All language subtitles for Dirty.John.S01E04.iNTERNAL.HDR.1080p.WEB.H265-AMRAP_Track20

[sobbing]

[Arlane] You just have to give it time.

[man] I can't. [sobbing]

[Arlane]
You just have to give it a chance to work.

I know. I know I do,
but it just feels wrong.

It feels wrong.

[Arlane] But they said it would,

remember?

They said
that it would feel counterintuitive.

That's what Mr...

Your counselor said.

That to make a marriage work, that...

You know, it seems like
we should hang on much tighter

and stay even closer,
but that sometimes, um...

a separation can bring a new perspective.

He said it would only work
if we both had the same goals,

if we were both honest
about wanting it to work, but Cindi isn't.

She's pretending she does,
but she doesn't.

Why do you say that?

It was the only way left to show him
that we really tried hard enough.

[Arlane] Hard enough to what?

To save the marriage.

So he can accept that it can't be saved.

Well, that's not what he thought
was happening.

He went there in good faith.

[scoffs] Of course he did.
The whole thing was his idea.

Years of not listening to me,
of trying to control everything that I do.

I finally say that I wanna leave,
that I am leaving,

-and then he wants to go to counseling.
-Cindi--

So someone can tell me to try harder,
tell me to be happy my whole life.

Not being allowed
to wear a bikini on the beach.

Not being allowed to go grocery shopping
alone or do anything alone.

I always encouraged her to be
whatever she wants to be.

Says I never gave her room to grow.

I ask, "Grow into what?"

She won't ever tell me.

I've known her my whole life.

[sobs] I can't remember a time
when I didn't love her.

I'm the love of his life because
I've just been there his whole life.

'Cause we were babies.
We didn't know any better.

You were right.

You told me that we were too young
to get married, and...

I didn't listen.

Debbie listened, and I didn't.

And you were right, like you always are,
and now here we are.

Don't be so dramatic.

And I say that
as someone who's on your side.

But you don't want me to be happy.

I...

want to stop you from making a mistake
that you won't be able to fix.

And you're almost there.

[Arlane] You were both so young.

And when Cindi thinks about
what she thinks she's missed,

it's easier for her to just blame you.

It's easier for her
to say that you're in her way

and that she wants a new start,
rather than make the life she has

into the life that she wants.

[Arlane] When we choose what we want,

what we feel right now

over what we promised,

what we swore to somebody,

that can haunt us the rest of our lives.

Well, I would choose whatever comes next
to be free right now.

I would choose being haunted
my whole life, Mom.

She wants a divorce.
She's not saying it yet but she will.

And what am I gonna do? [sobs]

She's confused.

She's just confused.

Can you just tell me that you at least
understand what I'm saying?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

and lean not on your own understandings.

In all your ways, acknowledge him,
and he will direct your path."

You love that one.

You love the whole book of Proverbs,
but...

you really love that one.

Because it's true.

He directs our paths.

Bobby, hey!

Frank left for work already.

-Did he tell you he was gonna be here?
-No, I figured he wouldn't.

He said he wouldn't need to be.
Said I could come by any time

and you could help me out.

Yeah, sure.

[Bobby] The loading dock's
right next to where we park.

It's always lit, but still...

three muggings in the last five weeks.

I'm the manager now,
so I've gotta lock up at nights too.

Wow. I had no idea
it'd gotten so dangerous.

Poor Cindi must wait up all night
worrying about you.

I know I would.

Oh! Finally.

Here.

Now don't you go holding up a liquor store
or anything.

-Pretty sure I'm not gonna be doing that.
-[laughing]

-Good looking out, though.
-Hm-mm.

[Veronica] He steals drugs from hospitals

which he has been to prison for,
by the way. And for the stalking.

[man] I saw all that stuff in there.
I get it. I do.

[Veronica] Okay. So how many
restraining orders do there have to be

from how many people
before you do your job?

[man] Well, right now, I am seeing
which law I can actually enforce

in this particular situation
that we have right here.

Okay. John Meehan.

Parole officer has...

Bayfront Avenue on Balboa
as his current address. Nice.

You live there too, miss?

Yes.

Okay. He's not on the lease, though.

Is that right? John Meehan?

No.

Does it... How do you know that?

It says PO asked for a copy
of the lease to confirm,

but Meehan told her he couldn't give
her one 'cause it wasn't in his name.

[Veronica]
Given his history of conning women,

she didn't maybe
think that that was a red flag?

She did, actually.

The file says she was planning to make
an unannounced visit site

-to check his story out.
-[Veronica] Okay,

except how about she did not do that.

He's not the only parolee
she's gotta keep tabs on.

And he gave her the address
in mid-December,

so she probably just hasn't had time
to get there.

You two were pen pals
when he was in the joint?

No.

So it just...

all happened pretty fast then,
once he got out?

-You guys getting together, I guess.
-[Veronica] Is that what you "guess"?

Do you think you're being subtle?

-Look, I--
-Because you are not.

Do you not think that my mother
is already upset enough over this?

You think she wants to come here
so you can make her feel worse?

That's why she pays her taxes,

so she can come into your office
and you can shame her?

Is that what you think?

-Look, that's not what I think.
-Good!

-[phone buzzing]
-I'm sorry.

But what I do think
is there's not a whole lot I can do.

[Veronica laughs]

So that means you can do nothing, right?

What I mean is, since he's paid
his recent debt to society,

what I have is a bad guy
with a bad history

who, so far as we know, hasn't actually
broken a law in Newport Beach.

I can't even pick him up
for failure to report to his PO.

Whatever this is he's up to,
he's good at it.

But he's on our radar now.

My radar.

-And if he makes a move--
-[Veronica] When.

When he makes a move.

[Detective]
We'll be on him like a ton of bricks.

You have my word on that.

Right now, that's all I've got.
-[phone buzzing]

-[Veronica] What about this place?
-[Debra] I designed the club there.

John might remember. Anyway,
I'm pretending I'm going on a spa break--

[Veronica] This place looks good.

I don't wanna hemorrhage money.
That place is so expensive, Ronnie.

[Veronica] So where then?

[Debra] Don't get frustrated with me,
in addition to everything else.

You can't go to Grandma's or to Trey's
'cause he knows where both of them live,

and I'm out of the penthouse already.

Although, technically, that is still
paid for through the end of the month.

But that's like ground zero
for this whole stupid situation.

[Debra] What about one of those places
over by the Spectrum.

You know those places?

Like, one of the corporate suites?

With the shower curtains?
They have self-parking, Mom.

I know.

But I have to go to a place
that I wouldn't normally go.

I don't wanna stand out or do my normal
routine. I don't want John to find me.

We should pay for the room in cash.

Maybe you would know if he was monitoring
your credit cards, but maybe you wouldn't.

Let's go find an ATM.

[Veronica] I got it.

Oh, my God!

-It's not so bad
-[scoffs]

[Veronica] I mean,
at least you're not here forever, right?

[Debra] Right.

[Veronica] That's dark and musty.

You know there's no room service here,
right?

That's all right.
I'm not really hungry anyway.

Did you call the hospital?

I did and, you know,

I talked to the nurse who was was sitting
right in front of John.

He's not going anywhere.

She says his fever is very high,

and they're watching his immune system
post-surgery or something.

Let's hope they forget to sanitize, huh?

I should go.

Oh, okay.

Are you gonna be okay here on your own?

-Yes.
-You're sure?

-Hm-mm.
-Okay.

-You call me if you need me.
-Okay.

Thank you, hon.

[phone buzzing]

[buzzing continues]

[buzzing continues]

[buzzing continues]

[John] Figured it out now, I guess.

I don't understand where you are, Deb.

I don't understand what's happening.

Maybe I do. I just...

don't want to believe you're a coward.

You promised me this was forever.

We promised that to each other.

Huh, I guess you didn't mean it.

But I did.

Choices we make show who we are.

I know who you are now, Deb.

[tapping on keyboard]

Pray for me at least. Okay?

'Cause I'm praying for you.

-Try it again.
-[plays notes]

One, two, three, ta-ta.

Come back down.

-[phone ringing]
-Okay, keep going. I'll be right back.

-Hello.
-Hi, Mom. It's Cindi.

-Hi.
-Are you teaching all day?

Yes. Yeah. Most of the day, yeah.

Think you could take a break?

Um...

About noon?
I could maybe move one of my students.

No, noon is good.
I just want to tell you what's happening.

Okay. Well, come hungry.
I'll make us a special lunch.

-I'll see you at 12. I love you.
-Okay. You too. Bye.

[ticking]

[doorbell ringing]

Oh! Cindi, Cindi, Cindi!

-Oh, Megan.
-Sorry I'm early.

My mom had to drop me off before she--

That's fine, honey.
I was expecting somebody--

-[Toby] Is Mom here?
-No, Toby, honey, I'm sorry.

No, I must have heard her wrong.

I'll send her right in to you
when she gets here, okay?

[knocking on door]

[gasps]

[sobs]

[Arlane] Did I make it worse for you?

Because I liked him so much.

Did I make it harder
for you to see who he really was?

No.

Mom, I don't think I...

ever saw who he really was.

What the kids told me,

what they found out,
it's just unbelievable.

I know.

I can't wrap my mind around it.

But, you know...

there was something...

that I felt around him.

-What?
-I don't know. Something...

-missing in him, you know?
-Yeah.

Honesty?

[laughing]

[Arlane] That was it!

[sobbing]

That must have been it.

Oh, we're laughing about it.

Oh, my goodness.

But, you know, that thing that I felt,

it never was about you, Debbie.

Always thought he loved you.

I did too.

I still... I still kinda do.

Is that crazy?

No. 'Cause you're wonderful.

-How could he not love you?
-[chuckles]

Oh, I don't know.

Is it worse or better to know that...

he did this to women before you?

You know, he didn't...

He didn't do anything to me, really,
except lie.

But to lie

about being in prison?

I know.

Stalking women and...

Oh, my goodness. He's not even a doctor.

I mean, what kind of a person does that?

What must be, you know, inside him

-to do something like that?
-I don't know.

I don't know.

Well...

how could you know? How could you?

But I do wonder, you know? 'Cause...

nobody's without sin.

And...

everybody can be saved.

You say it all the time.

You know, nobody's perfect.
Everybody has something.

But Debbie,
you didn't do anything to deserve this.

What did you do to deserve
for him to hurt you like that?

To betray you.

-I don't know.
-You did nothing!

You did nothing!

-I know.
-[doorbell ringing]

Are you Mrs. Hart?

-Um...
-Arlane Hart?

Yes.

Could we come in?

Of course.

[Arlane sobbing] You did nothing wrong.

And thank God you found out now.
Thank God you're away from him.

'Cause I couldn't lose another daughter.

I can't. I can't. [sobbing]

[sobbing]

[Officer] Are you home alone, Mrs. Hart?

No, no.

My grandson, he's watching TV. He's 11.

What is it?

Ma'am...

there's been a shooting.

Is it Bobby?

Is it Bobby who's been... who's been shot?

Ma'am, your daughter, Cindi Sellars,
has been shot.

Uh...

How bad is she?

I'm sorry.

She didn't make it.

Your son-in-law shot your daughter,

-and then he shot himself.
-Oh!

Is... Is he dead?

No. He shot himself in the chest area.

-He's at the hospital in custody.
-I...

I... I...

I... I...

I have to...

Oh, dear Lord. Dear Lord.

Oh, dear God.

Help me, please. Help me.

I can't do this alone.
I can't do this by myself.

I can't.

Help me.

Oh, please, God. Please.

I can do this.

I'm not alone.

I can do this.

-[man on TV] ...gonna be Mr. Rogers?
-[laughter on TV]

-[man on TV] You're in the neighborhood.
-[Toby laughing]

[TV] Have a seat.

[TV] This year,
besides being your principal, I'm also...

Toby.

Hi, sweetie.

[TV]
You are the first lamb I'm going to guide.

Something's happened.

Something terrible's happened.

[TV] A rotten kid.

-Why are policemen here?
-Um...

Well, they came to tell me

that your father

has shot and killed your mother.

That she is dead.

Your dad is okay.

He shot himself too, but he's okay.
He's not dead.

He's in the hospital right now.

It's okay. We can do this.

We have to be strong, so strong.

It's gonna be so, so hard.

But Jesus will help us.

And we have each other,
and we have him,

and we will get through this together,
all of us.

And...

Okay, I...

I have to... I have to go...

make some ph--

Some phone calls,

and so you watch a little more TV, okay?

And I will come back in a bit
and get ya. Okay, lovebug?

[TV] ...had a bad voice.
The only voice that...

I can be strong with you, Grandma.

[TV] You gotta send the right message
to the scheme of life. I...

I know you can, my sweet boy.

[Toby] The good news is
you're free of him now. You know?

You're here, you're safe.

That's all I care about.

Thank you.

Some of the stuff me and Ronnie found out
about this guy...

He's a con man, you know?

He wanted money for drugs
and all that stuff,

but it was more than that.

What he really wants
is for people to remember him.

He wanted these women
to live in fear of him,

which is crazy.

That'd be the one thing that I would ask
him about if I ever saw him again.

You know? Like why?

Not that he'd ever explain himself to me.

I don't know.

He might. [chuckles]

He said this one woman
was like his project.

Did you feel that way?

No.

No, I just...

felt like he loved me.

Means he's one heck of a liar, right?

I'm sure part of it's...

true, you know?

Must have felt that way a little bit
to convince people like that.

Like you.

I can never really understand...

what happened to Mom, you know?

Why...

Why Dad did that thing to her.

Because he loved her too much.

Sometimes I still don't understand,
you know?

-Hm.
-But...

this thing with John,

why he does these things,

it almost makes that seem simple.

[door buzzes, opens]

[indistinct chatter]

[door closes]

[man] Right here. You've got ten minutes.

[door buzzing]

[indistinct announcement over PA]

I'm so sorry.

I am so, so sorry.

When you would
come and talk to me about...

Did you already know you were gonna do it?

Yes.

To myself. Um...

I wanted to do it to myself.

Not to her. I mean...

Not her, not ever.

How are you? Your...

Where you...

[inhales deeply]

It doesn't matter.

Do you still wanna die?

Yes, but...

I don't deserve to.

I should live

every day of a long life in here
thinking about her.

How's Toby?

Hm.

Scared.

For you. For...

where you are
and what might be happening to you.

You tell him not to be. Just tell him,

"Don't be scared."

You killed my daughter, Bobby.

I hate what you've done.

More than I've ever hated anything
in this whole world.

[Bobby sniffling]

But you loved her. I know that.

God has given us all this love
we have for each other.

Long ago, he showed us who you are.

So we love you.

Still.

We all do.

Still.

[sobbing] How can you say that?

[Arlane] "Can any hide himself
in secret places that I shall not see him?

In the Lord, we have redemption
through his blood.

The forgiveness of our trespasses.

According to the riches of his grace."

[machine beeping]

Deb, I'm sorry.

I'm so...

-so sorry.
-No.

I don't wanna hear anything...

from you, except...

just what I wanna know.

What do you wanna know?

What do you wanna know?

Why'd you do all that?

You heard what I told...

the surgeon.

About the drugs.

The pain management program.

There's no...

There's... I'm the program.

I'm an addict.

I'm in pain all the time,

-and no one could help me--
-You said from shrapnel...

-I know.
-...that hit the Jeep

-and took out guys you were working with.
-I know.

In Iraq!

-I know.
-You said...

You said you had a nursing degree and a...

a structured PhD that made you an MD.

You're not a doctor, John.

I don't know. It was easier, lazier,
my ego, whatever, to just say doctor.

I just... You're so successful,

-and I wanted to be great for you--
-Somehow this is my fault

-that you lied to me?
-I wanted to be great for you.

You're not a nurse. You're not a doctor.

-You don't have any license--
-No, that's not true.

That's not true.

I had an appeal with the California
Medical Board last October,

and they granted me a conditional license,
just only in this state,

so I could keep working until things got
cleared up. So whoever told you that,

they do not have the latest result
from the Medical Appeals Board.

I don't care about that.
I wanna know about all the other things

way back before that.

What other things?

What other things?

You tell me, John.

Those papers in the drawer?

You went in the office.

You saw what was in the office. Oh, God.

Yeah.

I saw that stuff. What was that stuff?

My ex, Tonia.

She was having an affair.

She got the divorce to be with him.

He got bored,
so she pretended to be scared of me.

She filed a restraining order just to show
him, just to keep him interested.

There's so many restraining orders.

They are not me!

They're people with a similar name.

Well, then how come cops and lawyers

and people that, you know,
get paid to find these things out, they...

they say they are you.

I have asked myself
that question so many times.

I don't know the answer.
I mean, maybe the people...

who put the information in do it wrong.
I don't know.

But you do a database search
and they all come up.

I tried to get a lawyer to separate
me from them, expunge them.

You can do that if you can afford
a lawyer, but I couldn't.

I found so many other things, John.

What about the cops in Laguna?

They said you tried to kill them.

Come on!

No charges were ever filed.

Just because someone files a report
doesn't mean that's what happened.

It's nothing.

Once you're in the system, the cops,
they just keep pulling your chain.

You're the bad guy.
It's so easy for them, you know.

No one stops them or checks on them.

Did you build a gun?

The police say they found knives.

They found cyanide.

Why would you have cyanide?

I wasn't gonna tell you this stuff
because...

so much of...

what I thought I'd done to myself,

with the drugs,

the numbness, the tingling,

the balance, everything.

It turns out it was MS.

Which is impossible to treat, so...

I told myself...

that if it ever got too much,

that the cyanide would help me.

And it did help me,
just knowing that I had it.

But if I'd have done that,
I would never have met you.

After Tonia got me arrested,

when I was awaiting trial,

I went to a motel...

with my med bag...

and a bottle of vodka.

But I didn't have the right size syringe,

so I didn't die.

I passed out, and I fell off the bed,
and I woke up...

covered in blood from the bottle,

waiting for someone to find me.
I told you it was shrapnel,

but I'm the shrapnel.

The drugs,

they explode me.

They make me lie, they make me steal,

and they make me hurt the people
that I love the most.

Especially you.

Can I just say one thing before you go?

All those times that I said
that you deserve the best,

I meant it.

You're incredible.

I lied.

I lied about me, about my past,

about my job.

But not about you.

I never lied
about how much I love you, Deb.

Hey.

We don't have a receptionist
right at the moment. She...

Who is your appointment with?

I'm here to see Gregory Reedus.

Oh, that's me.

-Oh.
-Hi.

-Hi.
-Greg.

I'm Arlane Hart.

I'm Cindi Sellars' mother.

Yeah. I know who you, um...

I can't talk to you. I'm sorry--

-Mr. Reedus--
-I'm really sorry, but I can't.

-Mr. Reedus, you have to let me--
-Maybe you're confused, which is normal

and it's fine, but Lisa Usher

at the DA's office, she would be
the one who you should talk to.

I know whose lawyer you are.

Okay.

So...

then why are you here?

[phone buzzing]

[knocking on door]

[Veronica] Mom, it's me.

Hi, hon.

[Veronica] Hi.

-[Debra] Hi.
-I got you a chai latte.

Thank you.

My God.
This room is even uglier in daylight.

[laughing]

What were you doing?

Oh, you know,
I'm trying to get some work done.

-Nice.
-What's that?

It's a GPS tracker.
I put it on your car at Christmas.

-You put it on my car?
-Yeah.

To follow John.

Remember?

Oh! No, I did not remember.

I said that one of us
should put one on there,

and you said if it would make me happy,
I should do it, so I did.

[chuckles]
Well, I don't think I was serious, Ronnie.

Well, okay.

I mean,
it didn't show anything that weird, so...

Anyway. I forgot to take it off your car,
so I did that this morning.

-Thank you.
-[phone buzzing]

Did you get the annulment?

Yep. Yeah, I did.
I signed all the paperwork, and...

-Good.
-Hm-mm.

What about the will?

I changed the will and...

had it notarized, so...

-[phone buzzing]
-Goddamn! Who is texting you so much?

Oh! Well, I mean, you know,
I'm not in the office,

so, you know,
they're just trying to track me down.

Yep. Speaking of which...

I should go.

-Thanks for coming by, sweetie.
-Of course!

It's nice. Oh!

I love you so much.

I love you too. So much.

Okay, but you're squishing me now.

-[Debra] Oh!
-[laughing]

God, that was quite the squeeze.

-Well, I love you.
-[laughing]

Yeah, I'll see you later. Remember,
we're FaceTiming with Terra at three?

-Oh, yes.
-So I'll see you then, right?

Okay. Thank you for this, for the chai.

-Bye.
-Bye.

[phone buzzing]

[buzzing continues]

Ma'am.

Thank you.

[Greg] When was the last time
you spoke to Bobby prior to the incident?

[Arlane] That morning, actually,
at our house. He and Toby were staying.

When was the last time
that you spoke to Bobby

about the state
of his and Cindi's marriage?

Um...

That was Wednesday before.
Three days before.

What's he like in that conversation?
What's his demeanor?

Oh, he was so upset and crying...

so hard.

He just felt that things were over
between them, and he was so lost.

How long had you been aware
that the marriage was in trouble?

By the time Cindi spoke to us,

it seemed as if
things were already very bad.

But when Bobby spoke to me,

he seemed completely taken by surprise.

Completely surprised.

And he wanted to save it.

Because he loved her.

Oh, so much.

He loved her so much.

And did he tell you any of the things

that he had done
to try and save the marriage?

He had changed some of his behavior. Um...

He went to see our pastor with her.

They went to counseling,
months of counseling.

He agreed to a separation,

agreed to sell their house.

You know, to live separately
for perspective and for...

absence to make her heart grow fonder.

And...

And he spoke to me.

You can imagine a man having
to come to his mother-in-law for help.

And to cry in front of her.

Did any of the things that he tried work?

No.

Um...

He was doing it thinking that if he did,
he could keep Cindi with him, but...

I don't think he ever had a chance, and...

he came to realize that.

Prior to the incident,
how did you feel about Bobby?

Oh, I loved him.

Loved him very much.
He had such a pure heart.

His whole life was Cindi and Toby.

Working for their family,
their life together as a family.

How do you feel about him now?

I still love him.

You love him?

-I do.
-Even after everything that happened?

Bobby asked me the same question.

'Cause it's very difficult to understand,
if not impossible.

Bobby did a terrible thing.

The worst thing.

I hate what he did.

And I told him that. I did.

But...

if he had been in his right mind,
he could never have done that.

So what he did...

doesn't change what I believe about him.

I can still love Bobby, and...

I forgive him.

Because I want to forgive him.

Because of what I know.

I know...

his heart was full of love.

He just...

He just lost his way.