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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,951 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 3 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,037 Hey, babe. So happy to see you! 4 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,232 Hi! I got your flowers. That was so sweet of you. 5 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:02,960 Of course. Well, I know you're finishing 6 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,433 your Global Health paper today 7 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,176 and you've been working really hard on it. 8 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:10,193 Well, I'm almost done, so, maybe 9 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:14,797 you want to come over and Netflix and chill and... 10 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,240 What? 11 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,198 You mean you want to fuck? 12 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,237 I did not say that! (LAUGHS) 13 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,435 Oh, my God! I know. 14 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,120 No! I was being more subtle than that! 15 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,200 I know. I'm sorry. 16 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,555 Yes, I am so down for that. 17 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,438 It's been like three fucking days. 18 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,160 My balls are so blue right now, 19 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:33,793 like dark blue, Uh-oh. 20 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:34,949 Like almost black. 21 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:37,076 No, I'm fucking serious. Here, check it out. 22 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,589 I believe you. (LAUGHING) I believe you. 23 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:40,760 Okay. 24 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,831 I'll see your almost-black balls later. 25 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:43,920 Cool, Steph. 26 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,076 Come over any time after 6:00. Okay, hun? 27 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,117 Okay. Dude, we are going to Netflix 28 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,873 and chill this shit so hard. 29 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,077 Peaky Blinders. Kimmy Schmidt! 30 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,593 Movember's over. 31 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,554 Time to shave the pornstache. 32 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,514 Sorry. Making a Murderer! 33 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,119 Narcos! (LAUGHING) 34 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,033 Stranger Things! 35 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,555 Black balls! 36 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,556 SCOTTY: Anyways, Ned followed his dreams 37 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,517 and turned a run-down old printing press 38 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,953 into the industry powerhouse 39 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,156 known today as the Fleming Company. 40 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,976 (ALL CHEERING) Best boss in the world! 41 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,036 The Fleming Company! 42 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,394 SCOTTY: We're talking 43 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,551 brochures for Steelcase furniture, 44 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,876 half the specialty jobs in Grand Rapids 45 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:45,555 and who could forget the Domino's Pizza circular? 46 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,915 (WHOOPING) 47 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,831 But before all that... 48 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,151 Ned met a young Michigan Wolverine, Barbara Welsh. 49 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,032 How did this older guy get me? 50 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,715 Ned took her on their first date to see his favorite band... 51 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,997 Kiss! Kiss! 52 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,434 My favorite band, too! 53 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,828 Rock and roll! 54 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,353 A few years later, 55 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,715 the stork brought my sister, Stephanie. 56 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,199 ALL: Aw! 57 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,032 WOMAN: She's so cute. 58 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,871 SCOTTY: They weren't close at all. 59 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,395 Oh, dropping her off at school. Yeah. 60 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,119 Then came me, Scotty F. 61 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,349 Did we have another child? 62 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,456 I forgot about that second baby. Oh, we had another child. 63 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:24,629 Anyways, Big Cheese. 64 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,840 I'm sorry, guys. 65 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:29,911 I promised myself I wasn't gonna do this. 66 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,353 ALL: Aw... 67 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,072 But I love you, Dad. Happy Birthday. 68 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,195 Way to go, Scotty! 69 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,793 I love you, too, buddy. 70 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,200 Thank you. Wow! (ALL APPLAUDING) 71 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,472 That was fantastic. 72 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,440 We've got one last surprise for you. 73 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,920 That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, 74 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,752 live from her dorm room at Stanford... 75 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,751 it's my sister, Stephanie! 76 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,195 (ALL CHEERING) 77 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,679 Hi, everyone! Hey, honey! 78 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,592 Hey, Steph! Hey, it's Kevin! 79 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,352 STEPHANIE: Hi, Kevin! Kevin. 80 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,317 Can we see? Sorry. 81 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,198 Hi, Momma. Hi! 82 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:00,395 Hi, Dad. 83 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:01,754 The birthday boy. 84 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:02,955 Hey, honey. 85 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,871 You guys look like you're having so much fun. 86 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,519 And I wish I could be there with you. 87 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:08,278 She's so sweet. 88 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,759 Yeah. Get out. 89 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,036 Yeah, I just wanted to say, Dad, that I love you. 90 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,519 I love you, too, honey. 91 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:14,908 I love you more. No, you don't. 92 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,240 Love you to the moon and back. 93 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,072 I'll let you win this round. Okay, Pops? 94 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,388 (LAUGHS) 95 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,317 Even though you're now like... 96 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:23,675 ...ancient. 97 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:25,159 You are still... 98 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,400 What are you doing here? 99 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:27,993 LAIRD: You asked me to come over. 100 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,696 STEPHANIE: You're early. I said after 6:00. 101 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:30,896 LAIRD: All right. Give me a sec, 102 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,016 I'm on the phone. LAIRD: Got it. 103 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,296 STEPHANIE: Sorry. It's just my friend. Anyway. 104 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,676 (SINGING) Happy birthday to you 105 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,836 (ALL EXCLAIMING) Oh, my goodness. 106 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,115 Oh, Laird, what are you... 107 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,336 LAIRD: Go finish your call. 108 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,320 I'm just getting ready to Netflix and chill, baby. 109 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:44,840 No, not now, Laird. Oh, my goodness. 110 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:45,920 LAIRD: Kimmy Schmidt! 111 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,176 STEPHANIE: Pull up your pants. Marco Polo. 112 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,918 Oh, my God! (ALL GROANING) 113 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,640 How do you make it stop? (CAMERA CLICKS) 114 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,096 Whoa, whoa, Mom, you just took a screenshot. 115 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,475 Happy, happy birthday Happy, happy birthday 116 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:56,696 Kevin, help her out. Kevin. 117 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,790 Happy birthday, happy birthday 118 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,393 (ALL EXCLAIMING) (BARB SCREAMING) 119 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:07,758 (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 120 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:13,628 Mi oh my, it's a wonderful life 121 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:18,510 It's a wonderful life with you by my side 122 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:22,195 Mi oh my, it's a wonderful life 123 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:26,990 It's a wonderful life with you by my side 124 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,816 Hey, there he is. Happy birthday, Big Cheese. 125 00:05:28,840 --> 00:05:29,840 Thanks, Jim. 126 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,713 Jerry. Hey, Ned. 127 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,936 Fun dinner last night. Hey, Jerry. 128 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:34,960 Thanks. Lou. 129 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,360 Hey, Cheese, can I have a minute? 130 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,232 Sure. Good morning, Joyce. 131 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,839 Great party. 132 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,638 Hold all his calls. 133 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,513 NED: You gotta be kidding me. 134 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,432 Big Lots is bailing out on us? 135 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,318 We've had that account since '06. 136 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,277 They're moving all their print work to China. 137 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,440 Oh, God. 138 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,398 Cheese, we're already getting pummeled by Evite, Stamp-Free 139 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:56,959 and the rest of those dot-coms. 140 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,634 And at this rate, we'll be Chapter 11 by March. 141 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,080 What about Dick's Sporting Goods? 142 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,118 Well, I mean, I'm still trading calls with my guy. 143 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,236 But, Ned, can I be honest with you? 144 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,000 I can't keep this from Patty much longer. 145 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,874 Lou, haven't I kept us going? 146 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,795 Yeah. I mean, it's what you do. 147 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,554 I just need a little more time. That's all. 148 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,711 You are the maestro. 149 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:21,075 Maybe you'll pull off a Christmas miracle. 150 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,549 Yeah. Yeah. 151 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,915 By the way, good job keeping that game face last night. 152 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,000 Oh. Thanks. 153 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,399 That was some shindig, man. 154 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:29,480 Yeah, it was fun. 155 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,152 Well, till the kid had his farter 156 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,673 all over the screen in 3-D. 157 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:33,989 I was like, "Whoa! 158 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,480 "That's a lot, man." 159 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:36,640 NED: And get this... 160 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,358 Stephanie now wants us to fly out... 161 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,159 to meet the man behind the crack over the holidays. 162 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:42,760 With everything that's going on here, 163 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,096 that's the last thing I want to do. 164 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:45,439 Well, hold on now. 165 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,158 This is the first serious boyfriend? 166 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,391 Yeah. Apparently. 167 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,639 I mean, it's so strange. 168 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:56,031 I mean, Stephanie and I have always been so close. 169 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,919 And yet she has never even mentioned this guy. 170 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,354 That's the way it goes, Cheese. 171 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,915 I thought I knew everything about Lou Junior, 172 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:04,280 when he was down at Ohio State. 173 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:05,789 Out of nowhere, 174 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:07,757 he comes dragging home this Buckeye 175 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:10,753 that he's been dating for over a year. 176 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:12,319 No. Yeah. 177 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,153 Nice girl, but still. She's so controlling. 178 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,318 I'm sorry. I don't mean it like that 179 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:18,879 because I don't know her that well. 180 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,274 But I don't like her. 181 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:21,668 I don't. Lou. 182 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,353 It's just what happens, you know? 183 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,476 Lou, what is the point of all this? 184 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,199 Go out there and meet him. 185 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,271 I know we going through a lot right now 186 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,830 but hell, Lou Junior is talking about getting married in May. 187 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:33,920 Married. 188 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,070 Once they're not under your roof, 189 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,191 there's no telling what they're into. 190 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,793 Oh, uh, that reminds me. 191 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:41,336 He does want you to speak at the wedding 192 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,669 and say some kind words. Oh. 193 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,195 I told him that I would talk to you about it. 194 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,960 And they'd like to get married at your house in the backyard. 195 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,031 Well... But anyway... 196 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:55,313 I'm just saying you might want to get out there and meet this kid. 197 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:56,708 Because, I mean, you saw it. 198 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,155 You saw it, he's a free spirit. 199 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:00,880 You mean... 200 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:02,593 You heard him come into the room. 201 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,512 He came in there guns blazing. 202 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,752 He had that revved up energy where he was like... 203 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,075 bow-bow-bow-bow. 204 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,390 He just wants to go and go and go... 205 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,710 and just morning, noon and night, 206 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:15,199 and "Stephanie, here I am. 207 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:17,920 "Stephanie, here I come. I'm coming again." 208 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,672 I remember being that age, don't you? 209 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,159 Just always ready. 210 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,754 (EXCLAIMING) 211 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,309 (TIRES SCREECH) 212 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,016 (WOMAN SINGING) Come on, it's lovely weather 213 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,235 For a sleigh ride together with you 214 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,314 Thanks for coming. 215 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,716 Oh, gosh, it is so gorgeous here. 216 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,030 I'm very excited that you guys are all out here. 217 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,200 BARB: We're very excited. 218 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,096 There's a few things that I wanna tell you about Laird 219 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:49,032 that I didn't feel like getting into over the phone because... 220 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,348 Watch, honey... 221 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:51,949 You missed our exit. 222 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,496 STEPHANIE: Actually, I missed it on purpose. 223 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:54,953 Laird and I thought, 224 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,670 it'd be better if we all stayed at his house. 225 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,795 NED: His house? 226 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,720 When did this come up? Did you know about this? 227 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:04,071 Are you sure his parents have enough room? 228 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,616 I mean, he doesn't live with his parents. 229 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,029 Honey, we're not gonna be comfortable at some crash pad. 230 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,589 He lives by himself. It's not a crash pad, 231 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,318 but it's much nicer than the Sheraton. 232 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:13,913 NED: Nicer than the club floor? 233 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,399 I smooth-talked the manager. 234 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,516 We got a suite at the regular rate. 235 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,636 What? That's what I'm talking about, Big Cheese. 236 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,438 That is impressive. We have to turn back. 237 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,192 Free continental breakfast. Yes. 238 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:24,736 Mint on the pillow, turndown service, 239 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,056 all things available at the Sheraton. 240 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,536 I mean, is your lover going to have that? 241 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,790 Your lover? Your lover? 242 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,956 We already all know that you've seen his penis. 243 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:33,109 STEPHANIE: What? Scott! 244 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,200 SCOTTY: What? 245 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,951 (R&B MUSIC PLAYING) 246 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,476 Sleigh bells ring Are you listening 247 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:42,948 BARB: Well, this is cute. 248 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,872 STEPHANIE: Actually, this is the gatehouse. 249 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,595 NED: Gatehouse? 250 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,917 A beautiful sight We're happy tonight 251 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,000 SCOTTY: What the heck? 252 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,310 Is that a facial recognition scanner? 253 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:55,555 Mmm-hmm. 254 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:56,834 That's so cool. 255 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:02,433 Gone away is the bluebird Here to stay is the new bird 256 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,158 The hedge is moving. 257 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,114 He sings a love song As we go along 258 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,714 Walking in a winter wonderland 259 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,917 Honey, who exactly are you dating? 260 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,976 Laird started this company called Guerrilla Gang. 261 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,399 You play Ape Assassins, right? 262 00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:18,754 Are you kidding me? 263 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,256 Yeah, that was my jam in the eighth grade. 264 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:21,280 Great, that's him. 265 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,476 So, he makes video games? 266 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,280 SCOTTY: Apps, Dad. STEPHANIE: This is it! 267 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,793 BARB: This is his house? Mmm-hmm. 268 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,316 Are you sure this isn't an Apple Store or something? 269 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:30,760 (IN A GERMAN ACCENT) Oh, my God. 270 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,239 What is up, you gang? 271 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,634 STEPHANIE: I know! 272 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,756 The Flemings are here. You have arrived! 273 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,717 Hi, buddy. Hi. 274 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,434 Hello, sweetheart. 275 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,549 Don't touch anything. How was traffic? 276 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:43,696 It was okay. Hi, they're here! 277 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,720 NED: Hello. 278 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,153 Hello to you, Ned Fleming. 279 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:48,760 Barbara. Yes. 280 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,110 You are perfect. 281 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,271 Well, thank you. Oh, my God. 282 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,120 And this must be the main man. Scotty, huh? 283 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,151 Yup. All right. Hey. (LAUGHS) 284 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,033 Who are you? STEPHANIE: Gustav. 285 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,553 I am Gustav. Yes. 286 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,078 I never know how to describe you. 287 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,312 Um, well, estate manager is cool, Stephy, yes. 288 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:07,515 That works. 289 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,875 I used to run the Four Seasons group in Asia 290 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,473 but after some point, you know, 291 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:13,336 the corporate life becomes a bit of a snooze-fest. 292 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,157 You know, "Tiffany's this, Cartier that." 293 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,715 But, you know. Just dot, dot, dot. Enough already. 294 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,472 You know what I'm talking about, Ned. 295 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:20,840 Oh, yeah. Sure. (GUSTAV LAUGHS) 296 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:21,960 Boring. 297 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:23,673 Where's Laird? Laird is upstairs. 298 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,592 He is just finishing a teleconference. 299 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:26,720 He'll be right out. 300 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,279 Oh, okay. Why don't we go up then? 301 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:29,360 Laird, I'm Ned. 302 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,440 No, no, no. 303 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:31,576 No, this is Randy. That's not Laird. 304 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,600 He's our intern. 305 00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:36,036 Just graduated summa cum laude at MIT. 306 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,997 So Randy, shake a leg. Get their luggages. 307 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,309 Yes, sir. 308 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,075 The motherfucking Flemings are in the house! 309 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,160 Yes! 310 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,030 This is fucking awesome! 311 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,111 Get up here. I'm so psyched to meet you. 312 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,280 Family, baby. Fuck yeah! 313 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:54,999 Oh, my God. 314 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,513 Scotty. 315 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:59,752 Yes, my brotha! Welcome. 316 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,148 Hey, Barb. Hi. 317 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:03,869 Oh. 318 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:05,960 Welcome. 319 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,071 Hey, Ned. All right. 320 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:09,593 Oh, yes. 321 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,038 Yes. Yes. 322 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,474 Yes. So glad you're here. 323 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:14,834 Yes. Hey. Hi. 324 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,075 Hey, baby. Hi. 325 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:18,909 I fucking missed you. 326 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,196 Why aren't you wearing a shirt on your body? 327 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:22,280 Oh. 328 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,520 Don't worry about that. I have a little surprise. 329 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,273 Let's stay half an hour and then we go back to the hotel. 330 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,032 That's a good plan. Thank you. 331 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,553 Dad, come on. This place is so sick. 332 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,477 Yeah, it's sick. 25 minutes. 333 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,560 That's it. 334 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:40,149 Hey! Just leave her alone. 335 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:41,713 Hey, oh, Ned. Ned. 336 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:44,314 Ned, would you look at that. 337 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,833 That's your face, Sis. Oh. 338 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,194 Very good likeness. 339 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:48,389 Oh, thanks. Yeah. 340 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,199 The Stephy tattoo. I got it, like, a week after we met, right? 341 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:52,918 One week. You know, right on my heart. 342 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,315 Great. Okay, do you guys want to go see the house? 343 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:56,520 Uh... We probably should... 344 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:58,671 We came to stop and say hey. Yeah. We should go. 345 00:12:58,880 --> 00:12:59,880 Actually, no. 346 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,600 No. Before we go, um... 347 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,392 I have a little surprise for everybody. 348 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,710 (EXHALES) Shit. I'm fucking nervous. 349 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,096 Do you want to consult me about it? 350 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,256 You want to talk to me before you... 351 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,271 You know what? No, I'm just jumpin' in. All right? 352 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:12,480 I'm just going to do this. 353 00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,312 Laird, it's going to be fucking great. 354 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:16,078 Ta-da! 355 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:17,829 Oh, my God. 356 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,238 I just got it done this morning 357 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,958 SCOTTY: Yeah. I bet it's red, huh? 358 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,189 I need a little feedback. 359 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,436 Is that our Christmas card? Yes. 360 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,273 Yeah! That's exactly what I used. How'd you know? 361 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,616 Look, he even got Noodle in there. 362 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:30,789 Hurt like balls. 363 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,396 Gosh, it says "Happy Holidays" and everything. 364 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:35,629 What? 365 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,677 Get the fuck out of here. Okay. 366 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,114 It says "Happy Holidays?" 367 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,280 Barb, fuck you. 368 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,634 God damn. 369 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,512 I gave the guy the Christmas card. 370 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,136 I didn't know he put "Happy Holidays" on there. 371 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:46,513 Wow. Fuck. 372 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,472 Guess it's stuck on there, huh? (LAUGHS) 373 00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,908 Oops. Fuck. 374 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,991 Well, you know, you guys were coming over... 375 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,913 I was so excited, I just had to do something, you know? 376 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,674 Well, that is something, all right. 377 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,559 You know what? Sometimes, you just got to say, "Fuck it." 378 00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:01,680 Fuck it! 379 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:02,829 You should... Laird, 380 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,911 this is a 15-year-old child. 381 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,513 So, we don't really... 382 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,238 Oh, shit. 383 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,595 You don't say fuck? SCOTTY: No, Mom, I... 384 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:11,760 Heck yeah, I cuss. 385 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,955 No, you don't. 386 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,160 You do? Yeah. 387 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,673 Oh, he cusses. No, you don't. 388 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,096 Yeah, bro, what's your favorite cuss word? 389 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:18,120 Oh, boy. 390 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,280 Don't egg him on like that. 391 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:20,395 What's your favorite? 392 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,071 Uh... NED: Hmm. 393 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,349 Titties. 394 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:26,839 Titties? Titties. 395 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,240 Stop it. Stop that. (BARB SIGHS) 396 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:29,713 Titties? Classic. 397 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,871 Okay. We should be going. 398 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,553 Nice one. What else you got? Asshole. 399 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,216 LAIRD: Asshole. All right. That's enough. 400 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,376 Okay. Another good body part. 401 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:37,833 What else? Dicking. Double dicking. 402 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,479 Double dicking. Okay. 403 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:40,834 Wait. Hold on. Double dicking? 404 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:42,656 Are you happy? That's a new one on me, bro. 405 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:43,680 What the fuck is that? 406 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,030 What the hell is that? Is that like dick to dick? 407 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,476 Okay! Good night! We're going to the hotel. 408 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,757 This kid is nasty and I fucking like it. 409 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,239 Yeah. Yes! 410 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,833 All right, let's do the tour. 411 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:57,216 I'll show you around! All right? 412 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,468 Just throw your shit anywhere. 413 00:14:58,640 --> 00:14:59,960 You little double-dicker, come on. 414 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,040 Throw your stuff anywhere. 415 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,314 By the way, I'm a huge fan. 416 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:03,719 I'm part of the online Ape Army. 417 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:04,840 Awesome. 418 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,440 You know, this is what I was trying to tell you guys in the car. 419 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,118 This is okay here? 420 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:11,358 Do you want to take your coat off? 421 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,112 Uh, no. Nope. I'm fine. 422 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,599 (BARB SIGHS) Come on, guys. 423 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:16,736 All right, so this here's the kitch. 424 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:18,273 This is where we keep the food. 425 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:19,475 The dining room. 426 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,279 That's a sculpture of a couple people fucking. 427 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:24,711 (STEPHANIE SQUIRMS) Painting of a fat squirrel. 428 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,552 And this one's called "Triple Team," 429 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:27,999 self-explanatory. 430 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,438 All right. This is the den. 431 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,433 These dudes are just testing out video games. 432 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,392 Ned, Stephy says that you're pretty serious about your bowling, 433 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,351 so I had a couple lanes installed. 434 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,195 STEPHANIE: Oh, my God. 435 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,376 BARB: None of this was here? 436 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,400 No. 437 00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,517 You said you were fixing a crack in the foundation. 438 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,272 Is that us? 439 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,870 Yeah, I got the images off your league's Facebook page. 440 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,189 SCOTTY: That's so insane. 441 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,828 Dad, look, he even got in your signature "crotch chop." 442 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:57,828 Oh, yeah. 443 00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,040 STEPHANIE: Wow. 444 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,336 LAIRD: All right, this here is where we develop a few apps 445 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,237 for the Apple and Android platforms. 446 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,158 Hey, gang, say hi to the Flemings. 447 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:06,429 Hey, guys. Hey, what's up? 448 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,398 Wait, I don't understand. Do your employees live here? 449 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,358 Uh, maybe some of them do. I don't really know. 450 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,550 Gustav is actually an amazing architect. 451 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:17,278 We designed this place together. 452 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,396 BARB: When did you go to Machu Picchu? 453 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,471 Hun, when did you put these up? 454 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,358 What the heck is that moose? 455 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,669 That's a Phillip Manfredi. 456 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,068 LAIRD: Great pick-up, Barb. 457 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,277 Stephy told me that you're this amazing art and photography professor. 458 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,032 That's awesome. STEPHIE: Mmm-hmm. 459 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,431 I teach a couple of classes at a local community college. 460 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,079 Don't be so modest, Mom. 461 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,116 You're an amazing photographer. 462 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:40,271 Oh, that looks like a real dead moose. 463 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,794 Well, that's exactly what it is, Ned. 464 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,679 A dead moose suspended in its own urine. 465 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,478 It's meant to symbolize the way 466 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:50,835 that our culture has imprisoned our minds. 467 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,080 Oh. 468 00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:54,595 I got to tell you, Ned, 469 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,989 great art really gets me aroused. 470 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,720 It's actually a very strong aphrodisiac. 471 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:00,835 Laird. 472 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,536 Not that you need any help getting turned on by that gorgeous woman. 473 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,629 Honey. 474 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,438 What? Your mom is beautiful. 475 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,471 She is. She deserves some props for that. 476 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,632 Well, I'll take a compliment wherever I can get one. 477 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,070 Well, here's another one. You got a bangin' bod, too. 478 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,195 BARB: All right. 479 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,554 Hey, what's going on, everyone? 480 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,318 LAIRD: Richard Blais, everybody. 481 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,995 This is the maestro of molecular gastronomy. 482 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:23,673 Oh, my God. 483 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,990 That's that cute one from Top Chef. 484 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:27,798 Oh, he's the one who goes, "Bam!" 485 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,236 No, that's Emeril. He's a fucking dick, that guy. 486 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:32,668 Dickie Blais what's up? 487 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,435 Yeah, so Laird thought it would be a fun idea to do a pop-up restaurant 488 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,680 just in your honor tonight. 489 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,313 Did he? Yeah. 490 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,198 And I have here a little amuse-bouche. 491 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,296 So if anyone's looking for a little pre-dinner snack, 492 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,389 you can head on up here. 493 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,232 Count me in, 'cause I'm famished. 494 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,320 All right. 495 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,520 There are so many surprises. 496 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:49,560 (CHUCKLES) 497 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:50,640 I know. 498 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:52,016 You're hungry, you've come to the right place. 499 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,519 I've got surf and turf for you. 500 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:54,795 Steak and lobster. 501 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,075 Yum, yum. 502 00:17:57,040 --> 00:18:01,113 My version of surf and turf, edible soil and plankton foam. 503 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,759 Dig in. Oh. 504 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,189 Wow, can't wait for dinner. 505 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,360 No. 506 00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,680 Hey, so I think it's going great, right? 507 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,717 I think they've already accepted me. 508 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,314 I'm getting a little bit of a different vibe. 509 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,913 Oh, really? Like what? 510 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,399 Don't try so hard. 511 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,834 I'm not, what do you mean? 512 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,911 You put in a bowling alley for my dad 513 00:18:21,120 --> 00:18:23,953 and you got a tattoo of my entire family on your back. 514 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,395 Oh. 515 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:26,520 Was the tattoo too much? 516 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:27,715 Yes. Fuck. 517 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,437 Shit, I knew it. 518 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,079 Yeah, Gustav said the same thing. 519 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:33,309 Okay, don't worry... 520 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,392 I won't get any more tattoos of them while they're here. 521 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,629 Thank you. Okay. 522 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:38,875 I love you. 523 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,272 I love you, too. 524 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,360 Okay. 525 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,456 Oh, one more thing, stop calling them motherfuckers 526 00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,118 and talking about how hot my mom is. 527 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,999 Well, she's sneaky sexy, took me by surprise. 528 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:57,073 Dude, she is a MILF, like a genuine MILF. 529 00:18:57,280 --> 00:19:00,397 And if it wasn't your MILF, she'd be a MIWF... 530 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,073 a mother I would fuck. 531 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,275 Mmm-mmm. 532 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,998 But I won't. Okay. 533 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,871 Of course. Thank you. 534 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,353 (BOTH LAUGH) 535 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:12,028 (NED SIGHS) 536 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,638 All right, it's pretty. Yeah. 537 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:15,840 You know... 538 00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:19,640 It's a lot. (STAMMERS) 539 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,479 Yes! I mean, the moose... Yes. 540 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,318 And the language. Come on! 541 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,038 Mmm-hmm. A real moose! 542 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,230 And he's coming onto your mother. That's not okay. 543 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,594 And the tattoo? 544 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,957 The tattoo! And how... 545 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,758 546 Oh, my. And you're... 547 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,069 22. Yes! 548 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:37,310 You didn't like the mural of you and Scotty 549 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,600 down in the new bowling alley? 550 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,756 The bowling alley with the mural is... 551 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,438 And the bowling alley is regulation. 552 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,113 That's quite nice 553 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,192 and that's very rare to have something that nice. 554 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,696 And the polish that he used was quite... 555 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,720 It was good. But... 556 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:50,949 I'm sorry. 557 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,480 I should have told you. 558 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,952 About everything, of course. (SCOFFS) 559 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,557 Honestly, I didn't know how to explain him over the phone. 560 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,432 I just kept imagining... 561 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,153 Mom Googling Laird Mayhew 562 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,629 and you guys jumping to conclusions 563 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,029 before you even got a chance to know him. 564 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,592 Well, now we know him. (SIGHS) 565 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:15,714 No, you don't. 566 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,438 You've been here for 15 minutes. 567 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,560 Yeah. 568 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,558 Thank you. 569 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,896 I wouldn't have asked you to come out here 570 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,120 and miss Christmas in Michigan 571 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:29,556 for the first time ever, if he wasn't... 572 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,039 ...really important to me. 573 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,669 Hmm. 574 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,320 Okay. 575 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,150 (MUTTERS) You'll give him a chance? 576 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,675 Okay. Okay, thank you. Thank you. 577 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,872 Come here. (CHUCKLES) 578 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,480 I love you. 579 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,039 I love you, too. 580 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,398 So if I did Google him, what would I find? 581 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,480 Don't do it. 582 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:05,600 Oh. 583 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:06,715 Just don't Google him. 584 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:07,880 Oh. 585 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,317 Well, I still don't see it. 586 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:15,351 Darling, this is the male, and he's thrusting. 587 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:16,520 Oh, God. 588 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,313 All right, everybody, dinner is served! 589 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,516 Scotty! Come on, grab a stump. 590 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,875 Dad, you wanna go there? Mom. 591 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,656 You sure you don't want to take off your coat? 592 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:26,680 No. I'm good. 593 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,990 We do it family style here, so everyone just dig in. 594 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,479 It's super cas. 595 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,875 Okay, so we have three dishes for this evening. 596 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,996 We have sous-vide geoduck. 597 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,957 We have Mission-style sea urchin burritos... 598 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,040 STEPHANIE: Yum. 599 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:39,394 ...with edible paper. 600 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,398 LAIRD: Because you're a printer. 601 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,039 And last but not least... Sweet. 602 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,839 ...we have smoked California bear. 603 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,000 Enjoy. 604 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,393 Oh, shit! 605 00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:49,709 Thanks, Blais. 606 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,199 Bear? LAIRD: Mmm. 607 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,640 Yo, Scotty, you see The Revenant? 608 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:53,994 No, I wanted to, 609 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,216 but my parents don't really let me watch R-rated movies. 610 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:57,880 You're darn right we don't. He's only 15. 611 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,235 You want some paper? Yes, certainly. Thank you. 612 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:01,879 I don't know what section that is. 613 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,156 Because that bear fucked that dude up! 614 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,593 Now we're gonna fuck this bear up. 615 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,233 Hey, what about that language? 616 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:08,400 Oh, shit. Sorry. 617 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,036 BARB: Ah, I think I've got the arts section here. 618 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,272 You better slow down, Barb. 619 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,440 You're gonna be full before you get to the funnies. 620 00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:17,709 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 621 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:19,475 Ned. 622 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,029 (CLEARS THROAT) 623 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,076 So, um, how did you two meet? 624 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,749 Uh, you want me to go? Yeah. 625 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:31,880 Okay. 626 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,195 Laird sponsored a talk on campus 627 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,599 with Doctor Joanne Liu, 628 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,160 the head of Doctors Without Borders. 629 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:38,280 Oh! 630 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,356 Melinda Gates got me totally pumped 631 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,880 about issues in the developing world. 632 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:42,960 Now I'm obsessed. 633 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:44,315 Wow. 634 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,792 That's Bill Gates' wife. LAIRD: Yeah. 635 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,279 She's great. NED: Yeah. 636 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:49,759 That's terrific. 637 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,480 That's Steph's field of interest, too, so that's great. 638 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:53,749 Yeah, I know. 639 00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:55,400 Ned, you should've seen her at the talk. 640 00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:58,756 She asked the most intelligent question. I was blown away. 641 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:00,959 Really? What did I say? 642 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:02,235 You were like... 643 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:03,616 "Hey, what's the connection between 644 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,915 "women's health and population density 645 00:23:06,120 --> 00:23:07,599 "in indigenous communities?" 646 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,990 I was like, "Bam! Who's that?" 647 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,792 That's so sweet of you to remember that. 648 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,791 Of course I remember. Mmm... 649 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,840 The first time I saw you. BARB: That's our girl. 650 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,776 She's always been the smartest person in the room. 651 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:18,800 So true. Yeah. 652 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:20,990 And the sexiest. My God. Well. 653 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,196 I couldn't keep my eyes off her. 654 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,679 Her hair, and her eyes. 655 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:25,795 Very pretty eyes. 656 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,518 The way her spine gently arches 657 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,158 to meet the top of her tailbone. 658 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,816 I just wanna pitch a tent and live in there. You know what I mean? 659 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:32,960 No. You're taking it too far. 660 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,118 Quite the outdoorsman. 661 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,872 I just mean she's got a great body. 662 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,553 Oh, well, yes. Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 663 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:39,994 She's a darling girl. 664 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:41,296 Like you, Barb. STEPHANIE: Great genes. 665 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,320 Okay. 666 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:43,554 Two fit women. 667 00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:45,358 I'll have to agree with you there. 668 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,317 Ol' Slamming Bod Barb. 669 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,549 (LAUGHING) 670 00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,710 Two fit women and two lucky dudes... 671 00:23:51,360 --> 00:23:52,509 And one double-dicker. 672 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,193 (LAUGHS) 673 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,831 Okay, well. 674 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,198 Laird, when did you graduate from Stanford? 675 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:03,192 Oh, I didn't go to Stanford, bro. 676 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:04,920 I hardly even graduated from high school. 677 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:06,868 He's being modest. 678 00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,176 He actually started writing code 679 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,555 for Sun Microsystems when he was 13. 680 00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,318 That's true. Wow, that's just like me. 681 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:14,120 I've been interning at the Fleming Company 682 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:15,519 since, what, the seventh grade? 683 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:16,869 Mm-hmm. Yup. 684 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,996 Future CEO, but you are going to college. 685 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,656 I know, Dad. I know. I know. Just like your sister. 686 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,671 So, Steph, weren't your surprised 687 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,673 that this big tech mogul wanted to date you? 688 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,154 He said he was some low-level programmer at Uber. 689 00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:33,669 I had no idea that he sponsored the entire event. 690 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:34,875 So he lied to you. 691 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,359 Oh, Ned, I had to. 692 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,875 I mean there are so many gold diggers in Silicon Valley. 693 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,389 They just wanna fuck you for your tech money. 694 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,232 Language, baby. You gotta be careful. 695 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,391 I didn't spill the beans till April. 696 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,518 April? That's eight months ago. What? 697 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,033 Steph, over the phone, you said 698 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:51,856 you've only known each other for a couple of months. 699 00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,916 It was super casual at first. No. 700 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,115 No, it was not. 701 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,430 We exchanged I love you's on the third date. 702 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,016 Remember? Right after we... The third date? 703 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,216 made love in the hot tub at Esalen in Big Sur? 704 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,240 No, no, no. 705 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,236 Where, what? Esalen in Big Sur. 706 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,435 Really? 707 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,596 Ned. Don't get the wrong idea. 708 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,593 It was not sexual at all. It was so much more than that. 709 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:10,920 Okay, I'm sorry. I'm confused. 710 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,399 Did you have intercourse or not? 711 00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:13,788 Scotty, shut it. 712 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,376 Dad, I'm just trying to connect the dots here. 713 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,799 Look. Yeah, we did. 714 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:20,555 But what I'm saying is I was transformed. 715 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,757 Stephy opened up like a flower. 716 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,319 You should have seen it. 717 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,438 I shouldn't have seen it, but now I feel like I have. 718 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:29,999 I just want your parents to know 719 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,360 that you're living with someone 720 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,152 who's completely devoted to you. 721 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:35,592 Wait a minute. What-ing with someone? 722 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,796 You say you're living together? Yeah. 723 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,434 No. We do not. 724 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,631 Okay, five nights out of seven. 725 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,512 Your stuff is here. 726 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:46,976 You don't really stay at the dorm. 727 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,274 (EXCLAIMING) 728 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:49,600 Do you have a toothbrush here? 729 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:50,760 Yeah. That's cohabitating. 730 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,797 Scotty, stop talking and eat your paper. 731 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,678 STEPHANIE: Dad, we do not live together. 732 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,319 Yeah, we're cohabitating. 733 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,636 "Opened up like a flower." 734 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,633 Honey, I'm looking at the Esalen website right now 735 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:08,313 and there's nothing dirty about it. 736 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,153 You go up there for yoga classes and things like that. 737 00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,993 They've been practically living together for a year. 738 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,639 Why didn't she just tell us that? 739 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,197 Where the heck are the towels? 740 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:20,871 He's even affected Scotty. 741 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,997 What is a double dicking, for crying out loud? 742 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:27,349 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 743 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:28,555 Oh. Uh... 744 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:29,680 There she is. 745 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:31,273 Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. She's gonna... 746 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,440 She better explain what the heck is going on here. 747 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:34,520 All right, so be nice. 748 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,976 Be like, "Oh, my God. I love your boyfriend. He's so normal." 749 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,194 I'm good. 750 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,315 Hi. 751 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:42,395 Hi, uh... 752 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,312 I thought you'd be Stephanie. 753 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:47,515 Steph's super pooped. 754 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,672 We had a big fight because of the way I behaved at dinner. 755 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,080 Don't worry, we took a shower together and worked it out. 756 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,029 But I snuck out to have a little check in. 757 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,200 Okay. Well... 758 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,995 Ned, would you come join us? 759 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,359 (STAMMERS) I'm good here. 760 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,869 Oh, please. This is an Alaskan king. 761 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,553 There's so much room. 762 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:17,513 So much room. 763 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,231 It'd really mean a lot to me. Please? 764 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,029 Okay. 765 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:24,760 Hey. 766 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:27,229 (BARB CLEARS THROAT) 767 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,069 I owe you two an apology. 768 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,240 When I get nervous 769 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:38,039 all kinds of crap comes flying out of my mouth 770 00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,031 and I know that's not how you guys roll. 771 00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:41,120 No. 772 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,071 I was just trying to make a good impression. 773 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,912 Yeah. Well, you did. It was... 774 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,116 I mean you didn't, but it's okay. 775 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,352 It was an awkward dinner. 776 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,278 It was a unique situation for... 777 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,072 Yeah, but let's all just move on. 778 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,478 Okay. Great. 779 00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:57,640 Truth be told, 780 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,031 I haven't spent a lot of time with parental figures. 781 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:04,312 I don't know if you know this, but I never knew my father. 782 00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,559 Yeah, he picked up my mom in this bar in Oakland. 783 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,837 They had some sloppy car sex, and then never spoke again. 784 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:11,955 Yeah. 785 00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,230 I'm not really close with my mom, either. 786 00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:18,590 To be frank, she's kind of a motherfucking bitch. 787 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:19,840 (BARB EXCLAIMS) 788 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,596 If I had a nickel for every time I... 789 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:24,389 Yeah. 790 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,755 We're sorry to hear that. 791 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:28,638 That's some tough stuff, pal. 792 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,074 Yup. That's... 793 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:31,640 That's... 794 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,995 All right. Well, it's getting late, so... 795 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,120 BARB: Yeah. 796 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:36,957 I'm in love with your daughter, dudes. 797 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:38,394 And I'm just so fucking psyched 798 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,311 to get to know the people that raised her. 799 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,515 Mmm-hmm. 800 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,353 And we're gonna do Christmas just like you do at home. 801 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:46,555 Tomorrow night, 802 00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,949 I'm gonna throw a party in your honor. 803 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,016 Oh, you don't have to go to the trouble. 804 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:52,109 You don't... It's not. 805 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,760 We're gonna do all the holiday shit. 806 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:57,436 Okay. Hmm. All the shit. 807 00:28:57,760 --> 00:28:59,990 Ned, I'd love some guy time with you. 808 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,310 So maybe we could take a walk tomorrow morning? 809 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:04,799 Okay. Okay, cool. 810 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,110 Justine, will you set Ned an alarm for 6:30 a.m.? 811 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:08,280 JUSTINE: You got it, Laird. 812 00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:12,199 Ned, an alarm's been set for you for 6:30 en la mañana. 813 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:13,918 What? Who is that? 814 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:15,429 (CHUCKLES) 815 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,033 That's Justine. 816 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,192 Yeah, she's like Siri, but awesome. 817 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,197 I got that chick from The Big Bang Theory, 818 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:23,679 Kaley Cuoco, to do the voice. 819 00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,840 J, say hi. 820 00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,190 JUSTINE: Hey, Ned. Hey, Barb. How are you guys? 821 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,075 Hi. BARB: Oh, my God. 822 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:31,792 Stephanie's told me so much about you. 823 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,359 Anything you need, I'm here. 824 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:34,669 BARB: Okay. NED: Thank you. 825 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,990 She can't... Can she see us? 826 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,315 She says that she can't, but I think that she can. 827 00:29:41,480 --> 00:29:43,240 JUSTINE: What the fuck are you talking about? 828 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:44,509 You know I can't see them. 829 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,069 (WHISPERS) She's a perv. 830 00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:48,240 Laird. 831 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,352 Anyway, I hope you two have a nice night's rest. 832 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,039 Yeah, have a good night. Great night. 833 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,235 Have a great night. Yeah. 834 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,396 My instinct is to hug you right now. 835 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,278 Oh. No. BARB: I don't think you... 836 00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:01,629 That's okay. Oh. 837 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,711 Oh, my God. Barb. 838 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:05,074 Good night. 839 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:11,000 Peace. 840 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:21,599 (ROOSTER CROWING) 841 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,230 (MAN SINGING) Baby, I want to trim your... 842 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,555 Baby, I want to trim your... 843 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,589 Baby, I want to trim your... 844 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,391 Beautiful Christmas tree 845 00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,913 I'm gonna bring along my hatchet 846 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,909 My beautiful Christmas balls 847 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,438 I'll sprinkle my snow upon your tree 848 00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,751 And hang a mistletoe on your walls 849 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,311 Baby, I want to trim your... 850 00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,958 Oh, beautiful Christmas tree 851 00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,000 (CLEARS THROAT) 852 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,556 Barb? There's no toilet paper. 853 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:12,680 Uh-oh. 854 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:14,398 Would you get a roll for me, please? 855 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:15,953 Papa make a poopie? 856 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,951 Yes. I made a poopie. 857 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,394 Did Daddy do a doo-doo? 858 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,636 Barb, just get the toilet paper, please? 859 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,392 All right. Well, you sit tight. 860 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:24,833 I'm gonna go find you some TP. 861 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,000 Thank you. 862 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:29,160 Of course. 863 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,792 Mr. Playboy. 864 00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:33,632 Unbelievable. 865 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:35,349 Who is that? 866 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,471 She's a bit of a Plain Jane. 867 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:39,834 BARB: Darling? Yeah. Yup. 868 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,759 Just, um, crack the door and toss the roll, please. 869 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,997 It's gonna be a little more complicated than that. 870 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:47,639 Good morning, Ned. 871 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:49,469 (GROANS) It's Gustav. 872 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:50,600 Great. 873 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,996 As I've already told Barb, we are a paperless household. 874 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,159 Paperless? What? 875 00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,195 BARB: It's a paperless house, darling. 876 00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:00,509 NED: I got that. 877 00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:04,719 But how am I supposed to complete my business? 878 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:06,518 Well, all Japanese toilets 879 00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:09,114 have a very effective and pleasant cleaning spray. 880 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:10,469 And I will be very happy 881 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,790 to walk you through the entire process. Oh, God. 882 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,838 Ned, please locate the control panel to your left. 883 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:18,472 Okay, I see it. 884 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:20,080 Now on that control panel is a button 885 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:22,794 that shows an image of water spraying up. 886 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,797 Okay. And I just push it? 887 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,149 Just press it, yes. 888 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,480 (COUGHS) 889 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,079 Was that cologne? 890 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:33,559 Oh! Cologne? Oh, yes! 891 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,194 That is a designer-scented talcum powder. 892 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,195 But that button should not have activated that. 893 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,193 Ned, that is what is called Big Pony for Men by the Ralph Lauren. 894 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:43,429 I'm excited to try. 895 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,872 Can we please just continue? All right. 896 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,393 Ned? Yes. 897 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,551 I would like to apologize sincerely again. 898 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:54,190 This is the 2018 model that you are on right now, 899 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:55,475 so they have not yet made 900 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,551 an instruction manual in English yet. 901 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,871 So I'm going to take care of this on my end, all right? 902 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,753 So Ned, you focus on your end in there 903 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,554 and I will focus on your end out here. 904 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,553 BARB: That's too good. This is it. 905 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:10,392 This should do it, Ned. (PHONE BEEPING) 906 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:12,040 (WHIRRING) Okay. Something's whirring. 907 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,036 Something's spinning around in there. 908 00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:16,911 No! Turn it off! 909 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,116 Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! 910 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:20,400 God! 911 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:21,759 GUSTAV: Oh, scheisse! 912 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,070 We are having some technical difficulties. 913 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:25,798 That was the vaginal cleanse. 914 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:26,920 The what cleanse? 915 00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,752 I just want a square of toilet paper. 916 00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:30,069 The vaginal cleanse. 917 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,514 Which I hear is refreshing 918 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,636 and apparently also very stimulating. 919 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,429 Just saying. 920 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:37,028 (GRUNTING) 921 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:42,960 Ned? 922 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,080 Really? 923 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,440 I'm so sorry, Ned... 924 00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,831 but I'm going to have to manually reboot the system from the inside. 925 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:52,275 In here? 926 00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:53,759 I am so sorry. 927 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:54,955 Fine. 928 00:33:57,840 --> 00:33:58,955 NED: Why not? 929 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,795 Barb, would you close the door? Sorry. 930 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:04,393 It's gonna be great. 931 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:06,520 (DOOR SHUTS) 932 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:08,792 Ned, I am blinders. 933 00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:11,515 I see nothing. I smell nothing. 934 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,471 The print is very small. Mm-hmm. 935 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:15,834 Okay, forgive me. 936 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,591 I can't see the instructions. 937 00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,032 All right. What do we have here? 938 00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:26,320 Hmm... 939 00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:29,160 (SIGHS) 940 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:36,349 (FARTS GENTLY) 941 00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:51,279 (STOMACH GROWLING) 942 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:59,038 I had some stomach problems last night. 943 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:01,033 I think it was the bear. 944 00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:03,470 I can guarantee you, it was the bear. 945 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:05,795 (JUSTINE CLEARS THROAT) 946 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:08,837 Turning on the fan. (SWITCH CLICKS) 947 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,710 Great. Wunderbar. 948 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:17,519 How'd it go? 949 00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,389 I am so sorry that it took so long. 950 00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:22,915 Ned, I'm going to need you to be completely still 951 00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,355 while we try to lock in your location. 952 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,835 I'm sitting on a toilet, that's pretty still. 953 00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:30,355 GUSTAV: Searching, searching, und searching. 954 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,869 And we have target achieved! 955 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,519 And sploosh! 956 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:35,715 (BIDET HISSING) Oh! 957 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:46,395 (CHICKENS CLUCKING) 958 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,551 There you go, girls. 959 00:35:49,720 --> 00:35:51,073 You raise chickens? 960 00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:52,912 All free-range. 961 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:54,274 Cows, too. 962 00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:56,795 Pigs, artisanal llamas. 963 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:58,313 Everything you eat here 964 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,550 comes from within a 500-yard radius. 965 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,115 I call it "lawn to table eating." 966 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:04,280 There she is. 967 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:05,954 Hey, Daisy. (GRUNTS) 968 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:08,833 Oh. Hi. 969 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,072 (GRUNTS) Go on, get. 970 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:13,880 So glad we're doing this, Ned. 971 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,056 I feel like I know you after everything that Steph's told me about you, 972 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:18,638 but still not the same... 973 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:19,909 (BOTH GRUNTING) 974 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,554 Do you submit? Fuck you! 975 00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:26,273 Gustav! Ned, stay away! 976 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:28,400 You wanna fight? 977 00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:33,800 Tap out! (GROANING) No! 978 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,075 You want to tap out. 979 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,832 Okay, okay! Fine! 980 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:40,479 GUSTAV: Nice work! 981 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,136 And your reactions are getting quicker. 982 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,160 Really? Absolutely. 983 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:44,280 Thanks. 984 00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:46,480 I am so sorry, Ned. I just didn't want you to get hurt. 985 00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:50,953 Wait, so you just do this Pink Panther thing? 986 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:52,519 Pink Panther? Pink Panther? 987 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:54,955 The Pink Panther from the Pink Panther movies. 988 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,317 When Cato attacks Inspector Clouseau to keep him sharp. 989 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,096 Are those really old? I never heard of it. 990 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,155 I'm not familiar, either, 991 00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:02,833 but it sounds absolutely charming. 992 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:05,959 Pink Panther. 993 00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:07,513 The movies? Mm-hmm. 994 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,670 Cato is his assistant, his houseboy. 995 00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:13,193 Houseboy? Well, it's... 996 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,316 That sounds racist. 997 00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:18,628 He did call him "my little yellow friend." But... 998 00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:20,096 I'm sorry, you have to understand, Ned. 999 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:22,680 Laird is the CEO of a massive tech company. 1000 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:24,472 LAIRD: I don't like bodyguards around 1001 00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,473 so I have Goose train me in case I get kidnapped or whatever. 1002 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,319 By the way, your Chun Kuk Do moves were very solid. 1003 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,152 But what happened to the evasive parkour? 1004 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:33,514 Ah, evasive parkour. Yeah. 1005 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,033 I totally fucking spaced! 1006 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:36,838 GUSTAV: There's always room to improve. 1007 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,035 All right. Thanks, man. 1008 00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:39,519 You got it, brother. 1009 00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,352 All right, ciao for now, you friends. 1010 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,954 And you guys have a lovely chat. 1011 00:37:45,040 --> 00:37:46,640 Ned, come on. I wanna show you my office. 1012 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,398 You know, that's like classic Pink Panther. 1013 00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,400 This is where you work, huh? LAIRD: Yeah. 1014 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:58,552 I have a den in the house where I do the financial stuff 1015 00:37:58,720 --> 00:38:00,915 but this is where all the big ideas happen. 1016 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:02,991 Don't you need a computer and... 1017 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,196 Nah. My girl Justine records everything. 1018 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:06,475 Right, J? 1019 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,398 JUSTINE: Yep, I'm here. Hey, Ned. 1020 00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:11,640 Hey, why don't you play back a blip from yesterday's session? 1021 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,336 All right, hold on. Fuck. There's so much shit up here in your Cloud. 1022 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:15,554 Okay, okay got it. 1023 00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:18,393 LAIRD: Come on, idiot, think. Names for games. Um... 1024 00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,353 Ape Assassins Six: Capuchin Chaos. 1025 00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:23,875 Uh, Silverback Salsa. 1026 00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,235 Baboon Bukkake. 1027 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:27,628 Fuck! Wow, that's awful! 1028 00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:28,755 (CHUCKLES) Bad idea. 1029 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:29,915 Why? Why's that? 1030 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:31,000 Uh... 1031 00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:32,559 What does that mean? 1032 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:33,680 Bukkake? 1033 00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,029 Oh, um... 1034 00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:36,958 Just means a lot of things are happening 1035 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,256 and you're feeling overwhelmed. 1036 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:39,554 Mm-hmm. Yeah. 1037 00:38:39,720 --> 00:38:41,597 Yeah. I've felt bukkake before. 1038 00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:42,720 Hmm... 1039 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,074 Grab a seat. Make yourself comf. Let's break it down. 1040 00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,230 Just pop down right here on the floor. 1041 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:55,868 There you go. 1042 00:38:56,920 --> 00:39:01,072 Ned, I think you and I have so much in common. 1043 00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:04,550 We see something we want and we just dive in 1044 00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:05,720 and we take it. 1045 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:06,760 Know what I mean? 1046 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:09,035 Yeah. 1047 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:12,788 Which is why... 1048 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:15,074 ...on Christmas Day... 1049 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:17,717 I'm going to ask Stephy to marry me. 1050 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:29,960 And I know how tight you two are. 1051 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:31,080 Mm-hmm. 1052 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:33,759 So I'd really, really 1053 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:34,955 like your blessing. 1054 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:37,119 (MUTTERS INAUDIBLY) 1055 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,318 Uh, Laird. 1056 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:42,616 Really appreciate you coming to me. 1057 00:39:42,640 --> 00:39:43,640 'Course. 1058 00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:45,990 But, uh, the answer's no. 1059 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,151 Dude, I'm so confused. 1060 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,356 What the fuck? What the hell? 1061 00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:55,794 This went so much differently 1062 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:57,353 when I rehearsed it with Gustav. 1063 00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,636 Yeah. I asked you and you were like, 1064 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:01,113 "Yeah, dude. My son." 1065 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,151 Laird. Listen to me, okay. 1066 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:07,469 Beside the fact that I don't know you from a hole in the wall... 1067 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:11,474 Stephanie is just not ready for this step in her life. 1068 00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,632 Oh, I'm totally getting the signals that she is. 1069 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,439 I'm her father, I know her pretty well. 1070 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:19,437 Okay, all right. All right, Ned... 1071 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:21,278 Dude, I know I sprung this on you. 1072 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,994 My bad. Okay? Let's just back it up. 1073 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,195 All right? All right. 1074 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:28,517 Why don't you give me a few days to win you over, okay? 1075 00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:29,874 And by Christmas morning... 1076 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,508 I promise, you're going to be calling me "son." 1077 00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:34,477 I'm gonna be calling you "Dad". 1078 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:35,816 Don't think that's going to happen. 1079 00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,831 I think it's gonna, Dad. 1080 00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:40,840 Don't. 1081 00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:42,789 (CHUCKLES) Dad, come on. 1082 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:44,536 Don't call me "Dad." Don't call you "Dad"? 1083 00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:45,560 I'm not your dad. 1084 00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:47,836 I mean, you're gonna be my dad. 1085 00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:48,920 No. No. 1086 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:50,758 What, Dad? (SIGHS) 1087 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,480 Okay, now you're playing with me. 1088 00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:56,391 All right. Dad. 1089 00:40:58,200 --> 00:40:59,758 Look, Laird. 1090 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,508 Why do you even care about what I think? 1091 00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,033 You're Stephanie's father. 1092 00:41:06,320 --> 00:41:09,039 I'm not gonna ask Stephanie to marry me unless I have your blessing. 1093 00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:11,194 Okay. 1094 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:12,674 Justine, did you get that? 1095 00:41:12,840 --> 00:41:14,558 JUSTINE: Totes. Yeah, recorded every word. 1096 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:17,711 Totes. And totes is what? 1097 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:20,758 It means totally. But totally's kind of long, so "totes" is just easier. 1098 00:41:22,720 --> 00:41:23,720 Okay. Good. 1099 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:24,840 Okay. Okay. 1100 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,074 All right, cool. Yeah. 1101 00:41:26,240 --> 00:41:28,549 But you gotta promise me 1102 00:41:28,720 --> 00:41:31,871 that you won't tell Steph anything about this. 1103 00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:33,594 About any of this. 1104 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,394 Trust me, that is the last thing in the world I will do. 1105 00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,120 For reals, dude. I want it to be a surprise. 1106 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:40,633 No word. I won't say a word. 1107 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,916 Barb and Scotty, too. No clowning. 1108 00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:44,475 No clowning. 1109 00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:47,709 What? 1110 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,110 I'd just feel a lot better about this if we pinky swore. 1111 00:41:50,240 --> 00:41:51,912 (LAUGHS) 1112 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:54,795 Oh. 1113 00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,277 I see what you mean. Cool. 1114 00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,712 Go get breakfast. Okay. 1115 00:42:05,240 --> 00:42:06,309 Fuck! 1116 00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:08,429 Sup, guys? 1117 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,397 DEVELOPER 1: Hey, boss. DEVELOPER 2: Mayhew! 1118 00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:12,616 (MAN RAPPING OVER RADIO) ...took a little longer 1119 00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,438 Go into the school gonna run another banger 1120 00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:17,991 The fuck? Come with me immediately. 1121 00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,398 The hell is this room? 1122 00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:21,669 Randy, get the fuck out. 1123 00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:22,955 Yes, sir, Gustav. Mm-hmm. 1124 00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,150 I am on the needles und pins. 1125 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,038 I need you to tell me how it went right now 1126 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:31,155 or I'm going to burst. 1127 00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,157 He said no! What? Okay, okay. 1128 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:36,113 But how did you respond? 1129 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:38,959 I was blindsided, man. I didn't know what to do. 1130 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,160 I challenged him. 1131 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,197 Okay. I started calling him Dad. 1132 00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,510 Oy vey. The fuck, man! 1133 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:49,753 Why would you call him Dad? You're putting him at unease! 1134 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:51,799 You have to find a way in. 1135 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,309 You have to do something for him that's truly special 1136 00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,835 so that he knows that your intentions are pure. 1137 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:58,920 Dude, Goose, I don't know how to talk to the guy. 1138 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,200 It's like we speak two different languages or something. 1139 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,320 You do. Yeah. 1140 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:03,674 He speaks English. 1141 00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:07,469 And you speak English with resounding amounts of "fuck." 1142 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:09,016 All right, Stephanie's been on my case, too. 1143 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:10,040 Yes. I got it. 1144 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:11,160 All right? Okay. 1145 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:12,200 Right. All right, man. 1146 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:13,360 Great. Great. 1147 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,936 You just fucking really hit me really hard. 1148 00:43:14,960 --> 00:43:16,393 I know. I am sorry. 1149 00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,518 It's just, Laird... 1150 00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,035 ...your relationship with Miss Stephanie 1151 00:43:22,240 --> 00:43:24,708 is very special. It's the real deal. 1152 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:25,840 Hey. Yes. 1153 00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,838 Goose, I know I pay you a shit-ton of money, 1154 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,359 but you're my best friend. 1155 00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,636 Our friendship is priceless. 1156 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,030 Hey. Thanks, brother. 1157 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:38,392 (BOTH SIGHING) 1158 00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:41,677 (GROANING) 1159 00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,514 Okay. 1160 00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:48,795 (GROANING) 1161 00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,075 Okay. Ow! Mercy. Mercy. 1162 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:53,520 Fuck. 1163 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:56,600 Bro, you're incredible. 1164 00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:57,875 That was very imaginative 1165 00:43:58,040 --> 00:43:59,439 how you took that tender moment 1166 00:43:59,560 --> 00:44:00,960 and used it as your pivot to attack. 1167 00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:02,314 Yeah. Very good. 1168 00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,038 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 1169 00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:07,080 What's up, Cheese? 1170 00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:09,076 I'm about to go to the football game. 1171 00:44:09,240 --> 00:44:10,434 Lions, baby! 1172 00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:11,874 NED: Great. How's business? 1173 00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:13,229 Tell me something good. 1174 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,594 Oh, uh... 1175 00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:17,110 I talked to my guy over at Dick's Sporting Goods. 1176 00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:18,856 Don't tell me they're going with China, too. 1177 00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:19,915 Worse. 1178 00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:21,957 Freaking online banner ads. 1179 00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:23,917 No. Damn it. All right, listen. 1180 00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:28,269 I'm gonna call Don Millis at Subaru of Southern Michigan. 1181 00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:31,398 I heard a little rumor that they might be looking for a new dance partner. 1182 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,113 Yeah, Don, the big guy, right? 1183 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,032 You guys go back to your car selling days. 1184 00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:36,872 Yeah. It's worth a shot. Listen... 1185 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:38,632 I need you to go in and pull his card 1186 00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,256 from my rolodex while I look for a pen. 1187 00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,077 You got it, Cheese. No, you got it. 1188 00:44:43,720 --> 00:44:45,312 So how goes it in Cali? 1189 00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,436 It feels like we've landed in The Twilight Zone. 1190 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:49,600 Did you find the card? 1191 00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:52,309 Yeah. I got it right here. 1192 00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:53,833 Just hang on. 1193 00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:55,393 I have nothing to write with here. 1194 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:56,993 This whole house is paperless. 1195 00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:58,120 Paperless? 1196 00:44:58,280 --> 00:44:59,599 Well, how do you wipe your ass? 1197 00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:00,720 You don't. 1198 00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,916 They have these Japanese toilets that... (HISSES) 1199 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,880 It's one of those little squat jobs, little squatter. 1200 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,639 No. Just... never mind. Just give me the number. 1201 00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:10,119 JUSTINE: Hey, Ned, I'm here. 1202 00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:11,599 I can take it down for you. 1203 00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,990 Justine, please just... I'm fine. 1204 00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:15,160 Just go away. 1205 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:16,616 All right, I'm just trying to help. 1206 00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:17,920 You don't have to be such a dick. 1207 00:45:18,240 --> 00:45:20,310 LOU: Whoa, whoa. Cheese, who is that? 1208 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:21,656 She's got a foul little mouth. 1209 00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,296 Is that the kid's secretary you fighting with? 1210 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,754 No, no, no. That's the woman who lives in the ceiling. 1211 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:26,920 Cheese, what she look like? 1212 00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:27,960 The woman who lives... 1213 00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:29,176 You say she lives in the ceiling? 1214 00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,919 She's a disembodied voice that... 1215 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,678 Never mind. I'll explain later. 1216 00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:34,875 The voice sounds sexy. 1217 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,200 Are they using somebody famous? 1218 00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:38,231 JUSTINE: I wouldn't say too famous. 1219 00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:39,496 You know, million dollars a week, 1220 00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,296 biggest show in the world, no big deal. (COUGHS) 1221 00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:42,320 Lou. She can hear me? 1222 00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:44,120 JUSTINE: Of course I can hear you. 1223 00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:45,309 How you doin', baby? 1224 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,436 (LAUGHS) Better now that I'm talking with you. 1225 00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:49,600 NED: Just give me the number. I'm calling him now. 1226 00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,353 Let's catch some waves. 1227 00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,856 VIDEO GAME GORILLA: Tsunami. SCOTTY: That guy's cool. 1228 00:45:58,880 --> 00:45:59,880 Yeah, Goose is the best. 1229 00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:01,515 Oh... 1230 00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:07,456 Laird, I'm gonna be honest with you, buddy. 1231 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:08,480 Okay. 1232 00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,511 Gorillas in board shorts is a fun touch. 1233 00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:11,680 Yeah. I'll give you that. 1234 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,536 But when the only mission is to get to shore, 1235 00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:14,920 I'm not feeling enough drama there. 1236 00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:16,040 You know? 1237 00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,355 You know what? You're so fucking right. 1238 00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:20,555 Fuck! 1239 00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:22,376 We've been developing this limp dick for months. 1240 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,016 You come and you play it for five minutes, 1241 00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:25,712 you know exactly what's wrong with it. 1242 00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,030 You're a sharp little fucker. You know that? 1243 00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:29,879 Thank you. 1244 00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,031 I mean, for real, man. I appreciate it. 1245 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:34,399 It's just nice to be listened to. 1246 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:36,349 What do you mean? 1247 00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,336 I'm gonna be running my dad's business one day. 1248 00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:39,360 Uh-huh. 1249 00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:42,352 But he won't even listen to any of my ideas about innovation. 1250 00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:44,033 What? Right? 1251 00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:45,394 You're next gen, dude. 1252 00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,920 It's where all the new seeds come from. Everyone knows that. 1253 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,176 And I told him that. I was like... 1254 00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,668 "Dad, if you're gonna unleash me to my full potentsh... 1255 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:52,960 "I need a seat at the table." 1256 00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:54,195 He just won't listen to me. 1257 00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:55,588 Um... Get that seat! 1258 00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:56,760 I will get that seat. 1259 00:46:56,920 --> 00:46:58,640 Gotta get that seat, Scotty. That's my seat. 1260 00:46:58,680 --> 00:46:59,908 Nobody else touch it. No. 1261 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,719 Where is that seat? It's at the fucking table. 1262 00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:04,956 (SCOFFS) And I'm gonna get that seat at that table. 1263 00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:06,872 You deserve a fucking throne, dawg. 1264 00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:08,400 Yeah, the Iron Throne. Iron Throne. 1265 00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:10,056 Iron Throne. Game of Thrones over here! 1266 00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:12,216 I'm breathing fire and grabbing titties left and right. 1267 00:47:12,240 --> 00:47:13,416 Fucking King Joffrey up in this. 1268 00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:14,440 Those are my titties! 1269 00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:16,551 You're the next in line. That's me. 1270 00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:17,920 My man. 1271 00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:22,754 Oh, God. 1272 00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:27,594 They're paying your student loans. 1273 00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:29,195 Oh. 1274 00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:42,119 NED: Stamp Free Invites. 1275 00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:45,434 (CHIMES) 1276 00:47:49,240 --> 00:47:50,753 Oh, man. 1277 00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:56,116 Ho, ho, ho! (DOG BARKS) 1278 00:47:57,440 --> 00:47:58,634 (LLAMA GRUNTS) 1279 00:47:58,760 --> 00:47:59,795 BARB: Wow. 1280 00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:01,240 Is that a horse? That is a llama. 1281 00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:02,440 Oh, a llama. Hi. 1282 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:03,635 Hello. 1283 00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,631 BARB: Oh, my goodness. Hey, girl. 1284 00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:07,119 We don't have those in... 1285 00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:08,639 Dad! 1286 00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:10,950 There you are. This is insane! 1287 00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:12,473 Oh, you working on the books? 1288 00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:14,471 Uh, yeah, you know. Just the little stuff. 1289 00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:18,475 I was thinking about Laird's Christmas party. 1290 00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:20,471 Gustav gave me a preview of the guest list. 1291 00:48:20,640 --> 00:48:22,551 And, Dad, it is a veritable "who's who" 1292 00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,039 of Silicon Valley power players. 1293 00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:25,838 Tyson Modell is coming! 1294 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,831 Wait, who is he? What? 1295 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,016 He's the kid who founded Ghostchat. 1296 00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:30,109 Oh, right. 1297 00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:31,696 He turned down three billion dollars from Facebook, 1298 00:48:31,720 --> 00:48:33,153 and he's only 24 years old. 1299 00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,470 I'm gonna broker a sit-down between you two. 1300 00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:38,716 Dad, thank you for telling me to pack a blazer. 1301 00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:41,096 Now, should I throw on a tie or should I keep it business casual? 1302 00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:42,678 Scotty, just listen to me, all right? 1303 00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:44,910 Most of these Internet companies 1304 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,036 are built on smoke and mirrors. 1305 00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:48,235 What? 1306 00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:49,360 Don't get sucked in. 1307 00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,670 That whole industry is based on hooey. 1308 00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:53,956 I'm gonna drop some knowledge on you. 1309 00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:55,354 Times are changing, Pops. 1310 00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:57,556 And not everything you think is hooey is hooey. 1311 00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:00,671 Wow. That's profound. 1312 00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:02,394 Profound. 1313 00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:04,794 And you... 1314 00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:07,157 Hooey-meister himself. 1315 00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:10,911 You're nothing but an octopus. 1316 00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:13,119 An octopus. 1317 00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:18,039 (EDM PLAYING) 1318 00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,152 LAIRD: (ON TAPE) Merry fuckin' Christmas 1319 00:49:29,240 --> 00:49:30,992 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 1320 00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:44,399 What are you pouring? 1321 00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,391 We are doing a deconstructed eggnog tonight. 1322 00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:48,596 Eggnog. Yes. Thank you. 1323 00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:50,034 Where you from, boss? 1324 00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:51,120 Michigan. 1325 00:49:51,240 --> 00:49:52,753 Oh, Michigan. You in the car business? 1326 00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:55,036 Uh, no. Printing. Ned Fleming. 1327 00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:56,758 Elon Musk. Elon Musk? 1328 00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:58,509 Yeah. Tesla, Elon Musk? 1329 00:49:58,720 --> 00:49:59,914 Yeah. Wow. 1330 00:50:01,240 --> 00:50:02,240 How do you know Laird? 1331 00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:03,714 Uh... 1332 00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:05,597 He's dating my daughter. 1333 00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,074 Uh-oh. 1334 00:50:08,240 --> 00:50:09,434 Nice talking to you. Yeah. 1335 00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:10,635 What? 1336 00:50:12,080 --> 00:50:14,116 Oh, hey! Hi, honey! 1337 00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,470 Could I get a glass of white wine, please? 1338 00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:19,753 Ooh, hiya, handsome. Hi! 1339 00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:21,592 You look great. Oh, come on. 1340 00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,432 No, you do. Thank you. 1341 00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:26,319 I'm just getting in the holiday spirit. 1342 00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:30,155 So what were you talking to Laird about for so long? 1343 00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:32,791 I got the entire Mayhew family saga. 1344 00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:34,279 Oh, God. I'm sorry. 1345 00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:37,432 No, no, turns out it was pretty interesting actually. 1346 00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,751 His mother was a secretary at one of these tech companies. 1347 00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:43,275 Can I interest you in a Kobe beef slider? 1348 00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:44,759 Ooh, yum. Real food? 1349 00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:46,797 Yes, I'm starving. 1350 00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:48,518 Wait, what? 1351 00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:50,239 Oh, God. 1352 00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,078 Ma'am? Kobe squirt? No, thanks. 1353 00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:53,240 Thank you. 1354 00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,433 It's actually pretty tasty. 1355 00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:58,592 Anyway, she saw all these young programmers getting rich. 1356 00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:01,320 So she basically forced Laird 1357 00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:05,439 to spend his entire childhood inside, learning computers. 1358 00:51:06,600 --> 00:51:09,273 I think that's kind of sad, right? 1359 00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:21,313 He ate it. Hmm. 1360 00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,159 He's an octopus. 1361 00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,151 That kid is wrapping his tentacles 1362 00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:27,998 around every member of this family. 1363 00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:29,513 He's manipulating you. 1364 00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:31,989 Darling, we need to bring this down a notch. 1365 00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:34,310 Okay? You think you're at war with Laird. 1366 00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:37,153 But he's not fighting. It's just you. 1367 00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:38,976 Come on, let's go meet his friends. 1368 00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,035 They look darling. 1369 00:51:40,240 --> 00:51:41,832 Oh, God. 1370 00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:44,958 Totally tanked porting the thin-client apps for the JDK build. 1371 00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:46,536 The fuck? So you had to rewrite all the code? 1372 00:51:46,560 --> 00:51:48,551 Mm-hmm. By myself. 1373 00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:50,915 LAIRD: But did you do it? Oh, you know I did! 1374 00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:52,479 Hey, there they are! Hi. 1375 00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:53,640 Looking like a babe. 1376 00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:54,869 Look who's looking sharp. 1377 00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:56,314 Okay! Hello! 1378 00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,800 Tyson, these are Stephanie's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Fleming. 1379 00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:00,871 Oh, no. Barb and Ned, please. 1380 00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:02,758 So it was fucked up, man. 1381 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:04,512 It took me two weeks 1382 00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:06,358 on the J2EE database... (MOUTHING) 1383 00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:08,696 trying to get the interface to react with the server... 1384 00:52:08,720 --> 00:52:10,711 so I can get the containers up and running again. 1385 00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:15,192 I'm sorry. Tyson, what's a J2EE? 1386 00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,231 Java 2 Platform Enterprise Edition. 1387 00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:18,714 Do you not write code? Sorry. 1388 00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:20,359 This guy's the worst. Yeah. 1389 00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:22,640 I'm actually more of a personal relations kind of guy. 1390 00:52:22,720 --> 00:52:25,280 Like account management, client services. That kind of stuff. 1391 00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:27,078 Dude, this kid is fucking awesome. 1392 00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:30,676 Yes, Ned is grooming Scotty to take over our family business. 1393 00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:31,840 That's right. 1394 00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:33,552 We own a printing business in Michigan. 1395 00:52:33,720 --> 00:52:34,936 Really? I'm sure you're familiar 1396 00:52:34,960 --> 00:52:36,280 with those two siblings over there 1397 00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:38,072 since you're in the printing business. 1398 00:52:38,240 --> 00:52:40,515 Yo, brother-sister act! You gotta meet this guy. 1399 00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:41,600 Hello! 1400 00:52:41,760 --> 00:52:43,432 Hey! Blaine and Missy Pederman. 1401 00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:44,749 Hi, I'm Barb Fleming. 1402 00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:46,239 This is my husband. Ned. 1403 00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,868 I'm Scott Fleming. Nice to meet you. 1404 00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:50,712 I'm sorry, we were told we might know you, 1405 00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:52,074 but I'm afraid we don't. 1406 00:52:52,240 --> 00:52:54,754 Blaine and Missy started Stamp Free Invites. 1407 00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:58,431 Oh, okay. 1408 00:52:58,600 --> 00:52:59,749 Right. 1409 00:52:59,920 --> 00:53:00,920 What's up? 1410 00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,456 Did the server forget to send a reminder 1411 00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:04,311 for your birthday party or something? 1412 00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:07,438 No, he is actually in the printing business. 1413 00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:09,759 Oh, shit. Whoops. 1414 00:53:09,880 --> 00:53:10,880 No, no. 1415 00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:12,256 We didn't put you out of business or anything? 1416 00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:13,280 No. 1417 00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,675 What? Ruin our business? No, no. 1418 00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,512 We're doing quite well. Thank you. 1419 00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:18,635 Oh, that's great! 1420 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:20,136 Good for you! Honestly, good for you. 1421 00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:21,832 We love little mom-and-pop printers. 1422 00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:24,076 So inspirational. So important. Mm-hmm. 1423 00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:25,593 My dad has more of a factory. 1424 00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,136 Not to brag, but we're a pretty big shop. 1425 00:53:27,160 --> 00:53:28,936 People need paper. They need something to write on. 1426 00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:30,656 They love the feel of that card stock in their hands. 1427 00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:31,680 Yeah. 1428 00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:33,631 MISSY: I've never heard anyone say that. 1429 00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:36,320 Hmm. We have not found that at all. 1430 00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:37,629 Yeah. Nope. 1431 00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:39,416 I think we come from two different worlds. 1432 00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:40,475 Yes, we do. 1433 00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:43,632 You better start learning code pretty fucking fast, dude. 1434 00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:45,074 Dude, Ned was crushing it 1435 00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,794 since before you two were fighting over your mother's titties. 1436 00:53:48,280 --> 00:53:49,720 BLAINE: Our mom didn't breastfeed us. 1437 00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,512 Laird, you know we had a wet nurse. 1438 00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:52,680 Oh, I can tell. 1439 00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,176 Boy, I'll tell you, I don't know what's going on. 1440 00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,200 I'm lost. 1441 00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:57,594 I'm overwhelmed. Yeah! Me, too. 1442 00:53:57,760 --> 00:53:59,637 There's bukkake floating all around me. 1443 00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:00,875 BARB: What? Hm? 1444 00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:02,155 What's bukkake? 1445 00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:03,355 Oh, Laird told me. 1446 00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:05,033 It means when you're overwhelmed 1447 00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:06,360 and you got too much going on. 1448 00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:08,198 BARB: Oh, my gosh. Can't figure things out. 1449 00:54:08,360 --> 00:54:10,669 Then, I'm drowning in bukkake at this point. 1450 00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:11,976 Okay, I'm gonna be real with you guys. 1451 00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:13,080 It means jizz on your face. 1452 00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:15,520 I'm sorry? 1453 00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:17,033 Bukkake means covered in jizz. 1454 00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:18,394 Tons of jizz, ejaculate. 1455 00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:19,959 Usually after a gangbang. 1456 00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:21,348 Not as bad as it sounds. 1457 00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:22,714 TYSON: Yeah, post-gangbang. 1458 00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:25,633 Or during. Depends if someone finishes early. 1459 00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:26,909 NED: What the heck? 1460 00:54:27,000 --> 00:54:28,216 I was trying to protect you, dude. 1461 00:54:28,240 --> 00:54:29,832 Protect me? LAIRD: Fucking Justine. 1462 00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:31,149 You mean embarrass me? 1463 00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:32,656 It was a really sensitive conversation. 1464 00:54:32,680 --> 00:54:33,696 I didn't want to start talking 1465 00:54:33,720 --> 00:54:34,816 about guys jerking off on each other. 1466 00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:36,336 NED: Why'd you tell me it was overwhelming? 1467 00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:37,509 Justine brought it up! 1468 00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:40,194 I hope this is an opportune time to show a video. 1469 00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:41,360 LAIRD: It's not. 1470 00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:42,674 NED: Oh, God! TYSON: Yeah. 1471 00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:44,518 Oh, and this is a teaching moment. 1472 00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:45,999 Here's another. NED: Oh, my God. 1473 00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:47,336 STEPHANIE: No. Scotty. NED: Don't look at that. 1474 00:54:47,360 --> 00:54:49,157 It's all good. You don't have to see this. 1475 00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:50,878 Is that you? 1476 00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:55,395 No. 1477 00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:56,828 LAIRD: Oh, my God. 1478 00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:01,872 (RAGE THE NIGHT AWAY PLAYING) 1479 00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,234 (CROWD CHEERING) 1480 00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:07,998 We alive right now, now 1481 00:55:09,720 --> 00:55:11,039 Let's get hot right now 1482 00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,477 We don't give a damn about money 1483 00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:14,913 We alive right now 1484 00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,311 All we do is party, party 1485 00:55:17,400 --> 00:55:18,515 And get hot right now 1486 00:55:21,720 --> 00:55:24,632 (SCREAMING) 1487 00:55:24,720 --> 00:55:26,073 Are you okay? 1488 00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:28,955 BOTH: Yeah! 1489 00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:30,553 Come on, Daddy. You're okay! 1490 00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,557 Okay, I just need to take a breather. One... 1491 00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:35,594 Do it again... 1492 00:55:35,760 --> 00:55:37,318 Lost my mind, I'm a lose it again 1493 00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:39,038 I love this kid. 1494 00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,395 Oh, my God! 1495 00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:43,033 Rage, rage the night away 1496 00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:44,712 Forget about the money I spent today 1497 00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:46,512 Rage, rage the night away 1498 00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,398 DDT your ass. I love you, dawg. 1499 00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:52,436 Forget about the money I spent today 1500 00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:54,438 (CHEERING) 1501 00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:57,433 (SHOUTING) 1502 00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:03,758 (SCREAMING) 1503 00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:11,235 Hi, Pops. 1504 00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:14,360 I just need some fresh air. Can I come? 1505 00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,754 We've always been straight with each other, haven't we? 1506 00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:26,920 Yeah, of course. 1507 00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:28,336 Okay, I need to ask you a question. 1508 00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:29,475 And I mean this honestly. 1509 00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:30,834 Okay. What? 1510 00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:32,000 You're scaring me. 1511 00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:33,149 No. It's just... 1512 00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:35,360 What? 1513 00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:37,634 Why Laird? 1514 00:56:37,800 --> 00:56:39,153 I mean, come on. Oh, my God. 1515 00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:40,912 Why? (GROANS) Dad. 1516 00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,111 You are so smart and you're beautiful. 1517 00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:45,475 You could be dating anyone. Why? 1518 00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:47,000 I don't get it. You want the truth? 1519 00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:48,269 Yes. 1520 00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:50,631 He kind of reminds me of you. 1521 00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:53,160 What? 1522 00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:55,469 Me? Yes. 1523 00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,398 Okay, I need you to explain that one. 1524 00:56:57,480 --> 00:56:58,480 How? 1525 00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:01,154 You're both the most honest and authentic men that I know. 1526 00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:02,776 It comes out in totally different ways. 1527 00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:03,800 Oh, well... 1528 00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:05,313 Laird has literally no filter. 1529 00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:08,034 I don't know that to be true. Is that right? 1530 00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:09,713 Okay. Sorry. 1531 00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:11,836 Trying to help you out here. (SIGHS) 1532 00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:14,839 But I swear his heart is always in the right place. 1533 00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:19,352 He's a very good guy. 1534 00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:21,833 And I love him. 1535 00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:27,880 You love him? 1536 00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:34,994 (WHINES) What? 1537 00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:37,233 I'm processing. 1538 00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:38,560 We had the... Very funny, Dad. 1539 00:57:40,360 --> 00:57:42,157 Okay. Okay. 1540 00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:44,558 Just try to be cordial. 1541 00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:45,755 I will. I'll try. 1542 00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:47,592 Okay? I'll try. Try to what? 1543 00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:49,398 I'll try to just... 1544 00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:55,032 ...understand that person better. 1545 00:57:56,280 --> 00:57:57,633 (LAUGHS) 1546 00:57:57,720 --> 00:57:58,720 Come here. 1547 00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:10,755 Hey. 1548 00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:13,720 Hi. 1549 00:58:13,800 --> 00:58:16,712 (SIGHS) Long night. What are you doing? 1550 00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:19,599 Just chilling. 1551 00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:22,636 Barb, is that my shirt? 1552 00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,711 I don't know, is it? 1553 00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:26,438 Want me to take it off? 1554 00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:29,114 Would you, please? I only brought two dress shirts. 1555 00:58:29,280 --> 00:58:30,554 I really don't feel like ironing 1556 00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:32,073 while I'm on this trip. 1557 00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:35,558 (GROANS) I'm so exhausted. 1558 00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:38,629 Oh, yeah. 1559 00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:40,119 Take it off, baby. 1560 00:58:40,280 --> 00:58:43,716 Yeah! Take it off. Take off those shoes, girl. 1561 00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:47,156 Let me see those feet. I wanna see those feet! 1562 00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:48,680 Did you hit your head or something? 1563 00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:51,109 Yeah. Let me smell that shoe. 1564 00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:52,256 You don't wanna smell my shoe. 1565 00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,280 Yeah, I want feet! 1566 00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:55,436 I want those feet out of those socks. 1567 00:58:55,600 --> 00:58:56,919 Barb, what happened to you? 1568 00:58:57,080 --> 00:58:58,957 I am so stoned right now. 1569 00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:00,080 What? 1570 00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,310 Yeah, I am so baked. 1571 00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:04,277 I am like super baked. 1572 00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,635 Barb. What? Where did you? (LAUGHS) 1573 00:59:06,800 --> 00:59:09,439 I was very lonely after you guys left. 1574 00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:13,912 And I saw this guy, and he had a cigarette. 1575 00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:16,514 I thought it was one of those electronic cigarettes. 1576 00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:17,749 They're called E-cigs. 1577 00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:18,840 Yeah. 1578 00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:20,797 But turns out... 1579 00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:22,791 I was vaping. 1580 00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:23,995 What? 1581 00:59:24,200 --> 00:59:25,474 I was vaping. 1582 00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:26,640 What is that? 1583 00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,758 It's marijuana that comes out of some kind of machine. 1584 00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:31,632 Keep your voice down! Ned, it's legal. 1585 00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:34,633 Oh, this poor boy had it for sleep apnea. 1586 00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:37,638 At his age? So sad. I'm going to bed. That's it. 1587 00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:39,717 No, no, no. Wait! 1588 00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:41,136 Barbara, I'm tired. Wait a minute. (MUTTERS) 1589 00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:42,160 And I've got a headache. 1590 00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:44,311 Let's play a little bit, huh? No, no. 1591 00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:46,630 I'll give you one of my patented massages. 1592 00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:48,119 Barb. Let's take the Little Cheese 1593 00:59:48,200 --> 00:59:49,315 out for a spin. No, no, no. 1594 00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:50,880 Come on, let me just see him. Don't. 1595 00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:52,616 I just want to see him. Don't call him that. 1596 00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:53,709 Please. Come on. 1597 00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:54,915 Oh, my God! 1598 00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,560 You used to love getting high and fooling around. 1599 00:59:57,720 --> 00:59:59,119 What? Barb! No, Barb. 1600 00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:01,016 We're on vacation! But someone could walk... 1601 01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:02,519 There's no locks on the door! 1602 01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:03,680 What? 1603 01:00:03,840 --> 01:00:06,559 Justine! Do you have any Kiss? 1604 01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:08,358 JUSTINE: Oh, hell yeah! 1605 01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:09,839 Are you kids gonna do it? Yes. 1606 01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:12,190 NED: No. We're doing it already. 1607 01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:13,634 We're doing it right now. Barb! 1608 01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:15,200 I'm doing it with my feet. One foot. 1609 01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:17,356 That's Kiss! Honey, you love Kiss! 1610 01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:18,919 But not right now. 1611 01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:21,389 (I WAS MADE FOR LOVIN' YOU PLAYING) 1612 01:00:21,720 --> 01:00:25,349 Ned was made for loving Barb 1613 01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:26,555 Yell! 1614 01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:30,030 (GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY) 1615 01:00:31,320 --> 01:00:32,958 Yeah. Yeah. 1616 01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:34,136 Look what I learned at the party. 1617 01:00:34,160 --> 01:00:35,160 What? 1618 01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:37,216 There was this real cute girl, and she was going like this. 1619 01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:39,037 (EXCLAIMING) 1620 01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:41,032 She was doing this cute, new dance. 1621 01:00:41,240 --> 01:00:42,878 You're gonna throw your back out. 1622 01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,678 I'm not gonna throw my... 1623 01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:45,909 I'll throw you out. 1624 01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:47,800 Let me get on you. Wait, do you smell that? 1625 01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:49,432 I'm putting him in. What is that scent? 1626 01:00:49,600 --> 01:00:50,749 There. Oh, it's in. 1627 01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:52,677 (MOANING) 1628 01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:54,552 What is that? (GASPS) Oh, my God. 1629 01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:55,755 Oh, my God! 1630 01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,918 Is that Indian Summer by Priscilla Presley? 1631 01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:01,230 I used to wear that perfume in the 90s. 1632 01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,231 JUSTINE: Yup, pumping some in. 1633 01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:06,119 I saw you mentioned it on your college reunion's Facebook page. 1634 01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:07,918 I know what you like, Ned. 1635 01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:09,957 Oh, I know you do, dawg. 1636 01:01:10,120 --> 01:01:12,350 Yeah, get in there. Get it! 1637 01:01:12,560 --> 01:01:14,039 Barb! Get you some! 1638 01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:15,952 Get it! Good. Oh, that's... Okay. 1639 01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:17,599 Yeah. You're almost in there. 1640 01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:19,591 No, you're, like, six inches away from it. 1641 01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:22,035 Get in there. Yeah, that's the spirit. 1642 01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:23,753 Barb. Oh! Yeah! 1643 01:01:23,920 --> 01:01:24,920 Barb! That's good. 1644 01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:26,911 Oh, that's good. You're getting into it now. 1645 01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:28,235 That's it! (SQUEALS) No! 1646 01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:30,470 No, no! Take me! Yes! Take me! 1647 01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:31,709 I'm not... Take me. 1648 01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:33,776 I'm taking you right to bed. That's what I'm doing. 1649 01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:35,074 (SQUEALING) Here you go. Yes. 1650 01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:36,275 No, I wanna do sex. 1651 01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:37,776 We are not gonna do sex. No, honey. 1652 01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:38,915 But I want to. 1653 01:01:39,080 --> 01:01:40,376 Justine, turn all the music off please... 1654 01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:41,435 I wanna do it. 1655 01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:43,136 ...and leave us alone for the rest of the night. 1656 01:01:43,160 --> 01:01:44,388 It's gonna be full penetration! 1657 01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:45,788 NED: Would you stop! 1658 01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:48,196 (SIGHS, SNIFFLES) 1659 01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:51,632 JUSTINE: Psst... Hey, girl. 1660 01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:53,639 Fifth button from the right. 1661 01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:56,279 You'll thank me later. 1662 01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:05,473 (NOZZLE HISSING) 1663 01:02:10,440 --> 01:02:12,760 Mama, won't you please let me Mama, won't you please let me 1664 01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:13,994 Mmm... 1665 01:02:14,160 --> 01:02:15,320 Mama, won't you please let me 1666 01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:27,395 Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1667 01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:29,835 Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1668 01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,309 Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1669 01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:34,835 Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1670 01:02:34,960 --> 01:02:37,315 Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1671 01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,675 Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1672 01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:42,149 Mama do the hump mama do the hump hump 1673 01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:44,629 Mama won't you please let me do the hump hump 1674 01:02:46,360 --> 01:02:49,511 (CALLING) 1675 01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:54,034 There we go, girls. 1676 01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:05,034 (CONTINUES CALLING) 1677 01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:12,359 (SQUAWKING) (GRUNTS) 1678 01:03:30,440 --> 01:03:31,440 Oh! 1679 01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:33,549 Okay. You all right? 1680 01:03:33,720 --> 01:03:35,233 Yeah. Oh, man. 1681 01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:36,435 That's it. 1682 01:03:36,600 --> 01:03:37,856 Dude, I thought I was gonna make it. 1683 01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:39,393 I know. You almost did, but... 1684 01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:41,599 Very good evasive parkour. 1685 01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:43,392 Yes, but the last move you ate shit. 1686 01:03:43,560 --> 01:03:44,675 I know. (GUSTAV LAUGHS) 1687 01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:46,096 GUSTAV: I'll put you on the table later 1688 01:03:46,120 --> 01:03:47,400 and we'll do a little adjustment. 1689 01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:01,593 Ah! 1690 01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:05,436 Christmas tree shopping with the Big Cheese. 1691 01:04:05,600 --> 01:04:07,750 Ned, you don't know how excited I am about this. 1692 01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:09,876 I don't know if I ever mentioned this, 1693 01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:12,200 but I never had a father to do this kind of stuff with. 1694 01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:14,589 I'm glad we're getting a chance to hang out. 1695 01:04:15,600 --> 01:04:16,635 That's nice. 1696 01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:19,751 Uh, it's not getting me hard. 1697 01:04:20,720 --> 01:04:23,075 You need an erection to buy a Christmas tree? 1698 01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:24,640 Helps. 1699 01:04:24,960 --> 01:04:26,109 (CHUCKLES) 1700 01:04:26,600 --> 01:04:27,953 I wanna get to know you better. 1701 01:04:28,120 --> 01:04:29,439 I mean, you're so perfect. 1702 01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:32,353 Seriously, did you always have your shit together? 1703 01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:33,440 Oh, heck no. 1704 01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:35,312 I got fired selling Datsuns. 1705 01:04:37,400 --> 01:04:39,789 How'd you fuck up selling little dogs? 1706 01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,951 No. Datsuns. 1707 01:04:43,640 --> 01:04:44,675 What's that? 1708 01:04:44,760 --> 01:04:45,909 It's a car. Doesn't matter. 1709 01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:47,354 It doesn't exist anymore. 1710 01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:48,999 But you're still here. 1711 01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:50,475 (SCOFFS) 1712 01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:53,831 You ever get nervous about shifting tides? 1713 01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:57,629 Well, you know, every business has its ups and downs. 1714 01:04:57,800 --> 01:04:59,358 Yeah, I know it, bro. 1715 01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:01,988 Guerrilla Gang, it's been struggling a little bit. 1716 01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:04,153 Really? 1717 01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:06,595 Yeah, it's just a fucking tough landscape, dude. 1718 01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:10,510 What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 1719 01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:13,472 Whoa. (EXHALES) 1720 01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,668 Chills. Did you come up with that? 1721 01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:19,159 No, Laird. 1722 01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:22,320 Whoa, whoa. 1723 01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:25,039 There she blows, Ned. 1724 01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:27,198 It's our motherfucking tree. 1725 01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:29,630 Why not? It'll look great opposite your moose. 1726 01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:32,396 Ned, Ned. Not that one. 1727 01:05:33,800 --> 01:05:34,994 That one. 1728 01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:39,958 Oh, no. See, Laird... 1729 01:05:40,160 --> 01:05:41,513 that doesn't belong to this lot. 1730 01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:42,680 See, it's owned by... 1731 01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:44,671 Wet games? Wewt Games. 1732 01:05:44,840 --> 01:05:46,068 Like, 'woot-woot'. 1733 01:05:46,200 --> 01:05:47,633 I know those dudes. They're dicks. 1734 01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:49,392 Tried to rip off Ape Assassins. 1735 01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:51,835 Plus, it's the first Christmas with the family, dude. 1736 01:05:52,000 --> 01:05:53,000 Gotta do it right. 1737 01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:54,160 Hey, buddy. 1738 01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:55,200 Yeah. 1739 01:05:55,320 --> 01:05:56,673 Can I borrow that chainsaw? 1740 01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:57,875 Are you serious? 1741 01:05:58,520 --> 01:05:59,520 Yeah. 1742 01:06:00,360 --> 01:06:02,191 (GRUNTING) Fucking... 1743 01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:04,035 Come on. 1744 01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:06,869 Will you hurry up? 1745 01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:08,553 I'm trying. 1746 01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:11,029 Come on, guy. I need my chainsaw back. 1747 01:06:11,200 --> 01:06:12,553 Just give me a second. 1748 01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:13,960 Should we call an ambulance now, 1749 01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:15,393 or wait till he loses a finger? 1750 01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:18,549 Can I borrow those? 1751 01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:20,669 Have at it. 1752 01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:22,759 Okay. Laird just... 1753 01:06:22,920 --> 01:06:23,989 Okay. 1754 01:06:24,080 --> 01:06:25,080 Hand it over? 1755 01:06:25,200 --> 01:06:26,235 You sure, Ned? Yup. 1756 01:06:31,800 --> 01:06:33,518 (MOTOR STARTS) Oh! 1757 01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:35,917 Total fucking Dad move! 1758 01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:40,394 (ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE PLAYING) 1759 01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:51,789 (MOUTHING) Oh, shit! 1760 01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:54,480 You keep on dancing and the room gets hot 1761 01:06:55,080 --> 01:06:58,311 You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy 1762 01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:05,392 I wanna rock and roll all night... 1763 01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:08,232 Love Kiss! 1764 01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:11,279 Kiss, baby! 1765 01:07:11,440 --> 01:07:12,839 These guys are awesome! 1766 01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,639 Stephanie and I do karaoke to Kiss all the time. 1767 01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:17,796 Dude, I know, that's why I put it on! 1768 01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:19,791 And we do a pretty good job, too, 1769 01:07:19,960 --> 01:07:21,109 if I might say so. Oh, man. 1770 01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:23,232 That's cute. Yeah. 1771 01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:24,960 (SIGHS) 1772 01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:27,594 Listen, Laird, I've been thinking about 1773 01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:29,272 our teepee talk yesterday. 1774 01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:30,959 Oh, dude, me too. 1775 01:07:31,120 --> 01:07:32,951 I've got so many ideas for the proposal. 1776 01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,951 No. No. Ned, hear me out. 1777 01:07:35,120 --> 01:07:37,315 I was thinking about getting the Goodyear blimp, 1778 01:07:37,480 --> 01:07:38,560 releasing a thousand doves. 1779 01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:39,675 No. Wait. 1780 01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:41,200 Laird, just hold on a second, okay? 1781 01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:42,320 Slow down. Okay. 1782 01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:46,110 Look, I get it that Stephanie really likes you. 1783 01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:47,280 But... Uh-huh. 1784 01:07:47,920 --> 01:07:49,638 Look. Man to man. Yeah. 1785 01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:52,360 Now is not the time. 1786 01:07:52,520 --> 01:07:55,592 Dude, Ned, I thought we were getting past all that. 1787 01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:57,153 No, it's not me. 1788 01:07:57,320 --> 01:07:58,469 It's all about Stephanie. 1789 01:07:58,640 --> 01:07:59,709 Stephanie? Yes. 1790 01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:00,840 I don't know, dude. 1791 01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:03,992 These last few semesters are gonna be so intense. 1792 01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:05,639 And then there's graduation, 1793 01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:06,994 and she'll be looking for a job. 1794 01:08:07,160 --> 01:08:08,680 And who knows where that will take her. 1795 01:08:08,840 --> 01:08:10,353 It's just... All right, Ned... 1796 01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:11,816 I wasn't supposed to tell you this, 1797 01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:13,558 but I just wanna put your mind at ease. 1798 01:08:15,320 --> 01:08:18,153 Stephanie is not going back to school next semester. 1799 01:08:19,840 --> 01:08:20,840 What? 1800 01:08:21,240 --> 01:08:24,949 Dude, I know you're probably shocked, but do not worry. 1801 01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:26,832 She's already got this awesome job 1802 01:08:26,920 --> 01:08:28,512 lined up at this non-profit. 1803 01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:29,680 (STAMMERS) 1804 01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:32,035 What organization is that exactly? 1805 01:08:33,240 --> 01:08:36,869 She's going to be president of the Laird Mayhew Foundation. 1806 01:08:41,760 --> 01:08:43,239 That's me. 1807 01:08:45,040 --> 01:08:46,189 Stephanie! 1808 01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:47,360 Barb? 1809 01:08:47,560 --> 01:08:50,074 Everybody upstairs right now, family meeting! 1810 01:08:50,320 --> 01:08:51,896 JUSTINE: Ned, would you like me to schedule a meeting? 1811 01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:52,955 Oh, fuck off! 1812 01:08:53,040 --> 01:08:54,040 Just trying to help. 1813 01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:55,576 You don't always have to be such an asshole. 1814 01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:56,828 Yes, I do! 1815 01:08:57,560 --> 01:08:59,391 Dad. You are so dead. 1816 01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:01,994 Shut up. Of course I was going to tell you. 1817 01:09:02,200 --> 01:09:03,679 I told Mom yesterday at the mall. 1818 01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:05,856 I was just waiting for the right time to bring it up 1819 01:09:05,880 --> 01:09:07,216 and that hasn't happened. Wait a minute. 1820 01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:08,240 You knew? 1821 01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:12,399 Honestly, honey, we thought you might freak out. 1822 01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:14,437 So we decided to wait until 1823 01:09:14,560 --> 01:09:16,755 after Christmas to bring it up. 1824 01:09:16,960 --> 01:09:18,960 But, okay, he told you about the foundation, right? 1825 01:09:19,120 --> 01:09:20,872 Yes. Yes, okay. 1826 01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:22,376 This is a big part of why I wanted you 1827 01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:24,436 to come out here and meet Laird. 1828 01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:28,949 Stephanie, even if he wasn't this abject lunatic, 1829 01:09:29,120 --> 01:09:30,235 which he is, 1830 01:09:30,400 --> 01:09:33,278 I still wouldn't understand why. 1831 01:09:33,480 --> 01:09:34,959 You've only got a few semesters left 1832 01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:36,195 before you graduate. 1833 01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:38,072 Why would you just throw that away? 1834 01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:39,576 I'm not throwing anything away, Dad. 1835 01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:40,736 The year I spent in Central America 1836 01:09:40,760 --> 01:09:42,079 doing this kind of work, 1837 01:09:43,120 --> 01:09:46,430 I know you think that I'm making some rash decision 1838 01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:47,600 and I'm not. 1839 01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:50,115 We've spent months figuring it out. 1840 01:09:50,280 --> 01:09:51,508 All the months 1841 01:09:51,600 --> 01:09:53,716 where you didn't even tell us you had a boyfriend. 1842 01:09:53,880 --> 01:09:54,880 All those months? 1843 01:09:55,320 --> 01:09:56,753 Darling... 1844 01:09:56,960 --> 01:09:58,439 I think you should hear her out 1845 01:09:58,600 --> 01:10:00,955 because it actually sounds very interesting. 1846 01:10:01,080 --> 01:10:02,080 Does it? 1847 01:10:02,120 --> 01:10:04,111 STEPHANIE: Are you willing to listen to me? 1848 01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:05,280 Give it your best shot. 1849 01:10:06,120 --> 01:10:08,793 The plan is to focus on women's health 1850 01:10:08,960 --> 01:10:10,776 as a function of environmental change in the Third World. 1851 01:10:10,800 --> 01:10:11,800 Right. All right. 1852 01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:12,976 And when all that goes belly-up, 1853 01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,200 you know what you're left with? 1854 01:10:14,240 --> 01:10:16,276 What? Being a college dropout. 1855 01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:17,959 That's it. You don't get it. 1856 01:10:18,120 --> 01:10:19,120 Oh, I don't get it? 1857 01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:20,952 No, you just, like, don't get it at all. 1858 01:10:21,320 --> 01:10:22,799 Oh. What is that? 1859 01:10:24,280 --> 01:10:25,429 It's a tattoo. 1860 01:10:25,600 --> 01:10:26,953 With his name? You got a tattoo? 1861 01:10:27,160 --> 01:10:29,116 You've marked your body with his name on it. 1862 01:10:29,280 --> 01:10:30,349 Look at that, Barb! 1863 01:10:30,520 --> 01:10:31,953 Oh, no. 1864 01:10:32,160 --> 01:10:33,832 That is so cute. 1865 01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:35,280 SCOTTY: Let me see. I wanna see. 1866 01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:37,200 Laird's been telling me I should get a neck tat. 1867 01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:38,588 I see what Laird is doing here. 1868 01:10:38,760 --> 01:10:40,600 I see what he's doing. (CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY) 1869 01:10:40,760 --> 01:10:44,150 He is trying to put his imprint on this entire family. 1870 01:10:44,320 --> 01:10:47,437 And that is why we've got all these secrets now. 1871 01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:48,999 And it's all because of him! 1872 01:10:49,160 --> 01:10:51,037 Why do you have such a big problem with Laird? 1873 01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:53,031 Great question. You know why? Why? 1874 01:10:53,200 --> 01:10:55,156 Because of his influence, 1875 01:10:55,320 --> 01:10:56,673 you drop out of college. 1876 01:10:56,840 --> 01:10:59,035 Because of his influence, you get a "too." 1877 01:10:59,200 --> 01:11:00,320 Dad, I think you mean "tat." 1878 01:11:00,400 --> 01:11:01,440 You definitely mean "tat." 1879 01:11:01,480 --> 01:11:02,616 I mean "tat?" It's not a "too?" 1880 01:11:02,640 --> 01:11:03,776 "Tat." No, it's not a "too." No. 1881 01:11:03,800 --> 01:11:05,313 No, I saw it on Geraldo. 1882 01:11:05,480 --> 01:11:07,232 They call them "toos," okay? Okay. 1883 01:11:07,400 --> 01:11:09,470 This is what's going to be your downward spiral. 1884 01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:11,232 First you get a tattoo, 1885 01:11:11,400 --> 01:11:12,992 then you start vaporizing. 1886 01:11:13,200 --> 01:11:14,792 What? NED: You're vaporizing. 1887 01:11:14,960 --> 01:11:16,518 STEPHANIE: What are you talking about? 1888 01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:19,638 When you have... It's an e-cigarette. 1889 01:11:19,800 --> 01:11:22,473 But instead of tobacco or a fake tobacco, 1890 01:11:22,640 --> 01:11:24,358 no, you have marijuana in that e-cigarette. 1891 01:11:24,520 --> 01:11:25,748 Dad, I know what it is. Yeah. 1892 01:11:25,920 --> 01:11:27,319 How do you know what it is? 1893 01:11:27,480 --> 01:11:30,358 Because I've been around. Haven't I? 1894 01:11:30,480 --> 01:11:32,038 (STUTTERS) 1895 01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:33,195 Mm-hmm. 1896 01:11:33,360 --> 01:11:34,952 Then you go from there to heroin. 1897 01:11:35,040 --> 01:11:36,075 Mm-hmm, that's right. 1898 01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:38,470 After that, after you get hooked on drugs, 1899 01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:39,640 you know what happens next? 1900 01:11:39,720 --> 01:11:40,720 What? 1901 01:11:40,760 --> 01:11:41,856 You'll become a hooker, a prostitute... 1902 01:11:41,880 --> 01:11:42,995 a pimp's bitch. 1903 01:11:43,080 --> 01:11:44,752 That's what's going to happen to you. 1904 01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:46,194 I see it very clearly. 1905 01:11:46,400 --> 01:11:48,868 Oh, my... How long do I have? 1906 01:11:49,040 --> 01:11:50,917 I'm glad you asked. Not long. 1907 01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:54,231 You keep going down this path, at this rate, not long. 1908 01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:56,868 You're clearly not in a place to listen to me right now. 1909 01:11:57,080 --> 01:11:58,080 So I'm gonna go. 1910 01:11:58,240 --> 01:11:59,560 Thank you, Pops, for the guidance. 1911 01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:00,914 Thank you. You're welcome. 1912 01:12:36,480 --> 01:12:38,471 (BAD MOTHER FU**ER PLAYING) 1913 01:12:46,640 --> 01:12:49,438 When the line froze, what did I see? 1914 01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:52,115 A bad mother fucker standing next to me 1915 01:12:52,400 --> 01:12:53,435 Boom! 1916 01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:55,633 (EXCLAIMING) 1917 01:12:57,640 --> 01:12:59,949 Be free like a bird so today I'ma fly 1918 01:13:00,120 --> 01:13:02,588 Bad, bad motherfucker 'til the day I die 1919 01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:05,592 Boss, let me get this straight. 1920 01:13:05,760 --> 01:13:06,875 You want me to hack into 1921 01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:08,791 Stephanie's boyfriend's computer 1922 01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:10,552 and find out if there's any record 1923 01:13:10,640 --> 01:13:12,119 of him starting a foundation? 1924 01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:13,320 Yes, I do. 1925 01:13:13,480 --> 01:13:15,391 Listen, Kevin, you are my IT guy. 1926 01:13:15,480 --> 01:13:16,680 I've got nowhere else to turn. 1927 01:13:16,840 --> 01:13:19,149 You know I've always thought so highly of Stephanie. 1928 01:13:19,320 --> 01:13:21,629 Yeah, she thinks a lot about you. 1929 01:13:21,800 --> 01:13:23,677 Really? Oh, yeah. 1930 01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:25,637 That's so crazy. Now, listen. 1931 01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:27,176 I know that this character has money, 1932 01:13:27,200 --> 01:13:29,120 but there's something about this whole foundation 1933 01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:30,480 that sounds like a bunch of hooey. 1934 01:13:30,640 --> 01:13:34,030 If this guy's running hooey, then I'm gonna find out. 1935 01:13:34,200 --> 01:13:35,400 Okay, first thing's first, Ned, 1936 01:13:35,480 --> 01:13:37,038 you have to break into his computer 1937 01:13:37,200 --> 01:13:39,839 and download a program that I'm gonna send you. 1938 01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:41,319 That's hacking? 1939 01:13:43,840 --> 01:13:45,990 I took a shower, washing every body part... 1940 01:13:47,480 --> 01:13:49,357 Yeah, okay. I'm getting online. 1941 01:13:50,000 --> 01:13:51,035 (KEVIN GRUNTS) 1942 01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:52,991 Kevin, what are you doing? Huh, baby? 1943 01:13:53,160 --> 01:13:55,390 Oh, I'm helping Ned with something IT-related. 1944 01:13:55,560 --> 01:13:56,834 Oh, tell Ned I said hi. 1945 01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:58,000 Okay. 1946 01:13:58,880 --> 01:14:00,080 KEVIN: All right, webcam's on. 1947 01:14:01,400 --> 01:14:02,760 (WHISPERS) Okay, I'm in the office. 1948 01:14:02,880 --> 01:14:04,836 All right, now get in front of the computer. 1949 01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:07,918 All right, good. Press the spacebar. 1950 01:14:09,360 --> 01:14:11,351 Oh, darn. It's asking for a password. 1951 01:14:11,480 --> 01:14:12,480 No surprise. 1952 01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:16,195 A lot of guys have passwords related to their girlfriends or their wives. 1953 01:14:17,000 --> 01:14:19,878 Kevin, you're a genius. That's what I have! 1954 01:14:20,040 --> 01:14:22,873 It's "Barbsguy1989." The year we were married. 1955 01:14:23,880 --> 01:14:26,348 The younger generation tends to go a little bit racier. 1956 01:14:26,560 --> 01:14:28,320 I'm gonna get into some sensitive areas here, 1957 01:14:28,400 --> 01:14:29,719 so just bear with me. 1958 01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:33,270 We need to focus on Stephanie's more defining qualities 1959 01:14:33,440 --> 01:14:35,078 that this guy might latch onto. 1960 01:14:35,280 --> 01:14:36,600 Do you understand what I'm saying? 1961 01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:38,392 Would you just get to it? 1962 01:14:38,560 --> 01:14:40,391 For example, like, would you say... 1963 01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:42,516 Stephanie has perky breasts? 1964 01:14:44,240 --> 01:14:45,389 What? Okay. 1965 01:14:45,560 --> 01:14:47,198 I would say yes, because she does. 1966 01:14:47,360 --> 01:14:49,874 Please try "Stephanie's boobs" one word, no caps. 1967 01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:51,075 I'm her dad! 1968 01:14:51,240 --> 01:14:52,912 I understand that you're her dad, 1969 01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:54,672 but you gotta think like him. 1970 01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:55,915 Okay? 1971 01:15:01,760 --> 01:15:02,760 No. 1972 01:15:02,880 --> 01:15:04,438 We're gonna have to kick it up a notch. 1973 01:15:04,640 --> 01:15:06,278 You said that this guy was edgy? 1974 01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:09,434 Please try "Stephanie's tight ass." 1975 01:15:09,560 --> 01:15:10,595 Give that a whirl. 1976 01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:13,631 Are you messing with me, Dingle? 1977 01:15:13,800 --> 01:15:15,711 I wish I was messing with you. 1978 01:15:15,880 --> 01:15:17,074 I'm trying to help you, Ned. 1979 01:15:17,280 --> 01:15:19,475 Make the two "S's" dollar signs in "ass." 1980 01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:20,755 God! 1981 01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:23,275 I am going straight to hell just for typing this. 1982 01:15:23,440 --> 01:15:25,112 Tight ass. 1983 01:15:26,320 --> 01:15:27,878 No. Hey, guys? 1984 01:15:28,080 --> 01:15:29,760 Do you wanna raise the volume on the movie? 1985 01:15:29,800 --> 01:15:30,800 GIRL: Okay. 1986 01:15:31,000 --> 01:15:33,719 Okay. I'm just gonna list some off, you type them in. 1987 01:15:34,280 --> 01:15:36,430 All right, try "Stephanie's sweet slit." 1988 01:15:36,600 --> 01:15:38,591 I am not writing that! 1989 01:15:38,800 --> 01:15:40,472 Okay, "Stephanie's pink canoe." 1990 01:15:40,680 --> 01:15:41,680 No! 1991 01:15:41,840 --> 01:15:43,080 Listen, this isn't fun for me. 1992 01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:48,599 Oh, my God. What is it? 1993 01:15:48,760 --> 01:15:50,159 It's the password! 1994 01:15:50,320 --> 01:15:52,356 The one piece of paper in the entire house. 1995 01:15:52,520 --> 01:15:53,936 What does it say? I'm gonna log it in. 1996 01:15:53,960 --> 01:15:56,110 "Stephanie's dude." 1997 01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:59,197 Aw, that's actually sweet. 1998 01:15:59,360 --> 01:16:00,509 "2016." 1999 01:16:00,680 --> 01:16:01,680 Boom! We're in. 2000 01:16:01,840 --> 01:16:02,840 Oh, gosh! 2001 01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:04,149 What? What is it? 2002 01:16:04,320 --> 01:16:06,276 It's a nude photograph of Stephanie. 2003 01:16:06,440 --> 01:16:07,998 May I see it, please? No. 2004 01:16:08,160 --> 01:16:09,160 May I please see it? 2005 01:16:09,320 --> 01:16:10,753 I said no! Okay. 2006 01:16:10,960 --> 01:16:12,840 Go to your EarthLink account in the web browser. 2007 01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:15,634 EarthLink, EarthLink, okay. Press. 2008 01:16:16,160 --> 01:16:17,309 I give it my password. 2009 01:16:17,640 --> 01:16:18,675 Okay. 2010 01:16:19,200 --> 01:16:20,952 Okay. I just emailed you a file. 2011 01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:22,951 Download that and open it on his desktop. 2012 01:16:23,640 --> 01:16:25,870 Ned, we're gonna fucking nail this guy! We're good! 2013 01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:27,513 We're hacking, baby! 2014 01:16:27,680 --> 01:16:28,874 We're gonna nail him. 2015 01:16:29,040 --> 01:16:31,280 We're gonna nail him the way he's been nailing Stephanie. 2016 01:16:31,360 --> 01:16:32,536 STEPHANIE: Just come with me right now. 2017 01:16:32,560 --> 01:16:33,560 LAIRD: What? 2018 01:16:33,680 --> 01:16:34,696 Why are you taking me to my office? 2019 01:16:34,720 --> 01:16:35,755 Everyone's downstairs. 2020 01:16:35,840 --> 01:16:37,478 Oh, shit! Someone's coming! Okay. Escape! 2021 01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:38,595 Oh, God! 2022 01:16:38,680 --> 01:16:39,880 LAIRD: Baby, what are we doing? 2023 01:16:39,960 --> 01:16:41,313 Christmas Eve is about to start. 2024 01:16:41,480 --> 01:16:43,280 What is the matter with you? What's happening? 2025 01:16:43,360 --> 01:16:44,816 I specifically told you... Don't say anything. 2026 01:16:44,840 --> 01:16:48,196 that I wanted to be the one to tell my dad about Stanford. 2027 01:16:48,360 --> 01:16:50,200 I know. We were just... Then why did you do it? 2028 01:16:50,360 --> 01:16:52,669 We were bonding so hard, it just sort of slipped out. 2029 01:16:52,840 --> 01:16:55,638 STEPHANIE: You clearly have no idea what this means to him. 2030 01:16:55,840 --> 01:16:58,229 He was so proud of me when I got into Stanford. 2031 01:16:58,400 --> 01:17:02,359 He worked so hard to make it happen. 2032 01:17:02,520 --> 01:17:06,035 Me dropping out is like a huge slap in his face. 2033 01:17:06,920 --> 01:17:07,920 Okay. 2034 01:17:08,040 --> 01:17:10,235 I just never had anyone like him in my life before. 2035 01:17:10,400 --> 01:17:11,879 Oh, my God! 2036 01:17:12,680 --> 01:17:14,511 I thought we could just talk it out. 2037 01:17:14,680 --> 01:17:17,240 You could see how that's not your place to do that, right? 2038 01:17:17,440 --> 01:17:18,509 LAIRD: Okay. Maybe not. 2039 01:17:18,680 --> 01:17:19,829 STEPHANIE: Definitely not. 2040 01:17:20,000 --> 01:17:22,355 Okay, you're right. He was super pissed. 2041 01:17:24,440 --> 01:17:26,431 Sometimes I feel like you're not capable 2042 01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:28,238 of being in a relationship. 2043 01:17:28,400 --> 01:17:30,675 It's time that you get a handle 2044 01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:32,600 (MOUTHING INDISTINCTLY) on these father issues. 2045 01:17:32,680 --> 01:17:33,715 LAIRD: Wow. 2046 01:17:33,880 --> 01:17:35,393 That's the truth. 2047 01:17:36,240 --> 01:17:38,435 When you call me on my shit... 2048 01:17:38,600 --> 01:17:42,434 My God! It makes me feel so close to you. 2049 01:17:42,600 --> 01:17:45,797 Your honesty has such an effect on me. 2050 01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:49,435 You're making me so fucking horny right now. 2051 01:17:49,800 --> 01:17:50,949 What? STEPHANIE: Yeah. 2052 01:17:51,040 --> 01:17:52,598 LAIRD: That face is boner-bait. 2053 01:17:52,760 --> 01:17:54,600 STEPHANIE: Can you not see that I'm mad at you? 2054 01:17:54,760 --> 01:17:56,176 LAIRD: Yeah, I see it. That's what's... 2055 01:17:56,200 --> 01:17:57,856 STEPHANIE: Oh, my God. You're driving me crazy! 2056 01:17:57,880 --> 01:17:59,711 You're not listening to me. 2057 01:18:00,640 --> 01:18:01,640 LAIRD: I'm listening. 2058 01:18:02,280 --> 01:18:03,554 I'm sorry. 2059 01:18:03,720 --> 01:18:04,789 Do you... 2060 01:18:06,160 --> 01:18:07,639 You need therapy. (MOANING) 2061 01:18:11,080 --> 01:18:12,308 Not working. No? 2062 01:18:12,480 --> 01:18:13,754 Mm-mm. Not today, buddy. 2063 01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:15,319 Okay. How about this? 2064 01:18:15,960 --> 01:18:17,075 Is this working? 2065 01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:20,554 A little bit. 2066 01:18:21,280 --> 01:18:22,429 Okay, how about this? 2067 01:18:23,920 --> 01:18:25,239 (MOANING) 2068 01:18:25,320 --> 01:18:28,676 Okay. That's working a little bit more. 2069 01:18:28,840 --> 01:18:30,398 STEPHANIE: Laird, I love you. 2070 01:18:30,600 --> 01:18:31,919 But I'm still mad at you. 2071 01:18:32,080 --> 01:18:33,433 I'm sorry. 2072 01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,149 (BOTH MOANING) 2073 01:18:42,960 --> 01:18:44,678 I'm so sorry. (MOUTHING) No, no! 2074 01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:46,120 Okay? 2075 01:18:46,360 --> 01:18:47,360 Yes! 2076 01:18:47,480 --> 01:18:48,480 No! 2077 01:18:51,480 --> 01:18:52,480 LAIRD: You... (WHIRRING) 2078 01:18:53,440 --> 01:18:55,016 I'm gonna make it up to you. What is happening? 2079 01:18:55,040 --> 01:18:57,560 You just lie back, and I'll give you an early Christmas present. 2080 01:18:57,600 --> 01:18:59,636 STEPHANIE: You are such a freak. (LAUGHS) 2081 01:18:59,800 --> 01:19:00,949 I know. 2082 01:19:04,840 --> 01:19:05,875 LAIRD: Here comes Santa. 2083 01:19:06,040 --> 01:19:07,040 STEPHANIE: Oh, really? 2084 01:19:07,160 --> 01:19:09,151 Ho, ho, ho. Oh, my God. 2085 01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:10,514 Merry Christmas. 2086 01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:14,313 Somebody's been naughty this year. 2087 01:19:16,720 --> 01:19:17,835 KEVIN: Boss? 2088 01:19:18,000 --> 01:19:20,195 Ned. Are you there? Hello? 2089 01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:21,320 Hello? Oh. 2090 01:19:21,400 --> 01:19:23,994 Yes. Kevin, I'm here. What's happening? 2091 01:19:24,120 --> 01:19:25,120 I'm in. 2092 01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:26,680 Do you have access to the Internet? 2093 01:19:26,800 --> 01:19:28,199 Yes, I do. Hold on. 2094 01:19:28,360 --> 01:19:29,634 Wait a second. 2095 01:19:29,800 --> 01:19:31,392 Log into your EarthLink account. 2096 01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:33,480 Okay. Got it. 2097 01:19:33,640 --> 01:19:36,677 I'm gonna send these to you right now. (LAUGHS) 2098 01:19:36,840 --> 01:19:38,796 Good. You're done, Mayhew. 2099 01:19:39,040 --> 01:19:40,040 (CAMERA CLICKS) 2100 01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:41,355 What the fuck? 2101 01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:43,832 What happened? Oh, my God. 2102 01:19:44,000 --> 01:19:45,319 Wait, what? What's going on? 2103 01:19:45,480 --> 01:19:47,630 I don't know. He has my face. 2104 01:19:47,760 --> 01:19:48,856 What do you mean he has your face? 2105 01:19:48,880 --> 01:19:49,880 I'm locked out. 2106 01:19:50,000 --> 01:19:51,353 I can't use my computer anymore. 2107 01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:52,480 What? Stop that! 2108 01:19:52,600 --> 01:19:54,000 What's happening? He's onto us, Ned. 2109 01:19:54,040 --> 01:19:55,040 What are you doing? 2110 01:19:55,200 --> 01:19:57,760 We have to abort. Oh, God. Oh, no. 2111 01:19:57,920 --> 01:20:01,071 Move back, motherfuckers Mayhew's here 2112 01:20:01,200 --> 01:20:02,200 Oh, fuck! 2113 01:20:02,240 --> 01:20:03,440 He's a mythical creature, Ned. 2114 01:20:03,520 --> 01:20:04,520 He's what? 2115 01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:08,073 What the fuck? Oh, God. 2116 01:20:08,280 --> 01:20:10,077 He's pulling out his penis! 2117 01:20:11,000 --> 01:20:12,433 Oh, my God. 2118 01:20:12,600 --> 01:20:14,511 He's balls deep in my digital butt. 2119 01:20:17,080 --> 01:20:18,216 MARNIE: Are you watching porn? 2120 01:20:18,240 --> 01:20:19,355 Turn that off! 2121 01:20:19,520 --> 01:20:20,589 KEVIN: Ned, he's doing it! 2122 01:20:21,200 --> 01:20:22,553 Marnie, it's not good! 2123 01:20:22,920 --> 01:20:24,558 Stay the fuck out! Turn that off! 2124 01:20:24,720 --> 01:20:25,755 Kevin! 2125 01:20:25,920 --> 01:20:26,920 Kevin! 2126 01:20:27,560 --> 01:20:28,560 (GASPS) 2127 01:20:30,760 --> 01:20:32,239 KEVIN: He has control of the house! 2128 01:20:32,400 --> 01:20:33,435 Come here! 2129 01:20:33,640 --> 01:20:35,376 Kevin, what is happening? We gotta get out of here! 2130 01:20:35,400 --> 01:20:36,400 Go, go, go! 2131 01:20:36,600 --> 01:20:37,600 What? MARNIE: Kevin! 2132 01:20:37,760 --> 01:20:39,079 Kevin! 2133 01:20:49,760 --> 01:20:51,876 Oh, my... 2134 01:20:53,760 --> 01:20:57,639 (CHOIR SINGING) Silent night 2135 01:20:57,800 --> 01:21:01,509 Holy night 2136 01:21:02,320 --> 01:21:05,676 All is calm 2137 01:21:07,040 --> 01:21:09,508 All is bright 2138 01:21:12,240 --> 01:21:13,468 Hi. Hey. 2139 01:21:13,680 --> 01:21:14,999 You know what? Let's not fight. 2140 01:21:15,080 --> 01:21:16,115 Okay. 2141 01:21:16,280 --> 01:21:18,680 I'm sorry, truly, that you found out about Stanford that way. 2142 01:21:18,760 --> 01:21:19,760 Thank you. 2143 01:21:19,840 --> 01:21:21,720 It was not okay of Laird, and he knows that now. 2144 01:21:21,880 --> 01:21:23,256 But I'm confident this is a really good idea. 2145 01:21:23,280 --> 01:21:24,936 Honey, before you continue, I need to tell you something. 2146 01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:27,599 Laird has been lying to you. 2147 01:21:28,160 --> 01:21:29,160 I tried. 2148 01:21:29,360 --> 01:21:30,759 No, no, no. Hey! It's unbelievable! 2149 01:21:30,920 --> 01:21:32,797 He is in serious financial trouble. 2150 01:21:32,960 --> 01:21:34,757 In what way? It's Christmas. 2151 01:21:34,920 --> 01:21:36,148 Ned, you're making a mistake. 2152 01:21:36,320 --> 01:21:38,595 He doesn't have enough money to finance his business, 2153 01:21:38,760 --> 01:21:40,079 let alone a foundation. 2154 01:21:40,160 --> 01:21:41,856 STEPHANIE: What exactly makes you think that? 2155 01:21:41,880 --> 01:21:43,199 Wait till you see this. 2156 01:21:43,360 --> 01:21:44,475 What's this? Here. 2157 01:21:44,640 --> 01:21:46,551 Look at this, his own bank records. 2158 01:21:46,720 --> 01:21:48,233 All in red. 2159 01:21:50,280 --> 01:21:51,349 Is this for real? 2160 01:21:51,520 --> 01:21:52,589 Yeah, it's true. 2161 01:21:52,800 --> 01:21:55,360 Guerrilla Gang hasn't crushed one in a couple of years. 2162 01:21:55,520 --> 01:21:57,078 So you lied to me? 2163 01:21:57,240 --> 01:21:58,434 I'm dropping out of school 2164 01:21:58,640 --> 01:22:00,960 to start a foundation that you're supposed to be financing. 2165 01:22:01,040 --> 01:22:02,109 Yeah. Yeah. 2166 01:22:02,280 --> 01:22:04,350 Baby, the foundation is all good. 2167 01:22:04,560 --> 01:22:06,278 What are you talking about? 2168 01:22:06,480 --> 01:22:09,790 Ned, there has been a very big misunderstanding. 2169 01:22:09,960 --> 01:22:12,918 These are only Laird's business holdings. 2170 01:22:13,080 --> 01:22:14,080 On the personal side... 2171 01:22:14,280 --> 01:22:15,376 I have put together a moderate, 2172 01:22:15,400 --> 01:22:17,231 conservative private equity sleeve 2173 01:22:17,400 --> 01:22:19,277 that has been performing delightfully. 2174 01:22:19,440 --> 01:22:21,032 You could say that again. Mm-hmm. 2175 01:22:21,200 --> 01:22:22,599 So you followed the Buffett rule? 2176 01:22:22,760 --> 01:22:23,880 (GUSTAV LAUGHS) Always, dude. 2177 01:22:24,080 --> 01:22:25,752 70/30, stocks to bonds. 2178 01:22:25,840 --> 01:22:26,840 Buffet. 2179 01:22:26,960 --> 01:22:27,960 Nice. 2180 01:22:28,040 --> 01:22:29,136 Your little hacker, Dingle... 2181 01:22:29,160 --> 01:22:30,160 Hacker? 2182 01:22:30,320 --> 01:22:31,992 ...was worming down the wrong hole. 2183 01:22:32,160 --> 01:22:34,549 Does he mean Kevin Dingle? LAIRD: Probably. 2184 01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:36,079 No, must be another Dingle. 2185 01:22:36,240 --> 01:22:38,674 Only dingle I know of is the berries on the butt. 2186 01:22:38,840 --> 01:22:40,637 Look, how much money do you have? 2187 01:22:40,760 --> 01:22:41,816 Babe, you don't have to answer this. 2188 01:22:41,840 --> 01:22:42,909 Yes, he does. 2189 01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:44,797 LAIRD: Fine! Full disclosure. 2190 01:22:44,960 --> 01:22:46,154 It's bad. 2191 01:22:47,120 --> 01:22:50,078 I'm down to my last 97 million. 2192 01:22:50,360 --> 01:22:51,918 GUSTAV: (CLEARS THROAT) Laird. 2193 01:22:53,440 --> 01:22:55,271 197 million. 2194 01:22:56,840 --> 01:22:57,875 Boom. 2195 01:22:57,960 --> 01:23:00,155 He's just barely scraping by. 2196 01:23:00,320 --> 01:23:01,480 All you had to do was ask me. 2197 01:23:01,600 --> 01:23:03,636 Gentlemen, I need Deck the Halls, allegro, now. 2198 01:23:04,120 --> 01:23:06,873 Deck the halls with boughs of holly 2199 01:23:07,080 --> 01:23:08,672 LAIRD: Ned, it's the holidays 2200 01:23:08,840 --> 01:23:10,478 and I think we should start over. 2201 01:23:12,120 --> 01:23:13,189 So this is for you. 2202 01:23:17,320 --> 01:23:18,320 What is it? 2203 01:23:18,400 --> 01:23:19,600 It's a little stocking stuffer. 2204 01:23:19,680 --> 01:23:20,749 I think you'll like it. 2205 01:23:22,480 --> 01:23:24,152 A phone? Press the button. 2206 01:23:26,320 --> 01:23:28,914 This is from my bank in Grand Rapids. 2207 01:23:29,080 --> 01:23:30,195 Merry Christmas. 2208 01:23:30,320 --> 01:23:31,416 STEPHANIE: Someone fill me in here. 2209 01:23:31,440 --> 01:23:32,440 LAIRD: Well, Steph... 2210 01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:35,074 I bought your father's company. 2211 01:23:35,760 --> 01:23:36,795 Sort of. 2212 01:23:36,960 --> 01:23:40,714 Ned, I purchased all your debt as a Christmas present. 2213 01:23:40,880 --> 01:23:42,199 What the fuck? 2214 01:23:42,640 --> 01:23:44,517 You son of a bitch. What? 2215 01:23:44,680 --> 01:23:46,920 Dude, I'm trying to be nice, so you can avoid bankruptcy. 2216 01:23:47,440 --> 01:23:48,759 Are you guys talking Chapter 11? 2217 01:23:48,840 --> 01:23:50,160 I don't even wanna hear that term. 2218 01:23:50,240 --> 01:23:52,959 Okay, gentlemen, I need Jingle Bells, and step on it! 2219 01:23:53,120 --> 01:23:56,317 I can't believe that you didn't tell us about this. 2220 01:23:56,480 --> 01:23:58,550 What? No, it's just... 2221 01:23:58,760 --> 01:24:01,228 The business has been running a little rough lately. 2222 01:24:01,400 --> 01:24:03,096 I'm already working on a new deal right now. 2223 01:24:03,120 --> 01:24:05,031 So you had no idea? No. 2224 01:24:05,200 --> 01:24:06,640 How the hell did you know about this? 2225 01:24:06,920 --> 01:24:08,797 It was Justine. Oh. 2226 01:24:08,880 --> 01:24:10,074 JUSTINE: Yeah, it was me. 2227 01:24:10,240 --> 01:24:12,976 She played me back a little bit of a conversation you had the other day... 2228 01:24:13,000 --> 01:24:14,000 with a guy named Lou. 2229 01:24:14,600 --> 01:24:16,636 Of course, I had to help. 2230 01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:18,376 JUSTINE: Ned, I'm sorry if I overstepped. 2231 01:24:18,400 --> 01:24:19,400 Yep. 2232 01:24:19,480 --> 01:24:21,516 But I was really, really worried about you. 2233 01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:23,272 LAIRD: She was. No clowning. 2234 01:24:23,440 --> 01:24:24,953 And just so you don't stress, 2235 01:24:25,160 --> 01:24:27,469 you're still gonna be the Big Cheese, dude. 2236 01:24:27,640 --> 01:24:29,551 I plan on being a very hands-off owner. 2237 01:24:30,640 --> 01:24:33,108 So what do you say, partner? 2238 01:24:33,960 --> 01:24:35,518 (GROANS) (EXCLAIMING) 2239 01:24:35,680 --> 01:24:37,320 Ned, what are you... LAIRD: What the fuck? 2240 01:24:37,480 --> 01:24:39,357 Why would you do that, Dad? 2241 01:24:39,440 --> 01:24:40,440 Dad! 2242 01:24:40,520 --> 01:24:41,919 Fuck you, paper man! 2243 01:24:42,080 --> 01:24:43,399 (EXCLAIMING) 2244 01:24:43,640 --> 01:24:44,959 Oh, scheisse. 2245 01:24:45,120 --> 01:24:46,120 Ned, I'm sorry, bro. 2246 01:24:46,280 --> 01:24:47,872 Are you okay? Oh, man. (COUGHING) 2247 01:24:48,040 --> 01:24:49,314 My training, it just takes over. 2248 01:24:49,520 --> 01:24:51,715 Everybody is feeling a lot of tension. 2249 01:24:51,880 --> 01:24:52,949 Calm down. Dad! 2250 01:24:53,960 --> 01:24:56,394 Or we can hit people square in the face with an iPad. 2251 01:24:58,400 --> 01:25:00,072 Disengage. Disengage and run! 2252 01:25:00,240 --> 01:25:01,719 (BARB EXCLAIMING) 2253 01:25:03,680 --> 01:25:05,336 Dude, that was kind of cool. You gotta be honest. 2254 01:25:05,360 --> 01:25:07,237 Ned, I love you. I was just trying to help. 2255 01:25:07,320 --> 01:25:08,719 (YELLING) (SCREAMING IN PAIN) 2256 01:25:08,800 --> 01:25:09,800 Ooh! 2257 01:25:11,560 --> 01:25:12,560 Laird, disengage him! 2258 01:25:12,640 --> 01:25:14,153 Ned, let go of his balls! 2259 01:25:17,640 --> 01:25:19,358 Laird! Evasive parkour! 2260 01:25:19,520 --> 01:25:20,589 Laird, get away! 2261 01:25:20,800 --> 01:25:22,711 Evasive parkour! Do the wall pop! 2262 01:25:23,560 --> 01:25:24,560 Wall pop! 2263 01:25:28,120 --> 01:25:29,758 Goose! Did you see that? 2264 01:25:29,920 --> 01:25:32,639 That's right! Because you finally engaged your core! 2265 01:25:32,800 --> 01:25:33,800 Get down here! 2266 01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:36,696 GUSTAV: You see the difference of the feeling? How it feels differently? 2267 01:25:36,720 --> 01:25:37,755 I know! 2268 01:25:38,720 --> 01:25:39,835 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 2269 01:25:40,440 --> 01:25:41,736 Don't breathe in. I'll save you, brother! 2270 01:25:41,760 --> 01:25:42,840 GUSTAV: Scotty, no! Scotty! 2271 01:25:42,880 --> 01:25:43,880 BARB: No, honey! 2272 01:25:44,800 --> 01:25:45,920 I'm here to save you, Laird! 2273 01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:51,669 Scotty, watch out! 2274 01:25:54,400 --> 01:25:55,469 (SCREAMING) 2275 01:26:00,080 --> 01:26:01,877 Laird! You okay? 2276 01:26:03,040 --> 01:26:04,040 Yeah! (LAUGHS) 2277 01:26:04,200 --> 01:26:05,474 Fantastic! You're okay. 2278 01:26:06,040 --> 01:26:07,678 You're okay. Wait. Where's Scotty? 2279 01:26:07,840 --> 01:26:09,114 BARB: Scotty! Oh, my God. 2280 01:26:09,480 --> 01:26:11,357 Scotty! He's under the moose! 2281 01:26:11,560 --> 01:26:12,976 (STEPHANIE AND BARB SCREAM) He's under the moose! 2282 01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:14,149 Scotty! 2283 01:26:14,360 --> 01:26:16,112 (GRUNTING) 2284 01:26:16,240 --> 01:26:17,240 Oh, shit. 2285 01:26:17,440 --> 01:26:19,670 These fucking moose balls are in my mouth. 2286 01:26:19,840 --> 01:26:21,876 Oh, shit, he's teabagging you, bro! 2287 01:26:22,040 --> 01:26:23,359 I got you. 2288 01:26:24,400 --> 01:26:26,038 (YELLING) 2289 01:26:28,880 --> 01:26:31,189 Come here. Come here. 2290 01:26:31,360 --> 01:26:33,032 Oh, my God. It's okay. 2291 01:26:33,200 --> 01:26:34,200 It's okay. 2292 01:26:37,680 --> 01:26:39,989 Honey, I'm so sorry it turned out this way. 2293 01:26:40,160 --> 01:26:41,160 Me, too. 2294 01:26:41,840 --> 01:26:43,000 I'll call you when I get home. 2295 01:26:43,120 --> 01:26:45,111 Okay. Good luck with Scotty. 2296 01:26:45,880 --> 01:26:47,359 Thank you. I'll need it. Yeah. 2297 01:26:49,440 --> 01:26:52,079 Steph, listen. I never... 2298 01:26:52,240 --> 01:26:54,435 I'm done listening. Have a safe flight. 2299 01:26:57,880 --> 01:26:59,632 See you, sis. Bye, Scotty. 2300 01:27:01,560 --> 01:27:03,949 Can't believe I have to go back to toilet paper. 2301 01:27:06,440 --> 01:27:08,749 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2302 01:27:10,680 --> 01:27:13,433 Hey, Don Millis. Merry Christmas, sir. 2303 01:27:13,520 --> 01:27:15,400 You too, Ned. Look, I hate to call on Christmas. 2304 01:27:15,520 --> 01:27:17,238 Oh, don't worry about that. 2305 01:27:17,400 --> 01:27:19,152 It was great catching up yesterday 2306 01:27:19,320 --> 01:27:21,480 and I wanted to ring you as soon as we made a decision. 2307 01:27:21,560 --> 01:27:22,560 Okay. 2308 01:27:22,640 --> 01:27:24,520 I talked with the group here about your proposal 2309 01:27:24,600 --> 01:27:26,192 and we just can't go for it. 2310 01:27:26,360 --> 01:27:27,634 I'm sorry, pal. 2311 01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:30,513 We really appreciate you offering us such a sweetheart deal. 2312 01:27:30,720 --> 01:27:33,296 But fact is we 're just not doing a whole lot of printing these days. 2313 01:27:33,320 --> 01:27:34,469 You know how it is. Yes. 2314 01:27:34,680 --> 01:27:35,776 It's a whole new world, right? 2315 01:27:35,800 --> 01:27:36,800 Yes. 2316 01:27:37,720 --> 01:27:38,755 Sure is. 2317 01:27:38,920 --> 01:27:40,720 I sure wish we could've done business, Cheese. 2318 01:27:40,760 --> 01:27:42,159 All right, listen, um, 2319 01:27:42,360 --> 01:27:44,715 if you're sure I can't change your mind there, Don. 2320 01:27:44,880 --> 01:27:46,108 Yeah, unfortunately not. 2321 01:27:46,320 --> 01:27:47,992 Okay. All right. 2322 01:27:49,120 --> 01:27:51,236 You have a happy holidays. You, too, Ned! 2323 01:27:51,400 --> 01:27:52,799 Best to Barb and the kids. 2324 01:27:55,840 --> 01:27:57,239 JUSTINE: Excuse me, Ned? 2325 01:27:57,400 --> 01:28:00,358 I'm sorry to bother you, but your flight leaves in an hour. 2326 01:28:03,240 --> 01:28:06,676 Must seem strange to you, my friend 2327 01:28:06,840 --> 01:28:08,239 JUSTINE: I'll miss you. 2328 01:28:08,320 --> 01:28:11,630 Some things are always heaven sent 2329 01:28:12,560 --> 01:28:16,189 The more you want, the harder it gets 2330 01:28:16,640 --> 01:28:20,872 The more you let go, the more you get 2331 01:28:20,960 --> 01:28:22,439 It's a crazy... 2332 01:28:28,280 --> 01:28:30,032 ...beautiful life 2333 01:28:30,800 --> 01:28:34,793 Some things make sense and you don't know what 2334 01:28:34,920 --> 01:28:39,391 It's a crazy beautiful life 2335 01:28:40,800 --> 01:28:42,438 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION) 2336 01:28:46,400 --> 01:28:48,311 Welcome home, Flemings! 2337 01:28:48,480 --> 01:28:49,595 Lou, what... 2338 01:28:49,720 --> 01:28:50,789 You guys must be freezing. 2339 01:28:50,960 --> 01:28:53,155 Come on, get in here. Let me get that. Come on, Cheese. 2340 01:28:53,240 --> 01:28:54,600 Lou, what's going on? Barbara, hey. 2341 01:28:54,800 --> 01:28:55,835 Hi. 2342 01:28:55,920 --> 01:28:57,016 Barb, you look great. JERRY: There they are! 2343 01:28:57,040 --> 01:28:59,508 ALL: Merry Christmas! 2344 01:29:01,760 --> 01:29:02,909 Wow! 2345 01:29:03,440 --> 01:29:06,830 Um, Lou, I texted you that I needed to talk to you. 2346 01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:08,000 I mean, what's... 2347 01:29:08,160 --> 01:29:10,151 Come on, you hear this guy? 2348 01:29:10,360 --> 01:29:11,759 Hank Rouse from First National 2349 01:29:11,920 --> 01:29:14,309 shot me a congratulatory voicemail this morning 2350 01:29:14,440 --> 01:29:15,839 about the Mayhew deal. 2351 01:29:16,000 --> 01:29:17,000 You did it, Big Cheese! 2352 01:29:18,600 --> 01:29:20,040 You pulled off the Christmas miracle. 2353 01:29:20,160 --> 01:29:21,957 (CHEERING) 2354 01:29:22,040 --> 01:29:24,156 Cheese, Cheese, Cheese! Cheese, Cheese, Cheese! 2355 01:29:24,320 --> 01:29:25,435 Barb! 2356 01:29:26,440 --> 01:29:27,440 Scotty. 2357 01:29:27,600 --> 01:29:30,319 Ned, as a little token of our appreciation, 2358 01:29:30,480 --> 01:29:32,948 we all chipped in and bought you something 2359 01:29:33,120 --> 01:29:35,759 that we're pretty sure you don't own. 2360 01:29:35,840 --> 01:29:36,955 (ALL LAUGH) 2361 01:29:38,200 --> 01:29:39,872 You shouldn't have. 2362 01:29:40,040 --> 01:29:41,553 Open it. Yeah. 2363 01:29:42,280 --> 01:29:43,280 Yeah, right there. 2364 01:29:43,480 --> 01:29:44,480 (LOU LAUGHS) 2365 01:29:44,720 --> 01:29:46,790 It's an iPad. (CHEERING) 2366 01:29:47,960 --> 01:29:49,313 Hit the home button right there. 2367 01:29:49,480 --> 01:29:50,480 Yeah. 2368 01:29:51,840 --> 01:29:53,856 JERRY: We had a little fun with that down in Graphics. 2369 01:29:53,880 --> 01:29:56,030 I got the images off Scotty's Facebook page. 2370 01:29:56,320 --> 01:29:57,799 (JERRY LAUGHING) 2371 01:29:58,000 --> 01:29:59,718 He looks like a stand-up guy. 2372 01:29:59,800 --> 01:30:01,552 Like a younger version of you, Ned. 2373 01:30:02,320 --> 01:30:03,355 MAN: Make a speech! 2374 01:30:03,480 --> 01:30:04,799 JERRY: Speech! Oh, yes, speech! 2375 01:30:05,000 --> 01:30:06,319 Speech, speech, speech. 2376 01:30:09,680 --> 01:30:11,636 (CHOPPER APPROACHING) 2377 01:30:11,880 --> 01:30:13,074 The heck is that? 2378 01:30:17,240 --> 01:30:19,515 STEPHANIE: Laird, a jet and a helicopter? Where are we? 2379 01:30:19,720 --> 01:30:21,199 LAIRD: Hang on, babe. Almost there. 2380 01:30:32,880 --> 01:30:34,359 One second. Mayhew! 2381 01:30:34,520 --> 01:30:35,536 Guys, stay here for a minute. 2382 01:30:35,560 --> 01:30:36,696 Honey, go inside and get a jacket. 2383 01:30:36,720 --> 01:30:37,896 That's Mayhew. Is that the guy? 2384 01:30:37,920 --> 01:30:38,920 Laird! 2385 01:30:39,000 --> 01:30:40,194 Where are we? 2386 01:30:40,360 --> 01:30:41,360 That looks weird. 2387 01:30:41,440 --> 01:30:42,920 It's kind of Fifty Shades of Grey-ish. 2388 01:30:43,120 --> 01:30:44,712 Cold? Yeah. 2389 01:30:47,040 --> 01:30:49,508 And here we go. 2390 01:30:51,400 --> 01:30:52,594 Surprise! 2391 01:30:53,560 --> 01:30:54,675 (LAIRD CHUCKLES) Hi, honey. 2392 01:30:56,080 --> 01:30:57,195 Ta-da. 2393 01:30:59,720 --> 01:31:01,278 You brought me home? Yeah. 2394 01:31:01,440 --> 01:31:03,078 Without telling me? 2395 01:31:03,240 --> 01:31:06,550 I realize I violated the sanctity of mystery date 2396 01:31:06,720 --> 01:31:09,598 but I just thought the family should all be together today. 2397 01:31:09,760 --> 01:31:11,520 Okay, that wasn't your place to do that, hon. 2398 01:31:11,640 --> 01:31:13,471 Steph, I know, 2399 01:31:13,640 --> 01:31:15,039 but it is Christmas. 2400 01:31:15,240 --> 01:31:16,275 And we're glad to see you. 2401 01:31:16,440 --> 01:31:17,509 This isn't what she wanted. 2402 01:31:17,600 --> 01:31:18,669 No, it's not. 2403 01:31:18,760 --> 01:31:20,318 What I wanted was for us to spend 2404 01:31:20,400 --> 01:31:21,799 Christmas in California together 2405 01:31:21,960 --> 01:31:24,394 like I planned, before everything went to shit 2406 01:31:24,560 --> 01:31:26,312 because you made it all about yourself. 2407 01:31:27,320 --> 01:31:28,469 Mm-hmm. 2408 01:31:29,160 --> 01:31:30,388 You both did. 2409 01:31:30,560 --> 01:31:31,754 I did? Yes! 2410 01:31:31,960 --> 01:31:34,918 You idiots think you can pass me back and forth 2411 01:31:35,080 --> 01:31:36,911 like I'm your property or something? 2412 01:31:37,000 --> 01:31:38,000 I'm done. 2413 01:31:38,080 --> 01:31:39,559 This is the worst Christmas ever. 2414 01:31:39,760 --> 01:31:41,432 Steph. Steph. Honey. 2415 01:31:46,400 --> 01:31:47,594 I think she's pissed. 2416 01:31:50,520 --> 01:31:52,351 Yeah, she's pissed. 2417 01:31:52,480 --> 01:31:53,480 Shit! 2418 01:31:53,760 --> 01:31:57,753 I just thought that you guys should be together today. 2419 01:31:59,000 --> 01:32:01,355 All right. Well, I'll leave you to it. 2420 01:32:02,280 --> 01:32:03,633 Happy holidays, Ned. 2421 01:32:03,800 --> 01:32:05,119 You too, Laird. 2422 01:32:12,280 --> 01:32:13,759 Uh, Laird. 2423 01:32:13,960 --> 01:32:15,951 You're doing a "I'm gonna walk away slowly 2424 01:32:16,040 --> 01:32:17,640 "'cause I really don't wanna leave" walk. 2425 01:32:19,840 --> 01:32:21,193 Maybe. 2426 01:32:21,640 --> 01:32:22,640 Come here. 2427 01:32:23,800 --> 01:32:24,949 Come here. 2428 01:32:25,120 --> 01:32:26,997 So what happened? You didn't propose? 2429 01:32:27,160 --> 01:32:28,275 How could I? 2430 01:32:28,480 --> 01:32:29,520 I never got your permission 2431 01:32:29,640 --> 01:32:31,471 and we pinky-swore I wouldn't ask without it. 2432 01:32:33,720 --> 01:32:35,358 You are remarkable. 2433 01:32:36,520 --> 01:32:39,876 You don't have a gear to be dishonest, do you? 2434 01:32:40,640 --> 01:32:42,039 Guess not, dude. 2435 01:32:43,800 --> 01:32:44,869 (SIGHS) 2436 01:32:44,960 --> 01:32:46,712 Laird, you never needed my permission 2437 01:32:46,800 --> 01:32:48,199 to ask Stephanie to marry you. 2438 01:32:49,880 --> 01:32:52,030 But if it still means anything to you, 2439 01:32:53,480 --> 01:32:54,549 you have my blessing. 2440 01:32:57,320 --> 01:32:58,355 For reals? 2441 01:32:58,920 --> 01:32:59,920 No clowning. 2442 01:33:01,520 --> 01:33:02,520 Whoa. 2443 01:33:04,320 --> 01:33:06,709 But, Laird, Stephanie's right. 2444 01:33:06,880 --> 01:33:09,155 It's up to her. It's always been up to her. 2445 01:33:09,240 --> 01:33:10,309 Not us. 2446 01:33:11,680 --> 01:33:14,240 It just took me a while to realize that. 2447 01:33:15,680 --> 01:33:16,715 It's so true. 2448 01:33:17,680 --> 01:33:19,159 Dude, we were such jerks. 2449 01:33:19,360 --> 01:33:20,509 Yeah. 2450 01:33:20,680 --> 01:33:21,874 I bit your dick. 2451 01:33:23,000 --> 01:33:24,672 Shaft and balls. Oh. 2452 01:33:26,440 --> 01:33:27,668 I'm sorry. 2453 01:33:28,360 --> 01:33:29,918 I'm sorry, too, dude. 2454 01:33:30,120 --> 01:33:33,192 Look, Laird, if you wanna ask Stephanie to marry you 2455 01:33:33,360 --> 01:33:35,396 when the time is right, just do it. 2456 01:33:36,960 --> 01:33:39,030 Okay. Is it cool if I do it right now? 2457 01:33:39,200 --> 01:33:41,430 Because, uh, just in case it worked out 2458 01:33:41,600 --> 01:33:44,717 I had Goose put a shit ton of doves in the helicopter 2459 01:33:44,880 --> 01:33:46,280 and I have a couple other surprises. 2460 01:33:46,440 --> 01:33:48,874 Laird, this is totally your call. 2461 01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:51,031 But can I give you some advice? 2462 01:33:51,560 --> 01:33:52,629 Dude, please. 2463 01:33:52,720 --> 01:33:53,776 I'm so fucking nervous right now. 2464 01:33:53,800 --> 01:33:54,835 All right, look... 2465 01:33:54,920 --> 01:33:58,196 Stephanie doesn't care about all the bells and whistles. 2466 01:33:58,400 --> 01:33:59,958 You know her. 2467 01:34:00,120 --> 01:34:01,553 She cares about you. 2468 01:34:01,720 --> 01:34:03,073 She loves you. 2469 01:34:04,560 --> 01:34:06,437 So you get down on one knee 2470 01:34:07,320 --> 01:34:09,709 and you speak to her from your heart. 2471 01:34:10,600 --> 01:34:12,238 That's what you're best at. 2472 01:34:14,160 --> 01:34:16,390 Isn't that right, Justine? (CHUCKLES) 2473 01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:18,399 JUSTINE: Totally agree. 2474 01:34:18,960 --> 01:34:19,960 Holy shit. 2475 01:34:20,560 --> 01:34:23,233 My first time in Michigan. It's cold as balls here. 2476 01:34:24,400 --> 01:34:25,400 Yeah. 2477 01:34:25,440 --> 01:34:27,795 Dude, that's fucking great! 2478 01:34:28,600 --> 01:34:29,749 Do it Ned Fleming style. 2479 01:34:29,920 --> 01:34:31,478 Old school! 2480 01:34:31,680 --> 01:34:32,749 Fuck yes. 2481 01:34:35,080 --> 01:34:36,638 Okay. Well, look... 2482 01:34:36,800 --> 01:34:38,816 I'll go in there and see if I can get her to come out. 2483 01:34:38,840 --> 01:34:39,840 Okay. 2484 01:34:39,960 --> 01:34:41,632 Good luck. Thanks. 2485 01:34:45,120 --> 01:34:47,156 Hey, promise me one thing. 2486 01:34:48,280 --> 01:34:49,952 You will treat her well. 2487 01:34:51,520 --> 01:34:54,478 Dude, I'm gonna treat her like a motherfucking queen. 2488 01:34:56,320 --> 01:34:57,514 I'll take that. 2489 01:34:57,680 --> 01:34:58,680 Okay. 2490 01:35:00,640 --> 01:35:02,790 Gustav, change of plans. 2491 01:35:02,960 --> 01:35:05,554 We're go on the proposal. No go on all that other shit. 2492 01:35:05,640 --> 01:35:06,640 I have only one bar. 2493 01:35:06,800 --> 01:35:08,199 You're saying we are a go, yes? 2494 01:35:08,360 --> 01:35:09,952 No. No go. 2495 01:35:10,120 --> 01:35:12,111 Go on the proposal, no go on the shit. 2496 01:35:12,280 --> 01:35:14,191 Laird, are you saying it's a no go 2497 01:35:14,360 --> 01:35:16,476 or are you saying, "No. Go."? 2498 01:35:16,560 --> 01:35:17,629 God damn it, Goose. 2499 01:35:17,880 --> 01:35:19,656 You're making me fucking nervous. Just shut up. 2500 01:35:19,680 --> 01:35:21,272 Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck. 2501 01:35:21,480 --> 01:35:23,789 Oh, and by the way, please, Laird, breathe. 2502 01:35:24,040 --> 01:35:26,634 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 2503 01:35:26,720 --> 01:35:27,755 Okay. 2504 01:35:27,840 --> 01:35:29,831 And no cursing, okay? 2505 01:35:30,000 --> 01:35:31,513 Fuck, you're right. Good call. 2506 01:35:33,640 --> 01:35:34,755 Hi. 2507 01:35:37,800 --> 01:35:39,153 I'm sorry. 2508 01:35:39,800 --> 01:35:43,315 I know that out in California I disappointed you 2509 01:35:43,480 --> 01:35:45,357 and that kills me. 2510 01:35:45,520 --> 01:35:47,158 And I'm really sorry. 2511 01:35:50,680 --> 01:35:51,680 I'm sorry, too. 2512 01:35:53,720 --> 01:35:54,976 I threw you in the deep end out there. 2513 01:35:55,000 --> 01:35:56,400 I should've never asked you to come. 2514 01:35:56,520 --> 01:35:57,520 Honestly. No. 2515 01:35:57,680 --> 01:35:59,079 No, you didn't do anything wrong. 2516 01:35:59,240 --> 01:36:00,389 What was I thinking? 2517 01:36:00,560 --> 01:36:01,675 It was me. 2518 01:36:02,680 --> 01:36:05,069 It's just that, when we got out to Laird's... 2519 01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:09,398 I just didn't feel like I knew you anymore 2520 01:36:10,360 --> 01:36:12,032 and I got scared. 2521 01:36:13,880 --> 01:36:15,518 I just went crazy. 2522 01:36:18,240 --> 01:36:19,514 This is me. 2523 01:36:22,040 --> 01:36:23,393 I'm doing good. 2524 01:36:25,080 --> 01:36:26,399 Oh, Dad. 2525 01:36:32,640 --> 01:36:33,640 Oh, my God. 2526 01:36:33,800 --> 01:36:35,199 Okay, look. I forgot... 2527 01:36:35,360 --> 01:36:36,416 STEPHANIE: Oh, God. He's still out there. 2528 01:36:36,440 --> 01:36:37,509 NED: I know. 2529 01:36:37,600 --> 01:36:38,856 STEPHANIE: In a tank top and a scarf. 2530 01:36:38,880 --> 01:36:40,096 And he knew we were coming to Michigan. 2531 01:36:40,120 --> 01:36:41,120 NED: Yeah. 2532 01:36:41,280 --> 01:36:42,520 Why doesn't he just come inside? 2533 01:36:42,560 --> 01:36:43,896 He has to talk to you about something... 2534 01:36:43,920 --> 01:36:46,434 He kind of wants to make things right with you. 2535 01:36:46,600 --> 01:36:48,033 Oh, does he? Yeah. 2536 01:36:48,200 --> 01:36:51,272 I think it'd be cool if you gave him a chance. 2537 01:36:53,240 --> 01:36:55,549 You want me to give Laird a chance? 2538 01:36:55,720 --> 01:36:59,474 I thought that if you saw fit to give him a chance... 2539 01:36:59,640 --> 01:37:02,279 I thought that it'd be cool. 2540 01:37:03,600 --> 01:37:04,635 (LAUGHS) 2541 01:37:04,720 --> 01:37:05,720 That's all. Well? 2542 01:37:05,840 --> 01:37:07,432 Hi. Hey. 2543 01:37:07,600 --> 01:37:09,556 What's going on? Oh, my God, it's cold out here. 2544 01:37:09,760 --> 01:37:11,910 I know you're pissed, but just hear me out. 2545 01:37:12,080 --> 01:37:13,479 Can we talk inside? No. 2546 01:37:13,640 --> 01:37:14,640 Oh, my... Look. 2547 01:37:14,760 --> 01:37:17,399 Oh, my God. It's so romantic. 2548 01:37:17,600 --> 01:37:18,794 I told him to keep it simple. 2549 01:37:18,960 --> 01:37:20,154 BARB: Oh, our little girl. 2550 01:37:20,320 --> 01:37:22,456 He's gonna get down to his knee and keep it real simple. 2551 01:37:22,480 --> 01:37:23,754 How do you know all this? 2552 01:37:23,920 --> 01:37:25,069 I gave him a few pointers. 2553 01:37:25,240 --> 01:37:26,468 Oh. 2554 01:37:27,640 --> 01:37:29,471 This has been the happiest year of my life. 2555 01:37:31,440 --> 01:37:34,591 And fly! Go, go, go! Go! 2556 01:37:36,440 --> 01:37:38,271 Oh, no. What? 2557 01:37:38,640 --> 01:37:40,198 (DOVES COOING) 2558 01:37:40,600 --> 01:37:41,600 Ah. 2559 01:37:42,960 --> 01:37:44,951 (GASPS) Oh, my God. 2560 01:37:45,120 --> 01:37:47,156 Goose. God damn it. I said no go! No go! 2561 01:37:47,320 --> 01:37:48,355 NED: Oh, my... 2562 01:37:48,440 --> 01:37:49,475 BARB: Oh, gosh. Wow. 2563 01:37:49,600 --> 01:37:50,656 Why did he do that? Smart boy. 2564 01:37:50,680 --> 01:37:52,716 Absolute fucking shit fest. 2565 01:37:53,720 --> 01:37:55,438 Babe, I'm so sorry. Uh... 2566 01:37:58,680 --> 01:38:00,159 Stephanie Fleming... 2567 01:38:00,680 --> 01:38:02,033 will you... Are you proposing? 2568 01:38:02,200 --> 01:38:03,997 Yeah. 2569 01:38:04,120 --> 01:38:05,838 Mmm-hmm. (CHUCKLES) 2570 01:38:05,960 --> 01:38:07,279 Did my dad know about this? 2571 01:38:07,840 --> 01:38:09,592 Yeah, I asked for his blessing 2572 01:38:09,680 --> 01:38:11,113 that first morning back in Cali. 2573 01:38:11,320 --> 01:38:13,356 Oh, my God. (LAUGHS) 2574 01:38:13,680 --> 01:38:14,795 Oh, my God! 2575 01:38:14,960 --> 01:38:17,474 No wonder he acted so crazy. Honey. 2576 01:38:17,640 --> 01:38:19,551 Yeah, that's why he was a little out of whack. 2577 01:38:19,720 --> 01:38:21,790 Yeah, we could have had a really nice holiday. 2578 01:38:22,000 --> 01:38:24,673 I know. But we're all good now. Okay? 2579 01:38:24,840 --> 01:38:26,990 This is a lot. 2580 01:38:28,320 --> 01:38:29,878 Oh, my God. Stephanie Fleming... 2581 01:38:30,040 --> 01:38:31,440 That's a ring. (MICROPHONE FEEDBACK) 2582 01:38:32,560 --> 01:38:34,357 Goose! No! 2583 01:38:34,560 --> 01:38:35,675 (ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING) 2584 01:38:39,000 --> 01:38:40,991 And, go! Go, guys! Go, go, go! 2585 01:38:41,880 --> 01:38:43,154 Stephanie! 2586 01:38:44,560 --> 01:38:45,560 Oh, my God. 2587 01:38:45,720 --> 01:38:47,233 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 2588 01:38:57,520 --> 01:39:00,830 Laird, what is Kiss doing here? 2589 01:39:01,680 --> 01:39:02,829 Um, well... 2590 01:39:05,040 --> 01:39:06,075 Is that... Whoa! 2591 01:39:06,200 --> 01:39:07,394 He got look-a-likes! 2592 01:39:07,560 --> 01:39:09,516 BARB: Those aren't look-a-likes, Ned. 2593 01:39:09,600 --> 01:39:10,874 That's Gene and Paul. 2594 01:39:11,040 --> 01:39:14,032 It's Gene and Paul! Gene and Paul! 2595 01:39:14,200 --> 01:39:16,236 (SCREAMING) Oh, my God! Oh, God! 2596 01:39:16,400 --> 01:39:17,799 Kiss is in the front yard! 2597 01:39:17,960 --> 01:39:20,428 (SINGING) Tonight 2598 01:39:20,640 --> 01:39:23,029 I wanna give it all to you 2599 01:39:24,920 --> 01:39:25,920 In the darkness 2600 01:39:26,080 --> 01:39:28,753 Originally, I had this more elaborate proposal plan 2601 01:39:28,920 --> 01:39:30,592 but your dad gave me this awesome advice 2602 01:39:30,720 --> 01:39:31,869 and told me not to do it. 2603 01:39:32,040 --> 01:39:33,439 But they're here, 2604 01:39:33,560 --> 01:39:35,437 and I know how much you love their music, so... 2605 01:39:35,600 --> 01:39:36,874 What? Hi. 2606 01:39:37,040 --> 01:39:40,794 I was made for lovin' you, baby 2607 01:39:40,960 --> 01:39:44,714 You were made for lovin' me 2608 01:39:44,880 --> 01:39:46,711 And I can't get... 2609 01:39:50,240 --> 01:39:52,117 Is he still proposing? What's... 2610 01:39:52,280 --> 01:39:53,713 NED: They've stopped playing now. 2611 01:39:53,920 --> 01:39:55,831 His name's Ned. BARB: Oh, my God, are they... 2612 01:39:55,960 --> 01:39:56,960 What? 2613 01:39:57,080 --> 01:39:58,096 Are they coming in the... Oh, my God. 2614 01:39:58,120 --> 01:39:59,216 They're coming up the sidewalk! 2615 01:39:59,240 --> 01:40:00,240 They're heading in! 2616 01:40:00,320 --> 01:40:01,880 They're coming in our house! Oh, my God! 2617 01:40:01,920 --> 01:40:03,831 Everybody act natural! Act naturally! 2618 01:40:04,000 --> 01:40:05,228 I have to redecorate the house! 2619 01:40:16,680 --> 01:40:17,749 Hey. 2620 01:40:17,920 --> 01:40:18,920 Hi. 2621 01:40:19,080 --> 01:40:20,115 NED: Hi. 2622 01:40:20,320 --> 01:40:21,753 (STAMMERS) 2623 01:40:22,280 --> 01:40:23,429 Uh, hi. 2624 01:40:24,600 --> 01:40:26,113 I'm Ned. PAUL: Hey, Ned. 2625 01:40:26,280 --> 01:40:27,429 Hi! Hi! 2626 01:40:27,600 --> 01:40:29,192 This is my wife, Barb. 2627 01:40:29,360 --> 01:40:30,759 This is our friends, Lou and Patty. 2628 01:40:30,840 --> 01:40:31,989 It's Lou. 2629 01:40:32,160 --> 01:40:33,593 NED: So excited you're here. 2630 01:40:33,760 --> 01:40:37,036 I gotta tell you. Uh, we are huge fans. 2631 01:40:37,200 --> 01:40:40,875 We've been members of the Kiss Army for, like, 30 years now. 2632 01:40:41,040 --> 01:40:43,679 Yeah. Our first date was the Crazy Nights Tour. 2633 01:40:43,840 --> 01:40:46,274 Yeah! And, boy, was that crazy. 2634 01:40:46,360 --> 01:40:47,429 Crazy. (ALL CHUCKLING) 2635 01:40:48,160 --> 01:40:49,160 Did you get laid? 2636 01:40:52,480 --> 01:40:53,480 Um... 2637 01:40:54,640 --> 01:40:56,312 I gave him a handjob. 2638 01:40:57,360 --> 01:40:58,873 (SNICKERS) NED: Scotty. 2639 01:40:59,320 --> 01:41:00,992 I'm having an awesome time, 2640 01:41:01,120 --> 01:41:02,473 but are you having a buffet here? 2641 01:41:02,640 --> 01:41:04,198 Oh, my God. What was I thinking? 2642 01:41:04,360 --> 01:41:05,793 Are you hungry? Starving. 2643 01:41:05,960 --> 01:41:07,712 Oh, God, of course! Where's our manners? 2644 01:41:07,800 --> 01:41:08,835 We're terrible hosts. 2645 01:41:09,000 --> 01:41:10,136 LOU: Let's get those guitars, guys. 2646 01:41:10,160 --> 01:41:11,354 Come on, let me get that axe. 2647 01:41:12,640 --> 01:41:13,709 See my body? 2648 01:41:13,800 --> 01:41:14,800 Wow! Kiss is in our house! 2649 01:41:14,880 --> 01:41:18,031 Yeah. I'm kind of juiced up a little bit. 2650 01:41:18,480 --> 01:41:20,357 Oh! I almost forgot about them. 2651 01:41:20,520 --> 01:41:22,351 Well... The happy couple. 2652 01:41:22,520 --> 01:41:23,999 Congratulations. 2653 01:41:24,520 --> 01:41:25,839 She said no. 2654 01:41:26,720 --> 01:41:27,720 I'm sorry, what? 2655 01:41:27,880 --> 01:41:29,154 She said no. 2656 01:41:31,040 --> 01:41:32,040 Well... 2657 01:41:33,720 --> 01:41:34,869 Honey. 2658 01:41:35,520 --> 01:41:37,158 I'm so flattered 2659 01:41:37,360 --> 01:41:39,351 that you wanna marry me 2660 01:41:39,840 --> 01:41:40,880 but I'm not ready for that. 2661 01:41:44,400 --> 01:41:45,719 And I'm gonna finish school. 2662 01:41:45,880 --> 01:41:47,199 For me. 2663 01:41:47,360 --> 01:41:48,839 Because that's what I wanna do. 2664 01:41:49,040 --> 01:41:50,519 Got it? 2665 01:41:50,680 --> 01:41:52,352 LAIRD: That's really smart. 2666 01:41:52,520 --> 01:41:55,273 It's just, I had this big plan 2667 01:41:56,400 --> 01:41:57,674 and it didn't work out. 2668 01:41:58,520 --> 01:42:00,590 (SIGHS) Yeah. Well, that's life, pal. 2669 01:42:02,560 --> 01:42:05,233 That is so well put, Ned. 2670 01:42:06,040 --> 01:42:07,712 It's really, really smart. 2671 01:42:07,880 --> 01:42:09,552 Dude, did you come up with that? 2672 01:42:09,720 --> 01:42:11,358 The words, "That's life?" 2673 01:42:11,560 --> 01:42:14,199 Ned, you're so full of practical wisdom... 2674 01:42:15,040 --> 01:42:16,176 I was just really looking forward 2675 01:42:16,200 --> 01:42:17,428 to you being my father-in-law. 2676 01:42:17,640 --> 01:42:18,640 Aw. 2677 01:42:19,720 --> 01:42:21,631 I'm not breaking up with you. 2678 01:42:21,800 --> 01:42:22,800 You're not? 2679 01:42:22,920 --> 01:42:23,920 No, honey. 2680 01:42:24,080 --> 01:42:25,560 No, no, no. I'm still your girlfriend. 2681 01:42:25,640 --> 01:42:27,358 We're still together. 2682 01:42:27,440 --> 01:42:28,440 LAIRD: Oh. 2683 01:42:29,800 --> 01:42:31,074 Oh, thank God! 2684 01:42:31,240 --> 01:42:32,275 Come here. 2685 01:42:43,240 --> 01:42:44,389 Merry Christmas. 2686 01:42:44,560 --> 01:42:45,560 Ned. Hey. 2687 01:42:45,680 --> 01:42:47,238 Dude, your employees are so cool. 2688 01:42:47,400 --> 01:42:48,674 Yeah, they are. 2689 01:42:48,840 --> 01:42:50,990 Maybe it was wrong of me to interfere like that, 2690 01:42:51,160 --> 01:42:52,957 but why don't you let me save your company? 2691 01:42:54,320 --> 01:42:56,072 (SIGHS) No, Laird, I can't. 2692 01:42:56,240 --> 01:42:58,231 That old model doesn't work anymore. 2693 01:42:58,440 --> 01:43:00,271 I guess... I don't know. 2694 01:43:00,480 --> 01:43:02,277 I guess I just didn't want to believe it. 2695 01:43:03,120 --> 01:43:04,758 But since you mentioned it... 2696 01:43:04,920 --> 01:43:07,070 I do have a business idea I wanna run by you. 2697 01:43:07,280 --> 01:43:08,793 Dude, elevator pitch me! 2698 01:43:08,960 --> 01:43:10,154 Okay. 2699 01:43:11,520 --> 01:43:12,794 No, hold on. 2700 01:43:12,960 --> 01:43:15,315 This wasn't my idea at all. One second. 2701 01:43:15,480 --> 01:43:17,232 Scotty, come here. SCOTTY: Yo, what's up? 2702 01:43:17,320 --> 01:43:18,320 Come here. Yeah? 2703 01:43:18,440 --> 01:43:19,936 I want you to tell Laird about the business idea 2704 01:43:19,960 --> 01:43:21,359 you mentioned on the plane. 2705 01:43:21,520 --> 01:43:22,520 Go ahead. Wait, really? 2706 01:43:22,600 --> 01:43:23,600 Yeah. 2707 01:43:23,680 --> 01:43:25,400 Told you to get that seat at the table, bro. 2708 01:43:25,440 --> 01:43:27,040 You did. He told me, Dad. He was, like... 2709 01:43:27,160 --> 01:43:28,256 "You're gonna get that seat." 2710 01:43:28,280 --> 01:43:29,696 I can't believe I finally got the seat. 2711 01:43:29,720 --> 01:43:30,948 Dragons and titties, baby. 2712 01:43:31,120 --> 01:43:32,951 Dragons and titties! (ROARS) 2713 01:43:33,200 --> 01:43:34,600 Breathe that fire. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) 2714 01:43:34,720 --> 01:43:35,720 Get up in there. 2715 01:43:36,800 --> 01:43:38,518 Get up in those titties! 2716 01:43:38,680 --> 01:43:40,000 Gonna get those dragons. (HISSING) 2717 01:43:40,800 --> 01:43:41,949 Dad... 2718 01:43:42,480 --> 01:43:43,799 Scotty! (LAUGHS) 2719 01:43:43,960 --> 01:43:46,520 Stop motorboating your dad, and elevator pitch me. 2720 01:43:46,640 --> 01:43:48,119 Sorry. Uh... 2721 01:43:48,480 --> 01:43:51,313 Laird, I can't stop thinking about your toilets, dude. 2722 01:43:51,480 --> 01:43:53,152 My toilets? Yeah. 2723 01:43:53,320 --> 01:43:54,958 The fresh feeling, the scented talc. 2724 01:43:55,160 --> 01:43:57,310 I was thinking if you can get the controls in English 2725 01:43:57,480 --> 01:43:59,240 and maybe lower the price point a little bit, 2726 01:43:59,320 --> 01:44:00,456 we could have a potentially untapped 2727 01:44:00,480 --> 01:44:01,480 market here in America. 2728 01:44:01,520 --> 01:44:03,158 Oh, shit. Right? 2729 01:44:03,320 --> 01:44:04,976 And look, we can contact a Japanese manufacturer 2730 01:44:05,000 --> 01:44:06,035 about pricing... Ooh. 2731 01:44:06,200 --> 01:44:08,555 No, Scotty. Pardon my French, but fuck that noise. 2732 01:44:09,160 --> 01:44:10,195 Whoa. 2733 01:44:10,320 --> 01:44:13,312 Listen. We have a factory right here in Grand Rapids 2734 01:44:13,480 --> 01:44:15,675 with 37 of the best employees you're ever gonna want. 2735 01:44:15,840 --> 01:44:17,751 Let's build our own. 2736 01:44:18,840 --> 01:44:20,751 Hells yes, Grateful Ned! Yeah! 2737 01:44:20,840 --> 01:44:22,239 (MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND) Boom! 2738 01:44:22,360 --> 01:44:23,713 (BLOWING RASPBERRY) 2739 01:44:24,400 --> 01:44:25,515 Okay, sorry. Yeah. 2740 01:44:30,040 --> 01:44:35,876 ALL: (SINGING) The first noel the angels did say 2741 01:44:36,080 --> 01:44:41,393 Was to certain poor shepherds In fields as they lay 2742 01:44:41,560 --> 01:44:47,112 In fields where they lay keeping their sheep 2743 01:44:47,280 --> 01:44:52,798 On a cold winter's night that was so deep 2744 01:44:52,960 --> 01:44:54,518 Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel 2745 01:44:54,720 --> 01:44:57,553 It turned out to be a pretty cool holiday after all, huh? 2746 01:44:58,400 --> 01:44:59,549 It did, son. 2747 01:45:00,360 --> 01:45:01,360 (MAKES EXPLOSION SOUND) 2748 01:45:01,480 --> 01:45:02,480 Dude. 2749 01:45:03,040 --> 01:45:04,040 What? 2750 01:45:04,120 --> 01:45:06,000 Told you you'd be calling me "son" by Christmas. 2751 01:45:06,040 --> 01:45:07,837 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 2752 01:45:07,920 --> 01:45:09,717 That's just a figure of speech. 2753 01:45:09,880 --> 01:45:10,915 Sure, Dad. 2754 01:45:17,480 --> 01:45:25,480 Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight 2755 01:45:27,960 --> 01:45:29,598 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 2756 01:45:31,560 --> 01:45:34,233 Hello there, you gang! It is I, Gustav. 2757 01:45:34,400 --> 01:45:36,675 It's so great to see you! 2758 01:45:36,840 --> 01:45:39,400 Hey, what do you think of the new facial hair, huh? 2759 01:45:39,600 --> 01:45:41,397 I'm based in Michigan now, so you know... 2760 01:45:41,600 --> 01:45:42,816 I'm trying to do this whole kind of 2761 01:45:42,840 --> 01:45:44,159 Paul Bunyan, Midwestern thing. 2762 01:45:44,320 --> 01:45:45,440 I wanted to fill it all out. 2763 01:45:46,120 --> 01:45:49,078 So Scotty, Laird, and Ned took the printing company... 2764 01:45:49,320 --> 01:45:50,456 turned it into a toilet factory... 2765 01:45:50,480 --> 01:45:51,959 and it's going great! 2766 01:45:52,120 --> 01:45:54,998 The toilet is water efficient und eco-friendly. 2767 01:45:55,080 --> 01:45:56,479 It's state of the art. 2768 01:45:56,640 --> 01:45:59,757 I'm telling you, they have invented the Tesla of toilets! 2769 01:46:00,240 --> 01:46:01,468 It's amazing. 2770 01:46:01,640 --> 01:46:03,312 Barbara has made sure that each toilet 2771 01:46:03,400 --> 01:46:05,118 has a state of the art vaginal cleanse. 2772 01:46:05,560 --> 01:46:09,872 You know exactly what I'm saying. 2773 01:46:10,040 --> 01:46:11,598 Every single model comes with Justine. 2774 01:46:11,760 --> 01:46:12,800 Talk about a smart toilet. 2775 01:46:12,960 --> 01:46:14,176 She knows if you need a little sploosh 2776 01:46:14,200 --> 01:46:15,200 or if you actually need 2777 01:46:15,280 --> 01:46:16,800 the fountains of the Bellagio up there. 2778 01:46:18,600 --> 01:46:21,034 Scotty has finally got his seat at the table. 2779 01:46:21,680 --> 01:46:22,715 It's beautiful. 2780 01:46:22,960 --> 01:46:24,678 He went a little too far with the dragons, 2781 01:46:24,760 --> 01:46:26,240 and the titties, and the motorboating. 2782 01:46:27,800 --> 01:46:28,800 Oy vey. 2783 01:46:29,560 --> 01:46:30,629 Oh, Miss Stephanie. 2784 01:46:30,920 --> 01:46:33,309 She had the idea to link the Fleming-Mayhew company 2785 01:46:33,480 --> 01:46:35,277 with the new foundation. 2786 01:46:35,400 --> 01:46:37,630 So now, they're sponsoring sewage projects 2787 01:46:37,800 --> 01:46:39,916 all over the Third World. I told you. 2788 01:46:40,000 --> 01:46:42,434 Smart, smart, smart girl. 2789 01:46:43,000 --> 01:46:45,833 So, things are working out really well for the gang here. 2790 01:46:46,240 --> 01:46:47,719 The company is a smashing success. 2791 01:46:48,320 --> 01:46:49,878 And my dear Laird 2792 01:46:50,280 --> 01:46:52,475 has finally gotten what he's always wanted. 2793 01:46:52,920 --> 01:46:54,194 To be part of a family. 2794 01:46:57,640 --> 01:46:59,358 All right, ciao for now, you friends. 2795 01:46:59,440 --> 01:47:00,589 Until we meet again. 2796 01:47:00,760 --> 01:47:02,776 Laird, it doesn't count as a sneak attack if I can see... 2797 01:47:02,800 --> 01:47:04,552 Fuck you, Goose! Scheisse! 2798 01:47:04,680 --> 01:47:06,796 (ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE PLAYING) 2799 01:47:07,280 --> 01:47:11,831 I wanna rock and roll all night 2800 01:47:12,840 --> 01:47:14,910 And party every day 2801 01:47:15,280 --> 01:47:18,636 I wanna rock and roll all night 2802 01:47:19,800 --> 01:47:21,597 And party every day 2803 01:47:25,040 --> 01:47:27,759 You keep on saying you'll be mine for a while 2804 01:47:28,280 --> 01:47:31,397 You're looking fancy and I like your style 2805 01:47:31,920 --> 01:47:36,198 You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy 2806 01:47:39,280 --> 01:47:41,999 You show us everything you've got 2807 01:47:42,400 --> 01:47:44,994 Baby, baby, it's quite a lot 2808 01:47:45,720 --> 01:47:50,191 You drive us wild, we 'll drive you crazy 2809 01:47:52,520 --> 01:47:55,637 You keep on shouting, you keep on shouting 2810 01:47:58,760 --> 01:48:03,231 I wanna rock and roll all night 2811 01:48:04,320 --> 01:48:06,117 And party every day 2812 01:48:06,280 --> 01:48:10,068 I wanna rock and roll all night 2813 01:48:11,320 --> 01:48:13,117 And party every day 2814 01:48:13,240 --> 01:48:16,994 I wanna rock and roll all night 2815 01:48:17,960 --> 01:48:19,757 And party every day 2816 01:48:19,880 --> 01:48:23,429 I wanna rock and roll all night 2817 01:48:24,640 --> 01:48:26,392 And party every day 2817 01:48:27,305 --> 01:48:33,742 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org196417