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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,617 --> 00:00:10,899 All right, I think it"s recording. 2 00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:13,119 Wait, I"m not ready yet. Just be in the moment. 3 00:00:13,143 --> 00:00:15,687 Just do what we normally do when we have sex. 4 00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,254 What do we normally do? 5 00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:18,627 We just do it. 6 00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,867 Shit, I"m sorry. Gosh! 7 00:00:21,891 --> 00:00:23,023 Should I put my hair up? 8 00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,958 Maybe we don"t have to kiss. 9 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:28,182 Ow, ow, ow. Hey, ow, ow, ow, you"re pulling my hair. 10 00:00:28,206 --> 00:00:29,788 No, the other hair. 11 00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:31,964 Okay, you"re still fucking it up. 12 00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:36,316 Jesus, God, don"t judge me. This is very vulnerable. 13 00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:38,473 Okay, we just need to find a rhythm. 14 00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:43,062 Hey... Ow, ow, hey, you"re... 15 00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,803 My head"s... Could you pull me down? 16 00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:45,891 Here, here. 17 00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:47,675 No, don"t French kiss my neck, 18 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,242 just kiss my neck. 19 00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:50,896 I don"t think that this is happening. 20 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,053 Aren"t you supposed to fake it, at least? 21 00:00:57,535 --> 00:00:58,535 Happy? 22 00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:22,683 Habits define exactly who we are. 23 00:02:22,707 --> 00:02:25,382 They exhibit our personalities, our behavior. 24 00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:29,255 Routines regulate our efficiency or inefficiency. 25 00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:31,953 One"s habits affect their perception of others 26 00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:35,633 and most importantly, their perception of themselves. 27 00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:20,437 It"s hot as balls here. 28 00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:22,506 Hmm, global warming? 29 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,182 More like just Texas, you know? 30 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,185 You think when you get married we"re still actually gonna do this? 31 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,100 Or are you gonna like spawn and join the PTA and shit? 32 00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:34,257 Oh, yeah, because that"s totally who I am. 33 00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,433 Minivan and all. 34 00:03:52,884 --> 00:03:54,949 No, but you"re a closet-normal person, for sure. 35 00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:56,037 I agree. 36 00:03:56,061 --> 00:03:58,388 P.S., Lana seems happy... Mmm. 37 00:03:58,412 --> 00:03:59,606 In pictures. 38 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,869 In a very, like, contrived way, of course. 39 00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:04,437 Other people"s happiness disturbs me. 40 00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:05,786 You"re a hopeless romantic. 41 00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,730 No, I just don"t understand what the big deal is. 42 00:04:07,754 --> 00:04:10,791 Like, the marriage thing, the baby thing. 43 00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:12,793 It"s like, not everybody's version of normal. 44 00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:15,535 Oh, please, you"re gonna end up with like five. 45 00:04:15,559 --> 00:04:17,015 How long have you known me? 46 00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:18,886 Like a hundred years. 47 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,510 And have I ever once said that I want to have a baby or a husband? 48 00:04:21,534 --> 00:04:24,624 No, but to be fair, I"m, like, drunk half the time. 49 00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:29,332 This is just that whole turning 30 drama everybody talks about. 50 00:04:29,356 --> 00:04:33,510 Just let it fall over you like a warm blanket on a cold day. 51 00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:35,686 I see your blanket, I twist it, tie it in a knot, 52 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,253 hang myself with it, 53 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,732 and then I address a note that says, 54 00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:39,931 "This is all your fault." 55 00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,258 That"s a lot. 56 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,911 Are your eyes gonna go cross like that, too? 57 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,255 I don "t know, I can" t really predict how my eyes will be. 58 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:47,639 But I"ll definitely stare you down. 59 00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,867 Zoe, are you serious? 60 00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:29,174 Oh, hey, Jay, good morning. 61 00:05:29,198 --> 00:05:30,915 You"re practically naked out here. 62 00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:33,004 I got kids inside. You get that, right? 63 00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:35,920 You know what? I can, like, get a curtain from IKEA or something. 64 00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,356 Zoe, as your landlord... 65 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,445 Whoa, actually, I own my house. 66 00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:41,491 So, you"re not my landlord. 67 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:44,015 Yeah, and I own the ground that it"s parked on. 68 00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:45,973 I own this whole lawn. 69 00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:48,411 But who really owns the ground? 70 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:51,327 You are two weeks behind on rent this month. 71 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,806 I"m so sorry. 72 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:56,070 I need you to pay me to use this ground. 73 00:05:56,094 --> 00:05:59,030 Hey, Jay, you know I can hear the words you"re saying. 74 00:05:59,054 --> 00:06:01,206 You don"t also have to act them out with your hands. 75 00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,469 Excuse me if my expressions are intimidating. 76 00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,341 Because I need you to pay me. 77 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,085 Yeah, sure, we can talk about this tomorrow. 78 00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:08,522 You know what? I"m actually running a little late 79 00:06:08,546 --> 00:06:10,607 to a wedding, so... You can pay me tomorrow. 80 00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:12,783 You can hand me an envelope of money tomorrow, 81 00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:16,134 or you can find a new place to park your tiny home, okay? 82 00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,377 Cool, great. 83 00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,162 Wait, does it have to be cash? 84 00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,549 This... 85 00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:41,377 Could not have happened to a nicer couple. 86 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,074 No, actually, it totally could have. 87 00:06:43,098 --> 00:06:44,597 "Really goin" for it. 88 00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:46,382 This is like pornographic. 89 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,209 Oh, Lana, is this it. Is this it? 90 00:06:48,233 --> 00:06:50,671 Oh, Peter. Should I get my head lamp on? 91 00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:54,172 Did she just cum? I think the mom did. 92 00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:55,565 Great job! 93 00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:57,175 I just missed it. 94 00:06:57,199 --> 00:07:01,309 All right, thank you to every one for being here on our big day. 95 00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,834 We really appreciate all of you. 96 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:07,838 But now I"m gonna need all the single ladies! 97 00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:11,015 Get up here! 98 00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:14,148 Yeah, and it"s you. 99 00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:16,586 You"re single, Sarah, by the way. Now, you go up. 100 00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:18,570 Yeah, but after what happened at the last wedding, 101 00:07:18,594 --> 00:07:20,503 I"m just tryin' to mind my P"s and Q's. 102 00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,722 Uh-oh, I see you. 103 00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:25,682 I see some single ladies hiding out in the back there! 104 00:07:25,706 --> 00:07:27,118 Zoe... 105 00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:29,884 I know you"re single! 106 00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:34,734 Zoe! Zoe! Zoe! 107 00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:37,631 Zoe. Come on up! 108 00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,047 Get up here! 109 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,396 "I fucking" hate myself. 110 00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:48,052 If anyone gets in your way, duck and hit. 111 00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,924 Last wedding, I got arrested because I hit somebody, 112 00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:52,341 I didn"t duck. 113 00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:55,866 All right, let"s do this! 114 00:07:56,650 --> 00:08:00,088 One, two, three. 115 00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,208 Shit! 116 00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:04,911 No. Hold up. 117 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:06,347 We scheduled this. 118 00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,306 It"s on the joint calendar. 119 00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,395 Okay, well, you know. 120 00:09:10,419 --> 00:09:13,311 Same time next week, that bell goes off, I"m all yours. 121 00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:15,139 You said that last week. 122 00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:17,141 It"s been like three months. 123 00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:18,969 Oh, God, okay, fine. 124 00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,187 But can you be quick? 125 00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:21,491 I have a meeting in the morning. 126 00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,127 Oh, my God! 127 00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:48,825 The condo"s going up next door! 128 00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:52,306 I have reported them multiple times for working after 9:00... 129 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,787 Just forget about it. 130 00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:57,224 Zone out. 131 00:09:57,248 --> 00:09:58,728 All we need is right here. 132 00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,296 Okay. Okay. 133 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,015 I"m zoning out. 134 00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,257 Zone it out. 135 00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:11,543 I swear if one more artisanal cupcake shop goes on our block, 136 00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:14,154 I"m gonna lose my goddamn mind. 137 00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:15,527 I"m... 138 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:20,054 I"m sorry, I can't. I just... I can"t. 139 00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:23,971 Maybe you should have an affair. 140 00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:38,352 Reaganomics, higher taxes, school prayer. 141 00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:41,529 Is this the 2000 Convention? Yep. 142 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:43,357 Where did you get this on Blu 143 00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:47,603 YouTube, and then I had my IT guy at work burn it for you. 144 00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:58,266 Honey, just let me see this one part. 145 00:11:09,451 --> 00:11:11,995 You know, Lana told me that you don"t have a lot of customers. 146 00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:14,693 So I just want to support another business. 147 00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:18,436 Oh, well, that was nice of her, I guess. 148 00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:21,526 I actually own Forbidden Fruit down the street. 149 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,049 Oh, the sex shop. 150 00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:24,877 Adult marketplace. Oh. 151 00:11:24,901 --> 00:11:28,272 People have told me they never quite seen anything like my vagina 152 00:11:28,296 --> 00:11:31,516 and I choose to take that as a compliment. 153 00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,583 Whoo, I lost my visor on that one! 154 00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:38,108 That was a good one. Very satisfying. 155 00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:40,458 Oh, yeah, you feel good? Yeah. 156 00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:44,244 I"m just in that state of mind where I"m like, full bush! 157 00:11:44,268 --> 00:11:45,942 I go out in my bathing suit like, 158 00:11:45,966 --> 00:11:48,858 I"ve had a couple children point at it and say, 159 00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:50,642 "What"s that, Mom?" 160 00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,862 Oh, my God! 161 00:11:52,886 --> 00:11:56,237 I think I"m dying. My pussy is on fire! 162 00:11:57,542 --> 00:12:00,347 I am gonna titty punch you! Okay. 163 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:03,133 Zoe, do you want to just come over here 164 00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:04,985 and hold me for a second? 165 00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:08,268 Ms. Crandle, I"m so sorry. 166 00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:10,270 But we"re gonna have to reject your application 167 00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:12,403 for a small-business loan today. 168 00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,839 Darn. But I can offer you 169 00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:16,189 one of these fantastic drink koozies. 170 00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:17,538 Compliments of the bank. 171 00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,193 Oh, great, yes. Because the drink koozy 172 00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:22,369 is really gonna take the edge off the complete 173 00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:23,849 and total destruction of my life. 174 00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,633 Maybe you can try someplace else? 175 00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:28,201 Maybe you have some friends or family? 176 00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:30,271 What about your parents? 177 00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:20,688 If he"s cheating on me, I need to step my game up. 178 00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:22,647 I have been watching only PornTube, 179 00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,736 like, literally all the time. 180 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,477 Oh, I really like PornTube, you know? 181 00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:28,740 There"s something very Warhol about it. 182 00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:30,133 Yeah, right? 183 00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:33,353 I mean, a babysitter anal series is like super artsy. 184 00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:37,793 Okay, Claire, why don"t you just end it? 185 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:40,491 Okay, I found someone. 186 00:13:40,515 --> 00:13:42,319 Someone who"s great on paper 187 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:44,408 and looks good next to me in pictures. 188 00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:47,043 Someone who wants to marry me even though I"m, you know, 189 00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,762 me and everything. 190 00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,919 Right? When you love someone, you fight for it. 191 00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:56,009 Even if it feels wrong. 192 00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:04,645 It"s beautiful, right? 193 00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:08,258 I mean, it will be when we put it on a dimmer. 194 00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:09,868 Are we looking at the same thing here? 195 00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,565 Don"t do this. 196 00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:14,133 Jane, I can"t even walk under it. 197 00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,832 I"m gonna smash into this thing one day. 198 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:20,313 This thing is set up for me to lose. 199 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:23,316 Have you noticed that it"s getting harder and harder 200 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:25,212 to walk around our house? 201 00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:28,495 Yeah, well, have you noticed, 202 00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:31,150 since we"re, you know, spit-balling here, 203 00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,457 that the towels in the bathroom are always a mess? 204 00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,894 No. You have a towel thing. 205 00:14:35,918 --> 00:14:38,375 I have a towel thing? Yes, you have a towel thing. 206 00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:40,768 The hand towels are always askew 207 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,403 and it drives me up a fucking wall. 208 00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:43,752 Okay. 209 00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:49,734 Okay, no more askew towels, got it. 210 00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:52,911 Have you given any thought to what I said the other night? 211 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,696 What? Having an affair. 212 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,394 No. 213 00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:58,699 Maybe I"m not joking. 214 00:14:58,723 --> 00:14:59,918 People do that, right? 215 00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:03,095 They open up the marriage to save it? 216 00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:05,315 I don"t know, maybe we could be those people. 217 00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:07,839 Yeah, I don"t wanna be those kind of people. 218 00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:12,650 I wanna be the kind of person that"s just for you. 219 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,176 Mmm. 220 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,442 Oh, my God! 221 00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,430 Don "t fuck him, he" s a client. 222 00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:31,702 ZOE: Do you want any help with that? 223 00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,942 No, I think I got it. 224 00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:37,293 Just let me know if it"s even. 225 00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:41,036 It"s even just pull it tight, much tighter. 226 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,428 The weather in Texas changes a lot. 227 00:17:42,452 --> 00:17:44,343 You don"t want anybody to miss this. 228 00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:45,412 How"s that? 229 00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,503 Ah, perfect. 230 00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,375 It"s a little on the nose. 231 00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:56,964 Yeah, I was going for simple and sad. 232 00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,268 Oh, well, I think you nailed it. 233 00:17:58,292 --> 00:17:59,445 Yeah, I feel good about it. 234 00:17:59,469 --> 00:18:02,187 You want to come in? 235 00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:04,581 I mean, if you"re open. 236 00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:05,997 We"re open now. 237 00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,890 I can"t believe this place is closing. 238 00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:11,718 You know, I love Paul"s Picks? 239 00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:15,374 Paul does have exquisite taste. 240 00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:17,420 You"re Paul, aren't you? Paul, nice to meet you. 241 00:18:17,444 --> 00:18:19,663 Hi, I"m Zoe. Hi, Zoe. 242 00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:24,035 So are these alphabetized or... 243 00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:25,993 I sort of have my own system going. 244 00:18:26,017 --> 00:18:28,300 I"ve seen pretty much every film here. 245 00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:30,346 So it forces people to ask me questions. 246 00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,285 Which is nice, because I get a little lonely. 247 00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:35,786 Well, not to sound like a stalker. 248 00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:38,136 But I saw you all alone 249 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,660 at Lana"s super boring wedding. 250 00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:43,446 Yeah, I was with my wife. 251 00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:48,581 She was in the Delta Gamma thing with her. 252 00:18:48,605 --> 00:18:49,887 Were you in that? 253 00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:52,194 No, no, I"m not a joiner. 254 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,761 I majored in ass-sitting college, 255 00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,286 and by college, I mean, I did not go. 256 00:18:57,310 --> 00:19:00,593 Hmm. I did. Majored in philosophy. 257 00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:03,770 Hmm. And now I have all of this. 258 00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:05,250 For not that much longer. 259 00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:06,904 Hey, don"t be so hard on yourself. 260 00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:08,514 It"s not your fault, it"s the economy 261 00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,777 and you know all that crap I fall asleep to 262 00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:13,867 while listening to CNN. Mmm. 263 00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:16,348 Well, I got a few more months on my lease. 264 00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,308 I figure, why not revel in my failure? 265 00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:22,789 That"s a good plan, Paul. 266 00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:24,922 I do that, like, all the time. 267 00:19:24,946 --> 00:19:26,252 So, welcome to the club. 268 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:28,795 Thanks. 269 00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:31,494 I own the waxing business across the street. 270 00:19:31,518 --> 00:19:34,149 So if you ever need any detail work on your bikini line... 271 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,063 Yeah, I might take you up on that. 272 00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,369 Cool. It"s a mess down there. 273 00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:40,807 Well, it was nice to meet you, Paul. 274 00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:43,462 You, too, Zoe. So, I"ll see you later. 275 00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:46,596 Fuck, who put that there? 276 00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,622 I did. There. 277 00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,059 Bye, Zoe. 278 00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:54,584 Bye, Paul. 279 00:20:03,854 --> 00:20:05,963 So how do you know that Jim"s gonna be here? 280 00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:08,705 I"ve traced all of his credit card receipts back to this place, 281 00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:10,315 he"s here every Tuesday at noon. 282 00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:13,057 You"re such a psychopath. Whatever. 283 00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:14,754 Oh, my God. I see him, I see him, 284 00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:17,148 Oh, my God, was he with anyone? I don"t know, I panicked. 285 00:20:17,172 --> 00:20:18,671 We need to get closer. 286 00:20:18,695 --> 00:20:20,238 You know some people go to lunch just to have lunch? 287 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,382 Well, we"re not some people and I need you to walk by. 288 00:20:22,406 --> 00:20:23,720 I don"t want to. 289 00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,833 Zoe, I need you to walk by. 290 00:20:43,024 --> 00:20:44,610 To-go containers. 291 00:20:44,634 --> 00:20:45,722 You ready to go? 292 00:20:46,309 --> 00:20:47,309 Wanna get a drink? 293 00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,919 It"s noon, I have to work. 294 00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:49,943 So? 295 00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:56,231 He"s not cheating on me, right? 296 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,668 No. No, right? 297 00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:00,235 No way. 298 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,976 I mean, there aren"t even enough hours in the day. 299 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,109 Yeah, who has the time for that? 300 00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:06,937 You know what I realized? 301 00:21:06,961 --> 00:21:08,808 I want to find a soulmate. 302 00:21:08,832 --> 00:21:10,897 But my house is only big enough for one person. 303 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:13,509 Hmm. Unless they get on top of me. 304 00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:16,076 So then, I guess, like, you can fit more people in there 305 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:17,600 if somebody gets on top of them. 306 00:21:17,624 --> 00:21:20,037 And you could just, like, keep stacking people. 307 00:21:20,061 --> 00:21:22,692 So, the ceiling"s the limit. 308 00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:26,173 Unless you built a sunroof. Yeah. 309 00:21:26,197 --> 00:21:29,699 Okay, so he"s definitely not cheating on me, right? 310 00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:31,048 I have nothing to worry about. 311 00:21:31,072 --> 00:21:33,833 Not a thing to worry about. 312 00:21:33,857 --> 00:21:35,772 Definitely not. Uh-uh. 313 00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:40,342 I mean, unless he is. 314 00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:44,322 So, we"re seriously doing this? 315 00:21:44,346 --> 00:21:46,150 We"re going through your fiance"s trash 316 00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:47,456 in the middle of the night? 317 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,022 Okay, when a man enters you, 318 00:21:49,046 --> 00:21:51,373 you have a right to his garbage. 319 00:21:51,397 --> 00:21:53,157 You know what? I"m going in. 320 00:21:53,181 --> 00:21:54,811 What? No. 321 00:21:54,835 --> 00:21:56,856 No, that"s breaking and entering. 322 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:58,989 I"m not breaking, I"m just entering. 323 00:21:59,013 --> 00:22:00,928 Wait, Claire! 324 00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:05,387 Claire! 325 00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:06,411 Claire! 326 00:22:11,634 --> 00:22:13,569 Why are we searching the kitchen? 327 00:22:13,593 --> 00:22:16,422 Because it is the last place anyone would think to look. 328 00:22:17,858 --> 00:22:20,097 I don"t know, clean people don"t cheat. 329 00:22:20,121 --> 00:22:21,751 His maid comes twice a week. 330 00:22:21,775 --> 00:22:24,580 Maybe he"s fucking her. 331 00:22:24,604 --> 00:22:25,844 Hey, that"d be kinda brilliant. 332 00:22:25,868 --> 00:22:27,626 She could just clean up afterward. 333 00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:29,348 Ugh, that"s not funny. 334 00:22:31,959 --> 00:22:33,806 Wait, are you sniffing his clothes? 335 00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:36,722 Well, if I don"t sniff for vanilla musk and scan for body glitter, 336 00:22:36,746 --> 00:22:39,116 how do I know if he"s been to a strip club? 337 00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,750 I"ll allow it. Thank you. 338 00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:49,542 Oh, things just got weird. 339 00:22:51,718 --> 00:22:53,913 Oh, my God, Zoe, take off the mask. 340 00:22:53,937 --> 00:22:56,176 Zoe, take off the mask! 341 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,333 Zoe, take off the fucking mask! 342 00:22:59,508 --> 00:23:00,944 Oh, my God. 343 00:23:01,684 --> 00:23:02,772 Oh. 344 00:23:14,349 --> 00:23:16,264 All right, Nate. Nate, stop. 345 00:23:16,873 --> 00:23:19,243 Stop. Stay. 346 00:23:19,267 --> 00:23:21,724 Look, buddy, it would be so awesome 347 00:23:21,748 --> 00:23:24,030 if you would just stop the dog thing. 348 00:23:24,054 --> 00:23:26,032 Because you"re not a dog, Nathan. 349 00:23:26,056 --> 00:23:28,624 You"re a kid, and you"re a great kid. 350 00:23:29,364 --> 00:23:30,713 So, what do you say? 351 00:23:32,715 --> 00:23:35,675 Stand up and walk on your own two feet? 352 00:23:39,069 --> 00:23:40,525 He bit me, dude. 353 00:23:40,549 --> 00:23:42,159 I know, but he"s so cute. 354 00:23:43,204 --> 00:23:44,703 We make awesome kids. 355 00:23:44,727 --> 00:23:46,773 I mean, they"re weird as shit, but awesome. 356 00:23:48,992 --> 00:23:51,101 So, listen, I was thinking... 357 00:23:51,125 --> 00:23:53,867 The affair thing, is that still a go? 358 00:23:56,696 --> 00:23:58,088 Yeah, totally. 359 00:24:00,569 --> 00:24:02,489 Should I let you know when... No, I don"t want to 360 00:24:02,513 --> 00:24:03,766 hear details or anything. 361 00:24:03,790 --> 00:24:04,790 Cool. 362 00:24:07,794 --> 00:24:09,206 Hey, guys... 363 00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:11,110 Not in the street. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 364 00:24:11,134 --> 00:24:12,165 Get your brother. 365 00:24:12,189 --> 00:24:13,558 Just stop him. 366 00:24:13,582 --> 00:24:15,062 Come here. Come here, boy. 367 00:24:25,986 --> 00:24:27,442 Whoa, wax your bush. 368 00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:28,660 Wax your bush. 369 00:24:28,684 --> 00:24:30,084 Try out the wax studio, right there. 370 00:24:30,108 --> 00:24:31,968 Hello, your wife looks like she needs a wax. 371 00:24:31,992 --> 00:24:33,839 Sir, sir, sorry. 372 00:24:33,863 --> 00:24:35,014 It"s a little... 373 00:24:35,038 --> 00:24:36,320 You wanna wax your bush? 374 00:24:36,344 --> 00:24:37,887 Wax your bush. 375 00:24:37,911 --> 00:24:38,931 Wax your bush. 376 00:24:38,955 --> 00:24:40,106 Wax your bush. Thank you. 377 00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:41,697 Wait, hey! 378 00:24:44,178 --> 00:24:45,677 Hey, Zoe. 379 00:24:45,701 --> 00:24:47,861 Hey this is not working. I am fucked right now, Claire. 380 00:24:47,885 --> 00:24:48,854 What"s up? 381 00:24:48,878 --> 00:24:50,247 I"m just scaring people away. 382 00:24:50,271 --> 00:24:51,901 Nobody gets the double entendre. 383 00:24:51,925 --> 00:24:55,818 Oh, you just said "double entendre" and now I am worried. 384 00:24:55,842 --> 00:24:58,951 Just pour yourself a vodka soda and know that 385 00:24:58,975 --> 00:25:01,737 if you build it, they"ll come. 386 00:25:01,761 --> 00:25:02,892 They should. 387 00:25:07,288 --> 00:25:08,439 Hey. 388 00:25:08,463 --> 00:25:09,463 Hey. 389 00:25:09,812 --> 00:25:11,442 Oh, hey. 390 00:25:11,466 --> 00:25:12,815 Nice double entendre. 391 00:25:13,686 --> 00:25:15,272 Thank you. 392 00:25:15,296 --> 00:25:16,926 You doing okay? You look a little... 393 00:25:16,950 --> 00:25:17,927 Yeah, no, I"m good. 394 00:25:17,951 --> 00:25:20,364 I"m really... Really good. 395 00:25:20,388 --> 00:25:22,235 Yeah. Why, do I not look okay? 396 00:25:22,259 --> 00:25:23,889 No, you look hot. 397 00:25:23,913 --> 00:25:25,175 Double entendre. 398 00:25:27,308 --> 00:25:28,590 What are you doing right now? 399 00:25:28,614 --> 00:25:31,244 Oh, you know, I"m... 400 00:25:31,268 --> 00:25:33,725 Just probably gonna jump off a bridge or something. 401 00:25:33,749 --> 00:25:36,336 Yeah, you gotta get outta politics, it"s killing you. 402 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:38,754 Come on. 403 00:25:52,246 --> 00:25:54,901 Can I buy you a drink? 404 00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:59,664 Um, nope, I have a drink already. 405 00:25:59,688 --> 00:26:01,361 What is your name? 406 00:26:01,385 --> 00:26:02,493 Are we allowed to do names? 407 00:26:02,517 --> 00:26:03,797 I thought we weren"t doing names. 408 00:26:03,821 --> 00:26:07,106 You can make one up, if you"d like. 409 00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:09,848 Oh, okay. Um... 410 00:26:09,872 --> 00:26:12,658 Great, I didn"t really give that any advanced thought. 411 00:26:13,963 --> 00:26:16,028 Um, Allison. 412 00:26:16,052 --> 00:26:18,228 No, I hate Allison, she is a total... 413 00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:21,188 Melania. 414 00:26:22,624 --> 00:26:25,777 That is also equally vile. 415 00:26:25,801 --> 00:26:26,846 Um... 416 00:26:27,934 --> 00:26:29,651 Lola? 417 00:26:29,675 --> 00:26:32,001 That"s cute... No, that"s trying too hard, isn"t it? 418 00:26:32,025 --> 00:26:33,069 Nice to meet you, Lola. 419 00:26:35,419 --> 00:26:37,615 Wow, you"re really getting into that hand, aren"t you? 420 00:26:37,639 --> 00:26:39,095 No, no, no. 421 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,817 Uh, sorry, I"m just not into... 422 00:26:42,688 --> 00:26:44,515 Public displays of affection. 423 00:26:47,170 --> 00:26:49,322 So, how do we... How do we do this? 424 00:26:49,346 --> 00:26:51,218 You tell me what you like. 425 00:26:53,220 --> 00:26:56,199 Okay. Um... 426 00:26:56,223 --> 00:27:01,010 Well, I like C-SPAN, I like to workout, 427 00:27:02,708 --> 00:27:04,555 I like watching people hoard on TV. 428 00:27:04,579 --> 00:27:06,625 Okay, how "bout I figure this out?" 429 00:27:10,846 --> 00:27:11,846 Um... 430 00:27:14,110 --> 00:27:15,435 You don"t... 431 00:27:15,459 --> 00:27:17,723 You don"t have any cold sores, do you? 432 00:27:18,332 --> 00:27:19,463 No. 433 00:27:20,073 --> 00:27:21,659 Okay. 434 00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:25,097 It"s just that like, 85% of the population has herpes. 435 00:27:25,121 --> 00:27:27,447 So it"s a valid question. 436 00:27:27,471 --> 00:27:30,605 Um, I would really prefer not to take off my clothes. 437 00:27:31,911 --> 00:27:33,782 Okay. 438 00:27:37,090 --> 00:27:40,528 I "m sorry, I" ve never been with anyone besides my husband. 439 00:27:52,148 --> 00:27:56,128 I just thought I might take you to a movie, 440 00:27:56,152 --> 00:27:57,434 if that"s all right. 441 00:27:57,458 --> 00:27:58,827 What do you think? 442 00:27:58,851 --> 00:28:01,525 Wow, did you set this all up yourself? 443 00:28:01,549 --> 00:28:03,701 Yeah, I"m not so great at sleeping. 444 00:28:03,725 --> 00:28:05,877 So I just come up here and hang out. 445 00:28:05,901 --> 00:28:07,792 It"s like I have my own personal drive-in. 446 00:28:07,816 --> 00:28:10,969 Yeah, at night I stay up making mixed CDs. 447 00:28:10,993 --> 00:28:13,033 I mean, I guess they"re called playlists now, but... 448 00:28:13,057 --> 00:28:14,581 Dude, you do realize that mixed CDs 449 00:28:14,605 --> 00:28:16,105 are like a lost art form, right? 450 00:28:16,129 --> 00:28:17,280 Yeah. 451 00:28:17,304 --> 00:28:19,238 Yeah, every girl I liked in high school 452 00:28:19,262 --> 00:28:21,327 would get these, like, heart-wrenching, 453 00:28:21,351 --> 00:28:23,765 80s hair band, power ballad mixes. 454 00:28:23,789 --> 00:28:26,376 Oh, no, Paul, you"re a hair band guy? 455 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,639 Sorry, yes. 456 00:28:28,663 --> 00:28:32,512 That is both very lame and kinda, sorta awesome. 457 00:28:32,536 --> 00:28:33,862 Thank you. 458 00:28:33,886 --> 00:28:38,064 Wow, I sleep up here more than I care to admit. 459 00:28:41,676 --> 00:28:43,785 Can I ask you something? 460 00:28:43,809 --> 00:28:46,570 Whoo, I hate questions that start with that. 461 00:28:46,594 --> 00:28:48,006 But, sure. 462 00:28:48,030 --> 00:28:51,488 Why were you alone in your car at the wedding? 463 00:28:51,512 --> 00:28:52,619 You know, when I... 464 00:28:52,643 --> 00:28:54,186 Got high and lit yourself on fire? 465 00:28:54,210 --> 00:28:56,493 Okay, we don"t need a play-by-play. 466 00:28:56,517 --> 00:28:59,433 I was, you know... 467 00:29:00,695 --> 00:29:02,586 I was giving my wife some space. 468 00:29:02,610 --> 00:29:05,937 Pretty sure she can"t stand to be around me. 469 00:29:05,961 --> 00:29:07,417 We"re hardly ever having sex. 470 00:29:07,441 --> 00:29:09,462 And when we do, it takes way too long. 471 00:29:09,486 --> 00:29:11,638 It"s kinda like that wedding scene in The Deer Hunter. 472 00:29:11,662 --> 00:29:14,816 My every day is like the wedding scene in The Deer Hunter. 473 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,993 I started listening to 7 Habits of Highly Effective People 474 00:29:18,017 --> 00:29:20,735 on audio tape and it turns out, I have none of them. 475 00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:22,824 Yeah, it took Jane"s parents bailing me out 476 00:29:22,848 --> 00:29:24,260 for, like, the hundredth time 477 00:29:24,284 --> 00:29:26,262 before I came to that conclusion. 478 00:29:26,286 --> 00:29:28,743 Well, my parents have been dead for 13 years. 479 00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:31,528 So I can"t exactly bother them for cash. 480 00:29:31,552 --> 00:29:34,183 They didn"t leave you some huge trust fund or anything? 481 00:29:34,207 --> 00:29:35,967 A trust fund 482 00:29:35,991 --> 00:29:36,968 I don"t know. 483 00:29:36,992 --> 00:29:38,274 No, my parents were basically 484 00:29:38,298 --> 00:29:40,798 like the Bonnie and Clyde of tax evasion. 485 00:29:40,822 --> 00:29:42,539 They opened up a bunch of credit cards in my name, 486 00:29:42,563 --> 00:29:43,845 left me with all this debt. 487 00:29:43,869 --> 00:29:45,194 So yeah, they raised me but then 488 00:29:45,218 --> 00:29:46,543 somebody else sent me the bill. 489 00:29:46,567 --> 00:29:48,414 Well, how"d you then open up a business 490 00:29:48,438 --> 00:29:49,459 and land on your feet? 491 00:29:49,483 --> 00:29:50,677 I worked a ton of jobs, 492 00:29:50,701 --> 00:29:52,767 I served a thousand beers at Beer Land, 493 00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:54,725 worked the door at Mohawk, 494 00:29:54,749 --> 00:29:57,206 temped, parked cars at a rodeo. 495 00:29:57,230 --> 00:30:00,122 I actually was the cashier at the salon 496 00:30:00,146 --> 00:30:01,386 and then they were closing down 497 00:30:01,410 --> 00:30:04,387 and I got my license, took over the lease, 498 00:30:04,411 --> 00:30:06,065 paid for itself for a while. 499 00:30:08,502 --> 00:30:10,045 What? 500 00:30:10,069 --> 00:30:13,681 I just... I find you fascinating. 501 00:30:15,814 --> 00:30:18,555 That"s a word. 502 00:30:19,426 --> 00:30:21,645 That is the F-word. 503 00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:27,695 It must be horrible to lose this. 504 00:30:29,349 --> 00:30:31,631 Yeah. 505 00:30:31,655 --> 00:30:34,093 It"ll probably be a condo by the end of the month. 506 00:30:38,184 --> 00:30:40,839 You ready? Yeah. 507 00:30:55,201 --> 00:30:57,246 Hi. 508 00:31:03,818 --> 00:31:06,516 No. 509 00:31:29,365 --> 00:31:30,734 Zoe? Yeah? 510 00:31:30,758 --> 00:31:32,736 Zoe! Oh, hi! 511 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,392 Hi, I"m so happy you came! 512 00:31:36,416 --> 00:31:37,393 Of course. 513 00:31:37,417 --> 00:31:39,177 I have something for you. 514 00:31:39,201 --> 00:31:40,744 For me? Look! 515 00:31:40,768 --> 00:31:43,834 Oh, great! Do you want to feel him kick? 516 00:31:43,858 --> 00:31:45,531 No. Come on. 517 00:31:45,555 --> 00:31:47,098 It is a joy. No. 518 00:31:47,122 --> 00:31:49,100 To feel him kick, I must say. 519 00:31:49,124 --> 00:31:51,146 No, no, I do not. 520 00:31:51,170 --> 00:31:52,147 No? I do not... 521 00:31:52,171 --> 00:31:55,324 Want to feel the kick. 522 00:31:55,348 --> 00:31:59,415 Fine, maybe we can put your present over here 523 00:31:59,439 --> 00:32:02,722 along with the non-registry gifts. 524 00:32:02,746 --> 00:32:06,465 It"s okay, all the single people bring baskets. 525 00:32:06,489 --> 00:32:07,902 Oh, Zoe! Hi! 526 00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:09,840 Brought you a juice. Oh, thank you. 527 00:32:10,667 --> 00:32:11,775 Where"s the bar? 528 00:32:11,799 --> 00:32:14,299 Oh, there"s a juice bar over there 529 00:32:14,323 --> 00:32:16,258 and an oxygen bar in the back. 530 00:32:16,282 --> 00:32:17,922 I don"t wanna take too much because I have 531 00:32:17,946 --> 00:32:21,350 a roller derby match tonight, and it"s my first one. 532 00:32:21,374 --> 00:32:22,694 I"m trying to come up with a name. 533 00:32:22,718 --> 00:32:25,006 I was like, the Penetrator, you know. 534 00:32:25,030 --> 00:32:27,486 Or like, Nipple Clamper LANA: Oh, no, I don"t like that one. 535 00:32:27,510 --> 00:32:29,053 I want something aggressive. 536 00:32:29,077 --> 00:32:30,968 So there"s no alcohol? No alcohol? 537 00:32:30,992 --> 00:32:33,623 No, Zoe, it"s 11:30 in the morning. 538 00:32:33,647 --> 00:32:36,147 Well, it"s past 10:00, you know, all bets are off. 539 00:32:36,171 --> 00:32:39,629 You ever had a carbon monoxide shot? 540 00:32:39,653 --> 00:32:42,458 You should go in the garage and turn the car on. 541 00:32:42,482 --> 00:32:44,199 What? Yeah, all the kids are doing it, 542 00:32:44,223 --> 00:32:46,183 don"t stay in there too long "cause you could die. 543 00:32:46,207 --> 00:32:49,682 But just turn the car on for like, 30 seconds. 544 00:32:49,706 --> 00:32:53,121 It"s the same effect as alcohol. 545 00:32:53,145 --> 00:32:55,079 Anyway, this is a great party. 546 00:32:55,103 --> 00:32:57,081 I love kids. 547 00:32:57,105 --> 00:32:58,953 All right, we"ll see you at the oxygen bar. 548 00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:00,824 I"ll see you at the... 549 00:33:00,848 --> 00:33:03,448 I actually will just breathe the air that"s right here, thank you. 550 00:33:06,723 --> 00:33:08,638 Don"t judge me, little kids. 551 00:33:15,689 --> 00:33:18,494 Well, hello, friend. Hello. 552 00:33:18,518 --> 00:33:21,497 Somebody that I know, that is older than five. 553 00:33:21,521 --> 00:33:23,455 Hi! Hi. 554 00:33:23,479 --> 00:33:26,154 So what were you up to before this horrific 555 00:33:26,178 --> 00:33:28,547 shoot-myself-in-the-face baby shower? 556 00:33:28,571 --> 00:33:30,245 Ah, I was doing very exciting things. 557 00:33:30,269 --> 00:33:33,074 I was blowing up balloons, I was unstacking chairs. 558 00:33:33,098 --> 00:33:34,553 Hard labor, basically. 559 00:33:34,577 --> 00:33:35,815 Sounds like a blast. 560 00:33:35,839 --> 00:33:37,687 You have kids? Nah. 561 00:33:37,711 --> 00:33:39,210 Oh. Do I look like I have kids? 562 00:33:39,234 --> 00:33:41,062 No. Okay. 563 00:33:41,889 --> 00:33:42,997 Guess what? Hmm? 564 00:33:43,021 --> 00:33:45,066 Your son is biting party guests. 565 00:33:46,111 --> 00:33:47,914 Our son thinks he"s a dog. 566 00:33:47,938 --> 00:33:49,264 It"s a phase. 567 00:33:49,288 --> 00:33:50,376 It"s a phase. 568 00:33:52,682 --> 00:33:55,096 Be right back. Thank you. 569 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:58,099 It"s actually a totally normal, developmental stage. 570 00:33:58,123 --> 00:33:59,578 Oh, sure, yeah. It actually means 571 00:33:59,602 --> 00:34:01,276 he has an above-average imagination. 572 00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:02,712 So, maybe he"ll be an artist. 573 00:34:02,736 --> 00:34:03,930 I hope not. 574 00:34:03,954 --> 00:34:06,542 Well, I bark at like half my dates. 575 00:34:06,566 --> 00:34:10,372 So, I totally understand. 576 00:34:10,396 --> 00:34:13,070 Yeah, don"t have kids, that"s my tip for you. 577 00:34:13,094 --> 00:34:14,356 Way ahead of you. 578 00:34:15,096 --> 00:34:16,619 God, I hate myself. 579 00:34:19,970 --> 00:34:21,015 Hello. 580 00:34:22,756 --> 00:34:24,410 What's you all nameses? 581 00:34:26,151 --> 00:34:28,694 I see how this is going. 582 00:34:28,718 --> 00:34:31,045 You know the first boy that ever broke my heart had red hair. 583 00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:33,177 He ended up cutting off a lock of his hair and mailing it to me. 584 00:34:33,201 --> 00:34:34,841 I still have it in this trunk at my house. 585 00:34:34,865 --> 00:34:36,093 I wonder what he"s doing? 586 00:34:36,117 --> 00:34:37,616 Do you guys have Facebook? 587 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:38,920 So which one of you do you think 588 00:34:38,944 --> 00:34:40,380 will lose your virginity first? 589 00:34:41,731 --> 00:34:42,993 It"s a fair question. 590 00:34:44,691 --> 00:34:45,842 June, Cam... 591 00:34:45,866 --> 00:34:48,366 Sorry, Cameron, June, this is Zoe. 592 00:34:48,390 --> 00:34:50,262 Zoe, these are my girls. 593 00:34:50,958 --> 00:34:52,936 You have three kids. 594 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,222 That I do, Zoe. 595 00:34:55,049 --> 00:34:57,486 That I do. 596 00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:08,236 What"s your name again? Sam. 597 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:19,093 I want to welcome everybody to Oral 101. 598 00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:23,009 I am Sarah-Beth and I suck! 599 00:35:23,033 --> 00:35:25,186 Seriously, Claire? 600 00:35:25,210 --> 00:35:27,013 What, I saw it on Groupon. 601 00:35:27,037 --> 00:35:29,668 You bought a dick-sucking class on Groupon? 602 00:35:29,692 --> 00:35:33,281 So today you"re gonna learn how to GBB, 603 00:35:33,305 --> 00:35:35,848 Give Better Blowjobs. 604 00:35:35,872 --> 00:35:37,312 You told me that this was going to be 605 00:35:37,336 --> 00:35:39,591 a cooking exhibition to make homemade Pop-Tarts. 606 00:35:39,615 --> 00:35:42,531 Surprise! Fuck you. 607 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,772 He won"t. What? 608 00:35:46,796 --> 00:35:47,904 Fuck me. 609 00:35:47,928 --> 00:35:52,561 And it is actually an amazing exfoliant. 610 00:35:52,585 --> 00:35:55,085 My fiance won"t have sex with me 611 00:35:55,109 --> 00:35:57,609 unless I have Bush on my face. 612 00:35:57,633 --> 00:35:59,655 That"s what the masks were for? 613 00:35:59,679 --> 00:36:02,397 And just put it on your face like this 614 00:36:02,421 --> 00:36:07,010 and I swear your face has never been softer. 615 00:36:07,034 --> 00:36:10,013 So when you have the penis in your mouth, 616 00:36:10,037 --> 00:36:11,754 you wanna treat it like a pepper grinder. 617 00:36:11,778 --> 00:36:13,388 Now, twist it! 618 00:36:14,346 --> 00:36:15,584 Twist it! 619 00:36:15,608 --> 00:36:16,715 Put some pepper on it! 620 00:36:16,739 --> 00:36:18,630 It"s all in the wrist. 621 00:36:18,654 --> 00:36:19,849 That"s nice. 622 00:36:19,873 --> 00:36:23,157 Every penis has its own personality. 623 00:36:23,181 --> 00:36:26,986 Some dicks are just like a nice, simple guy 624 00:36:27,010 --> 00:36:28,901 that"s tellin' you he likes your blouse. 625 00:36:28,925 --> 00:36:30,860 Other dicks are a little feisty. 626 00:36:30,884 --> 00:36:33,254 You can get a good sense of what a dick"s gonna be like 627 00:36:33,278 --> 00:36:34,472 when you see it. 628 00:36:34,496 --> 00:36:35,995 If he"s all doin' this at first, 629 00:36:36,019 --> 00:36:38,911 you"re like, "Yeah, that"s a feisty dick!" 630 00:36:38,935 --> 00:36:41,349 And there"s nothing a guy likes 631 00:36:41,373 --> 00:36:43,089 more than getting compliments. 632 00:36:43,113 --> 00:36:44,395 Okay, so watch this. 633 00:36:44,419 --> 00:36:47,703 You have the most beautiful eyes 634 00:36:47,727 --> 00:36:50,880 of anyone I have ever seen. 635 00:36:50,904 --> 00:36:53,622 So everybody, pick your penises up. 636 00:36:53,646 --> 00:36:56,233 On the count of three you"re gonna put the penis, 637 00:36:56,257 --> 00:36:58,061 cucumber, in your mouth. 638 00:36:58,085 --> 00:37:01,630 Okay, one, two, three. 639 00:37:01,654 --> 00:37:03,438 You"re so sexy. 640 00:37:04,265 --> 00:37:06,374 You"re so loyal. 641 00:37:06,398 --> 00:37:08,095 You"re so loyal? 642 00:37:09,096 --> 00:37:10,813 Good try. A for effort. 643 00:37:10,837 --> 00:37:12,336 But a guy does not want to hear 644 00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:14,686 how he"s loyal in a blowjob. 645 00:37:14,710 --> 00:37:16,558 You need to say something like, 646 00:37:16,582 --> 00:37:20,344 "This is the biggest dick I have ever put in my mouth. 647 00:37:20,368 --> 00:37:21,911 "It is so huge, 648 00:37:21,935 --> 00:37:24,740 "I"ve only thrown up on you five times." 649 00:37:24,764 --> 00:37:26,089 All right, small mouth, come up. 650 00:37:26,113 --> 00:37:28,874 How does this keep happening to me? 651 00:37:28,898 --> 00:37:31,529 Zoe, Zoe! Shh. 652 00:37:31,553 --> 00:37:33,575 Come over here, Zoe. 653 00:37:33,599 --> 00:37:35,122 All right, pull up your penis. 654 00:37:35,862 --> 00:37:37,231 There we go, okay. 655 00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:40,669 So, just imagine a penis just like, 656 00:37:40,693 --> 00:37:42,845 "Oh, my God, I love this." 657 00:37:42,869 --> 00:37:45,456 "Oh, I want to put my wiener all over your face" 658 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,080 "and in your mouth, put it in your nose," 659 00:37:47,104 --> 00:37:49,024 "and in your eye, and in your cheek, everywhere." 660 00:37:49,048 --> 00:37:50,602 "Just take it, just take it, take it." 661 00:37:54,141 --> 00:37:56,012 Uh, I wouldn"t suggest... 662 00:37:57,362 --> 00:37:59,189 Breaking it in half. 663 00:38:08,721 --> 00:38:10,307 Hey, Jane! 664 00:38:10,331 --> 00:38:12,028 Well, hi, Nathan. 665 00:38:15,510 --> 00:38:18,228 Oh, sorry, he does that to everyone. 666 00:38:18,252 --> 00:38:21,405 We didn"t see you at the Toddler Meditation sailboat last week. 667 00:38:21,429 --> 00:38:23,886 You know Nathan would just love that. 668 00:38:23,910 --> 00:38:25,350 I"m running a workshop on how to make 669 00:38:25,374 --> 00:38:27,542 your own kale chips this Thursday, okay? 670 00:38:27,566 --> 00:38:29,394 So, I"ll put you on the list, okay? 671 00:38:29,872 --> 00:38:31,241 There you are! 672 00:38:31,265 --> 00:38:32,808 Jane, we were starting to think 673 00:38:32,832 --> 00:38:34,810 that you guys had moved away. 674 00:38:34,834 --> 00:38:36,942 You know I"m doing a Mothers Against Litter sign up 675 00:38:36,966 --> 00:38:38,248 to clean up the park. 676 00:38:38,272 --> 00:38:39,771 Paul"s already on the list. 677 00:38:39,795 --> 00:38:41,860 He is really fantastic with the kids. 678 00:38:41,884 --> 00:38:43,732 You are so lucky! 679 00:38:58,640 --> 00:39:01,251 What, you have to pee? Okay, come on. 680 00:39:08,041 --> 00:39:10,498 Mom, we"re hungry. Dad, can we have dinner? 681 00:39:10,522 --> 00:39:12,238 Yeah, I"ll order us a pizza. 682 00:39:12,262 --> 00:39:14,328 No, I can make something in a minute. 683 00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:15,527 Can you walk your brother? 684 00:39:23,926 --> 00:39:25,687 Who is that? 685 00:39:25,711 --> 00:39:29,541 Lana, she"s really upset about the pregnancy. 686 00:39:30,890 --> 00:39:32,563 You know, I should go over there. 687 00:39:32,587 --> 00:39:34,284 Why don"t you order that pizza thing? 688 00:39:34,981 --> 00:39:36,025 Okay. 689 00:40:12,366 --> 00:40:13,604 Hello? 690 00:40:16,762 --> 00:40:18,024 Oh, my God. 691 00:40:18,503 --> 00:40:19,504 Okay. 692 00:40:20,548 --> 00:40:23,159 Yes. Thank you for calling. 693 00:40:24,857 --> 00:40:27,966 Ah, guys, the school called 694 00:40:27,990 --> 00:40:32,797 and it seems that your class has lice. 695 00:40:32,821 --> 00:40:35,017 No, no, no, no, no. 696 00:40:35,041 --> 00:40:36,671 We don"t scream. Sit down, sit down. 697 00:40:36,695 --> 00:40:38,020 I"m gonna take a look at you. 698 00:40:38,044 --> 00:40:40,109 Everyone just calm down. 699 00:40:40,133 --> 00:40:42,416 I"m sure everything is fine. 700 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,028 We "re just... You know, we" re gonna deal with this, okay? 701 00:40:46,052 --> 00:40:48,378 The important thing is we don"t... 702 00:40:48,402 --> 00:40:49,771 Oh, fuck! 703 00:40:49,795 --> 00:40:51,753 Oh, my God! 704 00:40:52,406 --> 00:40:53,644 Oh, my God. 705 00:40:53,668 --> 00:40:56,430 I"m sorry for using that word. 706 00:40:56,454 --> 00:40:57,866 It was knee-jerk. 707 00:40:57,890 --> 00:40:59,563 Uh... 708 00:40:59,587 --> 00:41:01,260 We"re gonna kill them all. 709 00:41:01,284 --> 00:41:02,416 Daddy"s gonna kill them all. 710 00:41:03,046 --> 00:41:04,046 We"ll be fine. 711 00:41:04,070 --> 00:41:05,526 You"ll be fine. 712 00:41:05,550 --> 00:41:06,725 We"ll be okay. 713 00:41:08,553 --> 00:41:10,076 Here we go. 714 00:41:10,859 --> 00:41:12,252 Here we go. 715 00:42:29,721 --> 00:42:30,939 What did I do? 716 00:42:33,289 --> 00:42:35,354 Nothing, you"re great. 717 00:42:35,378 --> 00:42:36,921 You"re great. 718 00:42:36,945 --> 00:42:39,948 It"s just something that happens to me these days. 719 00:42:41,254 --> 00:42:42,536 I"m just obsessing. 720 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:43,928 I "m obsessing It" s okay. 721 00:42:43,952 --> 00:42:45,563 I "m obsessing. It" s okay. 722 00:42:54,659 --> 00:42:57,705 It"s just so hard to be alone. 723 00:42:59,620 --> 00:43:01,753 Especially when you"re with someone. 724 00:43:05,495 --> 00:43:09,195 Uh... I can... I can hold you. 725 00:43:12,198 --> 00:43:14,940 For an extra $200. 726 00:43:24,210 --> 00:43:26,386 Hey. 727 00:43:26,821 --> 00:43:28,059 Hey. 728 00:43:28,083 --> 00:43:29,763 Where you been? I called you like 10 times. 729 00:43:30,216 --> 00:43:31,497 My phone died. 730 00:43:31,521 --> 00:43:34,263 Okay, don"t freak out. 731 00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:37,895 Maybe we should send them to private school. 732 00:43:37,919 --> 00:43:40,463 You think lice don"t infect spoiled rich kids? 733 00:43:40,487 --> 00:43:41,662 Probably not. 734 00:43:50,279 --> 00:43:51,803 Have you slept with anyone yet? 735 00:43:54,762 --> 00:43:56,000 You told me not to tell you. 736 00:43:56,024 --> 00:43:59,090 Yeah, no, I know, I"m sorry, never mind. 737 00:43:59,114 --> 00:44:01,551 But no, I haven"t. 738 00:44:06,078 --> 00:44:07,078 Come here. 739 00:44:16,915 --> 00:44:18,003 I love you. 740 00:44:20,832 --> 00:44:21,832 I know. 741 00:44:29,231 --> 00:44:31,949 Okay, All right. 742 00:44:31,973 --> 00:44:33,298 Paul, stop. Why? 743 00:44:33,322 --> 00:44:35,387 Seriously, stop. What. 744 00:44:35,411 --> 00:44:37,413 We have to wash this out. 745 00:45:05,485 --> 00:45:07,071 All right, full disclosure. 746 00:45:07,095 --> 00:45:09,770 I pretty much survive on food truck meals alone. 747 00:45:09,794 --> 00:45:12,250 So you"re talking to an expert here. You can trust me. 748 00:45:12,274 --> 00:45:14,513 I trust you. Thank you. 749 00:45:14,537 --> 00:45:16,515 Do you realize how badass these guys are? 750 00:45:16,539 --> 00:45:18,561 I mean, no one can afford a lease anymore. 751 00:45:18,585 --> 00:45:21,477 So they"re like, "Screw it, we"re gonna open a business on our own terms, 752 00:45:21,501 --> 00:45:25,263 "no one to answer to, and we get to do what we love day in and day out." 753 00:45:25,287 --> 00:45:26,917 Plus, these tacos are no joke. 754 00:45:26,941 --> 00:45:29,311 Okay, well, you"re talking to somebody with extraordinarily 755 00:45:29,335 --> 00:45:31,792 high taco standards, just to be clear. 756 00:45:31,816 --> 00:45:33,184 Okay. I"m not easily impressed. 757 00:45:33,208 --> 00:45:36,405 Okay, so we"re meeting in the same place here. 758 00:45:36,429 --> 00:45:38,755 Mmm-hmm. And... 759 00:45:38,779 --> 00:45:40,539 Close your eyes and open your mouth. 760 00:45:40,563 --> 00:45:41,923 I"m not falling for that one again. 761 00:45:41,947 --> 00:45:44,500 Come on, man, it"s taco roulette. 762 00:45:44,524 --> 00:45:47,242 You gotta trust me, I have honorable intentions, I swear. 763 00:45:47,266 --> 00:45:49,094 Okay. All right. 764 00:45:51,705 --> 00:45:53,204 This is very vulnerable for me. 765 00:45:53,228 --> 00:45:54,577 Shh. 766 00:45:55,448 --> 00:45:56,754 So your mouth is ready. 767 00:45:59,060 --> 00:46:01,280 Okay. It"s close, it's close. 768 00:46:05,023 --> 00:46:08,132 Okay, oh. Chew it down. 769 00:46:08,156 --> 00:46:10,047 This is really good. It"s really good, right? 770 00:46:10,071 --> 00:46:11,266 Who knows his tacos? 771 00:46:11,290 --> 00:46:12,639 You know your tacos. 772 00:46:14,467 --> 00:46:16,208 Come on, there you got it. 773 00:46:20,995 --> 00:46:23,365 Well, I met somebody. 774 00:46:23,389 --> 00:46:27,717 Someone I actually like, and he "s perfect, and he" s married. 775 00:46:27,741 --> 00:46:29,023 Unhappily. 776 00:46:29,047 --> 00:46:32,548 Well, that"s new and better than happily. 777 00:46:32,572 --> 00:46:33,549 You know what your problem is? 778 00:46:33,573 --> 00:46:35,464 Um, yeah, which one? 779 00:46:35,488 --> 00:46:37,422 You see everyone around you settling down 780 00:46:37,446 --> 00:46:40,425 and it makes you want to rev up and give hand jobs 781 00:46:40,449 --> 00:46:42,166 to weird dudes in public. 782 00:46:42,190 --> 00:46:45,213 Wow, you really have a way of making things sound worse than they are. 783 00:46:45,237 --> 00:46:47,998 Really? "Cause you're sleeping with a married guy" 784 00:46:48,022 --> 00:46:50,182 and watching your business fail right before your eyes. 785 00:46:50,206 --> 00:46:51,872 I haven"t actually slept with him 786 00:46:51,896 --> 00:46:53,830 and what am I supposed to do about my store? 787 00:46:53,854 --> 00:46:55,223 It"s out of my hands. 788 00:46:55,247 --> 00:46:57,573 I "m sorry, you haven" t slept with him? 789 00:46:57,597 --> 00:46:59,705 Well, that"s different. 790 00:46:59,729 --> 00:47:01,055 Shut up. 791 00:47:01,079 --> 00:47:03,666 Look, if that"s what you want, go for it. 792 00:47:03,690 --> 00:47:05,146 If the store is what you want, 793 00:47:05,170 --> 00:47:06,887 stop being complacent, okay? 794 00:47:06,911 --> 00:47:08,366 We"ll figure something out. 795 00:47:08,390 --> 00:47:09,672 Or we"ll die. 796 00:47:09,696 --> 00:47:12,394 But either way, it"s gonna be over soon. 797 00:47:13,221 --> 00:47:14,416 I"ll drink to that. 798 00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:15,876 Cheers. 799 00:47:17,835 --> 00:47:19,987 I"m kinda getting high from the fumes. 800 00:47:20,011 --> 00:47:21,447 That"s why we come here. 801 00:47:21,795 --> 00:47:22,795 Right. 802 00:47:24,276 --> 00:47:25,276 Paul? 803 00:47:31,370 --> 00:47:33,609 Hi. What are you doing here? 804 00:47:33,633 --> 00:47:34,566 You forgot your keys. 805 00:47:34,590 --> 00:47:36,220 What is this place? 806 00:47:36,244 --> 00:47:39,528 Ah, it"s just a place I hang out sometimes, you know? 807 00:47:39,552 --> 00:47:40,727 Watch movies. 808 00:47:42,076 --> 00:47:43,076 You"re drinking? 809 00:47:44,383 --> 00:47:46,448 No, it"s a friend's. 810 00:47:46,472 --> 00:47:47,797 You don"t have friends. 811 00:47:47,821 --> 00:47:51,259 Thanks, I do occasionally... Have friends. 812 00:47:53,740 --> 00:47:56,786 Okay, so what, you come here and you watch... 813 00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:00,505 You watch Working Girl? 814 00:48:00,529 --> 00:48:02,116 Why are you watching Working Girl? 815 00:48:02,140 --> 00:48:04,380 You only watch Working Girl when you"re feeling defeated. 816 00:48:09,582 --> 00:48:12,474 You wanna hang out for a bit? 817 00:48:12,498 --> 00:48:13,673 Watch Working Girl? 818 00:48:15,457 --> 00:48:16,806 I can "t. I don" t have time. 819 00:48:17,851 --> 00:48:19,722 Yeah. 820 00:48:20,462 --> 00:48:21,637 Thanks for the keys. 821 00:48:22,856 --> 00:48:25,424 See you at home. Yeah, see you at home. 822 00:48:44,965 --> 00:48:46,725 Hello. Hello. 823 00:48:46,749 --> 00:48:48,075 What are you doing? 824 00:48:48,099 --> 00:48:50,991 I am tracing my own hand. 825 00:48:51,015 --> 00:48:53,950 Okay, well, a few of us are going to a bar down the street 826 00:48:53,974 --> 00:48:55,343 if you would like to join us. 827 00:48:55,367 --> 00:48:58,346 And by a few of us I mean, there is no us, 828 00:48:58,370 --> 00:48:59,869 it"s just me, alone. 829 00:48:59,893 --> 00:49:01,573 But there will be people in the background. 830 00:49:01,597 --> 00:49:02,785 So, it should be fun. 831 00:49:02,809 --> 00:49:06,354 I would, and thanks for the invitation but I"m sober. 832 00:49:06,378 --> 00:49:07,964 Oh, perfect, I"m an enabler. 833 00:49:07,988 --> 00:49:10,010 So, this is great. 834 00:49:10,034 --> 00:49:12,099 Rain check? Aw, come on. 835 00:49:12,123 --> 00:49:14,492 It"ll be fun. Right? 836 00:49:14,516 --> 00:49:16,277 Question mark, exclamation point. 837 00:49:16,301 --> 00:49:20,498 Another exclamation point, dot, dot, dot, dot... 838 00:49:20,522 --> 00:49:22,065 Okay, I"ll go if you stop doing that. 839 00:49:22,089 --> 00:49:24,241 Deal. Period. 840 00:49:24,265 --> 00:49:27,679 So are you sober or are you an alcoholic? 841 00:49:27,703 --> 00:49:29,768 Well, I"m definitely sober. 842 00:49:29,792 --> 00:49:31,596 Not sure if I"m an alcoholic. 843 00:49:31,620 --> 00:49:34,599 But my wife is sure. 844 00:49:34,623 --> 00:49:36,253 Cool. Yeah. 845 00:49:36,277 --> 00:49:38,516 So how bad of an alcoholic are we talking? 846 00:49:38,540 --> 00:49:39,822 Do you, like, chug Listerine? 847 00:49:39,846 --> 00:49:41,606 Do you keep gasoline underneath your bed? 848 00:49:41,630 --> 00:49:43,782 No, I was, like, old-school. 849 00:49:43,806 --> 00:49:46,089 I just drank all the human stuff. 850 00:49:46,113 --> 00:49:49,136 But, like... Like a lot of it. 851 00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,573 I like a man who can commit to something.Mmm-hmm. 852 00:49:51,597 --> 00:49:53,317 Does this mean you got like an intervention? 853 00:49:53,341 --> 00:49:55,272 Did people come and read you letters and cry? 854 00:49:55,296 --> 00:49:58,580 No, but that sounds amazing and I would"ve loved one. 855 00:49:58,604 --> 00:50:00,103 What happened to me was I got into 856 00:50:00,127 --> 00:50:02,062 into a really awesome car accident. 857 00:50:02,086 --> 00:50:03,933 Cool. Yeah. 858 00:50:03,957 --> 00:50:05,500 You didn"t hit anybody, did you? 859 00:50:05,524 --> 00:50:07,676 I did, a parking meter. 860 00:50:07,700 --> 00:50:08,851 He didn"t make it. 861 00:50:08,875 --> 00:50:11,332 Oh, no. It was fine. 862 00:50:11,356 --> 00:50:13,116 He was kind of a jerk parking meter. 863 00:50:13,140 --> 00:50:16,622 No, Jane, uh... Jane gave me a choice. 864 00:50:17,231 --> 00:50:19,842 Her or Scotch. 865 00:50:20,626 --> 00:50:22,604 And I chose her. 866 00:50:22,628 --> 00:50:24,345 Well, I choose Scotch. 867 00:50:24,369 --> 00:50:27,609 And beer, and anything else I can get my mouth around. 868 00:50:27,633 --> 00:50:30,177 I did not say... I didn"t mean it like that. 869 00:50:30,201 --> 00:50:32,482 It doesn"t bother you if I drink in front of you, does it? 870 00:50:32,506 --> 00:50:36,009 No, no, no, other people drinking doesn"t bother me as much as, you know, me not. 871 00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:37,619 Which still annoys me. 872 00:50:37,643 --> 00:50:41,212 Well, you seem to be handling yourself quite nicely, you know? 873 00:50:42,996 --> 00:50:44,519 Something right there. 874 00:50:48,958 --> 00:50:50,395 Ow! Sorry. 875 00:50:56,270 --> 00:50:57,271 Fuck! 876 00:50:59,578 --> 00:51:01,362 I"m gonna worry about this later. 877 00:51:06,933 --> 00:51:09,196 So that happened. Yep. 878 00:51:10,502 --> 00:51:12,069 I"m in your bed. 879 00:51:12,765 --> 00:51:14,308 Your joint bed. 880 00:51:14,332 --> 00:51:17,267 You are married, you have a wife. You know, your wife, Jane. 881 00:51:17,291 --> 00:51:18,573 Where is Jane? 882 00:51:18,597 --> 00:51:21,880 She"s gone for the night with the kids. 883 00:51:21,904 --> 00:51:23,428 Oh, my God. 884 00:51:25,212 --> 00:51:28,496 Jane told me I could have an affair. 885 00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:30,565 So, I"m the affair? 886 00:51:31,914 --> 00:51:34,265 Well, yeah, I guess. 887 00:51:35,092 --> 00:51:37,026 Oh, my God. 888 00:51:37,050 --> 00:51:39,028 Is that why you"ve been hanging out with me? 889 00:51:39,052 --> 00:51:40,595 Was so you could bait me? 890 00:51:40,619 --> 00:51:43,230 So you could sleep with me? So I can be your... Zoe, Zoe. 891 00:51:43,796 --> 00:51:46,035 I like you. 892 00:51:46,059 --> 00:51:48,690 You have no idea how much I like you. 893 00:51:48,714 --> 00:51:50,474 Oh, my God. 894 00:51:50,498 --> 00:51:52,587 We"re bad people. No. 895 00:51:53,588 --> 00:51:56,132 We"re good people. 896 00:51:56,156 --> 00:51:58,463 We"re just failing at it right now. 897 00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:01,877 Just... 898 00:52:01,901 --> 00:52:03,618 I mean, we take the same antidepressants. 899 00:52:03,642 --> 00:52:05,837 I mean, that should count for something. 900 00:52:05,861 --> 00:52:07,733 Yeah, that"s the spirit. 901 00:52:09,343 --> 00:52:15,238 Listen, my life is, like, super complicated right now. 902 00:52:15,262 --> 00:52:17,960 I have no idea what"s happening with my marriage. 903 00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:23,681 But my kids, I mean, they"re everything. 904 00:52:23,705 --> 00:52:27,231 They "re the only thing I" ve ever done right in my whole life. 905 00:52:29,929 --> 00:52:31,887 Come here, come on. 906 00:52:32,714 --> 00:52:34,238 We"ll figure it out. 907 00:52:35,369 --> 00:52:37,589 Everything"s gonna be okay. 908 00:52:39,678 --> 00:52:41,332 For somebody. 909 00:53:13,059 --> 00:53:15,559 It was too low. 910 00:53:15,583 --> 00:53:17,455 I knew this would happen. 911 00:53:22,329 --> 00:53:24,264 Let me do it. It was my fault. I have it. 912 00:53:24,288 --> 00:53:25,808 Leave it. Leave it! I got it. I got it. 913 00:53:25,832 --> 00:53:27,225 Leave it! I"ll do it! 914 00:53:43,785 --> 00:53:46,179 Hi. 915 00:53:47,485 --> 00:53:49,289 Jane, hi. 916 00:53:49,313 --> 00:53:51,595 I didn"t even know you worked here. 917 00:53:51,619 --> 00:53:53,293 You didn"t? 918 00:53:53,317 --> 00:53:55,556 No, Laser Town is packed. 919 00:53:55,580 --> 00:53:59,081 I just came over for a... For a wax. 920 00:53:59,105 --> 00:54:01,649 Oh, great. 921 00:54:01,673 --> 00:54:05,087 What were you thinking of doing? 922 00:54:05,111 --> 00:54:06,828 Brazilian? Cool, I do that. 923 00:54:06,852 --> 00:54:10,048 I do that. Okay. 924 00:54:10,072 --> 00:54:12,877 Unless, of course, you wouldn"t feel comfortable with... 925 00:54:12,901 --> 00:54:14,879 Oh, no, you"re a professional. 926 00:54:14,903 --> 00:54:20,494 So, I... I am completely comfortable. 927 00:54:20,518 --> 00:54:22,539 Great, why don"t you just go back there, 928 00:54:22,563 --> 00:54:25,499 make yourself comfortable and I"ll be right in. 929 00:54:25,523 --> 00:54:26,567 Okay. 930 00:54:38,275 --> 00:54:42,211 All right, Jane, if you could spread your legs in a frog-like position. 931 00:54:42,235 --> 00:54:44,150 Like... Like this? 932 00:54:45,194 --> 00:54:47,042 Excellent, thanks. 933 00:54:47,066 --> 00:54:49,131 So how have you been doing? 934 00:54:49,155 --> 00:54:50,374 Good. 935 00:54:51,462 --> 00:54:53,657 I heard you went by the store. 936 00:54:53,681 --> 00:54:58,096 Yes, I did. I"ve gone by the store. 937 00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:00,838 You know, I go by... I go by all those stores. 938 00:55:00,862 --> 00:55:03,648 Yeah, Paul"s having a really hard time letting go of it. 939 00:55:05,214 --> 00:55:06,757 Sorry. 940 00:55:06,781 --> 00:55:08,941 All right, now you can go ahead and pull your legs back 941 00:55:08,965 --> 00:55:11,228 as far as you can, excellent, yes. 942 00:55:12,918 --> 00:55:14,485 You ever been married? 943 00:55:15,660 --> 00:55:20,118 No, no, not yet. 944 00:55:20,142 --> 00:55:23,078 You heard Lana and Peter are already having trouble, right? 945 00:55:23,102 --> 00:55:24,799 No, I had not heard that. 946 00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:30,280 All right, Jane, you can go ahead and lie down on your side, this direction. 947 00:55:33,417 --> 00:55:36,134 Yeah, apparently he"s been cheating on her. 948 00:55:36,158 --> 00:55:38,398 Oh, you know, I... 949 00:55:38,422 --> 00:55:42,315 You know, I guess that"s something that people do. 950 00:55:42,339 --> 00:55:44,969 All right, Jane, now this is something fun, 951 00:55:44,993 --> 00:55:46,713 I never thought I would be asking you to do. 952 00:55:46,737 --> 00:55:49,409 But could you spread your right butt cheek? 953 00:55:49,433 --> 00:55:50,433 Excellent. 954 00:55:52,871 --> 00:55:54,239 Wait, is it the wax? 955 00:55:54,263 --> 00:55:57,068 No, I"m just having a panic attack. 956 00:55:57,092 --> 00:55:59,375 Oh, I have those all the time, 957 00:55:59,399 --> 00:56:00,679 it"s a repetitive sound disorder. 958 00:56:00,703 --> 00:56:03,118 Maybe that"s... Is it the sound? 959 00:56:03,142 --> 00:56:05,710 No, it"s fine, I'm breathing. 960 00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,472 This is breathing and it means I"m not dying. 961 00:56:09,496 --> 00:56:11,696 Okay, are you sure? Can I get you something, some water? 962 00:56:11,720 --> 00:56:13,041 No. A Xanax? 963 00:56:13,065 --> 00:56:15,217 It"ll help the water go down easier. 964 00:56:15,241 --> 00:56:17,132 No, it"s just something that happens lately. 965 00:56:17,156 --> 00:56:20,309 I spontaneously start crying. 966 00:56:20,333 --> 00:56:22,442 It"s like I have a disease or something. 967 00:56:22,466 --> 00:56:24,487 No, you"re okay. 968 00:56:24,511 --> 00:56:26,968 How do you know that? 969 00:56:26,992 --> 00:56:29,579 I guess it"s just something that people say. 970 00:56:29,603 --> 00:56:31,320 But I "m sure it" s true occasionally. 971 00:56:31,344 --> 00:56:34,976 Zoe? Yeah? 972 00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:38,240 Can you just finish waxing my asshole so I can go? 973 00:56:38,264 --> 00:56:39,744 Of course. 974 00:57:09,643 --> 00:57:12,187 Mazel Tov. 975 00:57:12,211 --> 00:57:14,450 I just want to say thank you to everybody for coming. 976 00:57:14,474 --> 00:57:17,192 This is has been the most successful bris. 977 00:57:17,216 --> 00:57:18,846 Well, that"s subjective. 978 00:57:18,870 --> 00:57:21,239 Thank you for having us. 979 00:57:21,263 --> 00:57:22,613 It"s been lovely. 980 00:57:27,748 --> 00:57:29,117 Are you gonna get him? 981 00:57:29,141 --> 00:57:33,730 No, no. We are practicing the "Cry It Out" method. 982 00:57:33,754 --> 00:57:37,081 So, it is agony. 983 00:57:37,105 --> 00:57:39,562 But it is better for him in the long run. 984 00:57:39,586 --> 00:57:42,086 Oh, actually they"ve just proven that 985 00:57:42,110 --> 00:57:44,132 lack of emotional support when you"re young 986 00:57:44,156 --> 00:57:46,439 can have a real damaging effect later in life. 987 00:57:46,463 --> 00:57:48,353 So, it"s all over the blogs. 988 00:57:48,377 --> 00:57:49,964 Our son eats off the floor. 989 00:57:49,988 --> 00:57:52,619 No, really, he chews bones 990 00:57:52,643 --> 00:57:55,317 and the other day we found him drinking water out of the toilet. 991 00:57:55,341 --> 00:57:57,972 So, anything that Jane says about parenting 992 00:57:57,996 --> 00:57:59,930 you should, you know, do the opposite. 993 00:57:59,954 --> 00:58:02,803 This flatware is lovely. 994 00:58:02,827 --> 00:58:04,152 Thank you. Yeah. 995 00:58:04,176 --> 00:58:05,588 You know, I actually from... 996 00:58:05,612 --> 00:58:07,068 Because you"re father of the fucking year, right? 997 00:58:07,092 --> 00:58:09,418 No, I"m sorry. I'm sorry that I make all the money 998 00:58:09,442 --> 00:58:11,115 and I take care of our three kids 999 00:58:11,139 --> 00:58:13,466 and I have my parents bail us out of bankruptcy. 1000 00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:16,294 You"re right, I'm just a terrible mom and a terrible wife. 1001 00:58:16,318 --> 00:58:17,905 I paid for that money, Jane. 1002 00:58:17,929 --> 00:58:19,776 Trust me, I fucking paid for it. 1003 00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:22,240 How"s that wine treating you, Sweetie? It"s delicious, thanks. 1004 00:58:22,264 --> 00:58:23,563 Would you pass the... 1005 00:58:23,587 --> 00:58:24,607 Hey, look, everyone. 1006 00:58:24,631 --> 00:58:26,087 Now it"s all out in the open. 1007 00:58:26,111 --> 00:58:29,525 Look, everybody, Jane is a smoker. 1008 00:58:29,549 --> 00:58:31,962 See, now everybody knows and nobody cares. 1009 00:58:31,986 --> 00:58:34,530 You"re right I'm a terrible, terrible human being, 1010 00:58:34,554 --> 00:58:37,315 because sometimes I have a cigarette. 1011 00:58:37,339 --> 00:58:39,013 Right. 1012 00:58:39,037 --> 00:58:40,144 Uh... 1013 00:58:40,168 --> 00:58:41,929 There, you win! 1014 00:58:41,953 --> 00:58:43,365 Okay? You win! 1015 00:58:43,389 --> 00:58:46,150 If winning mean losing your job, getting a DUI, 1016 00:58:46,174 --> 00:58:47,891 and bringing nothing to the table sexually. 1017 00:58:47,915 --> 00:58:49,850 I mean, you think I just wanna roll over 1018 00:58:49,874 --> 00:58:52,809 and get fucked the exact same way for the rest of my life? 1019 00:58:52,833 --> 00:58:55,725 "It is Groundhog Day! My vagina is fuckin" Bill Murray! 1020 00:58:55,749 --> 00:58:58,815 Aw, I love Bill Murray. 1021 00:58:58,839 --> 00:59:00,469 You"re embarrassing yourself. 1022 00:59:00,493 --> 00:59:03,211 You know what? You"ve been embarrassing me our entire marriage! 1023 00:59:03,235 --> 00:59:04,475 Jane, can I get you an ashtray? 1024 00:59:04,499 --> 00:59:06,040 No, it"s fine. No? 1025 00:59:06,064 --> 00:59:08,066 Thank you, have a great bris. 1026 00:59:11,939 --> 00:59:16,093 Well, I have never been to a bris before. 1027 00:59:16,117 --> 00:59:17,858 But this is great. 1028 00:59:23,081 --> 00:59:24,648 Zoe. Whoo. 1029 00:59:25,866 --> 00:59:27,844 Zoe, do you think I can"t see you? 1030 00:59:27,868 --> 00:59:31,239 Oh, I"m sorry, I just really need my face in my hair right now. 1031 00:59:31,263 --> 00:59:32,543 You mean your hair in your face? 1032 00:59:32,567 --> 00:59:36,505 I mean my hair in my face, Paul. 1033 00:59:36,529 --> 00:59:38,899 Hi. Hi. You okay? 1034 00:59:38,923 --> 00:59:41,162 Yeah, I"m actually... Are you kidding me? 1035 00:59:41,186 --> 00:59:43,860 I signed up for life classes through Oprah, 1036 00:59:43,884 --> 00:59:46,080 because she does that and then I got corn tortillas 1037 00:59:46,104 --> 00:59:48,304 instead of flour because I heard that was better for you 1038 00:59:48,328 --> 00:59:50,069 and I, I... 1039 00:59:50,456 --> 00:59:51,912 Fuck, I"m doing awesome. 1040 00:59:51,936 --> 00:59:54,591 Okay, listen, I"m really sorry, um... 1041 00:59:55,766 --> 00:59:57,352 I"m really sorry about what happened. 1042 00:59:57,376 --> 00:59:59,746 I"m not sorry that it happened. I just... 1043 00:59:59,770 --> 01:00:02,009 I suck at words. 1044 01:00:02,033 --> 01:00:04,272 I"m so much better at mixed CDs. 1045 01:00:04,296 --> 01:00:07,057 Yeah, me, too. 1046 01:00:07,081 --> 01:00:10,694 I just, I REO Speedwagon Can"t Fight This Feeling. 1047 01:00:12,609 --> 01:00:15,631 Paul, you can"t admit to liking REO Speedwagon. 1048 01:00:15,655 --> 01:00:17,851 It"s not even cool in an ironic way like Tom Petty. 1049 01:00:17,875 --> 01:00:20,201 Yeah, Tom Petty is not cool in any way. 1050 01:00:20,225 --> 01:00:22,682 What are you... Are you serious right now? 1051 01:00:22,706 --> 01:00:25,598 Tom Petty is not cool? I can"t, you know what? 1052 01:00:25,622 --> 01:00:27,687 No, I"m not doing this here. 1053 01:00:27,711 --> 01:00:30,551 I cannot argue with you about the coolness of Tom Petty out in the open. 1054 01:00:30,575 --> 01:00:31,817 It"s just way too intimate. 1055 01:00:31,841 --> 01:00:34,563 Then come inside. I"m not coming inside. 1056 01:00:34,587 --> 01:00:36,870 This is... I can"t do this. 1057 01:00:36,894 --> 01:00:37,895 It"s just... 1058 01:00:59,090 --> 01:01:01,005 He was an escort. 1059 01:01:02,006 --> 01:01:04,051 The guy I was with. 1060 01:01:05,444 --> 01:01:06,750 He was a what? 1061 01:01:08,839 --> 01:01:11,295 He was a prostitute. 1062 01:01:11,319 --> 01:01:14,061 He was a fucking prostitute. 1063 01:01:18,196 --> 01:01:20,111 You paid someone? 1064 01:01:21,852 --> 01:01:23,941 You paid someone? 1065 01:01:33,515 --> 01:01:35,039 How much did they charge? 1066 01:01:47,747 --> 01:01:50,141 Why is there an eviction notice on your door? 1067 01:01:52,926 --> 01:01:54,208 I don"t know. 1068 01:01:54,232 --> 01:01:56,234 Zo, what"s wrong? 1069 01:01:59,585 --> 01:02:01,345 I slept with Paul. 1070 01:02:01,369 --> 01:02:03,458 Paul of Paul and Jane? 1071 01:02:05,199 --> 01:02:07,874 I mean, it"s okay, you know? People fuck people. 1072 01:02:07,898 --> 01:02:11,442 I don"t know how this is my life, you know? 1073 01:02:11,466 --> 01:02:16,883 I worked so hard not to be like my parents. 1074 01:02:16,907 --> 01:02:18,711 Not to be a failure. 1075 01:02:18,735 --> 01:02:21,975 I don"t want to lose everything that I have. 1076 01:02:21,999 --> 01:02:25,065 Okay, what do people in this town love more than anything? 1077 01:02:25,089 --> 01:02:27,371 Tacos. More than tacos. 1078 01:02:27,395 --> 01:02:28,395 Music. 1079 01:02:28,962 --> 01:02:30,548 I have the bands, 1080 01:02:30,572 --> 01:02:33,769 you have a pretty vacant space with your store. 1081 01:02:33,793 --> 01:02:36,206 I say we charge a cover 1082 01:02:36,230 --> 01:02:38,861 and... I don"t know, see what happens. 1083 01:02:38,885 --> 01:02:40,515 You think that would work? 1084 01:02:40,539 --> 01:02:42,933 I mean, we might as well try, right? 1085 01:02:46,675 --> 01:02:48,808 Sir, you! Ma"am! 1086 01:03:05,912 --> 01:03:07,087 See this, Austin? 1087 01:03:09,002 --> 01:03:11,048 We can"t find Nate. Nathan"s missing. 1088 01:03:19,491 --> 01:03:21,643 Hey, did you pay a cover? 1089 01:03:21,667 --> 01:03:23,471 No, you can"t sneak in here. 1090 01:03:23,495 --> 01:03:26,295 You need to go to the front and you need to pay. CLAIRE: Zoe, Zoe, Zoe. 1091 01:03:26,319 --> 01:03:26,909 Hey! Relax. 1092 01:03:26,933 --> 01:03:29,129 This is going so great. I have someone at the door. 1093 01:03:29,153 --> 01:03:31,914 Oh, great. Yeah. Wait, you wanna take a shot with me? 1094 01:03:31,938 --> 01:03:35,526 No, and why don"t you slow your roll, okay? 1095 01:03:35,550 --> 01:03:37,659 I"m having fun, Claire, loosen up. 1096 01:03:37,683 --> 01:03:39,052 This is going great. 1097 01:03:39,076 --> 01:03:40,356 Why don"t we get you some water? 1098 01:03:40,380 --> 01:03:43,099 Okay, you look like a total mess. 1099 01:03:43,123 --> 01:03:44,579 Phew. 1100 01:03:44,603 --> 01:03:45,734 Nathan! 1101 01:03:46,561 --> 01:03:48,322 Come on, bud, Nate! 1102 01:03:48,346 --> 01:03:50,890 Did you find him? Yeah, Jane, I found him. 1103 01:03:50,914 --> 01:03:52,880 "Just decided to stand out here and continue 1104 01:03:52,904 --> 01:03:54,894 calling his name like a fuckin" idiot. 1105 01:03:54,918 --> 01:03:57,461 I "m sorry! It" s not your fault. 1106 01:03:57,485 --> 01:03:59,463 He does this all the time, we"ll find him. 1107 01:03:59,487 --> 01:04:01,770 Yes, it is, it"s my fault. 1108 01:04:01,794 --> 01:04:04,207 Everything is fucking my fault! 1109 01:04:04,231 --> 01:04:05,972 It was the both of us. Nate! 1110 01:04:07,713 --> 01:04:11,040 You know, that I get off work and I come here, 1111 01:04:11,064 --> 01:04:13,521 and I walk around the block three or four times 1112 01:04:13,545 --> 01:04:15,305 before I even come inside? 1113 01:04:15,329 --> 01:04:16,480 Why. 1114 01:04:16,504 --> 01:04:18,743 Because I can"t believe that I am this. 1115 01:04:18,767 --> 01:04:22,878 This wife, this mother, it just doesn"t seem real. 1116 01:04:22,902 --> 01:04:25,359 I never wanted to be one of these fucking people. 1117 01:04:25,383 --> 01:04:26,926 What people? 1118 01:04:26,950 --> 01:04:29,406 People who live just to endure each other. 1119 01:04:29,430 --> 01:04:32,018 That"s everyone we know. That"s marriage! 1120 01:04:32,042 --> 01:04:33,410 It"s not! 1121 01:04:33,434 --> 01:04:34,498 You think... 1122 01:04:34,522 --> 01:04:36,979 You think I tried to be a shitty wife? 1123 01:04:37,003 --> 01:04:39,721 No, I tried! I tried to do my best! 1124 01:04:39,745 --> 01:04:42,506 I worked hard, I took care of the bills, 1125 01:04:42,530 --> 01:04:45,553 I took care of the children. I tried to be attracted to you. 1126 01:04:45,577 --> 01:04:47,337 Wait, what? 1127 01:04:47,361 --> 01:04:50,081 What do you... You tried to be attracted... What does that even mean? 1128 01:04:51,452 --> 01:04:55,108 Recently, the thought of having sex with you just repulses me. 1129 01:04:57,937 --> 01:04:59,025 Wow, this... 1130 01:05:01,158 --> 01:05:03,179 I"m just trying to be honest for once. 1131 01:05:03,203 --> 01:05:06,791 Yeah, your honesty, it"s just another way for you to hurt people. 1132 01:05:06,815 --> 01:05:10,230 Look at our house, nothing fits! 1133 01:05:10,254 --> 01:05:13,474 You are buying furniture for a house we don"t even live in! 1134 01:05:15,955 --> 01:05:18,523 Nathan! Nathan! 1135 01:05:20,220 --> 01:05:21,439 Found him! 1136 01:05:27,706 --> 01:05:31,449 Must be hard, being this self-righteous. 1137 01:05:32,711 --> 01:05:34,408 You have no idea. 1138 01:05:40,066 --> 01:05:42,068 Thank you so much for coming out tonight! 1139 01:05:43,722 --> 01:05:46,614 And giving a hands up to Sailor Poon. 1140 01:05:46,638 --> 01:05:48,311 Look at these ladies. 1141 01:05:48,335 --> 01:05:51,619 And speaking of poon, let"s not forget why we"re here. 1142 01:05:51,643 --> 01:05:53,926 So that our poons can get waxed 1143 01:05:53,950 --> 01:05:57,625 by a local business and not Laser Town, 1144 01:05:57,649 --> 01:06:01,585 which is basically the Illuminati of pubic hair. 1145 01:06:01,609 --> 01:06:03,449 Now tonight, we"re gonna take back what"s ours! 1146 01:06:08,138 --> 01:06:09,680 Let"s take it to the streets! 1147 01:06:09,704 --> 01:06:11,402 Come on! 1148 01:06:15,623 --> 01:06:17,993 They can"t break us. 1149 01:06:18,017 --> 01:06:20,343 Ohh! 1150 01:06:20,367 --> 01:06:22,476 Plexiglass, you gotta be fucking kidding me. 1151 01:06:22,500 --> 01:06:24,652 This just stupid... 1152 01:06:24,676 --> 01:06:26,349 Ohh! 1153 01:06:26,373 --> 01:06:28,177 Damn it! Stupid! 1154 01:06:28,201 --> 01:06:30,353 Ow! Fuck! 1155 01:06:30,377 --> 01:06:32,640 Ow! Fuck! 1156 01:06:56,708 --> 01:06:59,078 Thanks for bailing me out. 1157 01:06:59,102 --> 01:07:01,689 The covers paid half and the other half... 1158 01:07:01,713 --> 01:07:03,082 I"ll pay you back, I promise. 1159 01:07:03,106 --> 01:07:06,389 How, Zoe, how are you gonna pay me back? 1160 01:07:06,413 --> 01:07:07,912 You don"t have anything. 1161 01:07:07,936 --> 01:07:09,610 Look, Claire, I"m sorry. 1162 01:07:09,634 --> 01:07:12,265 I was wasted, I got out of control. 1163 01:07:12,289 --> 01:07:14,484 Your parents spent their whole lives 1164 01:07:14,508 --> 01:07:16,119 running from where you just were. 1165 01:07:17,859 --> 01:07:21,622 Wow, that was a really low blow. 1166 01:07:21,646 --> 01:07:24,451 God, Zoe, you need to grow up! 1167 01:07:24,475 --> 01:07:26,409 Okay, so you didn"t win at life, 1168 01:07:26,433 --> 01:07:28,150 you didn"t get some grand fucking prize, 1169 01:07:28,174 --> 01:07:30,935 no one does and no one owes you anything. 1170 01:07:30,959 --> 01:07:33,329 And, I mean, forget winning, because how you lose 1171 01:07:33,353 --> 01:07:35,244 is just as much a part of who you are. 1172 01:07:35,268 --> 01:07:38,054 And no offense, but you"re kind of an asshole. 1173 01:07:42,362 --> 01:07:45,539 You know what? Just pay me back whenever. 1174 01:09:27,337 --> 01:09:28,425 What"s up? 1175 01:09:32,429 --> 01:09:34,711 What, did you rob a bank? 1176 01:09:34,735 --> 01:09:36,346 I got my job back at Beer Land. 1177 01:09:37,216 --> 01:09:39,542 That"s oddly stable of you. 1178 01:09:39,566 --> 01:09:42,980 I know that I suck at relationships. 1179 01:09:43,004 --> 01:09:47,246 And I"m full of shit, 1180 01:09:47,270 --> 01:09:50,205 and I act like I"m right about everything, 1181 01:09:50,229 --> 01:09:56,951 because I am so fucking scared to be wrong, all the time. 1182 01:09:56,975 --> 01:10:01,260 But you"re my best friend and I really, really do love you. 1183 01:10:01,284 --> 01:10:05,916 And I say that out loud, like, never. 1184 01:10:05,940 --> 01:10:07,203 So... 1185 01:10:09,727 --> 01:10:11,119 I love you. 1186 01:10:12,208 --> 01:10:14,098 You"re being totally emo right now. 1187 01:10:14,122 --> 01:10:17,996 Yeah, I"m really trying to get better at this emo stuff. 1188 01:10:18,518 --> 01:10:20,453 Feels good. 1189 01:10:20,477 --> 01:10:22,870 I caught Jim fucking his office. 1190 01:10:23,610 --> 01:10:25,284 Like the wall? 1191 01:10:25,308 --> 01:10:27,590 No, the people. 1192 01:10:27,614 --> 01:10:29,201 And he didn"t even invite you? 1193 01:10:29,225 --> 01:10:31,575 Oh. 1194 01:10:33,403 --> 01:10:34,491 You"re invited. 1195 01:10:40,061 --> 01:10:44,694 Well, you can come to my office fuck party anytime. 1196 01:10:44,718 --> 01:10:47,330 I can"t believe our 5-year-old needs to see a shrink. 1197 01:10:48,374 --> 01:10:49,699 You think he"s okay? 1198 01:10:49,723 --> 01:10:50,961 He"ll be fine. 1199 01:10:50,985 --> 01:10:52,265 He probably loves the attention. 1200 01:10:52,289 --> 01:10:54,791 I mean, do you think he is okay? 1201 01:10:54,815 --> 01:10:57,949 Yes, I think he"s fine. 1202 01:10:59,385 --> 01:11:00,385 Okay. 1203 01:11:03,041 --> 01:11:07,959 You know, I"m really sorry about the whole prostitution thing. 1204 01:11:12,877 --> 01:11:15,401 It"s not funny. 1205 01:11:16,228 --> 01:11:20,493 I mean, come on. 1206 01:11:25,672 --> 01:11:27,607 I didn"t keep up. 1207 01:11:27,631 --> 01:11:31,611 Wow, I can"t remember the last time I"ve seen you laugh. 1208 01:11:31,635 --> 01:11:33,985 Oh, my God, that"s depressing. 1209 01:11:37,641 --> 01:11:39,860 I know this sounds fucked up, but... 1210 01:11:42,733 --> 01:11:45,866 If we were gonna fail, I"m really glad that I failed with you. 1211 01:11:51,785 --> 01:11:52,960 Good game. 1212 01:11:53,657 --> 01:11:54,788 Good game. 1213 01:12:00,228 --> 01:12:02,206 Oh, hey, buddy. 1214 01:12:02,230 --> 01:12:03,860 Hey, man. Hi. 1215 01:12:03,884 --> 01:12:06,080 Oh, look at you. Oh, hello. 1216 01:12:06,104 --> 01:12:07,908 Up on your knees. You look taller. 1217 01:12:07,932 --> 01:12:09,499 Look at that, he"s okay? 1218 01:12:12,980 --> 01:12:14,828 No. Blow it out, Zoe. 1219 01:12:14,852 --> 01:12:16,177 Make a wish. 1220 01:12:16,201 --> 01:12:17,613 I wish I wasn"t old. 1221 01:12:17,637 --> 01:12:18,637 Like a viable wish. 1222 01:12:19,247 --> 01:12:20,312 I wish I were dead. 1223 01:12:20,336 --> 01:12:21,791 Or rich. 1224 01:12:21,815 --> 01:12:23,895 You know what I actually wish? I wish I were British? 1225 01:12:23,919 --> 01:12:25,921 I think I"d be very charming if I were British. 1226 01:12:27,081 --> 01:12:30,626 Cheerio. It worked. 1227 01:12:30,650 --> 01:12:31,584 No, it didn"t. 1228 01:12:31,608 --> 01:12:33,499 God, I"m really bad at accents. 1229 01:12:33,523 --> 01:12:35,786 You are, you actually are really bad at it. 1230 01:12:37,744 --> 01:12:40,201 I know this isn"t where you imagined yourself at this age. 1231 01:12:40,225 --> 01:12:43,117 You mean closing my failing business, single? 1232 01:12:43,141 --> 01:12:44,901 I don"t know, it seems about right. 1233 01:12:44,925 --> 01:12:47,034 Did you hear about Peter and Lana? 1234 01:12:47,058 --> 01:12:48,514 He filed for divorce. 1235 01:12:48,538 --> 01:12:51,299 You got me bad news for my birthday? 1236 01:12:51,323 --> 01:12:53,736 You know I love other people"s bad news. 1237 01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:59,810 Speaking of, Paul and Jane, while no longer Paul and Jane. 1238 01:13:01,464 --> 01:13:03,920 Wow, really? 1239 01:13:03,944 --> 01:13:05,269 You gonna hit that? 1240 01:13:05,293 --> 01:13:07,054 No. Why? 1241 01:13:07,078 --> 01:13:08,751 I think I"m gonna be celibate. 1242 01:13:08,775 --> 01:13:10,623 Oh. That"ll last. 1243 01:13:10,647 --> 01:13:13,563 Uh, it will last. I will be celibate. 1244 01:14:39,344 --> 01:14:43,150 Hey. Nice sign. 1245 01:14:43,174 --> 01:14:45,045 A little on the nose. 1246 01:14:45,872 --> 01:14:48,198 I know. 1247 01:14:48,222 --> 01:14:50,462 This is great, congrats. 1248 01:14:50,486 --> 01:14:51,593 Thanks. It"s amazing. 1249 01:14:51,617 --> 01:14:53,290 Thank you very much. 1250 01:14:53,314 --> 01:14:55,641 You know, all my life, I"ve anticipated failure so much 1251 01:14:55,665 --> 01:14:58,078 it"s kind of bizarre when it"s not actually happening. 1252 01:14:58,102 --> 01:14:59,122 Mmm. 1253 01:14:59,146 --> 01:15:00,974 Sounds nice, enjoy it. 1254 01:15:02,193 --> 01:15:03,910 Hey, I heard about you and Jane. 1255 01:15:03,934 --> 01:15:05,781 And I"m really sorry. 1256 01:15:05,805 --> 01:15:07,372 "How you holdin" up? 1257 01:15:08,939 --> 01:15:10,244 Oddly well. 1258 01:15:11,550 --> 01:15:12,745 That"s good to hear. 1259 01:15:12,769 --> 01:15:13,857 Yeah, except for one thing. 1260 01:15:14,422 --> 01:15:15,423 What? 1261 01:15:16,816 --> 01:15:22,015 I keep trying to not be in love with you. 1262 01:15:22,039 --> 01:15:24,931 And it does not seem to be working. 1263 01:15:24,955 --> 01:15:27,847 Hmm, interesting turn of events.Mmm-hmm. 1264 01:15:27,871 --> 01:15:30,153 Let me just lay out some ground rules. 1265 01:15:30,177 --> 01:15:33,026 There"s gonna be no sleeping together, no sex. 1266 01:15:33,050 --> 01:15:35,768 I"m so sorry. Okay, great, see you. 1267 01:15:35,792 --> 01:15:36,812 All right. 1268 01:15:36,836 --> 01:15:38,403 Come here. 1269 01:15:44,409 --> 01:15:45,429 Hey. 1270 01:15:45,453 --> 01:15:46,735 Yeah? 1271 01:15:46,759 --> 01:15:49,129 I think I"m coming around on Tom Petty. 1272 01:15:49,153 --> 01:15:50,434 Okay, we can have sex. 1273 01:15:50,458 --> 01:15:53,046 Let"s fuck. Oh, fantastic. 1274 01:15:53,070 --> 01:15:55,551 The table"s very small but it is full-service. 1275 01:16:34,328 --> 01:16:36,785 No, wait, I have an idea. No, wait, don"t leave me. 1276 01:16:36,809 --> 01:16:38,918 No, I need to get this. Don"t leave me. 1277 01:16:38,942 --> 01:16:40,093 Come on. All right. 1278 01:16:40,117 --> 01:16:41,771 Promise, this is gonna be good. 1279 01:16:42,336 --> 01:16:43,990 One, two, three. 1280 01:16:48,429 --> 01:16:50,799 Good one. Got it. 1281 01:16:50,823 --> 01:16:52,453 Do this? No, no. 1282 01:16:52,477 --> 01:16:54,020 I"ve seen people do this. 1283 01:16:54,044 --> 01:16:55,480 Told you. 1284 01:22:53,925 --> 01:22:58,862 My most memorable blowjobs was with a celebrity. 1285 01:22:58,886 --> 01:23:02,040 Oh, I try not to brag about that too much, uh... 1286 01:23:02,064 --> 01:23:03,693 But I met Rick Moranis 1287 01:23:03,717 --> 01:23:06,218 right after Honey, I Shrunk the Kids 1288 01:23:06,242 --> 01:23:09,699 and, honey, did I shrink his kids. 1289 01:23:09,723 --> 01:23:12,161 You know? 1290 01:23:16,121 --> 01:23:18,689 I"m sweating. 91633