Original subtitles

[knock on door]

Hey, hey. Something came for me?

Yes.

This lovely package

from the very exclusive Robere's.

And how do you know where it's from?

Tracking code 878479, everyone knows that's Robere's.

I'm impressed, yet frightened. Bye‐bye.

So, uh.. What is it?

Who is it for?

Well, if you must know, O Bouncy One..

It is a silver bracelet, um, for my mother.

Oh, ooh, oh, well, Kyle, man

the engraver made a hell of mistake.

'Cause they spelled mom, "M‐A‐X."

You opened my box?

It fell open

when I tugged on the tape.

So, is this one of those gifts that says

"I'm sorry we broke up, let's get naked and reconcile?"

[growls]

[laughing]

Regine, the picture you're painting for me

is making me queasy and get off me.

No, I ordered this for Max..

Before we broke up, when I had more money than sense.

Umm..

And she is never going to hear about this

right, little short person?

Kyle? I can be discreet..

[laughing]

Woo!

For a price.

A‐ha, okay.

I merely want the gold Robere's box.

It lends an air of class to any gift.

Oh, Regine, do you honestly think anyone with taste

is gonna think a gift comes from Robere's

just because you put it in a little gold box?

[chuckles] You obviously love the cufflinks

I gave you last Christmas.

Box by Robere's, links by Walmart.

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ And in a nineties kind of world ♪

♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪

♪ Oh keep your head up ♪ ♪ What? ♪

♪ Keep your head up ♪ ♪ That's right ♪

♪ Whenever this life get tough you gotta fight ♪

♪ With my homegirls standing to my left and my right ♪

♪ True blue it's tight like glue ♪

♪ We are living ♪ ♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Check check check it out ♪

♪ Single ♪ ♪ Do what you want ♪

♪ No free position ♪

♪ Haa ♪

[chuckling] Yeah..

Ohh‐wha, umm.

Okay, he‐he, yeah.

Wow, if you're like this when I give you a manicure

what's it gonna be like I get to your toes?

Oh..

Don't mess with my toes, mama.

Unless you got a couple of hours to kill.

‐ Get those boots off, daddy. ‐ Sure.

[knock on door]

Oh, don't worry, baby.

‐ I'll get rid of them. ‐ Okay.

‐ Stay right there. ‐ Okay.

Oh, Lord, Uncle Tibby.

Watch out there now!

How's my number one nephew?

[laughing]

What they do, they kick you out of Cleveland?

Ah, you know I can't stay cooped up too long.

Every twelve years, I got to get out, and..

Hey! Strut my stuff.

Now, I was gonna go to New Orleans to that Mardi Gras

but you know, I don't look as good

in a feathered mask as I used to.

Now that real sunshine must be Synclaire.

Oh... what an honor it is to meet you.

I feel like you've been Overton's uncle all my life.

Come here!

[laughing]

Okay, I get it.

You, you happy to see me.

[laughing]

‐ Sit down, sit down. ‐ Ohh.

Oh, girl, this man was like a second father to me.

Taught me everything.

Right from wrong, up from down.

Church girls from party girls.

You know, my friends have got to meet you.

Mm..

Go ahead and put your dogs up.

‐ Yeah, I'm tired. ‐ Umm.

Uncle Tibby's here!

You know, the Uncle Tibby from

all of Overton's Uncle Tibby stories.

Oh, and he's just so huggable.

‐ Come on up, huh? ‐ Well..

You just a 24‐hour cup of coffee, ain't you?

[all laughing]

Ey, where's Aunt Bertha at?

Ey, you know I can't get that

Sunday school teachin'

bourbon hidin', pie bakin' woman out of Ohio.

[knock on door]

Where is he, where.. Ohh..

Uncle Tibby, this is Regine and Maxine.

Lord, the room is overflowing with beauty!

[laughing]

Now, Uncle Tibby

it's not fair for you to focus all your attention on me.

[laughs]

Especially, if you just ate.

[laughing]

Ladies, this is the godfather of the whole Jones clan.

Nobody made a move without Uncle Tibby's blessing.

Oh, he's exaggerating..

Did I tell you I got Cousin Bumpy to come back to church?

Get out! Cousin Bumpy was a straight‐up heathen!

Woo! Hey, people.

Uncle Tibby?

Lumpy!

[laughing]

‐ "Lumpy?" ‐ "Lumpy?"

"Lumpy?"

I had a little baby fat when I was young.

A little, when he walked down the street

he sounded like a marching band.

Flapitty, flapitty, flap‐flap.

See, that is the kind of torment that can scar a child for life.

[chuckles] No, it was them corduroy pants that scarred him for life.

[laughing]

[indistinct]

Oh, Uncle Tibby, you're so funny.

Every time you say something like that

it just make me want to squeeze you.

Say somethin' else.

You ever considered pro‐wrestling?

♪ Granny they're expecting you ♪

♪ You're a little late so come right this way ♪

♪ What say it now yes say it now yeah ♪

Oh, no, girl, you doin' it all wrong.

You need less bounce and more bob.

♪ In the world.. ♪

‐ Hey‐hey. ‐ Hey, look, Khadijah.

It's Lumpy.

Lumpy.

You just couldn't let that go, could you?

No!

Hell, no, we're gonna be working that one through

to the next century... Lumpster.

Oh, Lumpster. Okay, okay.

Hey.

Is this the alleged bracelet

that you bought for your mama with Max's name on it.

Yeah, isn't that like I told Max.

Yeah, I‐I actually don't know what to do with it.

You know, I can't take it back, it's already engraved.

Well, sweety, maybe you'll meet somebody else named Max.

God couldn't possibly hate me that much.

Why don't you just give it to her and move on?

Oh, yeah.

And then every time she looks at it

she'll think of what a great guy she lost.

And this will torment her.

Forcing her to move to another time zone.

I like that.

Excuse me, uh, would you sorcerers

like anything from the market?

Chickens' feet?

Eye of newts?

You know what, Kyle? Man, I just can't picture you fat.

I mean, coke bottle glasses

acne‐ridden, braces, sure, but fat, no.

For the record, I was not fat.

I was husky.

Oh, Regine.

Who threw up on the couch? Ugh.

Well, if it isn't Frances, the talking mule.

Uh, look.. Get‐get off me.

I have something that's gonna make you

the envy of all the other barnyard animals, here.

I got that before the demise of whatever it was that we had.

Now, look, I know this is painful for you.

But if you just take a moment‐‐.

Oh, God. Max, open up the freaking gift.

Read the inscription.

"Always on my mind, Kyle."

Doesn't Willie Nelson have enough problems

without you tryin' to steal his lyrics?

Enjoy.

You know, if a human being had that look on her face

I'd say it was regret.

‐ Mmm. ‐ Can I have that box?

It's all yours.

♪ Woo woo ♪

♪ They say that I won't last too long ♪

♪ On Broadway ♪

♪ On Broadway ♪

♪ I'll take a Greyhound bus ♪

♪ For home they all say ♪

Stop. Tibby time!

‐ Come on. ‐ No, thank you.

Seven choruses on the subway was quite enough.

[sighs]

Man, wasn't the subway great today?

Who would have thought that we would have seen a..

A pickpocket, a one‐armed juggler

and a tap dancing transvestite all in one car, huh?

You could find the bright side of roadkill.

Food for vultures.

Well, I'm gonna take a bath, you know.

If I don't get some of this New York dirt off me

somebody gonna write "Wash me" on my butt.

You know what, I have some bath gel

that will leave you smellin' like firewood

burning on a crisp winter night.

Yeah, if, uh, smelling like a chimney sweep

don't relax me, nothing else will.

Alright, I'm gonna get..

Yeah.

You know, I'm really glad you're here, man.

Yeah, me too. You done well for yourself.

Nice home, nice job.

And you keepin Lumpy off sweets.

Well, you were the one that talked me

out of moving back to Cleveland

when I got homesick my second day here.

I'll never forget your wise and insightful words.

"Stay."

Hey, I never steered you wrong.

Yeah, and if I hadn't I never would've met

my sweet lollipop, Synclaire.

‐ 'Overton, about Synclaire.' ‐ 'Yes, sir.'

You need to dump her.

Dump Synclaire?

Yeah, if I let you carry on with that bippity‐boppity girl

the whole Jones clan will put a foot in me so deep

I'd be tasting shoe polish.

Bippity‐boppity.. What you talking about?

Look, a‐a‐anybody that happy, all the time

is either high on corn whiskey or she hiding something.

Uh, Synclaire is like a open book.

As far as getting high is concerned

the girl get woozy taking communion.

She trying to get her hooks in you.

Here you are, a handyman from Ohio

you're maintaining a brownstone in Brooklyn.

She knows gold when it glitters.

Yeah, but she sees more in me than just the glamor.

And what's all this fool business

about her wantin' to be an actress?

A‐alright, ho‐ho‐hold on now.

You can't come in my house

talking about my woman like that, okay?

Now, I know you wouldn't be getting salty

with your favorite uncle.

Unless I struck a nerve.

Which proves I'm right.

See, you need to cool down.

Let your good sense seep in.

I'mma go get in the tub.

Hey, hold on. We're not finished with this yet.

You're not letting it seep in.

Do your uncle a favor.

Get me some Lemon Joy for my bath

and, uh, some Vaseline for the rusty spots, okay?

Synclaire, you're pouring orange juice

into the mashed potatoes.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Hmm, the citrus adds a zip you just can't get with milk.

I think you're onto something there.

Honey, what's wrong?

I overheard Uncle Tibby tell Overton to cut me loose.

W‐why would he say that?

I don't know. He even called me "bippity‐boppity."

That's amazing, who knew there was a word

that so perfectly describes you.

I tried so hard to impress that man.

I even baked him cookies.

Well, mistake number one.

Do you understand, that that man

is the Grand Poobah of Overton's family.

If he doesn't like me, I will never be Synclaire James‐Jones.

Well, look, Synclaire, being disliked is often a sign

that you're strong, that you have character

and that people respect you.

Or that you're a hag people put up with

because Khadijah insists on dragging

your behind around with her.

Oh. Now, don't be so hard on yourself.

Synclaire, I say you go talk to Overton.

I mean, if there's one thing I know there's nothing

anyone can say that'll shake his love for you.

Unless you tell him about when you used to eat dirt

when you were seven..

Hello, Lumpy. Lumpy, Lumpy, Lumpy.

Is there no safe haven for me anywhere?

Down here, The hound from the hell.

Upstairs, Uncle Fish Fry.

Unless, of course, he's down at the schoolyard

making fun of the husky children.

Sorry, he's upstairs taking a bath

stewing in his own meanness.

If you're lucky, he's using your washcloth.

Hmm, so I see you're not wearing your bracelet.

I guess it takes some people a little longer

to move on than others, huh?

Yeah. I moved on, alright.

I hocked your bracelet..

Used the money to buy these.

One hundred percent full croc demi‐ankle boots.

You hocked a $400 bracelet

for a pair of fake crocodile road stompers?

No, no, no, wait, wait, wait.

Before you two come to blows, give me some time

to just pop some popcorn.

You spent that much money on me?

I must have really rocked your world.

No! Wait! Kyle! Come on! Ey..

The‐the‐the bag hasn't even puffed yet.

[knock on door]

Hi, Obie. Um, where's Uncle Tibby?

Oh, knocked out back in the bedroom.

He said he that, uh, Lemon Joy and fried baloney sandwiches

is like one big sleeping pill.

I heard what he said. I was standing right outside the door.

Damn. I'm sorry, baby.

'Cause he had no right to say those things.

But I tell you what, as soon as he wakes up

I'm telling him to pack up that Vaseline

and just slide on outta here.

Obie, you can't.

Then I'd be known as the trollop

who drove a wedge between you and your favorite uncle.

And‐and‐and your resentment would grow

and one day you'll be taking a blowtorch to my trolls

and you won't even know why.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to argue with that logic.

But I know that if he got a chance to know you

he'd love you just like I do.

Hey, check this out.

How about tomorrow, I'll cook us up a real nice dinner?

That could work.

Yeah, you give me a couple of hours

and you two will be closer than a tick on a porch dog.

‐ I hope so. ‐ Yeah.

'Cause, hey, if it comes down to a choice

between you and Uncle Tibby

I'd just have to get used to my favorite uncle

not being in my life.

It'd just be you and me.

And Uncle Jelly.

Aunt Fanny.

Cousin Slats.

Great Uncle Schmoke‐eye.

And of course, Bob.

[glass shatters]

Golf? What, your life not boring enough already?

‐ Hey, Regine. ‐ 'Hey.'

Bootzilla.

I was wondering if I could get that Robere's box

I wanna put this silver bracelet back in it.

Well, actually, Bootzilla crushed it.

But I'm sure we have something that will

work just as well, let's see.

We got.. Oh! Cartier.

Van Cleef and Arpels.

Miracle mart? Khadijah.

Oh, poor little turned‐out Kyle.

You still aren't over me yet. Oh..

[Kyle chuckles]

Well, actually the druggist had a spray for that.

And while I was down there getting this out of hock

I met a woman who was pawning her engagement ring.

We set up a date and if all goes according to plan

in a couple of weeks, I'll be seeing her wearing this..

[chuckles]

And nothing else.

That's a pretty pathetic woman

who'll accept a gift with someone else's name on it.

Well, actually the engraving works to my benefit.

You see, she is the owner of the state of the art theatre

down on 57th Street.

Not the Imax theatre?

‐ One and the same. ‐ Oh! Ha‐ha!

One downwards stroke of the engraver's pin.

And I'm back in the saddle. Psst.

Giddyup, baby.

[knock on door]

Ooh. Girl, you look stunning.

Well, I aim to please

although I can't seem to please everybody.

Mm‐hmm.

Is that neck bones and rice I smell?

Synclaire, you shouldn't have.

Actually, I didn't, Overton made it.

Oh! Is this one of those liberated relationships?

Something wrong with that?

O‐O‐Obie, Obie aren't those neck bones

jumping out of that pot?

Oh, yeah, yeah. You're right.

Uh, Synclaire, why don't you tell him about how important

your job is down at Flavor?

You got a paying job?

Actually, I'm an office manager at a major magazine.

Some would say that I'm the nerve center

of the entire operation.

Oh, really? How'd you get a job like that?

[chuckles]

Well, my cousin, Khadijah, needed someone.

I was the perfect choice.

Mm‐hmm.

Who needs a resume when you got a cousin.

Oh, no, she didn't need a family to get her acting jobs, now.

Listen, let me tell you. The‐the..

The infomercial where I get fired.

The play where I was naked.

All me!

Naked?

Oh, next on. Now you wanna say grace, Uncle Tib?

Yeah, I, I'm gonna pray she don't take her clothes off.

Okay, that's it.

Uncle Tibby, I, I mean

this in the most respectful way possible.

Get up out my house.

All this food and we goin' out?

No, you goin' out.

You can't come in here talkin' about the woman that I love.

Man, she's the best thing that ever happened to me.

And if you can't get with that

you ought to take them neck bones to go.

I can't go home.

What d'you mean?

I had a fight with your Aunt Bertha.

I went to see her Sunday School youth choir

and I told her they sounded like a bunch of hyenas giving birth.

Next thing I know, I'm on a bus headed east.

Damn woman.

I miss her.

Well, why don't you just call her and apologize?

Yes, and everything will be all peachy again.

Huh, peachy.

Bertha says peachy.

You got a lot of Bertha in you, girl.

‐ I'm gonna call Aunt Birdy‐‐ ‐ Hold on, hold on, now.

I don't know how to apologize to that woman.

Well, I'll tell you what, you can start practicing

on somebody in this room.

I'm sorry I was a little harsh.

Guess you remind me so much of Bertha

I took my blues out on you.

Oh, you were going through a tough time.

♪ Woo woo woo woo woo woo ♪

Does Bertha do that too?

Hell, no.

Hey, Aunt Birdy‐bird, it's Obie.

Hey.. Hey, you got it.

Hey, Bertha.

Ti‐Tiberius here.

Uh, I'm, I'm sorry, honey.

I'd like to come home.

I didn't mean what I said about the children.

(Tiberius) 'They sound like angels.'

Tone‐deaf angels.

Ber‐Bertha! Bertha!

Damn!

Look, uh, I'm gonna need a couple of nights here

to work on this apology thing.

Well, that's just fine. Just fine.

It'll give me a chance to wow you

with my one‐woman interpretation of "A Raisin In The Sun."

"Winnie!"

(Synclaire) 'Come on, Uncle Tibby, come on.'

Maybe I can call her again.

‐ Good looking out, mama. ‐ I got your back, daddy.

(female narrator) We'll be right back.

(Synclaire) 'Ooh, look, a care package'

'from Uncle Tibby and Aunt Bertha.'

'What does the note say?'

(Overton) '"Dear Overton and Synclaire'

'"hope all is well with you two.'

'"Your Aunt Bertha and I are fine'

'"but we're still fighting about the children's choir.'

'"So we'd like you to decide. Angels or hyenas.'

"‐ 'Love, Uncle Tibby." Yeah.' ‐ 'Okay.'

[Overton hums]

[indistinct singing]

♪ Hallelujah ♪

(Synclaire) 'I think hyenas was a compliment.'

(Overton) 'Yep, Uncle Tibby was right all along'

'but, only 'bout that, now.'

'Uh, I‐let's get back to that toe thing, mama.'

(female ♫1) Woo‐hoo!