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1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,252
Previously on Californication...
2
00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:06,005
- Hey, I know you. Charlie Runkle.
- Daisy.
3
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:09,174
- That's actually my ride.
- You going to the set? I'll come with.
4
00:00:09,217 --> 00:00:13,470
Did you negotiate? Did you lay out clear
rules for what you will and will not do?
5
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,764
- No.
- That's it! Big, stop the van!
6
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,434
Get the fuck out!
You're going too, sweetheart.
7
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:20,561
Let's go!
8
00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:26,233
Judas Priest, Hank. What are you up to?
9
00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:29,111
I was hoping you'd finally
make an honest woman of me.
10
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,321
- You're pregnant, right?
- Yeah. I am pregnant.
11
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:33,991
I think what you're saying, Sonja,
12
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,327
that Hank could very well
be the father of the child, right?
13
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:40,497
God, I'm sorry.
I didn't want it to come out like this.
14
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,875
- I made a huge mistake.
- No.
15
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:45,627
Marrying Bill was definitely not the answer.
16
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:47,046
Don't.
17
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:49,715
Neither is marrying you.
18
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,508
I...
19
00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:55,471
I can't stay.
20
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,027
(Becca giggles)
21
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,179
Hey.
22
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,522
(Woman on TV) There you go.
That's probably enough.
23
00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,690
Whoo! Gorgeous, huh?
24
00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:52,569
And now let's check on those onnies
that we've got going here.
25
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,404
Ooh! Yum, yum...
26
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:55,614
Hello!
27
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:59,243
You look like ass!
28
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:03,122
That's funny, cos I feel like ass!
29
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:05,874
Ass that's been rid hard and put away wet.
30
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,335
Drink.
31
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,632
Revitalise!
32
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:20,681
- Ow! Jeez, that's full of vodka.
- Yeah.
33
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:25,811
Oh! These onnies smell yummy!
34
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:29,648
All right. Let's put some more in there.
Why not, right?
35
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,150
Everybody loves onions.
36
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:32,359
Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
37
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,444
Tear, tear.
38
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:37,531
Sometimes these onions
are just too much for this little gal.
39
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,491
Chloekins has a trick for everything.
40
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:41,577
Spesh, right?
41
00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:45,330
There's something about her. I want
to fuck her and punch her in the face too.
42
00:02:45,373 --> 00:02:47,291
It's weird.
43
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:51,670
You want to hate-fuck her.
No worries. We'll get her for you.
44
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,506
- Get who for me? Chloe Metz?
- I know people.
45
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:57,301
Yeah, I know people too.
They're not magicians.
46
00:02:57,343 --> 00:03:00,137
Well, you don't know the right people.
47
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:03,515
You're in Ashby's world now.
Drink the fuck up!
48
00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:06,852
Refresh yourself.
49
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,146
Baking's easy
when you're Cooking With Chloe!
50
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,441
(Bell rings)
51
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,700
- Yo.
- What are you doing here?
52
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,703
Come on.
Quit acting like you're not happy to see me.
53
00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:10,290
Hug back.
Shower the people you love with love.
54
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,793
We don't care what the mean girls think.
55
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,796
- Is something wrong?
- Why? It's Wednesday, 3pm,
56
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:19,424
close enough to the dot that I don't have
to apologise for leaving you stranded.
57
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:22,344
It's Tuesday.
Mom picks me up on Tuesdays.
58
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,471
Erp! It is Wednesday.
59
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:28,100
- Erp! No, it's not.
- Really?
60
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:32,479
Cos I've got a serious
hump-day vibe happening. You sure?
61
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:33,855
There's Mom.
62
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,693
- Ah, shit.
- Uh, hi.
63
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:40,988
Hi to you on this...
this is a beautiful weekday, isn't it?
64
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,365
- What are you doing here?
- I was in the neighbourhood,
65
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:46,535
so I thought I'd grab a few minutes
of father/daughter rapprochement
66
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:48,870
before you swoop by
to pick the little monster up.
67
00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:52,916
- So... you think it's Wednesday.
- Come on.
68
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,167
I plead the Fifth.
69
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:56,753
Vodka. I can smell it on you.
70
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:59,589
You can't smell vodka.
That's the beauty of it.
71
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:02,718
- Are you staying at Lew Ashby's?
- For the time being, yes.
72
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,803
We haven't printed the announcements yet.
73
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:07,097
OK. Do you think that's such a great idea?
74
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:11,393
The road to Lew Ashby's house
is paved with goodish intentions.
75
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,520
Thank you for asking. I'll be fine.
76
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,689
Hey, why don't you take Becca home?
77
00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:18,734
You guys haven't hung out in a while,
and you're here, so...
78
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:22,070
Well, Uzbekistan, you want
to while away an hour with your old man?
79
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:25,699
Grab some ice cream?
You down for some 31 flavours?
80
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:26,950
I'm not a child.
81
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,369
Well, I am,
so I am desperately hoping
82
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:33,290
there's some "very berry"
something or other in my immediate future.
83
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,293
- Into the chariot.
- That's great.
84
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,086
Have a good time, sweetie.
85
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,007
- So, drive safe...
- This sucks.
86
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:47,429
- Bye, Hank.
- Goodbye.
87
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,598
Where have I heard that before?
88
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,933
Oh, yeah. I remember.
89
00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,190
(Sighs)
90
00:05:58,232 --> 00:06:00,192
This sucks.
91
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,988
Great minds think alike.
92
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,456
- (Phone rings)
- Hello. Hot Lips.
93
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:18,835
No, I'm not a deep-voiced woman.
I'm just helping my wife out.
94
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,004
Yeah, that's right, the masturbating agent.
95
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:23,131
Can I help you or what?
96
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,302
What, exactly, might that be?
97
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:30,055
(Sucks in) Ouch.
Hold on. I'm gonna have to ask.
98
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:33,183
Baby, do we do balls?
99
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:37,479
Shh! What the fuck is wrong with you?
Got ladies present.
100
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,981
And no, sir, we don't do balls.
101
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,776
I'm sorry. We don't do balls.
102
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:47,989
Hey! Hey! It's Daisy!
103
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:50,075
Daisy, how you doing?
104
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,285
I've been blackballed.
105
00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:56,331
Oh! Is that an interracial tea bag
kind of thing, or...
106
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,917
It's no one will fucking hire me!
107
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:03,130
Word got around what you did and now
everyone thinks I'm a troublemaker.
108
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:05,298
Porn people don't like troublemakers.
109
00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:08,343
They want you to hit your mark,
suck your dick, then go.
110
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:12,097
Hey. It's gonna be OK.
Don't cry. Don't cry.
111
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:15,308
- We'll, you know...
- It may not look like much to you,
112
00:07:15,351 --> 00:07:18,186
but I've worked really hard
to get where I am.
113
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,313
You don't need to tell me. I saw.
114
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:25,110
Oh! Jesus H, Runkle, you're supposed
to be helping out, not causing a ruckus.
115
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,903
He ruined my career.
116
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,281
He's good at that.
Usually, his own.
117
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,742
What? Don't be hatin'
cos I speak the truth.
118
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,578
You're supposed to support me.
119
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:37,622
And you're supposed to masturbate
in the privacy of your own home.
120
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,249
What are you, 14?
121
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,294
You can't keep your hands
off your dick for like two minutes?
122
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:44,504
Come here, Daisy.
123
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,339
Buck up, hm?
124
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:47,799
It's like I told Charlie,
125
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:52,220
you could either cry like a bitch
or smack a bitch.
126
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,805
So smack a bitch.
127
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,266
Don't you think I've been trying?
128
00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,684
I know, mama.
129
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,311
Look, this is on you.
130
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:02,147
Daisy's family, and you fucked her shit up.
131
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,525
Um, Marcy, it's really starting to burn now.
132
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:09,488
- Oh, OK. One second.
- Thank you.
133
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:14,117
(Coughs) It's like I'm deforesting
the frickin' rainforest back there.
134
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,746
I keep expecting tree monkeys
to leap out of her bush and attack me.
135
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:22,292
(Snaps fingers) Fix this.
136
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:27,380
(Woman) Smell that gorgeous aroma?
(Ashby) Mm-hm.
137
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,925
That's what you're looking for.
138
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:33,470
Wait a minute. I know you.
It's on the tip of my tongue.
139
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:39,434
Oh! And funny!
You didn't tell me he was funny.
140
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:42,354
Chloe Metz.
How the heck are ya?
141
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:45,315
A hell of a lot more impressed with Lew
than I was a couple of hours ago.
142
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,691
Why?
143
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:49,486
Well, a few hours ago, you were this big.
And now you're...
144
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,572
- You're this big.
- Hey, watch it, pal!
145
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:56,117
I don't barf after every show
just to maintain a size four!
146
00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,205
Chloe's assistant is pals
with Kenny's cousin.
147
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,582
Well, fuck buddies.
(Laughs loudly)
148
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:05,961
Whoo! Let's just try to turn
the volume down a little bit.
149
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:10,090
Hey! It just doesn't stop
with this guy, does it?
150
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:14,469
Aw! Lew told me your sad story.
It's like you're laughing through the pain.
151
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,097
You poor baby.
Come here.
152
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:21,851
Yeah, you take a taste of this.
Here. Try this.
153
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,854
- It's gorgeous!
- Oh, my God.
154
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:26,856
- (Squeals) Yeah!
- (Ringtone)
155
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,359
Oh, look. I gotta take this.
156
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,486
Play nice.
157
00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:37,826
- Aw. He's a sweetheart.
- He's a prince among the non-princely.
158
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,744
So...
159
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:41,538
- Wanna fuck?
- Yes.
160
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,417
Stir my gravy!
161
00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:49,504
Yeah, fuck me with your half-black cock.
162
00:09:49,547 --> 00:09:51,756
Oh, yeah! Come on.
163
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:53,883
Get the chocolate!
164
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,219
- The chocolate! Get it!
- Yeah, get the chocolate.
165
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:58,972
No, are you deaf?
Get the chocolate!
166
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:02,100
Yeah. Oh, pour it on me.
167
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,896
Come on. Slather it on me.
Make me your little cupcake.
168
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,692
Well, dig in!
169
00:10:13,487 --> 00:10:15,488
Damn! That's damn good chocolate.
170
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:17,949
Thanks. I made it myself.
171
00:10:17,992 --> 00:10:20,368
None of that Hershey's crap for Chloe Metz.
172
00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:25,206
Well, come on!
Breed me!
173
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,668
Yeah, make me your bitch!
174
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:30,587
Fuck me like I'm al-Qaeda!
175
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,964
Oh, yeah! Yes!
176
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,216
Declaring Jihad on your pussy.
177
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:38,553
All right. What can I do to help?
178
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,096
You can be my agent.
179
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:45,310
Yeah, OK. You want me to fluff
your co-stars while I'm at it?
180
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,603
I'm serious.
181
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,607
If I had a big Hollywood guy like you
on my team, they would take me seriously.
182
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,694
Hey, I'm the fucktard who got you
kicked off the Slam Van in the first place.
183
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,030
I don't think those guys
are too impressed with my shit.
184
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,490
Fuck the Slam Van.
185
00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:02,369
I'm done with that gonzo shit.
I need to move up in the world.
186
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:06,373
I need to work for the Vivids,
the Digital Playgrounds, Adam & Eve.
187
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:09,334
- Is it hard to get those gigs?
- Fuck yeah, it's hard.
188
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:13,546
I've been busting my nuts for weeks
trying to get a meeting with Ronny Praeger.
189
00:11:13,589 --> 00:11:16,424
- He's like the Spielberg of porn.
- Never heard of him.
190
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:21,346
You'd like Ronny's work, real artsy.
Dolly shots and crosscutting.
191
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:23,890
He's doing this adaptation of Chinatown.
192
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,226
Only Ronny's calling it Vaginatown,
193
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:30,939
- cos it's not the water that runs LA...
- It's the vagina.
194
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:34,442
And I would be perfect
for the sister-daughter.
195
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:37,028
And I'd get to act.
I've always wanted to do that.
196
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,655
- Really?
- Yeah.
197
00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:43,284
I don't see why emoting and getting stuffed
have to be mutually exclusive.
198
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,704
So, what's happened so far?
199
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,081
Did you ever get in touch
with this Ronny guy?
200
00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:50,208
Fucker won't return my phone calls.
201
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,669
I'll tell you what.
202
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,588
I'm gonna call Ronny Praeger,
see what I can do.
203
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:58,216
- For real?
- It's what I do.
204
00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:00,260
I get people impossible meetings.
205
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,011
That is so awesome.
206
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:06,182
And don't worry. I will blow you.
207
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:11,020
Or did you want my pussy?
You... look like you'd want my pussy.
208
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,648
That won't be necessary.
209
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:19,154
No, we're gonna keep this strictly business.
I do not want your pussy.
210
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:25,160
I could tell you're one of the good ones.
211
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:38,173
Am I the magician or what?
212
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:40,800
Man, you're like fucking Doug Henning.
213
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:43,928
- Only not quite so macho.
- Yeah.
214
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:47,474
Where were you when I was 12, fucker?
Imagine the possibilities.
215
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:49,350
Instead of whacking off to Farrah Fawcett,
216
00:12:49,393 --> 00:12:52,103
I could have whacked off
on Farrah Fawcett.
217
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:56,816
Feeling better?
You get the old lady out of your system?
218
00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:57,942
I don't know,
219
00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:01,362
but I discharged precious bodily fluids
all over your spare bedroom there.
220
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:05,241
Yeah, a little bit of hate-fucking,
always good for the soul.
221
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:10,288
Lew! Ugh! This man is gorgeous!
222
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:13,958
Oh! And this cock. Mm!
223
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,460
God, it's gorgeous.
224
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:19,130
You could wrap it up
and sell it at Whole Foods. Yeah.
225
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:22,217
- OK, so, what's next?
- What do you mean, "next"?
226
00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:27,013
Come on, fucker.
I got all night, and I'm ready for a little f-o-n.
227
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:30,600
- F-o-n?
- Yeah, "fun" but like a retard said it.
228
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,937
- You had to be there.
- Oh! Yet, sadly, I wasn't.
229
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:37,357
Look, we're gonna have
to catch you another time, sweet Chloe.
230
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:40,026
I got to hit the Troubadour
and Hank's coming.
231
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:43,363
Ooh, the Troubadour.
I'm down with that.
232
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,740
No, it ain't gonna happen.
No tagalongs.
233
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:49,035
- Why not?
- Because the words left my mouth.
234
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,246
Do I look like I don't mean what I say?
235
00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:52,997
(Laughs)
236
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:58,920
- Oh.
- We'll just do it another time, OK?
237
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,464
We'll catch you on the flip side.
But we'll do it.
238
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,259
OK. Yeah, good.
You've got my number, right?
239
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:05,343
Well...
240
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:07,303
- Chris does.
- Kenny's cousin.
241
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,222
Kenny's... cousin has got the number.
242
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,932
- All right. Cool.
- Cool?
243
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:12,141
On that note...
244
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:15,311
Well...
So, who's gonna give me a ride?
245
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:18,064
Cos my BFF dropped me off.
246
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:21,025
Oh, come on. It'll be fun, guys.
247
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:34,455
- I'm looking for Ronny Praeger.
- You found him, but I'm late.
248
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:39,168
- Unless you're a money guy. Are you?
- No, I'm an agent. I'm her agent.
249
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,462
Then I'm definitely late.
250
00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,590
Hey, I called. You said you had time.
251
00:14:43,632 --> 00:14:47,260
Right. You've got some bit of muff
that's gonna rock my world.
252
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:49,512
Daisy.
253
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,766
She ain't right.
254
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,977
Well, hold on.
You barely looked at her.
255
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:59,606
Listen.
Katherine is an innocent.
256
00:14:59,648 --> 00:15:01,524
She doesn't have defences.
257
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:06,863
This chick looks like she just
blew her landlord for rent. No offence.
258
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,699
None taken. I just did.
259
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:14,787
Anyway, I'm off to see Cassavetes. Sorry.
260
00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:22,045
- Oh, well. We tried.
- What, are you kidding me?
261
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:24,672
I'm just getting started.
262
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:29,093
- It's up here on the left. Right there.
- Wow, that?
263
00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,012
Yeah.
264
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,765
Your abode has
a very June Cleaver vibe to it.
265
00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:34,849
Aw!
266
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:39,395
(Gasps) You want to say "hey" to the beave
one more time before I have to go?
267
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:42,190
Ordinarily,
but Lew here is on a tight schedule.
268
00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:45,693
We can't keep the hair bands waiting.
They're very excitable.
269
00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,570
You know, so...
270
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:51,074
It was real, Chloe Metz.
Real as in real.
271
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:53,618
- All right.
- It was really real.
272
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:56,704
Hey! None of that, mister! (Laughs)
273
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:59,499
- All righty!
- OK.
274
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:04,587
Oh! Hey, what are y'all doing tomorrow?
Or Friday.
275
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,965
You know, either way.
We could hang.
276
00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:09,050
- I know you did it again!
- (She gasps)
277
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,301
Who the fuck is that?
278
00:16:10,344 --> 00:16:13,012
- It's my stupid husband.
- You're married?
279
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:15,181
Yeah, but that doesn't mean
I can't still party!
280
00:16:15,224 --> 00:16:16,307
Yes, it does.
281
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,477
What? No! Hey, come on! Come on!
Drive, bitch! Let's go!
282
00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,897
- What? Where are you going?
- (Baby cries)
283
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:26,025
Where are you going?
Come back! That's my wife!
284
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:28,027
You whore! Whore!
285
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:31,656
Where you been?
286
00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:34,283
Do I look like I shop at the friggin' Limited?
287
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,827
I had to borrow this crap.
288
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:38,413
This is not crap.
You look beautiful.
289
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:42,458
- I do?
- Yeah, actually, you do.
290
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:46,087
- Hey, Ronny.
- Fantastic. You followed me here.
291
00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:48,339
Yes, I did, cos I'm a man on a mission.
292
00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,633
You need to have another look
at Daisy here.
293
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:53,261
Don't kill my buzz.
I just toked on a Cassavetes joint.
294
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,888
I know how you feel.
I love Cassavetes.
295
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:58,516
- Sure you do.
- It's why I got into the business.
296
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,226
Ben Gazzara,
Killing of a Chinese Bookie.
297
00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:02,520
- That scene in the car.
- Total darkness.
298
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:05,023
If I had to choose between
a blow job and Cassavetes,
299
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,775
- I would choose Cassavetes.
- Mm, I'd take the blow job.
300
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,820
So would I. But I'd be thinking
about Cassavetes while I got it.
301
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:15,074
See, that's why I left all this
Hollywood crap behind me. You know?
302
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:17,285
The shit they make is all about the surface.
303
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:21,289
Porn... is about the real.
304
00:17:21,331 --> 00:17:23,666
Vaginatown is gonna be my magnum opus.
305
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,252
I want it to have the feel
of There Will Be Blood.
306
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:29,088
You know? I'm really into period porn.
307
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:33,468
Not that kind of period porn, you know.
308
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:37,847
This is why you have to hire Daisy, man.
Look at this girl. She's Katherine.
309
00:17:37,931 --> 00:17:41,434
You think she arrived in LA all tarted up?
She's from Long Island.
310
00:17:41,477 --> 00:17:47,356
She ran away from home, pregnant at 16.
Sexually abused, am I right?
311
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:51,986
She came to LA wanting to be an actress,
man, stars in her eyes, all that shit.
312
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,697
- Then you know what happened.
- She got crapped on.
313
00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,991
Over and over again.
314
00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,453
Can you tap into that, Daisy?
315
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,916
- I don't know.
- She can tap into that. You can.
316
00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:11,547
It doesn't matter.
The movie's not gonna happen anyway.
317
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,342
- The financing just fell through.
- You're shitting me!
318
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:16,052
I wish I was.
319
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,179
The money men don't support my vision.
320
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:24,185
Which I don't understand.
The "wall of cocks" sequence alone...
321
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:28,439
- would have blown people's minds.
- The "wall of cocks"...
322
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,152
(Chloe laughs)
323
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:40,201
I got something for you.
How about I do both you guys? Right here.
324
00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,578
What do you say? (Laughs)
325
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,331
- Too shy for that.
- Oh, you're shy?
326
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:50,336
Then what about watching a little
girl-on-girl? What do you say, sugar?
327
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,463
Do you want me to slap the shit out of you?
328
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,924
- Come here.
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
329
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,093
(Tyres squeal)
330
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,719
Whoa!
331
00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:00,179
Uh-oh.
332
00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,724
That's it! Out of the vehicle!
333
00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,352
Yeah, get the fuck out.
Get the fuck out.
334
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,980
- What the hell are you doing?
- And you can't cook for shit!
335
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:12,608
That duck breast was drier
than the freakin' Mojave, you lunatic!
336
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,861
You want to know who the fuck
you're dealing with?
337
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,071
Chloe Metz! Yeah. That's who.
338
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,616
Number two in households
on the goddamn Cooking Channel
339
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,661
in homes all across fucking America,
you motherfucker!
340
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,329
- Chloe.
- Not you, Hank.
341
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:28,791
- Hey, hey...
- Is that how you treat a lady?
342
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:35,548
What are you doing? You can't
dump her here in the middle of the night.
343
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,341
Yeah, she might rape somebody.
344
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,511
Stop the car.
345
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:43,055
Seriously, Sam,
stop this penis-mobile this instant.
346
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:44,682
- I'm gonna go back for her.
- Why?
347
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:47,226
Despite all evidence to the contrary,
I am a gentleman.
348
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:51,355
You just don't do that shit.
This is not Mötley Crüe: Behind The Music.
349
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:55,985
Whatever, dude.
Look, I got places to be.
350
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,279
Give Sam a call, you need a lift back.
351
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:03,075
But just you. That schizophrenic cooking
whore - not getting back in the fucking car.
352
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,160
You.
353
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:22,803
Hey, baby.
How'd it go? You rock her world?
354
00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:25,264
It went good, it went good.
355
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:28,351
Yeah, I...
I got Daisy the part.
356
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:31,687
Oh, hells, yeah!
You got Daisy the part.
357
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:36,651
- Cos that's how Charlie Runkle rolls.
- There's a little hitch. It's just... a little one.
358
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:39,862
Uh... I had... you know,
359
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:43,616
I had... I had to...
invest 50 grand in his movie.
360
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,663
55.
361
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,041
Or... All right, 60.
362
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,752
I had... I had... I had to.
363
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:56,379
(Sighs)
364
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,464
I had to invest 100 grand in his movie.
365
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:02,176
Well, fuck my rusty sheriff's badge.
366
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,390
OK. I'll see you at home.
367
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:17,775
Things got a little crazy back there, huh?
368
00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:20,444
Just your average,
typical, everyday Wednesday.
369
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:22,655
(Laughs) Tuesday.
370
00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:30,288
So, you have a significant other
of some kind?
371
00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:32,415
Once upon a time.
372
00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:34,208
Ah...
373
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:35,751
"Ah"?
374
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:41,882
Well, you screw like you're trying
to get something out of your system.
375
00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:45,386
Man, if you threw down like that all the time,
you'd be dead.
376
00:21:45,429 --> 00:21:47,388
Or have a very sore pee-pee.
377
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:55,187
- Kids?
- What's with the 20 questions?
378
00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:57,815
- Uh... They were two questions.
- Right.
379
00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,734
- So?
- Daughter.
380
00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:04,697
It scares the shit out of me
to think that she might end up like you.
381
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:07,116
I mean, n-no offence,
382
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:12,663
but, you know, letting some guy order you
off the TV like you're Chinese take-out.
383
00:22:12,706 --> 00:22:15,791
Is that really what it's come to mean
to be a member of the fairer sex
384
00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:17,752
in the city of angels, circa 2008?
385
00:22:17,794 --> 00:22:20,921
For someone as accomplished as you?
386
00:22:20,964 --> 00:22:23,299
You're Chloe fuckin' Metz.
387
00:22:27,804 --> 00:22:30,014
Fuck if I know.
388
00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:33,017
I'm just glad my kid's a boy.
389
00:22:33,894 --> 00:22:37,480
All right.
That's a good-enough answer.
390
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:42,902
I would never have guessed that
you just gave birth, either. You are...
391
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,613
How do I put this delicately?
392
00:22:45,655 --> 00:22:47,198
...tight for a new mom?
393
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,616
(Laughs)
394
00:22:51,286 --> 00:22:52,453
You know what?
395
00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:55,247
I think that's the sweetest thing
anybody's ever said to me.
396
00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:57,833
I'm not just saying it.
You're like a newborn kitten.
397
00:22:58,543 --> 00:22:59,960
Fuckin' A right I am.
398
00:23:00,003 --> 00:23:03,047
Not that I've ever fucked a newborn kitten.
399
00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:07,385
- Well, I would hope not.
- I'm taking an imaginative leap.
400
00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:10,054
I Kegel when I cook.
401
00:23:10,097 --> 00:23:16,268
OK, well, that's reason number 357
to TiVo the shit out of Cooking With Chloe.
402
00:23:19,439 --> 00:23:21,607
Well, there's Mario.
403
00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:25,236
- You gonna be all right?
- Yeah.
404
00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:29,240
- Yeah, he's a pussycat.
- I'd hate to see him when he gets mad.
405
00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:41,210
- Hey, baby.
- You OK?
406
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:48,676
Mario, this is Hank.
407
00:23:49,469 --> 00:23:50,803
Paisan.
408
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:52,930
You want a ride?
409
00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:57,393
No. No.
You and Mario go be together.
410
00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:12,450
(♪ Neil Nathan: Do Ya)
411
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:23,502
♪ Do ya, do ya want my love?
412
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,506
♪ Do ya, do ya want my faith?
413
00:24:28,758 --> 00:24:31,469
♪ Do ya, do ya want my mind?
414
00:24:32,846 --> 00:24:35,473
♪ Do ya, do ya want my love?
415
00:24:36,808 --> 00:24:38,142
(Phone rings)
416
00:24:47,694 --> 00:24:50,738
- Hello.
- Hey.
417
00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:53,407
- Can I talk to her?
- She's out.
418
00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:56,243
- Oh, don't say it.
- On a date.
419
00:24:56,286 --> 00:24:59,997
Ah, shit. Kick a guy while he's down,
why don't you?
420
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:01,707
It's OK. It's just the movies.
421
00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:03,918
I'm gonna go get her in a couple minutes.
422
00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:06,921
Well, just...
423
00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:09,215
You know, tell her to holler back.
424
00:25:09,257 --> 00:25:11,217
I will.
425
00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:14,345
Hey...
You know, I wish you'd seen her.
426
00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:17,139
She looked so cute.
She was really nervous.
427
00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:20,935
Yeah.
What shade of black did she go with?
428
00:25:20,977 --> 00:25:23,354
Oh, don't worry.
She looked beautiful.
429
00:25:23,396 --> 00:25:27,024
I'm sure she did.
She takes after her mother that way.
430
00:25:27,734 --> 00:25:30,486
Oh, someone's sounding lonely tonight.
431
00:25:30,529 --> 00:25:31,654
Always.
432
00:25:33,698 --> 00:25:35,157
What are you up to?
433
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,951
Mm...
434
00:25:39,496 --> 00:25:43,499
Nothing. Just... reading.
435
00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,043
Well, sleep tight.
436
00:25:47,170 --> 00:25:48,671
You too.
437
00:25:55,470 --> 00:25:57,763
♪ Do ya, do ya want my love?
438
00:25:59,432 --> 00:26:02,017
♪ Do ya, do ya want my faith?
439
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:06,063
♪ Do ya, do ya want my love?
440
00:26:08,942 --> 00:26:10,150
♪ Cos I...
441
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,031
♪ Never found nothin' like you
442
00:26:26,459 --> 00:26:30,087
♪ Well, I heard the crowd singin' out of tune
443
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:33,632
♪ As they sat and sang Auld Lang Syne
by the moon
444
00:26:34,884 --> 00:26:37,970
♪ Heard preachers bangin' on their drums
445
00:26:38,930 --> 00:26:41,640
♪ Heard kids playin' with their guns
446
00:26:43,226 --> 00:26:44,727
♪ But I...
34957
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