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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:02,751 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:04,670 You hocked everything? Is that it? 3 00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:07,756 I need to fess up, OK? It's part of the process. 4 00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,425 I'm King of Fuck Mountain! 5 00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:10,718 I could go for days! 6 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,219 (Hank) All right, repeat after me. 7 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:13,971 - I will never... - "I will never..." 8 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,681 ...fuck Mia again. 9 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,683 Oh, no! You didn't! 10 00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:18,809 You're an asshole! 11 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,770 - But we haven't even dated. - No, I'm a little too old for you. 12 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,230 You date children. 13 00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,524 What the fuck? 14 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,484 I thought I saw a green light there. 15 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,737 - I work for Lew Ashby. - It says "Get in the car." 16 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:31,572 (Driver) We'll have you back by eleven. 17 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:32,865 Just in time. 18 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,950 - The guy's an animal. - He is a great kisser. 19 00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:37,411 I'm gonna have to pass on that very tempting offer. 20 00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:38,996 Wow. Rejected. 21 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,417 I went on a date with this beautiful woman, 22 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,711 and I did not have sex with her. 23 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:48,297 - Why are you looking at me like that? - How am I looking at you? 24 00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:50,966 Like you want a reward or something. 25 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:53,343 That was very rewarding. 26 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:54,803 What is that? 27 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:55,929 Ow. Ooh. 28 00:00:55,972 --> 00:00:57,181 - What is that? - Yeah. Ow. 29 00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,349 - That's... - It's like a lump or something. 30 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,268 That's my groin. 31 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:02,686 (Clears throat) 32 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,321 - (Doctor) Wow. - Wow? 33 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:56,073 What does that mean, "wow"? 34 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,866 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah? 35 00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:00,911 I see what you mean. You got quite a lump here. 36 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,454 It's grotesque. 37 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:05,040 - Cancer? - Not necessarily. 38 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,875 What the fuck is it? 39 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,295 One very angry and swollen lymph node. 40 00:02:10,338 --> 00:02:11,547 Down there? 41 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:13,924 I keep telling him it's probably nothing, right? 42 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,634 Not necessarily. 43 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:20,347 So, what are you working on these days? 44 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,015 What am I working on? 45 00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:24,977 I'm working on figuring out what that fucking lump in my junk is. 46 00:02:25,019 --> 00:02:28,063 - That's what I'm working on. - I say we biopsy that sucker. 47 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,941 We'll do it right here, right now. 48 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:36,321 I'd love to, but I got a lot of important meetings and appointments, so... 49 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:40,033 - I'm a very busy man. I got to run. - Hank, you're doing this right now. 50 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:43,370 (Doctor) Come on. It'll be fun. It won't hurt at all. 51 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,957 Well, that's not true. It's gonna hurt like hell, especially down here. 52 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,960 - It's gonna be quick, right? - In the whole scheme of things? 53 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,462 Sure. Over before you know it. 54 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:56,133 OK, hold up. Hold it. Is there time for me to get a drink? 55 00:02:56,176 --> 00:03:00,053 Can you send a man-nurse over to Gil Turner's for a bottle? Can I get a drink? 56 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:03,015 For you? Sure. 57 00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:04,349 (Thunder) 58 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:11,440 (TV) The body of Kurt Cobain was found in a room above the garage 59 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:14,234 of his fashionable Lake Washington Boulevard... 60 00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:16,361 (♪ Nirvana: Heart-Shaped Box) 61 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:24,995 Hey. 62 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,539 What's wrong? Are you OK? 63 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,249 Kurt Cobain... 64 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,211 He's dead. 65 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:35,631 What? What happened? 66 00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,382 Suicide. 67 00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:41,887 - That's a fucking shame. - Yeah. 68 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,099 And I'm pregnant. 69 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:50,520 ♪... when you turn black 70 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:54,399 ♪ Hey! Wait! 71 00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:56,818 ♪ I got a new complaint... ♪ 72 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,321 Ta-da! It's positive. 73 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,241 - As in? - As in I'm with child. 74 00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:05,327 What's so positive about that? Here. Have another one. 75 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,621 - Look. Pee on this. Pee on that. - Hank... 76 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,582 We've done three, OK? I'm all out of pee. 77 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,709 Drink some water and hydrate and pee on this. 78 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:15,087 - I'm pregnant. - I'm not convinced. 79 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:18,215 This is happening. Fuck. 80 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,509 The rabbit done died, huh? 81 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:23,804 All right. OK. 82 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,015 What do we do now? 83 00:04:29,018 --> 00:04:32,396 Well, it's OK. I mean, you know, I'll just take care of it, so... 84 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,898 We'll take care of it. 85 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,067 (Sighs) So that's it? We've decided? 86 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,485 That's good. Yeah. 87 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,654 Oh, well played, woman. 88 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:46,368 I now feel entirely incapable of giving you the right answer here. 89 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:50,664 Well, no. I mean, Jesus Christ, Hank, we barely know each other, right? 90 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:51,957 You got a girlfriend. 91 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,919 It's a loose arrangement. The waify models are good that way, you know? 92 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,171 And you have a boyfriend. 93 00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,757 Let's not forget that important little factoid. 94 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,094 I have a boyfriend who's on tour, a boyfriend I never see, 95 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,430 a boyfriend I think less and less about. 96 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:08,056 All right, look. 97 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,600 I don't want to be insensitive, all right, 98 00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:14,062 but are we entirely sure that this is my doing? 99 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:19,192 Yep. We seem pretty sure. OK. 100 00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:20,986 Most likely it's nothing. 101 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,362 But what could it be? 102 00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,323 It's hard to say. 103 00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:26,742 You could have a nasty infection somewhere. 104 00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,036 Well, that sounds very manageable. 105 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:32,372 Absolutely. We could probably knock that out with antibiotics. 106 00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,999 Great. What else? 107 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,959 It could very well be an STD. 108 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,128 - No, I don't think so. - Oh, really? 109 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,463 What else? 110 00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:42,007 No, let's stay in this arena. I want to know more. 111 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:44,801 Well, syphilis is a big one. It's on the rise. 112 00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:46,428 - Syphilis. - Syphilis? 113 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,888 Do you hear that? That's nice. 114 00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:50,849 I don't see any reason that we would assume that. It could be cancer. 115 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:53,935 - It could be. - That's better than syphilis. 116 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:57,856 Woman, what is wrong with you? You'd rather I have cancer? 117 00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,277 We've got to talk about options. 118 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,821 I don't have any pamphlets or literature on me, 119 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:09,076 but you strike me as a painfully liberal, pro-choice kind of a gal. 120 00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:13,163 Who, me? Oh, my God, no. I'm ultraconservative. 121 00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,540 Like NRA, pro-life, the whole... 122 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:16,917 - Really? - Yeah. 123 00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:20,962 That really limits our options, but let's sit with that for a moment. 124 00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:26,760 Seriously, I have been on a kind of non-abortion streak my whole life, 125 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,638 and I feel kind of good about that, you know? 126 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:32,182 Yeah. I get that. I get it. 127 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,934 But do you really... 128 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,894 really want to have a child right now? 129 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,397 No, not really. 130 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:39,898 You do, right? 131 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,234 No. God, no. I mean, I am a child. 132 00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:44,194 A fairly big one, you know, 133 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,197 but when children have children, 134 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,242 it never works out for anyone. Especially me. 135 00:06:50,284 --> 00:06:53,286 Right. I can see it might seriously hamper your ability 136 00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:57,624 - to drink and get laid on a nightly basis. - Don't worry about that. 137 00:06:57,667 --> 00:07:01,128 - I can multitask with the best of 'em. - Good to know. 138 00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:04,548 I'm sorry that I knocked you up. 139 00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:06,174 It's almost rude, right? 140 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:08,760 You're kind enough to grant me access to your... 141 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:11,304 your most intimate of areas, and what do I do? 142 00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:12,889 I pollinate that shit. 143 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,976 I really wish that one of us would have insisted on a rubber. 144 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:17,394 One of us did. 145 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,396 - Well, not this one. - This one. 146 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,023 Well, I mean, let's not get all Rashômon on it. 147 00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:25,986 If I re... OK. Well, no, maybe I didn't insist hard enough. 148 00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:29,072 - Thank you. - I'm not gonna press charges any more. 149 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,575 - Wonderful. Look at this. - I'm just gonna shoot you. 150 00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:35,245 We get along really well for a couple of virtual strangers. 151 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,706 For now, yeah, but give it 10 years, 152 00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:41,877 and I'll just be another woman that you got tired of fucking. 153 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:46,339 You know, in 10 years' time, you might very well be the love of my life. 154 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,178 What are you doing? 155 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:54,181 - He said today, you know? - He said maybe today. 156 00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:57,058 - Today is today. - Hank. 157 00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:59,936 - Will you stop it? It's gonna be OK. - You don't know that. 158 00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:04,733 Well, I do, because whatever happens, you know, we'll get through it. 159 00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:06,526 I'm gonna help you. 160 00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:08,361 But it's not your problem. 161 00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:10,697 We're not even together right now, so... 162 00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:14,159 I forgot what a hypochondriac drama queen you can be. 163 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:17,245 You're not the one who just had a biopsy done on your cock. 164 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,164 That's cos I don't have a cock. 165 00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:22,375 - Thank the Lord for that. - Anyway, it wasn't on your cock. 166 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:27,047 Yeah, I know, but I consider that whole area, general area, my cock. 167 00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:29,883 - Like, from my knees to my nipples, cock. - Right. 168 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:34,221 Well, he said it was probably just a swollen lymph node, remember? 169 00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:35,388 It could be cancer. 170 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:38,016 - It could be syphilis. - Oh, shit. Yeah. 171 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:41,561 I could wind up a blind, dickless beggar working a 405 off-ramp. 172 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,188 Stop by and say hi sometime. 173 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,106 I... 174 00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:47,359 - (Hank) Look who's here. - Hey, honey. 175 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,902 Are you OK? 176 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:51,530 Yeah, sure. Yes. Why? 177 00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:55,116 Because you're here. You've been sleeping over. 178 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:58,078 Which could mean you guys are getting back together. 179 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:00,372 Or it could mean something's wrong. 180 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:05,001 Either way, someone should grow a pair and tell me what's going on. 181 00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,464 We're not getting back together. 182 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,342 And everything's fine. 183 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,427 Liars! 184 00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:16,805 (Door slams) 185 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:18,848 (Karen) Seriously. 186 00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,811 What do you want to do? 187 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:24,854 It's totally up to me? 188 00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:27,440 In a way, it is. 189 00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:30,860 OK, well, I'm just gonna deal with it, you know? 190 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,697 I don't really want to have a baby right now, and... 191 00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:34,781 (He sighs) 192 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:38,243 ...judging by that huge exhalation... - Oh. 193 00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,536 ...neither do you. 194 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,997 So, that's it. 195 00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:44,916 But we can't see each other any more. 196 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:49,129 This is no way to start a relationship. We're both cheating on people, Hank. 197 00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:51,798 It kind of sucks. I don't want to do that. 198 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:56,052 So, you go, you know, take care of your shit, and I'll take care of mine, 199 00:09:56,095 --> 00:10:00,056 and if and when you want, you could call me. 200 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:03,476 That's not the way it works in the big ol' world. 201 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,229 People have a tendency to lose one another. 202 00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:10,191 Well, if that's what happens, then it wasn't meant to be, right? 203 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,745 Could you stop surfing the internet for a diagnosis? 204 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,623 No way. I know what I have without question. 205 00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:28,168 - What? - Apparently, I have the bubonic plague. 206 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,086 (She laughs) 207 00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:32,297 Well, guess what? I have just the cure. 208 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:36,176 I'm gonna offer you a service. Yeah. 209 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,802 Cancer-scare mercy fuck? 210 00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,471 You know, I - I... 211 00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:42,265 - I'm gonna pass. - You're gonna pass? 212 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:45,477 - You are? - I don't want you to be insulted, but... 213 00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,479 That's OK. I can take it. 214 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,773 I'm gonna go take a shower. 215 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,484 Can I ask you, before you go, a question? 216 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,778 I'm offering you sex and you want to talk? 217 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:56,738 Has the earth spun off its axis? 218 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,115 It's just you said that thing the other day, you know? 219 00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:01,576 - What thing? - About Ashby. 220 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:03,411 - What do you mean? - What do you mean? 221 00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:06,081 You said that thing about him being a great kisser, 222 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:08,667 which kind of sounded like a joke and not at the same time. 223 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,503 Well, it kind of was a joke and it kind of wasn't at the same time. 224 00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:13,171 I mean, he did kiss me. 225 00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:17,467 - He's a fucking asshole. - No, not an asshole. He's a child. 226 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,843 He wants what he wants, 227 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,388 and he can't understand if he doesn't get it. 228 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:24,516 He's kind of similar to someone else I know. 229 00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:26,393 There should be a lot of empathy. 230 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,186 You didn't answer my question. 231 00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,604 What was the question? 232 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:32,565 Is this something I need to worry about? Is something going on? 233 00:11:32,608 --> 00:11:34,484 Oh, please. 234 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,237 Don't you have enough to worry about right now? 235 00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,031 Will you please stop answering my questions with a question? 236 00:11:40,074 --> 00:11:44,035 Then stop asking me questions. You said it. 237 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:45,829 We're not together right now. 238 00:11:45,871 --> 00:11:48,373 So I don't owe you any explanation. 239 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,000 (Thunder) 240 00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:40,467 Come on, buddy. Everybody has a scare or two in their life. 241 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:42,635 Remember when they took that gnarly skin tag 242 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,929 - off the base of my scrotum that time? - (Laughs) 243 00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:48,224 - That amused you greatly. - Skin tags are inherently amusing. 244 00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,851 Yes, and disgusting. 245 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:53,062 It's the Runkle family curse. Mad skin tags, baby. 246 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:55,690 - You make me want to die. - Ha! 247 00:12:56,859 --> 00:13:00,779 Anyway, I remember I sweated that phone call for days, man. 248 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,572 You know, waiting for the results. 249 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:06,034 Marcy finally had to bitch-slap some sense into me at one point. 250 00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,869 You will be OK. 251 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,954 That's what everybody says, "You'll be OK." 252 00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:12,332 And then one day the phone rings and you're not OK. 253 00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:14,626 Well, yeah. There's that. 254 00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:16,419 Hey, look on the bright side. 255 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:19,672 That girl seems to be eye-raping you over there. 256 00:13:21,509 --> 00:13:24,803 Who cares? Know how much time I've wasted on that fucking dance? 257 00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:26,846 Time I could have spent with my daughter? 258 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,223 Hey. Hey. 259 00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:31,976 - You are a great father. - No! I'm a father. I am not great. 260 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:34,562 A great father is a guy that gives it all up for his family 261 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:37,565 and leaves his self-destructive bullshit at the door. 262 00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:40,401 The self-loathing is strong in you today, my friend. 263 00:13:40,444 --> 00:13:42,695 I'm like my father. There isn't a woman that I've met 264 00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:45,698 that I haven't fallen in love with for 10 minutes or 10 years. 265 00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:48,201 What about the one woman that threw it in with me? 266 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:52,330 Took that massive leap of faith just to be with me? What did I do? I fucked that up. 267 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,832 You gave it a shot, man. 268 00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:55,333 - Did I? - Yeah. 269 00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:59,170 Did I do my absolute best or did I just want someone I didn't have? 270 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,339 Is the chase better than the catch? 271 00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:06,094 And other some such clichéd, masculine bullshit. 272 00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:08,805 There is no absolute best, Hank. 273 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:14,769 You know, I really envy your relationship with Marce. You know, it's... 274 00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:18,857 It's like it's indestructible. You know, Teflon marriage. 275 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:21,818 Maybe. Doesn't mean I don't want things. 276 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,570 Yeah, but you know what you have. 277 00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,488 I don't know. 278 00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:30,577 Faced with my own mortality, I might rather be elsewhere. 279 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,121 With Daisy maybe. 280 00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:36,165 That's just the mindfuck of the fresh. That's an illusion. 281 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,710 That's just new pussy talking to you. 282 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,712 What if it's not, huh? 283 00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:44,465 Runkle, you better watch your fucking ass 284 00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:47,760 or I will have your balls, skin tags and all. 285 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:49,137 (Phone rings) 286 00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:53,600 - Doctor? - No. 287 00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:56,019 It's Ashby. Fuck him. 288 00:14:57,730 --> 00:14:59,647 (Thunder) 289 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:31,429 (Hank) Hey. Uh... You want me to leave the water running? 290 00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,890 There's still some hot left. 291 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:39,270 Yeah, OK, OK. 292 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,481 - Oh. - Hey, beautiful. 293 00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:44,025 What's up with Moody? Haven't seen him for days. 294 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:47,195 He's not picking up, returning my calls. He OK? 295 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:50,698 Yeah. Yeah, he... 296 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:55,286 - No. He's got some stuff going on. - Anything I can do? 297 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:57,372 Um... 298 00:15:57,414 --> 00:16:00,583 No. I mean, you know, he kind of wants to know 299 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,961 what's going on with us, which is, like... 300 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,420 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 301 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:05,922 What is going on with us? 302 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,926 I told him you were a great kisser, which was... which was kind of dumb. 303 00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,887 Well, that is somewhat incendiary. 304 00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:17,058 - And yet completely true. - I wouldn't know. 305 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,311 No, he... It kind of pissed him off. 306 00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:23,731 - Really? You don't say? - Right. 307 00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,443 You know, I was seeing this guy when I first met Hank, 308 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,779 and he kind of reminds me of you. 309 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:30,863 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 310 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:34,033 - What was he like? - He was simple. 311 00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,494 Simple? Like, uh... retarded? 312 00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:37,912 Yeah. 313 00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:42,291 No. No, good. Really good simple. I mean, he was... 314 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:45,253 He loved music, he... he smiled a lot. 315 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:49,590 Stop it. Kind of like he had the secret, you know? 316 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,135 - Which is what? - I guess... 317 00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:57,682 (Sighs) Take the thing you love and make it your life. 318 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,352 - So, we should kiss? - (Laughs) No. 319 00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:03,896 Are you insane? Do you have no memory? 320 00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:05,314 Fucker! 321 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:07,108 Hank, no! 322 00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,403 Hank! God! 323 00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:12,905 Hank, stop! 324 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:14,657 Oh, shit! 325 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,118 OK! OK! 326 00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,832 OK. I'm out. 327 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,126 (Karen laughs) Oh my God! 328 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:26,711 Bitch! 329 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,505 What are you doing? What are you doing? 330 00:17:31,508 --> 00:17:34,302 (Karen) Come on. You're behaving like a child. 331 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:36,846 Moody! 332 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,766 - Hank! Get off of him! - (Phone rings, answerphone beeps) 333 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:43,686 Hank Moody, Dr Reiss calling. Give me a call at the office. 334 00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,647 Hey! Hello? Hello? 335 00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:48,733 Whoa. 336 00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:50,568 Fuck! 337 00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,447 Peace. 338 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:58,409 That's great, Marce. Yes. I accept your apology. 339 00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,369 I'm all for the 12 steps. 340 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,455 Love 'em. Can't get enough of 'em. 341 00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,956 Wish there were more. 342 00:18:05,292 --> 00:18:06,793 Sounds great. 343 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,879 Can't wait to see you. 344 00:18:11,048 --> 00:18:13,549 Love you too, baby. Bye. 345 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,845 Hey. 346 00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:20,932 "Hey" yourself. 347 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:25,895 - I thought I might find you here. - Well, you could've just called. 348 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,898 Oh, I just didn't want to do this over the phone. 349 00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,650 I found a place. 350 00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,736 So you're moving out? 351 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,446 - It's a cute place. - Oh. 352 00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:37,782 It's just a single, but it's in Santa Monica. 353 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:41,077 It's pretty close to the water and close to yoga. 354 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,039 There's something else I wanted to tell you. 355 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,041 And I hope you're not mad. 356 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:50,795 But I don't want to do any more porn. 357 00:18:50,838 --> 00:18:52,380 I think I'm out. 358 00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:53,506 Really? 359 00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,676 But you're so good at it. 360 00:18:56,718 --> 00:18:59,220 I don't know, Vaginatown was special. 361 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:02,515 I mean, this whole thing was special. 362 00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:07,395 And, you know, if I can't actually be with you, Charlie... 363 00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:11,649 I'd kind of like the last person I had on-screen sex with to be you. 364 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:16,779 (Sighs) That's, like, one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me. 365 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,991 And yet totally gross for you. 366 00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:24,745 What are you gonna do? 367 00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:27,206 Temp, waitress... 368 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:31,210 But I'm gonna take acting classes. And maybe some improv. 369 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,296 I know I've got an uphill battle ahead of me. 370 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:34,797 What with the fisting and all. 371 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:35,965 - Exactly. - Yeah. 372 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,968 But it's worth it cos I really want this. 373 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,304 Well, I'll still manage you if you'll have me. 374 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:44,182 Are you sure that's such a good idea? 375 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,350 No. 376 00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:48,519 But, uh... 377 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:52,982 the thought of never seeing you again sounds like a much, much worse idea. 378 00:19:55,402 --> 00:19:59,572 Um... Maybe I could, uh, see your place sometime. 379 00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:01,824 I'd like that. 380 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:07,079 Maybe I could see it now. 381 00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:10,208 Well, I'd like that even more. 382 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:18,841 - Sorry about your cock. - It's not my cock. 383 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,635 Doesn't matter. You should have told me. 384 00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:24,305 - I trained as a paramedic. I could've helped. - Oh, yeah? Like how? 385 00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:29,936 I don't know. I could've... felt around, put your mind at ease. 386 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:31,229 (Laughs) Maybe next time. 387 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,647 (Laughs) 388 00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:35,608 Look, I'm sorry I kissed your old lady. 389 00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:38,236 I'm sorry I kissed yours. 390 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:41,239 - You fucking asshole. Did you penetrate? - Did I go inside? No. 391 00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:45,201 Friends don't let friends bang each other's soul mates. 392 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,036 A-fucking-men to that. 393 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:49,997 Be good. 394 00:20:54,211 --> 00:20:57,505 - Sorry about the mess. - It's OK. 395 00:20:57,547 --> 00:21:00,299 Hank, you're my best friend. 396 00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:03,844 I would never, ever fuck someone to get back at you. 397 00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:07,807 I know. That's the thing. If you fuck someone, you really want to fuck them. 398 00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:10,268 That's what scares me. 399 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:13,562 Well, what do you really want? I mean, how do you want this to end? 400 00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:17,066 I want to keep doing this for as much time as we have left. 401 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,484 Not... not cleaning up. 402 00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:20,611 This. 403 00:21:21,571 --> 00:21:24,699 Isn't that, like, what we've been doing? 404 00:21:24,741 --> 00:21:28,452 Well, I don't know if we have. We've talked about it endlessly, 405 00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:31,914 and we've listed all the reasons why it's not possible, 406 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,875 but what if all those reasons just magically went away? 407 00:21:34,918 --> 00:21:37,420 That's the problem. They never do. 408 00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:40,423 OK, you've got one month left. What do you do? 409 00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,883 - How do you spend it? - With Becca. 410 00:21:42,926 --> 00:21:44,427 No Hank in there? 411 00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:47,847 I don't fit in anywhere in there? No... No Hank? 412 00:21:49,099 --> 00:21:50,474 Maybe a couple of days. 413 00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:53,561 Fair enough, but for me... 414 00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:56,147 I want you there at the end. 415 00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:58,774 I want those eyes to be the last thing that I see. 416 00:22:02,446 --> 00:22:05,573 - You know what it is about Lew? - No. I don't. 417 00:22:05,615 --> 00:22:08,117 He made a choice. He chose art. 418 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,952 He made that his life. 419 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:11,912 And that's OK, that's valid. 420 00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:13,372 But with you... 421 00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:18,377 You can't figure out who you want to be, you know? 422 00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:22,506 It's your indecision that paralyses you and hurts us, Hank. 423 00:22:22,549 --> 00:22:25,676 I can feel your restlessness. 424 00:22:25,719 --> 00:22:28,804 I mean, a moment like this, yeah, you want me, you want us. 425 00:22:28,847 --> 00:22:32,558 And then that moment passes and you just become like this ghost. 426 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:36,228 14 years ago, "I love you" was more than enough. 427 00:22:36,271 --> 00:22:39,940 I mean, it was almost revolutionary. 428 00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:42,693 And now... I don't know. 429 00:22:42,736 --> 00:22:45,196 They're just words. 430 00:22:45,238 --> 00:22:48,157 I mean, I know you mean them, but... 431 00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,785 Hank, I don't know what they mean to you. 432 00:22:50,827 --> 00:22:52,244 (Phone rings) 433 00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:59,126 You want to be saved? 434 00:23:06,676 --> 00:23:08,677 Hello? 435 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,264 Hey, Dr Reiss. How are you? 436 00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:18,104 OK. All right. Well... 437 00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:20,856 Thank you. 438 00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:21,982 Wow. 439 00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:24,819 - What? - You were right. 440 00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:26,695 - What? - Syphilis. 441 00:23:27,989 --> 00:23:29,824 - Bullshit. - It's benign. 442 00:23:29,866 --> 00:23:31,909 You know, just... 443 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:34,954 Antibiotics is all I need and then... 444 00:23:34,996 --> 00:23:39,125 - I'm gonna be OK. - That's fantastic. You're OK. 445 00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:41,085 For now. 446 00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:48,342 - Want to give me that... - No. 447 00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:52,096 ...post-cancer-scare mercy fuck now? - No. It's too late. 448 00:23:55,934 --> 00:23:58,144 So, this is it, I guess, huh? 449 00:24:01,648 --> 00:24:04,233 I guess so. Yeah. 450 00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:07,278 - Can I call you? - No. 451 00:24:08,071 --> 00:24:10,197 No, really, I'd rather you didn't. 452 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,200 Well, will you call me, you know, just to... 453 00:24:13,243 --> 00:24:15,077 let me know you're OK? 454 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,121 Yeah. I'll call you. 455 00:24:18,248 --> 00:24:20,374 No, you won't. 456 00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:21,917 But I get it. 457 00:24:22,919 --> 00:24:25,004 It was, uh... 458 00:24:25,046 --> 00:24:30,676 It was... It was awfully nice sharing this most unpleasant of milestones with you. 459 00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,013 Yeah. Same here. 460 00:24:36,099 --> 00:24:38,601 Don't get lost out there, OK? 461 00:25:10,133 --> 00:25:11,258 Hank! 462 00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:20,809 I was gonna go check out that vigil of, um... Kurt Cobain. 463 00:25:22,562 --> 00:25:24,855 I don't know. Did you want to come? 464 00:25:24,898 --> 00:25:27,191 - The Cobain vigil? - Yeah. 465 00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:31,403 Well, I got a vigil that I was already... 466 00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:32,780 No, seriously. 467 00:25:32,822 --> 00:25:35,074 - Yeah? - Yeah. 468 00:25:35,116 --> 00:25:39,620 I don't know if you know this about me, but I love vigils. 469 00:25:39,663 --> 00:25:41,455 I kind of guessed that. 470 00:25:43,875 --> 00:25:45,834 (Hank) Dear Karen: If you're reading this, 471 00:25:45,877 --> 00:25:48,712 it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it. 472 00:25:48,755 --> 00:25:50,798 So, good for me. 473 00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:53,842 You don't know me very well, but if you get me started, 474 00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:57,721 I have a tendency to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. 475 00:25:58,515 --> 00:26:00,474 But this... 476 00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:04,395 this is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. 477 00:26:04,437 --> 00:26:07,231 There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just say it. 478 00:26:07,274 --> 00:26:10,484 I met someone. It was an accident. 479 00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:12,861 I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't on the make. 480 00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:14,572 It was a perfect storm. 481 00:26:14,614 --> 00:26:16,991 She said one thing. I said another. 482 00:26:17,033 --> 00:26:19,076 Next thing I knew, I wanted to spend the rest of my life 483 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,745 in the middle of that conversation. 484 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,208 Now there's this feeling in my gut. 485 00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:28,419 She might be the one. 486 00:26:28,461 --> 00:26:30,296 She's completely nuts 487 00:26:30,338 --> 00:26:34,049 in a way that makes me smile. Highly neurotic. 488 00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:36,844 A great deal of maintenance required. 489 00:26:36,886 --> 00:26:38,804 She is you, Karen. 490 00:26:39,973 --> 00:26:41,640 That's the good news. 491 00:26:43,518 --> 00:26:47,313 The bad is that I don't know how to be with you right now. 492 00:26:47,397 --> 00:26:49,690 And that scares the shit out of me. 493 00:26:49,733 --> 00:26:51,817 Because if I'm not with you right now, 494 00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:54,236 I have this feeling we'll get lost out there. 495 00:26:57,032 --> 00:27:00,326 It's a big, bad world full of twists and turns, 496 00:27:00,368 --> 00:27:02,286 and people have a way of blinking 497 00:27:02,329 --> 00:27:04,121 and missing the moment... 498 00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:08,917 the moment that could've changed everything. 499 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,794 I don't know what's going on with us... 500 00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:16,383 and I can't tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me... 501 00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:22,348 but, damn, you smell good, like home. 502 00:27:22,390 --> 00:27:24,099 And you make excellent coffee. 503 00:27:24,142 --> 00:27:27,561 That's got to count for something, right? 504 00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:28,854 Call me. 505 00:27:29,564 --> 00:27:32,483 Unfaithfully yours, Hank Moody. 506 00:27:32,525 --> 00:27:48,791 ♪ Nothingman 507 00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:52,503 ♪ Coulda been something 508 00:27:52,545 --> 00:27:57,091 ♪ Nothingman ♪ 38658

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