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1
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Previously on Californication...
2
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That's it! Big, stop the van!
3
00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:06,922
- What?
- Ovitz! Hit the bricks!
4
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,757
See you at the Oscars, pal.
5
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,426
He ruined my career.
6
00:00:10,468 --> 00:00:13,637
Look, Daisy's family,
and you fucked her shit up. Fix this.
7
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,807
Vaginatown is probably not gonna happen.
The financing fell through.
8
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,726
- You're shitting me!
- I wish I was.
9
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:21,729
The "wall of cocks" sequence alone
would have blown people's minds.
10
00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:23,731
The "wall of cocks"...
11
00:00:23,773 --> 00:00:27,026
Oh, hells, yeah!
You got Daisy the part.
12
00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,153
I had to invest 100 grand in his movie.
13
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,362
Yeah, I am pregnant.
14
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,530
I'm not the father.
15
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,074
There was only one guy,
according to Sonja.
16
00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:39,079
Correct me if I'm wrong, but Hank
could very well be the father of the child.
17
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,832
- What the fuck is this?
- Just giving you something for your book.
18
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,250
We drove out here together.
19
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,419
I ended up producing. She ended up alone.
20
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Greetings. Just...
21
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What are you doing on my property?
22
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I'm just...
23
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I wanted to know
if the lady of the house was home.
24
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And you are?
25
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:43,811
I'm a friend.
26
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:46,313
Well, I'm more of a friend of a friend,
actually.
27
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,524
My wife doesn't have any friends
that I don't know.
28
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,735
- Oh, so you're married?
- That's none of your goddamn business.
29
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,737
Well, no, look,
I appreciate the hostility.
30
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,073
I'm not trying to break into your castle here.
31
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I'm a writer. I'm doing some research.
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My name is Hank Moody. It's a pleasure.
33
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:01,703
There's no smoking here.
34
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,206
Outside?
35
00:02:04,249 --> 00:02:06,291
There's no smoking outside? Really?
36
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:09,378
- Is everything OK out here?
- Is this her?
37
00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:10,712
Honey, it's OK. Go back inside.
38
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:12,297
My name is Hank Moody. I'm a writer.
39
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And I was just... doing some research.
40
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:18,011
Did I... say that you could talk to her?
41
00:02:18,054 --> 00:02:21,140
Jesus, you got a bit of
an overprotective vibe happening here.
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00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:24,017
I want to ask you a question
about Lew, Lew Ashby.
43
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:28,105
Hey! Hey, I asked you nicely
to get off my property.
44
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,274
I don't know about "nicely," motherfucker.
45
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I will leave your property
when I'm good and ready,
46
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motherfucker.
47
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Who puts a fuckin' bush there?
48
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,707
I'm just saying,
49
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,543
Ashby Manor might not be
the best place for you
50
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:33,879
in your current depressed frame of mind.
51
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:37,716
It's not for anybody since Ashby let
the douchebag within take up residence.
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00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:39,551
Your favourite. You really like that guy.
53
00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,845
Who? Julian Self,
the snake oil salesman?
54
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,847
10 grand a week
that bearded bozo's making,
55
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:47,434
dispensing his diarrhoea-of-the-mouth
therapies to the creatively blocked.
56
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,269
- Can you believe that shit?
- 10 grand.
57
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:52,397
That's what you should have put
the Runkle nest egg into, self-help.
58
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,899
Wait, that's sleazier than porn.
59
00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:55,525
So you made the right choice.
60
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:56,860
Laugh it up, pal.
61
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,195
One more day of shooting,
62
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,656
we sell this puppy
and I double my investment.
63
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:04,368
- So you're sanguine about the whole...
- I am sanguinissimo, baby.
64
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:05,744
Although, you know what?
65
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,705
I'm a little worried
about being on that porn set
66
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,958
cos I'm starting to feel
like a gynaecologist.
67
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,002
Yikes. Did you ever think of that girl?
68
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:15,254
She looks down between the stirrups
69
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:18,423
and she sees your gleaming orb
looming straight up at her.
70
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:19,716
You ever think about that?
71
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,177
So, did I ever think about
penetrating someone with my head?
72
00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,680
- No, I never did think about that.
- Good.
73
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:33,939
Hey, Lew?
74
00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:37,567
Lew?
75
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:42,155
Hey, Lew!
76
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,660
Hey, Lew, you decent?
77
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:47,744
Lew.
78
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,833
I knew you were a dick!
79
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,544
I knew it.
80
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:57,296
OK, can we do this later, please?
81
00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,506
Sure, no problem.
82
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:04,594
Come on. Let go of it.
83
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,097
You can do it.
84
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,893
- All right, just smile.
- Hank!
85
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:12,978
Nice.
86
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,773
Please. Please.
87
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:20,068
Oh, that's good. We're done.
88
00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:22,988
Nice and secure on there.
I'm concerned with the bump here.
89
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,407
If you could just... I don't want it to fall off.
90
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:28,994
Jeez! For the love of fuck, guys!
91
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,120
Careful, huh?
92
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,372
I love this thing, more than life itself.
93
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,833
Thank you very much.
94
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,046
Baby!
95
00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:41,173
What have you done to my house?
96
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,674
I'm sorry, OK?
97
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,177
It's just... the location fell through.
98
00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:47,304
So, look, we have one more scene,
99
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,930
and Vaginatown is a wrap, OK?
100
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:51,183
I just... I figured you'd be working.
101
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:54,311
What, a girl can't come home a little early?
102
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,938
Knock off, relax, watch a little "Opes"?
103
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,065
Runkle!
104
00:05:58,107 --> 00:06:00,233
I need to knock a couple walls down
in there.
105
00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:02,152
What is he talking about?
106
00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,945
What's that? Is that the spinner?
107
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,989
Didn't we shoot that scene already?
108
00:06:06,699 --> 00:06:08,241
This is my wife.
109
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,370
Sorry.
110
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,580
'Ello. Ronny Praeger. Filmmaker.
111
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,584
You never told me your old dear
was such a lovely bit of filth.
112
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:21,254
You dirty bastard. What do you reckon,
sweetheart? Do you want to be in it?
113
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,382
I could easily see you and Daisy engaged in
114
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:24,966
a nice little bit of stand-up 69.
115
00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:29,179
69 is a waste of time,
stand-up or otherwise.
116
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,848
And don't you dare touch my walls.
117
00:06:31,891 --> 00:06:34,184
You are spicy. I like it.
118
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There she is.
119
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:38,980
My leading lady.
120
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,150
Can you feel it, the sexual tension?
121
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:45,821
How do I look?
122
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,076
Don't stare, you fucking baboon. It's rude!
123
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:53,787
Christ on the cross,
what did you do to yourself?
124
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,664
You look like a fuckin' child!
125
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:56,998
A very hot child.
126
00:06:57,041 --> 00:07:00,001
Who's been poorly waxed.
You cheated on me.
127
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:02,212
I couldn't get an appointment,
he told me to shave.
128
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,630
I told you to trim.
129
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,340
This is Vaginatown, sweetheart.
130
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:08,677
They didn't have little heart-shaped
tufts of pubis in 1930s L.A.
131
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:12,305
Maybe not, but I think my character
was before her time.
132
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,808
Sorry. Who said it's your character?
133
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:17,352
We need a fuckin' merkin!
134
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:18,520
OK, you know what?
135
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,313
We've got a few of those lying around.
136
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,359
- You do? Why?
- Don't you tell him, Marce!
137
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,197
Turn it this way, it's like he's staring at you.
138
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:31,741
Hank, you got to be kidding me, right?
139
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,535
- That could be anybody.
- But it's not.
140
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:36,455
It's "the artist within"
a nice young girl named Holly.
141
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,832
Look, it's like one of those Jesus pictures,
142
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:41,334
except it's his balls that follow you
wherever you move.
143
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,503
See that brute-like appendage?
It's actual size.
144
00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,173
You came all the way over here
to show me that?
145
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:49,968
- You're 12.
- Well... no, this vindicates me.
146
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,470
Proves the guy's a douchebag.
147
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,638
He's a danger to women.
He has to be stopped.
148
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:54,806
He's got to be stopped?
149
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,684
He manipulates them.
He fucks with their minds.
150
00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:00,270
You're friends with Sonja,
you should go tell her.
151
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:03,690
Possibly.
But you're the father of her unborn child.
152
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,150
I think that trumps "friend."
153
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,735
We don't know that for certain.
154
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,988
We don't know for certain
what kind of arrangement they have either.
155
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,823
They live together is their arrangement.
156
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:15,410
Maybe they have one of those
open relationships or something.
157
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:16,703
- No.
- What?
158
00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:19,539
That is disgusting.
That is not a possibility.
159
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,833
The open relationship does not exist.
160
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:24,419
It's like an oxymoron,
like "jumbo shrimp" or...
161
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,588
OK. So that's where you draw the line?
162
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:27,839
At open relationships?
163
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:30,717
Yes, that's thoroughly offensive to me.
164
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,220
The mouth-rapist who sleeps
with prostitutes is offended.
165
00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:36,139
No, come on.
Look, my ethical unpredictability
166
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,141
is default proof of its hard-won vitality.
167
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:40,644
Because I'm not by rote
or programmatic about it.
168
00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,729
I think this shit through, every issue.
169
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:45,899
Are you gonna go tattle to Sonja
or do I have to? I'd be glad to.
170
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,901
Shut up, OK?
Mind your own business.
171
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,237
- Get out of here.
- I'm minding our business.
172
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:53,365
- Go pick up Becca. She's at school.
- This conversation is not over.
173
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,619
OK, captain. What's the plan?
174
00:08:57,662 --> 00:08:59,663
We gonna be shooting
something at some point?
175
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,331
I kind of promised my wife
176
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,668
that the, you know,
things would clear out by, say...
177
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,336
You promised your wife, did you?
178
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:10,340
What is it you think we're doing here,
Runkle? Does this look like Chatsworth?
179
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,676
Do I look like a Ukrainian sex worker? No.
180
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:16,096
We are making erotic art here...
181
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,473
something men and women, God willing,
182
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:21,017
will be pleasuring themselves to
for decades to come.
183
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,979
OK, OK. I get that.
And I respect your vision. Really, I do.
184
00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:26,106
It's just the neighbours are getting restless,
185
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,775
I'd rather they don't call the cops
and have us shut down.
186
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,859
It's your money.
187
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:34,030
- But if you're looking for transcendence...
- We should start shooting.
188
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:36,533
Bring in first team!
189
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,332
Where's Clittes?
190
00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,926
Man, you look smokin' in that picture.
191
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,636
Happiest day of my life.
192
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,471
Your dad looks so proud.
193
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,140
That's not my dad.
194
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:02,809
For Christ's sake, Marce.
195
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:09,149
You, it's time to go down
and unleash the monster of cock.
196
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,069
Be careful what you wish for.
197
00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:25,790
This is what you came home early for,
isn't it?
198
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:27,834
To do some cocaine.
199
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:29,586
And watch some Oprah.
200
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:38,470
That thirsty little nose of yours
is costing us some money.
201
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:40,764
Have you checked our bank balance lately?
202
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:45,477
Asshole, you just put
the bulk of our nest egg
203
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,854
into a movie called Vaginatown.
204
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,606
And you're gonna make me feel bad
205
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,525
about a little afternoon snack
with Jake Clittes?
206
00:10:52,568 --> 00:10:54,527
This movie is an investment,
207
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,488
which we're in together, remember?
208
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:58,239
A little bit of support, please.
209
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,242
And it's "Clittes", sounds like "titties."
210
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,708
Well, if memory serves,
this is where you say you can handle it
211
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,836
- and you can stop whenever you want.
- Oh, I can stop.
212
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,505
Then stop.
213
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:15,382
For a day.
214
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,466
For an hour.
215
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:20,136
Say "no, no, no"
all you want, Miss Winehouse.
216
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,389
I'm this close to booking you
a room at Wishes.
217
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,474
What happened to Promises?
218
00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:27,477
Promises of Malibu is no longer
in the Runkle family budget.
219
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,854
Wishes is in Oxnard.
220
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,273
Runkle, bad news. Daisy's in her trailer.
221
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:35,068
She won't come out. She'll only talk to you.
222
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,030
We'll finish this conversation later.
223
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:45,203
Don't you be condescending to me,
motherfucker.
224
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,164
I can stop.
225
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:52,460
I can stop whenever the fuck I want.
226
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:06,141
Good afternoon, ladies.
227
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:10,019
It's the sisterhood of the travelling flannel.
228
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:12,564
On time for a change. Impressive.
229
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,316
We're still going to Lew Ashby's, right?
230
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:16,818
Yeah, we want to go, too.
231
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,361
"We"?
232
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:22,657
Sorry. Hank Moody, this is Annika Staley
of Rolling Stone magazine.
233
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:26,244
The Rolling Stone magazine? The one
that used to have some cultural relevance?
234
00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:30,874
I am delighted to meet you, Annika Staley
from Rolling Stone magazine.
235
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,083
Sorry to crash the party.
236
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:35,378
I'm just trailing Mia for the day.
She's gonna be in our "hot" issue.
237
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:39,758
Oh, she's hot, is she?
Feverish?
238
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,344
Will you excuse me a moment?
239
00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:45,388
Sorry.
240
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,473
Sure.
241
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:50,685
It's you, isn't it?
242
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,772
I made a mess of your bush this morning.
243
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,609
Shit, that came out wrong.
244
00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:58,860
Flowers. She's got this...
245
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,279
potted-flower thing, and I...
246
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:02,614
I'll see you guys.
247
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:04,491
It was nice talking to you, ladies.
248
00:13:04,533 --> 00:13:05,700
This is a coincidence.
249
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,327
I'm here picking up my daughter...
250
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,245
Well, I got some mail for you.
251
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,538
- You do?
- Yeah.
252
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:13,750
You are "resident," aren't you?
253
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,711
But I doubt you need
your carpets cleaned. Or your drapes.
254
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,547
I bet your carpets are immaculate
and they match the drapes.
255
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,758
Do you always make
this good of a first impression?
256
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,886
It's a second impression, actually.
Hank. Hank Moody.
257
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,638
They'll only get worse from here on in,
258
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,640
so I'm just gonna lay my cards on the table.
259
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,308
Do you know a guy named Lew Ashby?
260
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:33,311
Sure, he's some famous record producer.
A rock-'n'-roll legend.
261
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:35,563
- I'm writing a book on him.
- Good luck.
262
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:39,651
I'm gonna need it because
the guy's a cipher. I can't get anywhere.
263
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:41,778
Then why the research?
Just print the legend.
264
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,696
That's what people want to read, right?
265
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,615
One long rock-'n'-roll bacchanalia
266
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,201
where the music never ends,
the groupies never get older,
267
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,078
your dick never shrivels up and falls off
268
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,288
from some unspecified venereal disease.
269
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,333
That was unkind to my dick.
270
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,335
I had to get you back for ruining my bush.
271
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,505
Well, I've known the guy
for like six weeks now,
272
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,423
the only genuine moment I've had with him
273
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:05,677
is when he told me about a woman
he never got over and a Mustang.
274
00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:07,637
That's why I was snooping
around your house.
275
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,765
I think you'd have better luck
finding the Mustang.
276
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:11,850
Why is that?
277
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:14,143
Cos it actually existed.
Blue with grey interior.
278
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:18,523
- And what about the girl?
- Figment of Lew's imagination.
279
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,961
I like your trailer.
280
00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:43,882
I drove out here in this piece of shit.
281
00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:46,593
I was gonna be a big, big star.
282
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:49,429
Look at me now.
283
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,306
If you don't want to do this,
284
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:54,267
- if you want to get out of porn...
- I don't want to get out of porn.
285
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,894
I love porn.
286
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,520
Why?
287
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,565
Cos I love sex.
288
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,860
And I lost it at the movies.
289
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,236
Literally.
290
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:09,490
I was 15, and my boyfriend
took me to the drive-in.
291
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,660
They were showing a revival
of Dirty Dancing.
292
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:16,247
I love that movie! Definitely in my top ten.
293
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,332
Mine too.
294
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:20,668
I just... I got so turned on,
295
00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:23,171
I just jumped his bones then and there.
296
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:27,133
And ever since,
I've associated movies and sex.
297
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,343
And I started to think,
298
00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:31,220
"Why does it have to be a guilty pleasure?"
299
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:34,140
Everybody watches it.
You do, right?
300
00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,683
Very much so, yes.
301
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,061
Some might call it a soft addiction.
302
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,563
But then I got out here and...
303
00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:43,316
I just... I saw what it really is.
304
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:46,819
Just an endless series of disgusting scenes
305
00:15:46,862 --> 00:15:49,155
shot by disgusting people.
306
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,451
But then you came along.
307
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,495
You got me this close to my dreams.
308
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:57,330
Well, that's a good thing, right?
309
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:58,748
But it's scary.
310
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:00,667
What if I suck?
311
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:03,670
You do not suck, Daisy. Trust me.
312
00:16:03,712 --> 00:16:07,006
If there's one thing I know, it's porn, OK?
313
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:09,717
And you got something that
those silicone valley gals don't,
314
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,053
the X factor. It sets you apart.
315
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:14,472
You're the girl next door,
316
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:17,475
America's fuckable sweetheart.
317
00:16:19,853 --> 00:16:22,397
I'm starting to get that feeling, Charlie.
318
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:24,482
What feeling would that be?
319
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,734
The same one I got at the drive-in.
320
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:31,990
We better get you inside, then.
321
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,993
Please. I beg you...
322
00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:38,037
OK, people, let's do this thing!
323
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,914
Come on...
324
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,708
What's wrong with Clittes?
325
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:43,209
Coke dick.
326
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:44,377
Coke dick?
327
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:47,505
Too much blow and the cock won't grow.
328
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,465
- What?
- Thanks to your old lady,
329
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,635
Jake here is about as useful
as tits on a nun.
330
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,303
We're gonna need a stunt cock.
331
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,972
Stunt cock?
332
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,307
You, drop your pants.
333
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:03,771
You call yourself a man?
334
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:07,025
I weep for you.
335
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,028
Runkle, what are you packing?
336
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:12,071
Me? What about you?
337
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,949
Why don't you whip out your Hitchcock
and give it a cameo?
338
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,701
Our leading man is circumcised.
339
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:18,745
Can't say the same for myself.
340
00:17:18,787 --> 00:17:22,123
Besides, I can go for hours.
We don't have time for that.
341
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,126
Well, in that case...
342
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,919
- Honey...
- What?
343
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,714
You've delivered plenty of
one-minute money shots in this room.
344
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:31,466
One more's not gonna kill you.
345
00:17:31,508 --> 00:17:33,468
Have you lost your mind, woman?
346
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:35,303
You actually want me to do this?
347
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:40,141
No, but I also don't want to live in Park
La Brea and eat cat food when I'm old.
348
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,977
100 grand, Runkle, the nest egg.
349
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:46,105
And if our blessed union
means anything to you,
350
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:49,650
you will get in there
and drive Miss Daisy, ho.
351
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:15,718
I think what I love most about Mia's book
is how visceral it is.
352
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,887
That's my daughter.
353
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,807
Oh, yeah. Yeah, great.
354
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:24,227
I guess it's too much to ask of a writer
from Rolling Stone to love music.
355
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,145
It's not my beat.
356
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:28,147
You cover words.
357
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,566
All words or just...
358
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,318
just the hot ones?
359
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,029
Why don't you find out?
Let me interview you.
360
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,322
Oh, God, no. No.
361
00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:38,825
Come on, come on. You know you want to.
362
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,159
No, I don't want to.
363
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:42,787
Come on. We can have a drink,
we'll talk about Mia.
364
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:45,206
I'm sure Mia is perfectly capable
365
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:46,749
of talking about herself.
366
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:49,168
Will you excuse me for a moment?
367
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:55,133
That is a lovely shade of blue
your face is wearing.
368
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,969
- Oh, God. I think I'm gonna...
- You gonna...
369
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:05,351
Everyone said it would stop
in the second trimester.
370
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:08,729
- Crap, did I get some on your foot?
- No. No worries.
371
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,232
Unlike you,
I'm not a big sympathetic vomiter.
372
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,984
Thanks.
373
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:16,112
- Julian thinks that all...
- Here you go.
374
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,864
...physical illness...
Thank you.
375
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:20,908
...is due to some,
you know, mental weakness.
376
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,743
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
377
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:24,912
What causes cancer?
378
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:26,455
- Bitter... No.
- Bitterness.
379
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:27,874
Hang on. That's not it.
380
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:29,750
- Sloth.
- No. No, it's not that.
381
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,669
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Fear.
382
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:35,173
Fear. Let's alert the media!
Let's get that shit taken care of.
383
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:37,133
End suffering in our time.
384
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:42,346
Isn't he here? I thought
he was working with Lew this week.
385
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:46,267
No. He was here. Earlier.
Laying hands on the faithful.
386
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,728
Oh, gee. Only his hands?
387
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:50,605
- Possibly more.
- God, I knew it.
388
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:53,149
Every time he comes over here,
he ends up boning some groupie.
389
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,609
And that's fucked up, right?
390
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,611
When you're with somebody,
you shouldn't be off
391
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:59,780
boning some stranger, doggy style, right?
392
00:19:59,823 --> 00:20:02,074
Right? That's bullshit.
393
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:05,453
Right? You're not reacting
the way I thought you'd react.
394
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:08,956
- We have an open relationship, so...
- No shit.
395
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:11,709
Yeah. Well, it's how you grow.
396
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,045
- Is that how you grow?
- You have to validate yourself,
397
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:17,423
assuage your own insecurities
because you can't rely on other people
398
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:19,425
to bring that shit to the table.
399
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:21,260
If you don't mind my asking,
400
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,721
if he's not faithful to you
and he's not the father,
401
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,681
what is he bringing to the table?
402
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:27,183
Aside from the facial hair.
403
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:32,313
OK, look. This could be my last chance.
404
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:36,609
And fuck it. I'm not one of those people
who works alone.
405
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:39,070
I need to be with somebody.
406
00:20:39,112 --> 00:20:42,823
I mean, for Christ's sakes, I was married to
a big homo for like 10 years, right?
407
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,283
Shit.
408
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,702
- What? You all right?
- No. I mean, I don't know.
409
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:48,663
- You got to puke again? Poop?
- I felt something.
410
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,123
No, I don't have to poop!
I felt something move!
411
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,584
It moved and I've never felt that before.
412
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:56,796
Hang on. Here, here. Just feel that.
413
00:20:58,006 --> 00:20:59,048
Anything?
414
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,509
- No. Little gas, maybe.
- No, it's not gas.
415
00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:04,428
No. Nothing.
416
00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:06,180
- I swear.
- Hold on. Let me.
417
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:10,601
Hello, in there.
Anybody home?
418
00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,187
Anybody home?
419
00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:15,231
Shit, I felt...
420
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,983
Right? Right?
Isn't that weird?
421
00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:20,069
Hey, guys. This feels kind of familiar.
422
00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,320
Oh, God, Karen. Hey.
423
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:24,073
- Sounds good. Sounds good.
- Thanks.
424
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,783
OK. All right, I'm gonna...
425
00:21:25,826 --> 00:21:28,953
I'm gonna go try to find Julian.
426
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,539
Thank you. OK.
427
00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:34,750
I don't say this often enough,
428
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:37,545
so I'm just gonna...
I'm gonna come out and say it.
429
00:21:38,213 --> 00:21:39,463
- What?
- You were right.
430
00:21:39,506 --> 00:21:42,466
- About what?
- They do have an open relationship.
431
00:21:42,509 --> 00:21:44,885
- You just couldn't stay out of it, could you?
- No.
432
00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:47,847
- Good. That's good.
- Why is that good? What does that mean?
433
00:21:47,889 --> 00:21:50,099
Only a total asshole
would get someone pregnant
434
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,767
then sit back, do nothing about it.
435
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,394
And you got involved. That's good.
436
00:21:53,437 --> 00:21:56,314
That's progress for you. Hey, well done.
437
00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:58,316
Hey, Becca. Come on, let's go.
438
00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:00,735
- No way. This is too much fun.
- Grab your stuff.
439
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:03,029
It's late. Don't argue with me. We're going.
440
00:22:03,071 --> 00:22:04,530
Fine.
441
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:07,491
Don't worry.
I've been keeping an eye on her.
442
00:22:07,534 --> 00:22:10,786
That's great.
And who's been keeping an eye on you?
443
00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:13,331
Good night, sweetie.
444
00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:16,250
Such nice friends.
445
00:22:19,379 --> 00:22:21,714
You kind of look like
you could use that drink.
446
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,387
Not so rough.
447
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,139
Would you quit squirming around?
448
00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:33,392
I'm just trying to make your man-bush
a little more camera-ready.
449
00:22:33,435 --> 00:22:37,313
Yeah, and I'm getting the feeling
that you're not so OK about this.
450
00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,691
Look, I'm as OK as I can possibly be.
451
00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:43,402
You, on the other hand,
don't seem that excited,
452
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:47,573
especially for a guy who's about to
get a little wife-sanctioned strizz-ange.
453
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:49,825
Well, maybe a little less with the scissor.
454
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:51,118
And, I don't know.
455
00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:52,870
Could you, like...
456
00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:55,498
Do that thing you do?
457
00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,835
Oh, Jesus.
458
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,596
Almost ready for you, Runkle.
459
00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:14,266
I knew you had it in you, missus.
460
00:23:14,309 --> 00:23:15,393
Do you mind?
461
00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:27,571
Now there's the porcelain monkey
I know and love.
462
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,826
I'm doing this for us.
463
00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:35,121
I know.
464
00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:37,998
Now go get 'em, quickdraw.
465
00:23:53,723 --> 00:23:56,183
You're gonna be great, co-star.
466
00:23:58,311 --> 00:24:00,104
How's it look? Does it look OK?
467
00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:02,314
It's perfect, Charlie.
468
00:24:02,357 --> 00:24:04,233
You're perfect.
469
00:24:05,485 --> 00:24:07,778
All right, quiet, please!
470
00:24:07,821 --> 00:24:09,488
Rolling!
471
00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:11,740
And... action!
472
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:18,622
Charlie...
473
00:24:18,665 --> 00:24:20,166
- Oh, shit.
- Charlie...
474
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,501
I know that look. He's gonna blow.
475
00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:23,878
Slow it down, Runkle.
476
00:24:27,424 --> 00:24:28,757
Forget it, Jake.
477
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,843
It's Vaginatown!
478
00:24:38,059 --> 00:24:39,101
And cut!
479
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:40,269
Did we get that?
480
00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,897
Did we get it? Please tell me you got that.
481
00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:47,109
That'll do, Runkle. That'll do.
482
00:25:03,877 --> 00:25:07,338
God, you're exactly like your books.
483
00:25:07,380 --> 00:25:09,089
I'm exactly like my books?
484
00:25:09,132 --> 00:25:11,133
Yes, totally puerile...
485
00:25:12,719 --> 00:25:13,761
Crass...
486
00:25:15,430 --> 00:25:18,140
- Adolescent...
- No, I know what puerile means.
487
00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,477
I'm actually just a little surprised
that you read my books at all.
488
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:22,853
Oh, yeah. Well, sure.
489
00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:25,523
You know, I try to read
all the great misogynists.
490
00:25:25,565 --> 00:25:27,399
It really fuels my feminist fire.
491
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:33,197
In fact, I actually wrote
a review of your first novel.
492
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,698
Did you? What'd you say?
493
00:25:34,783 --> 00:25:37,618
- For a little magazine back in Chicago.
- What'd you say?
494
00:25:37,661 --> 00:25:40,287
I said the main character
was a self-righteous prick
495
00:25:40,330 --> 00:25:43,582
no woman in a million years
would ever actually sleep with.
496
00:25:44,501 --> 00:25:47,127
- I called it "a retarded man's"...
- "Portnoy's Complaint."
497
00:25:47,170 --> 00:25:50,005
I remember that review.
It was one of the worst I ever got.
498
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:52,883
I don't know if we can be
drinking buddies anymore.
499
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:55,052
- That was downright vicious.
- Thank you.
500
00:25:55,095 --> 00:25:57,346
What would possess you
to write something like that?
501
00:25:57,389 --> 00:26:01,183
I was kind of going through
a little rough patch in my life,
502
00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:03,185
was working out my issues with guys.
503
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:04,728
You think? When I read that,
504
00:26:04,771 --> 00:26:07,606
I wanted to muff-punch you
with my typewriter.
505
00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:15,030
You still want to?
506
00:26:26,209 --> 00:26:29,128
I may need to take back "puerile."
507
00:26:29,212 --> 00:26:30,254
So you're saying
508
00:26:30,297 --> 00:26:33,632
you're willing to re-evaluate my oeuvre.
509
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:36,260
What, do we got aftershock?
510
00:26:36,845 --> 00:26:38,596
- No, toe cramp.
- Flex that shit.
511
00:26:38,638 --> 00:26:40,055
Fuck, that hurts!
512
00:26:40,098 --> 00:26:41,223
I got it. Like a doctor.
513
00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:43,892
Please stop this.
Please, I just need some water.
514
00:26:43,935 --> 00:26:45,352
I'm just really dehydrated.
515
00:26:45,395 --> 00:26:48,772
I just need something with electrolytes.
516
00:26:50,567 --> 00:26:52,151
Vagatorade.
517
00:26:52,193 --> 00:26:54,903
Good one. That was nice.
518
00:27:03,663 --> 00:27:04,705
Who's the screamer?
519
00:27:04,748 --> 00:27:07,416
It's the writer woman from Rolling Stone.
520
00:27:07,459 --> 00:27:10,169
Nice! Got me off my rhythm, though.
521
00:27:10,211 --> 00:27:12,296
The chick I was with, just about to come.
522
00:27:12,339 --> 00:27:14,965
Hears the other one scream,
jumps right out of her skin.
523
00:27:16,259 --> 00:27:18,135
- Sorry.
- I swear, for a second there,
524
00:27:18,178 --> 00:27:20,638
I thought she was gonna
hit me or something, punch me.
525
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:21,722
Me likey.
526
00:27:24,976 --> 00:27:26,018
Excuse me, gents.
527
00:27:28,396 --> 00:27:30,356
Me likey.
528
00:27:30,940 --> 00:27:32,650
Hail, Caesar.
40017
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