Original subtitles

♪ Warriors for Hire are here ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ It's the name and career ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ For sleuthing siblings who quest ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ Which is what they do best ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ They have special tools ♪

♪ For which they are fools ♪

♪ These guys lose their mind when they collect and find ♪

♪ The Mighty Magi...swords ♪

♪♪

Announcer: On the outskirts of Rhyboflaven! Meow!

Mew.

Vambre: Look, Prohyas!

A wee kitteh is stuck in a tree.

Prohyas: Oh, he looks so distressed.

Mew.

This looks like a job for...

Announcer: Balloon animal magisword.

Ooh!

But, um, this helps the situation how?

He-e-e-elium.

Here, kitty. Here comes Vambre

to save you from this big, bad tree.

O-o-och!

Predictable. Have you anything more functional?

Hmm. Boink.

Announcer: Trouser magisword!

Fashionable and functional.

Blech! Better you than me, to be sure.

Oh, that's right, your whole not liking pants...thing.

It's not that I simply don't like pants.

I hate pants! I hate all pants.

I hate the way they restrict my movements,

the way they make my skin crawl,

the way they chafe against my legs!

Oh, the chaffing...

Hey, I got the cat, so, um, you can stop monologuing.

D'aw, who likes to get booped on the snoot?

You do. You --

[ Growling ]

MROW!

Eee! A tentacle, feline beastie!

MROW!

Aw, he's simultaneously cute and terrifying.

Ooh, he's a feisty one.

Come along, Prohyas, let us do the thing.

Announcer: Cuddle puppy magisword!

Anvil magisword.

Both: Super teamwork combo...chain?

Nying.

Pardon me, but we were trying to to bask in the heat of battle.

You're -- y -- you couldn't be.

Steel Magnolia.

In the flesh, young adventurer! And steel, of course.

Eh, Iron Chrysanthemum?

Steel Magnolia!

The most legendary adventurer/blacksmith

in all of Lyvsheria!

Oh, that and a few neighboring regions.

Pat, pat.

It's a good thing that a seasoned professional,

such as I, was nearby to save you wee warriors.

[ Scoffs ] Save us? From the monster?

'Cause we routinely handle --

We are thrilled to be in your presence.

Eee! Am I, now?

I'm not here to save you from a silly monster.

I'm here to save you from your insufficient attire.

What self-respecting warrior

goes gallivanting in that patchwork?

Luckily, generous ol' Steel Magnolia

is here to lend you some of my designer armor.

[ Imitates buzzer ] Sorry, Miss Daffodil.

We appreciate the offer, but armor just isn't our thing.

Right, Vamburrito?

Eee!

Come along with me, dearie.

I've got just the right armor for you in my shop.

Well, if you change your mind,

I'll be over here fighting the monster...alone.

P-s-s-sh, armor-schmarmor.

A manly man such as moi prefers to feel the action of battle.

I can feel it.

Announcer: Soon, at Steel Magnolia's shop of steel.

Hmm. Well, let's address that problematic area

with my patented...

battle pants.

P-p-p-p-p-p-pants?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Please, let's, um, let's focus on the upper half.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Eh.

Mrow?

Mrew?

Announcer: Squeaky nightstick magisword!

Who likes to get booped on the head?

[ Squeaking ]

Ohh! Eee! Ugh!

Getting hideously clobbered is fun and all,

but I could get this done with some backup.

Did someone place an order for backup?

I...okay.

Let's get back to busi-ness?

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

Ready, Prohyas?

[ Speaking gibberish ]

[ Blows ]

No one exhales my brother off-screen.

Hiya!

[ Groaning ]

Hiya!

Hiya.

Hiya.

Mrow!

Ha! Silly beastie.

Did someone knock?

I've scuffed the armor, I'm afraid.

Oh, Vambre, all you need is an upgrade.

What did you have in...mind?

Ms...Ms. Magnolia,

with all due respect, this might be a touch heavy.

Ho-ho! You know what they say?

The heavier they are, the harder they fall.

Ah, yes. That old chestnut.

Vambre: It seems like it's not working out for me.

But this is Steel Magnolia here.

Surely, she knows what she's talking about.

Ooh!

We've got to get you into these shoulder pads.

[ Inhales sharply ]

All right, kitty. Here's a taste of your own medicine.

Announcer: Cat tongue magisword!

Mro-o-w!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Aah!

[ Shudders ]

I hope Vambre gets back while I still have some face.

Vambre: Put my brother down, fuffy mew-mew.

Announcer: Fish head magisword.

Doopy rasa-frasa gauntlets!

It would appear the gauntlets have thrown me down.

Prohyas...

let us combine forces.

Boo to the yiggity yah!

Super teamwork com--

[ Grunting ]

M-mulligan. [ Growls ]

Super teamwork com--

[ Both grunting ]

Adequate all by myself combo, fi-i-ish?

Well...

Aah!

Fret not, Vambre. Pat, pat.

A wandering warrior happened to donate his old gear here

just last week.

Luckily, I brought something that cats loathe.

Announcer: Catnip mouse magisword!

Oh, th-this looked different in my bag.

Aaaah!

Eh?

[ Samurai music playing ]

I have no idea what that's referencing,

but it looks cool.

Ha!

Ah?

Mow.

Och.

This is my most sophisticated armor yet.

Yes. Sophisticated.

That's certainly a word for it.

[ Sighs ] If this is what legendary Steel Magnolia

thinks is good, I'll try it.

Hmm. Now, you're sure you don't want to try the pants?

It really ties the whole thing together.

Eh, no, no. I'm fine.

[ Metal clanking ]

[ Sighs ]

Now, now punch?

Not quite what I had in mind.

Och.

Och!

Och! OCH!

Let's see if this is any better.

[ Beeping ]

No-o-o!

Aim at the cat, you doopy --

[ Yawns ]

Argh! [ Buzzer ]

Nye-e-e-eh!

Oh, come on.

There's got to be something I haven't pressed.

Oh!

[ Buzzer ]

Who would put a self-destruct button on a suit of armor?

All right, back to the shop.

Ms. Magnolia, I appreciate your generosity,

but I'm beginning to think all of these armors

are a tad -- hmm -- impractical?

Impractical?! I'll tell you what's impractical!

A warrior who fights without...pants!

Any of my expertly-crafted armor would work perfectly fine

if you just wore the battle pants.

No, not that.

Eek!

Anything but those, please!

Let's talk this out over a cup of tea?

Just don't give me the --

See, much better.

Now, you look like an actual warrior.

Pat. Pa-a-at.

[ Groaning ]

Aah!

I HATE PANTS!

HA-A-A-TE!

[ Snarling ]

Prohyas!

Let's do the thing!

Yeah! Let's -- on the -- on -- on -- on the pants?

'Kay!

Announcer: Unravel magisword!

Little blue bomb magisword!

Both: Super teamwork combo -- bye-bye bell bottoms.

[ Pop! Pop! Pop! ]

Ah, I feel much better.

Steel, I appreciate you treating me

to your worldly collection of armor,

but it's just not for me, least of all the pants.

Pants restrict my mobility, chafe my legs,

and last but certainly not least, cramp my style.

I've learned over many years of warrioring

that pants don't make the warrior.

And just because I don't wear pants

doesn't mean I don't "wear the pants".

And that is why I, Vambre Marie Warrior,

have not worn pants, do not wear pants,

and shall never again wear pants.

[ Triumphant music plays ]

Pat. Pat.

My word, I feel so free!

Announcer: Rad rocket magisword!

Such speed.

Fight wig magisword!

♪♪

Meow!

Such strength! I know, right?

Announcer: Wickersnapper magisword!

Soothing brush magisword.

[ Snores ]

Om! Om!

She's terrific!

Where'd you get that? Popcorn store.

Ah.

Om! Om!

And to think, I did it all without pants.

♪♪

♪♪