook me
something to eat!"
849
00:33:23,345 --> 00:33:25,914
Are y'all ready
to continue this show?
850
00:33:25,947 --> 00:33:29,083
Welcome to the Laugh Out Loud
Comedy Showcase.
851
00:33:29,117 --> 00:33:31,253
One of these comedians
tonight will win
852
00:33:31,287 --> 00:33:34,789
the opportunity
to tour around the world.
853
00:33:34,822 --> 00:33:37,226
I'm Franklin,
your MC for tonight,
854
00:33:37,259 --> 00:33:38,327
and we got some comedians
855
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,094
that's gonna come out here
and make you laugh.
856
00:33:40,128 --> 00:33:42,198
So, start putting your
hands together right now!
857
00:33:42,231 --> 00:33:44,333
Give it up for Miss Ebony!
858
00:33:48,237 --> 00:33:51,072
Hey! What's up, y'all?
859
00:33:52,441 --> 00:33:53,908
Yeah, please vote for me
860
00:33:53,942 --> 00:33:55,177
so I don't wind up
on this pole.
861
00:33:56,245 --> 00:33:58,913
You can tell when a friend
don't have your back
862
00:33:58,947 --> 00:34:00,482
when they start
asking you stuff like,
863
00:34:00,516 --> 00:34:02,384
"Um, you wanna
take a shot?"
864
00:34:02,418 --> 00:34:04,152
You be like,
"A shot of what?"
865
00:34:04,186 --> 00:34:06,087
He like,
"Patron and Hennessy."
866
00:34:06,921 --> 00:34:08,224
"Together?"
867
00:34:08,257 --> 00:34:10,259
"I ain't drinking
no Patrennessy!"
868
00:34:10,292 --> 00:34:12,060
Mr. LaMont Keish!
869
00:34:14,263 --> 00:34:16,097
One of my best friends
growing up
870
00:34:16,130 --> 00:34:18,267
was this white boy
named Bobby Jack.
871
00:34:18,300 --> 00:34:21,303
His dad would say some
borderline racist shit like,
872
00:34:21,337 --> 00:34:23,938
"Don't you have
Bobby Jack out too late...
873
00:34:23,972 --> 00:34:26,074
"or you're gonna have
to hang by yourself!"
874
00:34:29,278 --> 00:34:30,812
Y'all weren't expecting
a black woman
875
00:34:30,845 --> 00:34:32,146
to come up here
named Montana.
876
00:34:32,181 --> 00:34:34,250
First thing I get
when I win is
877
00:34:34,283 --> 00:34:35,817
I'm changing my name
to Keisha.
878
00:34:37,018 --> 00:34:39,221
There's always that one
girl to save your ass like,
879
00:34:39,255 --> 00:34:41,155
"Look like your friend
about to throw up.
880
00:34:42,424 --> 00:34:44,393
"Y'all need to
get him outside."
881
00:34:45,860 --> 00:34:47,229
You know when
gangbangers get mad?
882
00:34:47,263 --> 00:34:49,331
They get like them John McCain arms.
You know what I mean?
883
00:34:53,502 --> 00:34:55,371
Come on!
884
00:34:55,404 --> 00:34:57,373
Are y'all ready
to continue this show?
885
00:34:58,507 --> 00:35:00,875
I said, are y'all ready
to continue this show?
886
00:35:02,043 --> 00:35:05,980
Our last contestant
is from Birmingham, Alabama.
887
00:35:06,014 --> 00:35:09,150
You might recognize him from
all the crazy, crazy posts
888
00:35:09,184 --> 00:35:10,885
he has on the internet.
889
00:35:10,918 --> 00:35:14,223
We need a lot of energy and
we want y'all to have time.
890
00:35:14,256 --> 00:35:16,124
You're up.
You got five minutes.
891
00:35:16,157 --> 00:35:17,925
Go a second over,
you're disqualified.
892
00:35:17,959 --> 00:35:19,194
Okay, cool. Thank you.
893
00:35:19,827 --> 00:35:21,397
All right. You ready, baby?
894
00:35:22,030 --> 00:35:23,432
Huh?
895
00:35:23,465 --> 00:35:25,133
Boom! Kill it!
896
00:35:25,166 --> 00:35:26,834
- Let's go. You ready?
- I'm ready.
897
00:35:26,868 --> 00:35:29,103
Deandre McDonald!
898
00:35:30,372 --> 00:35:31,839
Let's go!
899
00:35:38,414 --> 00:35:40,449
What up?
900
00:35:40,482 --> 00:35:41,949
What's going on, peoples?
901
00:35:41,983 --> 00:35:45,086
I'm from Birmingham, Alabama.
902
00:35:45,119 --> 00:35:47,323
- Uh, anybody been there?
- No.
903
00:35:47,356 --> 00:35:48,990
- Anybody from there?
- No.
904
00:35:49,023 --> 00:35:50,426
Good. 'Cause it sucks!
905
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,062
Like that shit suck bad,
and it's racist, too.
906
00:35:54,095 --> 00:35:55,963
Birmingham, Alabama,
is racist as shit.
907
00:35:55,997 --> 00:35:58,567
Like, white dude, right now.
908
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,437
When you come down there your
voice will probably be the GPS
909
00:36:01,470 --> 00:36:03,505
that say this shit right here.
"Nigga, you moved the wrong fucking way."
910
00:36:03,539 --> 00:36:06,575
That's the fuck
what would happen.
911
00:36:06,608 --> 00:36:08,910
Eddie Murphy would be
a dope-ass GPS motherfucker.
912
00:36:08,943 --> 00:36:12,247
Hey, hey, motherfucker,
wait, wait, wait! One second.
913
00:36:12,281 --> 00:36:14,015
So your ass
was supposed to go south.
914
00:36:14,048 --> 00:36:15,617
You were supposed to go south.
Your ass went north,
915
00:36:15,651 --> 00:36:17,885
and now you sittin' here looking
stupid as a motherfucker.
916
00:36:17,919 --> 00:36:19,087
You were supposed
to go to Texas.
917
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:20,322
You supposed to go to Texas.
918
00:36:20,356 --> 00:36:21,390
You were supposed to be
in Texas, motherfucker!
919
00:36:21,423 --> 00:36:23,057
But now you can't go to
Texas. You know why?
920
00:36:23,091 --> 00:36:24,125
'Cause your ass
is at a different place.
921
00:36:24,158 --> 00:36:25,059
You at a different
motherfucking place.
922
00:36:25,093 --> 00:36:26,362
You at different
motherfucking place!
923
00:36:26,395 --> 00:36:27,329
If you had listened,
924
00:36:27,363 --> 00:36:28,630
you would've been
in the right place!
925
00:36:28,664 --> 00:36:30,098
But now, you stuck.
926
00:36:35,002 --> 00:36:35,870
I'm Deandre McDonald.
927
00:36:35,903 --> 00:36:37,439
That's been my time.
Thank you all so much.
928
00:36:37,473 --> 00:36:39,040
All right!
929
00:36:40,442 --> 00:36:42,076
Give it up for Deandre!
930
00:36:44,646 --> 00:36:47,549
So, can I have the following
contestants please step forward?
931
00:36:48,717 --> 00:36:49,951
Ebony!
932
00:36:51,953 --> 00:36:54,390
That's right, y'all!
That's right!
933
00:36:54,423 --> 00:36:57,226
Thank you! Thank you!
I love y'all!
934
00:36:57,259 --> 00:36:59,361
DeJuan Bickerstaff!
935
00:36:59,395 --> 00:37:01,129
Whoo! I told you!
I told you! I told you!
936
00:37:01,162 --> 00:37:02,964
You were right!
You were right!
937
00:37:02,997 --> 00:37:05,166
- I'm a winner! I'm a winner!
- He's a winner!
938
00:37:06,402 --> 00:37:08,303
LaMont Keish!
939
00:37:13,275 --> 00:37:15,109
Paul Wilds!
940
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:20,582
And last but not least...
941
00:37:25,019 --> 00:37:26,722
Montana Prestley!
942
00:37:37,299 --> 00:37:39,234
Hold on, one second.
943
00:37:39,268 --> 00:37:40,269
Actually, um...
944
00:37:41,203 --> 00:37:43,272
I'm sorry, uh, Ebony.
945
00:37:43,305 --> 00:37:45,441
Uh, you went over your time,
so, unfortunately...
946
00:37:47,176 --> 00:37:48,377
you're disqualified.
947
00:37:48,410 --> 00:37:50,077
What are you talking about?
I didn't go over my time!
948
00:37:50,111 --> 00:37:52,146
I was on time!
What are you talking about?
949
00:37:52,181 --> 00:37:53,749
You did, by 27 seconds.
950
00:37:53,782 --> 00:37:56,418
The fuck are you
talking about, 27 seconds?
951
00:37:56,452 --> 00:37:59,188
Whose fucking clock
were you using back there?
952
00:37:59,221 --> 00:38:02,291
I am on time! I'm always
on time! I never go over!
953
00:38:02,324 --> 00:38:04,526
Matter of fact, doctor told me
to push my baby out on three,
954
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,428
I pushed it out
on three, bitch!
955
00:38:06,462 --> 00:38:09,063
Yeah. What?
956
00:38:09,096 --> 00:38:11,533
I protest it.
957
00:38:11,567 --> 00:38:14,503
Colin Kaepernick
up in this bitch!
958
00:38:14,536 --> 00:38:17,639
That's right!
Take a knee, motherfuckers!
959
00:38:17,673 --> 00:38:19,475
Take a knee!
960
00:38:20,609 --> 00:38:24,680
I deserve to be up in here!
Everybody know it!
961
00:38:24,713 --> 00:38:26,682
- Thank you. All right.
- Yeah! Thank you!
962
00:38:26,715 --> 00:38:28,250
- Thank you so much.
- One more thing.
963
00:38:28,283 --> 00:38:29,351
One more thing,
one more thing!
964
00:38:29,384 --> 00:38:30,385
No, it's okay.
965
00:38:30,419 --> 00:38:33,020
Follow me on Twitter,
Ebonyforreallaughs.
966
00:38:34,356 --> 00:38:35,390
Thank you.
967
00:38:37,091 --> 00:38:38,694
So, listen, that being said...
968
00:38:38,727 --> 00:38:41,028
Uh, Deandre McDonald,
please step forward.
969
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:51,773
That was close.
970
00:38:51,807 --> 00:38:54,610
I gotta tighten up my set,
come up with some new shit.
971
00:38:54,643 --> 00:38:56,512
Man, you gonna be all right.
We got a couple days
972
00:38:56,545 --> 00:38:57,813
till the next two rounds, man.
973
00:38:57,846 --> 00:38:59,615
We gonna
get you straight, baby!
974
00:38:59,648 --> 00:39:01,750
Another round of Cuervo
for the finalist?
975
00:39:01,783 --> 00:39:04,620
Actually, the semi-finalist,
thank you very...
976
00:39:04,653 --> 00:39:07,789
Oh, my, my, my, my, my!
977
00:39:07,823 --> 00:39:09,291
Okay, yeah.
978
00:39:09,324 --> 00:39:10,592
Let me look at you,
sweetheart.
979
00:39:10,626 --> 00:39:12,427
You got your microwavable
black pants on,
980
00:39:12,461 --> 00:39:13,829
that's what you got.
981
00:39:13,862 --> 00:39:16,498
Oh, you got that
Zara shirt on. That's dope.
982
00:39:16,532 --> 00:39:18,634
Are you Creole?
You look Creole. You Creole?
983
00:39:22,304 --> 00:39:24,306
I love Creole food.
984
00:39:25,574 --> 00:39:27,242
- Is he always like this?
- Yes.
985
00:39:27,276 --> 00:39:29,478
Uh, yeah,
when he drinking Cuervo.
986
00:39:29,511 --> 00:39:31,446
So you checked out my set?
987
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,749
- Mmm. Not just you...
- Uh-huh.
988
00:39:33,782 --> 00:39:35,149
...but I peeped it.
You weren't bad.
989
00:39:35,183 --> 00:39:36,251
Mmm-hmm.
990
00:39:36,285 --> 00:39:37,753
You weren't good enough
to get through
991
00:39:37,786 --> 00:39:39,788
without somebody else
getting disqualified.
992
00:39:39,821 --> 00:39:40,923
- Oh, shit!
- Ooh! Damn!
993
00:39:40,956 --> 00:39:43,559
- You're throwing shade like...
- Mmm. Mmm.
994
00:39:43,592 --> 00:39:45,360
Yeah, go ahead
and kick a brother
995
00:39:45,394 --> 00:39:46,628
while he's down.
Yeah, sure.
996
00:39:46,662 --> 00:39:49,031
Are you down?
997
00:39:49,898 --> 00:39:51,633
No.
998
00:39:51,667 --> 00:39:52,734
Yes?
999
00:39:52,768 --> 00:39:54,369
Wait, what do you mean?
1000
00:39:55,837 --> 00:39:58,707
Wait, wait, wait! Don't go!
I am! I think.
1001
00:39:58,740 --> 00:40:00,342
Wait, what do you mean?
1002
00:40:06,481 --> 00:40:08,350
Oh. Wait a minute.
1003
00:40:08,383 --> 00:40:10,586
I just got tagged in
this post on Facebook.
1004
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:13,455
Like I give a fuck
1005
00:40:13,488 --> 00:40:16,892
about what some internet
motherfucker say about me!
1006
00:40:16,925 --> 00:40:18,493
Is he talking about you?
1007
00:40:18,527 --> 00:40:20,762
- Deandre McDonald is nothing.
- Ooh.
1008
00:40:20,796 --> 00:40:23,198
Okay. I'mma take that
as a yes.
1009
00:40:23,231 --> 00:40:25,767
He's a weak-ass
wannabe comedian.
1010
00:40:25,801 --> 00:40:27,603
He'll never be the big bird
in the flock.
1011
00:40:27,636 --> 00:40:29,338
Yeah, this is great.
1012
00:40:29,371 --> 00:40:30,305
- That's great?
- Mmm-hmm.
1013
00:40:30,339 --> 00:40:32,641
What's so great about
the biggest comedy star
1014
00:40:32,674 --> 00:40:34,209
in the world
being mad at you?
1015
00:40:34,242 --> 00:40:35,477
Because the biggest
comedy star
1016
00:40:35,510 --> 00:40:37,212
in the world
is talking about me.
1017
00:40:37,245 --> 00:40:38,847
Oh, I see what you saying.
1018
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:40,649
- Yeah.
- Congratulations!
1019
00:40:40,682 --> 00:40:42,250
- Are you about to...
- Yup!
1020
00:40:42,284 --> 00:40:43,352
- You about to drop some fire?
- Hell yeah. Let's do it.
1021
00:40:43,385 --> 00:40:44,486
Drop some fire, dawg.
1022
00:40:45,921 --> 00:40:47,756
Hey, yo, what up, y'all?
Real quick.
1023
00:40:47,789 --> 00:40:48,857
Did y'all see that video
1024
00:40:48,890 --> 00:40:50,826
where Marques Black
was talking shit about me?
1025
00:40:50,859 --> 00:40:53,295
We all saw the crow suit.
1026
00:40:53,328 --> 00:40:54,496
Bruh, let me tell you, really?
1027
00:40:54,529 --> 00:40:56,231
You comfortable
with that as an actor?
1028
00:40:56,264 --> 00:40:58,467
Playing a crow? Really?
1029
00:40:58,500 --> 00:41:00,167
My black ass can play a crow.
You know why?
1030
00:41:00,202 --> 00:41:01,236
Because I'm broke as shit
1031
00:41:01,269 --> 00:41:02,337
and I'll do anything
for money.
1032
00:41:02,371 --> 00:41:03,438
But I wouldn't let you
play a crow.
1033
00:41:03,472 --> 00:41:04,506
Yeah, exactly.
1034
00:41:04,539 --> 00:41:06,208
I wouldn't let you
play a crow.
1035
00:41:06,241 --> 00:41:08,210
You wouldn't. Dude, you
could've been a peacock.
1036
00:41:08,243 --> 00:41:09,378
Could've been.
1037
00:41:09,411 --> 00:41:10,812
- Could've been a flamingo.
- Yeah.
1038
00:41:10,846 --> 00:41:12,381
- Could've been a rooster.
- All day.
1039
00:41:13,548 --> 00:41:15,217
Some shit like that. Bruh?
1040
00:41:15,250 --> 00:41:17,185
Real talk, man.
Look, look, look.
1041
00:41:17,219 --> 00:41:18,620
Have some self-respect.
1042
00:41:18,654 --> 00:41:19,888
I could imagine
he was just sitting there
1043
00:41:19,921 --> 00:41:21,523
before his decision, right?
1044
00:41:21,556 --> 00:41:23,859
Hmm...
1045
00:41:23,892 --> 00:41:25,794
Should I play a racist,
1046
00:41:25,827 --> 00:41:29,598
jive-time walking, jive-time
talking fucking crow,
1047
00:41:29,631 --> 00:41:31,533
whose name happens
to be Jim Crow
1048
00:41:31,566 --> 00:41:33,268
and lives up in a tree?
1049
00:41:33,301 --> 00:41:35,771
Which is not a euphemism
for lynching at all.
1050
00:41:35,804 --> 00:41:37,439
Nah,
I ain't mad at you, Marques.
1051
00:41:37,472 --> 00:41:39,741
I'm mad at your whole team.
You know what I'm saying?
1052
00:41:39,775 --> 00:41:42,511
You need to fire everybody
in your corner.
1053
00:41:42,544 --> 00:41:44,513
Uh, thanks
for the shout-out, boo!
1054
00:41:44,546 --> 00:41:46,515
Smooches!
1055
00:41:46,548 --> 00:41:47,683
Oh, shit!
1056
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:54,423
Wait a minute now.
1057
00:41:54,456 --> 00:41:56,625
You know
you gotta post that, right?
1058
00:41:56,658 --> 00:41:58,960
- We got to.
- Got to. Good shit.
1059
00:42:02,330 --> 00:42:03,532
That video,
I got over 25,000 views!
1060
00:42:03,565 --> 00:42:04,833
Why the fuck are you
hitting me so hard?
1061
00:42:04,866 --> 00:42:06,034
Don't hit me that hard.
1062
00:42:06,068 --> 00:42:09,504
Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait, wait, wait!
What, you, uh, out?
1063
00:42:09,538 --> 00:42:12,374
Yeah, I have a show to host.
1064
00:42:12,407 --> 00:42:13,942
Oh. What kind of show?
1065
00:42:14,242 --> 00:42:15,510
Comedy.
1066
00:42:15,544 --> 00:42:16,878
What?
1067
00:42:16,912 --> 00:42:18,547
I just figured,
when we were talking about
1068
00:42:18,580 --> 00:42:20,515
the showcase,
you would've mentioned it.
1069
00:42:20,549 --> 00:42:22,551
Well, I don't mention
a lot of shit.
1070
00:42:22,584 --> 00:42:24,519
Especially to guys
I don't know.
1071
00:42:24,553 --> 00:42:26,288
Well, you know me now.
1072
00:42:26,722 --> 00:42:28,356
Uh, no. Sorry,
1073
00:42:28,390 --> 00:42:29,858
I didn't mean to bump you.
You don't know her.
1074
00:42:29,891 --> 00:42:30,759
You just met her.
1075
00:42:30,792 --> 00:42:32,761
And then y'all talked
for two minutes,
1076
00:42:32,794 --> 00:42:33,995
and now you outside,
stalking her
1077
00:42:34,029 --> 00:42:35,530
in front of the club
in the heart of darkness
1078
00:42:35,564 --> 00:42:36,665
asking for her resume.
1079
00:42:36,698 --> 00:42:39,000
Dawg, you are the definition
of "stranger danger."
1080
00:42:39,034 --> 00:42:40,635
She shouldn't
tell you shit.
1081
00:42:40,669 --> 00:42:43,605
- He's not wrong.
- Hey, tell all your friends.
1082
00:42:43,638 --> 00:42:44,706
Can you please tell
all your friends?
1083
00:42:44,740 --> 00:42:45,774
Word?
1084
00:42:45,807 --> 00:42:47,309
- Thank you.
- You defending him?
1085
00:42:47,809 --> 00:42:49,444
You know what? I...
1086
00:42:50,946 --> 00:42:53,749
I just had someone
cancel on me tonight.
1087
00:42:53,782 --> 00:42:54,916
So I have an open slot
1088
00:42:54,950 --> 00:42:56,585
if you wanna work out
some material.
1089
00:42:56,618 --> 00:42:58,453
I'll take
whatever you give me.
1090
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:00,055
Cool.
1091
00:43:00,088 --> 00:43:02,758
- Comedy Basement, 10:00 p.m.
- All right.
1092
00:43:02,791 --> 00:43:05,494
10:00 p.m. See you later.
1093
00:43:05,527 --> 00:43:07,662
I'll take
whatever you can give me.
1094
00:43:16,772 --> 00:43:19,441
You sexy as hell! How you doing, girl?
You can get it!
1095
00:43:20,575 --> 00:43:21,710
You come out
of a clinic crying,
1096
00:43:21,743 --> 00:43:23,378
I'll still pick you up.
1097
00:43:25,747 --> 00:43:26,648
I'll be in the car,
1098
00:43:26,681 --> 00:43:28,750
"That doctor don't
know everything!"
1099
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:32,921
I can't remember
none of my passwords.
1100
00:43:32,954 --> 00:43:35,524
I changed all my passwords
to "incorrect."
1101
00:43:37,659 --> 00:43:39,895
I push any key,
"Your password incorrect."
1102
00:43:39,928 --> 00:43:41,096
Thank you.
1103
00:43:43,465 --> 00:43:44,866
I gotta get out of here.
I love y'all!
1104
00:43:45,901 --> 00:43:48,804
Wow.
1105
00:43:48,837 --> 00:43:50,939
All right, all right!
You guys having a good time?
1106
00:43:50,972 --> 00:43:53,475
Doing good?
1107
00:43:53,508 --> 00:43:54,676
Okay.
1108
00:43:54,709 --> 00:43:56,812
So, let's keep
the party going.
1109
00:43:56,845 --> 00:43:59,014
This next guy
is new to town...
1110
00:43:59,047 --> 00:44:00,782
and is a semi-finalist
1111
00:44:00,816 --> 00:44:03,885
in the Laugh Out Loud
Comedy Showcase.
1112
00:44:03,919 --> 00:44:06,621
Give it up
for Deandre McDonald!
1113
00:44:13,795 --> 00:44:16,031
Taylor Jones. Give it up
for her one more time.
1114
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:21,469
Ah, shit.
1115
00:44:21,503 --> 00:44:24,139
I am so happy to be here, man.
1116
00:44:24,172 --> 00:44:27,475
I'm from, you know, from,
I'm from Birmingham, Alabama.
1117
00:44:27,509 --> 00:44:28,877
Small town, you know?
1118
00:44:28,910 --> 00:44:30,512
Anybody from there?
1119
00:44:30,545 --> 00:44:31,746
I am. What about it?
1120
00:44:33,815 --> 00:44:34,916
Oh.
1121
00:44:34,950 --> 00:44:36,051
Cool, that's...
1122
00:44:36,084 --> 00:44:38,787
You needed audience to say,
"No, we not from there,"
1123
00:44:38,820 --> 00:44:40,622
so you can tell us
all about it?
1124
00:44:42,858 --> 00:44:43,992
Yeah, man.
1125
00:44:45,194 --> 00:44:46,528
You got me.
1126
00:44:46,928 --> 00:44:48,096
Great.
1127
00:44:48,129 --> 00:44:52,100
Uh, well, if you're not
from Birmingham, Alabama...
1128
00:44:52,133 --> 00:44:53,368
consider yourself lucky...
1129
00:44:53,401 --> 00:44:55,003
- 'cause I'm gonna tell you...
- 'Cause it sucks, right?
1130
00:44:56,071 --> 00:44:57,572
It's gotta suck.
1131
00:44:57,606 --> 00:44:59,774
It's not funny
if it doesn't suck, folks.
1132
00:44:59,808 --> 00:45:02,410
Uh...
1133
00:45:02,444 --> 00:45:05,914
Yeah, man, it sucks.
It's terrible.
1134
00:45:07,048 --> 00:45:08,783
It's bad.
1135
00:45:08,817 --> 00:45:09,918
Not bad and boujee.
1136
00:45:09,951 --> 00:45:11,987
The shit just bad.
1137
00:45:12,020 --> 00:45:13,154
So you ever notice
1138
00:45:13,189 --> 00:45:14,522
that your girl's
kind of a hypocrite?
1139
00:45:14,556 --> 00:45:15,757
- Yeah.
- You know what I'm saying?
1140
00:45:15,790 --> 00:45:17,158
Thank you.
1141
00:45:17,193 --> 00:45:18,793
Thank you, Snoop Khalifa.
I appreciate that.
1142
00:45:19,728 --> 00:45:21,496
I appreciate that.
1143
00:45:21,529 --> 00:45:23,598
Think about that.
She is though!
1144
00:45:23,632 --> 00:45:25,700
She can get naked
in front of her friends.
1145
00:45:25,734 --> 00:45:27,002
- But as soon as I try...
- Soon as you do it,
1146
00:45:27,035 --> 00:45:30,005
it's a whole different story, right?
That's the punch line?
1147
00:45:38,546 --> 00:45:41,416
That was the punch line.
He is good!
1148
00:45:44,986 --> 00:45:45,987
Yeah.
1149
00:45:47,088 --> 00:45:48,190
All right.
1150
00:45:48,224 --> 00:45:50,625
Give it up for him trying to
be a comedian here tonight.
1151
00:45:50,659 --> 00:45:52,127
He did a good job,
1152
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,863
except for the part where
he let a real comedian
1153
00:45:54,896 --> 00:45:58,033
come up and stop him
in the middle of his own show.
1154
00:45:58,066 --> 00:46:00,502
But let me tell them
what they missing.
1155
00:46:00,535 --> 00:46:02,637
Oh. Y'all was gonna love it!
1156
00:46:02,671 --> 00:46:06,007
It is the best hack shit
you ever heard!
1157
00:46:06,041 --> 00:46:08,143
So he's gonna tell us
all about relationships
1158
00:46:08,177 --> 00:46:10,045
and how hard those are. Right?
1159
00:46:10,078 --> 00:46:12,514
Then he's gonna segue
into differences
1160
00:46:12,547 --> 00:46:13,815
between black people
and white people.
1161
00:46:13,848 --> 00:46:15,550
Weren't you?
1162
00:46:15,583 --> 00:46:17,552
- Yeah.
- Yup, yup.
1163
00:46:17,585 --> 00:46:19,188
Then talk about rap music
so you could do
1164
00:46:19,221 --> 00:46:21,089
your little lazy
Jay-Z impression?
1165
00:46:25,126 --> 00:46:27,696
There it is. That's the one
I was talking about, yup.
1166
00:46:27,729 --> 00:46:28,964
You was gonna
talk about politics,
1167
00:46:28,997 --> 00:46:30,498
so you could do Obama, right?
1168
00:46:30,532 --> 00:46:32,167
I was gonna do Trump,
actually.
1169
00:46:32,201 --> 00:46:36,137
Obama is out and Trump is in.
How progressive of you.
1170
00:46:38,240 --> 00:46:41,142
He was gonna do
Tracy Morgan and Chris Rock.
1171
00:46:41,177 --> 00:46:42,244
Were they what you gonna do?
1172
00:46:42,278 --> 00:46:44,813
I was gonna do Mike Epps.
That's what I was gonna do.
1173
00:46:44,846 --> 00:46:46,915
- Yeah, of course you were.
- But you know what, man?
1174
00:46:46,948 --> 00:46:48,850
But Mike Epps
is probably doing Mike Epps.
1175
00:46:48,883 --> 00:46:50,085
Why don't you do you?
1176
00:46:52,887 --> 00:46:55,056
Do your shit.
Talk about your life.
1177
00:46:55,090 --> 00:46:56,558
But you can't,
1178
00:46:56,591 --> 00:46:58,927
'cause you practiced
this shit on YouTube!
1179
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:00,262
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
1180
00:47:00,829 --> 00:47:03,565
I get them views though.
1181
00:47:03,598 --> 00:47:06,034
He get
them views though.
1182
00:47:06,735 --> 00:47:08,270
Yeah.
1183
00:47:08,304 --> 00:47:10,905
Let me ask you a question.
1184
00:47:10,939 --> 00:47:12,941
If a dog took a shit
in the middle of this room,
1185
00:47:12,974 --> 00:47:14,976
wouldn't everybody view it?
1186
00:47:16,845 --> 00:47:19,614
That's your whole career,
my dude.
1187
00:47:20,249 --> 00:47:22,150
We look at you
1188
00:47:22,184 --> 00:47:25,020
when we waiting in line,
or we waiting on a Uber.
1189
00:47:25,053 --> 00:47:26,688
That's when you get a view.
1190
00:47:26,721 --> 00:47:28,123
When we taking a shit,
1191
00:47:28,156 --> 00:47:29,824
we view the shit,
1192
00:47:29,858 --> 00:47:31,559
then we view you.
1193
00:47:31,593 --> 00:47:32,827
Two views.
1194
00:47:34,162 --> 00:47:35,498
That's why
it's called number two.
1195
00:47:35,530 --> 00:47:38,267
You see how it's a real joke
crafted by a real comedian?
1196
00:47:38,300 --> 00:47:40,336
That's the difference there.
That's the difference.
1197
00:47:40,369 --> 00:47:42,204
I'm not viewed.
I'm an experience.
1198
00:47:42,238 --> 00:47:44,039
I'm here. I'm here.
1199
00:47:44,072 --> 00:47:46,107
That's places
you'll never get to
1200
00:47:46,141 --> 00:47:48,244
with this weak-ass shit
you serving
1201
00:47:48,277 --> 00:47:51,046
at the Comedy Basement
this evening.
1202
00:47:51,079 --> 00:47:53,715
Anyway, folks, I'm sorry
for bringing the mood down.
1203
00:47:53,748 --> 00:47:55,884
Drinks on me. Please enjoy
the rest of your night.
1204
00:47:57,685 --> 00:47:59,954
Thank you for coming.
God bless you. Good night.
1205
00:47:59,988 --> 00:48:01,923
It's still hot.
You might wanna use this one.
1206
00:48:06,895 --> 00:48:08,330
How much money
you think it was?
1207
00:48:08,364 --> 00:48:10,765
I think it was at least a G,
maybe 1500, right?
1208
00:48:10,799 --> 00:48:13,335
He just threw the money on the
fucking stage like it wasn't nothing.
1209
00:48:13,369 --> 00:48:14,669
Dre, did you see it?
Of course you saw.
1210
00:48:14,702 --> 00:48:17,072
You was right there.
He threw the fucking money in your face.
1211
00:48:17,105 --> 00:48:20,176
That's how I wanna be.
I wanna be like Marques Black.
1212
00:48:20,209 --> 00:48:22,244
Hey, Benedict Arnold. Huh?
Fuck Marques Black! Okay?
1213
00:48:22,278 --> 00:48:23,678
Oh, come on, man.
Don't hate.
1214
00:48:23,711 --> 00:48:24,879
Don't hate
'cause he got money.
1215
00:48:24,913 --> 00:48:26,282
He wasn't wrong!
1216
00:48:26,315 --> 00:48:28,083
Y'all YouTubers
don't appreciate
1217
00:48:28,116 --> 00:48:30,386
how much of an art
stand-up is.
1218
00:48:30,419 --> 00:48:32,053
You wanna win this showcase,
1219
00:48:32,087 --> 00:48:34,190
you better step it up 'cause
it's not a game out here.
1220
00:48:34,223 --> 00:48:35,458
Tell you
what ain't a game.
1221
00:48:35,491 --> 00:48:38,294
The fact that you cannot get
food in LA after 10:00 p.m.
1222
00:48:38,327 --> 00:48:40,028
That's how y'all stay
so fucking skinny.
1223
00:48:40,061 --> 00:48:42,063
You don't have access to
food late at night!
1224
00:48:42,097 --> 00:48:43,131
Maybe you better eat
some sleep!
1225
00:48:43,164 --> 00:48:44,233
I'mma have to. Shit!
1226
00:48:44,266 --> 00:48:46,968
I ain't got no damn money.
We broke, both of us!
1227
00:48:47,001 --> 00:48:48,770
- Here.
- Together!
1228
00:48:48,803 --> 00:48:50,772
Take this. For tonight.
1229
00:48:50,805 --> 00:48:51,940
Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no.
1230
00:48:51,973 --> 00:48:55,244
No, thank you.
I can't accept money for doing shows,
1231
00:48:55,277 --> 00:48:56,945
while I'm doing
the showcase.
1232
00:48:56,978 --> 00:48:59,981
- Are you serious?
- It's not for your show.
1233
00:49:00,014 --> 00:49:02,117
Actually, you owe me money
for that bullshit,
1234
00:49:02,150 --> 00:49:04,752
so, come on,
it's just a few bucks for some food.
1235
00:49:04,786 --> 00:49:07,021
What type of Lady and the
Tramp cash grabbing...
1236
00:49:07,055 --> 00:49:09,191
- Let go! She's doing us a favor, man!
- What the hell?
1237
00:49:09,225 --> 00:49:11,059
God damn!
1238
00:49:11,092 --> 00:49:13,895
You weren't lying, boy.
It's just a few bucks.
1239
00:49:13,928 --> 00:49:15,663
But you know what?
Beggars can't be choosers.
1240
00:49:15,697 --> 00:49:17,299
I'll give you 10.
I'll keep 10.
1241
00:49:17,333 --> 00:49:19,134
Thank you, Taylor.
I appreciate this.
1242
00:49:20,902 --> 00:49:22,637
Hey, yo, wait up!
1243
00:49:23,138 --> 00:49:24,273
Come on!
1244
00:49:24,306 --> 00:49:26,040
What up, buddy?
1245
00:49:26,074 --> 00:49:27,976
Thomas in piano
is still messing with me.
1246
00:49:28,009 --> 00:49:28,977
What happened this time?
1247
00:49:29,010 --> 00:49:30,346
All I did was take
the piano you made me
1248
00:49:30,379 --> 00:49:32,780
to class so I could
show Miss Ellen.
1249
00:49:32,814 --> 00:49:36,252
Oh, Jaylin, you took
the cardboard piano to class?
1250
00:49:36,285 --> 00:49:37,752
Yeah.
1251
00:49:37,785 --> 00:49:39,954
Buddy,
that's an at home piano.
1252
00:49:39,988 --> 00:49:41,689
We don't show that
to anybody.
1253
00:49:41,723 --> 00:49:43,259
Well, I think it's cool,
1254
00:49:43,292 --> 00:49:45,126
but they just
kept on laughing at it,
1255
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:47,061
saying that we can't
afford a real piano.
1256
00:49:47,095 --> 00:49:50,765
That's 'cause
it's not cool, Jaylin.
1257
00:49:50,798 --> 00:49:53,335
Didn't I tell you I was gonna get
you a dope set of keys one day?
1258
00:49:53,835 --> 00:49:54,936
Yeah.
1259
00:49:54,969 --> 00:49:56,338
Then believe that.
1260
00:49:56,372 --> 00:49:58,907
Just keep the cardboard piano
at home from now on.
1261
00:49:58,940 --> 00:50:00,309
- Okay?
- All right.
1262
00:50:00,342 --> 00:50:01,843
Now where's your mom?
1263
00:50:01,876 --> 00:50:05,046
She's right here,
reading her nurse book.
1264
00:50:05,079 --> 00:50:06,348
Go upstairs, baby.
1265
00:50:08,750 --> 00:50:09,751
What?
1266
00:50:11,019 --> 00:50:12,288
What up with you?
1267
00:50:12,321 --> 00:50:13,322
Nothing.
1268
00:50:14,223 --> 00:50:16,057
You pay the rent okay?
1269
00:50:16,090 --> 00:50:17,193
Yup.
1270
00:50:17,226 --> 00:50:19,761
Oh. I've been calling you.
1271
00:50:20,061 --> 00:50:21,297
So?
1272
00:50:21,330 --> 00:50:22,864
I made
it to the second round
1273
00:50:22,897 --> 00:50:23,998
of the showcase.
1274
00:50:24,266 --> 00:50:25,267
Cool.
1275
00:50:26,468 --> 00:50:28,337
Oh, I get it. Yeah.
1276
00:50:28,370 --> 00:50:31,307
So we in the one word
part of the fight, huh?
1277
00:50:31,340 --> 00:50:33,107
- Fuck you.
- Ha!
1278
00:50:33,141 --> 00:50:35,477
Two words! That's progress.
1279
00:50:35,511 --> 00:50:38,046
I can see you smiling!
1280
00:50:38,079 --> 00:50:39,847
Bye, Deandre. Bye.
1281
00:50:39,881 --> 00:50:41,015
You so chocolatey mocha...
1282
00:50:45,019 --> 00:50:46,455
Shit!
1283
00:50:49,225 --> 00:50:51,393
License and registration.
1284
00:50:54,162 --> 00:50:55,197
Morning.
1285
00:50:55,231 --> 00:50:56,798
Uh, morning, Officer.
1286
00:50:56,831 --> 00:50:58,534
You do realize
you're in a tow-away zone?
1287
00:50:58,567 --> 00:51:00,768
Oh, damn it!
Well, uh...
1288
00:51:01,970 --> 00:51:04,072
Well, can I park over there?
1289
00:51:04,105 --> 00:51:06,242
Not if you're gonna
fall asleep again.
1290
00:51:07,209 --> 00:51:08,444
Wait, are those braces?
1291
00:51:08,477 --> 00:51:10,446
What are you,
a dental hygienist?
1292
00:51:10,479 --> 00:51:12,113
Ain't you a little too old
to have braces?
1293
00:51:12,146 --> 00:51:13,415
You're not too old
to get shot.
1294
00:51:13,449 --> 00:51:15,184
Okay, turning the car on
1295
00:51:15,217 --> 00:51:16,985
and getting
the fuck out of here.
1296
00:51:22,591 --> 00:51:24,293
Not only did
the superstar rant about
1297
00:51:24,326 --> 00:51:25,994
the Instagram comedian,
1298
00:51:26,027 --> 00:51:29,331
he heckled him at the poor
kid's amateur comedy show.
1299
00:51:29,365 --> 00:51:31,400
This is all in
How to Be a Comedian 101.
1300
00:51:31,433 --> 00:51:34,068
He just began studying this,
as y'all can tell.
1301
00:51:34,102 --> 00:51:35,337
Yeah.
1302
00:51:35,371 --> 00:51:38,039
With the pressure of his
last few box office bombs
1303
00:51:38,072 --> 00:51:40,509
insiders suspect that Black
is feeling threatened
1304
00:51:40,542 --> 00:51:42,110
by the comedy newcomer.
1305
00:51:42,143 --> 00:51:44,446
I don't feel
threatened by shit.
1306
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:45,648
Hmm. That's good.
1307
00:51:45,681 --> 00:51:49,050
If that was me, if somebody
was trying to replace me...
1308
00:51:49,083 --> 00:51:50,419
I'd be scared.
1309
00:51:50,452 --> 00:51:51,520
I'd be writing
my will right now.
1310
00:51:51,553 --> 00:51:52,854
'Cause if you play
it back, right?
1311
00:51:52,887 --> 00:51:53,988
- Jethro.
- If you look
1312
00:51:54,022 --> 00:51:55,990
- at what he said...
- Jethro.
1313
00:51:56,024 --> 00:51:57,992
If you wanna keep coming
to work with me...
1314
00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:00,895
shut the fuck up.
1315
00:52:00,928 --> 00:52:02,096
Sorry, Uncle Nico.
1316
00:52:02,130 --> 00:52:03,332
Shut the fuck up.
1317
00:52:03,365 --> 00:52:06,235
And what box office bombs?
I make hits.
1318
00:52:07,035 --> 00:52:09,271
Actually,
your last few movies,
1319
00:52:09,305 --> 00:52:10,572
they ain't even
on demand. Look.
1320
00:52:10,606 --> 00:52:12,140
If we go look for 'em...
1321
00:52:12,173 --> 00:52:13,174
Jethro...
1322
00:52:13,908 --> 00:52:16,110
I will have my dogs
eat you alive,
1323
00:52:16,144 --> 00:52:17,513
if you don't shut
the fuck up.
1324
00:52:20,516 --> 00:52:22,016
Marq, look, man.
1325
00:52:22,050 --> 00:52:24,052
You can't keep listening
to them people, all right?
1326
00:52:24,085 --> 00:52:26,087
'Cause they gonna make
a story about anything.
1327
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:27,855
Another story gonna come
in the news
1328
00:52:27,889 --> 00:52:29,224
and it's gonna knock
this right out,
1329
00:52:29,258 --> 00:52:31,059
and ain't nobody gonna
be worried about this shit.
1330
00:52:31,092 --> 00:52:33,061
- Don't even worry about that.
- All right.
1331
00:52:33,094 --> 00:52:34,229
I would expect that
from you, Nico.
1332
00:52:34,263 --> 00:52:35,464
My man.
1333
00:52:35,497 --> 00:52:36,864
'Cause this your fault.
1334
00:52:36,898 --> 00:52:38,467
How's it my fault?
1335
00:52:38,500 --> 00:52:39,601
You got me in a situation
1336
00:52:39,635 --> 00:52:41,603
where I can't
trust nobody, Nico!
1337
00:52:41,637 --> 00:52:44,138
What have you managed
to do but surround me
1338
00:52:44,172 --> 00:52:46,308
by motherfuckers
I don't even fucking know?
1339
00:52:46,342 --> 00:52:47,476
I don't know her!
1340
00:52:47,509 --> 00:52:48,644
I don't know her!
1341
00:52:48,677 --> 00:52:51,280
I don't know
none of these niggas!
1342
00:52:51,313 --> 00:52:53,215
Right now,
in my very own house,
1343
00:52:53,248 --> 00:52:54,183
I could be talking
1344
00:52:54,216 --> 00:52:56,385
while a nigga's
filming me in my mouth!
1345
00:52:56,418 --> 00:52:58,520
Ain't nobody
filming you, Marq. Relax!
1346
00:52:58,554 --> 00:53:00,088
What you talking about?
1347
00:53:04,460 --> 00:53:05,960
Damn phone off!
1348
00:53:05,993 --> 00:53:06,961
Sorry.
1349
00:53:06,994 --> 00:53:08,896
This is a game to everybody
but me and Nico.
1350
00:53:08,930 --> 00:53:10,666
I need you to fix this shit.
1351
00:53:10,699 --> 00:53:12,934
What am I supposed to do
about that?
1352
00:53:12,967 --> 00:53:14,936
All right, well,
you the manager.
1353
00:53:14,969 --> 00:53:16,938
Manage this shit!
1354
00:53:20,141 --> 00:53:21,210
Uncle Nico.
1355
00:53:22,411 --> 00:53:25,280
You think his dogs
really be eating people?
1356
00:53:25,314 --> 00:53:27,416
That motherfucker almost
bit me when I came in.
1357
00:53:28,183 --> 00:53:30,118
I'mma shoot you.
1358
00:53:30,151 --> 00:53:31,587
I'mma shoot you
in the face.
1359
00:53:31,620 --> 00:53:32,654
You gonna shoot me?
1360
00:53:32,688 --> 00:53:34,356
I'mma shoot you
in the face.
1361
00:53:42,331 --> 00:53:43,699
Wow.
1362
00:53:43,732 --> 00:53:46,134
Dudes be thirsty
in Birmingham.
1363
00:53:46,167 --> 00:53:47,403
Uh,
don't flatter yourself, okay?
1364
00:53:47,436 --> 00:53:48,504
I'm working on my jokes.
1365
00:53:48,537 --> 00:53:51,240
Oh, so there wasn't another
bar in all of Los Angeles?
1366
00:53:51,273 --> 00:53:53,709
I guess if you did that,
1367
00:53:53,742 --> 00:53:56,245
you couldn't see
my pretty face.
1368
00:53:56,278 --> 00:53:57,546
Who said you were pretty?
1369
00:53:57,579 --> 00:53:59,080
That look on your face.
1370
00:54:00,482 --> 00:54:01,650
Busted.
1371
00:54:01,683 --> 00:54:04,085
Well, I'm glad you're here.
1372
00:54:04,118 --> 00:54:07,222
Well, sorry, country boy.
I don't have time to play.
1373
00:54:07,256 --> 00:54:09,491
I got work to do 'cause these
jokes don't write themselves.
1374
00:54:09,525 --> 00:54:11,360
Hey,
wait, wait, wait.
1375
00:54:11,393 --> 00:54:12,628
You write jokes?
1376
00:54:12,661 --> 00:54:14,128
Yeah.
1377
00:54:14,162 --> 00:54:16,964
I write, act, tell jokes.
1378
00:54:16,998 --> 00:54:18,467
I'm a one-stop shop.
1379
00:54:18,500 --> 00:54:20,536
Oh. Dope.
1380
00:54:20,569 --> 00:54:22,571
Just dope.
1381
00:54:22,604 --> 00:54:26,742
Uh, any help
with your material?
1382
00:54:26,775 --> 00:54:28,644
You know, I give
good notes, you know?
1383
00:54:28,677 --> 00:54:32,113
I am also known
for my excellent timing
1384
00:54:32,146 --> 00:54:34,081
and sardonic wit.
1385
00:54:34,115 --> 00:54:36,485
Sardonic wit?
Girl, that's a sex word.
1386
00:54:36,518 --> 00:54:38,253
If you don't get out of here,
in the words of Eddie Murphy.
1387
00:54:38,287 --> 00:54:39,288
Girl, you better go ahead
1388
00:54:39,321 --> 00:54:40,589
and get out of here
before something happens.
1389
00:54:40,622 --> 00:54:42,023
You know what I'm saying?
1390
00:54:42,056 --> 00:54:43,392
Listen, once you unload
Pandora's box,
1391
00:54:43,425 --> 00:54:45,260
once you open Pandora's
box, you can't close it.
1392
00:54:45,294 --> 00:54:46,361
That's right.
Once you unleash the kraken,
1393
00:54:46,395 --> 00:54:47,663
it's gonna be crackin'!
1394
00:54:47,696 --> 00:54:49,364
Now, go ahead and get up out of here.
1395
00:54:49,398 --> 00:54:51,098
No, stay. Now, go.
1396
00:54:51,132 --> 00:54:52,334
Now, stay, go. Stay, go.
1397
00:54:59,675 --> 00:55:01,276
I dated a bisexual chick.
1398
00:55:01,310 --> 00:55:02,678
Couldn't trust her ass
around nobody.
1399
00:55:03,812 --> 00:55:05,380
- Like that?
- No.
1400
00:55:07,282 --> 00:55:09,384
Ah! Yeah, my perky tits.
1401
00:55:09,418 --> 00:55:11,420
This has been a rough year, people.
Hasn't it?
1402
00:55:11,453 --> 00:55:13,722
I can't believe we have
allowed this to happen,
1403
00:55:13,755 --> 00:55:15,324
as a country.
1404
00:55:15,357 --> 00:55:16,492
As a black man,
I can't believe it.
1405
00:55:16,525 --> 00:55:18,627
As an American citizen,
I can't believe this shit.
1406
00:55:18,660 --> 00:55:20,195
I feel like it's
ridiculous.
1407
00:55:20,229 --> 00:55:22,331
I can't believe the Verizon
man switched to Sprint.
1408
00:55:22,364 --> 00:55:24,031
I never thought
that shit was gonna happen.
1409
00:55:35,744 --> 00:55:37,312
It's a bad time
to be a creep.
1410
00:55:37,346 --> 00:55:39,781
You cannot be
a creep anymore.
1411
00:55:39,815 --> 00:55:41,383
That goes for you, guy,
right here.
1412
00:55:41,416 --> 00:55:42,784
You can't be a creep.
1413
00:55:42,818 --> 00:55:44,419
You can't be a creep
anymore, man.
1414
00:55:44,453 --> 00:55:45,521
They getting everybody.
1415
00:55:53,295 --> 00:55:55,397
- Yo!
- Is this a diary?
1416
00:55:55,430 --> 00:55:58,367
No, it's not a diary.
I don't have a diary, okay?
1417
00:55:58,400 --> 00:55:59,401
Got a journal.
1418
00:55:59,434 --> 00:56:01,336
What y'all talkin'
about? How Dre got a diary?
1419
00:56:01,370 --> 00:56:02,437
- Mmm-hmm.
- Shut up, fool.
1420
00:56:02,471 --> 00:56:04,806
What? No, it's just where
he complain about shit.
1421
00:56:05,641 --> 00:56:07,276
Okay, wait.
1422
00:56:08,744 --> 00:56:11,213
You made your son a piano
out of cardboard?
1423
00:56:11,246 --> 00:56:12,180
Yes, I did.
1424
00:56:12,214 --> 00:56:14,349
I didn't have money
to get him a real one
1425
00:56:14,383 --> 00:56:16,150
and he had to practice.
1426
00:56:17,619 --> 00:56:21,155
Okay, this shit is hilarious!
1427
00:56:21,189 --> 00:56:23,759
Glad you find my failures
as a man funny...
1428
00:56:23,792 --> 00:56:25,727
- sweetheart.
- Honestly,
1429
00:56:25,761 --> 00:56:27,229
that stuff is funnier
than anything
1430
00:56:27,262 --> 00:56:28,430
you've said on that stage.
1431
00:56:29,264 --> 00:56:31,266
You should be using it.
1432
00:56:31,300 --> 00:56:34,168
Come on, you heard Marques
the other night.
1433
00:56:34,803 --> 00:56:36,305
Tell your truth
1434
00:56:37,171 --> 00:56:38,774
and make it funny.
1435
00:56:41,910 --> 00:56:45,480
Nobody's gonna care
about me being a shitty dad.
1436
00:56:45,514 --> 00:56:47,649
Yeah, except everyone
in the audience
1437
00:56:47,683 --> 00:56:49,785
that also feels
like a shitty dad.
1438
00:56:54,356 --> 00:56:55,557
Bruh,
let me tell you, really?
1439
00:56:55,591 --> 00:56:57,492
You comfortable
with that as an actor?
1440
00:56:57,526 --> 00:57:00,228
Am I gonna play
a racist crow
1441
00:57:00,262 --> 00:57:02,598
whose name
is actually Jim Crow
1442
00:57:02,631 --> 00:57:03,665
who lives in a tree,
1443
00:57:03,699 --> 00:57:06,368
which is not a euphemism
for lynching at all.
1444
00:57:06,401 --> 00:57:07,703
What should I do?
1445
00:57:18,880 --> 00:57:20,816
Hey, let's get it,
let's get it.
1446
00:57:20,849 --> 00:57:23,150
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where you going?
1447
00:57:23,185 --> 00:57:24,286
I thought you said
we was going to Taylor's.
1448
00:57:24,319 --> 00:57:26,722
No, no, no.
We ain't gonna do shit.
1449
00:57:26,755 --> 00:57:28,357
See, I'm gonna
go hang out with Taylor.
1450
00:57:28,390 --> 00:57:29,391
- Really?
- Yeah.
1451
00:57:29,424 --> 00:57:31,827
Dre, you don't even know
this girl, man. Okay?
1452
00:57:31,860 --> 00:57:33,362
She could be a temptress.
1453
00:57:33,395 --> 00:57:34,896
I could be leaving you alone
1454
00:57:34,930 --> 00:57:36,732
in the clutches
of a temptress.
1455
00:57:36,765 --> 00:57:37,899
When you make bad decisions,
1456
00:57:37,933 --> 00:57:39,067
it tends to reflect
poorly on me.
1457
00:57:39,101 --> 00:57:41,236
Oh, it's not gonna reflect
poorly on you, my brother.
1458
00:57:41,269 --> 00:57:44,439
Now, if you'll excuse me,
my best friend, my brother.
1459
00:57:44,473 --> 00:57:46,375
Appreciate it. Yeah.
1460
00:57:46,408 --> 00:57:47,609
Hope it's worth it.
1461
00:57:53,649 --> 00:57:54,816
Shit!
1462
00:57:58,520 --> 00:58:01,223
Expecting a call?
1463
00:58:01,256 --> 00:58:02,724
Huh? What?
1464
00:58:02,758 --> 00:58:05,627
- Nah, baby, I'm here with you.
- Mmm.
1465
00:58:05,661 --> 00:58:08,263
I know that,
and you know that.
1466
00:58:08,296 --> 00:58:10,298
But does she know that?
1467
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,302
- Yeah, I peeped your socials.
- Mmm.
1468
00:58:16,672 --> 00:58:18,807
Who is Sky?
1469
00:58:20,842 --> 00:58:22,611
It's complicated.
1470
00:58:22,644 --> 00:58:23,745
Mmm.
1471
00:58:27,449 --> 00:58:28,717
Works for me.
1472
00:58:32,454 --> 00:58:33,522
Dre, you gotta take me
to the hospital!
1473
00:58:33,555 --> 00:58:34,556
What?
1474
00:58:34,923 --> 00:58:37,325
Nigga!
1475
00:58:37,359 --> 00:58:38,593
You gotta take me
to the hospital!
1476
00:58:38,627 --> 00:58:40,362
What? Why?
1477
00:58:40,395 --> 00:58:42,230
- Because I got cancer.
- You have cancer?
1478
00:58:42,264 --> 00:58:43,565
- No, he got cancer.
- I don't got cancer.
1479
00:58:43,598 --> 00:58:44,766
Wait. Do you have
anything else?
1480
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:46,501
- No. Do you?
- No!
1481
00:58:46,535 --> 00:58:47,636
You know what?
Y'all don't sound sure
1482
00:58:47,669 --> 00:58:48,804
so why don't we all
get tested
1483
00:58:48,837 --> 00:58:49,938
before the fun stuff
and then we'll save
1484
00:58:49,971 --> 00:58:51,373
this visit for another day.
1485
00:58:51,406 --> 00:58:52,808
- Wait, no, no!
- We gotta go.
1486
00:58:52,841 --> 00:58:55,310
Let go, let go.
Go, go. Go, go.
1487
00:58:55,343 --> 00:58:56,678
Have a good night.
1488
00:59:03,585 --> 00:59:06,421
Cancer? That's the most
realistic excuse?
1489
00:59:06,455 --> 00:59:07,622
Dawg, I'm sorry.
It's all I could think of.
1490
00:59:07,656 --> 00:59:08,924
I just had to get you
out of there.
1491
00:59:08,957 --> 00:59:10,692
- I was good.
- Whatever, man.
1492
00:59:10,726 --> 00:59:13,462
All I know is that
if you fuck this up with Sky,
1493
00:59:13,495 --> 00:59:15,263
you gonna find
some way to blame me.
1494
00:59:15,297 --> 00:59:16,965
- Like you did with jorts.
- Hey. Jean shorts are a thing.
1495
00:59:16,998 --> 00:59:18,300
Not for your legs.
1496
00:59:18,333 --> 00:59:19,401
Oh, come on.
Don't talk about my legs.
1497
00:59:19,434 --> 00:59:20,702
- They're my mama legs.
- All right.
1498
00:59:20,736 --> 00:59:21,970
I don't know.
You could've interrupted
1499
00:59:22,003 --> 00:59:23,505
something real, bruh.
1500
00:59:23,538 --> 00:59:24,773
You know, I'm just saying,
Taylor gets me.
1501
00:59:24,806 --> 00:59:26,007
We care about the same things.
1502
00:59:26,041 --> 00:59:27,275
And she's fine.
1503
00:59:27,309 --> 00:59:28,977
- She's funny.
- And she's fine.
1504
00:59:29,010 --> 00:59:32,314
And everything is just
so easy with her, man.
1505
00:59:32,347 --> 00:59:34,783
With Sky, it's just
so difficult and complicated.
1506
00:59:34,816 --> 00:59:35,884
This might be
the one chance I got
1507
00:59:35,917 --> 00:59:37,285
to be with somebody
1508
00:59:37,319 --> 00:59:39,554
who wants
the same things as me.
1509
00:59:39,588 --> 00:59:40,655
And she's fine.
1510
00:59:40,689 --> 00:59:42,557
Fine enough to only see
your son on the weekends?
1511
00:59:42,591 --> 00:59:43,625
- No.
- Exactly.
1512
00:59:43,658 --> 00:59:46,061
But a lot of good things
happen on the weekends.
1513
00:59:46,094 --> 00:59:50,298
Uh, Saturday morning cartoons.
Football. Bottomless mimosas.
1514
00:59:51,733 --> 00:59:53,869
- Yeah.
- What?
1515
00:59:53,902 --> 00:59:56,037
Yes, yes, y'all.
1516
00:59:57,773 --> 00:59:59,274
So good.
1517
00:59:59,674 --> 01:00:02,043
Go, baby, go.
1518
01:00:02,077 --> 01:00:03,445
Oh, yeah!
1519
01:00:07,716 --> 01:00:09,851
So, let me see
if I got this right.
1520
01:00:09,885 --> 01:00:13,722
So, a black man
shucking and jiving...
1521
01:00:13,755 --> 01:00:15,891
in a crow suit
with gold chains
1522
01:00:15,924 --> 01:00:18,493
is absolutely hilarious
to y'all?
1523
01:00:18,527 --> 01:00:20,629
Oh, come on.
No one thinks that.
1524
01:00:20,662 --> 01:00:22,364
I mean,
you're killing it.
1525
01:00:22,397 --> 01:00:24,833
What do y'all think then?
1526
01:00:24,866 --> 01:00:26,768
We think that you're a
comedic genius
1527
01:00:26,802 --> 01:00:28,503
who can do whatever he wants.
1528
01:00:30,672 --> 01:00:32,340
I'm with you.
1529
01:00:32,374 --> 01:00:33,909
He can do whatever he wants.
1530
01:00:33,942 --> 01:00:36,578
I wanna quit.
1531
01:00:36,611 --> 01:00:38,747
Uh, well, uh,
you have a contract.
1532
01:00:38,780 --> 01:00:41,116
Yeah, well,
fuck the contract.
1533
01:00:41,149 --> 01:00:43,018
If the contract means
I gotta do this...
1534
01:00:44,686 --> 01:00:46,421
I just can't do it.
1535
01:00:46,454 --> 01:00:48,056
Look, we didn't mean
any disrespect.
1536
01:00:48,089 --> 01:00:50,759
Marques, look,
you're taking a beating in the press.
1537
01:00:50,792 --> 01:00:52,460
Okay, we get it.
1538
01:00:52,494 --> 01:00:56,565
If you want us to handle
this McDonald kid, we got it.
1539
01:00:56,598 --> 01:00:58,867
Josh, I told you
not to mention that.
1540
01:00:58,900 --> 01:01:00,101
What y'all gonna do anyway?
1541
01:01:00,135 --> 01:01:01,903
Rough him up in the alley
or somethin'?
1542
01:01:03,038 --> 01:01:05,774
Just get the fuck
outta here. Now.
1543
01:01:05,807 --> 01:01:07,142
- Okay.
- We're sorry.
1544
01:01:07,176 --> 01:01:08,844
And we're going
to leave right now.
1545
01:01:08,877 --> 01:01:10,579
That way. That way.
1546
01:01:10,612 --> 01:01:12,080
Back on my phone.
1547
01:01:12,113 --> 01:01:13,849
So, let me get this straight.
1548
01:01:13,882 --> 01:01:17,652
We are walkin' away
from a $20 million paycheck
1549
01:01:17,686 --> 01:01:22,023
because you're mad
at a social media influencer?
1550
01:01:22,057 --> 01:01:24,559
Who does that?
What are you doin'?
1551
01:01:25,694 --> 01:01:27,762
What are you doin', Marq? Yo.
1552
01:01:28,797 --> 01:01:30,065
We're not walkin' away.
1553
01:01:30,599 --> 01:01:32,634
I am.
1554
01:01:32,667 --> 01:01:34,069
Turn this shit off.
1555
01:01:46,948 --> 01:01:48,617
Look at this punk.
1556
01:02:03,498 --> 01:02:05,100
Jaylin, what happened?
1557
01:02:05,133 --> 01:02:06,835
I got into a fight. Cool, huh?
1558
01:02:06,868 --> 01:02:09,205
No. Come on, boy, you know you
ain't supposed to be fighting.
1559
01:02:09,238 --> 01:02:10,538
Did you win?
1560
01:02:10,572 --> 01:02:11,806
I think so.
1561
01:02:11,840 --> 01:02:13,708
Oh, that's my boy. Yeah.
1562
01:02:13,742 --> 01:02:15,644
It was that kid
from piano class, huh?
1563
01:02:15,677 --> 01:02:17,479
Yeah. I ain't no punk.
1564
01:02:17,512 --> 01:02:18,713
I know you ain't
no punk, boy.
1565
01:02:18,747 --> 01:02:20,048
You got hands
like your father.
1566
01:02:20,081 --> 01:02:22,184
They're Muhammad Ali hands.
That's what they are.
1567
01:02:22,218 --> 01:02:23,652
You float like a butterfly,
1568
01:02:23,685 --> 01:02:25,053
sting like a bee.
1569
01:02:25,086 --> 01:02:27,656
You're the world's greatest.
And you're pretty.
1570
01:02:27,689 --> 01:02:29,457
Your head got baby hair.
1571
01:02:29,491 --> 01:02:31,559
- It's nice.
- You're grounded, boy.
1572
01:02:31,593 --> 01:02:34,596
Go brush your teeth. Fast.
1573
01:02:34,629 --> 01:02:36,498
Baby, don't be
so hard on the boy.
1574
01:02:36,531 --> 01:02:37,866
I wouldn't have to be
1575
01:02:37,899 --> 01:02:39,235
if his daddy was here
to do it for me.
1576
01:02:39,268 --> 01:02:41,603
Oh, so I'm
a deadbeat dad now, huh?
1577
01:02:41,636 --> 01:02:43,071
You know
that's not what I meant.
1578
01:02:43,104 --> 01:02:45,674
Sky, I'm out here taking
care of my business.
1579
01:02:45,707 --> 01:02:47,108
Why can't you just
help me do that?
1580
01:02:47,142 --> 01:02:48,411
You know what, Deandre?
1581
01:02:48,443 --> 01:02:50,645
If you're taking care of you,
and I'm taking care of you...
1582
01:02:50,679 --> 01:02:52,514
who is taking care of me?
1583
01:02:52,547 --> 01:02:53,815
I will.
1584
01:02:53,848 --> 01:02:56,885
As soon as I win this
showcase and get back.
1585
01:02:56,918 --> 01:02:59,054
Sky, come on.
This isn't us.
1586
01:02:59,087 --> 01:03:02,258
You know I got your back.
Why can't you just have mine?
1587
01:03:02,291 --> 01:03:05,227
Can you do that for me? Baby?
1588
01:03:05,261 --> 01:03:07,495
♪ Can you do that for
me, baby? ♪
1589
01:03:07,529 --> 01:03:09,231
♪ Baby
1590
01:03:09,265 --> 01:03:10,732
Stop!
1591
01:03:10,765 --> 01:03:12,133
You know I don't like
when you start singing.
1592
01:03:12,167 --> 01:03:14,035
Okay.
Hey, is the boy gone?
1593
01:03:14,303 --> 01:03:15,637
Yeah.
1594
01:03:15,670 --> 01:03:16,771
Let me see your titty.
1595
01:03:16,805 --> 01:03:17,839
Just whip it out.
1596
01:03:17,872 --> 01:03:19,741
Show me a nipple
or somethin'.
1597
01:03:19,774 --> 01:03:22,911
I need that. It's my life.
They're nice and chocolatey.
1598
01:03:24,180 --> 01:03:25,847
Psych! Bye!
1599
01:04:09,191 --> 01:04:10,558
Boy crazy.
1600
01:04:10,592 --> 01:04:11,693
You believe this shit?
1601
01:04:12,994 --> 01:04:14,296
Me neither. I can't believe
1602
01:04:14,330 --> 01:04:15,897
the Verizon man
switched to Sprint.
1603
01:04:15,930 --> 01:04:18,200
I never thought that shit
was gonna happen.
1604
01:04:19,868 --> 01:04:21,770
- Boy is stupid.
- I was like...
1605
01:04:24,606 --> 01:04:26,708
Who the hell? What?
1606
01:04:29,677 --> 01:04:31,012
What the hell?
1607
01:04:32,214 --> 01:04:34,616
I mean, if you into
that kind of thing.
1608
01:04:44,959 --> 01:04:46,895
Look at this bitch
one more time.
1609
01:04:57,705 --> 01:05:00,642
Oh, shit.
1610
01:05:08,950 --> 01:05:10,319
Oh, boy.
1611
01:05:10,352 --> 01:05:11,686
Never been so happy
to see a bed in my life.
1612
01:05:11,719 --> 01:05:12,921
Right?
1613
01:05:12,954 --> 01:05:14,155
You sure
we won't owe nobody?
1614
01:05:14,190 --> 01:05:16,124
Oh, I'm positive, Dre.
1615
01:05:16,157 --> 01:05:18,360
Pretty sure somebody
let it slip
1616
01:05:18,394 --> 01:05:20,329
that we lost
our hotel room somehow
1617
01:05:20,362 --> 01:05:22,264
and we been sleeping
in our car.
1618
01:05:22,298 --> 01:05:24,200
Who you think let it slip?
1619
01:05:24,233 --> 01:05:26,935
Oh, it was me, Dre.
I let it slip.
1620
01:05:26,968 --> 01:05:28,803
Of course.
1621
01:05:34,676 --> 01:05:36,010
No.
1622
01:05:36,044 --> 01:05:37,112
No, no, no, no.
1623
01:05:38,713 --> 01:05:39,881
What? What?
1624
01:05:39,914 --> 01:05:41,015
- No! No.
- What?
1625
01:05:41,049 --> 01:05:42,784
- No. No. No.
- What?
1626
01:05:42,817 --> 01:05:45,221
No, man. Taylor just tagged
a pic of me on Facebook.
1627
01:05:45,254 --> 01:05:47,088
- And Sky saw it.
- How you know she saw it?
1628
01:05:47,122 --> 01:05:48,156
Because, nigga,
she just liked it.
1629
01:05:49,291 --> 01:05:50,859
Well, that means
that she saw it
1630
01:05:50,892 --> 01:05:52,394
and she wants you
to know she saw it.
1631
01:05:54,396 --> 01:05:56,164
Oh, shit.
1632
01:05:56,198 --> 01:05:58,066
Okay.
It's fine. It's fine.
1633
01:05:58,099 --> 01:05:59,901
Ain't no problem. Ain't no problem.
I'll just delete it.
1634
01:05:59,934 --> 01:06:02,137
It never happened. Her eyes
are playing tricks on her.
1635
01:06:02,170 --> 01:06:04,172
So now you playing her
and you think she's stupid?
1636
01:06:04,206 --> 01:06:06,875
Look, Dre. That's what
she's gonna say to you.
1637
01:06:06,908 --> 01:06:08,009
Oh, look,
she typin' somethin'.
1638
01:06:08,042 --> 01:06:09,178
On the picture?
1639
01:06:09,211 --> 01:06:10,379
Hilarious.
1640
01:06:11,447 --> 01:06:13,449
"Who is Taylor?"
1641
01:06:13,482 --> 01:06:15,850
Straight to the point.
You gotta love her.
1642
01:06:15,884 --> 01:06:17,152
Okay, I gotta...
1643
01:06:17,186 --> 01:06:18,220
Okay, bye!
1644
01:06:19,455 --> 01:06:20,922
- Straight to voicemail.
- Oh, shit.
1645
01:06:22,023 --> 01:06:24,859
Let me see.
1646
01:06:24,893 --> 01:06:28,197
All right. "Don't call
me. Who is Taylor?"
1647
01:06:28,230 --> 01:06:30,232
Okay. Let's not panic.
1648
01:06:30,266 --> 01:06:31,300
Let's not panic.
Take a deep breath.
1649
01:06:31,333 --> 01:06:32,234
Okay, okay.
1650
01:06:32,268 --> 01:06:35,170
You just gotta tell her
who Taylor is, okay?
1651
01:06:35,204 --> 01:06:37,273
And Taylor is, uh...
She's a stand-up comic.
1652
01:06:37,306 --> 01:06:38,873
You're right!
Facts, facts, okay.
1653
01:06:38,907 --> 01:06:40,041
Type that, type that!
1654
01:06:40,074 --> 01:06:41,843
She's a comic.
1655
01:06:44,846 --> 01:06:45,747
What is she saying?
1656
01:06:45,780 --> 01:06:47,115
I don't know but
she's saying somethin'.
1657
01:06:47,148 --> 01:06:48,317
The little message bubbles
popping up.
1658
01:06:48,350 --> 01:06:49,485
- She's saying somethin'.
- I can't stand
1659
01:06:49,518 --> 01:06:50,519
- the message bubbles.
- Yeah, me neither.
1660
01:06:50,553 --> 01:06:52,153
I don't want nobody to know
when I'm typing shit.
1661
01:06:52,188 --> 01:06:53,322
Invasion of privacy.
I don't even like it.
1662
01:06:53,355 --> 01:06:55,056
Yeah. Right?
1663
01:06:55,089 --> 01:06:56,292
Are you...
1664
01:06:56,659 --> 01:06:57,959
Are you...
1665
01:06:57,992 --> 01:06:59,060
"Are you fucking her?"
1666
01:06:59,093 --> 01:07:01,029
Because of me,
you can answer that question honestly.
1667
01:07:01,062 --> 01:07:02,096
You're right.
'Cause I didn't.
1668
01:07:02,130 --> 01:07:03,265
You did not.
1669
01:07:03,299 --> 01:07:05,434
- I was good. Chastity belt, nigga!
- Come on.
1670
01:07:05,467 --> 01:07:07,135
- Let her know.
- Yeah. Okay.
1671
01:07:07,168 --> 01:07:08,204
No.
1672
01:07:11,873 --> 01:07:13,275
"So why she calling you
1673
01:07:13,309 --> 01:07:14,976
"a 'cutie at
work' for no reason?"
1674
01:07:15,009 --> 01:07:16,945
Let me get that.
1675
01:07:16,978 --> 01:07:19,147
I don't know
who she thinks I am.
1676
01:07:19,181 --> 01:07:20,482
Okay. So you're
keeping it vague.
1677
01:07:20,516 --> 01:07:22,050
- Yeah.
- That's nice, that's nice.
1678
01:07:23,219 --> 01:07:24,353
"Don't be vague with me."
1679
01:07:24,386 --> 01:07:27,055
Sky's smart as fuck though.
1680
01:07:28,224 --> 01:07:30,091
"What are you really
doing out there?"
1681
01:07:30,925 --> 01:07:32,927
Because I'm trying to...
1682
01:07:32,961 --> 01:07:35,096
I'm out here
trying to make moves.
1683
01:07:35,129 --> 01:07:36,465
Why can't you believe that?
1684
01:07:39,368 --> 01:07:40,469
She answering?
1685
01:07:42,170 --> 01:07:44,005
Well, nah, not yet.
1686
01:07:45,307 --> 01:07:47,041
But the bubbles
are popping up again
1687
01:07:47,075 --> 01:07:49,478
for the messages,
so, you know.
1688
01:07:49,511 --> 01:07:51,145
So, just gonna...
Come on.
1689
01:07:53,948 --> 01:07:55,284
Mmm? Mmm?
1690
01:07:56,485 --> 01:07:58,487
What the fuck, man?
Is she writing a novel?
1691
01:07:58,520 --> 01:07:59,521
What the fuck?
I don't know, man.
1692
01:07:59,555 --> 01:08:01,423
But she better hurry up.
My phone about to die.
1693
01:08:01,457 --> 01:08:02,458
God damn.
1694
01:08:03,292 --> 01:08:04,493
"If you say so"?
1695
01:08:04,526 --> 01:08:05,827
- And that's it?
- Yeah.
1696
01:08:05,860 --> 01:08:07,296
But the message bubbles,
they was...
1697
01:08:07,329 --> 01:08:08,830
Man, you know what?
Fuck it, man.
1698
01:08:08,863 --> 01:08:10,432
Been blowing me off
since I left the house.
1699
01:08:10,466 --> 01:08:12,334
I don't even know
if we still together.
1700
01:08:12,368 --> 01:08:14,068
I ain't gonna worry
about this. Ha!
1701
01:08:14,102 --> 01:08:15,136
Big dog.
1702
01:08:16,472 --> 01:08:17,905
Ain't gonna run
my blood pressure up.
1703
01:08:19,308 --> 01:08:22,544
You know what?
Nah, I need to go ahead and see.
1704
01:08:22,578 --> 01:08:24,213
Anticipation is gonna
drive me insane!
1705
01:08:24,246 --> 01:08:25,447
I'm just gonna call her.
1706
01:08:25,481 --> 01:08:27,449
Okay? Deep breath.
1707
01:08:32,086 --> 01:08:34,256
Hi, baby.
1708
01:08:34,290 --> 01:08:37,158
So, maybe you should just
give me a call, huh?
1709
01:08:37,925 --> 01:08:39,261
Huh, you know how...
1710
01:08:39,295 --> 01:08:40,995
You know how things
get lost in translation
1711
01:08:41,029 --> 01:08:42,298
when you sendin' messages.
1712
01:08:42,331 --> 01:08:44,566
My phone's about to die,
1713
01:08:44,600 --> 01:08:47,369
but I'm at the new hotel
in West Hollywood...
1714
01:08:48,169 --> 01:08:49,971
uh, room 945.
1715
01:08:50,004 --> 01:08:51,340
Give me a call.
1716
01:08:51,373 --> 01:08:54,042
I love you. Baby.
1717
01:08:55,511 --> 01:08:56,878
Give me the phone.
1718
01:08:56,911 --> 01:08:58,213
The fuck is wrong with you?
1719
01:08:58,247 --> 01:09:00,249
- Since when you start...
- Wait. She's typing something.
1720
01:09:00,282 --> 01:09:02,384
Hmm? What's it say?
1721
01:09:04,118 --> 01:09:05,254
"Fuck you."
1722
01:09:06,120 --> 01:09:07,155
Clear as day.
1723
01:09:07,556 --> 01:09:08,624
I told you.
1724
01:09:14,929 --> 01:09:15,997
So, check,
I had an audition
1725
01:09:16,030 --> 01:09:17,065
- the other day, right?
- Uh-huh.
1726
01:09:17,098 --> 01:09:20,001
I'm no Meryl Streep
but people know me.
1727
01:09:20,034 --> 01:09:22,304
The first thing they
asked me is how many likes
1728
01:09:22,338 --> 01:09:24,273
do I have on my Instagram.
1729
01:09:24,306 --> 01:09:25,374
They got
these Instagram stars.
1730
01:09:25,407 --> 01:09:26,475
They got
maybe three minutes...
1731
01:09:26,508 --> 01:09:27,576
Spotify?
1732
01:09:27,609 --> 01:09:29,077
Spotify is music, man.
It ain't that.
1733
01:09:29,110 --> 01:09:31,213
Whatever the hell it is,
they got it.
1734
01:09:31,246 --> 01:09:32,080
At least know
what the damn thing is.
1735
01:09:32,113 --> 01:09:33,081
See, that's why
you not in the game.
1736
01:09:33,114 --> 01:09:34,216
You don't even know what it is.
1737
01:09:34,249 --> 01:09:37,252
You know what Instagram
used to be? On the street...
1738
01:09:37,286 --> 01:09:39,053
"Hey, I heard that bitch
is funny. Go see her."
1739
01:09:39,087 --> 01:09:39,921
That was it.
1740
01:09:39,954 --> 01:09:41,390
And you know
what a phone used to be?
1741
01:09:41,423 --> 01:09:42,558
That was somebody
who was gonna kill you,
1742
01:09:42,591 --> 01:09:43,925
or a sexual predator.
1743
01:09:43,958 --> 01:09:45,627
That's what I like.
1744
01:09:45,661 --> 01:09:48,530
I can't allow these
internet up-and-comers
1745
01:09:48,564 --> 01:09:51,333
to just come in
and start regulating.
1746
01:09:51,367 --> 01:09:53,067
I don't understand
what they've done.
1747
01:09:53,101 --> 01:09:55,404
If that means I gotta
go back on the road,
1748
01:09:55,437 --> 01:09:57,004
then we'll make it
on the road.
1749
01:09:57,038 --> 01:09:58,106
That's right.
1750
01:09:58,139 --> 01:09:59,040
I ain't mad at you.
1751
01:09:59,073 --> 01:09:59,941
I stay on the road.
I live on the road.
1752
01:09:59,974 --> 01:10:01,410
These kids don't wanna
be on the road.
1753
01:10:01,443 --> 01:10:02,511
They wanna get famous.
1754
01:10:02,544 --> 01:10:03,479
Now.
1755
01:10:03,512 --> 01:10:05,280
I don't understand
how they're in our lane.
1756
01:10:05,314 --> 01:10:07,081
We're not in their lane.
1757
01:10:07,115 --> 01:10:09,251
- That's all I'm saying.
- You don't get it. When we were young,
1758
01:10:09,284 --> 01:10:10,619
they thought
we were crazy.
1759
01:10:10,652 --> 01:10:13,121
But, no, that was 1906,
when you was young.
1760
01:10:13,154 --> 01:10:14,556
You shut the fuck up.
1761
01:10:14,590 --> 01:10:16,157
You've got to listen
these days.
1762
01:10:16,191 --> 01:10:17,593
Young kids can
learn from you.
1763
01:10:17,626 --> 01:10:19,026
You can learn from them.
1764
01:10:19,060 --> 01:10:19,994
How you gonna listen?
1765
01:10:20,027 --> 01:10:21,062
The kid that you're having
a problem with,
1766
01:10:21,095 --> 01:10:22,297
maybe you should become
his friend, be his ally.
1767
01:10:22,331 --> 01:10:26,435
You never know. He might be
the next big thing coming up.
1768
01:10:26,468 --> 01:10:28,537
Hey, Marques, you haven't been
on the road in about 10 years.
1769
01:10:28,570 --> 01:10:31,172
It's gonna be so epic.
First of all, you write your stuff up,
1770
01:10:31,206 --> 01:10:32,474
you go in the clubs,
and they go...
1771
01:10:32,508 --> 01:10:34,942
"Ooh! There's a Marques sighting.
Ooh!" And they show up.
1772
01:10:34,976 --> 01:10:37,212
And get the little internet kids.
Matter of fact, use them.
1773
01:10:37,246 --> 01:10:38,647
Use them to
help you go viral.
1774
01:10:38,680 --> 01:10:40,382
That's what I'm telling you!
Didn't I say that?
1775
01:10:40,416 --> 01:10:41,350
No, you ain't
say it that way.
1776
01:10:41,383 --> 01:10:42,551
I'm doing a better way
than what you said.
1777
01:10:42,584 --> 01:10:46,288
Let them make you viral too.
Let them make you viral too.
1778
01:10:46,321 --> 01:10:47,689
Them young kids know
how to do that shit.
1779
01:10:47,723 --> 01:10:51,326
Y'all used to go together?
'Cause y'all acting like two bitches.
1780
01:10:51,360 --> 01:10:52,661
- Did you call me a bitch?
- Yes.
1781
01:10:52,694 --> 01:10:55,230
I can't call you bitch,
because calling you bitch is wrong.
1782
01:10:55,264 --> 01:10:56,331
No, call me a bitch.
1783
01:10:56,365 --> 01:10:57,433
If we put this
on the internet,
1784
01:10:57,466 --> 01:10:58,600
we could be viral.
1785
01:10:58,634 --> 01:11:01,203
You know what? Where is
my chicken wings? God damn it!
1786
01:11:01,236 --> 01:11:02,671
Look, y'all gonna take care
of the check?
1787
01:11:02,704 --> 01:11:03,938
- What?
- Yes, yes, yes.
1788
01:11:03,971 --> 01:11:05,741
I just turned down 20 million.
Y'all know I ain't got it.
1789
01:11:05,774 --> 01:11:07,074
Yes, yes. We got you.
1790
01:11:07,108 --> 01:11:08,210
Hey, Sinbad,
where you going?
1791
01:11:08,243 --> 01:11:09,211
To pay the check.
1792
01:11:09,244 --> 01:11:11,647
We've talked
to Thomas's parents,
1793
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:13,047
and they just want an apology
1794
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:15,082
from Jaylin
for his part in all of this.
1795
01:11:15,116 --> 01:11:16,452
Yes, he'll apologize.
1796
01:11:17,519 --> 01:11:18,520
No, I won't.
1797
01:11:19,788 --> 01:11:20,988
Excuse me?
1798
01:11:21,022 --> 01:11:25,126
I'm not sorry I fought him.
He was talking mess about dad.
1799
01:11:25,159 --> 01:11:26,528
Saying that
he doesn't have money
1800
01:11:26,562 --> 01:11:27,696
and that he's a loser...
1801
01:11:27,729 --> 01:11:29,598
and that he's never
gonna give me a piano.
1802
01:11:30,599 --> 01:11:32,534
Jaylin, he might not, sweetie.
1803
01:11:32,568 --> 01:11:34,670
You just don't
believe in him.
1804
01:11:34,703 --> 01:11:36,170
You think I don't believe
in your father?
1805
01:11:37,372 --> 01:11:39,541
You didn't want him
to go to LA.
1806
01:11:39,575 --> 01:11:40,676
You don't know
what he's doing out there.
1807
01:11:40,709 --> 01:11:42,478
He's doing
what he said he would.
1808
01:11:42,511 --> 01:11:44,279
He's following his dreams.
1809
01:11:45,681 --> 01:11:48,250
Look, I'm sorry. If we
could just get back to...
1810
01:11:48,283 --> 01:11:49,785
Of course, hold on.
1811
01:11:49,818 --> 01:11:52,187
Jaylin, do you think
I believe in you?
1812
01:11:54,723 --> 01:11:57,992
I do. I believe
in the both of you.
1813
01:12:03,632 --> 01:12:05,634
Jaylin's not apologizing.
1814
01:12:05,667 --> 01:12:07,503
And, you know,
maybe instead of asking my son
1815
01:12:07,536 --> 01:12:09,471
to apologize
for defending his father,
1816
01:12:09,505 --> 01:12:11,038
you should talk
to the other kid
1817
01:12:11,072 --> 01:12:13,408
about disrespecting
Jaylin's dad.
1818
01:12:13,442 --> 01:12:16,311
When Thomas is ready
to apologize to my son,
1819
01:12:16,845 --> 01:12:18,313
you know where we are.
1820
01:12:18,347 --> 01:12:19,381
Come on, baby,
let's bounce.
1821
01:12:21,283 --> 01:12:22,384
That was so dope.
1822
01:12:22,417 --> 01:12:23,585
I know, right?
1823
01:12:23,619 --> 01:12:24,786
So, we're just
gonna walk out?
1824
01:12:24,820 --> 01:12:27,556
Yes, and then I'm going
to see your daddy.
1825
01:12:27,589 --> 01:12:29,358
You want some ice cream?
1826
01:12:32,594 --> 01:12:34,496
Pee-wee
Herman just got busted
1827
01:12:34,530 --> 01:12:38,165
for jacking off
in a porno theater.
1828
01:12:42,604 --> 01:12:44,506
Didn't you think jacking off
1829
01:12:44,540 --> 01:12:46,508
and porno theater
went together
1830
01:12:46,542 --> 01:12:48,477
like a unspoken marriage?
1831
01:12:48,510 --> 01:12:49,778
That's like saying,
1832
01:12:49,811 --> 01:12:52,347
"He ordered fries,
and he ate them too."
1833
01:12:52,381 --> 01:12:54,449
"Did he? What a monster."
1834
01:12:54,483 --> 01:12:55,751
You feel something sticky
on the floor,
1835
01:12:55,784 --> 01:12:57,286
that's probably not popcorn.
1836
01:12:57,319 --> 01:12:59,254
You should just walk
a little faster.
1837
01:13:02,558 --> 01:13:04,626
I was pretty good,
wasn't I?
1838
01:13:04,660 --> 01:13:06,428
Marques to go.
1839
01:13:08,664 --> 01:13:10,299
Mr. Black.
1840
01:13:10,332 --> 01:13:13,535
I have a Mr. McDonald here
to see you.
1841
01:13:13,569 --> 01:13:15,136
Mr. McDonald?
1842
01:13:15,169 --> 01:13:16,338
Thank you, Alfred.
1843
01:13:16,371 --> 01:13:19,341
- That's Alfred. What's up, man?
- You for real?
1844
01:13:19,374 --> 01:13:21,643
Thanks for coming
on such short notice.
1845
01:13:21,677 --> 01:13:24,580
Oh, no problem.
Is that a golden microphone?
1846
01:13:24,613 --> 01:13:28,317
Sure is. Marques has used
it in every one of his shows
1847
01:13:28,350 --> 01:13:31,520
since his first
big concert special.
1848
01:13:31,553 --> 01:13:33,188
Marques Black Uncensored.
1849
01:13:33,221 --> 01:13:34,423
Yeah, I might have
seen that one.
1850
01:13:34,456 --> 01:13:36,558
You might have
seen that?
1851
01:13:36,592 --> 01:13:39,661
Yeah, okay.
Everybody's seen it.
1852
01:13:39,695 --> 01:13:40,762
Yeah, everybody.
1853
01:13:40,796 --> 01:13:42,431
I'm gonna leave
you two alone.
1854
01:13:42,464 --> 01:13:43,665
I'll be damned.
1855
01:13:43,699 --> 01:13:44,800
Come on, boy.
1856
01:13:45,867 --> 01:13:47,569
Let's go outside.
1857
01:13:47,603 --> 01:13:48,604
Sure.
1858
01:13:51,873 --> 01:13:53,742
Gave that $20 million back.
1859
01:13:53,775 --> 01:13:55,344
What you do that for?
1860
01:13:55,377 --> 01:13:57,245
Well,
'cause you were right.
1861
01:13:57,279 --> 01:13:59,214
I lost sight of myself
just focusing
1862
01:13:59,247 --> 01:14:01,283
on making that money.
1863
01:14:01,316 --> 01:14:03,385
Forgot I was being
who they wanted me to be,
1864
01:14:03,418 --> 01:14:04,886
instead of who I truly am.
1865
01:14:04,920 --> 01:14:08,457
Well, I'm glad I could
teach you something, playboy.
1866
01:14:08,490 --> 01:14:12,461
Yeah, well, I don't mind
learning from my mistakes.
1867
01:14:12,494 --> 01:14:14,363
Speaking of mistakes...
1868
01:14:14,396 --> 01:14:16,163
I should've been
the bigger person
1869
01:14:16,198 --> 01:14:18,700
in this situation we got here.
1870
01:14:18,734 --> 01:14:21,470
You young,
rough around the edges,
1871
01:14:21,503 --> 01:14:23,305
but you're talented.
1872
01:14:23,338 --> 01:14:24,740
And I could've
been helping you,
1873
01:14:24,773 --> 01:14:26,942
instead of trying
to destroy you.
1874
01:14:26,975 --> 01:14:28,110
Listen, man,
no offense. Thanks.
1875
01:14:28,142 --> 01:14:30,545
But, listen, I'm not your little
project, all right?
1876
01:14:30,579 --> 01:14:33,782
I'll get to where I
need to be on my own.
1877
01:14:33,815 --> 01:14:35,784
Yeah, well, see,
when I was breaking in
1878
01:14:35,817 --> 01:14:37,452
we had to learn
from the greats.
1879
01:14:37,486 --> 01:14:39,187
I had to learn
from Redd Foxx.
1880
01:14:39,221 --> 01:14:40,822
I had to learn
from Richard Pryor.
1881
01:14:40,856 --> 01:14:42,591
I was out there fetching
Eddie Murphy's coffee.
1882
01:14:42,624 --> 01:14:44,292
Well, look, it's a new day.
1883
01:14:44,326 --> 01:14:45,694
It's a new time,
it's a new era.
1884
01:14:45,727 --> 01:14:48,296
Ain't nobody gonna be
shining your damn shoes.
1885
01:14:48,330 --> 01:14:50,365
I get all the views
I need to get
1886
01:14:50,399 --> 01:14:52,234
on this thing right here.
1887
01:14:52,267 --> 01:14:56,405
So you don't need us
'cause you got followers?
1888
01:14:56,438 --> 01:14:57,572
Exactly.
1889
01:14:59,408 --> 01:15:00,776
Look, you gotta
look to your past
1890
01:15:00,809 --> 01:15:02,611
to understand
your future, young blood.
1891
01:15:02,644 --> 01:15:06,481
I am the future, old man.
1892
01:15:12,521 --> 01:15:16,558
You're scared.
That's what it is.
1893
01:15:16,591 --> 01:15:19,695
Finally. I couldn't figure
out what was really going on,
1894
01:15:19,728 --> 01:15:23,498
but that's what's
behind the arrogance,
1895
01:15:23,532 --> 01:15:25,934
and the angry rants about me.
1896
01:15:25,967 --> 01:15:27,636
This is all some
1897
01:15:27,669 --> 01:15:29,971
"fight the biggest dude
on the yard...
1898
01:15:30,005 --> 01:15:33,408
"so everybody doesn't
see how scared I am."
1899
01:15:33,442 --> 01:15:36,778
Listen, man,
I definitely ain't scared.
1900
01:15:41,917 --> 01:15:45,387
I know fear,
and it's all in your eyes.
1901
01:15:46,588 --> 01:15:47,556
Yeah.
1902
01:15:47,589 --> 01:15:50,559
And what you're really
scared of is failure.
1903
01:15:50,592 --> 01:15:52,360
'Cause you convinced
everybody
1904
01:15:52,394 --> 01:15:54,463
around you
to believe in you,
1905
01:15:54,496 --> 01:15:57,432
and you don't believe
in yourself.
1906
01:15:57,466 --> 01:15:58,700
You know what? We'll see
who's scared,
1907
01:15:58,734 --> 01:16:00,368
when I win
that showcase tonight.
1908
01:16:01,336 --> 01:16:02,704
We'll see who's scared then.
1909
01:16:05,373 --> 01:16:07,642
If you was
who you saying you were,
1910
01:16:07,676 --> 01:16:10,278
you wouldn't give a fuck
about a showcase.
1911
01:16:15,984 --> 01:16:17,953
But, uh...
1912
01:16:17,986 --> 01:16:20,455
But don't be late for
your little showcase, playboy.
1913
01:16:20,489 --> 01:16:21,990
Good luck out there.
1914
01:16:55,423 --> 01:16:57,692
All right, Dre. I'm leaving
you another message, dawg.
1915
01:16:57,726 --> 01:17:00,662
How the fuck are you gonna be
late to your own showcase?
1916
01:17:00,695 --> 01:17:03,331
You got to get here, man,
before you fuck up my whole plan.
1917
01:17:03,365 --> 01:17:04,866
No management company,
no Sarah Silverman,
1918
01:17:04,900 --> 01:17:06,334
no nothing, dawg.
1919
01:17:06,368 --> 01:17:08,770
Come on, man,
this is very black of you.
1920
01:17:08,804 --> 01:17:10,739
Where the fuck have you been?
1921
01:17:10,772 --> 01:17:11,973
I don't even know.
1922
01:17:12,007 --> 01:17:13,575
I don't even know
how to explain it.
1923
01:17:13,608 --> 01:17:14,876
Dre, are you high?
1924
01:17:14,910 --> 01:17:16,711
- Huh?
- You look high. Are you high?
1925
01:17:16,745 --> 01:17:17,913
No, I don't think so.
1926
01:17:17,946 --> 01:17:20,949
Oh, my fucking God, dawg.
Come on, man. Get it together.
1927
01:17:20,982 --> 01:17:23,051
McDonald, you're up.
1928
01:17:23,084 --> 01:17:24,853
- Okay.
- All right, this is it, baby.
1929
01:17:24,886 --> 01:17:27,722
Look, I'm live-streaming
this whole round.
1930
01:17:27,756 --> 01:17:29,124
Been promoting it all day.
1931
01:17:29,157 --> 01:17:31,059
Everybody is gonna be watching,
so you know what you've got to do.
1932
01:17:31,092 --> 01:17:32,694
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Huh?
1933
01:17:32,727 --> 01:17:34,429
Boom! Kill it!
1934
01:17:34,462 --> 01:17:35,597
Let's do this.
1935
01:17:35,630 --> 01:17:36,731
Let's go,
let's go. I'm ready.
1936
01:17:36,765 --> 01:17:38,099
- Do your thing, baby.
- Yes, sir.
1937
01:17:38,133 --> 01:17:39,401
Yeah, yeah.
1938
01:17:39,434 --> 01:17:40,468
What's up, Dre?
1939
01:17:40,502 --> 01:17:41,670
- What up, bruh?
- You all right?
1940
01:17:41,703 --> 01:17:43,438
- Yeah, yeah, I'm good.
- Do your shit, bruh.
1941
01:17:43,471 --> 01:17:45,073
Fo' sho. Fo' sho.
1942
01:17:59,688 --> 01:18:01,756
It's my time, motherfucker.
1943
01:18:01,790 --> 01:18:03,124
Let's go.
1944
01:18:06,928 --> 01:18:08,630
Glad I'm not
in this competition.
1945
01:18:08,663 --> 01:18:10,765
I'd be back there scared.
1946
01:18:10,799 --> 01:18:12,567
Y'all ready
for another comedian?
1947
01:18:12,601 --> 01:18:14,603
Well, let's bring him up.
1948
01:18:14,636 --> 01:18:17,839
Put your hands together
for Deandre.
1949
01:18:28,783 --> 01:18:30,485
Oh, man.
1950
01:18:30,518 --> 01:18:34,055
What a day. What a day.
What a day. What a day.
1951
01:18:34,389 --> 01:18:36,691
Um...
1952
01:18:36,725 --> 01:18:39,494
Uh...
1953
01:18:39,527 --> 01:18:44,432
I just came from
Marques Black's house.
1954
01:18:44,466 --> 01:18:48,436
Did I say house? I meant
to say palatial estate.
1955
01:18:49,571 --> 01:18:51,973
Marques Black's house
is so big
1956
01:18:52,007 --> 01:18:54,910
this motherfucker has slaves.
1957
01:18:54,943 --> 01:18:57,846
Like, I seen
three niggas picking cotton.
1958
01:18:57,879 --> 01:19:01,983
Like, what the fuck is this?
Where is Quentin Tarantino?
1959
01:19:02,017 --> 01:19:06,087
Is this fucking Django?
What is happening?
1960
01:19:06,121 --> 01:19:08,556
I'm saying, look...
And this is not even the set
1961
01:19:08,590 --> 01:19:10,525
that I was normally
gonna do, all right?
1962
01:19:10,558 --> 01:19:13,028
I mean, usually I would've worked
this shit out in my journal,
1963
01:19:13,061 --> 01:19:17,233
but I just came from Marques
fucking Black's house
1964
01:19:17,266 --> 01:19:19,668
and honest to God,
I'm still trying to process this shit.
1965
01:19:19,701 --> 01:19:21,469
So if I could
work it out with y'all,
1966
01:19:21,503 --> 01:19:22,971
I would love to.
Is that cool?
1967
01:19:23,004 --> 01:19:25,106
All right.
1968
01:19:25,140 --> 01:19:26,641
Hey, I'm sorry.
1969
01:19:26,675 --> 01:19:28,076
Hey, can I go talk to him
for a second
1970
01:19:28,109 --> 01:19:29,678
and find out
what's going on?
1971
01:19:29,711 --> 01:19:32,248
Sorry. The clock's
already started.
1972
01:19:32,281 --> 01:19:34,950
Me and Marques Black got this
internet beef going, man.
1973
01:19:34,983 --> 01:19:36,985
And I done talked
shit about him.
1974
01:19:37,018 --> 01:19:40,822
I talked about his movies.
I talked about his height.
1975
01:19:40,855 --> 01:19:42,991
I done talked
about everything, man.
1976
01:19:43,024 --> 01:19:45,126
And you know what, man?
Marques Black, even though,
1977
01:19:45,160 --> 01:19:47,629
even though his movies
are trash as fuck...
1978
01:19:47,662 --> 01:19:50,098
uh, he's cool as hell.
1979
01:19:50,131 --> 01:19:52,600
Got a cool house,
with cool shit.
1980
01:19:52,634 --> 01:19:55,737
He's got a solid gold
microphone in a case.
1981
01:19:55,770 --> 01:20:00,242
A solid gold microphone?
The fuck?
1982
01:20:00,276 --> 01:20:04,112
Like, yo, God don't even
use a solid gold microphone.
1983
01:20:04,145 --> 01:20:07,015
God's microphone he uses
to talk to us is gold-plated.
1984
01:20:07,048 --> 01:20:09,851
He got
a solid gold microphone.
1985
01:20:09,884 --> 01:20:11,220
What the hell, man?
1986
01:20:11,253 --> 01:20:13,989
So he's talking to me
about being great, right?
1987
01:20:14,022 --> 01:20:17,726
And he tells me
that I'm scared of failure.
1988
01:20:17,759 --> 01:20:21,129
And I was like,
"Wow! Scared of failure."
1989
01:20:21,162 --> 01:20:23,531
Who says that to somebody?
1990
01:20:23,565 --> 01:20:25,066
I wanted to be like...
1991
01:20:25,100 --> 01:20:28,770
"Nigga, how did you know
I was scared of failure?"
1992
01:20:28,803 --> 01:20:30,939
Nah, but you know I ain't
say that. I ain't say that.
1993
01:20:30,972 --> 01:20:32,241
You know, 'cause
I'm tough. I'm a man.
1994
01:20:32,274 --> 01:20:33,641
Had to put on
that tougher side.
1995
01:20:33,675 --> 01:20:36,278
So, I was like, "Man,
what the hell are you talking about?
1996
01:20:36,312 --> 01:20:38,013
"Ain't nobody
fucking scared.
1997
01:20:38,046 --> 01:20:40,115
"I ain't scared.
What? What?
1998
01:20:41,716 --> 01:20:43,252
"Let me
tell you something, bruh.
1999
01:20:43,285 --> 01:20:44,320
"Let me tell you something.
Let me tell you something, little buster.
2000
01:20:44,353 --> 01:20:46,322
"Let me tell you something,
little buster."
2001
01:20:46,355 --> 01:20:47,722
He said I don't believe
in myself.
2002
01:20:47,756 --> 01:20:49,057
I wanted to look at him
and be like,
2003
01:20:49,090 --> 01:20:50,925
"Who keeps telling you
all these secrets?
2004
01:20:50,959 --> 01:20:52,694
"Are you a spirit
whisperer?
2005
01:20:52,727 --> 01:20:54,330
"How do you know this shit?"
2006
01:20:54,363 --> 01:20:55,864
And nobody ever tells you
2007
01:20:55,897 --> 01:20:57,333
when you go
to Marques Black's house
2008
01:20:57,366 --> 01:20:59,667
that he gonna give you
a divine intervention, right?
2009
01:20:59,701 --> 01:21:00,769
Look, they need
to tell you that
2010
01:21:00,802 --> 01:21:03,138
before you drop your keys
off to his valet.
2011
01:21:03,171 --> 01:21:06,641
At his house, 'cause he got
a valet at his fucking house.
2012
01:21:06,674 --> 01:21:08,843
And the valet be looking at
you, talking about some...
2013
01:21:08,877 --> 01:21:10,779
"Hey, hey, hey, hey!"
2014
01:21:10,812 --> 01:21:12,614
This old-ass nigga
about 200 years old.
2015
01:21:12,647 --> 01:21:15,750
"Hey, be careful.
That nigga know your heart."
2016
01:21:15,784 --> 01:21:18,119
Like, huh, what the fuck?
2017
01:21:18,153 --> 01:21:19,821
He knows my heart.
Is he Jesus or something?
2018
01:21:19,854 --> 01:21:21,323
What's happening?
2019
01:21:21,357 --> 01:21:23,058
Look, man. My girl, man...
2020
01:21:23,091 --> 01:21:25,126
My girl is
the fucking best, man.
2021
01:21:25,160 --> 01:21:26,928
I can understand
why she's frustrated.
2022
01:21:26,961 --> 01:21:28,696
You know, 'cause
I'm out here talking about
2023
01:21:28,730 --> 01:21:30,165
I'm chasing my dreams.
2024
01:21:30,199 --> 01:21:32,368
I ain't chasing shit.
2025
01:21:32,401 --> 01:21:34,836
Really. I'm just doing
free internet videos
2026
01:21:34,869 --> 01:21:38,039
and beefing
with celebrities for free.
2027
01:21:38,073 --> 01:21:40,008
Meanwhile, she got a check.
2028
01:21:40,041 --> 01:21:41,343
And she taking care
of the house,
2029
01:21:41,377 --> 01:21:42,777
taking care of our kid,
2030
01:21:42,811 --> 01:21:44,313
trying to further
better herself.
2031
01:21:44,346 --> 01:21:47,148
You know what I'm saying?
Just being an adult.
2032
01:21:47,183 --> 01:21:50,085
And I'm just out here
doing stupid shit, man.
2033
01:21:50,118 --> 01:21:54,323
Our relationship is synonymous
to Jay-Z and Beyonce.
2034
01:21:54,356 --> 01:21:57,025
If Beyonce would've
married DMX.
2035
01:21:58,260 --> 01:21:59,528
You know what I'm saying?
2036
01:21:59,562 --> 01:22:02,964
I'm like, "Hey, yo!
Hey, yo! Hey, baby!
2037
01:22:02,997 --> 01:22:04,233
"Hello!
2038
01:22:05,767 --> 01:22:07,168
"Baby, baby,
can I get some money?
2039
01:22:07,203 --> 01:22:08,803
"Can I get
some allowance money
2040
01:22:08,837 --> 01:22:10,171
"so I can do
my few dumb videos?
2041
01:22:10,206 --> 01:22:12,841
"I mean, even though it's free
and it's coming out of you,
2042
01:22:12,874 --> 01:22:14,809
"please help out me, boo."
2043
01:22:17,346 --> 01:22:18,746
I love her.
2044
01:22:20,081 --> 01:22:23,685
We expect a woman to accept
us for all our bullshit.
2045
01:22:23,718 --> 01:22:25,887
I mean,
so much bullshit, too.
2046
01:22:25,920 --> 01:22:30,725
We talking about... We talking about
joblessness, womanizing, poverty.
2047
01:22:30,758 --> 01:22:32,794
Meanwhile, as soon as
she does that, what we do?
2048
01:22:32,827 --> 01:22:35,830
Leave her for a chick
with a fatter ass.
2049
01:22:35,864 --> 01:22:38,367
And it don't even got to be
really much that fatter.
2050
01:22:38,400 --> 01:22:42,003
It's just the margin of one
percent of a fatter ass.
2051
01:22:42,036 --> 01:22:43,372
That shit could
change an election.
2052
01:22:43,405 --> 01:22:44,873
You know what I'm saying?
2053
01:22:44,906 --> 01:22:46,442
Just that one fucking percent.
2054
01:22:46,475 --> 01:22:48,377
I'll be sitting with my girl
sometimes and I'll be like,
2055
01:22:48,410 --> 01:22:50,145
"What the fuck
are you doing here?
2056
01:22:50,179 --> 01:22:52,113
"You can do
way better than me.
2057
01:22:52,147 --> 01:22:53,249
"Do you believe in yourself?
2058
01:22:53,282 --> 01:22:56,352
"I believe you can get
in a better relationship.
2059
01:22:56,385 --> 01:22:57,919
"Maybe we need
to talk to Marques Black
2060
01:22:57,952 --> 01:22:59,087
"to have an intervention
2061
01:22:59,120 --> 01:23:00,422
"cause I don't know
what the fuck
2062
01:23:00,456 --> 01:23:02,790
"you are doing here
with me right now."
2063
01:23:02,824 --> 01:23:05,194
But you know what, folks?
It's not supposed to be easy.
2064
01:23:05,227 --> 01:23:07,196
'Cause if it's easy,
it's not worth it.
2065
01:23:07,229 --> 01:23:10,131
You feel me? That's why
I'm so hard on my girl.
2066
01:23:10,165 --> 01:23:12,234
'Cause I'm worth it.
You know what I'm saying?
2067
01:23:12,268 --> 01:23:14,035
Nah, I'm just fucking
with y'all.
2068
01:23:14,068 --> 01:23:18,440
Baby, please go out there
and find your damn Jay-Z.
2069
01:23:18,474 --> 01:23:21,876
Because DMX still got
some soul-searching to do.
2070
01:23:21,910 --> 01:23:23,711
You know what I mean, nigga?
2071
01:23:23,745 --> 01:23:24,946
Thank you so much.
2072
01:23:24,979 --> 01:23:27,115
I'm Deandre McDonald.
That's my time.
2073
01:23:27,148 --> 01:23:29,451
Thank y'all so much.
Appreciate it.
2074
01:23:29,485 --> 01:23:31,187
Thank you, man.
2075
01:23:39,961 --> 01:23:41,230
- Dre! Dre!
- Yo!
2076
01:23:41,263 --> 01:23:42,298
The fuck was that, man?
2077
01:23:42,331 --> 01:23:43,765
I had some shit I had
to get off my chest, man.
2078
01:23:43,798 --> 01:23:44,999
That shit was lit, baby.
2079
01:23:45,033 --> 01:23:46,202
Yeah, I'll call my baby up.
2080
01:23:46,235 --> 01:23:47,436
- Come on, go ahead, go ahead.
- Cool, cool.
2081
01:23:47,469 --> 01:23:48,736
I'll record it.
2082
01:23:50,972 --> 01:23:52,774
Okay, bye.
2083
01:23:52,807 --> 01:23:56,010
Baby, hit me back.
Baby, I did it.
2084
01:23:56,044 --> 01:23:57,179
I killed it.
I got a standing O
2085
01:23:57,213 --> 01:23:58,480
talkin' about my shit.
2086
01:23:58,514 --> 01:24:01,383
I can't believe it.
I fucking did it!
2087
01:24:01,417 --> 01:24:03,918
Okay, hit me back.
Soon as you can.
2088
01:24:03,952 --> 01:24:05,987
All right? I love you.
All right.
2089
01:24:07,088 --> 01:24:08,790
- Bruh...
- Dawg...
2090
01:24:08,823 --> 01:24:10,892
- What? What? What?
- Did you hear 'em?
2091
01:24:10,925 --> 01:24:12,494
Come on, man, let's go.
2092
01:24:18,833 --> 01:24:21,370
All right,
all right, all right.
2093
01:24:21,403 --> 01:24:24,072
Look, when I call your name,
please step forward.
2094
01:24:25,106 --> 01:24:26,874
DeJuan Bickerstaff.
2095
01:24:26,908 --> 01:24:28,377
That's what I told ya!
2096
01:24:34,148 --> 01:24:35,783
Montana Prestley.
2097
01:24:43,259 --> 01:24:44,360
LaMont Keish.
2098
01:24:50,199 --> 01:24:51,933
And last but not least...
2099
01:24:57,406 --> 01:25:00,074
Paul Wilds!
2100
01:25:09,218 --> 01:25:11,019
Hey, excuse me?
Excuse me? Judge?
2101
01:25:11,052 --> 01:25:12,153
He should be
in the next round, man.
2102
01:25:12,187 --> 01:25:13,355
You heard the crowd.
They love him.
2103
01:25:13,389 --> 01:25:16,090
Yeah, he was hilarious,
and we did too.
2104
01:25:16,124 --> 01:25:17,025
But apparently he took money
2105
01:25:17,058 --> 01:25:20,229
while he was performing
in the showcase.
2106
01:25:20,262 --> 01:25:23,931
Taylor Jones. Look, man, I didn't get
money for her showcase, all right?
2107
01:25:23,965 --> 01:25:25,601
She just gave us money
for food.
2108
01:25:25,634 --> 01:25:27,001
Well, if there's
a misunderstanding,
2109
01:25:27,035 --> 01:25:28,136
you should take it up
with her.
2110
01:25:28,169 --> 01:25:30,838
Round three starts
in, uh, two hours.
2111
01:25:34,876 --> 01:25:36,245
What the fuck?
2112
01:25:36,278 --> 01:25:38,213
- To us.
- Wait.
2113
01:25:38,247 --> 01:25:40,582
Why is Taylor talking
to Marques' manager,
2114
01:25:40,616 --> 01:25:42,318
your mortal enemy?
2115
01:25:42,351 --> 01:25:43,519
So we're working together?
2116
01:25:43,552 --> 01:25:44,653
Something ain't
right about this.
2117
01:25:44,687 --> 01:25:46,921
I think I know what exactly
isn't right about this.
2118
01:25:46,954 --> 01:25:49,291
You do? Like,
you figured it out already?
2119
01:25:49,325 --> 01:25:50,592
God damn! You quick, bruh.
2120
01:25:50,626 --> 01:25:53,262
A show coming up.
That's right. Oh.
2121
01:25:53,295 --> 01:25:54,929
Taylor.
2122
01:25:54,962 --> 01:25:56,097
Whoa-ho-ho!
2123
01:25:56,130 --> 01:26:00,336
It is the internet kid,
everyone.
2124
01:26:00,369 --> 01:26:02,571
You and Marques set me up.
2125
01:26:02,604 --> 01:26:05,139
How'd you do? Did you win
that little contest?
2126
01:26:05,173 --> 01:26:07,509
No, I didn't win,
'cause she played me.
2127
01:26:07,543 --> 01:26:10,078
Look, it wasn't personal,
all right?
2128
01:26:10,111 --> 01:26:13,147
He offered me representation
if I helped him.
2129
01:26:13,182 --> 01:26:14,283
You know what, Taylor?
2130
01:26:14,316 --> 01:26:17,219
You know damn well I didn't
get paid to be in your show.
2131
01:26:17,252 --> 01:26:20,121
Oh. Was that how
she pulled it off?
2132
01:26:20,154 --> 01:26:22,291
I never got the details.
2133
01:26:22,990 --> 01:26:25,327
But I like it.
2134
01:26:25,361 --> 01:26:27,995
Turn the car around, please.
2135
01:26:28,029 --> 01:26:29,298
Look, I'm sorry, Dre.
2136
01:26:29,331 --> 01:26:30,965
He's gonna
help me break in.
2137
01:26:30,998 --> 01:26:32,668
Right, Nico?
2138
01:26:32,701 --> 01:26:36,338
Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'll put in some calls,
2139
01:26:37,339 --> 01:26:39,408
but, uh,
I can't promise nothing.
2140
01:26:39,441 --> 01:26:41,008
But you said that you...
2141
01:26:41,042 --> 01:26:44,546
Hold on. Yo, what's good?
Hold on for a minute.
2142
01:26:45,447 --> 01:26:47,416
Hey, uh, McDonald. Uh...
2143
01:26:47,783 --> 01:26:49,518
It's over.
2144
01:26:49,551 --> 01:26:51,953
Have a safe,
safe flight back home.
2145
01:26:51,986 --> 01:26:55,257
And next time
you're out here,
2146
01:26:55,290 --> 01:26:57,693
be careful
who you fuck with.
2147
01:26:57,726 --> 01:27:00,128
You know what?
I'm tripping.
2148
01:27:00,161 --> 01:27:01,963
There probably won't be
a next time.
2149
01:27:03,565 --> 01:27:05,467
And, um, take her with you.
2150
01:27:06,301 --> 01:27:07,536
Yeah?
2151
01:27:11,440 --> 01:27:13,007
Hope it was worth it.
2152
01:27:18,112 --> 01:27:20,249
And we keeping the $20.
2153
01:27:25,119 --> 01:27:27,256
Live-streaming that
show killed my battery.
2154
01:27:27,289 --> 01:27:28,557
Dre, I gotta crick in my neck
2155
01:27:28,590 --> 01:27:30,325
from sleeping
in a fucking minivan.
2156
01:27:30,359 --> 01:27:33,195
I got it, I got it.
2157
01:27:33,228 --> 01:27:35,531
- Go, go, go.
- God damn!
2158
01:27:38,099 --> 01:27:39,100
Wait.
2159
01:27:40,502 --> 01:27:41,703
Baby...
2160
01:27:41,737 --> 01:27:43,505
Oh! Mmm.
2161
01:27:43,539 --> 01:27:44,706
Mmm.
2162
01:27:46,241 --> 01:27:47,443
Mmm.
2163
01:27:47,476 --> 01:27:49,378
Damn, baby...
2164
01:27:49,411 --> 01:27:51,246
Wait a minute now.
What's up with this?
2165
01:27:51,280 --> 01:27:53,449
What you doing here, baby?
Where's Jaylin?
2166
01:27:53,482 --> 01:27:54,383
With my mom.
2167
01:27:54,416 --> 01:27:56,485
Baby, I saw the show.
You were amazing.
2168
01:27:56,518 --> 01:27:58,554
So funny and honest.
2169
01:27:58,587 --> 01:27:59,621
Stop.
2170
01:27:59,655 --> 01:28:02,191
It's not just about me,
and it should never be.
2171
01:28:02,224 --> 01:28:04,426
Baby, I've been
so caught up
2172
01:28:04,460 --> 01:28:07,696
on what I want that I ain't
even consider what you need.
2173
01:28:07,729 --> 01:28:09,498
Well, I've been
so in my feelings,
2174
01:28:09,531 --> 01:28:12,201
it's been hard for me
to have faith in your vision.
2175
01:28:12,234 --> 01:28:15,370
But I do.
Baby, you are so talented.
2176
01:28:15,404 --> 01:28:18,005
You're doing exactly
what you should be.
2177
01:28:18,039 --> 01:28:20,576
Well, I'm done
with all that.
2178
01:28:20,609 --> 01:28:22,411
I ain't cut out for this.
2179
01:28:22,444 --> 01:28:24,078
No, I know
you're not giving up.
2180
01:28:24,111 --> 01:28:25,681
Not after everything
we done been through.
2181
01:28:25,714 --> 01:28:28,717
Boy, the Dre I know
would never quit.
2182
01:28:28,750 --> 01:28:30,352
Not the Dre I know.
2183
01:28:30,385 --> 01:28:32,187
He quit tee-ball,
junior varsity basketball.
2184
01:28:32,221 --> 01:28:34,055
Veganism. That lasted a day.
2185
01:28:34,088 --> 01:28:35,089
Mind your business!
2186
01:28:35,457 --> 01:28:36,558
Yep.
2187
01:28:36,592 --> 01:28:37,793
I got disqualified
from the showcase.
2188
01:28:37,826 --> 01:28:39,160
What am I supposed to do?
2189
01:28:39,194 --> 01:28:42,397
Figure it out.
You always do.
2190
01:28:42,431 --> 01:28:46,435
Hell, as long as you get back
at that shady-ass Nico.
2191
01:28:46,468 --> 01:28:48,804
Wait, how'd you know
Nico was shady?
2192
01:28:48,837 --> 01:28:51,105
- It was on the livestream.
- It was?
2193
01:28:51,138 --> 01:28:53,509
Yes, and all that stuff
about Taylor.
2194
01:28:53,542 --> 01:28:56,411
Matter of fact, fuck that bitch
for trying to sabotage you.
2195
01:28:56,445 --> 01:28:57,479
Wait, wait, wait.
2196
01:28:57,513 --> 01:28:59,146
She ain't even cute,
to be honest.
2197
01:28:59,181 --> 01:29:01,283
Whoa, the whole Nico
conversation was on livestream?
2198
01:29:01,316 --> 01:29:03,552
Mmm-hmm. Now, stop saying his
name, 'cause he's dead to me.
2199
01:29:03,585 --> 01:29:07,121
That's the proof I need
to show that I was set up.
2200
01:29:07,154 --> 01:29:09,224
Eddie, you recorded
that livestream, right?
2201
01:29:09,258 --> 01:29:10,459
What am I,
a amateur live-streamer?
2202
01:29:10,492 --> 01:29:11,760
Yeah, I recorded that shit.
2203
01:29:11,793 --> 01:29:13,328
If I can get that footage
to the judges,
2204
01:29:13,362 --> 01:29:15,096
they gotta let me back
in the showcase.
2205
01:29:15,129 --> 01:29:16,798
We only got, like, an hour
before the final round starts.
2206
01:29:16,832 --> 01:29:18,233
Not without us.
2207
01:29:18,267 --> 01:29:19,368
Look at us,
out in these streets.
2208
01:29:19,401 --> 01:29:20,536
Let's go!
2209
01:29:20,569 --> 01:29:22,804
Yo, hey, wait,
look at us. Huh?
2210
01:29:22,838 --> 01:29:25,240
We running around
Hollywood and shit.
2211
01:29:25,274 --> 01:29:26,642
Just want y'all to know
I love y'all.
2212
01:29:26,675 --> 01:29:28,577
What you want?
A Drake compilation album
2213
01:29:28,610 --> 01:29:30,279
to go with that damn
speech of yours?
2214
01:29:30,312 --> 01:29:31,580
It got real sugary up in here.
2215
01:29:31,613 --> 01:29:32,748
Right, right.
2216
01:29:32,781 --> 01:29:35,149
Baby, baby. Baby, look.
2217
01:29:35,183 --> 01:29:36,251
I've been a idiot,
2218
01:29:36,285 --> 01:29:37,686
but you're the only
one for me.
2219
01:29:37,719 --> 01:29:39,288
Oh, baby,
I know.
2220
01:29:39,321 --> 01:29:40,756
I'm fine as hell.
2221
01:29:40,789 --> 01:29:42,591
You are. You gonna get it
when we get back.
2222
01:29:42,624 --> 01:29:44,293
After you
win the showcase.
2223
01:29:44,326 --> 01:29:46,228
Damn right. Let's go.
2224
01:29:46,261 --> 01:29:49,264
Welcome to the final round of
the LOL Comedy Showcase.
2225
01:29:49,298 --> 01:29:52,234
Now, one of these comedians
are going on a 30-city tour.
2226
01:29:52,267 --> 01:29:53,869
That's right.
A 30-city tour.
2227
01:29:53,902 --> 01:29:55,504
Now, without
any further ado...
2228
01:29:55,537 --> 01:29:56,705
Damn, man.
They already started.
2229
01:29:56,738 --> 01:29:58,607
No, no, no. You know what?
I got this.
2230
01:29:58,640 --> 01:30:00,375
Everybody, get down!
2231
01:30:00,409 --> 01:30:02,244
Oh, my God! He got a gun!
Take my money!
2232
01:30:02,277 --> 01:30:03,178
What they doing?
2233
01:30:03,211 --> 01:30:04,613
You can't say "get down"
in LA, dumbass.
2234
01:30:04,646 --> 01:30:05,714
Why not?
2235
01:30:05,747 --> 01:30:06,782
Because they'll think
you got a gun.
2236
01:30:06,815 --> 01:30:07,816
Why would I have a gun?
2237
01:30:07,849 --> 01:30:10,686
I was trying to tell
the comedians to get down
2238
01:30:10,719 --> 01:30:12,854
'cause I want my boy,
Deandre, to get on the stage.
2239
01:30:12,888 --> 01:30:14,456
You know damn well
2240
01:30:14,489 --> 01:30:15,857
I didn't get paid
to be in your show.
2241
01:30:15,891 --> 01:30:17,192
Wait a second!
Don't boo!
2242
01:30:17,225 --> 01:30:18,393
You need to show him
the video of Nico.
2243
01:30:18,427 --> 01:30:19,528
What if they don't
believe me?
2244
01:30:19,561 --> 01:30:20,796
Oh, shit!
2245
01:30:20,829 --> 01:30:22,831
Who's that?
2246
01:30:31,373 --> 01:30:32,507
You look good, baby!
2247
01:30:33,508 --> 01:30:35,310
You the man, Marques!
2248
01:30:35,344 --> 01:30:37,144
Thank you, everybody.
I appreciate it.
2249
01:30:37,179 --> 01:30:39,146
I appreciate it. I do.
2250
01:30:39,181 --> 01:30:42,284
Uh, this is an interruption,
and I'm sorry for that.
2251
01:30:42,317 --> 01:30:44,486
But somebody
was disqualified earlier
2252
01:30:44,519 --> 01:30:46,388
and they should not have been.
2253
01:30:46,421 --> 01:30:48,724
And so I came
to make this right.
2254
01:30:48,757 --> 01:30:50,726
It's my pleasure
to introduce a guy
2255
01:30:50,759 --> 01:30:52,327
who is not just a friend,
2256
01:30:52,361 --> 01:30:53,795
but may one day
be my successor,
2257
01:30:53,829 --> 01:30:55,263
if he doesn't fuck this up.
2258
01:30:55,297 --> 01:30:58,567
Please give it up for Deandre
McDonald, ladies and gentlemen.
2259
01:30:59,835 --> 01:31:01,637
You got this, baby.
2260
01:31:08,777 --> 01:31:10,412
Go, Dre!
2261
01:31:13,415 --> 01:31:15,183
I don't know what to say.
2262
01:31:15,651 --> 01:31:17,185
Just be great.
2263
01:31:20,355 --> 01:31:21,490
Let's go.
2264
01:31:27,496 --> 01:31:28,630
Well...
2265
01:31:30,832 --> 01:31:34,336
I got a golden
microphone, bitch!
2266
01:31:42,511 --> 01:31:43,712
Then all the kids
started bragging about
2267
01:31:43,745 --> 01:31:44,913
who's coming to see them
at the recital.
2268
01:31:44,946 --> 01:31:46,014
Oh, yeah?
2269
01:31:46,048 --> 01:31:50,185
Yeah. Mom, do you think
Dad will be home by then?
2270
01:31:52,387 --> 01:31:53,555
It's a tough one, baby.
2271
01:31:53,588 --> 01:31:55,791
He's got a lot of
days left on his tour.
2272
01:31:56,825 --> 01:31:58,427
Are you hungry?
2273
01:31:58,460 --> 01:32:01,263
I can make you something.
Your favorite.
2274
01:32:01,296 --> 01:32:02,464
Mmm. Okay.
2275
01:32:06,368 --> 01:32:07,536
Come on.
2276
01:32:10,338 --> 01:32:11,907
Dre?
2277
01:32:11,940 --> 01:32:13,775
- For real?
- Dad?
2278
01:32:20,782 --> 01:32:22,651
- You got me a piano?
- Yeah!
2279
01:32:22,684 --> 01:32:25,387
That's you and that's yours.
I bought that.
2280
01:32:25,420 --> 01:32:26,588
Love you, Jaylin.
2281
01:32:26,621 --> 01:32:28,023
Love you too, Dad.
2282
01:32:28,056 --> 01:32:29,391
Yeah!
2283
01:32:29,424 --> 01:32:30,459
Baby...
2284
01:32:34,996 --> 01:32:36,398
Uh-huh.
2285
01:32:39,568 --> 01:32:41,536
You don't know how to do
nothing like that.
2286
01:32:52,700 --> 01:32:57,700
Subtitles by explosiveskull
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2286
01:32:58,305 --> 01:33:04,472
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