All language subtitles for Jimmy kimmel 2020 06 04 wanda sykes web h264 tbs_track3_eng

♪ BA, DA, BA,

♪ BA, DA, BA,

♪ BA, DA, BA, BA, DA, BA, ♪

♪ JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE ♪

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

>> Jimmy: HELLO, I'M JIMMY.

I'M THE HOST OF THIS HOUSE.

THANK YOU FOR BRAVING THE CURFEW

TO BE HERE.

ALTHOUGH WE DIDN'T HAVE A CURFEW

IN L. A. TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST

TIME THIS WEEK.

WE DID HAVE AN EARTHQUAKE.

WE HAD A LITTLE SHAKER HERE LAST

NIGHT.

A 5.5.

AND ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE,

THERE'S AN ASTEROID HEADING OUR

WAY.

ON SATURDAY NIGHT, AN ASTEROID

THAT IS SAID TO BE THE SIZE OF

THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING WILL

PASS CLOSE BY EARTH.

WHO KNOWS?

MAYBE WE'LL GET LUCKY AND IT'LL

HIT US.

AS OF TODAY, SEVERAL HOTEL

CASINOS ARE OPEN FOR BUSINESS IN

VEGAS,WITH SAFETY MEASURES IN

PLACE.

THIS IS AT MGM.

THEY'VE GOT HAND‐WASHING

STATIONS, GLASS PARTITIONS AT

THE CRAPS TABLES. PLAYING

BLACKJACK NOW IS LIKE VISITING A

RELATIVE IN PRISON.

HOW DO YOU LET THE DEALER KNOW

YOU WANT ANOTHER CARD?

DO YOU TAP THE GLASS?

YOU CAN SEE, THEY HAVE

PLENTY OF HAND SANITIZER.

EVEN THE GO‐GO DANCERS ARE

WEARING PLASTIC FACE SHIELDS.

IT'S LIKE "BLADE RUNNER."

HOW THIS IS SAFE, I DON'T KNOW.

GOING TO A CASINO DURING A

PANDEMIC IS THAT GRAY AREA

BETWEEN REGULAR ROULETTE AND THE

RUSSIAN KIND.

A DAY AFTER CHARGES WERE FILED

AGAINST ALL FOUR OFFICERS

INVOLVED IN THE DEATH OF

GEORGE FLOYD, THE MOOD IN OUR

COUNTRY IS A BIT BRIGHTER.

PROTESTS CONTINUE NATIONWIDE BUT

COMMON GROUND IS BEING REACHED.

IN LINCOLN, NEBRASKA, POLICE AND

PROTESTERS EVEN HAD AN IMPROMPTU

DANCE PARTY.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

WAS THAT A PROTEST OR

TOM SELLECK'S WEDDING RECEPTION?

ARE WE SURE THOSE WERE REAL COPS

AND NOT STRIPPERS?

I'VE BEEN FOOLED BEFORE.

THAT WAS THE SCENE IN LINCOLN.

IN WASHINGTON, WHERE LAW

ENFORCEMENT HAS TAKEN A MUCH

MORE FORCEFUL APPROACH,

INCLUDING TEAR‐GASSING PEACEFUL

PROTESTORS ‐‐

THINGS ARE NOT AS AMICABLE.

AUTHORITIES THERE ARE BUSY

ERECTING ANOTHER FENCE AROUND

THE EXISTING WHITE HOUSE FENCE.

TWO FENCES.

WASN'T THAT A SPIN DOCTORS SONG?

SO IT LOOKS LIKE TRUMP IS

FINALLY GETTING HIS WALL BUILT

AFTER ALL.

HOW LONG BEFORE WE FIND OUT

DON JUNIOR INVESTED IN A FENCE

COMPANY?

YESTERDAY, TRUMP'S FORMER

SECRETARY OF DEFENSE, FOUR STAR

GENERAL JAMES "MAD DOG" MATTIS,

GAVE THE PRESIDENT A ONE STAR

YELP REVIEW.

HE LAMBASTED HIS FORMER BOSS,

SAYING, "WE ARE WITNESSING THE

CONSEQUENCES OF THREE YEARS

WITHOUT MATURE LEADERSHIP."

AND THAT TRUMP IS A THREAT TO

THE CONSTITUTION.

OF THE UNITED STATES.

THE PRESIDENT, OF COURSE, FIRED

BACK RIGHT AWAY.

TWEETING, "PROBABLY THE ONLY

THING BARACK OBAMA AND I HAVE IN

COMMON IS THAT WE BOTH HAD THE

HONOR OF FIRING JIM MATTIS, THE

WORLD'S MOST OVERRATED GENERAL."

DIDN'T HE CALL MERYL STREEP

OVERRATED TOO?

"I ASKED FOR HIS LETTER OF

RESIGNATION, AND FELT GREAT

ABOUT IT.

HIS NICKNAME WAS "CHAOS", WHICH

I DIDN'T LIKE, AND CHANGED TO

"MAD DOG."

WHICH, NOT ONLY IS THAT NOT

TRUE, HE HAD THAT NICKNAME FOR

YEARS.

IT'S ‐‐

WHAT A STRANGE THING TO LIE

ABOUT.

SO EASILY DISPROVED!

REMEMBER THAT MOVIE "ROMY AND

MICHELE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION"

WHERE THEY LIE AND SAY THEY

INVENTED POST‐IT NOTES?

IT'S LIKE THAT, BUT FROM THE

PRESIDENT.

AND THIS IS INTERESTING, SOMEONE

CAME UP WITH A VERY CLEVER WAY

TO DEBUNK THE PRESIDENT'S CLAIM

THAT HIS FREE SPEECH IS BEING

TARGETED FOR CENSORSHIP ON

TWITTER.

A GUY STARTED POSTING THE

PRESIDENT'S TWEETS LAST WEEK,

VERBATIM, ON HIS OWN ACCOUNT.

HE JUST CUT AND PASTED THE

PRESIDENT'S TWEETS AND GUESS

WHAT HAPPENED?

HE GOT SUSPENDED FOR VIOLATING

TWITTER'S RULES AGAINST

GLORIFYING VIOLENCE.

MAYBE TWITTER HAS A WAY OF

DETERMINING WHO IS AND ISN'T A

THREAT BASED ON HOW TINY THE

PERSON WHO TWEETED'S THUMBS ARE.

I DON'T KNOW.

MEANWHILE, SNAPCHAT HAS

ANNOUNCED THEY WILL NO LONGER

PROMOTE THE PRESIDENT'S ACCOUNT

BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE HIS

COMMENTS COULD INCITE VIOLENCE.

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'RE JUST

NOW LEARNING THE PRESIDENT IS ON

SNAPCHAT?

I DIDN'T KNOW EITHER.

AND SINCE THE PRESIDENT REFUSES

TO FILTER HIMSELF, SNAPCHAT IS

ALSO NOW ‐ ADDING A FILTER FOR

HIM.

>> I'VE SEEN YOU AND THE FIRST

LADY INTERACT.

SHE'S SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF

YOUR LIFE.

HOW MUCH DO YOU RELY ON HER?

>> SO, SHE'S TREATED UNFAIRLY,

BUT THE PEOPLE LOVE HER.

THE PEOPLE LOVE HER.

WHEN I MAKE A SPEECH, THEY HAVE

SIGN, WE LOVE OUR

FIRST ‐‐ YOU'VE SEEN HUNDREDS OF

SIGNS, WE LOVE OUR FIRST LADY.

WE SOMETIMES HAVE PICTURES OF

HIGH HEELS, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

>> Jimmy: I KNEW HE WORE

DIAPERS.

SO TWITTER AND SNAPCHAT HAVE

TAKEN ACTION TO TEMPER THE

PRESIDENT'S LIES.

MEANWHILE, MARK ZUCKERBERG IS UP

IN HIS PENTHOUSE OFFICE,

MASTURBATING TO THE BALANCE OF

HIS CHECKING ACCOUNT.

DONNY BOO BOO SAT FOR A

22‐MINUTE INTERVIEW YESTERDAY ON

SOMETHING CALLED "NEWSMAX TV."

IT WAS A FAVOR TO HIS

SECOND‐FAVORITE SEAN, FORMER

PRESS SECRETARY SEAN SPICER.

DON AND SEAN COVERED THE WHOLE

SPECTRUM OF HARD HITTING TOPICS

FROM WHY TRUMP IS AWESOME TO WHY

HE IS GREAT.

AND THEY HAD A CHAT ABOUT

TRUMP'S ILL‐ADVISED WALK TO

CHURCH.

>> WE WALKED FROM THE WHITE

HOUSE, AND I THINK EVERYTHING

WAS HANDLED VERY WELL.

I WILL TELL YOU, RELIGIOUS

LEADERS LOVED IT.

RELIGIOUS LEADERS THOUGHT IT WAS

GREAT.

THEY LOVED IT.

>> Jimmy: I EVEN GOT A THANK YOU

NOTE FROM GOD.

HE LOVED IT TOO.

PEOPLE WEREN'T YELLING, "JESUS

CHRIST" BECAUSE THEY LOVED IT.

SPICER ALSO LOBBED TRUMP A

QUESTION ABOUT HIS FAITH, AND

LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY TO HOW HE

DOESN'T ANSWER THIS.

>> SINCE YOU'VE BEEN PRESIDENT,

HAVE YOU GROWN IN YOUR FAITH?

DO YOU PRAY?

DO YOU PRAY OFTEN?

YOU TALK A LOT ABOUT RELIGION

THIS WEEK, WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO

YOU?

>> SO I THINK MAYBE I HAVE, FROM

THE STANDPOINT THAT I SEE SO

MUCH THAT I CAN DO.

I'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR RELIGION.

>> Jimmy: SO THE ANSWER IS NO.

HE'S DONE SO MUCH FOR RELIGION.

YOU KNOW, TECHNICALLY, SATAN HAS

DONE A LOT FOR RELIGION TOO.

THIS WAS SOME INTERVIEW.

YOU'VE GOT TO WATCH THE WHOLE

THING.

MAYBE MY FAVORITE PART, AFTER

ALL THAT HAS GONE ON IN

MINNEAPOLIS THIS WEEK, IT SEEMS

THE PRESIDENT STILL DOESN'T KNOW

HOW TO PRONOUNCE IT.

>> LOOK, I STOPPED IT IN

MINNESOTA, MINI‐IN‐APPLIIS.

>> Jimmy: MINNY‐IN‐APOLIS.

BUT MAYBE THAT WAS JUST A SLIP

OF THE TONGUE.

MAYBE THAT WAS THE HYDROXY

KICKING IN.

I'M SURE HE GOT IT RIGHT THE

NEXT TIME.

>> THE MAYOR OF MINI‐IN‐NAPLIIS.

>> Jimmy:

NOPE.

MINI ANNAPOLIS.

IT'S A TINY NAVAL BASE IN

MARYLAND AND AS IF THAT WASN'T

ENOUGH, IT WAS THE RETURN OF THE

PRESIDENT'S FAVORITE VAMPIRE

BAT.

RUDY GIULIANI WAS ON "GOOD

MORNING BRITAIN WITH

PIERS MORGAN."

PIERS USED TO BE THE PRESIDENT'S

PAL, BUT I GUESS THAT DOESN'T

SUIT HIM ANYMORE SO NOW HE'S A

CRITIC AND RUDY G DOESN'T LIKE

THAT AT ALL.

>> THE INTERVIEW WAS OVER AS FAR

AS I'M CONCERNED.

>> YOU SOUND COMPLETELY BARKING

MAD, DO YOU KNOW THAT?

>> NO, A BIG LIAR.

>> YOU'VE LOST THE PLOT, AND

IT'S SAD TO SEE.

>> YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT THROWN

OFF OF TELEVISION HERE, BECAUSE

YOU HAD RATINGS THAT WERE ABOUT

TWO.

>> YEAH.

>> SO DON'T TELL ME I'VE LOST

ANYTHING!

>> YOU KEEP GOING, RUDY.

>> I REMEMBER THE MISTAKES YOU

MADE AND HOW YOU [ BLEEP ]ED UP.

DON'T GIVE ME THAT STUFF, I KNOW

WHO YOU ARE.

>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK RUDY.

WE MISSED YOU.

I HOPE THE RABIES SHOTS DON'T

HURT AS MUCH AS I HEAR THEY DO.

SO THAT'S WHAT THE FORMER MAYOR

OF NEW YORK IS UP TO.

THE CURRENT MAYOR IS GETTING

HAMMERED FROM ALL SIDES,

INCLUDING HIS OWN STAFF.

AT A PRESS CONFERENCE YESTERDAY,

WITH HIS CITY IN THE MIDDLE OF

MASSIVE PROTESTS AND CIVIL

UNREST, HE WANTED TO REMIND

EVERYONE OF THE SONG "IMAGINE"

BY JOHN LENNON.

WHICH IS LAME FOR SURE, BUT

SOMEHOW, THIS MORNING ON "FOX

AND FRIENDS, "WEATHERMAN

BRIAN KILMEADE, SOMEHOW MANAGED

TO OUT‐LAME IT.

>> HE WANTS YOU TO HUM "IMAGINE"

BY JOHN LENNON.

HE WANTS US TO IMAGINE ‐‐ JOHN

LENNON WOULDN'T BE SAFE IN THE

CITY RAIGHT NOW.

HE'D BE HIDING IN HIS APARTMENT.

>> Jimmy: NOBODY TELL BRIAN HOW

JOHN LENNON DIED.

LET HIM GOOGLE IT.

THE SCHOOL YEAR IS MERCIFULLY

COMING TO AN END, BUT MANY

PARENTS ARE STILL HOMESCHOOLING

AND EXPERIENCING SENIORITIS FOR

THE SECOND TIME IN THEIR LIVES.

BUT FEAR NOT BECAUSE HELP IS

HERE IN AN ADORABLE LITTLE

PACKAGE.

IT'S TIME FOR HOMEWORK CORNER

WITH GUILLERMO.

♪ ♪

>> Guillermo: HI, WELCOME TO

HOMEWORK CORNER WITH GUILLERMO.

TODAY QUESTION IS, NO IS TO BIG

AS ARM IS TO?

YOU KNOW, GUYS?

I ORDER UBER EATS, AND I THINK

IT'S OUTSIDE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, OKAY?

♪ ♪

>> Jimmy: AND WE NEVER SAW HIM

AGAIN.

>> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GOOD SHOW

FOR YOU TONIGHT.

WE HAVE AN OTHERWORLDLY SURPRISE

FOR OUR HEALTHCARE HERO OF THE

WEEK AND WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK

WITH WANDA SYKES.

♪ ♪

>> Dicky: ABC'S "JIMMY KIMMEL

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>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "JIMMY

KIMMEL LIVE FROM MY HOUSE."

WE HAVE SOME FUN GUESTS FOR YOU

NEXT WEEK, INCLUDING "THE BLACK

PANTHER," CHADWICK BOSEMAN, THE

SNOWMAN, JOSH GAD, AND PETE

DAVIDSON TOO.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS ONE OF THE

FUNNIEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.

I THINK SHE'S STILL ON THE

PLANET.

LET'S CHECK.

PLEASE WELCOME WANDA SYKES.

HELLO, WANDA.

>> HEY, JIMMY, YEAH, I'M STILL

ON THE PLANET, DIDN'T TAKE THE

ROCKET SHIP OUT OF HERE, YET.

>> Jimmy: IT'S FREIGHGREAT TO S.

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU, BECAUSE

YOU HAVE BEEN, ON SOCIAL MEDIA,

I HAVE REALLY ENJOYED AND

LEARNED FROM WATCHING YOU.

AS A MATTER OF FACT YOU POSTED A

VIDEO, A LONG VIDEO.

YOU SAID YOU HAD A COUPLE DRINKS

AT THE BEGINNING OF IT, AND THEN

YOU SPOKE VERY ELOQUENTLY AND

VERY PASSIONATELY ABOUT, I THINK

YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT LIKE

WHITE PEOPLE NEED TO STEP UP.

AND YOU WERE SPEAKING

SPECIFICALLY ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS,

AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS

ILLUMINATING AND PRETTY GREAT TO

WATCH.

>> THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, LET ME JUST START OFF

BY SAYING THAT, YOU KNOW, THAT

GEORGE CLOONEY, HE MAKES A MEAN

TEQUILA.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jimmy: HE CRUSHES THE

POTATOES WITH HIS FEET.

>> WHATEVER, I THINK IT'S AGAVE.

HE MAKES A MEAN TEQUILA.

AND, YOU KNOW.

>> Jimmy: YEAH.

>> IT JUST KIND OF JUST GOT ME

TO THE, I WAS ALREADY JUST SO

FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY AND, AND,

YOU KNOW, WE'RE JUST TIRED OF

THIS MAN.

IT'S JUST LIKE WE'VE BEEN IN,

KEEP GOING IN THIS SAME THING

OVER AND OVER AGAIN, AND I THINK

THIS ONE, IT JUST, IT WAS IT.

THIS WAS, THIS WAS THE, LIKE IT

WAS JUST ENOUGH.

AND I JUST HAD TO SAY SOMETHING,

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE WE CAN'T DO

IT ALONE.

IF WE'RE OUT THERE MARCHING AND

ASKING FOR CHANGE, WE NEED WHITE

PEOPLE TO DO IT.

WE NEED WHITE PEOPLE TO TELL

WHITE PEOPLE TO STOP BEING

RACIST.

BECAUSE, WHEN WE DO IT,

OBVIOUSLY, IT'S NOT WORKING.

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE THE PERSON

THAT'S KICKING YOUR BUTT, YOU

CAN'T ASK US, HEY, WHY CAN'T YOU

MAKE THEM STOP KICKING YOUR

BUTT.

IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

>> Jimmy: I SAW SOME FOOTAGE OF

A PROTEST TODAY IN MANHATTAN

BEACH, AND IT WAS INTERESTING,

BECAUSE IT WAS ALMOST ALL

ENTIRELY WHITE PEOPLE MARCHING

FOR BLACK LIVES MATTER.

AND, YOU KNOW, I HOPE, IT SEEMS

LIKE WITH ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT

IS VERY SERIOUS, IT IS AT THE

TOP OF OUR MINDS FOR A WHILE.

AND THEN WE JUST MOVE ON TO THE

NEXT THING.

IT REALLY IS A SHAME, BUT I

GUESS THAT'S HUMAN NATURE, BUT I

HOPE THAT THIS IS SOMETHING THAT

REALLY STICKS WITH PEOPLE.

>> OH, THIS IS DIFFERENT.

YOU CAN FEEL IT.

CAN YOU FEEL THIS IS DIFFERENT.

LIKE I SAY, YOU CAN SEE WHITE

PEOPLE OUT THERE, AND I GUESS

WEIWE

JUST HAD TO TELL Y'ALL, HEY,

IT'S OKAY.

KUM

CAN MARCH.

WE NEED YOU INVOLVED.

AND I SEE THAT.

JUST IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

I HAD TO GO TO THE GROCERY

STORE.

THERE WAS A BUNCH OF WHITE KIDS

ON THE CORNER, YOU KNOW, AND

SOME BLACK KIDS, TOO.

AND THEY WERE OUT PROTESTING,

AND IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL,

BEAUTIFUL TO SEE.

SO I THINK WE ARE GOING TO SEE

SOME, SOME MOVEMENT.

>> Jimmy: DOES WHAT'S GOING ON

MAKE YOU REGRET HAVING VOTED FOR

DONALD TRUMP?

[ LAUGHTER ]

BY THE WAY, I DO WANT TO SAY, I

WANT TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT FOR

ONE SECOND AND SAY IF YOU

HAVEN'T SEEN WANDA'S STAND‐UP

COMEDY SPECIAL ON NETFLIX,

ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE IN THE

HOUSE OR WHATEVER, IT IS

HYSTERICALLY FUNNY, WANDA SIKES,

IT IS SO GOOD AND SO FUNNY.

AND KIND OF GETS INTO SOME OF

THIS STUFF, AND I REALLY EDGE

JOY

ENJOYED IT.

YOU HAVE BEEN IN KWAURNS WITH

THE FAMILY NOW?

>> YEAH, IT'S BEEN SINCE MARCH

15th.

>> Jimmy: HOW OLD ARE YOUR TWINS

NOW?

>> THEY'RE 11.

THEY'RE 11.

>> Jimmy: AND YOU HOME SCHOOL

THEM, RIGHT?

>> NO.

>> Jimmy: YOU'RE JUST DOING IT

NOW.

>> YEAH, WE'RE DOING IT NOW.

I'M NOT CRAZY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH

YOU?

>> Jimmy: I KNOW PEOPLE WHO DO

IT AND THEY LIKE IT.

IT'S NOT FOR ME, BUT I CAN

UNDERSTAND HOW SOME PEOPLE WOULD

BE OKAY WITH IT.

>> HUH‐UH.

MAN, MY SON HAD A, THEY HAD MATH

THE OTHER DAY, IT WAS ABOUT THE

METRIC SYSTEM.

HUH‐UH.

>> Jimmy: YOU'VE BEEN HELPING?

>> I HAD TO LIKE REALLY LOOK

THAT STUFF UP, MAN.

I WAS LIKE, METRIC SYSTEM?

WE DIDN'T LEARN THAT, I

DON'T ‐‐ NO.

>> Jimmy: WE CONSIDER TD TOED IE

UN‐AMERICAN TO LEARN THE METRIC

SYSTEM.

REMEMBER THAT?

WE HAVE INCHES AND FEET.

>> INCHES AND FEET, AND THE

DOCTORS, WHEN YOU GET A TUMOR OR

SOMETHING, DON'T TELL ME THIS IS

CENTIMETERS.

TELL ME WHAT FRUIT IT IS.

WHAT, I GOT A LEMON?

IS IT A GRAPE?

>> Jimmy: WHEN YOU'RE HELPING

THE KIDS WITH HOMEWORK, DO YOU

CURSE?

>> I'M SURE I DO.

I'M SURE I DO.

>> Jimmy: WANDA, EVERY NIGHT,

I'VE BEEN MAKING A TOE NADONATI

CHARITY, AND YOU CHOSE THE RUTH

ELLIS CENTER.

TELL US ABOUT THE RUTH ELLIS

CENTER.

>> THE RUTH ELLIS CENTER IS

BASED IN DETROIT AND THEY TAKE

CARE OF LGBTQ YOUTH WHO'VE BEEN

KICKED OUT OF THEIR HOMES OR,

YOU KNOW, JUST ALL KIND OF

PROBLEMS JUST FOR BEING WHO THEY

ARE.

SO NOT ONLY DO THEY PROVIDE

SHELTER AND CLOTHE HAVINGING AN

BUT TRAINING AND EDUCATION, AND

NOW THEY HAVE HEALTH CARE THERE.

SO THEY'RE GIJUST DOING AMAZING

THINGS.

TRANSFORMING LIVES FOR OUR

COMMUNITY.

SO I LOVE THEM, AND THEY'RE

DOING GREAT WORK.

>> Jimmy: IF YOU WANT TO BE A

PART OF THAT AND DONATE, WE'VE

PUT THE WEBSITE RIGHT UP ON THE

SCREEN, THANK YOU, WANDA SIKES.

I APPRECIATE IT.

GIVE MY BEST TO YOUR FAMILY.

WHEN WE COME BACK, WE HAVE A

BIG CELEBRITY SURPRISE FOR OUR

HEALTHCARE HERO OF THE WEEK.

WANDA SIKES, EVERYTHING.

>> THANKS, JIMMY.

>> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY

KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU

BY RUFFLES.

TO JOIN RUFFLES AND ANTHONY

DAVIS IN RAISING MONEY FOR

FEEDING AMERICA GO TO FEEDING

AMERICA.ORG.

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>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "JIMMY

KIMMEL LIVE FROM MY HOUSE."

OUR HEALTHCARE HERO THIS WEEK IS

CHLOE DUCOSE.

SHE IS A NURSE FROM

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA.

HELLO‐E CHLOE!

HOW ARE YOU?

>> HI!

>> Jimmy: HELLO.

SO, CHLOE, I HEARD

YOU WORK IN A TENT GIVING COVID

TESTS.

I HAVE TO BE HONEST, THAT SOUNDS

TERRIBLE.

>> YEAH, I'VE BEEN PICKING

BOOGERS FOR A WHILE.

>> Jimmy: SO I GUESS YOU'VE BEEN

PICKING BOOGERS FOR A WHILE.

>> IT REALLY HELPS WITH THE

PATIENTS, THEY THINK YOU WANT TO

PICK YOUR BRAIN, NO, IT'S JUST

THE BOOGERS.

>> Jimmy: HAS IT BEEN HOT AND

MISERABLE?

>> NOW THAT IT'S HEATING UP,

IT'S BEEN BOILING, IT'S BEEN 90

DEGREE WEATHER, SO IT'S NOT

GREAT, BUT WE'RE MANAGING.

>> Jimmy: I HEARD YOU WERE A BIG

STAR WARS FAN, IS THAT TRUE?

>> YES, SIR.

>> Jimmy: HOW MANY TIMES HAVE

YOU WATCHED THE "STAR WARS"

MOVIES, ALL OF THEM, FROM

BEGINNING TO END?

>> A LOT.

THE LET'S JUST PUT IT THAT WAY.

>> Jimmy: MORE THAN TEN?

>> YES.

>> Jimmy: YEAH.

I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN TO

INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEBODY TO SAY

HELLO WHO WOULD LIKE TO THANK

YOU FOR ALL THE WORK THAT YOU'RE

DOING.

AND, IF ‐‐

>> WHAT THE HECK?

>> Jimmy: I'D LIKE TO DIRECT

YOUR ATTENTION TO MR. MARK

HAMILL.

>> OH, MY GOD!

HI!

>> CHLOE!

CHLOE!

>> NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH YOU.

I APPLAUD YOU FOR HAVING SEEN

THE "STAR WARS" MOVIES MORE THAN

I HAVE.

>> OH, MY GOD, HI.

>> HI.

I USED TO LIFE IN SAN DIEGO.

>> DID YOU REALLY?

>> I WENT TO FOURTH THROUGH

SEVENTH GRADE IN CLAIREMONT.

>> OH, MY GOSH, I'VE BEEN

WORKING OUT OF THERE, TOO, DOING

SOME OFFICE WORK.

>> I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT ALL

YOU'VE DONE, SIX YEARS A NURSE,

TEACHING AT NIGHT.

YOU'RE IN THE TENTS.

I MEAN, THAT'S SO GREAT.

I MEAN, TO ME, I'M THE PRETEND

HERO, YOU'RE THE REAL‐LIFE HERO.

SO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> Jimmy: CHLOE, ARE YOU HALUCE

NA

NATING NOW?

>> I'M HAVING PALPITATIONS.

>> Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR YOUR

WORK ON THE FRONT LINES.

>> PAYPAL IS SENDING YOU

$10,000.

THEY HAVE BEEN SENDING GIFTS OF

THANKS AND THEY WILL BE SENDING

PAYPAL VOUCHERS TO YOUR

CO‐WORKERS AT THE CLINING THERE

IN SAN DIEGO, TOO.

>> OH, MY GOSH.

>> I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU,

CHLOE.

I AM GOING TO SIGN THIS

LIGHTSABER AND HAVE IT DELIVERED

TO YOU.

I WANT YOU TO USE IT WISELY.

IF YOU GO TO ANY PROTESTS,

PLEASE LEAVE IT, PLEASE LEAVE IT

AT HOME.

>> Jimmy: YES, TO ARE SURE.

>> ALL RIGHT?

>> YES, SIR.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

THANK YOU FOR BEING A FAN TO ME.

"STAR WARS" FANS ARE MORE THAN

JUST FANS.

THEY'RE MORE LIKE FAMILY, SO

THANK YOU FOR THAT.

AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

ALWAYS.

>> MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU,

TOO.

>> Jimmy: MAY THE FORCE BE WITH

BOTH OF YOU.

VIEWERS AT HOME, YOU CAN PAY IT

FORWARD TO HEROES IN YOUR

COMMUNITIES WITH THE PAYPAL APP.

THANK YOU, CHLOE, THANK YOU,

MARK, THAT WAS SO NICE OF YOU TO

DO THAT.

>> MY PLEASURE.

THANKS, GUYS.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Dicky: PORTIONS OF "JIMMY

KIMMEL LIVE" ARE BROUGHT TO YOU

BY RUFFLES.

TO JOIN RUFFLES AND ANTHONY

DAVIS IN RAISING MONEY FOR

FEEDING AMERICA GO TO FEEDING

AMERICA.ORG.

When Visible set out to create
the future of phone service...

We tossed the stuff
that wasn't working.

And kept the stuff
that was working.

Like Verizon's 4G LTE Network.

Meet Visible.

Unlimited data,
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Just $25 for your
first month.

Join us at visible.com.

Banana Boat Sunscreen

is all about protecting
one thing:

The fun!

Anywhere under the sun fun.

Sidewalk fun!

Long‐lasting fun!

Poolside fun.

Banana Boat Sunscreen lasts
as long as the fun does.

Thanks for sharing
your DIY haircuts.

Thanks for sharing your
savage moves,

and especially
your awkward ones.

Thanks for sharing
your cute kids.

And your adorable pets.

Now it's our turn to
share...

with The GEICO Giveback.

A 15% credit on car
and motorcycle policies

for both current
and new customers.

And because we're committed
for the long haul,

the credit lasts
your full policy term.

So thanks again.

One good share
deserves another.

>> Jimmy: WELL, THAT'S OUR SHOW,

I WANT TO THANK WANDA SIKES,

MARK HAMILL, OUR NEW FRIEND

CHLOE, YOU CAN TAKE OFF YOUR 3D

GLASSES, ALSO I NEVER TOLD YOU