Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

One, two, three, four, nine. Here we go!

- Go! Go! - Go!

I suppose this is proper, all these big cars and chauffeurs.

Black, shiny cars.

Seems dopey for a guy like that.

Well, I guess that's what they do. People get symbolic over death.

They get very formal, and it's really ridiculous.

Because it's probably the most humiliating thing in the world.

But I feel very relaxed.

People die of tensions. That's all they die of, Gus.

That's the truth. Did you know that?

I know it, and it's something I'm never gonna forget.

Don't believe truth. Just don't believe truth.

Archie, I'm telling you, don't believe truth.

That is the truth, now. You see, the truth will never kill you.

Lies will. Not cigarettes. Not alcohol.

Lies, Gus. Lies and tensions. That'll kill you.

That'll kill you before cancer in the heart. Did you know that?

Now, give me a cigarette, will you? Give me a cigarette.

- What, now? - Yeah, now.

And give me a match too. I don't have any matches.

I don't know if I have a match.

I don't think I have a match.

- I don't have any. - I don't have a match.

Harry.

You got a match?

Let us be grateful for the smiles.

Let us not think of sadness.

Let us bury this man, who has gone noisily through life...

And made a quiet exit.

Who found time for the smallest child

and for the oldest man.

Who found time in his life fo make room for your lives.

A man who was respected and honored and loved

by the fellow members of his communily.

When we speak of a man that's naive and full of innocence,

we think naturally of Stuart Jackson.

I recognize some, I don't know others, but I know one thing:

That you're all saddened.

Saddened by the loss of what we all consider a great, great friend.

Not a friend in need, particularly.

Not a friend giving to a friend.

Not really there to listen.

But a person who made you feel that you belonged.

This was a man beloved by his dear wife and beloved by his two children,

who now have a great void fo fill in their lives.

This Stuart ..

This Stuart, a man with so many friends...

As you see here today,

that are deeply, deeply affected by his loss.

Let us offer god our prayers for his eternal soul.

And now, a silent prayer.

A silent moment fo recognize Stuart Jackson.

I'm so glad -

so glad you could come.

Oh, please!

I didn't like it.

I didn't like what he said.

- I'm not going home. - It moved me, but I resented it.

'Cause what he said, he said nothing. You know what I resented?

- Il mean, say this: Just say he was funny. - Gus -

- you know what I resented? - Say he was a funny man.

There's a dead man laying there, and she's moved, you know that.

'Cause if you can't say the right thing when a man dies...

But you don't talk about insurance at a time like that.

- Then what the hell is it all about? - Not at a time like that.

You don't talk about insurance. You understand? Not at a funeral.

One thing: He was a clown. Say he was a clown,

say he died too young, and that's all, and that's it.

- You understand what I mean, Gus? - Look, it's done.

It was done wrong, but it's done. So be it.

Well, I'm not going home.

So we'll...

I'm gonna get very drunk.

Whatever.

- & show me the way to go home & - Yeah, yeah!

- &' I'm tired, and I wanna go fo bed - Yes, yes, yes.

J I had a little drink about an hour ago j

j; And it went right to my head ©

I'll trade you coats even-up!

Yeah. Yeah. Listen.

- Yeah. - Listen.

What?

&' Johnny j - & Johnny j

- Well, what are we gonna do? - Well, we can do anything we wanna do.

So what do you wanna do? I mean, what do you prefer to do?

I mean, if you had a preference?

Well, I'd be a professional athlete, because they really put out.

And they got no excuses, and they feel good, and they get sweaty.

You know, you have a beer, and you're with guys you like.

I was gonna be a basketball player.

I had all the moves. I was quick enough. Too short.

I love baseball, I love golf,

I love pool, I love track,

I love ping-pong, I love volleyball, I love badminton.

What else is there?

Football.

Lacrosse. Now, there's a hell of a game.

What are we gonna do?

Harry, you don't care. Archie, I'd like to know how you feel.

You know, it's a terribly - it's a terribly sad thing

when a man reaches around 27,

the years are going by, and then he realizes

that he's never gonna be a professional athlete anymore.

And then you reach 30...

And then you know it's over,

and then you begin to watch other athletes,

and you begin to see when they're gonna give out.

- Do you ever feel that way? - I've felt that.

The legs go at 35. The legs.

I got a hell of an idea. Let's have a light breakfast.

You know what I mean?

Hmm?

Why not a heavy breakfast?

Oh, Harry.

Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry.

I'm hungry.

Light breakfast.

Everything's light.

You get your money?

- I got everything. - Okay.

Where we going? We got 40 stops.

You're right.

Forty more stops. The man is right again.

I love basketball.

But I'm too short.

You want to play?

And without my shoes, I'm shorter!

I want to play.

I'll race you to the corner. Walking, no running.

- For how much? - A dime.

- A dime. You're on. - You ready?

- Yeah. - Get set.

Get set! Go!

Hey!

Hup!

Give back the ball.

That's it.

Got it!

Whoa!

- Whoa! - Okay, here we go!

Oh. Come on. Come on, Harry.

Come on, Harry. Put it up.

I hate basketball.

And besides, I have a theory about people who play to win.

It's the only reason to play. Otherwise, why keep score?

First we have to play games, then we have to see who wins.

We've been up for 24 hours,

and we're gonna get ourselves the same as Stuart.

Ah, it's good for you. Sweat it all out.

- Wanna go home, Harry? - No.

I'm never going home.

All right, then. Let's have a drink.

Here's to Joe. Here's to Joe.

- Joe. - Here's to Joe.

To Joe.

All right. Next.

Charley?

I'm not any Joe, but...

Maybe the original soul.

J; When Irish eyes are smiling j

j sure, tis lke a morn in spring &

j and the lilt of Irish laughter j

j sure will make the angels sing &

j; When Irish hearts are laughing &

j all the world seems bright and gay j

& and the - j - I'm sorry.

All right, next.

That was terrific. I'm sorry.

Gus, you broke the rules.

- Who's next? - Gotta keep the rules. No talking.

- Tony. Tony's next. - No, Gwen.

- Gwen. - Gwen is next.

Gwen, you go.

Dream of Jeannie I

j; With the light brown hair f

; Bon Ikea... &

&' I see her slipping &

- look at me! That's better. - & where the bright streams play &

- I don't know any more. - Give her a hand. Let's have a drink.

Terrific. Terrific! Terrific!

Beautiful.

Okay.

J Jesus loves me, this I know j

I for the Bible tells me so j

j little ones to him belong ©

j they are weak, but he is strong &

& oh, Jesus loves me j

j oh, Jesus loves me j

j oh, Jesus loves me j

j; The Bible tells me so j

- We're terrific. - Terrific.

Who's next?

- He's next. - No, no. Ladies first.

Now, this is first world war.

J; When it's apple blossom time in normandy &

j I want to be in normandy j

j by that sweet old wishing well j

j; With you, Marie &

j; When it's apple blossom time in normandy &

j I want to be with you j

j and the spring will bring a wedding ring &

j little sweetheart, to you &

Wonderful. Wonderful.

- All right. All right. - Leola.

My leola's next. “Who's next?

No, no, ladies first. Leola.

- Go ahead, John. - Go, John.

Go, John.

J happy birthday to you j

& there was blood on the saddle &

j blood on the ground &

! Buckets of blood &

I all around &

j the cowpoke was aying j

j; The horse was dead too j

j and thats all the story &

j [ever knew &

I love it.

I love it.

I'd like to hear that one again. Can I hear that one again?

Bill was all right, but...

I mean, I have nothing against bill. It's just that...

I have a song that means -

well, it takes life.

You'll see what I mean.

It means life.

J she has the truest, bluest eyes j

j my best girl &

I and she is true as she is wise &

j my best girl &

- j' I'd rather sit & - Shut up, Gus, shut up.

- &' and hold her hand j - Shut up, Gus!

J than any girl in all the land &

- &' she always seems to understand & - Shut up, you moron.

Bravo!

J hey, pack up your troubles in your old kit bag &

- &' and smile, smile smile & - Let's drink to that.

J; What's the use of worrying... j

j; When it's apple blossom time in normandy &

& / want fo be with you I

j and the spring will bring a wedding ring &

j ...Use of worrying & = little sweetheart &

- j&' it never was worthwhile j - & for you j

j so pack up your troubles &

- & in your old kit bag - & when it's apple blossom time &

- &' in normandy & - &' and smile, smile, smile j

j I want to be in normandy j

j pack up your troubles in your old kit bag &

- &' by that sweet old wishing well j - & and smile, smile, smile &

& with you, Marie j =» what's the use j

- & of worrying? Jf - & when it's apple blossom time &

& in normandy =& it never was worthwhile &

- & I want fo be with you & - &' what's the use in worrying? &

j and the spring will bring a wedding ring &

- j' it never was worthwhile, so j - & little sweetheart &

- j for you I - & pack up your troubles &

j in your old kit bag and smile j

- & smile, smile & - You're an angel.

Okay, all right.

You're right. You know something? She felt a rejection. Let's sit down.

Hold it here, here, here, here.

- Violence is out. - Sit down.

Wait a minute. Violence is out.

- Sit down, sit down. - This contest is not over,

and this contest is going to continue.

- Look, just to show you how - - Make sure of that.

How wild this party is -

- who threw that glass? Wait a minute.

Number one, who threw that glass? I'm gonna leave here.

I'm gonna leave here.

I eola!

J it was just a little love affair &

j I never thought you'd grow to care j

terrible.

- & we were such pals & - Terrible. Terrible.

Terrible. Terrible.

Unreal. Unreal! No passion. = I wondered how j

- one more time. One more time. - > You just... &

- &' [twas just a... j - Start it again.

Do you hear it, Gus?

J it was just a little love affair... &

- start it again, honestly. - Honestly.

Honestly, but I had too much beer. With soul. Soul.

Soul? “With soul.

With passion.

That's what Harry does all the time.

I don't believe he does that.

- The man is insane. - I'm telling you...

It was - - from the beginning.

J it was just a little love affair &

- did you hear what he said? - Worse.

- &' I never knew you... - Did you hear what he said?

- Worse. - What?

Worse!

No feeling, he said.

- Vomit. - No feeling.

A little feeling. A little feeling.

- I don't care. Loud, soft, do it. - Go get her, Archie.

J it was just a little love... &

no. Too cute! Too cute!

- No cute! - Right.

- Real, from the heart! - He means it.

From the heart. From the heart!

J it was just.. J

I can't stand it! I can't stand it! I'll kill myself!

He's right. This man is right.

The man is right. When the man is right, he's right.

One more time.

It's not that we're criticizing you.

- It's that... - We're criticizing you.

Whatever your life is, it's been -

- obviously. - You're not speaking to us.

Do you understand? You're not speaking to us.

- No? - You're not talking to all these people.

You're not speaking to anybody. Not only us.

J it was just a little love affair &

j I never thought you'd grow to care j

& we were such pals j

&' I wonder how j - I agree.

- &' you just won't understand & - I agree. I agree.

- &' and seem to hate me now j - I agree. Wait a minute.

Get him. You are terrible!

You are impossible! You're wrong!

You're awful! You have no heart!

- You're wrong. - No.

A lot of people won't agree with this, but I think you're terrible.

- Really? - I think you're terrible. You know why?

- Terrible! - 'Cause you wanna be terrible.

- You know why? 'Cause you don't like us. - Right.

You know why? Because you got some bitterness in your heart.

- Totally. - 'Cause you've been told by your mother...

Where's the warmth? Where's the warmth? To be that way.

- Where is the warmth? - Give us a kiss.

- Right. - Kiss him. He's my friend! Here!

Here's a face. Kiss him. Suck him.

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Archie.

- Don't do that again. - No, I won't.

Don't do it again. Ever. Ever!

- One more time. - Do it - do it better.

- Do it better. - One more time.

Would you do it better?

- Can you do it better? - We love you!

I'll take off my clothes if you do it better.

- Take off your clothes. - I'll take off my clothes...

- Take off your - take off your - - If you do it better.

- Give her a chance. - Take off your clothes.

Give her a chance. Wait a minute.

I'll take off my clothes if you do it better.

- That's how much I want it. - Take off your clothes.

No, I don't want you to.

I'll take off my clothes. Here they come, baby!

Here they come!

Here they come! Here they come!

Now, do it better! Now, do it better!

He's drunk!

I broke my zipper.

I think he's fantastic.

Let's give him a big hand. Let's give him a...

Sing it. Sing it.

Once. Sing it once.

- J' it was just a little love affair... j - Come on!

&' I never dreamed youd... j

wait a minute. Come here.

- All right. - Ready?

- Yeah. - I'm sorry.

- That's life. - No, let us sing it, and you listen to it.

That's life.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten.

J it was just a little j

I love affair &

why don't you sing it again, honey?

- J' it was just a little love affair & - To me, to me.

Kiss him. He's my friend.

- Kiss me. He's my friend. - & I never knew you'd grow j

she has to get it out!

J it was just a little &

j' love affair & - better!

- & and really never seem... I - Oh, don't you ever close your eyes?

When you sleep, do you close your eyes?

- Relax. Close your eyes. You're asleep. - Oh, all right.

You're asleep. Ready? Ready. Yeah.

- J' it was just a little & - Kiss her.

I'm tellin' ya, I'm gonna fuck her. “Love affair &

- &' I never knew youd grow to care j& - Keep your eyes closed. Eyes closed.

- Sit down! Sit right here. - & we were just pals &

& wonder how &

&' you just won't understand &

- &' and seem to hate me now j - Oh, boy, I got you now. Oh!

J / called you on the telephone &

- telephone. - Please.

J but to me, you're never home I

she can't be honest! Give me that mouth!

J to - oh! - Apologize &

look, here. Put that in your mouth.

- There you go. - Oh, that's all right.

- Now sing us something. Have fun! - All right.

Have fun when you're singing that song.

Have fun when you're singing that song.

- Where is this song? - Listen to it.

F - - no!

- Talk it. Talk it. - Listen. Here, here, here.

Whisper, whisper. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Quiet. > Ift-it-j

I don't want to hear you. I don't want to hear you.

- Nobody hears you. - Just talk it. Talk.

Nobody - you told me not to talk.

Talk it, talk it. Let her talk it.

- It was just a little - - It's too loud.

It was just a little - no, no, no.

- Tell her - - No, no. I'm gonna leave.

Listen. Can't you do this? Can't you do this?

- Why? - Can't you do this?

- Go ahead, do it. - Do it. Let's do it together.

- Can't you do what I just did? - Let's do it for her.

No, 'cause you scare me. Wait a minute. Sweetheart -

- here we go. Here we go. Together. - No, we don't -

shush, shush! I don't want to hurt you, I swear to god,

but I feel like Jack the ripper.

- We don't scare her. That's the truth. - Here we go.

- You don't even hear it. - Watch this, now.

- J itwas just... I - No, don't you sing. Don't you sing.

Don't you sing. God almighty, don't you sing.

- I'll show you how to sing it. - Go ahead. Would you sing it?

- Sing it for me, Archie. - I just did it.

Now, do that.

You're getting it. You're getting it. You're getting it. You're getting it.

- Wait a minute. - No, I don't think I can do it now.

That's better.

That's terrific. You're terrific.

- That's honest. That's honest. - You're terrific. We love you.

- I like that very much. - You think we're kidding you? We love you.

I know. I - - we love you.

Sing it to us like you love us.

- I forgot the words now. - Good.

- Sing it. - & it was just &

& just a little love affair &

j I never thought you'd grow to care j

- that's good. - & we were such pals j

- j' I wonder how... I - You're beautiful.

Bravo! Bravo!

Listen.

What are you doing here, sweetie? Why don't you sing us all a song?

In your suit.

- In your suit. In your suit. - Come on!

Sing us your song. Wait'll I have a shooter.

He's gonna have a shooter. What is a shooter?

- I'm gonna have a shooter. - I'll have a shooter.

Come on, sit down here.

- Harry looks lovely. - He looks lovely.

I'm miraculous and very gracious.

I think you're the most gracious guy in the world.

Now, will you sing something? Because we've got a prize going here.

No rush, there.

What a humor you have.

Too much.

I once I built a rallroad I

I made it run &

j; Made it race against time j

j, yes, I built a railroad &

- see his eyes. - & now it's done j&

j brother, can you spare a dime? &

depression song. > Once I built a tower to the sun &

j; Made of brick, Clay and lime &

j, yes, I built a fower &

I now it's done &

j brother, can you spare a dime? &

no, I can't spare a dime.

! Dressed in khaki suits &

j; Oh, gee, we looked swell &

j; We hummed that yankee doodley-dum &

j doodley-di-di, doodley-doo j

j half a million boots went slugging through hell »

j; Was the kid with the drum &

j; Oh, say, don't you remember? &

j they called me al j

& well it was al all the time &

j say, don't you remember? &

- & I'm Peter Pan & - Have another drink.

J can you spare a dime? J

- I've made my decision. - Where you going?

- I got the winner. - Listen. Listen. Listen.

- What's your name? - I'm not telling.

- Red. - Red?

- Red what? - Where you from, red?

- Where I'm from? - Huh? Where are you from?

Where I'm from? I bet none of you know where I'm from.

- You're from, uh - you're from, uh - - I'm not telling you.

- Hold it now. Wait a minute. Don't get - - Where are you from? That's all.

You can guess the rest of your life. You'll never know where I'm from.

You're from the southwest.

- Yeah, you're from - - New York.

Uh - - Manhattan, baby.

J I'm from b postrophe j

j k postrophe, I-y-n j

j they know my shield from ebbets field I

j to Cheyenne &

j you can keep your other places give me that oasis j

he's won the friendship award.

&' and the girls are gorgeous j you're terrific.

&' and the girls are all maternity cases j you're terrific.

& b postrophe, k postrophe, I-y-n &

j agree or not it's just as hot as Cheyenne &

j and if you don't like the Bronx queens or staten j

j well, you know where you can stick old Manhattan &

j b postrophe, k postrophe &

j Brooklyn, usa

oh, this guy's terrific. Give him a big hand!

There's the new winner!

[Alll j nv postrophe, a postrophe j

I b-r-n j

J b postrophe, k postrophe, I-y-n j

- Brooklyn. - He hates it.

It's Brooklyn, right?

It's Brooklyn, of course. What would it be?

- Brooklyn! - Love your hat.

Love your hat.

Need any help?

Terrific guy to win, though.

Nothing else in my favor.

Can you imagine, after all we've been through, not to be able to vomit?

Hey.

I figured this thing out.

Psychological.

This thing of vomiting -

this thing of vomiting is psychological.

Are you all right?

Gus, are you all right?

Phew!

Shit, vomit, vomit, shit!

Get it out.

Better.

That's good. Get it out.

You know, you guys look terrible.

I have such pains, and, uh, and heat here.

Suffocating. My eyes are tearing.

L, uh -

I get the feeling you want to be alone.

Why do I get the feeling that you want to be alone?

At first there were four of us,

and now there are three of us, and you want to be alone.

All right.

Then I might as well be alone.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Gus, I feel sick.

And I don't like to be sick in front of people.

I mean, people barging in on you when you're sick...

I agree with you.

I asked you not to say anything.

Now, you're either going to be quiet, or you're gonna go. Okay?

- Okay. - Gus, nothing.

Silence.

Silence?

- Boy, I feel like screaming. - I don't care what you feel.

I don't care! I wanna tell you how I feel!

Listen, Gus. Gus...

I want to tell you how I really feel.

I want to tell you what's really bothering me.

I'm gonna tell you now what it is.

What it must be.

'Cause it's not the sickness. I can live with that.

No, here's what it is.

It's - it's, uh -

it's a tremendous need.

An anxiety. It's a, uh...

You see, that's what happens. I forget what it is.

I mean, what is it?

It's got to be important. Right?

'Cause, well, like, what are you feeling?

I mean, what are we supposed to be feeling?

'Cause what I'm feeling...

I don't know what I'm feeling. You see what I mean?

In other words...

You see, it's...

I've got to find out, because - I know what it is.

No. No. No, it's, uh -

there's a need there.

- And there's anxiety. - It's quilt.

Guilt?

- Guilt. - Guilt?

- That would be terrible. - It's terrible.

God. Oh, god. Oh, god.

- That would be terrible. - What is it? Just say what it is.

- I'm not gonna say it. Not that. No. - Just say, "I'm guilty," that's all.

No, I never had bad thoughts. I swear to god I never had a bad thought.

If I died yesterday, I'm clean.

Gus, I'm an idealist. I'm a positive person.

- As long as - - You're an idealist, you are.

As long as you've known me,

I've always tried to see the good side of everything.

- I mean, whenever possible. Is that right? - You-you -

You want to be alone?

You want to be alone? Be alone.

Let the dead lie.

"Let the dead lie"?

- Hmm. Let it go. - Let the dead lie.

- It's a proper thought. - No, it isn't.

What a smell.

What a terrible smell.

I really hate it. I hate vomit.

You get all the blood out of it. It's just disgusting.

- Hey, you got something on your mouth. - Huh?

Right there.

Right there! Right there, right there! Right there!

Get me a paper! I know it's there. Get me some paper! Hand me the paper!

You got something on your foot! You got something on your foot there!

You got something on your foot there too!

Right there. Right there.

Right there.

Come here.

Come over here.

Come over here.

Oh, you stink. Oh, you stink.

Oh, that silly son of a bitch is on the door.

I feel very good.

Very good.

What are you guys doing in here?

We're having a private moment.

Private moment about what?

About Stuart.

About Stuart?

Expect me to believe that?

Every time my back is turned, you guys are whispering -

every time my back is turned, you guys are talking.

Talking. Whispering about me.

- Are you kidding? - Talking behind my back.

I've been onto you for a long time. I just have too much class to spell it out.

- Why don't you spell it out? - I could never talk to you.

- You're insensitive! - I'm insensitive?

- And you're insensitive! - Oh, I'm insensitive?

You're sensitive? You can't even vomit.

Make your point.

Harry, you get to work on time,

you Fawn over your wife, you're absorbed by yourself,

and you have no sense of humor.

I have no sense of humor?

I have no sense of humor?

Ha!

I have no sense of - you're clutching at straws. You have nothing.

If I said what was really on my mind, you'd be crying.

- Well, say it. - Harry, you're a phony.

Hey! Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I'm a phony? I'm a phony?

Nobody calls me a phony!

Bite his finger! Bite his finger!

I'm a phony, huh? I'm a phony?

No! Nobody calls me a phony!

Nobody calls me a phony! No!

- Nobody calls me a phony! - Harry -

- no. Nobody calls me a phony! - Good friends don't fight! Good friends -

- nobody! - Come here.

Harry. Come on.

Hey, Archie. Come here. Shake hands.

Come on, now, shake hands.

Give me a dime, Archie.

Harry, I'll not only give you a dime, I'll give you my life.

- Now, you want a dime, you got a dime. - Give it to me.

He won't call her.

I'll call my wife and tell her about my friends.

"What did you do, darling?” "went to a funeral."

"How was it?" "Marvelous." How's that for a two-day venture?

What's my number? I forgot my number.

- Gus, what's my number? - 743-2 -

I know it. I know it. 74 - what? 743 what?

- 7143-2 - - I know it, I know it. I know it.

Loved the answer: "I know it."

Ah, it's cute.

Give me a beer.

You guys going to work today?

Gus?

You going to work today?

I don't know, Harry.

Archie?

- I'm thinking about it. - Louder! I can never hear you!

Harry, I said I was thinking about it!

- Are you going to work today? - I'm thinking about it.

Well, I'm going to work today! I'm going to go right home and go to work.

- You've got an awful lot to learn. - Let's go home. Gus.

You know absolutely nothing about people. “Arch.

- You know you screwed up tonight. - Let's go.

- What do you want? - Let's go.

I don't know why I bother with you anyway.

I hate this man.

I hate him. I really hate him.

Let's get out of here.

Gus, Archie...

Look what I did to the phone booth.

I kicked the hell out of it.

Yeah.

Like I've been telling my wife for years:

Aside from sex, and she's very good at it,

goddamn it, I like you guys better.

I really do.

Now, who the hell else could put up with me, huh?

I'm a jerk. I know it.

So let's go home and get it over with.

Gus...

I love you.

Archie...

Don't do that to me. I'll kill you!

I could kiss you on the mouth.

I love you. I love you both.

- Get away from me. - Let's go home and get it over with.

You fairy!

Fairy Harry!

I wouldn't be surprised!

Might be better off!

- You're amazing! - He's amazing!

You are amazing!

I know.

What do you want us to do? You want us to go home with you?

Let's go home.

We'll never make the 8:02. We're late. We got ten minutes.

Shave, shower. Ten minutes.

Let the cab go. We'll take my car.

That's the difference between him and us.

If my wife opens her mouth to me about anything, I finish that fast.

- You're right. - I walk right in there - I know I'm right.

And I spell it out. And that's what you have to do.

Right, that's what you have to do.

I'm not gonna shower for her. If I want to stink, I'll stink.

That's my privilege. And I'm not showering for him.

- Right. - I wouldn't shower for you.

Don't.

- I'm not gonna shave either. - Don't shave.

If I want to be dirty, I'll be dirty.

Look, if you want to be dirty, you be dirty. You go ahead and be dirty.

You have to be free. You have to be an individual.

Where is she?

Tell her I'm sorry.

Tell her I'll talk to her tonight.

- Tell her I love her. - All right, Harry, I'll tell her.

- I love you too. - You're a bad boy.

I am not a bad boy. You understand me.

If she wasn't your daughter, you'd be on my side.

- I'm not allowed to say anything. - All right, don't say anything.

Who asked you to say anything? Don't say anything.

- I didn't say anything! - Then don't.

I know what side you're on.

Just say goodbye for me.

Yeah.

Terrible.

No sensitivity left.

You wanna be alone, you can't even be alone in your own house.

Look, you don't have to hide from me anymore.

I know you don't love me.

Just don't like being in a closet.

So, uh, let's end the suspense.

- You know how I feel. - Tell me.

I don't want a scene.

What about the children? We have three children.

They'll do just fine. Mother? Mother, sit down!

Look.

I love you, and I love the children.

I'm telling you that right in front of your mother.

I - I just -

I'm just uncomfortable in front of you. That's it.

There's nothing personal.

"Nothing personal.”

I just can't stand you.

Annie!

You stay out of this. You stay out of this!

You stay out of this.

Annie!

- Annie! - Ma, get the knife.

- Annie. - I'l kill him!

- Give me that knife. Give me that knife! - No!

Give me that knife! Give it to me!

Huh?

Uh-huh! Down on your knees. Down on your knee -

- no. - Down on your knees. Down on your knees!

Now, I'm calm. I'm very calm.

You love me?

Oh, say you love - say you love - say you love good old Harry.

You love Harry, don't you? Poor working stiff.

- You love him. Say you love him. - Hmm-mm.

Say you love me!

Say it!

I love you.

- Again. - I love you.

That's better. That's not so hard, is it?

I love you too.

I'm gonna call the police on him. Annie!

I'll kill him.

- I'm gonna call the police on him. - You'll call the police?

You're gonna call the police?

I know how to get to you.

- I know how to get to you. - Oh, Harry! Harry!

- I know how to get to you! - Don't you hurt my mother!

Shut up! Shut up!

Get away from me!

Hey, hey! You satisfied?

- You satisfied? - Harry!

I'll kill her. I'll kill her!

I'll kill her! I'll kill her!

I'll kill her!

- Open the door! - I'll kill her!

Open the - - I'll kill her!

- Open the door. - I'm a funny guy, right?

Yeah, yeah. Come on.

All right. All right.

All right.

I'm freezing.

Must be emotional.

I must be going nuts.

I hate that house.

I only live there because of a woman.

You know. The legs, the breasts, the mouth.

Well...

Not anymore.

No, sir.

Gus. Archie.

I'm confused. I tell you.

Because I know I'm gonna go in that house,

and I know I'm not going to go in that house,

because if I go in that house, I'll only say I'm sorry.

So that's it. I'm going away.

I got, uh, this.

And this is, uh...

You had a lot of hair then, Harry.

I got older, she gets younger.

They all get younger, you get older.

Well, that's it. I'll go to Africa, Russia, China!

I don't care.

I don't care.

You're not the first guy to ever punch his wife out.

- Here he goes again. - I have to agree with him.

You gonna start?

Listen, you worry about your family, we worry about our family.

That's the way it is.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Well, you're not worried about our family when you go on like that, because, uh -

- you're gonna put me down again, right? - We have our problems, Harry.

All right. I get it. I get it.

- I know who my friends are. - It's not all one way, you know!

I'll just go to work and think it over. Wait a minute.

I'll go to work and think it over, that's all.

I'm going to work! You want to go to work, I'll drive you.

- Are you going to work? - Harry.

- Archie. - I'll get in the car with you.

After that, I don't know, because you can be violent.

Okay, that's all I ask.

Harry, you're a fantastic man, but you can be violent.

You guys smell, you know that?

How can you go to work like that?

You put your fingers in people's mouths all day long. Look at your fingernails.

You were right there.

Shave, take a shower, something. Change your underwear.

We don't like your underwear.

Your underwear - what is that, bahama underwear you got?

Child.

Children.

Will you cut it out?

Oh, just cut it out.

Just cut it out. I'm in no mood.

Listen - - lay off!

- Harry! - I'm warning you, lay off!

Harry, listen to me.

Get away! Now, get away from me!

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- Wait a minute. Wait a minute. - Look, what are you, an idiot?

What are y - what are you, an idiot?

Wait a...

Get your hands off!

The doctor will be with you in just a minute.

- Good morning, doctor. - Good morning.

Listen to me, Gus. I feel like -

Archie, listen to me.

I'm either going to change him into me, or I'm gonna change him into -

I don't know what I'm gonna change him into.

His basic problem - listen to this.

He went into the house this morning because he was supposed to.

I can't put my finger on what's wrong with that.

- That's wrong. Right? - Damn right, it's wrong.

- Right. - It's everything. It's the way he walks,

the way he dresses, what he thinks, what he doesn't think.

It's deeper than that. He's going through a change of life.

- Listen to me! I've watched him all week. - I have no time, Archie, I'm -

he's definitely going through a change of life.

- Could you just hold it one second? - Yeah, but think about that, would you?

Tray, please.

- Hello. - Hello.

You saw my x-rays last Tuesday. They took x-rays, doc.

Yeah, I saw that.

I'm very nervous, you know? I hate dentists. Did Harry tell you that?

No, we didn't get around to that yet.

You see, once I went to a dentist, and he hurt me.

I think I'm allergic to novocaine.

I think so, you know?

And hate needles and drills, you know?

You don't give gas, do you?

I really don't know what you're saying. Just open, please.

I just want to check your gums. Just -

something wrong, is there?

Miss hines, miss hines, what's the matter?

I'm sorry. I'm so nervous, I can't stop laughing.

Let the doctor check you, miss hines.

Let the doctor check you, miss hines. Relax.

I don't want him to do anything. I want to be like this.

I'm making an ass out of myself. I told myself that I wouldn't -

just open a minute. Hold it, darling. Darling. Darling, darling.

Take it easy now. I feel - all right.

Just open now. Just say -

- nice and gentle. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah.

- I'm awfully sorry. I didn't mean - - That's okay. Just open, please.

Open, open. Say "ah."

Ah. Ah.

That's nice. Ah.

- You're in nice shape. - Yeah?

Are you sure? I mean, there's nothing really wrong?

- Just open - - I can't stand this anymore.

- I gotta go, Gus! - Close your mouth for a minute. Okay.

Just one second. I can't stand it either.

Hello?

- Harry, it's for you. It's Archie and Gus. - Can't talk.

Oh, your secretary has it.

- It's Mr. Black and Gus to meet you. - I told you to take a message.

- Oh, but they said it's very important. - I can't talk to them.

- They're on their way over to see - - Tell them not to come.

Tell them I'm busy. I'm a man of responsibilities.

Tell them I'm a man who is responsible. I'm not a bum.

And no more calls!

The point is that your product is supposed to make ours -

- Harry! - Hi, Harry.

Harry!

- Ed weintraub. - Oh, Harry!

The times we had together. Weren't they wonderful? Huh?

- Wonderful, wonderful. - Where should we go to?

- Uh, I don't know. - Let's go!

Right this way, Mr. weintraub.

- You guys going with me or not? - Where? Where you going?

London. London, england.

London. London, england.

Come on, Harry. You're not.

The hell with you. I don't need you.

I mean, seriously -

- you're a jerk, right? - Right.

- I'm a jerk, right? You're a jerk, right? - Yeah, yeah!

I'm going to London.

- I'm going to London. - You're going to London?

- I'm going to London. - Well, if you're going to London

and you're going to London, I'm going to London.

- Okay. - You know what we do with this jerk?

- We take him to London. Right? - Right.

We take him to London, we take him to a hotel,

we tuck him in, and then we come back home.

- That's all right. - Let's call our wives.

Hello, jeanie?

It's your golden Greek.

This is your sweet potato.

You're sore at me, aren't you?

Huh?

No, I-I -

we're gonna go away with him. We're gonna go to London with him.

Yeah, we're just gonna tuck him in bed and get him into a hotel,

and then we're gonna come right back.

Well, uh, there is no problem.

It's just that, uh, sweetheart, we need our passports.

Yeah, Archie and I, uh, we don't have the passports.

You know where my passport is?

Uh-huh. Well, will you go, uh -

will you go over to Archie's house and ask Kate for his passport?

Oh, I love you.

Ah, you're terrific. Yeah, you're really terrific.

Yeah. I love you too.

Jealous.

Can you imagine that?

All the women who are around me in my office all day long,

she's jealous over some foreign country I've never been to before.

I'm very excited.

So am I.

Why do you look so worried?

I'm not worried.

That's good, 'cause we're in the middle of the ocean.

No sense in being worried in the middle of the Atlantic ocean, right?

Right. How are you, Archie?

Good.

- Thank you. I had a wonderful flight. - Thank you very much.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- Thank you. - Goodbye. Thank you for flying pan am.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye. Hope you had a nice flight.

Bye, now. Goodbye, sir. Hope you had a nice flight.

Goodbye, sir.

Wet!

You have a connecting door, sir, but we'll have to go around.

Everything all right, gentlemen? “What?

- What? - What's all right?

Excuse me, please. This way, sir.

I'll take this one.

- American money all right? - Yes, sir.

- There you go. - Thank you very much, sir.

- There you go. - Thank you, sir. Good day, sir.

- Oh, the key. - Good day, sir.

Look at the bathroom.

I like your room, arch.

Look at that rain.

It rains a lot in London.

I like the rain.

Let's take a shower.

Let's take a shower and get some sleep, and then we'll order some clothes

- and get some clothes - - That's right. That's right.

We'll take an hour's nap. All I need is an hour.

- We need some clothes. - I sleep an hour, I feel like I slept 12.

- Oh, boy. - Rain is fantastic.

- Then we get some women. - We need some sleep.

Harry, my wife is not so good in bed. Maybe that's the answer.

I mean, I don't enjoy it that much. I'm very slow.

Well, maybe that's the answer.

May I ask a question?

What does that mean, "slow"?

He's saying you're great in bed, and he stinks in bed. Is that right?

- Archie! - I never said that.

- I don't care. - He doesn't care.

If I cared, I wouldn't have it.

I don't care either, because there's gonna be no more talk.

- Go out and get it. - Oh, god.

Is that wrong?

Oh, my god.

My arm.

Oh, my god.

- Taxi! - There's a cab.

Come on. Here we go.

- It's england. - It's england.

We're in england.

- Good evening, gentlemen. - Good evening.

- Do you wish to play? - Yes, we'd like to play craps.

- Uh-huh. - You have craps here?

- We got craps. Got everything. - All right, that's what we like.

- We need chips. - Chips, right.

- The cashier can help you there, sir. - Get some chips, that's all.

Thank you.

- Uh, we only have American money. - I see. Can I have it, please?

- What? - Can I have it, please?

- Give him the money. - Uh - oh.

But we're running low on cash. Traveler's checks all right?

Traveler's checks, American.

Ah, can I see your passport, sir? It's just a formality, sir.

Show him the passport, Harry. We've got passports.

Wait a minute. Everything all right here?

- Everything's all right. - That's very good, sir. Thank you.

- $200 all right? - $2007? Yes, sir. Would you sign, please?

Here you are, sir. $200.

- Thank you. Thank you. - Thank you, sir. Thank you.

It's your fault we came to London, right?

Harry, come on, what about our chips?

We're not - you know, we're not alone here. Everybody's together.

Come on, Gus. Gus, come on.

Get your chips.

What'll we play? Wait for Gus. Come on.

- Craps? - What do you mean, come on? I'm here.

Craps?

- Craps, right. - Right.

Good game, gents. Your roll.

- Go ahead. - Shillings.

Your dice.

Right. Your dice.