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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,252 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:06,005 - Hey, I know you. Charlie Runkle. - Daisy. 3 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:09,174 - That's actually my ride. - You going to the set? I'll come with. 4 00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:13,470 Did you negotiate? Did you lay out clear rules for what you will and will not do? 5 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,764 - No. - That's it! Big, stop the van! 6 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,434 Get the fuck out! You're going too, sweetheart. 7 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:20,561 Let's go! 8 00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:26,233 Judas Priest, Hank. What are you up to? 9 00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:29,111 I was hoping you'd finally make an honest woman of me. 10 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,321 - You're pregnant, right? - Yeah. I am pregnant. 11 00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:33,991 I think what you're saying, Sonja, 12 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,327 that Hank could very well be the father of the child, right? 13 00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:40,497 God, I'm sorry. I didn't want it to come out like this. 14 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,875 - I made a huge mistake. - No. 15 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:45,627 Marrying Bill was definitely not the answer. 16 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:47,046 Don't. 17 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:49,715 Neither is marrying you. 18 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,508 I... 19 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:55,471 I can't stay. 20 00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,027 (Becca giggles) 21 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,179 Hey. 22 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,522 (Woman on TV) There you go. That's probably enough. 23 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,690 Whoo! Gorgeous, huh? 24 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:52,569 And now let's check on those onnies that we've got going here. 25 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,404 Ooh! Yum, yum... 26 00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,614 Hello! 27 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,243 You look like ass! 28 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:03,122 That's funny, cos I feel like ass! 29 00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:05,874 Ass that's been rid hard and put away wet. 30 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,335 Drink. 31 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,632 Revitalise! 32 00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:20,681 - Ow! Jeez, that's full of vodka. - Yeah. 33 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:25,811 Oh! These onnies smell yummy! 34 00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:29,648 All right. Let's put some more in there. Why not, right? 35 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,150 Everybody loves onions. 36 00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:32,359 Uh-oh! Uh-oh! 37 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,444 Tear, tear. 38 00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:37,531 Sometimes these onions are just too much for this little gal. 39 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,491 Chloekins has a trick for everything. 40 00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:41,577 Spesh, right? 41 00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:45,330 There's something about her. I want to fuck her and punch her in the face too. 42 00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:47,291 It's weird. 43 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:51,670 You want to hate-fuck her. No worries. We'll get her for you. 44 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,506 - Get who for me? Chloe Metz? - I know people. 45 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,301 Yeah, I know people too. They're not magicians. 46 00:02:57,343 --> 00:03:00,137 Well, you don't know the right people. 47 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:03,515 You're in Ashby's world now. Drink the fuck up! 48 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:06,852 Refresh yourself. 49 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,146 Baking's easy when you're Cooking With Chloe! 50 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,441 (Bell rings) 51 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,700 - Yo. - What are you doing here? 52 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,703 Come on. Quit acting like you're not happy to see me. 53 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:10,290 Hug back. Shower the people you love with love. 54 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,793 We don't care what the mean girls think. 55 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,796 - Is something wrong? - Why? It's Wednesday, 3pm, 56 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:19,424 close enough to the dot that I don't have to apologise for leaving you stranded. 57 00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:22,344 It's Tuesday. Mom picks me up on Tuesdays. 58 00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,471 Erp! It is Wednesday. 59 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:28,100 - Erp! No, it's not. - Really? 60 00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:32,479 Cos I've got a serious hump-day vibe happening. You sure? 61 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:33,855 There's Mom. 62 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,693 - Ah, shit. - Uh, hi. 63 00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:40,988 Hi to you on this... this is a beautiful weekday, isn't it? 64 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,365 - What are you doing here? - I was in the neighbourhood, 65 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:46,535 so I thought I'd grab a few minutes of father/daughter rapprochement 66 00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:48,870 before you swoop by to pick the little monster up. 67 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:52,916 - So... you think it's Wednesday. - Come on. 68 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,167 I plead the Fifth. 69 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,753 Vodka. I can smell it on you. 70 00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,589 You can't smell vodka. That's the beauty of it. 71 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,718 - Are you staying at Lew Ashby's? - For the time being, yes. 72 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,803 We haven't printed the announcements yet. 73 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,097 OK. Do you think that's such a great idea? 74 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:11,393 The road to Lew Ashby's house is paved with goodish intentions. 75 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,520 Thank you for asking. I'll be fine. 76 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,689 Hey, why don't you take Becca home? 77 00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:18,734 You guys haven't hung out in a while, and you're here, so... 78 00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:22,070 Well, Uzbekistan, you want to while away an hour with your old man? 79 00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:25,699 Grab some ice cream? You down for some 31 flavours? 80 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:26,950 I'm not a child. 81 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,369 Well, I am, so I am desperately hoping 82 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:33,290 there's some "very berry" something or other in my immediate future. 83 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,293 - Into the chariot. - That's great. 84 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,086 Have a good time, sweetie. 85 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,007 - So, drive safe... - This sucks. 86 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:47,429 - Bye, Hank. - Goodbye. 87 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,598 Where have I heard that before? 88 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,933 Oh, yeah. I remember. 89 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,190 (Sighs) 90 00:05:58,232 --> 00:06:00,192 This sucks. 91 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,988 Great minds think alike. 92 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,456 - (Phone rings) - Hello. Hot Lips. 93 00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:18,835 No, I'm not a deep-voiced woman. I'm just helping my wife out. 94 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,004 Yeah, that's right, the masturbating agent. 95 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,131 Can I help you or what? 96 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,302 What, exactly, might that be? 97 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:30,055 (Sucks in) Ouch. Hold on. I'm gonna have to ask. 98 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:33,183 Baby, do we do balls? 99 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:37,479 Shh! What the fuck is wrong with you? Got ladies present. 100 00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,981 And no, sir, we don't do balls. 101 00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,776 I'm sorry. We don't do balls. 102 00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:47,989 Hey! Hey! It's Daisy! 103 00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:50,075 Daisy, how you doing? 104 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,285 I've been blackballed. 105 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:56,331 Oh! Is that an interracial tea bag kind of thing, or... 106 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,917 It's no one will fucking hire me! 107 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:03,130 Word got around what you did and now everyone thinks I'm a troublemaker. 108 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:05,298 Porn people don't like troublemakers. 109 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:08,343 They want you to hit your mark, suck your dick, then go. 110 00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:12,097 Hey. It's gonna be OK. Don't cry. Don't cry. 111 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:15,308 - We'll, you know... - It may not look like much to you, 112 00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:18,186 but I've worked really hard to get where I am. 113 00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,313 You don't need to tell me. I saw. 114 00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:25,110 Oh! Jesus H, Runkle, you're supposed to be helping out, not causing a ruckus. 115 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,903 He ruined my career. 116 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,281 He's good at that. Usually, his own. 117 00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,742 What? Don't be hatin' cos I speak the truth. 118 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,578 You're supposed to support me. 119 00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,622 And you're supposed to masturbate in the privacy of your own home. 120 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,249 What are you, 14? 121 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,294 You can't keep your hands off your dick for like two minutes? 122 00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:44,504 Come here, Daisy. 123 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,339 Buck up, hm? 124 00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:47,799 It's like I told Charlie, 125 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:52,220 you could either cry like a bitch or smack a bitch. 126 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,805 So smack a bitch. 127 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,266 Don't you think I've been trying? 128 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,684 I know, mama. 129 00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,311 Look, this is on you. 130 00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:02,147 Daisy's family, and you fucked her shit up. 131 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,525 Um, Marcy, it's really starting to burn now. 132 00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:09,488 - Oh, OK. One second. - Thank you. 133 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:14,117 (Coughs) It's like I'm deforesting the frickin' rainforest back there. 134 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,746 I keep expecting tree monkeys to leap out of her bush and attack me. 135 00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,292 (Snaps fingers) Fix this. 136 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,380 (Woman) Smell that gorgeous aroma? (Ashby) Mm-hm. 137 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,925 That's what you're looking for. 138 00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:33,470 Wait a minute. I know you. It's on the tip of my tongue. 139 00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:39,434 Oh! And funny! You didn't tell me he was funny. 140 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,354 Chloe Metz. How the heck are ya? 141 00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:45,315 A hell of a lot more impressed with Lew than I was a couple of hours ago. 142 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,691 Why? 143 00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:49,486 Well, a few hours ago, you were this big. And now you're... 144 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,572 - You're this big. - Hey, watch it, pal! 145 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:56,117 I don't barf after every show just to maintain a size four! 146 00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,205 Chloe's assistant is pals with Kenny's cousin. 147 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,582 Well, fuck buddies. (Laughs loudly) 148 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,961 Whoo! Let's just try to turn the volume down a little bit. 149 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:10,090 Hey! It just doesn't stop with this guy, does it? 150 00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:14,469 Aw! Lew told me your sad story. It's like you're laughing through the pain. 151 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,097 You poor baby. Come here. 152 00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:21,851 Yeah, you take a taste of this. Here. Try this. 153 00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,854 - It's gorgeous! - Oh, my God. 154 00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:26,856 - (Squeals) Yeah! - (Ringtone) 155 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,359 Oh, look. I gotta take this. 156 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,486 Play nice. 157 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:37,826 - Aw. He's a sweetheart. - He's a prince among the non-princely. 158 00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,744 So... 159 00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:41,538 - Wanna fuck? - Yes. 160 00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,417 Stir my gravy! 161 00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:49,504 Yeah, fuck me with your half-black cock. 162 00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,756 Oh, yeah! Come on. 163 00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:53,883 Get the chocolate! 164 00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,219 - The chocolate! Get it! - Yeah, get the chocolate. 165 00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,972 No, are you deaf? Get the chocolate! 166 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:02,100 Yeah. Oh, pour it on me. 167 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,896 Come on. Slather it on me. Make me your little cupcake. 168 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,692 Well, dig in! 169 00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,488 Damn! That's damn good chocolate. 170 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,949 Thanks. I made it myself. 171 00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,368 None of that Hershey's crap for Chloe Metz. 172 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,206 Well, come on! Breed me! 173 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,668 Yeah, make me your bitch! 174 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,587 Fuck me like I'm al-Qaeda! 175 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,964 Oh, yeah! Yes! 176 00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,216 Declaring Jihad on your pussy. 177 00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:38,553 All right. What can I do to help? 178 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,096 You can be my agent. 179 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:45,310 Yeah, OK. You want me to fluff your co-stars while I'm at it? 180 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,603 I'm serious. 181 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,607 If I had a big Hollywood guy like you on my team, they would take me seriously. 182 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,694 Hey, I'm the fucktard who got you kicked off the Slam Van in the first place. 183 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,030 I don't think those guys are too impressed with my shit. 184 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,490 Fuck the Slam Van. 185 00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:02,369 I'm done with that gonzo shit. I need to move up in the world. 186 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:06,373 I need to work for the Vivids, the Digital Playgrounds, Adam & Eve. 187 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:09,334 - Is it hard to get those gigs? - Fuck yeah, it's hard. 188 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:13,546 I've been busting my nuts for weeks trying to get a meeting with Ronny Praeger. 189 00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:16,424 - He's like the Spielberg of porn. - Never heard of him. 190 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:21,346 You'd like Ronny's work, real artsy. Dolly shots and crosscutting. 191 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,890 He's doing this adaptation of Chinatown. 192 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,226 Only Ronny's calling it Vaginatown, 193 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:30,939 - cos it's not the water that runs LA... - It's the vagina. 194 00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:34,442 And I would be perfect for the sister-daughter. 195 00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:37,028 And I'd get to act. I've always wanted to do that. 196 00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,655 - Really? - Yeah. 197 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:43,284 I don't see why emoting and getting stuffed have to be mutually exclusive. 198 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,704 So, what's happened so far? 199 00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,081 Did you ever get in touch with this Ronny guy? 200 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:50,208 Fucker won't return my phone calls. 201 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,669 I'll tell you what. 202 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,588 I'm gonna call Ronny Praeger, see what I can do. 203 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,216 - For real? - It's what I do. 204 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,260 I get people impossible meetings. 205 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,011 That is so awesome. 206 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:06,182 And don't worry. I will blow you. 207 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:11,020 Or did you want my pussy? You... look like you'd want my pussy. 208 00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,648 That won't be necessary. 209 00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:19,154 No, we're gonna keep this strictly business. I do not want your pussy. 210 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,160 I could tell you're one of the good ones. 211 00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,173 Am I the magician or what? 212 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,800 Man, you're like fucking Doug Henning. 213 00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:43,928 - Only not quite so macho. - Yeah. 214 00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:47,474 Where were you when I was 12, fucker? Imagine the possibilities. 215 00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:49,350 Instead of whacking off to Farrah Fawcett, 216 00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:52,103 I could have whacked off on Farrah Fawcett. 217 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,816 Feeling better? You get the old lady out of your system? 218 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:57,942 I don't know, 219 00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:01,362 but I discharged precious bodily fluids all over your spare bedroom there. 220 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:05,241 Yeah, a little bit of hate-fucking, always good for the soul. 221 00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:10,288 Lew! Ugh! This man is gorgeous! 222 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,958 Oh! And this cock. Mm! 223 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,460 God, it's gorgeous. 224 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:19,130 You could wrap it up and sell it at Whole Foods. Yeah. 225 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:22,217 - OK, so, what's next? - What do you mean, "next"? 226 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:27,013 Come on, fucker. I got all night, and I'm ready for a little f-o-n. 227 00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:30,600 - F-o-n? - Yeah, "fun" but like a retard said it. 228 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,937 - You had to be there. - Oh! Yet, sadly, I wasn't. 229 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:37,357 Look, we're gonna have to catch you another time, sweet Chloe. 230 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:40,026 I got to hit the Troubadour and Hank's coming. 231 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:43,363 Ooh, the Troubadour. I'm down with that. 232 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,740 No, it ain't gonna happen. No tagalongs. 233 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:49,035 - Why not? - Because the words left my mouth. 234 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,246 Do I look like I don't mean what I say? 235 00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:52,997 (Laughs) 236 00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:58,920 - Oh. - We'll just do it another time, OK? 237 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,464 We'll catch you on the flip side. But we'll do it. 238 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,259 OK. Yeah, good. You've got my number, right? 239 00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:05,343 Well... 240 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,303 - Chris does. - Kenny's cousin. 241 00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,222 Kenny's... cousin has got the number. 242 00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,932 - All right. Cool. - Cool? 243 00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,141 On that note... 244 00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:15,311 Well... So, who's gonna give me a ride? 245 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:18,064 Cos my BFF dropped me off. 246 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:21,025 Oh, come on. It'll be fun, guys. 247 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:34,455 - I'm looking for Ronny Praeger. - You found him, but I'm late. 248 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:39,168 - Unless you're a money guy. Are you? - No, I'm an agent. I'm her agent. 249 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,462 Then I'm definitely late. 250 00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,590 Hey, I called. You said you had time. 251 00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:47,260 Right. You've got some bit of muff that's gonna rock my world. 252 00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,512 Daisy. 253 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,766 She ain't right. 254 00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,977 Well, hold on. You barely looked at her. 255 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:59,606 Listen. Katherine is an innocent. 256 00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:01,524 She doesn't have defences. 257 00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:06,863 This chick looks like she just blew her landlord for rent. No offence. 258 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,699 None taken. I just did. 259 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:14,787 Anyway, I'm off to see Cassavetes. Sorry. 260 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:22,045 - Oh, well. We tried. - What, are you kidding me? 261 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:24,672 I'm just getting started. 262 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:29,093 - It's up here on the left. Right there. - Wow, that? 263 00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,012 Yeah. 264 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,765 Your abode has a very June Cleaver vibe to it. 265 00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:34,849 Aw! 266 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:39,395 (Gasps) You want to say "hey" to the beave one more time before I have to go? 267 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:42,190 Ordinarily, but Lew here is on a tight schedule. 268 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:45,693 We can't keep the hair bands waiting. They're very excitable. 269 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,570 You know, so... 270 00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:51,074 It was real, Chloe Metz. Real as in real. 271 00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:53,618 - All right. - It was really real. 272 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:56,704 Hey! None of that, mister! (Laughs) 273 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,499 - All righty! - OK. 274 00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:04,587 Oh! Hey, what are y'all doing tomorrow? Or Friday. 275 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,965 You know, either way. We could hang. 276 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,050 - I know you did it again! - (She gasps) 277 00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,301 Who the fuck is that? 278 00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,012 - It's my stupid husband. - You're married? 279 00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,181 Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't still party! 280 00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,307 Yes, it does. 281 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,477 What? No! Hey, come on! Come on! Drive, bitch! Let's go! 282 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,897 - What? Where are you going? - (Baby cries) 283 00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:26,025 Where are you going? Come back! That's my wife! 284 00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:28,027 You whore! Whore! 285 00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:31,656 Where you been? 286 00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,283 Do I look like I shop at the friggin' Limited? 287 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,827 I had to borrow this crap. 288 00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:38,413 This is not crap. You look beautiful. 289 00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:42,458 - I do? - Yeah, actually, you do. 290 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:46,087 - Hey, Ronny. - Fantastic. You followed me here. 291 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,339 Yes, I did, cos I'm a man on a mission. 292 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,633 You need to have another look at Daisy here. 293 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,261 Don't kill my buzz. I just toked on a Cassavetes joint. 294 00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,888 I know how you feel. I love Cassavetes. 295 00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,516 - Sure you do. - It's why I got into the business. 296 00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,226 Ben Gazzara, Killing of a Chinese Bookie. 297 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,520 - That scene in the car. - Total darkness. 298 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:05,023 If I had to choose between a blow job and Cassavetes, 299 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,775 - I would choose Cassavetes. - Mm, I'd take the blow job. 300 00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,820 So would I. But I'd be thinking about Cassavetes while I got it. 301 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:15,074 See, that's why I left all this Hollywood crap behind me. You know? 302 00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,285 The shit they make is all about the surface. 303 00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:21,289 Porn... is about the real. 304 00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,666 Vaginatown is gonna be my magnum opus. 305 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,252 I want it to have the feel of There Will Be Blood. 306 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:29,088 You know? I'm really into period porn. 307 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:33,468 Not that kind of period porn, you know. 308 00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:37,847 This is why you have to hire Daisy, man. Look at this girl. She's Katherine. 309 00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:41,434 You think she arrived in LA all tarted up? She's from Long Island. 310 00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:47,356 She ran away from home, pregnant at 16. Sexually abused, am I right? 311 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:51,986 She came to LA wanting to be an actress, man, stars in her eyes, all that shit. 312 00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,697 - Then you know what happened. - She got crapped on. 313 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,991 Over and over again. 314 00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,453 Can you tap into that, Daisy? 315 00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,916 - I don't know. - She can tap into that. You can. 316 00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:11,547 It doesn't matter. The movie's not gonna happen anyway. 317 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,342 - The financing just fell through. - You're shitting me! 318 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,052 I wish I was. 319 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,179 The money men don't support my vision. 320 00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:24,185 Which I don't understand. The "wall of cocks" sequence alone... 321 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:28,439 - would have blown people's minds. - The "wall of cocks"... 322 00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,152 (Chloe laughs) 323 00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:40,201 I got something for you. How about I do both you guys? Right here. 324 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,578 What do you say? (Laughs) 325 00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,331 - Too shy for that. - Oh, you're shy? 326 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:50,336 Then what about watching a little girl-on-girl? What do you say, sugar? 327 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,463 Do you want me to slap the shit out of you? 328 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,924 - Come here. - What the fuck is wrong with you? 329 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,093 (Tyres squeal) 330 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,719 Whoa! 331 00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:00,179 Uh-oh. 332 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,724 That's it! Out of the vehicle! 333 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,352 Yeah, get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. 334 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,980 - What the hell are you doing? - And you can't cook for shit! 335 00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:12,608 That duck breast was drier than the freakin' Mojave, you lunatic! 336 00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,861 You want to know who the fuck you're dealing with? 337 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,071 Chloe Metz! Yeah. That's who. 338 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,616 Number two in households on the goddamn Cooking Channel 339 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,661 in homes all across fucking America, you motherfucker! 340 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,329 - Chloe. - Not you, Hank. 341 00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:28,791 - Hey, hey... - Is that how you treat a lady? 342 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:35,548 What are you doing? You can't dump her here in the middle of the night. 343 00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,341 Yeah, she might rape somebody. 344 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,511 Stop the car. 345 00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:43,055 Seriously, Sam, stop this penis-mobile this instant. 346 00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,682 - I'm gonna go back for her. - Why? 347 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,226 Despite all evidence to the contrary, I am a gentleman. 348 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:51,355 You just don't do that shit. This is not Mötley Crüe: Behind The Music. 349 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:55,985 Whatever, dude. Look, I got places to be. 350 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,279 Give Sam a call, you need a lift back. 351 00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:03,075 But just you. That schizophrenic cooking whore - not getting back in the fucking car. 352 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,160 You. 353 00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,803 Hey, baby. How'd it go? You rock her world? 354 00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:25,264 It went good, it went good. 355 00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:28,351 Yeah, I... I got Daisy the part. 356 00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:31,687 Oh, hells, yeah! You got Daisy the part. 357 00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:36,651 - Cos that's how Charlie Runkle rolls. - There's a little hitch. It's just... a little one. 358 00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:39,862 Uh... I had... you know, 359 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,616 I had... I had to... invest 50 grand in his movie. 360 00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,663 55. 361 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,041 Or... All right, 60. 362 00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,752 I had... I had... I had to. 363 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,379 (Sighs) 364 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,464 I had to invest 100 grand in his movie. 365 00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:02,176 Well, fuck my rusty sheriff's badge. 366 00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,390 OK. I'll see you at home. 367 00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:17,775 Things got a little crazy back there, huh? 368 00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,444 Just your average, typical, everyday Wednesday. 369 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:22,655 (Laughs) Tuesday. 370 00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:30,288 So, you have a significant other of some kind? 371 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:32,415 Once upon a time. 372 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,208 Ah... 373 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:35,751 "Ah"? 374 00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:41,882 Well, you screw like you're trying to get something out of your system. 375 00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:45,386 Man, if you threw down like that all the time, you'd be dead. 376 00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,388 Or have a very sore pee-pee. 377 00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:55,187 - Kids? - What's with the 20 questions? 378 00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:57,815 - Uh... They were two questions. - Right. 379 00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,734 - So? - Daughter. 380 00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:04,697 It scares the shit out of me to think that she might end up like you. 381 00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:07,116 I mean, n-no offence, 382 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:12,663 but, you know, letting some guy order you off the TV like you're Chinese take-out. 383 00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:15,791 Is that really what it's come to mean to be a member of the fairer sex 384 00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:17,752 in the city of angels, circa 2008? 385 00:22:17,794 --> 00:22:20,921 For someone as accomplished as you? 386 00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:23,299 You're Chloe fuckin' Metz. 387 00:22:27,804 --> 00:22:30,014 Fuck if I know. 388 00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:33,017 I'm just glad my kid's a boy. 389 00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:37,480 All right. That's a good-enough answer. 390 00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:42,902 I would never have guessed that you just gave birth, either. You are... 391 00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,613 How do I put this delicately? 392 00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:47,198 ...tight for a new mom? 393 00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,616 (Laughs) 394 00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:52,453 You know what? 395 00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:55,247 I think that's the sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me. 396 00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:57,833 I'm not just saying it. You're like a newborn kitten. 397 00:22:58,543 --> 00:22:59,960 Fuckin' A right I am. 398 00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:03,047 Not that I've ever fucked a newborn kitten. 399 00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:07,385 - Well, I would hope not. - I'm taking an imaginative leap. 400 00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:10,054 I Kegel when I cook. 401 00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:16,268 OK, well, that's reason number 357 to TiVo the shit out of Cooking With Chloe. 402 00:23:19,439 --> 00:23:21,607 Well, there's Mario. 403 00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:25,236 - You gonna be all right? - Yeah. 404 00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:29,240 - Yeah, he's a pussycat. - I'd hate to see him when he gets mad. 405 00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:41,210 - Hey, baby. - You OK? 406 00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:48,676 Mario, this is Hank. 407 00:23:49,469 --> 00:23:50,803 Paisan. 408 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:52,930 You want a ride? 409 00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:57,393 No. No. You and Mario go be together. 410 00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:12,450 (♪ Neil Nathan: Do Ya) 411 00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:23,502 ♪ Do ya, do ya want my love? 412 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,506 ♪ Do ya, do ya want my faith? 413 00:24:28,758 --> 00:24:31,469 ♪ Do ya, do ya want my mind? 414 00:24:32,846 --> 00:24:35,473 ♪ Do ya, do ya want my love? 415 00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,142 (Phone rings) 416 00:24:47,694 --> 00:24:50,738 - Hello. - Hey. 417 00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:53,407 - Can I talk to her? - She's out. 418 00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:56,243 - Oh, don't say it. - On a date. 419 00:24:56,286 --> 00:24:59,997 Ah, shit. Kick a guy while he's down, why don't you? 420 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,707 It's OK. It's just the movies. 421 00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:03,918 I'm gonna go get her in a couple minutes. 422 00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:06,921 Well, just... 423 00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:09,215 You know, tell her to holler back. 424 00:25:09,257 --> 00:25:11,217 I will. 425 00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:14,345 Hey... You know, I wish you'd seen her. 426 00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:17,139 She looked so cute. She was really nervous. 427 00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:20,935 Yeah. What shade of black did she go with? 428 00:25:20,977 --> 00:25:23,354 Oh, don't worry. She looked beautiful. 429 00:25:23,396 --> 00:25:27,024 I'm sure she did. She takes after her mother that way. 430 00:25:27,734 --> 00:25:30,486 Oh, someone's sounding lonely tonight. 431 00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:31,654 Always. 432 00:25:33,698 --> 00:25:35,157 What are you up to? 433 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,951 Mm... 434 00:25:39,496 --> 00:25:43,499 Nothing. Just... reading. 435 00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,043 Well, sleep tight. 436 00:25:47,170 --> 00:25:48,671 You too. 437 00:25:55,470 --> 00:25:57,763 ♪ Do ya, do ya want my love? 438 00:25:59,432 --> 00:26:02,017 ♪ Do ya, do ya want my faith? 439 00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:06,063 ♪ Do ya, do ya want my love? 440 00:26:08,942 --> 00:26:10,150 ♪ Cos I... 441 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,031 ♪ Never found nothin' like you 442 00:26:26,459 --> 00:26:30,087 ♪ Well, I heard the crowd singin' out of tune 443 00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:33,632 ♪ As they sat and sang Auld Lang Syne by the moon 444 00:26:34,884 --> 00:26:37,970 ♪ Heard preachers bangin' on their drums 445 00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:41,640 ♪ Heard kids playin' with their guns 446 00:26:43,226 --> 00:26:44,727 ♪ But I... 34957

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