Original subtitles

She'll be here in 10 minutes.

Beauty Shop.

Yes, Mrs. Boyd. 3:00. Thank you.

- Is Miss Peggy Burns in? - I'm Peggy Burns.

How do you do, Miss Burns? My name is Rudolph La Maze.

I represent the Hollywood Screen Test Service.

- And I'm here to arrange a test for you. - For me?

Yes. I have a few other tests to make, but I can give you- Let me see.

I can give you, uh, uh, Sunday morning. Shall we say 11:00?

Just a minute, Mr. La Maze.

I don't understand all this. How did you ever hear of me?

Oh, very simple. Very simple.

We keep track of all amateur theatrical groups.

There you are, right smack on the top.

You, too, can be a film star. Think of it.

A summer home at Malibu. A winter home at Palm Springs.

Limousines, diamonds, swimming pools.

Do you go around the country making tests of everyone in shows like this?

Indeed not. Not everyone. Very few are selected.

But your name happens to be way up on my list.

Let me urge you to take full advantage of this opportunity.

Just take a look at some of the screen stars I have tested.

And not only that. We have our own equipment- the very latest and best. See?

- Now, shall we say Sunday at 1100? - All right.

That's fine. Now, there's a nominal charge...

to cover the cost of the film and the cameraman's time.

It's- It's really nothing.

- How much is it? - Seventy-five dollars.

Oh, I couldn't afford anything like that.

Oh, you can't afford not to. This is your big opportunity.

No, I'm sorry. I can't do it.

Well, you think it over very seriously, Miss Burns.

I'll be in town for a day or so.

I'm stopping at the Busby House.

I'll drop in again to see if you haven't changed your mind. Good-bye.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Jimmy?

No. This is Thomas Brown speaking...

president of Brown's Breakfast Sausage.

The best in the world. Here.

Take a look at that little brown beauty. Huh?

Hey, Jimmy.

- Here's your second helping. - Mmm.

Mrs. Brown, the service here is wonderful.

- Here, Son. It's Peggy. - Ah.

- I'll go up and finish packing your bag. - All right.

- Hello, dream girl. What's doin'? - I want you to lend me $75.

Hey. We're not married yet. What's the idea?

This is strictly a business proposition.

If you lend me the money, I'll pay you back five dollars every week.

Well, what do you want all that money for?

I want to have a screen test made.

- A what? - A screen test.

You know, moving pictures. A man wants me to make one so that he can send it out to Hollywood.

Listen, toots. I haven't got $75.

But if I had, I wouldn't give it to you for anything like that.

- Oh, you wouldn't? - No, I wouldn't.

If you didn't spend all your money on dancing lessons, you wouldn't have to borrow.

The whole thing sounds awfully phony to me.

I'll bet it's all a fake.

You're awfully smart, aren't you?

- Well, I'm too smart to fall for a thing like that.

Hello? Hello?

Here. Here. What's the matter?

Oh, of all the silly things in the world.

Peggy wants to have a screen test.

- You mean she wants to be a movie actress? - I don't know. I guess so.

I thought she got that acting bug out of her system...

when Mrs. Pampinelli turned her down for this show she's putting on.

Ah, Mrs. Pampinelli. Mrs. Pampinelli. Look at her.

All over the front page again.

You know, she and I are really in the same business.

I take pigs and turn 'em into sausages...

and she takes our citizens and turns 'em into hams.

Her last show was so bad...

I didn't think she'd have the nerve to try and put on another one.

Oh, she takes a lot of our young folks...

and she turns their head by telling them they'd be great on the stage.

And then she gets a lot of married women...

and bulls them into neglecting their homes and their husbands...

for one of her old plays.

Thank goodness none of the Brown family ever got tied up with her.

- Got too much sense for that. - You bet.

Now, if you, uh, expect to marry Peggy...

don't let her make a fool out of herself with this amateur acting.

I'll say I won't.

You know, your mother had that same bee in her bonnet...

- when we was running around together. - Oh, go on.

She appeared in a couple of amateur theatricals...

and right away she wanted to be an actress.

- I never knew that. - She didn't get away with it.

I got her out in the moonlight one night and got in some fast talk.

Instead of her appearing on the stage...

she appeared in the kitchen, cooking dinner for me.

That was a dangerous thing to do.

Yeah. You bet your life it was a dangerous thing to do...

the way she cooked when we first got married.

No. I mean it was dangerous trying to keep a woman from doing what she wants to do.

Ah, dangerous nothin'. Worked, didn't it?

And you do the same with Peggy. I'll tell you why.

Acting is just like the measles.

If you catch it when you're young, why, you get over it.

But if you catch it when you're older, sometimes fatal.

Now, your mother- She-

Now, what are you two talking about?

Well, we was just, uh- Oh. Talking over the news.

There's a lot of news in the paper today.

I packed your cough medicine. It's wrapped in your flannel pajamas.

And for goodness' sake, if you wake up hoarse in the morning, take some of it.

See how scared she is that she might lose me?

Well, got to be going.

- Hurry up, Jimmy. I got a train to catch. - Well, I gotta eat.

Say, you know, this is gonna be one of the biggest...

and most momentous conventions the sausage makers have ever held.

Chances are I'll make a speech.

But, uh, I'll be back in about a week or 10 days.

- Not if you make a speech, darling. - Hmm?

What? Hey, Jimmy. Come on. Let's get goin'.

Go ahead. I'll be there waitin' for you.

I'll make a speech all right.

Government telling us how to run our business.

They know baloney, but we know sausage.

- Where's Mrs. Pampinelli? - In booth number three.

- Betty. - Yeah?

My dear, something perfectly dreadful has happened.

Well, what is it? Why don't you tell me?

You'll have to postpone the show.

- Postpone the show? Never. - Well, I don't see how you're going to put it on.

You're going to lose two people out of the cast.

What two people? What are you talking about?

- Clara Sheppard and her niece Dorothy. - What about 'em?

- What's happened to 'em? - Nothing's happened to them. It's Fred Sheppard.

Fred Sheppard? Well, what about him?

- He's dead. - Dead?

He went just like that. Poor Clara telephoned me a little while ago.

She was crying so hard I could hardly understand her. She's simply heartbroken.

Because now, of course, she won't be able to play the part in our play.

Well, why couldn't he have postponed it for a couple of weeks.

I never did like that man.

Shall I telephone the papers and tell them we have to put the show off?

No one individual can affect the progress of our movement.

I have met and overcome far greater obstacles than this.

- The show must go on. - Why couldn't I play a part?

Oh, my dear girl. You'd never learn the lines.

How are you going to do it? You have to get someone to play the part.

That, my dear Nelly, is exactly what I am going to do.

I will not allow myself to be stopped.

- Get a copy of the play. Bring it here to me. - I'll go right away, dear.

Oh. Nelly! Nelly, wait a minute, dear.

Now, don't breathe a word of this until I've definitely decided upon someone.

- Then we can announce it. - All right, dear.

Miss Burns, how would you like to be in the cast of our play?

- Oh, I love it. - Good. Nelly!

Nelly! Nelly!

Nelly! Nelly!

I found one of them already, dear!

I feel dreadfully sorry for Clara Sheppard.

- Did you know she's going to wear black? - No. Really?

Yes. And I told her she was wrong to do it.

I said, ��Clara, I've been all kinds of a widow, and I never wore black."

I said to her, ��Just get through the next few months as undramatically as possible.

��Of course, I know he was your first husband and all that sort of thing...

��but after all, he was- he was only your husband.

��It isn't as though you lost someone who was very close to you.

- Like one of your own people." - Hmm.

- How is she, Nelly? - My dear, she looks a perfect wreck.

- Poor soul. - No one will ever know how she feels-

about losing that part.

And now, Paula, that is why I am here.

Why?

I want you to play Clara Sheppard's part.

Oh! Oh, l- I couldn't.

Oh, yes, you can, Paula.

When I was younger, I took part in amateur theatricals...

but of course, I gave it up when I married.

You shouldn't have done that, Paula.

After all, some of our greatest actresses were married.

Mrs. Fiske. Mrs. Leslie Carter. Mrs. Pat Campbell.

Thomas never, never approved of my acting.

Thomas is out of town, isn't he?

You've got to do it, dear. All the tickets have been sold.

You know, Paula, I have a feeling...

that you have suppressed yourself for years.

Now, my dear, this- this is your big opportunity.

I have suppressed myself. You're right.

Do you know? I can still remember the last play that I was in.

��Men, you have heard this poor fellow's story.

��Another frightful slaughter awaits the command of General Gray.

��Oh, were that I were a man, that I might go myself...

although it is through a pathway lined with Satan's imps."

Splendid, my dear! Splendid!

I knew I wasn't wrong about you.

Now, that settles it. Nelly, the part. Take it, dear.

Start right in to study it at once.

- Come along, Nelly. - But this is all so sudden, you know.

You'll have to work hard. There isn't much time.

I'll help you all I can. When you've read it, telephone me.

- I'll come right over and run through the part with you. - Thank you so much.

- Good-bye, dear. Good-bye. - Good-bye.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, darling. It will all be over before you get back.

��Maybe I'm not what the world would call a good woman."

��Maybe I'm not what the world would call a good woman...

but who are you to judge me?"

Good morning, Jenny.

Good morning.

Well, Son, how is things? Anything happen since I've been gone?

- Plenty. - Sounds like girl trouble.

- That's right. - Well, that'll blow over.

I don't know whether it will or not.

Peggy's gone back to acting.

She's taken Dorothy Sheppard's part in Mrs. Pampinelli's play.

Who else did old lady Pampinelli wring into her opera?

Well, there's Mr. Hossefrosse, the art dealer.

He plays the part of a doctor who's kind of a Don Juan.

You know, a wolf with the women.

If Huxley Hossefrosse is a Don Juan...

I should play Romeo.

- Who else? - Well, there's Mr. Twiller at the bank.

He plays the part of the husband...

whose wife is carrying on with the doctor.

Florence McCrickett is the wife of the doctor.

And Teddy Spearing is the office boy.

It's remarkable how many people there is...

willing to make fools of themselves.

- Anybody else? - Well-

- Well, yes, Dad. - Who?

Hold onto the seat.

- Mother. - Whose Mother?

- My mother. Your wife. - What? Huh?

- You mean she's trying to act? - That's right, Dad, and it's awful.

All she does is stand in front of a mirror and make faces at herself.

Look here. We gotta do somethin' about this, Son.

The first thing you know, the male members of the Brown family...

is gonna be completely ��un-womaned."

Door. Door.

Window.

- Hello, Jenny. - Good evening, sir.

Is that you, Mr. Hossefrosse?

Mr. Hosse- No, this is not Mr. Hossefrosse.

This is Mr. Brown of Brown's Breakfast Sausage.

Thomas Brown, don't tell me you're home.

Yeah. Well, I never got to make the speech.

- Oh, darling. - I'll take your bags upstairs, Dad.

I'm awfully glad you're home-

because now you'll be able to see me act.

Yeah. Jimmy was telling me about that.

What is this stuff here? You trying to do a Garbo.

We're going to have the rehearsal here tonight.

Well, I guess acting is just like gettin' drunk.

If you got it to do, why, it's better to do it in your own home.

Oh, Thomas.

Hey. Is that- Is that Mrs. Pampinelli- Is she gonna be here?

Why, of course. She's the director.

Tells us where to go, you know, on the stage...

so we won't be running into each other.

Well, really, Thomas- you've no idea how easy it is...

to run into somebody on the stage.

Every time you move you've got to know where you're going.

You know, I've always wanted to tell that Mrs. Pampinelli where to go.

I know you don't like her.

Oh, yes, I do. I like her all right.

I think she's marvelous.

But not when she tries to make an actress out of my wife.

But, Thomas.

It's- It's for charity. The Seamen's Institute.

You know, to keep the sailors off the streets.

To what?

How do you know the sailors want to be kept off the street?

Well, anyway, all the tickets were sold and everything.

Someone had to do it.

Well, how did you get mixed up in this thing?

You know. I wrote you about poor Fred Sheppard.

Yeah. I remember that. Uh- Uh, had he been sick?

Not a day. That's what made it so dreadful.

And poor Mrs. Sheppard, playing one of the leading parts.

Well-Well, did he know that she was playin' one of the leading parts?

But of course he did.

She had just finished telling him when he fell over.

Really, Thomas. You're going to be surprised.

We had a dress rehearsal last night. Over 40 people were there.

And who do you suppose they raved about?

- Mrs. Pampinelli? - No, silly.

- Me. - Oh, that's bad.

You should have heard the way they enthused.

I didn't think I had done anything so extraordinary...

but they all seemed to think I was wonderful.

Why, Nelly Fell said she'd never even seen a professional actress...

so absolutely unconscious.

Now, honey. Don't let your head get turned by...

a lot of silly women who'd- who'd tell you anything...

just to get their names in the paper.

Why, Thomas Brown. How can you say such a thing?

You're going to get the shock of your life.

That's just what I'm afraid of.

��You wanted to embarrass her. That was it. You w-"

No, thanks. ��You wanted to-"

Oh, Mr. Hossefrosse. Do have a piece of cake and something to eat.

Thanks. I never eat before using my voice.

- Ah- - ��You wanted to embarrass her. That was it."

I bought a book on makeup, and I've been practicing making mustaches.

I bet you'll have a cute one.

I'll just have a small piece of cake.

- Let's go over our scene. - All right. Suppose we do.

- Where shall we start? - What about right here?

And so, of course, we decided to carry on.

That's what I'd call it. Carryin' on.

Oh. Uh, by the way, uh, Mr. Spindler...

have you met Mrs. Brown's husband?

- Glad. - Glad to meet you.

Mr. Spindler is a young man who has made quite a study...

of the little theater movement throughout the country.

And he's working very hard to bring about something of the same kind here.

Well, this town's been hit by pretty near everything else.

Oh. He's going to succeed too.

- Aren't you, Mr. Spindler? - Well, I never fell down on a big job yet.

Yes.

I call him the indispensable Mr. Spindler.

- I don't know what I should do without him. - Thank you. Thank you.

- Uh, are you from the army? - Uh, scoutmaster.

Eagle troop number 268.

I could tell that you was a military man.

- Very tragic about poor Sheppard, wasn't it? - Yes. It was. Too bad.

I thought at first of having Clara Sheppard go on anyway...

and I would make an announcement.

Couldn't she have kept his death a secret until after the performance was over?

You know, I thought of that too.

But he was so very well known.

Will you tell me why you folks take this play so serious?

Art should never be taken lightly.

And this is a form of art.

Not that I expect you to appreciate that.

No. Of course not. Me or the audience.

Really!

��What is your reason for sneaking into my office at this hour?"

- Thomas. - ��You wanted to embarrass her. That was it."

- Oh, uh, here's your script, Mrs. Fell. - Oh, thank you.

Oh, you in- you in this play too?

Ah, Mrs. Fell is the official promptress.

Yeah. Oh. Could I have one of these cigars, please?

- Won't you have, uh, punch? - No, l- I had one.

- You smoke? - Oh, semi occasionally.

I thought maybe you just wanted it just to use in the show someway.

- No. - You can light either end of it.

Yeah. Yeah. I, uh- I was just looking at the label here.

It's rather keen.

- Yeah. You got a match? - Oh, I don't, uh- Oh.

Oh, dear. Ah. Yes.

- He's indispensable. - Are you going to stay and watch the rehearsal, Thomas?

- Oh, I might. - Well, then come on over here and sit with me. Come on.

Hey, Peggy. Peggy. Come on over here and chaperone, will ya?

Now, folks. Mr. Spindler will attend to the various cues at the performance...

and tonight he will do all the rapping.

He has a little telephone bell of his own which he has very kindly tendered the use of.

Have you that bell with you tonight, Mr. Spindler?

Splendid.

Not very loud, is it?

It's long-distance.

Now, children, when you're going on and off the stage...

be very careful of those little wooden strips...

they have across the bottom of the doors, and don't trip.

There is perhaps nothing quite so disconcerting as to trip as one comes on the stage.

Going off is not so bad, but coming on?

I have found that it requires a tremendous effort to rise above it.

I wish she'd take a trip. A good long one.

And now we will begin.

- Dr. Arlington is still in his office. - Right.

- And Mr. Rush- - Here I am.

is just about to make his exit, and Mrs. Arlington is putting on the dead latch.

Everybody ready?

Dead latch.

Click, click.

Big jobs for big men.

Did you come here to make a scene?

Get your foot off of that sofa.

What does he think he's doin'? Gettin' a shine?

Have I made one?

What are you doing here?

What are they both doing here?

Shh! Shh!

- Go on, dear. - I want an explanation of this.

- So do I. - Oh, more imperious, Florence, dear.

More of this.

There couldn't be much more of that.

Don't you think she would cry there?

Oh. Do you want to cry there, dear?

No. But I can if you want me to.

Well, personally, I feel that she's speaking more in anger than in sorrow.

You see, dear, you are impersonating a wronged wife.

Now, you yourself, Florence, darling, are an unmarried girl.

It is difficult for you to realize...

how excessively annoyed with her husband a married woman can become.

Now, go on.

- Ooh! - Oh.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

She'll knock over the piano next.

- Thank you. - Oh, yes, yes.

Thank you so much.

Now we will continue.

What is your reason for sneaking into my office at this hour?

Oh, tempo. Children, tempo.

Is it necessary that your wife have a reason for coming to your office?

I see. You wanted a scene.

Tempo, Florence. I beg your pardon.

Not at all.

I see. You wanted a scene.

I think if I were a scenic woman...

I'd have ample opportunity to indulge myself.

You did. I think, uh, uh-

I think I'm stuck.

- Not as bad as the people who bought tickets. - Nelly.

The line, dear. What's the line?

- Hey. Hey. Wake up. She wants a line. - What? What?

- Line. - Oh, I beg your pardon. Is somebody stuck?

- Mr. Hossefrosse is stuck. - Wait just a minute. Wait till I see where I'm at.

This play is so complicated, it takes a prompter to prompt the prompter.

- Really! - Oh.

Any line'll do. Here. Give 'em that one right there.

Oh, here it is. Um...

- ��You've been listening to a lot of cheap gossip." - That's it.

That certainly is my Jonah line.

You've been listening to a lot of cheap gossip.

- I beg your pardon. - My fault.

What they really need is a traffic cop.

That should show you people are talking.

- Let them talk! - Excellent!

Thank you very much.

Where there's smoke, there must be fire.

- Mr. Spindler, please. - Sorry.

So, you came here merely to embarrass me.

Not at all. I merely wanted a little chat.

- Forgot my cigarettes. - Never mind. I only want lines.

I've deferred this discussion for a long time.

It hasn't worked out very well, has it?

Is old ��Sossefrosse" here-

Is he supposed to be a doctor that's in love with the ladies?

Yes. It's an idiotic part.

Picked the right man for it, all right.

It's perfectly ridiculous that a physician cannot take a woman patient...

without being subjected to the whisperings...

of a lot of vulgar scandalmongers.

Nelly, Nelly. Please.

She must have a very persistent malady...

that hasn't responded to treatment for more than six years.

If he hasn't cured her in six years...

she must have the seven year itch.

I have two growing boys...

who are beginning to ask me questions I find too difficult to answer.

I will neither lie to them, nor allow them to pity me.

Oh. Uh, just a moment, dear.

You see, I have always felt that that last line...

was really the big moment of the play.

It is there that she makes her big plea for her boys...

for her home- for every woman's home.

I seem to hear her saying- subvocally, of course-

��In heaven's name...

do not make it necessary for me to do this thing."

Do get away from that piano, Mr. Spindler.

She must have got him out of a Sears, Roebuck catalog.

Now we will continue, children.

That's- That's my cue, isn't it?

No, darling. You're not even on in this scene.

Oh, l- I thought the telephone bell was my cue.

That is your own telephone that just rang, dear.

Oh. Excuse me.

- It's for Mr. Brown. - Oh.

- For me? - Yes, sir.

I'll take it upstairs. Excuse me, will you?

Click, click.

Florence, dear.

Mrs. Rush has what appears to be a rather primitive husband...

and you have a very modern wife.

So, be wise, Clyde.

You know what usually happens to him who loves danger.

Go into your office. I'll talk to this woman.

Quiet. Children, please.

- Hello, kid. - Hello, Mrs. Rush.

Is my sweetie in?

No, ma'am. He ain't. Uh, he went about 600.

Well, I suppose I'll have to leave a note for him.

Oh, tempo, children.

- You'll find the green one's the best pen. - Oh, thanks.

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh!

- He must have tripped. - Thomas, are you hurt?

- Control yourself, child. - Well, what happened?

He just fell downstairs, dear. That's all.

Let's take him in the other room.

- Here. Put him right down there. Put his feet up there.

- I think I'll call Dr. Wentworth. - Yes. I would.

Come, Paula, child. The show must go on. Continue with your lines.

- He's not dead, is he? - Never mind.

We will go right on from where Mr. Brown fell downstairs.

- How's your head now, dear? - Oh. It feels terrible.

Honey, tell me what happened to me.

Was I on the wrong side of the street...

or was it the other fella's fault?

Darling.

Well, you'll feel much better after a good night's sleep.

Hmph. Heard that before.

Darling, I was going to suggest...

that you sleep in the guest room tonight.

- The guest room? - Well, you see, I have to rehearse my gestures...

and this is the only full-length mirror in the house.

I think the light might keep you awake.

Hmm. Even the guests don't sleep in the guest room.

Mrs. Pampinelli particularly wants me to practice the bird's wing gesture.

I-It's supposed to go like this.

Listen here, honey. You're taking this acting business kind of serious, ain't ya?

- Oh, yes. I love it. - I know, but you're a married woman.

Well, a lot of women became famous, even though they were married.

Look at Mrs. Fiske and Mrs. Pat Campbell.

Yeah? But whoever heard of Mr. Pat Campbell...

any more than you ever heard of Mr. PeggyJoyce?

Now listen. Let me tell you somethin'.

Your career is right here in the home with me.

I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you.

Oh, this playacting business you're all doing here, it's all-

it's all Greek to me.

But... for your sake, I hope it turns out all right.

Hey, Jimmy.

- You asleep? - Mm-hmm.

- What's the matter? - What's the chances of bunkin' with ya?

Well, chances are pretty good.

- What's the idea? - Oh, it's your mother.

She wants to rehearse in front of the mirror...

with lights and bird wing gestures.

Listen, Dad. Aren't you gonna do anything about this?

I thought you were the boss around here.

Who, me? The boss? Hmph!

Boss. Even the sausages is telling me what to do.

- Well, we're both in the same spot. - How's that?

Oh, Peggy. I can't do a thing with her.

Since that screen test fella came to town, she won't even talk to me.

How many people's having them screen tests made anyhow?

Mmm, everybody in town that has 75 bucks, I guess.

That's a lot of money to spend for photographs...

just to see if you look better moving than you do standing still.

What gets into people to make 'em do things like that?

Oh, I don't know.

I can understand young folks wantin' to get in...

but when old ones want to, that's the limit.

You won't have to worry about Peggy.

She's young, and she'll get over it.

Well, I'm not worrying about her...

but I'm not exactly happy either.

Mmm. I'm telling you. I'm worried about your mother.

'Cause she's actin' all over the place.

What do you think's gonna happen?

Well, she'll either be very bad and find it out herself...

or be very good, which will be just too bad for us.

Gonna take the test today?

Mr. La Maze, after this first test...

in which I am not particularly interested...

I should like to direct the others myself.

That'll be perfectly all right. Yes, ma'am.

Yes, sir.

- Hey. I thought we ordered two caddies. - Yeah. Here's the other boy now.

Yes, sir.

- Did I draw you again? - Yes, Mr. Brown.

He and I flipped a coin to see who got you.

I lost.

That so? Well, you always losin' something.

Lose a lot of those balls.

And I imagine if you didn't help me look for 'em...

I'm liable to find more of'em.

- Say, you can't get away with that! - Oh, yeah?

- Hey, hey, hey! Come here. - Come on. Break it up! Break it up!

Come here. Come here. What are you doing here? What's the matter?

- I ain't gonna stand for what he said. - What'd he say?

He said I looked like you.

Hey, Dad. Look. They're making screen tests over there.

- Yeah. Let's go see 'em. - Oh, no. I don't want to watch 'em.

- Let's tee off. - Come on. Come on now. I got a reason.

All right, Miss Burns. Turn 'em over, Harry.

Cut it. That was very nice, Miss Burns.

All right, Mr. Hossefrosse. If you'll get ready, please, we'll shoot you next.

You know, l- I feel a little nervous.

Oh? Try breathing with your diaphragm. That will help.

Oh, hello, Peggy.

Oh, hello, Mr. Brown. Hello.

How do you do? Hey. Where did you get 70 for a screen test?

I don't know why I should tell you.

But if you really want to know, Mr. La Maze is making my screen test for nothing.

- Oh, he is, is he? - Yes. He says I have more talent than anyone he's seen in months.

He ought to wear glasses.

I just won't have you talk to me that way, Jimmy Brown!

Now listen here, son.

You ain't usin' the right tactics.

What you got to do is use a little diplomacy.

You aren't doing so well with Mother.

No. No, that's right. I ain't either.

- We're all ready, Mr. La Maze. - Thank you very much.

- I got it. - What?

- Well, the idea I was lookin' for. - What do you mean?

Well, I'm gonna see this fella La Maze tomorrow.

Come on. Let's go play golf.

Hello, Mary.

I feel like an old lion being thrown to the Christians.

- Hello, Thomas. - Oh, hello.

You know, you're going to be the proudest man here tonight.

Hmm. An actress's husband.

I can't imagine anything prouder than that.

- Can you keep a secret? - Of course.

I won't breathe it to a soul. Honestly I won't.

- Now listen. I just got a tip from Mr. La Maze. - Yes?

There's a big moving picture director...

that's on his way to Hollywood...

and he's stopping over here tonight...

to see the screen test of all these people.

Who is he? What's his name?

- Uh, Von Blitzen. - The one who directed Myrna Mill?

That's the one.

But he don't want anybody to know he's here, so don't you mention it.

Oh, I won't breathe it to a soul.

She won't breathe it to a soul.

She'll just exhale it to the world.

Goldie. Come here.

You mustn't repeat this...

but one of the biggest directors in Hollywood is going to be here tonight.

- Really? - Yes.

- Mr. Stage Manager. - Huh?

When I do that-That is your cue to take the curtain up.

Huh.

I thought I'd wear this toupee playing opposite Florence.

- It takes care of the difference in the ages. - Good idea.

- How's the rest of the makeup? - Excellent.

I put these dark lines around my eyes...

to make them look more romantic.

Yes. I think the contour of your face requires it.

- It heightens the expression. It's very good. - Thank you, ma'am.

- I hope your husband will be able to- - Good luck, Mrs. Brown.

- Oh, thank you. - Are you all right, Paula?

- Oh, yes. - And you, Mr. Twiller? How is your mustache?

- All right, I think. - Is it quite secure?

- I've had it glued on since 4:00. - Good. Mr. Spindler?

- You know, I'm a little bit nervous. - So am I.

Mr. Spindler, are you all ready?

The Marines have landed and the situation is well in hand.

- Good. - Well, have I got news.

- What is it, Nelly? - Who do you think...

- is going to look at our screen tests tonight? - Who?

Just the greatest director in Hollywood, that's all-Von Blitzen.

- Oh, no! - Von Blitzen? - Yes.

And he's passing through and he's stopping especially to see them.

They're very smart, these Hollywood people.

They're always looking for talent.

Places, children.

These are our seats, Dad.

You know, Son...

- this is history in the making now. - Good evening, Mr. Brown.

Oh, good evening, Clara.

I hear there's a big Hollywood director here tonight.

- Really? - Yes, but you mustn't tell.

- Oh, no. - No.

I wouldn't tell a soul.

Big Hollywood director here tonight.

All right, Mr. Stage Manager. Lights.

Take up the curtain.

No! Wait a minute. Hold it.

Go on, Mr. Stage Manager, take it up. Take it up.

Mr. Hossefrosse, go on. The curtain is up, my dear.

- Is it up? - The curtain is up.

Go on, dear. Go on.

- Any calls? - Just one.

- Mrs. R? - Yes, sir.

Very well. You may go now if you like.

- Oh, Dr. Arlington- - Well?

I don't mean to be impertinent.

I know it's none of my business...

but I feel that I must speak my mind.

Just a minute, Miss Smith.

As long as you are my secretary-

I say, as long as you are-

you will oblige me by minding your own business.

But a secretary is a woman, Dr. Arlington...

and it's as a woman that I make this appeal.

For the sake of your home and your wife and your family-

not to mention your professional career-

give up this woman.

I will overlook your insolence this time, but not again.

That will be all. Good night, Miss Smith.

Good night.

I'd hardly say Mr. Hossefrosse was a finished actor.

After tonight I would say he was.

- Mr. Spindler, the telephone. - What's that?

- The telephone bell. - Oh. Has the cue been given?

Of course it's been given. Ring it.

What-

Hello?

Stop that.

Oh, go back there where you belong.

Shh! Shh! Go! Go on.

Shh! Go on.

Very well then, I'll expect you.

You may go now, David, any time.

Mrs. Arlington is on her way up.

Florence, dear. Florence.

That thing is too loud, Mr. Spindler.

Too much wood in it.

Well, after all, I do the best I know how.

I want to get this out before somebody gets hurt.

Don't touch that. It may loosen the scenery.

This isn't connected with the scenery.

- You don't know whether it is or not. - Oh, it-

Leave it alone. Paula dear, get ready for your cue.

It must be about time.

There it is now, darling.

- Go on. Good luck. - Thank you, dear.

And this- This is just the beginning.

- Hello, kid. - Hello, Mrs. Rush.

- Is my sweetie in? - No, ma'am.

What? Well, I guess I'll have to leave a note.

You'll find the green one-

Don't write. Telegraph.

Psst! Hey!

- What's the matter? - There's no pen and ink out here.

- Oh, good heavens. - Tell her to use a lead pencil.

- There's none on there. - Give him a pencil, Mr. Spindler.

- l- I haven't got- - Shh!

A pencil.

- Hey, have you got a pencil? They need it on the stage.

- Here. You got- - The pencil.

- The pencil. - I know. I have no pencil.

- A pencil! - Have you got a pencil?

Please, my good man. They're holding-Thank you.

I can't stand this any longer.

Oh! Thank you.

Tell him to say something- Anything at all.

Say something about the weather.

Say something about the weather.

This is what they call a silent drama.

- Nelly, what's the line, dear? - Don't make me nervous.

- I won't be able to find it. - All right. Hurry, dear.

- Hurry. Oh, this is dreadful. - Here it is.

- ��It takes me nearly an hour to get home." - That's it.

��It takes me nearly an hour to get home."

It takes me nearly an hour to get home.

Oh, well, don't let me keep you.

Good night.

Teddy, what happened to you? Why'd you-

Oh!

The poor child has fainted. Mr. Twiller!

- Mr. Twiller, come here. Pick him up. - But I got a cue.

Poor Teddy. I always said he wasn't strong enough for that part.

Get him out in the air.

- Mr. Twiller! - What?

- Mr. Twiller! - Mr. Twiller, they're waiting for you on the stage.

Twiller, go on. They're waiting.

Mr. Spindler, take care of him.

Go on, Mr. Twiller. Go on. They're waiting.

Go on, my dear. Go on.

If I could get my pencil back, I'd go home.

I'm sorry my husband isn't here, if you wanted to see him.

I don't know whether I want to see him or not.

- It depends. - I don't understand you.

I don't fully understand myself.

What are they laughing at, Nelly?

Half of Mr. Twiller's mustache fell off.

I don't think the audience noticed it.

- He stuck it right on again. - Huh?

What sort of rumor was it, Mr. Rush, if I may ask?

The usual kind.

It fell off again.

Oh, why on earth hasn't he the brains to leave it off?

- And he has his hat on too. - Get over here, Nelly.

Let me talk to him.

Mr. Twiller, leave off your mustache-

And take off your hat.

He keeps sticking it on again.

Mr. Twiller should have grown a mustache for that part.

Should have grown a beard. Maybe we wouldn't have recognized him.

I hope your husband will be able to explain.

- This has become very annoying. - Ha!

Spindler, you have a cue right here soon, haven't you?

- Here you go, Mr. Spindler. Telephone bell. - There it is now. Ring it!

- It won't ring. - Well, shake it.

- I am shaking it. - Shake it harder. It rang last time.

- I'm shaking it harder. - Well, hit it on something.

Oh! Sorry, old man.

- The battery's busted. - Hello?

There it is now. It's too late. Let it go.

You missed every other cue.

You might as well be consistent for the rest of the evening.

Oh, good night. I can't help it if the electricity doesn't work, can I?

You should have attended to it beforehand, and then it would work.

Well, I can't be in half a dozen places at the same time.

Shh!

Really.

- I've got a notion to leave without my pencil. - No.

Now just a minute. You told me to take care of Teddy, didn't you?

I didn't tell you to take him all the way to the drugstore.

Well, how was I to-

- Stop that thing. Stop it. - Yes.

- Oh, stop that thing. - It won't stop.

Then take it outside where they won't hear it.

Ha! What about the gentleman?

Jealous husbands chiefly, aren't they?

Don't you want to leave a message for the doctor, Mr. Rush?

- Who, me? - If you wish.

He might leave an apology.

Get out of the doorway, Mr. Twiller.

Perhaps we haven't convinced him of his mistake.

Get out of the doorway, Mr. Twiller. You've covering Paula up.

It's nice of Twiller to hide your mother from the audience.

He'll apologize to me whether we've convinced him or not.

Paula, one of you go farther in. Mr. Twiller-

Have you convinced yourselves?

That there's been a mistake?

Mr. Twiller, go farther in.

Don't both of you stand wedged in the doorway.

There's more going on backstage than there is in front.

Very well then, I will say good evening.

- Great, old man. Great. - Thanks.

Splendid, Ralph. Splendid.

- But what happened to your mustache? - Can you beat that?

And I couldn't coax that thing off before I went on.

- Shh! - I don't think the audience noticed it.

- Thanks very much. - Don't mention it.

Good-bye. Ha, ha, ha!

Ha.

You know, Son...

your mother ain't much actress, but she's consistent anyhow.

She can fall either on or off the stage.

Paula. Paula, you were splendid.

- Just listen to them. - Shh.

- I forgot my umbrella. I left it on the stage. - Oh, that doesn't matter.

You know, I think I saw Clara Sheppard out there.

- Not really? - Yes.

You can come out now, Clyde. They've gone.

Go on.

Oh!

Hold it. Something fell. Hold it. Hold it.

- What was it? - I don't know.

- What was it? - Something fell down.

You know, they could play this play again.

- What? - Sure.

People'd pay more to see it from the back than they would from the front.

No!

Shh!

Clara Sheppard, I knew I saw you.

Were you out front, Clara dear?

Yes.

I just had to see it.

Now, now, now, now. Don't do that, dear.

- How much of the play did you see? - I stayed as long as I could...

but when Paula came on...

and I heard those lines of mine again...

- I just couldn't stand it. - Now, now, now.

I know just how you feel, dear.

I got to thinking how Fred would feel...

if he could know that he was the cause...

of standing in the way of my first real opportunity.

Perhaps he does know, dear.

Now that I have learned the reason for your visit...

I assure you, it is for the last time.

The last time? There can never be a last time for us, Clyde.

Mr. Stage Manager, curtain. Mr. Spindler- Take down the curtain.

Curtain. Curtain. Yes. Yes.

Splendid, children. Splendid.

Now go on and take your bows.

Go on, Mr. Hossefrosse. Just wait here for Florence.

Come on, dear. Come on, go on with Mr. Hossefrosse.

Take it up again. Mr. Twiller?

Take Paula on. Come on, Paula dear.

Go on. Go on.

Here, never mind that. Go on.

Oh, Clara dear, what is it?

- Do you want to go out for a bow? - Oh, no thank you.

Take it up, Mr. Stage Manager.

- Go on, darling. Take a bow. - Mrs. Pampinelli.

- Oh, do you think they'll stand? - Of course they would.

- They're calling for you, Betty. - Mrs. Pampinelli!

Nelly, you take Clara out for a bow.

- What about you? - I'll take mine alone, later.

- Come on, dear. - Oh, I don't feel I should.

She just- She just dropped in on her way from the funeral.

Gosh, after this it wouldn't surprise me if Mr. Sheppard took a bow.

And now I'll take my bow.

Everybody stand to one side.

Stand to one side, everybody.

What's the matter with the curtain?

Something broke. Take up your curtain!

Stage manager, take up your curtain!

I can't take it up. The guy rope's broken.

Did anyone ever hear of such stupidity?

Come on, Dad. Let's clear out of here.

Come on.

I certainly envy that Fred Sheppard.

- Oh, Jenny? - Yes, ma'am?

- Is Mrs. Brown still in the dressing room? - Yes, ma'am.

Well, I think I'll hide behind, uh...

this curtain...

and surprise her when she comes out.

I want to watch the expression on her face...

when she sees all these beautiful flowers.

- Now, Jenny, don't tell. - No, ma'am, I won't.

- Jenny, what beautiful flowers. - Yes, ma'am, they are.

Why, Thomas, where have you been?

I thought something had happened to you.

- Something has happened to me. - What, dear?

I saw you act.

- You look dreadfully pale. - I've had a fright.

What frightened you, Thomas?

I was afraid every minute that somebody out in that audience...

was gonna do you bodily harm.

Why should anybody do me bodily harm, darling?

Oh, for getting out there and making a fool out of yourself...

before everybody in the community.

Didn't you like me?

I did, till I saw you act.

But Mrs. Pampinelli says I'm a great artist.

Aw, Mrs. Pampinelli- Mrs. Pampinelli's an old nut.

But she says I ought to go on with the work.

She means the housework.

No, she doesn't mean anything of the kind.

She said I should go to New York.

What would you do when you got there?

- Why, go on the stage, of course. - How?

Why, I'd go to the people who have charge of the stage.

You think just because you wanted to go on...

that they'd let you go on, huh?

Well, Mrs. Pampinelli could give me a letter.

Pampinelli a letter-

I suppose she'd give you the same letter...

that she give the Barrymores to get them on the stage.

You'll find there's thousands of people in New York...

with letters from old dames like Mrs. Pampinelli all over the country.

Who knows Mrs. Pampinelli in New York?

If they did, they wouldn't mention it.

You! You creature.

What'd you do, come through that window?

I've been hiding here.

Well, I don't blame you, after that show tonight.

You should have stayed hid.

- You didn't hear what he's been saying? - Every word.

Control yourself, dear. Don't give way to your emotions.

Well, she's an emotional actress.

You act like a person who is not in his right mind.

Is that so? Well, if I didn't lose my mind...

after looking at that play tonight...

I couldn't go nutty if I tried.

- Oh- - Paula, my dear...

- you were the sensation of the evening. - Oh, thank you.

You're made, absolutely made.

It's one of those overnight things one reads about.

Just too, too divine.

Well, Thomas, why aren't you just pelting your wife with these flowers?

Answer me.

My dear, the man's so pleased he can't talk.

And if you were any other woman...

but his wife, he'd be sending you mash notes.

- I doubt it. - Thomas.

What is it? What's the matter, Paula?

The critic has been giving his impressions of our play.

Who? This critic here, you mean?

Well! What have you been saying, Thomas Brown?

What's the matter with our play?

- They didn't even know their words. - Now that is a falsehood.

They knew all-

- Well, practically all of them. - Yeah? What about Paula...

when she's sitting there with that office boy...

Looking out at the audience like a couple of hoot owls?

As I have never seen a couple of hoot owls...

I cannot appreciate the comparison.

Well, if you'd been sitting with me tonight...

you'd have seen a couple of hoot owls.

Don't argue with him, Betty. He's only trying to be smart.

Well, what about Twiller and his mustache?

It kept coming off every other line.

Don't exaggerate. It only fell off twice.

Well, how many times was it supposed to come off?

If it had fallen off a dozen times, what of it?

Everybody knew it wasn't real.

Perhaps at our next performance...

you will give us the benefit of some of your suggestions.

There's not a-gonna be any next performance, Mrs. Pampinelli-

Not as far as anybody in the Brown household is concerned.

- No? - No.

- Not until there's a change of management. - Really?

- Yeah. - Then I'm afraid we shan't have you with us, Mr. Brown.

I know good and well I won't be with you.

And as for Mrs. Brown there, she has a home and a husband...

and if she ever feels an attack of dramatics coming on her...

we have a soundproof attic...

where she can go up there and dramatize...

to her heart's content.

And if I ever catch her mixed up in another dog fight...

like this thing you had here tonight, I'm through.

I have something to say about this.

- After all, it's my future that you're arranging. - Well, yours and mine.

You've ordered my life long enough.

From now on, I'm going to have something to say about it.

I'm not one of the sausages in your factory. I'm a woman and an artist.

Indeed you are, dear.

For years I've suppressed myself because of your sneers at culture.

��Culture"? You don't even know the meaning of the word.

You don't know anything outside of sausages.

Well, honey, l-

I didn't know you felt that way about it.

I do. You might just as well know it.

Well, honey, you don't-

You don't really mean that you want to give up your home...

and Jimmy and me and everything just to be an actress, do you?

Far be it from me to interfere, Paula...

but if I had listened to the prompting of my own soul...

instead of to my husband when I was a younger woman...

I should today, without doubt...

be one of the leading figures on the American stage.

Why, the night I played Hazel Kirk...

I had my best friends in tears.

Yet, with all Potstown ringing with my name...

my husband had the effrontery to say that I was so terrific...

that he was obliged to leave the hall before the end of the first act.

Well, Paula, you at least have a husband, and that's-

that's more than they can say.

I've made my decision.

I'm going ahead with my career.

Come, Paula!

Remember, Mr. Brown...

there will be actresses when husbands are a thing of the past.

Dad, do you think Mother really means that?

Well, she didn't sound like she was foolin'.

Well, you don't think that-

Gee, Dad, this is serious.

What are you gonna do about it?

Aw, she's hypnotized by those women.

I got one little idea that I'm workin' on.

Uh, Mr. La Maze?

Too bad Mr. Von Blitzen couldn't have seen our play.

- It certainly is. Yes, ma'am. - Paula, darling.

After we have run these screen tests...

- perhaps your husband won't be such a doubting Thomas. - I hope not.

Here comes Mr. Von Blitzen now.

How do you do, Mr. Von Blitzen?

I'm honored, Mr. Von Blitzen, to meet so illustrious a coworker.

I have no time for talk. I have to catch a train.

- Show me the tests. - Won't you sit down?

- We'll start with Miss Burns's test. - Yes, sir.

Put out the lights.

Peggy? Peggy. Hurry up.

- They're running your test for the movie director. Come on. - Oh.

Gee, wasn't she good?

What do you think of the little girl, Mr. Von Blitzen?

That's just what she is- a little girl.

In Hollywood we have already a million just like her, only better.

I think maybe she would make some man a good wife-

if she can cook- but for the screen, no.

The trouble with most people- They don't know when they're well off.

Well? You got more?

Oh, yes, Mr. Von Blitzen.

Lights, please.

- Horace. - Ah.

At last I see that righteousness has entered your heart.

I thought I was a fly enmeshed in your entangling web.

- See you later, Dad. - I wanted to be free- Free. Free.

Never mind, honey. Don't you care.

It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said it...

in front of Mrs. Pampinelli and everybody.

You can at least dance.

Those others can't do anything.

He said there are a million girls like me.

There aren't.

Of course there aren't.

There's only one in the whole world.

Aw, Jimmy.

Horace.

Gwendolyn.

- Who directed these tests? - I directed them, Mr. Von Blitzen.

You are public enemy number one.

- What's the verdict on me? - The verdict is guilty.

- Of what? - Murder- of art.

I don't know what your business is, but stick to it.

As an actor, you are terrible- atrocious.

And not only that, very bad.

And as for you, lady-

You're not an actress, and you never will be.

You have no talent at all.

You have no voice. You have no spark.

You have nothing but a kind face.

- I go now. Good-bye. - Just a minute.

There's one more I'd like you to look at.

- Please, as a favor to me. - All right, I look-

But if I miss my train, I get very mad with you.

Lights, please.

Ladies and gentlemen...

everybody around here is- is tryin' to be actors...

so I figured there might be a chance for me.

You know, what-What this country needs is a new type of crooner.

All the crooners is, uh- Are young fellas.

The American public have never allowed a crooner...

to live to a ripe old age...

and, uh, 120 million people can't be wrong.

So the only way to get an old crooner...

is to start him in old.

So with your kind permission...

I'll present for your approval...

a mature crooner.

Uh, excuse me just one minute.

If my public will bear with me while I change...

to a crooner's costume, I'll be right back.

I won't be long.

Are you listening?

Wonderful! There is a real find.

A new personality. He can be somebody.

Where is this man? Where can I find him?

- There he is. - Now you have shown me something.

What is your name? I think you have a future. I'd like to sign you up.

- When can you leave for Hollywood? - I don't know.

I must have fast action here. My train leaves in an hour.

- Can you leave with me? - What are you doing, kiddin'?

Von Blitzen kids nobody, but you have to make up your mind right away.

I'll meet you at my hotel in an hour.

- Come. We'll talk it over. - Why, the man's insane.

Oh, Thomas!

Oh, darling.

Here. Here. Take that.

- Thanks. - Say, Fritz, you was great.

You're the best judge of acting I ever saw.

Well, that's all right, Mr. Brown.

I was glad to do it.

Hey, I've gotta get back to the theater. My act goes on in 15 minutes.

Say, your act is good, but the acting you did tonight...

- was better than your act. - Well, thanks.

It was great. You was a big help to me.

Good-bye.

I just don't know how I'll hold my head up tomorrow.

I'm so ashamed.

Well, then, just so you'll feel better...

I'll give you the lowdown on the whole thing.

- My father framed it all up with Von Blitzen. - Why, what do you mean?

Well, he had him tell everybody they couldn't act.

And not only that...

but he had Von Blitzen offer him a job in Hollywood.

- Your father did that? - Sure.

He wants to discourage my mother from being an actress.

Well, I think that's the meanest trick I ever heard...

and I'm going right over and tell your mother about it.

Hey, wait a minute.

Here, here- Come on, help me out here.

Come on, Von Blitzen's waiting down there at the hotel, honey.

Do you really mean you're going tonight?

Well, sure, I'm going.

You have your career...

and I'll have mine.

Besides, that little speech that you made...

when you said that I was narrow and that I had no culture-

Well, you can sop up a lot of culture in Hollywood.

They tell me Hollywood is just mangy with culture.

Besides, I, uh- Maybe I'll get broadened too.

You think it's wise to leave your business?

Business? Huh.

What's a business or a home or a family...

compared to an acting career?

Besides, I think you were right.

There's nothing, uh, artistic about, uh, sausages.

You never told me you took a screen test.

Oh, well, I wanted to surprise you-

And I did surprise you too, didn't I?

If you're going to Hollywood, I want to go with you.

Oh, no. No, no, no. You're not going to any Hollywood with me.

You know, that- That would be bad.

It mustn't get out that I'm married, you know.

That would interfere with my fan mail.

Besides, I couldn't ask you...

to give up your career for mine.

Hurry up, here. Come on.

Mr. Von Blitzen'll be waiting, you know...

and they say it makes those directors awful sore to have to wait.

Oh, Thomas.

Oh, now, now. Everything'll be fine. You know, you'll be, uh-

You'll be in New York and I'll be in Hollywood...

and we'll get together every...

twice a year or so in Chicago.

Miss Burns is downstairs to see you, ma'am.

Oh- Oh, dear.

Well, uh-

Good-bye, Mr. Brown.

Well, uh, so long, Jenny.

Watch for me on the screen.

Why, Peggy, what is it?

I thought you ought to know that what Von Blitzen said...

about the screen tests was all a frame-up.

What do you mean? I don't understand.

Mr. Brown fixed it up with him.

Mr. Brown fixed it up with Mr. Von Blitzen?

Yes. He told him what to say- and not only that...

he had Von Blitzen make him an offer to go to Hollywood.

But it's all just a put-up job.

The offer wasn't real? What Mr. Von Blitzen said wasn't true?

That's what Jimmy told me.

What are you going to do?

- Nothing. - Are you going to let him get away with it?

Peggy, doesn't it occur to you...

that Thomas must love me a great deal to go to all that trouble?

But you're not going to give up being an actress?

My dear, you have to be a very good actress to be a successful wife.

If you mean am I going on the stage, no.

I've changed my mind about that.

- You know what changed it? - No. What?

Seeing Thomas on the screen. He was good.

Hello, Peg.

- Hear about me going to Hollywood? - Yes, I did.

- I'm gonna be a crooner. - You're not going to Hollywood.

Hmm? What about my career?

You going to try to stifle art?

Your career will be right here.

You mean my career must remain linked with, uh, sausages?

Yes. Sausages and me.

Hey, Son, I'm not going to Hollywood.

What's happened? Have you all given up acting?

Yes, I gave up acting and your father has given up crooning.

Oh, no, no. No, I didn't. I didn't.

I give up going to Hollywood, but I didn't give up crooning.

- I'm still going to do a little local crooning. - Oh, darling.