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1
00:00:02,476 --> 00:00:03,476
(man on TV) 'Government
scientists says a comet'
2
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:04,620
'is speeding towards earth.'
3
00:00:04,644 --> 00:00:06,200
'The potentially
deadly projectile'
4
00:00:06,266 --> 00:00:07,366
'is heading directly for..'
5
00:00:07,433 --> 00:00:09,533
You are wasting your
mind on that fluff.
6
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,240
Synclaire, there are
more important things
7
00:00:11,264 --> 00:00:12,666
going on in the world.
8
00:00:12,733 --> 00:00:14,573
(woman on TV) 'Hollywood
is abuzz with reaction'
9
00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,566
'to Johnny Depp's decision
to part his hair'
10
00:00:16,633 --> 00:00:18,400
'on the left side.'
11
00:00:18,466 --> 00:00:21,066
'Elsewhere in Tinseltown,
heartthrob Dean Cain'
12
00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:23,700
'TV Superman is
super in real life'
13
00:00:23,766 --> 00:00:25,266
'superstitious that is.'
14
00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:27,766
Girl, I can't believe
I almost missed this.
15
00:00:27,833 --> 00:00:28,933
Look what I found?
16
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,633
[shushing]
17
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,220
(woman in TV) 'Yesterday
the sexy superhero'
18
00:00:34,244 --> 00:00:36,766
'lost his wallet in a
New York City taxi.'
19
00:00:36,833 --> 00:00:39,133
'Inside was the receipt for
the breakfast Cain ate'
20
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,533
'the morning he auditioned
to be the Man of Steel.'
21
00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,800
'Without it, he won't
go on with the show.'
22
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,833
Alright, now, what're
you babbling about?
23
00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:50,500
Oh, nothing much.
24
00:00:50,566 --> 00:00:52,266
This is Dean Cain's wallet.
25
00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:54,200
I found it in the cab
on the way home.
26
00:00:54,266 --> 00:00:56,400
‐ Dean Cain's wallet?
‐ Khadijah.
27
00:00:56,466 --> 00:00:58,966
Are you that desperate
for attention?
28
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:01,973
It's real.
29
00:01:03,806 --> 00:01:06,540
Dean Cain's driver's license?
30
00:01:06,606 --> 00:01:08,706
His American Express card?
31
00:01:08,773 --> 00:01:10,840
Oh, looks like Starbucks
32
00:01:10,906 --> 00:01:12,873
owes him a free biscotti.
33
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:15,840
I'll just take this.
34
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,740
♪ We are living ♪
35
00:01:19,806 --> 00:01:22,273
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Single ♪
36
00:01:22,340 --> 00:01:24,740
♪ Ooh in a 90s kind of world ♪
37
00:01:24,806 --> 00:01:27,106
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
38
00:01:27,173 --> 00:01:28,449
♪ Oh keep your head up ♪
♪ What? ♪
39
00:01:28,473 --> 00:01:29,873
♪ Keep ya head up ♪
♪ That's right ♪
40
00:01:29,906 --> 00:01:31,786
♪ Whenever this life get
tough you gotta fight ♪
41
00:01:31,853 --> 00:01:34,020
♪ With my home girls standin'
to my left and my right ♪
42
00:01:34,086 --> 00:01:35,840
♪ True blue ♪
♪ It's tight like glue ♪
43
00:01:35,906 --> 00:01:38,540
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
44
00:01:38,606 --> 00:01:39,806
♪ Single ♪
♪ Do what you want ♪
45
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:42,073
♪ No free position girl ♪
46
00:01:42,140 --> 00:01:44,073
♪ Ha‐aa ♪
47
00:01:50,740 --> 00:01:53,406
Regine, if you are not helping
48
00:01:53,473 --> 00:01:54,793
you're gettin'
thrown in the study
49
00:01:54,817 --> 00:01:56,017
like the rest of this junk.
50
00:01:57,506 --> 00:01:59,173
I am here to meet your mother
51
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:00,673
and confirm my theory
52
00:02:00,740 --> 00:02:03,113
that you were raised
by wildebeests.
53
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,746
Hey, we didn't miss it, did we?
54
00:02:07,813 --> 00:02:10,880
Oh, get the hell out. Come on.
55
00:02:10,946 --> 00:02:13,046
Why is everybody so hot
to meet my mother?
56
00:02:13,113 --> 00:02:15,913
Because we all wanted to see
what Rosemary looked like..
57
00:02:18,313 --> 00:02:20,513
Twenty‐seven years
after having a baby.
58
00:02:20,580 --> 00:02:22,446
Oh!
59
00:02:22,513 --> 00:02:23,846
I think it's so sweet she's come
60
00:02:23,913 --> 00:02:26,146
to visit her little Maxie Waxie.
61
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:28,146
Oh, please, she's only in town
62
00:02:28,213 --> 00:02:31,146
to receive a Woman's Legal Fund
Lifetime Achievement Award.
63
00:02:31,213 --> 00:02:32,713
Is the rest of your
family comin' too?
64
00:02:32,780 --> 00:02:33,980
I haven't seen 'em in a while.
65
00:02:34,046 --> 00:02:36,446
Nah, my brother is
getting a NAACP Award
66
00:02:36,513 --> 00:02:38,246
and my dad's receiving
an honorary degree
67
00:02:38,313 --> 00:02:41,846
from UPenn, so, it's
just mom and me.
68
00:02:41,913 --> 00:02:44,746
The underachieving chore.
69
00:02:44,813 --> 00:02:47,380
Uh, Maxine, during
your cleaning frenzy
70
00:02:47,446 --> 00:02:49,380
did you remember to hide the..
71
00:02:50,846 --> 00:02:53,313
No, Kyle, your mango
flavored body gel
72
00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:54,980
is still on the nightstand.
73
00:02:56,780 --> 00:02:58,980
No, you couldn't have
been raised by wildebeest
74
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:01,720
they have more class.
75
00:03:01,786 --> 00:03:04,753
Yeah, personally, I was leani'
towards mountain people
76
00:03:04,820 --> 00:03:06,953
who practice snake
handling as a religion.
77
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:11,653
Don't worry, mango man, my
mom isn't staying here.
78
00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,080
She only drops by
for a few minutes
79
00:03:13,104 --> 00:03:15,153
and then she goes and checks
into a four‐star hotel.
80
00:03:15,220 --> 00:03:19,186
Oh, can't stand to be near each other, huh?
Tell me more.
81
00:03:19,253 --> 00:03:20,953
You know, I hate
to disappoint you
82
00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:22,453
you little crypt keeper..
83
00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:24,786
But my mother and I
84
00:03:24,853 --> 00:03:25,953
enjoy a very
85
00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:28,253
very civilized relationship.
86
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,040
We limit our conversations
to points of law.
87
00:03:30,086 --> 00:03:32,320
She cross‐examines me,
she finds me guilty
88
00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:33,386
we move on.
89
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:35,553
My mom and I talk
about everything
90
00:03:36,686 --> 00:03:39,353
except Aunt Helen's
ambrosia recipe.
91
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:41,920
You know, we get to arguing
about the mini marshmallow
92
00:03:41,986 --> 00:03:43,746
versus the big puffy one
that somebody always
93
00:03:43,786 --> 00:03:45,353
runs off in tears.
94
00:03:48,753 --> 00:03:50,673
Hey, hey, hey, come on,
come on, come on, come on
95
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:52,186
careful with that.
96
00:03:52,253 --> 00:03:54,453
What, you use your
diploma as a dustpan
97
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,853
what's so special about these?
98
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,400
Those are the briefs
for the summation
99
00:03:58,424 --> 00:03:59,520
I'm giving tomorrow.
100
00:03:59,586 --> 00:04:01,193
I'm up against a
senior prosecutor.
101
00:04:01,260 --> 00:04:02,380
This case means a lot to me.
102
00:04:02,404 --> 00:04:03,871
So, shove it
underneath the couch.
103
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,193
Hey, man. She maybe a slob
104
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:10,293
but girlie does have a system.
105
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:13,293
[knock on the door] Maxine's mommy's here.
Maxine's mommy's here.
106
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:14,493
[indistinct chatter]
107
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,426
Maxine's mommy's here. Come on.
108
00:04:22,393 --> 00:04:24,493
‐ Maxine. ‐ Mom.
109
00:04:29,693 --> 00:04:32,560
I suddenly feel like exhibit A.
110
00:04:32,626 --> 00:04:35,859
Um, they want to see, if
like daughter, like mother.
111
00:04:35,926 --> 00:04:38,026
Oh, 25 years of hard work
112
00:04:38,093 --> 00:04:40,726
a tad more attention
to haircare and yes
113
00:04:40,793 --> 00:04:42,693
Maxine will look like me.
114
00:04:45,826 --> 00:04:48,426
Oh, you, you're a killer, yeah.
115
00:04:49,426 --> 00:04:50,693
Everybody..
116
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,726
This is my mother, Nina Shaw.
117
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,260
‐ 'You remember
Khadijah?' ‐ 'Of course.'
118
00:04:55,326 --> 00:04:58,026
From college editor to
independent publisher.
119
00:04:58,093 --> 00:05:00,533
That's right, good to see you, Mrs.
Shaw.
120
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,700
And Synclaire.
121
00:05:01,766 --> 00:05:03,600
Assistant slash
aspiring actress.
122
00:05:05,166 --> 00:05:07,400
‐ And Regine. ‐
Uh, former buyer.
123
00:05:07,466 --> 00:05:09,333
Current customer.
124
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,800
‐ And Overton. ‐ Ah!
125
00:05:10,866 --> 00:05:13,033
Handyman and three‐point
shot maker.
126
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:14,500
Booyah. Hey, Ma.
127
00:05:17,366 --> 00:05:18,366
Oh?
128
00:05:26,466 --> 00:05:27,966
I'm Kyle.
129
00:05:28,033 --> 00:05:30,033
How do you do?
130
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,066
[chuckles] The stockbroker?
131
00:05:32,133 --> 00:05:34,233
Oh, good for you.
132
00:05:36,633 --> 00:05:40,066
Wait, you‐you haven't
heard of me, Kyle Barker?
133
00:05:40,133 --> 00:05:42,333
You certainly seem very
proud of yourself?
134
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,966
So‐so, where‐where
are you staying?
135
00:05:51,033 --> 00:05:53,200
The Waldorf or the Pierre?
136
00:05:53,266 --> 00:05:56,633
I thought I'd stay someplace a
little different this time.
137
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:59,366
Here, if that's okay?
138
00:05:59,433 --> 00:06:01,406
Oh. Oh, that's fine
139
00:06:01,473 --> 00:06:05,306
[mumbling] Lovely,
lovely's what it is.
140
00:06:05,373 --> 00:06:08,873
Is this some sort of bizarre
side effect of menopause?
141
00:06:09,973 --> 00:06:11,840
Oh, well, will you
look at the time?
142
00:06:11,906 --> 00:06:14,040
Hey. It's a pleasure
meeting you.
143
00:06:14,106 --> 00:06:15,873
We really have to run now.
Bye‐bye.
144
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:18,306
Uh, you know, you will
145
00:06:18,373 --> 00:06:21,340
you will really love
your stay here.
146
00:06:21,406 --> 00:06:24,173
There's, uh, plenty
of mango body gel.
147
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:31,006
And you really don't
know who I am?
148
00:06:31,073 --> 00:06:32,073
(Regine) 'Come on.'
149
00:06:40,306 --> 00:06:42,206
Right, right, right,
about this hotel
150
00:06:42,273 --> 00:06:44,633
if it's a question of money
there's some jewels I can hock‐‐
151
00:06:44,657 --> 00:06:47,006
Maxine, receiving this award
152
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:50,640
has afforded me the
opportunity to take stock.
153
00:06:50,706 --> 00:06:52,673
And I realized that
I'm quite pleased
154
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:55,240
about virtually every
area in my life
155
00:06:55,306 --> 00:06:57,973
except our relationship.
156
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,546
And I've decided it's
time for us to get close.
157
00:07:00,613 --> 00:07:02,213
And if we could
do it by Saturday
158
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,613
I'd greatly appreciate it.
159
00:07:05,613 --> 00:07:06,646
Joking.
160
00:07:08,346 --> 00:07:09,446
Laughing.
161
00:07:12,613 --> 00:07:14,380
"And you really don't
know who I am?"
162
00:07:14,446 --> 00:07:16,246
Ha, ha, ha!
163
00:07:19,013 --> 00:07:21,413
You know, I just
figured out why Max
164
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,113
didn't tell her mother
about me, alright?
165
00:07:23,180 --> 00:07:24,746
She's obviously worried that
166
00:07:24,813 --> 00:07:26,746
if our relationship
doesn't work out
167
00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:28,413
she'll have to spend
the rest of her life
168
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,680
listening to her mother ask
whatever happened to the guy
169
00:07:30,704 --> 00:07:32,737
who had it all. You
know, Kyle Barker?
170
00:07:34,246 --> 00:07:36,180
But why didn't tell
her mom about you
171
00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:38,346
before you started dating?
172
00:07:38,413 --> 00:07:40,180
Clearly, she was inebriated
173
00:07:40,246 --> 00:07:43,146
by the Barker magic
from the start.
174
00:07:49,046 --> 00:07:50,880
Even I didn't go for that one.
175
00:07:54,713 --> 00:07:56,113
‐ Uh, pardon me? ‐ 'Yes.'
176
00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:57,713
Does Khadijah James live here?
177
00:07:57,780 --> 00:08:00,086
Well, yes, she does. Right here.
Come on.
178
00:08:03,253 --> 00:08:05,020
Synclaire, who's that?
179
00:08:05,086 --> 00:08:06,086
[humming] I don't know.
180
00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,553
But he wants Khadijah.
181
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:11,886
Well, how do you know
he's not an axe murderer?
182
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,620
Do you see an axe?
183
00:08:18,553 --> 00:08:20,386
Khadijah, you spoke
to my assistant
184
00:08:20,453 --> 00:08:22,086
I'm Andy Oysterman,
vice president
185
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,853
of programing for Warner
Brothers television.
186
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,453
Dean Cain asked me to thank you
187
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:27,720
and tell you how anxious he is
188
00:08:27,786 --> 00:08:29,386
to get back his wallet
so he can get back
189
00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:32,053
to entertaining America.
190
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,220
Hold up, I'm not really in
a habit of giving things
191
00:08:34,286 --> 00:08:36,020
to people that don't
belong to them.
192
00:08:36,086 --> 00:08:37,586
Oh, I'm not just
anyone I'm the guy
193
00:08:37,653 --> 00:08:38,986
who said who cares if he's 21.
194
00:08:39,053 --> 00:08:41,220
Keep that Urkel in suspenders.
195
00:08:41,286 --> 00:08:42,820
It's a good idea.
196
00:08:44,986 --> 00:08:47,146
If you did that there's no
tellin' what you're gonna do
197
00:08:47,170 --> 00:08:48,420
with that wallet.
198
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:51,153
I'm not givin' it
anyone but Dean Cain.
199
00:08:51,220 --> 00:08:52,720
How about if I offer
you two passes
200
00:08:52,786 --> 00:08:55,686
to the Hollywood Wax Museum?
201
00:08:55,753 --> 00:08:56,753
Hm.
202
00:08:56,820 --> 00:08:58,153
Let me tell you
203
00:08:58,220 --> 00:09:00,226
that chamber of horrors,
much more exciting
204
00:09:00,293 --> 00:09:02,793
than watching Dean
pretend to fly.
205
00:09:02,860 --> 00:09:04,060
Wow.
206
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:06,126
Sorry. No Dean, no wallet.
207
00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:10,160
Oh, come on!
208
00:09:10,226 --> 00:09:12,693
I can't go back to LA
without the wallet.
209
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,360
♪ Well welcome to Brooklyn ♪
210
00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:22,893
You're a mean lady.
211
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:25,226
I'll show you. I'll
show all of ya.
212
00:09:25,293 --> 00:09:27,493
I'll create another
show with Dudley Moore.
213
00:09:34,293 --> 00:09:35,560
[blows]
214
00:09:49,626 --> 00:09:51,493
Isn't this refreshing?
215
00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:53,560
We're not out at a
fancy restaurant
216
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:56,026
not talking law?
217
00:09:56,093 --> 00:10:00,333
Yeah, you know, I've
never felt closer..
218
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,233
It's like we're the Judds?
219
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:06,466
Come on, can we please
check you into the Waldorf
220
00:10:06,533 --> 00:10:09,666
and grab a real meal Le Cirque.
221
00:10:09,733 --> 00:10:13,700
Maxine, I'm not giving up.
I want us to bond.
222
00:10:13,766 --> 00:10:15,533
Well, I watched you
ordered sesame noodles
223
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,366
and correct the
delivery man's Chinese.
224
00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,100
What more do you want?
225
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:23,533
Uh, let's try confiding
in each other.
226
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,966
Uh, tell me something you
haven't told anyone.
227
00:10:28,266 --> 00:10:29,866
[sighs] Let me think.
228
00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:36,000
My middle name is Felice.
229
00:10:39,066 --> 00:10:42,100
I know that, I gave
you that name.
230
00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:43,766
Well, it's something
I never tell people.
231
00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:45,400
I hate that name.
232
00:10:45,466 --> 00:10:47,000
Now, that I didn't know.
233
00:10:47,066 --> 00:10:48,866
[chuckling] Oh.
234
00:10:48,933 --> 00:10:50,500
We're making progress.
235
00:10:53,066 --> 00:10:56,866
Now, okay, let me share
something with you.
236
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,273
I think the New
York criminal code
237
00:11:02,340 --> 00:11:05,273
is far more pro‐defendant
than Pennsylvania's.
238
00:11:08,073 --> 00:11:11,006
Oh, really? Alright, alright.
239
00:11:11,073 --> 00:11:13,106
Got one for you.
240
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,740
I think the uniform
commercial code
241
00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:16,273
is so bogged down in minutiae
242
00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:18,506
it's completely ineffective.
243
00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:22,173
I had no idea you felt that way.
244
00:11:23,473 --> 00:11:25,706
Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup.
245
00:11:25,773 --> 00:11:29,873
Alright. Okay, you go.
246
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,506
Let's see..
247
00:11:33,173 --> 00:11:35,006
A few years after you were born
248
00:11:35,073 --> 00:11:36,393
I had a brief affair
with this man
249
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:38,606
in my law school class.
Now, you go.
250
00:11:38,673 --> 00:11:40,606
[choking]
251
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,673
Wow!
252
00:11:49,073 --> 00:11:50,606
You had an affair?
253
00:11:50,673 --> 00:11:52,773
Well, it was a long time ago.
254
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:54,673
Your father was always
at the hospital.
255
00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:56,773
I was trying to raise
two small children
256
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:58,940
make law review and
find rhyming slogans
257
00:11:59,006 --> 00:12:01,080
for Jesse Jackson.
258
00:12:01,146 --> 00:12:02,480
The pressure got to me
259
00:12:02,546 --> 00:12:04,080
and, so, for a few weeks
260
00:12:04,146 --> 00:12:06,280
I lean on somebody else.
261
00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:08,580
Please. It's hard
enough to imagine
262
00:12:08,646 --> 00:12:10,613
you leaning with dad.
263
00:12:12,013 --> 00:12:13,746
It was a mistake
264
00:12:13,813 --> 00:12:15,413
but the affair forced
your father and me
265
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,513
to face our problems head on.
266
00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:20,146
Our marriage has been
the stronger for it.
267
00:12:20,213 --> 00:12:22,413
Good for you.
268
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,680
Now, unless you're about to
tell me that my real father
269
00:12:24,746 --> 00:12:27,213
is the mailman
270
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,346
why are we having
this conversation?
271
00:12:29,413 --> 00:12:31,980
I was hoping it would
draw us closer.
272
00:12:32,046 --> 00:12:34,746
Psychology Digest says that this
is the sort of personal thing
273
00:12:34,813 --> 00:12:36,846
a mother and daughter ought
to be able to share.
274
00:12:36,913 --> 00:12:38,473
Well, you might have
read somewhere that
275
00:12:38,497 --> 00:12:40,646
you can't improve your
relationship with your daughter
276
00:12:40,713 --> 00:12:43,246
by treating it like it's
something on your to‐do list.
277
00:12:43,313 --> 00:12:44,980
‐ Maxine Felice‐‐ ‐
Nah, Felice, Felice.
278
00:12:45,046 --> 00:12:48,013
Nah, nah, nah. I like the
distance between us.
279
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:50,080
So, getting close is gonna
be one of the few things
280
00:12:50,113 --> 00:12:51,880
that great Nina Shaw
does not accomplish.
281
00:12:51,946 --> 00:12:54,246
Now, if you will excuse me
282
00:12:54,313 --> 00:12:56,680
I have to prepare a
closing argument
283
00:12:56,746 --> 00:12:58,180
for very important case.
284
00:12:58,246 --> 00:13:00,053
Maxine, now, you listen to me
285
00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:02,120
as long as you're
under my roof..
286
00:13:03,886 --> 00:13:04,920
Damn.
287
00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:10,153
‐ Morning, people. ‐ Oh, Maxine.
288
00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:12,886
Look, um, I understand why
289
00:13:12,953 --> 00:13:14,653
you didn't tell your
mother about me
290
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,486
and I'm touched, you
insecure little moppet.
291
00:13:18,486 --> 00:13:20,320
Ta!
292
00:13:20,386 --> 00:13:22,353
Yeah, well, I gotta get
out of here myself
293
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:23,953
promised the people up in 2A
294
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:26,520
that I'd fix that
squeaky floorboard.
295
00:13:26,586 --> 00:13:28,520
Maybe I can come with you
and step on the boards
296
00:13:28,586 --> 00:13:31,153
make that little squeaking
sound like Jingle Bells.
297
00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:33,253
[squeaking]
298
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,453
Where's Khadijah?
299
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,353
She's doing a "Where
are they now?" piece
300
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:42,220
on Vanilla Ice.
301
00:13:42,286 --> 00:13:44,046
But she's got to wait
till the end of a shift
302
00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:45,337
at Burger King.
303
00:13:48,420 --> 00:13:50,353
[sighs]
304
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,720
Something wrong?
305
00:13:57,220 --> 00:14:00,660
[fake crying] My mother
wants us to get close.
306
00:14:00,726 --> 00:14:04,026
Why?
307
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:06,326
You know, it's like
they‐they give birth
308
00:14:06,393 --> 00:14:10,626
they look at the stretchmarks
and they just start trippin'.
309
00:14:10,693 --> 00:14:13,026
I mean, okay, so,
so, maybe my mom
310
00:14:13,093 --> 00:14:14,760
isn't the warmest
311
00:14:14,826 --> 00:14:17,293
most affectionate
woman in the world
312
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,626
but she left me the hell alone
313
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,726
to go my own way.
314
00:14:21,793 --> 00:14:23,426
That taught me independence
315
00:14:23,493 --> 00:14:24,893
self‐reliance
316
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,826
initiative.
317
00:14:26,893 --> 00:14:28,360
Thanks to her I'm the woman
318
00:14:28,426 --> 00:14:29,593
the maverick
319
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,593
you see before you.
320
00:14:33,293 --> 00:14:35,293
Really? Then I'm mad at her too.
321
00:14:36,693 --> 00:14:38,993
Ugh. I wish she'd take
her award and go home.
322
00:14:39,060 --> 00:14:41,893
I wish she'd go home.
I wish she'd go home.
323
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,326
I wish she'd go home.
324
00:14:48,226 --> 00:14:50,260
Ah, well. Forget it.
325
00:14:50,326 --> 00:14:52,326
I've got a tough
case to worry about.
326
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:54,926
Seems my client
327
00:14:54,993 --> 00:14:57,260
stumbled into a convenient store
328
00:14:57,326 --> 00:14:58,426
accidently drew a gun
329
00:14:58,493 --> 00:15:00,466
and mistakenly
held up 12 people.
330
00:15:12,533 --> 00:15:14,066
Hey, mom?
331
00:15:14,133 --> 00:15:18,233
No, I‐I was just
thinking about you.
332
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:21,700
No, I'm not, I'm not engaged.
333
00:15:21,766 --> 00:15:24,366
No, I'm not seein' anybody, uh..
334
00:15:26,033 --> 00:15:28,333
Yeah, I'm a lesbian, that's it.
335
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,233
Hold it.
336
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,533
[knocking on the door]
337
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,666
Uh!
338
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:41,000
Hi, I'm looking for
Khadijah James.
339
00:15:41,066 --> 00:15:42,366
I'm Khadijah James but‐‐.
340
00:15:42,433 --> 00:15:44,833
That's right, it's me,
Burt Ward, TV's Robin.
341
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:51,633
Wow!
342
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,600
Batman's partner
in crime‐fightin'.
343
00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:56,133
The Boy Wonder in
the house, hey.
344
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,166
Well, listen. The fellows
over at Warner Brothers
345
00:15:58,233 --> 00:15:59,573
told me that you wanted to meet
346
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:01,306
a television superhero.
347
00:16:01,373 --> 00:16:03,940
So, here I am.
348
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,273
Uh, well, if you wouldn't
mind, uh, the wallet?
349
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:11,206
Hey, could you do a "holy
cape crusader" for me?
350
00:16:11,273 --> 00:16:12,573
You can't just do one of those
351
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,840
you have to be in the moment.
352
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,273
Overton Wakefield
Jones, bat‐o‐phile.
353
00:16:19,340 --> 00:16:21,206
Uh, I remember, uh, one show
354
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:24,973
when Catwoman, uh, turned
you into her love slave
355
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,773
and made you fight Batman.
356
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,573
I was traumatized..
357
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,406
Yet, uh, intrigued.
358
00:16:30,473 --> 00:16:32,506
Hm. Me too.
359
00:16:32,573 --> 00:16:33,940
Uh, now, about that wallet?
360
00:16:34,006 --> 00:16:37,206
Oh, about the wallet,
nobody gets it but Dean.
361
00:16:37,273 --> 00:16:39,540
Why, because Superman can fly?
362
00:16:39,606 --> 00:16:41,673
Because bullets bounce off him?
363
00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:44,940
Well, any pansy can change
clothes in a phone booth
364
00:16:45,006 --> 00:16:46,840
but it takes a special kinda man
365
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:49,440
who can change while
sliding down a pole.
366
00:16:51,149 --> 00:16:52,149
Listen, Burt, I‐‐.
367
00:16:52,173 --> 00:16:54,240
Sorry, I wasn't born on Krypton.
368
00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:57,006
I mean, I had to deal
with pesky little things
369
00:16:57,073 --> 00:17:00,546
like gravity and that
30‐pound utility belt
370
00:17:00,613 --> 00:17:02,746
and don't get me started
on those elf shoes.
371
00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:03,822
Right, right, right,
look, I think
372
00:17:03,846 --> 00:17:05,146
it's about that
time that you go.
373
00:17:05,213 --> 00:17:06,893
Holy strawberries,
Batman, are we in a jam.
374
00:17:06,917 --> 00:17:08,383
Come on, man.
375
00:17:18,713 --> 00:17:20,713
Eh, you almost had them.
376
00:17:20,780 --> 00:17:24,113
Fred, the prosecution
had 14 eyewitnesses
377
00:17:24,180 --> 00:17:26,380
a videotape and a
signed confession
378
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:27,813
from our client.
379
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,920
The jury found him guilty
in less than five minutes.
380
00:17:29,944 --> 00:17:31,813
I know, but your
closing argument
381
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,380
was so stirring
382
00:17:33,446 --> 00:17:36,346
I started thinking, hey,
maybe he didn't do it.
383
00:17:40,213 --> 00:17:43,213
I'm outraged by what just
took place in that courtroom.
384
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,480
Mom, what are you doing here?
385
00:17:44,546 --> 00:17:45,913
It's inexcusable.
386
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:48,261
I know, I know, I should've
better prepared but you know‐‐.
387
00:17:48,285 --> 00:17:50,980
Oh, no, I wasn't talking
about your performance.
388
00:17:51,046 --> 00:17:52,946
That was one of the
finest closing arguments
389
00:17:53,013 --> 00:17:54,346
I've ever heard
390
00:17:54,413 --> 00:17:55,713
comparing the policeman
391
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:57,680
who made the arrest
to Mussolini?
392
00:17:57,746 --> 00:18:00,253
Stroke of genius.
393
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,153
Really, well, I..
394
00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:05,386
I can't believe the instructions
that judge gave the jury
395
00:18:05,453 --> 00:18:08,053
they had no choice but to
find your client guilty.
396
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,153
Nobody does that to my
baby and gets away with it
397
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:12,420
I'll have him thrown
off the bench.
398
00:18:12,486 --> 00:18:13,486
What did you just say?
399
00:18:13,553 --> 00:18:14,920
I'll have him thrown
off the bench.
400
00:18:14,986 --> 00:18:16,420
No, what was that
401
00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:19,453
nobody does that to my
baby thing you said?
402
00:18:21,353 --> 00:18:22,553
Well, well, well..
403
00:18:22,620 --> 00:18:26,253
I can't remember every
word I say verbatim.
404
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,520
That's why God gave
us court reporters.
405
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:34,586
Oh, well, you don't have to
make a big deal on my account.
406
00:18:34,653 --> 00:18:36,586
I'll start on the
appeal tomorrow.
407
00:18:36,653 --> 00:18:38,486
There must be
something I can do?
408
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,086
Well, it, it might be nice
409
00:18:42,153 --> 00:18:43,553
if you could..
410
00:18:46,653 --> 00:18:47,953
It'd be really nice if I could..
411
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,086
Oh!
412
00:18:55,086 --> 00:18:56,086
Ew!
413
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,026
Well..
414
00:19:01,226 --> 00:19:03,393
What brought you
down here anyway?
415
00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:06,693
I missed your high
school graduation
416
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,593
your volleyball state
championship game
417
00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:11,220
and your performance
in the "Nutcracker"
418
00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:12,860
as the Rat King.
419
00:19:14,293 --> 00:19:17,393
I wanted not to miss something.
420
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,860
Yeah, believe me
421
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,626
the "Nutcracker" was better.
422
00:19:22,693 --> 00:19:25,060
How 'bout a consolation dinner?
423
00:19:25,126 --> 00:19:27,293
Well, alright.
424
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:30,026
Do you wanna try takeout
at my apartment again?
425
00:19:30,093 --> 00:19:32,126
Are you sure you wanna risk it?
426
00:19:32,193 --> 00:19:34,960
I might attempt
to open up again.
427
00:19:35,026 --> 00:19:37,360
Well, if you promise not to
428
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,360
I'll do the Rat Thing, you know.
429
00:19:39,426 --> 00:19:41,160
My pirouette around
a piece of cheese
430
00:19:41,226 --> 00:19:42,493
is still quite impressive.
431
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,893
‐ Ah! ‐ Ha!
432
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,793
♪ Tak tak ♪
433
00:19:50,026 --> 00:19:51,493
Yes, yes, yes.
434
00:19:54,226 --> 00:19:56,060
[knocking on the door]
435
00:19:56,126 --> 00:19:57,593
It's uncanny.
436
00:19:57,660 --> 00:19:59,460
My horoscope says
you'll read something
437
00:19:59,526 --> 00:20:01,733
that'll predict how
your day will go.
438
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:06,066
Hi, I'm Dean Cain.
439
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,000
‐ Hey. ‐ How you doing?
440
00:20:14,066 --> 00:20:16,666
Hey. Wow.
441
00:20:16,733 --> 00:20:19,300
I'm Khadijah James, I
can't believe you came‐‐
442
00:20:19,366 --> 00:20:21,166
I can't believe he really came.
443
00:20:21,233 --> 00:20:23,933
Well, as soon as I heard you had
my wallet I flew right out.
444
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,833
Flew? Like Superman flies.
I get it.
445
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:28,666
You're good. You're good.
446
00:20:28,733 --> 00:20:30,666
No, really, I flew on a plane.
447
00:20:30,733 --> 00:20:33,433
‐ Oh. ‐ Well,
here's your wallet.
448
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,340
I'm sorry, I made you
come all the way out here
449
00:20:35,406 --> 00:20:37,126
but I'm telling you,
there's something funny
450
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:38,166
about that Oysterman guy.
451
00:20:38,233 --> 00:20:41,133
And you would not believe
who they sent next.
452
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,366
Burt Ward.
453
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:46,500
‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah, they
always send Burt.
454
00:20:49,233 --> 00:20:50,913
So, tell me the truth
you really won't work
455
00:20:50,937 --> 00:20:51,833
without that receipt?
456
00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:53,933
Well, I am a little
bit superstitious.
457
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,840
You know, I'm so careful
with this thing that I
458
00:20:55,866 --> 00:20:57,700
that I haven't out in
almost three years
459
00:20:57,766 --> 00:20:59,506
and here it is.
460
00:20:59,573 --> 00:21:02,240
"Turkey sausage, Hash browns."
461
00:21:02,306 --> 00:21:04,340
"Wheat toast"
462
00:21:04,406 --> 00:21:06,673
I didn't order wheat toast.
463
00:21:06,740 --> 00:21:08,840
They overcharged me.
464
00:21:08,906 --> 00:21:11,140
Well, I guess, it's not
so lucky after all, huh?
465
00:21:11,206 --> 00:21:12,806
Thanks a lot. I
appreciate it very much.
466
00:21:15,306 --> 00:21:16,473
Bye‐bye.
467
00:21:19,906 --> 00:21:21,440
Oh, man.
468
00:21:21,506 --> 00:21:23,706
He forgot his lucky rabbit's foot.
I'm gonna go get him.
469
00:21:23,730 --> 00:21:25,106
No, no, no, no, no, no.
470
00:21:25,173 --> 00:21:26,873
Let's wait till he
gets back to LA.
471
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:28,673
I wanna see Burt Ward again.
472
00:21:30,006 --> 00:21:31,473
(Synclaire) We'll be right back.
473
00:21:36,383 --> 00:21:37,850
I'll tell you who
gets on my nerves.
474
00:21:37,917 --> 00:21:39,317
Spiderman.
475
00:21:39,383 --> 00:21:41,650
‐ Spiderman? ‐ Exactly.
476
00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:44,150
He can do whatever a spider can.
477
00:21:44,217 --> 00:21:46,217
Big deal, unless you're a fly.
478
00:21:46,283 --> 00:21:48,183
And what about the thing?
479
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:49,559
Uh, to tell you the
truth, I haven't really
480
00:21:49,583 --> 00:21:50,917
thought that much about it.
481
00:21:50,983 --> 00:21:52,583
Who would, he's just
a pile of rocks
482
00:21:52,650 --> 00:21:54,183
with a chip on his shoulder.
483
00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:56,450
And Aquaman, I had
him over once.
484
00:21:56,517 --> 00:21:58,317
Ha, what a whiner.
485
00:21:58,383 --> 00:22:01,223
"I need more water.
I need more water."
486
00:22:03,123 --> 00:22:06,323
Burt, do you think,
playing that TV superhero
487
00:22:06,390 --> 00:22:10,057
sort of distorted your
perception of reality?
488
00:22:10,123 --> 00:22:13,157
I don't know. Maybe.
489
00:22:13,223 --> 00:22:16,157
So, uh, do you ever
use your X‐Ray vision
490
00:22:16,223 --> 00:22:17,723
to check out Wonder Woman?
491
00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:21,790
Waiter, can I get
the check, please?
492
00:22:24,123 --> 00:22:26,157
(female ♫1) 'Woo‐hoo!'
493
00:22:26,223 --> 00:22:28,157
[instrumental music]
35403
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