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1
00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:05,233
Synclaire, I can't believe
you bought five packs
2
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:07,133
of Almost Turkey hot dogs.
3
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,033
It's supermarket etiquette.
4
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:12,233
Once you taste a free sample,
you're committed to buy.
5
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,000
Hey, you guys. Guess
who's back in town.
6
00:00:17,066 --> 00:00:18,166
Hey.
7
00:00:19,466 --> 00:00:21,100
Hey, Tony, how's
the standup goin'?
8
00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:22,400
Oh, it's going really good
9
00:00:22,466 --> 00:00:24,700
but I got bumped from
Arsenio three times.
10
00:00:24,766 --> 00:00:26,406
They keep bookin' me
with Richard Simmons.
11
00:00:26,433 --> 00:00:28,193
And you know, once he
skips into the audience
12
00:00:28,217 --> 00:00:30,733
doin' that deal‐a‐meal
dance, it's all over with.
13
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,480
[imitates Richard] You
can lose weight too.
14
00:00:32,504 --> 00:00:34,004
[laughs]
15
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,766
Oh, he is going to be big.
16
00:00:37,833 --> 00:00:38,966
That's why I like him.
17
00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:40,900
[laughs]
18
00:00:40,966 --> 00:00:44,366
Hey! Spotted those groceries
from across the street.
19
00:00:44,433 --> 00:00:47,666
What we got goin' on here?
Almost Turkey?
20
00:00:47,733 --> 00:00:49,666
Whose idea was that? Bleh.
21
00:00:51,533 --> 00:00:53,633
Pay dirt! Oreos!
22
00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:57,333
You didn't get the double stuff.
23
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,400
What am I going to have to
give you people? A list?
24
00:01:00,466 --> 00:01:03,940
Come to mama. Come on.
Muah. Yes. Ah!
25
00:01:06,573 --> 00:01:07,716
Ain't‐ain't you forgettin'
a little somethin'
26
00:01:07,740 --> 00:01:08,839
to wash that down with?
27
00:01:08,906 --> 00:01:10,140
Right.
28
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,540
I thought you only
had two roommates.
29
00:01:14,606 --> 00:01:17,073
‐ Uh‐huh, and a pet pig.
‐ Right.
30
00:01:20,106 --> 00:01:22,373
♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪
31
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:23,973
♪ What you want?
No free position ♪
32
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,706
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
33
00:01:26,773 --> 00:01:28,873
♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪
34
00:01:28,940 --> 00:01:33,140
♪ Yes we're living the
single life yeah ♪
35
00:01:33,206 --> 00:01:36,006
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
36
00:01:36,073 --> 00:01:37,640
♪ Single ♪
37
00:01:37,706 --> 00:01:40,106
♪ Ooh and in a '90s
kind of world ♪
38
00:01:40,173 --> 00:01:42,273
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
39
00:01:42,340 --> 00:01:43,606
♪ Oh keep your head up what? ♪
40
00:01:43,673 --> 00:01:44,993
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
41
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,073
♪ Whenever this life gets
tough you gotta fight ♪
42
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,306
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
43
00:01:49,373 --> 00:01:51,306
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
44
00:01:51,373 --> 00:01:53,573
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
45
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,040
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Single ♪
46
00:01:56,106 --> 00:01:58,406
♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪
47
00:01:58,473 --> 00:02:02,180
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
48
00:02:02,246 --> 00:02:04,246
♪ Haaa ♪
49
00:02:07,948 --> 00:02:09,148
‐ Want a mint? ‐ No, thank you.
50
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,839
[telephone rings]
51
00:02:10,906 --> 00:02:13,206
Hey, wanna see
Khadijah in an Afro?
52
00:02:13,272 --> 00:02:15,439
That's no big deal.
Afros are back.
53
00:02:15,506 --> 00:02:17,639
Not this Afro.
54
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:20,006
Khadijah, you got
enough hair here
55
00:02:20,072 --> 00:02:22,006
for earth, wind and fire.
56
00:02:23,339 --> 00:02:25,939
You better stop cracking
on my afro now.
57
00:02:26,006 --> 00:02:27,972
Hello. Hey, Kyle.
58
00:02:29,572 --> 00:02:31,652
Why the hell should I know
where you're calling from?
59
00:02:31,676 --> 00:02:34,006
Because I'm right here!
60
00:02:34,072 --> 00:02:35,639
With my brand‐new,
top‐of‐the‐line
61
00:02:35,706 --> 00:02:41,039
state‐of‐the‐art Kuwahara
C‐1000 cellular phone.
62
00:02:41,106 --> 00:02:42,866
Hey, you can hang up on
him and slam the door
63
00:02:42,890 --> 00:02:44,823
in his face at the same time.
64
00:02:46,072 --> 00:02:48,272
‐ Oh, can I see? ‐ Certainly.
65
00:02:48,339 --> 00:02:49,839
[chuckles] But you
gotta be careful.
66
00:02:49,906 --> 00:02:51,666
It's a very sophisticated
piece of equipment.
67
00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:53,372
It has a 100 number memory.
68
00:02:53,439 --> 00:02:56,339
It can be set to
ring or vibrate.
69
00:02:58,039 --> 00:03:00,106
And it can recognize my
voice and dial on command.
70
00:03:00,172 --> 00:03:01,546
Okay. Well, how does that work?
71
00:03:01,612 --> 00:03:03,112
I have no idea, it
took me 20 minutes
72
00:03:03,179 --> 00:03:05,912
to figure out how to call
you from the hallway.
73
00:03:05,979 --> 00:03:08,179
Hey, y'all, I got the
Almost Bread buns
74
00:03:08,246 --> 00:03:12,712
for the Almost Turkey dogs,
so, uh, let's get a grub on.
75
00:03:12,779 --> 00:03:14,912
Right, we're just sittin'
here listenin' to Kyle
76
00:03:14,979 --> 00:03:16,946
tell us everything
he doesn't know
77
00:03:17,012 --> 00:03:18,252
about that new phone he bought.
78
00:03:18,279 --> 00:03:21,679
Hey, hey, hey. I know it
weighs only 5.9 ounces.
79
00:03:21,746 --> 00:03:23,846
[telephone rings]
80
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:25,846
[grunts] Oh!
81
00:03:25,912 --> 00:03:28,146
Oh, no, I gotta pick up
this heavy phone again.
82
00:03:28,212 --> 00:03:29,812
Synclaire, spot me.
83
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,879
Ooh! I made it vibrate.
84
00:03:33,946 --> 00:03:35,746
[cell phone vibrates]
85
00:03:40,912 --> 00:03:44,212
Since you are havin' so
much fun with my new phone
86
00:03:44,279 --> 00:03:46,479
why don't you program some
numbers in it for me?
87
00:03:46,546 --> 00:03:48,012
Oh, I'll take care of that
88
00:03:48,079 --> 00:03:50,379
as soon as, uh, Synclaire
works out this knot.
89
00:03:50,446 --> 00:03:52,512
Oh, over there, baby.
That's the spot, yeah.
90
00:03:52,579 --> 00:03:54,946
You know what I like. Hm.
Oh, take me home.
91
00:03:55,012 --> 00:03:56,946
Take it home. Take it..
92
00:04:01,052 --> 00:04:02,786
Hey, y'all.
93
00:04:02,852 --> 00:04:04,652
‐ Hi there. ‐ Alrighty.
94
00:04:04,719 --> 00:04:05,652
‐ I'll tell her you called.
‐ Phew!
95
00:04:05,719 --> 00:04:07,452
‐ Bye. ‐ Eeh.
96
00:04:08,419 --> 00:04:09,952
‐ Regine? ‐ Yes?
97
00:04:10,019 --> 00:04:12,952
That was your pear‐shaped
friend April from the boutique.
98
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:15,652
Yeah, well, actually, she's
lost a few inches in the hips.
99
00:04:15,719 --> 00:04:17,786
Now she's shaped like a banana.
100
00:04:19,286 --> 00:04:21,686
Anyway, she was calling to
say she couldn't make it
101
00:04:21,752 --> 00:04:23,119
to the comedy club tonight.
102
00:04:23,186 --> 00:04:24,119
Alright.
103
00:04:24,186 --> 00:04:25,719
She also said that she was glad
104
00:04:25,786 --> 00:04:28,286
that Alonzo and I made up.
105
00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:31,652
Now how does this
fruit‐shaped friend of yours
106
00:04:31,719 --> 00:04:33,719
even know Alonzo
and I had a fight?
107
00:04:33,785 --> 00:04:36,785
[chuckles] 'Cause I, I
may have mentioned it.
108
00:04:36,852 --> 00:04:38,852
I, I, ah!
109
00:04:38,919 --> 00:04:40,352
I may have mentioned it
110
00:04:40,419 --> 00:04:42,819
when‐when April was fightin'
with her boyfriend.
111
00:04:42,886 --> 00:04:44,819
Isn't April the one
who's really a man?
112
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:49,719
No, April's the one whose thighs
play shoop when she walks.
113
00:04:53,086 --> 00:04:55,086
I thought Cleo was the one
with the musical thighs
114
00:04:55,152 --> 00:04:57,219
or is she the one
with the hair plugs?
115
00:04:57,286 --> 00:04:59,086
You know way too much
about these people.
116
00:04:59,152 --> 00:05:02,859
That's because Radio Free
Regine is on the mike 24/7.
117
00:05:04,626 --> 00:05:06,826
No, not me. You ought
to hear April.
118
00:05:06,892 --> 00:05:09,926
Ooh! Get that girl started
and she'll tell you secrets
119
00:05:09,992 --> 00:05:12,426
her father told her
from the Pentagon.
120
00:05:12,492 --> 00:05:15,359
Y'all know that they got an
alien skeleton over there?
121
00:05:15,426 --> 00:05:16,786
‐ Really? ‐ From
what planet, girl?
122
00:05:16,810 --> 00:05:17,592
Girl, from Saturn.
123
00:05:17,659 --> 00:05:19,326
That's where that car
company come from.
124
00:05:19,392 --> 00:05:21,092
‐ No? ‐ For real?
125
00:05:21,159 --> 00:05:23,459
‐ Look at you. Look at you!
‐ What? What?
126
00:05:23,526 --> 00:05:27,292
‐ Gossipin' to defend gossip.
‐ I do not gossip, alright?
127
00:05:27,359 --> 00:05:29,526
I merely..
128
00:05:29,592 --> 00:05:32,592
Commiserate on the
human condition, okay?
129
00:05:32,659 --> 00:05:34,959
And if you don't like it,
you don't have to use
130
00:05:35,026 --> 00:05:37,726
my free tickets to the
comedy club tonight.
131
00:05:37,792 --> 00:05:39,759
Oh, oh, you think
I'm on the take?
132
00:05:39,826 --> 00:05:42,159
You think you could just buy
me with a couple of freebies?
133
00:05:44,626 --> 00:05:46,559
‐ Well, you're lucky you can.
‐ Yeah.
134
00:05:53,659 --> 00:05:55,159
[hums]
135
00:05:56,526 --> 00:05:58,792
[sighs]
136
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,666
What's wrong, baby?
137
00:06:00,732 --> 00:06:02,766
Well, I don't know
138
00:06:02,832 --> 00:06:05,899
whether to put the succotash
with the yellow vegetables
139
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,899
or the beans.
140
00:06:07,966 --> 00:06:09,699
Why not just put
it in the middle
141
00:06:09,766 --> 00:06:12,699
as a bridge betwixt the two?
142
00:06:12,766 --> 00:06:15,432
Overton, is there no
problem you can't fix?
143
00:06:15,499 --> 00:06:19,699
Yeah, I've got a few ideas about
that Middle East situation.
144
00:06:19,766 --> 00:06:22,199
What I'd really like to
figure out is how to program
145
00:06:22,266 --> 00:06:24,032
more numbers into Kyle's phone
146
00:06:24,099 --> 00:06:27,632
'cause 56 ladies' numbers
just aren't gonna fit.
147
00:06:27,699 --> 00:06:31,266
‐ Fifty six ladies?
‐ Girl, yeah.
148
00:06:31,332 --> 00:06:32,999
But see, most of them
are just to support.
149
00:06:33,066 --> 00:06:34,999
Kyle's playboy delusions.
150
00:06:36,432 --> 00:06:38,532
I sure wish that Kyle
would settle down.
151
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,699
Well, actually he is.
152
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:43,232
He's dating Leslie and
Phaedra exclusively.
153
00:06:45,432 --> 00:06:47,099
‐ Obie? ‐ Hm?
154
00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:49,766
Do you ever date
more than one woman?
155
00:06:49,832 --> 00:06:52,466
Not unless there was
more than one of you.
156
00:06:56,032 --> 00:06:58,666
And even then, hell, I'd be
partial to the first one.
157
00:06:58,732 --> 00:07:00,339
[chuckles]
158
00:07:04,406 --> 00:07:07,706
You know, baby, I like
to finish what I start.
159
00:07:10,272 --> 00:07:12,572
Oh, Overton.
160
00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:14,372
So you won't mind if I
just give this phone
161
00:07:14,439 --> 00:07:16,372
a little test run right now.
162
00:07:20,539 --> 00:07:22,839
Guess we'll start off with
bachelorette number one.
163
00:07:22,906 --> 00:07:25,039
Phaedra. One button. Pow!
164
00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:28,506
Hello.
165
00:07:28,572 --> 00:07:30,272
Answerin' machine.
166
00:07:30,339 --> 00:07:31,506
Hello, Phaedra?
167
00:07:31,572 --> 00:07:33,706
This is Overton,
Kyle's roommate.
168
00:07:33,772 --> 00:07:36,839
And I'm programming his
new cellular phone.
169
00:07:36,906 --> 00:07:39,039
You'll be happy to know
that your phone number
170
00:07:39,106 --> 00:07:43,339
is the first in his new phone
as well as in his heart.
171
00:07:43,406 --> 00:07:46,239
Oh, cool. You're home, Phaedra.
Hey, I was won..
172
00:07:46,306 --> 00:07:47,306
Uh, Leslie?
173
00:07:48,939 --> 00:07:52,006
Uh, no chance you might be
over at Phaedra's house, huh?
174
00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:57,272
Alright, well, look here.
Nice talkin' to you. Bye‐bye.
175
00:07:57,339 --> 00:07:59,439
Well, it looks like Kyle
might be settlin' down
176
00:07:59,506 --> 00:08:01,446
a little sooner than
we anticipated.
177
00:08:04,646 --> 00:08:07,846
Hey, thank you. Thank you.
178
00:08:07,912 --> 00:08:10,646
You know, in 1969, my father
joined the Nation of Islam
179
00:08:10,712 --> 00:08:13,646
'which is just cheating me
out of all the holidays.'
180
00:08:13,712 --> 00:08:14,646
'Suddenly, there
was no Christmas.'
181
00:08:14,712 --> 00:08:15,779
I had to fast for a month.
182
00:08:15,846 --> 00:08:17,412
My grandmother freaked out.
183
00:08:17,479 --> 00:08:19,455
She's a born‐again Christian.
She couldn't believe it.
184
00:08:19,479 --> 00:08:21,639
[imitates grandmother] The
baby can't have no Christmas?
185
00:08:21,663 --> 00:08:23,879
What do you mean that child
can't have a Christmas?
186
00:08:23,946 --> 00:08:25,712
It's Christmas time!
187
00:08:25,779 --> 00:08:28,479
[laughter and applause]
188
00:08:28,546 --> 00:08:30,306
Hey, thanks you guys for comin'.
I'm up next.
189
00:08:30,346 --> 00:08:31,279
‐ Oh. ‐ Alright.
190
00:08:31,346 --> 00:08:32,586
This guy, you probably seen him
191
00:08:32,610 --> 00:08:34,146
in, uh, "Strictly Business III."
192
00:08:34,212 --> 00:08:36,312
Uh, he's currently on
a ten‐college tour
193
00:08:36,379 --> 00:08:37,646
openin' for Leroy & Skillet.
194
00:08:37,712 --> 00:08:40,612
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr.
Tony Ross!
195
00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:41,912
'Tony Ross, please.'
196
00:08:41,979 --> 00:08:43,746
[cheering and applauding]
197
00:08:43,812 --> 00:08:46,046
Give it up for Hutch.
198
00:08:46,112 --> 00:08:48,812
He could have combed his
hair for the show, huh?
199
00:08:48,879 --> 00:08:50,946
Oh, man! You can
tell it's spring
200
00:08:51,012 --> 00:08:53,052
'cause that's when all the
beautiful women come out.
201
00:08:53,076 --> 00:08:54,646
Look out. Hey, hey,
hey, not you, girl.
202
00:08:54,712 --> 00:08:56,646
You've been out since winter.
Sit down.
203
00:08:56,712 --> 00:08:57,879
[laughter]
204
00:08:57,946 --> 00:08:59,506
Lookin' like Scottie
Pippen or somebody.
205
00:08:59,552 --> 00:09:00,919
Shut up, girl.
206
00:09:00,986 --> 00:09:02,719
[laughter]
207
00:09:02,786 --> 00:09:05,686
Let's give a big round of
applause to all the ladies now.
208
00:09:05,752 --> 00:09:08,052
'There you go.'
209
00:09:08,119 --> 00:09:09,652
But you gotta admit,
women work hard
210
00:09:09,719 --> 00:09:11,086
to look good, don't they?
211
00:09:11,152 --> 00:09:12,328
Well, you ever look into
a woman's bathroom?
212
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,719
All the stuff they have?
213
00:09:13,747 --> 00:09:16,067
Look, look at that brother,
that brother got the look like.
214
00:09:16,091 --> 00:09:18,152
"I‐I do. I‐I peek in every
now and then. Whee!"
215
00:09:18,219 --> 00:09:19,719
Look at you. Proud
to be a freak, huh?
216
00:09:19,786 --> 00:09:21,452
[cell phone rings]
217
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,019
What is that? Oh,
you have a phone?
218
00:09:23,086 --> 00:09:24,766
What is that? Uh‐oh.
What have we got here?
219
00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:26,313
'Oh. Hey, look at
this, look at this.'
220
00:09:26,337 --> 00:09:28,686
Hey, hey, it's Prince Kamunga.
221
00:09:28,752 --> 00:09:30,686
How you doing, brother?
222
00:09:32,152 --> 00:09:33,992
I guess if they did "Coming
To America Part II"
223
00:09:34,016 --> 00:09:35,786
you ought to be able to
be in Wardrobe, huh?
224
00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:37,132
But he had to let everybody know
225
00:09:37,156 --> 00:09:39,719
he has a cellular
phone right here.
226
00:09:39,786 --> 00:09:40,952
Perpetrating hard.
227
00:09:41,019 --> 00:09:43,686
You know that thing ain't even hooked up.
Look at it.
228
00:09:43,752 --> 00:09:45,686
I'll call you back later.
229
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,746
Yeah, you're gonna call later
230
00:09:47,786 --> 00:09:50,252
right from that pay
phone out there.
231
00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:51,686
Probably was his wife.
232
00:09:51,752 --> 00:09:54,033
He probably told her he was
goin' out to go get a Snapple.
233
00:09:54,057 --> 00:09:56,419
He in here buyin' dinner for four women.
Look at him.
234
00:09:56,486 --> 00:09:58,767
And women love to eat food
that's free, don't you, ladies?
235
00:09:58,791 --> 00:10:00,731
Oh, God! Why not?
236
00:10:03,259 --> 00:10:04,726
I know a woman, check this out.
237
00:10:04,792 --> 00:10:06,226
I know a woman, an attorney
238
00:10:06,292 --> 00:10:08,859
ate a whole pot of free chili
before she went to court.
239
00:10:08,926 --> 00:10:10,168
'She had so much
gas, the judge said'
240
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:11,326
"Another outburst like that
241
00:10:11,392 --> 00:10:13,326
and we're gonna clear
the courtroom now."
242
00:10:15,026 --> 00:10:16,826
That sounds like what
happened to you.
243
00:10:16,892 --> 00:10:18,772
Sounds like Regine's been
running off her mouth.
244
00:10:18,826 --> 00:10:20,459
[laughs]
245
00:10:22,159 --> 00:10:23,719
Oh. What are we talkin' about?
Oh, yeah.
246
00:10:23,743 --> 00:10:25,226
Women and their crazy
groomin' habits.
247
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:28,126
I know a woman who get her
feet waxed every other week.
248
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:30,559
'I can't get with that.
How's it gonna feel saying'
249
00:10:30,626 --> 00:10:31,892
"damn, damn, Sasquatch.
250
00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:33,892
I thought she was
wearin' fur slippers."
251
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:36,412
She got in the
shower, looked like
252
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,403
she had a Jheri
curl on her ankle.
253
00:10:39,692 --> 00:10:42,559
Either Tony's psychic or
somebody has a big mouth.
254
00:10:42,626 --> 00:10:44,559
[laughs]
255
00:10:46,692 --> 00:10:48,192
If that's not enough
to turn you off
256
00:10:48,259 --> 00:10:50,219
what about women who wear
them big granny drawers?
257
00:10:51,826 --> 00:10:53,992
The kind you can pull up
and make a halter top.
258
00:10:55,926 --> 00:10:57,859
'They come in that
little three‐pack.'
259
00:11:00,466 --> 00:11:02,232
Oh.
260
00:11:02,299 --> 00:11:04,266
And then they come in
those exciting colors.
261
00:11:04,332 --> 00:11:07,466
Canary yellow, pink
and powder blue.
262
00:11:07,532 --> 00:11:09,492
Like if they make them in
red, that'd be too sexy.
263
00:11:09,516 --> 00:11:11,716
[laughs]
264
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,199
Wh‐what? He's funny.
265
00:11:33,550 --> 00:11:35,877
Thank you! Alright,
drive safely.
266
00:11:35,944 --> 00:11:37,910
I'm Tony Ross. Peace. Thank you.
267
00:11:39,444 --> 00:11:40,977
Tony Ross, ladies and gentlemen.
268
00:11:41,044 --> 00:11:43,077
Another round of applause.
269
00:11:43,144 --> 00:11:44,644
For Tony Ross.
270
00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:47,144
[cheering and applauding]
271
00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:49,144
[clears throat]
272
00:11:49,210 --> 00:11:51,610
Whoo! Uh..
273
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:53,610
Regine, you little maggot.
274
00:11:55,044 --> 00:11:56,744
I can't believe you
put our business
275
00:11:56,810 --> 00:11:58,477
out in the street like that.
276
00:11:58,544 --> 00:12:00,484
You told him about my feet.
277
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:03,984
And my panties.
278
00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:06,750
And I will have you know that
since I have been dating Alonzo
279
00:12:06,817 --> 00:12:09,150
I've been wearing my
special occasion underwear
280
00:12:09,217 --> 00:12:10,484
from the back of the drawer.
281
00:12:10,550 --> 00:12:13,017
Ladies, ladies, ladies, please.
282
00:12:13,084 --> 00:12:15,617
They're called
unmentionables for a reason.
283
00:12:15,684 --> 00:12:17,450
I'm saying, come on.
284
00:12:17,517 --> 00:12:19,184
How would you feel if
your comedian friend
285
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:21,384
did a little routine about you?
286
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,284
Hey, folks, how you doin'?
287
00:12:23,350 --> 00:12:26,150
'I have this friend, Regine.'
288
00:12:26,217 --> 00:12:27,684
She's so vain
289
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:30,584
she probably thinks
this joke is about her!
290
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,484
Don't you? Don't you?
291
00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:34,417
Carly Simon, ladies
and gentlemen.
292
00:12:34,484 --> 00:12:37,184
So glad you could join us.
Now sit your ass down.
293
00:12:39,117 --> 00:12:41,684
Don't make me roll up on stage, Mr.
Comedy Man.
294
00:12:43,993 --> 00:12:44,993
Shh. Shh.
295
00:12:45,017 --> 00:12:47,850
Miss Girl, that
wasn't necessary.
296
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:49,437
It doesn't feel so
good when the shoe's
297
00:12:49,461 --> 00:12:51,394
on the other hairy
foot, does it?
298
00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:54,817
Canary yellow?
299
00:12:56,184 --> 00:12:58,024
‐ Let's get the hell out
of‐‐ ‐ Yo, let's roll.
300
00:12:58,091 --> 00:12:59,931
Alright! They're leavin',
ladies and gentlemen.
301
00:12:59,955 --> 00:13:01,621
Alright! Yeah!
302
00:13:04,457 --> 00:13:06,224
Oh, yeah, look at 'em,
you can dress 'em up
303
00:13:06,290 --> 00:13:08,257
'but you can't take
them nowhere.'
304
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:16,324
Phew!
305
00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:30,357
Oh, come on, y'all.
Somebody talk to me.
306
00:13:30,424 --> 00:13:32,824
Why bother? We'll
just talk to Tony.
307
00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:34,390
Eliminate the middleman.
308
00:13:35,890 --> 00:13:37,557
Now come on, ladies,
now don't you think
309
00:13:37,624 --> 00:13:39,557
you're bein' a bit
hard on Regine?
310
00:13:40,757 --> 00:13:42,557
I mean, you need to take
a page from our book.
311
00:13:42,581 --> 00:13:44,257
Men would just laugh
this whole thing off.
312
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,690
That's right.
313
00:13:45,757 --> 00:13:48,090
[laughs] And, and when
you think about it
314
00:13:48,157 --> 00:13:50,890
whoo, it's really pretty funny.
315
00:13:50,957 --> 00:13:52,890
You go to hell!
316
00:13:54,957 --> 00:13:57,590
There is nothing funny
about a bigmouth roommate.
317
00:14:00,697 --> 00:14:03,597
Ditto. Except for the hell part.
318
00:14:08,864 --> 00:14:10,797
I'd walk out on you, too,
but I'm comfortable.
319
00:14:14,230 --> 00:14:15,397
Proves my point.
320
00:14:15,464 --> 00:14:18,097
Women have no sense
of humor, man.
321
00:14:18,164 --> 00:14:21,530
‐ Yeah, not like us, huh, Kyle?
‐ That's right, buddy.
322
00:14:21,597 --> 00:14:24,897
Yeah, I mean, men, hell,
we can laugh at anything.
323
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:27,364
I'm telling you, man, we can.
324
00:14:27,430 --> 00:14:30,097
Remember that time you told
me to program your phone?
325
00:14:30,164 --> 00:14:33,130
‐ Uh‐huh. ‐ Oh, you
gonna love this.
326
00:14:33,197 --> 00:14:36,097
Well, come on, tell me.
Talk to me. Come on.
327
00:14:36,164 --> 00:14:38,730
You told me to put those
girls' numbers into it.
328
00:14:38,797 --> 00:14:40,030
Ooh.
329
00:14:40,097 --> 00:14:42,197
Oh, stop me! Here's the kicker.
330
00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:46,264
I thought I was calling Phaedra
331
00:14:46,330 --> 00:14:48,930
and it turns out Leslie
answered the phone.
332
00:14:48,997 --> 00:14:51,330
Man, I'd dialed the wrong
number by mistake.
333
00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:55,930
'Whoo.'
334
00:15:01,070 --> 00:15:04,070
‐ This is a joke, right?
‐ Now that's comedy.
335
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,170
[laughs]
336
00:15:14,037 --> 00:15:15,104
Hey, ladies.
337
00:15:16,604 --> 00:15:18,470
Phew. Can I hang
here for a while?
338
00:15:18,537 --> 00:15:21,704
I need to get away from Overton.
He's apologizing me up the wall.
339
00:15:23,437 --> 00:15:25,404
‐ Kyle, I'm sorry. ‐ Oh.
340
00:15:26,870 --> 00:15:30,170
Overton, I told you, if you
really wanna make it up to me
341
00:15:30,237 --> 00:15:32,737
call Leslie and tell her
you programmed my phone
342
00:15:32,804 --> 00:15:34,104
from an old address book
343
00:15:34,170 --> 00:15:37,504
and that I am not
seeing Phaedra anymore.
344
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,870
Uh, can't I just
write you a check?
345
00:15:41,537 --> 00:15:43,404
You know how I hate to lie.
346
00:15:43,470 --> 00:15:46,070
Which is why God excuses
you when you do.
347
00:15:52,804 --> 00:15:55,504
Hell, I can't lie with
all y'all starin' at me.
348
00:15:57,470 --> 00:15:59,337
Hey, everybody, look who's here.
349
00:15:59,404 --> 00:16:01,644
Ooh, it's Beavis and Bigmouth.
350
00:16:04,377 --> 00:16:06,310
What'd you come by for?
Some new material?
351
00:16:06,377 --> 00:16:08,377
Look, actually, I
came by to apologize.
352
00:16:08,444 --> 00:16:10,744
I heard you guys were upset
with my act last night.
353
00:16:10,810 --> 00:16:12,744
Oh, how'd you hear that?
354
00:16:14,677 --> 00:16:16,610
Anyway, hey, I'm sorry.
355
00:16:19,344 --> 00:16:22,810
‐ Alright, okay, we're cool.
‐ I suppose so.
356
00:16:22,877 --> 00:16:25,244
I don't know.
357
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:29,977
It seems to me that this apology
should come with some benefits
358
00:16:30,044 --> 00:16:32,377
like, um, let's say
some free tickets
359
00:16:32,444 --> 00:16:34,377
on a night when you're
not performing.
360
00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:37,877
That's cold, but I think
it could be arranged.
361
00:16:37,944 --> 00:16:39,510
Then the matter's settled.
362
00:16:39,577 --> 00:16:41,777
And this whole thing
wasn't Regine's fault.
363
00:16:41,844 --> 00:16:44,164
It's just that I‐I like to talk
about things that are real.
364
00:16:44,230 --> 00:16:45,910
But you must admit, the
part about stuffin'
365
00:16:45,934 --> 00:16:48,077
the prom dress was pretty funny.
366
00:16:48,144 --> 00:16:49,877
You know about that?
367
00:16:49,944 --> 00:16:53,377
Uh, Tony, honey, say bye‐bye.
Say, just..
368
00:16:53,444 --> 00:16:56,577
Tony, I don't remember you
talkin' about a prom dress.
369
00:16:56,644 --> 00:16:58,010
Oh, man, yeah, you do.
370
00:16:58,077 --> 00:16:59,477
It's the part about Synclaire
371
00:16:59,544 --> 00:17:01,917
stuffing her bra with
tissue on prom night.
372
00:17:01,984 --> 00:17:04,284
It was a sheer chiffon dress
and it started rainin'
373
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:07,417
and the tissue started meltin'
and people said she..
374
00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:09,484
Oh, you guys weren't at
the late show, were ya?
375
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,917
I'm out of here.
376
00:17:11,984 --> 00:17:15,584
It‐it wasn't chiffon,
it was taffeta.
377
00:17:15,650 --> 00:17:17,917
A‐and I never even told Regine.
378
00:17:17,984 --> 00:17:19,917
The only person I
ever told was..
379
00:17:22,317 --> 00:17:24,517
Well, I ain't tell Regine.
380
00:17:24,584 --> 00:17:25,884
I told Max.
381
00:17:27,717 --> 00:17:30,284
And it was funny. And I
had to tell somebody.
382
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:33,617
Dagnabbit, Regine!
383
00:17:33,684 --> 00:17:35,204
I told you in the
strictest confidence.
384
00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:37,417
Unh‐unh. Don't even try to
play me like that, woman.
385
00:17:37,484 --> 00:17:39,550
‐ I can't believe‐‐ ‐ If
you didn't want me know‐‐.
386
00:17:39,617 --> 00:17:41,117
Hey, thank you. I'm Tony Ross.
387
00:17:41,184 --> 00:17:43,184
You guys have been great.
Drive safely.
388
00:17:46,384 --> 00:17:47,650
Well, it's pretty clear
389
00:17:47,717 --> 00:17:50,817
there's no trusting
anybody around here.
390
00:17:50,884 --> 00:17:52,117
Now, see?
391
00:17:52,184 --> 00:17:54,017
Don't you all feel
a little bit bad
392
00:17:54,084 --> 00:17:57,017
that you came down so
hard on poor Regine?
393
00:17:57,084 --> 00:17:59,657
Not at all 'cause you
talk too damn much.
394
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:04,024
And I think we all just need
to make a little effort
395
00:18:04,090 --> 00:18:05,490
not to gossip.
396
00:18:05,557 --> 00:18:06,790
Wait a minute. Hold up.
397
00:18:06,857 --> 00:18:09,124
Now th‐that's very vague, okay?
398
00:18:09,190 --> 00:18:10,890
What do you mean by gossip?
399
00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:12,890
Whatever comes out
of your mouth.
400
00:18:14,224 --> 00:18:15,424
Well, fine.
401
00:18:15,490 --> 00:18:17,624
Live your little life
in the dark, hear?
402
00:18:19,090 --> 00:18:22,590
Kyle, you'll be glad to know
the mission is accomplished.
403
00:18:22,657 --> 00:18:24,224
So you told her
the story exactly
404
00:18:24,290 --> 00:18:25,224
as we rehearsed it, right?
405
00:18:25,290 --> 00:18:26,557
‐ Exactly. ‐ Alright.
406
00:18:26,624 --> 00:18:28,064
‐ So we tight again?
‐ We tight, man.
407
00:18:28,124 --> 00:18:30,024
‐ Bow‐wow. ‐ So how'd it go?
408
00:18:30,090 --> 00:18:32,490
Oh, she mad as hell.
409
00:18:32,557 --> 00:18:34,757
Well, she said she's
looking for Phaedra
410
00:18:34,824 --> 00:18:36,184
and they're gonna
have a chit‐chat.
411
00:18:36,208 --> 00:18:37,357
What?
412
00:18:37,424 --> 00:18:38,457
Man, she saw through me
413
00:18:38,524 --> 00:18:41,324
like a chiffon prom
dress in the rain.
414
00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:46,024
It was taffeta. Taffeta.
415
00:18:47,357 --> 00:18:49,290
And who told you?
416
00:18:52,324 --> 00:18:55,124
Talk show, turn. Talk show.
Turn.
417
00:18:56,224 --> 00:18:58,524
Talk show. Just turn it off.
418
00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:03,530
You know, instead of
all these talk shows
419
00:19:03,597 --> 00:19:05,797
they should just
have a quiet show.
420
00:19:05,864 --> 00:19:08,530
We can sit and watch people
thinking about something.
421
00:19:14,030 --> 00:19:17,164
See? Now, Synclaire, I try
to be right there for you.
422
00:19:18,630 --> 00:19:20,597
You know, 'cause you're family.
423
00:19:20,664 --> 00:19:23,864
Then you take that fork in the
road and you lose me every time.
424
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:25,464
What did she..
425
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:26,730
Y'all, ooh!
426
00:19:26,797 --> 00:19:29,264
Y'all are not gonna believe
what I just heard.
427
00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:30,530
Look, we're not trying to hear
428
00:19:30,564 --> 00:19:31,997
anymore of your gossip, alright?
429
00:19:32,064 --> 00:19:34,464
Come on, I wasn't tryin' to
hear it either, alright?
430
00:19:34,530 --> 00:19:36,997
I was walkin' down the street
mindin' my own business
431
00:19:37,064 --> 00:19:38,330
and well, my ears were just
432
00:19:38,397 --> 00:19:40,230
just assaulted by
this conversation.
433
00:19:40,297 --> 00:19:42,197
Well, ours don't have to be.
434
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,630
‐ 'That's right.' ‐ We
agreed not to do this.
435
00:19:44,697 --> 00:19:46,597
It's about Kyle.
436
00:19:46,664 --> 00:19:48,597
Okay, maybe we should
consider that, you know.
437
00:19:49,997 --> 00:19:52,964
If you start gossipin',
the floodgates will open.
438
00:19:53,030 --> 00:19:55,197
We might not be able to
trust each other again.
439
00:19:55,264 --> 00:19:57,730
Now is it worth that?
440
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,670
Is it worth that?
441
00:20:03,437 --> 00:20:05,370
Khadijah, I wanna hear it.
442
00:20:07,337 --> 00:20:08,504
Fine.
443
00:20:09,837 --> 00:20:11,004
Synclaire?
444
00:20:12,704 --> 00:20:14,904
Um, I'll just stay and
monitor the conversation
445
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:17,004
to make sure it doesn't
get out of hand.
446
00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:18,970
Okay, alright, y'all.
447
00:20:19,037 --> 00:20:20,837
I'm walkin' home from
the store, right
448
00:20:20,904 --> 00:20:22,937
and guess who is walkin'
right in front of me?
449
00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:24,413
Go, go. We don't have no
time for a guessing game.
450
00:20:24,437 --> 00:20:25,970
‐ Get to the juice.
‐ Okay. Alright.
451
00:20:26,037 --> 00:20:27,537
Those two girls
that Kyle is seeing
452
00:20:27,604 --> 00:20:29,604
uh, uh, Leslie and‐and Phaedra
453
00:20:29,670 --> 00:20:31,404
y'all, they were headed this way
454
00:20:31,470 --> 00:20:34,537
and they were comparing
some very intimate notes.
455
00:20:34,604 --> 00:20:35,837
‐ Do tell. ‐ Ah‐ah.
456
00:20:35,904 --> 00:20:38,804
First of all, Kyle
sprinkles his sheets
457
00:20:38,870 --> 00:20:42,337
with enough baby powder
to choke a horse.
458
00:20:44,337 --> 00:20:45,637
Then wait a minute, y'all.
459
00:20:45,704 --> 00:20:48,570
The brother irons his underwear.
460
00:20:48,637 --> 00:20:50,670
Oh, how sad. How sad.
461
00:20:50,737 --> 00:20:52,637
Wait, here's the main course.
462
00:20:52,704 --> 00:20:54,637
When Kyle reaches his..
463
00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:57,570
Romantic peak..
464
00:20:59,037 --> 00:21:00,844
My brother stutters.
465
00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:04,310
Wait! L‐I‐loudly!
466
00:21:04,377 --> 00:21:06,310
[screaming]
467
00:21:06,377 --> 00:21:08,777
Volume! Volume! Volume!
468
00:21:08,844 --> 00:21:10,677
That ain't, that ain't nothing.
469
00:21:10,744 --> 00:21:13,025
Kyle and those girls are in the
hallway arguin' right now!
470
00:21:13,049 --> 00:21:15,182
[indistinct chatter]
471
00:21:16,344 --> 00:21:18,944
Well, ladies, come on, give
me a chance to explain.
472
00:21:19,010 --> 00:21:22,410
Please, your explanations
are as tired as you are.
473
00:21:22,477 --> 00:21:23,844
Powder boy.
474
00:21:32,044 --> 00:21:34,110
[laughs]
475
00:21:34,177 --> 00:21:36,677
Just trying to let them
down easy, you know.
476
00:21:38,177 --> 00:21:39,310
Poor Kyle.
477
00:21:39,377 --> 00:21:41,910
And you were just
gonna settle down.
478
00:21:41,977 --> 00:21:44,477
Kyle, if there's anything
we can do for you..
479
00:21:46,210 --> 00:21:49,177
Um, for Leslie and
Phaedra's sake
480
00:21:49,244 --> 00:21:52,177
I trust you all can keep this
to yourselves, you know?
481
00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:56,277
Maybe we will, maybe
we w‐w‐w‐won't!
482
00:21:56,344 --> 00:21:58,277
[screaming]
483
00:22:04,305 --> 00:22:05,305
Talk show, turn.
484
00:22:05,329 --> 00:22:07,463
Talk show. Turn.
485
00:22:07,529 --> 00:22:09,363
Ooh, "The Laugh Train."
486
00:22:09,429 --> 00:22:11,096
Turn it up.
487
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,596
(Tony on TV) 'It's
Christmas time.'
488
00:22:13,663 --> 00:22:14,929
(Hutch on TV) 'Thank you.'
489
00:22:14,996 --> 00:22:16,929
'Now give it up for
my man Tony Ross.'
490
00:22:18,929 --> 00:22:21,463
(Tony) 'Alright, y'all. Thank you.
It's good to be here.'
491
00:22:21,529 --> 00:22:23,029
Hey, look, your man is on TV.
492
00:22:23,096 --> 00:22:25,463
Uh‐huh. See, I told y'all
he was goin' someplace.
493
00:22:25,529 --> 00:22:28,829
Mm‐hmm. Let's just hope
he's funny this time.
494
00:22:28,896 --> 00:22:31,096
(Tony) 'What was I talkin' about?
Oh, yeah, dating.'
495
00:22:31,163 --> 00:22:33,329
'I'm dating this woman
now, beautiful.'
496
00:22:33,396 --> 00:22:35,863
[squeals] He's talkin' about me.
497
00:22:35,929 --> 00:22:38,696
‐ 'And she knows
it.' ‐ Yes, I do.
498
00:22:38,763 --> 00:22:40,263
Yes, yes, I do.
499
00:22:40,329 --> 00:22:42,209
(Tony) 'Yeah, she's so
vain, she probably thinks'
500
00:22:42,233 --> 00:22:44,167
'this joke is about her.'
501
00:22:44,829 --> 00:22:47,363
Hey, he stole my act.
502
00:22:47,429 --> 00:22:49,463
Didn't he? Didn't he?
37507
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