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1
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:24,178
[Bagpipes playing]
2
00:00:52,331 --> 00:00:54,709
[men whistling
along with bagpipes]
3
00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:40,838
[♪ call to charge]
4
00:01:59,315 --> 00:02:01,400
[bugle note goes wild]
5
00:02:10,493 --> 00:02:12,577
[off-key bugling continues]
6
00:02:23,631 --> 00:02:25,715
[plays weakly]
7
00:02:50,159 --> 00:02:52,242
[screech]
8
00:02:53,202 --> 00:02:55,286
[harsh notes]
9
00:03:08,299 --> 00:03:10,426
[grating notes]
10
00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:12,594
[gunshot]
11
00:03:14,348 --> 00:03:16,641
[ear-splitting notes,
gunfire]
12
00:03:29,197 --> 00:03:31,365
[gunfire]
13
00:03:33,575 --> 00:03:36,662
- All right. Cut it.
- All right. Hold it.
14
00:03:42,292 --> 00:03:45,336
[Whiny notes]
15
00:03:46,047 --> 00:03:48,841
What is that idiot doing?
16
00:03:48,925 --> 00:03:53,095
[Grating notes]
17
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,472
- What's that idiot doing?
- I just asked that.
18
00:03:56,722 --> 00:03:59,100
- What's the answer?
- I don't know.
19
00:03:59,184 --> 00:04:02,103
You're the director.
You brought him over from India.
20
00:04:02,186 --> 00:04:07,233
You'd better start telling him what to do
or we'll be out of business. Now go ahead.
21
00:04:20,248 --> 00:04:22,541
Come on.
22
00:04:22,793 --> 00:04:24,876
- Charlie
- Yes...
23
00:04:33,010 --> 00:04:34,801
Ready? Action!
24
00:04:57,617 --> 00:04:59,619
Cut, damn it. Cut.
25
00:05:08,127 --> 00:05:10,211
- Mr Bakshi
- Yes, sir...
26
00:05:11,088 --> 00:05:15,468
Has it occurred to you that
the period of our picture is 1878?
27
00:05:15,552 --> 00:05:19,807
Oh yes indeed, sir. I am well aware that
that is the period of the film: 1878.
28
00:05:19,891 --> 00:05:23,603
Mr Bakshi, are you
also aware that in 1878
29
00:05:23,687 --> 00:05:26,148
they weren't
wearing underwater watches?
30
00:05:26,399 --> 00:05:29,735
Yes, sir. I know that.
They had not even been invented.
31
00:05:29,819 --> 00:05:32,071
- Got the time?
- Yes, it's...
32
00:05:32,656 --> 00:05:35,824
- Oh my God!
- All right. Lunch, everybody.
33
00:05:35,908 --> 00:05:40,286
[Man through loudspeaker] That's 42 for the crew,
1 hour for the cast.
34
00:05:47,628 --> 00:05:51,756
OK, guys. The cue for the demolition
is when I lower my hand like this.
35
00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:57,053
- We've got one shot at this. Let's get it right.
- All right. Places, everybody.
36
00:05:57,137 --> 00:06:02,432
Marty, Clutterbuck says, if we don't
wrap this location today, it's your neck!
37
00:06:02,516 --> 00:06:07,354
- All we have left
is to blow up the fort. - OK. Great.
38
00:06:11,775 --> 00:06:13,527
OK, Ken. Let's go.
39
00:06:13,611 --> 00:06:17,030
- All right. Carol... Earl...
- All right. Stand by.
40
00:06:43,307 --> 00:06:45,392
You!
41
00:06:49,896 --> 00:06:51,982
Yes, you!
42
00:06:52,066 --> 00:06:55,610
You get off of my set
and get out of my picture.
43
00:06:56,362 --> 00:07:00,740
Off. Out. You're through.
You're washed up. You're finished.
44
00:07:00,824 --> 00:07:04,579
I'll see to it, you
never make another movie again.
45
00:07:05,622 --> 00:07:10,918
- Does that include television, sir?
- I'll kill him.
46
00:07:22,472 --> 00:07:24,555
[Intercom buzzes]
47
00:07:25,432 --> 00:07:28,518
- Yes... - Mr Divot
calling from location, on 6.
48
00:07:28,603 --> 00:07:30,687
All right.
49
00:07:32,105 --> 00:07:34,191
Yes, Charlie...
50
00:07:35,860 --> 00:07:37,319
What?
51
00:07:37,571 --> 00:07:39,488
What?
52
00:07:39,572 --> 00:07:41,615
The whole damn thing?
53
00:07:41,699 --> 00:07:44,577
How the hell
could a thing like that happen?
54
00:07:44,661 --> 00:07:46,786
What's his name?
55
00:07:46,870 --> 00:07:48,954
Spell it.
56
00:07:49,624 --> 00:07:53,459
"Hrundi... V..."
57
00:07:54,002 --> 00:07:57,923
"B-A-K-S-H-I."
58
00:07:59,175 --> 00:08:02,218
I'll see to it
he never works again in this town.
59
00:08:03,179 --> 00:08:06,473
- Your wife wants the party guest list.
- It's on the desk.
60
00:08:06,557 --> 00:08:08,642
You know where to reach me.
61
00:08:30,748 --> 00:08:35,501
I need an address
for Hrundi V. Bakshi.
62
00:08:35,961 --> 00:08:38,671
"B-A-K-S-H-I."
63
00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:45,136
[♪ Sitar music]
64
00:13:13,990 --> 00:13:16,074
[parrot squawks]
Hello.
65
00:13:35,677 --> 00:13:38,555
[♪ Pianist plays
Nothing to Lose]
66
00:14:19,389 --> 00:14:21,473
[parrot squawks]
67
00:15:15,029 --> 00:15:16,987
Vodka and scotch, sir?
68
00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:27,791
No.
69
00:15:28,625 --> 00:15:30,710
I never touch it. Thank you.
70
00:15:52,106 --> 00:15:54,190
No, thank you.
71
00:15:55,401 --> 00:15:59,989
- Hors d'oeuvre, sir?
- Well I'm on a diet, but to hell with it!
72
00:16:09,959 --> 00:16:13,084
[♪ Band plays jazz]
73
00:16:25,140 --> 00:16:27,223
[speaks Italian]
74
00:16:41,405 --> 00:16:44,449
The mother says to the father,
"We've got the wrong baby"
75
00:16:44,534 --> 00:16:47,619
and the father says,
"Sh! It's a better buggy."
76
00:16:48,078 --> 00:16:50,621
I'd never heard that.
It's marvellous.
77
00:16:52,249 --> 00:16:54,292
[Laughter continues]
78
00:16:54,376 --> 00:16:58,211
[forced laugh]
Yes.
79
00:16:59,547 --> 00:17:04,048
I missed the middle part, but I can
tell from the way that you are enjoying it
80
00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:06,552
it must have been
a very humorous anecdote
81
00:17:06,635 --> 00:17:10,430
because the way you are laughing
just shows how much you enjoyed it.
82
00:17:10,514 --> 00:17:14,058
I love a good laugh, don't you?
It makes the world go round.
83
00:17:14,142 --> 00:17:18,353
It's good to
have a laugh, wonderful!
84
00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:21,400
Very good!
85
00:17:29,786 --> 00:17:31,869
I must remember that one.
86
00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:39,796
[Parrot squawks]
87
00:17:40,837 --> 00:17:43,965
"...bound and gagged for six hours."
88
00:17:44,050 --> 00:17:48,470
They took everything...
even the gold watch my daddy left me.
89
00:17:48,554 --> 00:17:50,473
[Forces laugh]
90
00:17:50,556 --> 00:17:53,683
They took the gold watch
that your father left you?
91
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:56,645
[Laughs] I'm sorry.
It's absolutely fantastic!
92
00:17:56,729 --> 00:18:02,607
What a wonderful thing to do!
Take everything including your father's watch.
93
00:18:02,692 --> 00:18:07,614
I tell you, tonight is one big
round of laughter... all fun and laughter!
94
00:18:10,702 --> 00:18:14,162
The congressman was just telling us about
the time he was robbed.
95
00:18:14,248 --> 00:18:16,332
[Chortles]
96
00:18:21,838 --> 00:18:24,966
- Who's the foreigner?
- I don't know.
97
00:18:25,049 --> 00:18:28,592
Someone my mixed-up wife invited.
[Hrundi chortles]
98
00:18:34,182 --> 00:18:37,935
Hello, dog. What do you want, eh?
You like my feet, do you?
99
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:40,438
Have your fill and away you go.
100
00:18:40,522 --> 00:18:44,860
Feet are considered a delicacy
among certain animals, you know.
101
00:18:45,111 --> 00:18:48,363
Go on. You've had enough now.
Off! Ciao. Chow-chow.
102
00:18:48,906 --> 00:18:54,910
In fact, there are man-eating animals who
will eat only the feet, not one other thing.
103
00:18:55,703 --> 00:18:57,787
Get away.
Ciao now. Ciao, dog.
104
00:18:59,122 --> 00:19:02,250
Get away.
Get away from me, dog.
105
00:19:02,335 --> 00:19:05,545
- Vodka or scotch, sir?
- No, I... no, thank you.
106
00:19:21,147 --> 00:19:24,316
- Good evening, Mr Divot.
How are you? - How are you?
107
00:19:24,399 --> 00:19:26,485
Smile at them.
108
00:19:31,115 --> 00:19:34,409
Good evening, general.
I'd like you to meet Miss Michele Monet.
109
00:19:34,494 --> 00:19:38,288
"Mr Clutterbuck"... "Mrs Clutterbuck"...
How are you, Alice? [Forces laugh]
110
00:19:38,372 --> 00:19:41,082
I'll introduce
my guests, if I may: "Mrs. Dunphy"...
111
00:19:46,378 --> 00:19:49,799
I've heard
some wonderful things about you.
112
00:19:49,883 --> 00:19:52,676
Well sir, you seem to have
a wonderful party going.
113
00:20:00,561 --> 00:20:02,936
- How do you
like it so far? - Fine.
114
00:20:03,022 --> 00:20:05,399
Have a drink. Go ahead.
115
00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:22,668
- Hello.
- Oh hello.
116
00:20:23,293 --> 00:20:26,506
- Hello. Good evening.
- Good evening.
117
00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:30,175
What a beautiful
evening it is, to be sure!
118
00:20:37,390 --> 00:20:39,891
What's in there?
119
00:20:39,976 --> 00:20:42,059
What, in here?
120
00:20:43,980 --> 00:20:46,064
Well there is
nothing in there.
121
00:20:48,442 --> 00:20:50,527
Yes there is.
122
00:20:51,445 --> 00:20:54,447
Oh I don't know.
I don't think so.
123
00:20:55,908 --> 00:20:57,827
- No.
- Can't you see it?
124
00:20:57,912 --> 00:21:00,956
No. There is
definitely nothing in there.
125
00:21:01,039 --> 00:21:04,918
If there was something
it's gone away now anyway.
126
00:21:05,004 --> 00:21:07,086
Well, I can see it.
127
00:21:10,507 --> 00:21:13,259
What is it?
128
00:21:13,343 --> 00:21:15,928
I don't know
but I don't like it.
129
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,441
Hare Ram Ram.
130
00:21:28,525 --> 00:21:29,858
Hey.
131
00:21:29,942 --> 00:21:33,152
- Oh. Pardon me, sir.
- That's quite all right, fellow.
132
00:21:33,238 --> 00:21:38,200
- I'm so sorry, sir. I beg your pardon.
- Honey, we'll play it over here.
133
00:21:38,785 --> 00:21:40,745
Right here...
This is an easy shot.
134
00:21:40,829 --> 00:21:44,498
First get in the saddle
just like I taught you. That's it.
135
00:21:44,583 --> 00:21:47,752
- No. I feel silly.
- Oh no, hon. You can do it this way.
136
00:21:47,836 --> 00:21:51,255
I was doing it the other day.
Just relax and you can...
137
00:21:52,132 --> 00:21:54,133
Just relax. Just...
138
00:21:54,217 --> 00:21:57,053
Pay no attention to me, sir.
I'm merely spectating.
139
00:21:57,137 --> 00:21:59,221
Fine.
140
00:21:59,306 --> 00:22:02,224
I can see that
you are an experienced player.
141
00:22:02,309 --> 00:22:04,688
One of the best, fellow,
one of the best!
142
00:22:04,897 --> 00:22:10,486
Sir, what is the name of a game that
has a multitude of colored balls like that?
143
00:22:10,569 --> 00:22:13,152
- "Pool."
- "Poo"?
144
00:22:13,238 --> 00:22:18,368
- No, not "poo"... "pool."
- "Pool". Oh like "swimming pool".
145
00:22:18,453 --> 00:22:21,454
- I've never heard of
a game called "pool". - A fine game!
146
00:22:21,538 --> 00:22:26,250
And what is the object of it? To disperse
these balls strategically around the table?
147
00:22:26,335 --> 00:22:28,919
To get the balls in the holes,
except the white one.
148
00:22:29,002 --> 00:22:32,044
That is the art? The art
is not to have the white one in?
149
00:22:32,128 --> 00:22:33,963
- Right.
- Good!
150
00:22:34,046 --> 00:22:36,256
And how many people can play?
151
00:22:36,341 --> 00:22:40,094
- Oh whole bunches, or twos and threes.
- Groups of people can play?
152
00:22:40,179 --> 00:22:43,304
- Or by yourself.
- Thank goodness! How wonderful!
153
00:22:45,309 --> 00:22:47,352
[Speaks Italian]
154
00:22:47,436 --> 00:22:50,438
Keep your eye on
the white ball, and you can...
155
00:22:51,984 --> 00:22:54,067
Oh
156
00:22:55,861 --> 00:22:57,946
Oh excuse me, sir.
157
00:22:58,489 --> 00:23:00,865
Excuse me, sir, but
158
00:23:00,950 --> 00:23:06,080
you are, are you not, "Wyoming Bill"
Kelso, the famous film star?
159
00:23:06,164 --> 00:23:09,708
- That's me, in the flesh.
- Oh God! What a moment in my life!
160
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,045
I've seen
every one of your films.
161
00:23:12,130 --> 00:23:15,214
Oh that's wonderful, wonderful!
[Cries out]
162
00:23:15,299 --> 00:23:18,384
- What a wonderful
strong grip you've got! - Yes. I do.
163
00:23:18,467 --> 00:23:22,847
I would have been disappointed
if you hadn't crushed my hand.
164
00:23:23,638 --> 00:23:26,099
Would you do me the honor to
sign me an autograph?
165
00:23:26,184 --> 00:23:29,019
Oh sure. Here...
Hold this. I'll be glad to.
166
00:23:29,103 --> 00:23:31,521
- I'm also
in the acting profession. - You are?
167
00:23:31,605 --> 00:23:35,692
Yes, indeed. I'm not in
your quality, but I am also an actor.
168
00:23:35,776 --> 00:23:39,280
- What's your name?
- "Hrundi": "H-R-U-N-D-I."
169
00:23:39,363 --> 00:23:42,490
Wait till I tell them at home
that I've met him!
170
00:23:42,575 --> 00:23:45,203
- Where are you from?
- I am from India.
171
00:23:45,454 --> 00:23:47,746
- Got you covered, Indian!
- Oh
172
00:23:48,789 --> 00:23:52,125
- Bang! Howdy, partner.
- You're pretty quick on the draw there!
173
00:23:52,209 --> 00:23:54,835
Never I believed
in my whole life, I would meet him
174
00:23:54,919 --> 00:23:57,252
and he would go "Bang, partner!"
175
00:23:57,588 --> 00:24:02,425
Listen to me.
"White man speak with forked tongue!"
176
00:24:06,766 --> 00:24:08,932
You old horned toad, buddy!
177
00:24:09,517 --> 00:24:13,645
- Cute little fellow, isn't he?
- I know all your sayings, all of them!
178
00:24:13,730 --> 00:24:16,065
The one where
you walk along and go...
179
00:24:18,277 --> 00:24:21,446
- Hrundi, say hello to the signorina here.
- Hello, partener.
180
00:24:21,531 --> 00:24:24,200
- Piacere
- "Bakshi"
181
00:24:24,283 --> 00:24:26,366
- There you go...
- Ah thank you.
182
00:24:26,452 --> 00:24:29,287
- This is a wonderful thing for me.
- My pleasure.
183
00:24:29,371 --> 00:24:35,794
Thank you, and I would love to say that
it has been the greatest moment in my life!
184
00:24:35,961 --> 00:24:38,046
Bang! I got you!
185
00:24:38,130 --> 00:24:42,509
- I was quick on the draw.
- You beat me that time, pal. That's right.
186
00:24:43,803 --> 00:24:47,431
- Lots of luck to you.
- Yes and the same to you, sir.
187
00:24:52,729 --> 00:24:54,814
[♪ Jazzy dance music]
188
00:25:45,531 --> 00:25:47,616
Howdy, partener.
189
00:26:42,004 --> 00:26:44,129
[Mouthing]
190
00:26:45,175 --> 00:26:48,050
[music ends]
Oh that was a short dance.
191
00:26:48,134 --> 00:26:51,136
- That's right.
- They don't go on for long, do they?
192
00:26:51,222 --> 00:26:53,138
We'd just started and...
193
00:26:53,223 --> 00:26:56,934
Well anyway, thank you very much.
Perhaps we can dance again later.
194
00:26:57,018 --> 00:26:59,854
- Oh, OK. - If your
carnet de bal is not full up.
195
00:26:59,939 --> 00:27:02,024
[Chortles]
196
00:27:04,068 --> 00:27:07,197
[overlapping conversations]
197
00:27:17,707 --> 00:27:19,792
Hello, Polly.
198
00:27:20,210 --> 00:27:23,462
Hello, Polly.
Pretty Polly!
199
00:27:23,922 --> 00:27:26,005
[Parrot]
Hello.
200
00:27:27,509 --> 00:27:29,968
Would you like
some food, Polly?
201
00:27:30,051 --> 00:27:31,970
Pretty Polly!
202
00:27:40,396 --> 00:27:42,689
- "Birdie Num Num"
- Hello.
203
00:27:42,773 --> 00:27:46,776
"Birdie Num Num."
Have Birdie Num Num.
204
00:27:49,154 --> 00:27:51,239
Go on.
205
00:27:52,616 --> 00:27:55,451
I'll give you a last one.
[Grain crashes down]
206
00:27:55,703 --> 00:27:57,788
[parrot squawks]
207
00:27:59,165 --> 00:28:02,209
She's having the
Birdie Num Nums.
208
00:28:04,377 --> 00:28:07,462
Look. She's
waiting for more Num Num.
209
00:28:07,548 --> 00:28:09,632
All gone. Num Num is gone.
210
00:28:10,259 --> 00:28:12,344
[Tramples grain underfoot]
211
00:28:21,062 --> 00:28:24,065
Pretty bird!
Pretty Polly!
212
00:28:25,109 --> 00:28:27,192
[♪ Sentimental piano music]
213
00:29:08,817 --> 00:29:10,902
[coughs]
214
00:29:11,487 --> 00:29:13,571
[coughs]
215
00:29:14,573 --> 00:29:17,200
[amplified cough;
room falls silent]
216
00:29:17,284 --> 00:29:19,370
[amplified snorting and hawking]
217
00:29:22,540 --> 00:29:23,540
"Num Num"
218
00:29:23,625 --> 00:29:26,667
[amplified]
"Num Num", "Birdie Num Num"
219
00:29:28,462 --> 00:29:31,923
[clucks like a chicken]
220
00:29:32,006 --> 00:29:34,342
- What in the world is that?
- I can't imagine.
221
00:29:35,052 --> 00:29:37,888
[Cooing and clucking]
222
00:29:37,971 --> 00:29:42,392
[amplified cooing and clucking]
223
00:29:43,436 --> 00:29:46,270
Howdy, partener.
224
00:29:46,730 --> 00:29:50,734
Howdy,
par... te... ner... partener.
225
00:29:50,818 --> 00:29:52,902
Howdy, partener.
226
00:30:21,015 --> 00:30:23,765
Look at that. Oh
227
00:30:24,393 --> 00:30:26,938
[man]
What was that?
228
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,359
Would you mind getting...
229
00:30:33,444 --> 00:30:35,528
[parrot squawks]
230
00:30:37,406 --> 00:30:39,448
[glasses smashing]
231
00:30:39,533 --> 00:30:41,658
[phone rings]
232
00:30:46,165 --> 00:30:49,916
This is 469-6151.
233
00:30:51,043 --> 00:30:55,047
Please remain
connected to the telephone.
234
00:30:55,339 --> 00:30:57,425
There is
a call for you, sir.
235
00:30:58,761 --> 00:31:02,682
Please, hold on to
the connection. Please, 1 second.
236
00:31:04,142 --> 00:31:06,226
I wonder if you could...
237
00:31:07,228 --> 00:31:09,937
- Can you hold here? - Yes.
238
00:31:11,272 --> 00:31:14,567
Would you just let my hand go?
You've got my hand. Thank you.
239
00:31:14,818 --> 00:31:17,403
Now I'll take this from you.
240
00:31:17,488 --> 00:31:19,697
Hold on one moment.
241
00:31:19,780 --> 00:31:21,530
[Glass smashes]
242
00:31:21,616 --> 00:31:26,412
Excuse the mess up here. It is
"Birdie Num Nums". I've got them under my feet.
243
00:31:30,210 --> 00:31:32,251
[Glass smashes]
244
00:31:32,337 --> 00:31:35,756
Just one second.
If you can take this around you...
245
00:31:40,428 --> 00:31:43,012
Just lift the ashtray, please.
246
00:31:46,267 --> 00:31:48,602
Yes. Thank you.
247
00:31:50,939 --> 00:31:52,439
Yes.
248
00:31:52,524 --> 00:31:54,442
Oh Benny
249
00:31:54,527 --> 00:31:57,654
Yes. Well
I'm having a few people in.
250
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:04,536
The picture... yes. It was going fine
until some idiot blew up the set.
251
00:32:12,460 --> 00:32:14,545
- Scotch?
- No.
252
00:32:49,871 --> 00:32:49,996
This picture's a very good one,
you know. It's going to be great.
253
00:32:49,997 --> 00:32:53,248
This picture's a very good one,
you know. It's going to be great.
254
00:32:53,334 --> 00:32:55,209
- Caviar?
- No, thank you.
255
00:32:55,295 --> 00:32:58,212
- Sir
- I don't think so, thanks.
256
00:33:11,768 --> 00:33:13,853
[Speaks Italian]
257
00:33:14,478 --> 00:33:17,649
Eat.
[Speaks Italian]
258
00:33:17,900 --> 00:33:21,821
Oh sure, honey. We're going to eat
but they've got to ring the little bell first.
259
00:33:22,071 --> 00:33:24,156
Bell?
[Speaks Italian]
260
00:33:24,283 --> 00:33:27,948
- Bell. Ding-ding.
- Ding-ding?
261
00:33:28,034 --> 00:33:30,995
But first let's have
a little tiddly at the bar.
262
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,538
- Hello.
- Oh howdy, little buddy.
263
00:33:33,623 --> 00:33:35,706
[Cries out]
264
00:33:37,168 --> 00:33:40,421
That's my old
cowboy crusher: an Indian grip.
265
00:33:40,504 --> 00:33:43,631
Oh you really
crushed my old Indian hand.
266
00:33:43,716 --> 00:33:46,219
It, sort of, smarts, doesn't it?
267
00:33:46,304 --> 00:33:48,762
The friendliest
little creature I ever met!
268
00:33:49,722 --> 00:33:54,560
It's an honor to have had
my hand crushed by Wyoming Bill Kelso.
269
00:33:54,645 --> 00:33:57,104
Wait till
I tell them back home!
270
00:33:58,648 --> 00:34:00,733
Ooh
271
00:34:15,457 --> 00:34:17,539
Pooh
272
00:34:31,847 --> 00:34:33,472
- Oh
- OK
273
00:34:33,557 --> 00:34:35,057
- Pardon me.
- It's OK.
274
00:34:49,739 --> 00:34:51,824
- Hello.
- Hello.
275
00:34:52,369 --> 00:34:55,204
Oh... it was occupied.
276
00:34:55,288 --> 00:34:57,581
- Oh
- Yes.
277
00:34:57,666 --> 00:34:59,709
"Hrundi V. Bakshi"
278
00:34:59,793 --> 00:35:03,460
- Pardon?
- That is what my name is called.
279
00:35:03,545 --> 00:35:05,755
- Oh. "Michele Monet".
- How do you do?
280
00:35:05,841 --> 00:35:07,882
How do you do?
281
00:35:07,967 --> 00:35:10,176
Are you having a good time?
282
00:35:10,261 --> 00:35:12,344
- Mm-hm.
- Good!
283
00:35:12,596 --> 00:35:16,808
- Are you having a good time?
- Oh yes. I am having a good time.
284
00:35:16,891 --> 00:35:21,938
- Good! - It's good
to be having a good time.
285
00:35:22,022 --> 00:35:24,107
- Yes.
- Yes.
286
00:35:24,650 --> 00:35:26,611
- Are you an actress? - Yes.
287
00:35:26,696 --> 00:35:29,447
- Oh yes. I can tell. - Oh?
288
00:35:29,531 --> 00:35:31,614
- Because I am an actor.
- Oh I see.
289
00:35:31,699 --> 00:35:35,579
Actors can tell when actresses
are actresses, and actresses can tell...
290
00:35:35,660 --> 00:35:38,997
- It is a thing
that we have together. - Ah
291
00:35:39,081 --> 00:35:41,249
- You are also French.
- How do you know?
292
00:35:41,332 --> 00:35:43,501
Your name and
the way you speak English.
293
00:35:43,586 --> 00:35:48,675
- Oh that's right. Do you speak French?
- Just enough to get myself into trouble.
294
00:35:48,758 --> 00:35:50,802
I'll tell you
what I can say:
295
00:35:50,887 --> 00:35:54,013
Où est la direction de
la tour Eiffel, s'il vous plaît?
296
00:35:54,264 --> 00:35:56,558
That's pretty good.
You do speak French.
297
00:35:56,641 --> 00:35:58,516
- Do you speak
Hindustani? - No.
298
00:35:58,601 --> 00:36:02,398
Well you are not
missing anything. Oh dear!
299
00:36:02,648 --> 00:36:04,817
I am here
at the moment taking part
300
00:36:04,900 --> 00:36:08,570
in Mr. General Clutterbuck's
latest motion-picture extravaganza.
301
00:36:08,654 --> 00:36:11,447
- Oh. That's wonderful!
- It is a main feature role
302
00:36:11,532 --> 00:36:14,284
and I am very glad to
have the opportunity to do it.
303
00:36:14,368 --> 00:36:16,453
- Congratulations!
- Thank you.
304
00:36:16,538 --> 00:36:19,079
Are you doing
something in a movie?
305
00:36:19,330 --> 00:36:21,874
- Are you
working in a movie? - No
306
00:36:21,957 --> 00:36:25,627
but next week
I'm doing a test for Mr Divot.
307
00:36:25,713 --> 00:36:28,213
Oh, Mr Divot!
[Chortles]
308
00:36:28,297 --> 00:36:30,924
- What?
- Oh listen. I...
309
00:36:32,134 --> 00:36:33,550
- Oh
- Let's get to the bar.
310
00:36:33,636 --> 00:36:37,721
- Mr Divot, how do you do?
- Yes. Right, fellow. All right?
311
00:36:38,264 --> 00:36:41,683
- Goodbye.
- 'Bye. [Chortles]
312
00:36:42,311 --> 00:36:44,978
- Who is that guy?
- A very nice man
313
00:36:45,063 --> 00:36:48,690
- with an unpronounceable name.
- I know him from some place.
314
00:36:48,775 --> 00:36:51,693
How are you, general?
Remember Miss Michele Monet here?
315
00:36:51,779 --> 00:36:55,991
Have you heard her sing? We're giving her
a test. She sings like a nightingale.
316
00:36:56,076 --> 00:37:00,286
- I'll look forward to that.
- Excuse us, sir. We're going to the bar.
317
00:37:11,590 --> 00:37:13,675
- Dinner is served.
- Good!
318
00:37:22,642 --> 00:37:25,144
Dinner is served.
319
00:37:25,229 --> 00:37:27,312
[Speaks Italian]
320
00:37:29,275 --> 00:37:32,066
Dinner is served, darling.
321
00:37:49,462 --> 00:37:50,837
[Parrot squawks]
322
00:37:51,087 --> 00:37:55,258
- Alice, where is Miss Monet sitting?
- Right around here, dear.
323
00:37:58,636 --> 00:38:02,015
Bernie,
give Miss Monet a hand, please.
324
00:38:02,098 --> 00:38:04,933
Excuse me
for a minute, sweetheart.
325
00:38:18,406 --> 00:38:21,366
Dear... I believe,
you're down here, dear...
326
00:38:24,411 --> 00:38:26,496
right down here.
327
00:38:29,750 --> 00:38:32,835
- "Bakshi", right?
- Oh, yes. Mr. Bakshi.
328
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:37,422
- Oh there's no chair.
- Everybody needs to move over.
329
00:38:37,507 --> 00:38:42,344
Oh. Darling, would you mind
moving up just one? I'm terribly sorry.
330
00:39:17,005 --> 00:39:21,094
I'm sorry, darling. You're going to
have to move back. It was a mistake.
331
00:39:21,179 --> 00:39:26,391
I'm awfully sorry. Levinson,
will you get the gentleman a chair, please?
332
00:39:26,475 --> 00:39:31,436
No. It was a mistake, but he's going to
bring you a chair and you'll be all right.
333
00:39:41,741 --> 00:39:43,993
What happened to
your little face?
334
00:39:44,076 --> 00:39:48,123
Nothing, except that it is
somewhat nearer to the table now.
335
00:39:48,208 --> 00:39:50,708
My chair is
lower than your chair.
336
00:40:05,683 --> 00:40:09,018
- Do you like your strawberry soup?
- Oh strawberry soup!
337
00:40:09,101 --> 00:40:11,478
I haven't had it lately.
338
00:40:11,563 --> 00:40:14,442
- It's lovely
in summer, don't you think? - Yes.
339
00:40:14,607 --> 00:40:18,152
Oh yes, it's...
oh it's lovely right now.
340
00:40:18,235 --> 00:40:20,320
Good! I'm so glad.
341
00:41:07,912 --> 00:41:10,538
Hey. Give me
some of that, will you, pal?
342
00:41:11,332 --> 00:41:14,459
How's the chow?
It looks pretty good.
343
00:41:37,691 --> 00:41:39,776
No wine, thank you.
344
00:41:40,444 --> 00:41:42,529
No wine, please. No.
345
00:41:43,323 --> 00:41:45,240
Please, no wine.
346
00:41:45,324 --> 00:41:48,867
I know you would like me to
have it, but I don't want it.
347
00:41:49,162 --> 00:41:53,330
All right. I don't drink.
I don't smoke... no wine.
348
00:42:17,355 --> 00:42:21,274
Are you all right?
Oh I'm so sorry.
349
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,570
[Hrundi]
I dropped my roll.
350
00:42:24,903 --> 00:42:27,573
If I can sit here,
I won't be in anybody's way.
351
00:42:27,657 --> 00:42:32,619
- You're sure, you're comfortable?
- Here the door won't bang me.
352
00:42:32,704 --> 00:42:35,122
All right. Excuse me.
353
00:42:43,255 --> 00:42:46,341
They should be
finished with the soup. Get the plates.
354
00:42:54,976 --> 00:42:57,060
[Gags]
355
00:43:31,593 --> 00:43:34,845
- Mrs Clutterbuck,
shall I serve the salad? - Yes.
356
00:43:54,283 --> 00:43:56,703
What are you doing?
357
00:44:23,523 --> 00:44:25,606
[Crash]
358
00:44:34,742 --> 00:44:36,825
Get into the kitchen.
359
00:44:39,828 --> 00:44:41,955
That is
just outside Bombay.
360
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:45,418
- And Bombay is in India...
- Oh that is very much in India
361
00:44:45,501 --> 00:44:48,628
and that is indeed
the gateway to India!
362
00:44:48,713 --> 00:44:50,796
[Crash from kitchen]
363
00:44:55,804 --> 00:44:59,724
I think that one of these bearers
does not like the other one.
364
00:45:00,392 --> 00:45:04,313
You have a very hard time
finding good help these days.
365
00:45:04,396 --> 00:45:06,479
Yes. You certainly do!
366
00:47:13,608 --> 00:47:15,526
[Gagging]
367
00:47:27,121 --> 00:47:32,333
Did you hear about the trapeze artist
who got divorced? Caught his wife in the act!
368
00:47:36,755 --> 00:47:38,674
That's terribly funny!
369
00:47:38,757 --> 00:47:41,677
Yes. It's been
terribly funny for about 20 years.
370
00:48:00,489 --> 00:48:02,572
[Whispers]
371
00:49:10,267 --> 00:49:11,684
Oh
372
00:49:13,019 --> 00:49:15,104
[scream]
373
00:49:24,199 --> 00:49:26,992
[parrot squawks]
374
00:49:28,369 --> 00:49:30,452
[parrot squeals]
375
00:50:00,611 --> 00:50:05,280
- Gore, are you sure, it's all right?
- It's not "all right". It's divine!
376
00:50:07,242 --> 00:50:09,324
[Women laughing]
377
00:50:19,462 --> 00:50:24,173
You've got to start with education.
That's where you need to spend...
378
00:50:25,510 --> 00:50:28,845
Mrs Clutterbuck, please
can I take this opportunity
379
00:50:29,097 --> 00:50:32,306
to apologize to you formally
for what happened at the table?
380
00:50:32,389 --> 00:50:35,476
Oh my dear, just forget it.
It wasn't your fault.
381
00:50:35,559 --> 00:50:37,646
- What embarrassment for you!
- Why, no.
382
00:50:37,730 --> 00:50:40,857
It was that ridiculous
little chair they put you on!
383
00:50:40,940 --> 00:50:45,027
It was awful, but at the same time
I feel it is my duty to say this to you now.
384
00:50:45,110 --> 00:50:48,697
- I just think we should forget all about it.
- Indeed, you are right
385
00:50:48,947 --> 00:50:52,867
but before then I will also go to
your husband and say to him that I am sorry.
386
00:50:53,119 --> 00:50:56,498
- That's not necessary, really.
- It is on my conscience.
387
00:50:56,581 --> 00:50:59,458
- Well if you
want to, go ahead. - Thank you.
388
00:51:19,688 --> 00:51:23,483
- General, an excellent aroma!
- I'm glad you like it.
389
00:51:23,567 --> 00:51:26,778
I still have a few left over
from the pre-Castro days.
390
00:51:28,113 --> 00:51:30,615
General Clutterbuck, sir
391
00:51:30,700 --> 00:51:35,077
please, I would like to formally
apologize to you for any inconvenience
392
00:51:35,161 --> 00:51:38,708
that I may have caused you
or your guests at the table tonight.
393
00:51:38,958 --> 00:51:42,501
- It's understandable.
- It will never happen again
394
00:51:42,586 --> 00:51:46,965
should you wish to have me on your
list of guests on some other occasion.
395
00:51:47,050 --> 00:51:51,135
When I saw what havoc that I wrought,
my poor old knees turned to water!
396
00:51:51,221 --> 00:51:53,262
- God, what a state I was!
- I can imagine.
397
00:51:53,347 --> 00:51:58,018
But now that I have apologized to you...
also I have spoken to your good lady
398
00:51:58,103 --> 00:52:01,939
and I told her, sir, that it is
a terrible thing to have happened
399
00:52:02,022 --> 00:52:04,274
and I am sorry
deep down inside of me.
400
00:52:04,357 --> 00:52:06,482
- Enjoy yourself.
- Thank you, sir.
401
00:52:06,567 --> 00:52:09,696
- Thank you for listening to me.
- It's all right.
402
00:52:09,779 --> 00:52:14,451
General, about this wack...
I asked her to go out with me one night...
403
00:52:47,984 --> 00:52:51,321
[slurred]
Brandy or crème de cacao, sir?
404
00:52:51,404 --> 00:52:53,237
Yes.
405
00:53:13,841 --> 00:53:17,011
Clutterbuck's a big man.
He could make a star out of me.
406
00:53:17,094 --> 00:53:19,304
Put the drink down
and listen to me.
407
00:53:56,013 --> 00:53:58,098
[Whispers]
408
00:54:26,249 --> 00:54:28,332
[feet sloshing]
409
00:54:38,428 --> 00:54:41,638
- Oh I beg your pardon.
- That's all right.
410
00:54:52,943 --> 00:54:55,485
- It is occupied.
- Oh
411
00:55:01,159 --> 00:55:03,702
Do you speak Hindustani?
412
00:55:03,786 --> 00:55:05,873
No.
413
00:55:15,633 --> 00:55:17,716
Oh excuse me, please.
414
00:55:59,134 --> 00:56:01,219
[Speaks Chinese]
415
00:56:05,225 --> 00:56:07,308
[Chinese]
416
00:56:30,288 --> 00:56:32,375
Hey. Close the door, man.
417
00:57:02,404 --> 00:57:06,742
- Look. I told the general, you'd sing.
- Well I'd rather not do it tonight.
418
00:57:06,823 --> 00:57:09,369
Why not?
419
00:57:09,454 --> 00:57:13,039
- The orchestra is gone.
- There's a guitar. Do you play the guitar?
420
00:57:13,122 --> 00:57:16,001
- Yes. - Then
you play the guitar and you sing.
421
00:57:16,084 --> 00:57:18,209
Hey, waiter.
Come over here.
422
00:57:18,294 --> 00:57:22,841
You're going to be a smash.
Don't worry about a thing.
423
00:57:22,925 --> 00:57:25,260
See that guitar?
Go and get it.
424
00:57:25,343 --> 00:57:27,428
Get the guitar.
425
00:58:17,687 --> 00:58:20,607
♪ Nothing to lose.
426
00:58:20,691 --> 00:58:24,986
♪ If we are wise
427
00:58:25,071 --> 00:58:31,285
♪ We're not expecting
rainbow-colored skies
428
00:58:33,078 --> 00:58:35,580
♪ Not right away.
429
00:58:35,832 --> 00:58:37,915
[Squelching footsteps]
430
00:58:39,544 --> 00:58:42,337
♪ Nothing to lose.
431
00:58:42,671 --> 00:58:46,589
♪ It might be fun.
432
00:58:46,924 --> 00:58:53,057
♪ No talk of spending
lifetimes in the sun
433
00:58:55,058 --> 00:58:58,354
♪ Although we may.
434
00:58:59,272 --> 00:59:02,232
♪ Both you and I have seen
435
00:59:02,316 --> 00:59:06,653
♪ What time can do.
436
00:59:07,946 --> 00:59:10,950
♪ We'll only hurt ourselves
437
00:59:11,033 --> 00:59:16,871
♪ If we build
dreams that don't come true.
438
00:59:18,874 --> 00:59:21,709
♪ What can we lose?
439
00:59:21,794 --> 00:59:26,006
♪ We know the score.
440
00:59:26,089 --> 00:59:29,303
♪ Let's wait before we talk
441
00:59:29,594 --> 00:59:32,471
♪ Of evermore.
442
00:59:33,850 --> 00:59:37,602
♪ One day we may.
443
00:59:38,145 --> 00:59:41,105
♪ Nothing to lose
444
00:59:41,190 --> 00:59:45,442
♪ But much to gain if love
445
00:59:45,694 --> 00:59:50,030
♪ Decides to stay.
446
00:59:55,537 --> 00:59:58,414
♪ Both you and I have seen
447
00:59:58,499 --> 01:00:02,959
♪ What time can do.
448
01:00:04,087 --> 01:00:07,130
♪ We'll only hurt ourselves
449
01:00:07,216 --> 01:00:13,428
♪ If we build
dreams that don't come true.
450
01:00:14,972 --> 01:00:17,974
♪ What can we lose?
451
01:00:18,059 --> 01:00:21,727
♪ We know the score.
452
01:00:22,271 --> 01:00:25,689
♪ Let's wait before we talk
453
01:00:25,776 --> 01:00:27,861
♪ Of evermore.
454
01:00:29,988 --> 01:00:33,325
♪ One day we may.
455
01:00:34,327 --> 01:00:37,247
♪ Nothing to lose
456
01:00:37,331 --> 01:00:41,624
♪ But much to gain if love
457
01:00:41,707 --> 01:00:46,419
♪ Decides to stay.
458
01:00:47,465 --> 01:00:50,383
♪ Nothing to lose.
459
01:00:51,887 --> 01:00:54,845
♪ [Hums]
460
01:01:03,939 --> 01:01:06,023
[tries door knob]
461
01:01:08,777 --> 01:01:11,654
- Well how do you
like her, general? - Great!
462
01:01:11,737 --> 01:01:15,406
- How about you, Bernie?
- I think, she's really great.
463
01:01:19,870 --> 01:01:22,789
[Growl]
464
01:01:23,124 --> 01:01:25,332
[growl]
465
01:01:25,417 --> 01:01:27,963
[dog barks]
466
01:01:31,550 --> 01:01:34,635
[darts whistle]
467
01:01:35,847 --> 01:01:40,434
All right. You win, partener.
You win. [Darts whistle]
468
01:01:41,145 --> 01:01:47,233
[Divot] I'm telling you, he thought
you were terrific. He was very impressed
469
01:01:47,317 --> 01:01:52,362
so tomorrow's test will be just a formality.
We want to see what you look like on film.
470
01:01:52,447 --> 01:01:56,074
Trust me. Here... we can talk.
It's a little quieter in here.
471
01:01:56,159 --> 01:01:59,743
- Oh Charlie, this is the bedroom!
- Ah it is the bedroom!
472
01:01:59,828 --> 01:02:02,453
- Come on, baby.
- Why don't we go back downstairs?
473
01:02:02,539 --> 01:02:06,665
There's too much noise. Let's
sit on the bed. [Michele protests]
474
01:02:06,750 --> 01:02:09,627
Let's sit down.
That's it. That's a good girl.
475
01:02:09,712 --> 01:02:11,798
[Divot laughs lecherously]
476
01:02:12,758 --> 01:02:15,843
- Charlie. Please, don't do that.
- Just one little kiss!
477
01:02:15,926 --> 01:02:18,011
Charlie... [dart whistles]
478
01:02:20,390 --> 01:02:22,683
- Give me my gun.
- Thank you, partner.
479
01:02:23,769 --> 01:02:27,064
- Where are you going?
- Attention!
480
01:02:29,150 --> 01:02:31,233
Just forget it.
481
01:02:32,943 --> 01:02:35,028
Charlie
482
01:02:37,906 --> 01:02:40,491
Knock it off and hit the sack.
483
01:02:49,500 --> 01:02:51,584
Cookie
484
01:03:04,347 --> 01:03:06,432
[dog barks]
485
01:03:23,161 --> 01:03:25,246
[flushing continues]
486
01:03:39,885 --> 01:03:41,970
[flushing continues]
487
01:03:58,403 --> 01:04:00,488
[flushing continues]
488
01:04:36,901 --> 01:04:38,986
[flushing continues]
489
01:04:48,410 --> 01:04:50,495
[flushing stops]
490
01:06:29,015 --> 01:06:31,097
[dog barks]
491
01:06:42,403 --> 01:06:44,486
[dog scrabbles]
492
01:06:47,781 --> 01:06:49,866
[dog barks]
493
01:07:08,384 --> 01:07:10,469
[toilet flushes]
494
01:07:14,141 --> 01:07:16,224
[dog barking]
495
01:07:20,063 --> 01:07:22,147
[knocking on door]
496
01:07:26,235 --> 01:07:29,362
[pounding on door]
[Nanny] Who's in the head?
497
01:07:46,966 --> 01:07:48,507
[Kick]
498
01:08:24,044 --> 01:08:26,129
Help.
499
01:08:29,551 --> 01:08:32,802
Please. Come and help.
There's someone in the pool.
500
01:08:32,887 --> 01:08:35,012
- What can I do for you?
- Hurry up.
501
01:08:35,097 --> 01:08:38,266
- Oh hey, little buddy.
- American aid, partener!
502
01:08:38,517 --> 01:08:41,811
Great night for a dip!
That fellow has a heap of jollies...
503
01:08:41,896 --> 01:08:44,230
- He's drowning.
- He's drowning?
504
01:08:44,313 --> 01:08:46,648
Hrundi, are you drowning?
505
01:08:46,898 --> 01:08:50,154
Great leaping pollywogs!
That little girl's got spunk!
506
01:08:50,237 --> 01:08:54,324
Get him, girl. Grab him by
the wigwam. I'll wait right here for you.
507
01:08:54,409 --> 01:08:57,368
Come on, honey.
Bring him over here.
508
01:08:57,453 --> 01:08:59,537
Get hold of him.
509
01:09:19,558 --> 01:09:24,395
Bartender, we've been fishing
and caught ourselves a little Indian.
510
01:09:24,480 --> 01:09:27,067
- Oh no. I don't drink.
- Come on.
511
01:09:27,149 --> 01:09:31,068
- It'll do you good, partner.
- Right down the old hatch.
512
01:09:31,154 --> 01:09:36,072
There you go. That'll straighten you
right out. You'll feel better.
513
01:09:36,157 --> 01:09:40,787
- Just a little bit more.
- There you go. How about a little more...
514
01:09:40,871 --> 01:09:43,998
- No. I'm perfectly all right.
- Good!
515
01:09:45,416 --> 01:09:47,836
It looks like
little buddy went 'bye-'bye.
516
01:09:52,590 --> 01:09:55,260
The poor darling!
I'm so sorry. You stay there and
517
01:09:55,345 --> 01:10:00,224
Well I don't know what we can do but
perhaps we can at least dry it out for you.
518
01:10:00,309 --> 01:10:02,390
Oh dear! Honestly...
519
01:10:03,644 --> 01:10:07,980
[Kelso] Come in. Your tie looks like
a salamander's tongue that got stepped on.
520
01:10:08,233 --> 01:10:09,943
- Hiya, honey.
- Is he all right?
521
01:10:10,027 --> 01:10:12,653
He's just a little wet.
Have you got some dry duds?
522
01:10:12,738 --> 01:10:17,242
- Surely. I'll get something of Fred's.
- [Hrundi babbles drunkenly]
523
01:10:18,077 --> 01:10:20,202
Here, darling...
Put this on him.
524
01:10:20,287 --> 01:10:24,081
- Now you get out of those wet clothes.
- I love the wet clothes.
525
01:10:24,166 --> 01:10:27,001
Thank you for
a marvellous party. Whoa!
526
01:10:29,212 --> 01:10:33,800
Fred, darling, I had to loan him your terry.
He's soaking wet. This is hers, not his.
527
01:10:33,885 --> 01:10:37,720
Oh darling, do hurry because
the Russians will be here any minute.
528
01:10:37,805 --> 01:10:41,184
- The Russians?
- The dancers, darling, the ballet.
529
01:10:47,397 --> 01:10:49,940
- [Kelso] Come on, sidekick.
- No.
530
01:10:52,236 --> 01:10:54,151
Kelso, would you mind
531
01:10:54,236 --> 01:10:56,570
- What are you doing?
- I am not doing anything.
532
01:10:56,655 --> 01:10:59,575
- You're wetting the bed.
- I am not wetting the bed.
533
01:10:59,659 --> 01:11:02,035
My clothes
are wetting the bed.
534
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:06,624
- This is the big chief here.
- Oh. "Big chief speak with forked tongue!"
535
01:11:06,709 --> 01:11:09,959
Partener... he's a TV partener.
536
01:11:10,044 --> 01:11:14,423
- I'll hold him. You
get his pants down. - All right.
537
01:11:14,508 --> 01:11:18,762
- Come here, lovely man. I love you.
- I've got something dry over here.
538
01:11:18,847 --> 01:11:20,928
[Hrundi babbles and giggles]
539
01:11:22,473 --> 01:11:25,058
Here, Wild Bill.
You take off your coat...
540
01:11:26,687 --> 01:11:28,771
No.
541
01:11:29,147 --> 01:11:31,650
Oh no, Wild Bill. No.
542
01:11:39,449 --> 01:11:45,203
- Get up off the floor. - I've got him.
A slippery little creature, isn't he?
543
01:11:46,957 --> 01:11:49,749
- Oh you naughty man!
- Here... Put this on.
544
01:11:50,501 --> 01:11:52,586
- Put these on.
- Why?
545
01:11:52,669 --> 01:11:55,922
Can you handle him? I have to
go downstairs. Take care of it.
546
01:11:56,007 --> 01:11:58,507
- I'll handle it.
- Wild Bill, why do you want...
547
01:11:58,760 --> 01:12:03,430
- Little sidekick, put these dry clothes on.
- All right. I will put them on.
548
01:12:03,515 --> 01:12:08,226
Good idea! I've got to get
downstairs before Conchita cools off.
549
01:12:08,311 --> 01:12:12,773
You come down with wet clothes on, and
I'll stomp you and the horse you ride in on.
550
01:12:12,858 --> 01:12:15,359
- Got that?
- Buddy... partner buddy...
551
01:12:15,443 --> 01:12:18,111
I'll see you, little buddy.
[Mimes gunshot]
552
01:12:18,196 --> 01:12:22,073
Oh you got me
right in the pantaloons, partener!
553
01:12:22,157 --> 01:12:25,535
Adios.
Hold on, Conchita. I'm coming.
554
01:12:25,620 --> 01:12:27,705
Adios, partener.
555
01:12:28,581 --> 01:12:30,666
Oh no...
556
01:12:31,708 --> 01:12:33,793
[mutters incoherently]
557
01:13:45,742 --> 01:13:47,824
[Michele weeps softly]
558
01:14:13,810 --> 01:14:15,897
Hello.
559
01:14:19,275 --> 01:14:21,193
Hello.
560
01:14:21,277 --> 01:14:23,862
You are
having some difficulty?
561
01:14:24,698 --> 01:14:26,782
No.
562
01:14:28,160 --> 01:14:30,244
Are you sure?
563
01:14:33,665 --> 01:14:35,750
Well...
564
01:14:36,543 --> 01:14:38,627
- Excuse me.
- Yes.
565
01:14:50,390 --> 01:14:54,560
You know that I don't think
you are being entirely honest with me?
566
01:14:56,605 --> 01:14:58,688
No.
567
01:14:59,359 --> 01:15:01,442
Ah
568
01:15:09,658 --> 01:15:11,741
We have a saying in India.
569
01:15:16,040 --> 01:15:18,125
- Yes?
- Yes.
570
01:15:20,210 --> 01:15:23,464
- Well...
- Well what?
571
01:15:29,554 --> 01:15:33,558
You were saying
something about a saying...
572
01:15:34,143 --> 01:15:35,810
Oh yes.
573
01:15:37,855 --> 01:15:40,439
What is it?
574
01:15:46,363 --> 01:15:49,824
"Wisdom is
the province of the aged"
575
01:15:51,786 --> 01:15:55,621
"but the heart of a child is pure."
576
01:15:58,666 --> 01:16:01,417
That's very pretty.
577
01:16:02,334 --> 01:16:05,463
I'm not sure
I know what it means.
578
01:16:06,340 --> 01:16:08,968
Neither do I.
[Both giggle]
579
01:16:11,471 --> 01:16:13,847
What does it
have to do with me?
580
01:16:14,891 --> 01:16:17,851
Well it has
everything to do with you.
581
01:16:17,936 --> 01:16:21,646
- For one thing
it stops you crying. - It's true.
582
01:16:21,731 --> 01:16:24,107
I feel better.
Thank you very much.
583
01:16:24,193 --> 01:16:28,361
- Don't thank me. Thank my saying.
- Thank you, saying.
584
01:16:29,448 --> 01:16:31,908
- Do you want to
hear another saying? - Yes.
585
01:16:31,991 --> 01:16:35,077
This is a good one
because it will help you to remember
586
01:16:35,162 --> 01:16:37,747
how many days
there are in each month.
587
01:16:37,832 --> 01:16:42,417
It goes like this: "30 days have
September, October, June and February."
588
01:16:42,502 --> 01:16:47,797
"All the rest got 29
except my brother, who got 6 months."
589
01:16:51,842 --> 01:16:55,260
Aha! Just what I thought!
590
01:16:55,345 --> 01:16:57,429
I've been looking
all over for you.
591
01:16:57,514 --> 01:17:00,723
- Get your clothes.
We're going to leave. - I don't think so.
592
01:17:00,808 --> 01:17:05,270
Look. You came with me. You're going to
leave with me. Now get your clothes.
593
01:17:05,354 --> 01:17:08,065
- No. - Don't say
"no" to me. Now get your stuff.
594
01:17:08,148 --> 01:17:10,192
- Go on.
- Mr Divot, please...
595
01:17:10,277 --> 01:17:14,406
- Just stay out of this, buddy.
- If she wishes to remain, that is her right.
596
01:17:14,657 --> 01:17:19,036
- Just who do you think you are?
- In India, we know who we are.
597
01:17:19,120 --> 01:17:22,121
- You're Meshuga!
- I am not your sugar.
598
01:17:23,459 --> 01:17:26,670
Baby, you decide. Do you want to
come with me or stay with this guy?
599
01:17:26,754 --> 01:17:29,922
- I want to stay.
- You're going to stay with him?
600
01:17:30,005 --> 01:17:31,758
OK.
601
01:17:31,840 --> 01:17:34,844
Nobody ever does this
to me. Do you hear that?
602
01:17:34,928 --> 01:17:40,308
And forget about that test! You're finished
in this business before you even start.
603
01:17:41,227 --> 01:17:43,310
[Slams door]
604
01:17:44,354 --> 01:17:47,732
Well that was
a short career, wasn't it!
605
01:17:49,650 --> 01:17:52,194
Oh don't worry about that.
606
01:17:53,946 --> 01:17:57,784
I'd better find
something to put on and call a cab.
607
01:17:57,868 --> 01:18:00,494
No. Don't call a cab.
Stay at the party
608
01:18:00,578 --> 01:18:03,830
and after, I'll take you home
in my three-wheeler Morgan.
609
01:18:03,914 --> 01:18:06,833
- No. That would be nice,
but I can't stay. - Why not?
610
01:18:06,918 --> 01:18:11,548
Well I got myself
into a funny situation.
611
01:18:11,632 --> 01:18:14,301
- What, with old Divot? - Yes.
612
01:18:14,386 --> 01:18:16,552
Is that
why you were crying?
613
01:18:16,637 --> 01:18:20,098
- Yes. It's not really his fault.
- He's a terrible man.
614
01:18:20,351 --> 01:18:22,976
Please stay.
Let's have a wonderful time.
615
01:18:23,061 --> 01:18:25,813
I'd love to, really
but I have nothing to wear.
616
01:18:25,896 --> 01:18:31,444
That's no problem. They have millions of
clothes here. Anyway I've got an idea.
617
01:18:37,867 --> 01:18:41,661
- Who goes there? - Shh!
Mr Bakshi and a damsel in distress.
618
01:18:41,786 --> 01:18:45,747
- What do you want? - Well
you look like a man of the world.
619
01:18:45,831 --> 01:18:48,750
This poor lady is urgently
in need of some dry clothing
620
01:18:48,835 --> 01:18:51,711
and I perceive that you
are both about the same size.
621
01:18:51,796 --> 01:18:53,880
[♪ Jazzed-up Russian music]
622
01:20:02,577 --> 01:20:05,037
[music ends]
623
01:20:14,673 --> 01:20:17,801
[sings in Russian]
624
01:20:54,127 --> 01:20:57,086
[♪ lively Russian music]
625
01:21:19,446 --> 01:21:21,530
[cheering]
626
01:21:21,781 --> 01:21:23,824
[music ends]
627
01:21:23,909 --> 01:21:25,493
Marvellous!
Just marvellous!
628
01:21:25,576 --> 01:21:28,411
Everyone, let's
toast our wonderful friends.
629
01:21:28,497 --> 01:21:31,707
[Toasts in Russian; cheering]
630
01:21:48,350 --> 01:21:50,432
[♪ lively Russian music]
631
01:21:57,232 --> 01:21:59,483
- We need to move the bar.
- What?
632
01:21:59,567 --> 01:22:02,778
- We have to move the bar.
- Oh I know how to do that. I'll do it.
633
01:22:02,862 --> 01:22:05,072
Oh no. I'd rather
634
01:22:05,156 --> 01:22:06,949
Fred, stop him.
635
01:22:27,472 --> 01:22:29,555
[♪ Music continues]
636
01:22:51,745 --> 01:22:53,830
Oh Fred
637
01:23:02,923 --> 01:23:05,425
- Come on. - Molly,
are you sure, it's all right?
638
01:23:05,507 --> 01:23:09,137
- Yes. Will you please come?
- But your mother is having a party.
639
01:23:09,221 --> 01:23:13,933
- What better time to shake them up?
- You've done some stupid things but...
640
01:23:34,578 --> 01:23:35,828
Hi.
641
01:23:44,798 --> 01:23:48,134
- Hello, mom.
- Darling, weren't you out protesting?
642
01:23:48,217 --> 01:23:50,427
It's a love-in.
Meet some of my friends.
643
01:23:50,510 --> 01:23:53,639
I can't now, darling.
I've got all these wet Russians
644
01:23:53,808 --> 01:23:56,351
but I'll come back
and meet your friends.
645
01:23:56,434 --> 01:23:58,643
Oh there they are... over there.
646
01:24:00,730 --> 01:24:02,397
[Screams]
647
01:24:08,281 --> 01:24:12,283
- General, your wife just
fell in the pool. - Get her jewellery.
648
01:24:15,329 --> 01:24:18,455
- Molly, what was that?
- An elephant.
649
01:24:18,539 --> 01:24:22,168
- An ele... - Yes.
You don't have to be so shaken up.
650
01:24:22,628 --> 01:24:25,088
Molly, how could you
do such a dreadful thing!
651
01:24:25,339 --> 01:24:28,424
- I didn't mean to offend you.
- Now listen here, young lady.
652
01:24:28,509 --> 01:24:31,595
You get that elephant
out of this house at once.
653
01:24:43,274 --> 01:24:44,775
- Hello.
- Hello.
654
01:24:44,859 --> 01:24:47,359
- How are you?
- Fine. Is this your elephant?
655
01:24:47,444 --> 01:24:51,113
- Yes. This is Jongo.
- You've done a proper paint job on this.
656
01:24:51,363 --> 01:24:53,573
- You should be
ashamed of yourself. - Why?
657
01:24:53,657 --> 01:24:55,617
This is a symbol of
my country.
658
01:24:55,702 --> 01:25:00,247
- Don't you paint them in India?
- Yes, but we don't paint slogans on them.
659
01:25:00,332 --> 01:25:02,791
He's got
"The world is flat" on his forehead
660
01:25:02,876 --> 01:25:07,046
"Socrates eats hemlock" on the side
and "Go naked" all over his bum.
661
01:25:07,131 --> 01:25:11,635
- We didn't mean to be disrespectful.
- But it's humiliating. They know.
662
01:25:11,720 --> 01:25:14,636
How would you like it if
an Indian person came along
663
01:25:14,721 --> 01:25:18,640
and drew a moustache on your ladybirds!
It's the same thing, isn't it?
664
01:25:18,725 --> 01:25:22,813
- I'm awfully sorry. What should we do?
- Get some water and wash it off.
665
01:25:22,895 --> 01:25:25,524
Wash it. Scrub it.
Get it off. Hose it off
666
01:25:25,774 --> 01:25:28,859
Hey, gang. We're going to
wash the elephant.
667
01:25:28,943 --> 01:25:31,028
[Protests]
668
01:26:12,696 --> 01:26:14,531
How many times
have I got to tell you!
669
01:26:14,784 --> 01:26:18,744
You aren't ever going to find
anything in here, half as sweet as I am.
670
01:26:28,754 --> 01:26:30,964
Take it outside.
Come on. Let's go.
671
01:26:40,430 --> 01:26:43,184
No. You fainted. Come on.
672
01:27:00,658 --> 01:27:04,037
All right. Everybody out!
673
01:27:21,974 --> 01:27:24,641
Wash it off.
Take it all off.
674
01:27:25,185 --> 01:27:27,270
"Bakshi"!
675
01:27:29,897 --> 01:27:33,525
I knew,
I knew that guy. I knew it!
676
01:27:33,651 --> 01:27:35,735
[Phone rings]
677
01:27:40,992 --> 01:27:43,701
Hello... Buckercult
678
01:27:43,787 --> 01:27:46,706
I want to talk to
the general. This is C.S. Divot.
679
01:27:47,916 --> 01:27:50,209
No. You can't just
680
01:27:50,419 --> 01:27:53,588
What's going on there?
[Teenagers shouting]
681
01:27:57,634 --> 01:27:59,720
A bit on the ear
682
01:28:01,929 --> 01:28:05,474
Do you believe that child of mine...
bringing home an elephant!
683
01:28:05,559 --> 01:28:07,184
- They're dirty.
- Oh really!
684
01:28:10,857 --> 01:28:13,817
All right. Enough!
685
01:28:13,902 --> 01:28:18,405
We'll take him outside now
and wash all the soap off.
686
01:28:42,471 --> 01:28:45,722
What do you suppose that
awful racket is? I'll be right back.
687
01:28:45,974 --> 01:28:48,142
- I'm not finished.
- I've got to see.
688
01:28:48,226 --> 01:28:50,392
God only knows
what's happening now!
689
01:28:52,605 --> 01:28:54,564
[Gasps]
690
01:28:57,484 --> 01:28:59,569
Mom, what are you doing?
691
01:29:03,951 --> 01:29:06,994
You and I have got to
find someplace to be alone.
692
01:29:07,287 --> 01:29:09,372
Get up.
693
01:29:12,084 --> 01:29:13,751
Save the paintings.
694
01:29:25,056 --> 01:29:27,139
Mom, are you all right?
695
01:29:36,484 --> 01:29:39,319
Get the paintings.
Don't just stand there.
696
01:29:40,237 --> 01:29:44,699
We're certainly having a lot of trouble.
[Blubbering hysterically]
697
01:29:44,782 --> 01:29:49,370
I just never, ever
in all my life... I just never...
698
01:30:11,060 --> 01:30:14,603
Not that one, you idiot!
Just the good stuff! Put it back.
699
01:31:13,206 --> 01:31:15,833
We've got to get rid of it.
Turn on the air conditioning.
700
01:31:15,918 --> 01:31:20,588
- I'll never make it.
- There's a control in the master bedroom.
701
01:31:21,004 --> 01:31:23,090
[♪ "The Party"]
702
01:31:28,887 --> 01:31:35,725
♪ The party gets groovy
and everyone here loses control, yes.
703
01:31:36,976 --> 01:31:42,983
♪ Our minds fly away. As the band
starts to play, we rock and roll.
704
01:31:43,233 --> 01:31:45,068
♪ Come on, baby.
Listen to me here now.
705
01:31:45,318 --> 01:31:48,822
♪ No time for meditations!
706
01:31:49,115 --> 01:31:52,826
♪ Just feel the wild vibrations.
707
01:31:53,117 --> 01:31:56,453
♪ We'll learn some new sensations
708
01:31:56,538 --> 01:31:59,456
♪ Tonight
709
01:31:59,541 --> 01:32:03,420
♪ All night long
710
01:32:03,670 --> 01:32:06,924
♪ All night long
711
01:32:07,007 --> 01:32:08,424
♪ Yes.
712
01:32:21,107 --> 01:32:27,237
♪ The party goes crazy as
we see the night turn into day, yes.
713
01:32:28,866 --> 01:32:35,036
♪ And that's when you find
your inhibited mind is blown away.
714
01:32:35,121 --> 01:32:37,080
♪ Come on, baby.
Listen to me here now.
715
01:32:37,165 --> 01:32:41,167
♪ We'll swing
till we're insane here.
716
01:32:41,251 --> 01:32:45,130
♪ Easy to blow your brain here!
717
01:32:45,214 --> 01:32:48,633
♪ That's why we'll all remain here
718
01:32:48,718 --> 01:32:51,509
♪ Tonight
719
01:32:51,678 --> 01:32:55,432
♪ All night long
720
01:32:55,848 --> 01:32:59,562
♪ All night long
721
01:32:59,771 --> 01:33:03,315
♪ All night long
722
01:33:03,856 --> 01:33:07,066
♪ All night long
723
01:33:19,413 --> 01:33:22,498
- Just a minute, sir.
- I'm C.S. Divot, the producer.
724
01:33:22,583 --> 01:33:27,171
I'm a friend of Mr Clutterbuck's.
I've got to tell him something right away.
725
01:33:27,756 --> 01:33:30,341
Hey. What's with the ambulance?
[Commotion]
726
01:33:30,426 --> 01:33:32,508
Hey. What's with the ambulance?
727
01:33:34,887 --> 01:33:37,431
Hey. Let's go and
struggle in the straw, huh?
728
01:33:39,015 --> 01:33:41,268
What, the hell
is going on around here?
729
01:33:41,353 --> 01:33:43,519
Argh!
[Girl laughs]
730
01:33:43,604 --> 01:33:47,898
- Do you believe it?
The party isn't over yet. - Hey, general.
731
01:33:47,983 --> 01:33:50,068
I don't even know
how it got started.
732
01:33:50,152 --> 01:33:53,029
- We've got to do a report.
- I'll talk to the governor.
733
01:33:53,113 --> 01:33:56,658
- I've got to tell you something.
- It was crazy. You should have seen it!
734
01:33:56,742 --> 01:34:00,247
- Alice, baby,
do you feel better? - Oh I'm fine.
735
01:34:00,331 --> 01:34:04,626
- I'm going to be in the aquacade.
- That's nice. Don't drop her.
736
01:34:04,710 --> 01:34:08,546
Congressman and Mrs Dunphy,
I don't know how to tell you
737
01:34:08,631 --> 01:34:12,425
It's quite all right.
Call me if there's anything I can do.
738
01:34:20,434 --> 01:34:22,520
Mr Clutterbuck
739
01:34:23,978 --> 01:34:26,731
may I apologize to you
for the discomfort
740
01:34:26,982 --> 01:34:29,483
- It's all right.
- [Whispers] General, it's him!
741
01:34:29,567 --> 01:34:31,485
- Who?
- Bakshi!
742
01:34:31,569 --> 01:34:34,946
He's the idiot who
blew up the location! [Roars]
743
01:34:35,531 --> 01:34:37,615
You've got the wrong guy.
744
01:34:45,040 --> 01:34:50,044
Hey, little buddy. Hold on.
Here's one of my old Stetsons. It just fits.
745
01:34:50,129 --> 01:34:53,839
And here's an autographed picture
of me and my horse Fang.
746
01:35:04,854 --> 01:35:07,814
♪ Nothing to lose
747
01:35:07,897 --> 01:35:12,192
♪ If we are wise.
748
01:35:12,278 --> 01:35:19,240
♪ We're not expecting
rainbow-colored skies
749
01:35:20,369 --> 01:35:23,495
♪ Not right away.
750
01:35:26,833 --> 01:35:29,793
♪ Nothing to lose.
751
01:35:29,878 --> 01:35:34,132
♪ It might be fun.
752
01:35:34,216 --> 01:35:40,138
♪ No talk of spending
lifetimes in the sun.
753
01:35:42,391 --> 01:35:45,184
Well, this is where I live.
754
01:35:45,268 --> 01:35:47,352
It's a beautiful home.
755
01:35:48,896 --> 01:35:52,607
I would ask you to
come up but it's a little late
756
01:35:52,691 --> 01:35:54,776
or early... I don't know.
757
01:35:56,028 --> 01:35:59,365
Anyway I have to
get back to feed Apu.
758
01:35:59,909 --> 01:36:01,450
- Apu?
- Yes: my monkey.
759
01:36:01,534 --> 01:36:03,285
Oh
760
01:36:03,579 --> 01:36:07,040
It's a lovely name...
for a monkey anyway.
761
01:36:07,625 --> 01:36:10,919
- He's used to it
by now anyway. - Good!
762
01:36:13,839 --> 01:36:18,592
I would like to say that
I enjoyed myself very much last night.
763
01:36:18,676 --> 01:36:20,636
I did too, very much.
764
01:36:20,719 --> 01:36:23,513
Especially I thought
your song was very beautiful.
765
01:36:23,763 --> 01:36:25,806
- You did?
- Yes.
766
01:36:25,890 --> 01:36:27,974
Thank you.
767
01:36:31,771 --> 01:36:33,773
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
768
01:36:33,856 --> 01:36:35,858
Oh. Here's your hat.
769
01:36:36,693 --> 01:36:39,821
Oh look... You keep it.
770
01:36:39,946 --> 01:36:41,864
But you may need it.
771
01:36:42,449 --> 01:36:44,575
No. I'd like you to keep it.
772
01:36:46,328 --> 01:36:47,495
All right.
773
01:36:47,745 --> 01:36:50,498
If you should want it
or need it sometimes...
774
01:36:50,582 --> 01:36:55,543
Well... if I need it, I could always
come perhaps and pick it up.
775
01:36:56,588 --> 01:36:58,297
That would be very nice.
776
01:36:58,382 --> 01:37:01,968
When would you be available
for me to pick up my hat?
777
01:37:02,052 --> 01:37:06,263
Well [giggles]
maybe next week.
778
01:37:06,765 --> 01:37:09,184
- I'll come and get it then.
- OK.
779
01:37:09,270 --> 01:37:13,479
- I would love to have my hat back.
- [Giggles] Goodbye.
56967
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