Original subtitles

♪ Warriors for Hire are here ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ It's the name and career ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ For sleuthing siblings who quest ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ Which is what they do best ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ They have special tools ♪

♪ For which they are fools ♪

♪ These guys lose their mind when they collect and find ♪

♪ The Mighty Magi...swords ♪

Announcer: At Warriors for Hire Headquarters! Ebee-ebee!

♪ Grup, Grup, Grup ♪

♪ Grup is sweeping ♪

♪ Grup is sweeping ♪

Huh? [ Gasps ] No!

[ Sighs ] Huh?!

No! [ Snoring ]

Not in Grup's happy home!

Huh? Huh?

Get out of my house, scary things!

Grup, stop. Oh, hey, Prohyas.

I mistook you for a terrifying heckbeast.

Prohyas was simply using Monster Suit Magisword

to make us nice and snug!

Ooh! I, too, want to be snug.

Boop! Yay! I'm a dragon!

Aw! He's a dragon! Aw! He's a dragon!

[ Doorbell ringing quickly ]

Together: Tracy, Bobbipher!

Announcer: It's the now-adult children of Teri Gargantuan,

the spider the Warriors met at the top of the Octoped Tower!

They used to look like this! They grow up so fast!

Greetings, Uncle Prohyas.

Looking positively tasty in that fly getup, Aunt Vam.

Tracy and Bobbipher

sound like perfectly normal human person names.

Please, dearies, come inside and have a seat!

Yep, inviting totally normal human peoples into our home.

So how's mama Teri doing these days?

Not great.

Yeah, Mom's fighting a crazed game hunter

named Francis Thingshooter

on top of Octoped Tower as we speak.

Gasp! Gasp!

Yeah, we tried asking our hundreds of siblings,

but they're all pretty busy

leading their fulfilling adult lives.

Boop! Tyler and Zander are off

backpacking in the wilds of the Lyvsheria sign.

Boop! Candi's eggs just hatched.

Boop! Logan is a janitor at some big building in Galacton.

So, yeah, you get the idea.

Okay, we can totally--

Ptooey!

Aah!

We were already gonna do it, and now there's jemms!

Yay! Yay!

Announcer: Soon, at Octoped Tower!

Is that Franklin Thwartshaver?

Boo, boo, boosh!

It is I, Francis Thingshooter, in fact!

And that... giant spider shall be mine!

Boosh! Boosh! Boosh!

[ Laughing ]

Kids, Warriors, don't get caught up in Mama's web of dramas!

[ Grunts ] Ptooey!

Serve!

Francis, I demand you leave

Teri Gargantuan alone this instant!

You may think me a monster, some lady,

but I am in fact, law-abidingest of citizens!

Licensed, approved, be-permitted,

and notarized the corporation of Galacton, Incorporated.

Well, we're still gonna kick your booticus, no matter --

Brother, stop! If we wish to save Teri,

we must do so within the boundaries of the law.

-Vambre's right, kids! -Tally-ho!

It's super important to abide by the law,

even in situations like this.

[ Munching ] I'd go fill out some forms in Galacton, but...

[ Slurps ] I gotta dodge this fellow,

lest, you know, I be eliminated and whatnot.

The law! The law!

The law! [ Screeches ]

-Huh. -Hey, babies.

You honies go to Galacton

and try to sort this one out for us, 'kay?

We'll stay here and help

by staying very much out of the way.

What helpful children I raised!

Announcer: Soon, in Galacton!

Galacton Incorporated Inquiry Center

seems like a fine place to start.

Hello. Please come back after lunchtime.

Huh? Nope!

Announcer: Retractable Ladder Magisword!

Not leaving here until you answer our questions!

[ Sighs ]

Prohyas, you have to speak in a bweezness-like manner

or it shan't take you seriously!

Ahem. To whom it may concern, which is you.

I, Vambre Marie Warrior, possess an inquiry

which I must beckon of you

at this chronological vertice relevatory --

Request understood without further verbosity.

Announcer: Ball Point Magisword!

So what does it do?

It -- It writes, Prohyas.

I know what a pen d-- Combined eye color?

Um, mauve, I suppose?

Nature of soul? Good?

Least favorite bug? Fig wasp.

Why? Don't ask

and don't look it up.

We adulted! We adulted!

Commence shredding. Please take a number.

Now serving one.

Now can we finally ask you a question?

Yes. Thank you for your inquiry.

Not fair! That did not qualify as a real question!

It ended with a question mark.

I am only able to answer one inquiry per individual visitor.

[ Both growl ] What are these?!

A form apologizing to me

for your distastefully aggressive behavior.

[ Growling ] Oh, dear!

This unknowable black void of excruciating emptiness

wasn't here before, right?

I won't wait for answers any longer!

Yah!

All right, you! Hey, hey--

What is that?

Well, that's...new.

Ugh... It got newer!

[ Gargling ]

How do you do?

Uh...huh? Uh...huh?

How do you do?!

Uh, fine, thank you.

Really? Do you know where you're going?

Who are you? When will you know?

Did you leave the oven on?

I don't know what I did with the oven!

I don't know what I did!

Hmm...

And where might you be going?

Wait, are -- are they...

Noncommittal oven response?

Gasp! It is just as I thought.

They know too little!

We might know more

if you actually told us some useful information!

Please take a number. Bye-bye!

There's a triangle in this rectangle!

This isn't even a number!

See here, automata, we--

[ Both screaming ]

Oof! Oof! My posterior!

I hate tri-tangles that don't help us at all!

Hey. Gasp! Gasp!

No littering or loitering.

Wait, Logan? Logan Gargantuan?

Uncle Prohyas, Auntie Vam-Vam?!

Hey, wait, is this about Mom?

Yes! If we don't hurry back, your mother might get squished.

We need to do something about Francis Thingshooter's permit.

Gosh, this sounds serious.

But I do know who can counter that hunter's permit.

You want to talk to Thaddius Thirdwell III.

If he can't help ya, no one can.

That fails to reassure.

Now, uh, right through the door with ya.

[ Sighs ] A stinking waiting room?!

Logan, if you could just pull a few --

Logan plays by the rules.

Also, here's a form you gotta fill out.

For?

Making a dang old mess in my nice clean hallway.

Och!

The lighting in here makes me itchy.

Please take a number.

I think I might hate numbers now.

I used to at least like the odd ones.

Now serving zero-zero-one.

The problems are multifold.

Announcer: 20 minutes later! Wow!

Bacon technology has come a long way since...10 years ago?!

What?! No! What?!

They can't do this to us -- we are human beings!

Now serving number zero-two-F.

[ Both screaming ]

Announcer: 45 minutes later!

This -- This is punishment, right?!

We're -- We're being punished?!

Will the suffering never end?!

Now serving number 12.

Finally!

We're just one digit away from freedom!

Now serving number 12.001.

What?! What?!

Now serving blue.

I'm warning you.

Now serving unladen swallow.

Now I shall -- Is that a Rhyboflavish swallow

or a Galactonian swallow?

I-I... I'm not sure, I...

I -- Er, I --

I've had it up to here with bureaucracy!

Right there? Right here!

Let's see their bureaucracy and raise them some och-racy!

Yeah! Disestablishmentarianism!

Ya guys still in here? I gotta clean!

We were just leaving, Logan!

But, first, may we borrow your employee badge?

Did you not hear me mention that Logan plays by the rules?

We're trying to save your mother, you horrible

little arach-nerd!

Announcer: Soon in Thaddius's Thirwe--

Th-- yeah!

My office is the fanciest in all the land!

Announcer: Monster Suit Magisword!

Cleaning spider! Clean!

-Spidering. -Ah, good, you're here!

My can has become infested with garbage!

Yes, sir, Thaddius, sir! Glad to clean and --

I can't breathe in here! Abort, abort!

Mah, mah, mah, mah, what?!

Mr. The Third, we've most urgent matters to discuss with you.

It's pronounced "3.0."

I shan't listen to your flim-flam

unless you've gone through the proper channel-flannels.

Sir, you've okayed a permit

that affects whether someone should live or perish.

I sign everything!

You like forms, eh?

Announcer: Ballpoint Magisword!

Forms like this?

A form! Give to Thaddy!

"From this moment forward, I hereby declare Teri Gargantuan

off-limits forever, signed Thaddius Thirdwell III."

That was surprisingly easy.

After it goes through the system,

you can expect the delivery between 30 minutes and 30 days!

It seems that while we wait for said form to arrive,

we'll have to resort to action.

Agreed! Announcer: Rad Rocket Magisword!

So long, Mr. 3.0!

[ Screaming ]

Robot Secretary, please order me a new door.

I have a name, you horrible man!

Announcer: Soon! Ya had enough, ya mallet head?!

[ Maniacal laughter ]

[ Sobbing ]

Leave our mama alone, ya stinky poodle!

Silence, beast! Keep that up and you're next!

Hey! You don't talk to my kids that way!

I have so much net for your face! Boosh!

No, please! So full!

No!

[ Gasps ]

Francis! Hi!

Hi, Teri! Hi, Teri!

There's a permit arriving at any minute now

that says you cannot hunt her anymore!

Ha! I'll believe that when I see it!

Boosh! Boosh, boosh!

-Ach! -Eek!

Oh, no, you did not, Francis.

Oh, no, you did not!

I did, actually. My name is "Thingshooter."

Like, it's my actual name.

Let's tango! Let's tango!

I'm more of a waltz man. Boosh! Boosh, boosh!

Is that the best you can do, Francis?

Hyah!

Yeah, actually. What of it?

Egads!

[ Panting ]

Hey, Francis?! Look it.

Announcer: Instant Wrap Magisword!

Ach! This won't hold me!

For I have a secret.

I'm sucking it in, like, all of the time! Boosh!

Aah! Aah!

I got to relax for an entire few minutes!

Yeah! Bring it!

Yeah! [ Screaming ]

Special Delivery for Warriors for Hire.

Huh? Huh?

Have an incorporated day.

Francis Thingshooter, you gotta stop it now!

What?! Let me see that!

[ Mumbling ] Well, that boils my buttons.

As an honorable and law-abiding hunter,

I cannot mount you on my wall.

Therefore, I shall obtain a counter-counter permit

for your counter permit. [ Maniacal laughter ]

If Galactonian red tape is what you desire...

Here's a one-way ticket to bureaucracy-land.

Announcer: Spider Web Magisword! Slingshot Magisword!

Together: Super Teamwork Combo -- boosh!

[ Screams ]

Together: Spider Trebuchet!

How dare you not think I already had transportation!

-Yes! -Yes!

Phew! Glad that mallet-head is gone.

Tracy, Bobbipher!

Is it safe?

You bet your sweet spider buns it's safe!

Come on, group hug!

You're the best uncle and aunt a spider could ask for!

[ Gasping ] Don't mention it!

It -- It was nothing!

Ah, you two -- so modest! And soft.

Robot Secretary, order me one more fake animal head.

[ Thump ]

Robot Secretary, cancel that order.

You'll have to fill out a cancelation form, sir.

I love forms!

[ Upbeat music plays ]