Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

(male 1) 'Hey, mister. What's your name?'

(Fred) 'Uh-uh-uh, Fred Flintstone.'

- 'You a freshman?' - 'Uh-uh, I think so.'

(male 1) 'A freshman doesn't think, mister.'

And your name isn't Flintstone, it's Mr. Simple Soul.

- Got that? - Mr. Simple Soul?

- I'm an upperclassman. - Uh, yes, sir.

From now on, Mr. Simple Soul, carry a light, the time

and any upperclassman's books.

And bow in the presence of an upperclassman.

- Yes, sir. - 'What are you?'

A certified public accountant major, sir.

No, you're not. Now, repeat after me.

- I, sir, am a wiggly worm, sir. - A-a wiggly worm, sir.

- A wiggly worm, sir.. - Wiggly worm, sir.

- ...is the lowest lump of-- - Lowest lump of--

- In the ocean depth. - In the ocean depth.

And nothing is lower than a freshman

at Prinstone U.

Freshman at Prinstone U.

Sir. And don't forget it.

Sir. And don't forget it.

[theme music]

[whistles]

[screeching]

[siren wailing]

[whistles]

[music continues]

[tires screeching]

thud

thud

[door slams]

[music continues]

(Fred) 'C-A-T, cat.'

'That's four points for me.'

(Arnold) 'Alright, I'll just take your cat'

'and add A-C-L-Y-S-M.'

(Fred) 'C-A-T-A-C.. Cataclys..'

'What kinda made-up word is that?'

(Arnold) Cataclysm. A great disaster.

- That gives me 79 points. - That gives you a total--

Two hundred and sixty three. I win.

And I better get back on my newspaper route.

Just a minute, little wise guy.

I just put my last three letters here.

"Zarf." That gives me 12 points.

Zarf?

Now, don't tell me you never heard

'of the word "zarf."'

What's it mean?

'Well, it, uh, don't come up'

in conversation too often, uh..

Let's see, uh

I zarf, uh, you zarf, he zarfs--

'I never heard of it.'

Boy, I don't know, if there's anything I can't stand

it's a sore winner.

'Cancel my newspaper subscription.'

Okay. You owe me $8.76.

Look, Arnold.

How's about a game of Russian roulette, hmm?

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

[humming]

Boy, this is hot work. I'm gonna scram.

thud

Did the paper boy clobber you again?

That kid has no character.

I wouldn't be surprised if he used loaded tiddlies.

I thought this week it was scrabble.

(Fred) 'It was, but he kept makin' up words like'

'"esoteric" and "polopony."'

- "Polopony?" - Yeah, P-O-L-O-P-O-N-Y.

- Polopony. - That's polo-pony.

Well, whatever it is, he made me look like a horses neck.

And on top of that, he wouldn't allow my word, "zarf."

- "Zarf?" - I bet it's in the dictionary.

There's a lotta words you've never

heard of in the dictionary

and I'll get it to show ya.

Okay, I'll glance at the paper.

Find the dictionary, Fred?

No, my old high school annual.

Remember her?

Gina Lodabricks.

Boy, was she built.

Had every brick in place.

She used to get low marks.

Yeah, 35, 25 and 35.

Here's a prediction.

"Gina will go to Hollyrock

and become a great movie actress."

'I've seen her last three pictures.'

'and I don't think she's a great actress.'

Well, it's too late now. She's already a star.

Let's see who this is.

Let me see, Fred.

"Fredrick Twinkle Toes Flintstone."

"Our handsome football hero will be one of the all time

'"great college certified public accounting stars."'

Fred! What happened?

- I lost a little ham. - But, Fred--

Oh, don't but Fred me.

You think I'm happy the way I turned out?

'You think I like having a future'

'you can write on a piece of confetti?'

Admit it, Wilma, I'm a big fat failure.

(Wilma) 'You have been putting on a little weight.'

Oh, Fred Flintstone

what happened to your dreams?

What did happen to your dreams, Fred?

What kept you from goin' to college?

'Only one little thing. I never got outta high school.'

- Why not? - I'll tell you why not.

Because I was young and strong and stupid.

I wanted fame.

So, instead of studying, I went out for football.

Soon, I was the outstanding player in the class of '41.

Forty-two, forty-three, forty-four

and forty-five.

Why didn't you graduate with your class?

'Well I was out standing in the hall'

when they were graduating.

I got muscle bound from football.

And now, look at me.

Outsmarted by a ten-year-old boy.

Arnold's only eight.

He couldn't get that sneaky in eight years.

thud

What's this?

Hey, listen. "Is your career on the rocks?

"Are you a big fat failure?

"Night school wants you.

"Prinstone University throws wide its doors

"to over 400

"big-fat-failures, each year.

"Enroll this semester at Prinstone University.

"Earn big money.

"Have people point at you

and whisper the magic words P.U."

Wilma. I'll do it. I'll enroll.

[clanking]

How does it feel being married to a school boy?

Oh, Fred doesn't start until this evening.

He was up all last night studying the different courses.

Creative psychology, applied folk singing

abstract cave painting, you know.

Aren't you jealous of all those young coeds

he'll be sitting next to.

No, Fred will be too busy studying figures, etc.

Hmm, that's what he'll be studying alright

and those etcetera's look great in sweaters.

[laughs]

Fred interested in some skinny young thing in a sweater?

[laughs]

Oh!

On the other hand

that's how I got him.

Betty, do you still have that knit leopard skin

with the plunging neck line?

So you going to college, eh, Freddie boy?

I-I'm proud of ya.

It takes a smart man to know when he's stupid.

Yeah. Well, a little self improvement

wouldn't hurt you any, Rubble.

Hey, uh, did you tell the boss you're goin' to night school?

No, but he'll see the change in me.

(Fred) 'Wilma.'

Why, hello, darling. I didn't hear you come in.

[sniffing]

You're not burning the stegosaurus again, are you?

'I like my stegosaurus rare.'

That smell happens to be perfume.

Hmm. Yeah. Nice.

- Sure clears the sinuses. - Oh, boy.

'Oh, Wilma. Did you put my name on all my school books?'

No. I put an X on them so you could read it.

"I put an X on them so you could read it."

Droll. Very droll.

And what about those ever-loving coeds

sitting next to you in the tight sweaters?

(Fred) Are you outta your stone-age mind?

Who's interested in teenagers except other teenagers?

I'm only goin' to night school to get the college degree

I missed playin' football in high school.

(Wilma) I'm sorry. You're right.

Imagine, some pretty young thing being interested in you.

[both laughs]

Me, ha, ha. The world's oldest teenager.

[both laughing]

[instrumental music]

(male 1) 'Hey, mister. What's your name?'

(Fred) 'Uh-uh, Fred Flintstone.'

- 'You a freshman?' - 'I-I think so.'

(male 1) 'A freshman doesn't think, mister.'

And your name isn't Flintstone, it's Mr. Simple Soul.

- Got that? - Mr. Simple Soul?

- I'm an upperclassman. - Uh-uh, yes, sir.

From now on, Mr. Simple Soul, carry a light, the time

and any upperclassman's books.

And bow in the presence of an upperclassman.

- Yes, sir. - 'What are you?'

A certified public accountant major, sir.

No, you're not.

Now, repeat after me.

- I, sir, am a wiggly worm, sir. - A-a wiggly worm, sir.

- A wiggly worm, sir. - Wiggly worm, sir.

- Is the lowest lump of-- - Lowest lump of--

- In the ocean depth. - In the ocean depth.

And nothing is lower than a freshman

at Prinstone U.

Freshman at Prinstone U.

Sir. And don't forget it.

Sir. And don't forget it.

(Barney) 'Fred, ol' chum, I've got to hand it to you.'

'You're the only guy I know who can work all day'

go to school at night and still get up fresh as a daisy.

[snoring]

Fred. Fred!

Uh-uh, wh-wha-what? What-what's that? What?

Uh, when you gonna tell your boss that you're improvin'?

Uh, I won't have to tell him. He'll notice the change in me.

[snoring]

Interest equals principle eight times.

But while the interest of 60 days at six percent.

Move the decimal over two places..

Flintstone.

I, sir, I'm a wiggly worm, sir.

- A wiggly worm, sir, is low-- - Alright.

- A simple apology is enough. - I-I-I, thank you, sir.

'Flintstone, I've noticed a change in you.'

I-I-I've been changing, Mr. Slate.

'Yes. That babbling in your sleep.'

'Those poached eyes.'

- 'Have you been drinking?' - No, sir.

Well, you're either looped or pooped.

Flintstone.

[snoring]

Flintstone!

[snoring]

[whirring]

Oh, Fred, I ran into Mrs. Slate and she said

there's someone your boss has his eye on.

Yeah, all four of 'em.

(Wilma) 'She said he was thinking of this someone'

'a college man for promotion.'

Yeah.

- 'Do you suppose, it's you?' - Nope.

- 'Why not?' - He already promoted the guy.

- Right over my head. - No.

- What's his name? - 'Schuyler Van Slate.'

But isn't that Mr. Slate's nephew?

'Yeah, yeah. He bumped into his uncle in the quarry one day.'

'And his uncle took an instant liking to him.'

Tsk, I wouldn't be discouraged, Fred.

Well, it's okay, Wilma.

I got control on myself.

Slate ain't gonna upset me.

It's like them upperclassmen down at night school.

Soon as you let 'em get you mad, you destroy yourself.

I'll just act like nothin' happened.

Keep goin' to school

and prove myself and rise above it.

[screeching]

How could he do this to me? How?

(Silsbee) 'And so we see we can use the formula R equals I over P-T'

or T equals I over P-R.

Flintstone. Flintstone!

Uh, I'm sorry, Mr. Slate, I didn't hear the whistle.

My name is Silsbee and I'm afraid

you'll have to stay after night school again, Flintstone.

And take off that beanie.

(Fred) So, I figured Slate promoted his nephew

because he's a college graduate.

And as soon as he finds out I'm goin' to college

I'll probably be right up there on the board of directors.

How you figure he'll find out?

Why, I'll walk right into his office and say it

right to his face.

And so, Mr. Slate, with my degree in accounting

I could be of great help in the front office.

Oh, boy, there only some way I could let him find out

that I'm goin' to college.

- 'Mister. You, mister.' - Uuh-uh-uh, sir.

Flintstone, does that beanie say Prinstone?

Why, Flintstone you're a chip of the old blocking back.

I played for Prinstone, you know.

Give me the ol' P.U. shake.

Halabali, halabalu, halagara for the white and blue.

You for me and me for you

we'll stick together for Prinstone U.

[laughs]

So you're Prinstone.

Well, a boy who's a Prinstone man

can't be all bad.

What position are you interested in?

(Fred) 'Well, I'd be happy to start'

'as a second Vice President.'

Yeah, I don't mean that kind of position.

I mean are you going out for the line or the backfield?

- 'Football?' - Certainly.

You're a little bandy-legged and stumpy.

But so was ol' Red Granite.

'Ever play the game before?'

Uh, just in the backfield at high school

for six or seven years, but--

'Say no more. You'll have no trouble.'

'A few phone calls, and everything will be fixed.'

'And, uh, say, Flintstone.'

You look a little peaked.

Take the rest of the afternoon off.

Get in shape. And when you hit that line..

boing

...hit it hard!

[telephone rings]

Rockwell Quartz, Director of Sports speaking.

Football builds men.

(Slate) 'Hello, Rock, eh, this is, Seymore Slate'

'of the Alumni Association.'

- Who? - 'Seymour Slate.'

'Prinstone, 27. Right end.'

Remember me?

'Oh, yeah, Butterfinger Slate.'

'Listen, you tell the Alumni Association'

'I'm sorry about last Saturday's game.'

'With a couple of breaks, we could've won 'em.

That's what I wanna talk to you about.

You've got real talent right under your nose.

Ever hear of Fred Flintstone?

- What's his specialty? - 'Running.'

'His nick name was "Twinkle Toes."'

What are his measurements?

'Starting from the bottom up.

'About 55, 45 and 35.'

Shaped like a bullet, huh? Where do I find this tiger?

- In accounting class. - Okay, Slate.

I'll get him out for the team.

(Rock) 'Hey, mister.' 'Ever played football?'

'You could talk, can't you?'

'Let me hear you say something.'

[blabbering]

- What's your name? - Uh-uh, Mr. Simple Soul.

Save it. I'm not an upperclassman.

Are you Twinkle Toes Flintstone?

'Yes, sir, but I don't play football anymore.'

'I'm here to study.'

Can it. Be at practice tomorrow.

But, sir, I lost out on a high school education

because I went out for football.

(male 1) 'Mister.'

- 'Did you drop my books?' - Uh, sir, I--

Be silent when you talk to me, freshman.

Pick up my books, all six of 'em.

Yes, sir. One. Ouch!

Two, three. Ooh!

First can I ask the coach something?

- 'Go ahead.' - Uh..

Will, uh, will I get to play with the upperclassmen, sir?

Yeah. You can rock 'em and sock 'em.

What time tomorrow do you want me?

Glad to have you on our team, Flintstone.

And now, I'd like you to meet some of the school chums

you're gonna be playing with.

Boys, I'd like ya to meet Prinstone's new quarterback.

Twinkle Toes Flintstone.

(Rock) 'Twinkle Toes, meet Prado Krugersky'

'Bat Mastodon'

'and King Kong Quagmire.'

Howdy, uh, uh, chums.

[bones cracking]

Uh, pleased to meet ya.

(Rock) 'And this is Sammy Bog.'

[bones cracking]

(Rock) 'Sammy's our best passer.'

Poor Fred, he's got to work all day

practice football all evening, and study till morning.

And on top of memorizing the signals

'he's gotta keep all those accounting problems'

'in his head.'

Yeah, and he's got such a small head.

[chuckles]

I don't know what'll happen. He's really torn.

(Rock) 'Hold it. Hold it!'

Quagmire, what did I tell you to do on this play?

(Quagmire) 'Uh, when the ball is snapped'

'I charge into the backfield'

I grab a handful of backfield men.

I toss them off one by one

till I get to the one with the ball.

- And? - 'And I keep him.'

Right.

But look, Flintstone doesn't have the ball.

(Quagmire) 'Uh, well'

'he was gonna pass it and you said'

'"If you see he's trying to pass'

'make him eat the ball."'

(Rock) 'So.'

Good boy. I thought you forgot.

[instrumental music]

(in unison) Yay, Prinstone! Prinstone!

Yay, Prinstone!

What are you shouting for, you idiot.

The game hasn't started yet.

Uh, why wait till the last minute?

Heya, dig those students from Shale.

Look at those shoulders, them legs.

Where, where? All I see are the girl cheerleaders.

(Barney) 'That's what I'm talking about. Ha ha ha.'

Is-ka-daba-doobey-doobey-doo, ka-doobey-doo.

Poor Fred, I bet he's nervous.

[snoring]

Now this next play is number 28

with running options 12 or 13.

Option 12 or 13 at three percent interest.

- Number 8 carries. - 'Carries.'

The guards open a hole in the line.

- Divide by two. - Flintstone!

[snoring]

- 'Are you listening?' - Oh, yeah, yeah, coach.

Uh the answer is 109 net profit after taxes.

Good afternoon, football fans, this is Bill Stone

bringing you the game Prinstone versus it's arch rival Shale.

And here they come out, Prinstone boys out on field now.

Real champs, everyone of 'em.

'Look at that hustle. Look at that spirit, oh..'

That's the visiting team.

And here comes our gang.

And there's the touchdown twins, Brick Humpley and Hum Prickley.

Leading the Prinstone tigers today

is Fred Twinkle Toes Flintstone.

'Fred's a tremendous fella. Nearly five feet tall.'

'He's strong too.'

You can see the muscle bulging out from under his helmet.

And there's the kickoff. Good one!

Flintstone takes the ball on his own two yard line.

He's at the 10, the 20. Oh-oh! He's hit hard.

'A nice tackle by Hum Prickley, Shale and'

'assisted by numbers 22, uh, 18'

44, 57 and 86.

Let's see what the record book says about Prickley.

"He wears size 31E bedroom slippers.

"Likes Rocky Road ice-cream and leads the Poison Ivy League

in razor blade commercials."

It's a long pass to Flintstone.

'He's on Shale's 40 yard line.'

'The thirty, the twenty, the ten.'

thud

'He's over, he's over.'

'Flintstone scores for Prinstone!'

The kick is good and..

That's the end of a quarter with Prinstone leading

'seven to nothing.'

Poor Fred. He's been playing so rough with those boys.

I hope he's not overdoing it.

(Barney) Oh, don't worry about Twinkle Toes, Wilma.

Here he comes for the second quarter.

[snoring]

Teams are lined up, folks.

There's the kick.

Shale quarterback Harry Olyphic returns the ball.

What speed, what deception.

The Prinstone players can't touch him.

thud

Wow, folks. What a tackle!

'Flintstone came outta nowhere to drop Olyphic'

'with a toe-tip-trick.'

'If I hadn't been watching, I'd have sworn'

he was lying there all the time.

But then, I can't see a thing through these glasses anyway.

'The score's 19 to 13, folks'

'and with two minutes left to play'

'it looks bad for Prinstone.'

It's fourth down for Shale on their own 20 yard line.

The ball is snapped.

Olyphic is fading back to throw a pass.

'It's a beauty!'

thump

[snoring]

Flintstone intercepts on his own 30 yard line and..

...is stopped on the 50 by the Shale team.

Fourth down, 40 yards to go and with 20 seconds left

in the game, Flintstone's calling the signals.

16, 33 to balance sheet.

Forty-nine is double entry minus twenty for trial audit..

Hey, look at that. Fred must be calling some new kinda signals.

Forty thousand decimal 12 minus original capitalization

of 5000 at six percent.

(Wilma) 'Why're all the players standing around so mixed up?'

Last appreciation at four percent per annum. Hike.

With ten seconds to play, Flintstone makes a last

desperate touchdown attempt.

'His deceptive signal calling'

'has momentarily confused the Shale defense.'

'Flintstone is approaching the goal line.'

'Will he make it?'

He made it! Hey, Mr. Slate old Twinkle Toes tied the score.

Yes, but we need the extra point to win.

The crowd is hushed as Prinstone goes into the final huddle.

(male 2) Duh, how's about tryin' to bunt to run in?

Bunt? That's baseball.

Uh, yeah, but I bet it'd take 'em by surprise.

Or, ah, how about, uh, trying a field goal?

- 'Can you kick one?' - Oh, I-I-I, I never tried.

Alright, look, it's easy, I'll hold the ball for ya

and when I nod my head..

...you kick it between the goal posts.

- 'Got it?' - Ah..

You'll hold the ball

and then, when you nod your head

I kick it between the goal posts. Got it.

Prinstone is in kick formation. The ball is snapped.

'Flintstone holds for Hammerslag.'

'Hammerslag races toward the ball and..'

pew

'It's a beautiful kick.'

'Flintstone is going up, up

and over the goal posts.'

thud

'There's the signal gun ending the game'

'and Prinstone wins 20 to 19.'

Hurray, Prinstone!

Hurray, Prinstone! Prinstone!

(Slate) Good boy, Flintstone.

I told you I appreciate a man with spunk.

You're in line for a bigger job. Worthy of your talents.

- Fred, did you hear that? - A promotion?

You mean, I'm finally getting outta the whole--

No, no, no. You can keep your regular job.

After 12 years you're finally getting the hang of it.

It's just that I like the way you went to bat

for the football team. So, I'm forming the Gravel Pit Packers.

'A professional football team.'

'And you're gonna be my quarterback.'

I am?

Only this time you won't have to play

with school boys.

This time, you'll be playing with men.

Mrs. Flintstone. Mrs. Flintstone!

Where are you going?

Get yourself a new quarterback, Mr. Slate.

I'm putting Twinkle Toes to bed.

[snoring]

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

[yawning]

[music continues]

clink

Wilma.

'Wilma!'

'Come on, Wilma, open this door.'

'Wilma!'