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1
00:00:02,539 --> 00:00:04,274
ATTENTION, FREELOADERS!
2
00:00:04,276 --> 00:00:05,980
THE DINER IS NOW CLOSED.
3
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,382
GET OUT!
4
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:11,525
DON'T EXPECT A TIP,
YOU MANGY LEPRECHAUN.
5
00:00:13,127 --> 00:00:14,428
COME ON, YOU GUYS.
6
00:00:14,497 --> 00:00:17,068
TODAY IS MY FIRST SHOT
AT WEDDING COORDINATING.
7
00:00:17,134 --> 00:00:19,807
MY CLIENTS HAVE USED MY
FAVORITE FOUR WORDS:
8
00:00:19,874 --> 00:00:21,276
"MONEY IS NO OBJECT."
9
00:00:21,342 --> 00:00:23,112
SO, WHEN THEY GET HERE
10
00:00:23,179 --> 00:00:25,450
EVERYTHING HAS GOT TO BE
TASTEFUL AND ELEGANT.
11
00:00:25,518 --> 00:00:26,820
FINE, REGINE.
12
00:00:26,887 --> 00:00:28,757
I WILL GREET YOUR GUESTS.
13
00:00:28,824 --> 00:00:30,159
JUST GIVE ME A MOMENT
14
00:00:30,226 --> 00:00:32,731
TO APPLY SOME WILDROOT
TO MY GOATEE.
15
00:00:32,798 --> 00:00:35,937
DO THE PEOPLE AT THE SOAP
KNOW YOU'RE MOONLIGHTING?
16
00:00:36,004 --> 00:00:39,444
THAT, MY DEAR, IS
HOW I GOT THE JOB.
17
00:00:39,512 --> 00:00:41,146
OUR STAR WAS FREAKING OUT
18
00:00:41,213 --> 00:00:43,485
BECAUSE HER SISTER'S
WEDDING COORDINATOR QUIT.
19
00:00:43,552 --> 00:00:45,856
SO I VOLUNTEERED MY
VAST EXPERIENCE.
20
00:00:45,923 --> 00:00:47,459
WAIT.
21
00:00:47,527 --> 00:00:51,466
SO YOU DEFINE EXPERIENCE AS
NEVER HAVING DONE IT BEFORE.
22
00:00:51,534 --> 00:00:52,869
( Chuckling )
23
00:00:52,936 --> 00:00:55,173
EXCUSE YOU.
24
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,344
BUT AT THE TENDER AGE OF TEN
25
00:00:57,410 --> 00:01:00,557
I WAS COORDINATING THE
WEDDING OF MY CHRISTI DOLL
26
00:01:00,624 --> 00:01:02,359
TO BLACK G.I. JOE.
27
00:01:02,426 --> 00:01:04,599
AND THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER
28
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:08,070
DESPITE THAT SORDID
INCIDENT WITH WHITE KEN.
29
00:01:08,137 --> 00:01:11,678
( Distorted doorbell ringing )
30
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:16,486
OVERTON, WHAT THE HELL IS
WRONG WITH THAT DOORBELL?
31
00:01:18,323 --> 00:01:20,862
WELL, MAYBE THAT'S HOW
IT ALWAYS SOUNDS.
32
00:01:20,929 --> 00:01:23,768
OF COURSE, YOU NEVER USE IT.
33
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,840
EDWIN? DAMIANA?
34
00:01:44,907 --> 00:01:46,342
IN THE FLESH.
35
00:01:46,409 --> 00:01:48,213
FOR NOW.
36
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,019
( Both chuckling )
37
00:01:54,626 --> 00:01:55,861
♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪
38
00:01:55,928 --> 00:01:57,163
♪ SINGLE ♪
39
00:01:57,230 --> 00:02:00,236
♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪
40
00:02:00,303 --> 00:02:03,550
♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪
41
00:02:03,616 --> 00:02:05,554
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ WHAT? ♪
42
00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,122
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪
43
00:02:07,189 --> 00:02:08,826
♪ WHENEVER THIS
LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪
44
00:02:08,893 --> 00:02:10,228
♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪
45
00:02:10,294 --> 00:02:12,767
♪ MY HOMEGIRL STANDING TO
MY LEFT AND MY RIGHT ♪
46
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,871
♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S
TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪
47
00:02:14,937 --> 00:02:16,137
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
48
00:02:16,161 --> 00:02:17,241
♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪
49
00:02:17,308 --> 00:02:19,512
[Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
50
00:02:19,579 --> 00:02:22,410
[and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION]
51
00:02:25,947 --> 00:02:27,398
DON'T LET RUSSELL TAKE HIS DATES
52
00:02:27,399 --> 00:02:29,311
INTO THE PHOTOCOPY ROOM.
53
00:02:29,344 --> 00:02:33,838
I DON'T CARE IF HE DOES
LIKE THAT STROBE EFFECT.
54
00:02:33,905 --> 00:02:35,373
DON'T WORRY.
55
00:02:35,441 --> 00:02:36,876
EVERYTHING WILL BE TICKETY‐BOO
56
00:02:36,877 --> 00:02:39,414
WHILE YOU'RE OUT HAVING
THAT HEMORRHOID OPERATION.
57
00:02:43,355 --> 00:02:44,792
SHH!!
58
00:02:44,859 --> 00:02:47,931
WE AGREED WE WOULD CALL
MY HEMORRHOIDS "THEM."
59
00:02:47,997 --> 00:02:49,399
IT'S NOT AN OPERATION.
60
00:02:49,467 --> 00:02:50,970
IT'S A CONFERENCE.
61
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:52,305
A CONFERENCE.
62
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,776
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
63
00:02:55,879 --> 00:02:57,916
WELL, GUESS THIS IS IT.
64
00:02:57,983 --> 00:02:59,820
I'M ALL SET.
65
00:03:00,962 --> 00:03:02,499
ON MY WAY.
66
00:03:02,565 --> 00:03:04,068
OH, THAT'S MY GIRL.
67
00:03:04,135 --> 00:03:06,607
NEXT STOP, SNIPPETY‐SNIP.
68
00:03:07,909 --> 00:03:10,781
OH, DON'T MAKE ME
GO SNIPPETY‐SNIP!
69
00:03:10,848 --> 00:03:14,587
WHAT IF THEY KNOCK ME
OUT, AND I DON'T WAKE UP?
70
00:03:14,655 --> 00:03:16,190
I NEVER BEEN UNCONSCIOUS BEFORE
71
00:03:16,257 --> 00:03:17,794
EXCEPT FOR IN COLLEGE.
72
00:03:17,861 --> 00:03:20,634
THAT WAS MY BAD, YOU KNOW.
73
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,069
WHAT'S THIS?
74
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,639
WHAT'S THIS?
75
00:03:23,705 --> 00:03:26,477
IS THIS THE SAME
COUSIN WHO, LAST NIGHT
76
00:03:26,544 --> 00:03:29,684
BEGGED ME TO FIND OUT IF
THERE WAS SUCH A THING
77
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,118
AS PREPARATION "I" OR "J"
78
00:03:31,185 --> 00:03:33,523
BECAUSE YOU'D GONE WAY PAST "H"?
79
00:03:35,962 --> 00:03:37,766
WHOA!
80
00:03:37,832 --> 00:03:38,433
OKAY. OKAY, I'LL GO.
81
00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:39,836
COME ON, NOW.
82
00:03:39,903 --> 00:03:41,639
EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE.
83
00:03:41,706 --> 00:03:43,008
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
84
00:03:43,075 --> 00:03:45,245
YOU DO HAVE A WILL, DON'T YOU?
85
00:03:46,649 --> 00:03:48,185
TO BE HONEST, DAMIANA
86
00:03:48,251 --> 00:03:51,190
I BELIEVE THE WEDDING
TRADITION IS TO RELEASE DOVES
87
00:03:51,256 --> 00:03:52,760
NOT BATS.
88
00:03:55,231 --> 00:03:58,169
BUT I WELCOME ANY OTHER INPUT
THAT YOU TWO MIGHT HAVE.
89
00:03:58,236 --> 00:03:59,639
OH, VERY WELL.
90
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:00,975
I'D LIKE TO WEAR
91
00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:03,253
MY GREAT‐GREAT‐GRANDMOTHER'S
WEDDING GOWN.
92
00:04:03,319 --> 00:04:05,925
I DUG UP THE VEIL
JUST THE OTHER DAY.
93
00:04:07,461 --> 00:04:08,830
SINCE SHE DIED
94
00:04:08,897 --> 00:04:12,070
THE OLD GIRL'S REALLY
LET HERSELF GO.
95
00:04:14,842 --> 00:04:16,845
DID SHE WEAR THAT ON HER WEDDING
96
00:04:16,912 --> 00:04:18,548
OR TO HER FUNERAL?
97
00:04:18,615 --> 00:04:19,851
BOTH, ACTUALLY.
98
00:04:19,918 --> 00:04:22,089
IT WAS A DOUBLE CEREMONY.
99
00:04:23,726 --> 00:04:26,096
ISN'T THE MATERIAL GORGEOUS?
100
00:04:26,162 --> 00:04:28,000
WELL, TO BE HONEST
101
00:04:28,066 --> 00:04:30,471
OOH, IT LOOKS A LITTLE SINGED.
102
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:31,941
DAMNED VILLAGERS.
103
00:04:33,945 --> 00:04:35,547
OH, OBIE.
104
00:04:35,613 --> 00:04:36,883
UH, UH...
105
00:04:36,950 --> 00:04:40,791
YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE DOORBELL, OBIE?
106
00:04:40,858 --> 00:04:43,930
EITHER A SHORT CIRCUIT
ELSEWHERE IN THE BUILDING
107
00:04:43,996 --> 00:04:45,967
HAS CAUSED A POWER SPIKE
108
00:04:46,034 --> 00:04:50,509
OR SUPERNATURAL FORCES HAVE
INVADED THESE VERY WALLS.
109
00:04:51,978 --> 00:04:53,782
OH, GOD.
110
00:04:55,251 --> 00:04:57,321
I MEAN, THE CHURCH OF GOD.
111
00:04:57,388 --> 00:05:00,261
I‐I‐I LOVE THE ONE
THAT YOU'VE CHOSEN‐‐
112
00:05:00,327 --> 00:05:02,405
SAINT CHRISTINA'S.
113
00:05:02,471 --> 00:05:04,876
WE HAD OUR HEARTS SET
ON GETTING MARRIED
114
00:05:04,943 --> 00:05:07,347
ACROSS THE STREET
FROM THE CHURCH.
115
00:05:07,415 --> 00:05:08,951
BUT THAT'S THE GRAVEYARD.
116
00:05:10,152 --> 00:05:12,524
WE'D LIKE TO PUT THE DEEJAY
117
00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:13,960
NEAR THE MAUSOLEUM.
118
00:05:15,596 --> 00:05:17,567
THAT'S IT.
119
00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:19,102
I'M GOING TO GET MY HAMMER
120
00:05:19,169 --> 00:05:20,705
AND A WOODEN STAKE.
121
00:05:20,773 --> 00:05:22,308
DON'T‐DON'T GO.
122
00:05:22,375 --> 00:05:24,613
I MEAN, I'M SERVING
REFRESHMENTS.
123
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:26,918
OKAY.
124
00:05:26,985 --> 00:05:28,454
I'LL TAKE A SODA.
125
00:05:34,198 --> 00:05:36,235
OR SOME HOLY WATER.
126
00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:39,240
I'LL HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE.
127
00:05:43,182 --> 00:05:45,286
DECAF, PLEASE.
128
00:05:50,095 --> 00:05:51,698
WHERE THE HELL'S KHADIJAH?
129
00:05:51,765 --> 00:05:55,004
I LEFT MY CAR PARKED
IN THE AMBULANCE ZONE.
130
00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:58,176
YOU PARKED IN THE
AMBULANCE ZONE?
131
00:05:58,243 --> 00:06:00,421
YEAH. THE HANDICAPPED
SPOT WAS TAKEN.
132
00:06:02,893 --> 00:06:05,363
UH, SURGEON, 11:00.
133
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,269
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
134
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,973
NAME TAG.
135
00:06:10,039 --> 00:06:13,679
I CAN SPOT THE INITIALS "M.
D." FROM 45 PACES
136
00:06:13,745 --> 00:06:15,749
AND A FINGER WITHOUT A RING
137
00:06:15,817 --> 00:06:17,019
FROM HALF A BLOCK.
138
00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:23,030
HEY, THERE SHE IS!
139
00:06:23,097 --> 00:06:24,600
HEY, GIRL.
140
00:06:24,666 --> 00:06:26,003
ALL RIGHT.
141
00:06:26,069 --> 00:06:27,406
HOW YOU FEELING?
142
00:06:27,472 --> 00:06:30,845
CAN I DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU?
143
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:32,581
PAGE DR. KEVORKIAN.
144
00:06:33,984 --> 00:06:36,022
DON'T YOU WORRY.
145
00:06:36,088 --> 00:06:37,608
I'M RIGHT BY YOUR
SIDE, NO MATTER WHAT.
146
00:06:37,632 --> 00:06:40,563
Woman: Paging Synclaire James
to the children's ward.
147
00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:42,099
OOP, THAT'S ME.
148
00:06:42,166 --> 00:06:44,638
I VOLUNTEERED TO
ENTERTAIN THE TODDLERS.
149
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:47,845
ONE WORD: MUMMENSHANTZ.
150
00:06:50,782 --> 00:06:52,586
( Siren wailing )
151
00:06:55,158 --> 00:06:58,697
HEY, DON'T LET HER WATER
BREAK ON MY TRUCK, MAN!
152
00:06:58,764 --> 00:07:00,641
I'M AN ALDERWOMAN.
153
00:07:02,512 --> 00:07:03,680
EXCUSE ME.
154
00:07:03,747 --> 00:07:04,983
EXCUSE ME.
155
00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,352
I'M KHADIJAH JAMES.
156
00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:08,255
I WANT TO CHECK OUT.
157
00:07:10,593 --> 00:07:12,932
THIS MUST BE EXPRESS CHECK OUT.
158
00:07:21,982 --> 00:07:23,351
HERE, HERE, HERE.
159
00:07:23,418 --> 00:07:25,054
USE MINE.
160
00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,356
THANK YOU.
161
00:07:26,423 --> 00:07:28,093
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
162
00:07:29,596 --> 00:07:30,698
YEAH.
163
00:07:30,765 --> 00:07:32,101
YEAH!
164
00:07:32,168 --> 00:07:34,505
OLD HAND IS AS GOOD AS NEW.
165
00:07:34,572 --> 00:07:38,045
LET'S HOPE IT DON'T
MESS WITH MY BACKHAND.
166
00:07:38,112 --> 00:07:40,650
LET ME HELP YOU WITH THESE.
167
00:07:40,717 --> 00:07:42,087
THEY ALWAYS MAKE THESE THINGS
168
00:07:42,153 --> 00:07:43,522
MORE DIFFICULT THAN NECESSARY.
169
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,325
SIGN HERE.
170
00:07:45,393 --> 00:07:46,395
AND HERE.
171
00:07:46,461 --> 00:07:47,461
OKAY.
172
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,307
AND HERE.
173
00:07:54,911 --> 00:07:56,279
IS THAT IT?
174
00:07:56,346 --> 00:07:57,582
AND INITIAL THIS FORM
175
00:07:57,649 --> 00:07:59,686
SAYING YOU DIDN'T HURT YOURSELF
176
00:07:59,753 --> 00:08:01,930
FILLING OUT THIS FORM.
177
00:08:01,997 --> 00:08:03,032
OKAY.
178
00:08:03,099 --> 00:08:04,469
VERY GOOD.
179
00:08:04,535 --> 00:08:06,839
KANSAS CITY MONARCHS.
180
00:08:06,907 --> 00:08:09,644
AH, ARE YOU A FAN OF THE
NEGRO BASEBALL LEAGUES?
181
00:08:09,711 --> 00:08:11,682
I'M A BIG FAN.
182
00:08:11,748 --> 00:08:12,885
SATCHEL PAIGE WAS MY MAN.
183
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,551
MY GRANDFATHER PLAYED
WITH SATCHEL PAIGE.
184
00:08:14,575 --> 00:08:15,575
FOR REAL?
185
00:08:15,623 --> 00:08:17,059
ABSOLUTELY.
186
00:08:17,126 --> 00:08:19,397
HE EVEN CLAIMED HE GAVE
SATCHEL HIS NICKNAME.
187
00:08:19,463 --> 00:08:20,732
UNTIL THEY MET
188
00:08:20,799 --> 00:08:22,268
HE CALLED HIMSELF
"DUFFEL BAG" PAIGE.
189
00:08:29,882 --> 00:08:32,187
OLD HAND AGAIN.
190
00:08:32,254 --> 00:08:35,093
I HAVE A PRETTY WONDERFUL
PRESCRIPTION FOR HAND THERAPY.
191
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:39,635
IT INVOLVES POINTING
OUT ITEMS ON A MENU.
192
00:08:39,701 --> 00:08:42,040
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE
DINNER SOME TIME?
193
00:08:44,811 --> 00:08:47,650
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW MY NAME.
194
00:08:47,716 --> 00:08:50,656
"CHARLES ROBERTS, M. D."
195
00:08:50,722 --> 00:08:52,192
YES, I DO.
196
00:08:53,628 --> 00:08:55,431
"KHADIJAH JAMES.
197
00:08:55,498 --> 00:08:58,003
ALLERGIC TO PENICILLIN."
198
00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:00,074
THAT'S MISS PENICILLIN TO YOU.
199
00:09:01,984 --> 00:09:03,086
ALL RIGHT.
200
00:09:03,153 --> 00:09:05,390
SURE. CALL ME.
201
00:09:05,457 --> 00:09:06,692
I WILL.
202
00:09:06,759 --> 00:09:09,064
AND KEEP THE PEN.
203
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,734
THANK YOU.
204
00:09:13,371 --> 00:09:14,741
WHERE'D YOU COME FROM?
205
00:09:14,807 --> 00:09:16,210
SCRUB ROOM.
206
00:09:16,277 --> 00:09:18,749
I MET THE RUDEST SURGEON.
207
00:09:18,815 --> 00:09:20,218
BLEW ME OFF‐‐
208
00:09:20,285 --> 00:09:24,092
BLEW ME OFF WITH
SOME STORY ABOUT
209
00:09:24,159 --> 00:09:26,329
HAVING TO MASSAGE
SOMEBODY'S HEART.
210
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:29,736
( Woman screaming )
211
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,340
ALL RIGHT, GIRL, DON'T
THINK ABOUT THE PAIN.
212
00:09:32,408 --> 00:09:33,677
JUST BREATHE.
213
00:09:33,743 --> 00:09:35,881
NO MATTER WHAT IT IS,
YOU CAN NAME IT MAX.
214
00:09:35,948 --> 00:09:37,718
SOMEBODY GRAB HER DRAWERS.
215
00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,322
WELL, IT'S 5:00.
216
00:09:40,390 --> 00:09:42,259
GUESS THAT MEANS I'LL GO HOME
217
00:09:42,326 --> 00:09:44,498
AND FIX ME A ONE‐PERSON PIZZA.
218
00:09:44,564 --> 00:09:47,236
THEN I'LL LIGHT CANDLES
AROUND MY BATHTUB
219
00:09:47,303 --> 00:09:49,974
AND SOAK AWAY MY LONELINESS.
220
00:09:51,677 --> 00:09:53,114
FORGET IT, IVAN.
221
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:55,485
KHADIJAH HAS HER FIRST
DATE WITH A DOCTOR
222
00:09:55,552 --> 00:09:57,055
SHE MET AT THE CONFERENCE.
223
00:09:57,122 --> 00:09:59,291
WHAT?!
224
00:09:59,358 --> 00:10:01,195
KHADIJAH, YOU GOT TO
GIVE ME A CHANCE.
225
00:10:01,262 --> 00:10:03,940
I GOT THE BASEMENT ALL
TO MYSELF THIS WEEKEND.
226
00:10:04,008 --> 00:10:05,979
OH, MAN.
227
00:10:06,045 --> 00:10:07,747
HI.
228
00:10:07,814 --> 00:10:10,487
YOU'RE ON TIME, AND
YOU BROUGHT ROSES.
229
00:10:10,553 --> 00:10:12,857
YOU WANT YOUR PEN
BACK, DON'T YOU?
230
00:10:12,924 --> 00:10:14,027
MMM.
231
00:10:14,094 --> 00:10:15,862
UH. OH. OW!
232
00:10:15,929 --> 00:10:20,071
WHAT, TOO MUCH TROUBLE TO
DETHORN THEM, BROTHER?
233
00:10:20,138 --> 00:10:21,908
THOSE'LL HURT HER, MAN.
234
00:10:22,943 --> 00:10:26,383
ANY SPECIAL PLACE YOU'D
LIKE TO GO TO DINNER?
235
00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:28,721
WELL, THERE'S THIS
NEW CAJUN RESTAURANT
236
00:10:28,787 --> 00:10:30,324
CALLED TONY'S ETOUFE.
237
00:10:30,391 --> 00:10:32,795
SYNCLAIRE, SEE IF YOU CAN
GET RESERVATIONS AT TONY'S.
238
00:10:32,862 --> 00:10:34,064
SURE THING.
239
00:10:35,099 --> 00:10:37,237
WHOA. THAT PROBABLY
WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA.
240
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,642
CAJUN FOOD IS SPICY
241
00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:42,447
AND IT PROBABLY
WOULDN'T BE GOOD FOR...
242
00:10:42,513 --> 00:10:44,717
YOU KNOW.
243
00:10:46,821 --> 00:10:48,358
I KNOW WHAT?
244
00:10:49,461 --> 00:10:51,329
YOUR HEMORRHOIDS.
245
00:10:51,397 --> 00:10:53,501
( Loudly ): KHADIJAH
GOT HEMORRHOIDS?!
246
00:10:59,446 --> 00:11:01,322
AND YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM?
247
00:11:01,389 --> 00:11:03,259
WHAT WERE YOU DOING
AT THE CONFERENCE?
248
00:11:08,138 --> 00:11:09,138
EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.
249
00:11:09,162 --> 00:11:10,164
AH, NO, MY BROTHER. NO.
250
00:11:11,387 --> 00:11:13,091
WHEN KHADIJAH CLOSES THAT DOOR
251
00:11:13,157 --> 00:11:14,760
IT DOESN'T OPEN FOR ANYONE.
252
00:11:14,827 --> 00:11:16,163
SHE'S SEALED IN THERE
253
00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:18,634
LIKE AN INDIVIDUALLY
WRAPPED MOON PIE.
254
00:11:20,738 --> 00:11:23,176
YOU... IN HERE.
255
00:11:23,243 --> 00:11:24,513
DON'T GO, MAN.
256
00:11:24,579 --> 00:11:25,915
IT'S A TRICK.
257
00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:33,094
WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT
TO TELL ME, BOO? HUH?
258
00:11:35,098 --> 00:11:37,202
HEY, COME ON, WHAT
CAN I DO FOR YOU?
259
00:11:37,269 --> 00:11:38,639
GIVE YOU A SPONGE BATH?
260
00:11:38,705 --> 00:11:39,807
BRING YOU A PILLOW?
261
00:11:39,874 --> 00:11:41,144
SERVE AS YOUR CUSHION?
262
00:11:41,210 --> 00:11:43,214
IVAN, GET OUT.
263
00:11:43,281 --> 00:11:45,152
SEE, I KNOW THAT'S
THE PAIN TALKING
264
00:11:45,218 --> 00:11:46,554
SO I'M...
265
00:11:52,766 --> 00:11:57,641
HOW DID YOU KNOW
ABOUT MY "THEM"?
266
00:11:57,708 --> 00:11:59,645
DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?
267
00:11:59,712 --> 00:12:04,059
"PLEASE COUNT
BACKWARDS FROM 100."
268
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,938
YOU'RE MY ANESTHESIOLOGIST?
269
00:12:10,004 --> 00:12:11,642
I WASN'T GOING TO SAY A WORD
270
00:12:11,708 --> 00:12:14,212
BUT THEN YOU BROUGHT
UP THAT SPICY FOOD
271
00:12:14,279 --> 00:12:17,017
AND I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO
EAT THAT WHEN YOU'VE GOT THEM.
272
00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:18,855
IT'LL GIVE YOU A
BAD CASE OF THOSE
273
00:12:18,921 --> 00:12:20,659
AND I DON'T THINK YOU WANT THAT.
274
00:12:20,725 --> 00:12:25,801
YOU SEE MY BEHIND AND I DON'T
EVEN KNOW YOUR ZODIAC SIGN.
275
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:28,640
CANCER.
276
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,610
AND MY NAME IS CHARLES.
277
00:12:30,677 --> 00:12:32,112
COME ON, COME ON.
278
00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:34,284
KHADIJAH, IN THE OPERATING ROOM
279
00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:37,323
ALL BACKSIDES LOOK
THE SAME TO ME.
280
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:40,094
EXCEPT FOR THAT OLD
GUY FROM PITTSBURGH.
281
00:12:40,161 --> 00:12:41,431
NOW, HE...
282
00:12:41,498 --> 00:12:43,568
BUT YOU WOULDN'T WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT THAT
283
00:12:43,635 --> 00:12:44,904
RIGHT BEFORE DINNER.
284
00:12:44,970 --> 00:12:47,576
MAYBE WE SHOULD SKIP DINNER.
285
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:52,318
IN FACT, I DON'T THINK I'LL BE
HUNGRY FOR TWO TO THREE YEARS.
286
00:12:52,384 --> 00:12:55,056
YOU KNOW, KHADIJAH, JUST
BECAUSE I'M AN EXPERT
287
00:12:55,123 --> 00:12:57,393
AT MAKING PEOPLE NUMB,
DOESN'T MEAN I...
288
00:12:57,461 --> 00:12:59,965
I DON'T FEEL PAIN.
289
00:13:00,032 --> 00:13:03,245
YOU REALLY REACHED
OUT FOR THAT ONE.
290
00:13:03,312 --> 00:13:04,347
( laughs )
291
00:13:04,415 --> 00:13:06,184
YOU KEEP SAYING NO,
I'LL GET CORNY.
292
00:13:06,250 --> 00:13:08,254
NO. I DON'T THINK I COULD TAKE
293
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:10,893
THAT MUCH PAIN
TWICE IN ONE WEEK.
294
00:13:10,959 --> 00:13:12,930
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
295
00:13:12,997 --> 00:13:14,867
GREAT.
296
00:13:14,934 --> 00:13:16,135
NOW, HOW DO WE GET OUT OF HERE
297
00:13:16,203 --> 00:13:18,441
WITHOUT RUNNING INTO THAT
LITTLE EAVESDROPPER?
298
00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:20,010
Ivan: I HEARD THAT.
299
00:13:22,649 --> 00:13:25,787
YEP, THERE'S DEFINITELY
SOMETHING SINISTER GOING ON
300
00:13:25,854 --> 00:13:28,158
WITH THE BRIDE AND
GROOM OF DOOM.
301
00:13:28,226 --> 00:13:29,495
FIRST OF ALL
302
00:13:29,562 --> 00:13:30,964
THE DOORBELL'S WARPED.
303
00:13:31,031 --> 00:13:32,968
THEN THE PHONE GOES OUT
304
00:13:33,035 --> 00:13:36,975
AND ALL DAY LONG, I HAD A
HANKERING FOR DEVILED HAM.
305
00:13:37,042 --> 00:13:40,382
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
306
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:43,488
OVERTON, THERE IS A HUGE
SPIDER IN MY BEDROOM
307
00:13:43,555 --> 00:13:46,427
AND I COULD SWEAR IT
SPUN A WEB THAT SAID...
308
00:13:46,494 --> 00:13:49,198
( deeply ): "GET OUT."
309
00:13:49,266 --> 00:13:50,535
ALL RIGHT.
310
00:13:50,602 --> 00:13:53,105
I'M GOING TO GO ON UP
AND CHECK THIS OUT.
311
00:13:53,172 --> 00:13:54,942
NOW, IF YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING
312
00:13:55,009 --> 00:13:57,682
I EITHER BRUISED MY
SHIN OR I GOT COCOONED.
313
00:13:59,017 --> 00:14:00,453
MAN, THAT IS IT.
314
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,131
I'M NOT DOING THIS COCKAMAMIE
WEDDING FROM HELL.
315
00:14:03,197 --> 00:14:05,302
( Phone ringing )
316
00:14:05,369 --> 00:14:06,972
HELLO.
317
00:14:07,039 --> 00:14:09,910
SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.
318
00:14:12,048 --> 00:14:13,618
THIS IS REGINE.
319
00:14:13,685 --> 00:14:14,820
THANKS.
320
00:14:14,887 --> 00:14:16,089
UH... YEAH.
321
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:18,894
MAY THE DEAD RISE UP
AND MEET YOU TOO.
322
00:14:21,165 --> 00:14:23,169
THEY ARE TRIPLING MY FEE.
323
00:14:23,235 --> 00:14:27,411
THEY LOVED MY IDEA OF THROWING
THE BOUQUET INTO AN OPEN GRAVE.
324
00:14:29,013 --> 00:14:32,854
YEAH, REGINE, THAT WAS A
DIABOLICAL‐LOOKING SPIDER
325
00:14:32,921 --> 00:14:37,663
BUT NEAR AS I CAN MAKE OUT,
THE WEB SAID, "BOSS HAWG."
326
00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:40,034
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT PHONE?
327
00:14:40,101 --> 00:14:42,272
YOU KNOW IT'S DISCONNECTED.
328
00:14:45,110 --> 00:14:48,618
REGINE, LOOKS LIKE YOUR CALLING
CIRCLE INCLUDES SATAN.
329
00:14:49,986 --> 00:14:51,924
( Both laughing )
330
00:14:51,990 --> 00:14:53,661
YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN
331
00:14:53,728 --> 00:14:55,931
TO THE GREENWICH VILLAGE
HALLOWEEN PARADE.
332
00:14:55,997 --> 00:14:58,268
I MUST HAVE COUNTED
ABOUT 15 LADY GODIVAS.
333
00:14:58,336 --> 00:15:00,874
AT LEAST TWO OF THEM WERE WOMEN.
334
00:15:00,941 --> 00:15:03,852
( Both laughing )
335
00:15:03,919 --> 00:15:05,456
AH, MAN.
336
00:15:11,835 --> 00:15:14,372
WELL, UM...
337
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:17,846
I, UH, HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME.
338
00:15:17,913 --> 00:15:19,081
I DID.
339
00:15:19,148 --> 00:15:20,752
I REALLY, REALLY DID.
340
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:22,388
WELL, UM...
341
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,224
GOOD NIGHT.
342
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:25,828
I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU
343
00:15:25,894 --> 00:15:28,333
AT THE HOSPITAL CHARITY
CARNIVAL THIS WEEKEND.
344
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,868
OH, COOL. I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
345
00:15:29,935 --> 00:15:31,103
OKAY.
346
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:36,882
HEY, WHAT'S UP?
347
00:15:36,949 --> 00:15:39,454
YOU KNOW, KHADIJAH, I
JUST RAN INTO YOUR FRIEND
348
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,224
AND I'M ASTONISHED TO SAY
THAT I ACTUALLY LIKE HIM.
349
00:15:42,291 --> 00:15:44,497
YOU KNOW, HE'S NOT YOUR
AVERAGE SCHLEPROCK.
350
00:15:44,564 --> 00:15:49,004
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE AVERAGE SCHLEPROCK.
351
00:15:49,071 --> 00:15:51,008
( Sighs )
352
00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,714
SO, KHADIJAH, IS DR. CHARLES
353
00:15:53,781 --> 00:15:55,418
YOUR R. X. FOR LOVE?
354
00:15:55,485 --> 00:15:57,086
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.
355
00:15:57,152 --> 00:16:00,092
I MEAN, WE'VE GONE
OUT THREE TIMES
356
00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:03,038
IN THE PAST TWO WEEKS,
AND IT'S ALWAYS GREAT
357
00:16:03,104 --> 00:16:05,544
BUT WHEN HE MOVES
IN FOR THAT KISS
358
00:16:05,610 --> 00:16:08,080
ALL I COULD THINK
ABOUT IS HOW WE MET.
359
00:16:08,147 --> 00:16:13,257
I MEAN, HE DIDN'T EXACTLY
SEE MY BEST SIDE.
360
00:16:13,323 --> 00:16:14,926
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, GIRL.
361
00:16:14,993 --> 00:16:17,230
I COULD NEVER DATE
MY GYNECOLOGIST.
362
00:16:17,297 --> 00:16:20,772
IF WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT
THE PEOPLE YOU COULD NOT DATE
363
00:16:20,838 --> 00:16:23,042
ALLOW ME TO RETRIEVE
A PHONE BOOK.
364
00:16:25,045 --> 00:16:27,951
SO CHARLES SAW YOU
WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN.
365
00:16:28,018 --> 00:16:31,459
IF I HAD A NICKEL FOR EVERY
TIME I WAS EMBARRASSED
366
00:16:31,526 --> 00:16:36,468
I COULD BUY A BIG HOUSE, A CAR,
ONE OF THOSE RIDING MOWERS.
367
00:16:36,535 --> 00:16:39,808
MAYBE WITH A LITTLE SIDECAR
FOR OBIE, YOU KNOW.
368
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:42,613
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
369
00:16:42,679 --> 00:16:45,785
I'M PROUD TO SAY I DON'T.
370
00:16:45,852 --> 00:16:48,925
OKAY. MAYBE IT WOULD HELP
IF YOU IMAGINE CHARLES
371
00:16:48,991 --> 00:16:51,463
IN SOME EQUALLY
EMBARRASSING SITUATION.
372
00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:54,367
UH, MAYBE‐MAYBE
SITTING ON THE JOHN
373
00:16:54,436 --> 00:16:57,575
WEARING, UH... I DON'T
KNOW‐‐ ANTLERS, HIP BOOTS.
374
00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:58,910
I DON'T KNOW.
375
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,947
THAT'S GOOD
376
00:17:01,013 --> 00:17:04,995
BUT I THINK I'M GOING TO NEED
SOMETHING EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS.
377
00:17:05,061 --> 00:17:06,599
Maxine: KYLE.
378
00:17:06,665 --> 00:17:09,404
TELL KHADIJAH WHAT KIND
OF DRAWERS YOU WEAR.
379
00:17:15,716 --> 00:17:17,084
NOTHING FANCY.
380
00:17:17,151 --> 00:17:18,787
JUST, UH, FRENCH BOXERS
381
00:17:18,854 --> 00:17:21,660
WITH A FRONT PLEAT AND
ADJUSTABLE WAISTBAND.
382
00:17:21,727 --> 00:17:22,995
SILK, OF COURSE.
383
00:17:23,062 --> 00:17:24,766
WHY?
384
00:17:24,833 --> 00:17:27,302
THAT JUST MAY WORK.
385
00:17:30,844 --> 00:17:32,112
COME ON, COME ON.
386
00:17:32,179 --> 00:17:34,518
AW...! OH...!
387
00:17:34,585 --> 00:17:35,853
AH, MAN!
388
00:17:35,919 --> 00:17:38,357
OH, MAN, ROBBED AGAIN.
389
00:17:38,425 --> 00:17:40,027
YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?
390
00:17:40,094 --> 00:17:41,865
THIS IS THE STRANGEST CARNIVAL
391
00:17:41,931 --> 00:17:43,200
I HAVE EVER BEEN TO.
392
00:17:43,267 --> 00:17:45,236
I LIKE THE "GUESS YOUR
CHOLESTEROL" BOOTH
393
00:17:45,303 --> 00:17:46,474
BUT I AM GLAD I PASSED
394
00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:48,342
ON THAT MYSTERY
ORGANS SQUEEZE BOX.
395
00:17:48,410 --> 00:17:50,915
TELL YOU WHAT, YOU
WANT TO GO VISIT
396
00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:52,586
THE KISSING BOOTH?
397
00:17:52,652 --> 00:17:54,220
THEY GOT A KISSING BOOTH?
398
00:17:54,287 --> 00:17:57,427
NO. BUT GIVE ME A BUCK AND
WE COULD START ONE UP.
399
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,694
KHADIJAH, COME ON,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
400
00:18:11,761 --> 00:18:14,031
I MEAN, IF IT'S MY BREATH,
YOU KNOW, JUST TELL ME.
401
00:18:14,098 --> 00:18:16,737
I'LL BREATHE AFTER THE DATE.
402
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,073
LOOK, LOOK, CHARLES
403
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:20,545
LET'S DEAL WITH THE REAL, OKAY?
404
00:18:20,611 --> 00:18:22,548
NOW, THE FIRST TIME WE MET
405
00:18:22,615 --> 00:18:24,552
IT WASN'T EXACTLY FACE TO FACE.
406
00:18:24,619 --> 00:18:26,221
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
407
00:18:26,288 --> 00:18:28,727
I'M HAVING A LITTLE PROBLEM
GETTING PAST THAT.
408
00:18:28,794 --> 00:18:31,063
SO WOULD IT MAKE YOU
FEEL ANY BETTER
409
00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:33,267
IF I DROP MY PANTS
AND PASSED OUT?
410
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:36,408
I TRIED THAT IN MY HEAD, BUT
THE ANTLERS GOT IN THE WAY.
411
00:18:36,475 --> 00:18:38,412
THE...
412
00:18:38,479 --> 00:18:41,316
I TELL YOU WHAT, W‐W‐WE
STILL GOT A LOT OF TICKETS.
413
00:18:41,383 --> 00:18:43,086
WHY DON'T WE GO OVER THERE
414
00:18:43,153 --> 00:18:45,692
AND COUNT THE EYEBALLS
OUT IN THE JAR, OKAY?
415
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:47,529
( laughing )
416
00:18:47,595 --> 00:18:49,633
WELL, THE BATTING CAGE IS OPEN.
417
00:18:49,699 --> 00:18:52,203
I MEAN, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE A FEW SWINGS?
418
00:18:52,270 --> 00:18:53,541
OH, NO, NO, NO.
419
00:18:53,607 --> 00:18:55,545
YOU GO AHEAD.
420
00:18:55,611 --> 00:18:57,781
NOW, YOU KNOW I CAN'T...
421
00:18:59,116 --> 00:19:02,664
GET IN THERE AND MAKE
YOUR GRANDDADDY PROUD.
422
00:19:02,731 --> 00:19:05,068
OKAY.
423
00:19:05,135 --> 00:19:06,971
SATCHEL PAIGE, LOOK OUT.
424
00:19:10,445 --> 00:19:13,017
ALL RIGHT NOW, LET'S
SEE WHAT YOU GOT.
425
00:19:24,270 --> 00:19:26,174
( Mouthing words )
426
00:19:27,309 --> 00:19:29,280
( mouthing words )
427
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:39,367
( grunts )
428
00:19:43,339 --> 00:19:45,545
THAT MACHINE... IT'S
NOT YOUR FAULT.
429
00:19:45,612 --> 00:19:47,649
THE MACHINE WASN'T THROWING THEM
430
00:19:47,716 --> 00:19:49,587
OVER THE PLATE.
431
00:19:51,054 --> 00:19:54,094
I SAID A FAST BALL!
432
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,100
( laughing )
433
00:19:57,166 --> 00:19:58,870
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
434
00:19:58,937 --> 00:20:00,873
NOW YOU KNOW MY SECRET, HUH?
435
00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:03,217
I'M A LITTLE
ATHLETICALLY CHALLENGED.
436
00:20:03,284 --> 00:20:04,888
I WANTED TO BE A SURGEON
437
00:20:04,955 --> 00:20:06,859
BUT I KEPT DROPPING THE SCALPEL.
438
00:20:06,925 --> 00:20:08,194
( laughing )
439
00:20:08,261 --> 00:20:09,529
IT'S OKAY.
440
00:20:09,597 --> 00:20:12,435
( Both laughing )
441
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:13,502
OH, MAN.
442
00:20:13,537 --> 00:20:14,974
DANG. YOU KNOW WHAT?
443
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:18,480
KNOWING THAT YOU'RE A KLUTZ,
KIND OF MAKES ME FEEL BETTER
444
00:20:18,546 --> 00:20:20,249
ABOUT THE WAY WE STARTED OUT.
445
00:20:20,316 --> 00:20:21,486
REALLY?
446
00:20:21,552 --> 00:20:23,657
IN THAT CASE, I
SUCK AT FOOTBALL.
447
00:20:23,724 --> 00:20:26,095
I CAN'T CHANGE A
FLAT TO SAVE MY LIFE
448
00:20:26,161 --> 00:20:29,668
AND I ACTUALLY SPRAINED MY
ANKLE ONCE PLAYING DOMINOES.
449
00:20:29,735 --> 00:20:31,004
WHAT'S NEXT?
450
00:20:31,070 --> 00:20:34,712
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A
HELMET TO MAKE TOAST?
451
00:20:34,778 --> 00:20:37,516
WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU.
452
00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:51,977
DAMN, YOU DON'T
KISS LIKE A KLUTZ.
453
00:20:52,044 --> 00:20:55,550
I CAN ALWAYS USE A
LITTLE MORE PRACTICE.
454
00:21:06,669 --> 00:21:08,035
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
455
00:21:13,333 --> 00:21:15,203
HEY! SO HOW WAS THE WEDDING?
456
00:21:15,269 --> 00:21:16,539
FABULOUS.
457
00:21:16,607 --> 00:21:19,577
I KNOCKED THEM EVEN DEADER.
458
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:20,513
SO WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
459
00:21:20,579 --> 00:21:23,986
A GIFT FROM THE GHOULY‐WEDS.
460
00:21:25,188 --> 00:21:27,360
AH... "TO REGINE, WITH THANKS"
461
00:21:27,427 --> 00:21:29,764
FOR MAKING OUR SPECIAL
DAY A LIVING HELL."
462
00:21:31,434 --> 00:21:33,203
( rattling noise )
463
00:21:33,270 --> 00:21:35,107
OH, MY GOD.
464
00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:38,447
WHAT?
465
00:21:38,513 --> 00:21:42,555
[Captioned by The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]
466
00:22:08,610 --> 00:22:11,483
WOO‐HOO!
31361
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