Original subtitles

Okay, we're offto the movies.Ah.

But first, Adam,

I am gonna do something incredibly nice for you.

Well, if you can say what it isin front of the guys,

it's not what I'm secretly hoping for.

No, it is our 20th anniversary this weekend,

and I know you puta lot of pressure

on yourself about these things.

So I made us a dinner reservation

at La Traviata.Oh.

That's Italian for "I took care of it, honey."

Honey, thank you, but I'm well aware

it's our 20th anniversary,

and I've already made some very special plans.

Ooh, you're lucky.

If I don't constantlythreaten Don,

he doesn't plan anything.

I'm never more thoughtfulthan when

I'm frightenedout of my mind.

Don't worry, I got this.

Oh, that is so sweet.[chuckles]

Okay, I'll cancel our reservations.

Aw.

I got this whole 20thanniversary thing under control.

[chuckling]

I had no ideait was our 20th!

[groans]

I could tell. I've seenthat look on my own face.

I mean, I knew we had an anniversary coming up,

but I didn't know it wassuch a big one.

I knew, because you and Andi were married in May of 2000,

which is exactly 16 years before we met.

This will be our fourth friend-erversary

This is gonna be harder than I thought.

I can't do my usual anniversary stuff.

I need something big. 20 years is a milestone.

That's where the word came from.

"Mile." "Stone."

Long and heavy, like a marriage.

We're gonna needbeers for this.

I do better withsome thinking juice.

All right, I got something.

Andi loves theater.Everybody knows that.

So I'll take her to a play.

Look at that, just one sip,I already had an idea.

That's nice, but if you really want to dazzle her,

you need to come up with something

she doesn't know you know she'd like to do.

He's right.

For me and Marcy's 25th anniversary,

I took her hot-air ballooning over wine country.

The best part was she didn't know

that I knew she wanted to do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You told me a hundred times.

One balloon ride and you're Antonio Banderas.

When you surprise your wife with something

you secretly noticed about her,

it says you pay attention because you care.

Yeah, but how do I know something

she doesn't know I know?

If I know it, she'll know I know

because she told me.

It's the only way I know things.

Look, Don, how did you know

Marcy wanted to go on a balloon ride?

Well, because I love my wife.

And I know where she keeps her diary.

Wait a minute, how about this?

Andi's got lots of pictures of owls in here.

Which means I noticed she loves owls.

So... what if I take her to the woods,

a nice bottle of wine and a couple of dead mice?

They say no idea is a bad idea,

but they haven't heard that one.

I know, it stinks.

I'm choking.

All right, Lowell,

I need your help.

You are my most trustworthy friend.

I don't know if youranniversary surprise for Andi

will be perfect, but the oneyou just gave me is.

I need you to go to Andi tomorrow

and find out if there is something she has secretly

always wanted to do.

Oh, look, it's 2:45.

You're not here every day,but this is when

we tell each other something

we've secretly alwayswanted to do.

We didn't do that yesterday.

I forgot you were hereyesterday.

I just want to knowmore about you.

Like, I don't know, uh,

how you'd like tocelebrate your anniversary.

Oh, Adam's behind this, huh?

He's got nothing, right?

I'm just rootingfor you two kids.

See, this is why I booked that dinner.

Adam puts too much pressure on himself,

and then he panics and comes up with some weird idea.

That checks out so far.

Like when he wanted to plan our honeymoon.

He decided it had to be something I'd never expect.

So he overthought it and rented an RV.

I don't love RVs.

It's like rentingthe world's worst hotel room

that follows you everywhere.

Oh, tell me about it.

At least you weren'thunting owls.

You'd hate that, right?Just to confirm.

Well, on my honeymoon I sawthe world's largest stuffed owl.

Along with other roadside attractions,

like the world's largest paper clip

and the world's largest pancake.

Sounds like it reallyset you off.

I just think things should be as big as they are

and no bigger.

So what happenedwhen you told Adam

you didn't like the trip?

Oh, I never told him.

I lied my ass off, like a good wife.

You two are suchgood communicators,

I don't know why I'm here.

Okay, here's what we'll do about the anniversary, right?

I'll, uh... I'll come up with an idea,

and I'll put a hint to it in my nightstand.

You get him to find it, and then he can surprise me.

But I haven't evendone the thing

I'm supposed to do for Adam.

Forget that. You're with me now.

♪

[knock on door]

Hey, what'd you find out?

Nothing concrete,but I have an idea.

Why don't we snoop in Andi'spersonal stuff for a clue?

Good thinking.

I'll get her laptop, and we'll look at her browser history.

Uh, maybe somethingmore personal than that.

If your browser history isn't your most personal thing,

you're not doing the Internet right.

I think we have toask ourselves

where do womenkeeptheir most personal secrets?

Oh.Let's think of itlike a quiz.

Is the answer: A] Nightstand,B] Bedside table,

or C] All of the above?

I don't want to look in there. That's her private stuff.

I once reached in and thought I grabbed the remote.

It only had one button, and it did not work the TV.

Andi's going to be home soon. Open that drawer.

I think I'm just gonna go back downstairs

and look at her laptop.

Stop. Look in the drawer.

She knows you havenothing planned.

She put something there,she told me.

What? When did she tell you that?

When I was supposedto find out your thing.

She turned the tablespretty quick.

I see how she getsher way a lot.

So now she knows I have nothing?

This is worse than I thought. What am I gonna do now?

Look in the G-dang drawer!

"Join us on The Spirit of Pittsburghfor a river cruise

with dinner and dancing."

I didn't know she wanted to do that.

But now you do.Go on the cruise, it'll be fun.

Aw, I-I can't.

That's her idea. I wanted to surprise her.

You said I should plan our anniversary

around something she didn't know I knew about her.

I did say that.

But now that I knowmore about you,

I think we shouldlower our expectations.

Hey, honey.

Hey.

Andi, okay, I gotta come clean.

I tried to come up with something thoughtful

for our anniversary, and I'm nowhere.

Adam, you seem stressed.

You know what you should do?

You should go upstairs,lay down,

and look in my nightstand.

I already know about that.

Lowell told me everything.

He's back with me now.

That guy's the worst double agent ever.

Honey, the river cruise is a great idea,

but I wanted to surprise you with my own idea.

Something that says I know stuff about you.

Okay, come here, honey.

I'm gonna takethe pressure off you.

Okay, what's my favorite meal?

Brunch. Because you can drink in the morning

without anybody judging you.

See, you know me so well.

So we'll have an anniversarybrunch, problem solved.

[exhales] But it's not a surprise.

Adam, what's important

is that I have had20 wonderful years with you.

You're amazing.Aww.

[both chuckle]

I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders.Oh...

But are you sure brunch is enough?

You're not gonna be disappointed?

Disappointed?

I'm having vodka and waffles.

If we had a family crest,that would be on it.

Happy anniversary, honey.[laughs]

Happy anniversary, honey.

I'm so excited about brunch.

You know, if I have enough bottomless mimosas,

you might end up with a topless wife.Ooh.

I got a lot morethan brunch planned.

After you took allthe pressure off me,

I started thinking clearlyand came up with a surprise.

We're recreating our honeymoon RV trip.

Wow! [nervous laugh]

It-it even looks likethe same RV. [laughs]

I remember 'cause I've seen it so many times in my dreams.

And there's more.

Wow.

Look who's coming with us.

BOTH: Happy anniversary!

Wow.

Oh, and Adam already packed your suitcase.

It's full of bikinis and tube tops,

so you'll have to redo that.

So, uh, where are we headed?

Who knows?

You don't tell the RV where you're going.

The RV tells you.

It's like a 25-foot wife.

[laughter]

Uh, you know, Adam,this-this could be

a lot of work for you.

Are you sureyou want to do this?

Andi, it's our 20th anniversary.

I want to go the extra mile.

Or, in this case, the extra 1,000 miles.

[laughter]

I'm just gonnasay it again. Wow!

And you haven't heard the best part.

It's only six hours up the road

to the world's largest Frisbee.

[chuckles] Yeah, and-and

two hours after that isthe world's largest french fry.

It used to be the world's largest potato,

but it got struck by lightning.

Are you okay? I know RVsaren't really your thing.

You'd think Adamwould know that, too.

How can he know something if I don't tell him?

That's the only way he knows things.

Well, let's makethe best of it.

I've always wanted to seethe country in a rolling toilet.

Wait,I almost forgot.

If it's anythinglike our honeymoon,

we'll need this.

Marcy, someone left a half-eatensandwich in the fridge.

Come guess what kind of meat it is with me.

Hey, slow down, save some fun for later.

[chuckles] All aboard!

[chuckles, gasps] Wait.

I just remembered, we have kids.

We can't leave them alone. Ugh, too bad.

Let's go back inside.

No, no, no, no.

You're not getting out of it that easy. [chuckles]

I'm not? Why not?

Lowell said he'd watch the kids.Let's hit the road. Come on.

First stop, world's largest Frito, huh?

And if you get there before dark,

they let you slide down it. How great is this country?

Huh?

Woo-hoo. All right. Here we go. Okay.

[grunts] Excuse me.

Oh, sorry, oops. Excuse me.

All right... I'll just do this, I guess.

Oh! Whoa.

Okay, uh... Ow.

All right, you go there.No, not there, the other there.

There's no other there.

Wh-Where do I go?

Uh... Okay, you know what? [chuckles]

We're in the wrong order.

All right, so everybody get out,and we'll start over again.

Hey.

Do you think Andi seemed happy when she saw the RV?

I do not.

Do you think she's having a good time?

I do not.

Tell you what,let me go talk to Andi,

sell her onhow great this is.

Thanks, Don.

You're a good brother.

Life on the road, huh?

How much fun is this?

So much. [chuckles] I am having a blast.

Of course, nothing compares to life over the road,

like in a hot air balloon,for example.

Yeah, Don, Don,not the time.

No, no, it's a great story.

At one point, a bald eagle landed on the basket.

It was beautiful.Here, let me show you a picture.

[tires screech]

Brakes are good.

Ooh!Oh!

Look, if you'renot gonna tell Adam

how you feelabout this trip, I will.

[stammers] Absolutely not.

He-He's doing the best he can.

I'd rather have a husbandwho's thoughtful 364 days a year

than some guy who isn't,

but tries to make up for it in one day.

You are an incrediblynice person.

Sometimes I don'tget you at all.

Hey, how's dinner coming? Those steaks smell fantastic.

Ugh, bad news.

Some kind of animal ran offwith our rib eyes.

It was either a bearor a large, naked, hairy person.

God, I hope it was a bear.

Whatever it was,he knew what he was doing.

He held the tray above his headlike a waiter.

At least he didn't get the beans,

so we'll eat these for dinner. Sound good, Andi?

Does it?

Andi, if you wantto say something, say it.

Well, I've been keeping quiet about this,

but I-I was just telling Marcy that, um...

[chuckles]:What?

[chuckles] I love beans.

I do. And you know what?I don't care who knows about it.

I love them so much I just want to run out there

and scream it to the world.

Oh, no, no, no.I wouldn't go outside

with that man-bear around.No, no, no.

I think he just let ushave the beans to fatten us up.

You okay?Yeah, great.

[sighs]

It's a little hot.

Well, I could start the engine and turn on the AC,

but there could be some fumes.

We'll be cooler, but we might not wake up.

Yeah, I wouldn't want that'cause then this would be over.

Having a great time. [chuckles]This is adventurous.

Adventurous, but safe.

If whatever took our steak comes back,

we got walls to protect us.

Do you thinkhe'll come back?

Oh, they always come back,

but don't-don't worry, we'll be fine.

It's not like we're in a tent that a claw can slash open.

It'll take two, three swipes to get through this tin can.

Sweet dreams, honey.

Marcy, Marcy, Marcy.

They're asleep.

You know, we've neverdone it in an RV.

MARCY:Don, they can hear us.

DON:No, they can't.

Yes, we can.

Okay, I think they'rereally asleep now.

BOTH: We're not.

Good morning, camper.

Good news, I got up early whileeveryone was still sleeping

and drove usto our next campsite.

We're just down the road

from the world's largest felt-tip pen.

[chuckles] That's exciting,

'cause mostly you just see regular-size pens.

Uh, where are you going?

To the bathroom.

Uh, in what sense?

Can you put a number on it?

I will not.

The only reason I ask is becausethere's certain numbers

you can do in there and certainnumbers you have to do outside.

The higher the number, the more outside.

This conversation is making me very uncomfortable.

Oh, say no more.Your comfort is my priority,

which is why I splurgedon the ultra soft.

Huh? Always thinking of you.

Adam.

You're right, you can't go out there like that.

Thank you.[both chuckle]

Once you're done digging,you hold on to that

for self-defense in case thatman-bear shows up. They migrate.

That's it.

I can't take anymore. I'm sorry,Adam, but I hate this.

Okay, I love you, but I hate this, okay?

I-I-I hate camping and-and digging

and eating beans for dinner and then

sleeping with other people

who ate beans in an airtight box.

Marcy, I believe you owe Andi

an apology on that one.

I didn't say anything before

because I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Look, I love you. I am gonna spend

the rest of my life with you,

but we should never, ever do this again.

Oh.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Are you upset?

I got you!

You got me?

I got you. [chuckles]Hating RVs and camping

is something I knew about youthat you didn't know I knew.

Which is why we are here.I brought you

to the world's largestanniversary surprise.

[gasps]

That's right.

We're at the ChateauDu Lac Resort.

That's French for,"I took care of it, honey."

Oh, my God, I've always wanted to stay here.

I didn't even know you knew that.

Yeah, well, once you took thepressure off, I remembered you

talking about this placeback when we were dating,

so I thoughtI'd surprise you,

and what better way

to surprise you,than by making you think

that I blew it?

That made it even better.

I had no idea.

I just thought you planneda terrible anniversary.

Oh, uh, I do have one favor to ask you guys.

Can you drive this rig home?

We did a big loop, we're only about an hour away.

Normally, I don't like doingnice things for people,

but you have inspired me.

That was a greatanniversary surprise, Adam.

No one willtop this.

Hey, what about our anniversary?

He just had to remember something.

To figure out what you wanted, I had to read your diary.

You read my diary?

Enjoy the drive home.

That was fun, huh?

You should've seenthe look on your face

when I handed youthat shovel.

[laughs]

So the bad stuff was all made up?

Even the man-bear steak thief? [chuckles]

No, that was the scariest thingthat's ever happened to me.

Hey, Lowell.Welcome home, lovebirds.

How'd it go with the kids?

Great. They were little angels.

They couldn't get enough of me.

Every time I woke up, one of them was in my room.

Well, I've got a date. Better head out.

[door closes]

Should we have told himwhat the kids did?

I think his date will tell him soon enough.

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