All language subtitles for Living Single - S04 E22 - Too Good to Screw (480p - HULU Web-DL)

Pizza, pizza.

[laughing]

Guess what I got for Synclaire's
bachelorette party.

"'The Men Chippendales Doesn't
Want You To Know About.'

featuring Cappachino‐‐"

‐ And Nature Boy! Yes!"
‐ "And Nature Boy!"

Best thing, it's in 3D.

We can't let Synclaire see this
unless we check it out first.

To make sure that
it's not too nasty.

Yes. Come on, girl.

Hey, Khadijah, um,
you got those linens

that you said I could borrow
for my little brother.

Oh, dear God, she's
nesting on them.

‐ Well, if you'll‐‐ ‐ Oh, okay.

If, uh, you'll excuse me, I
have to call the Crestmark Club

to make sure everything is cool
for Overton's bachelor party.

The Crestmark Club? Hold up, I
thought Overton and Synclaire

wanted to keep their
party simple.

Baby, what could be simpler

than 15 people catering
to Overton's every whim?

Sixteen including the
butter carver. Oho!

That is so you.

You're‐you're planning a party
where a guy is carving butter.

Overton wants a party where
women are covered in butter.

Look, this is an important
rite of passage for Overton

and I just want him
to know that he chose

the best man to be his
best man, alright?

Man, look, as the maid of honor

I gotta come up with
something more elaborate.

Something more memorable.

Something more better.

You want more better?

Just wait till Nature Boy jumps
off the screen into your lap.

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Ooh and in a '90s
kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Oh keep your head up what?
Keep your head up that's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my homegirls standing
to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪

♪ Haaa ♪

‐ Okay. ‐ Hey, hey.

Oh, hey, Kyle, uh, that
was Crestmark club

calling to see what kind of
hors d'oeuvres we wanted.

When I told them beef jerky,
hell, they hung up on me.

Damn, Overton, man,
the Crestmark club

was supposed to be a surprise.

Oh, don't worry, Shorty,
when I walk through the door

I'll still act surprised.
Check out my surprised face.

[gasps]

Unh‐unh, unh‐unh, unh, no.

When Damon gets here, I
don't want this apartment

to smell like a hamper
at the YMCA, man.

Hey, he's not the Barker

that used to spray Lysol
in his pencil case.

Exactly, he is the lost Barker

and I'm hoping to get through
to him on this trip.

You know, kind of nudge him in
the right direction career‐wise.

I think you're being a
little hard on the brother.

I mean, he already
got a steady job.

Overton, doing books at a flower shop?
Come on.

He graduated summa cum laude.

Clearly, he is capable of doing
more than pricing posies.

My Uncle Tibby always say.

"You can show a man
where the bathroom is

but you can't make him tinkle."

O‐Overton, could
you de‐countryfy

that for me, please?

Kyle, look, sometimes
all that pushing

can push your brother away.

Yeah, well, if I can push
him into a better job

it'll be worth it, man.

[knock on door]

‐ There he is. ‐ Okay.

Hey, Kyle. Hi.

Oh, yeah. Hey, Damon.

Uh, it's good to,
good to see you, man.

Thanks, man. Obie!

‐ What's up, man? ‐ What's up, man?
Look at you.

Hey, man, that's a big
duffel bag for three days.

Oh, well, actually, you
know, when I leave New York

I'm going to Africa.

‐ Africa? ‐ Yeah.

Oh, man I wish I could go.

So how long you're staying
in the motherland?

I don't know. A month? A year?

Listen, as long as I got
socks and mosquito repellent

I'm there.

Yeah, but what about your
job at the flower shop?

Oh, I quit.

‐ Oh, here you go.
‐ Thanks, brother.

You quit?

You just quit, you
just up and quit.

Kyle, I'll get a job
when I get back.

Yeah, that's right, Kyle.

He'll get a job
when he get back.

That's right.

Uh, could‐could‐could you
like excuse yourself

out of this
conversation, please?

Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I was
being a little too pushy.

Guess I'll just kind
of push on out.

Keep on pushing.

Max, I don't know if Synclaire's
gonna wanna go to a strip joint.

Beef Cake Billy's is
not a strip joint.

It's an exclusive
entertainment bistro.

And they got a half off coupon.

Might be fun to find out
which half is coming off.

Hubba, hubba.

Hey, what's that?

Planning a bachelorette party?

Yeah, it's a lot of work.
You wanna help?

Oh, no, no, I just thank God
that you guys aren't planning me

some tacky party at one of
those skanky strip clubs.

‐ It's not skanky.
‐ Shh, shut up.

Man, what to do? What to do?

I mean, what is a
bachelorette party anyway?

‐ But a last booty call. ‐ Mm.

I don't know, but we need
to get somebody else

to do this grunt work.

Someone like busy body mongrel.

Hello.

Hey, Regine, hey, girl.

Hey, Regine, come here,
sit down, sit down.

No, no, no, my lap, my lap.
No, okay.

Oh! Stop, stop. I know
what this is about.

You all are having trouble
planning Synclaire's party

and now you're crawling
to fabulous me.

‐ Okay, damn it. Help.
‐ Sorry, I'm booked.

Booked?

I happen to be planning

a little thing called Obie
and Synclaire's wedding.

Smooches.

You know who throws
a hell of a party?

My girl Ava from high school.

Oh, yeah, she threw that great.

He‐cheated‐on‐me
so‐I‐told‐him‐to‐beat‐it party

where we threw all of her ex's
stuff into the East River.

‐ That's right. ‐ Yeah.

And see, Regine is
still jealous of her

because she beat her out
for homecoming queen.

Oh, God, why didn't we
call her yesterday? Look.

Tryin' to read while you eat.

Tell you what?

This bad boy hold your
corn right down the cob.

Wow, that's brilliant.

‐ What's that? ‐
The butter gutter.

Wow.

‐ Hey, hey. ‐ 'Kyle.'

Damon, check it out.

I got this for your
interview with my boss.

‐ Ah, thank you, brother.
‐ Yeah.

Wow, $200 tie.

No, no, no, my bad.
That one's mine.

This one's yours.

And, Overton, something for
your wedding to distinguish you

from the brothers
with the clip‐ons.

How the hell does
this become a tie?

(Kyle) 'Leave that
to your best man.'

Hey, uh, Kyle, listen, I'm gonna
have to pass on that meeting

with your boss tomorrow.

Come again.

Well, I've thought about it

and I've decided when I get
back from my pilgrimage.

Im'ma be a handyman.

Well, alright, now you don't
need a tie for that, do you?

[chuckles]

You're‐you're‐you're
kidding, right?

No, no, no, Kyle.

A handyman helps real
people with real problems.

N‐no brother of mine is going to

swing a hammer for
a living, Damon.

Hold up your horse.

You're saying that a tool belt
is good enough for a Jones

but it's not good
enough for a Barker?

No, Overton, come
on, this is between

me and my brother, alright.

No, no, no look here.

When you insult my hammer,
damn it, you insult me.

Mr. Fancy Pants.

Well, you wouldn't be
in the line of fire

if you would keep your nose
out of my family business.

And looky here, your
family business

wouldn't be so messed up if
you weren't such a snob.

The way I'm looking at it, you
probably think you're too good

to be a handyman's
best man, huh?

So are you withdrawing
the offer?

Yeah, I‐I think I am.

Fine. See if you can figure out
how to tie that on your own.

You know, he's
just your brother.

I have to live with him.

Don't forget these
adult lollipops.

Damn, that's a lot of detail.

[knock on door]

‐ Ah! ‐ Hi.

Rise and shine, it's party time.

What's up, mamita?

Ooh, you looking good, honey.

Well, you know, I can't
lose what I use.

‐ 36‐24‐36, aww.
‐ 36‐24‐36, aww.

Ooh, Maxine.

I haven't seen you since
you torched my ex's Harley

and rolled it off the pier.

That was so sweet.

Let me tell you.

What I have planned
for Synclaire's party

is gonna make that look like
visitor's day at the rest home.

Ooh, this is nice. IKEA, right?

So are you ready for the magic?

Come on, come on, come on, man.
Come on, come on.

What about Madonna's
penthouse for free?

Madonna who?

Not the Virgin Mary.

Is she cool with having
us party at her house?

Sure, sure, we go way back.

She was gonna call
her song "Cosmo."

I said no, mama,
call it "Vogue."

Ah. Whoo!

Ava, no, you're not
all up in my house.

Hey, chica, that's a
good‐looking wig.

Regine, she's helping us
plan Synclaire's party.

No, you're not letting
this crown‐stealing heifer

plan that girl's party.

Poor Regisita.

Still bitter about me
winning homecoming queen.

This is so high school.

You only won because you
stuffed the ballot box

among other things.

Oh, no, lady.

This is all me just like
those hips are all you.

[indistinct shouting]

Ladies, ladies!

Ladies, ladies!

So, uh, where you're holding
the gala, Ava, huh?

Your boyfriend's cell
block up at Rikers?

Can I tell her?

Oh, no. No, no, no.
This one is mine.

Madonna's penthouse.

Madonna who?

(all) Not the
Virgin Mary, honey.

[jazz music]

[hip hop music]

[jazz music]

[music stops]

Can I sleep with you?

Regine, this is so sudden.

I mean, I can't sleep downstairs

with those
back‐stabbing wenches.

Man, Khadijah asked
my arch enemy

this bargain
basement Rosy Perez.

She asked her to coordinate
Synclaire's party.

Regine, that pales in
comparison to my situation.

Look, I was just trying to
help my brother out, right?

And through some bizarre
chain of events

I am no longer
Overton's best man.

Okay, so if I'm gonna stay here,
I've gotta provide a shoulder.

Cry.

Regine, can I ask you something
and you can be totally..

Be totally honest. Look,
have you ever considered me

in the least bit,
you know, pushy?

Yep.

Kyle, now you know that
you are always trying

to mold everybody
into your image.

When you were in the Big
Brother program, right

you refused to take the
little boy to Chucky Cheese

but you were forever dragging
him down to Wall Street.

Look, what is childhood without
the stock exchange? Come on.

And wait a minute,
my petite princess

you're pretty pushy yourself.

I am proud of being pushy.

But, you know, I don't think
that's the right word

for what we are.

‐ Hmm. ‐ Hmm.

Perhaps we're visionaries.

Yeah, like, oh, like,
like Coco Chanel.

‐ Or, umm, Gianni Versace.
‐ Yeah.

Or Lin Tang Pao.

‐ Who? ‐ The mother
of synthetic hair.

Hello, sibling.

Damon, Damon, wait up,
wait a minute, come here.

We‐we need to talk. Have a seat.

Now, look, while I cannot
fathom what motivates you

to make the choices you make

I've decided to let you make
them without interfering.

Well, thanks, Kyle.

And I'll do my best
to accept you too.

Well, it is not hard
to accept perfection.

‐ Perfection? ‐ Yeah.

You mean working
80 hours a week?

Never stopping to enjoy life?

When are you gonna stop shopping

at the window to
Africa and just go?

Look, I'll get there someday.

Yeah, but, Kyle, I'm
going there now

and I've barely worked
80 hours this year.

And you are just brimming
with pride, aren't you?

Hey, man, at least
I'll be waking up

to the sunrise at the Serengeti.

By the way, uh, who have you
been waking up to lately?

When was the last time you
were in a good relationship?

As a matter of fact, I
am in one right now.

Oh, yeah. With whom?

I can't tell you. It's a secret
affair with somebody I hate.

Listen, Kyle, all
I'm saying is that

different things make us happy.

And I can't believe
you're seeing Max again.

Shh.

Look, now if you don't
sweat me about seeing Max

I won't sweat you about
wanting to be a handyman.

Ah, well, actually, you know

the handyman thing
is not definite.

Thank you, Jesus.

But I've always wondered

what it would be like to
be a game warden in Kenya.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter]

Bro, I think you left
your chest home.

Here, go get something to eat.

Hey, looky, look at me.

I'm a virgin.

I brought freak
wears for everyone.

[doorbell rings]

Hey, this is not Madonna's
bachelorette party.

I thought this was about me.

Oh, my homecoming
court has arrived.

Oh, yes, just like the old days.

Except you're not under the
bleachers with the judges.

Oh, hey, we're looking
at women's underwear.

Ooh, now that's a party.

Thankfully I brought
something a lot more active

'and a lot less boring.'

How about a game of pin the
tail on the ex‐boyfriend?

Oh, snap, it's Moony!

Who the hell's Moony, man?

My first boyfriend.

He introduced me to French
kissing and curly fries.

At the same time.

Oh, Regine, you must have
gone through so much trouble

to find this, thank you.

Oh, honey, well, when you care

you personalize.

Well, like this
personalized cake.

Mira que nice? Look at this.

Yes! Mm‐hmm. That's a nice cake.

Too bad it ain't the
girl's favorite.

Like this double
fudge chocolate cake

with chocolate cream
cheese frosting.

And what's this on top?
I think it's a troll.

Mira que nice, I
cutting this now.

Wait, honey, wait a minute now.
We've got to record this moment.

Ladies, cameras.

After all, our future starlet

should be surrounded
with paparazzi.

Oh!

Love me, you love me.

Regine, you're the most petty
vengeful person I've ever met!

But if it weren't for you.

Synclaire would not be having
the time of her life right now.

Yes, well, some call
me a visionary.

Well, now visionary would
have brought me some beer.

Booya.

Oh, but wait, it's Madonna.

And she's got the
rug rat with her.

Oh‐oh, we get to meet Madonna.

Time for a tour of the
service elevator.

Everybody, out! Bafuera, chicas.
Out! Out! Out!

Hold up, I thought you said you
and Madonna were friends though.

Yeah, well, she's a friend
of a soon‐to‐be ex‐friend

who was housesitting.
That's the story, now get.

I could have planned a party
where we get thrown out.

[upbeat music]

Hey, Lumpy, I was expecting
one of your snooty to‐do.

But this party is swinging.

You got the booty butt‐naked
girls showing up later on?

You got the cleavin' crew?

I just hope they don't get two
of them tear up the place.

[knock on door]

That's him, that's
him, that's him.

(all) Surprise!

‐ Watch out there now!
‐ Oh, Uncle Tibby.

‐ Hey! Hey! ‐ Hey,
how you doing?

Ah! Check this out, Lumpy
really went to town, didn't he?

Check out this spread.
Look it here.

We got hot wings, fried cheese

and three varieties of jerky.

Well, shorty, you covered
all the bases, didn't you?

But wait, there's more,
come here, come here.

Do you recognize this voice?

(male ♫1) 'Lefty
losey, righty tighty.'

'Remember this
you'll be alrighty.'

Mr. Nocadochous, my high
school shop teacher.

I couldn't let my star pupil
get hitched without me.

Oh, Mr. Nocadochous, 35
years of shop teaching

and he hasn't lost one finger.

I almost lost baby
to a circular saw

but I sewed her back on myself.

Well, Kyle, it seems to
me anybody that can get.

Mr. Nocadochous out
of his tool shed

must be feeling,
uh, pretty sorry

for the stupid things he said.

Yeah, I am and you know, I
didn't mean to, you know

talk about your
calling, man, you know.

Hell, I'd be a handyman myself
if I didn't callous so easily.

Alright, I'm lying.
Come on, man.

Ah, well, I guess if
we were more alike

we probably wouldn't get
along so well, huh?

‐ Watchdog. ‐ Bow‐wow, best man.

Now that's what I'm
talking about.

Hey.

Hot damn, the
strippers are here.

We're not strippers.

Wait, wait, ladies,
ladies, ladies.

As lovely as you‐you are

um, this is a bachelor party.

No, no, wait, Kyle,
you cannot turn away

all these beautiful women.

[chuckles] I know that's right.

Because when the
music starts jammin'

I ain't dancing with Red Rash.

Yo, Overton, it's
your call, man.

Uh, well, alright,
let the party begin.

[upbeat music]

[theme music]

(Synclaire) Woo‐hoo!