subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Kevin And Perry Go Large 2000 part A ENG

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:38,114 --> 00:01:40,697 Please don't execute me. 2 00:01:40,698 --> 00:01:44,655 It is such a waste of my lovely woman's body. 3 00:01:44,656 --> 00:01:48,238 I've got years of shagging in me. 4 00:01:48,239 --> 00:01:51,113 Why chop off my head when thou could... 5 00:01:51,114 --> 00:01:55,198 lift up my dress and look at my front bottom? 6 00:01:56,906 --> 00:02:00,322 Phwoar! I'm not gonna kill you! 7 00:02:00,323 --> 00:02:02,822 CHEERING 8 00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:04,530 Sir... 9 00:02:04,531 --> 00:02:06,864 I owe thou a shag. 10 00:02:08,697 --> 00:02:10,072 Oh... 11 00:02:13,114 --> 00:02:15,655 - ALL: - Large! 12 00:02:15,656 --> 00:02:18,239 HE GULPS 13 00:02:20,739 --> 00:02:23,530 Kevin? > 14 00:02:23,531 --> 00:02:26,571 - Kevin! - Wuuurrrgh! 15 00:02:26,572 --> 00:02:31,530 - How's your homework going? - Fine, until you came in. Oh! 16 00:02:31,531 --> 00:02:34,654 Bring this mess down when you come. 17 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,821 I'm not your slave! 18 00:02:37,822 --> 00:02:40,863 Don't talk to your mother like that. 19 00:02:40,864 --> 00:02:44,739 MIMICS: Don't talk to your mother like that! 20 00:02:46,155 --> 00:02:47,364 HE SNORTS 21 00:02:51,447 --> 00:02:53,363 Oh... 22 00:02:53,364 --> 00:02:56,030 So unfair... 23 00:03:05,363 --> 00:03:08,821 "Dear diary. Sorry I've never written in you. 24 00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,905 "I have higher things on my mind." 25 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,946 "If I did write down my thoughts, you would be a bestseller. 26 00:03:20,947 --> 00:03:24,946 "I am a teenage genius, unrecognised by the world. 27 00:03:24,947 --> 00:03:30,029 "The only person who understands me is my best mate Perry." 28 00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:31,695 All right, Kev. 29 00:03:31,696 --> 00:03:35,820 "He is joyful in his understanding of my wisdom." 30 00:03:35,821 --> 00:03:38,029 Your jacket's inside out. 31 00:03:38,030 --> 00:03:42,612 I do know. I don't conform to conventional dress patterns. 32 00:03:42,613 --> 00:03:46,779 "Until Perry met me, he was but a humble peasant, 33 00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:49,946 "but now he is top." 34 00:03:53,905 --> 00:03:55,945 Respect. 35 00:03:55,946 --> 00:04:00,737 "We are only free to express our philosophy through our mixes." 36 00:04:00,738 --> 00:04:02,612 # All I wanna do is do it 37 00:04:02,613 --> 00:04:04,070 # Big girl, big girl 38 00:04:04,071 --> 00:04:05,653 # All I wanna do is do it 39 00:04:05,654 --> 00:04:07,070 # Big girl, big girl 40 00:04:07,071 --> 00:04:09,237 # All I wanna do is do it 41 00:04:09,238 --> 00:04:10,612 # Big girl, big girl 42 00:04:10,613 --> 00:04:13,029 # Big girl, big girl, big girl... # 43 00:04:17,988 --> 00:04:20,529 Kevin! Turn it down! 44 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,779 MUSIC GETS LOUDER 45 00:04:29,904 --> 00:04:35,486 "When we are top DJs, my senile parents will surely eat their pants." 46 00:04:35,487 --> 00:04:40,070 - You're a genius, darling! - You certainly proved us wrong. 47 00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:42,987 I sure did. Huh! 48 00:04:44,987 --> 00:04:46,986 Thanks. Will you shag me? 49 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,736 OK. 50 00:04:49,737 --> 00:04:52,946 - GIRLS: - Shag me! 51 00:04:55,362 --> 00:05:00,319 "For, dear diary, there is pain behind my genius. 52 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,319 "My teenage heart is broken. 53 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:07,361 "I've been up for it for three bloody years, 54 00:05:07,362 --> 00:05:11,528 "but no girl has yet let me go the whole way." 55 00:05:11,529 --> 00:05:14,279 HE HOWLS 56 00:05:24,779 --> 00:05:27,403 HOWLING 57 00:05:37,487 --> 00:05:39,695 HOWLING 58 00:05:46,945 --> 00:05:49,820 HOWLING CONTINUES 59 00:05:54,112 --> 00:05:56,652 - You got it? - Yeah. 60 00:05:56,653 --> 00:06:00,528 - I get the goods, you give him that. - Go, go, go. 61 00:06:06,236 --> 00:06:07,570 Go, go, go. 62 00:06:13,945 --> 00:06:16,153 This, please. 63 00:06:17,153 --> 00:06:19,070 Wurrrgh! 64 00:06:31,028 --> 00:06:33,153 £3.99, please. 65 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:37,403 Thank you! 66 00:06:39,444 --> 00:06:41,569 KEVIN GASPS 67 00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:52,318 You were scared of the pigs. 68 00:06:52,319 --> 00:06:55,401 - I ain't. - They're scared of me. 69 00:06:55,402 --> 00:06:59,026 - I rule this manor. I'm hard. - There's your dad. 70 00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,485 KEVIN YELPS 71 00:07:00,486 --> 00:07:01,944 No! 72 00:07:11,152 --> 00:07:12,943 Are you all right, Kevin? 73 00:07:12,944 --> 00:07:16,485 Oh... Hi, Dad. Yeah, fine, thanks. 74 00:07:16,486 --> 00:07:18,193 Why are you lying there? 75 00:07:18,194 --> 00:07:21,444 I'm a bit tired. I need a sleep. 76 00:07:22,444 --> 00:07:25,819 We're knackered, Mr Porno-P-Patterson. 77 00:07:27,319 --> 00:07:28,694 Yawn. 78 00:07:34,735 --> 00:07:37,901 "Debbie from London loves clubbing. 79 00:07:37,902 --> 00:07:42,526 "I go to Ibiza every year for the clubs and the carefree sex. 80 00:07:42,527 --> 00:07:48,276 "It's fantastic. Everyone gets off with everyone else. It is so horny." 81 00:07:48,277 --> 00:07:50,817 - I love her, Kev. - That's it! 82 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:52,234 What? 83 00:07:52,235 --> 00:07:55,609 We are DJs. Where do DJs go for the summer? 84 00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:56,817 Ibiza. 85 00:07:56,818 --> 00:08:01,442 And all girls who go to Ibiza shag anyone, especially DJs. 86 00:08:01,443 --> 00:08:04,526 So where are we going to go? 87 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:09,735 Ibiza? What, you think you deserve to go to Ibiza after this? 88 00:08:10,735 --> 00:08:12,234 HE MUMBLES 89 00:08:12,235 --> 00:08:16,984 It's worse than we expected. "Kevin lacks application. 90 00:08:16,985 --> 00:08:18,942 - "Is still a virgin..." - What? 91 00:08:18,943 --> 00:08:24,275 "Is still emerging from a rebellious phase that shows no sign of ending." 92 00:08:24,276 --> 00:08:27,650 - Huh! - It's just awful, isn't it? 93 00:08:27,651 --> 00:08:31,442 What have you got to say for yourself? 94 00:08:31,443 --> 00:08:35,025 So can we go to Ibiza? 95 00:08:35,026 --> 00:08:37,942 I think I've answered that! No! 96 00:08:37,943 --> 00:08:40,984 Oh! That is so unfair! 97 00:08:40,985 --> 00:08:43,484 Mum... 98 00:08:43,485 --> 00:08:45,275 - Perhaps if... - I said no! 99 00:08:45,276 --> 00:08:47,233 Ugh! 100 00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:52,442 - What your father says goes. - Ugh! Ugh! I can't take any more! 101 00:08:52,443 --> 00:08:58,608 I'm adopted! My real parents couldn't possibly treat me like this! 102 00:08:58,609 --> 00:09:00,734 I hate you! 103 00:09:01,776 --> 00:09:02,942 'Scuse me... 104 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:06,608 I'm running away! Goodbye for ever! 105 00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:10,233 - You leave no room to compromise. - DOOR SLAMS 106 00:09:10,234 --> 00:09:14,650 - Compromise with that? - He has nothing to look forward to! 107 00:09:14,651 --> 00:09:19,108 - He deserves it. - He'll be impossible all holiday! 108 00:09:19,109 --> 00:09:24,026 'Scuse me, Mr and Mrs Patterson. Erm... Could I have a jam sandwich? 109 00:09:25,942 --> 00:09:28,526 WHIMPERING 110 00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:37,026 CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS 111 00:09:52,734 --> 00:09:55,566 Kevin left us a note, 112 00:09:55,567 --> 00:09:57,941 to remember him by. 113 00:09:57,942 --> 00:10:02,941 It is typical of the Kevin we all knew, 114 00:10:02,942 --> 00:10:05,274 loved, 115 00:10:05,275 --> 00:10:08,150 and in many cases, shagged. 116 00:10:13,317 --> 00:10:17,816 "I'm killing myself because I'm too good for this world. 117 00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:22,317 "A prophet is never understood in his own land, innit? 118 00:10:24,192 --> 00:10:27,524 "Soft friends, don't be sad. 119 00:10:27,525 --> 00:10:32,524 "I've gone to a better place, where you never have to tidy your room, 120 00:10:32,525 --> 00:10:37,483 "a place where your parents buy you new Nike trainers every week." 121 00:10:40,067 --> 00:10:44,274 "I didn't mean to cause you any pain, Mum... 122 00:10:44,275 --> 00:10:47,941 "but you shouldn't have made me wash." 123 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,691 - SOBBING: - Kevin! 124 00:10:52,691 --> 00:10:54,857 Kevin! 125 00:10:54,858 --> 00:10:59,107 Yeah. I'm dead now. Yeah. 126 00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:01,233 Oh, Kevin! 127 00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:05,358 Kevin, tea's ready! 128 00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,315 HE SIGHS 129 00:11:08,316 --> 00:11:09,400 HE FARTS 130 00:11:16,274 --> 00:11:20,773 How nice you've come back. We thought you'd gone for ever. 131 00:11:20,774 --> 00:11:22,608 Eeeuurrrgghhh! 132 00:11:27,399 --> 00:11:31,523 We've decided... that you can both go to Ibiza. 133 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,815 BOTH: Come on! 134 00:11:32,816 --> 00:11:36,440 Provided you get a job to pay for it. 135 00:11:36,441 --> 00:11:40,773 What are you talking about? YOU pay for my holidays. 136 00:11:40,774 --> 00:11:43,648 That's what parents are for! 137 00:11:43,649 --> 00:11:48,440 - Our lives are about more than that. - Don't be so ridiculous. 138 00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:51,773 Pass the salt, please, Kevin. 139 00:11:51,774 --> 00:11:54,315 I am not your slave! 140 00:11:54,316 --> 00:11:57,940 This is what happens when you compromise! 141 00:11:57,941 --> 00:12:02,731 Do you know what the trouble with you two is? You're so alike! 142 00:12:02,732 --> 00:12:05,774 BOTH: What?! That is so unfair! 143 00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:19,439 - You want ME to give YOU a job? - Yeah. HE WHISTLES 144 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:20,523 Please. 145 00:12:20,524 --> 00:12:23,314 - Do you know the store? - Yeah. 146 00:12:23,315 --> 00:12:25,064 Where do you find punk? 147 00:12:25,065 --> 00:12:27,357 On my sheets. 148 00:12:34,190 --> 00:12:36,939 Spunk. Pp-pp! 149 00:12:36,940 --> 00:12:39,523 MUSIC: "Ooh La La" by The Wiseguys 150 00:12:41,273 --> 00:12:42,689 # Come on! 151 00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:46,315 # Come on! Come on! 152 00:12:48,690 --> 00:12:51,272 # Say ooh la la, say zoom 153 00:12:51,273 --> 00:12:52,439 # Come on! Come on! 154 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,147 # Say ooh la la, say zoom 155 00:12:55,148 --> 00:12:56,481 # Come on! Come on! 156 00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:58,731 # Say ooh la la... # 157 00:12:58,732 --> 00:13:00,981 Finished! 158 00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:05,398 Well done, boys. Here's one for you and one for you. 159 00:13:07,981 --> 00:13:10,981 - Thank you. - Thank you. 160 00:13:14,731 --> 00:13:17,522 We're not cut out for manual work. 161 00:13:17,523 --> 00:13:19,855 Intellectuals aren't. 162 00:13:19,856 --> 00:13:23,147 - I've got too many great thoughts... - Mopeds! 163 00:13:23,148 --> 00:13:24,772 - Cider! - Party! 164 00:13:24,773 --> 00:13:28,315 - I can see her bra! - Bra? Where? Oh, yeah! 165 00:13:29,815 --> 00:13:33,147 MUSIC: "King of Snake" by Fatboy Slim Remix 166 00:13:33,148 --> 00:13:34,730 # Dogman and the king of snake 167 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,730 # King of snake, king of snake 168 00:13:36,731 --> 00:13:38,355 # Dogman and the king of snake 169 00:13:38,356 --> 00:13:40,022 # King of snake 170 00:13:40,023 --> 00:13:41,647 # Dogman and the king of snake 171 00:13:41,648 --> 00:13:43,855 # King of snake, king of snake 172 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:45,230 # 24 hours with the king of snake 173 00:13:45,231 --> 00:13:46,480 # Snake, snake, snake 174 00:13:46,481 --> 00:13:48,647 # Snake, snake, snake, snake 175 00:13:48,648 --> 00:13:50,981 # Snake, snake, snake, snake... # 176 00:14:21,022 --> 00:14:23,563 Oh, man... 177 00:14:23,564 --> 00:14:27,022 Oh... Oh, my head... 178 00:14:52,772 --> 00:14:54,271 SHE GROANS 179 00:14:54,272 --> 00:14:57,147 Oh, hi, baby. 180 00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:06,105 MUSIC: "I'm In The Mood For Love" by Jools Holland featuring Jamiroquai 181 00:15:10,813 --> 00:15:14,229 # I'm in the mood for love 182 00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:18,354 # Simply because you're near me 183 00:15:18,355 --> 00:15:22,396 # Funny but when you're near me 184 00:15:22,397 --> 00:15:25,563 # I'm in the mood for love 185 00:15:26,563 --> 00:15:29,729 # Heaven is in your eyes 186 00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:33,146 # Bright as the stars we're under 187 00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:36,730 # Oh, is it any wonder 188 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:41,104 # I'm in the mood for love 189 00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:45,145 # Why stop to think of whether 190 00:15:45,146 --> 00:15:48,730 # This little dream might fade 191 00:15:49,646 --> 00:15:52,520 # We'll put our hearts together 192 00:15:52,521 --> 00:15:56,396 # Now we're one, I'm not afraid... 193 00:16:08,646 --> 00:16:09,938 Kev! 194 00:16:12,229 --> 00:16:14,395 Good morning, Perry. 195 00:16:14,396 --> 00:16:16,938 PERRY CHUCKLES 196 00:16:18,063 --> 00:16:19,854 KEVIN CHUCKLES 197 00:16:24,063 --> 00:16:26,311 - Did you shag her? - Yeah. 198 00:16:26,312 --> 00:16:29,978 - You shagged Sharon? - Only three times. PERRY WHISTLES 199 00:16:29,979 --> 00:16:31,062 Cor. 200 00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:40,771 - So you've done it with a girl, then? - Yeah. I stuck it up her good. 201 00:16:44,146 --> 00:16:47,395 That mean you don't want to go to Ibiza? 202 00:16:47,396 --> 00:16:51,686 Now you don't need to go to Ibiza for a guaranteed shag. 203 00:16:51,687 --> 00:16:54,645 I'll get a shag here, probably. 204 00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:59,811 No, we can still go to Ibiza. I can always do more shagging. 205 00:16:59,812 --> 00:17:05,603 Oh. Thanks, Kev. You're a mate. But how are we going to get the money? 206 00:17:05,604 --> 00:17:08,853 It's all in the mind. We're DJs. 207 00:17:08,854 --> 00:17:12,645 We can earn our money on the street. 208 00:17:24,895 --> 00:17:26,561 # All I wanna do is do it 209 00:17:26,562 --> 00:17:28,144 # Big girl, big girl 210 00:17:28,145 --> 00:17:29,727 # All I wanna do is do it 211 00:17:29,728 --> 00:17:31,352 # Big girl, big girl 212 00:17:31,353 --> 00:17:32,852 # All I wanna do is do it 213 00:17:32,853 --> 00:17:35,519 # Big girl, big girl, big girl 214 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,978 - # Big girl, big girl, big girl... - Oi! 215 00:17:38,978 --> 00:17:40,394 I want a word. 216 00:17:40,395 --> 00:17:43,602 Oh... Hi, darling. How's it going? 217 00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:47,436 - Did you say you shagged me? - No... 218 00:17:47,437 --> 00:17:50,436 Yeah, you bloody did. Stacey heard you. 219 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,602 N-No... I didn't. 220 00:17:53,603 --> 00:17:56,894 I wouldn't shag you, you sad twat. 221 00:17:56,895 --> 00:18:01,353 Say anything like that again and I'll smack ya! Virgin! 222 00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:09,102 You said you shagged her three times. 223 00:18:09,103 --> 00:18:12,435 Shut up! I'm getting outta here. 224 00:18:12,436 --> 00:18:15,728 This place is full of losers. 225 00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:22,353 ALL CHANT: Virgins! Virgins! 226 00:18:34,394 --> 00:18:38,060 Girls here don't appreciate our musical genius. 227 00:18:38,061 --> 00:18:41,685 - What we going to do? - I don't know. 228 00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:45,018 It's all gone Pete Tong. 229 00:18:45,019 --> 00:18:48,102 Registered letter for your father. 230 00:18:48,103 --> 00:18:51,727 - Will you sign for it? - Yeah, sure. 231 00:19:01,769 --> 00:19:03,018 Cheers. 232 00:19:03,019 --> 00:19:05,643 Thank you. 233 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:09,144 Perry! We're saved! 234 00:19:10,894 --> 00:19:14,393 We get the money and go to Ibiza. Sorted. 235 00:19:14,394 --> 00:19:18,018 It's your dad's credit card. It's stealing. 236 00:19:18,019 --> 00:19:21,269 We'll go to prison and get buggered. 237 00:19:23,185 --> 00:19:25,934 You will. You're small. 238 00:19:25,935 --> 00:19:28,559 I'll be all right. KEVIN GASPS 239 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,352 Eurggh! Virgins! 240 00:19:33,102 --> 00:19:38,059 I'm not staying here. We'll pay him back when we're top DJs. 241 00:19:38,060 --> 00:19:40,810 - Are you in or out? - In. 242 00:19:43,352 --> 00:19:46,268 - Aaarrgh! - Shut your noise! 243 00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,184 You two! Move, now! Move! 244 00:19:49,185 --> 00:19:52,351 Put your hands up! Keep your mouths shut! 245 00:19:52,352 --> 00:19:55,852 - You! Sit down and put your hands up. - THEY WHIMPER 246 00:19:56,393 --> 00:19:59,310 You, fill that up. 247 00:20:10,768 --> 00:20:12,684 ALARM BLARES 248 00:20:12,685 --> 00:20:15,018 Money, now. Come on! 249 00:20:36,393 --> 00:20:41,017 On behalf of the bank, thank you. Enjoy that reward money. 250 00:20:41,018 --> 00:20:43,100 BOTH: Thank you. 251 00:20:43,101 --> 00:20:46,433 If you want a job, give me a ring. 252 00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:51,433 Banking offers many exciting opportunities for virgins like you. 253 00:20:51,434 --> 00:20:53,933 BOTH: Thank you. Thank you. Eh? 254 00:20:53,934 --> 00:20:56,767 We're very proud of you. 255 00:20:56,768 --> 00:21:00,433 - It was really public spirited. - Kevin... 256 00:21:00,434 --> 00:21:04,392 and public spirited. Never thought I'd hear those words. 257 00:21:04,393 --> 00:21:05,850 Urrghhh... 258 00:21:05,851 --> 00:21:08,934 We've got a present for you. 259 00:21:13,892 --> 00:21:15,558 Thank Dad. 260 00:21:15,559 --> 00:21:16,808 What? 261 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:20,391 He's paid for our tickets. 262 00:21:20,392 --> 00:21:23,183 What do you mean, "our tickets"? 263 00:21:23,184 --> 00:21:26,350 We're coming, too. 264 00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:29,017 BOTH GASP 265 00:21:30,351 --> 00:21:34,808 - You didn't think you could go on your own? - THEY LAUGH 266 00:21:34,809 --> 00:21:38,601 That is so unfair! Ow! 267 00:21:42,559 --> 00:21:44,892 It's so unfair... 268 00:21:46,184 --> 00:21:49,516 I'd hate to have my head chopped off. 269 00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:53,809 If it was raining, you'd get water in the hole. 270 00:21:54,809 --> 00:21:56,641 Never mind, Kev. 271 00:21:56,642 --> 00:21:58,724 Those bastards! 272 00:21:58,725 --> 00:22:04,100 If they're paying for the flights, we've got more dosh for top gear! 273 00:22:07,434 --> 00:22:09,724 Perry, you're right. 274 00:22:09,725 --> 00:22:11,933 Let us prepare. 275 00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:22,767 # All I wanna do is do it... 276 00:22:34,225 --> 00:22:35,517 # Big girl... # 277 00:23:38,016 --> 00:23:41,641 Kev! Look! The girls of our dreams! 278 00:24:14,807 --> 00:24:16,681 Boys! 279 00:24:16,682 --> 00:24:19,514 - Over here, now! - Oh! 280 00:24:19,515 --> 00:24:22,723 This is the worst holiday of my life. 281 00:24:22,724 --> 00:24:24,973 Kev, look! 282 00:24:24,974 --> 00:24:28,390 Whoa. The superstar DJ Eyeball Paul. 283 00:24:32,765 --> 00:24:35,722 Tits up, Big Baz. 'Aving it large. 284 00:24:35,723 --> 00:24:38,098 All right, Eyeball Paul? 285 00:24:39,515 --> 00:24:41,264 HE BURPS 286 00:24:41,265 --> 00:24:44,347 - Cool! - Brilliant! 287 00:24:44,348 --> 00:24:47,597 Be careful, you clumsy twat. 288 00:24:47,598 --> 00:24:52,473 Muff, Wankette, you dirty little club babes, get in. 289 00:24:53,473 --> 00:24:57,014 Kevin, Perry! Hurry up, boys! 290 00:24:57,015 --> 00:25:00,764 Your mummy's calling, little boys. Hurry up. 291 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:04,556 - She is one lippy bitch. - HE LAUGHS 292 00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,180 Eyeball Paul's such a nice bloke. 293 00:25:08,181 --> 00:25:11,472 He's our new best mate, isn't he? 294 00:25:11,473 --> 00:25:17,597 If we get him to hear our mixes, he might let us do a set with him. 295 00:25:17,598 --> 00:25:21,347 - And shag his birds. - All the birds we want! 296 00:25:21,348 --> 00:25:24,305 This is the best holiday of my life. 297 00:25:24,306 --> 00:25:25,848 DANCE MUSIC 298 00:25:40,681 --> 00:25:44,931 - See you on the beach. - Huh! I don't think so! 299 00:25:45,598 --> 00:25:50,805 - You've got to go to the beach. - Yeah...but not your beach. 300 00:25:50,806 --> 00:25:55,055 We are going to the beach you don't even know about, 301 00:25:55,056 --> 00:25:57,847 because you're nearly dead. 302 00:25:57,848 --> 00:26:00,763 Mr Patterson, Mrs Patterson. 303 00:26:00,764 --> 00:26:03,430 How dare you speak like that! 304 00:26:03,431 --> 00:26:05,846 - HORN BEEPS - Kevin! 305 00:26:05,847 --> 00:26:07,972 El beacheo! 306 00:26:10,472 --> 00:26:13,472 - Kevin, I'm talking to you! - Wanker! 307 00:26:31,847 --> 00:26:32,971 The beach! 308 00:26:32,972 --> 00:26:35,263 - Banging! - Large! 309 00:26:35,264 --> 00:26:37,222 DANCE MUSIC 310 00:26:54,305 --> 00:26:56,679 Oi, Kev, look! 311 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,721 It's the girls from the airport. 312 00:26:59,722 --> 00:27:02,430 Zoom, zoom, zoom! 313 00:27:06,305 --> 00:27:08,055 BOTH: Ooh... 314 00:27:21,305 --> 00:27:24,596 Let's stand close to them so they get interested. 315 00:27:24,597 --> 00:27:26,847 Good idea. 316 00:27:28,805 --> 00:27:31,762 - Oh. I'm hooked in. - Me, too. 317 00:27:31,763 --> 00:27:34,930 We'll get in the sea to cool off. 318 00:27:55,388 --> 00:27:57,638 SQUELCHING 319 00:28:02,096 --> 00:28:04,429 SQUELCHING 320 00:28:11,763 --> 00:28:12,970 Afternoon, ladies. 321 00:28:12,971 --> 00:28:15,262 How's it hanging, ladies? 322 00:28:15,263 --> 00:28:18,803 A lovely afternoon for the beach, eh, ladies? 323 00:28:18,804 --> 00:28:24,886 Yeah, it's me. Yeah, cos we're going to El Divino tonight, yeah? 324 00:28:24,887 --> 00:28:27,845 - Would you like a drink? - Or Pasha. 325 00:28:27,846 --> 00:28:31,928 - Margarita, no salt, innit, Gemma? - It is, Candice. 326 00:28:31,929 --> 00:28:34,720 Cos Ministry's at Pasha, yeah? 327 00:28:34,721 --> 00:28:37,886 Two margaritas with no salt, please. 328 00:28:37,887 --> 00:28:40,845 Shaken not stirred. 329 00:28:40,846 --> 00:28:43,096 Or Manumission. 330 00:28:44,429 --> 00:28:48,595 - We might go to Manumission tonight. - Or Es Paradise. 331 00:28:48,596 --> 00:28:51,220 Or we might go to Es Paradise. 332 00:28:51,221 --> 00:28:53,053 - Or Privilege. - Or Privilege. 333 00:28:53,054 --> 00:28:56,386 - Or Amnesia. - Or Amnesia. 334 00:28:56,387 --> 00:28:59,408 Cos the tunes there are banging... 335 00:28:59,409 --> 00:29:00,470 PHONE RINGS 336 00:29:04,179 --> 00:29:05,386 Ladies. 337 00:29:05,387 --> 00:29:09,512 Cheers, waiter. Keep the change. 338 00:29:15,970 --> 00:29:19,678 - Very lovely ladies, aren't they? - Very lovely. 339 00:29:19,679 --> 00:29:24,094 - What's my chubby babe called? - Gemma. Mine's Candice. 340 00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:28,969 - Gemma's got a lovely personality. - Candice is so interesting. 341 00:29:28,970 --> 00:29:31,719 I think they love us, Kev. 342 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,387 DANCE MUSIC 343 00:29:38,012 --> 00:29:39,719 The evening begins. 344 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:44,012 Superstar DJs Kev P and Perr E hit the town. 345 00:29:47,012 --> 00:29:50,261 Cor, yeah. Trannies! Ugh! 346 00:29:50,262 --> 00:29:52,552 Wooh! Urgh! 347 00:29:52,553 --> 00:29:55,635 - LOUD FOOTSTEPS - What the bloody hell's that? 348 00:29:55,636 --> 00:29:57,761 Germans! 349 00:30:06,595 --> 00:30:09,135 Here, Kev, look. 350 00:30:09,136 --> 00:30:15,469 Tonight Gemma is going to see what is down my trousers. 351 00:30:15,470 --> 00:30:20,177 What is down my trousers? Would you like a look? 352 00:30:20,178 --> 00:30:24,177 # What is the matter? 353 00:30:24,178 --> 00:30:26,635 # Don't tell me that it doesn't hurt...# 354 00:30:26,636 --> 00:30:31,511 - HE LAUGHS - Gemma! Lick my lurve plank. Mmm! 355 00:30:33,761 --> 00:30:36,886 Candice, suck my candy. 356 00:30:39,053 --> 00:30:40,968 Oh, look - snoggers. 357 00:30:40,969 --> 00:30:42,093 Eh? 358 00:30:42,094 --> 00:30:44,469 Cor... 359 00:30:45,469 --> 00:30:48,093 Urrgh! 360 00:30:48,094 --> 00:30:50,927 SPANISH MUSIC PLAYS 361 00:30:59,052 --> 00:31:01,219 Isn't this fun? 362 00:31:03,052 --> 00:31:05,718 Now, what would you boys like? 363 00:31:05,719 --> 00:31:08,843 - I am not hungry. - Come on, Son. 364 00:31:08,844 --> 00:31:12,968 You'll need energy if you want to go bopping. 365 00:31:12,969 --> 00:31:15,094 HE GROANS 366 00:31:16,386 --> 00:31:19,676 - We'll order for everybody, shall we? - Good idea. 367 00:31:19,677 --> 00:31:24,759 Er, como el primo plato quisiera tapas. Una mezcla, por favour. 368 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,259 Y despues una gran paella por todo? 369 00:31:28,260 --> 00:31:32,968 Una necesita se fuerte para hacer el amor, cara mia. 370 00:31:32,969 --> 00:31:35,176 KEVIN RETCHES 371 00:31:35,177 --> 00:31:36,260 PERRY GROANS 372 00:31:39,094 --> 00:31:42,094 The table's a bit wobbly. 373 00:31:43,177 --> 00:31:47,301 We need a wedge. Pass me that beer mat, sexy pants. 374 00:31:47,302 --> 00:31:48,885 Oh, for God's sake! 375 00:31:52,218 --> 00:31:54,760 Hasta banana, Mrs Patterson. 376 00:32:04,510 --> 00:32:08,884 - What a couple of wankers! - Yeah, we are, ain't we? 377 00:32:08,885 --> 00:32:13,009 - No, my parents! - Oh, yeah. Sorry. 378 00:32:13,010 --> 00:32:15,468 DANCE MUSIC 379 00:32:24,426 --> 00:32:27,050 - Cool! - Rinsin'! 380 00:32:27,051 --> 00:32:28,718 Large! 381 00:32:32,218 --> 00:32:34,551 BOTH: Eyeball Paul! 382 00:32:40,801 --> 00:32:44,051 Come on, Big Baz. Shift, you fat tart. 383 00:32:46,134 --> 00:32:47,592 All right, Eyeball Paul! 384 00:32:47,593 --> 00:32:50,675 It's the little wankers from the airport. 385 00:32:50,676 --> 00:32:53,343 BOTH LAUGH 386 00:32:55,843 --> 00:32:59,383 - Are you here tonight? - How's your mummy, Ginger Pubes? 387 00:32:59,384 --> 00:33:02,676 HE LAUGHS She's a bitch! 388 00:33:04,051 --> 00:33:07,426 Don't stand there. Give him a hand. 389 00:33:08,634 --> 00:33:11,758 - Thanks very much. - Ginger Pubes! 390 00:33:11,759 --> 00:33:14,467 And you, Sad Act. 391 00:33:25,342 --> 00:33:26,508 Ladies. 392 00:33:26,509 --> 00:33:28,551 Ladies. 393 00:33:29,634 --> 00:33:31,591 Eyeball Paul? 394 00:33:31,592 --> 00:33:35,216 - What do you want? - We done some mixes of our own. 395 00:33:35,217 --> 00:33:38,258 - What, you and Sad Act? - Yeah. 396 00:33:38,259 --> 00:33:43,716 I don't suppose we could play them for you some time? No? All right, then. 397 00:33:43,717 --> 00:33:46,466 - So you're brother DJs? - Yeah. 398 00:33:46,467 --> 00:33:49,758 What tunes you got? What beats you into? 399 00:33:49,759 --> 00:33:51,341 Well, erm... 400 00:33:51,342 --> 00:33:52,591 House or garage? 401 00:33:52,592 --> 00:33:55,466 House... 402 00:33:55,467 --> 00:33:58,508 Acid house or pumping house? 403 00:33:58,509 --> 00:34:00,675 Er... Pumping house? 404 00:34:03,634 --> 00:34:07,300 Balearic pumping or commercial pumping? 405 00:34:07,301 --> 00:34:08,467 Balearic pumping. 406 00:34:10,300 --> 00:34:13,466 - Sash or Chicane? - Sash! 407 00:34:13,467 --> 00:34:15,342 HE LAUGHS 408 00:34:17,592 --> 00:34:21,592 Boys, these blaggers are pants! 409 00:34:22,717 --> 00:34:24,883 KEVIN LAUGHS 410 00:34:27,383 --> 00:34:32,050 Yeah, I'll hear your mix. My pad tomorrow. 411 00:34:33,217 --> 00:34:36,674 - Be there. - Oooh! 412 00:34:36,675 --> 00:34:39,215 Fuck off! 413 00:34:39,216 --> 00:34:41,882 - Thanks, Eyeball Paul. - Thank you. 414 00:34:41,883 --> 00:34:46,549 - Oh, he's such a nice bloke. - Brilliant. We're gonna be DJs! 415 00:34:46,550 --> 00:34:49,008 DANCE MUSIC 416 00:35:48,257 --> 00:35:50,131 Sorry, girls. 417 00:35:50,132 --> 00:35:52,631 No monsters. 418 00:35:52,632 --> 00:35:56,090 Beautiful people can pass. 419 00:35:56,091 --> 00:35:58,673 But monsters - no. 420 00:35:58,674 --> 00:36:00,631 Do you understand? 421 00:36:00,632 --> 00:36:05,840 Look. Your faces - Urrrgh! - offend my mirror. 422 00:36:08,257 --> 00:36:11,590 Go on. Go on. 423 00:36:16,215 --> 00:36:20,424 - Cos I didn't want to go, anyway. - Yeah, me, neither. 424 00:36:21,924 --> 00:36:26,214 Maybe tomorrow, I'm going to have a makeover with Boots beauty products. 425 00:36:26,215 --> 00:36:27,631 Yeah, and me. 426 00:36:27,632 --> 00:36:32,798 Them boys can get us in cos they're mates with Eyeball Paul, innit? 427 00:36:32,799 --> 00:36:34,797 Yeah. Best mates. 428 00:36:34,798 --> 00:36:37,298 DANCE MUSIC 429 00:37:37,589 --> 00:37:40,610 Oh, man, that was banging. 430 00:37:40,611 --> 00:37:42,088 Eyeball Paul plays hammering tunes. 431 00:37:42,089 --> 00:37:47,005 - What happened to our ladies? - You've got to be sorted to get in. 432 00:37:47,006 --> 00:37:51,338 - We're gonna be loved-up DJs. - We're having it large! 433 00:37:51,339 --> 00:37:54,213 - We've been up all night! - We bleached it! 434 00:37:54,214 --> 00:37:58,505 If we get the girls in, we'll be up all night shagging... 435 00:37:58,506 --> 00:38:02,171 Oh, my God! Hello, Perry. 436 00:38:02,172 --> 00:38:04,880 PERRY GIGGLES Eeeeurrrrgh! 437 00:38:04,881 --> 00:38:07,963 - Hello, darling. - Had a good night? 438 00:38:07,964 --> 00:38:10,631 You are disgusting! 439 00:38:12,464 --> 00:38:15,547 Mrs Patterson, you cheeky girl. 440 00:38:23,339 --> 00:38:25,339 Phwoar! 30672