Original subtitles

Announcer: And as we know, there is a town in Finland called Fjuurn

comprised entirely of lonely people.

Recent computers have discovered a town in Vietnam Huan

whose populace is also romantically unattached.

One Fjuurnian for each single Huanian.

Compatible ages, interests, fetishes, peccadilli.

Following this finding, Fjuurn became shy.

Every citizen blushed so much, the temperature rose 9 degrees.

A soft, red glow could be seen from space.

It was from this vantage that astro-matchmakers

noticed the skyline of these two locales,

every mountain & valley, tower & well, house & hole

were a perfect, interlocking fit,

a precise inverse of one another

like a hot dog slipped snugly into a set of human buns.

Meant to be.

One night Science got drunk

and decided to force fate to happen.

They folded one over other using cranes and a finger of skylube.

[ Screaming ]

After the carnage of penetration,

each subsequent municipal pump

was hotter than that which preceded it.

[ Screaming ]

The next morning as the sun scorched off the fog of abandon,

Huan awoke alone to discover that Fjuurn

had secretly taped the whole thing.

It was all over the net.

Humiliated, Huan threw itself off the edge of the earth.

But Fjuurn was taping that, too,

so they'd always have proof of Huan's love --

something to give Fjuurn the confidence

to finally love itself.

♪♪

And yet Dr Ton Bntu extracted a lateral infarction

in the optic chiasm

so Eban Dylfyl, blind since birth,

could see the world for the first time.

Dr. Bntu: I am going to remove the bandages, Mr. Dylfyl.

Are you ready?

Eban: I can't wait!

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!

♪♪

You gotta be kidding me. That's it?

Can you see?

Yeah but I just always pictured the world was gonna be, like,

beautiful, ya know?

You need more time to get used to it...?

I don't wanna get used to this.

It's worser than trash.

Its freakin' common.

[ Spits ]

Well, maybe try nature.

Lame. Ughk.

My eyes're gonna puke.

[ Retching ]

I'm sorry, but this is the world.

Well, you need to fix it now or I'm gonna get you fired!

You'll be on the streets eating cardboard dirt!

No sauce. No beverage.

Like I ate!

Announcer: A Dr's sacred mission is to do everything in his power

to avoid losing his job.

♪♪

Aw, now this is more like it.

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa!

Wow.

Announcer: After he fingered the seam of sight,

Eban managed to escape into the realm that lives behind vision.

Eban: Wow!

Yes!

Announcer: There is no survival skill greater

than man's ability to save face.

Having true pride is never letting anyone know

they got to you.

Check out this piece of trash.

Announcer: So when Gil Minugm got tripped by a bully,

he just kept falling as if he meant to do it.

As long as he pretended to tumble,

he kept his self-respect.

He committed to his pride all thru life.

Dignity flowed from him like body water.

He slipsy-won the city marathon

and became the first man to fall up Mt. Everest.

He managed to meet and injure fun, new people.

He fell into a relationship with a girl

who he could express his pride up in every position,

from dignified doggy to respectful cowgirl.

Even butt stuff.

♪♪

Gil: Ahh...

Wasn't that a lovely ceremony?

Sometimes I think you're falling on purpose

to avoid grappling with life's real challenges.

What? No.

I just happen to be falling.

Whoa, whoops. See?

When you say that it diminishes validity

from people who are really falling, like me.

You're not reallyfalling any more than I am.

We're both just going through the motions.

Whoa, whoa!

I need to be with someone who can grab life

by the scruff of the ass.

♪♪

After their first fight, a couple can slow its faux bumble

and finally hold each other in its gaze,

forever safe, invincible.

Aah!

[ Siren wails ]

You! Are you a relative of the victim?

That, uh, gunk there is my wife.

The only way these folks survive

is if I sew them together right now.

Can you dothat?

I trained as a surgeon specializing in hybrids.

Lousy job market means

that I gotta drive a Goddamn ambulance

to make ends meet.

Do you want her to die?!

No! No!

It's just, I don't know --

Make a decision!

Grab life by the scruff of the ass!

Okay. Do it. Do it!

Good now stand back, pray, and cheer me on.

"Slab, Slab, Slab!"

They called me "Slab" in med school,

and I don't have long to tell you this story.

C'mon, motivate me!

Umm, Slab... Slab... Slab... Slab...

Slab... Slab... Slab... Slab...

So did you have lunch yet?

Um, uh, no. Slab... Slab... Slab... Slab...

Well get yerself something, menu's on the side.

Wait, this -- this ambulance is a food truck, too?

Slab... Slab... Slab... Slab...I told you -- hybrids.

Now I recommend the Chi-Loco- Lo-Mein-Vein Dragon Bowl.

They're little burritos rolled all the way into noodles!

It's a pretty fun Mexican take

on a traditional Chinese lo mein.

Isn't that a clever lil combo?

Kinda how your wife's gonna end up if she pulls through!

[ Chuckles ] Get used to combos!

I don't really have an appetite right now!

Well, family of patients get 10% off.

I don't know. [ Whispering ] Scruff of ass.

[ Normal voice ] Can ya tell me about the feelawfel?

Okay, that one is our take on the falafel, obviously.

We do it with raw onions since you're crying, anyway.

And if your loved one dies, you get to keep the cup.

So you walk away a winner no matter what happens.

I'll -- I'll do one of those.

Okay. Gotta say it through the window there.

One feel-awfel.

Okay, you're gonna want to get the grief sauce

on this, I assume.

You're gonna cook it, too?

I focus best when I'm doing two things at once.

This is the most impressive thing

I've ever witnessed.

Slab! Slab! Slab!

Order up! [ Bell dings ]

Mmm. Mmm!

Incredible!

How'd you get the edges so, uh...

Crispy on the outside?

I flash fry 'em before broiling.

Mmm! Slab! Slab! Slab!

[ Electricity crackling ]

Aaand operation done, order up!

[ Bell dinging ]

She's gonna make a full recovery.

It's kinda my fun take on saving your wife's life, that's all.

Up top!

What happened?

You were in a terrible accident.

What are you, like, eating?

It's seriously the most delicious thing I've ever had.

Here, try a bite.

I don't understand what's going on.

What's going on is I grabbed life by the scruff of that ass.

Aww!

Mmm. What smells amazing?

Mmm. Mmm!

Announcer: When something scrumptious blindsides our senses,

we can see the seam of sight speak its peace.

To warn us --

Horizon: [ Distorted voice ] Vision is violence.

What you looking at, twerp?

You a tough guy? Huh?

You a tough guy?

I don't know. Whatchu mean?

Are you a tough guy?

I mean, it's complicated.

I'm not sure I can categorize myself.

Okay, well here, let me help you figure it out.

Now, are you a tough guy?

I mean, we all have different facets to ourselves.

One part may be tough, aggressive, dominant,

while another side is introspective and hesitant.

If I'm being honest, I'm a complex amalgam of both.

OK then, I'll separate it for ya.

Now the both of yous can hash it out amongst yourselves.

Losers!

What you looking at, lil half bitch?

Nothing. I just --

[ Mocking ] Nothing, I just -- Nothing, I just -- I just --

Shut up. Gimme yer lunch money, now.

But, like, isn't it ourlunch money?

[ Slurps ]

You gonna be a little bitch, you bitch?

That's not a simple question.

You know, It'd be erroneous to adhere to one broad label

when Jungian scholars agree a personality

comprises infinite gradations of 7 archetypical traits.

Here's your 7 component archetypes right here.

Horizon: It requires great strength to analytically

octosect ourselves into sub-sets of neuroticism,

agreeableness, extroversion,

openness, conscientiousness,

warmth, and assertiveness.

[ Shouts ]

Now dat I done helped you truly know yerself fer free,

whydoncha cough up that lunch money as payment?

[ Coughs ]

I know who I am: I'm rich!

His Alpha side breezed through life,

grabbing whatever its half-heart desired.

Tragically, his beta half was forced to develop

a personality and sharpen his intellect to survive.

Announcer: Both sides grew up utterly happy and secretly miserable

because each suspected the other

was actually happy and not utterly pretending.

They developed a sick fixation upon each other.

Each side snuck to the other one's house

to creep on their other side sleeping.

Both were horrified to discover their other side not home

but probably out having real fun.

[ Screams ]

They had too much pride to get back together.

But one afternoon, when they had both moped off to brood

in a meadow, they inexplicably felt the re-connection

they had longed for.

They savored the sensation.

As long as they remained in Eban's healing gaze,

held whole in the stitch of his sight,

they felt they could do absolutely anything at all

Horizon: So that's exactly what they did.

♪♪

♪ There's blood in the kitchen

♪ There's blood in the hall

♪ There's blood in the parlor

♪ Where my lady did fall

♪ Long Lankin was hanged on a gibbet so high ♪

♪ When the false nurse was burned in a fire close by ♪