Original subtitles

♪ Warriors for Hire are here ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ It's the name and career ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ Siblings who quest ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ Which is what they do best ♪

♪ Mighty Magiswords ♪

♪ They have special tools ♪

♪ For which they are fools ♪

♪ These guys lose their mind when they collect and find ♪

♪ The Mighty Magi...swords ♪

Announcer: In the fields of Rhybo-- Whoa! Okay.

[ Roars ] Both: Aaaaahhhhhhh!

Running away from the golem is getting us no closer

to obtaining the moss off his back for Fud!

Well, standing would endeaden us.

Uh, that would also be an issue.

Ah! We could just knock him out

with the Sleeping Dragon Magisword!

Right! That sounds adventurey.

I have a far more perilous idea!

Announcer: Rad Rocket Magisword!

Okay -- dangerous. But is it functional?

Wait for it!

Exploding Bubble and Blow Dryer Magiswords! Collectively!

Good going, Prohyas! Do it!

Egh! Annoyed grunt!

Ow!

Nying!

Eh, uhhhh!

Gah! Hmm?

[ Grunting ]

Announcer: Zombie Pumpkin Magisword!

Zombie Pumpkin Magisword, so, you see the thing?

Can you, uh...? Ooh! Yes'm.

I'm not a "'m"! I'm manly!

Moss get!

Announcer: Wicker Snapper Magisword!

Rrrrraaaah!

Okay, we're done with you now.

Rrrrraaaa--

[ Snoring ]

Wow, Vambre! That plan rocked!

Don't compliment me with a pun.

I -- I have no idea how to react.

Y'all sure outdid yourselves.

Aah! Tha-- Thanks, Fud.

Here's the exorbitant sum we agreed to,

plus a li'l extra for your showmanship.

I was sure that would pay off.

You do extra, you get extra. It's like work karma.

I'll be sure to bring y'all some of my leftover

patented mossloaf after tonight's dinner extravaganza.

[ Chuckling ] That is... absolutely unnecessary.

You're so silly. Pet, pet!

I'll see you Warriors on the morrow.

What does Fud do that she can afford

to get all these extravagant things

and give us so many Jemms?

Do you actually care enough to find out?

Newp! Announcer: Hoverswords!

Both: [ Grunting ] To Ralphio's!

[ Both laughing giddily ]

Announcer: Eventually at Mount Ma'all!

Like, very eventually!

[ Both laughing tiredly ]

Wait!

Don't close! Don't close! Don't close!

I -- I would never! Please! Please! Come in, come in!

[ Whispers ] You complete me. Hey! Eyes up here!

Ralphio, do show us some of your latest Magiswords.

Well, you can always count on the Abacus Magisword!

See what I did there?

Oh, boo! Math is gross.

Well, then, might I interest you in this Pan Flute Magisword?

You can play many a jaunty ditty after some lessons.

Lessons? For a Magisword?

Accordion's already my instrument of choice.

Uh...how 'bout this Trouser Magisword?

How dare you?!

Gulp! [ Speaking gibberish ]

What's that, Wobbles?

Ptoo!

[ Both gasp ] I'll take that one!

Uh, sold!

[ Both snickering ]

I'm so proud of my boy.

[ Both snickering excitedly ]

[ Both snoring, giggling ]

[ Rooster crows ]

Finally! Breakfast time!

I get to use my...

Announcer: Waffle Magisword!

Pancake Magisword!

What?! No, no, no, no, no.

Waffle Magisword turns breakfast into a break-feast.

How can you dislike pancakes?

The word "cake" is right there in the name!

So is the word "pan," which I must do to your choice.

Waffles are the superior selection.

No -- pancakes!

Waffles! Pancakes!

You want some real proof that pancakes are the best?

Oh, do tell, brother!

That would have hurt if pancakes weren't just

edible shoulder pads!

You mean all shoulder pads aren't edible?

Allow me to show you what a real breakfast looks like!

Breakfast extra crispy!

Vambre! Sheeeesh! Sorry about that!

Looks like I might have been rough-housing

a tad overzealously.

Never apologize for housing roughly.

[ Doorbell rings ] Sweet broccoli bits!

Hey, Warriors.

It is I, Fud, rare food enthusiast,

and my cutie-patootie boyfriend, Snax.

Thanks, babe. You're my sweet sugarcane.

As promised, I brought you over some leftover golem mossloaf.

[ Worms growling ]

Yeah -- Uh...you really didn't have to do that.

Ooooh! Tell me more about those food-themed

Magiswords y'all have.

Oh, I'm using my Pancake Magisword

to convince Vambre that pancakes

are the superior breakfast food.

Prohyas just hasn't come 'round to the glory of waffles yet.

I'm working on it.

Snax... Fud...

Both: "Fud Fit!"

Um...what is... "Fud Fit!"

"Fud Fit!" is this precious li'l MagiMobile broadcast

Snax and I like to do sometimes.

All sorts of Lyshsherians view every week,

so you'd get plenty of free publicity out of it.

So...what's it about, anyway?

Both: Well...

Two foods enter, one food leaves.

I'm your gracious host, Fud, and this is "Fud Fit!"

Paid for by our generous sponsors

at Brassica's Best Broccoli.

Representing Pancakes, we have Prohyas Warrior,

and repping Waffles is Prohyas' punky sister, Vambre.

Ooh! "Punky"! I like that!

Okay, pancakes are actually really great.

You can make them into any shape ever!

And they're so soft and cozy!

I give them a hearty skidoop!

Trademark, Prohyas Warrior. Do not steal.

Waffles are clearly the optimal choice.

They offer a crispy sense of structure and stability.

They even have perfect little compartments

for ingredients to live in.

It just butters my crumpet.

Reginald: Next on the royal schedule --

a meeting with King Number 27 of Kotassium.

On it.

'Sup?

[ Crickets chirping ]

So...

mind terribly if I kill an hour watching MagiMobile videos

instead of pretending we're doing something important?

Thanks for being a bro.

♪ When you wanna have a meal but someone's got a beef ♪

♪ When you're tryin' to have some grub ♪

♪ And they punch you in the teeth ♪

♪ Who needs opposition when they're tryin' to chow down? ♪

♪ What has got to happen when some jerk tries to throw down? ♪

♪ If you wanna be the dude ♪

♪ Settle this with Snax and Fud

♪ And have a Fud Fit! ♪

Yeah, guys, you should do a little more of that, uh,

explain', trash-talkin' type thing you were doing earlier.

Really? I mean, shouldn't we get to the action already?

Yes, I would think we should just get to it.

No, no, no. People like some buildup.

It's all about storytellin', y'all.

Wait, I thought this was supposed to be reality.

[ Chuckles ] Right.

Just listen to the name. Just listen to the name.

Pan-cakes. Pancakes.

They're the very cakes of the pan.

Otherwise, why even have a pan?!

What are you gonna put in pans? Something that isn't pancakes?

Well, you're an abomination, my friend.

I will defend these pancakes to the ends of the earth...

or something.

I like to think of waffles as more of

the thinking person's breakfast food.

You can't just put it in the pan and expect it to, uh,

become breakfast.

[ Chuckles ] No, no, no.

It's way too simple.

I don't trust it. No.

Having to be between, uh, two irons --

uhhhh...waffle irons, if you will -

ahh, it says to me that there is a process, you know,

like there's some meaning to it.

And that's why waffles are clearly the superior food.

I'm just going to have to set my brother straight.

Pancaaake Pummel!

Stop hiding behind your waffles and fight me like a --

Huh?

Ahh! Huu! Ahhh! Aaahhh!

Waffle, one! Pancakes, zero!

Not once I'm back on my feet.

Huh?! You're fighting?!

Oooooh! Drama!

No, no, no, no, no, no, nooooooo!

Grup, wait! [ Crying ] No!

Grup, what's wrong, duder?

[ Crying ] My Warriors are fighting!

Oh, Grup, dear heart, I assure you

there's no acrimony between Prohyas and me.

Yeah, little buddy, we're just having fun.

I don't know what "acrimomo" means,

but I just don't understand what could possibly

be fun about not liking each other.

Noooo!

No matter how many variables I consider,

the result is consistently the same.

You are fighting, and you are not happy!

Fud: Y'all are gonna need to get back to action

or we're gonna have issues with our sponsor. Mm-hmm.

Vambre and Prohyas won't listen to my clear logic

and just be nice to each other.

Fud: Yeah. And how does that make you feel?

Hmm! Vengeful, probably!

Mmm. Vengeance sounds good.

I hope they serve that cold next episode.

Am I late to the viewin' party?

I made good time considerin' the Deepest Darkest Woods

is three days away on foot.

I brought corn chips! Yeah, yeah.

Whoo! Ker-bowl!

Who's yer friend?

Oh, this is human woman number HW-D1.

Heeey.

Ewww! You didn't even use any dip!

Whoo! Amateur.

Aaaah!

[ Grunts ]

[ Laughs ]

Humph! [ Laughs ]

A satisfactory surprise, dear brother.

[ Door bursts open ] Stop! In the name of love!

Oooh! More drama, y'all!

Love-Grup, I don't know how many times I have to tell you --

We're just rabble-rousing.

Our playful competition will be over

as soon as Vambre understands the true value of pancakes.

See?! See this nonsense I have to deal with?!

Well, actually, uh, I kinda get it.

I haven't had a tongue in centuries,

so the crispiness of waffles feels quite nice

inside my bony mouth.

Waffles are really tough to digest

when you've got a body this long, though.

No, no, noooooo!

I won't lose you to this pointless war, too!

Now let's beat some sense into these warmongers!

Ehhhhh! Noooo! Ehhhhh!

Prohyas, I'll buy you time to craft a nonviolent diversion

on the other side of the room.

Skidoop! Ski-what?

Skidoop is a feeling. Skidoop is a state of being.

Skidoop is a way of life.

Hashtag skidoop. Thanks, li'l buddy.

When do I get my free T-shirt?

Three to five weeks, li'l buddy.

Get to the other side of the room and do your job!

Sir, yes, sir!

[ Huffing ]

It sure is [Panting] taking us a while

to...get halfway across the room.

Yeah. I'm sweating, and I don't even have any glands.

Announcer: Ground Pound Magisword!

Perfectly balanced breakfast, ♪ goooooo! ♪

Special Pancake Decoy Friends, ♪ goooooo! ♪

Huh?! Hey! There they are!

[ Squeaking ]

They seem plenty preoccupied.

Yinngg! Warrior huddle? Let's!

Prohyas, we absolutely must convince them

that there is no acrimony between us,

Did...you just learn that word in a dictionary or something?

Perhaps we'll have to put this breakfast feud to bed.

Shame. It made for really great drama.

Also, we care about our friends.

Yes, that too.

Announcer: Wad of Gum Magisword!

To prove to you that there's no "arkimommy" --

"Acrimony"! That --

between Vambre and me,

allow us to wake you up the right way, together!

For what is breakfast without variety?

Both: Super Teamwork Combo -- Continental Breakfast!

All: Oooooh! Oooooooh! Less drama.

See, Grup? Now you can appreciate the value of teamwork

by enjoying this bountiful breakfast

with all of your dearest frien--

Hey! I'm here to deliver a formal letter

I've written to the network!

We really should be keeping that door closed, you guys.

"Fud Fit!" doesn't feature my favorite breakfast food --

stewed prunes -- and the art that other people create

should always reflect my specific, individual tastes!

[ Gasps ] [ Gasps ]

Concern.

[ Gasps, cries ]

Hey, y'all, bad news.

We gotta shut this down. Huh? What gives?

Unfortunately, the numbers have come in,

and with some of the new cast members --

i.e. this terribly unrelatable old man --

Why, I never!

Viewership has dropped to only three Lyvsherians,

and one of those people is actually just a muffin.

Our fine sponsors at Brassica's Best Broccoli

simply won't stand for numbers like that -- no, sir.

Y'all take care now, ya hear?

Come on, sugar lamb. Let's skidoop on outta here.

Skidoop!

Hey! They're stealing "skidoop"!

Noon already?

We've been sparring for hours and haven't had a morsel

of actual, non-magical food.

My tummy's sayin' it's time for Slugburger!

Oh, come now.

I say we should go to Sprigs,

lest you're willing to fight me for it.

We are not going to that garnish-themed restaurant!

No more arkimorphy!

[ Whimpering ]