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1
00:00:01,733 --> 00:00:03,400
I know diet food
usually tastes bad
2
00:00:03,466 --> 00:00:05,933
but this stuff tastes
like musty socks.
3
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,833
The woman on the packaging
was thin, so just eat it.
4
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,733
You know, as tasteless
as this stuff is
5
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,166
you girls should reach your
diet goals in no time.
6
00:00:20,333 --> 00:00:23,200
Mmm. This fat‐free meat
roll ain't half bad.
7
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,633
Wait till you taste the fat‐free
chocolate‐style pudding.
8
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:31,266
It's delicious once you get
past the fat‐free skin on top.
9
00:00:31,333 --> 00:00:32,666
[doorbell rings]
10
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,266
[pounding on door]
11
00:00:34,333 --> 00:00:36,266
Oh, I hope this is a pizza.
12
00:00:38,866 --> 00:00:40,800
No, just the crust.
13
00:00:44,266 --> 00:00:46,766
‐ Somebody snatched my purse.
‐ What?
14
00:00:46,833 --> 00:00:48,066
Oh, my God.
15
00:00:51,366 --> 00:00:53,633
♪ Check check check it out
check check check it out ♪
16
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:55,333
♪ What you want?
No free position ♪
17
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,000
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
18
00:00:58,066 --> 00:01:00,333
♪ Single ♪
♪ Hey ♪
19
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:04,406
♪ Yes we're living the
single life yeah ♪
20
00:01:04,473 --> 00:01:07,273
♪ We're living ♪
♪ Hey ♪
21
00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:08,706
♪ Single ♪
22
00:01:08,773 --> 00:01:11,373
♪ Ooh and in a '90s
kind of world ♪
23
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,673
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
24
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:14,940
♪ Keep your head up what? ♪
25
00:01:15,006 --> 00:01:16,406
♪ Keep your head
up that's right ♪
26
00:01:16,473 --> 00:01:18,406
♪ Whenever this life gets
tough you gotta fight ♪
27
00:01:18,473 --> 00:01:20,673
♪ With my home girls standing
to my left and my right ♪
28
00:01:20,740 --> 00:01:22,773
♪ True blue it's
tight like glue ♪
29
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,506
♪ We are living ♪
♪ Check check check it out ♪
30
00:01:25,573 --> 00:01:27,306
♪ Single ♪
31
00:01:27,373 --> 00:01:29,773
♪ And in a '90s kind of world ♪
32
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:33,306
♪ I'm glad I got my girls ♪
33
00:01:33,373 --> 00:01:35,006
♪ Haaa ♪
34
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:40,960
‐ Are you alright, Regine?
‐ Yeah, I'm fine.
35
00:01:40,984 --> 00:01:43,206
‐ I'm just mad as hell.
‐ What happened?
36
00:01:43,273 --> 00:01:44,940
I'm coming out of
the subway, right?
37
00:01:45,006 --> 00:01:47,573
And out of nowhere,
out of nowhere
38
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,506
this thug jumps out at me
and snatches my purse.
39
00:01:50,573 --> 00:01:52,773
He got away with my Chanel bag.
40
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:54,773
Yes, girl, the gold one.
41
00:01:56,406 --> 00:01:59,173
Regine, you got that thing
at a Jersey flea market.
42
00:02:00,846 --> 00:02:03,113
And it wasn't Chanel,
it was Chanette.
43
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:11,046
It was the only purse that
went with these shoes.
44
00:02:11,113 --> 00:02:13,546
Well, this shoe.
45
00:02:13,613 --> 00:02:17,079
I clocked him in the back of
the head with the other one.
46
00:02:17,146 --> 00:02:19,446
Same thing happened to me once.
47
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,246
You were mugged?
48
00:02:22,313 --> 00:02:24,780
No. I got clocked in the back
of the head with a shoe.
49
00:02:27,913 --> 00:02:29,480
The important thing
is you weren't hurt.
50
00:02:29,546 --> 00:02:31,146
I don't know what I'd
do if I got robbed.
51
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:32,813
My life is in my purse.
52
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,813
Oh, is that where it is?
53
00:02:37,146 --> 00:02:39,646
Regine, you should call and
cancel your credit cards, baby.
54
00:02:39,713 --> 00:02:42,213
Oh, no need, that
jerk will be arrested
55
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,346
as soon as he tries to use 'em.
56
00:02:44,413 --> 00:02:46,380
They're all maxed
out and overdue.
57
00:02:47,946 --> 00:02:50,880
Well, now you can get new
cards and start from zero.
58
00:02:50,946 --> 00:02:53,013
I wish I lived in your world.
59
00:02:55,346 --> 00:02:57,706
You know, Regine, now you have
to get a new driver's license
60
00:02:57,730 --> 00:02:59,880
and you hated your old picture.
61
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,853
There is a bright side to this.
62
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,853
Welcome to my world.
63
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:08,220
He's got your license.
64
00:03:08,286 --> 00:03:10,720
Oh, girl, don't worry. I
lied about my weight.
65
00:03:10,786 --> 00:03:12,286
No, no, that's not the point.
66
00:03:12,353 --> 00:03:14,386
He has your address. He
knows where you live.
67
00:03:14,453 --> 00:03:16,086
‐ Oh, no. ‐ Oh, no.
68
00:03:16,153 --> 00:03:18,020
Overton, we gotta
change the locks.
69
00:03:18,086 --> 00:03:21,386
I'll get right on it.
Locksmith is my middle name.
70
00:03:22,353 --> 00:03:24,020
Well, not legally.
71
00:03:26,653 --> 00:03:28,053
You're gonna call
the police, huh?
72
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,720
No. I'm callin' my mommy.
73
00:03:31,786 --> 00:03:34,220
I'll tell her to pick me
up another Chanette bag
74
00:03:34,286 --> 00:03:36,253
and a case of Mace.
75
00:03:39,786 --> 00:03:40,853
Okay, I think..
76
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,153
[sighs]
77
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:45,553
Khadijah, I took time
off from work today
78
00:03:45,620 --> 00:03:47,553
to collect the
security information.
79
00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:50,453
The least you could
do is look at it.
80
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:51,686
I looked at it.
81
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,820
At these prices, it's
cheaper to get robbed.
82
00:03:55,653 --> 00:03:58,653
You cannot put a price
tag on security.
83
00:03:59,853 --> 00:04:01,793
Clearly, these people have.
84
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,526
I tell you, my mother
warned me about New York.
85
00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:09,026
She said, "Synclaire, you've
got to protect yourself."
86
00:04:09,093 --> 00:04:10,493
I thought she was
talking about sex.
87
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,851
I got a whole box of dusty
condoms sittin' upstairs.
88
00:04:15,926 --> 00:04:17,626
You guys, we gotta wake up.
89
00:04:17,693 --> 00:04:19,560
Every night, the news
is full of stories
90
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,926
of innocent people being
murdered or robbed.
91
00:04:21,993 --> 00:04:23,393
I don't wanna be one of 'em.
92
00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:26,060
Now we gotta start taking
our safety seriously.
93
00:04:26,126 --> 00:04:27,726
I know, but you gotta chill.
94
00:04:27,793 --> 00:04:30,093
I mean, Overton already
changed the locks.
95
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:31,926
Hello, people.
96
00:04:31,993 --> 00:04:33,926
Then how did she get in?
97
00:04:35,193 --> 00:04:36,893
I gave her a key.
98
00:04:36,959 --> 00:04:38,479
Do you wanna get up
and answer the door
99
00:04:38,503 --> 00:04:40,537
every time she comes over
to spread her sunshine?
100
00:04:46,393 --> 00:04:49,426
No, I wanna let her happy
ass sit right outside.
101
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:56,160
Oh, so young and short
to be so bitter.
102
00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:01,933
Oh, I know. We could
get a security dog.
103
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,166
They're cute, they're lovable,
they wag their tails‐‐.
104
00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:07,166
They kill their owners.
105
00:05:08,866 --> 00:05:10,800
How about a pot‐bellied pig?
106
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,066
Hey.
107
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:17,633
You know, my new locks would
work a hell of a lot better
108
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:21,000
if you ladies actually
kept the door closed.
109
00:05:21,066 --> 00:05:23,533
Nice going, Max. You
left the door open.
110
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,633
And I paid for my crime.
Kyle's here.
111
00:05:27,066 --> 00:05:28,800
And it's a good thing too.
112
00:05:28,866 --> 00:05:31,233
I like havin' men
around to protect us.
113
00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:32,866
And we're here for you, baby.
114
00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:38,066
Regine, why do you always
look for men to protect you?
115
00:05:38,133 --> 00:05:40,333
Criminals have guns, okay?
116
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,733
The only thing that men
have that we don't
117
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,733
isn't gonna stop a bullet.
118
00:05:52,466 --> 00:05:54,666
And if it did, it'd
be mighty painful.
119
00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:01,906
Max, as usual, you
are wrong again.
120
00:06:01,973 --> 00:06:04,173
You see, men have the
natural body strength
121
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,040
and fighting instincts that make
us the guardians of the species.
122
00:06:07,106 --> 00:06:09,040
The only thing that
we do not have
123
00:06:09,106 --> 00:06:11,506
is that face to scare
off attackers.
124
00:06:15,406 --> 00:06:17,673
Well, Kyle, I'm glad to
hear you feel that way
125
00:06:17,740 --> 00:06:19,940
because I volunteered
you and Overton
126
00:06:20,006 --> 00:06:21,940
for the neighborhood watch.
127
00:06:23,906 --> 00:06:26,640
‐ Good speech, man. ‐ Yeah.
128
00:06:26,706 --> 00:06:28,746
Hey, didn't we go to some
neighborhood watch meetin'
129
00:06:28,770 --> 00:06:29,840
about six months ago?
130
00:06:29,906 --> 00:06:31,506
Yeah, whatever happened?
131
00:06:31,573 --> 00:06:33,540
Nobody in the neighborhood
watched a damn thing.
132
00:06:33,606 --> 00:06:35,473
That's what happened.
133
00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:37,306
See? See, Khadijah?
134
00:06:37,373 --> 00:06:40,540
If we don't protect
ourselves, no one else will.
135
00:06:40,606 --> 00:06:42,873
Let's buy somethin'.
136
00:06:42,940 --> 00:06:45,873
Uh, obviously, you're not gonna
get off my back until we do.
137
00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:49,140
Okay, let's go for the $25 deal.
138
00:06:49,206 --> 00:06:50,940
Fake key pad, fake
alarm stickers
139
00:06:51,006 --> 00:06:52,940
and the fake Doberman in a can.
140
00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:56,240
Oh, great. Yeah,
we'll be real safe
141
00:06:56,306 --> 00:06:58,406
as long as we get robbed
by a fake burglar.
142
00:07:04,613 --> 00:07:07,546
[snoring]
143
00:07:12,246 --> 00:07:13,313
Khadijah?
144
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,146
Khadijah.
145
00:07:21,213 --> 00:07:22,613
Are you awake?
146
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:28,013
This is one of those dreams
147
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,246
where you turn into Mario
Van Peebles, right?
148
00:07:32,846 --> 00:07:34,246
I'm scared.
149
00:07:34,313 --> 00:07:36,246
I don't wanna go
back to my room.
150
00:07:37,446 --> 00:07:39,380
Can I sleep in here with you?
151
00:07:41,313 --> 00:07:43,546
Re, this is a queen‐size bed.
152
00:07:43,613 --> 00:07:46,413
That mean there's just
enough room to fit a queen.
153
00:07:52,113 --> 00:07:54,080
Well, move over, Your Highness.
154
00:07:55,513 --> 00:07:58,046
I'm getting up in this bed.
155
00:07:58,113 --> 00:07:59,873
You can act like you
don't want me up in here
156
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,837
but I'll be up in here.
157
00:08:02,753 --> 00:08:04,120
Night‐night.
158
00:08:05,386 --> 00:08:07,620
Oh, good, you're awake.
159
00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:09,620
Oh, Wesley Snipes has arrived.
160
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,720
All that talk about
burglaries and alarms
161
00:08:13,786 --> 00:08:15,920
and not havin' a dog
downstairs got me scared.
162
00:08:15,986 --> 00:08:17,353
I don't wanna sleep alone.
163
00:08:17,420 --> 00:08:19,320
Well, what about Mr. Jammers
164
00:08:19,386 --> 00:08:22,553
your stuffed cow and
that family of trolls?
165
00:08:24,386 --> 00:08:26,453
Those trolls scared
the hell out of me.
166
00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:30,320
[Khadijah groans]
167
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,453
Isn't this cozy?
168
00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:37,153
Just the three of us and
our Doberman in a can.
169
00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:38,586
[automated dog bark]
170
00:08:45,886 --> 00:08:47,420
[indistinct noise]
171
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,753
Shh. Y'all hear that?
172
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,420
‐ What? ‐ That.
173
00:08:53,486 --> 00:08:55,453
That noise.
174
00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,886
I think I heard it.
175
00:08:57,953 --> 00:09:00,926
That was my stomach growling
from that damn diet food.
176
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,760
No. No, that's definitely
from downstairs.
177
00:09:05,826 --> 00:09:08,760
[wood creaking]
178
00:09:08,826 --> 00:09:09,993
There it goes again.
179
00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:12,460
Oh, oh, suki suki now.
180
00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,540
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
181
00:09:17,564 --> 00:09:19,193
Alright, call Kyle.
Call, call Kyle.
182
00:09:19,260 --> 00:09:21,126
Call Overton, call 911.
183
00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:22,960
A‐a‐aah.
184
00:09:23,026 --> 00:09:25,226
Ooh, damn. I left the
phone downstairs.
185
00:09:25,293 --> 00:09:27,226
Well, one more thing
for them to take.
186
00:09:27,293 --> 00:09:28,960
[glass shatters]
187
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:30,326
Now what?
188
00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:32,726
Okay, okay, okay.
189
00:09:32,793 --> 00:09:34,526
Okay, now the, now‐now
the smart thing to do
190
00:09:34,593 --> 00:09:36,160
is just stay up here
until they leave.
191
00:09:36,226 --> 00:09:38,260
Ssh. We should be quiet I think.
192
00:09:43,326 --> 00:09:44,660
Oh, I can't take it no more.
193
00:09:44,726 --> 00:09:46,286
Give me my nunchucks
from under the bed.
194
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,593
Alright, go ahead, go get them.
195
00:09:47,617 --> 00:09:49,391
Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
196
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:01,800
I'm goin' down.
197
00:10:05,066 --> 00:10:07,533
Shoot, I ain't sittin'
up here by myself.
198
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,533
'Come on, girl. Grab something.'
199
00:10:13,666 --> 00:10:15,066
Oh, that's really
good, Synclaire.
200
00:10:15,133 --> 00:10:16,413
What, what are you
gonna do, huh?
201
00:10:16,437 --> 00:10:18,370
Beat him down with Isotoners?
202
00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:20,833
What? Well, what
are you gonna do?
203
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:22,833
Hit him with the Bible?
204
00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:25,933
Over and over again.
205
00:10:36,933 --> 00:10:39,100
[glass shatters]
206
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:42,033
Damn! He's in the kitchen.
207
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,400
How do you know it's a he?
208
00:10:43,466 --> 00:10:45,666
Would you two be quiet?
209
00:10:45,733 --> 00:10:48,966
‐ What if there's more than one?
‐ What if you shut up?
210
00:10:51,733 --> 00:10:53,666
Alright, this is it.
211
00:10:58,333 --> 00:10:59,453
Who's there? Who's in there?
212
00:10:59,477 --> 00:11:02,417
[all screaming]
213
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:08,806
[automated dog bark]
214
00:11:15,873 --> 00:11:17,706
It'll be okay, Khadijah.
215
00:11:17,773 --> 00:11:19,606
Man, look at this place.
216
00:11:19,673 --> 00:11:22,206
They took our stereo, our TV.
217
00:11:22,273 --> 00:11:24,506
They took my computer.
218
00:11:24,573 --> 00:11:28,073
I can't believe they took my
spoons of the world collection.
219
00:11:29,540 --> 00:11:32,706
And just when you updated
the Eastern Bloc.
220
00:11:32,773 --> 00:11:36,006
Oh. I hid my good
jewelry in the freezer.
221
00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:42,140
Where are the cops? I called
them three times already.
222
00:11:42,206 --> 00:11:45,940
I can't believe we were robbed
while we were in the house.
223
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,140
Actually, the majority
of burglaries occur
224
00:11:48,206 --> 00:11:49,840
when people are at home.
225
00:11:49,906 --> 00:11:52,306
‐ Really? ‐ I don't know.
226
00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:58,240
I'm just trying to offer
something official sounding
227
00:11:58,306 --> 00:12:00,246
in your time of need.
228
00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,580
Look at this.
229
00:12:03,646 --> 00:12:05,246
They didn't touch
my fake diamonds.
230
00:12:05,313 --> 00:12:08,280
‐ Oh, that's great. ‐ Great?
231
00:12:08,346 --> 00:12:10,513
If they're not foolin'
a burglar in the dark
232
00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:12,513
they're not foolin' anybody.
233
00:12:15,146 --> 00:12:17,546
And I have worn
these everywhere.
234
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:20,546
Where are the cops?
235
00:12:20,613 --> 00:12:22,280
If we had a pot‐bellied pig
236
00:12:22,346 --> 00:12:24,446
he'd be squealing
right about now.
237
00:12:25,180 --> 00:12:26,380
[knock on door]
238
00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:38,780
Well, it's about
time you got here.
239
00:12:38,846 --> 00:12:41,280
Sorry, there was a
pesky, little homicide
240
00:12:41,346 --> 00:12:43,846
that required our
attention first.
241
00:12:43,913 --> 00:12:46,033
Well, I've stabilized the
situation for you, officers.
242
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,013
You can take over now.
243
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,680
‐ Uh‐huh. And you are?
‐ A complete idiot.
244
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,946
Excuse me, we've
been burglarized.
245
00:12:54,013 --> 00:12:55,680
Okay. Uh, who lives here?
246
00:12:55,746 --> 00:12:58,613
Me and my cousin Synclaire
and my friend Regine.
247
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,000
This one's just a gargoyle they
keep around for protection.
248
00:13:02,353 --> 00:13:04,386
Can anybody describe
the suspect?
249
00:13:04,453 --> 00:13:06,453
Yeah. He looked like
my TV with feet.
250
00:13:08,086 --> 00:13:09,953
Did anybody happen to see
what he was wearing?
251
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:12,686
Can't be specific,
but it was tacky.
252
00:13:15,053 --> 00:13:17,753
Look, while y'all standing
here talking fashion
253
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:20,120
some guy's out there sellin'
my stuff in the Bronx.
254
00:13:20,186 --> 00:13:21,186
Go get him.
255
00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:24,020
It doesn't exactly
work like that.
256
00:13:24,086 --> 00:13:26,520
Yes, it does.
257
00:13:26,586 --> 00:13:29,086
Oh, I know people who have
bought stuff up there.
258
00:13:29,153 --> 00:13:31,553
‐ Y'all buggin'. ‐ Oh, really?
259
00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:33,553
What was your full name again?
260
00:13:42,420 --> 00:13:44,120
Well, I think we've got
everything we need
261
00:13:44,186 --> 00:13:45,486
to file a report.
262
00:13:45,553 --> 00:13:46,753
Oh, woohoo.
263
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:48,886
The police are gonna
file a report, y'all.
264
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:52,320
Let's throw a parade. They're
gonna file a report.
265
00:13:52,386 --> 00:13:54,053
What good is that gonna do?
266
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,286
Well, it'll help us compile
267
00:13:55,353 --> 00:13:57,586
a statistical profile
of crime in this area.
268
00:13:57,653 --> 00:13:59,760
Forget a compilation.
269
00:13:59,826 --> 00:14:02,660
My stuff is gone!
270
00:14:02,726 --> 00:14:04,426
There's a lot of
crime in this city.
271
00:14:04,493 --> 00:14:05,860
We do what we can.
272
00:14:05,926 --> 00:14:07,760
We're sorry we couldn't
do more for you.
273
00:14:07,826 --> 00:14:09,593
Just keep your doors and
your windows locked.
274
00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:11,500
It's not uncommon for
these people to come back
275
00:14:11,524 --> 00:14:13,893
for the stuff they didn't
get the first time.
276
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,493
Thank you. We'll all sleep
real well knowing that.
277
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,126
The locks didn't help us.
278
00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:24,793
Police can't help us.
279
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:26,126
Bump this. We gettin' a gun.
280
00:14:26,193 --> 00:14:29,393
No, no, I'm not having
a gun up in my house.
281
00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:31,660
First of all, one of
us could get hurt.
282
00:14:31,726 --> 00:14:33,660
‐ I don't care‐‐
‐ Second of all.
283
00:14:33,686 --> 00:14:35,326
‐ I could get hurt. ‐
Who even thinking‐‐.
284
00:14:35,350 --> 00:14:38,817
Third, we live with Synclaire.
285
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,526
Enough said.
286
00:14:52,693 --> 00:14:54,413
Overton, you're gonna
be finished installin'
287
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,700
that alarm tonight, aren't you?
288
00:14:55,726 --> 00:14:58,293
Oh, yeah. And it's a beaut too.
289
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,833
Next time somebody try to
break into this apartment
290
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,933
this baby will scare the
bejesus out of them.
291
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:08,366
Hey, y'all got some Cell Block
H action goin' on over here.
292
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:10,333
What's up with these ugly bars?
293
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,533
They'll keep out criminals
unless they're really skinny.
294
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,666
Mace anyone?
295
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:19,300
Y'all are tripping up in here.
296
00:15:19,366 --> 00:15:20,866
Well, you'd be trippin' too.
297
00:15:20,933 --> 00:15:22,600
I mean, really, Max,
we were robbed.
298
00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:24,500
We haven't been sleeping much.
299
00:15:24,566 --> 00:15:26,866
What's the excuse for the
bags up under your eyes?
300
00:15:28,933 --> 00:15:31,933
Warden, warden, the
prisoner's making fun of me!
301
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,400
Warden!
302
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:42,500
While you were busy with
your little girl talk
303
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:45,533
I took the liberty and
programmed in a panic code.
304
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,433
32 and 40, my basketball
jersey numbers
305
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:52,700
from junior high and high
school respectively.
306
00:15:52,766 --> 00:15:54,566
Wow. Were you varsity?
307
00:15:54,633 --> 00:15:57,166
Well, I don't want
to toot my own horn
308
00:15:57,233 --> 00:15:59,173
but, uh, no.
309
00:16:02,873 --> 00:16:04,773
Well, I'm glad we
got that alarm.
310
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,140
Now nobody's gonna
get up in here
311
00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:07,506
without us knowing about it.
312
00:16:07,573 --> 00:16:10,106
I'm glad we're finally gonna
get a good night's sleep.
313
00:16:10,173 --> 00:16:12,840
I have not felt
this safe all week.
314
00:16:12,906 --> 00:16:15,706
[alarm blaring]
315
00:16:15,773 --> 00:16:17,773
Scared the bejesus out
of you, didn't it?
316
00:16:23,006 --> 00:16:24,940
[laughter on TV]
317
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:33,406
Lucy looks so authentic on
a black and white TV, huh?
318
00:16:33,473 --> 00:16:35,406
Listen. Let's watch
"The Honeymooners."
319
00:16:35,473 --> 00:16:37,873
Oh, yeah. "The Honeymooners"
with my boy Norton.
320
00:16:37,940 --> 00:16:39,706
[imitates Norton]
Va‐va‐voom, Ralphie boy.
321
00:16:39,773 --> 00:16:41,206
Get in up here!
322
00:16:41,273 --> 00:16:43,173
Oh, no more reruns.
323
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,940
I have got to get to bed.
324
00:16:45,006 --> 00:16:46,506
No, y'all can't leave.
325
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,473
You gotta stay here with us.
326
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:51,473
Regine, we have been here
for the past three nights.
327
00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:53,240
We have lives, too, you know.
328
00:16:53,306 --> 00:16:54,740
Obviously, you don't
329
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,806
if you've been here for
the past three nights.
330
00:16:59,006 --> 00:17:00,946
And you have been here to count.
331
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,280
Touche.
332
00:17:05,613 --> 00:17:08,046
You women need to just relax.
333
00:17:08,113 --> 00:17:09,593
You know, if you
really think about it
334
00:17:09,617 --> 00:17:12,246
what happened to you all
could have been a lot worse.
335
00:17:12,313 --> 00:17:15,313
My friend Mustafah's cousin's
friend was one of the victims
336
00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:17,880
in that triple murder
just down the block.
337
00:17:17,946 --> 00:17:19,980
Oh, man. That's nothing.
338
00:17:20,046 --> 00:17:23,113
I knew this man that used to
work for the Census Bureau
339
00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:26,113
and he went over this guy's
house to take a poll.
340
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:29,713
The guy chopped him up and ate
his liver with fiber beans.
341
00:17:32,846 --> 00:17:34,680
No, wait. That wasn't him.
342
00:17:34,746 --> 00:17:37,180
That was Anthony Hopkins
in "Silence Of The Lamb."
343
00:17:40,546 --> 00:17:44,213
Maybe we're not consoling you
ladies in the right direction.
344
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,846
Uh, maybe we should go home.
345
00:17:45,913 --> 00:17:48,880
In fact, just occurred to me
that while we've been down here
346
00:17:48,946 --> 00:17:52,446
in this alarmed fortress, our
place is very vulnerable.
347
00:17:52,513 --> 00:17:54,813
You know, somebody could be
in our apartment right now.
348
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:56,813
Y'all ladies wanna
walk me upstairs?
349
00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:03,020
Sleep tight, frauleins.
350
00:18:08,886 --> 00:18:10,820
Hold up, Regine. I'm
headed out too.
351
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:15,086
You couldn't have
said that any sooner?
352
00:18:15,153 --> 00:18:17,220
Oh, come on. Don't complain.
353
00:18:17,286 --> 00:18:20,353
This is the closest you'll
ever come to real work.
354
00:18:20,420 --> 00:18:22,986
Khadijah, you let me know
when you get paroled.
355
00:18:26,820 --> 00:18:29,020
[knock on door]
356
00:18:29,086 --> 00:18:30,386
Who is it?
357
00:18:30,453 --> 00:18:32,386
(Maxine) 'Open up. I
left my purse in there.'
358
00:18:33,586 --> 00:18:36,420
I'm sorry. Visitation
hours are over.
359
00:18:38,586 --> 00:18:40,253
[laughs]
360
00:18:44,286 --> 00:18:45,886
[static on TV]
361
00:18:45,953 --> 00:18:46,953
[snoring]
362
00:18:46,986 --> 00:18:48,220
Trolls!
363
00:18:51,186 --> 00:18:53,320
Khadijah, wake up.
Let's go to bed.
364
00:18:53,386 --> 00:18:54,420
Alright.
365
00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:57,753
Did you leave the
kitchen light on?
366
00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:59,053
'No.'
367
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:00,726
[cutlery clanking]
368
00:19:00,793 --> 00:19:01,893
What was that?
369
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,626
I think there's
somebody's in there.
370
00:19:03,693 --> 00:19:06,726
Oh, not again. I
don't believe this.
371
00:19:06,793 --> 00:19:08,826
Well, what are we
gonna do, Khadijah?
372
00:19:08,893 --> 00:19:12,026
Where are my nunchuks?
Where are my nunchuks?
373
00:19:12,093 --> 00:19:14,060
Oh, forget that.
The panic alarm.
374
00:19:15,326 --> 00:19:17,993
Oh. What's the code?
What's the code?
375
00:19:18,060 --> 00:19:19,260
[clanking]
376
00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:21,260
Oh, I'm getting out of here!
377
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:24,360
[alarm blaring]
378
00:19:24,426 --> 00:19:26,693
Somebody's in the house!
379
00:19:28,026 --> 00:19:29,360
That was you in the kitchen?
380
00:19:29,426 --> 00:19:31,793
Girl, the alarm is going off!
381
00:19:31,860 --> 00:19:34,160
Who's in the kitchen?
382
00:19:34,226 --> 00:19:36,026
Nobody!
383
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,593
Is everything alright down here?
384
00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:44,593
Ain't that a bitch?
385
00:19:47,260 --> 00:19:49,026
That was a false alarm.
386
00:19:49,093 --> 00:19:51,426
Synclaire set the alarm off
when she opened the door.
387
00:19:51,493 --> 00:19:52,973
But there was somebody
in the kitchen.
388
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,393
It was just Regine.
389
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:57,526
Well, all this bein'
scared made me hungry.
390
00:19:57,593 --> 00:19:59,200
[telephone rings]
391
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,033
Yeah, Max.
392
00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:05,233
No, everything is cool.
Go back to sleep.
393
00:20:06,966 --> 00:20:09,600
The one time she should
rush her behind over here
394
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,600
she opts to call instead?
395
00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:15,600
This is crazy.
396
00:20:15,666 --> 00:20:17,666
I mean, all these
locks and these bars
397
00:20:17,733 --> 00:20:19,700
this arming and disarming.
398
00:20:19,766 --> 00:20:22,766
Y'all hidin' under my covers.
I can't live like this.
399
00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:24,166
Khadijah, we don't
have a choice.
400
00:20:24,233 --> 00:20:26,233
How else are we
supposed to be safe?
401
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:28,233
We could all move
to Minneapolis.
402
00:20:29,566 --> 00:20:30,900
Isn't that where
that guy with 'em
403
00:20:30,966 --> 00:20:32,966
purple butt‐less
pants come from?
404
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,500
No. That ain't for me.
405
00:20:36,566 --> 00:20:38,666
We ain't movin' anywhere.
We're not goin' anywhere.
406
00:20:38,733 --> 00:20:41,433
We're gonna stay right here
and stop livin' scared.
407
00:20:41,500 --> 00:20:42,740
You know what we all should do?
408
00:20:42,807 --> 00:20:44,327
We ought to get that
neighborhood watch
409
00:20:44,394 --> 00:20:45,253
going for real.
410
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,433
Yeah, I'm with you. Sign me up.
411
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:49,400
Well, look at Miss Thing.
412
00:20:49,466 --> 00:20:51,633
Gettin' involved with
somethin' other than herself.
413
00:20:53,133 --> 00:20:54,600
I'm growin'.
414
00:20:56,533 --> 00:20:59,773
Well, if you ladies are alright,
our manly work here is done.
415
00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:02,240
Yeah, and, Synclaire, I hope
416
00:21:02,306 --> 00:21:04,340
you didn't misunderstand
my comments earlier
417
00:21:04,406 --> 00:21:06,806
'cause if you really wanted
to move to Minneapolis
418
00:21:06,873 --> 00:21:08,140
I'd move too
419
00:21:08,206 --> 00:21:10,473
even if my cheeks did
get a little frostbite.
420
00:21:12,340 --> 00:21:14,273
That's very sweet, Overton.
421
00:21:15,073 --> 00:21:16,940
Well, that's..
422
00:21:17,006 --> 00:21:18,940
Just the way I was born.
423
00:21:20,406 --> 00:21:21,806
Mack on.
424
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,040
Well, I'm goin' to bed alone.
425
00:21:30,740 --> 00:21:32,973
And I'm goin' to sleep
if it kills me.
426
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:40,106
I'm no fool.
427
00:21:42,506 --> 00:21:44,440
[siren blaring]
428
00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:48,006
(Khadijah) I'll sleep tomorrow.
429
00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:49,606
[telephone rings]
430
00:21:51,206 --> 00:21:53,306
Yeah, Max?
431
00:21:53,373 --> 00:21:55,473
Yeah, we hear the siren.
432
00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:57,006
No, no need for
you to come over.
433
00:21:57,073 --> 00:21:59,506
Besides, we just set the alarm.
434
00:21:59,573 --> 00:22:01,780
Alright. Alright. See
you in a minute.
435
00:22:03,980 --> 00:22:06,913
[siren blaring]
436
00:22:14,865 --> 00:22:16,425
(Synclaire) 'Come on,
kill, Lily, kill.'
437
00:22:16,449 --> 00:22:19,089
(Regine) 'Synclaire, what is
that and what are you doin'?'
438
00:22:19,155 --> 00:22:21,155
(Synclaire) 'I'm trainin'
our new attack pig, Lily.'
439
00:22:21,179 --> 00:22:22,722
(Regine) 'Uh‐huh.'
440
00:22:22,789 --> 00:22:24,722
(Synclaire) 'No, really.
Watch this.'
441
00:22:25,822 --> 00:22:28,322
'Sic 'em, Lily. Sic 'em. Ha!'
442
00:22:28,389 --> 00:22:31,122
(Regine) 'Oh, take that
side of bacon back.'
443
00:22:31,189 --> 00:22:33,689
(Synclaire) 'Oh, but
she's, oh, so very cute.'
444
00:22:33,755 --> 00:22:35,122
'Give her another chance.'
445
00:22:35,189 --> 00:22:37,322
(Regine) 'Synclaire, get
that lazy pork chop out..'
446
00:22:37,389 --> 00:22:39,322
'Oh, not the shoes, honey.'
447
00:22:41,055 --> 00:22:42,689
'Get it up out of here.'
448
00:22:42,755 --> 00:22:45,055
(Synclaire) 'Wait, you haven't
seen her best trick yet.'
449
00:22:45,122 --> 00:22:47,455
'Sit, Lily, sit.'
450
00:22:47,522 --> 00:22:49,589
'Okay. Eat, Lily, eat.'
451
00:22:50,489 --> 00:22:52,422
Work with me, pig.
33133
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