Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,071
[ Siren wails ]
2
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,905
Great idea
coming out to the van
3
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,374
for movie night, babe.
4
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:10,211
Now I can laugh as loud
as I want at "Police Academy 3."
5
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,480
Police? In school?
6
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,083
[ Laughing ]
I mean, what the...
7
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,885
Plus, we get
some actual privacy.
8
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,387
Pipe down.
9
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:22,123
Proctor's about to accidentally
enter the Blue Oyster bar.
10
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,229
This is a Channel 3
NewsBlast Ten Million.
11
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,597
Another body has been found
12
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:32,266
wearing an RB Burger bag
over its head,
13
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,835
the seventh victim
of the RB Burger Killer.
14
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,871
When will the grossly
incompetent Langley PD,
15
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:39,907
long believed
to be the inspiration
16
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,342
for the
"Police Academy" movies,
17
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,776
which I'm interrupting now,
18
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:45,446
bring the RB Burger Killer
to justice?
19
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,081
Now back to "Police Academy."
20
00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:50,017
[ Gunshots, farting ]
21
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,220
Jeff, there's something I wanted
to talk to you about.
22
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,754
[ Laughing ]
Oh, yeah?
23
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:57,258
I've been working some heavy
part-time hours over at Sub Hub,
24
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,859
so I have some money,
25
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,530
and these crazy murders
have really got me thinking.
26
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,266
I shouldn't wait to do nice
things for the people I love.
27
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:06,634
Is it happening?
28
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,703
Are you gonna stop talking
during "Police Academy"?
29
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,106
You know how we could
never afford wedding rings?
30
00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,541
Well, I bought you one.
31
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,576
It's imitation
Diamondesque,
32
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:18,078
but the ring part
is real metal.
33
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:23,251
It looks like
a princess's hand.
34
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,786
I feel bad, though.
35
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,721
I don't have the money
to buy one for you.
36
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:28,922
Don't worry about that.
37
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,559
I don't expect anything
from you in return.
38
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,328
You don't expect
anything from me?
39
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:36,930
Oh, I didn't
mean it like that.
40
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,266
What a relief!
41
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,734
We at RB Burger
are stunned and saddened
42
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,571
by this recent rash
of senseless killings.
43
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,406
We wish to offer our thoughts
and prayers
44
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,441
to the victims
and their families.
45
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:50,744
Plus, for one week,
get a free small fry
46
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:55,516
with every mouthwatering
RB Western Cheeseburger.
47
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:59,587
Mmm, unforgettable smokiness!
48
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:03,457
Just as those who have been
killed will never be forgotten.
49
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,162
* Good morning, U.S.A.
50
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:12,032
* I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day *
51
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:15,135
* The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face *
52
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:19,840
* And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race *
53
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,811
* Oh, boy, it's swell to say
54
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:27,147
* Now that Dad is gone,
I sing my go-to-school song *
55
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,384
* I sing my school song
every day *
56
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,486
* La la la-la-la
57
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,955
I'm out, too.
Big day at work.
58
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,290
Got to fluff
the shredded lettuce
59
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:38,392
and run the turkey
through the dishwasher.
60
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,828
I've also got a job,
61
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,631
fixing phone lines
for Langley Bell.
62
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,166
Yep.
I'm a pole climber now,
63
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,569
staring down heights
and bad weather,
64
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,372
risking my life
to keep the lines running.
65
00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:54,475
Another unsung
blue-collar hero.
66
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,511
Everyone can feel free to leave
without talking, too.
67
00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,381
Did I miss Hayley
leaving for work?
68
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,417
Well, I scared Stan in his car
and made him crash.
69
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,152
Should we all
go back to bed?
70
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,789
Oh, my God.
That sounds amazing.
71
00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:12,192
[ Sizzling ]
[ Yawns ]
72
00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,927
Did I miss
"The Price Is Right"?
73
00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,864
Yeah, there was a weirdly
expensive dish soap.
74
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:17,998
$30.
75
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,667
Even Drew
thought it was unfair.
76
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,769
What are you gonna do today,
Mrs. S?
77
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,372
I'm not really taking
questions today, Jeff.
78
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,673
I wanted to go to Target
79
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,675
to buy the world's
shittiest mountain bike,
80
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:31,279
but our front door feels like
it's a million miles away.
81
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,414
Wow, Jeff.
What is that?
82
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,949
Oh, yeah!
It's my new wedding ring.
83
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,885
My old one was nothing.
84
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,219
Hayley got it for me.
85
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,421
[ Clink ]
86
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:43,424
Uh, that's
a metal sound.
87
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,858
What are you
gonna get her?
88
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:45,893
That's the best part.
89
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,462
She said she doesn't
expect anything from me.
90
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,198
Free ring, basically.
91
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,934
Uh, Jeff,
that's kind of a dig.
92
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,235
Kind of a huge dig.
93
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,904
No, no, no,
she just means that, like,
94
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,573
I can't do the kind of things
that she can do.
95
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:02,343
That I'm
not capable of it.
96
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,648
You know what?
That actually really stinks!
97
00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,317
It's 'cause
she has a job.
98
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,751
Stan's the same way.
99
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,553
He doesn't think
I can pay for things
100
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,221
just because
I don't have any money.
101
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,556
Same with my Steve.
102
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,558
He doesn't have a job,
but he goes to school,
103
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,793
and he just loves
to throw that in my face.
104
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,795
Steve's my partner
in this situation.
105
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:25,265
I never realized how badly
those three treat us!
106
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,767
I let it slide a lot,
107
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,936
'cause I'm letting
a lot more go these days,
108
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:33,140
but it really gets me mad
when I think about it.
109
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,775
I need a drink.
110
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,347
Do they think
we can't get jobs?!
111
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:42,115
We can get jobs
anytime we want!
112
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,284
We could,
but I don't want to.
113
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,587
I have a personality type
that makes it hard
114
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,822
to work for
or with others.
115
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:52,493
I was tested, came up positive
for that personality type.
116
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,463
Me?
I can't work in an office.
117
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,666
What if I want to eat ribs
at 10:30 a.m.?
118
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,434
Where would
I even get them?
119
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,470
It's just not practical
for me.
120
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:03,937
And I can't get a job
121
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,775
because legally I'm
supposed to be in Afghanistan.
122
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,978
But what if we started
our own business?
123
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,114
We'd be bosses.
124
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,449
Like Boss Baby.
125
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,151
We'd be in charge.
126
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,787
Like Boss Baby!
127
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,222
Are we doing this?
Are we starting a business?
128
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:25,693
One, two -- we're gonna say
"Boss Baby" -- three!
129
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,132
* Good morning, U.S.--
130
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,801
No!
The quiet version.
131
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,969
My head
is killing me.
132
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:39,407
[ Quietly ]
* I've got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day *
133
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,408
[ Vomiting ]
134
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,142
You drank a lot yesterday
135
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,143
with Mom and Roger.
136
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,177
What were you doing?
137
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,513
I forget.
138
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:49,016
But I do remember
one thing, babe.
139
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,651
You.
140
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,820
[ Vehicle approaches,
horn honks ]
141
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,788
[ Air brakes hiss ]
What the hell?
142
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,992
I got a brand-new
deluxe tour bus here
143
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,328
for Jeff, Francine,
and Roger
144
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,997
Making Their Own Money
That'll Show 'Em Incorporated?
145
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,365
You ordered a bus?
146
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,900
Did you --
147
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:10,704
Oh, did you think you were maybe
buying a miniature tour bus?
148
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,072
Nooo?
149
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:15,576
Then why is there a Hot Wheels
track set up in the living room?
150
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,882
And, of course, there's
the matter of the bill.
151
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,417
[ Laughing ]
152
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,856
Stupid scooter,
stupid grass.
153
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,492
[ Grunts ]
Aye-yi-yi.
154
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,728
Classic drunk idiots.
I love it.
155
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:37,030
These adorable
knuckleheads.
156
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,365
[ Laughter ]
157
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,033
It's not funny.
158
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,402
We are starting
a business.
159
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,371
Really?
What is it?
160
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,941
Um, it's a business...
161
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:48,942
That's...
162
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,210
Called...
163
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,211
Uhhh...
164
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,980
Uhhh...
165
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,048
Uhhhhh...
166
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,083
[ Bicycle bell rings ]
167
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,423
Called the
RB Burger Killer...
168
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,392
Tour bus...
169
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,060
Uh...
170
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:07,995
We...
171
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,229
Are...
172
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,464
Going to...
173
00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,265
To give tours...
174
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,567
-Of...
-Pass.
175
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:16,236
Tours of
the RB Burger murders.
176
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,138
Yes!
A murder...
177
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,239
Tour...
178
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,908
Business.
Volcano factory.
179
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,944
You all worked together
to make a pretty good sentence,
180
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,846
but it takes more than that
to run a business.
181
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,848
Oh, we're doing
a business.
182
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,583
We can't do a business.
183
00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,151
We have to
return this thing.
184
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,953
But that's what
they're gonna expect,
185
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:36,657
another screw-up
from the adorable knuckleheads.
186
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:39,326
I say we actually
do the murder tour.
187
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,794
Hmm.
188
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,096
Murder tours
are a thing.
189
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,433
Yeah. When I was in L.A. for
"Wheel of Fortune" tryouts --
190
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,601
didn't get it,
it's totally fixed,
191
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:48,802
it's all about
how well you do --
192
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,938
I did the Charles Manson
Murder Tour.
193
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:51,939
It was darling!
194
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,641
This is our chance
to show them.
195
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,309
We'll need money
to pay for the bus,
196
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,478
marketing, fuel,
sundries.
197
00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,980
[ Grunts ]
It's like you already need
198
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,849
to have a successful
murder tour
199
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,284
to start
a successful murder tour.
200
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,719
This stupid country!
201
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:09,489
[ Sighs ] I know where
we can get money.
202
00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:13,894
I'll be back for the ring,
so don't sell it.
203
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,629
Oh, I wouldn't
dream of it.
204
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,464
Because I can't dream.
205
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,132
Because I can't sleep.
206
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,135
Until I sell that chalice
over there.
207
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,171
[ Demonic voices ]
208
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,810
Oh, okay.
Thank you.
209
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,044
Bye.
210
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:37,150
We did it, guys!
We're business owners.
211
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,987
Hayley will never
underestimate me again.
212
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,655
You got that right,
buddy.
213
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,691
Also, with the purchase
of this VOSS water,
214
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,092
we're officially
out of money.
215
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,427
We need each customer
to tell 10 people
216
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,362
to come tomorrow,
or we're bankrupt.
217
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:50,363
Wait, what?
218
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:53,066
Mmm, VOSS.
219
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,335
Here come
our customers now.
220
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,870
Hello. Hi.
221
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,538
-Oh, man, VOSS!
-Welcome.
222
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,841
Yes.
Hey, Craig Robinson.
223
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,343
Don't treat me any differently
just because I'm me.
224
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,612
Keep movin',
numbnuts.
225
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,680
Thank you.
226
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,917
Now, I want to direct everyone's
attention to your right,
227
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:13,420
my left, where you'll catch
a final tantalizing glimpse
228
00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,355
of the parking lot
we were just in.
229
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,857
We cannot
see anything.
230
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,225
The windows
are black.
231
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:21,061
Sun must have gone down fast,
is my first reaction.
232
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:24,197
The windows are tinted,
like on a limo.
233
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,198
Did it myself.
234
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,868
You put the tint on
backwards!
235
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,703
No one can see anything!
236
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,639
But Roger saves the day.
237
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,306
I've got pennies
for everyone.
238
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:37,878
Just use them to scratch out
your own personal eyeholes.
239
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,780
That's right,
the tint material comes off
240
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,381
just like a lotto scratcher.
241
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,417
Pretty fun to see all
the little shavings, huh?
242
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,119
Are we finally
ready to start?
243
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:49,857
Just as soon as all the pennies
are passed back to me.
244
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:57,965
* I am a lineman
here in Langley *
245
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:02,736
* And I'm a fish
whose name is Klaus *
246
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:05,605
* Drinking coffee
from a thermos *
247
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:11,344
* That I filled up at my house
248
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,913
[ Slurps ]
249
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,815
Ahh!
250
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:22,489
Now, to see where the third
RB Burger victim was found,
251
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,091
look to your left,
my right,
252
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,160
or if I turn around also to
my left, still to your left.
253
00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,428
The third victim?
254
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,830
Was that
the Latvian backpacker
255
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,765
who brought the case
international attention?
256
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,533
Oh, my God.
Dude, I don't know.
257
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,768
This isn't school.
258
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:35,969
You're not gonna get
your dick touched
259
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,370
for asking
a bunch of questions.
260
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:40,107
All you keep telling us
is what number victim it is.
261
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,309
And we're on
to number four.
262
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,315
Before our look into
Langley's dark side continues,
263
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,317
we're gonna take
a bit of a huge detour
264
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,721
to see where our very own
Francine went to high school.
265
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,855
Who the hell
is Francine?
266
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,957
We want to see
murder things!
267
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:57,958
They hate the tour.
268
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,459
Well, I hate them.
269
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,328
It's hard for me to even look
at their faces,
270
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,864
as many of them
are so terribly ugly.
271
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,132
Your microphone
is still on.
272
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,900
See what I was saying,
Francine?
273
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,736
Ugly face, ugly voice.
274
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:12,005
Ugh, we're seeing basically
no good crime scenes.
275
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,875
I'm gonna leave them
the worst review.
276
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,144
I'm Christine S.
from Yelp.
277
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,312
Whoa,
the Christine S.?
278
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,715
You put my food truck
out of business.
279
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,650
Why'd you do that to him,
Christine S.?
280
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,218
Don't worry about me,
Craig Robinson.
281
00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,154
My grandpa
owns Foot Locker.
282
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,822
I just need him
to die.
283
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,091
Christine S. is here.
284
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:34,394
A bad review from her
could shut us down forever!
285
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,329
[ Siren wailing ]
286
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,767
I'm getting an idea.
287
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,236
How much are your
police scanners?
288
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,072
No, just take it.
They're going out of business.
289
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,940
We're not
going out of business.
290
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,176
Why does everybody
think that?
291
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:49,843
[ Beeping ]
292
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,678
One wrecking ball hole
293
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,047
does not
a going-out-of-business make.
294
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:57,617
What second
wrecking ball hole?
295
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,452
Woman: Ugh, this is so boring.
[ Indistinct talking ]
296
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:00,720
This tour is lame.
297
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:03,223
You're right,
but what if I told you
298
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:06,626
we could go to the freshest
crime scenes there are?
299
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,628
Thanks to
this police scanner.
300
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,898
Officer:
Patrol 27, do you copy?
301
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,200
Chimdale dispatch,
do you read? Over.
302
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,368
Hopefully someone
is killed soon.
303
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,537
Officer #2: Officer Keith and I
are stopping for gas.
304
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,940
Officer #3: Copy that.
Patrolling
Weathervane Lane Estates,
305
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,142
seeing some really
incredible houses here.
306
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,877
The big,
big copy on that.
307
00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,745
That's basically
my dream neighborhood.
308
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:26,914
We're losing the group.
309
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,548
Don't worry, I'll vamp.
310
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,551
Buhhhhhhh.
311
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,753
Attention all units,
deceased adult male discovered
312
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,389
at the Ogden Heights Complex
in East Lanceton.
313
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,059
Recent stab wound.
Suspect still at large.
314
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,963
There is, I repeat,
there is an RB Burger bag.
315
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,764
Yes!
316
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,466
Whoo!
There is a God.
317
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:47,968
We're on our way.
318
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,503
Who said that?
Police only on this channel.
319
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,939
Aah!
320
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:57,744
Now, let's keep this crime scene
secure, Officer Blatt.
321
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,512
Everyone thinks
we're incompetent
322
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:02,850
because we can't catch
this dang RB Burger killer.
323
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,018
No one's
getting in or out.
324
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:07,454
Mmm, now, that's what
I like to hear.
325
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,856
Whoops.
326
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,925
Whoops.
327
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:14,261
Just ridiculous.
328
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,430
Oh, mama!
Need fresh breath.
329
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,599
Aah!
330
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,767
[ Horse neighs ]
331
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,135
[ Grunts ]
332
00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,104
Right this way.
Lift the police tape.
333
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,272
That's just
to keep out people
334
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,308
who aren't official
tour members.
335
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,944
Just fantastic.
336
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,947
Wow. This is so vivid,
so real.
337
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,983
"Real" is the password here,
my friends.
338
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,450
And don't be afraid
to touch.
339
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,286
Move the body around,
look in the mouth.
340
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,788
It's your party,
so make it yours.
341
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,456
[ All chuckle ]
342
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:47,494
This body was stabbed to death,
but there's no knife.
343
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,796
Well, if I could educate you
a little bit here.
344
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:54,167
This killer, like most killers,
used an icicle as a knife.
345
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,370
Wouldn't that leave a puddle
where the icicle knife melted?
346
00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,639
Today's killers
are more sophisticated.
347
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,142
They bring a little towel
to mop the puddle up.
348
00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,244
-Oh.
-Oh, that's interesting.
349
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,812
[ Ting! ]
350
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,480
Oh, five stars,
no doubt.
351
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,249
I'm telling everyone
about this tour.
352
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,518
I'm calling the guy who played
Roy from "The Office"
353
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,519
when I get home.
354
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,254
Me too!
355
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,757
[ Ringing ]
356
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,226
Hey, gang,
Klaus here.
357
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,329
I'm over in Lanceton, strapped
in and swapping a lasher.
358
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,332
Thought I'd jack us all in
for a little party-line action.
359
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,567
Anyway,
the tour's going great.
360
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,868
I don't care.
361
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,837
[ Beep ]
362
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,839
Not so fast, Stan.
363
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,175
I control everything
from up here.
364
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,278
How -- How did you make me
answer the phone?
365
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:42,782
**
366
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,851
That was a hell
of an idea, Jeff.
367
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,853
No one in the family
believed in us,
368
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,922
but look at how happy
these guys are.
369
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,724
Look at the smiles,
the energy.
370
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,226
That one has a knife.
371
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,097
Wait, what?
More good news!
372
00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:01,468
We came with 12 people,
but we're leaving with 13.
373
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,936
Bonus customer!
374
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,072
And the new guy
has a knife!
375
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,040
Could be the missing
murder weapon.
376
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,076
Wouldn't that be a coup
for the Blood Bus?
377
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,810
It's the killer,
isn't it?
378
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:15,248
**
379
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,649
Maybe.
380
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,119
Let's keep our eye on him,
see if he does anything weird.
381
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,993
Jeff: The RB Killer
is on our bus.
382
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,996
Unless it's not him.
383
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,831
Hey, how big
is your head?
384
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,400
Would it fit
in this bag?
385
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,235
Why don't we just see
if it does?
386
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,104
This is unbelievable.
I'll say.
387
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:38,905
Never would've thought
that thing would fit.
388
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,274
She has a massive head.
389
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,976
Do you guys think
I have a massive head?
390
00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,744
Yes.
[Bleep] you.
391
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,246
We need to call
the cops.
392
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,415
But that'll ruin
our reviews.
393
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,118
Let's just drop everyone off
safely at their cars,
394
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,485
then call the cops.
395
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,155
But he could just grab
a hostage at any moment.
396
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,589
I'll handle
the killer.
397
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,426
I'll wrap him up in
my smooth tour-guide patter
398
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,195
and keep him
nice and calm.
399
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:05,932
Jeff, I got to know,
is it hard to drive a bus?
400
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,334
No, it's easy.
401
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,869
You just keep the bus
above 50 miles per hour
402
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,271
so it doesn't blow up.
403
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,805
Good news
and bad news.
404
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,474
The good news is,
I'm in love.
405
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,310
I've heard that homicidal
maniacs can be very charming,
406
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,046
and that is for real.
407
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,480
I went back there
to distract him.
408
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:24,317
He looked right into my eyes,
and I just fell.
409
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,953
As for the bad news,
why don't you tell them, lover?
410
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,989
You're all
coming with me
411
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:33,460
into the sewers
to my lair.
412
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,462
You're a killer?
Yes.
413
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,796
The RB Killer?
414
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,965
My name is Matthew,
but yes.
415
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,068
[ Crowd murmuring ]
416
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:44,071
Everything that's happening
is part of the tour.
417
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,638
Yes.
Yes!
418
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:49,008
He's just an actor
playing the murderer.
419
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,143
Oh, right.
420
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,145
Right,
I think I recognize him.
421
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,681
He was in
"Terms of Endearment."
422
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,183
It's Jack Nicholson.
423
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,650
"About Schmidt"?
424
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:01,221
Craig: Wow, these are
surprisingly roomy sewers.
425
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,755
Roger:
Little historical tidbit --
426
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,157
They almost made them wider.
427
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,559
[ Indistinct talking ]
428
00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,996
[ Brakes squeak, hiss ]
429
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,399
Everybody off.
430
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,435
I like the way
this looks.
431
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,503
Oh, wow.
432
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,506
Every person I kill
is a message,
433
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,573
a prayer,
434
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:23,176
and when that prayer
is heard,
435
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:27,680
I believe in my heart
that RB Burger will bring back
436
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:32,685
the long-discontinued
Big Beef Blopper.
437
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,020
The Big Beef Blopper?
438
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,524
Yes, it was
a limited-time offering.
439
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,725
It's a burger.
440
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,026
Yes.
441
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,794
I really,
really want one again,
442
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,396
and it's been 10 years.
443
00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,031
I even tried
to make my own,
444
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,367
but they use some kind
of celery salt
445
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,602
or taco spice
or something.
446
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:50,470
I don't know.
447
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,540
The meat was,
like, tangy.
448
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,709
Can't you just ask them to bring
the burger back on Facebook?
449
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,978
Facebook is for
racist grandmas.
450
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,280
Wait a minute.
451
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,482
This isn't
Jack Nicholson's house.
452
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:07,154
And now to sacrifice all of you
one by one
453
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:10,290
to my important cause!
454
00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,159
Jeff: No!
Jeff, don't worry.
455
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,261
He can stab me up for days.
It won't kill me.
456
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,563
I'm gonna
cut your head off.
457
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,565
Uh-oh, Jeff,
my one weakness.
458
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,300
I told you that
in confidence.
459
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,601
We're through.
460
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,404
Help!
461
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,240
My tour has been taken over
by the RB Killer!
462
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,308
[ Static hissing ]
463
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,277
It won't work underground.
464
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,512
-Trying to call the cops?
-Aah!
465
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,915
Why can't you support me
in what I'm doing?
466
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:40,287
Don't you want me to have
what I want, eat what I want?
467
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,490
Someone tell my babe,
"Bye, babe."
468
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:47,660
RB Burger Corporation,
hear my plea
469
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:52,465
and bring back the Blopper
you've taken from me.
470
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,234
No!
471
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,205
I'm okay. The knife just
stabbed me in my belly.
472
00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,106
Everyone,
restrain him!
473
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,841
He can't
overpower us all!
474
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,377
[ Indistinct shouting ]
475
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:06,813
We're saved!
476
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:11,718
Alright, that's a little
too much restraining.
477
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,754
Hey, that's
my boyfriend's knife.
478
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,459
Wait, wait, wait!
You're killing him!
479
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,227
Stop!
480
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,694
Let this happen.
481
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,032
Oh, my God.
They killed him!
482
00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,166
Why?
483
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,501
Because we're
murder fans,
484
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,036
and this was
a once-in-a-lifetime chance
485
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,137
to Dexter this guy.
486
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,905
We have to
tell the police.
487
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,140
No, we don't.
488
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,376
He was a bad man,
and now he's dead,
489
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,811
and there's not
going to be a body.
490
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,313
Anyone have a hacksaw
on them?
491
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,250
-Yes.
-Oh, I do, too.
492
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,818
[ Sawing ]
493
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,987
I'd really like
to go home now.
494
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,358
Yeah, let's get out of here.
This place reminds me of my ex.
495
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:58,531
I don't know if you noticed
my batting glove.
496
00:19:58,565 --> 00:19:59,399
I did.
497
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,734
I lost the ring
you gave me.
498
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,370
Well, I didn't lose it.
499
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,538
I sold it
to start a business,
500
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,274
but then
the business failed,
501
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:10,943
even though nobody got cut
to pieces in the sewers
502
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:15,348
and all the money was gone
and the pawnshop sold the ring.
503
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:19,286
Oh, yeah, he, uh,
sold it to me, actually.
504
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:20,687
I went in there to watch
some arm wrestling
505
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,089
they were hosting
and recognized the ring.
506
00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,725
So you bailed me out again?
Great.
507
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,560
Honestly, Jeff,
I'm impressed
508
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,629
that you didn't just drop it
down the toilet.
509
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,230
And I got you
something else.
510
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,933
Another gift I'll never
be able to match.
511
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,068
How wonderful.
512
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,237
Oh, man,
how did you know?
513
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,907
[ Imitating
engine revving ]
514
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:45,312
It's been three days without
an RB Burger-related murder.
515
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:50,249
So the Langley PD have declared
the case officially solved.
516
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,718
And to celebrate,
517
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,921
we are bringing back
a discontinued treat --
518
00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:57,056
our Big Beef Blopper.
519
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,459
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
520
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:01,928
To die for!
521
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,796
Have a great night.
37074
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
