Original subtitles

♪ Warriors for Hire are here ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ It's the name and career ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ For sleuthing siblings who quest ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ Which is what they do best ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ They have special tools ♪

♪ For which they are fools ♪

♪ These guys lose their mind when they collect and find ♪

♪ The Mighty Magi...swords ♪

Announcer: At the Rhyboflaven Bazaar!

[ Both scream, grunt ]

[ Both groaning ]

My, but that was a spectacular failure.

Yay, spectacle!

That may be our longest hang time.

I'm jotting this down in our personal record book.

So things didn't go as smoothly as we hoped, as "yuzhe."

We still got away with the Cat Tongue Magisword.

I consider this a messy successy.

Hello, what's this?

I'm so glad y'all asked, young lady!

This here be the Rhyboflaven Bazaar Board of Opinions.

Why?

Well, shoot, everyone's got opinions.

'Course, that's just my opinion.

Give folks a way to express 'em,

and, hot dog, does they feel empowered.

Empowered folks are happy, and happy folk buy things.

-Does it cost anything to post? -Nope, the board's free,

and also unregulated and anonymous and what have ya.

Huh. I foresee no negative repercussions

-to any part of that statement. -You kids have fun

trying it out, now, ya hear?.

-[ Grunts ] -I'm-a do that right now.

"Slugburger equals delicious."

And post.

[ Shudders ] Hey, I do feel a little of that empoweratude.

Oh, I'll give it a go, I suppose.

"The Printed Page is my favorite bookstore,

and it is managed by the most platonic of friends

you'll ever make."

[ Shatters ] [ Screams ]

[ Laughter ]

Hey, Warriors, there's a post here about you, too.

Really? Swizzity-sweet. "The Warriors for Hire blowed up

that cat statue with egg how," the letter "U," "even do that?

Usign bomberang and bubble gum magic swords together

4 make Boomerwad was genious."

Then like seven ellipses, "Not. What a losers."

[ Sighs ] Really, Borp? You can do better.

-Hey, he didn't write it. -Yeah, don't Borp the messenger.

Uh, how is there a review of our latest mission

if we just got back from it?

Why would you even use eggs in that blistering heat?

Are you some sort of egghead?

[ Laughter ]

And what even was that Boomerwad combo thang?

Oh. I ended up having to use Sharkblade Magisword

to cut all the gum out of Prohyas' hair after that one.

Yes, yes, amusing. Run along, children.

We're the Broccoli Dumplin' Kids.

Yeah, I'm not calling you that.

What's got you all miffed in a tizzy, brother?

The laughter of children is never a good thing

in any context, but you seem to be taking it harder than usual.

It's not them. It's this mysterious stranger.

At least the doopy kids had the nerve to mock me to my face.

This post wasn't even constructive.

They were just being a mean Billie-Jean.

No, this libel must be nipped in the bud.

-[ Snickering ] -I said "bud."

"Hi, it's me, Prohyas Warrior.

First of all, there are no mere magic swords.

They're Magiswords. It's a portmanteau, you see.

Now, as far as as how Giant Egg Magisword

could possibly explode an ancient temple"...

Announcer: Soon. "But I've trained my hair,

so it's okay. I hope that clears everything up."

And post. There, that should do it.

-Should it? -Yes.

Ah, Warriors, I was just on my way over to hire y'all.

I'm in need of a pungent purple-flowered crocus stigma

to grind into saffron for my famous Flaming Flamingo Paella.

Those certainly were words.

Glad to do it, Fued. It'll be a nice distraction.

Announcer: One mission later!

So we give thanks to Vambre and Prohyas Warrior.

Decades of fighting between the once-mortal enemies

of pirates and unicorns has finally come to an end.

Glitter Clan owes you young adventurers a great debt.

You've saved many peg-legs and rainbows

from being spilled on the battlefield.

I, Long James, love this guy. Bring it in, Cornan.

[ Laughs ] The tears won't stop flowing.

-Pirate Mayor. -Seriously, guys, rock on.

Y'all can use the spa whenever you want after this.

[ Squealing quietly ]

Let's hear it for peace in all of Lyvsheria!

It's hard to believe that fetching food for Fued

finished this feud.

I've never, ever been more proud of us as people.

"Warriors," the number 4, "here are phonies.

They end unicron fights here that were cool.

I lick 2 watch dose.

They didn't even get dat flower 4 Fudd,

so their big fails, LOL." [ Growls ]

Announcer: That evening...

If I can catch that poster posting posthaste,

I can finally!!

...calmly inform them of how they are mistaken.

That's it. Come have an opinion. You know you can't resist.

I'll be here, waiting to give you the ultimate tongue-lashing.

[ Snoring ]

Prohyas, I've been nooking every cranny for you all morning.

Huh? What?

Dang it! "Way to sleep on the job, dingus, ROFL."

I was not on a job! The stakeout was a personal failure!

Ohh, this letter will be sternly worded.

Prohyas, love, put the pen down.

Don't feed the trollblins.

We have a mission. That always puts my mind at ease.

[ Groaning ]

Fine. What's the gig?

Announcer: Soon.

They're supposed to be somewhere near the marshes.

Ah, there. That's the trilobite

that Omnibus wants for his terrarium.

So if we want that doopy doopster to stop writing

the nasties on us, this needs to go flawlessly.

Slow and steady will win this race.

Announcer: Cat Tongue Magisword!

There'll be no screw-ups if we slow-ups.

Easy now. Careful.

Care...

Announcer: 13 hours later!

Three, two, one.

There. The swamp has been successfully drained

with zero embarrassing mishaps.

Now we simply walk out to the big rock

and take this dopey little giant pillbug, like so.

[ Growls ]

Where did that terrible trilobite go?!

How ya doin'? Ya know, I swear that yesterday,

right where we're standin', there was a marsh.

You wouldn't happen to know what happened to it, would you?!

Get over here, you cuddly creepy-crawly!

Yes. Ning!

-Get over here. -I must procure it.

[ Both exclaiming indistinctly ]

Um, hello? Remember me?

King Rexxtopher, the single most ferocious predator

in the history of Lyvsheria?!

[ Grunting ]

-Now! Yah! -Now! Yah!

[ Trilling ]

Oh, crumbs.

[ Grunting ]

I got it. I got --

Ew. That is so gross.

[ Growls ]

-Ptooey. -Must succeed.

Must succeed. Where'd it go?!

Announcer: Electric Razor Magisword!

Heads up, brother!

[ Trilling ]

-And gotcha! -Double gotcha.

-Double squish ya. -[ Trilling ]

No, no, no, no, no!

That's it, no more humans

sabotaging the local eco-lo-lo-logies here.

What's the current record on your midair hang time?

13 minutes.

Hmm, I can beat that.

-Ning! -Good form!

And stay out of our delicate enviro-system-s-s-s.

[ Both screaming ]

[ Both groaning ]

27 minutes. Impressive.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, Prohyas, sounds like you took a lickin'

after takin' a lickin'!

There's mud in your face. [ Laughter ]

[ Growls ] What has that jerk said about me now?!

Announcer: Foam Finger Magisword!

Can't you see we failed Omnibus' mission

due to your obsession with this mystery commenter?

[ Sighs ] You're right, Vambre.

The only reasonable thing I can do is to find out

who this contemptible commenter really is!

-Och. -You!

Yes. It was us, Witch Way,

purveyors of misdeeds for our own twisted amusement.

[ Cackles ]

Uh, just for our records, which specific purveyed misdeed

are you referring to? Leaving nasty

anonymous comments about us

on the Bulletin Board of Opinions?

-What?! -What?! That wasn't us.

-It wasn't? -It wasn't.

When we mock you,

we do it right up to your broccoli-farming commoner faces,

so you know it was us who did it.

-See? -See.

Oh, well, that is in line with your usual motives.

Come, Prohyas. We've another gig to do.

Oh, before you go, you want to buy a Trilobite?

-We got dozens of 'em. -Omnibus hired us

to get just one, but they were so easy to capture.

[ Screaming ]

Announcer: Later! Vambre:

Princess Zange has hired us

to collect Puca Shells from the Puca Shell tree.

Hmm. Making this simple victory look epic won't be easy.

Announcer: Bulldozer Magisword!

Don't you think this sword is a bit overpowered?

Nope. Ning!

Got 'em! Whoops. Wait, no.

[ Groans ] You're ruining my epic victory!

Foolish mammal!

Your reckless attack on the innocent Puca Shell tree

has made all the shells a-flee-flee-flee.

You would have known that, if you had paid attention

to current events. [ Laughs ]

Would you like me to explain my hilarious pun to you?

No. What in blazes?

-Oh, no. -Grande asperge!

It is Lyvsheria's number-one pop bard, Frankie Jupiter!

♪ Hey, you hired me ♪

♪ To read the things they say about you ♪

♪ And now and how ♪

♪ Are the words that may or may not be true ♪

♪ Be ready for the words from the bulletin board ♪

♪ So once again ♪

♪ Prohyas is in over his head ♪

♪ The Puca Shells got away ♪

♪ So here's man-fish instead, you ain't ready ♪

♪ Dude, you just had one job ♪

♪ You smell, you stink ♪

♪ You've no future in this bweezness ♪

♪ I don't think you'll ever be ready ♪

Uh, hey, that's all the guy wrote. Sorry.

So, did hiring someone to sing you the mean comments

improve the quality of your life the way you thought it might?

-It's fine. -Really?

-I have a plan. -And that is?

I'm going to head back to town, go to the bazaar,

and destroy that abominable bulletin board

of jerk-face meanies!

Announcer: Rad Rocket Magisword!

[ Shrieks ]

Prohyas, destroying the bulletin board isn't right!

I can has revenge!

I've got to stop him.

Announcer: Chainsaw Magisword!

-[ Screaming ] -No!

Announcer: Wad of Gum, Beehive, Cheese, Brick Magisword!

[ Squish ] [ Groaning ]

[ Grunting ]

I dislike this post!

-Halt. -Eh?

What's this weird thing from the sky

that's impeding us on our quest?

-Could it be a ferocious beast? -Yay, beasts!

-Prohyas, are you alive? -No!

-Vambre? -And Prohyas!

-The Warriors for Hire! -The Warriors for Hire!

You've heard of us, younglings?

Are you kiddin'? We've heard about all your adventures.

Like how you escaped an exploding temple.

And stopped a unicorn/pirate war.

You literally got in the face of the king of dinosaurs.

And fought a terrifying fish-gentleman hybrid.

Look out. It's a terrifying fish-gentleman hybrid.

Och. I failed the quest.

You only fail if you quit.

Now, let's ding-dong do this.

-Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew! -Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!

Looks like they're too busy having fun with our adventures

to go leave comments on some board.

So why obsess over the opinion of a person

who will always be negative regardless of what you do?

Look out, kids. There's a seven-headed wombat

destroying the town. Pew, pew, pew, pew!

-Pew, pew, pew, pew! -Come on, guys.

Last one to Slugburger's in second place!

Wait, that's it? That's how this ends?

But we never found out who wrote all those mean posts

-about the warriors. -Well, yeah, the whole point

is that it doesn't matter who it was.

They're letting the message get in the way of the backstory?!

They have no idea what we want.

♪♪