Original subtitles

Hey, Ray. How's the wife?

Well, it...

How's the family?

The first case I see here is Reardon v. Reardon.

Will counsel please stand?

We're petitioning, Your Honor.

And for the respondent?

Mr. Reardon, I ask you again, where is your counsel?

I fired him.

I no longer contest any aspect of this divorce.

Mr. Reardon, this court was prepared to render a judgment

quite favorable to your interests.

It was a mistake, Your Honor. She can have whatever she wants.

We were impossible. We were like oil and water.

I still love you.

Me, too.

That's what made it so hard to leave.

Till you hit me. I slapped you. I pushed your face...

With your hand.

Well, betrayal is not my best thing.

Yeah, well, I know.

Yeah, well, I know.

I'm not the only guy who gets upset if he finds his wife sleeping...

Look, I wasn't strong enough to break away without it.

He's a jerk.

Of course he was a jerk.

It's not easy to find someone like you.

Try harder.

Oh, God, I'm already jealous.

I know you're going to find the right person,

and when you do...

and when you do...

She's going to be the luckiest woman alive.

To a free man.

Fresh meat on the market.

Thank you.

May you never sleep alone. Thank you.

I told you not to marry her.

You two had absolutely nothing in common.

Forget "in common," okay? She wasn't his type.

Ray always went for brunettes.

Ray always went for brunettes.

You're telling me.

You're Larry's wife.

Picky, picky. Plus, you're a lawyer.

That's right. Ray likes artsy types.

He likes them thin and dark and artistic.

Right. So, are we talking sex here or marriage or...

- What about love? - Love?

But in the long term, you're interested in a family, right?

I want everything. The kids, the dog, the Volvo.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down on the family, sport.

I mean, first you get laid, then you get laid.

Exactly. There are many, many women out there.

Exactly. There are many, many women out there.

Ah!

Lots of skinny women, even.

Anorexics. Yes. Dark, angelic anorexics.

They're 33 years old, their biological clocks are tick-tock,

tick-tock, tick-tock.

Come now. I'm ovulating!

I'm fertile today.

Just today.

It kills me to say it, but I'm going to agree with Norman on this.

You are attractive,

you are straight, you are not overtly psychotic.

you are straight, you are not overtly psychotic.

Oh, thank you.

Listen. You just take your time,

and don't you be a slave to your glandular reactions.

By the way, have I ever mentioned that my family crest is actually a big gland?

I rest my case.

I am down on my knees.

I am begging you.

All right. This is humiliating.

Are you deaf? Huh?

I'm guaranteeing you 100% return in six months.

You're my friend, Norman.

Sure. That's why I'm bringing you the deal.

I'm gonna loan money once, I'll do it again,

and sooner or later, I'm gonna lose a friend.

Great. Swell, so, I'm floating facedown.

All right, look.

You know, I wanted to emphasize the positive here.

The money's not just...

It would keep me alive another 72 hours, okay?

Would your friendship allow you to do that? I love this.

How much? For the investment?

To save your life.

Well, say, 20 grand.

I'll give you half.

You'll save half my life?

See, this isn't good. Between friends... Just forget the whole thing.

No, no, I need the bucks.

It's just that I know you can afford more, and I'm wondering...

This isn't my job to rescue you from yourself, all right?

You're going to regret this.

What?

A year or two, fortunes could change.

You could come to me wanting something.

See. See what happened here?

It's the same with girls. A little friendly advice.

Remember the girls I set you up with?

Norman, those women were... I'll do better, okay?

The point is they told me what you give off.

You know, you're lonely.

It's understandable, but it comes off needy,

just like I was here, and it's bad technique.

They said I was needy?

Desperate.

So, look, they're throwing me a party next week, okay?

34 years old and still an asshole.

They said I was needy?

Forget that. I'm trying to tell you something.

I invited a girl there. Brunette, Midwest, so forth.

Perfect for you. No, I... Please.

Tits? Did someone say tits?

Like pears.

Huh? And not the hard green ones, either.

The juicy Comice you get in the box from Oregon. Harry and David.

Norman, I'm coming to your party as your friend, all right?

But please promise me you won't introduce me to any more women.

But please promise me you won't introduce me to any more women.

Exactly my point, if you'd let me finish.

Believe me, I can find her myself.

Who says no?

Hey, a safe doesn't have to fall on me.

We still friends?

Can I go back to work now?

And thanks for the 20 G's. Uh-uh.

Ten, ten!

After completing the novel, I went back to my work on the particle accelerator.

After completing the novel, I went back to my work on the particle accelerator.

What is that, lycra?

Norman is the only person I know who can turn his birthday into a scam.

I mean, God. He's not paying for food, drinks.

He's providing the idiots who might buy the work of this artist.

Is that the artist? The cowboy?

Of course that's him.

Guns and buns. It's not that bad.

I guarantee you, if there are any sales tonight, Norman's friends...

I bet he's gonna get a piece of it.

Speaking of which, did he come to you about this crazy...

Oh, the jackpot idea. 100 grand?

- Yeah. - Yes, sir.

He got the money. What?

Well, he must have, 'cause one day, he was hawking me,

and I mean, I'm a harder sell than you are, right?

I got two kids, private school,

Elaine's starting her own law firm...

Penguin joke.

So the guy says... Again?

"Hey! Where you going?"

Are you Ray?

Hey, did I...

I'm Cheryl, Norman's friend.

Right. That's right. Good to see you.

I'm... Norman told me.

I know, I know.

According to him, we're practically engaged.

We are? Yeah.

I just love a sense of humor in a man.

You know, I think laughter is the greatest aphrodisiac.

Don't you agree?

In the right circumstances, yes.

You know, it's strange.

You know, it's strange.

I feel something.

Do you feel something?

I usually feel something.

No, not like that. I mean...

You know, when two people fix you up.

"You two will be perfect for each other."

Blah, blah, splat, splat.

I mean, usually, it's just awful, right?

Right.

But just somehow, just this moment we're having right now...

This moment?

Yeah.

Look, I don't want to be forward, but would you, you know...

Like to go someplace else?

Yes, actually, I, um...

Would you excuse me for a moment? What?

I don't want to be rude,

but there's something that I must tell Norman.

So, you... All right?

I'm... Shit!

I'm... Shit!

Will you look where you're going? Oh, Jesus!

This is wine. You've ruined it. Sorry.

Get your hands off me! It's bad enough you ruined my dress!

I was just turning away from...

You don't like me.

No. No, no, no.

What did he do to you?

He is just unbelievably rude!

Ugh! You're not kidding.

I was trying to say it was an accident. I was turning away...

Save it! Why don't you apologize first and foremost

to your girlfriend, and leave me alone.

She's...

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Look, please. I'm sure you're a wonderful person.

This jerk spilled wine on me.

Hey, sport. How do you like my party?

If you ever set me up with another woman, I'm gonna kill you. Understand?

Sure. Sure. Why didn't you say something before?

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Oh, God, I'm embarrassed.

Last week. The wine.

Bitch of the Western world.

Oh, right.

I'm sorry. I have to apologize.

No, no, no. No, I'm the one... I spilled...

No, no, no. No, I'm the one... I spilled...

No, I'm a klutz. Things like that are always happening to me.

It embarrasses me, and I took it out on you.

Plus I'd just bought that dress.

I was trying to impress this guy.

Did it work?

Yeah. He was impressed with what a bitch I am.

Um...

I'm really sorry I ruined your evening. If you want me to pay...

No, you did me a favor.

I might have gone for that guy and I don't need that right now.

Besides, you changed my life.

I switched from French wine to French water.

So, anyway, sorry, thanks, and...

Bye.

I'm Ray.

Lena.

Hi, Lena.

Hi.

Hi.

I know, I know. It's junk.

I'm poisoning my body.

Oh, but I got the water.

Anyway, I believe in body wisdom.

If your body craves something, that's what it needs.

So what have you got here? Lonely guy specials?

They have a very good selection here.

I think the manager's a bachelor.

You don't have a girlfriend?

The girl at the art gallery, the one you made cry?

The girl at the art gallery, the one you made cry?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

She, uh... No, she was... She was trying to rape me.

Was this on special?

I don't know.

How did you come to that party? Are you a friend of Norman's?

A girlfriend of mine knows the artist.

Wild Bill Hickok?

Yeah, he was kind of...

You want to get a cup of coffee?

$23.17.

Or a glass of French water?

Actually, I haven't eaten yet, so...

Me either.

Me either.

So, I'm VP Sales.

I'm moving up, then the CEO decides he likes me.

I say no, but he's used to getting what he wants.

I have to threaten to call his wife.

So, of course he fires me.

He spreads the word. It's a small community.

He spreads the word. It's a small community.

I couldn't get hired anywhere in New York.

You should have gone to court and filed some...

Sure. If, as he put it, I wanted to hear

every guy in the company testify that they'd had me.

I moved out here instead.

What a terrible...

Yeah.

I've never done this before.

Had supper?

Pick somebody up at a supermarket.

You didn't pick me up. We bumped into each other.

Still, you know what I mean, usually, you meet somebody...

You work together, or a friend introduces.

Not just a complete stranger.

Getting to know someone is like peeling an onion.

It makes you cry?

No.

Layers and more layers.

Well...

I think we should go.

I do business in Japan.

Where'd you learn to speak it?

I studied it at Swarthmore.

I've forgotten most of it, but I love the concept of Japanese.

Symbols, not letters.

This is it.

Where I live.

Oh.

This was great.

Yeah, thanks for dinner.

Uh...

You think I could come up? I mean, just for five minutes?

It wouldn't take five minutes.

Look, the law doesn't matter. This is politics.

Look, the law doesn't matter. This is politics.

Now, if we take him to court, we'll win,

but because he has a vote on the planning commission,

right now he's a better architect than you.

That's the law.

Excuse me, sir?

Not now, Sally.

Norman's on line two.

Uh, sorry, Hal.

Well?

It's Wednesday, I got my Wednesday afternoon golf game,

and I'm out here with a mobile phone trying to track down some chick.

Nobody knows her, okay? Nobody. Forget her.

Okay. Thanks for trying.

Thank you. Good night.

See you soon, sweetie.

- Yeah, what do you want? - Sorry. I'm sorry.

Hello? Hi.

Lena. Hi.

Hello? Yeah?

Hi, this is Ray. Reardon. From last night.

Do... I remember.

I, um... I don't have your phone number.

I don't know your last name, so there was no way for me to get in touch.

Uh-huh.

Do you wanna go out? Come out?

Now or later or...

Meet someplace or something?

Meet someplace or something?

Or do, uh... Do you have a phone number?

Hello?

Come on in.

I'll be right out.

I'll be right out.

I was just taking a shower.

Hi.

Hi.

I have these same columns in my office.

I hope I'm not intruding.

I don't mind.

I was waiting outside when I saw you come in.

Why didn't you say hello?

Well...

It's strange, don't you think, watching me and not saying anything?

I know. I just, uh...

You were with that guy, so...

Tony.

Yeah, and you kissed him downstairs, and I just...

And you thought?

Well, uh, maybe that you lived with him,

and, uh, he went to buy eggs or...

Tony's a friend.

Oh. Well.

He's gay.

Oh.

Not that it's your business.

No.

Well...

Something's changed from last night.

Yes, it has.

Why? What's the problem?

I like you.

That's the problem.

I really like you.

That's not a problem.

I haven't seen them, I haven't talked to them.

They're...

Are you sure you want to hear this?

Yes.

My mother used to hit me a lot.

Big things, little things.

No reason at all.

Nothing put her in a good mood like...

My father watched.

My father watched.

I realized they never wanted me.

I left as soon as I could.

Never even sent them a postcard.

You're so beautiful.

Don't say that.

Why?

Just don't.

Yeah.

Look, just 'cause I'm halfway pretty,

guys look in my eyes and think they know me.

Like I'm their fantasy.

I'm just a regular, screwed-up person.

So when you say I'm beautiful,

it's like you're not seeing me at all.

Yes, I am.

No.

"Only God, my dear Could love you for yourself alone

"And not your yellow hair."

Yeats.

No boundaries, very dangerous.

I thought that's the way it was supposed to be in storybooks.

Storybooks are stories in books.

This is real life.

You're still...

I've got to go. I've got to... No.

Oh, no, you don't.

You're the boss, right?

Call unwell, take a day off.

That simple?

That simple.

I thought we might take a shower.

Yeah?

A nice, long one.

Yeah.

We can make love for an hour or so.

So we can just keep on doing this?

For how long?

I'm so happy for him.

I mean it.

Ray, buddy, I have to tell you,

that is a beautiful piece of ass.

that is a beautiful piece of ass.

I can't believe the most gorgeous creature I've ever seen,

she chose me.

Does she have any sisters, friends, fourth cousin? Anything?

She burned all her bridges when she left New York. Her only friends are...

Ah. They're already so happy together. ...those two over there.

By the way, I think our friend Larry's a little jealous of you.

What?

Yes, because you're basically disgusting.

You have it all.

I do.

Oh! I haven't danced so much since...

Whoa. She's strong too. Did you see how much she was whirling me around out there?

Ow. I'm sorry.

Wow! It's nothing.

Look at that bruise.

You and Ray like the rough stuff? Why didn't you tell me?

I've got some equipment I can lend you.

No, I'm a klutz.

Don't. I...

Oh, Jesus! Look. My parents dancing together.

Baby, let's never end up like that, okay?

Okay?

Congratulations!

Geez.

It's over.

Over? It's just beginning.

You're not kidding.

Hey, Ray. I hear you got married.

That's beautiful. That's gorgeous. Who is she?

Well, her name is... Oh, that's swell.

Well, her name is... Oh, that's swell.

The girl of your dreams, huh? Huh?

Did you get her here?

Here?

At our booth. Our most popular exhibit.

Well, maybe I should...

What, are you crazy? What, are you nuts?

You don't want to find out you got the wrong one.

Let's go to the fun house.

She looks just like you.

Two years.

I love you.

I never thought

it would be possible for me to have such a normal life.

My uncle used to say...

Sissy? Aren't you Sissy?

Excuse me?

Piru, Texas. I'm Cora's sister.

I'm Lena Mathers, now Lena Reardon.

Dayton, Ohio.

Oh. I'm sorry. Your voice isn't quite...

Oh. I'm sorry. Your voice isn't quite...

Just for a minute, I thought...

I'm very sorry.

That's okay.

That's so strange.

This woman, Sissy something...

That's twice that's happened.

Once in New York, and now here.

She looks exactly like me.

Maybe she's my double, my doppelganger.

She's the one who's really alive.

I'm just... You don't feel alive?

Of course I do.

Only, doesn't life seem sometimes like this

very strange dream?

I hope I don't wake up.

I'll let you know.

Don't say that.

Okay. I'll talk to you later. All right. Bye.

Hi. Who was that?

Debby from my dance class.

Stuff in her marriage is insane.

Have I met Debby?

No, 'cause, well, she's great, but her husband is...

It's an unusual combination.

He's a psychopath, and he's boring.

That is unusual.

So how was your day?

Any news on the Mura job?

No. It looks good.

Huh?

What's up with you, hmm?

I'm sorry.

I just haven't felt very...

It's okay.

I hope it'll come back.

It will. The doctor said it'll take time.

So how's it feel?

It's like it's become a business or something.

A partnership.

That's what marriage is. Well, I don't like it.

You're not the only one.

Plus I get these weird jealousies, suspicions.

Oh, yeah? Like what?

Oh, that's normal, too.

Usually it's just a way of driving yourself crazy.

But not always?

No. No, not always.

What are you saying? Elaine has...

Sometimes everything's a clue,

and what you think is paranoia is actually heightened awareness.

That's too bad.

Not at all.

What's sauce for the goose...

I'm sorry. I don't know what happened.

I'm sorry. I don't know what happened.

Mr. Mura's never late.

Oh, no, no. Don't even think about it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's just we've spoken on the phone so many times,

and I never had any idea that you were so attractive.

Thank you.

But personally, I prefer brains to beauty, don't you?

No, of course. Yes. I, um...

I mean, I didn't endure the four years at Swarthmore in order to...

You went to Swarthmore?

Yes.

So did my wife.

Really?

So, what year were you?

Swarthmore? '83.

Well, then, did you know Lena Mathers?

I don't think so. No.

I don't think so. No.

But those years were crazy.

Between the frenzy for grades and jobs and...

Then, in the middle of all of that,

the president of the college, Sam Shaw,

died of a heart attack as he was speaking to us.

I hardly remember my best friends.

Oh, Mr. Mura.

It's beautiful.

We're going to Japan.

We are? Mmm-hmm.

You got the Mura job? Mmm-hmm.

That's great. It is great.

This building is going to be like nothing else in the whole world.

I'm so proud of you.

By the way, what year were you at Swarthmore?

By the way, what year were you at Swarthmore?

'84. Why?

This woman who works for Mura, Celine Rogers,

she was there at the same time.

I don't remember her.

No. She didn't remember you, either.

Remember Sam Shaw?

Who?

Died of a heart attack.

Oh, he was a classmate.

God, he died of a heart attack?

It's scary, isn't it?

Someone my age.

Bad things can just come out of nowhere.

Exactly.

Can I help you find something?

Is your real name Sissy?

What?

You heard me.

You mean am I really this other woman who looks like me?

Yeah.

Like a sci-fi thing. We've been switched or something.

Not like sci-fi, like real. Like are you really her?

I don't know, Ray. I never studied philosophy.

Questions like that make my head hurt.

I forgot to have Sally go to the bank.

I need some cash.

No problem.

Now, you tell Mr. Mura

he can't keep you east long or I'll die of loneliness.

I will. Bye-bye.

Ray. Kiss me.

I love you, Lena. I love you.

I love you, too.

Bye.

We welcome you back to WTXE, right here in Piru, Texas,

home of the sawed-off shotgun.

If you don't like our music...

...leave town.

♪ So you're at the end of your wits

♪ The end of your rope

♪ You just can't fix everything that's broke

♪ You just can't fix everything that's broke

♪ Gotta turn it loose, babe

♪ Hey, just let it ride

♪ 'Cause it ain't about pride, now...

Hello.

I'm the executor of a very large estate.

I'm trying to find someone who used to live here.

Do you recognize her?

First name or nickname is Sissy.

Never seen her.

Thank you.

♪ The other side of loneliness

♪ The other side of the blues

♪ There really is a place like this

♪ Where the sun is gonna shine for you

♪ You'll feel that old restlessness

♪ When your tears have all been cried

♪ When your tears have all been cried

♪ And you'll find your way over this

♪ Yeah, you'll make it to the other side ♪

There you go. Out of state?

Yeah. Land speculation or what?

Think people are put on Earth

for the sole purpose of driving other people crazy?

My father had my mom put away,

and he's the one that made her lose her marbles.

Do you know her?

Sissy. Hope she's nothin' to you.

She's my wife.

Figures.

She run off and leave you?

No.

Well, give it time.

Is that what she did to you?

She did things to me I can't even pronounce.

Sorry. I'll give her this, though.

She always had it in her mind to marry somebody rich.

Gotta go to work.

What's her name?

Huh?

Her real name?

You don't know?

Thelma Sneeder.

She still have family here?

Most folks find this stuff out beforehand.

Go up that road there.

Take a right on Branch, a left on Hickory.

It's the third house.

Tell her hi from Buddy, you hear?

Mrs. Sneeder? Yes.

Oh, my God, it's Ray!

Yes, ma'am.

Is everything okay?

Yes.

Come in. Come in quickly.

Is it safe for you to be here?

Is it safe for you to be here?

Safe? With your job.

I'm sorry. I'm...

Oh, you don't have to pretend. Sissy wrote us all about it.

Hey!

Hey!

What do you want?

Come see for yourself.

You got any recent pictures of Tina?

I do, actually. Yes.

Well, I'll be. Put her there, Ray.

Well, I'll be. Put her there, Ray.

It's good to finally meet you.

Could you go and get us some coffee, hon?

Surprise.

Thank you.

I'm glad it's over.

Dad.

Come see the baby.

I'll get those.

Y'all need any help out there?

No, thanks.

I'm in the C.I.A.?

I had to give them some reason why they couldn't visit.

I had to give them some reason why they couldn't visit.

What about that story of your mother beating you and your father watching?

Not true.

But there's lots of different kinds of abuse within a family.

Right, okay.

But if the things that you tell me aren't true,

then what is true, Lena?

Who are you?

I'm your wife.

Called her Sissy

'cause we wanted to have another child, a boy.

Of course, we never did,

but Sissy was always so, so beautiful

that it didn't really matter.

Still, when she wrote me that she was...

Wrote us.

Of course. That goes without saying.

Well, then, say it.

She wrote us she was changing her name.

Well, naturally, I was insulted.

Well, naturally, I was insulted.

We both were.

But it was kind of a woman's lib thing.

Women change their name for a man when they get married,

so why not change it for their own sakes?

But she'll always be Sissy to us.

Your parents seem like perfectly decent people.

Yep.

Why'd you hide them from me?

They're stuck. In Texas, in poverty.

Can't you feel it? They were this weight dragging me down.

If I'd have stayed there, I would've married that guy Buddy,

I would've had his kids,

would have drunk beer every night till I got really fat, ugly, and bored.

So I invented myself.

I made up Lena Mathers, and I became her.

They say you replace every molecule in your body every seven years.

They say you replace every molecule in your body every seven years.

I changed my name eight years ago. No more Thelma Sneeder.

Aren't you gonna give me credit for it?

Doesn't it seem at least brave that I just became

this completely different person?

It makes me look at you in a completely different way.

Me or you?

Isn't the real question, who are you?

Are you really Ray Reardon, or is that the name your parents hung on you?

Oh, you've always been a good boy.

You've gone along with who Ray was supposed to be,

You've gone along with who Ray was supposed to be,

done what Ray was supposed to do, but who are you?

Where are you really from? What do you really want?

I'm tired, and I want to go to bed.

I tried to tell you so many times, lying here like this.

I'd say to myself,

"Now, Lena, tell him."

I wish you had.

I was afraid

if you knew the real me that

if you knew the real me that

I'd lose you.

You be a good girl now.

Have a safe trip. You make her feed you, you hear?

She does.

Goodbye. Bye-bye.

If you're not divorcing me, I'd like to send them money every month.

Sure.

Then we're okay?

Look at me.

Tell me it's the truth.

You know it is.

No matter who you were and no matter who you are,

no matter who you will be, I'm going to love you.

From now on, better than ever.

From now on, better than ever.

I love you.

Announcing the landing of flight 250 from Piru, Texas.

Now better than ever.

You're late, Ray. Show's already started.

Ray! Ray, my boy!

You're looking grand!

You like these? Huh?

And this?

Tell me, Ray. Tell me true.

Am I the girl of your dreams?

Mmm, actually...

Of course not! Look! Looky here.

♪ Some guys look at the eyes

♪ Some guys look at the thighs ♪

I just look at the purse.

How about that? You like it, Ray?

Sure, you do!

Recognize her yet, huh?

Recognize her yet, huh?

And now, the moment we've all been waiting for,

the moment which will determine Ray Reardon's fate.

Here she is, folks!

And last but not least, it's... Baby Bob! Yeah!

For those of you who don't remember Bob Baby

from last year's cutie-pie contest,

well, he wasn't born yet.

well, he wasn't born yet.

Okay, and now it's Tina, cute as ever. Yeah.

And Lena, cuter than ever. That's right, all right.

Come on now. That's it. Don't serve it, baby. Feel the burn.

Attagirl! Okay, and Pinhead Ray!

That's right, Pinhead Ray with the perfect life.

He's got the perfect wife, the perfect family.

Why, he's got everything a man could possibly want,

except a Wednesday afternoon golf game,

and, well, a cute, young mistress, but never mind that now.

He doesn't have time for any of these things...

- Stop it, Norman. - That's not funny.

- Stop it, Norman. - That's not funny.

Exactly my point. According to the East German Judge Lena, it's not funny.

So now we come to our legal beagle Elaine, and her client, Bernardo

from West Side Story and...

A post. That is a great post, by the way.

And now, let's turn the camera on...

This guy, yes! This is a stupid guy.

This is a guy who can't make a living.

This is, uh...

A pain in the ass. A pain in the ass.

Thank you, Ray. Thank you.

This is the guy who's going nowhere fast.

This is a... A pain in the ass.

A pain in the ass again. Thank you, Ray.

Will somebody stop him? A pain in the ass.

Will somebody stop him? A pain in the ass.

Stop me? I can't be stopped.

That's enough, Norman. For Christ's sake.

Don't have to tell me twice. Hey, where's the beer?

So, uh, how's everything?

Since we talked this morning? Come on.

No, come on.

I haven't seen Lena in a while. She looks great.

You're right. She looks great.

Four months after giving birth, she looks really great,

very, very great, and I'll be honest with you...

Yes?

No, I won't, actually.

No, I won't, actually.

I changed my mind and I will not be honest, because, uh, it's just that

I think I saw somewhere where, for them,

giving birth is like having an affair. That's what I meant.

It gives them a glow. A glow, yes.

So she's alive again in a whole new way, and that's beautiful,

it so happens. A glow?

You, by the way,

can kiss my ass and that will make us both happy.

It's the strangest thing. See for yourself.

Well, Bernardo?

Well, it doesn't look like him to me.

I rest my case. He doesn't look like either of his parents.

I rest my case. He doesn't look like either of his parents.

I think he was switched in the hospital.

Oh, I'm sorry. Is that what happened?

Did some drunken nurse switch you?

There you go.

Good night.

Good night. Good night, sweetheart.

Oh, I told you I couldn't.

Of course I want to. It's just...

You just have to be patient.

Yeah? Uh-huh.

I absolutely guarantee it.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

Bye.

Debby.

She wants me to go see those male strippers.

That should be fun.

Could you try her again, please?

I just did, sir.

Keep trying her every 10 minutes

until you reach her.

Yes, sir, but it's Wednesday.

I have that funeral tomorrow, so I'm leaving early.

Just keep trying, please, until you go.

Yes, sir, of course.

I love these late dinners after the kids are asleep.

I love these late dinners after the kids are asleep.

You have a bruise on your leg.

Christ.

Where'd you get it?

My shrink says I should...

Why do I always have to go through this?

I'm clumsy, I bruise easily,

and I don't want to talk about it

every time I bump into a chair.

Did you cook this?

No, it's takeout.

Why didn't you cook? What?

Why didn't you cook?

'Cause cooking gets boring. Why didn't you cook?

I work all day.

What's wrong with you?

I hope you enjoy these psychotic episodes.

So you go to his place?

Excuse me? You fuck him at his place?

What are you talking about?

Open it up.

Did your secretary tell you I called today?

At noon. I was out on site.

I called back all afternoon.

I had this fantasy of coming to your office

and screwing your brains out on top of your desk.

I guess the fantasy was misplaced.

I guess the fantasy was misplaced.

When you weren't there, I went to my shrink's, and then I went to Debby's.

If you don't believe me, call Debby.

Want to call her?

Go ahead.

The machine.

And you didn't leave a message.

You want to leave a message? Here.

You want to leave a message? Here.

You're sick. Get some help.

Ray?

What do you want, Ray?

What do you want, Ray?

I know what you want.

Pretend it's all a dream.

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

Are you the temp?

Yes, sir. Alice Keller.

I'm Ray Reardon.

Did my... Oh, I guess my secretary left.

Have we met?

No, sir.

I don't believe we have.

Yes, we have. Wait. You're, um...

You're friends with my wife, right? Lena?

You're friends with my wife, right? Lena?

Sure, you are.

Lena Mathers. You were at our wedding.

Tell me.

Hi.

What a nice idea to meet in the park.

You recognize that woman?

You hired a temp to be your friend?

A person's supposed to have friends, right?

Everyone has friends.

When you told her what the job was, you were laughing at me,

making fun of me.

She didn't understand.

See, it wasn't just that I became Lena and Lena happened to meet you.

I chose you.

I first saw you five years ago in New York.

A party on the West Side, Riverside and... Ninety-something.

I saw you, and somehow I knew.

I knew you were it.

I was still married.

Then later I heard you'd left your wife.

Then later I heard you'd left your wife.

A friend of mine, Mimi Moore, knows Norman,

and so she got information from him.

Information?

The kind of things you like, what kind of women you like.

Wait a minute. So, you've pretended...

Just a few things. Just the outside.

It's like putting on new clothes or a new perfume.

Personality is a perfume?

Sure.

Perfume's intended to attract somebody,

but it's not the thing you fall in love with, is it?

I don't know.

Is this the end?

I can't keep opening my heart to you and getting...

Isn't that what love is?

I don't mean passion.

Love.

Isn't it an act of faith, loving someone

despite having to put up with things which are intolerable?

Opening your heart.

Again and again.

She's right.

I mean, are you perfect?

No, but you want to be loved anyway, right?

Love her anyway.

Love her anyway.

It's how we save ourselves, by loving people.

I could tell you some stories about Elaine.

It's just... I feel like a fool.

Oh, we're all fools in love, aren't we?

Follow your heart.

Thanks, man. Yeah.

This is what friends are for.

This is what friends are for.

Hal, they're being very generous.

I just don't need the work.

You should lower the pitch. All right. Okay.

Listen, on that other matter, just forget it, okay? Let's settle.

Yeah, okay. He's always in the car.

Just a very... Also, Sally, we should call Mr. Mura, please, all right?

Yes, sir. It should be...

Also, your wife's Visa bill came here instead of the house.

Lena handles the money. Why would they have sent...

Lena handles the money. Why would they have sent...

Apparently, it's a new card and they made a mistake.

Okay. So, pay it, and I'll ask her about it tonight.

Do you want to look it over?

No.

Should I?

What day of the week was May 27th?

A Wednesday, sir.

Would you call my house, please?

I did, sir. She's not home.

Try the Hotel Chanticleer.

Yes, sir.

Lena Reardon, please.

She's checked out.

You got the keys? Ah, good girl, Tina.

Hi, sweetie. Be careful.

Hi. Hi.

I put a snack on the table.

Oh, good. He's a good boy.

Hi. Hi.

Hey. Hey.

Hi.

Jeanne, take the kids out.

What?

Take the kids outside, please.

Where will I take them?

Anywhere. The park.

Yes, sir. Come on, Tina.

Come on. Tina, come on.

Is it really necessary to throw a scene every single day?

What's that for?

You threw away the bill.

What bill?

Hotel Chanticleer every fucking Wednesday!

I threw it away.

Let me ask you this. Why weren't you more careful?

Why didn't you get a second diaphragm, or...

Leaving evidence around like this, it's sloppy.

Why didn't you use a prophylactic?

Sometimes we do use a prophylactic

and sometimes I just give him a blowjob.

and sometimes I just give him a blowjob.

I always knew you were abusive. I do you, you do me.

Who is it?

Don't you know?

Can't you guess?

Debby.

Debby's an answering machine.

That's right. Just a woman's voice, someone saying they're Debby.

Who the fuck is it?

You know him better than I do.

Well, in some ways, you know him better.

Well, in some ways, you know him better.

In other ways, I know him better.

What? Aren't I telling you what you've always suspected?

What you've always wanted to hear? Huh?

What else do you want to hear?

You want to hear how good it was?

Stop it.

It was fucking great. His cock is so huge. He makes me come

and come and come.

And the amazing thing is, really, all this time, you never suspected.

All what time?

All what time?

The whole time, Ray, even before we were married.

All my bruises.

The whole time? What about the kids?

Are they mine?

Do you know?

Of course I do.

Whose are they?

I love them, and I raised them.

I love them, and I raised them.

Yes, you have.

But I'm still not gonna tell you.

Is that all?

Fuck.

Fuck.

Wednesday.

Wednesday. Norman's fucking golf game.

Mr. Reardon.

Who are you?

I'm Dr. Shteen, Lena's psychiatrist.

What the fuck happened here? Where's my wife?

What the fuck happened here? Where's my wife?

Lena called. She was hysterical.

I am here to evaluate your mental state.

My mental state?

If you're a danger to your wife,

we can have you committed for 72 hours observation.

Get the fuck out of my house, you son of a bitch!

Officer! Officer!

Take it easy.

What the fuck is this?

Take him away. 5150.

You will be held for observation

according to Welfare and Institutions Code 5150.

You may use the telephone, wear your own clothes,

and you may petition the court at any time for your release.

I don't care what kind of law you practice, Hal.

I don't care who you pay, I don't care what it costs. I want out of here right now.

The law? Fuck the law!

And now, babycakes, the moment you've all been waiting for,

the moment which will determine Ray Reardon's fate,

here she is, folks!

That's right, Ray! It wasn't your second wife. It was your first.

You should have stayed with Martha.

Come on down! Come on! Give her one last dance!

Hi, sweetie.

How are the kids? I miss them.

Just peachy. Want to go for a walk?

I can't believe they let us out together.

Oscar will protect me.

A facility this expensive...

What if I fly into a rage and attack you?

You're sedated.

I am? I don't feel sedated.

That's because you're crazy.

So, what are you doing here?

Friday's your hearing. I wanted to tell you,

whichever way it goes... Whichever way it goes?

I'm not dangerous. I'm not crazy.

They aren't going to keep me in here.

I just wanted to say...

Ray?

In spite of everything...

I love you.

I really, truly love you.

Norman will be disappointed.

Yeah. You've seen who I really am.

You've seen more than anybody ever...

And you kept on loving me.

You're a psychopath.

Probably.

A psychopath can still love somebody, can't they?

Your Honor. Counselor.

My client's been off medication for 36 hours?

Yes, of course.

The staff should be bringing him in any minute now.

Hello.

Mr. Reardon, you requested this writ hearing.

Yes, Your Honor.

You're being incarcerated against your will.

And, Dr. Spatz, the hospital recommends?

It's a perplexing case, Your Honor.

I suspect an atypical psychosis,

but I need more time to evaluate.

180 days additional?

Wait a minute.

Well, considering the danger to his wife, yes, that's what I'd recommend.

Mr. Reardon, you understand this is a legal proceeding,

but I find it very useful if the patient testifies first.

Your Honor, we'd prefer... I'd be glad to, Your Honor.

You're saying that your wife created a character and identity

so you would fall in love with her. Yes.

And she was guided by your friend, this Norman... Yes.

...who she slept with throughout your marriage at this...

...who she slept with throughout your marriage at this...

Hotel Chanticleer. And she'd call him sometimes on the phone

and pretend it was this fictitious girlfriend Debby.

This sounds so crazy, but...

No, no, no. Not at all.

But the discovery of all this in such a short time, I mean...

I hit her.

I've never done that before, and the idea that I pose

some sort of permanent danger to her is just ludicrous.

I understand. I think any of us making that sort of discovery...

Uh, right.

Now let's see what the other side has to say.

I'd like to call Dr. Shteen, please.

Dr. Shteen, as Mrs. Reardon's psychiatrist,

do you find that her husband poses a threat to her life?

do you find that her husband poses a threat to her life?

I've thought so for some time.

Mrs. Reardon has been seeing me for several years,

and on many occasions, she's had visible and very alarming bruises.

When I asked her about them, she said that her husband hit her.

That's bullshit.

Mr. Reardon.

I've advised Lena frequently to go and see the police.

So when this latest incident occurred...

Your Honor, may I?

No, I told you before, I never hit that eye.

She's done this to herself.

I'll take care of it.

It's a fucking frame-up. Ill take care of it.

Then Mr. Reardon's accusations about you and his wife...

Look, I'm an asshole, Your Honor.

Can I say that?

All right, see, I've always been an asshole, but this...

Even if Lena wanted me...

Well, I probably couldn't resist, to be honest.

Once I could have. I mean, look at her. But to carry on this long?

Ray is my friend.

Ray is my friend.

Besides, every Wednesday afternoon

for the last 10 years, I've played golf.

I brought some letters from my golf buddies. Some, uh...

And these bruises, have you seen them before?

Sure.

And are you aware of any other examples of violence,

particularly towards women?

particularly towards women?

What was that?

Um...

Ray's first wife Martha, when they broke up, he slapped her.

I'm sorry.

Your Honor, that was four and a half years ago.

So noted, Counselor.

And your name?

Debby Tribbium.

And what is your relationship?

I'm just... I'm a friend of Lena's from dance class,

and she calls me on the phone sometimes.

Have you met Mr. Reardon?

Sure, a couple of times. I had dinner there.

Uh, once I dropped by.

She's lying. I've never met her.

I think she's some fucking temp.

Debby, do you work for a temporary agency?

Excuse me?

Do you?

I own a cookie shop on the north side.

Chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin.

Okay, then, describe the Reardons' apartment.

Uh, it's a penthouse apartment with cathedral ceilings.

Um, the living room is on the right, kitchen's on the left, and...

All right. All right.

Mr. Reardon, you're a distinguished architect

without a blemish on your record.

There's no history of any mental illness.

There's no history of any mental illness.

I'm sane, Your Honor.

You look sane, you sound sane, sir,

but everything you say seems to be a delusion.

Frankly, I'd like to believe you, but without a witness

or some sort of corroboration...

Your Honor, what about her bills?

The Hotel Chanticleer every Wednesday?

$133. $379.

Mrs. Reardon?

Your Honor, I went to this Hotel Chanticleer,

and I have a letter from the manager

and I have a letter from the manager

saying he's never seen me before,

that I'm not the Lena Reardon he knows.

Then who's responsible for these charges?

I must have used that credit card once or twice

and then lost it.

Uh, I didn't realize it was missing until a few days ago.

I called the company, and they sent over copies of the charges

if you'd like to compare signatures.

That's not necessary.

What?

I'm sorry, Mr. Reardon.

You're sorry? You're sorry?

Hey, relax.

This is my life we're talking about.

I'm aware of that, sir, and I'm doing you a favor.

I'm aware of that, sir, and I'm doing you a favor.

If you weren't in this hospital,

your wife could have put you in jail.

But this is not what this is about.

Come on. Don't you see what she's doing?

She's stolen my children, she's stolen my house,

and she's manipulating you.

Mr. Reardon, that's enough.

Get your fucking hands off me.

I'm warning you, sir.

Oh, fuck you. All right? You've already made up your fucking mind.

Very well, then. Proceed.

Just watch it. You have no idea who you're dealing with.

She lies to me, and she tells a different lie to you.

I'd be happy to take a polygraph test.

Yeah, fucking right she'd take it.

She'd pass, too. Some fucking machine? She is a machine.

Mr. Reardon. I'm a machine? You married me.

I married you and I loved you and you're fucking killing me!

Get your hands off me.

Your Honor. But if you want to have sex with penguins...

Your Honor, please. I'm done. I'm done.

Here. Take this.

They don't let us wear these in here.

Get your fucking hands off me!

How we doing today, Ray?

God bless pharmaceuticals.

You know what my daddy says?

My daddy says there are no accidents,

that we all get exactly what we want.

Your daddy's wrong.

Talk about it.

Family makes you crazy, and friends ease the pain.

Right, John?

Yeah. That's what friends are for.

Yeah. That's what friends are for.

That's what...

Friends...

It's Ray.

Visit me soon. Don't tell anybody you're coming.

Go to bed.

Ray.

Ray, it's Elaine.

I'm here.

Is it all right if I take him outside?

You're safe. With the drugs he's on,

he couldn't hurt a fly in December.

Come on.

You called me, right? I'm sure it was you.

Well, look, I've been doing some work on my own to get you out of here,

Well, look, I've been doing some work on my own to get you out of here,

but this is a very weird legal area. I...

Thanks for coming.

You know why I'm in here, right?

Well, I was wrong about Norman, and I think it was Larry.

What was Larry?

Larry's been fucking Lena.

Is that possible, for a long time, four or five years?

It's possible, but I...

It's more than possible. It explains...

It would explain...

It would explain...

I think the two of them are trying to get my money.

And go to New Zealand.

What?

What?

He bought a house in New Zealand without my knowledge.

It was a down payment we couldn't afford,

and when I found out about it, he told me

that it was some kind of an investment.

Don't ever tell him you know.

Don't ever tell him you know.

I won't.

Make his life a misery.

Believe me.

I want to retain your legal services.

Is there any way you can be forced to reveal this conversation?

No. Good.

Then tell me if this will work.

What?

Lena, it's Elaine. I'm out here visiting Ray.

No, he's sedated.

He's silent, but he did say this one thing.

He said, "You made a mistake."

I don't know, but he kept repeating it.

He said you made a big mistake. You forgot something.

Yeah, that was all.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah. You, too.

I don't know, Ray. Maybe, maybe not.

Okay, Ray, I'll see you soon.

Good luck.

Billy?

Billy, wake up.

Talk about it.

What's my name?

John? What's your name?

John. Do you want $100?

American money?

You bet.

I'll remind you every night,

and one day, I'll tap you on the knee,

and you'll know what to do, okay?

Okay, John.

I'm ready. I'm right as rain.

Ready as Robert.

Don't worry about me, John.

Oh, hi. Hi.

He's over there.

Ray.

That's how he is.

Go ahead.

Happy birthday!

Timber!

Timber!

Jesus, Billy, who woke you up? Get off of me!

Get off of me!

Your old boyfriend, Buddy, his father had his mother committed.

Is that where you got the idea?

Maybe.

So everything was planned?

Well done.

I just think it's wonderful that you've come.

Thank you so, so much.

I came because of some bullshit you told Elaine.

There's a flaw in my plan?

Speaking of plans, I must ask.

Are you really going to New Zealand with Larry?

Larry?

When I'm done with him, he'll wish he was you.

What are you gonna do with my kids?

Take your kids away with me and tell them you died, or maybe I'll just leave them.

Take your kids away with me and tell them you died, or maybe I'll just leave them.

I don't think so.

You still don't have the faintest clue who I am or what I do.

Likewise.

God, you are so beautiful. Ravishing.

You okay?

Never better.

Never, never better.

What are you doing?

Well, this is the last time we're gonna see each other, right?

Right.

I want to thank you with all sincerity.

I've been sleepwalking my whole life,

and you've woken me up, and I feel alive now.

You're fucked.

Yes, but I'm alive and inspired.

Yes, but I'm alive and inspired.

You saw your plan with such clarity, such ruthlessness.

Well done. Let me go.

No.

I'll scream.

No, you won't.

Why won't I?

'Cause everyone will come running, and you won't get it.

Get what?

What you want.

What you deserve.

I mean, you deserve to know the flaw in your plan.

You were so good at it.

And you might want to do it again.

Okay, tell me.

Kiss me first.

What?

Kiss me and I'll tell.

Only it has to be a real kiss. Something to remember.

Only it has to be a real kiss. Something to remember.

We don't need Oscar. We don't need anyone.

Kiss me,

then I'll release you.

Who are you, Lena?

Who will you be when you die?

You don't have the guts.

Don't I?

No, Ray, you're too practical.

What about the consequences?

There are no consequences.

That's the flaw in your plan.

I'm crazy.

You've driven me crazy.

You've driven me crazy.

That was the whole idea.

Well, crazy people aren't responsible.

Crazy people aren't legally responsible.

Not guilty by reason of insanity.

In a year, I'll be sane again, and they'll have to let me out.