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1
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Previously on Californication...
2
00:00:02,416 --> 00:00:03,339
Sonja.
3
00:00:04,227 --> 00:00:05,216
Awkward.
4
00:00:10,508 --> 00:00:12,149
Nice to see you again.
5
00:00:13,134 --> 00:00:14,975
I'm pregnant.
You didn't notice my bump?
6
00:00:15,136 --> 00:00:17,936
- Julian's a writer, too.
- Really? My condolences.
7
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,731
I like to think of myself
as more of a creative midwife.
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00:00:20,893 --> 00:00:22,540
You're officially back together?
9
00:00:22,660 --> 00:00:24,818
- Until we fuck it up.
- Could be any second now.
10
00:00:27,357 --> 00:00:29,330
I got this, book deal.
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00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,951
They want to write about
why everything I touch turns to gold.
12
00:00:33,112 --> 00:00:34,078
You write it.
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00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,104
- Beatrice Trixie.
- Hank Moody.
14
00:00:36,367 --> 00:00:38,374
One girl, two cocks:
Ultimate showdown!
15
00:00:39,433 --> 00:00:43,253
I've had both of them, but they forget
that they both paid for the sex.
16
00:00:43,415 --> 00:00:46,549
Have we met?
You always have some fucking excuse!
17
00:00:46,709 --> 00:00:49,176
Dude, this fucking perv
just tried to mouth-rape me.
18
00:00:49,338 --> 00:00:51,637
- I accidentally went down on her.
- I fucking hate you!
19
00:00:52,757 --> 00:00:54,723
If you sit here,
people will think you're weird.
20
00:00:54,885 --> 00:00:57,309
And here I was, planning to run
for prom queen.
21
00:01:00,139 --> 00:01:01,772
Back to work, assholes!
22
00:01:01,994 --> 00:01:03,732
We're making rock history here!
23
00:01:04,806 --> 00:01:09,925
www.sub-way.fr
24
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:14,000
Californication 2x04
- The Raw & The Cooked -
25
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:26,862
Woman! What are you doing?
I'm rocking "medium" now.
26
00:01:26,982 --> 00:01:29,091
86th percentile.
Don't shut the "freebird" down.
27
00:01:29,372 --> 00:01:32,564
- What happened to the clearing up?
- I kind of focused on the patio.
28
00:01:32,684 --> 00:01:35,313
And then I was summoned
by the Gods of rock.
29
00:01:35,433 --> 00:01:37,726
- One must take heed of that shit.
- Right.
30
00:01:38,308 --> 00:01:42,213
We're having a dinner party.
So why would you focus on the patio?
31
00:01:42,333 --> 00:01:44,723
God! When you say it out loud
like that, it sounds awful.
32
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:48,311
- Is it too late to call off?
- Stop it. It's gonna be fun, right?
33
00:01:48,431 --> 00:01:49,403
Really?
34
00:01:49,565 --> 00:01:52,823
'Cause I think it's gonna be like
having a Q-Tip jammed up my urethra.
35
00:01:53,744 --> 00:01:55,617
For three hours.
Without lube.
36
00:01:55,870 --> 00:01:58,162
Which could be fun
if you do it... to me.
37
00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,622
- Wanna?
- Come on. Let's get going.
38
00:02:01,057 --> 00:02:03,226
But I think you should
check out the patio.
39
00:02:03,346 --> 00:02:05,836
I think you'll be pleased.
40
00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:10,924
Judas Priest, Hank.
41
00:02:11,492 --> 00:02:12,926
What are you up to?
42
00:02:14,621 --> 00:02:17,306
I was hoping you'd finally make
an honest woman of me.
43
00:02:18,106 --> 00:02:19,332
What is that?
44
00:02:19,555 --> 00:02:21,602
Is it not jaw-droppingly beautiful?
45
00:02:21,868 --> 00:02:24,618
Does it not to make
the love juices to flow?
46
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:30,068
I thought you gave that
to a homeless woman.
47
00:02:30,244 --> 00:02:32,946
Who gives diamonds to the homeless?
Not I, Rabbi.
48
00:02:34,818 --> 00:02:37,374
- I don't know what to say...
- Okay, well then,
49
00:02:37,494 --> 00:02:39,536
let me relieve you
of your root vegetables...
50
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,706
and allow me.
51
00:02:46,619 --> 00:02:47,969
I love you, Karen.
52
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,507
And I wanna spend the rest of my life
annoying the shit out of you.
53
00:02:52,512 --> 00:02:55,562
And I want the rest of my life
to start right now.
54
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,203
I'm sick and tired
of fighting about the past.
55
00:03:02,323 --> 00:03:04,873
We're not going anywhere.
I get that now.
56
00:03:05,574 --> 00:03:06,924
This is our home.
57
00:03:08,385 --> 00:03:11,363
Because home is wherever you
and Becca are.
58
00:03:13,949 --> 00:03:14,999
I love L.A.
59
00:03:15,449 --> 00:03:16,471
Seriously.
60
00:03:17,724 --> 00:03:20,911
- I love it. I can't get enough of it.
- You are so full of shit.
61
00:03:21,139 --> 00:03:22,889
Will you marry me, Karen?
62
00:03:25,762 --> 00:03:27,042
Queen of my dreams...
63
00:03:28,323 --> 00:03:29,873
mother of my child...
64
00:03:31,386 --> 00:03:32,589
lady of the valley...
65
00:03:33,788 --> 00:03:34,633
Any more?
66
00:03:35,324 --> 00:03:36,674
Fuck, now I'm out.
67
00:03:39,474 --> 00:03:41,139
I'm so wet right now. Are you?
68
00:03:43,303 --> 00:03:45,519
It must be like Niagara falls
down there?
69
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,410
You could always
check it out for yourself.
70
00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:40,299
- Why am I here?
- The question that plagues us all, Mia.
71
00:04:40,419 --> 00:04:41,518
Why are you here?
72
00:04:41,638 --> 00:04:44,015
She's here because
the poor little Wunderkind
73
00:04:44,135 --> 00:04:46,285
is spending too much time alone.
74
00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:50,042
"Wunderkind"? Are we just tossing
that term around now? Really?
75
00:04:50,637 --> 00:04:53,385
I may be alone,
but I am far from lonely.
76
00:04:53,505 --> 00:04:56,273
You wouldn't believe how many Facebook
fucktards wanna be my friends.
77
00:04:56,512 --> 00:04:59,928
Hey, Mia, could you use
your big-girl words right now?
78
00:05:02,038 --> 00:05:05,509
Historically, Bill was always fine
with the creative use of profanity.
79
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,645
- So I recall.
- But I guess you weren't.
80
00:05:08,947 --> 00:05:11,605
Maybe that's why things
didn't work out between you two.
81
00:05:14,822 --> 00:05:16,890
You see, I don't understand
why we invite her.
82
00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:20,156
We already have one sullen,
disrespectful she-devil in our midst.
83
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,117
How is that any better
than the last?
84
00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:26,036
You said to change, I changed.
85
00:05:26,198 --> 00:05:27,120
Change again.
86
00:05:27,322 --> 00:05:28,872
You're making me mad, mother.
87
00:05:31,260 --> 00:05:32,209
Hank, enough!
88
00:05:32,622 --> 00:05:34,628
- I am making you mad?
- Allow me to defuse.
89
00:05:36,259 --> 00:05:37,385
Mrs. Moody?
90
00:05:38,269 --> 00:05:39,202
Ms...
91
00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:40,222
Moody.
92
00:05:40,699 --> 00:05:41,649
Mr. Moody.
93
00:05:42,197 --> 00:05:43,647
- Not so fast.
- What?
94
00:05:44,258 --> 00:05:46,769
- Did you hear me say yes at any point?
- You didn't have to.
95
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:49,893
Your eyes said it for you.
As did the arching of your back
96
00:05:50,013 --> 00:05:53,312
and the soft,
gentle swell of your flower,
97
00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:55,296
the urgent release of...
98
00:06:00,199 --> 00:06:02,373
- You smell like cigarettes.
- What?
99
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:04,285
No. It's Mia.
100
00:06:04,777 --> 00:06:06,911
Mia's been smoking. As for Becca...
101
00:06:07,072 --> 00:06:09,077
She'll be back to her sweet, little,
102
00:06:09,197 --> 00:06:11,790
unicorn-loving self in no time.
10 or 12 years, tops.
103
00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:14,089
- You promise?
- I promise.
104
00:06:14,932 --> 00:06:16,889
In the meantime,
let's focus on the good.
105
00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:18,768
We's getting hitched, woman.
106
00:06:18,888 --> 00:06:22,843
And just a few short hours ago, you had
a big, fat orgasm. This is heady stuff.
107
00:06:23,004 --> 00:06:24,952
Yours was pretty rockin', as well.
108
00:06:25,537 --> 00:06:27,453
Yes, I was concerned
for your safety.
109
00:06:27,573 --> 00:06:29,001
You were? How come?
110
00:06:29,121 --> 00:06:32,952
I was afraid that the sheer force
of my ejaculate might do some internal damage.
111
00:06:33,072 --> 00:06:35,772
- You okay down there?
- Don't flatter yourself.
112
00:06:36,523 --> 00:06:38,296
- That's him.
- Him who?
113
00:06:38,633 --> 00:06:39,591
The boy.
114
00:06:39,711 --> 00:06:42,004
What boy? You didn't
say anything about a boy.
115
00:06:42,124 --> 00:06:44,502
Because I didn't want
to do this for days.
116
00:06:45,484 --> 00:06:47,201
Go get the door.
And be nice.
117
00:06:47,572 --> 00:06:50,145
I'm nice. I'm always nice.
I love gentlemen callers.
118
00:06:51,014 --> 00:06:54,208
Fucking kid better watch his ass...
Mia? Load my shotgun.
119
00:06:54,517 --> 00:06:55,981
Come on!
Lipstick!
120
00:07:00,511 --> 00:07:02,175
- Who are you?
- Damien.
121
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:05,470
What do you want?
122
00:07:05,751 --> 00:07:07,847
I'm here to see Becca Moody.
123
00:07:10,157 --> 00:07:11,476
Do you like the rap music?
124
00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:13,999
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
125
00:07:14,119 --> 00:07:15,848
- G's up.
- G's up.
126
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,879
What about Roe V. Wade?
127
00:07:21,306 --> 00:07:23,905
I mean, I think
it's the woman's choice.
128
00:07:24,928 --> 00:07:26,365
Why should I let you in?
129
00:07:26,665 --> 00:07:27,851
Well, 'cause...
130
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:30,870
I'd kind of really like
to get away from... them.
131
00:07:32,047 --> 00:07:34,582
I don't blame you.
Why are they doing that?
132
00:07:34,919 --> 00:07:35,875
I don't know.
133
00:07:36,394 --> 00:07:39,169
- It's really creeping me out.
- All right. Get inside, quick.
134
00:07:39,289 --> 00:07:41,677
Go play some Guitar Hero.
I'm on "medium" now...
135
00:07:41,797 --> 00:07:43,150
86th percentile.
136
00:07:44,377 --> 00:07:45,669
Hey, assholes...
137
00:07:47,406 --> 00:07:48,513
Break it up.
138
00:07:49,762 --> 00:07:51,099
We dropped some "e".
139
00:07:52,195 --> 00:07:53,684
You guys are fucking retarded!
140
00:07:53,844 --> 00:07:55,396
You're worse than Sid and Nancy.
141
00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,542
- Yeah, that's right.
- I never did it before.
142
00:07:57,662 --> 00:07:58,657
Me likey!
143
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:00,483
Just wait till we get naked.
144
00:08:00,643 --> 00:08:02,325
That's something
I'm looking forward to.
145
00:08:02,445 --> 00:08:04,504
Here's a novel idea:
why don't you get naked
146
00:08:04,624 --> 00:08:07,188
and fuck yourselves goofy
in the privacy of your own home?
147
00:08:07,308 --> 00:08:09,487
No way. We're starving.
Let's eat.
148
00:08:10,670 --> 00:08:12,212
That's a very nice...
149
00:08:13,283 --> 00:08:14,297
shirt.
150
00:08:15,449 --> 00:08:17,497
Where are all
the white bitches at?
151
00:08:18,333 --> 00:08:19,516
There she is.
152
00:08:20,121 --> 00:08:22,010
- I love you so much.
- You do?
153
00:08:22,130 --> 00:08:23,130
Mia...
154
00:08:23,409 --> 00:08:25,383
How are you?
Nice to see you.
155
00:08:25,876 --> 00:08:27,218
Gross!
Is that a hard-on?
156
00:08:28,456 --> 00:08:29,800
Something poked me!
157
00:08:30,715 --> 00:08:33,526
- What's going on? Where are they?
- In her room.
158
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:36,602
What is up with you, woman? She could be
in her 1st trimester by now.
159
00:08:38,421 --> 00:08:39,605
- Becca.
- Dad?
160
00:08:39,765 --> 00:08:41,107
Door open at all times.
161
00:08:41,267 --> 00:08:42,859
Get it? Got it?
Good.
162
00:08:43,097 --> 00:08:44,139
Damien...
163
00:08:44,376 --> 00:08:46,571
if that is your real name,
and I'm not convinced...
164
00:08:47,935 --> 00:08:50,241
... I'm watching you.
I'm not joking.
165
00:08:52,737 --> 00:08:55,031
Your hair is so gorgeous, Mia.
166
00:08:55,510 --> 00:08:58,166
I want to chop it off
and sleep in it, man.
167
00:08:59,482 --> 00:09:00,557
Oh, boy.
168
00:09:02,088 --> 00:09:03,099
My God!
169
00:09:03,497 --> 00:09:05,723
- I didn't have time to get changed.
- Hello, Dali!
170
00:09:05,843 --> 00:09:07,356
- You look gorgeous!
- Thank you!
171
00:09:07,488 --> 00:09:09,837
- You look gorgeous, too.
- My God.
172
00:09:09,957 --> 00:09:11,715
- Sorry.
- Very friendly.
173
00:09:11,835 --> 00:09:13,778
- You look gorgeous.
- Can I get you...
174
00:09:13,898 --> 00:09:15,748
- Hi, man, how are ya?
- Hi.
175
00:09:17,955 --> 00:09:19,632
- What the fuck was that?
- What?
176
00:09:19,752 --> 00:09:21,750
- You just kissed me on the lips.
- Sorry, friend.
177
00:09:21,870 --> 00:09:24,066
I didn't mean to stir up
any feelings you couldn't handle.
178
00:09:24,226 --> 00:09:26,702
No, I can handle it. I just think
it's well within my rights
179
00:09:26,822 --> 00:09:29,861
to not want the taste of you on my lips.
Or my lady's lips, for that matter.
180
00:09:29,981 --> 00:09:32,583
But thanks for the vino.
Make yourself at home.
181
00:09:33,861 --> 00:09:35,137
That's beautiful.
182
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,032
My father gave her
a ring once, too.
183
00:09:38,718 --> 00:09:39,582
Didn't take.
184
00:09:41,002 --> 00:09:43,462
- Thank you, sweetie.
- So, Karen, when's the wedding?
185
00:09:43,969 --> 00:09:44,837
My God.
186
00:09:44,997 --> 00:09:47,446
He just, like, proposed to me
a couple of hours ago.
187
00:09:47,566 --> 00:09:50,495
You know what? If you want,
Julian can marry you.
188
00:09:50,871 --> 00:09:52,261
He's an ordained minister.
189
00:09:52,421 --> 00:09:56,515
- Why doesn't that surprise me at all?
- It's called church of the Silentdawn.
190
00:09:56,675 --> 00:09:58,392
And he's married so many couples.
191
00:09:59,149 --> 00:10:02,326
Which is odd 'cause, of course,
he sure won't, you know, marry me.
192
00:10:02,446 --> 00:10:05,316
Maybe the baby
is gonna change his mind.
193
00:10:06,074 --> 00:10:08,069
Or maybe he's just not
that into you.
194
00:10:11,659 --> 00:10:12,741
That's rude.
195
00:10:13,203 --> 00:10:14,865
Don't shoot the messenger.
196
00:10:20,471 --> 00:10:23,084
- Star power!
- You should come to one of my workshop.
197
00:10:23,352 --> 00:10:25,461
- Free of charge.
- You do workshops now?
198
00:10:25,621 --> 00:10:28,144
- I am down with that shit.
- See what it's about.
199
00:10:28,264 --> 00:10:30,094
Maybe it'll help you
with your writing.
200
00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:33,469
When you extract the artist within,
does he cut you a check, too?
201
00:10:33,629 --> 00:10:36,347
Well, I suppose you could
mock it if you want,
202
00:10:36,507 --> 00:10:39,533
but it does seem to be striking
a minor chord out there.
203
00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:42,728
He's being very modest.
204
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:46,357
It's selling like Michael Jackson's
Thriller album. It's a great record.
205
00:10:46,764 --> 00:10:48,901
- Definitely one of my top 10.
- I'm glad I know.
206
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:54,425
You're just printing money
over there, aren't you?
207
00:10:59,119 --> 00:11:00,871
That's a very nice material.
What is it?
208
00:11:01,031 --> 00:11:02,239
I don't know.
209
00:11:02,359 --> 00:11:04,417
- Is that a linen or...
- No idea.
210
00:11:07,395 --> 00:11:08,428
You done?
211
00:11:10,668 --> 00:11:12,049
You know, I'm not surprised
212
00:11:12,704 --> 00:11:16,049
that you attained best-seller status,
because I think you tapped into
213
00:11:16,169 --> 00:11:20,141
one of the biggest markets there is.
Everybody wants to feel special.
214
00:11:20,424 --> 00:11:21,417
They are.
215
00:11:21,736 --> 00:11:23,561
Even you... Hank Moody.
216
00:11:24,227 --> 00:11:25,995
First a kiss, now the sweet-talk.
217
00:11:26,115 --> 00:11:27,773
What's next, a little hand release?
218
00:11:32,424 --> 00:11:34,311
Will you excuse me a moment?
219
00:11:37,259 --> 00:11:39,944
Hey, guys, move that over.
It's a little tight.
220
00:11:43,015 --> 00:11:44,527
All right, that's good.
221
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:48,886
- Ashby!
- Moody!
222
00:11:49,271 --> 00:11:50,709
What took you so long, man?
223
00:11:50,829 --> 00:11:52,851
Stopped to pick up some dessert.
224
00:11:52,971 --> 00:11:55,343
- You'll thank me later.
- Music people time.
225
00:11:57,846 --> 00:12:00,063
Destiny, Moody.
Moody, Destiny.
226
00:12:00,475 --> 00:12:02,942
Yes, we haven't been
formally introduced...
227
00:12:03,062 --> 00:12:05,561
You brought me
to the mouth-rapist's house?
228
00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:07,327
Oh, shit, from the party.
229
00:12:07,561 --> 00:12:09,526
I'm a fucking idiot.
230
00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:13,402
- Should I leave?
- Yeah.
231
00:12:13,562 --> 00:12:16,655
No, really. Come on, don't be silly.
What's your old lady's name again?
232
00:12:16,815 --> 00:12:17,865
Karen.
233
00:12:18,025 --> 00:12:19,617
Got it. Karen, Karen,
234
00:12:19,777 --> 00:12:21,542
Karen, Karen, Karen.
You ready?
235
00:12:21,721 --> 00:12:23,079
Come on, let's go deep.
236
00:12:33,761 --> 00:12:36,844
Why don't...
Does somebody want to say grace?
237
00:12:37,107 --> 00:12:39,552
Anybody? Damien?
No grace from you?
238
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:41,597
- I'll say grace.
- Fantastic.
239
00:12:41,757 --> 00:12:43,196
Take it away, daughter.
240
00:12:43,551 --> 00:12:47,144
Can you choose your words
really carefully? Okay?
241
00:12:49,471 --> 00:12:51,743
I would like to thank
the Lord below
242
00:12:52,184 --> 00:12:55,236
for giving me the strength
to make it through this dinner.
243
00:12:55,396 --> 00:12:56,904
Praise hail Satan.
244
00:12:57,064 --> 00:12:59,067
- That was cool.
- And scary.
245
00:12:59,608 --> 00:13:02,557
- Seriously. I have chills.
- Can you scratch my back, baby?
246
00:13:03,036 --> 00:13:04,313
That's interesting.
247
00:13:06,099 --> 00:13:07,373
That feels amazing.
248
00:13:07,533 --> 00:13:10,315
Becca's going through
a bit of a phase right now.
249
00:13:11,018 --> 00:13:12,898
- It's not a phase, mother.
- I know.
250
00:13:13,018 --> 00:13:15,212
- It's my religion.
- Also she's willing to suffer for it.
251
00:13:15,332 --> 00:13:17,289
She was sent
to the principal's office
252
00:13:17,409 --> 00:13:20,010
the other day
for possessing a Satanic Bible.
253
00:13:20,170 --> 00:13:23,347
Nothing like sending your kid
to a "progressive" private school
254
00:13:23,507 --> 00:13:26,475
- that wants to burn your kid's books.
- Yeah, but, then again,
255
00:13:26,794 --> 00:13:28,796
they might be right
to raise an eyebrow.
256
00:13:28,916 --> 00:13:30,011
After all...
257
00:13:30,687 --> 00:13:32,815
- Where does it end?
- What do you mean?
258
00:13:32,975 --> 00:13:35,408
Well, it's all well and good
to indulge your children,
259
00:13:35,528 --> 00:13:37,027
but to endorse a point of view
260
00:13:37,187 --> 00:13:38,608
that profanes every...
261
00:13:38,728 --> 00:13:42,201
sacrosanct concept
in our culture is wrong, no?
262
00:13:42,370 --> 00:13:45,119
I think it's time to put
Sir Walter Raleigh back in the can.
263
00:13:46,363 --> 00:13:47,746
- Well...
- Honey...
264
00:13:47,906 --> 00:13:49,617
- it's none of our business.
- Chapter 4:
265
00:13:49,742 --> 00:13:51,375
lose your filter, find your way.
266
00:13:51,535 --> 00:13:53,829
- How could I forget?
- Did somebody say "Gefilte"?
267
00:13:53,949 --> 00:13:55,379
Have you read it?
268
00:13:56,926 --> 00:13:59,435
- Excuse me?
- Have you read the book?
269
00:13:59,971 --> 00:14:01,816
I don't think I need to, honey.
270
00:14:02,130 --> 00:14:03,764
Don't "honey" me, mister.
271
00:14:04,298 --> 00:14:07,544
The Satanic Bible is actually
the ultimate self-help book.
272
00:14:07,664 --> 00:14:09,893
It's not about
worshipping the devil.
273
00:14:10,161 --> 00:14:13,123
It's about believing in yourself
first and foremost
274
00:14:13,388 --> 00:14:16,217
and not wasting your time
on psychic vampires.
275
00:14:16,902 --> 00:14:18,998
If you read it,
you might learn a thing or two
276
00:14:19,118 --> 00:14:21,167
because it actually makes
a hell of a lot more sense
277
00:14:21,308 --> 00:14:22,990
than the Gobbledygook
you're passing off
278
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:25,743
on the average, everyday
Barnes & Noble bottom-feeder.
279
00:14:26,103 --> 00:14:28,287
That's right...
I've read your book.
280
00:14:28,898 --> 00:14:30,467
I want my money back.
281
00:14:30,587 --> 00:14:31,742
O-tay!
282
00:14:32,826 --> 00:14:34,824
I don't know about you guys,
but I think
283
00:14:34,944 --> 00:14:37,254
that deserves a slow handclap.
284
00:14:39,925 --> 00:14:41,967
- That's rude.
- Bravo!
285
00:14:42,127 --> 00:14:43,385
No, no. Stop.
286
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,903
That girl's magic.
What's her name?
287
00:14:47,023 --> 00:14:48,057
Becca.
288
00:14:48,507 --> 00:14:50,809
So when are you due, sweetie?
289
00:14:50,969 --> 00:14:54,355
- You are pregnant, right?
- Oh, no. Yeah. I am pregnant.
290
00:14:54,515 --> 00:14:56,482
- Yes, I am.
- Congratulations!
291
00:14:56,642 --> 00:14:59,041
Thank you. And my due date
is not far enough away.
292
00:14:59,161 --> 00:15:01,111
Did you guys have fun trying,
or did you have
293
00:15:01,271 --> 00:15:03,499
to beat off into a test tube
or something?
294
00:15:04,692 --> 00:15:07,018
I'm just asking.
I mean, people do that shit...
295
00:15:07,450 --> 00:15:09,286
stuff... a lot nowadays.
296
00:15:09,737 --> 00:15:12,706
No, well, this happened
the old-fashioned way.
297
00:15:13,816 --> 00:15:16,534
You gave her a little bit of the
old artist within, didn't you?
298
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:17,662
Salty dog.
299
00:15:18,098 --> 00:15:20,079
Actually,
I'm not the father.
300
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:23,968
- Not the father?
- Oh, my God.
301
00:15:24,128 --> 00:15:25,741
I had no idea.
I'm sorry.
302
00:15:26,296 --> 00:15:28,979
I have no secrets.
There is no shame.
303
00:15:30,754 --> 00:15:34,505
But when we met,
Sonja was already pregnant.
304
00:15:34,625 --> 00:15:36,240
I could smell it on her.
305
00:15:36,409 --> 00:15:37,486
Smell it?
306
00:15:39,601 --> 00:15:41,110
Yeah, yeah. Really.
307
00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:43,737
He is serious.
I didn't know and...
308
00:15:44,087 --> 00:15:45,373
That's... possible.
309
00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:48,289
Yeah, yeah.
I know, right?
310
00:15:48,819 --> 00:15:51,245
It was quite
a weird first date, it was.
311
00:15:51,482 --> 00:15:56,172
I'll raise the child as my own.
And I'll love it as my own.
312
00:15:56,408 --> 00:15:58,342
I think that is awesome.
313
00:15:58,765 --> 00:16:02,548
This is a grown man willing to stand up
and take responsibility
314
00:16:02,708 --> 00:16:04,296
for another man's seed.
315
00:16:04,835 --> 00:16:06,291
- Big ups...
- Thank you.
316
00:16:06,411 --> 00:16:07,472
Mad love...
317
00:16:07,913 --> 00:16:10,045
- Much respect.
- Marcy... what is she doing?
318
00:16:10,758 --> 00:16:13,225
So you have no idea
who the father is?
319
00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:15,603
I'm not that big a slut, Karen.
320
00:16:16,018 --> 00:16:18,272
- No! I...
- No one's judging.
321
00:16:18,527 --> 00:16:20,195
No one's judging, baby girl.
322
00:16:20,315 --> 00:16:22,892
- Some of my favorite humans are sluts.
- My wife is a slut.
323
00:16:23,012 --> 00:16:25,559
I personally don't believe in that word.
I think that a woman
324
00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:29,116
who indulges herself sexually should
be celebrated and not condemned.
325
00:16:29,276 --> 00:16:31,603
Hey, chapter seven...
"Let a ho be a ho," right?
326
00:16:31,810 --> 00:16:33,709
- That's right!
- Amen to that, my brother.
327
00:16:33,829 --> 00:16:36,030
That's exactly what
the Satanic Bible would say.
328
00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:37,192
Hail satan!
329
00:16:37,471 --> 00:16:39,418
There was only one guy,
according to Sonja.
330
00:16:39,927 --> 00:16:42,620
And you know, she was lonely.
331
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:44,320
He was there.
332
00:16:44,757 --> 00:16:47,097
You needed a little positive
reinforcement, didn't you?
333
00:16:47,217 --> 00:16:49,094
And he gave you that.
334
00:16:49,546 --> 00:16:51,802
So, there is nothing
to be ashamed of.
335
00:16:51,974 --> 00:16:53,223
We all do it.
336
00:16:53,383 --> 00:16:57,336
The point is to rise above it
and to love ourselves.
337
00:16:57,456 --> 00:16:58,687
Totally, totally.
338
00:16:59,126 --> 00:17:00,750
You just come up with that shit
339
00:17:00,881 --> 00:17:02,900
or do you have cue cards
written somewhere?
340
00:17:05,743 --> 00:17:08,729
So I'm just doing
a little mental math over here,
341
00:17:08,849 --> 00:17:10,616
and I think
342
00:17:10,927 --> 00:17:12,915
what you're saying, Sonja...
343
00:17:13,595 --> 00:17:15,704
And correct me if I'm wrong...
344
00:17:16,637 --> 00:17:19,700
But that Hank could very well be
the father of the child.
345
00:17:19,820 --> 00:17:22,050
Because you guys
definitely bumped uglies
346
00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:24,484
that one night
at my father's, right?
347
00:17:26,416 --> 00:17:27,675
You wear a cock bag?
348
00:17:29,453 --> 00:17:31,261
Nope.
He hates rubbers.
349
00:17:31,421 --> 00:17:33,347
Yeah. Me too.
I can't feel a damn thing.
350
00:17:33,507 --> 00:17:34,598
I love rubbers.
351
00:17:34,758 --> 00:17:36,934
- Keeps him in the game.
- Keeps me in the game.
352
00:17:40,170 --> 00:17:41,983
God, I'm sorry.
I didn't...
353
00:17:42,908 --> 00:17:44,566
I didn't want it
to come out like this.
354
00:17:48,515 --> 00:17:50,449
I've been trying to find
a way to tell you.
355
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,091
But it doesn't matter.
356
00:17:52,609 --> 00:17:55,202
You know, I mean,
I want this baby no matter what.
357
00:17:58,038 --> 00:18:01,491
Dude, this is my favorite dinner party
ever. I'm so glad I came.
358
00:18:02,668 --> 00:18:04,721
Well, I don't know
about you guys,
359
00:18:04,841 --> 00:18:06,839
but I think a cheers is in order.
360
00:18:07,398 --> 00:18:10,676
To yet another fine mess.
Good job!
361
00:18:10,836 --> 00:18:12,234
I'll drink to that.
362
00:18:14,236 --> 00:18:15,222
Well done.
363
00:18:18,094 --> 00:18:19,093
Let's go.
364
00:18:22,806 --> 00:18:24,250
To fine messes...
365
00:18:24,808 --> 00:18:26,065
and new daddies.
366
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:46,901
What the fuck?
367
00:18:47,623 --> 00:18:50,716
- This is my daughter's bedroom!
- I know. Chick's got great taste.
368
00:18:50,876 --> 00:18:54,045
Have you no sense of shame?
Get the fuck out of here!
369
00:18:54,165 --> 00:18:57,097
You know better.
Marcy... Jesus Christ, Charlie.
370
00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:23,400
Motherfucker left a floater.
371
00:19:25,235 --> 00:19:27,163
Game on, broheim.
I get it.
372
00:19:27,804 --> 00:19:29,342
I read you, brother.
373
00:19:31,332 --> 00:19:32,925
I hear you talking to me.
374
00:19:43,594 --> 00:19:44,394
Hi.
375
00:19:45,383 --> 00:19:47,481
Hey, you know what?
The fucking
376
00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:50,442
"artist within" left
us a turd within our toilet.
377
00:19:50,562 --> 00:19:52,402
Can you believe that shit?
Literally?
378
00:19:52,562 --> 00:19:54,932
It's like he's taking a dump
on top of my head.
379
00:19:55,052 --> 00:19:58,063
I'm reading him loud and clear.
it's a thing between him and me.
380
00:19:58,183 --> 00:20:00,508
And I think it involves you.
Youinflamed him in some way.
381
00:20:00,628 --> 00:20:03,121
Now it's like "Jaws 3." It's personal.
You want a bump?
382
00:20:05,223 --> 00:20:07,459
Are you ready
to talk about it now?
383
00:20:08,238 --> 00:20:09,419
What was that?
384
00:20:13,806 --> 00:20:16,206
What's he on?
The coke, I know. What else?
385
00:20:16,326 --> 00:20:19,096
Nothing. He did a few lines,
had a few drinks, that's it.
386
00:20:19,256 --> 00:20:20,378
Get the pen.
387
00:20:20,863 --> 00:20:22,014
- The pen.
- The pen.
388
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:25,338
I got it.
389
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,937
Get the pen! The pen!
390
00:20:30,016 --> 00:20:31,016
Fuck!
391
00:20:31,873 --> 00:20:33,554
My God! What... What...
392
00:20:45,516 --> 00:20:47,288
I hate when that happens.
393
00:20:51,896 --> 00:20:53,612
What the fuck was that?
394
00:20:54,085 --> 00:20:55,382
Food allergies.
395
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,797
Bane of my fucking existence.
396
00:20:59,785 --> 00:21:01,388
Did you eat any of that sashimi?
397
00:21:02,511 --> 00:21:04,808
And then you shoved your tongue
down my throat.
398
00:21:05,384 --> 00:21:06,576
There you go.
399
00:21:07,888 --> 00:21:09,938
Thanks, pal.
You saved my life.
400
00:21:11,435 --> 00:21:13,275
Hey, what'd you do with that coke?
401
00:21:15,395 --> 00:21:17,195
You know you can always crash
at my house.
402
00:21:17,355 --> 00:21:19,730
Thank you, but I don't think
that'll be necessary.
403
00:21:19,850 --> 00:21:23,115
I don't know, man. I know chicks.
This looks like some serious,
404
00:21:23,235 --> 00:21:25,621
extreme doghouse shit
right here.
405
00:21:27,202 --> 00:21:29,447
- Ready, darling?
- Yep.
406
00:21:29,567 --> 00:21:31,879
- Where are you going?
- They're giving me a ride.
407
00:21:31,999 --> 00:21:35,514
- Maybe stop for a drink.
- Works for me. The other room?
408
00:21:35,634 --> 00:21:37,001
- Great.
- Okay.
409
00:21:38,449 --> 00:21:39,885
Good night, Mia.
410
00:21:40,393 --> 00:21:41,471
Good night.
411
00:21:45,396 --> 00:21:46,350
Come here.
412
00:21:46,675 --> 00:21:48,427
You be cool with her because she's...
413
00:21:48,547 --> 00:21:51,513
she doesn't seem like it,
but she's kind of a fragile flower.
414
00:21:51,633 --> 00:21:53,481
All right? So play nice.
415
00:21:53,642 --> 00:21:55,678
Look, I have many vices,
my friend,
416
00:21:55,798 --> 00:21:58,077
but jailbait ain't one of 'em.
417
00:21:58,197 --> 00:22:00,973
Well, I mean, there was that one time
in Salt Lake City,
418
00:22:01,093 --> 00:22:04,124
but that was like a Mormon
mother/daughter thing.
419
00:22:04,632 --> 00:22:06,139
Pretty fucking hot.
420
00:22:07,336 --> 00:22:10,709
I pull that out of the spank bank
every once in a while.
421
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:13,725
- Mind if I borrow it?
- You know where I live.
422
00:22:17,577 --> 00:22:19,731
- Mr. Moody.
- That sounds weird.
423
00:22:19,951 --> 00:22:22,594
Call me "he who will kill you
if you touch his daughter."
424
00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:23,929
Right.
425
00:22:24,616 --> 00:22:25,616
I get it.
426
00:22:25,984 --> 00:22:27,391
She's pretty awesome.
427
00:22:27,765 --> 00:22:29,977
She is.
But thank you for saying that.
428
00:22:30,905 --> 00:22:32,597
Do you need a ride home
or something?
429
00:22:33,484 --> 00:22:35,611
No, I walked.
I live close-by.
430
00:22:36,258 --> 00:22:37,926
- Fantastic.
- Yeah.
431
00:22:38,046 --> 00:22:40,028
So I guess we'll be seeing
a lot of each other.
432
00:22:40,309 --> 00:22:41,471
Don't push it.
433
00:22:41,731 --> 00:22:43,079
Goodbye forever.
434
00:22:52,909 --> 00:22:55,919
I told you we should have called
the whole thing off.
435
00:22:56,250 --> 00:22:58,700
Then we wouldn't have gotten
the happy news.
436
00:22:58,820 --> 00:23:00,860
The man with the fresh vasectomy
437
00:23:01,124 --> 00:23:02,791
is about to be a daddy.
438
00:23:06,645 --> 00:23:08,432
- You caught me.
- Yeah.
439
00:23:12,394 --> 00:23:14,865
At least you can see
the comedy in all of this.
440
00:23:14,985 --> 00:23:17,732
Oh, right.
I either laugh or I cry, right?
441
00:23:18,245 --> 00:23:19,247
Or both.
442
00:23:20,486 --> 00:23:23,989
Maybe I'm PMS'ing, but I feel
like I could use a good cry.
443
00:23:26,414 --> 00:23:28,481
I'm not...
I'm not mad at you.
444
00:23:30,954 --> 00:23:33,266
How is that
even remotely possible?
445
00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:40,276
'Cause this isn't about anything
you did while we were apart.
446
00:23:40,906 --> 00:23:42,676
This is about what I did.
447
00:23:44,181 --> 00:23:46,318
- I made a huge mistake.
- No.
448
00:23:46,826 --> 00:23:48,972
- Don't say that. You didn't.
- I did.
449
00:23:49,133 --> 00:23:51,445
I jumped in the car with you
that night.
450
00:23:51,565 --> 00:23:53,130
Then we came back here
451
00:23:53,549 --> 00:23:54,808
and we had sex.
452
00:23:55,549 --> 00:23:57,405
And then we just... we just
453
00:23:57,750 --> 00:24:00,012
tried to pick up where
we left off.
454
00:24:00,132 --> 00:24:02,481
I mean, do you have
any idea how...
455
00:24:03,199 --> 00:24:05,155
fucking dysfunctional that is?
456
00:24:07,812 --> 00:24:10,037
You know, silly me, 'cause I'm...
457
00:24:10,580 --> 00:24:13,789
I'm sitting here thinking
that it's like a dream come true.
458
00:24:14,524 --> 00:24:16,556
It was.
It was a dream.
459
00:24:17,199 --> 00:24:18,881
But we were crazy, Hank.
460
00:24:19,337 --> 00:24:21,864
Like thinking we could just
wave a magic wand
461
00:24:21,984 --> 00:24:24,727
and everything would be as it was.
I mean...
462
00:24:25,471 --> 00:24:26,301
If...
463
00:24:26,584 --> 00:24:27,627
It was...
464
00:24:28,075 --> 00:24:30,826
Ever as we think it was,
if you know what I mean.
465
00:24:30,946 --> 00:24:32,490
Right. Because we...
466
00:24:33,436 --> 00:24:35,376
we just imagined everything.
467
00:24:36,939 --> 00:24:39,007
We can't do this to her anymore.
468
00:24:39,697 --> 00:24:42,116
You know, we've been reckless
with her heart.
469
00:24:42,236 --> 00:24:43,922
- Or I have.
- No, no.
470
00:24:44,395 --> 00:24:46,329
It's my fault.
I should've gone away,
471
00:24:46,449 --> 00:24:48,406
- gotten my sh...
- You're a wonderful mother.
472
00:24:50,110 --> 00:24:51,110
Always.
473
00:24:54,239 --> 00:24:56,043
I will never, ever...
474
00:24:56,390 --> 00:24:59,842
Regret getting into the car
with you that night, 'cause...
475
00:25:00,161 --> 00:25:01,700
It was so much fun.
476
00:25:02,798 --> 00:25:05,803
And marrying Bill
was definitely not the answer.
477
00:25:09,081 --> 00:25:10,081
I don't...
478
00:25:10,969 --> 00:25:12,639
Know how to say this, but...
479
00:25:12,799 --> 00:25:13,799
Don't.
480
00:25:18,997 --> 00:25:20,906
... neither is marrying you.
481
00:25:26,617 --> 00:25:28,914
- This isn't the answer either,
- No.
482
00:25:29,034 --> 00:25:30,036
you know?
483
00:25:35,733 --> 00:25:37,981
Angel, I love you so, so much.
484
00:25:42,866 --> 00:25:44,075
I can't stay.
485
00:25:45,745 --> 00:25:47,391
I'm not asking you to.
486
00:25:54,044 --> 00:25:55,056
I can't stay.
487
00:26:14,276 --> 00:26:17,586
- I'm gonna go out for a little while.
- It's okay, dad.
488
00:26:17,706 --> 00:26:19,164
You tried your best.
489
00:26:22,693 --> 00:26:24,637
It was nice while it lasted.
36694
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